Boyfriend's Female Best Friend Makes Me Feel Like A Third Wheel In Our Relationship r/Relationships

[@vshep333]

Story 1: there was a story where the fiancé dumped OP once his “best friend’s” marriage broke down because he always loved her and Op was his fallback. This gives me the same vibe. This guy did not set boundaries and actually become an attentive boyfriend until after the girl he liked got engaged to someone else

[@rockalleanv]

This 👆

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

Yup. He's an orbite.

[@kathryngoff7089]

"I will have to go to bed hungry. Won't that make you sad?" No. After cooking two separate meals just to accommodate your toddler grade finicky palate, that would make me MAD! And those meals I cooked for you will stay in the fridge until you eat them or until they rot.

[@Prettypoisonswitch]

When he said that I nearly yelled "ARE YOU TWO ??!!" He is acting like a full blown toddler! Like wtf she made two different meals and he acts less mature then my 9 year old. I feel so bad for this woman and hope with all my heart they are child free because I can't even with the thought of acting like that and allowing children to think that is exceptable behaviour!!

[@badkitty4922]

Sounds like he wants a mommy, not a wife. Smh.

[@paden1865able]

Maybe she should make him chicken nuggies and French fries since he's acting like a toddler.

[@yamairad1]

I gladly cook for my husband but if I ask him what he wants and he starts getting elaborate I do him in his tracks. These are your options or nothing. He usually understands. I have made elaborate meals but never plan it the same day. That's way too stressful.

[@athenastewart9167]

@@Prettypoisonswitch I would look him dead in the eye and say, "I am not your Mommy, and this is not a restaurant. The next time you pull this stunt, you will eating Happy Meals from now on like the toddler you are." Then, I would sit down and eat my dinner.

[@AndyyWithAY]

As we always say you have a boyfriend problem. If he lives 3 hours a way and you can't see him that often, he should not be making a habit out of spending THE WHOLE WEEKEND with someone who is not you. He's not choosing you. Some of this is OP's insecurity, but a lot of this is the BF and S's dynamic.

[@demonqueen3886]

Honestly I think that thing that really bugged me is that he didn't even hesitate to even say fine let's take a break because I can't really deal with your feelings right now, the fact that was the first thing that popped up in his head when she told him how she felt is just really bad

[@TibsPlays]

Agreed. I never comment but I think OP got a lot of bad advice, and I did not view that as a happy ending. She’s groveling to this guy who doesn’t confide in her and wouldn’t choose her if given the option. He’s settling for her and she deserves better. She’s in trouble.

[@demonqueen3886]

@@TibsPlays honestly it's sad that she tried to communicate with him hoping they can somehow fix the issue but he just got defensive didn't even want to try to understand how she was feeling he just wanted to break up with her she should have just broke up with him cause this isn't healthy just sounds stressful asf

[@whims6278]

Yeah I'm shocked by ppl saying it's her. Overall the only thing she's doing wrong is not seeing that her bf is full of shit and doesn't care about her at all. She just makes excuses for his creepy weird behavior

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

I think OP's insecurities are mild. The relationship with S is problematic. S's husband is in trouble if he ever needs her when the boyfriend also needs her. She will choose the boyfriend.

[@tinygabriel9760]

Here's how I interpreted this one: My boyfriend has a thing for his best friend but she's not interested/ unavailable... So he's settling for me.. they're used to flirting and spending weekends together but im insecure so ill take whatever he gives.

[@WobblesandBean]

Yuuuuuup. He treats her like garbage, but she sings his praises. It's so sad.

[@GMAMEC]

Whew, I am glad that I am not the only one who read in between the lines.

[@rosiesummer2711]

She has such little self esteem she is happy the "boyfriend" would give her attention.

[@D-Dollie]

Exactly. Don’t need no drama!

[@TibsPlays]

Exactly. You’ve hit the nail right on the head. I couldn’t believe how much bad advice she got. Didn’t view that as a happy ending at all.

[@TheBriannasings]

For the first one, I don't like how op's boyfriend phrased it that op was the, "One he chose." Shouldn't it be, "The one he WANTS,"?

[@SakuraMoonflower]

He high key told on himself there.

[@nickjones4330]

Story 1 sounds like BF wants to be with his female best friend romantically but she doesn't want to be with him romantically. This means OP will always be his second choice and that OP's relationship with this guy would end instantly if female friend changed her mind and ever wanted the guy as a romantic partner.

[@Somebody9666]

I don't get good vibes from this at all.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

100% The edit describes the bf getting all of his emotional needs met from S. Why does he need a spouse? He has one.

[@beckabelle5927]

This!

[@ikmalhaikal2230]

Exactly. I bet the bf only agreed to the boundaries because the best friend proposed it. Meanwhile when OP discussed it with him, he made it all about her insecurities. He's such a POS.

[@13thMaiden]

This is exactly what I felt, especially since the friend respected and understood her feelings and instantly had boundaries set. That's only when BF suddenly started to compromise, because _friend_ made him. OP is just the 'substitute' for the girl he really wants as he watches friend happy with another man and getting married. I don't trust him and it feels like OP is just second best. I wouldn't wanna be in that kind of relationship!!

[@adawongkennedy6570]

Story 3: Seriously, what's the deal with weddings that people feel entitled to propose, to announce pregnancy, announce baby gender, come out of the closet? I mean, really, why they have to be so self centered? Is that difficult to go to a wedding and, you know, seat down, watch the ceremony and just be happy for the couple?

