I'm REFUSING To Go To My Fathers Wedding And Going On Holiday Instead r/Relationships

[@owl7072]

Story 2: Op: _tries to give a positive answer_ Her: I don't believe you Op: _doesn’t want to answer_ Her: _continues to push Op repeatedly_ Op: Fine _gives answer_ Her: HoW cOuLd YoU!!!! This sounds like a simple case of fuck around and find out

[@GiordanDiodato]

yep, FAFO in action

[@asmith8692]

I would have answered "as long as it lasts."

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

Yeah I do actually understand why she wanted to know, but in that case DON'T ASK YOUR BROTHER TO DO THE WEDDING PLANNING. It just seems like she kind of set herself up for pain.

[@KeitieKalopsia]

@@asmith8692 I wouldn’t be surprised if OP gave this answer at one point and she just kept pushing

[@rogerrabbit80]

It's an example of, "Don't ask the question if you don't want the answer." Of course, as pushy as she is, a year and a half may be overly optimistic.

[@madambutterfly1997]

I appreciate that he was wishing ill on everyone who is talking shit and defending the father. The people defending the father are probably serial cheaters themselves. Usually cheaters go full hypocrite and start attacking each other

[@tully6648]

Posts like that always signal the cheaters. A good number of them aren't even in relationships (wonder why), but they're eager to establish themselves as the type who will abandon ship. The only thing that's impressive at all are the mental gymnastics being performed.

[@whitneybennett4857]

Me, too. Especially the AH basically saying, "Yeah, it's bad what he did, but he still deserves a chance at happiness, you shouldn't hold something that happened between him and your mom against him, blah blah blah." Screw all that. I have the feeling that if they themselves walked in on their dad doing the deed with another woman while married to their mom, they might have a different perspective.

[@xelectrix]

I hate the people saying, "He cheated on your mom, not you." Wtf!? If you are married and have kids and you cheated on your spouse, you are also cheating on your kids imo. It hurts your kids just as much. They are people with feelings and emotions. Parents fighting/ breaking up just sucks so f**king much. It's so painful

[@randomusername3873]

​@@xelectrixand even then, let's say it's between them, why would someone not care that his mother, someone he deeply cares for, was treated like shit by that man? Is Op supposed to not have empathy or something?

[@GiordanDiodato]

"Their marriage is none of your business" yes it fucking is. They're OP's parents.

[@ivanadragmire2873]

inlaws: we demand $400 dollars, no negotiation! Op: okay, cool, we'll use a daycare instead, if you wanna see baby come over or wait until the weekend when we have time. Reddit: entitled! bratty! go fuck yourself! like, bruh, maybe it's just me. but it feels weird to hear grandparents demand market rate to take care of their grandkids. Like, i understand taking a little to pay for things like time, baby food, and activities when the kiddo gets older. but demanding to be paid like an actual daycare? at that rate a daycare would be much better in terms of bang for buck since they do more than just keep an eye on kids. I gotta wonder at that point, do the grandparents even love their grandkids?

[@magnarcreed3801]

The point is getting paid and that they already did their time. Kids are exhausting. I just don’t get why they’re upset she found different arrangements.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

If it was me, I would seriously think of going with daycare. Just think about it…parents are retired/retiring and will want to take more trips and social get togethers with friends. This will mean they will have to find backup childcare. Won’t have to do that with a daycare center!

[@ivanadragmire2873]

@@magnarcreed3801 i don't argue they should do it for free, but to be so angry after demanding market rate and being turned down. i feel like we're missing something. maybe it's just how things are in my neck of the woods and other things i've seen online, but i guess i'm more under the impression grandparents are suppose to like... actually love their kids and grandkids and not see them as a burden. especially if you're offering to babysit the kids while mom and dad are at work. i assume for most parents, the point of seeing your kids get married and start a family of their own is you get to be grandma and grandpa and spoil the little guys while mom and dad are busy/not looking. not making bank off your kids.

[@magnarcreed3801]

@@ivanadragmire2873 Lots of people had kids because they thought they had too or were suppose to but didn’t like it. Of course they’re not gonna want to watch another batch. Even people who know they don’t want them get pressured to have them to this day. It’s a shame but that’s life.

[@mogulmade]

@ivanadragmire2873 Op never mentioned how much rates really are. He never mentioned if the child actually went to daycare either. There are people easily paying over $2k a month for childcare, depending on where they live.

[@tineve2002]

I almost burst out laughing when OP said his father's wedding was canceled because the new wife would not sign prenup. What was the father expecting to happen? I am pretty sure OP's mom took the father to the cleaner during the divorce. As for the new wife to be, she knows that OP's father is a piece of shit for a man like him to cheat on his faithful, hard-working wife. She does not want to come out of this marriage empty handed when he cheats on her.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 2: NTA. Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. Story 3: NTA. OP was going to pay, but then the FIL wanted $500 a week. Might as well put the child into daycare.

[@randomusername3873]

"The cheating was between your mom and dad, not you", spoken like a real sociopath Ignoring the fact that this is a blatant lie. Let's say it's between them. So what His father betrayed his mother in one of the worst ways possible, why the hell should Op not care? People tend to care about their loved ones, if someone hurts them we tend to get angry. And what is even supposed to be the limit? "Oh your dad beating up your mother is between them, it's none of your businness" "Your dad stabbing your mother to dead is not about you" "Why do you care if I hang out with your rapist? What happened between you two is none of my businness" Screw that

[@magnarcreed3801]

This.

[@KeitieKalopsia]

Nice parallels

[@chrisidornigie]

I’m a sociopath and rather be a mommies boy than a classless cheater 😂

[@Tallguy2026]

Also, putting infidelity aside for a moment: if the marriage between one's parents fails (suppose on mutual terms, like having different life goals/growing apart): it will absolutely affect them. If an adult desires a relationship with both parents, post-divorce: that's hard on the adult, because they'll have to visit 2 locations, rather than 1. Subsequently, double the time & effort would be required. edit: changed a word edit 2: also, if you care about someone, the dissolution of their marriage would affect you, due to the nature of empathy. Now, in regards to infidelity, one would be affected buy this at any age because they would realize that their unfaithful parent is not the person who they thought they were. Subsequently they have to cope with this aspect of their new reality.

[@momo382844]

Deplorables have to stick together, right? Majority of the YTAS are probably cheaters themselves.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 3 nta. They wasnt asking for free childcare they weren't expecting to pay top dollar either. If they're going to pay that much money a week for childcare then they may as well get professionals where the baby can be socialized with other babies. Where they have structure and activities put baby to learn and grow.

[@mogulmade]

Loool having proper private childcare is priceless. Op will soon find out. 400 a week is a great deal especially for a newborn. Most people have no clue how much childcare costs.

