Best revenge on a narcissistic mother is to go out and live your best life. Do everything that she told you not to do and held you back from. Be your true authentic self and don't care what your narcissistic mother thinks or how she feels about it. Put yourself first and above her always.
@DrDanielFox9 ай бұрын
Absolutely! It's so important to prioritize your own happiness and live your life on your own terms. Don't let anyone hold you back from being your authentic self.
@jbb82619 ай бұрын
Mine wanted me to get a phd before getting married. I don’t even LIKE school! She just wanted me to do that so she could brag about it. She is obsessed with status. Now I’m a stay at home mom and have my own business. I stopped at my bachelors. Excellent advice ❤❤❤
@amandakropen32739 ай бұрын
Mine told me in high school that I was having too much fun. I was only allowed to go out Friday OR Saturday night, not both. WTF!!
@lilac6249 ай бұрын
Many become parents to become egg donors
@Sarara-mv5sx9 ай бұрын
Well, obviously - but not being able to do so on account of the crippling effects of their abuse is the problem. It's not a failure of motivation or a "bad attitude" or laziness that gets in the way. Maybe you mean well with this comment, but it's shaming, and kind of grandiose.
@kazbah12175 ай бұрын
My first bully in life was my mother. She gave me the gift of a lifetime of damage full of distrust, shame and abandonment issues. What a gal.
@valeriemcarthur85474 ай бұрын
I feel your pain. That was my siblings' and I first bull. Narcissist parents will make your life a living HELL. Love yourself and remember that you have value as a person. It is not your fault even though the narcissist wants you to believe that. My brother and sister, I have to unwind from dealing with a narcissist mother.
@Happydays143854 ай бұрын
I relate to this so much. My mom was such a a bully
@jill42684 ай бұрын
I hear that My mom put all her problems on her kids and was emotionally immature Never helped us, didn't care if we were coming or going, a lot of garbage I have no room to list. Then after grandkids became some other person entirely It takes a long time to heal She was awful I was raising myself at 14, had to get a job at 16 and I managed to get great grades I had so much stress and no real teenage years I was paying bills for us I was so afraid to be homeless or have no heating and food. Then when I wanted to go to college I had to pay for that too. No guidance no help no care I just had so much damage from this took me 45 years to figure it out She was married 3 times we moved all the time. I enjoy life and take of myself always now. I found a lot peace now at almost 54
@sianydjoenaidi13894 ай бұрын
Yes same here
@revogenmediadotco4 ай бұрын
Try meditation. It has been a game changer for me.
@dalisingh22010 ай бұрын
Setting boundaries with a narcissistic mother is like setting boundaries with the devil. The more you convince yourself there is a middle ground, the more you fall into the abyss. After 45 years of psychological abuse, I’m no contact - with no regrets.
@Reflexwoman10 ай бұрын
There is no other options but no contact w these creatures. They will never change or stop. Their narcissism will not allow them to be or do anything but how they are, and that is to lack empathy and gain whatever kind of fuel (emotional reaction) good or bad from their source of supply. Good on you for escaping! I'm right there w you.
@Butterflyyyy99 ай бұрын
I agree and then they will try to keep manipulating you it will never STOP it isn't worth it!
@dalisingh2209 ай бұрын
@@Reflexwoman there's freedom and happiness that comes from self-preservation and learning to value yourself so they can no longer harm you.
@dalisingh2209 ай бұрын
@@Butterflyyyy9 their manipulations never stop....that's just not how they are made.
@yolandawilliams37679 ай бұрын
I FEEL YOU!!!!
@gina12809 ай бұрын
When i was a little girl, i thought i was the only one in the world that had a mother that hated them the way she hated me. It is sad that i was wrong and there are many of us out here❤
@DrDanielFox9 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to open up about such painful experiences. Remember, you're not alone and there are support networks out there to help you.
@LilyWillow229 ай бұрын
Because they are self loathing & project it
@prettypuff19 ай бұрын
This is my testimony too. Nmom confirmed her “Disappointment in how I turned out”
@gina12809 ай бұрын
@@prettypuff1 I would hope you politely ignore her. No mother should ever say that to their children as a guilt/manipulation tactic. I hope you are accepting of yourself❤ we all have room for improvement but if she is saying that, it isn't helpful.
@birna77909 ай бұрын
❤
@theresamorello989210 ай бұрын
My mother despised me because I was confident and successful.
@Ina-wn7jd9 ай бұрын
My mother has chosen me as the scapegoat. I am also the smartest and most successful among her children.
@Ina-wn7jd9 ай бұрын
It's puzzling how they would feel jealous when good things happen to you. They just don't really care about their children's welfare.
@thepottedsucculent42909 ай бұрын
I always hate to admit that my Mother is like this! I always felt like I downed my success because she was so jealous
@rebeccabt8 ай бұрын
@@Ina-wn7jdyes... Because you are very powerful.. her jealousy.
@christyviolet9268 ай бұрын
@@Ina-wn7jdEgg donors: that’s what these kind of “women” only are. They don’t deserve natural winners in their lives.
@dominiquebertrand67865 ай бұрын
My narcissistic mother’s own psychiatrist was so worried about what she might be doing to me that he called me in his office, I was 14 years old. He explained my mother’s behavior to me and told me to distance myself from her. I truly believe that man saved my sanity.
@MissRed928374 ай бұрын
My narcissistic mother lost custody of my siblings and me when we were 10, 11 and 13 years old. She had bi-weekly visitation rights what she lost after the third visitation weekend. She just abused us too much!
@vickibazter34464 ай бұрын
GOOD MAN
@vickibazter34464 ай бұрын
I got a duodenal ulcer. Age 12. I was starving emotionally.
@theresatrimble72592 ай бұрын
My mother was a malignant narcissist. I've had so many family members say . She loved you in her own way. This is what I tell them. She let me live.
@LysaChampione2 ай бұрын
@@vickibazter3446only one side to that story. Most kids lie!!
@thewoundedhealer49509 ай бұрын
100 percent all about her. You’re merely an object, an extension for her image and her comfort. You exist to serve her.
@kermodecarver21038 ай бұрын
Yes. What they want is a living doll they can dress up and position at the tea table.
@SusiQ12208 ай бұрын
Exactly right. To her, that was the ONLY reason I existed was to serve her. Really messed up my life to put it mildly.
@alisonmcmillan45375 ай бұрын
Wow you describe my mother exaxtly i feel for you. You are not your mother. You are a beautiful person .
@Imgrateful7775 ай бұрын
You nailed it! My mother-in-law was the queen narcissist by a wide margin. My wife is the oldest of three and then had 3 step siblings. My mother-in-law actually was evil. My wife and I have seven children together in the first 11 years. Her mother hated the fact that my wife turned our to be aan amazing wife and mother. That she couldn't be controlled by her mother, no matter how hard she tried. She hated the fact that my wife had all seven births naturally. Then, whenbshe had the last three at home with midwives, he drove her crazy. Then my wife and I chose to home school them all up to the 7th grade. Well, my wife did the most amazing job, and when they entered public school, their teachers raved about them. Then, as our older 3 reached their teen HS years, she tried turning them against us with lies and deceitful intentions. That we were holding them back from so much. Unfortunately, she went to a level that as each of the three oldest became 18, they moved out. Her younger sister was part of the scheme and a mirror image of their mother. Those two also were jealous of my wife's to a point of hatred. That she had such stability, strength, class and even her beauty. I married my wife when she was 21 and 110 lbs. After each birth she went right back to 110 lbs. Today at 60 she looks much younger than her age, is 110 lbs, and can still wear a bikini and look stunning. Two of the three had disconnected with not only us but their siblings too. Which started even while still living with us. The third overall stayed away until he hit bottom with his wife and our grandson 3 at the time. They came and left 3 times. After his last departure in 2016 we haven't seen our grandson since. That is the sadest part. No we understand they split up and divorced recently. The 3 have still chose to have no contact with even their 4 youngest brothers and sister. No for the great news. My wife and I are having a wonderful time with our youngest four. Two are married and doing amazing with amazing spouses. Our youngest daughter who was our 5th child and is 32, has our youngest grandson turning 1 next month and planning for their second. Her husband is amazing as a husband, a father, and a man! My daughter is an executive and my son-in-law is a college professor. Our other married son and his amazing wife both are 33 and 34 just bought their first home. Brand new and very large 5 bedroom, as the are planning to have at least two children. They too are doing amazing career wise! Than our son who is our 6th child at 30, has been working for me for 10 years now and is getting married in July, to a beautiful young lady. So excited for them and our growing family. Our youngest whonis our son is the favorite of his 3 older siblings. He is amazing, loves his family, respectful, and so much more to come for him. These four are so grateful for what we all have together. Its priceless. It's a relief that my mother-in-law passed away in 2013. She has no more influences and can cause no further destruction. We never give up hope, or stop praying for the 3 oldest. That they will one day all come back to our family. My wife and I are happier at 40 years of marriage. Very grateful for the 4 children and 1 grandchildren we have to see and love. We are also grateful for the opportunity and business ventures we have, that have given us a significant net worth today. That increase in started rapidly just after we heard her mother passed, which was 10 years after she started her evil scheme. All I can say is if you have a narcissistic person close to you, and effecting your life, try and distance yourself. We know firsthand the destruction they can inflict!!!
@carolschifilliti85713 ай бұрын
I’m still living it.
@Deeh919 ай бұрын
Living with a narcissistic mother and not being able to move out yet will drive you insane. But understanding their tactics makes it easier to deal with
@jbb82619 ай бұрын
It turned me into partying and numbing myself with thc 🍁 💨 round the clock
@leanne1239 ай бұрын
@@jbb8261 They did that to me too. AA showed me how to cope and see life in a healthier way.
@NutsNBerries9 ай бұрын
It’s the worst especially if you fall on hard times
@siani_boo67459 ай бұрын
It shuts you down completely. The hardest situation to break free from
@kaycevanveer2128 ай бұрын
I will be 39 in a few days and I'm at home with my nar mother. I'm am INFJ(very sensitive personality type) and between her and my step dad tormenting me I had developed congestive heart failure by the age of 19. I'm so grateful this life isn't all that there is. Thank you for the video sir. It was very informative and eye opening. Made me sad too but I can work on myself so thank God for that!!!❤
@soumyajoseph742910 ай бұрын
"You're just like your father." Perfect.
@DrDanielFox10 ай бұрын
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
@nobodymatters32949 ай бұрын
"You half-ass everything" because saying I was like my father would be admitting I had one. 😅
@valerieelisebethcooper839 ай бұрын
Or you are just like your mother!!
