In the Mind of Narcissistic Mothers: Unveiling the Hidden Dangers

Tony Soprano’s mother also qualifies for BPD, fyi
Cope with your BPD symptoms using my BPD Card Deck: The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
shorturl.at/bxB05
Narcissistic mothers exhibit a pattern of behavior characterized by extreme self-centeredness and a lack of empathy for their children's emotional needs. These individuals often prioritize their own desires, image, and success over the well-being of their offspring. They may use manipulation, emotional abuse, and guilt-tripping to control their children and maintain a sense of superiority. Narcissistic mothers can be highly critical, demanding perfection from their children while rarely offering praise or support. This upbringing can lead to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and an enduring sense of inadequacy in their children. Breaking free from the influence of a narcissistic mother can be a challenging and complex journey, often requiring therapy and self-discovery to heal and establish healthy boundaries.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
KZbin: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: [e-mail]
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
00:00 Introduction
00:25 Daughters and sons of narcissistic mothers
00:48 Narcissistic mother tactics
06:27 Why it’s hard to feel loved
06:59 How narcissistic mother tactics impact who you are
08:05 Intense codependency
09:13 Depression with unclear origin
09:58 Intense self-doubt
10:35 How to deal with your narcissistic mother

[@kamrynrainntree695]

It took me 60 years to realize i never had a family at all.

[@earthrooster1969]

Hope you are your own family! It was a very tough realisation for me as well!!! I am over 50...

[@TyStar10]

Same. Took me 48 years but glad to get the knowledge. Never too late to choose your family✌🏾💜

[@kalisha728]

Took me 43

[@claudias.9043]

​@@TyStar10exactly like me

[@LinF299]

Me also and I am late 60's!

[@la6136]

Best revenge on a narcissistic mother is to go out and live your best life. Do everything that she told you not to do and held you back from. Be your true authentic self and don't care what your narcissistic mother thinks or how she feels about it. Put yourself first and above her always.

[@DrDanielFox]

Absolutely! It's so important to prioritize your own happiness and live your life on your own terms. Don't let anyone hold you back from being your authentic self.

[@jbb8261]

Mine wanted me to get a phd before getting married. I don’t even LIKE school! She just wanted me to do that so she could brag about it. She is obsessed with status. Now I’m a stay at home mom and have my own business. I stopped at my bachelors. Excellent advice ❤❤❤

[@amandakropen3273]

Mine told me in high school that I was having too much fun. I was only allowed to go out Friday OR Saturday night, not both. WTF!!

[@lilac624]

Many become parents to become egg donors

[@Sarara-mv5sx]

Well, obviously - but not being able to do so on account of the crippling effects of their abuse is the problem. It's not a failure of motivation or a "bad attitude" or laziness that gets in the way. Maybe you mean well with this comment, but it's shaming, and kind of grandiose.

[@kazbah1217]

My first bully in life was my mother. She gave me the gift of a lifetime of damage full of distrust, shame and abandonment issues. What a gal.

[@valeriemcarthur8547]

I feel your pain. That was my siblings' and I first bull. Narcissist parents will make your life a living HELL. Love yourself and remember that you have value as a person. It is not your fault even though the narcissist wants you to believe that. My brother and sister, I have to unwind from dealing with a narcissist mother.

[@Happydays14385]

I relate to this so much. My mom was such a a bully

[@jill4268]

I hear that My mom put all her problems on her kids and was emotionally immature Never helped us, didn't care if we were coming or going, a lot of garbage I have no room to list. Then after grandkids became some other person entirely It takes a long time to heal She was awful I was raising myself at 14, had to get a job at 16 and I managed to get great grades I had so much stress and no real teenage years I was paying bills for us I was so afraid to be homeless or have no heating and food. Then when I wanted to go to college I had to pay for that too. No guidance no help no care I just had so much damage from this took me 45 years to figure it out She was married 3 times we moved all the time. I enjoy life and take of myself always now. I found a lot peace now at almost 54

[@sianydjoenaidi1389]

Yes same here

[@dalisingh220]

Setting boundaries with a narcissistic mother is like setting boundaries with the devil. The more you convince yourself there is a middle ground, the more you fall into the abyss. After 45 years of psychological abuse, I’m no contact - with no regrets.

[@Reflexwoman]

There is no other options but no contact w these creatures. They will never change or stop. Their narcissism will not allow them to be or do anything but how they are, and that is to lack empathy and gain whatever kind of fuel (emotional reaction) good or bad from their source of supply. Good on you for escaping! I'm right there w you.

[@Butterflyyyy9]

I agree and then they will try to keep manipulating you it will never STOP it isn't worth it!

[@dalisingh220]

@@Reflexwoman there's freedom and happiness that comes from self-preservation and learning to value yourself so they can no longer harm you.

[@dalisingh220]

@@Butterflyyyy9 their manipulations never stop....that's just not how they are made.

[@yolandawilliams3767]

I FEEL YOU!!!!

[@Mi6AgentSavileMBE.]

I disowned my narcissistic mother. She blames everyone but herself for the pain she caused to so many.

[@annabanzon313]

Good for u. Mine refuses to talk to me and my hubby. And frankly, I'm enjoying the break.

[@MeanOldLady]

I sighed from relief when mine finally died. She only ever got a sense that she screwed up when I told her that we kids get to pick her nursing home. Then she'd be back to her old ways & we'd remind her: nursing home. tick tock. That was the only thing that scared her.

[@candydodson1283]

I rarely visit or call my narcissistic mother and life is so much less dramatic. No giving her money, no being expected to get mad at someone at whom she’s mad (which is ALWAYS someone).

[@moonmissy]

I’m doing the same. At 48 years old, I realized I had to let go of the desires to have a loving mother or to change her toxic personality. My sisters and I realized that she never had and will never have any love for us. I’m becoming indifferent to her and her sufferings. She suffers when she doesn’t have supply, I will refuse to give any attention or be in contact with her. Staying away from her is loving myself. I cannot put myself in the presence of a monster anymore.

[@kalisha728]

So did I

[@theresamorello9892]

My mother despised me because I was confident and successful.

[@Ina-wn7jd]

My mother has chosen me as the scapegoat. I am also the smartest and most successful among her children.

[@Ina-wn7jd]

It's puzzling how they would feel jealous when good things happen to you. They just don't really care about their children's welfare.

[@thepottedsucculent4290]

I always hate to admit that my Mother is like this! I always felt like I downed my success because she was so jealous

[@rebeccabt]

​@@Ina-wn7jdyes... Because you are very powerful.. her jealousy.

[@christyviolet926]

@@Ina-wn7jdEgg donors: that’s what these kind of “women” only are. They don’t deserve natural winners in their lives.

[@gina1280]

When i was a little girl, i thought i was the only one in the world that had a mother that hated them the way she hated me. It is sad that i was wrong and there are many of us out here❤

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to open up about such painful experiences. Remember, you're not alone and there are support networks out there to help you.

[@LilyWillow22]

Because they are self loathing & project it

[@prettypuff1]

This is my testimony too. Nmom confirmed her “Disappointment in how I turned out”

[@gina1280]

@@prettypuff1 I would hope you politely ignore her. No mother should ever say that to their children as a guilt/manipulation tactic. I hope you are accepting of yourself❤ we all have room for improvement but if she is saying that, it isn't helpful.

[@birna7790]

❤

[@discobassgroove]

It took me 24 years to realize things in my home really weren’t right. As soon as my mother knew that I knew, she changed the locks on our place. Edit: I cannot effing believe so many people relate to my post and my heart goes out to all of you 💕❤️💕 May we be the children that end the cycle

[@Joshdifferent]

💯💯💯

[@ShinbrigTV]

I hear you.

[@le_th_]

How did you survive 24 years of living with a narcissist??? Our momster threw my older brother out of the house when he was 16 and never let him return. Our oldest sister ran away shortly after her 18th birthday, less than a year after she threw our brother out. My next oldest sister held on another 3 years and got married at 16 just to get out of the house and away from her. Seven years after that, our father died of a massive coronary at age 50 (and I think it was from the strain of living day in and day out with her). I left right after my 18th birthday. My point in telling you all that is to commend you for surviving life with your mother for 24 years. I don't know how you survived it for that long. I am a very strong person, and I would've never have made it as long as you did. I'd like to say I'm sorry for what she did to you (locking you out)...but that would be a bald-faced lie. I honestly think she did you the biggest favor of your life, forcing you to live elsewhere, even though she did it for no reason but her own sick satisfaction, it forced you out of that toxic stew she'd been marinating you in since birth. Being married to a narcissist for 30 years killed my 50-year-old father (she was not quite 47 at the time), he was athletic and fit (died playing tennis), and he spent a few years away from her during both the Korean and Vietnam wars. It killed her next husband after 15 years of being married to her, also a heart attack. Female narcissists are succubi that feed off others until there is no life energy left. They literally drain people until there is nothing left. I'm glad you got away young and that you survived 24 years of soul-sucking narcissistic abuse. I don't know how you endured it for that long growing up in such a toxic, abusive, spirit-crushing environment. I can't imagine why you stayed...or how you stayed...but you deserve a medal for hanging in there as long as you did. I hope you're healing and recovering from what you endured, and I hope you've stayed far, far away from that witch. I wish you much healthy love and good people in your life~

[@aprildickson5958]

For some reason they know when you become aware of their scams

[@caroledenis8153]

My narc mother...ruined ever one...from being neglected to abandoned st 15....she chased a great father away . Which left us parentless...only to find out she poisoned my loving granny...she was gone by the age of 2....rat poison

[@soumyajoseph7429]

"You're just like your father." Perfect.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@nobodymatters3294]

"You half-ass everything" because saying I was like my father would be admitting I had one. 😅

[@valerieelisebethcooper83]

Or you are just like your mother!!