[@juliearmfield2634]

@@mogulmade well it does depend on where you live if that's the going rate. People are ragging on him for expecting the parents to watch the baby well he's going to have someone else watch the baby so they're off the hook. Problem solved

[@tatkkyo9911]

​@@mogulmadethat assumes that the private care is actually good. Where as the daycare can be certified. Socialization is also good for kids

[@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat]

​@@tatkkyo9911Even in places like California with a high cost of living, average child care is under $1,500 usd for an infant. FiL is asking just average for a high cost of living state. Since we don't know where op lives, that could very much be on the high end of the scale. Even if it isn't, a standard one at that price would still be a better cost for baby. Like you said, they'll be able to socialize, but they're able to learn a lot more because there is staff who are certified in teaching infants.

[@mindyschocolate]

@@mogulmadeisolating a baby is never a good idea. Besides, they’re elderly. Babies require active care.

[@RockinTheBassGuitar]

I will always be baffled by people who think that your parents marriage isn't your business. Of course it is; your parents are the foundation and formation of your life, even if they suck. It is impossible for kids to be completely detached emotionally from their parents relationship unless they are completely detached from their parents.

[@randomusername3873]

And even if he wasn't, someone betraying your parent would definetly be enough reason to cut them off What if someone punches your mother in the face, just say "sorry mom, it's between you two?"

[@truthseeker9249]

@@randomusername3873 Nope. I catch a body if anyone lays a hand on my mother.

[@spibow]

On top of that, the words "he didn't cheat on you" were confusing. He cheated on the whole family. He lied to all of them and hurt all of them.

[@piratekit3941]

I have to assume these people are cheaters themselves and are cheaters will always defend cheaters.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@randomusername3873 No. If I ever run into a situation where one of my parents was hurt by the other, I'm going to side with the hurt parent 100%. I'll also never be able to fully forgive the wronging parent.

[@madambutterfly1997]

You want to talk about disrespect let's see what's more disrespectful. Cheating on your high-school sweetheart spouse or not attending a wedding between your parents and their Affair partner

[@Midnight0Mistress]

And with a woman who is only a year older than your child. What the ever loving fuck.

[@malayshamorgan3918]

“He wanted a prenup, she refused” And~Boom goes the dynamite Dad cheated on your mom and in the end all his choices meant absolutely nothing

[@pippo17173]

Wouldn't surprise me it's his way to tied her close so she won't leave.

[@ronhall5395]

What did he really expect. This young girl was marrying someone old enough to be her father, why? Love, I doubt it. Security and wealth, absolutely. Nothing wrong with a prenup, but if it is one sided don't sign it.

[@jakeand9020]

- If you don't go you'll be disrespecting your Dad. - That's the idea

[@juliearmfield2634]

Ding ding ding. Now you're getting it. Lol

[@Sydney_With_A_Why]

If they're basing their childcare rates on the average local day care they're missing the mark. They are not a day care, not professionals, not nearly as insured or well staffed, aren't providing socialization, and they definitely aren't comparable to a real day care center. I know parents like to think they know it all, but I'm going to need more than a promise and some hope that your nonprofessional experience is worth professional market rate pay or mom may come home to the nonprofessionals throwing a "pox party" because they're also parents and know it all as well. No thanks.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Not to mention them wanting to travel now that they are retired…means they need to have a backup plan!

[@mogulmade]

Are you daft? Have you seen how many children per teacher their are at daycare? How often kids come home sick and infect the entire household? Their child gets 1on1 care and is in a secure environment with the grandparents. There's no way Op who cannot pay for his mortgage and moved closer to grandparents solely based on their availability to babysit is going to be bringing EVERYTHING that child needs to the gparents house. If you think they will get a fraction of that at daycare, you and Op are both idiots.

[@Sydney_With_A_Why]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 and that's exactly how you spin it when you tactfully decline.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Funny, they raised OP's wife and he doesn't seem to think they did a bad job at it. And they were perfectly willing to leave the baby with them but got butthurt because FIL "demanded" what is supposedly "too much money" for the man with the mortgage he can't afford in the first place.

[@Sydney_With_A_Why]

@hodgeelmwood8677 raising your own child isn't child care, it's parenting. They're different.

[@maxinemyers9215]

In story 3 paying the grandparents is fine but that much money is crazy !

[@rogerrabbit80]

FIL wants to be paid like a trained professional, when he isn't a trained professional. If I were OP, I'd agree to his price. Then I'd start asking about all the necessary licenses, certifications, and training required by daycare places in the area. "So, which of you is certified in infant CPR? When did you complete your training in X?" Etc, etc. Then tell him, "For the price you're charging, we can go to Joe's Daycare and get professionals who are trained in all that. Why should we pick you?"

[@DemonicGoddess]

@@rogerrabbit80 I love this reply, IF they wanted 200 a week id of seen no issue in that bit steap but reasonable thats snacks, toys, bit of power usage for anything that takes power, and cleaning supplies should the baby barf on furniture,

[@haileyjane9273]

I pay my mom 200 a month god bless her that she isnt like those parents. being a parent doesnt stop when they turn 18, I had my kid with full knowledge that when she has kid i will be there to support her and watch them if needed. if i made more money i would 100% pay my mom more.

[@darcos7535]

We don't really know the whole story here. It could just be that the grandparents feel used and op didn't take the hint that 5 days is too much. So FIL might have taken this approach.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

That comment jumping the gun blaming the cheating on the mom for not being a good enough wife to keep her man just screams misogyny 💀

[@er-ha]

right???? i’m hopeful it was a troll because it’s such a disconnected take but unfortunately there are absolutely people who think like that. anyone who excuses cheating because “maybe their partner wasn’t doing enough for them/giving them what they needed” is an idiot. if the relationship is falling flat somewhere, communicating is the path to go down-not cheating.

[@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat]

​@er-ha It'd probably isn't. The thing with reddit is there's a lot of space for a lot of people. Not everyone, but enough to see a tiny difference. Dude 100% believes that she wasn't being enough of a "wife".

[@wimsylogic65]

These same people, Withdraw an absolute fit if the reverse was done to them. 😊

[@er-ha]

@@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat i agree. although the true irony is that often this conception of cheating as “okay if your partner isn’t providing what you need” is something that is only applied one way; if anyone cheated on them and they gave the same reasoning, there would be hell to pay. that is to say, they don’t REALLY even believe themselves that “not getting what you need from your partner” is a reason to cheat, they just want to believe it to benefit themselves (e.g. justify them cheating if the “opportunity” ever arises).

[@yesthatmousyiris4887]

@@er-ha Hopefully it's a troll

[@Russman67]

Story 2: Never EVER ask a question you are not prepared to have an answer for. OP tried to dodge answering. She pressed on.

[@dianathum6420]

I need a follow up on this particular story after a year and a half.

[@ronhall5395]

What answer would she have been happy with? Answer, none. He gave her a good answer, she rejected it. Probably gave her a bad answer because he was sick of her attitude and she pooped herself. Don't do business with family. It never works put well.

