"I'm Dating an Idiot" Moments of Realisation

[@D0rkn3ss_k1t]

I once asked 'where are the *soup vibrators* ?' I meant a blender.... 💀💀

[@deithesylveon]

nyxcosmetics🦅eavz.

[@404Errored]

Bro just...fuckin' hell....😂 i was nearly crying reading that...

[@dirhi]

@@deithesylveonQa

[@D0rkn3ss_k1t]

@@404Errored i looked the worker in the eyes as well and said with great confidence 😭😭😭

[@404Errored]

​@@D0rkn3ss_k1tWhat?!? What was his reaction? I *GOTTA* know

[@NotAGraveRobber]

You know what, I know the Olympics are a competition, but "look what these people can do" is the fun part.

[@devinnie7572]

That was definitely one of the more forgivable ones.

[@aliencafe]

Yeah, to be fair that’s my main takeaway every time I watch the games. “Dang! Those are some great athletes! Everyone cheer!”

[@chriswest6988]

Especially if you mainly watch figure skating or gymnastics or something. It's easy to see that some of those people are better than others at that stuff, and all of them are better than anyone you'll ever meet at it. But I could say the same thing about the backup dancers in an elaborate pop concert production, and no one ranks them and gives them shiny prizes while you're waiting for the encore.

[@thaDjMauz]

Which is why they should let a regular person compete in each event, just so we can see how good these trained athletes actually are.

[@ShrekReacts]

Feels lile they might have been confusing it with The Guinness World Records.

[@phygs]

"Bone Marrow Drive" is absolutely something people would name a street

[@chickadee1607]

There's a street named West Blood Lane in a town near me.

[@GriffinTheYoutubeOfficial]

@@chickadee1607 and the infamous A Dog Who Will Lick His Butt But Won't Eat A Pickle RD

[@Finnthechatlmao]

Theres an entire town called liverpool

[@deskseven]

a “marrow bone spring” in arlington, texas, a “marrow bone water plant road” in burkesville, kentucky several marrow bone named water bodies in south carolina and one in arkansas but no bone marrow drive…yet

[@folioio]

I live near streets called called Pink Petticoat Lane and Superior Position Street. Bone Marrow Drive seems pretty reasonable.

[@Tochkannn]

‘You talk about minions too much’ ‘Oh despicable me’

[@muffer62816]

haha i get it

[@MeboIsntReal]

she was just having, a bad bad day

[@InDaMarshadows]

@@MeboIsntRealshe left because it was about time that she got her way

[@FireSkunk]

I wonder if that was Blarg

[@OfficiallyStarlette_]

@@InDaMarshadows Steam rolling whatever she saw, huh

[@SeaKimchi-gg8lj]

4:26 That reminds me, I once thought his last name was just “Bama,” and his first name was “Baracko.” I was pretty young when he was president.

[@real_nosferatu]

"An Obiden Bama Democrat" - Biden

[@sandrafaith]

There was a thing going around at that time stemming from a kid thinking it was "Bronco Bama"... If you do a search you'll see the cowboy memes and the 2012 re-election "poster," still makes me laugh (I was... er... not a kid when he was prez)

[@rennakahara7851]

A lot of kids I went to school with had this issue. Mostly because we had a popular local restaurant called Barracco's.

[@leirbag75]

I was baptized by an Italian priest called "Father Antonio." When I was little, I heard this as "Father and Tonio." I'd hear my parents call him "Father" and think, "Ok, but where's Tonio?"

[@JonBrase]

I had a prof in college that couldn't keep "Obama" and "Osama" straight.

[@TheDigitalWeirdo]

I was watching and had just got to the part about the firefighter that didn’t know alcohol was flammable and thought to myself, “huh, i wonder if I don’t know any things like that” and legitimately tried thinking of examples of things I didn’t know.

[@jamescheddar4896]

did you know that you can't drink seawater?

[@Xeem_Pad]

@@jamescheddar4896 rather shouldn't drink too much of it. Especially if it's near a popular beach💀

[@plushehchan8643]

Did you know that kangaroos can be gestating more than one fetal joey at a time just in case they need to ditch the current one to escape a predator? :)

[@stewpidlawyer]

​@@plushehchan8643well I didn't even know a baby kangaroo was called joey, so cool!

[@Adam814cool-retro]

@@Xeem_Pad yeah it actually makes you less hydrated

[@ThePolarisSystem]

0:13 to be fair… she isn’t entirely wrong about that.

[@p_pthenoob]

olympics are so boring it pretty much is

[@UndefinedFantasticCat]

well recent olympics sure were more like a circus than competition

[@sledger2066]

She isn’t wrong

[@chulacharlie]

Look what these people can do. Now which one is best at it?

[@StrandedOnDuna]

also 2:59 could technically be correct (although we cant confirm it)

[@OzCroc]

I once got in an argument with someone who bullied me and I called him ignorant and his response was "How can I be ignorant if I dont even know what that means?"

[@mossycobblestone5317]

Well, now that's just irony

[@nthgth]

FR that sounds right out of Trailer Park Boys 🤣

[@_-drowsy-_]

Let me tell you right now I would’ve been on the FLOOR and that’s probably no exaggeration

[@meowmreowmeow]

LMAOOOOO I hope you roasted him after that thatd be FINNY

[@djkzrocksta]

Percy vibes fr😭

[@alexabplanalp4455]

When I was younger I thought the phrase "From the get-go" was "from the gecko"

[@wildraheim4302]

From the GEICO

[@darkbooger]

​@@wildraheim430215 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance

[@HopUpOutDaBed]

I thought the phrase "to make ends meet" as in "they were struggling to make ends meet" was "to make minced meat"

[@DonMachado]

I admire your imagination and from now on I will always say, "From the Gecko." 😉 "This project was doomed from the gecko." I love it!

[@goodbyesilly]

I thought that too!😂

[@romana316]

First date, he spills some water on his jeans and goes "Oh well, at least they're blue." I just look at him confused "And?" Could practically see the synapses firing "I... was gonna say that water is blue so it won't stain..." I'm never forgetting that, bless his heart.

