Narcissistic Parent Tactics That Cause Childhood Trauma and CPTSD

[@jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

[@malinliljeblad8875]

I've studied narcissism every day the last 3-4 years but this video really nails which of my parents tactics were the most harmful to me as a child. Its sad to listen to but very informative and validating. Thank you

[@LukiGames0]

My narc parents just accused me of playing games with them since I stopped responding to their baits and provoking and he became extremely nasty and going to rage for a smallest things and warned me to look for an apartament until end of a year -.-. They never loved me and you can see it as I am looking from a time perspective. Welp it's only confirmed how bad and self centred they are and do not care about nobody else. I am going no contact once I move out.

[@h0lyspiritual.sweetheart]

🫂

[@dorlottibrussels4224]

Hi Jerry Thanks for your video I live in Belgium, my English is not so good. I need to get some guidance in my journey with my parents. My dad is narcissistic I think my mom also. I created some distance as I got older .... now my father demands all my help and presence. His second wife died January 23 and he told me he has not so long to live..... he has cancer. But now I know he can have several years to live..... I regret taking care of him..... I am empty and totally in stress after seeing or hearing him. my life , he wants to control it. My work also, my friends.... did not have the time to celebrate my birthday in April...he told me to cancel all activities.... just be there for him.I cannot hold on.....for years to come...

[@Portia620]

Are you stating that it’s not OK to mention your sex life to your parent but you can to a therapist how about a friend like a best friend if it’s very confidential and they keep it to them selves? Where are the lines drawn? Is it considered a national if you talk about very private personal things with a friend or how about a therapist? There just seems to be so much gray area there. I do see what you mean there or covert narcissist do gather information with asking you a ton of questions and they’re just using it to use it against you were trying to delete you as somebody that is true it’s almost like to write a book I guarantee it’s true they are, and you’re the star that they’re gonna punish.

[@irinamladenoska7539]

I am sooo sorry for my inner child. I started to be my self at the age of 52.

[@irinamladenoska7539]

@@amberv4223 yess. Support here!

[@JoeMcKenzie888]

Much love to you

[@stevigarness2725]

Same.. I'm 45 and finally snapped with mommy dearest about 4 months ago. Never again. Blessings to all of us on this healing journey. ❤

[@lockheed55]

I hear you, I found out at 40.

[@jeannieotb8491]

i was 65!

[@hahnf9796]

I finally said goodbye to my father after more than 30 years of continued trauma. Honestly, the hardest thing to deal with was the guilt other people put on you for doing so. Those people who do not understand what it is like to deal with toxic parents, it's exhausting and it's okay to walk away from it.

[@joshtrent7945]

I’m here to motivate me to not respond to some 11 pm bs text from my dad. At 37 😅

[@bayoutown1990]

I had to do it about 15 years ago when i was 50. It was very difficult but immediately my husband, son, and I began to heal. I had to do the same with a subbing who controlled the family. Peace is very sweet. It took a long time for me to learn to love myself and so neglecting myself. It made me a better wife and mother and friend.

[@JoiRandom]

💯

[@akashicklovebpd1264]

Tell those people they are lucky that their parents haven't invoked those emotions in them. Don't take a blessing for granted. Watch their face go blank 😆

[@Beginnerreadsthebible]

Same boat ❤

[@madam-mim]

Imagine being held back your entire life, and only discovering as an adult that what you've experienced actually had a name and you could have prevented it had you only knew about all this terminology at an early age.

[@curiouscomplex290]

You could not have prevented it. Don't do that to yourself. You didn't know what you didn't know.

[@madam-mim]

@@curiouscomplex290 True.

[@sjf426]

I don’t have to imagine, unfortunately. 😒😌

[@enigmalfidelity]

It is what we went through that allows us to see things from said perspective and understand it, otherwise we'd probably be one of those people that claims CPTSD because they got grounded on a regular basis. Best thing we can do is use what knowledge and wisdom we've gained through our traumas to help and understand others going through bad situations

[@harrietleah212]

@@enigmalfidelityone of what people ? i’m confused ab the invalidating comment and who these people are

[@muzeezhodillo8613]

I bought myself a hat. My Mum took it off me and tried it on and said, "it looks better on me." It sat on top of her wardrobe for years and she never wore it once.

[@AAMtruthteller]

I cannot even fathom this. I am just so sorry. How are people's children not everything to them 😢

[@simonealisa]

My mother-in-law is like this. I should have never taken her to get my wedding dress. 😢

[@Michelle-zk3po]

I went to nursing school so I could take care of my mom in her old age....her idea, her words...shocking. I know your feeling

[@ME0423]

How awful to feel dismissed, disrespected, invisible, and unworthy.

[@budeutsch]

When I was 16, I cut up my favorite and newly purchased green shirt and threw it in the trash because my mother kept trying to wear it. (As a young girl, she already had a lot more than me and wouldn't share it with me.) 😂 I'm glad I did it

[@lindapendleton9176]

I don't let anyone live rent free in my head and no one shuold. I've used a tactic called negative affermations.' Any thing else you don't like about me?' They eventually run out of material to attract you with. I'm the scapegoat that escaped.Lol😊

[@jerrywise]

Great response.... Thank you for watching.

[@bereal6590]

That's useful, thank you. I said to my mother once, is there anything you know or like about me! I like the idea of is there anything else you ront like ✋✌

[@theoryofpersonality1420]

I was six, sitting at a table, sobbing after being hit in the head so hard my face hit the book. She said " you're to stupid to copy something right " I was six years old in a foreign country tying to learn a new language and didn't know I was dyslexic.

[@こなた-m1o]

that is f**king awful. i'm so sorry.

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

♥

[@DesertSessions93]

That's so wrong! I'm so 😔 sorry

[@Bronte866]

She should be in prison.

[@misspat7555]

@@Bronte866Abusive parents very rarely land in prison. They pretty much have to put their kid on life support before that will happen. 😓

[@dotsyjmaher]

"Stop neglecting yourself."...lightning just went through me

The Physical neglect point touched me deeply. I remember as a child and teenager being sick and being completely ignored. One night at 14 years old I had a severe asthma an couldn't breathe, I stood up and ask my mom for help and she just turned to the other side in her bed and told me that she wouldn't help me, that she had enough issues with my sister, that she couldn't pay a doctor, that I should wait until I grow up and work to pay myself a doctor.