[@madambutterfly1997]

It's pretty fucking pathetic that he cheats on his high school sweetheart with a woman who's a year older than his eldest kid. I'm just assuming Opie is the oldest

[@hellkitelord8319]

Oh gosh, I hope you're right on op is the oldest. Not that it would change much ether way.

[@MasterBuilderDragon]

This whole story is like a freaking Dhar Mann sketch (not calling it fake, just making the comparison). The woman makes all the sacrifices for the husband to start his business only for him to cheat and leave but lose his kids and a stable relationship as a result. The only part missing is him losing the business (which, I admit, I was rooting for).

[@bunnyslippers191]

@@MasterBuilderDragon My sister supported my bro in law until he got out of medical school, but bro in law also worked as an extern/orderly in the med center where he was going to medical school. After he graduated he and sister became close with three other couples who also started in the same residency program in the same city. Out of the four couples, only sister and bro in law's marriage lasted more than a year after the husbands finished their residencies and got into private practice. The other three husbands had affairs with their nurses, divorced the women who supported them and whose hard work and wages paid for their educations, and married their affair partners. In those three couples the husbands didn't work during school vacations or on weekends other than studying and doing their medical school work and depended completely on their first wives for every penny. Sis and bro in law will celebrate their 55th wedding anniversary in August.

[@shells500tutubo]

@@bunnyslippers191 There was actually a landmark legal case in the 1970s with the wife suing the doctor husband for the value of the medical degree after she had completely supported her husband through college and medical school. He was trying to say he was just a resident and not making much, and her view was that she was entitled to the worth of his future earning potential. She won.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@bunnyslippers191I think there's an old saying that I think applies here, "a married man's loyalty is tested when he has everything." And it's a crying shame that your brother in law was the only one who still loves his wife AKA your sister. Oh well, not your circus, not your monkeys. Besides, your sister and brother in law are still happily married and that's all that matters. ❤

[@MP-fv8ef]

I’m sorry but the last story was insane. We pay $800-1200 in an expensive city for daycare. OPs parents were asking $400 a WEEK plus $100 for weekend days. Literally asking nearly $2,000 a month?! I also am shocked (but shouldn’t be) at everyone’s comments repeatedly saying that OP sucks for expecting a hand out etc when they literally offered to pay them. It’s not like they asked them to do it for free!? But yeah, Reddit just hates anyone with children. That’s been clear for a long time. They literally didn’t expect the grandparents to babysit for free. Imagine asking your family member to do something like change your oil and they say “sure but I’m gonna charge you 3x as much as the actual mechanic will!” You’d be upset and confused as well. And y’all wonder why people don’t wanna have kids? These parents are retiring, millions in the bank, but wanna charge 2-3x more than a daycare for what reason? It takes a village to raise kids, but our ancestors continue to do everything they possibly can to keep us struggling and barely surviving then wanna play victim when they don’t get access to their grandkids.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

I love how people think that someone who's retiring is just itching to have another schedule to follow and more responsibilities piled on them because faaaaamily. Wonder how you'll feel by the time you've been working 40+ years. Guess what? It's not that we hate parents with kids. We hate parents who don't take responsibility for their own children, expect other people to do it for them, and complain when they don't get their way. These are usually the parents whose kids grow up to be criminals or bums. If you can't manage your own kids, don't have them. It's really that simple. In OP's case, he should've bought a smaller house and consulted his in-laws before moving to be near them, instead of assuming they wanted full time baby duty. If he really intended to pay them, he wouldn't care that his FIL brought it up. Reading that OP "blames the president" for "too many handouts" when OP is himself wanting a handout tells me all I need to know about him.

[@robertx8020]

Reddit's rules "why read and think when you can bash based on ASSUMPTIONS" ? But I disagree with "the parents want to charge you" as far as I can see this is only what the DAD wants ..I have the feeling the mother would still love to do it for free! Furthermore, knowing many 'caring grandparents' I disagree with the general statement about parents! True there are some bad ones out there but that isn't a general rule!

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Don't have kids if you can't afford them ffs

[@rachelsoma987]

I also wonder if the grandma was involved in the decision to charge so much and the response to being told FIL wants $400 a week of “I know you retired early to look after your grandbaby but factoring in travel it’s more cost effective to use a daycare. You can still see the baby on weekends, if we’re free” doesn’t exactly feel of entitlement

[@robertx8020]

@@rachelsoma987 I agree but I stopped expecting logic from Reddit a long time ago!

[@DevilFruitZero]

The childcare verdict sounds less like YTA and more like KYS for saying a $400 is too much, we'll go with childcare services, and you'll see the kids when you come over. Maybe I didn't hear the reason for the vitriol, but man it seems extreme. No one is the asshole imo.

[@Jessidafennecfox]

I agree NAH both parties are in thier own right.

[@brittanywhite6715]

THIS! They gave their pricing and you declined NAH. Grandpa demanding after they chose option B though 😂. He already planned on utilizing that check

[@charityprice754]

Sounded like people adding other things in. Saying, "You'll see the kids when I get to it," is bog standard, not blackmail. And refusing to take Dad up on his services shouldn't lead to a screaming match about why you won't pay...it sounds like reddit drew one conclusion and dog piled. If the narrative is "Dad is politely saying they don't want to," then why can't OP decline?

[@OtakuWrath]

If they're asking for the same rates as a decent daycare, why would they pay the grandparents when they can pay the daycare for easier more convenient service? Family is supposed to discount their family and the other is supposed to ignore that discount most of the time and give more money than expected. Instead they got these stuck up grand parents that think they're a professional daycare where they're taking care of a single child. If I grew up and learned that my grandparents I thought loved me so much ONLY watched me because they got payed to do it I'd cut them out of my life. If you want a loving relationship with a grandkid, don't charge to watch them as if they're a burden to you.

[@tatkkyo9911]

​@@OtakuWrathfor that price they could go to a daycare with acredation in my country. Or hire a nanny

[@mriddley]

3:43 spoken like someone that's single has never been cheated on or did the cheating and wants forgiveness

[@BlackTheBerserker]

Something tells me that person sees cheating as a normal thing and is trying to justify their own past. Armchair psychology I admit, but I can't comprehend the mentality otherwise.

[@videofan1010]

That was a man using manosphere language.

[@GiordanDiodato]

story 2: as the saying goes, Fuck Around and Find Out Story 3: why do people think new parents are made of money? $400 a week for babysitting is ludicrous.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

I agree with the cost of childcare. $400/week is astonishing to me. At that cost, one OP or his wife should just go ahead and be a stay at home parent. I live in Missouri and that much is almost as much as I make a week. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I realize most corporate workers make way more, but I make ends meet with my pay where I live.

[@carlrood4457]

Assuming it's 8 hours a day (probably more since parents need travel time to/from work), that's $10/hr, not even minimum wage.

[@debipearson8762]

I agree. If you can pay $400.00 to them you may as well pay for daycare. It's about the same price. And it includes weekends too if you're lucky enough to find one that's open on weekends. I know. I had 3 in daycare.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Is it? Then maybe they shouldn't have had a baby. Babies cost money. Daycare costs money. Schools costs money. And so on. Can't afford it? Don't. Have. Kids.