[@Jupiter-T]

I mean, water is kinda blue... but you need a lot of it for it to appear that way. Most glass is a bit green, but you need a lot of it to actually see any color.

[@kylemacintoshlinux1449]

Cue Windows startup chime as the synapses in his brain finally get done warming up.

[@NoriMori1992]

Technically water _is_ blue, it's just so faint that it only becomes apparent in large amounts (e.g. a bathtub, or a lake, or an ocean). It's still true that it won't stain, but for reasons unrelated to its colour 😂

[@scarlett-parker]

Why are some replies saying water is slightly blue?? Is my whole life a lie?? Water is clear!! Unless it has enough minerals or contaminents, pure water is perfectly clear!! It's only blue in large bodies of water because it reflects the sky, and the _sky_ is blue. Correct me if I am wrong?!!

[@jamiejam9976]

​@@NoriMori1992water is not actually blue, it just reflects the skys color

[@jfffjl]

"Bone Marrow Drive" I mean, that could happen to anyone. My friends were bear hunting and saw a sign that said "Bear Left", so they went home.

[@terrotorotbart8319]

That's fantastic

[@lemonsmug]

I'm imagining you all simultaneously looking down, slumping your shoulders and going "Auh..." after reading the sign and then heading home sadly

[@dorothyallspice1862]

“Bear Left” “Right Frog!”

[@SofosProject]

That's such a cartoony response. XD

[@koolaid33]

The PFP checks out

[@silly_st4rrr]

my boyfriend didn’t realise until he was a teenager that the tree types in Minecraft actually exist in real life. He thought mangrove and literal birch were just made up. He just never really put the pieces together…

[@Meela9088]

I learned the word biome from mine craft lol

[@livwake]

Tbf it’s not like creepers are real either

[@Soup-Boot]

How old are you guys? Mangrove was added only two years ago... 💀

[@Meela9088]

@@Soup-Boot I knew the tree types were real lol. I’m 24 and mine craft came out when I was a kid haha

[@viljamtheninja]

@@livwake Debatable.

[@nikanikasavina]

My favourite “stupid” question that my partner asked me is “ Are ninja turtles… frogs?” 😂😭🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

[@setta8925]

"Is the pink panther a lion"

[@SoleaGalilei]

There was a tropical storm predicted and my ex asked why we couldn't prevent tropical storms by, I quote, "blowing up the tropics."

[@goldenpony822]

Fascinating....

[@naturequeen2597]

That is easily the most American thing I've ever heard💀.

[@Polikaize]

a very American approach 😂

[@MandMs05]

to be fair, we could prevent all storms by simply blowing up the Earth

[@andrewdeleon559]

Are you dating Henry Kissinger??

[@Mari-he1jp]

He should do a video where he finds stuff where people say “Nobody will ever see this but-”

[@Matt_Rose]

Ooooooh, nice idea 👀

[@dudewhosayshi3630]

I bet nobody will ever see this but 💀

[@MrNuggetyay]

I bet nobody will ever see this but I am cowboy 🐮🐮🐮🤠🤠🤠

[@Quyzbuk86]

Those all tend to be the exact same meme-y response though. Be an awfully short video.

[@MyDadStoleMyArm]

@@Matt_Rose Nobody will ever see this, but I agree.

[@thepenultimateninja5797]

When I was little, I thought Colonel Sanders' name was "Ken Tucky".

[@SnakeOfBacon]

In his lifetime, Ken Tucky fried a lot of chicken.

[@Nat_the_Chicken]

Huge shrimp fried rice vibes

[@driftliketokyo34ftw35]

Why is it not?

[@Dooley13]

My (far too recent) ex girlfriend told me that she once told her friends that “it’s crazy how you can hear the sun buzzing on hot summer days” …she thought the sun was responsible for the sounds cicadas make.

[@WeirdWimp]

did you correct her?

[@russellelliott8097]

I heard that blind people expect the sun to make a sound, so that’s not too out of the ordinary.

[@PeaNUTFERRET]

@@russellelliott8097 ''Blind people expect the sun to make a sound'' Do you mean deaf people?

[@ezrastardust3124]

Thought the same thing when I was seven

[@BlindGirlUK]

​@@russellelliott8097 As a blind person, no we don't.

[@lunarbunny3021]

My fiance didn’t realize that…even if you take out the batteries YOU CANNOT PUT BATTERY OPERATED UTENSILS IN THE DISHWASHER!! He’s 26…and he ruined my expensive milk frothing tool

[@tirushone6446]

"I put the bender in the dishwasher." "like the blade?" "no, the whole thing, thought it could use a clean." ... "don't worry I unpluged it first."

[@amelioravictoriadionyssia3323]

Thats so annoying. And guys never seem to understand how delicious fluffy coffee is in the morning

[@SouthernGatorMan]

​@@amelioravictoriadionyssia3323 it's because we don't care about meaningless things like fluffy coffee ^__^ also we're very stupid

[@arsena5209]

that's just plain unlucky 😢

[@Shlibble]

@@amelioravictoriadionyssia3323 as a man that’s untrue

[@Ashfallss]

9:36 Of course it wouldn’t work, tattoos are genetic, so there’s a chance the baby gets the fathers tattoos instead, also, some tattoos are recessive, and can get passed between generations, so it has a chance of getting it’s grandparents tattoos as well.

[@No-longer1]

Ha!

[@Kyrikrliy]

8:24 That's horrifying to imagine. If the sun is ever between earth and the moon, we won't have the time to name it before we're dead

[@litterpicker1431]

That's obviously true if the sun comes 93 million miles closer, but might not necessarily be true if the moon goes 93 million miles further away...

[@HellHeater]

​@@litterpicker1431boulder rainnnnn

[@schlichtnsbuh]

I mean, the distance between earth and moon is ~385,000 km and the sun's diameter is ~1,400,000 km. So it doesn't fit there. Not even a little.

