If You're AFRAID You Won't Find Love. . .

[@ajem6068]

You know what's even more hurtful? When you are so hungry for love that you fall in love with the potential ... you've seen little interest towards you and you engage emotionally with the wrong person...

[@kuveshgovender3115]

💔 I understand...I just wish they did as well

[@Remo1147]

That’s where I’m at right now, lord help me

[@racheltillier6819]

Im right there with you

[@anca0302]

Trueeeee Been there many times 😅

[@fujidenzo_kid4147]

damn

[@joshb7326]

32 years old, never had a relationship, it has been difficult watching ppl around me develop their relationships feeling like I'm broken. This video describes the feeling well

[@larryshipper8070]

❤❤❤

[@justcharles7429]

Shit bro in my mind you’re a step ahead of most of us. We all rush into relationships believing others supposed to be our “better half” not even question what that phrase implies. Cherish your time with yourself man frfr you’re freer than most in your solitude. You can make those distinctions between yours and theirs and what it means to build a relationship together. Check out 8 rules of love jay shetty And how to be love(d) humblethepoet I think it may resonate

[@souldancersbyjennifer]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this kind of pain. I too resonate with this video so much. The pain runs deep... But what I can feel is blocking relationships in the present times are we're not embracing of our primal feminine or masculine energies enough... Myself included... Women being too masculine, men being too feminine (not the same as being vulnerable or emotionally in tune, it's more complicated than that)... But yea...I think we are making ourselves less attractive to the opposite sex like that...

[@i_Gotcha_]

Im 32, coming off my 2nd break up ever. its painful but im learning about myself more than ever. And I don't regret I ever met her and got to love her. She broke up with me. But she changed my life and made a big impact of my life more than I could ever imagine. I hope you get to experience love because its truly special to share something and companionship with someone because is tough, great, and all the other things altogether. Keep your hope alive and make sure your the best person you can be when that person enters your life.

[@caitlinwhite1955]

Trust me, you’ve saved yourself so much pain.

[@thedrasc1465]

It is a chronic pain. I mostly just keep myself busy, but pretty much cry myself to sleep every night. Then i go back to work the next day and pretend that never happened

[@lanaivanovic5272]

Omg. 😢

[@sre7180]

Same 💔

[@lostvenus]

Same 💔 It's a constant pit in the stomach, a constant feeling that your eyes could well up with tears. It never stops.

[@lanaivanovic5272]

@@lostvenus It's difficult. But we understand each other at least. May it change for you! 💪❤️

[@lostvenus]

@@lanaivanovic5272 and for you too ❤️ may love be right around the corner 😊

[@wildrose12.47]

A person who finds themselves perennially single, who doesn’t seem to meet anyone to date often, tends to internalize a feeling they are a “reject”. We are normal, kind, attractive people who watch everyone else pair off. It grows into a fear that we are unloveable. We must fight the temptation to get sad or feel cheated. We should be open hearted and go places that compatible people will hang out too. It’s hard when you feel like the unicorn who can’t get anyone good. But we might as well be ourselves and keep trying. It comes so easily to most people we know, and it’s not fair. We must persevere to be our best self and not get in a hurry. Make life meaningful.

[@phyllidaacworth5212]

This is exactly how I feel. If I find a man attractive, I can guarantee he's already in a relationship. And I don't want to be with the kind of man who starts conversations with my chest. Practically everyone I know is in a relationship.

[@gabrielavila1580]

I feel the exact same way. I know I'm a good person, I might be attractive, and my intentions are good. Yet, I'm always left behind. Always forgotten, never chosen and it feels awful 🥺

[@antinous87]

The not get in a hurry thing is important for me, as is the raw fact that we might not meet anyone, as life is unfair, there is no great plan and there are no guarantees. I hate when I get told that the universe will deliver... will it? Actually I've experienced a lot of loss in my life, death and abandonment and rejection. I do not see the universe doing anything. Just chaos. Yet amongst all that we have to find individual meaning somewhere. While I feel the clock of my life ticking away, I have to remind myself to keep working to improve myself, to find joy and contentment, to keep my anxiety at bay and that these things take a long time (probably for the rest of my life) and so there isn't a hurry.

[@heather-jk1sj]

​@@gabrielavila1580I know EXACTLY how you feel 😢

[@christianhenry4173]

I knew a lady who thought she would wait for love, she went to heaven never found a husband so please understand we don't have TIME to waste on our hands.

[@dr.garimaschannel]

I am divorced 35 year old and I am literally at the same spot. Relationships and people are so unpredictable. What is a rose today can turn into thorn in a blink of eye.

[@angiebright6831]

You are very correct we are in the same situation my dr hope is very important

[@michaelblower7363]

Indeed. :3 Curveballs galore, life can be. XP

[@i_Gotcha_]

Would you say it’s because this day in age there’s too many options out there for people out there? And people lacking values during a relationship that change so often? Cause I just had this discussion about the current status of dating today. I’m 32 and it’s just a scary time right now to be dating. It’s just truly scary not knowing the true intentions of someone and when things hit the fan people run at the second it happens rather than trying to work things out?

[@michaelblower7363]

@@i_Gotcha_ I think you're right about that. So many options that people have become disposable. 🥺 It's a cruel thing to experience and I'm frightened that it might get worse

[@hallohallona]

My personal antidote to the fear of being alone is the fear to spent my energy and time to/with the wrong person. I better stay alone then.

[@DJ-TimeShift]

I have the same thing. But what makes someone the wrong person?? Its in some way pretty twisted when i thought about it myself.. Because what if my expectations of someone are unrealistic? Nobody will tick off all the boxes. Yet there remains a hope that someone will do eventually.. which probably keeps me from trying with really compatible people... thanks online dating!