@spdadventurer17549 ай бұрын
@@DrDanielFox my whole life my mother told me I was.like my narc father, who abuse her too , the narc mother.. I was actually exact opposite of them both. As soon as my narc father died after a few of those accusations again, she actually stopped saying that I am like my father. Cz her fight with my father had ended after his death and a big player of that chess as gone. Also she was the one backing my father my whole life
@spdadventurer17549 ай бұрын
@soumyajoseph7429 you seem Indian...my mother said that my whole life, read my comment above, I always wondered how could someone be so horrendously opposite in their opinion about me😂😂cz I couldn't have loathed anyone more than my father, I mean narc father. And here was my mother saying I was like my father yelling and screaming infront of my mother's side grandmother's house. Making me wonder what just happened that prompted her to even scream much less accuse me of that. She wanted to show off that she was abused by her parents and now her kids(me the eldest) is also a devil who is making her life miserable. Like she literally started to yell on nothing when she n me were in my grandparents house, the name calling the curse words... Everything one used to be silent including me, me thinking wtf is wrong with her, others thinking how terrible my mother's fate is that she got such a horrible kid(this is my interpretation of their silence since they dint say shit, they being my uncle's aunts and grandparents). She never used to forget saying she's just like her father.. whom she used to back up when she was at home lmao. What a chess player she has been, my mother.
@ToddJohns-v2r9 ай бұрын
I walked away from all my family after 40 years and wow all the misery went away
@monabarber23356 ай бұрын
Good for You , and so did I ! Best Decision I ever made !
@isla87186 ай бұрын
Same here 38 years and she's gone all the hatred and anxiety and rejection was all steaming from her for many many years
@IamThatiAm4205 ай бұрын
I was set free in 2018 from the toxic mother.
@Onemoretime-qu6sf4 ай бұрын
Same here. Good old mom left a vile message on my voice mail, telling me that she didn't want to have anything more to do with me. Ok. Easy. Wish granted. I changed my phone number and stopped all communication. Of course, she plays the victim about how selfish I am because I don't send her Birthday cards or Christmas cards- at least this is what her sister tells me , she has been saying. Recently, I moved 2500 miles away without providing a forwarding address. Life has been wonderful.
@monabarber23354 ай бұрын
@@Onemoretime-qu6sf I am so very happy for You 🥳I did the same to get away from My Vile and Evil Mumster 👺I’m 64 and She’s 86 , and more Evil than ever , I’ve went no contact and I’ve never been so happy ! Life is Wonderful without Her in it ! I feel Your pain ! Good luck 🍀 and God Bless You 🙏❣️
@Miss-D-My8 ай бұрын
One of the hardest things to accept is the fact that your mother does not want good things for you. She enjoys seeing your pain and failure, and will actually facilitate it. I will always wonder what it's like to have a mother who actually loves me instead of hates me...Especially when I am the one who does the most for her. 😢
@caratranby308 ай бұрын
💯💯
@nancysims54176 ай бұрын
I finally so understand. My mom just died and I’m flooded with feelings I never thought about
@monabarber23356 ай бұрын
Oh I feel Your Pain ! Every Word You said I can completely Relate to ! They are Possessed By Demons 👺My Heart Cry’s for You ! May God Bless and keep You Safe 🙏❣️
@monabarber23356 ай бұрын
@@annehaverhals1750 Wow 😯 exactly how My life is with My Demonic Mother 👺I hurt deeply for You ! It’s beyond belief , they are possessed by Demons ! They have no Soul! God Bless and be with You 🙏❤️
@keithstewart75146 ай бұрын
The Narc MoMster out live their victims far to often even when they drive their children into suicide (which does run in the children of both family blood lines).
@ThatoneLisa9 ай бұрын
Had a covert narcissist mother until she passed away in 2010. Took me about 10 years after her death to finally see that. Having a covert narcissist mother is like trying to please the devil himself. It’s IMPOSSIBLE. And extremely traumatizing.
@michaelbutler41179 ай бұрын
Trying to please the devil himself-that explains how I involuntarily pleased my narcissistic mother. She feels she has to be right all the time & she often criticizes me if I’m failing in any way. We all fail & that’s human nature, but not to my mom who counts human nature unto herself to fail & the hell with me. She treats my brother like the golden child & me like a sacrificial lamb. I just wish she’d die soon so I can get over her. And I’m very sorry about your loss, often narcissistic abuse ruminates past the point of the death of a parent. And what makes my situation worse is that I’m high functioning autistic & can’t get a job because employers don’t see my talent the way they should. I’m college educated & still live with my parents at age 42. They treat me like a child & my brother like a grown adult & that’s just not fair.
@midnightsplusnoonsis730LEO9 ай бұрын
The Devil, HERself ...
@sarahalbertson63269 ай бұрын
@dcraexon9 ай бұрын
but I will still love you no matter what you do 😵💫streetdope junk food iot ops and lgbq stuff these days
@MJ-qb5ph9 ай бұрын
Did you adopt some of her behaviour patterns by any chance?
@karishort18919 ай бұрын
My advice is to go no contact and never look back!
@bsdude0108 ай бұрын
So you have kids? Have you also had no contact with them? I do and don't know what to do..
@cbs5778 ай бұрын
How?
@sonyasmith19916 ай бұрын
It's the only way.
@karishort18916 ай бұрын
@@bsdude010 yes I went no contact from everyone...it wasn't easy but I was sick of being everyone's punching bag. I was sick of having my grandkids yanked away from me by my daughter. I was good enough to pay her bills but not good enough to see her kids regularly. I came from a toxic family and then my kids were also toxic. It was me or them and I chose myself.
@karishort18916 ай бұрын
@@cbs577 you just stop reaching out. You block their phone numbers and emails. I moved several states away to get free of the toxicity and they have no idea where I am.
@jbb82619 ай бұрын
They’re children in adult bodies. And I find it hard to have sympathy for them because they could actually heal with the right therapist pairing. But they won’t. They think they’re perfect 🙄 everyone else is the problem
@katherineg93969 ай бұрын
Even with a therapist, most won't heal.
@jbb82619 ай бұрын
@@katherineg9396 yeah I was being delusional when I wrote that. You are correct.
@DevoidVoid26 күн бұрын
@@katherineg9396 heal is relative. This is hurting both us, we expect to much and the Narcissist, they arent inclined to heal because of it. If you have a limb cut off, you cant grow it back. You heal the wound and get used to living with 1 less limb and wirk around it in a productive and beneficial manner. But their still down 1 limb forever 🤷
@robinratcliff69149 ай бұрын
I walked away from my Narcissist mom. Best decision!
@abemartinez96235 ай бұрын
This is my situation how did u get away?
@erikulv80895 ай бұрын
Cut all ties. Block them on social media. Don't react to anything they will do to you. Don't fall for hoovering, smear campaigns, false excuses, flying monkeys or enablers doing their service for the narcissist. It's going to be tough for some time.. But the rewards in inner peace makes it worth it.
@kamrynrainntree6957 ай бұрын
It took me 60 years to realize i never had a family at all.
@earthrooster19697 ай бұрын
Hope you are your own family! It was a very tough realisation for me as well!!! I am over 50...
@TyStar107 ай бұрын
Same. Took me 48 years but glad to get the knowledge. Never too late to choose your family✌🏾💜
@kalisha7287 ай бұрын
Took me 43
@claudias.90437 ай бұрын
@@TyStar10exactly like me
@LinF2996 ай бұрын
Me also and I am late 60's!
@RatedArggg10 ай бұрын
My mother was disappointed when I recovered from a life-threatening illness. She didn't even pretend to be happy. I think that's when I knew there was no help for her.
@sunnyadams58429 ай бұрын
My narc parents left me Completely alone with terminal COVID. They were so pissed when it became appearant I'd survived it, my father quadrupled his efforts to destroy my support system and undermine my confidence SO HARD, that I couldn't ignore what a jack-ass he is!! These guys are creepy!!
@lifelessonswithjo9 ай бұрын
Wow! I am recovering from an illness too and she had gone with me to my appointments as I was in pain. Well now I am getting back my strength and someone bought me fruits for me to juice. You would think she would be happy? Nope, she was mad someone bought me a lot of fruits that it turned into a whole drama! Now today, after months I have the energy to clean. Yes, theres a bit of a mess because I am organizing the closet. Guess what? She's mad and is loudly saying passive aggressive statements so that I can hear it. But when she cleans and makes a mess, thats okay!
@LastMinuteMinistry9 ай бұрын
They like it when you are sick and yes I do believe my mother would be happy if I died. She would enjoy the party. I gave her details on my final wishes, just in case, and she was having the greatest time imagining the scenario and taking notes.
@julief6348 ай бұрын
@@LastMinuteMinistry Please don't allow her that power, she will make it all about her. Get out now and no contact with this witch. I hope you stay strong and healthy so that you can leave and not depend on her for anything. I wish you the best 🙏🏼
@estelled3898 ай бұрын
Omg 😢sorry
@JillCrato6 ай бұрын
After 59 years of dealing with a narcissistic mother,I've gone no contact to save my sanity.
@DrDanielFox6 ай бұрын
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
@sarahboocock892 ай бұрын
I’m 57 and I’ve just done the same 😊
@Albania123_aaa11 күн бұрын
My 2025 wish is not taking to her anymore, just I am waiting for one reason more
@XaaraSJilani11 ай бұрын
For those who have tried setting boundaries only to be exhausted by reminding "mother" each time what they are while she acts naive about their existence so she can suck more of your energy: it is OK to go no contact. If you've already been labeled the black sheep and your reputation has been destroyed with family, friends and colleagues, what more damage can she realistically do? I embrace my "titles" and I control my triggers. She's not getting a reaction out of me no matter how hard she tries.
@DrDanielFox11 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your experience and reminding us that it's okay to prioritize our own well-being. It's important to set boundaries and protect our energy, even if it means going no contact. Stay strong and take care of yourself.
@donafarrow969210 ай бұрын
@@DrDanielFoxthe problem is the inheritance when they die! How broke people can cut off ties with those monsters if you need to rely on that money to be free financially later on
@foxiefair12310 ай бұрын
There is no setting boundaries with my mother.😂She used to be just an angry screamy meemy and it didn’t take much to set her off. She’s not well enough now to do that anymore, but she can still make catty, sarcastic comments. She’s really lost her power over me. She’s pretty much out of her mind a lot of times so I don’t take her insults seriously anymore.
