Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is a Real Movie That Exists for Some Reason

[@PossumReviews]

*If you're subscribed, check my channel for videos KZbin didn't send to your feed.* Support me on Patreon: www.patreon.com/DrShaym Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/ReviewsPossum Submit your fan art: facebook.com/DrShaym/

[@entertainmentpowerfuchs5744]

Please review 1969 The wonderful Land of Oz.

[@keenkingjames]

Velocipastor. The best bad movie ever!

[@tandavawalsh0777]

"you need help jesus" said the ice cream "oh its you dad" 'jesus' casually eating a cherry says back to the ice cream :)) Sounds like the last shred of his sanity was trying to shine through there :)) Thankyou for your sacrifices possum :))

[@astralshore]

Annoyingly, this does indeed happen. KZbin is dumb.

[@ABurntMuffin]

Oh, s#!t, stop fuckin' lyin to me :(

[@firehawk2324]

"Hello, Jesus. We're the Atheists. You don't know us because we've never spoken before." This line is genius.

[@AndrewAce.]

Hahaha, and he genuinely looked shocked!

[@bobbygoestoabyss6624]

The special fx, when she got kicked against the tree 😂

[@timtheskeptic1147]

That's one of the details that makes me think this movie was an act of love.

[@AndrewAce.]

@@bobbygoestoabyss6624 That was wild...

[@AndrewAce.]

@@timtheskeptic1147 Someone definitely had fun making this...

[@gamecarnival2024]

"Vampires don't exist, go bother my neighbor sasquatch" it's the little things like this that get me lmao

[@joecasey581]

Oh my God I didn't even notice that because sascuatch is such a recurring character

[@tatsukinomiya]

SAME

[@kefefaki]

@Mama's Little Man vampires dont exist, neither do Sasquatch

[@ChristopherGraham-eg7cr]

Is funny, u have so many belive that a guy 2000 years ago rose from the grave. And also said drink his blood and eat his flesh. U sure

[@SmokeymcJoint420]

​@@ChristopherGraham-eg7cr Edgy Reddit atheism is dead, someone should have told you. It is well established that Jesus was a historical figure even without the more.... supernatural elements.

[@simonsimons1252]

The atheist getting kung-fu kicked by Jesus and going "I don't believe it" made me chuckle a little, I'll give it that.

[@watership02]

"And then Johnny beats the bejeezus out of Jesus." You just earned yourself a patron.

[@The_Sharktocrab]

The mohawk priest with the helmet that accomodates his mohawk is the best part of this whole movie

[@applescruff1969]

Actually, the best part was the lead atheist lady. She had a nice rack.

[@The_Sharktocrab]

@@applescruff1969 in hindsight I agree that was the best moment both for comedy and the other reason 😉

[@BrotherRed53]

"If you wanted to skin a bunch of people who no one cares about, you'd be better off skinning male domestic violence victims." -The Legendary Dr. Possum Shaym

[@wintermoon7003]

That line is hilarious and sadly true as I know quite a few males who were in a DV relationship where the female was the abuser.

[@aircraftcarrierwo-class]

the sad truth of the violent male stereotype being so deeply ingrained that actual male victims are terrified of speaking out because it's so easily turned around on them.

[@Thor-Orion]

@@wintermoon7003 yeah, the stats are super close actually. In heterosexual relationships with abuse present it’s typically mutually abusive at about 50% of the cases being mutually abusive. 25-28% have the male as the primary aggressor and 22-25% are females as the primary aggressor. Fun fact for the day.

[@nicholauscrawford7903]

Aydin Paladin, for one, cared enough to put out a very well-researched over hour- long video on the subject recently. I'm grateful to people like her for giving me hope for humanity.

[@vangoghsseveredear]

​@@philliplabbe4409 extremely likely. I know I've had my exes hit me, when I've never hit them, and obviously never told anyone about it.

[@LabMatt]

RIP Possum, he actually set himself on fire to record the rawest scream he could deliver

[@TheAdditionalPylons]

The scene of Jesus mugging and high-fiving a Mexican wrestler because said wrestler just learned that the girl he's into is bisexual - I'm struggling to express with words how amazing this is.

[@olympusgolemoflight7198]

You gotta admit, Jesus getting into the bad guy's lair by being everywhere was rather clever.