[@RobertKramer17]

You just reminded me of when my appendix nearly burst, and my parents thought I was playing sick to get out of school. Of course, even until recently, I'd blame myself. Also, I was 7. 😢 Sorry for what you went through - that sounds really painful. ❤

[@msdemeanour]

My abusive parents have not seen me since 2015. I tried & tried until I realised in my 40's these people never change. As soon as they discovered I was going to therapy & talking about the trauma they put me through all my life, they preferred to pretend I don't exist. Everyone assumes I am a terrible child & that is what hurts the most now. My heart turned to stone many years ago, when neither parent called me to see if I survived a 4 hour major surgery.

[@adimeter]

Oh no! Unbelievable.

[@dididisun]

They never cared to begin with, I am so sorry for what happened to you. The biological parents of mine is the same way, they never cared about me, the day I accepted was when I was granted true freedom, I am in no contact with them and so happy now

[@FFlores79]

Sometimes the gaslighting is more subtle ...like the parent is yelling at you and you respond in a normal voice and you are told that you are the one causing the problem..argument

[@Shenanigans_Afoot]

Yes, you’re yelling if you speak sternly or raise your voice a tiny bit, yet they yell ALL THE TIME.

[@abowling5759]

They love to do anything that dumps everything on you, making you the problem.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

I vividly recall the first time I chose not to engage my mother with the incessant verbal arguments and stayed very calm, very collected. She accused me of being in a cult, lol. Staying calm and it yelling sent her into a tailspin. 😂

[@sarge6283]

I was told that I was ruining my parents marriage because of all the fighting that I'm causing between my parents. I wasn't the one who cheated in their relationship. I wasn't the one who decided to have kids with a narcissist. I wasn't the one who decided to abuse my kids and not listen to them.

[@mirnacudiczgela1963]

​@@madeleinegrayson8372My narcissistic abusive mother accused me if I started singing when she yelled at me. She said I was ignoring her.

[@ryad1281]

Not just narcissistic parents but siblings as well!

[@adimeter]

Yes, that was my older sister..a mean narc.

[@rural_girl555]

exactly

[@Dana93Korn]

Same

[@TrollDragomir]

I just listened to the part about covert putdowns and my dad's sense of humour came to mind. "Well son, I'm happy you managed to do SOMETHING right in life" after telling him that I'm soon going to be a father myself.

[@gus8310]

My mother would always disagree with me no matter what, she just would never like to accept that I might be right or that what I have to say might be right. She would always question me and make me feel like I was stupid or dumb.

[@idontcare9797]

My father was the same. would really like to know why parents do that. He would argue with me that "connections " social, business, political don't exist! Just because he doesn't have any its insanity

[@Julie-ti5yv]

@@idontcare9797 I had an IQ test during high school. My narc father attacked me while he was drunk and said "So now you think you're smarter than me."

[@Happydays14385]

It was because you were smarter

[@gus8310]

@@Happydays14385 I think it was, she had a very abusive father and my dad was a drunk too. It took me a very long time to believe in myself that I was smart. I read philosophy and psychology and write poetry. We are okay now I think she finally realised that after me explaining to her all the things I learnt from psychology. We have a better relationship now, it just had to take me moving out to see that.

[@Nat-zr9jq]

I decided to just cut all communication with my narcissist mother and pedophile father for my own healing. They adopted me when I was five, they already had two kids and I was just a scapegoat and a plaything for them. Once I had my own kids, I saw the abuse in a whole new light and basically said F*CK YOU and I was DONE! The only forgiveness I felt I needed to have was to forgive myself for all the wars I waged against myself, for all the self sabotage, I forgave myself. I don’t particularly feel like I need to forgive them but I also no longer let it consume me, I’m just indifferent towards them. It is what it is and I’ve moved on.

[@bugage9563]

Finally someone I can relate too!! I hope you found healing!

[@ebenezerquartey188]

😮

[@fridaytieday]

Adoption rarely works. Better to be with a dysfunctional parent or a super young parent...at least there is a real sense of belonging. Mother Theresa had an adoption scheme of Indian children into USA. I believe this worked because it was open and monitored.

[@jennyskydog]

@@fridaytieday”Mother Theresa” has been outed for child trafficking.

[@yehmen29]

The pitchforking is a very good comparison. 'I want more information about you'. That's how I spot narcs these days. You asked the rhethorical question, 'Are they writing a book?', I have actually asked people in the past, 'Are you going to write my biography?. They were offended...

[@kimhumiston2686]

Hahaha. Love this remark!

[@jerrywise]

I have asked, when someone asks for more information, “I’m not sure why you ask.” Or “How will that information help you, I’m unclear.” Or “Maybe we should just take it slow, there will be the right time for these answers…what did you do this past weekend?”

[@Dana93Korn]

Same

[@janl.8918]

I'm a ACOA and a recovering alcoholic. I'm the scapegoat in the family; I realize now at 55 that they continue to abuse me mentally, emotionally, and psychologically. It's so covert that I wasn't aware until recently when I started to learn more about gaslighting, silent treatment, and indirect put-downs. On my last visit with them, I decided I was done with the disrespect I needed a break.

[@keithstewart7514]

I woke @ 58 yo & oh what difference the recent past 15 months of being woke @ a distance has made. Two more years & my Super Nova SHINE will blast my families darkness into the Light.

[@keithstewart7514]

The Sadistic Cruelty of what has been over a lifetime to endure solidify why death neither scares or concerns the hundred upon hundreds of time I've faced death as if it's just one of my childhood playmates that much like my Narcopathetic FAMILY is always there to squander my flame pre-ignition. Super Nova pending (no child deserves this WITHOUT God HAVING HIS Devine Reasons).

[@teresagillmer9464]

I'm so sad for you .I know what it's like .I sreamed at my mother one day that she didn't care.Itade no difference ..lm the one who was always willing.

[@Amaterasu_990]

Enjoy your break, I relate. I spent all last weekend in bed in my pyjamas reading, watching movies; cuddling the cats, being the licenced driver in the passenger seat while my Learner driver son drove to the shops. Phone off all weekend. 85% of every weekend, my phone is on airplane mode. Works for me, I'M in control of who I speak to and when. When I do talk, I decide for how long, Boundaries, I'm not sure what brand of family/parent/system I have (narc or other ~ I don't know. All I know is how I feel, and I have permission to feel how I do and self-validate how I feel and act in congruence with that. To negate my feelings and go along with being nice is to commit a violence against myself. And TOOOTALLY it is about them. "Oh you have a good job now at age 54, I can finally stop worrying about you." NICE. Yep it is about them when these things are said. ( 😹) Rant over, but ~ thank you and good luck Janl.8918. No apologies, no crap. :-) Yay us and thanks Jerry.