[@spdadventurer1754]

​@@DrDanielFox my whole life my mother told me I was.like my narc father, who abuse her too , the narc mother.. I was actually exact opposite of them both. As soon as my narc father died after a few of those accusations again, she actually stopped saying that I am like my father. Cz her fight with my father had ended after his death and a big player of that chess as gone. Also she was the one backing my father my whole life

[@spdadventurer1754]

@soumyajoseph7429 you seem Indian...my mother said that my whole life, read my comment above, I always wondered how could someone be so horrendously opposite in their opinion about me😂😂cz I couldn't have loathed anyone more than my father, I mean narc father. And here was my mother saying I was like my father yelling and screaming infront of my mother's side grandmother's house. Making me wonder what just happened that prompted her to even scream much less accuse me of that. She wanted to show off that she was abused by her parents and now her kids(me the eldest) is also a devil who is making her life miserable. Like she literally started to yell on nothing when she n me were in my grandparents house, the name calling the curse words... Everything one used to be silent including me, me thinking wtf is wrong with her, others thinking how terrible my mother's fate is that she got such a horrible kid(this is my interpretation of their silence since they dint say shit, they being my uncle's aunts and grandparents). She never used to forget saying she's just like her father.. whom she used to back up when she was at home lmao. What a chess player she has been, my mother.

[@thewoundedhealer4950]

100 percent all about her. You’re merely an object, an extension for her image and her comfort. You exist to serve her.

[@kermodecarver2103]

Yes. What they want is a living doll they can dress up and position at the tea table.

[@SusiQ1220]

Exactly right. To her, that was the ONLY reason I existed was to serve her. Really messed up my life to put it mildly.

[@alisonmcmillan4537]

Wow you describe my mother exaxtly i feel for you. You are not your mother. You are a beautiful person .

[@Imgrateful777]

You nailed it! My mother-in-law was the queen narcissist by a wide margin. My wife is the oldest of three and then had 3 step siblings. My mother-in-law actually was evil. My wife and I have seven children together in the first 11 years. Her mother hated the fact that my wife turned our to be aan amazing wife and mother. That she couldn't be controlled by her mother, no matter how hard she tried. She hated the fact that my wife had all seven births naturally. Then, whenbshe had the last three at home with midwives, he drove her crazy. Then my wife and I chose to home school them all up to the 7th grade. Well, my wife did the most amazing job, and when they entered public school, their teachers raved about them. Then, as our older 3 reached their teen HS years, she tried turning them against us with lies and deceitful intentions. That we were holding them back from so much. Unfortunately, she went to a level that as each of the three oldest became 18, they moved out. Her younger sister was part of the scheme and a mirror image of their mother. Those two also were jealous of my wife's to a point of hatred. That she had such stability, strength, class and even her beauty. I married my wife when she was 21 and 110 lbs. After each birth she went right back to 110 lbs. Today at 60 she looks much younger than her age, is 110 lbs, and can still wear a bikini and look stunning. Two of the three had disconnected with not only us but their siblings too. Which started even while still living with us. The third overall stayed away until he hit bottom with his wife and our grandson 3 at the time. They came and left 3 times. After his last departure in 2016 we haven't seen our grandson since. That is the sadest part. No we understand they split up and divorced recently. The 3 have still chose to have no contact with even their 4 youngest brothers and sister. No for the great news. My wife and I are having a wonderful time with our youngest four. Two are married and doing amazing with amazing spouses. Our youngest daughter who was our 5th child and is 32, has our youngest grandson turning 1 next month and planning for their second. Her husband is amazing as a husband, a father, and a man! My daughter is an executive and my son-in-law is a college professor. Our other married son and his amazing wife both are 33 and 34 just bought their first home. Brand new and very large 5 bedroom, as the are planning to have at least two children. They too are doing amazing career wise! Than our son who is our 6th child at 30, has been working for me for 10 years now and is getting married in July, to a beautiful young lady. So excited for them and our growing family. Our youngest whonis our son is the favorite of his 3 older siblings. He is amazing, loves his family, respectful, and so much more to come for him. These four are so grateful for what we all have together. Its priceless. It's a relief that my mother-in-law passed away in 2013. She has no more influences and can cause no further destruction. We never give up hope, or stop praying for the 3 oldest. That they will one day all come back to our family. My wife and I are happier at 40 years of marriage. Very grateful for the 4 children and 1 grandchildren we have to see and love. We are also grateful for the opportunity and business ventures we have, that have given us a significant net worth today. That increase in started rapidly just after we heard her mother passed, which was 10 years after she started her evil scheme. All I can say is if you have a narcissistic person close to you, and effecting your life, try and distance yourself. We know firsthand the destruction they can inflict!!!

[@ThatoneLisa]

Had a covert narcissist mother until she passed away in 2010. Took me about 10 years after her death to finally see that. Having a covert narcissist mother is like trying to please the devil himself. It’s IMPOSSIBLE. And extremely traumatizing.

[@michaelbutler4117]

Trying to please the devil himself-that explains how I involuntarily pleased my narcissistic mother. She feels she has to be right all the time & she often criticizes me if I’m failing in any way. We all fail & that’s human nature, but not to my mom who counts human nature unto herself to fail & the hell with me. She treats my brother like the golden child & me like a sacrificial lamb. I just wish she’d die soon so I can get over her. And I’m very sorry about your loss, often narcissistic abuse ruminates past the point of the death of a parent. And what makes my situation worse is that I’m high functioning autistic & can’t get a job because employers don’t see my talent the way they should. I’m college educated & still live with my parents at age 42. They treat me like a child & my brother like a grown adult & that’s just not fair.

[@midnightsplusnoonsis730LEO]

The Devil, HERself ...

[@sarahalbertson6326]

​

[@dcraexon134]

but I will still love you no matter what you do 😵‍💫streetdope junk food iot ops and lgbq stuff these days

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Did you adopt some of her behaviour patterns by any chance?

[@Shadowman...]

*You're not going to argue the narcissism out of her* ~ Awesome words.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thanks 😊

[@tmackn6592]

*You're....go back to grade school, learn something

[@proudscorpio46]

@@tmackn6592lol you just be a narcissistic how do you get that mad about someone’s grammar? You must have a VERY hard life if something that small sets you off

[@dominiquebertrand6786]

My narcissistic mother’s own psychiatrist was so worried about what she might be doing to me that he called me in his office, I was 14 years old. He explained my mother’s behavior to me and told me to distance myself from her. I truly believe that man saved my sanity.

[@user-cd8gc8nz3e]

I walked away from all my family after 40 years and wow all the misery went away

[@monabarber2335]

Good for You , and so did I ! Best Decision I ever made !

[@isla8718]

Same here 38 years and she's gone all the hatred and anxiety and rejection was all steaming from her for many many years

[@sterlingray3982]

I was set free in 2018 from the toxic mother.

[@Deeh91]

Living with a narcissistic mother and not being able to move out yet will drive you insane. But understanding their tactics makes it easier to deal with

[@LifewithGeetaGermany]

Well said, understanding any narcissistic tactics makes it easier to set boundaries and live happy

[@jbb8261]

It turned me into partying and numbing myself with thc 🍁 💨 round the clock

[@leanne123]

​@@jbb8261 They did that to me too. AA showed me how to cope and see life in a healthier way.

[@lanac7974]

It’s the worst especially if you fall on hard times

[@siani_boo6745]

It shuts you down completely. The hardest situation to break free from

[@xxxxxxxxx3944]

The narcissistic mother treats daughters snd sons very very very differently. She puts her son on a pedastal. Her daughter, into the trashbin.

[@rasmussvensson8953]

Not necessary true, we, their children are treated very differently depending on if our behavior pleases their need of attention and external validation. I did, well rly well in school so she made sure to insert herself into that part. I also was bullied which also served her need of attention, she could take credit for my academic achievement and also gain recognition for "trying to stop the bullying". When it actually stopped she went to my school and told all the kids not to bully me for, well she went to on belittling me for over 30min. Basically giving my classmates ammunition too start bully me again. My sister on the other hand was performing more like the averege student so she didn't care about her achievements in school. On the other hand sis had no problem making friend and was popular socially and her hobby was, well expensive so mother used sisters social skills and interest in horse riding to network with the other parents from a higher socioeconomic level than ours. While I was not that good at badminton. So she invested money on a horse, private riding lessons from the coach of the national team (who is at the time we're world champions). Meanwhile tried to compete and play badminton with broken shoes and racquet. Obviously I worked from an early age to even pay any of my interests but couldn't make enough money for new shoes as a freshman in high school, new equipment even the most expensive ones cost less than one of my sisters private lessons. She used my sisters nice and likeable personality to make friends herself... Obviously she gaslit me, called me ungrateful, a lier, loser and so on for pointing out that it didn't seem fair. Since me and sis are very different personality wise she treated us different depending on the situation and I simply couldn't understand why she would deny it. Then she heard some of the parents whose kids I play with talk about how weird it was that my sister had a horse and a personal trainer, horse trailer etcetc while I was struggling to play with my broken equipment. That week she took me to the sport store to get new shoes aswell as a racquet, I was so happy. While I was looking at which racquet to get, oddly enough families that knew us walked in this rather small store and she would tell me to try the most expensive ones while they were there as she went and spoke to the my friends parents. Then once they left the store, she told me it was time to leave, so I left empty handed (something about I sucked anyway so what difference would it make if my racquet was broken). I was so confused leaving empty handed, didn't expect to get something expensive but at least, something that wasn't broken. Now I know she planned the whole thing to make herself look like a good parent, reputation control to hide the neglect I assume. She prioritize how she is perceived a lot. My perfect test scores (not bragging, I didn't put much effort, I was just born with a talent for learning things, simpy born with an high IQ). So my role was making her look intelligent. My sister was used for her social skills. That was one of the least, dark example I could recall. Sis is obviously the favorite, I was just doing sell in school because she was a genius (my dad is the intelligent one, mum isjust very good at manipulating people). Looking at it as an adult it's clear that we were just trophies to show off when it made her look good and, even if I was seen as a prodigy in math everyone knew that so it didn't rly continue to feed her ego/self much. Having "high functioning Asperger" (ok autism spectrum disorder nowdays I guess it's calmed) it took me over 25y to realize just how bad it was and why she would act like a caring mother when others where around but then keep breaking me down in private. It took 30+y for me to get diagnosed as she would find a way to involve herself in the process, both for attention and to hide and deny that there was any history of mental health issues. Instead always bringing up some odd case from my dad's side which meant I wasn't receiving proper help. While her entire family have mental health issues (which researchers have found to be genetic) that they were hiding (hoarding OCD etc). I never visited her parents. Then when they passed away, well she needed me to help clean the place out. That's when I found out about their issues. When I asked why she had hid it and lied to my doctors it wasn't long until I wasn't ghosted. But I had too return her key and that, 3½y ago was when we last spoke. She told me "when you said that me lying had impacted you negatively it mad me (she was referring to herself) feel bad so I hate you". She knew that I had figured her out. I'm leaving out a lot of hateful personal attacks (over an hour of just tearing me down) before that final gas was lit. I realized that I had to get away for my sanity and mental well being. So I I apologized for making her feel bad, even bowed (nothing we so in our culture, just to make a point) and said I had to go and left and I don't even know if I would recognize her today even. Started spending more time with dad and my mental health started improving. I don't dare think about it how messed up I would have ended up if he wasn't always there for me and still is. Sorry for the rant, it's so much to process that it's overwhelming. I hope everyone is doing well or at least as well as they can in their lives.