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

There are some actually smart plot points and fine jokes in it.

[@Mr.BusterHighman]

"Jesus rides his moped to the barber..." That's one of those sentences you didn't know you needed to hear until you heard it. 😂😂😂

[@drinaldi2000]

I admire this movie for one thing. The props department actually went and bought real clerical shirts. Most movies and tv shows just put some white plastic through the collar of a black business shirt.

[@jonathankozenko]

A thing to remember is that this movie not only came in 2001, during the kickoff of the Random-Comedy era that gave us things like Homestar Runner and Sealab 2021, but this movie was also chock full of taboo subjects, at least in the West - things like depicting religious characters as real but different than stated in legend, as well as just the open incorporation of lesbians (remember this movie came out only a handful of years after Chasing Amy - nowadays this wouldn't be even remotely big but at the turn of the century, this kind of thing was really daring). Having said that, the fact that the movie is actually rather well-natured, rather than attempting to be an aggressive, biting comedy (since South Park had just recently changed the whole comedic landscape), is actually commendable, and I like that they made Jesus a good dude, pure and simple. I just wish that they didn't change his look so that he'd look like a normal guy... maybe they just found that the movie was difficult to do with the wig and fake beard. I really liked some parts of this movie, including the scene-wipe where they use the Crucifix as though it was the Batman logo in the 60's Batman show - it's just a shame that much of the movie just sorta...exists. Those parts aren't engaging and it's not even because they fail to be engaging - it's more like it's just blatant padding, like Cinematic Foam Peanuts.

[@wintermoon7003]

H-have you ever seen a vampire movie back in those times? Every vampire chick was a lesbian. So much so that it's a cliche to hear about a lesbian vampire. I know because I'm a 90's kid.

[@jonathankozenko]

​@@wintermoon7003 I suppose not really - I do know that they were always hyper-sexualized and usually Bi (at least this was slightly inferred in the late 80s and early 90s when I was a kid) - Was outright lesbianism overt already by the turn of the century? If so, I suppose I learned something new today. Having said that, was it always the vampire women themselves, or also the non-vampires?

[@jeffreyskoritowski4114]

Lesbians were so overt by that point it getting really boring.

[@ashblossomandjoyoussprung.9917]

I think you're misremembering what the state of indie movies was like at the time, there were tons of lesbians, to the point where it became a cliche. You can see cartoons and movies make tons of jokes about how EVERY indie movie had lesbians, but oddly enough they all seemed to think it was revolutionary and shocking when they did it. South Park actually made an entire episode based on that joke. It was the episode where the indie film festival was hosted by South Park, and every single film shown in the festival was about lesbians. Wendy even says that every indie movie is about lesbians at the end of the episode. Plus, around that time there was a 'gay best friend' in pretty much every movie and show. After Ellen had that famous episode about being a lesbian that established her as the biggest female comedian ever, everyone wanted to be the next big gay actor that would generate a defining moment in tv history, so you had pretty much every mainstream show having 'the gay episode'. It wasn't like Chasing Amy was the first show about lesbians, or this dumb movie was the first indie movie to feature them. If anything, the lesbians being included just show that it was chasing trends.

[@thatmovieguy7778]

I loved that Batman part too lol

[@AB-ln2py]

I find the fact that Possums little skits are better than the movies he reviews hilarious... and have better production quality.

[@erindunn6689]

If I had a nickel for every time I encountered a piece of media that involved Jesus and vampires, I would have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened twice. For context, in the anime Lupin the 3rd Part 2 Jesus is literally confirmed to have a twin sister that was the first vampire.

[@Liberty_or_Ded]

This truly was one of the movies of all time.

[@Dunkys1234]

The atheist lady getting kicked into a tree was so accidentally funny.

[@PhelesDragon]

I'm pretty sure it was intentionally funny

[@Xizilqou]

I thought the jesus christ in the video title was an exclamation about how bad the movie was not the actual movie title

[@vicvega3614]

Haha 😄 so did i

[@noblecommando4269]

Oh so this is what happened to the lost Netflix adaptation of Hellsing Ultimate? Maybe it should have stayed lost.

[@Vicky-Hugh-Martini]

For a film from the early 2000s, the quality sure is grainy. EDIT: 5:54 Well that explains the grainy quality.