[@dogdad8754]

I’m 46 and finally figured out the Narcs in my family. Stay strong and safe

[@bereal6590]

The emotional neglect and sometimes physical neglect, was far worse and is longer lasting than the trauma caused by the events that happened in my childhood. The events that happened scarred me deep but deeper than they needed to be, because I had nobody there to support, love, comfort, listen to, care about, validate, soothe me during those times. I can't help it, I hate my parents whilst simultaneously feeling pity and disgust and guilt all mixed into one.

[@Georgi_Slavov]

It's so scary:you consider your narc parents your closest people, but they are actually your worst enemy, and have no connection to you whatsoever except their DNA.

[@thenamelessghuleh]

That is a perfect summary.

[@mirnacudiczgela1963]

Exactly

[@silviabohemica7532]

My mother would do all of that and more. As an adult she would get me to a breaking point (provoking and denying stuff, smiling to my face while saying that all the wrongs she did to me didn't exist) and than record me while I was raging. Then she would let other people listen to those recordings so I would be considered like the crazy piece of shit that she was. Honestly I understand why some people end up killing themselves or their parent. I want out myself. She stole my life, my choices, my future, the person I was supposed to be. And she doesn't understand why I can't stand her

[@ericb8413]

It’s not too late to start building the life you want. You’re worth it.

[@abowling5759]

It’s an awful trap!….Been there myself….. the best thing you can do is free yourself from her and get away when you can and go no contact. Then you get to work some more on your healing and be the person you were meant to be, surrounded by people who genuinely love and support you. Good luck to you!…..🍀

[@keithstewart7514]

Your independence from the crazy people of the FAMILY is your best revenge!

[@feelingbetternaturally1099]

Go no contact. It's your only hope. Narcs are pure evil. The best thing my narcissistic mother did was die.

[@jolynmcteigue8371]

It’s so sad to see all the advice to go no contact. These are also hurt people who did not get their cup filled with love. Pray for them. Don’t do things you will regret when they die. Vengeance is of the Lord.

[@GodiscomingBhappy]

- Emotional neglect - Gaslighting - stone walling and silent treatment - covert putdowns and overt ones - verbal abuse (get internal boundaries aka thick skin, ignore them!!they are weird animals and arent worth it) -project their negatives traits on you - sabotage and pathological envy - Hot and cold behaviour - Rage attacks - micro managing (who are you speaking to, what you eat, what you wear....) - neglect and physical deprivation - triangulation (emmeshment) - pitch forking ( dont join them) - smear campaigns (maintain self confidence and self esteem) - parentification, emotional incest - sexual abuse, coercion -

[@theoryofpersonality1420]

Thank you. This helps me follow along to the video better. I appreciate it.

[@NikkiaSings]

Thank you 😊

[@valerier4308]

I experienced everything on the list except sexual abuse.

[@tinomaster]

@@valerier4308same here but we don t know what happens when we were babies.🥹😔🙁

[@margaretaklemming2492]

-Divide and conquerers.

[@DiAllinson]

You just described all of my childhood and most of adulthood. I left home at 14 and was estranged from parents many periods of adult life. I was once told by a psychotherapist I had been an orphan all my life, ie not had real parents, but I said it's much worse than being an orphan when the parents are still around and abusive. Both parents died in last 3 years and I feel only relief and some sadness that they couldn't have changed and had a happier life, I only feel this sadness because of all the work I've done on myself. Every point of this video brings up memories that caused cptsd, I must refer to this when I go for EMDR soon. Also, you have a beautiful singing voice. Thank you

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for your kind words

[@inhale.exhale.2527]

it took me 60+ years to finally hear my older sister's microaggressions. she subsequently tacitly confirmed her dislike resentment of me and after decades of trying to comprehend narcissism and the toxic family, i've had to call time and go no contact. what a truly surreal cruel monstrous terribly tragic dynamic. the destroyer of worlds. 🥴

[@msbg8385]

My mother will say she rages on me and tries to control my every decision out of love. I sold my house with out telling her because she is crazy and stressful. She cried and said I hurt her to her heart. Because I say no to her control now. She is trying to use me as a retire plan..and control my money. I no longer give her a benefit of doubt. She is an abuser who has an ego that needs to be fed. Thus channel has helped me heal! ❤

[@abowling5759]

Good work!

[@sarge6283]

I went very very very low contact like borderline no contact and mine was telling my dad that "It just hurts my feelings that my child doesn't talk to me". I laughed so hard. Boo fucking hoo. My feelings were constantly hurt by her growing up and was always told "get over it". Weird how people don't think about their actions and the consequences that come from it.

[@sarahcouture24]

covert putdowns. They go in like a corkscrew in our heart ❤️ perfectly said.

[@theresefournier3269]

That's the secret! Observe, witness, without absorbing. What they say, think or feel like, is none of my business. Never was ❤

[@DesertSessions93]

You are right. They can say whatever they want it doesn't mean it's true or I have to believe it.

[@theresefournier3269]

@@DesertSessions93 To be-lie-ve anything per say, when lies abound, never is truly knowing.😘

[@HRPFayetteville]

No, my favorite is when you're talking. And asking a couple questions, and they only respond to what they want to respond to. And they ignore the questions that they don't want to answer. That's always fun.

[@Seatonni]

& they won’t let you ignore any questions they ask

[@Blue-tm9ev]

@@Seatonni Sometimes it helps if you make your answer contingent upon them answering your question. You're not going to get an answer to your question, but they'll eventually stop asking theirs. It's not productive, but generally, nothing about these conversations are.

[@theoryofpersonality1420]

Yup, fun. 😒

[@vivonasnuvens]

And when they answer its your last 3 words.