[@robertx8020]

@@hodgeelmwood8677 There is a huge difference between not wanting to pay and not being able to pay E.g I don't want to pay for a new car every year ..but I could..( well, not a ,Mercedes but a car nevertheless) I can imagine they CAN pay for daycare (and would) but don't want to pay his family MORE than daycare! I feel that is reasonable!

[@owl7072]

"If you don’t go then you're disrespecting him!" Okay ❤ he disrespected his ex wife and the vows of their marriage when he cheated, what makes you think he's someone worthy of respect now? Especially when he won't even acknowledge he did anything wrong, and don't even get me started on the fact that the person he did it with and is now marrying is only a year older than Op 💀 Edit: "Maybe she was horrible" divorce then "maybe she stopped satisfying him" talk or divorce then.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

My thoughts exactly! If you're not satisfied anymore, then just talk about it or just leave. I'm not going to be happy with someone who leaves because of a little problem that can be fixed, but I'll at least have some respect for them.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 NTA. Someone was unforgivably rude but it wasn't OP. She has repeatedly stomped boundaries. Those ESH and YTA comments are asinine. It was already pushing boundaries to push him to plan the wedding, then she demands he tell her the length of the relationship. It's 2023 y'all gone learn to stop asking questions you don't want the answer to

[@ianesgrecia8568]

IRK! She even tried to lie with the "Forever" but she keep pushing. For all she knew the year and a half could ALSO be a lie just to take the sister of the back

[@kelf114]

Truth isn't always pretty.

[@AngelaMerici12]

I think we have a clue as to why it will last a year and a half 😆🤣🤣!!

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

Agreed. "Homewrecker?" What. She completely set herself up for this after her brother tried to deflect.

[@KeitieKalopsia]

Seriously. Leaving the wedding planning in such a manner was petty, but it was a petty the bridezilla deserved.

[@eowyn8340]

Story 3: I think everyone is missing the important points of the post. OP said they would pay the grandparents, but $400 a week is ludicrous when OP & wife are providing everything. Also, the grandfather is sending entitled vibes by demanding money, before sitting down and having a calm discussion about expectations. I’m saying NTA. Reddit is only reading the parts they want and taking things out of context. Again.

[@simonO712]

Indeed. Again.

[@chinaking918]

That’s Reddit most times they completely miss the mark.

[@robertrizzo2193]

Reading comprehension is not a strong point with many Reddit commenters

[@elalogar7340]

So true. As I see it, the main point that OP was making, but somehow clumsily, was that he and his wife aren't able to afford the cost of her parents' babysitting. .

[@bhutehole]

unless a crime has been commited against them. Reddit will always hate fathers

[@krafka]

Story 1: Reddit regularly tells parents to support one child when the other child cheats with their partner. Why is it that a child cannot side with one parent with the other cheats on them. Reddit regularly states that often not taking a side IS taking a side. Again, why not with parents. It doesn't matter whether the marriage was bad - get a divorce, don't cheat. It really is that simple. OP has every right to take a side and support the parent who was cheated on.

[@MasterBuilderDragon]

I don’t see the big deal. If OP misses his dad’s wedding he can just go to his next one. Edit: Damnit, the Reddit comments stole my joke 😅

[@KeitieKalopsia]

Lol

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

If he gets another wedding. I personally wouldn't want that sperm donor to have another wedding to be honest. 😒

[@brittanywhite6715]

Story 3: Grandpa out here checking rates!!! 😂 you just know he was like this is what I’m worth, fully knowing his wife is doing the heavy lifting 😂

[@ianesgrecia8568]

I'd go and tell them "I'm sorry. we can't pay your rates so you won't be babysitting. Thank you. This is not 'blackmailing the baby' this is literally accepting the grandparents bounderies. They only accept the child with pay? okay. We won't 'impose' the grandparents with child. They are not professionals. They are not trained. They are not licenced. Daycare is BETTER then grandparents that IMPOSE pay.

[@zaytura_]

I’ll never understand some people on Reddit. How could he possibly be a brat for this? These trolls need to be pushed off the planet

[@pippo17173]

I don't think their trolls since these type of comments pop up in certain cheating stories.

[@malayshamorgan3918]

Story 2: Probably gonna last less than a year if that’s her attitude

[@kalishaffer8210]

As I took the child care story, OP chose daycare because it is same cost but is less annoying for transportation. Why the A hole? Use the option that works best for your family.

[@godzillakungfu]

The OPs poor writing and missing missing reasons? OP literally says his in-laws are Millionaires, willing to baby sit and then suddenly FIL is demanding $400 dollars a week. I’d also say people picked up on him being an unreliable narrator. There’s a bunch of info missing for that type of escalation.

[@llamabrat07]

Yea. He was willing to pay but got upset at the high amount the FiL was demanding, not asking, demanding. The MiL was looking forward to being a full time carer. So NTA. It was FiL attitude about payment that pushed OP into backing off letting the grandparents watch their baby. FiL sounds like the kind of person who insists on everyone paying their way. If FiL wanted $400/week + $100 for weekends he should have mentioned it to OP sooner that when they are about to end their paternity leave.

[@calebhoffman6368]

@@godzillakungfumillionaires stay millionaires for a reason. Don’t think because they are very wealthy that they wouldn’t ask for money. Some people’s brains just work like that

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

@@llamabrat07 Maybe OP shouldn't have bought more house than he can afford and moved closer to the in-laws for the express purpose of using them for FULL TIME baby duty. Maybe FIL and MIL are having second thoughts about spending their retirement raising another kid, because that is indeed what they would be doing, since OP and wife won't be around at all during the day and possibly some weekends, from what he said. Maybe OP and wife should've thought harder about where they were going to park the baby all day, every day, before she got pregnant, rather than assuming mom and dad wanted to do their jobs for them. What happens if mom and dad get sick? What if they want to take a trip somewhere? They did not think this through.

[@belial3781]

@@hodgeelmwood8677 then why is the fil mad that op went with daycare isntead? according to your reasoning, fil should be glad he managed to ditch the kid without confrontation. but he isnt. instead of dreaming up a whole entire backstory for a post, consider evaluating the facts, instead.

[@Krisna_K]

The babysitting story: NTA! Spend the money on a reputable daycare instead! Screw the greedy grandparents! I watched my niece for free (20 years ago) because my sister and BIL were young and struggling! And I didn’t get anything from them either! They couldn’t afford it but I could! It’s what you are supposed to do for family! I don’t understand people nowadays!

