I Told Fiancé I Don't Want His 11 Year Old Daughter To Live With Us

[@amywilson9591]

I don’t care if you’re a touchy person someone says they’re uncomfortable then you stop

[@heathermcdougall2399]

I really hate being touched by anyone, other than my husband. Always hated it. Loathe being hugged too. Literally scream when mad, crazy, touchy-feely people come anywhere near me, and thus, they back off - always!

[@mr.madness7577]

@Gi Gi Yeah. I'm a touchy person, that's way to far. I'm more into hugging and hand shakes. That's more of an intimate relationship not something done amongst friends.

[@lynnw7155]

I wonder how the boyfriend handled it. It sounds like he should have said something sooner...saying nothing may have led her to think it was OK. Did he wait too long, then blow up at her, or try to tell her reasonably that she made him uncomfortable? I don't like touchy people, either, but most people will keep their hands to themselves if you ask. If she wouldn't, out she goes!

[@CherryFlavoredFox0180]

Why would it be weird to ask for your child’s input on having more kids?

[@mr.madness7577]

@Gi Gi Yeah

[@mayurakshimukherjee7948]

Tittle story : Just donot marry the dude, if he thought about how much his daughter was hurting you specially your work life, he would have disciplined her, taken her to therapy anything to change her behaviour. This behaviour will not change after marriage. But no you can not just remove a child from their parents life, unless that said parent is harming the child.

[@carolsimpson4422]

I was especially annoyed when he told op to "try to understand " why the girl is acting like this. Seems pretty clear to me- its because dad sets no boundaries.

[@TsukiKageTora]

I would have seen the major red flag of “oh my daughter tried to badmouth you to professional contacts and deleted them when stealing your phone? Well she’s just upset over the divorce” Uh what? No you punish your brat if you love your fiancé enough.

[@gaaraxnaru]

@@TsukiKageTora Not just punish, get her some therapy, because you love your daughter as well.

[@WatsonAndDaughter]

And if he was at all concerned about how his daughter felt, he wouldn't have gotten married a year later. OP is a bad husband AND a bad father.

[@mayurakshimukherjee7948]

@@WatsonAndDaughter he is not married yet, but started dating a yr after the divorce

[@AnimeLover-iy5bv]

The "they're tiny!" When talking about 6 year olds was the most adorable thing ever

[@AngelaMerici12]

Indeed ☺️✌️!

[@Thatgirl96.]

The only thing I was allowed to do at that age was break eggs and mix the bowl 😂

[@suzyhomesteader2454]

Yes they're tiny little bundles of dynamite lol. My youngest is about to turn 7. Mine are allowed to cut things with me watching like a hawk, and mix things. No actual cooking even though they really want to. They will be allowed to after they show responsibility, and awareness of the danger.

[@program.gender_notfound761]

Whoa whoa whoa wait In the 2nd story did the grandmother tell a 6 year old little girl that no one will want to marry her??? She's six! That's beyond creepy op is NTA 1,000%

[@peggin169]

When I was about the same age, my grandmother told me I had to learn how to cook because someday my husband would want me to cook for him. My mother, however, was very big on teaching us to stand up for ourselves, so little 6 year old me told my grandmother that IF I ever got married, I'd expect my husband to cook at least half the time, or he wouldn't eat half the time. My grandmother was horrified, but my mother thought it was hilarious. (Of course, this was 40+ years ago, so that attitude coming from the grandmother is even more creepy and inappropriate now than it was back then.)

[@pokefan213]

"I'm touchy like this with EVERYONE" "Not me? you're cold and distant with me?" excuse instantly falls through with that lol

[@ineedhoez]

😂😂😂

[@ItsYaBoiV]

I really hate that "I'm like this with everyone, so you need to just accept it" mentality. I'm very touchy-feely, I love hugs and platonic cuddling, etc. but I have enough sense to know that others don't like that. You do that with close friends or partners who are equally snuggly people, and that's it.

[@brigzbeebroadcasting2870]

Story 1: oh no... oh thank god the boyfriend was uncomfortable. Clearly she doesn't do this to everyone because she didnt do it to OP, and yeah you dont touch people who dont want to be touched. I totally agree with the first commenter, the double standards are crazy and I feel so terrible for the boyfriend thinking he wouldn't be believed or taken seriously.

[@taarnarae6343]

Call me an overprotective lady, but if any female were to do ANY of those things to my fiance they'd be out of my house so fast, and I would hope my fiance would do the same for me. Like call me clingy but sitting between a couple during a movie and then getting all close and weird like that with the guy....oh hell no. Would not slide for me. There are intentions behind those actions. But I'm also pregnant right now so maybe I just feel extra protective now because of that lol.

[@brigzbeebroadcasting2870]

@@taarnarae6343 haha yeah she definitely took it too far. I would have snapped once she started feeling him up.

[@taarnarae6343]

@@brigzbeebroadcasting2870 right?!?!? Like no one touches my man but me and his mama. I feel so bad that the OP even considered that she (and her man) were the assholes here.

[@heathermcdougall2399]

@@taarnarae6343 I wonder why it went on so long? As a tough, 1st wave feminist, I would buy a comfy chair in the corner and that would be "her" special chair, which she MUST sit in. If you touch my man, you get chased with the rolling pin by me, or the cast iron frying pan, and yes, I will hit you.MY man, MY territory (house/flat) MY rules. Do you really want to Google the nearest women's homeless shelter?

