My Boyfriend Has An Issue With Me Visiting My Ex But REFUSES To Discuss It r/Relationships

[@MarkNarrations]

Happy Monday all! Hope you have a wonderful week ahead of you

[@hospitalqueen4047]

I have surgery tomorrow

[@YuumiMa1n]

@@hospitalqueen4047good luck friend!

[@megnotmegan1966]

Hello Mark! Kisses and butt rubs to Poppy! ❤

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

​@hospitalqueen4047 have a speedy recovery afterwards 🤗🤗💜💜

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

You too m8🤗🤗💜💜🧇🧇

[@haroldvazquez]

Story 1 I agree that the guy doesnt need to accept his girlfriend visiting her ex but the guy went overboard......he should have just have simply break up with her.

[@neutrality8747]

In the update, she uses the terms "actually" and "to be honest" and says "a plate flew in my direction", and that wording is meaningful. Instead of "he threw a plate at me" and any explanation of how it missed her, she says it "flew in her direction". She doesn't want to associate him with what she's saying because she knows she isn't being truthful. Also, there's no mention of him following her outside yelling, after the plate, he just de-escalated instantly? That's not how these kinds of conflicts work. Her original post got her blasted by everyone and their mothers because nobody thinks her treatment of her BF was okay. She made the update to paint BF as the bad guy to try and save face.

[@doeheart7118]

@@neutrality8747how do you know this exactly ? The separating language could also be her not wanting to believe her now partner did those things your being unnecessarily harsh

[@wmdkitty]

@@neutrality8747 There is also the issue of the post being translated into another language.

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

​@@doeheart7118no, based on her writing style she's making a "non-accusation accusation"...it's a technique liars use to make themselves look like victims, but should the lie get discovered, she can backpedal...like plausible deniability. Neutrality is correct.

[@Fingerscrossedout]

​@@doeheart7118personally coming out of an abusive relationship i exactly felt like this... i was also saying things like "he had sex with me even when I said no" instead of "he raped me" because I just didn't want to believe my boyfriend would do that...

[@LilFeralGangrel]

Story 2: so she felt ugly so she decided to cheat on her husband? please. that's just an excuse. why do these clowns never consider communication? good luck with your affair partner, that relationship will totally be healthy 🙄

[@juliearmfield2634]

I know right. If they cheat with you they'll cheat on you

[@randomusername3873]

Because they hate their partner and kids, that's why The moment people will understand that and act accordingly will always be too late

[@D-Dollie]

Dumbest reason ever!! OP kept asking her to spend time with him. Wasn’t that an indication that he wanted her in his life!!

[@SailorMya]

Right! Truth is she got bored with him once reality took hold after having their kid and she wanted to go back to the time before. Bet the same thing will happen with her AP once they get serious too! Lady has some serious commitment issues and refuses to get help so these issues will continue to persist in any other relationship!

[@bhart3321]

Can't wait for an update or another post where the AP dumped her for younger model or had other side pieces the entire time & she's wanting another shot. Hopefully by the time that happens OP will have healed & either tells her to piss off or better yet moved on with someone younger & hotter, see how ex feels about herself then. 😂

[@brandyanderson3522]

I actually am not shocked story one went in that direction. The boyfriend moved into her place when they had been dating for less than four months (she doesn't mention how long they have lived together), and when he is upset his way to deal with it is to make snide comments to OP knows he is upset and trying to gaslight OP into feeling she is the one that won't let it go, when she tries to talk about it. And when she gave him more information on why this meant so much to her, he tried the same tactic again. I bet there are a lot more red flags and signs OP didn't see until he took the keys. Just the fact it took her so long to figure that out shows she misses signs.

[@glass9137]

S2: if she makes more and was cheating for years, id be bleeding her dry for every cent. Her excuse was absolute BS and it was just a blow to her ego that he filed for divorce first

[@doodlethealien8889]

Yeah her excuse was feeling neglected and unattractive after giving birth and I'm just sitting here like: why didn't you COMMUNICATE with your HUSBAND that you were feeling that way? I know that she's just selfish like all cheaters are but what the hell? Plus she has the audacity to claim he blindsided her when he told her multiple times (actually communicating unlike her) that he was unhappy.