@alexb2779 ай бұрын
@@donafarrow9692 that is the opposite I fear. I was in debt at the start of my adult life and was not able to go study because when I got my scholarship, she made me pay for the groceries at first so I could stay in the house, then her cigarettes were added, then the gasoline for the car, and finally the rent. The problem is that she had rents unpaid, so I had to pay it off, or she would expell me before her and my sister would be out too. So I was in debt (the worst is that she managed to still be in debt after this and it was all for nothing). So, I fear that if I cut ties, she will get in the biggest mess possible, so that when she die, I will crumble into debt and will have to pay for years... She can't threaten me to hurt my sister like she did before so I unswear her text messages, so, I guess this is one of her last resort
@gothmaze9 ай бұрын
Ooof! You are so strong. This has been such a struggle for me, the minding my reactions bc it's so easy to react and sometimes feels so good in the moment. Thank you so much for sharing your journey!
@msdemeanour9 ай бұрын
My mother did her best to destroy my self worth from a very young age. She criticised every bit of my body (especially during puberty) and told me I was ugly, Satan's child & a mistake. I know now in my 40s that she was jealous of me & loved that my father constantly put me down. It would have killed her if he ever did or said something nice to me. He never did. Not even once. I cut her out years ago. That's why I'm still here.
@Marylousalter3 ай бұрын
My mother publicly ridiculed my small breasts, another time she told a stranger that I had the worst skin in our family. Acne. She told me she hates skinny women bodies. They’re unattractive, unfeminine, don’t I agree? I was so angry I wanted to snap yes mom, I hate my body. Fun fact: she was rail thin growing up and had small breasts. That’s why dad was attracted to her- he’s a pedophile, she was underage when he impregnated her: shotgun wedding. The rest of his life she protected his deviance. Her 5 kids, 17 foster kids, tenants of their rental properties.
@birdsnbees871711 ай бұрын
Having a narcissistic mother who is now in her 80's, is still utterly horrendous. She has most definitely become worse. A cold hearted, brutally cold woman. I despise her. It's only ok when I have nothing to do with this entity.
@justintime37710 ай бұрын
...and we're excited to love them anyway. You just told my own life story. ❤
@catzska10 ай бұрын
Same. My Mother is so cruel the word cruel really does not capture her evil. My Mom is rotten to the core. I am sorry you are dealing with this as well. I am trying to stop all contact. She uses her husband to manipulate me. She had her husband leave me a message claiming my Mom was ill. Only that was a lie so I would call him back then he put my Mom on the phone. I lost it and hung up.
@foxiefair12310 ай бұрын
I feel ya. I rarely see mine. My son is her Golden Child (I’m her only child). He goes to visit her regularly and I figure that’s fine because she favors him anyway. He’s an adult, so I figure anything pertinent with her he will handle and make the decisions.
@danilaroche115610 ай бұрын
She may be terrible but don't hate her. Despising her will affect you and your relationships profoundly. Jesus calls us to forgive and the Bible tells us evil people have evil spirits. We all need salvation in Christ. Forgive her but keep your distance all at the same time.
@godzillamanstreb52410 ай бұрын
Definitely
@tbunnyshy19 ай бұрын
My mother is desperate for attention and reactions because I am unconcerned and aloof. She now resorts to singing, slamming doors and talking to herself, saying, “ Oh well what are you gonna do? “. She nearly constantly huffs and puffs, sighs, gets really quiet then laughs loud like a villain. She enjoys being shocking and inflicting pain on me and my dad. What a disaster. We are all elderly and financially dependent on each other. I’m so glad I found your channel tonight. Thank you!
@GodIsLove73778 ай бұрын
God bless you and your Dad ❤
@randalltobin776 ай бұрын
My mom does the same thing. Anything to bring attention to herself. The constant facial expressions too.
@roxm60544 ай бұрын
Ughhh, same here…and my sister is a flying monkey…
@27682313 ай бұрын
Same here!!!! And we r all older and financially dependent as well
@tbunnyshy13 ай бұрын
@@2768231 My heart goes out to you ! I feel like not many people understand our situation. 🤯
@mindovermatter892011 ай бұрын
This is exactly my relationship with my mother. One thing that would add to my perpetual confusion was that she would tell me the abusive things her mother did to her, then turn right around and do worse to me. If I asked her why she was doing this, it would throw her into a rage - or cause a narcissistic injury. I refer to her in past tense because I've been no contact for about 2 years.
@donafarrow969210 ай бұрын
I am worried to go no contact because the b&@# could cut off my inheritance before she dies...and because of all the bad she did to me which made me broke I don't want to loose this money so at a last resort I have to play dump with her
@Disorderlychicpets10 ай бұрын
Me tooooo!!!!!! her Mom treated her the same wayyyyy but she dont see that she treat us that way!!!!!
@Disorderlychicpets10 ай бұрын
@@donafarrow9692lol I thought of that too lolllllll
@Diarrheagod10 ай бұрын
I’ve been no contact off and on with my mother for 2 years. She always reaches back out or stops by my house randomly to try to reconnect and insists I “forgive (forget)” everything that she’s done because she never meant to hurt me. But she will continue the abuse cycle after about 2-3 months of things going well…she always blows up the relationship. Idk what else to do but go no contact because it’s extremely triggering for me to deal with my mother because when I try to enforce boundaries with her she becomes hateful and says hurtful awful things to me. What should I do?
@jwhite539610 ай бұрын
@@DiarrheagodStopping by your house randomly is so entitled and cringeworthy. It’s like saying, “I don’t care what you have going on in your life, I’m here now, entertain me.” It’s rude. Someone who actively continues an abuse cycle isn’t someone I’m inviting into my life. Walking on eggshells until your mother is triggered by a boundary and starts to say hateful things. Doesn’t sound like fun or a healthy relationship.
@MrHydevsDrJekyll9 ай бұрын
I had a very controlling abusive narcissistic mother. She was also a school teacher. I figured it out long ago. It blew my mind how everyone always supported her and allowed her to get away with such batshit/crazy behavior
@shonahorsman51549 ай бұрын
Flying monkeys...
@keishajay99829 ай бұрын
My mother was a school teacher as well , she always put herself first and controlling. My childhood was horrible and as an adult she still try to control me.
@prettypuff19 ай бұрын
My mom was a teacher as well…. It was wild watching my mom guide high school students to their future with great praise… I was told “ Have somewhere to be full time by 18”
@verilyheld9 ай бұрын
Mine was also a school teacher/librarian. She knew my grade 2 teacher refused to teach me. So what did my mother do? Nothing, because protecting me wasn't a priority of my mother's.
@YagirlM9 ай бұрын
Enablers are everywhere. It’s mind blowing how much evil the average person will defend.
@annabanzon3138 ай бұрын
Narcs hate graduations and birthdays and any milestones. They get insanely envious and super insecure. Because remember, everything is about them.
@Mangzorz6 ай бұрын
For real. In my 35 years of life, there have been several times where my mom wouldn't acknowledge and call me on my birthday. But you better believe she expects me to call her on her birthday, and Even sends me text messages to remind me the day before. Sigh
@annabanzon3136 ай бұрын
@Mangzorz yes I describe the narc parent as like an evil step mom or dad. However that step parent is actually your biological parent so it always makes the child feel twisted and confused.
@nkolemwaba25266 ай бұрын
Very true. I just experienced this.
@loriguercio43745 ай бұрын
@@annabanzon313 Yea, u are absolutely right
@loriguercio43745 ай бұрын
@@nkolemwaba2526 So do i
@discobassgroove Жыл бұрын
It took me 24 years to realize things in my home really weren’t right. As soon as my mother knew that I knew, she changed the locks on our place. Edit: I cannot effing believe so many people relate to my post and my heart goes out to all of you 💕❤️💕 May we be the children that end the cycle
@Joshdifferent11 ай бұрын
💯💯💯
@ShinbrigTV10 ай бұрын
I hear you.
@le_th_10 ай бұрын
How did you survive 24 years of living with a narcissist??? Our momster threw my older brother out of the house when he was 16 and never let him return. Our oldest sister ran away shortly after her 18th birthday, less than a year after she threw our brother out. My next oldest sister held on another 3 years and got married at 16 just to get out of the house and away from her. Seven years after that, our father died of a massive coronary at age 50 (and I think it was from the strain of living day in and day out with her). I left right after my 18th birthday. My point in telling you all that is to commend you for surviving life with your mother for 24 years. I don't know how you survived it for that long. I am a very strong person, and I would've never have made it as long as you did. I'd like to say I'm sorry for what she did to you (locking you out)...but that would be a bald-faced lie. I honestly think she did you the biggest favor of your life, forcing you to live elsewhere, even though she did it for no reason but her own sick satisfaction, it forced you out of that toxic stew she'd been marinating you in since birth. Being married to a narcissist for 30 years killed my 50-year-old father (she was not quite 47 at the time), he was athletic and fit (died playing tennis), and he spent a few years away from her during both the Korean and Vietnam wars. It killed her next husband after 15 years of being married to her, also a heart attack. Female narcissists are succubi that feed off others until there is no life energy left. They literally drain people until there is nothing left. I'm glad you got away young and that you survived 24 years of soul-sucking narcissistic abuse. I don't know how you endured it for that long growing up in such a toxic, abusive, spirit-crushing environment. I can't imagine why you stayed...or how you stayed...but you deserve a medal for hanging in there as long as you did. I hope you're healing and recovering from what you endured, and I hope you've stayed far, far away from that witch. I wish you much healthy love and good people in your life~
@aprildickson595810 ай бұрын
For some reason they know when you become aware of their scams
@caroledenis815310 ай бұрын
My narc mother...ruined ever one...from being neglected to abandoned st 15....she chased a great father away . Which left us parentless...only to find out she poisoned my loving granny...she was gone by the age of 2....rat poison
@magaliebravo66799 ай бұрын
I was the scapegoat. 1st time she kicked me out of the house, I was 14, only had the clothes on my back, had no money and it was 9pm at night. She didn't care where I slept or if I was safe. She didn't care if I had food to eat. The day after she kicked me out, she disconnected my phone. Talk about a punch to the gut. Why did she kick me out? Because I was out late with my friends. Coming home at 8:45pm was considered very late for her. Why was I out with friends? Because I dreaded being home. Usually, her verbal, emotional and physical abuse made me feel too shitty to socialize with friends. But anything was better than being at home with her. She says she had a shitty childhood and life was hard for her growing up. But why did she have to ruin my childhood as well.