[@litterpicker1431]

@@schlichtnsbuh The distance between earth and moon is ~385,000 km _now_ - but, how close to the earth could the sun get before the moon escapes the earth's gravity, and starts orbiting the sun without us?

[@Solesteam]

We call it, the Apoceclypse

[@epicdoggerdude]

I’m not dating them but a friend in middle school refused to believe Greek mythology was made up thousands of years ago, and instead believed I made it up

[@Cardinal_Prince]

Wow, you must be very creative 😂

[@RipOffProductionsLLC]

I had a similar instance of being accused of making up things when I told a classmate who said "I hate math class, it's almost as useless as history." the classic "have you ever heard the saying 'those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it'?" After he told me that wasn't a real saying, I decided to give the saying some extra credit by claiming it was invented by Benjamin Franklin... "Who that?" And when I saud he was obe if America's founding fathers, he got mad at me for using such a pointlessly fancy phrase for President, and then refused to believe me when I explained the difference between a founding father and a President, and then he called me racist for trying to deny that Obama was now a founding father...

[@cyan.cephalopod]

“That’s despicable” was foul 💀

[@LegoGuy2048]

one would say that it, too, was despicable.

[@honeycuppy]

I thought so too, but that joke kind of gru on me

[@SnakeDude.]

@@honeycuppy omg 💀

[@Bleplebeian]

i predict that the minions guy is actually just severely hyperfixated on the minions for whatever reason. reason i suspect this is because i am similarly annoying to my own friends about my own favorite fictional characters im hyperfixated on. although i dont know how to feel about the fact that i saw myself so much in the minions guy, i send my condolences to both parties

[@widdlepocketmarcy]

ikr? especially after the person was having a bad bad day 😭

[@YOURteacher_100]

Well now we need a video of matts wife talking about the stupid stuff he does off camera

[@deithesylveon]

probably just says skull emoji💀

[@Lufia4]

Yes!

[@gaspshichat]

i'm much older than my sister and i decided to take my then girlfriend to her fifth birthday party. my girlfriend, upon seeing how similar we looked, asked, "are you two related?" when i told her again that yes, this is my sister, she got confused because we didn't have the same mother. i told her we had the same father and she replied with, "but you can't be siblings if you don't have the same mom." my aunt looked at her and asked how she passed biology class. turns out she didn't we ended up breaking up [thankfully] and she still tells everyone that i was lying about having a sister. i've just given up on her

[@Gummpers]

i was thinking "oh maybe she meant you cant be fully siblings because different mothers so like half siblings" until i saw the lying about having a sister part

[@kittycake713]

Woah… that’s advanced stupidity

[@nozrep]

that’s definitely one you would want to give up on haha

[@hafirenggayuda]

Honestly, it's okay if she don't get it first time, but since she still insist you lying, it's bad sign.

[@jfffjl]

@gaspshichat What a mean pointless thing to lie about!

[@LucreciaCrescentIsBestGirl]

The bit at 5:30 where the husband asks “are you hungry?” when his wife asks to go to a jewelry store is just golden (pun intended). Also, my own partner didn’t realize that pancakes are called that because they’re cakes made in a pan. I also had to show him how to open the email app on his phone multiple times. I’ve never loved anyone more.

[@aionicthunder]

TIL

[@Faded877]

Wait they are???

[@cloudyfromtpotreal]

I didn't know the pancake thing. I thought they were called that because they were flat like a pan

[@purplecobra2090]

Coincidentally that just occurred to me a few days ago.

[@ianbaker2430]

Ingesting metal will also kill you, fun fact....

[@DamnFeds]

My partner thought that 9/11 was a beach in England so she didn’t believe me when I told her what it was

[@sandrafaith]

A... beach... in... England I would love to know how those dots got connected

[@jacquelinewarner-smith1770]

Where was she from??

[@jonpick5045]

@@sandrafaith Nyneleaven could be in Cornwall tbf.

[@mrmxnk3996]

Wat

[@darkbooger]

What?

[@CassiePlaysGames]

Not my partner but my cousins boyfriend once asked ‘how we stay on the planet if it’s spinning around’ Guess he’s never heard of gravity

[@Jupiter-T]

I mean it's a legit question but it sounds like he needs to go back to 4th grade

[@CassiePlaysGames]

@@Jupiter-T fr tho

[@egan452]

Somehow learned about centrifugal force before gravity

[@CassiePlaysGames]

@@egan452 XD

[@TooTallForPony]

"Oh SHIT!" *drops to floor*

[@mysticthemanakete]

"That's called an apocalypse." [proceeds to die laughing]

[@bonkser]

right as i read this it appeared

[@bobbuethe1477]

I have that reaction every time I hear Vanessa Williams sing "Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon." ("Save the Best for Last")

[@meks039]

Im so glad im not the only one that died at that. Genius reply by that redditor, a rarity.

[@blakewhite3131]

Putting in the bloopers for the "i see all" is great

[@M4kkaraperunat]

real

[@eli_donn4969]

"I seeeeeeee"

[@TheFuzzyTerminid]

"I, fuck"

[@charact_r6929]

When I was a kid my foster parent was talking about how she wanted to be cremated. My dumb ass really said "that sounds like a painful way to go" To which she replied "not alive!" At which point I realized just how stupid the thing I said was and felt embarrassed for the rest of the ride.

[@lilywater3683]

You were actually correct

[@KingKamikadze]

"Why, are you hungry" that is hularious.

[@alicebthegachaweirdo8378]

agreed

[@dirhi]

utterly preposterous

[@4everloading]

Absolutely haharious!

[@404Errored]

I mean...not eating. You can't tell me I'm wrong!!

[@koalaplays8855]

😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮ßërww1äpåøøøæææí😜👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹

[@chickadee1607]

I was raised Catholic, and for those who don't know, we aren't supposed to eat any meat except fish on Fridays during Lent. I was maybe 10 years old when I learned fish counts as meat to everyone else, and to this day (36) I still routinely forget that. Once offered my vegan friend a taste of my meal, which I assured her was vegan. I started listing the ingredients and she burst out laughing at me when I got to "fish sauce."