[@hallohallona]

Well I always say that I'm not looking for a perfect person, I'm looking for someone who is perfect for me (in most parts). Especially someone unloyal is something I'm fearing. Just dated someone who I had a great connection with (not just chemestry), i was there for him and everything felt so home for me but after a few weeks he turns his back to me and went back to his ex, what hurted me deeply. I need someone loyal (to me!) And someone like this is worth waiting for 🥰 so just looking for the next good feeling that is keeping you from being single is not what I need. I wish for loyalty, connection, safety, growth, love ❤️

[@mohammadmirmiran3547]

It is scary indeed.but,not meeting up people due to be afraid of being lost wouldn't work in the long-term.Conservation may be a good option in case we'll be less likely to be alone

[@THE_CHOAS_ENGINE]

How bad can the wrong person be? I'd settle for the wrong person if they would stay with me forever.

[@marinakrae5505]

​@@THE_CHOAS_ENGINE For some time I had this mindset, but you end up doing so much more for them than them for you, and with time they start to take you for granted... It just ends up hurting so much more being with someone that doesn't love and appreciate you like you deserve, because that means you too don't love yourself like you deserve. Settling never works..

[@kristinej.4182]

After my last break up which was excruciatingly painful and shocking, I remember saying the same thing to my therapist about how I have no hope in ever meeting the “right” person for myself. My mom had lived a very lonely life before she passed away and I felt like I was following in her foot steps. My therapist tried to help me understand that life is about the journey, not the destination. She told me to make a conscious effort to enjoy life even if I did it alone. Well exactly a year later when I found myself loving myself and enjoying life, I met a wonderful man. Didn’t think he was “ the one” at first which told me I was on the right track because my past failed relationships began differently. Anyway, we never know what tomorrow brings so love life and keep the hope.

[@JulianKeniryGreen]

Lovely!

[@jeffluehrs4400]

Great advice! My therapist told me much the same thing. I’m doing that now and I am striving to be happy with just myself and my passions and my dog.

[@kristinej.4182]

@@jeffluehrs4400 Good for you! 👍🏻 Wishing you the best in life. ✨

[@sportsport1654]

❤

[@anamariawolfie]

How old are you if I may ask?

[@Thebizcussion]

Audrey makes a great point. It’s scary to want it but not have it. It’s even scarier to want it more than anything, because not finding it makes you feel incomplete, even if you have everything else going for you. I’m so glad she found it with Mathew, it gives me hope.

[@archana969]

This resonated so much with me .. Like this constant pang of wanting it more than anything and not having it . What Danny said about already having a great life and being fulfilled in all areas but you are still sort of built a way where u just love to give love , take care of a partner , receive affection . People who have not been loved right i guess feel this even more intensely because they want to love right and yes people can say direct that love towards ur hobbies , passion , a greater cause .. and yes I do but like romantic love cannot be a substitute for platonic love or friendship its the other way around too . Just donno why there's shame associated with admitting that ..Like in today's world wanting love or admitting u want to be with someone is treated as a sign of weakness . Why cant it just be that yes I am happy enough in my life and m killing it in all aspects and yet I want that person to build something special with .. to share this amazing life i have created for myself . Why is vulnerability seen as a dent in someone rather than a sign of courage ..I wish the hope u found u never let go of it !

[@northshorelight35]

My 86 year old grandmother is having her boyfriend move in with her next month. If she can find love at that age, anybody can!

[@VitaminVee11]

I love that. I would just hate to think that I’ll only find my person at 87

[@naimam3976]

​​@@VitaminVee11I think she found love at the old age of 87 because of her positive attitude. Because many of us young ladies in our 20s and 30s give up and stay stuck in our "I feel sorry for myself boohoohoo" state of mind. We attract what we are, if we only see misery and heartbreaks thats what we will get.

[@SM----PROMOS]

It's difficult or is it we r making difficult?

[@thecommonsensecapricorn]

Dude it breaks my heart cause I had a friend who always said his heart is too big and he has too much love to not have anyone to share it with, all he wanted was someone to love.. he died alone in his apartment cause he relapsed on heroin… so fucking sad

[@rainereigns3031]

So sorry to hear this

[@tuoctran43]

Sometimes bad things happen to good people, all we can do is stand by them and love them, sometimes they get better, sometimes they don’t… my condolences. Love each day

[@fujidenzo_kid4147]

Ive felt that pain for yeaaaaars but when you describe it as "chronic" I thought, how accurate that is, doesnt matter if your family loves you, if your career rocks or your friends love you, there's this longing that wont go away.

[@jeffluehrs4400]

I have to. And I really just miss the companionship. I am divorced at 58 and I haven’t felt that companionship for decades. We raised two successful kids but there wasn’t that relationship and it sucks to not have that.

[@unlimited6566]

You made me cry Matthew because every word you said is just so true and I completely felt that. There is one thought that keeps me going through these times where I feel this chronic pain like you described it: Every day that I am living through right now is bringing me closer to the person that falls in love with me and who I fall in love with 🥺 just wanted to share that in case someone needed to hear this ❤

[@bunsenn5064]

I think people have to be aware of the fact that by truly opening themselves up to love, they are also opening themselves up to be hurt. Forming attachment comes with vulnerability. So if you want love, you have to want it enough to be willing to risk the pain that comes with failure. That takes a lot of willpower and a lot of personal stability. Even after reaching that point in my life, I still find myself faced with this monolith.