@TheNicoliyah8 ай бұрын
I had almost the exact same situation, got kicked out the first tie at 13, then 15 then left for good at 17. The same excuses for her crappy behaviour
@loriwinters4147 ай бұрын
I did the same thing, but I would stay out all night, the dread just got worse and worse as the minutes went by, and I didn’t want to face the abuse. There was already going to be abuse if I was 15 minutes late. I was so scared of her, and still am to this day.
@TheNicoliyah7 ай бұрын
@@loriwinters414 sending hugs 🥰
@kimmccaleb41707 ай бұрын
You did not have a choice as a child. You do now.
@munequa817 ай бұрын
Oh you and I can relate! My mother kicked me out multiple times from 13 to the final boot at 16. She also said the same thing. She didn’t care about my safety as well. Why? I had a high school boyfriend who was nice and a safe person. She also said because she left home at 16, I need to experience the same thing.
@JJ-rp2df9 ай бұрын
Over time, a narcissist mother's dysempathic rejection fills a child with danger, self doubt and inaction
@cortneypayton64738 ай бұрын
That’s exactly what I’m filled with, I’m almost 40 and just so mindfucked… the more I unravel, the more tangled it gets
@WeRNthisToGetHer9 ай бұрын
This is exactly my mom to a T. I wish I had recognized this long ago and just took care of myself without worrying about her. I wasted so much of my life trying to measure up to her expectations before realizing she was moving the goal posts the whole time.
@DrDanielFox9 ай бұрын
I'm sorry to hear that you went through such a challenging time with your mom. It's never easy when our loved ones constantly change the expectations. Remember, it's never too late to start taking care of yourself and prioritize your own happiness.
@WeRNthisToGetHer9 ай бұрын
@@DrDanielFox that's what I am determined to do this year! Thank you for providing resources to help those of us going through this. 🙏
@watermelonlover7459 ай бұрын
How do you stop caring
@WeRNthisToGetHer8 ай бұрын
@@watermelonlover745 I don't think it's that you stop caring, you just get so aware and fed up with how you are being treated that you eventually run out of sympathy or empathy. You realize that they were using that against you the whole time and you get angry enough to finally stop allowing them to steal any more of your life and happiness than they already took from you. You simply grey rock them and protect your own needs and well being and the people in your life that deserve your time, energy, and compassion. When they have abused your caring to a certain degree and you recognize that, it happens automatically if you have any shred of dignity and self-worth.
@steffnic136 ай бұрын
Honestly, I don’t think my NPD mother lacks empathy. Worse, she gets joy from gaslighting and effing with you until you just snap. Then giggles in joy as she says, “Ohhhh; I hit a nerve, didn’t I. You’re so sensitive.” No contact is the only way to survive these people.
@SweetiePieTweety2 ай бұрын
Sadism
@aeptaconАй бұрын
uggh my mom loves it when she lies to me and get irritated. If I am on a roll and tell her all her faults and call her a hypocrite she starts with her dizzy spell and faint heart and plays victim. it is disgusting.
@katieg7679 Жыл бұрын
Yes! Growing up with a parent along the narcissistic spectrum can be very disorienting. Ultimately, you were raised by wounded children who never had the strength of self to heal their own wounds. Instead they were projected onto you. It's very important to understand that you deserved a healthy parent, just like everyone does, and that underneath all of the confusion and trauma reactions is a healthy sense of self that needs to be fostered . This is a very long, long process but it's worth it. It is no longer an external battle of trying to confront, change or appease your parents. You need to stand up to the dismissive parent you have internalized, which means relearning how to be the loving parent to yourself that you never had, and also your parents likely never had.
@stefaniaschannel9 ай бұрын
💜👍🏼
@HeartFeltGesture9 ай бұрын
Intergenerational trauma, passing along the trauma for how long? It stops with me, not sure about my siblings though...
@sabrinasjourney9 ай бұрын
Their disease cannot be healed
@jessicapatton26889 ай бұрын
Yep! Do the shadow work!
@stefaniweiss20777 ай бұрын
You are right
@avollant9 ай бұрын
You can also add two more traits to your list: Over protectivity and possessively. Over protectivity to the point of preventing you to do you own mistake and learn from it. possessively to scare off any potential pretender because it would deprive her of you full attention to her needs.
@saradigota72019 ай бұрын
Exactly this,my whole life. Only thinking of them family narcists makes me feel drained let along sitting a lil while with them
@Ina-wn7jd9 ай бұрын
👍 on possessiveness
@EVOLVEANDESCAPE8 ай бұрын
Facts
@Goldenrod398 ай бұрын
Yes! Totally agree .
@RainnRiptide7 ай бұрын
This
@sayusayme77299 ай бұрын
At 63 and her at 80, I a m learning. 🧡 Healing. Thank you 🦉
@DrDanielFox9 ай бұрын
That's amazing to hear! It's never too late to learn and grow. Keep up the great work!
@tradslnd98729 ай бұрын
WOW ITS REALLY A FOREVER THING? Crazy
@Twiddledup8 ай бұрын
Same here!
@LeticiaAGentil7 ай бұрын
@@tradslnd9872it is, unfortunately. There is some research that states that personality disorders may improve naturally with aging, but not too much. There is improvement when the person seeks professional help with therapists, but narcisists usually don't do it
@monabarber23356 ай бұрын
Yes ! I’m 63 and She’s 86 ! These Demons are Pure Evil 👺
@FireJamUSA7 ай бұрын
I am 54 and just figured out my mom is a narcissist this week. I just knew she was difficult to deal with my whole life and I have tried to avoid her as much as possible, which is what she is currently mad about. I'm not sure if I can continue a relationship with her, and my wife and kids all agree that I'm better off without her. Another video I watched said to mourn the narcissist like they died and get them out of your life because there is no cure for it. I think it is time for that... Thank you for this video - it 100% confirms everything I have been thinking - now I can start figuring out how to heal myself ..
@up35647 ай бұрын
Ytuber Patrick Teahan will teach you a lot about this topic.! God bless your healing journey ♡
@kathymc2345 ай бұрын
54 is about right. We just can't believe it. Can you distance yourself and not let emotionally impact you? I became disabled and simply couldn't deal with the drama anymore. So I went, no contact.
@SweetUniverse8 ай бұрын
It has taken me 50 yrs to finally overcome having my mother for a mother
@Twiddledup8 ай бұрын
Me too! She’s 80; still trying her evil tactics! Turning brothers and sisters against me( she tries) she has them so afraid and loves the guilt tripping
@estephaniey1238 ай бұрын
The silent treatment and gossiping is sooo TRUE that's how my mother behaves and as she gets older more and more people are starting to see through her lies.
@Amanda-i2s5y2 ай бұрын
I am waiting for people to see the truth 😢
@catzska6 ай бұрын
Unfortunately Narcissist don’t follow boundaries. They only agree with whatever they want.
@owlampersand79937 ай бұрын
This is EXACTLY how both of my parents are. It's sick and disturbing 😐
@DrDanielFox7 ай бұрын
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this topic.
@katray745210 ай бұрын
I went no contact 6 years ago with the sharks in the tank called my family. My reactions to their triggering me caused high anxiety and inability to think clearly. I refuse to go through it anymore. This holiday is tough as they may soon die and I would love to tell them good-bye. That too, I fear, will fall on deaf ears. Hardest thing to do is "let go".
@DrDanielFox10 ай бұрын
I'm so sorry to hear that you've had such a difficult experience with your family. It can be really tough to cut ties, but sometimes it's necessary for our own well-being. Stay strong and take care of yourself.
@Reflexwoman10 ай бұрын
It really is painful to grieve those that are still alive. I hope you're doing okay. Know you're not alone. Your words are similar to my own. ❤
@maryhunter-77745 ай бұрын
😊@@Reflexwoman
@ladyredd68574 ай бұрын
I feel how you feel I would not go in person they will definitely turn it around on you and having you regretting that you reached out and then they'll die and you'll be stuck with that I will mail a letter and be done
@NicolyKarenSilva-kv7uo4 ай бұрын
4 years of no contact, no regrets !
@iamcolettestyles2 ай бұрын
It’s 2 years for me
@johnnytsunami355810 күн бұрын
@@iamcolettestylesdid you noticed you started to heal and get better after going no contact ?
@TheDrivingCrooner1177 ай бұрын
I just put my 2 and 4 year old to sleep. My precious babies are the most wonderful things in my life. I am so heartbroken reading these comments and seeing how your mothers treated you. I am so sorry. Here, have a mom hug 🫂
@DrDanielFox7 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing. Be well
@noellewestfield68492 ай бұрын
I had to tell my mother once, " I will always be 30 years younger than you". What daughter has to say that? She flirted with my boyfriends ( very embarrassing) and she sought out as friends women who were my age Then she would compare me to them. I am very sure many of you here can relate. Sending hugs!❤
@DrDanielFox2 ай бұрын
It sounds like you've had quite the experience! It's definitely a unique relationship dynamic. Thanks for sharing your story!
@karenjohnson514918 күн бұрын
Yes, my mother competed with me and always flirted with the boyfriends. Very embarrassing for sure.
@felineoverlordservant241910 ай бұрын
I was the hyper empathetic, highly sensitive child with emotional intensity. My mom and brother (older by 2 years) are both covert vulnerable narcissists. I also had a step dad but he was the avoidant enabler. I trauma split by 6 years old (I now actually remember trauma splitting, one moment I thought I was dying from my emotions (I didn’t know what a panic attack was when I was 6 but it didn’t stop me from having them everytime I was triggered into desperate hurt and confusion when I was being abused, I instinctively knew it was wrong of them), at some point during the panic attack I suddenly became emotionally numb and thought to myself “I’m gonna change who I am so they don’t have a reason to hurt me. They’re hurting me because they don’t like how sensitive I am. They don’t like me being honest about my feelings. They don’t like how honest I am about anything. They must be afraid of honesty. I will stop showing my feelings and start telling them what I think they want to hear no matter how uncomfortable it is for me (and it was deeply uncomfortable.” This is a very clear memory of my early childhood. Almost every other memory is fragmented in some way. From there I developed Dissociative Identity Disorder (not diagnosed until 37). I had 5 sleep disorders before my teens. Dropped out of college 3 times (never finished), 25 years of abusive relationships and self medicating, 3 long term stays at mental hospitals (1st at 27 where that alter was diagnosed Borderline), 2 detox centers, and finally trauma treatment at age 37. Now I’m a reclusive cat lady that can’t leave my house unless it’s their grocery store at night when it’s empty, and I hide from the Amazon drivers. If someone knocks on my door without texting that they’re on their way over, I get triggered into a panic attack and become frozen. I can’t say this is a great life but I can say this is the safest I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I also dissociate on and off all day long and have almost no short term memory. My critical thinking works perfectly fine most of the time though. I wish there were more options (that were affordable) for DID and complex ptsd treatment. Isolation definitely isn’t the best option but with a completely fragmented mind and broken sympathetic nervous system, it’s what I need right now.