[@Cjaj2]

Story 2: I'm not saying full custody is right but she can't be a great mother if she was avoiding fun activities with her daughter in favor of her affair

[@AlphaMakuko]

100% this, and shes a cheater (of 4 years), so probably not a good person in general, so yeah, probably not a good mother

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

@@AlphaMakuko My perspective is that someone who cheats on the father/mother of their child is a bad parent by default, because it shows equal disregard for the children and their well-being. You're effectively cheating on them, too. Such an action virtually guarantees that their stable home and family life will be turned upside down by forcing them to go through an entirely preventable split-up of their parents

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

​@@AngryReptileKeeperkids don't appreciate seeing a parent getting hurt by the other parent.

[@johnbradbury8610]

4 years without intimacy, smack, Op should have done something like 3 years and 11 months ago. OP sounds like a doormat. If shes not getting it from you shes getting it somewhere. The same would apply if the genders were reversed.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Of course, she was having an affair, it's hard to feel sorry for OP.

[@WiseWordsbyWiki]

Seeing all these comments about exes and "how you can never just be friends" once again reminds me why I never want to be in a relationship. Also "your partner shouldn't have to tell you if they are uncomfortable" Yes they f****** do. I'm not a mind reader. Edit: "Mind" not "mine", speech to text doesn't like me or cursing.

[@LunarisArts]

A mine reader would be amazing in a bomb squad.

[@WiseWordsbyWiki]

@@LunarisArts speech to text once again fails me it seems

[@ruthsaunders9507]

He was very clear about how he felt. Her idea of communication is making him change his mind.

[@WiseWordsbyWiki]

@@ruthsaunders9507 you really going to sit here and defend the abusive prick?

[@damien678]

​@@ruthsaunders9507 He wasn't clear and literally LIED to her

[@torcedrake]

Story 1: Did I hear/read that right? They had only been dating for 4 months and he was already living with her? Also, she should have stated she was returning to her home town to help with the festival and visit family, rather then going to see her ex. It sounded like the ex was just a one part of the equation of her reasoning for going. Story 2: He most definitely did not blind side her.

[@neutrality8747]

Her ex should have absolutely no contact, if need be, she needs to change her traditions or she will suffer in her relationships. You do NOT visit your ex's home. Visiting your ex's home a valid reason not to trust you.

[@miminana-hd6nf]

@@neutrality8747 why? why do people have to just go scorched earth. Trust is a major thing and if someone has to cut people out of their life to accommodate someone they are not worth it.

[@robertx8020]

@@neutrality8747 But she DIDN't visit her ex's home..she visited his PARENTS home who were like parents to her! So according to your logic, she gut all her friends (who live in that town) , het 2nd parents, and any other person she knows there because it's all 'her ex' ? Her ex's city ..maybe even her ex's country? /s You sound insecure

[@nationalsocialism3504]

Because the ex WAS the main priority... OP is still sprung as fuck over him.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@neutrality8747 She is too stupid to realize that the relationship was over the moment she disregarded anything he had to say about her going. "Let's talk about this and compromise even though I am going to go anyway AND stay next door to my Ex". I have to question the validity of everything she said in the update. She literally GOT RAILED in the comments on her original story and she DID NOT LIKE IT. She needed something to try and turn the tide to her side. It seems odd that someone who was supposedly "so reasonable" aka caved to her going no matter what, suddenly flies off the handle and becomes overly aggressive with her. If he was truly like this, he would have acted like that BEFORE she went. She is a liar.

[@Cl0ckcl0ck]

Story 2: let's she how long AP and cheating wife will stick together now she doesn't have a free maid and nanny anymore. I'll bet OP pulling the trigger before even finding out won't improve her self image any too.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Especially with her time being weekends and that is when most people are off work and have more personal time. She will begin to resent that she can’t go out on those dates with her cheating partner. I foresee her trying to rearrange the days she has custody for her benefit of weekends off.