[@613harbinger316]

My friends got me this dvd on my birthday about 15 years ago for our weekly bad movie Saturdays. It was soooo bad. Still love the atheist clown car and Jesus flicking a toothpick stake and killing a vampire.

[@zinith4524]

"...[the atheists] all gang up to attack Jesus. Not with facts and logic, but with fists and baseball bats." Man, this movie was ahead of its time

[@LecterChild]

Possum, I have a novel for you. The first video of yours I watched was The Eragon review, and since then I’ve watched all your videos, and you’re now my top favorite KZbinr. At first I wrongly assumed you were just another reviewer, but when I watched your Ghostbusters review, I realized you knew what the hell you’re talking about. One of the other things that drew me to your content is your avatar. Most people who have avatars on KZbin, they’re really pretty. Yours? I love them. The art style you use sticks out and I absolutely love it. I’m an artist, and I appreciate the skill you display in your drawings. I can always tell what the drawing is, and they’re just so charming. I also appreciate the fact you don’t try too hard with the animation parts. In this video, the Jesus joke you did had me rolling. The stock footage mixed with the completelt white drawings was just… i love it. It’s funny. On that note: i loved the Jesus joke. It wasn’t thtrowing shade on religion, making fun of it, or anything like that. It was just such a solid joke. I also ADORE how you get into character when you’re acting. You clearly have a passion for filmmaking, and It’s so nice and fun to see. Love ya, Possum. I’m not a patron because I’m poor, but I watch all your videos, and reccomend them to everyone I know.

[@radioactiveelement471]

Me and my friends watched this a while ago and it was so horrible that it gave us the greatest time

[@vaticancitybride7137]

The bearded narrator actor should’ve played Jesus the vampire slayer.

[@ivanfreud9026]

"Thanks!" - The beared narrator actor ;0)

[@CA-by2br]

​@@ivanfreud9026 wait, are you truly him?

[@pandamonium9255]

11:27-11:30 is the greatest 3 seconds of my entire life. I can't stop crying tears of laughter.

[@incrediblybored4787]

Holy fuck thats good, I never even saw that lmao, someone should clip it

[@mkm7251]

What got me was when the atheists set up on either side of Jesus and do their action poses, the girl just lifts her boobs up and drops them. Like, why? That’s so stupid, it made me chuckle at the very least.

[@AllWeDoisWork]

"I can't think and you know it." I was weak and caught off guard

[@vvbr2372]

Not sure if I should be happy that movies like that exists or be sad that they do

[@robertfliss2584]

No no….you’ve got to just shake your head at the nincompoopery!

[@Ender7j]

I couldn’t help but put the script you wrote into biblical context. I was howling with laughter as I imagined there being a Bible verse that explained how Jesus killed a vampire with a plunger. I love your content, keep going!

[@ghettolicerx2]

Thats the most scary thing ever. Passing out on the street and then wake op finding out a dude in female clothes kissing u

[@commentingisdangerous7530]

way more scary than a vampire.

[@tjmauser6954]

To be honest I like that they had an atheist go “I don’t believe it” and grafting human skin on vampires to protect them from the sun is a neat idea

[@CinnamonGrrlErin1]

I can't believe Rifftrax or MST3K hasn't gotten to this one yet, I get a lot of Manos the Hands of Fate vibes here.

[@KingOhmni]

Whenever Possum’s Jesus was speaking I kept thinking I was listening to a less bassy version of TTS series of 40k fandom fame.

[@shaggywilliams6072]

As a musician, loved hearing you say audio is arguably more important. More than any other artistic medium music portrays raw emotion and can make or break a film if done right.

[@MrContentment3013]

It’s official: the Cross animations are this video’s “Why’d the goblin turn on the stove?” recurring gag. Or is it the “Oh wait, I lied” parts?

[@jeffreyskoritowski4114]

Why didn't the Possum drive jesus's car home?

[@kinorris1709]

​​@@jeffreyskoritowski4114 Because the water in the windshield wipers turned to wine.

[@Grimaldus1701]

I'm surprised you don't have more subs Possum, your reviews are hilarious.

[@ChaplainRaziel01]

Here I was almost making sense of the crispy chicken metaphor and the end happened.