[@rasmussvensson8953]

@@jenniferclarke900 I'm so sorry to hear what you had to endure. You must be very resilient too have made it through all that. My only saving life line was my dad. The NPD person wants too be revered like a God so it's not at all weird that you would have written those posts back then. The "lying to yourself" I can relate to. It's so hard to accept who they really are that it makes sense to want to be deny it. Thank you for sharing all that, it can't have been easy. While it was painful to read it's a also comforting to know that there are others out there who can relate even though our stories are different, it made me feel less alone, so I truly thank you. I rly got no one to talk to about this and I fear that no one would believe it, don't know if you can relate. It's hopeful you will find whatever you are searching for, peace of mind and health.

[@PunishedKenny]

That has been the opposite of my experience. Two families I've been in the household to see, the son gets blamed for everything while the daughter is treated with kid gloves, and she knows she can get away with things and also all she has to do is cry and somehow it's always brother's fault. It's common for narcs to have favorites, usually the youngest in my experience.

[@PrincessnerraTV]

This is so true! My sister and I are dealing with situation right now.

[@Miss-D-My]

One of the hardest things to accept is the fact that your mother does not want good things for you. She enjoys seeing your pain and failure, and will actually facilitate it. I will always wonder what it's like to have a mother who actually loves me instead of hates me 😢. Especially when I am the one who does the most for her.

[@caratranby30]

💯💯

[@nancysims5417]

I finally so understand. My mom just died and I’m flooded with feelings I never thought about

[@monabarber2335]

Oh I feel Your Pain ! Every Word You said I can completely Relate to ! They are Possessed By Demons 👺My Heart Cry’s for You ! May God Bless and keep You Safe 🙏❣️

[@monabarber2335]

@@annehaverhals1750 Wow 😯 exactly how My life is with My Demonic Mother 👺I hurt deeply for You ! It’s beyond belief , they are possessed by Demons ! They have no Soul! God Bless and be with You 🙏❤️

[@keithstewart7514]

The Narc MoMster out live their victims far to often even when they drive their children into suicide (which does run in the children of both family blood lines).

[@birdsnbees8717]

Having a narcissistic mother who is now in her 80's, is still utterly horrendous. She has most definitely become worse. A cold hearted, brutally cold woman. I despise her. It's only ok when I have nothing to do with this entity.

[@justintime377]

...and we're excited to love them anyway. You just told my own life story. ❤

[@catzska]

Same. My Mother is so cruel the word cruel really does not capture her evil. My Mom is rotten to the core. I am sorry you are dealing with this as well. I am trying to stop all contact. She uses her husband to manipulate me. She had her husband leave me a message claiming my Mom was ill. Only that was a lie so I would call him back then he put my Mom on the phone. I lost it and hung up.

[@foxiefair123]

I feel ya. I rarely see mine. My son is her Golden Child (I’m her only child). He goes to visit her regularly and I figure that’s fine because she favors him anyway. He’s an adult, so I figure anything pertinent with her he will handle and make the decisions.

[@danilaroche1156]

She may be terrible but don't hate her. Despising her will affect you and your relationships profoundly. Jesus calls us to forgive and the Bible tells us evil people have evil spirits. We all need salvation in Christ. Forgive her but keep your distance all at the same time.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Definitely

[@karishort1891]

My advice is to go no contact and never look back!

[@bsdude010]

So you have kids? Have you also had no contact with them? I do and don't know what to do..

[@cbs577]

How?

[@sonyasmith1991]

It's the only way.

[@karishort1891]

@@bsdude010 yes I went no contact from everyone...it wasn't easy but I was sick of being everyone's punching bag. I was sick of having my grandkids yanked away from me by my daughter. I was good enough to pay her bills but not good enough to see her kids regularly. I came from a toxic family and then my kids were also toxic. It was me or them and I chose myself.

[@karishort1891]

@@cbs577 you just stop reaching out. You block their phone numbers and emails. I moved several states away to get free of the toxicity and they have no idea where I am.

[@xaarasultana]

For those who have tried setting boundaries only to be exhausted by reminding "mother" each time what they are while she acts naive about their existence so she can suck more of your energy: it is OK to go no contact. If you've already been labeled the black sheep and your reputation has been destroyed with family, friends and colleagues, what more damage can she realistically do? I embrace my "titles" and I control my triggers. She's not getting a reaction out of me no matter how hard she tries.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your experience and reminding us that it's okay to prioritize our own well-being. It's important to set boundaries and protect our energy, even if it means going no contact. Stay strong and take care of yourself.

[@donafarrow9692]

​​@@DrDanielFoxthe problem is the inheritance when they die! How broke people can cut off ties with those monsters if you need to rely on that money to be free financially later on

[@foxiefair123]

There is no setting boundaries with my mother.😂She used to be just an angry screamy meemy and it didn’t take much to set her off. She’s not well enough now to do that anymore, but she can still make catty, sarcastic comments. She’s really lost her power over me. She’s pretty much out of her mind a lot of times so I don’t take her insults seriously anymore.

[@alexb277]

​​@@donafarrow9692 that is the opposite I fear. I was in debt at the start of my adult life and was not able to go study because when I got my scholarship, she made me pay for the groceries at first so I could stay in the house, then her cigarettes were added, then the gasoline for the car, and finally the rent. The problem is that she had rents unpaid, so I had to pay it off, or she would expell me before her and my sister would be out too. So I was in debt (the worst is that she managed to still be in debt after this and it was all for nothing). So, I fear that if I cut ties, she will get in the biggest mess possible, so that when she die, I will crumble into debt and will have to pay for years... She can't threaten me to hurt my sister like she did before so I unswear her text messages, so, I guess this is one of her last resort

[@gothmaze]

Ooof! You are so strong. This has been such a struggle for me, the minding my reactions bc it's so easy to react and sometimes feels so good in the moment. Thank you so much for sharing your journey!

[@MrHydevsDrJekyll]

I had a very controlling abusive narcissistic mother. She was also a school teacher. I figured it out long ago. It blew my mind how everyone always supported her and allowed her to get away with such batshit/crazy behavior

[@shonahorsman5154]

Flying monkeys...

[@keishajay9982]

My mother was a school teacher as well , she always put herself first and controlling. My childhood was horrible and as an adult she still try to control me.

[@prettypuff1]

My mom was a teacher as well…. It was wild watching my mom guide high school students to their future with great praise… I was told “ Have somewhere to be full time by 18”

[@verilyheld]

Mine was also a school teacher/librarian. She knew my grade 2 teacher refused to teach me. So what did my mother do? Nothing, because protecting me wasn't a priority of my mother's.

[@YagirlM]

Enablers are everywhere. It’s mind blowing how much evil the average person will defend.

[@msdemeanour]

My mother did her best to destroy my self worth from a very young age. She criticised every bit of my body (especially during puberty) and told me I was ugly, Satan's child & a mistake. I know now in my 40s that she was jealous of me & loved that my father constantly put me down. It would have killed her if he ever did or said something nice to me. He never did. Not even once. I cut her out years ago. That's why I'm still here.

[@robinratcliff6914]

I walked away from my Narcissist mom. Best decision!

[@abemartinez9623]

This is my situation how did u get away?

[@erikulv8089]

Cut all ties. Block them on social media. Don't react to anything they will do to you. Don't fall for hoovering, smear campaigns, false excuses, flying monkeys or enablers doing their service for the narcissist. It's going to be tough for some time.. But the rewards in inner peace makes it worth it.

[@JillCrato]

After 59 years of dealing with a narcissistic mother,I've gone no contact to save my sanity.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@magaliebravo6679]

I was the scapegoat. 1st time she kicked me out of the house, I was 14, only had the clothes on my back, had no money and it was 9pm at night. She didn't care where I slept or if I was safe. She didn't care if I had food to eat. The day after she kicked me out, she disconnected my phone. Talk about a punch to the gut. Why did she kick me out? Because I was out late with my friends. Coming home at 8:45pm was considered very late for her. Why was I out with friends? Because I dreaded being home. Usually, her verbal, emotional and physical abuse made me feel too shitty to socialize with friends. But anything was better than being at home with her. She says she had a shitty childhood and life was hard for her growing up. But why did she have to ruin my childhood as well.

[@TheNicoliyah]

I had almost the exact same situation, got kicked out the first tie at 13, then 15 then left for good at 17. The same excuses for her crappy behaviour

[@loriwinters414]

I did the same thing, but I would stay out all night, the dread just got worse and worse as the minutes went by, and I didn’t want to face the abuse. There was already going to be abuse if I was 15 minutes late. I was so scared of her, and still am to this day.