[@kaykay8855]

Story 2: NTA. Op tried to be nice and said, ‘you two will last forever’.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Affairs are never between just the couple. Affairs hurt kids, often just as much, sometimes more. Um no, even if you are an adult, you're always your parents child. Some of my aunts and uncles are pushing 70 and are still my granny's children 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ Definitely NTA. I would go on vacation too. 👀👀 update: wedding is postponed. You love to see it. 🙌🏾

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I honestly hope that the wedding gets cancelled. And I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up a trainwreck if it goes through. (⁠٥⁠↼⁠_⁠↼⁠)

[@ianesgrecia8568]

Story 1: Anyone that supports a cheater clearly don't know anything. Cheaters affect EVERYONE in the family AND friends. Story 2: "What is out time - Forever - No. Try again - One/half - YOU ARE A HOMEWRECKER!" Story 3: GO TO DAYCARE! Unless grandparents are willing to pick up and and bring down after the 'daycare' time, the rate DOES NOT APPLY. Also, Daycare is BETTER. Contact with other babies are much better for social integration and for better development. People that are going YTA don't understand the diference of 'offered' and 'demanded'

[@brandinicole1372]

Exactly whoever tells a child of ANY age that infidelity and divorce between their parents is none of their business sounds completely stupid this is something that affects the entire family. Anyone who believes otherwise are probably serial cheaters and narcissists.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Exactly. Socialization is very important to a child's development

[@ronniec427]

Babysitting story: I hate when the OP explains themselves so poorly in the initial post but then edit to clarify but everyone already reacted to the initial post so the comments don't make sense. I get where OP is coming from, they were already going to pay them and the father demands a certain amount rather than initially asking how much OP and wife were offering for payment. That would rub me the wrong way because they made assumptions I was going to stiff them. It sounds like OP is from the US but so am I and $400/week for infant care is very high for where I live so if this was me, I would be better off putting my kid in daycare and not having to deal with my inlaws because if father is already being like this, it will only get worse. Also, many grandparents love babysitting even fulltime, it depends on the grandparent. Sounds like OP is TA for a lot of things but I don't think he is TA for being miffed about the price demand and if it is because they don't actually want to be fulltime babysitters, they should be upfront about that.

[@ianesgrecia8568]

Agreed. I'd even go and tell them "I'm sorry. we can't pay your rates so you won't be babysitting. Thank you. This is not 'blackmailing the baby' this is literally accepting the grandparents bounderies. They only accept the child with pay? okay. We won't 'impose' the grandparents with child

[@cnow82]

“Pull yourself up by your boot straps” originated as an example of something impossible to do. That doesn’t mean what you think it means.

[@Merryfrances]

The people who use this in the wrong way love to take these sayings and flip them to be the opposite of how they were originally intended. The new one is “a few bad apples.”

[@Intrepid_Explorer]

Story 2: I disagree with OP on only one thing; I doubt her sister's wedding will last even a full year. NTA.

[@KeitieKalopsia]

At this rate, they might not even make it to the wedding day! A year and a half is _generous._ Maybe OP’s friends can tease him about finally getting a guess wrong!

[@peterhobson3262]

It was definitely a case of "don't ask a question if you won't like the answer."

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@KeitieKalopsiaYeah, that's what I was thinking. Those two might not make it to the altar. 😒

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

S3: I get feeling upset when someone demands payment when it was your plan anyway. When the in law demanded the same amount as daycare was ridiculous. Def seek another arrangement.

[@jenniferslack-smith5129]

I wonder why some people sympathise with the dad. Don’t they understand a loss of respect.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

They wanna do, are doing or did the same thing as the dad or took the cheater's side when it happened to their parents or they just hate women. Its not about respect its about being butt hurt they are morally wrong and dont like their bubble being bursted.

[@carolsh1983]

@@Kris-wo4pjMy thoughts exactly.

[@pippo17173]

@Kris-wo4pj ya no way anyone saying this are sane people. That one point of how its not his business only works if it's people you don't fully know.

[@alexisgrunden1556]

Nobody hates a mirror more than a person with an ugly soul.

[@Fran-vt5xm]

Op said that they can't afford the grandparents cost so he'll use a daycare. Then he made it clear that they won't have time for travel just for the grandparents to see the baby. I don't see the issue here. NTA

[@Calcria]

Parents babysitting post, my kid goes to a fancy top notch daycare (my father kindly helps pay so his grandkids have a good start) and it is like $315 a week. OP definitely would be better off financially with a daycare. I mean unless they are in a big city where daycare is $500 a week. It sounds like Grandpa researched preschool prices, but he didn’t consider the fact that part of the prices of a preschool program are educational, the curriculum, activities, the learning toys, play equipment. Heck our preschool offers a breakfast buffet every morning for the kids and parents to eat breakfast together before school/work.

[@jakeand9020]

"babysitting" and full time care are completely different.

[@GiordanDiodato]

exactly

[@D-Dollie]

Yes. Was thinking the same thing. I would never ask my elderly parents to care for my baby FULL TIME! It is ridiculous!!

[@ianesgrecia8568]

I'd go and tell them "I'm sorry. we can't pay your rates so you won't be babysitting. We will go with a diferent option. Thank you. This is not 'blackmailing the baby' this is literally accepting the grandparents bounderies. They only accept the child with pay? okay. We won't 'impose' the grandparents with child. They are not professionals. They are not trained. They are not licenced. Daycare is BETTER then grandparents that IMPOSE pay.

[@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat]

​@@D-DollieWell I mean Op said MiL retired early for this. She wanted to spend more time with baby. Op did say they were going to pay them, but the price FiL asked for made it easier and better for baby to go to a day care, and they would get the bonus of people who are certified watch and teach the baby, as well as baby getting more social skills. Again for the same money. If FiL really didn't want to babysit his grandchild that much, then the compromise of being able to see baby with their parents (thus eliminating the babysitting issue), but when the parents can come over is the best solution to Files issue.

[@AndreNDP]

Clearly nobody commenting on S2 works in the wedding industry. Everybody in there, given enough time, can do this to some degree. You don't wanna know, don't ask. Not OP's fault they were honest.

[@justine8387]

Yeah that's what I thought, every industry, no matter how dark, creates a sort of humour about the sadness they encounter. The OP was a bit of an AH because they told this humour outside the confines of the industry and it bit them. Sometimes private jokes should remain so and people need to learn not everything is to be shared.

[@theresablack9261]

On story 3 as someone who was gonna be a early childhood educator, go to a daycare. You'll get better socialization, the kid would be ahead by a little bit, the teachers are mandated to not suck, most daycare folks are sweet as sugar, and you'll pay less than 400. Like the rate is generally like 140 or maybe 200 in my area. 400 is a figure that I don't see. NTA. Sounds like grandpa is a greedy man.

[@ivy456]

Yeah it sounds like people on Reddit have trouble reading. Daycare sounds like a much better option for OP.

[@13thMaiden]

The main thing OP is wrestling with here is the relationship to their father. Biggest question for OP is: Do you really want to keep a relationship with this man? Cause it sounds like your Dad is trying to guilt you into coming either to spite your mother, or prove to the rest of the family that y'all approve of this dumpsterfire. Hell, he has strained relationships with ALL of his kids, this is literally the consequences of his own actions. I honestly say that OP should go on holiday cause unless Dad was a decent Dad prior to the cheating and divorce, he doesn't sound like someone worth keeping a relationship with...