[@user-qy2wf2lt6v]

I have no clue why Possum does this to himself. I have even less of an idea why I join him in his suffering!

[@jayman3122]

I watched this movie almost a decade ago, found a hard copy and never regretted it.

[@procow2274]

I guess Abraham Lincoln missed some vampires

[@yourfatboy5359]

This is vampire hunting Abraham Lincoln's worst enemy.

[@darklords1th755]

Blades worst enemy lmao

[@jdodd931]

You would think they would be on the same side. But they aren't.

[@yourfatboy5359]

@@jdodd931 Lincoln is just jealous of Jesus's amazing hunting skills.

[@ablosch2452]

I forgot that’s an actual movie too.

[@jeffreyskoritowski4114]

He really doesn't hunt the Vampires though.

[@stevenbacon-cheddar9914]

Honestly, with a decent budget actual fight and song choreography and good audio this thing has potential. Could use a remake!😂

[@justins340]

Judging by the title alone, I refuse to believe this is not the greatest movie ever created edit: give this script to someone who knows how to make movies because holy shit

[@axel4196]

The figure in the thumbnail looks like live-action cover art from the 90s game ZPC

[@favoritemustard3542]

Ha, I see it... BRUTE! is a gd good artist amirite

[@antcow1239]

Santos is actually an infamous luchadores who has fought aliens, devils, demons, vampires, you should look up his movies XD

[@cujoedaman]

In other words, this was shot exactly like 'Manos: Hands of Fate'. Seems like a good time :D

[@BrotherRed53]

Possum's Jesus voice is top notch👌 lol

[@sandyman3070]

There are some surprisingly funny subtle gags in this movie. At 11:14 the neck cracking and tit adjusting made me chuckle a little.

[@SashaTheDog]

The Possum Reviews Universe is more interesting than Marvel's, it even got Jesus now

[@caterpuss]

I miss when my grandpa would play the accordion for me for hours while I just ran in a circle.

[@Malum09]

Gotta love that they decided to invoke El Santo to Help JC himself!

[@no_social_skill1369]

The narrator looks more like Jesus than the guy that played Jesus

[@familydog]

I got this on DVD back in 2004. Still have it. It's a terrible movie, but I love it. I would be lying if I said that i didn't have the Limo Funk song as my ring tone.

[@supershot9729]

this movie was filmed in Ottawa, and its still not the worst thing to come out of this city

[@graberassadventures3539]

i just love the fact that i movie my dads friends took part in got reviewed. its so ridiculous, and glad to see your spin on it.

[@leeledbetter7095]

A drunk voice,speaking nothing but facts is unreal.❤ ILOVEIT

[@therealdannymullen]

Bonus points for adding in propper cafe sounds in post. 😂

[@butteryfriedwizard2219]

To think...the guy that stabbed you at a bar ended up being Jesus. Small world.

[@UrbanS_69]

This kind of feels like someone tried to make a Troma movie, but failed horribly.

[@favoritemustard3542]

@10:37 Notice how Jesus -shits bricks- **drops logs.*

[@brunoayala5925]

16:40 i mean, el santo already have a couple of movies of him fighting supernatural creatures including vampires, still seeing him in this canadian production tho...

[@alext6933]

So which part did you guys hate more? Talking God dessert or dude licking girl's mouth while she was ostensibly passed out?

[@oimeuchapa6995]

Yes

[@alext6933]

@@oimeuchapa6995 i agree, mostly. I really didn't enjoy the sex offense.

[@BrotherRed53]

Both

[@aircraftcarrierwo-class]

I actually thought that Ice Cream God was an example of the filmmaker actually trying to make a practical effect. Given the budget of approximately thirty cents, I think it worked. The weird sexual assault? Definitely hate that more.

[@alext6933]

@@aircraftcarrierwo-class I can't fault that. :)

[@burningmopedattheroadside1998]

During the daylight bit I thought the explanation would be "goth girls are cheap, outdoor lighting is expensive"

[@thestørmcrier2024]

This movie is meme material

[@artsenalproductions4813]

When you stop and realize Witches, Vampires, Dragons, Unicorns and Krakens exist. Oh hi Sasquatch, how's the kids? What a nice neighbor.

[@MrRjh63]

One other thing about the sound they gave those dirt bikes the sound of a idling Harley in some shots.