[@TheNicoliyah]

@@loriwinters414 sending hugs 🥰

[@kimmccaleb4170]

You did not have a choice as a child. You do now.

[@munequa81]

Oh you and I can relate! My mother kicked me out multiple times from 13 to the final boot at 16. She also said the same thing. She didn’t care about my safety as well. Why? I had a high school boyfriend who was nice and a safe person. She also said because she left home at 16, I need to experience the same thing.

[@tbunnyshy1]

My mother is desperate for attention and reactions because I am unconcerned and aloof. She now resorts to singing, slamming doors and talking to herself, saying, “ Oh well what are you gonna do? “. She nearly constantly huffs and puffs, sighs, gets really quiet then laughs loud like a villain. She enjoys being shocking and inflicting pain on me and my dad. What a disaster. We are all elderly and financially dependent on each other. I’m so glad I found your channel tonight. Thank you!

[@GodIsLove7377]

God bless you and your Dad ❤

[@randalltobin77]

My mom does the same thing. Anything to bring attention to herself. The constant facial expressions too.

[@RatedArggg]

My mother was disappointed when I recovered from a life-threatening illness. She didn't even pretend to be happy. I think that's when I knew there was no help for her.

[@sunnyadams5842]

My narc parents left me Completely alone with terminal COVID. They were so pissed when it became appearant I'd survived it, my father quadrupled his efforts to destroy my support system and undermine my confidence SO HARD, that I couldn't ignore what a jack-ass he is!! These guys are creepy!!

[@lifelessonswithjo]

Wow! I am recovering from an illness too and she had gone with me to my appointments as I was in pain. Well now I am getting back my strength and someone bought me fruits for me to juice. You would think she would be happy? Nope, she was mad someone bought me a lot of fruits that it turned into a whole drama! Now today, after months I have the energy to clean. Yes, theres a bit of a mess because I am organizing the closet. Guess what? She's mad and is loudly saying passive aggressive statements so that I can hear it. But when she cleans and makes a mess, thats okay!

[@LastMinuteMinistry]

They like it when you are sick and yes I do believe my mother would be happy if I died. She would enjoy the party. I gave her details on my final wishes, just in case, and she was having the greatest time imagining the scenario and taking notes.

[@julief634]

​@@LastMinuteMinistry Please don't allow her that power, she will make it all about her. Get out now and no contact with this witch. I hope you stay strong and healthy so that you can leave and not depend on her for anything. I wish you the best 🙏🏼

[@estelled389]

Omg 😢sorry

[@mindovermatter8920]

This is exactly my relationship with my mother. One thing that would add to my perpetual confusion was that she would tell me the abusive things her mother did to her, then turn right around and do worse to me. If I asked her why she was doing this, it would throw her into a rage - or cause a narcissistic injury. I refer to her in past tense because I've been no contact for about 2 years.

[@donafarrow9692]

I am worried to go no contact because the b&@# could cut off my inheritance before she dies...and because of all the bad she did to me which made me broke I don't want to loose this money so at a last resort I have to play dump with her

[@Disorderlychicpets]

Me tooooo!!!!!! her Mom treated her the same wayyyyy but she dont see that she treat us that way!!!!!

[@Disorderlychicpets]

@@donafarrow9692lol I thought of that too lolllllll

[@Diarrheagod]

I’ve been no contact off and on with my mother for 2 years. She always reaches back out or stops by my house randomly to try to reconnect and insists I “forgive (forget)” everything that she’s done because she never meant to hurt me. But she will continue the abuse cycle after about 2-3 months of things going well…she always blows up the relationship. Idk what else to do but go no contact because it’s extremely triggering for me to deal with my mother because when I try to enforce boundaries with her she becomes hateful and says hurtful awful things to me. What should I do?

[@jwhite5396]

⁠​⁠@@DiarrheagodStopping by your house randomly is so entitled and cringeworthy. It’s like saying, “I don’t care what you have going on in your life, I’m here now, entertain me.” It’s rude. Someone who actively continues an abuse cycle isn’t someone I’m inviting into my life. Walking on eggshells until your mother is triggered by a boundary and starts to say hateful things. Doesn’t sound like fun or a healthy relationship.

[@JJ-rp2df]

Over time, a narcissist mother's dysempathic rejection fills a child with danger, self doubt and inaction

[@cortneypayton6473]

That’s exactly what I’m filled with, I’m almost 40 and just so mindfucked… the more I unravel, the more tangled it gets

[@WeRNthisToGetHer]

This is exactly my mom to a T. I wish I had recognized this long ago and just took care of myself without worrying about her. I wasted so much of my life trying to measure up to her expectations before realizing she was moving the goal posts the whole time.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm sorry to hear that you went through such a challenging time with your mom. It's never easy when our loved ones constantly change the expectations. Remember, it's never too late to start taking care of yourself and prioritize your own happiness.

[@WeRNthisToGetHer]

@@DrDanielFox that's what I am determined to do this year! Thank you for providing resources to help those of us going through this. 🙏

[@watermelonlover745]

How do you stop caring

[@WeRNthisToGetHer]

@@watermelonlover745 I don't think it's that you stop caring, you just get so aware and fed up with how you are being treated that you eventually run out of sympathy or empathy. You realize that they were using that against you the whole time and you get angry enough to finally stop allowing them to steal any more of your life and happiness than they already took from you. You simply grey rock them and protect your own needs and well being and the people in your life that deserve your time, energy, and compassion. When they have abused your caring to a certain degree and you recognize that, it happens automatically if you have any shred of dignity and self-worth.

[@annabanzon313]

Narcs hate graduations and birthdays and any milestones. They get insanely envious and super insecure. Because remember, everything is about them.

[@Mangzorz]

For real. In my 35 years of life, there have been several times where my mom wouldn't acknowledge and call me on my birthday. But you better believe she expects me to call her on her birthday, and Even sends me text messages to remind me the day before. Sigh

[@annabanzon313]

@Mangzorz yes I describe the narc parent as like an evil step mom or dad. However that step parent is actually your biological parent so it always makes the child feel twisted and confused.

[@nkolemwaba2526]

Very true. I just experienced this.

[@loriguercio4374]

@@annabanzon313 Yea, u are absolutely right

[@loriguercio4374]

@@nkolemwaba2526 So do i

[@katieg7679]

Yes! Growing up with a parent along the narcissistic spectrum can be very disorienting. Ultimately, you were raised by wounded children who never had the strength of self to heal their own wounds. Instead they were projected onto you. It's very important to understand that you deserved a healthy parent, just like everyone does, and that underneath all of the confusion and trauma reactions is a healthy sense of self that needs to be fostered . This is a very long, long process but it's worth it. It is no longer an external battle of trying to confront, change or appease your parents. You need to stand up to the dismissive parent you have internalized, which means relearning how to be the loving parent to yourself that you never had, and also your parents likely never had.

[@stefaniaschannel]

💜👍🏼

[@HeartFeltGesture]

Intergenerational trauma, passing along the trauma for how long? It stops with me, not sure about my siblings though...

[@sabrinasjourney]

Their disease cannot be healed

[@jessicapatton2688]

Yep! Do the shadow work!

[@stefaniweiss2077]

You are right

[@Grassmonster3]

No matter what I achieved, my mother's opening words were always, "It's alright BUT ....." I could bring a straigh A report card home and she'd go through it with a fine tooth comb until she could find some minute detail that she could criticise. I don't ever remember hearing, "Well done" for anything, ever. It turned me into a lifetime over-achiever who self-criticised everything I did. There had to be a flaw because she would have found one.

[@katray7452]

I went no contact 6 years ago with the sharks in the tank called my family. My reactions to their triggering me caused high anxiety and inability to think clearly. I refuse to go through it anymore. This holiday is tough as they may soon die and I would love to tell them good-bye. That too, I fear, will fall on deaf ears. Hardest thing to do is "let go".

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so sorry to hear that you've had such a difficult experience with your family. It can be really tough to cut ties, but sometimes it's necessary for our own well-being. Stay strong and take care of yourself.

[@Reflexwoman]

It really is painful to grieve those that are still alive. I hope you're doing okay. Know you're not alone. Your words are similar to my own. ❤

[@maryhunter-7774]

😊​@@Reflexwoman

[@estephaniey123]

The silent treatment and gossiping is sooo TRUE that's how my mother behaves and as she gets older more and more people are starting to see through her lies.

[@avollant]

You can also add two more traits to your list: Over protectivity and possessively. Over protectivity to the point of preventing you to do you own mistake and learn from it. possessively to scare off any potential pretender because it would deprive her of you full attention to her needs.

[@saradigota7201]

Exactly this,my whole life. Only thinking of them family narcists makes me feel drained let along sitting a lil while with them

[@Ina-wn7jd]

👍 on possessiveness

[@elenehall89]

Facts

[@Goldenrod39]

Yes! Totally agree .

[@RainnRiptide]

This

[@abscondis]

The pain and trauma of having a mother like this never goes away. She is 94 now. I am 64. The narc abuse is ongoing. I have gone no contact a few times now. Setting boundaries makes it worse. She becomes vindictive. After going no contact again five months ago she is now trying to turn my children against with a new smear campaign...elder abuse. When she can't find a legitimate reason to attack me, she makes up lies.

[@user-pr6dq4ir8k]

Be strong and stay away from her. I have a mother like this I choose to stay away permanently. My daughter has turned out the same so she is next to walk the line we do not need people like this in our lives.

[@naturalhealingmexico]

Please, stop seeing her as your mother, she gave birth to you, but it doesn't means it's a mother. She is your worst enemy, this happened to me. Until I accepted it I started to recover. Narcs parents are the worst experience in life, since they supposed to be the opposite. Wish you recovery and healing, don't give your energy who doesn't deserve it...

[@Ina-wn7jd]

The lies sucks. Experienced the same😢

[@leveticus1461]

The pain will never go away until you cut ties. Such a shame you wasted your years keeping her around.

[@abscondis]

​@@leveticus1461Don't I know.😢

[@ChirripoCory]

“You’re not going to argue the narcissism out of her.”