[@Maverick305Bliss]

Since April 22, 2022 I have been on a journey to finally find myself. I have felt like a failure for my whole life and I am beginning to see why I did. Things I was taught in my childhood truly effected my relationships outside of the home. I feel especially stupid that it has taken me this long to see the truth. I was successful in stopping the generational trauma as I raised my children basically opposite of how I was raised. They never had to compete with me for a spotlight, I taught and reinforced self love and respect in each of them. But the entire time I knew I was a hypocrite because I didn’t live those principles myself. I’m in the winter season of my life and I don’t know that putting myself through this is going to be worth it in the end. My grandmother had to have been a genius; she taught me to cook, clean, sew, manage a household…all of this being done under the mantra of not needing to be dependent on anyone. I can take care of myself and unfortunately that is where I am at in life; on my own, alone and realizing just how broken I am

[@abowling5759]

😢

[@Maverick305Bliss]

@@iluvmusic1710 thank you for the kind words. I did make the conscious choice to have children but the partner I chose didn’t want to be faithful…but I’ve done everything in my power to put a stop to the toxic generational neglect and emotional abuse. Two of my three are of adult age and they are starting to see things that I told them that they would understand one day…taking the high road cost me so much financially but I was playing the long game for the physical and emotional consistently supportive and nurturing for them. I am going to need to work until I drop, but the money spent has been worth it when I can see my young ones being physically healthy, but more important they don’t have the burden of toxicity in their lives… my investments didn’t go into my 401because I invested it in my kids; they are good, kind , confident and loving people…

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

I understand about feeling broken.

[@kaypasa1243]

Sounds familiar. Keep your chin up.

[@mj-rg9kp]

My narc dad always had a millions of reasons to not do the right thing, but was always extra critical and abusive to us kids. Now that we’re adults, he has selective memory where he doesn’t remember any of it, and believes himself to be a relatively good father bc I didn’t turn out to be “messed up”. Now my sister has become a narc like my parents, the only option is NC or minimal contact..It’s so toxic and unhealthy dealing with these people.

[@guybrush1701]

I fucking HATE the "Oh, you turned out fine." argument. Translation: "I'm a good parent because you're not in jail or a permanent resident of a mental institution." By Grabthar's Hammer, what an accomplishment. 🙄🙄🙄

[@y.peffle2802]

Funny my dad says this because only 1 of his 5 kids turned into a drug addict. It was nothing he did because 1 out of 5 isn't bad right ?! 🙄

[@lesliemacnab8281]

Thank you, Jerry; very informative. I am an adult survivor of a violent binge drinking father, and a mentally unstable narcissistic mother. I was parentified all my life: had to care for my siblings and my mother. As a result I have a chronic progressive disability. I finally had enough, and moved 3,000 miles from my family, to heal me. I'm now accused of being selfish, you're not looking after mom, you're just like dad (I don't drink or consume any drugs). Yes, if taking care of myself for once is selfish, I'll accept that. Just sorry it took me 60 years to figure that out.

[@elhadjdiallo633]

I hope you are OK My sister ...I'm so sorry to hear that you have been through what you have been through !°° narcissists are dangerous these folks have killed millions people without a gun frankly speaking !!!!

[@Brummiebythesea]

Good for you ❤I wish it didn’t take us that long to look after ourselves and go minimal or no contact in 55 next week I moved 2 hours drive away it hasn’t been far enough my toxic family still get here I use excuse I’m working when I’m not to keep people away aswel sending blessings from the coast in the uk 🇬🇧

[@amandaball353]

I remember my MIL snickered at me when I was talking to my husband, my father-in-law and while waiting in line at a restaurant. I looked at her like she was a 6yr old but she really was 72 at the time. It’s crazy for me to see a parent act like a toddler or jealous teenager. 🙄

[@TheBLGL]

I’m so sorry you have a bad MIL. I miss mine, she was great. But this sure sounds like my own mother. She’s so childish it’s ridiculous.

[@Pubslife]

I think it can get worse with age too.

[@harrietleah212]

yeah i lived with mine for a year and only just escaped. she terrorised me out of pure envy and coldness

[@amarbyrd2520]

“You’re just the kid - I’m the adult” when you are BOTH GROWN will make you throw something breakable across the room and hope it smashes to pieces

[@FFlores79]

I m 39. My mom was entertaining telling my 11 y/o something inappropriate to threaten him to behave better in school. I asked her not to do that. She started yelling at me..."I never said i was going to tell him." And later said me telling her not to tell him was me chastising her. So a reasonable request as a parent for my child was chastising her. I started to cry about the hopelessness of the situation and she said...well great now I feel terrible..not oh I m sorry but great you are making me feel terrible...I was hospitalized at the time as well.

[@sarge6283]

My enabler dad told me a few days ago "Even though you're an adult we still see you as our child". So why didn't you protect me then if you see me as a child? What an absolute dumbass fucking thing to say to someone. Sorry Dad, I know you said you did your best but I still see you as a lazy coward.

[@amarbyrd2520]

@@FFlores79 You were *hospitalized*?? Then it shouldn't be all about her feeeeelings, should it? I'm so sorry you were put through that 😞

[@ddieter603]

Hello, my name is Donna and I am an alcoholic/ACOA/ADON. (Hi, Donna.) I quit drinking when I was 28. I'm recovering from recent homelessness. My husband and I are recovering from my rages. Our five surviving cats are my emotional support animals. I was retired prematurely from legal aid due to the disability of C-PTSD, which I believe is connected to having misophonia, which ruined my life and career. I was a Lost Child who became a Scapegoat when I had the unmitigated gall to marry, to love someone more than the narcissists. I want to thank Mr./Dr. Wise here for keeping his delivery clear and free of triggers such as lip-smacking and throat clearing; and to compliment his marvelous tenor voice. But mostly for keeping his delivery clear and free of triggers. I'll be listening to more videos.

[@princesscake70]

I suffered all of these. I was alone, an only child of a narcissist single parent who at 78 and in hospice, still emotionally abuses me, gaslighting, verbal put downs. When I did therapy in the 90s, narcissism was not a hot topic. My therapist knew my mom was abusive to me but she couldn''t put her finger on it. Then I returned from my study abroad summer, and my mother's equally narcissistic sister had weaseled her way into the women's group therapy I went to, even gaslighting my therapist. I quit right away but the therapist was blind to what my aunt was doing - stealing and sabotaging.