[@siphonlx]

Lol 😂 that's not that bad compared to some of the people in the video

[@chickadee1607]

@@siphonlx I know, but I feel dumb every time because I know better 😂 my running joke now when I get reminded is "fish is a vegetable"

[@MyDadStoleMyArm]

@@chickadee1607 No it's not. It's meat. Edit: DAMN!

[@WhoStoleKirya73]

​@@MyDadStoleMyArm how did bro get wooooshed so badly 💀

[@hylianespeon3062]

​@@MyDadStoleMyArm you should probably reread the comment a few times 💀

[@woobgamer5210]

I once, while roleplaying as my Dwarf Paladin in Dungeons n Dragons said 'Up is not a direction' i said it super ernestly as i forgot up WAS a direction. surprisingly there are directions that arent NESW. i got an inspiration for that. best part, his intelligence was only 8. He was barely able to read and write

[@drafmine4526]

I like the insinuation that there are many different coloured Obama's, like some sort presidential power rangers

[@thedarter]

Oh my god It's the Obama prism It was real all along

[@fonejunky6306]

Green Obama

[@lilymulligan8180]

I wanna be the pink obama

[@srgdthfb1471]

the seven human obamas:

[@Maphteah]

Presidential Sentai Obamaranger

[@Sage-ig9hk]

My first tattoo was a heart with a peace sign inside, matching my mothers, so I joke that I inherited it from her and I’ve had people genuinely think I meant I was born with the tattoo she had 😭

[@0_dearghealach_083]

Hereditary tattoos... Sounds like a fantasy book idea. Like, special markings for superpowered characters or somethin.

[@RandomMaximal]

On behalf of the writers here, can we steal that idea?

[@Sage-ig9hk]

@@RandomMaximal lmaooo i would totally read a book with hereditary tattoos

[@eirdonne_]

@@Sage-ig9hk i guess i know what im writing tonight

[@Tim3.14]

9:45 That's why you shouldn't skip leg day - it's unpatriotic

[@DillyzThe1]

7:46 "I say.... ga..." - Sonic The Hedgehog

[@saraisabigboy]

most creative comment yet

[@mizukittyakinyama]

this actually made me laugh oh my god

[@grayscale2000]

I A M S E G A

[@merryhineline7781]

My ex-husband was driving me home from work one day when we saw a herd of animals on a hill. He said, “I’m from the country. Those are cows.” I look over at the herd and replied, “I don’t know what country you are from, but in the United States we call those animals…horses.”

[@richardunicorn7879]

My great-uncle was a Civil War reenactor. At his funeral, his Civil War reenactment uniform was displayed and my cousin's fiancé asked me 'What war was he in?' 😂 when i answered that my great-uncle was a reenactor, he seemed surprised to learn that he wasn't really in the Civil War, then he proceeded to explain to me that the 'time line in [his] head wasn't lining up because [my great-uncle] was 81 and the Civil War happened over 100 years ago.' HE THOUGHT MY GREAT-UNCLE WAS WAS ACTUALLY IN THE CIVIL WAR! 🤣

[@heneagedundas]

More like 380 years ago! (Other civil wars are available).

[@jommisalami]

I love my boyfriend. He's caring, gorgeous and makes me truly happy more often than I thought possible with my depression. My beautiful creature put water on to boil for tea, the kettle somehow caught fire, and instead of turning off the burner and getting the extinguisher, he used a cloth to swat at the fire -which was almost immediately engulfed in flames. The smoke alarm started screaming and our friend upstairs came running down and extinguished the fire and opened the door to let the cloth smoke out. He's the light of my life and we're planning to move in together soon ❤️

[@Xnoob545]

You gotta teach him fire safety

[@thestupidnintendokid]

Well... He did certainly light up your life for a good second there.

[@lucitechrepairs]

"My beautiful creature" is my favorite way I have ever heard someone refer to their partner

[@afreen5058]

Hahaha

[@darkwowplayer]

Hope you guys don't die in a fire

[@wavewingman5993]

"Black Obama" implies the existence of a White Obama, and I'm not ready to confront that alternate timeline today.

[@jem3848]

Isn't he mixed race white and black therefore both are always there?

[@JortsStorm-gi5dy]

There are two wolves inside of you…

[@The1Floridiot]

lmao he is white

[@hithedragon7842]

It's like those CAH cards, 'The Black half of Obama' and 'The White half of Obama'

[@StuffandThings_]

Can't wait for the chess match

[@LilcatSwoleBunny]

When I was in the 2nd grade, my dad would occassionany but one of those Babybel cheeses in my lunchbox. I didn't realise the coating on them was actual wax at the time, just thought it was a kinda thing sort of like a Fruit Rollup. So I'd eat it with the cheese. Funnily enough, it took me half a decade and a random discussion with some old friends so realise that it was indeed wax. The kicker? I liked the wax more than the cheese itself. I don't know about you but I reckon this is a verified 💀 classic.

[@worfsonofmogh1154]

occassionany? Also, until this video I never knew it was wax. I never had it.

[@KR-ue1gd]

No-one TELLS us it's wax! They just hand them out in kindergarten and leave you to find your own way. One kid stuck his up his nose, which -- given the lack of instructions otherwise -- was a valid response. Also, it wasn't until my 20's that I realized there's extremely crappy chocolate inside those Hanukkah gelt coins they give you in kiddie gift baskets. I found out by having the coins melt in my car.

[@LilcatSwoleBunny]

@@worfsonofmogh1154 Lmao I only just noticed that! 😂

[@LilcatSwoleBunny]

@@KR-ue1gd True! I mean how else are we supposed to know smh.

[@Lea_Vada]

I've never been more fulfilled than being able to watch a Matt Rose video within the first 10 minutes.