[@theresaschuebel5151]

I agree with you Mark. I agree with the OP in his update. I am a wife who was cheated on. Ex told me for months that I let myself go. He did this knowing that I have always been on the big size. When we met I was a size 14 and had been since I was 13 years old. We met when I was 18 almost 19. We didn't start dating until I was 21. We as my 2 daughters and I had his back, we encouraged him and tried to help him see the silver lining ing everything. He turned around and told me I never encouraged him, never had his back. His dad whom we lived with heard this and told him that wasn't true. That he could remember hear me and our girls encouraged him and emotionally support him. Father in law told our oldest daughter when he ran into her in a local grocery store. She grabbed baby sister and they spoke to him and told how they felt. He had the balls to say what they felt didn't matter that they had no right to feel this way. Excuse me, but they grew up emotionally involved with both parents, and they have the right to feelings.

[@jackspring7709]

Story 2: Predicting, as a party trick, how long peoples' marriages will last doesn't sound like a very pleasant or savoury party trick.

[@calebhoffman6368]

S3: nah? Sounds like they had a bunch of discussions before hand about them watching kids. Seems like the problem came around when price was brought up. Seems like they weren’t even that upset but were thinking if they are paying market rate might as well go with a normal daycare. The grandparents are fine to ask for that rate and the parents are fine saying they are just going to go to a regular day care. People really love to interject/put their own spin on these stories.

[@ianesgrecia8568]

I'd go and tell them "I'm sorry. we can't pay your rates so you won't be babysitting. We will go with another option Thank you. This is not 'blackmailing the baby' this is literally accepting the grandparents bounderies. They only accept the child with pay? okay. We won't 'impose' the grandparents with child. They are not professionals. They are not trained. They are not licenced. Daycare is BETTER then grandparents that IMPOSE pay.

[@mogulmade]

@@ianesgrecia8568 Another fool who has never seen the state of current daycares lol

[@ianesgrecia8568]

@@mogulmade Not only i've seen but my children went there. From experience of other parents, children that don't go to daycare or grow up with nannies learn to comunicate much later and have learn social interactions later too. You CLEARLY don't understand anything and I pity you

[@Npyne]

​@@mogulmadejust because the daycares near you suck, doesn't mean that every one does.

[@madambutterfly1997]

He's guilt-tripping you to attend his wedding to his mistress

[@malikadesire2409]

L😊😊

[@catsncrows]

But if the kids don't show up it shows that he screwed up. Appearances appearances!

[@elizabethescalante8114]

​​@@catsncrowsDon't worry, it won't matter for long. Sooner or later their little "marriage" will fall apart when they eventually screw each other over. After all, it's a statistical fact that relationships built on betrayal is destined to end the same way. If they'll cheat WITH you, they will cheat ON you too. As a matter of fact, it's ALREADY happening! The fact that the hooker won't sign a prenup is a dead giveaway sign of a gold-digger!

[@paulastiles5507]

Prince Harry's dilemma in a nutshell.

[@KateKanenator]

Story 3: NTA. Fun fact about homo sapiens: Know what the prevailing theory is about why humans live well past childbearing age? No? It's so that grandparents can contribute to childcare. Also, "bootstraps" guy obviously doesn't know what "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" means lol. It literally means the opposite thing because it is physicially impossible.

[@TsukiKageTora]

“I’m not going to a homewrecker’s wedding, neither that of a man who can’t seem to control his toddlerstick”

[@carlrood4457]

What some people don't get is cheaters cheat on the WHOLE FAMILY, not just their spouse.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

I'm pretty annoyed by people's reading comprehension on that last story with the grandparents. Of course they should pay which OP SAID THEY WERE GOING TO DO. Also OP NEVER SAID they were keeping the grandparents away from the baby. Gahhhhh. It's definitely an ESH because OP and his wife were assuming too much, but (and if the grandparents don't want to do it, just say no) but come on. The people piling on OP are being silly. Edit: Okay with the edits I am admittedly wrong.

[@TheDarwinProject1]

The first story negative comments sounded like OPs dad, the mistress, &/or flying monkeys of theirs found the reddit post. They were so personally offended that they were either known to OP or been in OPs dad's position with a child whose perspective was similar to OP. The flying monkeys or single person who opened several sock puppet accounts probably reported the post as fake (or some other report option) & the mods took it down without connecting the negative accounts to the reports. Could have also been an auto-remove after so many reports came through. Perhaps since Mark was able to view it, it has been posted again. Then again, Mark could have used "the way back machine" or found this story already compliated.

[@BloodShed4REAL]

Other cheaters tend to stand up for each other. Makes it easy to weed them out :P

[@joaolima7131]

Reddit mods are usually incompetent so it doesn't surprise me

[@LunaMare94]

XD Story 3 makes me think of what happened to me. I had my first child last year, parents got to meet him. We were talking about child care and they offered to watch him. I was like cool we can talk about payments. They cut me off and said no no we won't take payments since we watched the last grandchild for free until they were two then they went to daycare. We checked to make sure they were okay with no payments and when we were sure we stop bring it up. XD Well a month later they started to ask for money and so much drama. Short story my kid is in daycare XD

[@Ashofscraps]

And the grandparent story, my parents literally have threatened to drive 3 1/2 hours up to our house to kidnap our kid for the weekend or the week. This is for whenever we have kids. Me and my husband live approximately 3 to 3 1/2 hours away from our parents in about 4 1/2 hours away from my grandparents and 3 1/2 hours away from his grandparent. I wish I had my parents were close enough to be able to babysit on occasion. But we chose to buy a house where we did.

[@violetmoodswing666]

The sons response to dads wedding was perfect!

[@catmorg]

I never expected my parents to watch my children after they were born. When my dad said he was going to retire, we said the kids are still going to be in daycare because he deserved his retirement! Now he is coming to us this year saying he wants to watch the kids full time. He is still thinking about it but again it is his decision not ours.

[@sabrinahinton1774]

Last story) NTA who pays for 2 grand a month for childcare. If im going to pay my parents 400 a week for childcare me personally i would put my child in daycare atleast i wouldn't have to listen to tips or how to raise our child and any other crap. They could visit when I've time on the weekends. If they want to be petty like the games begin i paid for childcare for my kids but the grandparents aren't obligated to babysit and i wasn't obligated to use them to be a babysitter.

[@chamab.6800]

Story 2: NTA. From what I’ve heard from wedding planners, this is a “trick” a lot of them do. A prediction based upon experience. It is what it is. Ole girl was a jerk for pushing for an answer. I get the feeling that no matter what the planner said she wouldn’t have believed her. She could have said 20 years and the bride would have questioned that number further. There was no way out here. She could’ve found a way for her to keep the venue though. The fact that she didn’t try does make her look like the accusation of destroying her wedding valid.