[@trixmania]

Maybe they watched too many movie. Chinese drama bundles it together. They live in a fantasy world and think it's a good idea. Turns out a no, lol. Respect the one holding the function, it's their money

[@Ally.81]

People are crazy and this guy even more then usual because of what he said when she confronted him. Honestly the only person I will be willing to let have a proposal at my wedding for will be my sister. We are 4 sisters and we all live in different countries and we all meet as a family at big events or once at a few years for holidays. So if I was to get married and her boyfriend asked to do that because it will be one of few times we are all together I won't have a problem with. But I do think if this is to happen then it should be at the end so it doesn't take from the couple celebration and it does give them a chance to be congratulated by everyone also. But that is just me and both bride and groom need to agree.

[@greyscalesx]

Also wth is rita's problem ?! So basically she's like 'take the blame for my bf, let me be mad at you during your wedding that's supposed to be a happy day and maybe even that I won't be a bridesmaid and create a major conflict all for a suprise and a shitty bf, then I'll be happy.'' Tf ?? No ? how about you put the blame where it belongs Rita and be ashamed and mad about him ruining your bff's wedding? How about you be mad that he would try to even do it without permission and what kind of man he is ? Instead she's whining about a suprise bc she still intends to marry him. Girl needs to throw the whole bff away

[@9Geeple]

As the bride, OP, I might want to get my dad involved who is paying for my wedding to call Rita and her boyfriend-him especially-and explain how weddings work and OP’s dad is making a speech right? Dad and mom need to take over the mic or call Rita’s parents since they have known each other for years?? Mom and Dads relatives and the bridegrooms relatives don’t know or care about or socialize with a random bridesmaid and her bf 🙄

[@RokoFireFox]

Story 2. The moment ops husband said "wouldn't that make you sad?" That's when I was like HE knows what he is doing. Girl needs to leave him fast.

[@carrissa8867]

I agree this has nothing to do with food it's all about power and control

[@carrissa8867]

I agree this has nothing to do with food it's all about power and control

[@demonqueen3886]

OP should have just broke up with her boyfriend I mean when she told him how she felt the first thing that popped up for him was let's take a break instead of talking it out he'd rather just break it off because he doesn't want to deal with her feelings like ouch

[@Zonee1328]

If you have any ounce of comprehension skills then you’d be able to infer that her insecurities have been a topic of discussion multiple times and if he’s saying that simply dealing with them feels like a second full time job then he has every right to want to take a step back

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 3: Rita sounds like a bad friend. She, instead of backing up her best friend up, gets mad at her for uninviting her boyfriend for when he tried to propose on her wedding day. Then again, she might have been manipulated by this clear manipulator. Limit contact to arms length away but still be there for her when she wises up and leaves this manipulator.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

MY whole thought was, uninvite Rita so these selfish assholes stop making your wedding about their drama. If Rita sincerely believes that a guy who acts like this is the best thing to happen to her, maybe you need to find new friends.

[@AndyyWithAY]

OP not being the BFs ideal type is the least alarming part about this story. People get into a relationship with people who aren't their type all the time. I don't think that's a big deal.

[@Leo-wh1st]

Yeah, someone not being your "ideal/normal type" doesn't mean you don't find them attractive. My type for guys thin, short, long haired, -twink femboy.- The only part of that my partner matches is his height. I still find him incredibly attractive. If I was going to hook up with someone, yeah, I'd go for someone my ideal type, but for an actual relationship? It shouldn't matter that much, if they're perfect in other ways. I can definitely understand the insecurity from OP over it, but for other people to take that as a red flag is just shallow in my opinion.

[@Tijggie82]

I agree, but I do find it weird he told his gf his bff is his ideal woman...

[@scarlettg.5772]

@@Leo-wh1st right?! My husband isn’t my usual type physically either. But heck I still dated and married him lol. Type is usually just a preference that really doesn’t matter much in my opinion.

[@trixmania]

@@Tijggie82 once it's on the air, then it's become questionable. It's like he saying he rather date her but is in friend zone

[@ninirossau2304]

@@Leo-wh1st it is not the wrapping that is important, it is the gift inside. but that doesnt mean you cant appreciate a nice wrapping.

[@fhuber7507]

1... If you feel like the 3rd wheel, you're the 5th wheel. OP is the side piece. Other girl is "less touchy when OP is around" So he's still having his weekends with her and they get as touchy as they want on those weekends....

[@TsukiKageTora]

I had a boyfriend who chose friends over me. Such like eating lunch at college at the same time, he chooses to eat with them instead of me saying “I only see them during lunch”. He never sees me outside of lunch on most days and weeks. I told him that and he told me to not take it that way because I’m the one he wanted as a girlfriend. It isn’t about insecurities it is about him choosing someone else over the supposed on he loves. That isn’t love or being in a relationship where one of them is and feels like second best to a friend.

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

This right here. And the touchiness is disgusting for sure. Who is all touchy feely with someone who is a relationship? They are either cheating or will cheat for sure. The OP is so blind and delusional

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@manxiefeathermoon9888 and update he puts it all back on OP and her anxiety without taking accountability for how he made her feel. She isn’t just feeling this out of the blue, he is the leading factor to it. Get away from her if you can’t handle her. Then he also blames his newly diagnosed depression…. OP deserves better than this whole entire bag of tools

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

People like this are so weird. Why couldn't you have lunch with him and his friends? Thank God he's an ex.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@SilverstreamPJ28 His friends always got in trouble with the school at how loud, obnoxious and sexual they were. I did once and we all got an official warning that if we continue that we would be suspended (they were that bad). I couldn’t afford to hang out with them because I needed to graduate and was 2 semesters away from it, so I stayed away from them. He understood that but still chose to eat with them. He didn’t like my friends cause he didn’t like how “boring” they were (they weren’t boring, just not overly sexual like his friends). I suggested eating alone just him and me and he chose them over me.