[@DaveLikesLimes]

Truly it is a note-worthy life achievement! 🎉

[@Polikaize]

also! About eating pine cones: here, or at least, in Siberia, they actually make sugared pine cones by boiling green and soft(ish) cones in syrup c: It's pretty nice, if you're into herbal and/or coniferous flavours.

[@DefaultFlame]

Is it anything like pine/spruce needle tea? I rather like that flavor. Spruce beer is pretty ok too.

[@NoriMori1992]

I've never tasted anything coniferous so I have no point of reference 😆

[@normalhuman9878]

Do you know what kind of pines you can do that with? I’d like to try it

[@MorningMeasure]

What kind of trees can you do that with? I live in a similar area and wanna try that...

[@bobbuethe1477]

Several years ago, I was in an ice cream shop in Boulder CO that had "Vanilla Pinecone" on the menu. I didn't have the nerve to try it.

[@youtubechicken120]

8:36 reminds me of the time that my french teacher killed a spider and then said "dont hurt animals, except for spiders, but theyre insects, not animals."

[@Infinite-void908]

That’s such a funny contradiction.

[@mace8873]

Wow, they managed to get it _doubly_ wrong, spiders are arachnids, not insects, good thing they didn't teach biology...

[@alohatheegg]

My spider nerd senses are tingling so bad at the fact they called it an insect.......... also spiders are cool 💔

[@mackenzieryant4045]

my fiance didnt realize that croutons were made out of dried bread his whole life until one day he was eating some straight out of a bag and one of them had crust on it. all i heard from the other room was "holy SHIT ITS BREAD?"

[@REDFRLegend]

Reminds me of a classmate that never knew grapes and raisins are the same until our biology book mentioned it. Blew his mind when he learned that

[@AceJackWagon885]

"holy SHIT IT'S BREAD?" is my new favorite quote

[@hafirenggayuda]

Well, tbf I used to think Crouton was baked potato or something similar.

[@jmi5969]

@@AceJackWagon885 Probably copyrighted as The Next Killer Ad Tagline decades ago...

[@JayBigDadyCy]

I'm glad you were there to witness such an epiphany.

[@toastedroastedpeanuts]

7:41 audio transcription: "I SEE ALL... I hit the thing." "I SEGA." "I SEE... mmm." "I- FUCK" "ICEE"

[@Theonly_z_Official]

ICEEEEEEEE is literally my favorite Because it reminds me of one time when I was 14 years old (I'm almost 17) I was trying to say "Ice cold units" And I ended up just moulding out "ICEEEEEEEE units 777 BEEEEEEES"

[@Pulivari124]

Not ICE-E the pizza mascot!

[@thomashaeyen6942]

I got TWO car ads trying to get to this timestamp...

[@mehboobeh4287]

@thomashaeyen6942 imagine if you got 2 ICEE slushy ads

[@roxyhoyt3675]

Good to know that matt f***s.

[@alyeska39]

Just last week mine was messing with the hot glue gun, lifted it up, said "I wonder how much it will cool before it hits my hand," and before I could even say "no", it was done. Blister the size of a dime in the palm of his hand. Love him.

[@cosmiqcarcinogen]

“How do you spell cannibalism without the ism? Cannable right?” - My ex, who’s apparently still not the brightest bulb in the box. Misspelling is one thing, but spelling cannibalism right but then not being able to just take off the last 3 letters is truly impressive.

[@ScionStorm1]

Can'apples

[@Theonly_z_Official]

How does Cannibal turn into Cannable It's just 3 letters taken away from the "ism" I really wanna know how that person muldered that out without a trace

[@olorin3815]

@@Theonly_z_Officialhe probably thought that cannibalism had something to do with cans

[@contra1124]

Nah it's Cannabis 😂

[@fullonsociopath]

Similar to the firefighter not knowing about alcohol: I was getting a flu shot, and the nurse looked right at my biohazard tattoo and asked "What's that?" It wasn't stylized, or badly drawn. Even when I told her it was a biohazard symbol, there was not a trace of recognition on her face.

[@bat6353]

Don't used sharps boxes have that symbol front and center? jfc I hope she wasn't throwing all those needles straight in the trash

[@tuluppampam]

​@@bat6353there are many versions of biohazard symbols, unlike the radioactive ones.

[@yggdrasil2]

What if you just thought it was a biohazard symbol lol

[@emissary8071]

Oh god

[@IAmTheSenate218]

What if it was just a nuclear symbol instead of biohazard? Maybe you confused the 2 as did your tatoo artist

[@timothyleplayer]

10:34 well it wasn't me

[@mizukittyakinyama]

wasn't me, too.

[@Ludixian]

wasn't me, three

[@kitty.catcatz]

wasn't me, four

[@elisibethjames7488]

Wasn’t me, five

[@TheNaturalistGuy]

It was me 6 😈 🍌🥽

[@lilyy_ofthevalley]

not a date but my friend thought the phrase “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there” was “we’ll jump off that bridge when we get there” and now we clown her for it

[@kylemacintoshlinux1449]

That reminds me how I used to jokingly tell people "I'll burn that bridge when I get there".

[@R8MIX]

@@kylemacintoshlinux1449That slaps.

[@EllpaFox47]

imma start using that

[@MaxwellTornado]

​@@kylemacintoshlinux1449Do you listen to Motionless In White, by chance?

[@kylemacintoshlinux1449]

@@MaxwellTornado Once in awhile, why do you ask?

[@newt1izard969]

I once ate half of an order of stir fry out of a family friend's fridge before I realized the eggplant was actually octopus. I am a vegetarian. In fairness, it did taste *exactly* like under-seasoned eggplant.

[@vickypedia1308]

Wouldn't the texture usually give it away?

[@DefaultFlame]

I usually find octopus to be somewhat chewy (very, very chewy if overdone) and eggplant to be pretty soft.

[@ScrubbaDubDub]

You monster...

[@404Errored]

RIP squidward

[@finnybrooks8068]

As someone who’s eaten octopus but never has eaten eggplant, this is important information.