[@justabean4465]

The bittersweet pain of watching all of your friends get married while you're single and yearning for love is so real. All 3 of my friends in my friend group have gotten married in the last year (two within the last 2 months) and my ex (only person I've ever dated) is now engaged. I don't think I have a single close friend that is also single. Obviously I'm extremely happy for them, but it's also hard because I want that sooooo bad. I'm a 21f and I haven't had anyone show interest in me or any for so long and it just hurts. There are guys that I see regularly that I find attractive (at church and work), but I've never spoken a word to them or its very brief interactions with zero substance. I want to be in love and loved in return. I want to put myself out there more but have no clue where to start. I also have bad social anxiety and am introverted with a very low social battery, which doesn't help much.

[@fenrir3164]

I know you just said you have bad social anxiety and introverted (same here, you’re not alone) but I believe it would be best if you started approaching those guys. I know it’s the norm for guys to approach but the dating scene has changed a lot and a lot of guys feel it’s not optimal to do so anymore. Maybe don’t ask out your coworkers tho, I don’t really recommend that, it’d just make things awkward especially if the relationship goes south or on the off chance they reject you. That’s just my personal opinion, I wouldn’t touch that with a 10 foot pole. Church seems like the best choice by far and if you’re afraid to approach, then maybe wait it out a bit and visualize yourself asking them out. I feel it helps to visualize first before acting out when it comes to anything in life. Then maybe strike up a small short conversation, maybe give a compliment. Us dudes feel we rarely get compliments from girls, believe me, a girl gives us a compliment or literally just be nice to us, we remember her for a long time. But basically get him used to you being around him or make him aware you exist. Maybe not that you like him, but that you exist. Start off as friends or acquaintances. Then when you feel you’re comfortable enough, ask him out. If you actually look it up, women have a higher chance (something like 65%-70%) of finding a good longtime relationship or even end up married if she asked the man out than the man doing so, so you’re chances are pretty dang good. I actually know two women who asked their men out, one is now married, the other engaged. I highly doubt a guy will say no if you ask and even if he does, he’ll more than likely be respectful about it, especially if it’s a dude from church, I doubt he’ll be a jerk about it if he actually practices his faith. Maybe this isn’t the advice you want, but as someone who also has some social anxiety as well but slowly figuring things out, I think it’s worth a shot and as a guy myself, I hope my advice at least gave you a bit of insight on how we think or what grabs our attention. I think most guys want the same thing you do, we just want someone to love us too, it’s just we don’t find anyone who’ll give us a chance. I believe if women equally approach as much as we do it’ll probably be less of a burden. In fact, I think most guys would be flattered if a girl asked them out instead, I know I would. Anyway, I hope I at least gave you something to think about but if you actually decide to give it a shot, maybe take some baby steps towards it, I wish you the best of luck, god bless.

[@RijonKhan-s9k]

You guys at least had a relationship but me who never even dated a girl before 😅 it really sucks when I see my friends do have Their love one but here I'm al alone 😊

[@saniasingh1867]

Your videos drop at exactly the same time when I am feeling such negativity. I do fear this when I try to let go of my toxic relationship.

[@tl5345]

Is it love that we are longing for or is it connection? I'm leaning towards connection. For me, connection is the key to deep love. We can love others and not be close- connected-which many times result in relationships that leave us with a sense of lovelessness. If we simplify the idea of finding "love" to finding connection, I believe we will have more fulfilling and loving relationships.

[@ellafuji507]

@@tl5345 this is powerful, thank you

[@clairewolf6013]

Look up trauma bonding.

[@lkayehill1040]

9:54

[@xiaoyanzhang8978]

I feel you I had a mental breakdown last night by telling my friend that I think I’m gonna end up lonely 😢

[@FPT84]

Letting go is the struggle

[@adrianratlief1312]

Audrey is so relatable! Such a good addition to this team! Each one of you has a different perspective & I love that!

[@ChristineCho91]

I relate so much. I have been “on my own” (physically) since 18, I moved to the US for college. My family lives overseas so my friends have become my second family. At 32, Im ready to have my own family though. I want to share my highs and lows with someone. My friends are beyond amazing and lovely, but there is a “void”. There are some voids that friends cant quite fill - certain intimacy, sensual and familial needs. Im trying to stay strong and keep my standards high, but there’s been times where Ive caved in due to high hopes, loneliness and being “swept away”. Its not easy, but so TRUE - what you seek is out there and available. Just need to change our perspective and stay conscious and itll happen at the right time ❤

[@i_Gotcha_]

I totally get this. I’m 32 as well, getting out of a break up. And yes friends and family reassure you that they’re there for you which is absolutely true. But it’s the companionship and sharing a life, memories, intimacy like you said all that with someone you love romantically is something unfortunately friends and family can’t fill that “void”. That person is out there for you and all of us like you said it’s the perspective we have about it and we have to keep an open mind and heart about everything and everyone. I really wish you the best in finding that someone for you and hope you enjoy the present right now cause you’re worthy of love right now as we speak 🙏🏻

[@ChristineCho91]

@@i_Gotcha_ thank you so much! Im sure we will both manifest and attract the right person at the right time. For now we will appreciate our friends and family who have been and will continue to be by our sides.

[@littlemissbohemianangel]

I'm 38 living in a foreign land. I know how you feel. I pray that we find what we are looking for xx

[@ChristineCho91]

@@littlemissbohemianangel We absolutely will! We are all still so young with so much to experience. Lets continue to live our lives to the fullest and in due time our person will come along naturally.