[@ActivistVictor]

Had an ex GF pull this shit too. One time she want for a ‘girl’s night out’ but EVERYONE ended up going, guy friends too, except me, and then the same week she left me out of their plans again! And what made it worse was how we had been dating for YEARS and she just met them the year before so they were t even long term. I was pissed and brought up how unacceptable it was but she just claimed I was being too sensitive. I think it was a decent part of why I eventually lost interest in ever getting back with her.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: if he feels like Op can't help as much as she can then maybe _tell her how she can help better rather than leave her in the dark and go running to your friend._ Communication goes both ways.

[@anthonygilmour6236]

Agree with this, communication is key... However they may have instances in the past where due to OPs anxiousness it just made his issues worse or more complicated.

[@owl7072]

@@anthonygilmour6236 that is possible, it's just that part of me just felt like it wasn't fair of him to not tell Op about something like that and then hold it against them later

[@anthonygilmour6236]

@@owl7072 agree it may not be fair. But, if he knows she is anxious and what he would tell her would make her more anxious. Then he would be both trying to deal with the original issue as well as her anxiety over it. So he has a choice, go to a person who will help him deal with one issue or feel he has to deal with two issues and feel guilty about knowingly upsetting OP in the moment.

[@loudelk99]

2nd story, he has 2 choices. Eat or starve. He has 2 meals ready for him, if he wants something different tell him to cook it himself.

[@kayemckeeth2301]

Mark I'm really sorry but that's not a happy update. She has to drive to him and he probably settled for her now his bestie is engaged. I feel SO bad for OP.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: While OP does need to work on her insecurities, I find it alarming that when she tried to sit down and have an honest, adult conversation about how he was making her feel, he jumped straight to "I need space and my relationship with her isn't going to change." So, no compromise? No dialing it down because it makes "the one he (supposedly) chooses" uncomfortable? He wants the friend. S2: Husband is on a power trip. "I would have to go to bed hungry, won't that make you sad?" is a HUGE manipulation tactic. From now on, make dinner for yourself, whatever you've had to give up (another control tactic that is escalating), and tell him he can learn to make his own meals; his arms aren't broken. If he's already waiting on you to make him Second Breakfast (or third), then it will take just as much time for him to make it as it would you. This way he can eat exactly what he's in the mood for, and you get to eat what you like. Win/win! S3: NTA. 1) She wouldn't have believed the lie, and even if she did, it's doubtful she would have found something you were able to make up on the spot (that's not breakup worthy) as a good reason to uninvited him. 2) You didn't spoil the surprise, because he's not going to be proposing at your wedding. You have no idea what his current proposal plans are.

[@ActivistVictor]

Yeah, I agree with you there. If any partner of mine pulled the ‘I need space’ card when I tried to talk, I’d make it clear they’d have space from me for the rest of their life because I’m out!

[@Tammohawk1]

2. NTA He can go to bed hungry if he's that picky. He's a grown man, he can feed himself even if he is the breadwinner. He can stop at Burger King and have it his way. lol 3. Some people have absolutely no class or tact. Not an iota.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 2: NTA. Op, you are his wife not his mother or his maid. If he wants a different meal then he can cook. Husband: “Are you sure? I will have to go to bed hungry, wouldn’t that make you sad?” He’s emotionally manipulative.

[@WyntheRogue]

Any sane person would say "No it wouldn't because you're the one making this decision, I didn't put a gun to your head and force you to starve I simply cooked so if you're so hungry you'll eat what I've prepared for you as I'm done being a short order cook for an ungrateful manchild. Being the breadwinner doesn't mean you get to walk over me either shape up with the attitude or the next thing I'll serve up are divorce papers with a lawyer present." [Also be sure to grab any personal/important belongings into a bag and stay with either your mom or somebody you trust for a few days] Sure, could be extreme BUT would any sane person stay married to a spouse that ungrateful and entitled? [I'd also be saying the same thing if the sexes were reversed just to add some clarity that this isn't an attack on dudes as nobody should have to put up with this crap. :P]

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: What is this, a restaurant? If OP's boyfriend is that picky, he can learn to cook for himself. Never mind all the manipulative whining. Even if he were oblivious and not gaslighting her, it wouldn't be okay.

[@LunaP1]

He needs to get the boot, both figuratively and literally. If I had to deal with that crap, I'd kick him out and throw all his crap out with him.

[@robertx8020]

@@LunaP1 Yep, either kick the baby out or leave him! 2 meals and he didn't like both? FY!

[@paulastiles5507]

@@robertx8020 I was reminded of the story about the woman who cooked some very expensive recipes from her Asian family and her husband tossed it out because he didn't like Asian food. I think she ended up tossing out the whole man.

[@robertx8020]

@@paulastiles5507 That sounds like the PERFECT recipe

[@kimwearne3213]

I think the answer would be if he either made his own food or told her what he does want?!!! lol like dude, communicate!!

[@jackiewepps4694]

Story 3: Comment: "He said he knew I'd say no and that's why he didn't tell me anything." THEN MAYBE DON'T DO IT,BRO! My thoughts exactly.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 1: Thinking about their relationship still gives me a sour feeling. I would have dipped at 6months.