[@Brummiebythesea]

God bless you ❤I always thought it was normal mother and daughter relationship I’ve only learned about narcissist people and parents in the last 7 years! I’m 55 next week I moved 2 hours drive away. I’m listening to jerry and going to go minimum to no contact ❤

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I can believe it because a lot of what therapists study is the extreme personality disorders. They don't seem to study a pattern of externalicing shame via gaslighting, denial, manipulations and projections. My mother would never fit the criteria for a personality disorder, but she is extremely shame-avoidant. So, example, it's not that she had no empathy or patience when I was growing up, it's that I was "sensitive". Another example, it's not that her pain is at the forefront of her awareness and mine isn't, no, in her eyes it's that her pain is real and mine is a grudge!!! On and on I could go, but none of this is in the DSM5, and it's not studied it seems, so you end up with therapists who have 7 years of study but only the last year of their studies is relevant to the issues normal people experience at the hands of other "normal" people!!

[@paulczubryt8644]

Growing up, we never got any of the love bombing - my dad reserved that for business associates. We - the family - got the rage. My dad has never said I love you to us kids, but he's said it to people in his business. We got the bellowing and tantrums.

[@HRPFayetteville]

I used to tell my mom the only time she would talk to me if she wanted me to do something or he was mad at me. Because I got in trouble doing something wrong. And the reality is they don't know you. You're not even a person to them. They had their own messed up childhood.

[@agapereign]

My parents divorced when I was 5 and I resented him for leaving me with my mom. I didn’t have the wisdom to recognize narcissism as a child, but this is my mom. I believe he got tired of her games after the divorce because he never came to visit us, but he should have been a better father FOR HIS CHILDREN! We had no safe space. And all of us are damaged because of her. My mother is now 80 and I’m torn between leaving her to her own misery and obeying God’s command to honor her. I will say me and my siblings are distancing ourselves more and more from her because the antics continue and we don’t want to be bothered. But, knowing she has only a few years remaining, I’m really not wanting to completely disconnect. My biggest fear is to not have contact with her and the next thing I hear is she passed and no one knew for days, as she lives alone. It’s really hard.

[@soniamarinawade8209]

I feel the same .

[@passionproject568]

I have the same dilemma. I want to honor my parents according to God's commands but I keep getting hurt over and over again. I don't know since when I started admitting this but I'm now just waiting for all my toxic family members to die... it's the only way I see closure... there's just something about the death of my abusers that makes me feel like I'll be set free. Yes I know they're my father and mother. But they were cruel and narcissistic. I don't want my own family, husband and children to be effected because of my trauma. They didn't do anything wrong but love me and care for me... I need to protect them now. Love shouldn't have to hurt and I'm very sorry you lost your mother. For what it's worth she's in a blissful sleep ❤ if it helps one day you'll see her again. In the mean while, God have mercy on me

[@miriam100ful]

I'm coming from the same place as you,. I realised too late that she was a narcissist, but when I did I used some strategies ppl suggested. Like the grey rock method, not arguing with her, and mostly minimising the contact I have with her. Contact by telephone seems to be the easiest for me than face to face. So I still have contact but it's functional, not social.

[@MsEagle20]

My story too!

[@Dbb27]

My mom finally passed. She was close to 92. I constantly left my business and home to fly in and help her cope. I feel I honored her as my mother but it took it’s toll. Thank heavens for Covid. For two years I couldn’t visit at times. I found she actually did better without me seeing her so much. I really wasn’t making a difference and my visits gave her more inspiration to act out. Do less but show up when really needed.

[@CarlaFrederick-hw9zm]

I am deeply aware of what I didn't have growing up through videos such as this. I lived a lifetime on what I knew. my whole life was a sad lie

[@AD-wi4fq]

Thank you so much. In the midst of confusion, sorrow and loneliness, your perspective gives me insight and comfort. Thank you very much.

[@andreabrunkow9314]

Please KNOW that you are not alone. There are very many of us out here who get it. ❤

[@FloppedASF]

Being raised by absent narcisstic father and borderline mother caused me borderline and narcisstic personality depression anxiety body imagine issues eating disorder and ocd

[@sarge6283]

So relatable. I have horrible anxiety and cptsd from my narc abuse.

[@soulcake76]

Dayum, the best 25:30 I’ve seen on KZbin addressing this topic; he got to the point and spoke of other tactics I had forgotten about as a kid. He articulated the behavior and it’s impact on my psyche and my soul….

[@septemberdawnluketz]

Wow, every single example you mentioned hits home with my mom. Even at the end when you said, “what’s going on? Are they writing a book?” In regards to the toxic parent asking too many questions… My mom is currently writing a “memoir” that is suppose to be about her life but instead is primarily about mine and all the times she took me to auditions, etc. My mom was not only a stage mom growing up, she also had a severe case of munchousen biproxy and kept me sick to be paid by the state to be my “caregiver” when all along it was me taking care of her emotionally while being mentally, spiritually, psychologically and even physically abused in the process. Was recently diagnosed with a severe case of CPTSD from all of the severe trauma throughout the years. 😔

[@raymondclass6794]

I'm writing a book about my crazy baby boomer father that runs a slum lord ice business that he uses to perpetuate abuse, my mom is an infinite helper and never stand up to him. Cold as ice a classhole chronicle it's a,play on the last name.

[@raymondclass6794]

They used the ice house to film a part of the movie fight valley with holly holm and misha Tate. I have other tie-ins as well

[@sunshinegirl2208]

WOW, THANK YOU !!! Almost Everything you said resonates with me !!!!!! This touched me to the core !!!

[@HISMAJESTYSHANDLE]

Damn! My mother loves to control everything... if you shut down TV wrongly she comes with a life changing advice on how to do it correctly! It seems shes always trying to provoke people and when you ask her to shut up she says I'm doing it for your own good and plays victim... 😄

[@FirstLast-rb5zj]

I start to realise that my mother is like one of those machines you used to haver in diners. The ones with all of the records where you can put in a coin and play one. Imagine one with just a few records scattered around like a vending machine that's always empty. That's what she is like. She has only a few operating modes that you have to work out. One of them that she likes to play over and over most through most of the day is "Any thing you can do I can do better."