[@josonnex1497]

Thank you for this discussion. I feel so sad watching this. The want for love has totally consumed my life and while I realise all the things I need to be doing to be present in other areas of my life, love is the only thing I can think about at the moment. I feel like I have no control of this feeling of needing a loving relationship in my life. I just can't be present and enjoy other areas of my life

[@ivanaowona9146]

For the first time I hear a meaningful description of that feeling. Stop saying to some people: get busy or rise ! Because you can’t be busy 24/7. 🙂

[@barbiebrenda]

It's amazing to see how connected Matthew is with the deep feelings of the audience 😮 Thanks Matthew!

[@ShortDarknLovely]

i recently came to the conclusion, that just b/c I know someone loves me... doesn't mean it's going to look like i think it should. i had to shift my paradigm to accept and appreciate the love they give me as the way they know how to give it. of course i can express my needs... but then i have to realize that they can only meet my needs at the bandwidth that they are able to.

[@anniesamra-theurer8101]

This video made me cry with anticipation and knowing there are people who understand my feelings. After a 44 year relationship/38 year marriage, I am now single unexpectedly. My former husband decided he no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me. At the age of 60, I am trying to determine if there is anyone in this world who I can trust to be in a loving relationship with. Matthew says he is not worried about me at all finding another partner in life...good to hear!

[@virginiemazy7054]

My mother found someone at 67 yo 😊 thus it’s possible !

[@vivianaspinelli3697]

it seems to be very easy for some people..And less for others..

[@KimberlyBellamy]

I'm 34 and have been single for 7 years. I really dont think about finding the one for me. I just live my life the best way i know how. I've been so content being alone that I fear that if I do decide to give someone a chance, I'll regret it and just want to be single again. There's so many people married and unhappy or have been divorced more than once.

[@Geektaard]

I’m exactly at the same place! I’m afraid to give up my freedom again finally when I’m happy with being alone

[@tl5345]

Is it love that we are longing for or is it connection? I'm leaning towards connection. For me, connection is the key to deep love. We can love others and not be close- connected-which many times result in relationships that leave us with a sense of lovelessness. If we simplify the idea of finding "love" to finding connection, I believe we will have more fulfilling and loving relationships.

[@laurenh1021]

This I actually agree with

[@Levntna]

I agree Let's say connection is the basic brick in romantic love

[@laurenh1021]

@@Levntna yessss

[@virginiemazy7054]

Indeed 😊 connection is the key !

[@sentientAl]

I agree with what Audrey said sooo much! It's a visceral feeling, not having what you want so deeply.

[@fantasiazplatkami]

And eating one out

[@Htimez2]

Just got out of a situationship that probably would not have turned into anything serious, but it made me happy, and now I am back to fearing the same thing. Will I die alone? it's terrifying.

[@kimjensen7588]

I met a new girl after my divorce, and she is my dream girl, not look vice but as a whole person, and I love with all of my heart. So please don't focus on looks alone, you will be surprised of how many girl, will be your dream girl, once you spend time with them.

[@cha9165]

Post it on a board so every man can read this.

[@allisongriswold4443]

I've followed Matt for years and his videos I find helpful but this one resonates the deepest and hardest for me. This is where I am now and it is so hard as we all live in a world designed for couples and families. So glad to hear the sad/real side of dating without making it about how we need to do xyz but find comrodery in this phase.

[@iceangl873]

Video idea: Conversation starters once you drop the “hanker-chief” and they return it to you. I struggle jump starting conversations in a calm, natural and flirtatious way. Thank you to you and your team for delivering us content that is essential for navigating the dating process, is a reminder to value and trust ourselves, and most importantly…ways in which we can lead an enriching life. Cheers!

[@UniqueFind702]

I absolutely love that line " You have to be where your feet are" That resonated so strongly with me that it made me pause. A reminder to be present in the "NOW" of my life. I cannot be present in my past because it's gone, and I am no time traveler so I could not be present in my future. The Mind is the only part of us that shifts between past, present, and future, but our physical bodies can only be in the NOW. I will say this from a Christian standpoint from my perspective no one else's / at this time I say I AM a wife even though I'm not dating or even talking to anyone. I am told to call those things that are not as they were. I am deep diving into my word, and getting closer to the Lord. The love will come, the young lady said she wanted love more than anything like career, friendships, travel but I say you cannot want love above the one who "created" LOVE in the 1st place. Honestly, I did at a point in my life when I didn't get what I was doing was making (-finding love/a husband) an idol. So, I fell back, then asked my God to help me with the desire for marriage that He placed in me. It's peaceful sitting under him learning what he wants me to do. It can be lonely and times, but I turn to my Bible and he points me to the children in the bible he has helped and that gives me comfort. If He did it before he will do it again, Ruth, Esther, Hannah, and Sarah they all had requests and petitions they lifted up to Him and he fulfilled them when it was time. God bless each of you here.

[@KudaNyemba]

So profound.

[@LindDavis]

Excellent. I’m sad and 65. But this made my heart lighter ❤️

[@JustMe-ki3ce]

I’m 62, after a decade love chased me down to win me over, I surrendered all. I got toyed with by a 72 yr old man. I only pray for best for him but he hurt me so deep. I was ghosted, I think he was a dismissive avoidant and I might have been a rebound relationship that he wasted the best 20 yrs of her life. It’ll take me a long time to recover from being so hurt, please people show compassion and consider someone else other than ‘self’. My heart hurts

[@munglynzo5350]

Love comes slow but goes too fast, what hurts the most for me is, love is not just possible when we need the most! And i sometimes thought will there be other people feeling the same!!