[@helenlewis2510]

The first story update left me feeling some type of way for op. I don’t think they should have gotten back together, nor will this end well. Edit to add it also seems to me she is the one putting all the effort and work into the relationship

[@SorenPenrose]

If he's saying you can't visit so they can have alone time....

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: there is SO much wrong with this story. There is no world where a person in a relationship spends the majority of free weekends with their opposite sex best friend who is also in a relationship without either of their partners while purposely excluding one partner and something weird isn't going on. The fact that he doesn't let his girlfriend, who he hasn't seen in weeks, come see him so that he can soend alone time with his "friend" so often is a huge red flag to me. Yes OP has some insecurities, but there also seems to be some reasons for her to be so. Edit: communication ftw? I don't know. The comment after the update really hits home for me. OP admits this was her first real relationship. That makes me really leery. I'm glad things are going well. I'm just afraid it's a band aid

[@oliviapanzica8833]

I agree. There’s so much to unpack with the story. OP really sounds like she’s settling. The part that really got me was in her update when she mentioned how while her boyfriend didn’t make her happy in the past, he does now. I could be reading too much into it, but it sounds like she’s trying to convince herself. There’s nothing in her post talking about what she loves about him and their connection, it seems like she wants to be happy with this guy but they may not have that connection.

[@demonqueen3886]

I think we're really annoying me is that when she told him about how she felt he basically said "okay fine if you feel that way let's take a break because you're feelings are too much for me and I'm not going to change just because you're upset" like damn dude

[@theconfusedvampire]

Massively disagree, my best friend and I are extremely close and not the same gender. We share a bed when there's not enough space, cuddle while watching tv, and have spent entire weeks at eachother's place. The thought of.... "being intimate" with him makes me want to throw up, he's like my brother. That's absolutely disgusting and he sees it the same way too. He's just my platonic soulmate, like Penelope and Morgan from Criminal Minds.

[@LoveableNiki]

I agree. I think Best Friend loves BF, but doesn't want to deal with his issues in a full-time basis. If BF didn't have those issues, they'd be together. This could have been expressed to BF, so he's just waiting for the day he's "better". OP is a placeholder.

[@ECjj33]

Ikr?? I was thinking the same thing. I feel like some of those comments were pretty condescending

[@dm9078]

This is sad. If you feel like a third wheel when she is around their is a problem. If you spend enough time on these threads you have seen enough of these stories where one of these people is just waiting for the right time with the other person. This is an adult male right? Is OP his freaking mother. This guy is a manipulative sort of abusive jerk. It’s not sweet talk it’s coercion. NTA. What lie was she going to come up with that would satisfy Rita. If she can’t understand OP’s actions she’s not a friend.

[@DePhoegonIsle]

because no one could ever have a life long friend of the opposite sex, that is super close. The guy will always try to fuck that girl.. because you say so.

[@potatoempress5731]

Yeah no, if my BF said that when I try to talk to him about my insecurities I'd be long gone. It's like sharing him with his bestie and it's WHY he feels like OP's insecurities "like a job" is because he has TWO relationships to manage. He seems fine to drop OP just like that and I think OP is still wearing rose-tinted glasses. She deserves so much better.

[@Swnsasy]

If he is stressed and likes to deal with it alone but she knows that means he's not dealing with it alone.. I'm not second to anyone in a relationship. You have to talk and communicate with each other. If you're feeling insecure then you need to tell him that you would rather have time with him when it's just you and him so like a every other weekend is you and him only. It's all about talking though like mature relationships. I have a male best friend that I've been friends with for 22yrs and been with my husband for 8yrs. There is no way I would huggy around my boyfriend now husband. I would never sleep in the same place with my bff! That is disrespectful to do.. Story 2 is just flat out RIDICULOUS.. He's acting selfish, childish, immature like a damn 2yr old throwing a tantrum! That's not how a grown ass man acts! Tell him to cook his own food then!

[@naturalbaby]

Story 1: I hope this is genuine because it still feels unequal. Just cuz she getting married does not mean they will not cheat with eachother.

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

This right here. Dial down the touchiness when she is around? That's disgusting for sure. They will cheat or are cheating. The OP and her fiance both need to run for the hills. They will suffer heartbreak when their partners cheat.

[@immapotato1]

@@manxiefeathermoon9888 to me feels like the bf is in a one sided crush on his side. if anything he's probably just stringing OP around til he finds someone else or the friend wants to date him.

[@carolroberts4614]

I was hoping she would leave him! This isn't going to ed well and if she marrieshim, she will have a horrible life. It happened to me in my ex marriage.

[@niq872]

@@immapotato1 thats what it feels like to me 2

[@gcarr1089]

Story 2 - her husband his a control freak or he is cheating on her and he had already eaten. Story 3 - anyone who hijacks someone else's celebration/ party to propose to their partner is a lowlife cheep-scate, girl turn him down, and run away as fast as you can.

[@Poeticfloetic]

*cheapskate ♥️

[@CarinaCoffee]

Last story: so I know you'll not allow my disrespectful action at your wedding, so I'll just not tell you about it and steamroll your possible decision. Yeah, that seems like a good idea 🙄 And wow the friend, she kept on demanding an answer, what's that saying, if you don't want to know the answer, don't ask questions. She must have known it was something big if her friend kicked her SO out of the wedding. And what kind of lie should OP have made up? It would have had to been something bad enough to be kicked out of the wedding over and I bet she wouldn't have liked OP to lie like that too.