@roses7214110 ай бұрын
Wow. I can relate to your story. My story is almost the exact same. I ended up with tardive dyskinesia and now have severe tremors that I can't predict. I was diagnosed with OCD at 16, the Depression, anxiety, and BPD. I am in my late 40s. I am a cat lady, too. I did not realize until my Grandma passed, how bad my Mom was. My story is very long. I am just learning how to deal with this. My step dad was also a narc. He came into my life at 15. Moved in and I ended up in the psych ward 8 months later. Now I had 2 parents that basically gave me the silent treatment. I was a good kid. Straight As all through 8 the grade. But when he moved in OCD, took off and school was so hard that my grades took a nose dive. I also dropped out of college many times. Anyways, so glad to read your comment. not happy that you went through a similar situation. But glad that you shared.💜
@roses7214110 ай бұрын
Thank you💜
@roses7214110 ай бұрын
Ps. I go to the Grocery store at night too. I can't take crowds. Do Self check out. My nerves are bad, too. Tardive dyskinesia is really hard to deal with. Any stress, makes it worse.
@roses7214110 ай бұрын
I got TD from an old antidepressant. Basically I was poly drugged. Now I have to stay on meds just to barely function. I was never psychotic. I just wanted to add. That is a misconception. People think Tardive dyskinesia is only from antipsychotics.
@roses7214110 ай бұрын
I have dystonia too...most likely from psych meds. They are very similar.
@abscondis10 ай бұрын
The pain and trauma of having a mother like this never goes away. She is 94 now. I am 64. The narc abuse is ongoing. I have gone no contact a few times now. Setting boundaries makes it worse. She becomes vindictive. After going no contact again five months ago she is now trying to turn my children against with a new smear campaign...elder abuse. When she can't find a legitimate reason to attack me, she makes up lies.
@Deborah-d5b9 ай бұрын
Be strong and stay away from her. I have a mother like this I choose to stay away permanently. My daughter has turned out the same so she is next to walk the line we do not need people like this in our lives.
@naturalhealingmexico9 ай бұрын
Please, stop seeing her as your mother, she gave birth to you, but it doesn't means it's a mother. She is your worst enemy, this happened to me. Until I accepted it I started to recover. Narcs parents are the worst experience in life, since they supposed to be the opposite. Wish you recovery and healing, don't give your energy who doesn't deserve it...
@Ina-wn7jd9 ай бұрын
The lies sucks. Experienced the same😢
@leveticus14618 ай бұрын
The pain will never go away until you cut ties. Such a shame you wasted your years keeping her around.
@abscondis8 ай бұрын
@@leveticus1461Don't I know.😢
@ladyv56559 ай бұрын
My mother passed away last year and she suffered from dementia. She was also a narcissist. Recently I was having a conversation with my brother about her. We agreed about her dementia but we admitted that we could never tell what was her meanness due to dementia as opposed to how she was always mean as long as we can remember. But we agreed that we existed to make her look good and if we were good at something, it was because of her (her thoughts, not ours). If it was something in which we could likely outshine her, she refused to let us do it (ie, she was completely tone deaf so we were only allowed to take music lessons up to a certain point, because G*d forbid we become good at it! )The best thing she did for us, unintentionally, was encourage us to go out of state to university. Funny how we were able to separate emotionally from her set boundaries and become the people we wanted to be.
@renatebarkow52502 ай бұрын
O
@pryncecharming21337 ай бұрын
I believe that the only way to deal with a narcissistic mother is to go full no contact. On paper it sounds easy enough to not engage the toxicity; however, that is not the case in most instances. They know how to push your buttons. They know what it takes to hurt you. They've perfected it. They are monsters. I did not have my own sense of self worth or intrinsic value until i left my mother behind over 10 years ago. Our last argument was so awful that i had to stop myself from smacking her in the face. After that it was full no contact and i became happy, for the first time in my life. She died a few years ago and all i felt was relief beneath the grief (that was undeserved)... I am estranged from my toxic family of origin for going on 20 years, and i have zero intention of ever seeing them again.
@Grassmonster35 ай бұрын
No matter what I achieved, my mother's opening words were always, "It's alright BUT ....." I could bring a straigh A report card home and she'd go through it with a fine tooth comb until she could find some minute detail that she could criticise. I don't ever remember hearing, "Well done" for anything, ever. It turned me into a lifetime over-achiever who self-criticised everything I did. There had to be a flaw because she would have found one.
@charlenemcconnell84097 ай бұрын
Narcissistic mothers cause a heavy amount of damage. This video hits home hard. Radically acceptance is hard but its the first step. You never can change them. Love to those struggling. You can never argue the narcissistic out of them. Thank you for the video
@DrDanielFox7 ай бұрын
I’m glad it was helpful. I understand it can be painful.
@Jennifer-bw7ku5 ай бұрын
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU5 ай бұрын
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
@steceymorgan8145 ай бұрын
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
@patriaciasmith34995 ай бұрын
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU5 ай бұрын
Is he on instagram?
@steceymorgan8145 ай бұрын
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
@stephbowler3141 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for discussing this topic! I grew up with a narcissistic mother and I always felt like I was the crazy one and there was something wrong with me. I always felt like I wasn't enough and never understood why. It was so confusing. I understand now this is what was going on. I appreciate you bringing clarity to a difficult situation.
@Julesyoutoo Жыл бұрын
It's one thing to understand it, but it's a whole other thing having to feel the sorrow of having your own mother this way. It's like a grief that never ends.
@roses7214110 ай бұрын
@@Julesyoutoo yes I cry everyday. Still processing it.
@wulf676 ай бұрын
@@Julesyoutoo Understanding it is the key to freedom, self-respect, and personal growth. The self-pity of having had a mentally ill parent will fade away. I gained a few superpowers from the experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. I can detect attempts at manipulation from MILES away. I was forced to prove my value to myself. So I did, and now no one can take that from me or ever make me doubt it. I learned to walk away from unhealthy relationships, even if it was my own mother. I learned to demand respect and to stand up and fight for myself and for the people and the values I care about. I learned to have compassion for people, even mothers who are incapable of compassion themselves and who inflict intergenerational trauma because of a personality disorder that they didn't choose. The unconditional love you didn't receive from your mother, you now have to give to yourself. When you do that the grief evaporates along with shame, anger and fear. She might have inadvertently given you the Greatest Love of All (to paraphrase Whitney Houston).
@angierox69647 ай бұрын
Excellent! Zero contact for almost 2 years. Learning her diagnosis and then eventually going zero contact has been a lifesaver. When I start to get sad, wishing I had a Mom I just tell myself that she’s dead. Not to be morbid, but I can’t have hope of a relationship with her. My depression and anxiety have improved 50% or more.
@kathymc2345 ай бұрын
Sorry same here. My husband asked how I was going to feel when my parents died. I told him that in my heart, they were already dead.
@angierox69645 ай бұрын
@@kathymc234 My other family members either don’t care, don’t understand, or she has done her thing… I have gently reached out to a few family members and gave them the short version of what’s going on because I don’t want them to believe whatever she is telling them but at the same time I’m not putting any additional energy into any sort of drama. I basically planted the seed and said I’d love to hear from anybody who has any questions and I would really appreciate validation but I haven’t heard from anybody yet and it’s been two years. I have so many negative thoughts about her. They are getting less and less of course but sometimes I worry that perhaps I’m the one who is seriously ill! Obviously, I have many issues due to my upbringing, but I am healing 💕 best of luck to you and in response to your husband’s question I can tell you that I will feel relief. Relief.
@matthewguzda40759 ай бұрын
The one thing she taught me was in arguing was to never let the person you're arguing with know how you feel to insult and criticism. So whatever means stuff she'd say to me , and she tried on numerous occasions to get a reaction from me, was to stay as stoic as possible. Never let her know how I felt or if she hurt me. And really at that point once you know your mom doesn't really love you , you become emotionally strong in a way that whatever someone might say they can't hurt you with words. How can they? There's nothing anyone could say that's worse than getting insulted harshly as a child by ones own mother. I have an emotional callous. Luckily I had the best dad.
@DrDanielFox9 ай бұрын
It's amazing how our experiences shape us and make us stronger. Thank you for sharing your story!
@mimi345679 ай бұрын
❤
@kathymc2345 ай бұрын
I also subscribe to stoicism. Your words generally won't receive a reaction from me. It has served me well in business. But yes, I too went no contact with my family.
@matthewguzda40755 ай бұрын
@@kathymc234 I loved my time in Texas. Sorry bout family. You have to do what you have to but I think it's better when there's harmony. Cheers
@hapichampagne59169 ай бұрын
I have a narcissist mother, and we’ve been at odds my whole life, as soon as I could start making Decisions for my self. And I never backed down, so I was out of the house at 15. We’re still at odds to this day- but I learned that I don’t have to react to her, I can just leave.
@ladennayoung2939 Жыл бұрын
This is very accurate. My mother does really strange things in order to attempt to get attention from me. Even when I am obviously busy doing something else that I need to do.
@dawgmaw10 ай бұрын
They won't be upstaged by anything, even when a close relative dies.
@NutsNBerries9 ай бұрын
Yes it’s so weird or they will try to interrupt when they know you are busy
@johnnytsunami355810 күн бұрын
Do you think these narcs are demonic and target people who may have the light of God (Jesus) in them, and possibly steer them away ?
@joosullivan767710 ай бұрын
I am 60. My mother is a covert vulnerable narcissist. Its been the most confusing life, and it was always up to me to make her happy. even my poor dad would recruit me to take care of her emotionally. It makes sense now, but its taken all my years and a strong life of self preservation and care to refuse being made to feel unworthy. I have a strong faith and its been God who comforts and strengthens me. Ive been a social worker for years, helping others because i can relate to their sufferings. I dont have the answers, everyone is different, but its videos like this and comments like yours that help so much. ps. going no contact is ok if its gotten too toxic, and like me, it was almost impossible to not react..so no contact it is for now again. This includes my narcissist sister too. i actually feel relieved. Take the time to heal, persue healthy relationships and trust God. xx
@naturalhealingmexico9 ай бұрын
Vulnerable? How that comes? Narcs are everything but vulnerable, we, the victims of their schemes are the vulnerable ones, but them. I am sorry to said so, I feel your comment, but there is something called cognitive dissonance, I related to your story it happened to me too, in the process of comforting my narc sadistic evil mother I learned to take others needs as priority instead of mine, after years of therapy and alternative medicine I finally broke the chain, I do not deserve narcs around me, so I push them away if my life, I don't run away, as many suggest to do so when narcs around, I push them away of my life, they are the ones to run not me....do the same please.