[@brigzbeebroadcasting2870]

@@heathermcdougall2399 hahaha it probably went on for so long because OP and her boyfriend seem to self doubt a lot.

[@chrisspears9937]

Story 4 Red flags all around. The daughter won't change due to her mom. personally I would leave and get on with life. They all are not thinking about what you are going through only of the kid. Get out and find a man that will love you and live a good life.

[@maheenahmed6653]

Story 4: Leave him. That’s the solution. Fiancé isn’t doing anything so why stick around?

[@enkiimuto1041]

It baffles me how she wants to marry him and expect that maybe her children will be parented the same way

[@sophiahumphrey4686]

I agree!

[@TheArmyOfGoats]

If I was outside and saw a child with a chainsaw... I would instantly think the Children of the Corn curse kicked in and “He who walks behind the rows” is coming... and I would run

[@13thMaiden]

But you are an army of goats, why are you scared of children of the corn? They only go after adult humans, not goats.

[@ChasehaWing]

Fair reaction. Good instincts.

[@TheArmyOfGoats]

@@13thMaiden lol, true.. We should start having training drills on how to handle the children of the corn... it’ll take away from planning on taking over the world.. but better safe than sorry

[@13thMaiden]

@@TheArmyOfGoats It's not too much of a divert, you'd still be practicing against younger humans, which inevitably will attempt to take the battlefield when the goats try to rise up. Honestly it works as a double training in my books. ~shrug~

[@jessicaable5095]

Story 4: I wouldn't expect him to get rid of the daughter. I'd expect him to parent his child. The man doesn't sound like he wants to make the effort to call the kid out for her behaviour. It's been 3 years since the divorce, and her parents splitting had nothing to do with OP. If she's acting up because she doesn't want to share her dad, then he needs to call her out on that too. It's not behaviour you should ignore as a faze, because that faze is actively hurting OP. OP shouldn't immediately aim to get rid of the daughter, and should start calling the dad out on his behaviour (or lack of behaviour rather) ETA

[@redtailarts101]

As a child with divorced parents (Dad left when I was 8) I can understand the daughter. It's not about whether or not she wants to share her dad. I held onto hope for 3 years that someday my Dad would come around and get back with my Mom. I've accepted by now that they're never gonna get back together, but if either of them got a SO when I was 9 or 10, I'd be upset about it. I would harbor negative feelings for the SO because they were obstructing my parents remarrying. It's only been a year since the divorce, so the Dad needs to step up and talk to his daughter. She has nobody to talk to about her feelings, and if he just spoke with her, she could get it off her chest and the right conversations could ensue. But I need to emphasize that he shouldn't approach her by ridiculing her, because that is gonna close her off. He needs her to be open with him. And while yes, he is right about her needing time, the mother in extending it and he is doing nothing to speed it up. I'd have probably stopped holding on to the hope that my family would be whole again if it weren't for my mother also holding onto the same hope that they'd get back together. The kid just needs to be helped, and she's been getting anything but help

[@jessicaable5095]

@@redtailarts101 I'm sorry to hear about you're folks, but I hope you're doing OK now.

[@redtailarts101]

@@jessicaable5095 I am. I have accepted that they won't get back with each other (and don't even want that anymore). I just wanted to provide some insight on how the daughter likely feels, since I know how it feels. The Mom needs to stop feeding the hope and the Dad needs to talk to his daughter.

[@ceciliacalvin9469]

Story 2: teaching self sufficiency is a good thing, but teaching sexism is not.

[@jasperj.d.g.4147]

But cutting wood and cooking with hot pans without guidance at 6 and 9 years old? Don't think that's teaching self sufficiency.

[@ceciliacalvin9469]

@@jasperj.d.g.4147 true. I was speaking a general sense.

[@RudesMom]

@@jasperj.d.g.4147 More like setting these poor kids up to get junior Darwin Awards. Keep the kids out the grandparent orbit.

[@velentr]

I don't understand; they "teach" independence yet now they need _help_ ? Practice what you preach oldtimers.

[@bunnyslippers191]

The song for the babies story: Since the daughter's mother is the one who actually wrote most of the song, the new wife can write the new song for the new babies and OP can sing it.

[@analyticmoviereviews101]

I was about to say this. Have her write a song and have him sing it to the twins so they won't feel left out. I think that's not only a sweet idea, but a fair one. It's not fair for him not to be able to sing the song that is his and his daughter's thing. I think that's unreasonable.

[@theblackKatKuro]

Although the OP keeps saying the song was mostly written by his ex and he only sings it for his daughter, he never said he asked the fiancee to write one if she wants and he'll sing it. This shows his resistance to the thought of having a song for the twins altogether. He simply doesn't want to have a song for the twins. It could have been a good activity for the fiancee to do while she is pregnant but instead she has to hear both her family anf her fiance rant it out to her, causing ber unnecessary stress. But he doesn't want to do that so the fiancee gave up and put a boundary to not have him sing the song infront of the twins which imo is a ticking timebomb bc all it'll take is one person mentionting it and them overhearing for that bubble to burst. That will feel like an even bigger betrayal. But he doesn't want that either. He seems to be the type to have a cake and eat it too in this situation.