[@DarkNovaTheng]

I'm convinced that finding love is not for everyone, just like singing is not for everyone or physics or painting, etc. Not every human being is made to find love, some of us are just unlovable or unable to love others, it is an absolute privilege, to find love and to be in a relationship is a miracle, a very common one in appearance, but a miracle nevertheless.

[@dime7612]

Break ups suck. I also think getting into a relationship you should t be in sucks more. Let keep our eyes open and try with honesty. Oh yea. Avoid narcissist of all types.

[@Zombeastsqurl]

I know his advice is mostly geared towards women, or at least that's how I've perceived it, but as a man I've found these videos to be so helpful. And this one in particular has really solidified a hope in me and the things that I've been thinking about and working through. So thanks for the advice. It's greatly appreciated.

[@rebeccabrandish3374]

I was with this guy when I was in my 20's was considerate and fun. He generally arrived 15 - 20 minutes late when we went somewhere. That one negative was so insignificant compared to the positives. To begin with, yes, it bothered me, I was with him for more than a year. When we broke up, we remained friends for more than a year. I smile when I think about it, I don't miss the relationship or him, it just makes me smile.

[@plxfw]

I think my issues is not being able to put myself out there after being burnt so badly, it actually scares me to go over that all over again.

[@krp977]

That's what I call perfect timing. I needed this. Thank you ❤

[@Nevermoredork]

@MatthewHussey the hardest thing is when your BPD partner leaves you. After that, you truly feel like you'll never feel the same love that you thought you had with your ex BPD partner. I'm still suffering from that.

[@GR-rk2fi]

There can be deep desperate moments, when you crave for a hug (the kind you can only have with a person you love) and there is no one there. To think that there will never ever be someone again can hurt very much and yes, it can happen (f.e. when you are ill - who would want to build a castle with an ill person?). I think it is important to accept it all and get on with everything, but still it hurts. And yes, other people are struggling, too, and some of the relationships around me are not the ones I would want to have, but still, these people have people who care and when you are single, you have to organize every little bit of care or all the things that couples just do. So I do understand the feeling so well and I think it is important to share these feelings and accept them with grace, but accept them. But I would never accept a toxic or bad relationship, no matter how desperate it sometimes feels!!! 🙂

[@robap1701]

I experienced this two days ago....after few weeks....everything seemed to be perfect....incredible emotional, mental, intellectual, physical connection....the person I was waiting my entire life for....and I did not imagine that he felt the same....but he did not want to go deeper because of a distance of 450km between us....because of my attachments from the past....because of our age difference....all these what was 100% clear before we even started to meet....I am broken...I am so down....😢😢😢

[@Stella.Star777]

I'v asked Matt before to have a retreat for singles only.I can only hope enough ppl ask him to organize this❤❤

[@zoeychou1121]

Consistently relocated and moved overseas in my 20s being so independent and lonely all the time, I actually forgot how it was to be in a relationship. Wow it has been almost a decade that I haven’t experienced love romantically but instead I had short term relationships that hurt me. I want love more than anything else but I know I must keep developing myself to be the one I want to be with for the rest of my life while the one is on his way to me ! Never lose hope ❤

[@AK-vb9fv]

Thankyou for posting this video at the right time, Mathew. I needed it the most.

[@ireefree2024]

I was at the place too. Now, I'm happy married, but I also thought when I find my true love all other problems will disappear. It was a huge mistake. I just let all of my anxiety and trauma come to the surface. And I had to make therapy to heal. So, it was bittersweet. Now, I'm happy, but it was a long road and it still comes up now and then... By the way, I started dating with 33 years old, because I was afraid to get hurt. What happens? I get cheated on. So, I guess the more you fear something, than it comes true... 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@nursevrmakdemirbas5102]

I love how Audrey opens the conversation by bravely and emphaticly feeling the actual problem in the question, and not trying to go around it ❤ and i love you too Hussey :)

[@amyli092]

Being single and hating it is different from being single and fearing that status as something that's permanent to our personality, and neither one of those things has to define you so deeply. Chronic feelings of unworthiness, self-deprecating thoughts and being critical of yourself doesn't leave you with anything remotely positive, and in more extreme cases, it can make those around you feel repulsed by your presence. Nothing's more pathetic than watching someone wallow in their sorrows and refusing to do something more productive with that.... and I'm speaking these words with a very specific person in mind.

[@Katusa22k]

Thank you for this video. I'm a person who has been in a relationship for 7,5 years, but I know it's not true love and often it feels like having a flatmate rather than a partner. But I'm not brave enough to get out of this emptiness because it just feels comfortable. But I dream about a different kind of relationship and love, but I don't believe I'll ever find it. I'm 37. The biggest love of my life is my dog. My friends are either married, engaged or crazily in love in a new relationship, having / expecting or planning children. I used to long for these things, too, but as I haven't found the true love, I don't want a wedding or kids. And what makes me sad isn't only the fact I haven't found my true love and maybe I never will. Although I'm happy for the people I care about and how their lives have turned out - weddings, kids, etc., I am afraid I'll be like a loser in other people's eyes if I never find my true love (or something that would come at least close to it) and I'm afraid that if everyone around me will be happy, there will be no more space for me in their life. That's the only thing that makes it hard to wish happiness for others 100% wholeheartedly - the fear of ending up lonely and feeling lik a loser. But these are just emotions speaking for me because my brain says that if you find your true love or not doesn't say anything about your qualities as a person. I don't judge people based on their relationship or marital status, so why should anyone judge me. But Matthew hit the nail on the head when he said: "Although you're happy for others, their happiness just reminds you of what you don't have" (or something like this).

[@souldancersbyjennifer]

One thing for sure is, you won't find true love if you don't leave the one that's not...