[@sinakirainine1719]

Nah, that first story theres more going on. She said "Hey BF, your relationship with your friend makes me a little jealous. Could you dial it back?" And he just says "Youre insecure get that in check" That seems too defensive and blaming it all on OP. I don't like it. Why would he spend an entire weekend with a friend of the opposite sex? He turned down his own long distance girlfriend and didnt even let her at least join them. Its sketchy

[@demonqueen3886]

Sad part is when she did tell him how she felt and try to fix the relationship the first thing he said was let's take a break because your feelings aren't really helping with this relationship isn't that why she's telling you so there won't be an issue in the relationship it's not like she's saying oh break off your friendship just like dial it down a bit when she wants to come see you oh all the sudden your best friend coming to see you on the exact same day you than telling her oh don't show up cause Best friend is coming over like what?

[@clarrie93]

Story 2: "he's the breadwinner" but there's nothing about OP being a stay at home wife/mom. And yet OP is doing everything + catering to the husband's whim. The husband is also manipulative with the usual lovebombing

[@jeandobkowski8571]

As my mother used to say Dinner is take it or leave it. Your choice. She would NEVER have cooked something else. and neither would I.

[@bunnyslippers191]

"You have two choices for dinner. They are eat it or starve." That's straight out of my mom's mouth and she stuck to her guns on that one.

[@maddy8328]

Story 3 "best surprise of her life" so she was ok with him proposing at OPs wedding? Wow. Drop them both.

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Story one: sorry but I would leave the relationship. It's obvious he cares more about the best friend than the gf

[@AndreNDP]

As the guy: I'd leave. If you can't be tolerant of my best friend, and if you're so needy you can't tolerate any other female in my life, I can't have a healthy relationship with you.

[@keplersdream901]

@@AndreNDP As a human being, I'd dump him. If he can't invest, then he isn't ready for a serious relationship.

[@AndreNDP]

@@keplersdream901 He seems perfectly invested, she's just clingy and has untreated anxiety.

[@thedestroyasystem]

@@AndreNDP bro. Being jealous of a normal, healthy best friend relationship is one thing. Being jealous because your bf lives three hours away and refuses to let you visit on weekends because that’s his time to spend with best friend is entirely reasonable. Why can’t OP come up and visit one of the two days of the weekend? Or alternate weekends? Or even have lunch with him ffs? When you are neglecting your partner to spend time with other people that’s a problem, regardless of who those people are.

[@AndreNDP]

@@thedestroyasystem And we don't know how often she's going. If she's trying to go every weekend (and, reading between the lines, it does seem that way), then that's pushing other people out of his life. I don't want my SO to encroach on family time or vice versa.

[@chrismichaels462]

Last story: I think I would have told the bridesmaid to ask him why he was disinvited.

[@NCAnon]

Story 2: therapy (individual and couples). And he cooks his own damn food

[@TraceyBoyland]

2 meals.??? Yet she has no consideration FOR HIMMM?? GTFOH!

[@catpatrick3838]

The wife in the second story needs to ask hubby every morning what he wants for dinner that night. Let him know if he changes his mind when he gets home he can cook for himself. That will quash his manipulative power play. He can't really say he's not in the mood for something he chose and if he decides he doesn't want what he chose he knows he's going to have to cook for himself. Problem solved.

[@gaaraxnaru]

I disagree. He can easily lie and say, "I'm not sure, whatever you want to make is fine." or even turn it around on her and say, "What? You don't know what I like to eat anymore?". Manipulative people usually always have an out. Even if he does pick a certain dish in the morning he may even try to change the narrative and insist he Saud something else. Hubby of the universe here seems like the type.

[@tamsel814]

That would mean that she will have to go grocery shopping every day. Depending on ops schedule that may or may not be possible. Anyways he could just change him mind during the day and still he unhappy at dinner time.

[@badkitty4922]

I see what you mean but, it would still be OP acting more like husbands mommy than wife. It's also up to HIM to ask for certain meals he wants. But that would also mean he'd have to act like an adult.

[@pansprayers]

No. He can eat the food in front of him. Or he can cook his own meal. Too many people confuse the words 'husband/wife' with 'domestic slave'. I'm not going to pander to a grown child, and waste additional time, fuel and money by buying things that may not be on sale (food prices are insane globally right now), because '123 Elm Street home of the Doe Family' got misconstrued as 'Joe's Diner'. Eat the food you're cooked, or fend for yourself.

[@catpatrick3838]

@@badkitty4922 I guess I'm used to my mom asking my father. She'll say "I have pork chops, chicken and minced beef, what's your preference?". Once he states his preference, she gives him options on preparation, like pork chops in mushroom sauce or whatever if the choice is chops. Then she usually throws out veggies to choose from. In just a few seconds they have the meal planned and she is taking the meat out to thaw. Then again, if my dad came home and whined about what she cooked regardless of prior discussion, my mom would tell him he can either cook or go hungry. 😂

[@Undomaranel]

3:57 "Like you said, he chose you." If he honestly did choose her he wouldn't be letting a gorgeous blonde hang on him and confiding in her instead of his girlfriend. Edit after finishing the video: I stand by it. Depression is NO EXCUSE. I understand he was likely afraid of pushing his childhood friend away, but he was actively disrespecting his girlfriend and pushing her away. I'm glad they talked it out, but that doesn't change it was the blonde who limited her touchy feely-ness while the boyfriend tried to ignore that it was an issue at all and justify it as part of who they would always be. Newsflash kids, what you do as a child is not acceptable as a grown adult. Kids wrestle, adults don't. Not because we don't want to have fun, but because of the messages it would send to others. It's important to respect each other, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Everyone's uncomfortable, and that's why we developed compromising standards of behavior. They protect the vast majority when followed.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 2 - If he is going to be so picky that already being presented with multiple options and STILL SAYS NO, and then tries to manipulate OP into making yet another meal, he can grow the hell up and make his own damn food. Until he can do so, I’d be letting him fend for himself food wise. If he doesn’t wise up, I’d be filing for divorce because I’m not going to be my partner’s mother.