[@RoseArmstrong-kw6yz]

My boyfriend and I were in the car about a week into our relationship and I mentioned how I really liked Elvis Presley, and his response was “I love Elvis Presley, hee hee” He thought Elvis was known for saying heehee, not Micheal Jackson

[@bagelraven]

One time while driving somewhere, my dad saw a vehicle with an interesting color. He then said in a pondering way, “what kind of car would that color look good on… a boat?”

[@muttthingy9908]

huh???

[@SirStarKat]

This comment hurt my brain for a sec

[@DiamondKingStudios]

That feels like a dad moment, and I can only wait for the time I begin such verbal gaffes.

[@phleetofph0gg]

Dad try not to think about boat challenge: impossible

[@DiamondKingStudios]

@@phleetofph0gg Me if I was a husband and father and somehow could still afford a boat in this century’s economy:

[@tirushone6446]

7:24 matt is *always* watching

[@Yourstrulymichan]

Until like a year ago i didn’t know that it was “bless you” you say after someone sneezes. I always thought it was some made up word like “bleshu” 🤣

[@trianglemoebius]

I honestly get the woman asking when District 9 happened. The movie is framed as a documentary, the CGI holds up EXTREMELY well, and Sharlto Copley (the writer) is a master at writing extremely realistic dialogue. On one hand, yeah - it involves aliens coming to Earth, you'd kind of assume we'd know about that. On the other hand... damn that movie does a great job at immersion. EDIT: It's also a not-so-subtle allegory for Apartheid, so she might have meant that.

[@IAmTheSenate218]

Yeah, she maybe thought that that is what happened at District 9....thats probably worse

[@nekomimicatears]

4:22 If someone ever calls it "fanny bean" i think i might just die laughing.

[@rustygears6211]

SAME LMAOOO

[@Gummpers]

imagine hearing that in bed, all hyped up and ready and stuff, mood completely ruined by "fanny bean" and its just laughter

[@MarshiDaCutie]

Fanny Bean sounds like a band name, and I’m keeping it :3

[@nicolynxxx]

I remember asking someone I dated “if you blink really fast will you have a seizure” because they had epilepsy

[@IAmTheSenate218]

It is a good question though

[@cherryberry9023]

No but personally it does hurt my head Idk if that’s an epileptic thing or a normal functioning brain thing

[@laineydavey]

I once walked around my Home Economics class asking everybody if they had an egg squeezer.

[@ichbinben.]

I just read "home economics" as "homo erotics" XD

[@lofthouse23]

​@@ichbinben.That's an entirely different class altogether.

[@v-Citrus]

What was your thought process here 😭

[@laineydavey]

@@v-Citrus I was looking for a lemon squeezer!

[@v-Citrus]

@@laineydavey ohhhh…. Yeah sounds believable I would probably mix up a lemons and eggs

[@KorbinoYo]

You know that thing where you’re like “look what these people can do,” right?

[@jonathanthegoober]

Olymics?

[@KorbinoYo]

@@jonathanthegoobernah that’s not it!

[@W4wawewa]

Tv shows?

[@jonathanthegoober]

@@KorbinoYo Oh yeah Olym🅱️ics

[@pabloherranz1795]

Talent shows?

[@DevilMaster]

At 9:12 I thought you were gonna take a bite right out of it, then reveal it was a fake pine cone made out of chocolate.

[@tacticalassaultanteater9678]

Note to self, print faux "bone marrow drive" street signs for Halloween

[@llamasugar5478]

Don’t forget Blood Drive. And Test Drive (scary if you’re still in school)

[@tacticalassaultanteater9678]

@@llamasugar5478 If I fill my entire neighborhood with these I may actually get arrested so I gotta pick one

[@llamasugar5478]

@@tacticalassaultanteater9678 😂

[@llamasugar5478]

@@tacticalassaultanteater9678 Become ungovernable

[@wisefries4205]

well?

[@VortexKiller2]

"Is that earth?" listen here, you might be dating an alien

[@hampter8992]

i feel like an alien would definitely know the answer to that question though

[@theresahaironthescreen]

gneep gnorp smarply goigle

[@chameleonedm]

The woman necking her wedding ring plus 3 others has me HOWLING

[@hot_soup4319]

10:18 guess they *were* havin' a bad bad day.

[@Nitpickarus]

If you take it personally, that's okay

[@LeoArronChester]

Watch this is so fun to see

[@LeoArronChester]

Oh despicable me

[@rasarbanab]

why ask why better yet why not?

[@e-is-a-gud-letter]

why does vector think that he’s smart

[@elle.griffith]

2:39 is so funny because we’ve (the girls) have convinced the boys in our grade that tampons have flavors

[@BotulinSpikedMarzipan]

Personally, i can't taste the difference. I'm still gonna eat them, shit's scrump af.

[@IAmTheSenate218]

I thought so, too, but just for smell or something. Like RGB on headphones, it's useless. And i refuse to believe its false

[@Zombiezambo]

They don’t come in flavours!?

[@elle.griffith]

@@Zombiezambo they do dw! my fav is lemon

[@Zombiezambo]

@@elle.griffith ew why not orange?

[@AGBDYM]

Got in a fight on Facebook with my ex about why vaccines are important. He insisted you only need vaccines when you’re a child because they build your immune system, but adults only get vaccines to prevent getting sick. Yeah he had no argument and that was the moment when I finally blocked him. I even linked an article from the CDC about why vaccines are important and he didn’t even open it because it had the word “childhood” in the title. The article talked about childhood vaccines, but if he had kept reading, he would’ve seen the second half where they explained why vaccines are important for adults too

[@SuperDestroyerFox]

My mom’s (ex) husband used to work in the military. He once was on a ship in the southern hemisphere. My mom asked him if the water drained down a sink the other direction and he said “No I don’t think so, it’s an American ship” Edit: F*ck

[@charleshaskell2056]

Well, fun fact about that: He's right. The whole hemisphere drain thing is actually just due to how sinks are designed in different areas.