[@Katusa22k]

@@souldancersbyjennifer You're probably right, but it takes a lot of courage because sometimes I think that something (as long as it isn't really bad or toxic) is better than nothing.

[@souldancersbyjennifer]

@@Katusa22k it does. It takes a lot of faith that something better is out there to choose to leave ar relationship like this. I think a good question to ask ourselves is, will we be ok with this 5 years, 10 years, 20 years down the road? Will it be ok when we die living this life? I guess only you can answer for yourself... All the best 🙏🏻

[@meesamagill1193]

Its not fair to you or the person you are with. You are stopping them from finding their person as well

[@Katusa22k]

@@meesamagill1193 Yes, you're right, but I think I've been honest about the way I feel about our relationship and towards the person, so he has a choice, too. It's not that I pretend something.

[@antinous87]

Thank you, finally. I keep getting told you 'will' find someone, as if there are guarantees and life is fair. It just frustrates me. There is no comfort in people telling me the universe has a plan or whatever. I've experienced too much hurt, death, loss, abandonment and rejection for that to be true. Or if it is true, the universe has a grudge. lol.

[@laurenh1021]

I feel the same way I feel like I won’t get anybody tho

[@Lilmonke_586]

Feeling down after I left my ex after finding out she had been cheating for the last year and a half 😕 she’s a terrible person now but at one point she was everything I wanted, with her flaws and all. We started off as a best friends and eventually we became romantic. I remember neither one of us really wanted it to turn into a relationship but love happens when you don’t look for it and we became head over heels for each other. Our bond was so strong at one point, I hope I can find that sort of love again ❤️

[@onlydotter]

Audrey’s comment is 🎯 42 years old, single mom 24/7, single for 8 years, and I’ve resigned myself to being alone because the pain of disappointment and betrayal is chronic, the norm, and exhausting. Radically accepting that who I am and the integrity I’m looking to build with is exceptionally rare in these times and may not exist

[@RyeLabs]

How are you now?

[@onlydotter]

@@RyeLabs the only change is that I’m now 43 years old, 9 years single, more professionally advanced, and more convinced than ever that a man with the integrity I have myself, and want in a partner, doesn’t exist.

[@RyeLabs]

@@onlydotter try to go for guys who also have kids

[@onlydotter]

@@RyeLabs why

[@eleonorepierre2600]

Thank you for acknowledging the pain.

[@nurinbatrisya8412]

i keep on coming back to this video when i feel like im not gonna find love such a great reminder for me

[@amiramahgoub]

I agree with Steve. I stayed single bec I couldn't find another person to have the same love I had. I believe in the second chances. I believe that there is possibility to be in love again. It may takes time to have a new love. A new person that can build up what is missing. Deeper than the first one maybe? I don't know. But there is always ways to find new and fresh relationship.

[@amiramahgoub]

Well done 🎁 I'm not gonna open this package before marriage or should I?

[@Rafaelanimes1983]

I am entering my 40s this month and I am resigned to the fact that solitude is the only thing for me even though I never dated or even kissed a girl in my life.

[@manosijroy8282]

Wow man really at 40? Thats scary. BTW I am a 22 year old guy who never had a girlfriend before and never even hugged or kissed a girl in real life. I got rejected very recently by 3 girls( rejected by 7 girls in total so far tho). These 3 girls were all in the same school as me but now in different colleges and we had been chatting on Instagram for months. One of them who is 19 turning 20 in August even agreed to meet up after I asked her out few weeks ago but she blocked me mysteriously after few days whereas another girl blocked me immediately after I asked her out. Few days ago I tried asking out another girl who is 20 now and we had been chatting on Instagram for 2-3 months but she rejected me saying that even though I am really nice, she just isn't comfortable to meet up with me and it hit me hard. But there is still some hope as I asked out my childhood friend too who is 21 now turning 22 after 3-4 months. We were very close friends when we were in elementary school in 2008-2011. But she isn't that active on Instagram so she still didn't see that message in which I asked her out so still no reply yet. I am still waiting for her reply and hoping a positive reply as I genuinely like her a lot but idk.

[@Rafaelanimes1983]

@@manosijroy8282 I cannot answer for others but that is normal for me now, it may seem sad but I am at peace now with this situation and there is no love in world that I would trade for this tranquility of mind, good luck in your endeavors though.

[@86sineadw]

When I see my friends in relationships I see how annoying and selfish their partners are and it makes me not want a relationship. I don’t mind working on a relationship, but I don’t think I can compromise my life to be with an emotionally unintelligent man. It’s exhausting. I live in a relatively smallish area, where everyone knows everyone so you can’t casually date anyone. You have to be careful that you aren’t dating someone’s ex, or dating people who are friends. Also if you date a lot of people, people start to talk about you in a negative way.

[@JustMe-ki3ce]

It’s your ‘one’ life. Small minded people talk about others private life. Give them something to talk about 😉

[@tjay5178]

I’m 33 been single my whole life and usually fall into unrequited love. I hate it. I always tell myself I have love because of God and I believe it but I still feel so empty at times.

[@8thhousealchemist600]

If you look from a neuroscience perspective, the sector of our brains 🧠 designated to producing the electrons for Love actually shrinks the longer a person is void of Love. Basically, a person either doesn't have a baseline for Love or a person loses memory of the baseline of the feeling of Love. Women have it even worse as our brain shrink as we get older on top of the hormonal imbalances we have to battle.