[@yamairad1]

Last story: If you are surprised about a marriage proposal I'd question the relationship. How do you not know you are moving to the next level? You shouldn't marry a guy you haven't had the talk with.

[@frith.calluna]

The first OP is very relatable to me. I was also very attached to my last SO and would get anxious if he closed himself off from me. He was a very closed off person who doesn't like to show emotions and talk about feelings. I never felt jealous of him hanging out with his (female) friends, but did communicate to him many times that I was having a hard time with the major differences between us. He just kinda shrugged it off. One major issue was his tendency to lie or conceal the truth because he "didn't want me to worry" and "he was just a private person". I accepted that he didn't want to talk about his personal issues, but felt hurt that he would lie to me about it. My attachment and neediness was always a me-problem that I needed to fix on my own. He never wanted to work on it together or even really discuss it openly. We didn't work out :)

[@sergiom3988]

13:04 "Not in the mood to eat that, cook something different or I will go to bed hungry". Ridiculous

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Story one comments: oh the double standards. If the roles were reversed and the OP was the jealous bf whose gf's male best friend was flirting and touching her all the time, the comments would say to leave her and that she's cheating

[@catandrobbyflores]

reddit is a vacuum. I had a comment removed for just saying "like calls to like" in referring to the op and their ex were bad parents saying I wasn't civil.

[@philwill0123]

Yep, it would be comments like "she's for the streets". The "red pilled" community will claim a girl is cheating instantly, but the guy is "oblivious" and should be given the benefit of the doubt

[@AngharadMac]

Story 2: why did you marry a spoiled brat? I'd start cooking whatever food * I * wanted and f him. I did that in my marriage for a bit cuz he'd never tell me when asked what he wanted for dinner. I ended up making double sides cuz he wouldn't eat certain things. Like rice. I finally said f it I'll cook what I want and he can get McDonald's if he doesn't want what I cook. So much relief in that

[@theresapaine7224]

I feel so bad for OP in the first story. Her BF seems abusive in a way, saying that SHE was the issue. Idk how to explain it, but OP needs to get out of that relationship, it feels as if she is being taken advantage of-

[@Raaslen]

Story 1: I don't know about this guy, I have a really close friend with whom I was all cuddly and touchy, but when one of us was in a relationship we both automatically toned down our behavior with each other, even when our partners were not around because we respect each other's relationships Story 2: NTA, if my father ever tried to pull something like that on my mother he would die of starvation. baing the responsible for cooking doesn't mean acting like a personal chef, it means making the meals, and as long as you don't cook something you know the other person can't eat or dislikes you are on the clear, if they don't eat that's on then

[@marahbaker8615]

Cuddling with his female best friend? Nope. Absolutely unacceptable if I'm in a relationship with you. Cuddling is saved for me as a show of romantic love and affection. Also the best friend saying she didn't mean to make OP feel that way and that they've dialed back the physical affection..... I think the best friend likes the attention OPS boyfriend gives her bc what girl wouldn't realize Cuddling someone else's boyfriend, long term friend or not, would be disrespectful and inappropriate?

[@museabdullahi]

Exactly! And what makes it better is the fact that now they just do it behind op's back.

[@momop1848]

Story 2: Is dinner a surprise every night? Is the husband asking for one thing then changing his mind? What's his problem? When my husband is indecisive and I'm handling dinner I ask if there's anything he doesn't want. Usually, the answer is stir-fry. He's just glad he doesn't have to cook. Even if it was stir-fry he'd still eat it.

[@NemFX]

Story one: "he sees her like a sister" Ma'am, this is the internet. Story two: teach him to cook. Story three: "There's nothing you can do about it." Those are fighting words, sir. Let me get my folding chair.

[@LunaP1]

OP can use one of the venue chairs instead. Then send the damage bill to him with a note saying "You made me do this."

[@Kimmie_78]

Story 1, the update is so suspicious, just hope she isnt a backup plan

[@mikaq19]

Story 3 - what a horrible couple Rita and her bf are. She’s a crap friend for getting mad at the bride for not letting her AH bf upstage her wedding. Also, proposing at someone else’s event really says that the bf doesn’t care about her enough to actually go out of his way to plan something special and appropriate. Finally, as to the “why didn’t you lie to me?” question , what lie would she have liked? “He made a pass at me and grabbed my ass” maybe? But then again I can be an AH too if someone tried to mess with me like Rita’s AH bf did.

[@wendyhadley2764]

Get rid of him, you are not his number one,

[@marywray6046]

Op, you know he ain't the only guy out there, someone that is more like you in certain areas. You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do and trying will make you crazy, breakup and move on if this hard for you. Life is to short and people are too intresting to saddle yourself with a unhappy relationship

[@telinhajp]

Hugs from Tokyo! ❤️🤗

[@MarkNarrations]

Hey hey Telinha

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

🤗🤗💜💜

[@telinhajp]

@@broken_queer_but_fighting8589 🤗❤️🤗❤️

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@telinhajp 💜💜🤗🤗

[@Bonaduece]

Aside from being super rude to the couple getting married, a proposal at a wedding is just so lazy. "I want to marry you, but I don't care enough to set up anything that would actually be meaningful for you."