[@taraelmegreen5527]

You've just described my childhood! This was why, even as a nurse, I couldn't love my mom as a daughter when she died...she'd destroyed my love for my mother.....😢

[@alansmith2892]

I can relate many of the traits to my mother, who exhibits pronounced narcissistic traits. Like many, I'm still working out how to handle the past and deal with the way I was raised. Hardest part is getting over the lies and mistruths about our place in society and the victim mentality. Its often so much gaslighting that your entire life and worldview growing up has to be discarded as an adult as if you were cocooned away from reality. Ideological/political attitudes played a strong role in my family's mythology, where healthy, realistic aspects of "the other side" politically were continuously portrayed as only negative so that any success or independence was seen as evil. In retrospect, control where the enmeshment of all being stuck in the same place allowed us to be collectively "stuck" as a family. Another one you nailed for my family was the malignant projections. Super harsh criticism and disregard for us but in turn fragile as a delicate flower. I wonder if anyone else here feels similarly in one regard to me: I don't feel sadness or shame or regret or bitterness, but furious and righteous anger. Having cut ties from unhealthy family relationships, while maintaining healthy and mixed ones, I've been told "can't you see you're hurting your mother through not talking at all to her?". And my response is always "GOOD, I want her to hurt, because that is justice.". Love the memes about the cycle-breaking oldest siblings who become so done with the toxicity, we get hyper-combative with the toxic parts of the family.

[@dogdad8754]

I get it. My mom is a narc. A bad one tooo

[@ericb8413]

I was tested in elementary school and my IQ was in the top 2%. I was put into a program for mentally gifted kids. My parents told me I was lazy. No praise. I think they were trying to keep me humble. 😮

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

No, they weren't. They were threatened you. That's jealousy in action.

[@guybrush1701]

​@@madeleinegrayson8372💯

[@valeriew4833]

I think you're both right

[@desireecook5291]

No they weren't. They probably were envious of you.. I'm sorry but it seems like they did not want you to excel. I was an A grade student at school. But I dropped out of school at 16 bc my parents didn't want me to be educated (no praise, criticism, secondhand uniform so thin you could see thru it & 2 sizes to big at 15 yrs old, no interest in anything I did at school, no money spent on basic education items and THEY HAD MONEY to pay for it. I wanted to keep learning but couldn't).

[@inhale.exhale.2527]

i hear that! zero praise. just criticism. slowly erodes your self-determination and all the subsequent possibilities. it began so young and it has utterly destroyed my life.

[@thedragonlady6661]

I love that you just went full in and called them crazy people, tbh that felt good hearing you just say it, yes they are crazy. I love the strategies you’re giving us, I really appreciate this

[@peggyminer9926]

The covert insults get under the skin, then fester until the ugliness builds and bursts to the surface ....like an infected wound.

[@merceb9039]

Im really thankful for this video! When I talk to friends it's very hard for me to explain my experiences. I felt trapped in this repetitive negative relationship with my mother , and it broke my heart. I was blessed with a new job opportunity! Which required me to move a hour away! It's the best thing that ever happened to me! Im starting to find myself and its beautiful! Im making new friends! And im so amazed because people like me! Everywhere I go! And it's so refreshing 😊 now I have the time to heal! And watch videos like this! Thank you

[@torreygreen6794]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this! For me, it is healing simply hearing how common the awful things I experienced in childhood are. It isn't me. The first time I went to the dentist was when I was twenty-one and found a coupon for a free visit. So much of what you outlined was so upsetting, I wept like a baby listening to you recall my childhood. But there is so much peace and freedom knowing that it wasn't me. Millions of parents were like mine and millions of people got the same or worse treatment. I wasn't bad and I didn't do anything to deserve the treatment I got, and neither did the rest of us. Thank you!

[@MegaLight4Ever]

Reading your your words made want to cry. I remember when I first started discovering the truth about abuse and my family's "love". Please know that I'm sending you virtual love and hugs!! ❤❤❤

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

Good point it wasn't us.

[@banjomechanic]

I lived a long time thinking there was something wrong with me and as it turns out, I was the normal one. Keep looking forward my friend. And peace be with you.

[@kaycevanveer212]

39 and just now seeing the truth of everything. And I still live with them. Also just found out I'm autistic. I've got a big dream though. I'm INFJ and found out just recently that I'm smart. Prayers please. I love your videos. I was needing the next teacher and it's hard to find someone good on this topic. ❤

[@Dana93Korn]

Same, I'm autistic! 31...

[@DouglasHPlumb]

I knew the meaning of the words "condescending" and "patronizing" before I was a teenager - don't know how.

[@joannabrites9857]

It’s not just the parents. I had a brother who hated me for as long as I can remember. I was the scapegoat and my reality is always a lie, my mother buys into it. They denied all the abuse. My farther had to ways silence or rage.

[@jerrywise]

I have a scapegoat workshop coming up. Check out my website soon for details. I’m sorry to hear the abusers in your life have denied it. Silence and rage is not love and not normal. You are as lovable as they think you are not!

[@Kelly-pp1et]

Me too. My sister goes around saying I’m a weirdo

[@Dana93Korn]

​@Kelly-pp1et the same with me my siblings treat me like a freaking disease. I been sheltered and suffered from Autism, social anxiety....and she would insult me infront of her hookups! she in her 40s. I'm 31. ..I have brothers are just like her...always felt like a stranger

[@Kelly-pp1et]

@@Dana93Korn family is not blood, dear. These people project their shadows on us. F…k them and if you haven’t, go no contact. I moved to a different continent.

[@le_th_]

Pitchforking and caballing are new terms (reputation smearing is not)...I've seen this in the workplace. This is going to help a lot of people give labels to what has happened to them, and to begin to understand the common tactics narcissists use to control, manipulate, and disparage people. Unrelated: you have a smooth, melodic voice.

[@Crunklestiltskin]

Jerry? When you say “There are good parents out there…there ARE.” I’m gonna need you to sell it little harder 😂😂😂😂

[@freedomwarrior5087]

As a scapegoated person in the family, I have very limited contact. It's still frustrating to realize the amount of sabotosh that's gone on over the years and that some in the family will only ever know the projected lies and stories.