@MJ-qb5ph9 ай бұрын
Vulnerable covert narcs are a thing. My sister in law had me fooled till the passing of my mother when the mask came off in private and she terrorized me almost to suicide yet no one believed me but her the ‘victim’. They are total manipulators
@hygqueensav9 ай бұрын
@@naturalhealingmexicotheir are a couple of different types the obvious one being grandiose and very charismatic. The other is very covert and sometimes called vulnerable and it’s not as obvious to others as the first type. They are insidious and really make you think your crazy because they seem like a victim and everyone else is the oppressor when that’s absolutely not the case.
@ChirripoCory9 ай бұрын
“You’re not going to argue the narcissism out of her.”
@wulf676 ай бұрын
No, but I taught her who not to F with.
@deonuacid Жыл бұрын
Having a narc mom myself I’ve always wondered what is it like to have a good nurturing mom. My mom will start with all kinds of negative conversations from breakfast time to end of day and starts all over again the next day. She feeds from every negative news from tv and tv stars and immediately will turn it into an opportunity to gaslight for hours. She’s dying to travel but the few times that I’ve taken her she behaves like a child needing constant attention. The sad thing is that being raised by a narcissist puts you in place where even the people we attract are also narcissist. It’s a loose loose situation, I love her. Thank goodness for these KZbin conversations I was able to understand where all this behavior comes from and that it doesn’t matter how much I try it will never change.
@Julesyoutoo Жыл бұрын
Yes. Stop trying. As Dr Fox says, time and time again, we're never 'good enough' for them. Think about it. What sort of a loving, caring, nurturing parent would even consider that? They themselves are mentally unwell and they just cannot face that fact.
@watermelonlover7459 ай бұрын
My mom wants praise like she was the best mom in the world
@NutsNBerries9 ай бұрын
My mother can’t come out of town with me She will not ruin a good time for me
@rebeccaward69186 ай бұрын
Thank You for this video . As a nurturing mother I don’t understand this but my own mother is a narcissist and my severely mentally ill aunt is too and my mother in law is too . But the main thing is I’m a nurturing mother and my children’s fathers sound too . Survivors of narcissistic abuse are so strong even through many other hurdles alongside on our journey some people stronger than ever with other stuff such as health issues too and work etc…But we do our best and are successful even after attempts of narcissists who tried to destroy our soul . Wishing You and Yours and people in this community love and light 💖💖💖💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
@DrDanielFox6 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
@TheLauraMarieT210 ай бұрын
I can’t take anymore. I really can’t. Then when I finally reach my limit I get scolded that I’m going to be sorry when she is gone. - I don’t want my mom gone - I just don’t want to be the whipping boy. I’m sad that I have to step back but it isn’t getting better and never has felt okay. So now I’m completely alone and a people pleaser - super anxious - I have to shut it all done and reboot myself.
@MphoenixE9 ай бұрын
With your reboot, are you setting boundaries and deciding what your values are? Also write how you want to be treated or what you will and will not accept
@uncalibratedInitiate7 ай бұрын
I have done the same with the same realizations, I have pondered that I’m learning to be a responsible and self disciplined man in my 40s alone but I am not a victim!! I’m grateful for the journey today and feel like the kind of bravery needed to make that decision and take action isn’t easily achieved by the masses and will always remain yours to cultivate 😌
@magdalenam92226 ай бұрын
Nie daj się 💪 i Trzymaj się mocno ✊. Jej życie jest jej porażką i ona niech z tym żyje , ty powiedz , że nie wyrażasz zgody na przemoc i nagrywaj ją ! Powiedz jej , że jest nagrywana ! I w miarę możliwości zostaw ją w cholerę i zadbaj o swoje życie traktując swoją osobę najlepiej jak potrafisz 🤲❤. Jestem przekonana , że Ci się uda . Pozdrawiam Cię z Polski🍀
@racmorr0076 ай бұрын
Currently in the beginning of my reboot. no contact with every and anybody i feel pressured by......everything that makes me tense or agitated...cut...im studying and just focusing on work...i have my pets...thank God for them....im just staying away from people....
@braveheart99269 ай бұрын
The fact that 90% of people born in the 90s in China were living with NPD parents is alarming. I was born in a poor village in China in 1994, and my brother was born in 1995. I realized that my mother was toxic during elementary school. Connecting with my emotions was impossible, criticism was a daily routine, and she commonly called me names like 'slut,' 'ungrateful,' and 'uneducated.'I experienced severe belly aches during my first period, prompting me to go home from school. I'll never forget the shame; she insisted that nobody behaves like this to avoid school. She delighted in demeaning me on any occasion, seeking attention and sympathy. I always knew she was sick because my grandmother loved me unconditionally. My grandmother provided warmth, care, and affection to me until 12. Thanks to God and my grandma, I survived my challenging upbringing with sick parents.
@xxxxxxxxx39449 ай бұрын
The narcissistic mother treats daughters snd sons very very very differently. She puts her son on a pedastal. Her daughter, into the trashbin.
@rasmussvensson89535 ай бұрын
Not necessary true, we, their children are treated very differently depending on if our behavior pleases their need of attention and external validation. I did, well rly well in school so she made sure to insert herself into that part. I also was bullied which also served her need of attention, she could take credit for my academic achievement and also gain recognition for "trying to stop the bullying". When it actually stopped she went to my school and told all the kids not to bully me for, well she went to on belittling me for over 30min. Basically giving my classmates ammunition too start bully me again. My sister on the other hand was performing more like the averege student so she didn't care about her achievements in school. On the other hand sis had no problem making friend and was popular socially and her hobby was, well expensive so mother used sisters social skills and interest in horse riding to network with the other parents from a higher socioeconomic level than ours. While I was not that good at badminton. So she invested money on a horse, private riding lessons from the coach of the national team (who is at the time we're world champions). Meanwhile tried to compete and play badminton with broken shoes and racquet. Obviously I worked from an early age to even pay any of my interests but couldn't make enough money for new shoes as a freshman in high school, new equipment even the most expensive ones cost less than one of my sisters private lessons. She used my sisters nice and likeable personality to make friends herself... Obviously she gaslit me, called me ungrateful, a lier, loser and so on for pointing out that it didn't seem fair. Since me and sis are very different personality wise she treated us different depending on the situation and I simply couldn't understand why she would deny it. Then she heard some of the parents whose kids I play with talk about how weird it was that my sister had a horse and a personal trainer, horse trailer etcetc while I was struggling to play with my broken equipment. That week she took me to the sport store to get new shoes aswell as a racquet, I was so happy. While I was looking at which racquet to get, oddly enough families that knew us walked in this rather small store and she would tell me to try the most expensive ones while they were there as she went and spoke to the my friends parents. Then once they left the store, she told me it was time to leave, so I left empty handed (something about I sucked anyway so what difference would it make if my racquet was broken). I was so confused leaving empty handed, didn't expect to get something expensive but at least, something that wasn't broken. Now I know she planned the whole thing to make herself look like a good parent, reputation control to hide the neglect I assume. She prioritize how she is perceived a lot. My perfect test scores (not bragging, I didn't put much effort, I was just born with a talent for learning things, simpy born with an high IQ). So my role was making her look intelligent. My sister was used for her social skills. That was one of the least, dark example I could recall. Sis is obviously the favorite, I was just doing sell in school because she was a genius (my dad is the intelligent one, mum isjust very good at manipulating people). Looking at it as an adult it's clear that we were just trophies to show off when it made her look good and, even if I was seen as a prodigy in math everyone knew that so it didn't rly continue to feed her ego/self much. Having "high functioning Asperger" (ok autism spectrum disorder nowdays I guess it's calmed) it took me over 25y to realize just how bad it was and why she would act like a caring mother when others where around but then keep breaking me down in private. It took 30+y for me to get diagnosed as she would find a way to involve herself in the process, both for attention and to hide and deny that there was any history of mental health issues. Instead always bringing up some odd case from my dad's side which meant I wasn't receiving proper help. While her entire family have mental health issues (which researchers have found to be genetic) that they were hiding (hoarding OCD etc). I never visited her parents. Then when they passed away, well she needed me to help clean the place out. That's when I found out about their issues. When I asked why she had hid it and lied to my doctors it wasn't long until I wasn't ghosted. But I had too return her key and that, 3½y ago was when we last spoke. She told me "when you said that me lying had impacted you negatively it mad me (she was referring to herself) feel bad so I hate you". She knew that I had figured her out. I'm leaving out a lot of hateful personal attacks (over an hour of just tearing me down) before that final gas was lit. I realized that I had to get away for my sanity and mental well being. So I I apologized for making her feel bad, even bowed (nothing we so in our culture, just to make a point) and said I had to go and left and I don't even know if I would recognize her today even. Started spending more time with dad and my mental health started improving. I don't dare think about it how messed up I would have ended up if he wasn't always there for me and still is. Sorry for the rant, it's so much to process that it's overwhelming. I hope everyone is doing well or at least as well as they can in their lives.
@rasmussvensson89535 ай бұрын
@@jenniferclarke900 I'm so sorry to hear what you had to endure. You must be very resilient too have made it through all that. My only saving life line was my dad. The NPD person wants too be revered like a God so it's not at all weird that you would have written those posts back then. The "lying to yourself" I can relate to. It's so hard to accept who they really are that it makes sense to want to be deny it. Thank you for sharing all that, it can't have been easy. While it was painful to read it's a also comforting to know that there are others out there who can relate even though our stories are different, it made me feel less alone, so I truly thank you. I rly got no one to talk to about this and I fear that no one would believe it, don't know if you can relate. It's hopeful you will find whatever you are searching for, peace of mind and health.
@PunishedKenny5 ай бұрын
That has been the opposite of my experience. Two families I've been in the household to see, the son gets blamed for everything while the daughter is treated with kid gloves, and she knows she can get away with things and also all she has to do is cry and somehow it's always brother's fault. It's common for narcs to have favorites, usually the youngest in my experience.
@PrincessnerraTV5 ай бұрын
This is so true! My sister and I are dealing with situation right now.