[@dianemartel5205]

Story 1: Just wondering if the boyfriend would frequently choose his sister over a SO for weekends? And the physical part? It feels as though there’re romantic feelings on the parts of both the boyfriend and the female “friend”. I think that you and the best “friend’s” fiancé are the beards for your respective SOs. Not buying their new found boundaries.

[@thedestroyasystem]

Someone else mentioned and I think it fits: sounds like BF has a one-sided crush on best friend. If it was mutual I don’t understand why they wouldn’t just get together.

[@demonqueen3886]

I mean he was willing to break off the relationship because OP told him how she felt I mean it just shows that he picked his so called sister over his girlfriend

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

Doesn’t matter if the best friend gets married, he still loves her.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 3 I thought was obvious YTA, but the way he tried to manipulate and strong arm OP? He's horrible. The friend will regret marrying him. If heard that story, I'd be meeting up with him immediately to break up. The friend is not very smart.

[@hugoumero9723]

and Rita is an doormat and idiot from going to marrying him and i think she will deserve it once he will cheat on her and left her

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

1) Stop dating him, he's only with you because his bff is unavailable. 2) Stop cooking for him, hide your important documents and some money for a possible escape. 3) Rita sounds like a bad friend with a bad boyfriend. I would break up with him over this and be angry, but she's mad at you for ruining her surprise? I would really rethink this friendship. Who's to say that now that she's so mad at you she won't do something at your wedding or that she won't make a plan with him to sneak him in to do a proposal in front of everyone at your wedding since you already paid for it and it's free for them, that they won't call and change details to their favorites while you pay for it? Put passwords on everything wedding related just in case he gets mad enough that he pretends to be the groom and change every detail or cancel everything and keep what little refunds he can get from them.

[@mauimonique]

OP in story 1 would have a different tune if the bestie was single.

[@britnicox3929]

The childish men in the last two stories really makes me feel better about being single

[@warriorcatskid003]

I’m a picky eater but whenever my family has a meal that I don’t want I just… get my own food? Like that’s a me problem at that point? My mom understands me not wanting a meal doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate her cooking and I understand that at that point me eating is my responsibility it’s not that tricky

[@mamasass2229]

"We haven't ACTUALLY changed anything, but it's FINE!" Giiiiiiirl...

[@mysticaccy]

Story 2: what year is this? 1950? unbelievable... I would say this story is ESH because she also enables him by caving in and cooking a meal afterwards... OP should say to him" okay i will cook you another meal but you will have to give me more money for grocery shopping because of the wasted food" OP could also text her husband about what he wants to eat before he comes home.

[@Cazlouisa123]

Gosh sometimes after listening to these stories, it really makes me appreciate being single 😂😂

[@greyscalesx]

Last story ; Excuse me ! WTH is rita's problem ?! Basically she's like 'take the blame for my bf, let me be mad at you during your wedding that's supposed to be a happy day and maybe even that I won't be a bridesmaid and create a major conflict all for a suprise and a shitty bf, then I'll be happy.'' Tf ?? No ? how about you put the blame where it belongs Rita and be ashamed and mad about him ruining your bff's wedding? How about you be mad that he would try to even do it without permission and what kind of man he is ? Instead she's whining about a suprise bc she still intends to marry him. OP needs to throw the whole bff away

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

People can genuinely not realise they’re in love with their best friend.

[@justaperson4656]

public proposals are manipulative af, moreso when it's at someone else's event! I'd more than preferred to know about a "surprise" like that, instead of a lie. Especially when it's a proposal, and before you get trapped

[@TheMimiSard]

Story 3 - Friend is also an AH if she is upset that OP blocked it.

[@Somebody9666]

Tbh Mark. The first story left a stone in my stomach. I really hope op have a good support system.

[@mickdanger]

Story 1. Boy is this girl is naive. She's being gaslit so badly. SHe needs to dump him. "me and S" weekend.. yeah, BS.

[@smarieisme8009]

Growing up, I always had two choices for every meal...... Take it or leave it. I now offer the same two choices whenever I make a meal.

[@refinery9co.139]

the common demonantor in these type of stories is lack of "boundaries" and neither her boyfriend NOR the best friend have it...because as much as we want to blame the boyfriend S has a hand of it. She should know the boundaries...and I BET if "S" was in Op's situation with her own boyfriend she wouldnt be liking it either.

[@zachf748]

Story #2 - Why not just ask him what he wants for dinner that night and make that?…

[@SailorMya]

I REALLY understand the 2nd story more then I like to admit... My SO is SUPER picky and also has a list of approved meals, the problem?, we also have 4 kids who also have likes and dislikes. He never really knows what he wants so I took control of ALL of it, so, he eats what I make or he is on his own.

[@grinningweirdo4888]

I’m trying to think of an offence to a bride that’s warrant being uninvited that’s as bad as planning to propose behind the brides back then essentially telling her ‘what are you going to do about it?’ Only thing that comes close is an accusation of attempted cheating

[@veezopolis]

It's been 8 months she can calm down about controlling his life

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - New house rule for OP to make; if husband doesn't call by lunch time to tell her what he is 'in the mood for' then no dinner or make his own. My last few years of high school. mom was retired but dad was still working and they discussed dinner menu at lunch on work days. If he didn't like what she was making, he made his own. Often that was a bowl of pinto beans, chili or corn flakes. OP needs to make her husband responsible for his own choice - have cereal, beans, etc or go to bed hungry. He is TA.