[@snowkatyoutube1419]

He is right

[@dustinthewind3925]

You can teleport to the southern hemisphere if you can get it to swirl in the other direction.

[@masongrainger2271]

Folks please google the Coriolis effect before replying.

[@sammychip2170]

​@@masongrainger2271The Coriolis Effect doesn't affect drains, toilets, or any relatively insignificant bodies of water.

[@СавелийИванов-ш3м]

2:45 yeah, thats an alien, not your girlfriend

[@Arakus99]

Why not both? Alien gf sounds cute

[@СавелийИванов-ш3м]

@@Arakus99 VotV player detected

[@Arakus99]

@@СавелийИванов-ш3м I literally do not know what that is

[@Indolent_Canadian]

matt thank you your videos make me laugh even tho im currently in struggling to keep my relationship together

[@Thatguy-v4z]

We weren't partners but a girl at my school not only thought, but firmly believed that Caucasian was a language. I had to argue with her about it for 3 consecutive days before she googled it.

[@johnsherfey3675]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Northeast_Caucasian_languages

[@johnsherfey3675]

Northeast Caucasian, or Northwest Caucasian languages exist, so she's partly right, but instead of one language it's a whole family descending from the original "Caucasian language".

[@Alicia-zf3nq]

I had an argument with a friend in school for days because she was convinced mandarins were purple. I still have the emails of our argument to this day and I'm tempted to show them to her now that we're both adults

[@nala7829]

Well, it's a language family.

[@edenphillips644]

this reminds me of the girl at my (all girls) highschool that thought feminism meant hating men. several times we explained that no, hating men is called misandry, and it should not be supported. feminism means thinking that men and women should have equal rights. even after this she said something along the lines of "i just cant support feminism because i think men and women should be treated the same" yeah. same girl. that's what feminism IS

[@L0c4l_TMC_1d10t]

Matt never fails to make me smile Thank you Matt

[@fyonluna5618]

5:22 how small are those rings? like, how can you confuse them with pills?

[@Armehboi]

Sleepy, and in a shot glass means probably could have mistaken it

[@sand__witch]

Really bad eyesight, I assume?

[@wisefries4205]

@@sand__witch sure but in your mouth?

[@FemboyEngineer]

Uh… there’s a reason she needs her meds.

[@Llew70]

My wife swallowed one of hers because it was too close to her morning pill pile and she scooped them all up at once.

[@MawDaws]

MATT ROSE, YOU AT 8:42 SAID “BABYBEL” WHEN THE COMMENT CLEARY SAID “BAYBEL” I WANT THIS RECTIFIED ASAP!

[@paulosborne6517]

BAYBEL is that big mythical tower made out of cheese by Phil Collins from Genesis. Everyone knows that.

[@TheDogeOfSarcasm]

@@paulosborne6517 I love the implication that humanity rebelled against God by making a tower made entirely of cheddar. 💀

[@nicolarulli7733]

@@paulosborne6517 also known as the Tower of Pizza, right?

[@randomdog12]

​@@TheDogeOfSarcasmWe do a little trolling

[@v-Citrus]

Why did I read that “I WANT THIS ERECTIFIED ASAP” LMAO

[@hermitthecrab4642]

4:40 not only am i guilty of that, i have just turned it into my online name loll

[@TheFunlandTeam]

r/usernamechecksout

[@BrooklynnAndFriends]

IMAGINE EATING A CHAAAIIIIIR

[@NicholsMarn]

This is 20 years ago but.. My girlfriend met me in Chicago. I was on a business trip. We were standing on Navy Pier and she asked me “what ocean is this?”. 🤦‍♂️

[@firemayro]

7:51 "hey matt what's the name of that one slushie brand"

[@space9535]

I was going to comment “when they ask what I want at the concession stand at the movie theater”

[@firemayro]

@@space9535 that's a better one imo

[@WhyAnkylobotsWillChangeWarfare]

"What is the name of the pizzeria mascot in deltarune, that Noelle thought was a cryptid"

[@dylanisntvibing]

"hey matt what do you do with your eyes?"

[@VGMHabitat]

“What do you call that frozen letter over there?”

[@DominykaSchrei]

1:34 My dad did that once with a herd of deer, he stopped the car, opened the window and yelled "Mooo!" 😂

[@Tim3.14]

Maybe he thought they were mooose!

[@adreanmarantz2103]

We never dated, but one day at the gas station my sister asked if I was using the correct fuel because she thought the octane numbers were the year your vehicle had to be.

[@Polikaize]

0:10 tbh, I would've preferred professional sports to be this rather that competitive… it's not always ethical to the athletes, esp. minors

[@RexoryByzaboo]

For real, man.

[@calamityoblivion301]

High school sports exists… Also without competition people wouldn’t try as hard, and how would you decide who qualifies over another

[@infantiltinferno]

Problem is it doesn't work. It's the insane competitive drive that pushes people to do the exceptional things. Otherwise it'd just be me in spandex doing 2 wonky push-ups for the gold.

[@Polikaize]

@@infantiltinferno said as if it was something bad, not to push your body to the point of breaking and long lasting consequences of that for what, a glorified pat on the back? Fifteen minutes in the limelight, *gold*? Pfffft, as if it can compare in value to your only health and life quality.

[@Polikaize]

@@calamityoblivion301 Oh, here's an idea: what if we - get this - DON'T DECIDE that someone NEEDS to be superior over someone else?

[@averyaviary6192]

Literally my favourite bit of my Monday is sitting down with my mum and eating dinner whilst watching Matt Rose. Thank you for appealing to both my mum and me

[@NoriMori1992]

9:18 This one is great! Reminds me of Hakos Baelz describing chicken salt to Calliope Mori: Bae: It's the bane of Australia. Calli: …Oh, so it's not a good thing? Australians don't see it as a good thing? Bae: …Isn't "bane" a good thing? Calli: Well like, "bane of my existence" is like, "the worst thing in the world to me". Bae: …OH! I've been using the word "bane" wrong this whole time!