[@meganconway8357]

Story 2: MIL teaching 'independence' but OP moved back to the states to help her and her husband because they cant be independent? NTA 😂

[@Mewse1203]

Sounds like the daughter thought, or thinks, that there's a possibility of mom and dad getting back together and blames OP for it not happening. Dad needs to sit down and talk with her and let her know why him and Mom aren't together and make sure she understands that that's never going to happen.

[@marist6734]

If that girl in the first story is super touchy with everyone, then why doesn't she do that touchy behavior towards the girlfriend. I always hated that "it's okay because they do that to everyone" argument. The girlfriend might as well copy that behavior towards that "friend" Kate and see how she likes it because it's okay, she does it to everyone.😝😝😝

[@niyablake]

It's BS .

[@beliciapinkrah3919]

Honestly I am touchy but if someone says stop I will stop immediately

[@fangchick93]

@@beliciapinkrah3919 same

[@mordeys]

she was DIFFERENTLY trying to cut herself off a piece of him... if he said anything she was gonna say he forced me or whatever bs these types do. nta....by any stretch.

[@mordeys]

if the children in the second story had been raised to do theses chores and the safety requirements of it i can see having a 16 yr old out cutting wood. and a12 year old fixing dinner, regardless of gender. but not so young and without the years of training and education you give young ppl before you have them do that. i am a huge proponent of teaching independence and life skills to all my children, again regardless of gender. my sons can all cook great and my daughter can get in the middle of working on an engine. but you just don't throw little ones with no education in and then to berate them. especially not something so dangerous as a chainsaw..seriously wtf

[@ttrev007]

from what it sounds like the song was written by the late wife. the family should not be badgering him to write a song.

[@heathermcdougall2399]

I wish I could help. I'm an ex-professional musician, and have at least 3 wonderful songs I created for my own children. Short and simple, yet so affirming and suits both boys and girls. A totally different special short song is a good idea, for the new twins. I'll post later the lyrics of one of the most successful.

[@worldwideugly3753]

@@heathermcdougall2399 no one cares

[@shadowscall7758]

Yes, but can you imagine what the twins are going to feel growing up knowing that their Dad has a special song he sings with his daughter, but he doesn't have anything special he does with either of them?

[@megcourt7291]

Don’t listen to the other comment because I care Heather. I bet your songs Sound beautiful and your children adore an appreciate them. I’d love it if you post the lyrics

[@Tyanna01]

Story 4: I get the feeling this has been going on since the beginning, and OP has asked her fiance to correct the daughter's behaviour. I also get the feeling that OP's fiance has told her she can't parent/discipline the child meaning she has no way to correct the behaviour on her own. While OP's question came out badly, I understand what she's asking of her fiance. He needs to choose either his relationship with OP, by standing up for her, his fiance, or the current relationship with his daughter, where she can do no wrong and just working through stuff and he doesn't want to rock the boat for fear she'll hate him. Something's gotta give, and by the sounds of it, OP's fiance has made his choice....

[@Passions5555]

Yeah, I was pissed by the replies on reddit toward OP.

[@cosnime]

agreed if op's fiance doesnt change and stop his child from acting up things may get worse how long till his daughter starts bulling students will he also defend her what excuse will he use

[@thefriendlyfool]

Yeah it's insane how they're all either "ESH" and "YTA" when OP's been trying for basically two years. The daughter has very very big issues that the fiance is leaving unaddressed, such as theft and trying to actively harm OP's career and ability to have an income in OP's chosen field of work. The Ex of the Fiance is no doubt encouraging this and the fiance is just allowing this to stew and get worse over time with the lack of repercussions for the child. 11 is definitely and age where, whilst you're not considered an adult of course, one can easily learn the differences between right and wrong. Heck, OP doesn't want to even take the Ex's place as a mother figure and has stressed that. The daughter and Ex are just bonkers (yeah I know I'm saying that about an 11 year old but she is legit acting insane due to how no one bar OP is attempting to address her behavior). Kid needs MAJOR therapy and OP needs to head for the hills due to all the Red Flags from the Fiance if this is going to be the future of their life as a "family".

[@heathermiller5765]

I thought it was just me feeling this way. I'm like, "Just leave his ass. Not even worth it"

[@vancomycinb]

I get the feeling that Dad is marrying the woman he had been cheating on his wife (his daughter's mother) with. Kid is justifiably resentful.

[@Misspellednumbers]

That's a strong double standard for the first story. Kate acts coldly with OP, but is very intimate and touchy with OP's boyfriend. When BF asks her to stop, Kate gets mad? Yeah no, she's not being "touchy with everyone." Otherwise she would've done it to both of them AND stopped when asked. She knows what she's doing. NTA.

[@thatwitchychick2717]

If you're planning on marrying someone and one of your conditions is that their child has to go, for any reason, you shouldn't at all marry that person. People seem to act like that's an option for some reason. Children should always come before a new relationship when they were there first.

[@kaedatiger]

And they should always be the priority to the parent, at least until they reach adulthood.