@whipthenationalswingdanceo88924 ай бұрын
This is not true in every case. Maybe in your family your mother put the son on a pedestal. I was my sisters whipping boy. Nothing I could do was right. I was denied attention and love. My mother left my Dad and me. She never talked to me again after she divorced my Dad. I was treated like dirt no value. My mother put my jacket in the cleaners and the cleaner ruined it. Somehow it was my fault and I was never bought a jacket again ever. I was 15 years old. I had to go to school in 30 degree weather in only my shirt. My mom bought my sister a full length fur coat. during this time. I can tell you a million stories of my abuse by my narcissistic mother.
@CuttinInIdaho9 ай бұрын
My mother was this way, and I am finally getting past some serious mental health issues (depression and no self esteem) that would plague me off and on. I have seen this in public, mothers with children crying with the most unbelievably sad sounds...like a deep pain....those mothers are completely oblivious or sometimes are staring back, emotionless, at their helpless children who are clearly in agony. It is so sad...I pick up on this instantly. Most parents are trying to comfort their kids, and some are like me and comforting while anxious about it...but there really is a difference when parents don't seem to care.
@ruthc719 ай бұрын
You've just described my "mother" to a T. I only realised I was the scapegoat when I was 52, last year when my father passed. I got so used to the sly digs, put downs, constant criticism all my life, even at Dad's funeral my makeup was toopale like wtf. She labelled me as "troubled" all my life instead of acknowledging the continued abuse I suffered as a child and teen from people she allowed to abuse me. I got the blame for this and told it was all my fault. I was told children are seen and not heard. I had a breakdown last year and diagnosed complex ptsd, adhd and autism spectrum disorder. She used my father's death to deny me and my sister any items of comfort belonging to Dad and ste made excuses for us not to go to the house. She sent the same texts ie copied and pasted to me and my sister pretending to check on us while my other siblings Sat in her home with Daddy's socks on as comfort the day of the funeral. She hates me to the core and you have just described that deep seated depression and sadness I have all my life from being continually dismissed
@jessicapatton26889 ай бұрын
It must be a common thing. I think I’m on the autistic spectrum and maybe add too. I’m not diagnosed but I am with major depressive disorder and ptsd and generalized anxiety. I guess never feeling valued as a human can leave one quite depressed!
@ruthc718 ай бұрын
@@jessicapatton2688 it can have such a profound impact. You spend your whole childhood and adult years in fight or flight it has to have an impact. In women it's harder to diagnose Asd as I know myself I mimicked others and if I went outside of this I was laughed at mocked, lost jobs etc so had to learn social rules by watching how others intereacted. Then ad the options of others being more import than yours (childhood conditioning) can create confusion about yourself as a person. I am so grateful to be able to see this now in my 50s and that the education is out there now x
@stefaniweiss20777 ай бұрын
Me too
@carolkelley84635 ай бұрын
11:02 I was in my 40s when BPD described my mother. NPD notches it a little closer. Thank you for this revealing podcast and know how much all the comments helped me heal even more. The repeating remedy is RUN and don't look back. That choice was extremely difficult and it saved my life.
@individualspawn10779 ай бұрын
And it takes so many years to heal from seeing how well they treat the golden child!
@jessicapatton26889 ай бұрын
Omg that is sooooo true! My sister Laurie and brother Joey were the golden children. I have called them the anointed ones.
@LeticiaAGentil7 ай бұрын
My brother was the golden child, while I was the hated one, until my mother adopted my younger sister (who has a mental disorder) and then she became the scapegoat. Poor girl. My brother failed at his job, he had to almost file for bankruptcy, and our mother paid part of his debt. Now mother has 2 scapegoats, and I am spared of her hate because she has nothing to complain about me at the moment. He was really destroyed by her words to him. It was really sad to listen to him saying that he NOW understood how she had treated us all these years
@Ana.Banana.777 ай бұрын
My mother has always been so critical of me. From my grades to my looks. Yet when I was met with success, she attributed those successes to how she raised me. I cut her off completely… still going through the healing process. At times I feel like I hate her but I don’t, I love her. Despite this, I can’t have her in my life and that hurts. Wishing you all the best
@sonicocr7 ай бұрын
This video makes me cry and envy people with normal mothers and families. Thanks for sharing, for me is imposible to control my fears and pain each time my mother says toxic destructive things to me.
@DrDanielFox7 ай бұрын
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time. Remember, you're not alone in facing difficult family dynamics.
@VanillaDream255 ай бұрын
And keep in mind always, ITS NOT ABOUT YOU It's their disorder and they can't help projecting their shame and pain, onto others. Remember: you are strong, you are good, you are your own person and will prevail if you just believe in your worthiness ❤
@Kris_USA909 ай бұрын
Through the streaming tears that just seem to fall and fall and fall, I watch this and am suddenly validated. Absolutely love this, absolutely NEEDED to hear this. It's like you have watched my life in a movie and described my own mother. Profound. Absolutely love your content. Please do more videos like this about narcissistic parents. Thank you so much Doc. Much love
@stefaniaschannel9 ай бұрын
💜🙏🏼
@Ina-wn7jd9 ай бұрын
I was crying too. It's painful.
@emeliaviguri41752 ай бұрын
God bless you all victims , may you find peace
@karenbruscini34919 ай бұрын
Definitely my existence with my mother. No contact brought me happiness freedom and love.
@doctorstreamspunk99965 ай бұрын
Two things all of us realized by age 10: Mom will always be there to kick us when we're down and she'ls always ready to take credit for our successes when we're up.
@DrDanielFox5 ай бұрын
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
@jacquelineglitter43282 ай бұрын
My friend said that about his Dad.
@MemoryChronicles9 ай бұрын
Yes! Yes! Yes! To everything! You must’ve met my mother! Everything you described has been my past life! I’m no contact for 3 years and been more accomplished, feel good and better because I don’t have this voice that’s always telling I’m not going to make it.
@johnnytsunami355810 күн бұрын
Was it hard going no contact ?
@DracoStar797 ай бұрын
My mother knew I had mental health problems, promised to support my recovery and gaining some stability in my life, instead she picked apart everything down to tracking where i went till I had to go into emergency
@Alice.in.Marmalade5 ай бұрын
Growing up with a narcissistic mother is a special kind of hell. It took me 15 years of therapy to finally heal and be free. I went no contact 10 years ago. When I have bad days and slip back into the dark hole of sorrow and self-doubt, there is one thing that bring me absolute joy: knowing that I will never have to see my mother again.
@zorkabiljecki74085 ай бұрын
You will. After life. And God will be there too.
@fizzyizzy81159 ай бұрын
Moment I finally called my mother out on not feeling safe I got told “it was your job to feel safe here” (how does a child make themselves safe in a not safe place?) and now it’s been a year without a word from her. Once they realize you *see* them they drop you like it’s hot.
@Andthereyouhaveit9 ай бұрын
Read the book ENGRAVED by Pia Salvato. It's about a narcissistic mother who tried to destroy her entire family. What she did to her children is heartbreaking! 💔
@zenodotusofathens21227 ай бұрын
Thanks for the recommendation, but I don't need to read any book about a narcissistic mother. I experienced it for 64 years [she died old]. I could write the book.
@whelanmmw7 ай бұрын
This is describing my relationship with my mother EXACTLY. It's as if he has been watching us for my whole life.
@waynec3697 ай бұрын
The one term/phrase that screamed out to me and pretty much blocked out everything else in this video is "your needs." When you've been raised by narcissistic parents, you learn (by them, but mostly your mother) your only "needs" are food, water, and air. Anything and everything else are wants and even luxuries. Your narcissistic mother firmly believes she fulfilled her requirements by feeding you and putting the clothes she wants to see you in on your back.
@jocelynrawlins80233 ай бұрын
My mother dismissed all my achievements by saying, 'Don't let it go to your head!'
@CarolynMCashАй бұрын
Mine would say, 'That's nice', and that was it.
@CaramelSunflowers8 ай бұрын
Mine has completely destroyed my reputation in our local community after I cut her off for being abusive. It's been almost 20 years and she is still slandering me. It's had a catastrophic affect on my health, she managed to turn my own doctor against me resulting in continuously being dismissed with serious spinal symptoms. I now have permanent nerve damage and issues using my legs, something that could have been prevented if I had been listened to. Not once did anyone ask me what had happened with my mother, they just believed whatever she said, well the gullible did, many in the community ignored her.
@Reflexwoman10 ай бұрын
Narcissists do NOT change. They are who they are. It is what it is.
@jlcmsw9 ай бұрын
I told my mother that all my successes and achievements are due to me NOT following her example and advice. She didn’t seem to like that.
@DrDanielFox9 ай бұрын
It's important to find your own path and make your own decisions. Sometimes that means going against the advice of those closest to you. Keep pushing forward and proving yourself!
@goldenbuddafly9 ай бұрын
It’s interesting enough to know that quite a few people that I’ve met, who had narcissistic parents, were actually some of the most kind & empathetic people. It makes you wonder how they would have been if it wasn’t for the narcs in their life. This is in no way endorsing this despicable behavior, but it is noteworthy.
@DrDanielFox9 ай бұрын
It's amazing how people can overcome their difficult upbringing and still become kind and empathetic individuals. It's a testament to their strength and resilience.
@NutsNBerries9 ай бұрын
I can’t believe we have to born into this demonic ass shit
@Waterharmony39 ай бұрын
Glad that many people are learning about narcissistic abuse and going no contact because we have our lives to live and dont need to carry other people's issues and pain with us!
@DrDanielFox9 ай бұрын
Absolutely! It's so important to prioritize our own well-being and not let the negative energy of others weigh us down. Keep focusing on your own happiness and growth!
@Butterflyyyy99 ай бұрын
I had to sleep over at a friend's house just to see what it was like to have such a normal family dynamic was because my home was nothing but a destruction. I caught on at an early age around 7-8 years old that's when i knew something wasn't right with her then kicked me out at age 11
@Onemoretime-qu6sf4 ай бұрын
I knew as a kid something was off about her behavior. I think other women noticed it too and would let me come over and be part of a "normal" family. My mom would get jealous of these other woman and constantly remind me of " I am your mother".
@loriwinters4147 ай бұрын
As a Christian, and raised in church by my mother, it’s such a struggle wondering is it ok or not to go no contact. You just don’t truly ever know what God thinks about that. But after so many years, and seeing they will never change, but only get worse, you must keep yourself safe, and that means staying away from her. It’s just the way it has to be
@DrDanielFox7 ай бұрын
It can definitely be a tough decision, but prioritizing your safety and well-being is important.
@tunkytunky5 ай бұрын
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. In other words your parents weren't supposed to be doing that, it's okay to go no contact if they were cruel and abusive.