[@KaliyahKuji]

LMAO I REMEMBER THIS Also Bae is correct. Whilst not using “bane” correctly, us Aussies absolutely LOVE Chicken Salt. It’s so good.

[@buddy9848]

I need to see this clip NOW

[@BoredZozo]

I always remember the day my friend turned to me and asked me a very serious question about the lion king remake… “how did they get the lions to do that?! They must be very well trained.”

[@AmeliaEarhart53756]

😂

[@finnjanus4334]

You should watch „Roar“ with them.

[@EngineerRunner]

EMERGENCY FROG SITUATION ‼️‼️‼️🐸📣📣📣

[@jonathanthegoober]

🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸

[@personlookingatyoutubevideos]

Frog

[@404Errored]

This damn joke never ends does it...?

[@Chitose_]

🐸

[@Gogglesmonkevr]

🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸

[@kittycake713]

My husband thought the phrase was “that really puts a hamper on the situation,” like a laundry basket 😂

[@kelpstorm]

that really puts a hampter on the situation

[@keepdancingmaria]

In my life, seeing a full hamper really puts a damper on things. I hate laundry day.

[@AllisterCat]

sometimes the only thing I need to cheer me up after a mundane monday is a matt rose video

[@namita7614]

Matt Rose Mondaaaayy 🎉

[@AllisterCat]

@@namita7614 hell yeahhh

[@tsifirakiehl4250]

The person asking their wife if she’s hungry whenever they pass a jewelry store because she accidentally swallowed her wedding ring reminded me of my current playthrough of Baldur’s Gate III, where a couple gave my character a magical locket as thanks for rescuing their little girl from a venomous snake-and Gale, my favorite companion, the video game love of my life, quite literally ate the locket. The other companions compared it to a horse with a carrot. I love this video game character so much.

[@littlewolfyzapling8810]

Gale slurped that thing up like a horse with a carrot

[@frankpierco8826]

This is many years ago. Wife called me at work, insisting that I drop everything and come to her rescue, because the battery of her car key died. So she couldn't enter her car she said. When I told her to simply use her key to open the car door, she kept repeating that she could not because the battery died .... I literally had to ask to look at her key and more specifically the iron part of it. Then explain that there was a round grey circle next to her door handle and that she had to put the actual key in there and turn the key ... Afterwards she was stil annoyed with me because I was expected to come and help like a real man, and not 'have her figure it out all by herself '.... Yeah, not her brightest moment.

[@zzehyboy753]

Not a partner, but this kid at my high school had hundreds of ridiculous "Did you know?"s, dozens of which I wrote down. The first one that always comes to mind is "Did you know that Mars has no Sun?"

[@CrizzyEyes]

That sounds like a joke one of my college friends would make, except he would know it is a joke. He would often say sudden preposterous statements or questions. One of the best was his excuse for declining to play a game of pool because "I don't have hands" as he holds up his clearly visible hands.

[@zzehyboy753]

@@CrizzyEyes I love that kinda guy

[@theresahaironthescreen]

@@CrizzyEyes Well, he just hasn't collected the severed hands from anybody else yet!

[@whobitmyname]

A girl I saw briefly, who was a part-time rapper who only did college radio freestyles, told me that Lil' Wayne was plagiarising her lines. This is why it was brief.

[@Lena-l3i]

Not a partner of mine but an old friend. He was an intellectual and seemed to know everything until one day we were having a discussion on what was better - ‘cheese strings or babybells’ he said babybell, he then proceeded to say the red part was the best. He had no idea it was wax. You’d be surprised how many people I’ve come across who haven’t realised the red part is wax.

[@danhatter6823]

My one friend’s ex had never made tea before, all he knew was to put the bag in the cup of hot water, so he did. Without removing the packaging first. This man was in his senior year of high school.

[@theresahaironthescreen]

The first time I ever tried to make tea, I got the hot water and put the leaves directly into the water, no little holder to keep them from getting in or anything.

[@violetiolite]

​@@theresahaironthescreenI mean, that's an acceptable way of making tea if you know what you're doing. If you put leaves in a teapot and pour the water at a certain angle (or use full leaves) you won't need a filter. And tea with crushed tea leaves that stay I your tea cup isn't uncommon. The remaining dust is often used as a form of divination.

[@Me-da-Ghost]

@@theresahaironthescreen Call me crazy if you want, but I just eat the leaves as I drink

[@theresahaironthescreen]

@@Me-da-Ghost Who's "me crazy"? What's their number?

[@Nat_the_Chicken]

As someone who specifically asked my mom if I was doing it right, this is understandable and not completely absurd if you don't drink tea ever

[@attibot2727]

6:37 is metal as fuuck

[@Wild_child15]

Fr 😭

[@nthgth]

This is the funniest video I've seen in a while 🤣🤣 definitely subbing

[@Creeperkid735]

2:29 As a North Carolinan, i can confirm that Kim Jong Un is our favorite leader.

[@BearBeatzu]

As a fellow North Carolinian, I concur

[@r0t.r10t.r1p]

As another, with make extra evidence by also confirming

[@GamerTVR]

My president 😍

[@phictionofgrandeur2387]

Same

[@Oshawotttttt]

As a North Carolinian, I can vouch for this

[@Jamie_06]

0:54 This is why we love you matt

[@heavyd777]

I once knew a gal who would say, "its a blessing in the skies"...instead of "its a blessing in disguise". 🤦‍♂️

[@ProfessionalBugLover]

1:04 so glad that i can tell this story... one time my grandparents were watching a documentary about beluga whales and my obi goes "that's where caviar comes from!" and my oji is just "mammal. whales are mammals" and now everytime someone says something really dumb we say mammal

[@alexandrejeankonghpps582]

*mammal*

[@Nat_the_Chicken]

This could double as an r/skamtebord post

[@JohnDoe-ti2np]

Platypuses and echidnas are mammals too!