[@thekrampuselbananoquevivee9947]

this movie should be remade i think it would be better in a modern setting

[@flames2089]

I just had a pang of feeling really down all of a sudden and seeing the upload genuinely makes me a little happy

[@Thanadeez]

this man sounds severely depressed

[@mrbakedbeans8950]

After watching this movie I don't blame him.

[@Thanadeez]

@@mrbakedbeans8950 valid point

[@mateuszbanaszak4671]

I like to think that Jesus stormed out of a bar so fast because wanted to burn the Ab*rtion Clinic himself, and was afraid that Possum does it before him.

[@pacolate1285]

El santo is actually a popular Mexican luchador that fights paranormal creatures

[@pretikewl76]

I'm not sure if I'm dreaming or drank something unlabeled from under the sink, but another Possum vid?? Omg!

[@darkdice8344]

Bro has the sickest heavy metal rifs in background ngl

[@whatthatmouthdoyoloswaginn389]

I have waited soo long. For someone to finally watch this movie. An review it. Thank you

[@ProgrammedForDamage]

This movie takes me back to the independent 90's Aussie horror movie, Bloodlust. Everyone I know who has seen it says it is the worst movie ever made. This looks right up there.

[@forkittens]

one of the classic 'so bad it's good' movies

[@Bopperann]

You'd think just touching Jesus would severely burn the unholy. Now I want a movie of a beefcake Jesus just hugging hell spawn to death. The theme would be "Killing with Kindness."

[@Pipkiablo]

I'll admit, I've watched this movie before already, and the "I'm everywhere!" gag had me rolling.

[@timtheskeptic1147]

This one didn't deserve a goblin turning on the stove.

[@Hyde777]

Nevermind the plot or the audio, but somehow I find the aesthetic of the movie oddly appealing. Maybe because of the camera that was used or the scenery or something else entirely, can't put my finger on it ... Strange.

[@VelkanAngels]

9:25 - That is on the top 3 most adorable drawn cow-depictions I've ever seen in my entire life :') Look how cute it is!

[@bloodblues85]

I like your drawings, and your jokes, and your videos

[@jamesnoe7378]

Great video. Thank you for making my God forsaken Monday better😊

[@bushybush807]

Finally another possum upload

[@BoomTribeEntertainment]

This movie low key rules. The sound track is genuinely great too

[@ericvulgate]

I love this channel. Infinitely re-watchable.

[@osenator]

This was filmed in my city of OTTAWA, the capital of Canada.... Tom Green, Alanis, and lots of other famous people comes from here...

[@alext6933]

You know exactly when your life fell apart. 😊

[@Xenowarrior92]

Idk what's more hilarius...that Jesus took possum on a road trip to Romania for a sandwich or that he came down on earth a 2nd time specifically for him?

[@Ruki1411]

2:43 i laughed alot when saw they must make rectangle hole on the helmet so he can wear it 🤣

[@elitereptilian200]

thank fuck I have high fever so I can Imagine I'm hallucinating the existence of this magnificent piece of cinema history ffs..

[@thebaccathatchews]

I'm one of the few who adore this film.

[@sk8erghost]

Perfect video for a Sunday afternoon

[@Merudiana-the-local-demoness]

I want a copy of this movie. It looks like the perfect thing to watch with friends and laugh at.

[@silentwyvern]

I saw this movie one night, it was painfully slow and I completely forgot all about it. Until now. Thanks alot.

[@zondervonstrek]

Proves my theory, nothing good comes out of Pennsylvania.

[@arcadianlhadattshirotsughW33Z]

i cant wait for this fucking possom to review "Kids".. itll be fun

[@mathew85]

As a Christian i find this to be cringe 🤣🤣 but also funny

[@Ginko_Sakata]

Same

[@gobotimus8449]

It makes as much sense as the Bible does irl so 🤷‍♀️

[@mathew85]

@@gobotimus8449 blah blah

[@bigslurpee2078]

​@@gobotimus8449 cope

[@JG-nw3xl]

I’m glad we could all experience that fever dream together.

[@theldraspneumonoultramicro405]

its rather interesting where they get sounds for some things in movies and games. and probably 70-80% of the budget went to paying for permits to film the city scenes.