[@wulf67]

No, but I taught her who not to F with.

[@SweetUniverse]

It has taken me 50 yrs to finally overcome having my mother for a mother

[@Cosmicoo82]

Me too! She’s 80; still trying her evil tactics! Turning brothers and sisters against me( she tries) she has them so afraid and loves the guilt tripping

[@Jennifer-bw7ku]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@steceymorgan814]

Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@patriaciasmith3499]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Is he on instagram?

[@steceymorgan814]

Yes he is. dr.sporessss

[@felineoverlordservant2419]

I was the hyper empathetic, highly sensitive child with emotional intensity. My mom and brother (older by 2 years) are both covert vulnerable narcissists. I also had a step dad but he was the avoidant enabler. I trauma split by 6 years old (I now actually remember trauma splitting, one moment I thought I was dying from my emotions (I didn’t know what a panic attack was when I was 6 but it didn’t stop me from having them everytime I was triggered into desperate hurt and confusion when I was being abused, I instinctively knew it was wrong of them), at some point during the panic attack I suddenly became emotionally numb and thought to myself “I’m gonna change who I am so they don’t have a reason to hurt me. They’re hurting me because they don’t like how sensitive I am. They don’t like me being honest about my feelings. They don’t like how honest I am about anything. They must be afraid of honesty. I will stop showing my feelings and start telling them what I think they want to hear no matter how uncomfortable it is for me (and it was deeply uncomfortable.” This is a very clear memory of my early childhood. Almost every other memory is fragmented in some way. From there I developed Dissociative Identity Disorder (not diagnosed until 37). I had 5 sleep disorders before my teens. Dropped out of college 3 times (never finished), 25 years of abusive relationships and self medicating, 3 long term stays at mental hospitals (1st at 27 where that alter was diagnosed Borderline), 2 detox centers, and finally trauma treatment at age 37. Now I’m a reclusive cat lady that can’t leave my house unless it’s their grocery store at night when it’s empty, and I hide from the Amazon drivers. If someone knocks on my door without texting that they’re on their way over, I get triggered into a panic attack and become frozen. I can’t say this is a great life but I can say this is the safest I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I also dissociate on and off all day long and have almost no short term memory. My critical thinking works perfectly fine most of the time though. I wish there were more options (that were affordable) for DID and complex ptsd treatment. Isolation definitely isn’t the best option but with a completely fragmented mind and broken sympathetic nervous system, it’s what I need right now.

[@roses72141]

Wow. I can relate to your story. My story is almost the exact same. I ended up with tardive dyskinesia and now have severe tremors that I can't predict. I was diagnosed with OCD at 16, the Depression, anxiety, and BPD. I am in my late 40s. I am a cat lady, too. I did not realize until my Grandma passed, how bad my Mom was. My story is very long. I am just learning how to deal with this. My step dad was also a narc. He came into my life at 15. Moved in and I ended up in the psych ward 8 months later. Now I had 2 parents that basically gave me the silent treatment. I was a good kid. Straight As all through 8 the grade. But when he moved in OCD, took off and school was so hard that my grades took a nose dive. I also dropped out of college many times. Anyways, so glad to read your comment. not happy that you went through a similar situation. But glad that you shared.💜

[@roses72141]

Thank you💜

[@roses72141]

Ps. I go to the Grocery store at night too. I can't take crowds. Do Self check out. My nerves are bad, too. Tardive dyskinesia is really hard to deal with. Any stress, makes it worse.

[@roses72141]

I got TD from an old antidepressant. Basically I was poly drugged. Now I have to stay on meds just to barely function. I was never psychotic. I just wanted to add. That is a misconception. People think Tardive dyskinesia is only from antipsychotics.

[@roses72141]

I have dystonia too...most likely from psych meds. They are very similar.

[@sayusayme7729]

At 63 and her at 80, I a m learning. 🧡 Healing. Thank you 🦉

[@DrDanielFox]

That's amazing to hear! It's never too late to learn and grow. Keep up the great work!

[@tradslnd9872]

WOW ITS REALLY A FOREVER THING? Crazy

[@Cosmicoo82]

Same here!

[@LeticiaAGentil]

​@@tradslnd9872it is, unfortunately. There is some research that states that personality disorders may improve naturally with aging, but not too much. There is improvement when the person seeks professional help with therapists, but narcisists usually don't do it

[@monabarber2335]

Yes ! I’m 63 and She’s 86 ! These Demons are Pure Evil 👺

[@ladyv5655]

My mother passed away last year and she suffered from dementia. She was also a narcissist. Recently I was having a conversation with my brother about her. We agreed about her dementia but we admitted that we could never tell what was her meanness due to dementia as opposed to how she was always mean as long as we can remember. But we agreed that we existed to make her look good and if we were good at something, it was because of her (her thoughts, not ours). If it was something in which we could likely outshine her, she refused to let us do it (ie, she was completely tone deaf so we were only allowed to take music lessons up to a certain point, because G*d forbid we become good at it! )The best thing she did for us, unintentionally, was encourage us to go out of state to university. Funny how we were able to separate emotionally from her set boundaries and become the people we wanted to be.

[@jbb8261]

They’re children in adult bodies. And I find it hard to have sympathy for them because they could actually heal with the right therapist pairing. But they won’t. They think they’re perfect 🙄 everyone else is the problem

[@katherineg9396]

Even with a therapist, most won't heal.

[@jbb8261]

@@katherineg9396 yeah I was being delusional when I wrote that. You are correct.

[@FireJamUSA]

I am 54 and just figured out my mom is a narcissist this week. I just knew she was difficult to deal with my whole life and I have tried to avoid her as much as possible, which is what she is currently mad about. I'm not sure if I can continue a relationship with her, and my wife and kids all agree that I'm better off without her. Another video I watched said to mourn the narcissist like they died and get them out of your life because there is no cure for it. I think it is time for that... Thank you for this video - it 100% confirms everything I have been thinking - now I can start figuring out how to heal myself ..

[@up3564]

Ytuber Patrick Teahan will teach you a lot about this topic.! God bless your healing journey ♡

[@kathymcmc]

54 is about right. We just can't believe it. Can you distance yourself and not let emotionally impact you? I became disabled and simply couldn't deal with the drama anymore. So I went, no contact.

[@stephbowler3141]

Thank you for discussing this topic! I grew up with a narcissistic mother and I always felt like I was the crazy one and there was something wrong with me. I always felt like I wasn't enough and never understood why. It was so confusing. I understand now this is what was going on. I appreciate you bringing clarity to a difficult situation.

[@rainbowgirljules]

It's one thing to understand it, but it's a whole other thing having to feel the sorrow of having your own mother this way. It's like a grief that never ends.

[@roses72141]

​@@rainbowgirljules yes I cry everyday. Still processing it.

[@wulf67]

@@rainbowgirljules Understanding it is the key to freedom, self-respect, and personal growth. The self-pity of having had a mentally ill parent will fade away. I gained a few superpowers from the experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. I can detect attempts at manipulation from MILES away. I was forced to prove my value to myself. So I did, and now no one can take that from me or ever make me doubt it. I learned to walk away from unhealthy relationships, even if it was my own mother. I learned to demand respect and to stand up and fight for myself and for the people and the values I care about. I learned to have compassion for people, even mothers who are incapable of compassion themselves and who inflict intergenerational trauma because of a personality disorder that they didn't choose. The unconditional love you didn't receive from your mother, you now have to give to yourself. When you do that the grief evaporates along with shame, anger and fear. She might have inadvertently given you the Greatest Love of All (to paraphrase Whitney Houston).

[@ruthc71]

You've just described my "mother" to a T. I only realised I was the scapegoat when I was 52, last year when my father passed. I got so used to the sly digs, put downs, constant criticism all my life, even at Dad's funeral my makeup was toopale like wtf. She labelled me as "troubled" all my life instead of acknowledging the continued abuse I suffered as a child and teen from people she allowed to abuse me. I got the blame for this and told it was all my fault. I was told children are seen and not heard. I had a breakdown last year and diagnosed complex ptsd, adhd and autism spectrum disorder. She used my father's death to deny me and my sister any items of comfort belonging to Dad and ste made excuses for us not to go to the house. She sent the same texts ie copied and pasted to me and my sister pretending to check on us while my other siblings Sat in her home with Daddy's socks on as comfort the day of the funeral. She hates me to the core and you have just described that deep seated depression and sadness I have all my life from being continually dismissed

[@jessicapatton2688]

It must be a common thing. I think I’m on the autistic spectrum and maybe add too. I’m not diagnosed but I am with major depressive disorder and ptsd and generalized anxiety. I guess never feeling valued as a human can leave one quite depressed!

[@ruthc71]

@@jessicapatton2688 it can have such a profound impact. You spend your whole childhood and adult years in fight or flight it has to have an impact. In women it's harder to diagnose Asd as I know myself I mimicked others and if I went outside of this I was laughed at mocked, lost jobs etc so had to learn social rules by watching how others intereacted. Then ad the options of others being more import than yours (childhood conditioning) can create confusion about yourself as a person. I am so grateful to be able to see this now in my 50s and that the education is out there now x

[@stefaniweiss2077]

Me too

[@carolkelley8463]

11:02 I was in my 40s when BPD described my mother. NPD notches it a little closer. Thank you for this revealing podcast and know how much all the comments helped me heal even more. The repeating remedy is RUN and don't look back. That choice was extremely difficult and it saved my life.

[@Butterflyyyy9]

I had to sleep over at a friend's house just to see what it was like to have such a normal family dynamic was because my home was nothing but a destruction. I caught on at an early age around 7-8 years old that's when i knew something wasn't right with her then kicked me out at age 11

[@charlenemcconnell8409]

Narcissistic mothers cause a heavy amount of damage. This video hits home hard. Radically acceptance is hard but its the first step. You never can change them. Love to those struggling. You can never argue the narcissistic out of them. Thank you for the video

[@DrDanielFox]

I’m glad it was helpful. I understand it can be painful.