@earthrooster19697 ай бұрын
Hah...since my childhood days, I spent a LOT of hours in the garden because the house was cold and I only used to get my Mom's attention in case I needed to be corrected or disciplined. I grew up with ONE ambition...I need to be away.. Even if the world was saying that your family is your safe place..I was NEVER convinced.. Only thanks to these amazing videos and information I now realise my Mom is/was a grandiose narcissist.and my little child mind knew SHE is in the wrong. But hello! My rest of the family was hailing her as the Family Hero!! I am and will be in constant healing but it's worth my journey... learning to reclaim my life, my joy...
@ladennayoung2939 Жыл бұрын
Right. Exactly. That is what I had to learn. I just started learning all of this information about 4 years ago. My mother is more covert than overt more often than not. So, I assumed she was a great mom. Because it seemed as though she was always there for me. But in reality, she was the main one hoping for negative things to happen in my life and hoping for the worst. Because she wanted me around for the duration of her life as a form of supply. She is truly a miserable person and want to spread that misery onto myself and my son. Especially on to myself. She does some of the strangest things as an attempt to get my attention.
@stephanier6783 Жыл бұрын
Ooooooh, those covert narcissists can *really* lay low...like snakes in the grass...just kind of quietly waiting, hissing, and just ready to strike at the moment you make a mistake they can capitalize on. Give me a overt narcissist all day, any day. You can see them coming a mile away. You know what they are. They show everyone what a disaster they are. ...but those covert narcissists...they learn how to cloak themselves so that they *appear* to be truly decent human beings, and they are nothing close to that. These are the people that portray themselves as the pillars of the community...in public...and in the home or car where others can't hear what they say and see what they do, the true momster comes out. It's all about keeping up appearances for these narcissists...in public...and the mother's who are like this are in competition with their children, just waiting for their children to fall, make a mistake, come in 2nd place, or experience a failure, and then they beat you down further, using every little weakness they've ever put into you against you. ...but here is the real kicker... If you try to tell others about this, most people won't believe you...and...if you're a decent human being who has empathy for others, you're almost happy for them that they can't even begin to imagine a "mother" treating her own child like that because it means they grew up with a loving, nurturing mother who treated them like they mattered. I definitely believe what you have posted. You statements align with many similar experiences of other daughters raised by narcissists. A narcissist masquerading as "a mother" wants you to make her look good to others..publicly...and in her own twisted, sadistic mind, she never wants to you to exceed where she perceives herself to be in life because it would be too much of a narcissistic injury for her if one of her children, especially a daughter, surpassed her (and this is HER perception of where she is in the social hierarchy, it's not a hierarchy most of us...with a conscience...perceive). Our mothers are very broken people...irreparably broken...by their own mothers and/or fathers. They try and shed that irreparable brokenness down to us and, if you let them, your own children. Do NOT let her even try to break your children.
@Shadowman...10 ай бұрын
I can relate to the narcissist enlisting others. My sister as well as my mothers sister are like brain washed minions to my Mothers control and manipulation. I swear that my mother could tell them I'm raising rattle snakes in the backyard and selling them to circus clowns in Africa and they would believe her without question. It's sad how conditioned they are. I can already see my sister walking up to me and saying in a snippy tone -without even asking me first if what my mother said is true " Mom says your raising snakes in the backyard , YOU Better watch what your doing, those things are dangerous. " And I would be thinking inside " Man, you are sooooo stupid." Its as if they live in a constant state of delusion.
@DrDanielFox10 ай бұрын
It can be really frustrating when people blindly believe everything without questioning. Stay strong and don't let their delusion affect you.
@VivatVeritas19 ай бұрын
Narcissists DO live in a constant state of delusion.
@christophercelmer4059 ай бұрын
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where they chip away at your sense of reality until they convince you your perception is wrong. In the end those who actually manage to stay on the good side of their abuser turn to doing the same to impress them or save their own skins. The latter can be forgiven if they can show this was true and show genuine guilt/sympathy. I was an autistic scapegoat and went through a hell of a childhood. I wasn't the best at reading social ques and was brutally honest. My mother despised me for it and when it was brought up that her physical and mental abuse was getting out on occasion she isolated me from any friends and made me out into a trouble maker at school so no one would interact with me. Boot camps, a psych ward, and military school all because she didn't know what to do with me. I was on several different prescriptions growing up. She was a medical transcriptionist and fancied herself well informed with doctor google. She decided I was bipolar, paranoid, and aggressive. I was mad because I knew how unfair I was treated, She was mad that I could read her like a book, and I was randomly hyper because I needed to stim but I was told I was weird and that my quirky mannerisms would get me in trouble. They often did too over what I still consider the silliest things.
@fgoindarkg5 ай бұрын
It's baffling how easily the flying monkeys fall into line. Narcissism runs in my family. All the women are narcs. My mom is gone now but my cousin has circled the monkeys so now There are half a dozen in her place. My little family is now outcast from what used to be a large and friendly family for the 50 years before my crazy cousin Karen split it into factions for her agenda of hate. Now it's gone forever.
@Shadowman...5 ай бұрын
@@fgoindarkg Karma is real my friend and they will have to meet it in the next life.
@liliadeanda58597 ай бұрын
I always knew, not thought, that unconditional love was a beautiful but non-exisitant concept, like world peace.
@DrDanielFox7 ай бұрын
Thanks for your comment.
@Julesyoutoo Жыл бұрын
Doctor Fox, you're the best. "Accepting your narcissistic mother is so very hard, hard to do." It really is. Only yesterday my mother told me she hoped I wouldn't be so argumentative anymore. This was a few weeks after I'd called her to let her know that I was having menopausal mood swings and that I was about to see a doctor for some help. I'm 55 and yet she still manages to hurt my heart. But, thanks to people like you, we children of narcissistic parents are learning that we can find ways to survive and thrive. With many thanks, from Yorkshire, England.
@John_Candy4 ай бұрын
Narcissistic mother and spineless enabler father is a hell of a combo
@sunnyadams58429 ай бұрын
Absolutely Right On!! For the kid of a Narc, Living your own life is the HARDEST THING TO DO, AND the most necessary. It is exactly what they train you NOT TO DO. So you are trying to figure out what a decent life looks like, with a brain that's been conditioned By this person, to not see this exact person's faults... if it's neglect you are trying to identify, you are working to find what's NOT THERE! JEEZE!! Must say you are really clear on this!!
@kathyloizos34119 ай бұрын
I come from a family of 6 long story short, I was the only child who called my moms out on her tactics, and still to this day im am the most hit target! I left at 16 because she knows I see through her ridiculous manipulation and shaming. I am now 52 and my relationship with her since 16 has been long arms width.. very long arms. I keep to subjects of simple and no meaning, like the weather, and a recipe, anything else will end up with her belittling, or manipulation. The sad part of this is, I have always long to have a relationship, or friendship with my mother, and I had to come to terms it’s never gonna happen, she is now 86 years old today. She has along the way tried to turn each of us kids on each other.. it’s been one hell of a road to travel!!
@estelao.b.14739 ай бұрын
It s painful to read that. I am in a similar position. Check my comment in this video, I am almost 30, but my experience is similar. I wish you the best. If tou managed to find a lifetime partner, please tell me how to differentiate entitlement/pride from a sense of justice, because many of my relationships went to sh*t because of it.
@kathymc2345 ай бұрын
Did you reach out to other moms and try to claim them? Cause you didn't want your own mom, but wanted a nice mom.
@karenjohnson514918 күн бұрын
@@estelao.b.1473 this is difficult stuff. Try to become what she isn’t and in time it will smooth out.
@karenjohnson514918 күн бұрын
@@kathymc234 I sure did and I was fortunate enough to have several good ones
@juliezagata93399 ай бұрын
Been here many times with my mother as she would always exclude me, put my brother and sister against me when I was really young. They too became abusive towards me. At age 17 I lived with other families because of abuse and finally moved out of state at age 19 to another family who the mother is a narcissist 🤦♀️Been on my own and have tried but finally cut ties for several years to no contact from both! I’m now 62 and will not let anyone in my life who creates havoc.
@j-r-hill7 ай бұрын
2 decades and you've never seen a narcissist be out-argued... Thanks, i needed to hear that
@jend603210 ай бұрын
This was so incredibly helpful and validating. One of the things I’ve struggled with is overthinking and second guessing myself, and this helped me consider why. Thank you so much!
@DrDanielFox10 ай бұрын
You're so welcome!
@watermelonlover7459 ай бұрын
I'm 41 and just now getting this. She abhors to see me happy.
@NutsNBerries9 ай бұрын
Because they tried to kill our confidence at a young age…by never liking us and never supporting us and always comparing us to other people
@br88449 ай бұрын
I love how you mentioned Tony Soprano's mom. It was my first thought while you were talking. Recently I went no contact with my mother and I have been the happiest I have ever been.
@DrDanielFox9 ай бұрын
Thank you for your comment! I'm glad you resonated with the mention of Tony Soprano's mom. It's great to hear that going no contact with your mother has brought you happiness. Sometimes, making tough decisions for our own well-being is necessary.
@br88449 ай бұрын
@@DrDanielFox you don't even know. Well, you probably do. But it was a nightmare because a compliment was always disguised as an insult. It just felt great to finally say "no more" It took me 42 years but I'm here now. The sabotage for my education and my well-being all of it is no longer part of my life. I got here with help of a therapist but I encourage anyone if they feel this way to get help and do everything the right way
@daniawania9 ай бұрын
Never felt so seen. This has been so well researched because you hit every nail and every nerve. Today I had the thought of me having a daughter one day and I broke down. I will love that child will everything I have. I won't give an ounce of attention to her for the rest of my years. I don't care about any changes, I've lost 34yrs already. She needs to change for self. I didn't do the most respectful exit though and I don't care. Foh
@deborahdrew20658 ай бұрын
You’re bringing me to tears. You put it so well. The deep depression and never feeling joy.
@judyedwards71444 ай бұрын
I’ve been a depressed person for most of my life. I was 14 when I realized something just wasn’t right 😢 was diagnosed major depressive disorder in my 30’s figured out it was my mother that probably attributed to my diagnosis in my 40’s knowing what I was dealing with helped me to have some control over the way she made me feel.. I love my Mother, she’s 84 and I’m 67, I’ll try and be here for her as long as my health permits … sometimes it’s not easy but with all mental disorders nothing is.. my wish for everyone on this platform is Love ❤️
@DrDanielFox4 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your story and spreading love on this platform.
@grazielaseganfredo55712 ай бұрын
Bingo, all numbers checked. Trying to recover from the undeniable truth right in my face.