[@digitalharmony26]

Relationships aren’t meant to complete you. They’re the sprinkles and toppings on the ice cream, without them the ice cream is still there and pretty damn good. You’re the ice cream. Your partner/s should compliment, not complete. It’s clear OP isn’t ready for one.

[@nuttmare9438]

I'm very happy to hear a positive outcome from the first story

[@rosemarie1817]

If someone you love wants a whole other supper/dinner after you already made them 2 SEPARATE SUPPERS, they can A. Cook what they want, B. Order takeout, C. Eat what's been made or D. Not eat.

[@madisonl3401]

Congrats on 89k! Going to be 90k before we know it, and 100k shortly after that! Yayyy

[@fcold9402]

Wedding proposal. NTA. He said your hands were tied but he was stupid and wrong.

[@missmax2492]

When my little sister or I dont want what my mom cooks, we either just don't eat it or make something else. Why is my fourteen year old sister more mature than op's husband?

[@Erinia13]

Story 3 Tbh I'm taken aback with Rita's reaction she should be apologizing to OP instead of getting angry at them like that wth. To begin with I couldn't trust a friend that lies to me so I'd be thankful for the honesty and seriously? Best surprise of her life? Is this girl a moron? I wouldn't want to marry a man that has the gall to try to hijack other person milestone event and not only that he tried to trick OP into it because they knew OP would say no, that shows how selfish and manipulative he is and the cherry on top he is a smug bastard that tried a power move using emotional manipulation. These are red flags on red flags Rita should be thankful the truth came out giving her the opportunity to dodge a bullet marrying that piece of work. And if I was OP I'd be reevaluating that friendship given the reaction she had.

[@kausha7135]

Story 1: I have anxious attachment and you'd never guess it with the relationship my bf and I have. I feel completely secure with him. I don't question his love. Before he even said "I love you", I knew he did. That commentor hit the nail on the head for me at least saying that anxious attachment has to be trigger by the other partner doing something that makes me feel insecure. My heart breaks at the effort she's putting into him and the excuses she makes for him. I've been there before, even down to my previous exes' female friends having more respect for me than he did. I really hope she leaves him and finds someone amazing.

[@eowyn8340]

Story 3: NTA I think there are some people who truly believe they are this main character and everyone else is a supporting cast, no matter the situation. I had a friend who used me as a sidekick all the time before I wised up and set down boundaries. It’s like she thought she was a main character in Gilmore Girls or a Hallmark movie. 😵‍💫

[@SongBird101]

I’ll be real, the op in story 1 really, REALLY concerns me. My fiancé and I have been together for over 6 years; I’m 22 and he’s 23. Obviously this means we’ve gone through a lot of growing and changes together, so I get the sentiment of evolving as a person alongside your partner. That being said, the major difference between us and op is that I have always felt like my SO’s number 1. He has other friends, but there has never once been a time I suspected he was putting someone above me, while it seems like OP still has this problem, even after the update. I just hope they’re ok

[@Tyanna01]

Last story: Sounds to me like the BF played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. Also, how in this day and age do you not know your SO is going to propose to you? Like, I refuse to believe she didn't know it was coming. There is still a surprise about how and when it'll be done. So Rita is also an AH. Sounds to me like she wanted to be proposed to at the wedding. If she's that salty about it, maybe she can also be kicked from the wedding. Honestly, you don't need that kind of self centred drama in your life.

[@astronautviolet153]

Story 2 His a full grown man and he can buy something to eat or cook for himself.

[@angelajaime5155]

Story 1: This just made me so sad, an Anxious and an Avoidant Attachment Styles don't mix well, maybe I'm proyecting, but if I was OP, I would feel so unloved, I can't touch my boyfriend, but this person can? That thought alone would give me anxiety. I don't think OP has a problem with his boyfriend having a female friend, but rather a friend that he trusts and values way more then her. I hope she's happy, and that her boyfriends does love her, bc it didn't feel like that in this post.

[@jessical4866]

Story 2: I’m a picky eater who put my mom through hell. When I got older she threw her hands up and said “figure it out yourself”, and I did which worked out better for both of us. Yeah, sometimes I went to bed hungry because I didn’t like what my mom made, but that was my choice.

[@Russman67]

Story 2: I'm sorry what was this? OP is essentially playing short order cook for a 6-year-old man. If my wife made me two separate meals, trying to anticipate what I might like to eat, even if they weren't my favorites I would eat one. Then spend the next few hours of that night just trying to make her freaking happy. The last thing I'd be doing is asking her to make a third meal or I'm going to pout and go to bed.

[@susankaempfer8427]

Yeah. Something else is going on here.

[@Mewse1203]

Be kind, be safe and take care of yourself. Have a great day

[@mellttabor2134]

I love the last story about the guy who wanted to propose at SOMEONE ELSES WEDDING! He wanted to upset her wedding plans so she upset his selfish plan to propose. He thought she wouldn’t DARE to uninvited him and she DARED( good for you!). His marriage will be a success because he will marry a girl who sticks up for him even when he’s being an entitled thoughtless jerk.( that’s a good trait in a spouse)…… AND FINALLY we are all glad to know that after this couple spends a ton of money on their special day they both will not mind in the least for anyone OR. Everyone to stand up and propose marriage to their dates!!!! Let’s hope all the toast at their wedding are laced with proposals and birth announcements!!! Lol

[@impagain]

Okay, she made TWO MEALS for him, and he's out here saying she has no co sideration for her??? Throw the whole man out until he learns some gd respect!

[@CircusoftheMoon]

If you want to propose at someone else’s wedding, then you better be ready to cough up at least half the wedding costs for venue, food, and drinks.