[@catzska]

Unfortunately Narcissist don’t follow boundaries. They only agree with whatever they want.

[@steffnic13]

Honestly, I don’t think my NPD mother lacks empathy. Worse, she gets joy from gaslighting and effing with you until you just snap. Then giggles in joy as she says, “Ohhhh; I hit a nerve, didn’t I. You’re so sensitive.” No contact is the only way to survive these people.

[@mapleleaf1185]

They are sick.

[@Shadowman...]

I can relate to the narcissist enlisting others. My sister as well as my mothers sister are like brain washed minions to my Mothers control and manipulation. I swear that my mother could tell them I'm raising rattle snakes in the backyard and selling them to circus clowns in Africa and they would believe her without question. It's sad how conditioned they are. I can already see my sister walking up to me and saying in a snippy tone -without even asking me first if what my mother said is true " Mom says your raising snakes in the backyard , YOU Better watch what your doing, those things are dangerous. " And I would be thinking inside " Man, you are sooooo stupid." Its as if they live in a constant state of delusion.

[@DrDanielFox]

It can be really frustrating when people blindly believe everything without questioning. Stay strong and don't let their delusion affect you.

[@VivatVeritas1]

Narcissists DO live in a constant state of delusion.

[@christophercelmer405]

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where they chip away at your sense of reality until they convince you your perception is wrong. In the end those who actually manage to stay on the good side of their abuser turn to doing the same to impress them or save their own skins. The latter can be forgiven if they can show this was true and show genuine guilt/sympathy. I was an autistic scapegoat and went through a hell of a childhood. I wasn't the best at reading social ques and was brutally honest. My mother despised me for it and when it was brought up that her physical and mental abuse was getting out on occasion she isolated me from any friends and made me out into a trouble maker at school so no one would interact with me. Boot camps, a psych ward, and military school all because she didn't know what to do with me. I was on several different prescriptions growing up. She was a medical transcriptionist and fancied herself well informed with doctor google. She decided I was bipolar, paranoid, and aggressive. I was mad because I knew how unfair I was treated, She was mad that I could read her like a book, and I was randomly hyper because I needed to stim but I was told I was weird and that my quirky mannerisms would get me in trouble. They often did too over what I still consider the silliest things.

[@fgoindarkg]

It's baffling how easily the flying monkeys fall into line. Narcissism runs in my family. All the women are narcs. My mom is gone now but my cousin has circled the monkeys so now There are half a dozen in her place. My little family is now outcast from what used to be a large and friendly family for the 50 years before my crazy cousin Karen split it into factions for her agenda of hate. Now it's gone forever.

[@Shadowman...]

@@fgoindarkg Karma is real my friend and they will have to meet it in the next life.

[@TheLauraMarieT2]

I can’t take anymore. I really can’t. Then when I finally reach my limit I get scolded that I’m going to be sorry when she is gone. - I don’t want my mom gone - I just don’t want to be the whipping boy. I’m sad that I have to step back but it isn’t getting better and never has felt okay. So now I’m completely alone and a people pleaser - super anxious - I have to shut it all done and reboot myself.

[@MphoenixE]

With your reboot, are you setting boundaries and deciding what your values are? Also write how you want to be treated or what you will and will not accept

[@uncalibratedInitiate]

I have done the same with the same realizations, I have pondered that I’m learning to be a responsible and self disciplined man in my 40s alone but I am not a victim!! I’m grateful for the journey today and feel like the kind of bravery needed to make that decision and take action isn’t easily achieved by the masses and will always remain yours to cultivate 😌

[@magdalenam9222]

Nie daj się 💪 i Trzymaj się mocno ✊. Jej życie jest jej porażką i ona niech z tym żyje , ty powiedz , że nie wyrażasz zgody na przemoc i nagrywaj ją ! Powiedz jej , że jest nagrywana ! I w miarę możliwości zostaw ją w cholerę i zadbaj o swoje życie traktując swoją osobę najlepiej jak potrafisz 🤲❤. Jestem przekonana , że Ci się uda . Pozdrawiam Cię z Polski🍀

[@racmorr007]

Currently in the beginning of my reboot. no contact with every and anybody i feel pressured by......everything that makes me tense or agitated...cut...im studying and just focusing on work...i have my pets...thank God for them....im just staying away from people....

[@deonuacid]

Having a narc mom myself I’ve always wondered what is it like to have a good nurturing mom. My mom will start with all kinds of negative conversations from breakfast time to end of day and starts all over again the next day. She feeds from every negative news from tv and tv stars and immediately will turn it into an opportunity to gaslight for hours. She’s dying to travel but the few times that I’ve taken her she behaves like a child needing constant attention. The sad thing is that being raised by a narcissist puts you in place where even the people we attract are also narcissist. It’s a loose loose situation, I love her. Thank goodness for these KZbin conversations I was able to understand where all this behavior comes from and that it doesn’t matter how much I try it will never change.

[@rainbowgirljules]

Yes. Stop trying. As Dr Fox says, time and time again, we're never 'good enough' for them. Think about it. What sort of a loving, caring, nurturing parent would even consider that? They themselves are mentally unwell and they just cannot face that fact.

[@watermelonlover745]

My mom wants praise like she was the best mom in the world

[@lanac7974]

My mother can’t come out of town with me She will not ruin a good time for me

[@MixtopherTV]

Took me almost 40 years now to realize this with my mother. Final straw was when she said "i dont care about you. Youre just the vessel. Thats my baby" to my wife during her pregnancy. And then had the nerve to say it was just a joke and we are just sensitive.. where the fuckin punch line in that "joke"

[@matthewguzda4075]

The one thing she taught me was in arguing was to never let the person you're arguing with know how you feel to insult and criticism. So whatever means stuff she'd say to me , and she tried on numerous occasions to get a reaction from me, was to stay as stoic as possible. Never let her know how I felt or if she hurt me. And really at that point once you know your mom doesn't really love you , you become emotionally strong in a way that whatever someone might say they can't hurt you with words. How can they? There's nothing anyone could say that's worse than getting insulted harshly as a child by ones own mother. I have an emotional callous. Luckily I had the best dad.

[@DrDanielFox]

It's amazing how our experiences shape us and make us stronger. Thank you for sharing your story!

[@mimi34567]

❤

[@kathymcmc]

I also subscribe to stoicism. Your words generally won't receive a reaction from me. It has served me well in business. But yes, I too went no contact with my family.

[@matthewguzda4075]

@@kathymcmc I loved my time in Texas. Sorry bout family. You have to do what you have to but I think it's better when there's harmony. Cheers

[@hapichampagne5916]

I have a narcissist mother, and we’ve been at odds my whole life, as soon as I could start making Decisions for my self. And I never backed down, so I was out of the house at 15. We’re still at odds to this day- but I learned that I don’t have to react to her, I can just leave.

[@joosullivan7677]

I am 60. My mother is a covert vulnerable narcissist. Its been the most confusing life, and it was always up to me to make her happy. even my poor dad would recruit me to take care of her emotionally. It makes sense now, but its taken all my years and a strong life of self preservation and care to refuse being made to feel unworthy. I have a strong faith and its been God who comforts and strengthens me. Ive been a social worker for years, helping others because i can relate to their sufferings. I dont have the answers, everyone is different, but its videos like this and comments like yours that help so much. ps. going no contact is ok if its gotten too toxic, and like me, it was almost impossible to not react..so no contact it is for now again. This includes my narcissist sister too. i actually feel relieved. Take the time to heal, persue healthy relationships and trust God. xx

[@naturalhealingmexico]

Vulnerable? How that comes? Narcs are everything but vulnerable, we, the victims of their schemes are the vulnerable ones, but them. I am sorry to said so, I feel your comment, but there is something called cognitive dissonance, I related to your story it happened to me too, in the process of comforting my narc sadistic evil mother I learned to take others needs as priority instead of mine, after years of therapy and alternative medicine I finally broke the chain, I do not deserve narcs around me, so I push them away if my life, I don't run away, as many suggest to do so when narcs around, I push them away of my life, they are the ones to run not me....do the same please.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Vulnerable covert narcs are a thing. My sister in law had me fooled till the passing of my mother when the mask came off in private and she terrorized me almost to suicide yet no one believed me but her the ‘victim’. They are total manipulators

[@hygqueensav]

@@naturalhealingmexicotheir are a couple of different types the obvious one being grandiose and very charismatic. The other is very covert and sometimes called vulnerable and it’s not as obvious to others as the first type. They are insidious and really make you think your crazy because they seem like a victim and everyone else is the oppressor when that’s absolutely not the case.

[@ladennayoung2939]

This is very accurate. My mother does really strange things in order to attempt to get attention from me. Even when I am obviously busy doing something else that I need to do.

[@dawgmaw]

They won't be upstaged by anything, even when a close relative dies.

[@lanac7974]

Yes it’s so weird or they will try to interrupt when they know you are busy

[@devotee8701]

Cutting off my entire family, especially my mom, was the most liberating thing I've ever done

[@l.5832]

You need to go no contact. Once they realize you CAN predict them and you are on to them they will up their game to levels that you will never conceive. They will do illegal things and defraud you. They will leave you for dead when they have the opportunity. Oh, yes...and mine was a Sunday School teacher.

[@kathymcmc]

There are many on here saying their moms were teachers.

[@Drteomas]

I think my mother was afraid of her childrens emotions. She used to just walk off hoping the next time she saw me the emotions were gone. i went no contact a while ago, I'm not strong enough to take it.

[@Reflexwoman]

You chose you when you walked away. It is much healthier to leave then to steadily take abuse by any person. Good for you! 👏 ❤

[@pryncecharming2133]

I believe that the only way to deal with a narcissistic mother is to go full no contact. On paper it sounds easy enough to not engage the toxicity; however, that is not the case in most instances. They know how to push your buttons. They know what it takes to hurt you. They've perfected it. They are monsters. I did not have my own sense of self worth or intrinsic value until i left my mother behind over 10 years ago. Our last argument was so awful that i had to stop myself from smacking her in the face. After that it was full no contact and i became happy, for the first time in my life. She died a few years ago and all i felt was relief beneath the grief (that was undeserved)... I am estranged from my toxic family of origin for going on 20 years, and i have zero intention of ever seeing them again.