[@MetaPhysStore0770]

One thing you seem to skip is this, as a single, going out for the evening to have a good time and i feel im in a emotional state to be open to meeting someone with a special mindset to find some dazzle and finding that special chemistry, it just not the same if im out hiking or fixing my car in the driveway and hot and sweaty and not mentally in a state to find chemistry on a mountainside or on the sidewalk, its just not the same kind of connection with someone as when im dressed up and looking for love out on the town for the evening events. Its just not the same connection, the "how we met" part is important, some like quirky stuff im sure, but i dont, i just want good old fashioned sparks to remember forever.

[@karisajohnson081]

OMG! This is Save worthy!! My thinking has changed so much.. I’m getting ready to manifest Love 😉✨

[@yourfutureisnow6480]

Isn't it a matter of how you're thinking and your beliefs? Visualising, writing down what you look for in a partner, affirmations... I think it's also being mindful to be detached. Nothing is guaranteed. So just enjoy and appreciate the good people and the partner you may find. It's just an acceptance that you may not find it too.

[@wombat9199]

I know I can find love but the kind I want and the kind of person I want is soo niche. I found it once and it was such a rare stars aligning moment. And I didn't say yes in time.

[@Kaylz0611]

I got broken up with in August last year and now she's getting married in May of this year. I feel so hurt and cheated in life because we spent almost 5 years together (Nov 1st is our anniversary hence why i said almost 5 years). It wasn't an easy decision for me to decide to convert but i told her when the time came i would (she is muslim and i am not). Now she's marrying someone while I've been trying my best to not breakdown all the time. The breakup was over text and when i called she was really cruel towards me showing no empathy towards my feelings even when i cried and begged her to tell me why she's leaving, all she said was that she fell out of love with me (she lost her uncle who stays with her and her family last year Jan and basically i always tried to support her as best as i could since i could not see her in person, but in Aug she brokeup saying she fell out of love with me because she had to adapt to cope with the emotional trauma of losing her uncle which was like a second father figure to her, her father is more on the strict loving side while her uncle was on the playful loving side. We called in Sept and i tried once again to ask her if we could start over and she ended up crying complaining that i was dragging this out and making things difficult for her. Out of love i chose to stop messaging her. Last year Nov for my birthday i asked if i could call her in which i ended up begging her again to start over with her, she laughed at me and after that i stopped contacting her. I was reallt attached to her as she and i were dating with the intention of getting married this year so the breakup broke me and the news of her getting married pretty much killed me. It hurts that we spent almost 5 years together and she's marrying someone not even a year later after our breakup. I genuinely wish her nothing but happiness but i also wish to heal from this. This experience has given me so many trust issues, she was my first love and i hers, i don't know if I'll ever love someone so purely again, and i don't even know if I'll ever find love again with how relationships are these days. I wish no one would have to experience the pain of heartbreak but that's life and if you are suffering just know things do get better and over time you will heal, just focus on yourself, or at least that's what i believe

[@Melaniedang135]

I have no doubt that one day someone will walk into your life and give you back all the love that you gave to this person. It's easier said than done but focus on building yourself back up and having a little faith in the universe.

[@Kaylz0611]

@PhuongMai Dang Thank you so much for the kind words, I am most appreciative for them. I will definitely be focusing on myself by investing in myself and adding value to my life. Once again thank you so much for the support.

[@fibrahim4fi]

As a Muslim woman, this was hard yet interesting to read. Your journey must have been really painful but I pray that will heal and remember everything happens for a reason.

[@rainereigns3031]

I am so sorry.

[@Kaylz0611]

@rainereigns3031 Thank you, I appreciate it. Worry not though as I have healed and am currently moving forward with my life 🙏😊

[@Lensak1]

Exactly what you said it, how I feel... I want it more than my career, friends, money and material things. 🥺

[@hummingbird4934]

⁠​⁠​⁠I was just reflecting on the end of my relationship. For the last two years I had constant doubts coupled with really bad mental health. I ended up extremely ill in that time and kept thinking how I should be alone. In the end I pushed him away but I’ve always regretted it and I’m very ashamed of how I treated him in the end just because I was feeling terrible. I think a lot of us don’t feel worthy of love and self-sabotage. The scary thing is I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing by letting him go and now I don’t trust myself to make any kind of empowered decision. My life has fallen apart since then and I feel I can’t live without him. If you had asked me before all this happened I felt I would have said we would probably be together forever. I would far rather be in someone else’s shoes who has never experienced a love like it thsn in mine who had it and was foolish enough to lose it. It is really really hard not to hate myself

[@StaceyHeathxoxo]

I am divorced and would rather be alone than with someone I don’t love. I will never settle ever again.

[@frankaaknight3699]

This is so rich, thank you for being real and honest with us.

[@hannahdavies2926]

love will fall in place and will be easy if you are comfortable with being alone and being by yourself and loving yourself first. I was desperate to find love cause i was afraid of being lonely and not being in a long term relationship only to discover that the relationship i ended up in after searching was an toxic relationship , and because i was so afraid of being alone and single , i didn't wanna end this toxic relationship i had . In the end i eventually dumped him for my own well being and came across this video and realize that theres no need to rush . Be happy and let love find you and remember your boundaries and respect

[@leonard30909]

Hannah Davies . What if love never finds you?

[@iminlove1148]

​@@leonard30909 exactly.some people never find love

[@nickus51]

I know this is mostly intended for women audience. But man it was so relatable. What hurts the most is when you feel like there is a lot of love within you to share with someone, to enjoy that part of life, you are willing to grow, work on relationship and build something meaningful. Yet all you know is mistreatment, stringing along and rejection. You think you found someone that is interested in you, you connect, you feel like the bond is slowly growing, but when you want to take things to the next level you get "Look in the mirror, how could you possible think you had a chance with me." This emotionally destroys you. It makes you think you are unworthy, unlovable, there is always someone else, people only use you for their own benefit. It has been some time since then, but I am honestly still afraid to open my heart again, to trust anyone again.