[@danteblack1141]

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!!! anyone who thinks their new partner should give up their kid shouldnt have kids of their own by that standard

[@funwithcoding2818]

Yeah, still think it’s ESH, but op is definitely the bottom of the ladder here

[@ne1745]

Re story 3: I wonder if the fiancée (and her parents) even realize that the poor girl has to go through life without her mother. That’s the only thing she has left and they won’t even let her have that? The fiancée is TA imo.

[@xTwilightWolvesx]

I think the fiancée has valid concerns about the twins thinking their older sister is being favourited, especially when they’re too young to know about her mother’s death. I think what the fiancée’s asking for is a reasonable compromise.

[@patrimcauthon478]

I think it would be a bonding experience for the dad and the daughter to sing the song to the twins together.

[@yvieoluoch66]

@@xTwilightWolvesx One: twins haven't been born yet. Two: By the time they realise what is happening, it depends on the fiancee. If she's a witch, she'll be snarky and tell them 'daddy doesn't want to sing a song for you or that one' in some way or other, or if she's a good mom she'll say, 'that is sister and her mum's song. She sings it to remember her mum' but no one ever really wants to handle the depth of loss and what it means. All anyone wants is smooth sailing and happy days but without preparing anyone to learn to accept the truth.

[@yvieoluoch66]

@@patrimcauthon478 And it would destroy the girl. She's involved in this family, as the father has explained, and after accepting and being happy to be involved, now she's being told to share hers and her mother's song? It shows a lack of respect for this child's background, loss, and fight for a future. But... not yet there. When the twins are born, we don't know how the fiancee will treat the girl. We don't know if she's a witch or kind now, or if there's some concerns that have been swept under the carpet. It's still early to tell and too early to demand sharing that song with the children.

[@bgcorporation]

@@xTwilightWolvesx I don't because then they are choosing the twins over her. I think the two should think of what to do for the twins. Like what most of the comments said, find something unique for each twin (not just 1 thing for both). That way everyone has something unique to them.

[@bubbles9287]

Who knows? Maybe when the twins are older, they can hear the story behind the song, maybe learn the words and help her sing it because every Mom is important. OPs daughter might enjoy that. Maybe try to combine, instead of having such an obvious split in the family. If not, OP can always have something special for each child. NSH.

[@ttrev007]

Asking a parent to give their child is absolute evil. The only question she should be making is if she can tolerate the daughter or not. If not then she needs to leave the relationship.

[@MrJpaynebb]

She's not evil just extremely frustrated with the disrespect and lack of support from the fiance. It's a package deal and he's not giving up his child. OP you need to talk to your fiance and let him know that her behavior is totally unacceptable and he needs to step up as her father to get her help and correct her behavior. She got anger issues from the divorce and her mom is not helping matters by encouraging her bad behavior. Let him know whether you stay together or not that if he doesn't get his daughter's behavior under control and her some help that he won't be able to have any romantic relationships in the foreseeable future. He needs to get her help not just for her sakes but his own.

[@yourstepmother8109]

@Keys andFood it's very reasonable. If she doesn't want the child in her life, she leaves the father. Not reasonable to try to get rid of the child, no matter how many problems she has.

[@cherilynlarsen8104]

Second story: Those parents have age inappropriate expectations of the grandkids (which is typical of parents in dysfunctional familie). Your mistake was to move next to them to care for them, and expecting that they would stop habitual abusive behavior by talking to them. They won't change. So, don't leave your children alone with your in laws, and teach your children that their grandparents have a way of interacting with people that you disagree with and they don't have to feel guilty about not doing what grandparents think is correct. Anyone who thinks a 6 year old is mature enough to cook on her own has a screw loose.

[@Mspryce4]

Story 3: NTA. the twins are not even here yet. Things will change once they come and once there bond has been established and there personality comes through I’m sure that special thing with the twins will happen naturally. Story 4: ESH. For all the said reasons. I honestly think she needs to just cut her ties.

[@dragonriderabens9761]

Story 2 “You’re raising your kids to be entitled snowflakes” Pot, kettle on line one NTA

[@reptiles3244]

Not really

[@dragonriderabens9761]

@@reptiles3244 while I can see a possible argument on if the parents in snowflakes, they are absolutely, 100% entitled, and acting every bit of it

[@reptiles3244]

@@dragonriderabens9761 they literally aren't in anyway tho they're trying to force the way they raised kids onto their grandkids and daughter in law that's it that's not entitlement

[@sleazybtd]

@@reptiles3244 They're forcing the kids to do stuff for them. In addition, the parents are supposedly trying to teach these kids to be self sufficient and independent while at the same time, the OP only moved to be near them because the grandparents needed someone to take care of them, which is the opposite of being self sufficient and independent.

[@reptiles3244]

@@sleazybtd they're teaching them to be self sufficient until the world seems you unfit and unable to work or in grandpa's case you are too sick to work moron

[@Cottontailart]

Do her friends know her full extent she’s been touching the bf? I have a feeling they don’t know half the story

[@paden1865able]

Being touched without their consent is physical harassment, let alone sexual harassment. Male or female, it's just not on. Much love to you and your dad, Mark!

[@TheZombifiedFairy]

Last story: NTA, GIRL RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!! That brat/hellspawn will ruin your life if she's in the same space as you and she's "daddy's little princess", so no punishments.