[@divineradiacewisdom1020]

This is my mother. I cut her off haven’t seen of spoken to her in years it’s very sad. She’s a sick person

[@owlampersand7993]

This is EXACTLY how both of my parents are. It's sick and disturbing 😐

[@DrDanielFox]

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this topic.

[@littlemissyd34]

I have always wondered why my brothers, one older and one 10 years yoinger were golden children and when I was 8 years old, i had to fix my dad s lunch for the work day and my older brothers lunch too. ( it was sandwiches and such) but still a very hard line was drawn in the sand and it was my "job" to make sure the house was clean, and be a mini maid to the house. As funny as this sounds it was really traumatizing as a child. My dad stormed in the living room where I had just sat down to eat cereal and turned on Duck Tales cartoon. He told me "Get up off your lazy ass and help your mother clean the house", I hadn't woken up more than 10 minutes earlier. I was 8, and not a lazy kid. I was just a kid

[@stefaniweiss2077]

How awful!

[@magdalenam9222]

Boże jakie wspaniałe Dziecko mieli Twoi Rodzice 😳😱🥺!!!. Szkoda tylko , że na to Nie Zaslugiwali 😠😤. To straszne !!!Przytulam Cię do Serca 🤲❤️. Życzę Ci Spełnienia Twoich Marzeń w Twoim Życiu , byś miał w blisko tylko kochających Cię ludzi . Szanuj siebie , dbaj o Siebie i nigdy prze nigdy nie daj się wykorzystywać . Bądź po prostu szczęśliwy 🍀🤲❤️

[@Andthereyouhaveit]

Read the book ENGRAVED by Pia Salvato. It's about a narcissistic mother who tried to destroy her entire family. What she did to her children is heartbreaking! 💔

[@zenodotusofathens2122]

Thanks for the recommendation, but I don't need to read any book about a narcissistic mother. I experienced it for 64 years [she died old]. I could write the book.

[@CuttinInIdaho]

My mother was this way, and I am finally getting past some serious mental health issues (depression and no self esteem) that would plague me off and on. I have seen this in public, mothers with children crying with the most unbelievably sad sounds...like a deep pain....those mothers are completely oblivious or sometimes are staring back, emotionless, at their helpless children who are clearly in agony. It is so sad...I pick up on this instantly. Most parents are trying to comfort their kids, and some are like me and comforting while anxious about it...but there really is a difference when parents don't seem to care.

[@kathyloizos3411]

I come from a family of 6 long story short, I was the only child who called my moms out on her tactics, and still to this day im am the most hit target! I left at 16 because she knows I see through her ridiculous manipulation and shaming. I am now 52 and my relationship with her since 16 has been long arms width.. very long arms. I keep to subjects of simple and no meaning, like the weather, and a recipe, anything else will end up with her belittling, or manipulation. The sad part of this is, I have always long to have a relationship, or friendship with my mother, and I had to come to terms it’s never gonna happen, she is now 86 years old today. She has along the way tried to turn each of us kids on each other.. it’s been one hell of a road to travel!!

[@estelao.b.1473]

It s painful to read that. I am in a similar position. Check my comment in this video, I am almost 30, but my experience is similar. I wish you the best. If tou managed to find a lifetime partner, please tell me how to differentiate entitlement/pride from a sense of justice, because many of my relationships went to sh*t because of it.

[@kathymcmc]

Did you reach out to other moms and try to claim them? Cause you didn't want your own mom, but wanted a nice mom.

[@braveheart9926]

The fact that 90% of people born in the 90s in China were living with NPD parents is alarming. I was born in a poor village in China in 1994, and my brother was born in 1995. I realized that my mother was toxic during elementary school. Connecting with my emotions was impossible, criticism was a daily routine, and she commonly called me names like 'slut,' 'ungrateful,' and 'uneducated.'I experienced severe belly aches during my first period, prompting me to go home from school. I'll never forget the shame; she insisted that nobody behaves like this to avoid school. She delighted in demeaning me on any occasion, seeking attention and sympathy. I always knew she was sick because my grandmother loved me unconditionally. My grandmother provided warmth, care, and affection to me until 12. Thanks to God and my grandma, I survived my challenging upbringing with sick parents.

[@GirlBehindTheMicMemoryBengesa]

Yes! Yes! Yes! To everything! You must’ve met my mother! Everything you described has been my past life! I’m no contact for 3 years and been more accomplished, feel good and better because I don’t have this voice that’s always telling I’m not going to make it.

[@Kris_USA90]

Through the streaming tears that just seem to fall and fall and fall, I watch this and am suddenly validated. Absolutely love this, absolutely NEEDED to hear this. It's like you have watched my life in a movie and described my own mother. Profound. Absolutely love your content. Please do more videos like this about narcissistic parents. Thank you so much Doc. Much love

[@stefaniaschannel]

💜🙏🏼

[@Ina-wn7jd]

I was crying too. It's painful.

[@isabellrahim3194]

I had a narcissistic mother and ex-husband.In these people's eyes there is nothing you can do right I hate the presence of toxic people and love to be by myself. My mother unleashed so much hatred on me that she shattered my self-esteem.I was 9 years old when my sister was born. She was everything to her that I could never be .There was no physical abuse but the emotional abuse was absolutely horrible.

[@karenolson4000]

I'm 65 years old and my sister (a malignant narcissist) is 69 years old. Our mother died 5 years ago. When I am in public with my sister (which I rarely allow to happen), my older sister puts herself in the place of my mother and loudly barks embarrassing orders to me (e.g., say please, say thank you, excuse yourself). When this happens, I look at her like she is a complete stranger and I never saw her before in my life. At this point, everyone in hearing range looks at my sister like she is nuts. As intellectually superior as my sister thinks she is, I manage to find ways to one-up her, as a way of saving myself from her torment. My sister is so incredibly focused on herself, that she doesn't even notice that I do this.

[@jlcmsw]

I told my mother that all my successes and achievements are due to me NOT following her example and advice. She didn’t seem to like that.

[@DrDanielFox]

It's important to find your own path and make your own decisions. Sometimes that means going against the advice of those closest to you. Keep pushing forward and proving yourself!

[@catherinehall2072]

This is dead on target. I still need to be hyper vigilant at 70 with her at 91 with dementia as she retains her ability to try to love bomb me into staying around to serve her needs at my expense.

[@individualspawn1077]

And it takes so many years to heal from seeing how well they treat the golden child!

[@jessicapatton2688]

Omg that is sooooo true! My sister Laurie and brother Joey were the golden children. I have called them the anointed ones.

[@LeticiaAGentil]

My brother was the golden child, while I was the hated one, until my mother adopted my younger sister (who has a mental disorder) and then she became the scapegoat. Poor girl. My brother failed at his job, he had to almost file for bankruptcy, and our mother paid part of his debt. Now mother has 2 scapegoats, and I am spared of her hate because she has nothing to complain about me at the moment. He was really destroyed by her words to him. It was really sad to listen to him saying that he NOW understood how she had treated us all these years

[@waynec369]

The one term/phrase that screamed out to me and pretty much blocked out everything else in this video is "your needs." When you've been raised by narcissistic parents, you learn (by them, but mostly your mother) your only "needs" are food, water, and air. Anything and everything else are wants and even luxuries. Your narcissistic mother firmly believes she fulfilled her requirements by feeding you and putting the clothes she wants to see you in on your back.

[@angierox6964]

Excellent! Zero contact for almost 2 years. Learning her diagnosis and then eventually going zero contact has been a lifesaver. When I start to get sad, wishing I had a Mom I just tell myself that she’s dead. Not to be morbid, but I can’t have hope of a relationship with her. My depression and anxiety have improved 50% or more.

[@kathymcmc]

Sorry same here. My husband asked how I was going to feel when my parents died. I told him that in my heart, they were already dead.

[@angierox6964]

@@kathymcmc My other family members either don’t care, don’t understand, or she has done her thing… I have gently reached out to a few family members and gave them the short version of what’s going on because I don’t want them to believe whatever she is telling them but at the same time I’m not putting any additional energy into any sort of drama. I basically planted the seed and said I’d love to hear from anybody who has any questions and I would really appreciate validation but I haven’t heard from anybody yet and it’s been two years. I have so many negative thoughts about her. They are getting less and less of course but sometimes I worry that perhaps I’m the one who is seriously ill! Obviously, I have many issues due to my upbringing, but I am healing 💕 best of luck to you and in response to your husband’s question I can tell you that I will feel relief. Relief.

[@sunshine-agalisgva]

My mother is a violent narcissist. Ive never been good enough in her eyes. Even after overcoming statistics and graduating college in a stem field. She despises me. She has physically abused me until i was too big to bully. So she attacked me mentally and emotionally. When i tried to get away she called the police on me. So when i had my son at 15...... yes 15. With a 25 year old sick man. I traded one hell of another and moved in with him. (I am divorced from this person and have no contact now) it wasnt until i was 20 i started to realize the actuality of the situation i was in. Once i divorced him and reported his abused to the court system i begin self reflecting on my choices. Went into a dark place and attenpted S. This is where my mother left me to die on a bathroom floor for 3 days. It was by sheer luck i survived. After that day i never looked at her the same. I seen her hate when she thought i was dying and it was shocking. I will always love her but i also am very angry with her. I have not hurt myself nor do i want to in over 7 years now. That moment changed my life.

[@TheRogueJedii]

I am glad you are alive! Though I don't know you, I have gone to similar, if less extreme, situations. I love you ❤

[@sunshine-agalisgva]

@@TheRogueJedii that was very kind. Thank you much love and healing to you as well!