[@Dana93Korn]

Same, you reach out. Nobody reached back just to say, "How are you doing sister, I'm here😢

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I raged at my mother in May, because after 4 years of giving me the silent treatment, when she FINALLY agreed to talk to me she told me that it was merely my perception that she was giving me the silent treat. Whaaaaaaat. She not only gave me the silent treatment herself but she drafted in other family members to give me the silent treatment too. All while my dad was angry with me for hurting her! My whatsapps went unread. She didn't respond to texts. When I walked over to her house to give her a letter, she wouldn't take it. She looked around to see if the neighbours were noticing me trying to give her a letter that fell to the ground when she wouldn't take it. So when she told me that it was merely my perception that she gave me the silent treatment, I RAGED like I was plugged in to a generator

[@sevenseconds8652]

She was just doing you a favor not talking to you. You're so ungrateful! 😂😂😂❤

[@amarbyrd2520]

They can drive you to it

[@mercedesvallar3384]

Sorry you went through that

[@josephineananda]

No contact.❤

[@y_yy_2844]

A person who pulls the silent treatment is someone who shouldn't be talking to you and who you shouldn't be talking to. I hope you can accept this and your mind will be at peace. Trauma makes our minds be at war with reality and you will do nothing but suffer.

[@gemmahayward9027]

My exs mum asked me to write her an email detailing his abuse 'so she could understand the situation more' and discuss with his therapist - he is 29. I did not write that email.

[@LimitlessThinker]

You covered it all. It's good to categorize the situations that create the confusion. The childhood trauma follows us well into adulthood and even after the parents have passed on. In fact, the distinct memories can come up, even when we are in our senior years. The self-care is necessary and it must be defined, in order for us to better understand our feelings. Thank you for this very wise compilation of information on the issue.

[@jackdevine5382]

Love your videos. I grew up in 60s. Just realized the last couple years through other creators how well the narcissist label fit my Father. Some of your videos every word describes my entire childhood. My earliest memory we were traveling to California to see my Mom's sister family. We stopped at Hoover Dam. Mom likely pregnant had to pee again. Terrified I cried being left alone with my Father. He put me on his shoulders and walked over to the edge forcing me to look at water 400' below. Panicked that I was going to be hurled over the Dam I kicked myself free and ran across the lot. Mom came back to him beating my ass. I was about 3.75 years old. I just found you a couple days ago. Will definitely watch them all.

[@FoundLamb]

Literally shaking my head YES YES YES AT EVERY BULLET. Today I learned another piece to my life long search for answers of wthell is the reason I am the way I am. I divorced my bio mom at 26 to save my life (obviously at society dismay) I am almost 50 still grinding away trying to fix myself. Thank you for your channel ❤

[@usualsuspects42]

A lie can get up and go miles before the truth can get it's pants on...

[@wisdomdantecourt8179]

True and the flying monkeys eat it up every time. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@Gemmarose9012]

Thank you, Jerry. I’m currently working very hard on internal boundaries and agree it’s the key to freedom!

[@jolynmcteigue8371]

Forgiveness is the key to freedom.

[@kristenneiding9885]

"Parenting ends at 18." It took me until 39 and a half to figure it out and set a boundary. My mother embarrassed me in front of my family. "Tell your grandma 'thank you,'" she said as we left a holiday dinner. I had already talked to my grandma privately before leaving, so i ignored my mother's direction and internally rolled my eyes. Having not gotten the response she wanted, my mother again, more forcefully, demanded: "Tell. Your. Grandma. 'THANK. YOU!'" I snapped "YES MOTHER!" And guess what came next... she chastised me "You're SO MEAN to me!" And later that week, I finally told her to stop treating me like I was 8 years old. I wouldn't say things are great now, but better than they were, at least for me.

[@StrawberrySpring]

I'm crying now but it's a good cry. It is something I needed and now I understand so much more about my parents and my own behavior. Thank you Jerry.

[@sierraansley]

One saving grace was that my mom was too busy in her own life to micromanage me. I went through all the rest. It's amazing any of us (kids of narc parents) survived, really. My mom's abuse sent me to the hospital in an ambulance many times, and when I stood up to her and called her out for lying about it she reported me to the police and tried to set up one of my kids to get arrested and the other institutionalized. She was trying to get me involuntarily committed as psychotic to avoid the consequences of her actions. She has no conscience and got the rest of the family to believe her and threaten me. I've seen a lot of my friends go to an early grave from this kind of abuse, it's serious. I know a lot of people roll their eyes when you say "narcissist" but this is no joke.

[@aliciaperner1062]

Thank you Jerry! I have learned so much about living in a narcissistic family through you. I have been under their “spell” my whole life. I am s l o w l y gaining strength to commit to a me life~not what I was always told I HAD to do for my parents or other people of their choosing. One thing that has been so freeing is that I am no longer afraid of my mom. I learned from you to practice saying no, I would prefer not. I was wondering if you might consider doing a video for adult adoptees who have narcissistic parents? Thank you! 😊

[@kaystephens2672]

Yes. More research needs to be done on this. I was so devalued by my cousins and I had a mentally challenged sibling as well. It takes a village and they scatter when you're really needing help. Blood is thicker than water. For sure. They can make you feel dispensible.

[@Shenanigans_Afoot]

Oh my I feel personally attacked lol self care, or lack of, is me! I’m doing better, realizing that I HAVE to eat, I need to feel good inside, and it’s ok to take the time to take care of ME. I still struggle immensely with food and cooking for myself.

[@RobertKramer17]

Chicken thighs, some spices, in a glass dish. 350 degrees for one hour. Easy mode. 😊

[@Dana93Korn]

Same

[@SlumberBear2k]

Covert putdowns are big in my family. I never considered them as actually being a thing and denied them as being a thing for most of my life. I think it was because all of the encouragement and compliments that I had received were actually just covert put downs.

[@kaystephens2672]

The passive aggressiveness conversation is like insunuated that you're less than me so I'll take the chance to cut you down because you trust me to be fair in our encounter. You just can't give them the opportunity to even speak to you sometimes because in these hives, there's a secret about you, but you're always the last to know. Childish adult behavior. I thought we were supposed to be elders and be deserving of respect when we aged? What ever happened to that fantasy? It won't be a fantasy for me. I'll stay by myself and let the real God guide me. Not some false pride to bow to. It's all crazy fear of the imaginary judge of "The Family". It's not even real. "Ohg, but they might talk bad about me." Bak bak bak, like a hen house spreading like wildfire looking for, even making up something, anything rather than setting an example like a real Cristlike man or woman might do because it would make someone elses life. Better. Maybe if we all did that the world would be at peace. For once. Youre right Sir. We need to see what blinded our parents to act this way. This isn't love.

[@abowling5759]

DEFINITELY, not love.