[@TheZombifiedFairy]

@@youraveragemusicart1491 while I don't agree with her kicking the kid out, it sounds like she's at her wits end with dealing with the tiny tyrant and the spineless servant she calls daddy. Like I said, she needs to run for the hills because its clear that those two don't need a 3rd ring to their circus. Its not on her to get therapy for a child she has no relation to nor relationship with, it is 100% on dad who is already doing a poor job of parenting by the sounds of it

[@Keiji555]

Title Story: Sounds like there's parental alienation syndrome going on, and the father is held by his balls by the ex. He wants a relationship with the daughter, but the mother is setting up the op and her partner for divorce and unhappiness. I would say to tell the husband to go get counseling, and to try to get his daughter into counseling. I'd also advise OP to get her hubby to look into plausible PAS, to see if that is affecting everything. It is a form of abuse, and the mother is the biggest AH in this story. Hubby needs to figure something out, but seems to be in an emotional rock and hard place, and is dismissing the attitude, but he could be indifferent. It's either him being neglectful, or him being stuck, wanting a relationship with the daughter. PAS is done in a way that the other parent cannot discipline, else he or she loses the relationship on grounds of abuse. Daughter needs therapy. She needs space from her mother, else this attitude will become toxic as hell, to everyone, and she'll just end up as a hateful, manipulative rhymes-with-witch. OP is also in a rut. I don't know what kind of situation would be best. Giving hubby an ultimatum can screw over his situation. (Chasing two rabbits) Ultimately, maybe social services need to get involved, and resolve this situation. Else, she needs to leave.

[@catherinetiernan5888]

She is 11 ,a pre tween, she needs to and should know the difference between right and wrong. Her dad needs to talk to her and get her into therapy ASAP. Her dad needs to have your back. They are a package deal,so she will be going nowhere.

[@15oClock]

1. Kate doesn't get personal boundaries if "she does this with everyone". She's going to get on a list one of these days. 2. Aggressive traditional values have no place in modern society. We don't need firewood anymore, but they expect a 9yo to gather it? Unbelievable. 3. Most parents don't make a song for the kids, but if the in-laws want something special for the twins, they figure something out. OP wants to keep something special, but it need not be a song. 4. If you can't live with your partner's kids, just leave the relationship. The kids aren't optional, you are.

[@TheZombifiedFairy]

Or.... make your fiance be a parent to his hellspawn if he wants to be married. She's not optional (child), but she surely can't be allowed to continue being a little shit

[@damionalexander100]

@@TheZombifiedFairy The kid gets therapy, the dude takes a parenting course, boom, sorted. Don't act like it's the kid's fault, the adults around her have the ability to change things.

[@angryretailbanker5103]

"Son, you need to go out there and chop some firewood!" "But we don't have a wood stove." "It doesn't matter! Get out there and chop that firewood!" "But why am I chopping firewood if we have no use for it?" "Because you're a man and it's your manly duty!" That logic must be still imprisoned in Guantanamo Bay based on how tortured it is.

[@HectoGames]

In story 3 i think a very okay way to explain it to the twins would be "you have your mom and dad who love you very much, but your sister doesnt have her mom anymore. All she has is her moms song, and thats why I sing for her"

[@songohan3321]

For story 2, that is the 50s lifestyle. 1650s to be exact where a child was lucky enough to make it to 20 years old.

[@dethkruzer]

Not only would I cut off the in-laws from the second story, I'd probably intentionally sabotage some of the things around the house.

[@mlapointej]

I mean my grandmother did everything for herself when she was 6 years old of course she was homeless and on her own but... the heck is wrong with these people and having small children to do these dangerous things

[@chrispitio7177]

For story 1; If anyone were touching my boyfriend that way, girl or guy, I'd probably deck them immediately, and that goes DOUBLE for if my boyfriend had told me or them that he was uncomfortable with such a situation. This woman did what she needed to do to protect her man's dignity and the integrity of her relationship

[@thislookslikepatrick5070]

S1 NTA she should've apologized as soon as he said she was making him uncomfortable. S4 ESH the daughter clearly doesn't know what a homewrecker is and if the ex doesn't hide the fact she hates you shes obviously getting it from her. He sucks for not, you know parenting his child and you for trying to just throw a child away.

[@standinthegsp6858]

The dad needs to put his foot down & tell his daughter unequivocally that, if her mom said Op broke up the marriage, mom lied. If mom is the adulteress dad needs to tell his daughter. The daughter’s behavior demands the bald truth! He needs to make the mom stop poisoning the daughter. Daughter needs therapy. Op, I think you should break it off with him. He’s making excuses & condoning what his daughter & her mom are doing by not putting his foot down.

[@jacquiethebibliophil]

Story II could have been my childhood. My mother, with no teaching, was expected me to start cooking and keeping house when I was in third grade and my sister moved out. Yes I was criticized and punished when the food wasn't good enough; yet, they never "taught me just harshly insulted and punished. I had no childhood after my sister left...no birthdays, etc. The teachers asked about burns and bruises but never intervened. Thank G-d you are intervening. This is beyond old fashioned ways, in say the 1950s or '60s when I was young, you taught your daughter to cook and sew, thinking that was her life, because back then it well could be. But this--just throw them into it--is abuse.