[@cari4026]

This is such a great honest conversation for people who really want that partner in life.

[@victorremdt8520]

Right now I don't think I will ever find love. I'm a DWM In his mid 60s. I'm only 5'7" and make less than 50k (both deal breakers for many women). I'm introverted quiet and shy. I'm borderline Asperger's and ADHD. Everyone in my family is partnered. All my friends are partnered. I always get friend zoned by women. I am told by women all the time that I'm a great guy but when I ask them if they want to meet for coffee a drink or a bite to eat, you think that I'm pulling their hair out. I've accepted the possibility of never getting that love the rest of my life and remain solo and lonely.

[@opticalman6417]

love is never going to be my experience so no point me having relationships a life without love isnt a life worth living the sooner my pre planned death date come around the better

[@doutzenwagenaar425]

This video made me cry. Beautiful and very true. Thanks!

[@MsLilac88]

Hello, I always feel enlightened by your amazing relationship videos. 😊 I always found men complex for many years, I only found my husband when I was 31 years old. I got engaged at 33 & got married when I was 34.

[@tehamill1]

Thank you for this video, very encouraging to not feel alone in this

[@keivahummel]

Y’all are great, and I love love love having Audrey’s perspective on your vids 😻♥️

[@gonegolfn07]

The worst one is when you met the person that you could build with but you had just moved to NYC and didn't want to get tied down and didn't realize the most amazing person was right in front of you.

[@Calida]

Man I feel so called out by this episode 😅 I'm really working on all the things, and I've had so much healing thanks to channels like yours ❤

[@loriwigsten8696]

Matt you are so right! I am a widow that has that and that’s truly how I feel. I want to at again.

[@alessandraatzeni9415]

I've been ghosted two weeks ago by the guy I thought was the love of my life. We were together for 2 and an half years, he said to me the night before that I would live the rest of his life with me. We had a little argument, nothing serious. And the next morning he was just disappeared. Now, he's already seeing someone else.

[@liska_shiba]

I will replay this every day till I will remember each word. Cause this obsession is put so much on me and people around, even if these people want to be near me, but they are so tired because my obsession. And I also tired. And it can be the same way anymore, cause sometimes I just don't live. Thank for all of these words it's really helpful.

[@vixter28]

I see people in relationships that aren’t happy ! So it’s better to be alone than to be in a unhappy relationship

[@andreahoyosl]

Amo como los 3 se complementan tan bien en los comentarios. Son un excelente equipo! Amo el contenido. I completely lost the fear of dying alone. I would love a partner, but I know I could live happily without one.

[@missbettyboop2509]

Can't leave without kindness...further define...not looking down on people..seeing people internally not just externally..showing consideration.....why..my childhood trauma scars DEMAND conscious kindness..I cannot abide constant stepping on and injury...

[@blancarosasmusica]

This is why most of us don’t realize that two people have to want to have a relationship. And it’s not perfect. Even if you do find the right person or don’t find the right person.

[@AP777-JC]

I wish I could marry someday. I don't want to miss out. The things I cannot share with my one... I thought I had him but he was not the right one and he broke up...

[@02tones]

It is scary in this type of hook - up society to find romantic love, I recently got ghosted by a man I had strong feelings for,and I feel like the odds are really small to get all those factors that are needed to connect with someone on that deep of a level when time,age,society seems to go against you, feels like a small chance of success.

[@SarahHath]

The issue is, there is no one out there!!!

[@Alltheoutdoorthings]

This conversation was so completely comforting. ❤ thank you

[@ricfermi5886]

Talk, talk and more tons of talk! I can scream at the top of my lungs " Finding somebody to love IS F A T E"! I have tried everything but to no avail! I am sure "finding love" is DESTINY no matter what on this or any other universes!

[@Lifeeewithsabrina]

I’m So Glad You Exist, Matthew❤

[@ΙωάνναΜπούσια-χ8β]

Thank you sooooo much for sharing your feelings your thoughts and experience I totally feel the same Practice of letting go gets even more difficult when we grow older ( I am a 50 year old divorced mother) Thank you for sharing

[@care6414]

Excellent Matthew! - yes the pain is chronic , everlasting! Thank you 😥🤗

[@industryliaison]

I once heard that we need to have more of a culture that prioritizes other types of love other than romantic love.

[@Levntna]

Very considerable

[@Ka.coach88]

From all my heart, thank you for your words guys 🪷

[@laylam4241]

I think we have to be ok with the possibility that we might NOT find romantic love but it might be possible. ❤

[@irammurtaza7738]

I feel like i will never fall in love again after so many breakups and trying hard

[@EdelweisSusie]

Know what I think? I think Steven (whoever he is) should stop spouting platitudes and get it into his head that it WILL take some people YEARS to find that special person - and that some people NEVER will. It’s just the way Life is cruel sometimes: the trick is to be at peace with having no-one and as soon as you tick that box, the fact that you don’t have that special ‘one’ won’t eat you alive. As Matthew correctly says, you can be constantly ‘busy’ filling your life 12 hours a day but it’s the peace within yourself when you come home that will sustain you. God bless anyone in this situation.

[@mohammadmirmiran3547]

It is interesting that whenener a problem comes up,people encourage us to let it go.This has been a prescription for all of us.However,in terms of relationship,we wouldn't bring this let-it-go in our life despite knowing it already👏👏