[@maxinee1267]

Wow! what an eye opening dissertation, you were so very clear. here I am 80 years old and did not know those things had names! I am going to go read your free articles, as I often wonder what is my authentic self. Just bowled over even hearing you talk about human interactions. Thank you for your expertise . I am amazed and astonished you genuine interest in helping others.

[@amarbyrd2520]

So grateful for the information and validation, Jerry -- some of it is really tough to hear (esp if you're offspring who's been yanked back "home" by "parental illness" when you were out there trying to build your own life, and we didn't have this information at the time we were bombarded with the "COME HOME" screams to accurately assess what was going on, ESPECIALLY when we're "only" kids and so society beats you, literally beats you over the head with "IT'S *YOUR* RESPONSIBILITY) buuut it's necessary if we're going to build any kind of life, especially now

[@iamjustsaying4787]

So you are a narcissist too.

[@joannahediger7820]

Thank you for giving the names to sabotage and pathological envy! I felt its reality so clearly but every therapist or friend I dared to mention it to invalidated me and told me ‘she loves you’. She wanted to destroy me. That. Is. Not. Love. Pathological envy and sabotage aim to destroy. th

[@lesterstone8595]

You're right. As a child, you're doing your level best to make them proud of you, and they see you as competition. You can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself.

[@leocampa6230]

"For an honor role student you sure are stupid." Dad told me that in junior high

[@theoryofpersonality1420]

🫂❤️

[@knit1purl1]

This is the first video of your channel I have watched. I subscribed. You are spot on with all of these. My abuser was a borderline. I was gas lit and the scape goat my entire childhood.

[@jerrywise]

Welcome!

[@jakedog7098]

A lie can make it around the world while the truth is still putting it's boots on.

[@_R.chetype]

This is what I needed to see. Thank you. The lack of accountability is not my imagining. I had been around insidous nature for so long, the abusers tried to normalize it and have me locked in the scapegoat position where the blame can be placed onto me.

[@Nikki30288]

Jerry you rock❤ you have identified some great issues in dysfunctional families.

[@pubgiant24]

just found you and subscribed. been dealing with parental alienation for nearly 2 decades. My son is 19 now and it never ends.

[@ndl78]

Thanks for this Jerry my mom tried to bait me into an argument today and I did become reactive but had to catch myself but not before she started to call me too sensitive and crazy .. it’s a constant practice but i am getting better I do not want to give them any supply ..as that is what they crave to make themselves feel better ..your videos are very helpful

[@kimhumiston2686]

Thank you so much to videos such as yours! It took me 65 years to figure out what has been going on. These videos will teach others at an earlier age. ❤

[@sparker3090]

Yep they point out all your faults & joke about it, keep putting you down but say oh we love you anyway!! Like they have to tolerate your existence... it just saddles them with a lifelong belief they aren't enough!! awful thing to do to a kid 😡

[@Andypandieful]

Love how simple you make this in understanding. All the bullet points and digital combined.

[@elizabethmeyers1677]

I'm so scared right now my whole life is this right now 😭 I'm in my life right now I'm not ok mentally I wish I had money to get help I can't get help no one to help me through this my husband doesn't get it I don't think I don't believe anything about myself

[@JulianotKaren]

Thank you Jerry 💛 Am 57 now, 4yrs out of the toxic family system...Still revisit your videos to renew my strength 💪 You're the best 🙏

[@paws271]

Oh, my... This one got right up in my face. I'm numb, but reminding myself of the forgiveness I've worked through. Another level? Is little me growing up? Does it mean more forgiveness now that I understand the diabolical intent of the abuse? Hrmph.... What I first said.... Oh, my....

[@pavla2055]

One of my CN mother's most amusing projections was years after I had went no/low contact and had almost no contact with all family members was to scream at me ' ALL YOU DO IS INTERFERE IN EVERYBODY ELSE'S LIFE !' . I had made the error of picking up the phone before realizing it was her .

[@kimhumiston2686]

Wow!

[@ScottKauffman-zk9wl]

I have been learning my folks did all this to me . Explained a lot about my life .

[@jerrywise]

I'm sorry you experienced this, healing is possible

[@lindacofield8406]

Thank u. Excellent content. As a person now a senior, I finally knew there that this thing wrong w-us as family had a name, & though I was the black sheep & main family target, we all ended up w-forms of narcissism. It was my learned defense mechanism. It's what I knew. It was quite a journey to self awareness & a further one to "full" awareness. I pray for all fellow listeners to be able to hear, apply & thus heal. God is so patient to guide us to healing & wholeness & place us in the right situations & to the "right" people & "away" from the negatives if we'll seek it out.

[@JaseekaRawr]

Sir, thank you from the bottom of my heart. 🥺 I'm so glad I found your channel. It's hard to find such a professional counselor on YT within the sea of woo-woo here lol. Your vids are quick, straight to the point, extremely informative & enlightening. Even the way you ask for ppl to consider subscribing is refreshing! Immediately subbed. 😊👍 Thank you for all you do. Especially with how expensive & paywalled therapy is in the US, your vids can legitimately save lives. Thank you, sir 🙏🏻❤

[@dflur301]

Awesome singing Jerry!

[@NicoleMcL-to1hy]

This is such amazing info i so needed to hear this! It’s really crazy how hard you try to rationalize their crazy behaviors and abuse and how much chaos you had to deal with at such a young age. My parents treated us like we were adults as children it was so messed up! Thanks so much 😊

[@lauragadille3384]

My father was definitely a narcissistic. I am the scapegoat/black sheep. My family is also narcissistic.

[@Pillanguzal]

Jerry you have a good singing voice and you sing in key!

[@Wendy-LeeRattenbury]

Thank you , explains alot , black sheep ...always trying to keep the peace , dysfunction al relationships and narcissist partners - everyone has turned away from me since the death of my son 3 years ago. Why I chose to do life the hard way ? I've given my life away - I am 56 , trying to heal. Realoise my parents just live a lie and still live their life through my brother.

[@sboland1016]

Jerry you are AMAZING! This all rings true. I am so thankful for all the good information about this out there, seeking therapy at the ripe age of 64. Better late than never lol....❤

[@ReneeWoolf-qr8ie]

Silent treatment hurts the most!

[@kareemmohammed5270]

painful, resonate, much appreciated Jerry as always.