[@kaedatiger]

I was born in '90. My younger sis and I were tasked with all of the housework and some of the cooking since I was 8. Our entire weekend every week was cleaning. And allowance was $1 even as teenagers, so we never bothered asking. I'd never dump all that responsibility on a kid that young, although of course I'd teach them how to do everything they need to live on their own, including light sewing.

[@ComaLies225]

Story 3: To be honest, If I came home to my 6 year old having a burn on her arm I would have flipped my shit. I'm surprised OP was calm enough to deal with them right then and there

[@TarisLuna]

The story with the daughter: DO NOT MARRY HIM UNTIL YOU ALL GET INTO THERAPY AND GET THE ISSUES RESOLVED!!!!!

[@Laylilay]

Story one: She is like this with everyone. No, she is not. She is obviously not like this with the OP, or OP would not have been so confused

[@sophiahumphrey4686]

Story 1: She was right to kick her out. She does not care about boundaries. Story 4: OP should leave him because the child is doing malicious things to her. Insulting her contacts, and throwing away her check should have been handled by her dad. He is not being a parent. Where is the discipline?! This is a very toxic relationship.

[@ahoneyman]

Even in the wild 1950's 9 year olds weren't using chain saws unsupervised.

[@lindacarrasco7679]

Being touchy doesn’t excuse making anyone uncomfortable

[@andrewalexander9492]

For the woman engaged to the guy with the 11 year old daughter, She needs to not marry him until there's solid evidence that this is resolved. Or maybe just not at all. I'm skeptical it will ever be resolved, father seems like he's refusing to recognize the seriousness of the problem, but even if he *does* decide to recognize it and try to work things out, it sound like the Mother is there to sabotage any improvement.

[@yobabycolin2933]

If I were OP for story 2, I would go no contact. I mean, the grandma didn't even show concern after her grand-daughter got burned!

[@jenmalcom7004]

Last story: call off the wedding.

[@UncleMikeDrop]

If I found myself in a situation where my choices were live with friends or be homeless, those friends would have the best impromptu Butler I could be.

[@kaedatiger]

I had to couch surf with some friends recently. Did their dishes, which was literally the only dirty thing in the whole place.

[@Jen321able]

1st story: It's funny how the friends all have personal reasons for not letting Kate stay with them, but OP and bf's reasons are not valid. Especially when the reason is making bf uncomfortable. 4th story: Yeah ESH. But I say the fiancé is the real issue for not even backing up OP and not even disciplining his daughter. He thinks it will just go away or that his fiancé will just get over it. He sounds like an AH.

[@CrystallynRose]

That "I'm touchy with everyone" line is total BS. She was obviously trying to edge in on OP's BF when she was sitting between them. That's not just being touchy. As the third wheel I would never just plop myself down between a couple.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Yeah i agree! That's the excuse ALL creeps male or female use. It's disgusting. She was never a friend.

[@LilChuunosuke]

Story 1: I'm a touchy, affectionate teddy bear of a person, but consent is extremely important. I don't even hug my friends, hold their hand, or put my arm over their shoulder without making sure it's okay. NTA.

[@UncleMikeDrop]

Something just popped into my head. How adorable would it be if the deep daughter tried coming up with a song for the twins?

[@linzi9814]

I wouldn't let my almost 9 year old daughter take a red hot pan out of the oven, nevermind when she was only 6! wtf is wrong these people!

[@signespencer6887]

Story 2- the grandparents are doing things that could get CPS called on them

[@standinthegsp6858]

No where else to go??!! She can go live with the other friends. She was asked to stop touching him & she didn’t-- that’s sexual assault.

[@BushidoBrownSama]

Grandma to 6 yr old: you're food is bland! This ain't a cooking competition lmao!

[@JJerseyGirl]

The fiance and the 11-year-old daughter is a package deal. If you can't accept his daughter you need to end the relationship.

[@annac777]

Title story: The ex sucks for poisoning the daughter's mind, the dad sucks for not disciplining her, and OP sucks for trying to kick her out of their lives alll together. Plain and simple, I would tell the dad "either you get her therapy and we get family therapy, or we're not getting married at all".

[@julieeverett7442]

yep

[@H.P._Lovecrafts_Beloved_Cat]

I heard story 3 before, but I didn’t notice that OP included his daughter’s input about having another child. I know someone said it was weird that she had any say, but I think that’s great. Children’s feelings are valid even if they’re young. It’s her home too, having more children is something that needs to be brought up and discussed with her. Also NTA. I only say that because the family is really being pushy here.

[@alicewilloughby4318]

FirstStory: Who the hell gives even an axe, let alone a chainsaw, to a nine-year-old and sends them out to cut wood unsupervised?! Who makes a six-year-old cook and bake without a lot of supervision?! This isn't just 1950's thinking, this is CPS level neglect/abuse!

[@iwantsifegold]

Tell him straight up if he can’t grow a spine and hold your child accountable for her actions.

[@UncleMikeDrop]

It is unreasonable to expect the ansei to kick out his daughter in favor of future 2nd wife, but if the father cannot or will not address the child's behavior, a clean break seems like the healthiest option for OP, the 10 year old, and the Fiance'. Sometimes, there are no good choices.

