Learning the Truth: You Are Worthy

[@rashadsaleh9316]

Love you ❤️

[@vivatorria]

Thank you for this. I just listened to the whole thing and just cried and cried. I really needed to hear this. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

You are welcome. Thank you for letting me know that this touched you so deeply. I wish you well with healing your pained heart.

[@user-uf4nn5kt7p]

It's been very difficult for me to feel worthy during this difficult time. Watching your video helped me see it in another perspective. Thanks!

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

I'm so glad. I hope you keep up the work of viewing and experiencing yourself more positively. Feeling worthy is an experience that can take persistent effort. But it is most definitely worth it!

[@Cooltaha]

My problem I have is how I perceive myself as useless because I don't feel like I'm majorly contributing to society. I mean I know I'm in college but that has gotten me struggling with college as if aimless. I also feel useless in terms of relationships like with friends and family despite being loved and cared for. Also where the world is headed has me kinda depressed on my own future, trouble finding a job, a relationship or a permanent home.

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

When you are feeling that low and life has given you some really difficult situations, it is almost impossible to feel good. But there is a difference between feeling the pain of your situation (feeling bad ABOUT your situation) and viewing yourself negatively. Still, this can take practice to do -- and often help from the outside. Every person has value as a human being -- just for being, not for what they do. Think about someone you care about, or someone who cares about you. The caring is based on your feelings of them as a person -- or their feelings about you as a person. If it is truly from a place of love, it is not about usefulness. When you feel that love (including for yourself), you can also feel compassion for the person's pain (again, including your own). But this is something an experience -- something that needs to be felt, not just explained. You might try checking out the compassionate self-awareness page on my website. Also, it can help to talk with a supportive person in your life or a therapist. As you gain more compassionate self-awareness, you will find or create the worth in what you do in your life (such as the caring you offer others, the love you bring to others by allowing them to care for you, finding other ways to make the world a better place even in very small ways). Again, if you are really feeing stuck, please reach out to others for help. drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/

[@laurahealy4848]

Listening to this video felt like you were reading my thoughts. I sure would like to stop this mental process. My reasoning brain know these thoughts are incorrect but my feeling brain keeps running away with me. I can remember feeling this way in my earliest memories as a very small child. At 53 I can say it has affected me my whole life.

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

I'm sorry that you have struggled so much with this, though I'm glad you connected with the video. You find some of my other videos connect with you and are helpful. You might also check out my website page on compassionate self-awareness, which you might find can help you to finally leave this "mental process" behind: drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/

[@adamlogan7340]

The thought experiment made a lot of sense Leslie. 😊

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

I'm glad. I hope you also find it helpful. 😊

[@kathylawrence6855]

I think more videos on this topic would be helpful.

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

I have made other videos related to feeling positively about yourself that you might find helpful. Try taking a look at the playlist, Nurture Self-Compassion & Inner Well-Being. For example, you might find it helpful to watch Defeating Self-Doubt with Affirmations; kzbin.info/www/bejne/r4mlZZecl8R_a9E You may also find it helpful to learn more about developing compassionate self-awareness as a way to nurture a more positive view of yourself. I have videos on this topic. Also, you can learn more about it on the compassionate self-awareness page of my website: drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/

[@karenapetersen685]

Thank you! Please come back to California when COVID is better. I enjoyed very much your live class. As a mental health professional, I have given recommended your attachment book to many. As a person with anxious attachment, I value your videos, blog, and articles. Thank you

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

Thanks, Karena! So kind of you. I've only been offered to do online trainings to date. You can check out my most recent professional offering: Overcome Treatment Resistance, Improve Affect Regulation, and Build Compassionate Self-Awareness October 27-November 17, 2021; 2 hours each week To learn more or register for the course:www.praxiscet.com/events/improving-treatment-effectiveness-attachment-theory-oct-2021/ You can also subscribe to my e-newsletter for new opportunities as they arise: drbecker-phelps.us7.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=4f544c76e03fe547bf1bb6e0a&id=79e1b2641d Finally, if you have not checked it out yet, you might find the Compassionate Self-Awareness page of my website to be helpful: drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/ ... and if you have not read Bouncing Back from Rejection, you may find that helpful, as it expands on how to develop compassionate self-awareness. (You can save on the expense of buying the book by borrowing it from your local library.)

[@vasco77l97]

A big Thank you for this video ❤❤

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

You are welcome!

[@Hexspa]

Helpful, thanks :)

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

You're welcome :)

[@XDhorsecrazyXD]

Leslie, can you please make a video of how to bounce back from losing a job? (Getting fired)

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

Thanks for reaching out with this topic. I'm sure many people could benefit from a video on it. So, I will definitely work on that!

[@XDhorsecrazyXD]

@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD thank you so much. I look forward to watching it. Have a great day

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

@@XDhorsecrazyXD You're welcome. I hope you have a great day, too!

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

@@XDhorsecrazyXD Here is the video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mqHRfHiFn75_bLM Also, check out the video description for an article on the topic. I hope you are doing well.

[@jovankrstic3733]

Hello, i have avoidant personality disorder. Is there any help for that ?

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

While you may have some avoidant attachment issues, I suspect that they are not as extreme as they can be -- or you would not be looking to change! (You would be avoiding facing any difficulties.) You might find it helpful to nurture compassionate self-awareness. Learn more about this at: drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/ Also, you might check out some of my other videos for help.

[@Mmhashbrowns]

Idk if I can feel worthy of anything after breaking someone’s heart

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

If you really mean that you don't know, that is a good place to start. It means that you an be open to the possibility of feeling worthy. Given what you are saying, my guess is that you did not want to break someone's heart. Whatever your actions were, they were not born of malace. Consider this: If someone else were in your situation, might you understand their struggles and have compassion for them? If so, you would benefit from learning to apply this perspective to yourself.

[@katherinealvarez4900]

Thank you ! I need to practice this.. Last year I spoke to you on the phone. i read Insecure in love, it has helped me a lot. I'm still working on things. It has not been easy and i'm not sure if im doing it right but I'm still going strong. You did a self-esteem test on me, which help me but I completely forgot what you asked. Do you have those question on your books?

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

I'm glad that you are continuing to persevere. I hope you can feel good in doing that and in the progress you see. As for the self-esteem test, I don't remember what questions I asked you and can't think of what test it could be. I'm sorry.

[@msmltvcktl]

Unfortunately, i hate children, so i wouldn't feel anything looking at an ostracised kid other than briefly saying, "well, THAT looks familiar..," and walking on. I was taught repeatedly from birth (adopted; they don't offer surrendered babies any affection in hospital nurseries, just a pacifier) that i don't deserve compassion and i have no value. So it's almost impossible for me to delude myself into believing the opposite of something that has been hammered into my head for decades: that I'm useless, worthless, and a problem to others. 😞

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

What you describe is, indeed, very sad and I can imagine very difficult for you to think otherwise. But based on your sad-faced emoji at the end, you seem to recognize that this is a sad situation. That by itself is a start. Maybe your decision to even watch this video shows a desire and a hope, however small, to question and even change your thoughts and feelings about your worth. And maybe you can build on that little-by-little by looking for positives in your life (however small), and perhaps with the help of therapy. My videos are too brief to fully solve anyone's difficulties, but I hope this and maybe some others may provide some help along your way. I hope you make steps in that direction because NO ONE deserves to feel the way you do about themselves.