[@queencatherineofaragon938]

S2: ok all things aside, Op is messed up for that “trick”. Extremely unprofessional. I wonder how fast his client pool would dry up if everyone found out he was essentially trash talking clients behind their backs while holding his hand out for their money. It’s okay to have *silent* opinions on couples, but this is not it.

[@CreepyBlueAnimals84]

Thank you Mark for saying EXACTLY what I thought about cheating and lying parents!! To heck with the dad!! He sucks!!

[@GinnieMac-ui8jv]

I became the babysitter for my first grandson. My son said they could afford to pay $100 per week. I took that $100 and put $75 into a savings account for baby. $25 paid for my gas from my home to theirs.

[@cheyenneburgos4337]

Story 3: why pay the grandparents market rate when you could go to a real daycare with employees with ece training and first aid certifications with socialization for my child? Paying is obviously fair but the amount that guy was asking is not reasonable.

[@TheMimiSard]

Story 1 - "Your parents' marriage is none of your business" is bullshyte. Parent marriages affect the children, even adult children. As the child of divorced parents and a father's second marriage, both affected me - maybe not badly, as I mostly saw it as Mum being able to live without Dad's bullshyte (most of the time), and Dad's second marriage happened in my early adulthood, but I still had feelings about Step-Mother (that marriage collapsed about 10 years later).

[@bernadettepacheco2681]

Story 2: Grandma here 🖐🏽 I take care of both of my grandchildren AND work from home, BOTH full time! I do NOT charge my son! I would NEVER! The oldest is 10 now & and the youngest 7. I have had them since the little one was 10 months! 1. I don't want them with strangers! 2. I want their family to save money! 3. Husband & I make enough on our own & don't want nor need their money! 4. It is a BLESSING to be able to do this! I don't understand those who "charge" to help their kids out! It's GROSS! 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ FFS

[@whitneybennett4857]

Go on that vacay, OP! Your father should've thought about how his relationship with YOU could also be affected before he decided to drop his pants for someone besides his wife. He can't expect to do whatever he wants without any consequences.

[@WillowMaster]

First story. Family is not determined by blood. It is made by bonds of love and loyalty. That pathetic excuse of a father broke both of those.

[@umbrasunbro2142]

Story 1: omg! It’s so weird how many people on Reddit defend cheaters/cheating! Why would anyone want to go to the wedding of their father and the mistress that broke up the family?

[@Alberto-wu1mj]

I disagree when people say that parents’ relationship is none if the children’s business. The fact is that the children are affected by the parents’ relationship. In addition, when your parent is cheated on by the other parent, you suffer too. The cheater is also essentially making you pick sides when demanding you spend time with the AP, expecting you to agree with all of the decisions, etc.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Story 1. It does not matter if a spouse is not satisfying their spouse, is mean, or incorrigible l, cheating is NEVER the correct response. Have some self-respect, and respect for your family and divorce first. Cheaters think they have only hurt their partner. But, that is not true! When one cheats, not only are they disrespecting their spouse, they are also disrespecting their children, parents, and inlaws. Due to the cheating and divorce the cheater is breaking up a family, taking a loved DIL/SIL from their parents. Cheating is just NOT between 2 people and the AP. My father was a serial cheater, and married 6 times. My mom was his first wife, and every new relationship and subsequent wife started while he was still married to the previous wife. My father left 13 kids that were devastated in the wake of each divorce, as he had kids with each marraige. His 6th wife was the one he supposedly really loved, and he never cheated on her. I was ecstatic when she pulled a reverse uno card on him by cheating and divorcing him. After his 2nd divorce my mom told him he was going to end up old, alone, and broke from child support, and guess what, that's exactly what happened. My sister, the eldest of his 13 kids felt responsible, so she took him in during the last 3 years of his life.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Your sister is incredibly gracious. She doesn't owe your sperm donor father anything, and she still took care of him in his last years. That's more than what he deserves in my opinion.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

@PrincessQ-fj9ly You are absolutely correct. The most devastating thing was once he married a new wife, any of his kids from previous marriages were ignored by him.

[@tegantalks9612]

The entitlement of the last story absolutely boggles my mind. I live around the corner from my dad and step mom and I would never expect them to babysit my children full time. They were also honest and up front with me when I had kids and said they have no problem helping out with child care from time to time, but it needs to be something planned in advance or an emergency situation and they are not my full time sitters because they have lives too. My oldest 2 are in school full time now and the youngest goes to a dayhome. I ask my parents for help with the kids maybe 3-4 times per month to fill in the gaps in childcare.

[@grizbear4115]

I swear, cheaters either have 0 self awareness or are just plain horrible people.

[@TRONkhfan13]

This may be just me, but I’m saying NTA on the childcare situation. That “grandfather”, and I use the term loosely, probably only has a shitload of money solely because he’s exploited every single person he could before being forced to retire, and is still living with that mindset. I know from my grandparents that, when it comes to us grandkids, 9/10 they’re doing it to spend time with us. Hell, I tried to pay for lunch for us one day and my grandad prevented me, saying “You never have to pay for us”

[@DigitalCowboy000]

The wedding planning story. The OP is most assuredly *NOT* the arsehole. His sister *IS* for trampling all over his boundaries.

[@jonstephenson9660]

Story 2: gotta say, I would love a wedding planner with that “party trick” with that level of accuracy. Could probably start up a side business as a pre-marital counselor. “How long?” “Year and a half” “What makes you say that?”. Could probably save a lot of marriages. As per verdict… eh.. OP should’ve held ground on not planning sister’s wedding. When the “party trick” was brought up, OP should have directly told her that this is why you don’t plan for loved ones and if she presses, you’ll back out. Putting up boundaries means nothing if you don’t hold them. Gentle ESH because obviously sister sucks for pressing boundaries and lashing out, and the enablers for enabling, but OP shouldn’t have let it get that far.

[@celinelovell4725]

He didn’t say he wasn’t going to pay them 400 is a lot I watched my grandchildren and loved it

[@1tiptip187]

I frankly lose trust in people who cheat on their spouse even if I just know them casually. If they are willing to marry someone and then cheat on them it makes me think their is a lot of selfishness or bad judgment going on. Doesn't help that when the cheaters get divorced I rarely see the people who help them not get fed up with them for expecting way too much help.

[@gregmiller4387]

Story 1 - Go to Romania with your Mum, pal, support your mother , she didn't destroy your family, your father destroyed it.

[@ondank]

So this reminds me of that post from a few days ago when the dad cheated and the mom hid it with him and then dismissed her kids feeling in the fact that some still don't realise that when you spend a whole heap of time with someone who isn't your spouse you also spend that time away from the children. And when the relationship breaks down they feel the consequences too. So yes, kids have a right to know and they may feel betrayed as a result

[@kentario1610]

"Not sure why people are taking this so personal as if it happened to them!" because they have... empathy?