[@annhans3535]

The last story: Please don't marry that man. His child comes with him and if you two hate each other, can't get along and dad can't parent then the marriage is doomed.

[@kaedatiger]

💯

[@janabug68]

"Ah yes, you're six and nine! Take dangerously hot things out if the oven and use a dangerous tool!"

[@DarkAngel65989]

Story 1:OP is not the Ah, even the bf's was feeling uncomfortable. This is their house not Kate and despite OP and her bf's telling Kate to stop, she continue and the friends that sided with Kate, have them take her in. Story 2: OP is not the Ah, the in-laws are still living and thinking as if it's the 50s and 60s. I'm glad OP and her family left them and they should ignore and not bother with SiLs, they sound entitled and toxics. Story 3:OP is not the Ah, in-law are the ah and should mind their business, this is something OP and his daughter have in order to be close to the mother and now expected to not sing/listen to their song all because the new baby won't have a song form them to me this make them entitled. The wife do have point instead of a wife, what can the wife and that will be the special things the twin have. Story 4: ESH OP and her fiance need to get on the same page, the fiance should do more with his daughter behavior maybe therpy and as for OP, the fiance shouldn't give up on his kid and take her away because of her behavior, when OP get marry to him the daughter will be part of her live.

[@LYBASHA]

Ask the 11 year old daughter after the twins are born if she would like to pick a song for the twins.

[@KaleidoAbridged]

When I heard: We have 9 male and 6 female children, I was like: mmm, that's a bit much.

[@scruffblackie]

Being touchy does not excuse one unwanted touch or refusal to change your behaviour after it's been explained that it's making someone uncomfortable.

[@carolcarol9982]

Those friends of yours: "Let her touch him, she's a touchy person, that's what she does". "But my bf said 'No'". "Oh, he's just too sensitive". Seriously, you tell someone to stop touching, that someone had damned well better stop touching, I don't care if "That's just how they are".

[@smokingsoilder]

1st story NTA- BF and RM both are guilty- boundaries should have been established, she is overly flirtatious and boyfriend is did nothing to stop it the first time. 2nd Story- NTA- grandparents need boundaries! If they are disrespectful to the parents then they don't need to be around kids. 3rd story- NAH- Fiance's family is not who OP is engaged to. OP can do something else. Daughter needs validity in her memories and emotions. 4th Story- ESH- OP is insecure and jealous, the 11yr old is too. Fiance needs to address this to his daughter. OP does not get a husband without his child. Therapy and scheduling NEEDS to happen.

[@martinprochazka3714]

After listening to the 4th story I finally understand why so many marriages end in divorce...

[@mbyerly9680]

I'd shove the abusive grandparents into a nursing home and send the bill to the siblings who think they know best, then I'd go back overseas.

[@FilterExel]

Story 2 sounds like a case of early dementia imo. Here, I think the main issue is that these old people don't (or no longer) understand the limitations of kids that age. If the girl was 10 and the boy was 14 or so, sure, they might actually have a point, because kids that age *could* do those things if they knew how. However, a 9 year old boy with noodle arms isn't gonna be swinging an axe for long and a girl who can barely do basic math isn't gonna be such a great cook. I don't know what they were expecting. Maybe they're just confused that because _some_ kids their age did stuff like that when they were little that it's completely normal. It's not. Usually when that sort of stuff happened, the father was off fighting a war or some such.

[@UncleMikeDrop]

Everyone else still needs to study the boat that the friend is rocking. It's just that the most efficient way to steady the boat is to toss her overboard.😜

[@catmintdragon2215]

I A SIX YEAR OLD?? They expected a six year old to cook lunch for everyone? A six year old should be making brownies with mom in the background, not lunch for everyone holy crap

[@tjcarlson9749]

"She's just a touchy person." Funny, the OP didn't mention free massages or inner thigh caresses from the "friend."

[@WatsonAndDaughter]

For the last one, this kid has barely had her family split for a year. A YEAR. They say you should wait at least half the time you spend in a relationship to fully recover. This kid has known this family all of her life, and her parent is remarrying barely a year later. If husband cared about OP, he would deal with his kid. If husband cared about the kid, he wouldn't be marrying OP or he would deal with his kid. God this one is so awful I can't even.

[@saffronnie3969]

I remember a kids cooking show (Don't remember the name tho) And the guy always said get an ADULT to help you because the oven is HOT. Hmmm... Wonder why that is? Maybe because small children shouldn't be cooking alone, or touching the hot stuff? Maybe that could be it! HMMMMMMMMMMM! (That woman is crazy. Making a 6 year old cook..)

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

If Kate was "just a touchy person" she would be touching the girlfriend just as much and being just as friendly. It's pretty dang clear what's really going on here.

[@Spyrika]

Story 1- ESH because you can't ILLEGALLY throw someone out irregardless of what they've done, once there for 30 days you HAVE to evict them with written notice. What she should have done is call the police and make a report in regards to the molestation, then given her a written notice to get out. Not basically say "we're accusing you of a crime, but won't report it if you get out" that's a manipulative threat if I've ever seen one. If she thinks this issue is that serious that they're uncomfortable in their own home, then they NEED to go to the police. If it's not that serious, than why do it in this way? They can take the time to evict her.