[@stefaniweiss2077]

OMG. That is so terrible and sad

[@map3384]

My mother in-law was a narcissistic sociopath. It was all about her. She had to be the center of attention and her daughters couldn’t outshine her so she emotionally abused them. Her daughters were her slaves and an extension of herself. When my wife was eight her red hair was growing beautifully and a nice old lady at church complemented it. She took my wife to a hairdresser and had it cut short like a boy. My wife cried for days. I’m glad the B is six feet under now. She made my wife’s life a living hell.

[@CS-hj9ig]

OMG!!! Never wondered why my hair was kept short like a boy, but my two sisters were allowed to keep their hair the way they wanted. So even that was my mom being narcissistic!!!! I was the scapegoat btw

[@deb8415]

Story of my life, and I'm still dealing with it at the age of 59. There's no getting away from it either because I'm now her caregiver. ugggg. Lord help me.

[@pattimarsh2332]

IM 65 & still stuck in that role !

[@deb8415]

@@pattimarsh2332 I feel for you. It's not easy. It's a daily struggle and lots of tears.

[@woodroblue8332]

Understand sum times you just gotta throw them away who cares that's your mom keep your sanity

[@lesleyofferhall8133]

I knew there was something very wrong with my mother, as I became a teenager I rebelled and we clashed. I felt it was worth it. Unfortunately my oldest child is like her. Although she has passed on many years ago, I have brothers that do not understand and idolise her memory and make excuses for her behaviour. Having read books and put together that being the scapegoat I recieved the worst the narc mum had to offer. My extended family is riddled with it. It is just sad....but I can't go back and pretend.

[@GusTrevot]

I bet your mother was a fine woman

[@bebaaskaful]

I suffer BPD. Mother narcissist. Most of the time I was raised by fear, and ignoring me totally. I struggle much with the scence of self, and identity, because I had to shift and apply to feel safe as a child. I also struggle as a single parent of one boy. And Im so sad because I cant do much better than this, so I finally dont judge myself. Im in process of healing, and I cant explain how hard it is. Because I come in contact with everyrhing that I tried to avoid my whole life. Especially emptions and fears. Thanx dr Fox

[@DrDanielFox]

Narcissistic mother video comment response

[@lanac7974]

All my family members ignore me That’s why I don’t attend family functions

[@ladennayoung2939]

Right. Exactly. That is what I had to learn. I just started learning all of this information about 4 years ago. My mother is more covert than overt more often than not. So, I assumed she was a great mom. Because it seemed as though she was always there for me. But in reality, she was the main one hoping for negative things to happen in my life and hoping for the worst. Because she wanted me around for the duration of her life as a form of supply. She is truly a miserable person and want to spread that misery onto myself and my son. Especially on to myself. She does some of the strangest things as an attempt to get my attention.

[@stephanier6783]

Ooooooh, those covert narcissists can *really* lay low...like snakes in the grass...just kind of quietly waiting, hissing, and just ready to strike at the moment you make a mistake they can capitalize on. Give me a overt narcissist all day, any day. You can see them coming a mile away. You know what they are. They show everyone what a disaster they are. ...but those covert narcissists...they learn how to cloak themselves so that they *appear* to be truly decent human beings, and they are nothing close to that. These are the people that portray themselves as the pillars of the community...in public...and in the home or car where others can't hear what they say and see what they do, the true momster comes out. It's all about keeping up appearances for these narcissists...in public...and the mother's who are like this are in competition with their children, just waiting for their children to fall, make a mistake, come in 2nd place, or experience a failure, and then they beat you down further, using every little weakness they've ever put into you against you. ...but here is the real kicker... If you try to tell others about this, most people won't believe you...and...if you're a decent human being who has empathy for others, you're almost happy for them that they can't even begin to imagine a "mother" treating her own child like that because it means they grew up with a loving, nurturing mother who treated them like they mattered. I definitely believe what you have posted. You statements align with many similar experiences of other daughters raised by narcissists. A narcissist masquerading as "a mother" wants you to make her look good to others..publicly...and in her own twisted, sadistic mind, she never wants to you to exceed where she perceives herself to be in life because it would be too much of a narcissistic injury for her if one of her children, especially a daughter, surpassed her (and this is HER perception of where she is in the social hierarchy, it's not a hierarchy most of us...with a conscience...perceive). Our mothers are very broken people...irreparably broken...by their own mothers and/or fathers. They try and shed that irreparable brokenness down to us and, if you let them, your own children. Do NOT let her even try to break your children.

[@rebeccaward6918]

Thank You for this video . As a nurturing mother I don’t understand this but my own mother is a narcissist and my severely mentally ill aunt is too and my mother in law is too . But the main thing is I’m a nurturing mother and my children’s fathers sound too . Survivors of narcissistic abuse are so strong even through many other hurdles alongside on our journey some people stronger than ever with other stuff such as health issues too and work etc…But we do our best and are successful even after attempts of narcissists who tried to destroy our soul . Wishing You and Yours and people in this community love and light 💖💖💖💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.

[@suzicarnahan3006]

I’ve been no constant for 20 years. I moved 2500 miles away from her, to our hometown. I have had no contact with her family here. She still got my unlisted phone number, and left a message that she is getting old and moving in with me in the fall. Guess again Narc. I held no contact. The police will be called if a moving truck shows up at my house ( or any uninvited “guests”) Their need for control never stops. The manipulation never ends, the gaslighting attempts never ever cease!

[@goldenbuddafly]

It’s interesting enough to know that quite a few people that I’ve met, who had narcissistic parents, were actually some of the most kind & empathetic people. It makes you wonder how they would have been if it wasn’t for the narcs in their life. This is in no way endorsing this despicable behavior, but it is noteworthy.

[@DrDanielFox]

It's amazing how people can overcome their difficult upbringing and still become kind and empathetic individuals. It's a testament to their strength and resilience.

[@lanac7974]

I can’t believe we have to born into this demonic ass shit

[@jessxxy]

My biological mother is horrendous quite frankly, evil would be an understatement, there is no boundaries as to how far she will go to be as mean as unhumanly possible. What's the lesson there ? As an Intuitive Empath I understood the first time her mask slipped off, modern day I completely ignore her. I completely ignore the entire family in fact because they are all an extention of her ego. As a mature man let me tell you first hand that these demonic individuals never improve either, as you age they become worse! Remember that the quality of your life is in your hands... You decide how it plays out, not your demented family

[@CaramelSunflowers]

Mine has completely destroyed my reputation in our local community after I cut her off for being abusive. It's been almost 20 years and she is still slandering me. It's had a catastrophic affect on my health, she managed to turn my own doctor against me resulting in continuously being dismissed with serious spinal symptoms. I now have permanent nerve damage and issues using my legs, something that could have been prevented if I had been listened to. Not once did anyone ask me what had happened with my mother, they just believed whatever she said, well the gullible did, many in the community ignored her.

[@TheDrivingCrooner117]

I just put my 2 and 4 year old to sleep. My precious babies are the most wonderful things in my life. I am so heartbroken reading these comments and seeing how your mothers treated you. I am so sorry. Here, have a mom hug 🫂

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing. Be well

[@sonicocr]

This video makes me cry and envy people with normal mothers and families. Thanks for sharing, for me is imposible to control my fears and pain each time my mother says toxic destructive things to me.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time. Remember, you're not alone in facing difficult family dynamics.

[@rosieposey2525]

And keep in mind always, ITS NOT ABOUT YOU It's their disorder and they can't help projecting their shame and pain, onto others. Remember: you are strong, you are good, you are your own person and will prevail if you just believe in your worthiness ❤

[@karenbruscini3491]

Definitely my existence with my mother. No contact brought me happiness freedom and love.

[@user-cb2fk5yo1m]

Do not ever trust a narc even when it's your own flesh and blood. She's envious, unconscious, lacks empathy and any self awareness. I disengaged and will celebrate when she goes under 💜🙏✝️. Earned accordingly

[@loriwinters414]

As a Christian, and raised in church by my mother, it’s such a struggle wondering is it ok or not to go no contact. You just don’t truly ever know what God thinks about that. But after so many years, and seeing they will never change, but only get worse, you must keep yourself safe, and that means staying away from her. It’s just the way it has to be

[@DrDanielFox]

It can definitely be a tough decision, but prioritizing your safety and well-being is important.

[@tunkytunky]

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. In other words your parents weren't supposed to be doing that, it's okay to go no contact if they were cruel and abusive.

[@karenrancourt6812]

It's like you are in my head, especially when talking about lack of joy and intense sorrow

[@MM-mc9ru]

I felt the same!!

[@roses72141]

Me too😢

[@juliezagata9339]

Been here many times with my mother as she would always exclude me, put my brother and sister against me when I was really young. They too became abusive towards me. At age 17 I lived with other families because of abuse and finally moved out of state at age 19 to another family who the mother is a narcissist 🤦‍♀️Been on my own and have tried but finally cut ties for several years to no contact from both! I’m now 62 and will not let anyone in my life who creates havoc.

[@fizzyizzy8115]

Moment I finally called my mother out on not feeling safe I got told “it was your job to feel safe here” (how does a child make themselves safe in a not safe place?) and now it’s been a year without a word from her. Once they realize you *see* them they drop you like it’s hot.

[@Ana.Banana.77]

My mother has always been so critical of me. From my grades to my looks. Yet when I was met with success, she attributed those successes to how she raised me. I cut her off completely… still going through the healing process. At times I feel like I hate her but I don’t, I love her. Despite this, I can’t have her in my life and that hurts. Wishing you all the best

[@earthrooster1969]

Hah...since my childhood days, I spent a LOT of hours in the garden because the house was cold and I only used to get my Mom's attention in case I needed to be corrected or disciplined. I grew up with ONE ambition...I need to be away.. Even if the world was saying that your family is your safe place..I was NEVER convinced.. Only thanks to these amazing videos and information I now realise my Mom is/was a grandiose narcissist.and my little child mind knew SHE is in the wrong. But hello! My rest of the family was hailing her as the Family Hero!! I am and will be in constant healing but it's worth my journey... learning to reclaim my life, my joy...