[@SCP01986]

When people ask that question, know you're dealing with a sociopath.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: No wonder OP is jaded. If you are set on asking for results of a party trick like that, that indicates a lack of confidence in your partner, to the point where you probably shouldn't get married in the first place. Annnnd that 'ship went down like the Titanic.

[@lauralfreeberg2179]

More like lack of faith in her ability to keep her personality flaws hidden.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 1: That one comment saying adults should behave like adults. Being an adult is being a doormat? No thanks lmfao

[@villebeny]

If partners have children and one spouse has cheated, he/she didn't just cheated on the partner but also betrayed the children. Idk why there are people saying that the issue is between OP's parents and not the whole family.

[@onurkneezb]

Story 2: The only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer...

[@singtrue25]

Ok, the wedding planner "party trick" is a dark humor trick that lots of planners do. It is like shop talk for planners, and I have even seen some offices that place bets on how long marriages will last. It is likely something he mentioned in passing to his sister before she got engaged, and his sister decided to get him to make the prediction. Was he insensitive for snapping, yeah but she asked 🤷‍♀️

[@KonekoPurrrfection]

The grandfather wanting 500 a month seems greedy

[@mgen278]

The grandparents babysitting story was written badly by OP. He makes it sound like they weren’t going to pay the grandparents & then never states how much he planned to pay them. Then he makes it sound like he’s going to keep the grandkids away from them. He also makes it sounds like he sprung babysitting on them & waits until the last moment to clarify the expectations. Even his edit didn’t help 🤦‍♀️

[@NottyAries]

I don't get that at all. His story was very clear to me. I'm confused about why so many people didn't comprehend better.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

OP's family telling him if he doesn't go to the wedding he's disrespecting the Dad? What? Dad disrespect OP's Mum first by cheating on some other chick!

[@amyyaku5022]

S1: NTA but the dad should've went ahead with the wedding....and lost everything 😂 😂 😂 he'll never get a good woman like OP's mom again. Also I'm not surprised there were people defending the father. Cheaters tend to come out of their caves and defend their own. S2: NTA. The ESHs and YTAs are like "I don't like this party trick you're doing so I'm gonna ignore the point of the post, defend the toxic sibling, and rant at you for doing something I don't like". 🤦🏽‍♂️ I hope OP continues her party trick. If she's as accurate as she claims, she could be saving a bride or groom a lot of time, money, and possibly heartbreak. And if people don't like the party trick or don't want an honest answer, well, they shouldn't ask for it.

[@CarinaCoffee]

Story 1: those negative comments are so stupid. Why would anyone have to show respect to a cheater? And even if your partner no longer satisfies you, that doesn't mean cheating should be forgiven or brushed under the rug. You try to work on your relationship and if that doesn't work you end it. You don't go cheating with someone (your kid's age). People that defend cheaters like that are questionable.

[@redconvoy]

The last one. I just love when new parents think that the grandparents or their siblings will be their day care plan. No. You wanted the kid, you handle the care.

[@EndellionQT]

They were always prepared to pay them but not at the steep price the Grandfather insisted and demanded. They could probably find trained day carers at the equal or cheaper rates.

[@nela3986]

OP from the first story sounds like an upright person, supportive and with a shiny spine. The money his old man is probably waving around doesn't influence his behavior. He doesn't suck up to his sperm donor in hopes to stay in his grace. Too many do that. His mom raised him right.

[@renaeodonnell4558]

Me “oh new upload! Wait 57 seconds ago? Hell yeah let’s go!”

[@jessiealexander3515]

I’m a nanny and my first family had 11mo triplets. They were friends of friends of friends and paid me $500/w (8hrs/d, 5d/w). An absolute steal for them, a tragic rip-off for me. I tried to negotiate the price after about 6m and got fired

[@ironman_546]

“Pull yourself up by your bootstraps” was originally termed to denote the impossible. You physically cannot pull yourself up by your boot straps.

[@MoMo420]

Story 3: NTA!! I watch my grand daughter ALL the time, take her to school and pick her up everyday (she’s 6 and doesn’t want to ride the bus) I would NEVER charge my daughter to take care of my grand baby. I’m 49, still working, traveling and go out whenever. Helping out has not stopped me from doing anything. I grew up with my nana, and 2 grandmothers taking care of me and my parents didn’t pay them.

[@projectmicky1226]

‘Cheated on your mom not you.’ Reminds me of my mom and older sister who told me: “Your ex SA’d you. Not your guys’ daughter. And so what you said he was talking to minors? You don’t have the proof with you. He ‘conveniently’ deleted it all after you confronted him. That’s her dad.” Hard pass! Never tell anyone to ‘act their age’ when the dad should’ve acted HIS age by not being a douche Edit: what was said to me was said because I was trying to follow my court papers and they wanted me to just let him come over whenever he wanted (never during his actual time. And never used weekends. Yes I went to the cops. They didn’t care about the minors because they were in another state. I didn’t want to send my daughter. And he ignored her for five years. But courts were forcing me to when he randomly decided he wanted to see her. Conveniently she was at the time, 4 years younger than his youngest victim I’m aware of. The youngest victim being 10 when it started and came forward to me when she was 20

[@leshyaedawnfire]

The sticking point for me in the first story is that the affair partner is only one year older than OP. Meaning she's 27 and he's 45. No matter how you look at it, that's gross. If they were both a decade older, it wouldn't be as big a deal, as the acceptable age gap widens as you age. But as it stands, he's dating someone young enough to be his daughter, and that's gross and not to be supported. If I were OP, I would have pointed that out to the nosey relatives.

[@leaflet1686]

Story 3: I am worried about the comments... My parents lived in a cheap apartment and never had much. Didn't even own a car. Mom worked, Dad raised me. And my grandma. I would be out alot with my grandma and visited her every sunday for dinner. My parents never EVER paid her. She took me out in a stroller and let me stay with her, when my parents had their honeymoon during my elementary days and when they moved. And again my parents never paid her. If I had a child, that had a child I would secondhand raise that child and never expect my kid to pay me. Those people literaly ask OP to treat the grandparents like a professional Babysitter. He is not a professional, he is a grandparent! And as a grandparent you have a job to do. Which is be a grandparent. It is fine if daycare every day of the week is to much for the grandparent. But you don't need 400 bucks for that. 100 is more than enough. Even 50 should be enough, especialy since the parents provide everything! My family situation is not good and reading this hurts my heart. Those grandparents have a perfectly fine living situation and are more than able to take care of the little one. Yet they choose to ruin it, because of greed.

[@RyuClaudius]

I like the first OP for cursing everyone siding with their dad 😂😂😂 they sound like irresponsible parents as well if they are parents treating their child like emotional puppets. second OP is slight TA. you can "joke" around like that with close friends and family but don't say it to family who's also a client. that's just tasteless esp if OP did it to back out of being her planner. and for that comment who said something about "bad omen" should evaluate and check their red flags 😂😂😂