[@lrock48]

There is no such thing as a touchy person. No means no.

[@justine8387]

She is not touching her woman friends like this. It's a total BS excuse to be a creeper.

[@EfaEfaBanefa]

1st story:NTA 2nd story:NTA what the hell is wrong with the fil and mil?? 3rd story:NAH. i agree with everything mark said 4th story:ESH. the kid needs serious help and maybe therapy. OP cant just expect fiance to throw the kid out. what the hell- fiance sucks because he's just ignoring the kid's behavior. i think fiance's ex has forced her hatred to OP on the kid

[@Keiji555]

Agreed all the way. Last one sound like there's PAS involved, and OP can't do anything. She can try to report it to CAS, but it's dicey. Some branches don't look into the case when the stepmother is involved. And if this is the case, then father can't do anything. The slightest scolding, even if mild, could screw the entire relationship over, and he is ending up with higher child support pay, and no contact with her, breaking his heart. This sounds like it's the case. CAS should get involved, as there's clear abuse going on.

[@SomeOrdinaryJanitor]

hate me for it, but not the asshole, its extreme to say that, but make adult decisions, suffer the consequences.

[@yellowishgreendragon.-.]

Story 4. Don't get married. If he isn't willing to reason and talk to his child. Then it's going to stay that way. OP will be the one who needs to leave. If she can't take it then she should leave. She can't force her finance to abandon his child, just because she doesn't like it.

[@Mamaaudri]

My husband was raised by already old people when he was adopted. His step dad after his adopted dad died made him chop firewood at 6, and his thumb was permanently damaged. It's much smaller than the other one. Hell no is that okay to make a kid do.

[@fangchick93]

I'm a "touchy" person with my friends and family but if they say they're uncomfortable I back off. I give hugs, of course not now, but only if they're cool with it.

[@milliemaehendrie597]

In story 4, I agree that she should not be marrying a man with kids if she can't deal with her behaviour. Also, I've been watching this channel for about 3 months now and I really do look forward to every video. Honestly, its one of the best parts of my day. Its so funny.

[@DevjKaiser]

Story 4: LEAVE. He’s not parenting his kid it’ll only get worse if you marry. He’s a packaged deal with his daughter. Leave that package at the door, return to sender. Don’t accept it. 11 year old throwing away a check? Kid would find out my hands are rated E for everyone.😅

[@josefineandersen2165]

story 2. sexist is one thing, but they are kids, a six your should not be touching a hot own. wtf is that. you should cut contact with those people, not because they are sexist, though its a good enough reason, but because they already have put your child in danger

[@micaeladoctorovich4882]

I'm going to go against the flow in Story 4. If the father doesn't discipline the daughter then OP is entitled to not want her in her house. Nothing, not even age, justifies the way that brat has been treating OP

[@philwill0123]

Same. Fact is this is something her partner and partners ex need to sort out. Not OP. OPs partner is trash.

[@MrSophire]

So if your father kicked you out because his new wife didn’t like you that would be ok. Good to know. Glad you’re not a mom or dad.

[@atomic747]

@@MrSophire or they can both leave

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Story 1: I call BS immediately. If she was like this with everyone then OP should've gotten the same treatment. Instead she became cold to her and instead directed her attention to OP's husband. They welcomed her into their house and she decides to become a homewrecker? Story 3: find something special with the twins, that will make them just as happy as your daughter with her mother's song. Like a story that OP and fiance can build upon over the years. "Once upon a time..." Story 4: OP can ask fiance to give his daughter an attitude adjustment. All OP can do is stick it out, and show she is there for the daughter.

[@AkaneTenshi]

Story 1: NTA. Did nobody pick up on the fact that she was being cold to OP while getting touchy-feely with her BF? That's not being a 'touchy-feely' kind of person, that's blatant flirting. She was trying to steal her boyfriend right out from under her, & was so brazen about it that she was doing it right in front of her.

[@kaedatiger]

Touching someone without permission (sexual or not) is the literal definition of molestation. I'd be wary of the friends who don't see this as a problem.

[@barbaraunderwood1762]

The fiancé needed to put a stop the first time his daughter started her behavior. He is n denial about his child , making excuses for the daughter. I would not marry this man. Its obvious that she will continue her behavior & will always get away with it. I would not trust her around future babies. She needs help. Run

[@melissareid640]

Your friends can take her in. - NTA. Bye former friend! Don't let the door hit you!

[@steven200023]

A 6 year old use a oven I couldn’t even use a microwave until I was 8 let alone a oven

[@0michelleki020]

Story 1 is a classical case of sexual harassment, if not assault, i'd report her to the police.

[@virginiarobertson9968]

The story about the 11 year old. The dad needs to discipline her or send her to the moms til she can behave.

[@sakuraogami6885]

Yep! Just abandon her till she acts like a pretty princess! Because you’re too fucking lazy to parent. You do realize mom most likely ENCOURAGES the behavior correct? Which sending the child to her will make WORSE?

[@anonymousartist80]

Sending her away isn't going to fix the problem, what will help is sitting everyone down and discussing their feelings about the situation and helping each other understand the other's pov.

[@kaedatiger]

He should get her into counseling and put a stop to her petty behavior. And OP should walk away if he doesn't instead of trying to separate a parent and child.