[@iamsocoolz]

Story 1; relationship is only 4 months old and he basically trapped her at home by hiding her keys. Thats a huge red flag for abuse, time to ditch him

[@thomasjoseph5876]

I have to laugh at how fake that update was. She rightly got DESTROYED in the comments of her original story and she HATED THAT. She hated that EVERYONE realized she was the "Baddie" in the story. So she comes up with an update of how aggressive he got hiding her keys and throwing things at her to make herself out as the victim and him as a MONSTER even though that is a complete 180-degree turn from her original story. This is a classic Narcissistic move on Reddit that we have seen countless times before when an OP who gets railed in the comments comes back with some fantastical story of "abuse" just for sympathy in the comments. I love how she just wanted to sit down with her boyfriend and talk to find a compromise even though she offered NOTHING in her compromise. She was STILL going to go and she was STILL going to stay next door to her EX. I say the OP LIED and the boyfriend dodged a bullet. The OP was even too stupid to realize she got dumped by him when she left that weekend. LOL Boyfriend acted like a Boss. He didn't demand, he just checked out of the relationship LOL.

[@lunashadow9221]

@@thomasjoseph5876 ew, your incel is showing 🤢 “he’s a boss” yeah an abuser is a boss 🙄 just gross

[@katphish30]

​@@thomasjoseph5876Please continue hiding in mommy's basement and yelling at women from a safe distance, kthx.

[@Rogue-bt4wp]

​@@thomasjoseph5876 Sure sure lmao!! Because we all know that there aren't crazy boys who think they own women and get to dictate her life and who she talks to.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@katphish30 I realize it is hard for a narcissist such as yourself to realize many of his high-value men REFUSE to put up with your BS but it is true. I noticed you didn't show anything to refute what I actually said. Just some old and weak 1990's insults LOL. That is VERY telling. LOLOLOLOL.

[@KateBrod]

I honestly don't understand people who hate seeing their SO having a friendship with their ex. If they broke up, there was a reason and it doesn't mean they'll go back if given the chance. My boyfriend and I both have friendships with our exes and we're both secure enough to not make a big deal of it. Hell, his ex literally encouraged him to start a friendship with me after we all met at a cosplay event since we're both on the autism spectrum. She didn't expect us to date after 5 years of friendship, but it's still thanks to her that we're together.

[@jasonstrong9974]

because there your ex for a reason never live in the past

[@Dick_hertz]

Y'all have been together for four months and already live together. Red flag

[@bhart3321]

Thank you! Plus why did she need him to say it when she freely understood it made him uncomfortable. He should've just dumped her & moved on its only been 4 months. One day she'll find someone like her that's really close with his ex & she'll finally understand how disrespectful she's been to her other relationships post ex.

[@simonO712]

​​@@bhart3321Or she simply won't mind. Not everyone thinks the same way.

[@VidWatcher01]

@@bhart3321 Not everyone is paranoid about other people's exes

[@roowyrm9576]

Story 1 - OP's, hopefully, now ex, was totally out of order. His behaviour, both with the keys, and his aggression verbally and physically, were clear signs that the ending was inevitable.

[@ineedhoez]

Story 1: She invited him to come with her. He should have said yes. End of story. Really, he took the keys? Really? Really? Really? Really? Throw the whole BF away. He sabotaged the relationship and then blamed her.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

Who goes to hang with somebody's ex and their whole family? That's nuts.

[@Feynix4]

@@ruthsaunders9507did you not listen to the story? They literally took her in after her parents kicked her out, she said they are her family, she cares about them. Is it really that weird to visit people you care about?

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@Feynix4 It is if your trying to move on with your life. She'll never let go of the ex as long as she's heavily involved with him and his family.

[@TailsFan]

@@ruthsaunders9507 She will if she's not romantically interested in him. Just because you used to date, it doesn't mean you should never, ever meet again or it's cheating.

[@doeheart7118]

@@ruthsaunders9507so she’s just sopost to not have family cause with all things considered their her family that’s like telling someone if you wanna be with me you gotta cut your parents out of your life and your siblings theirs no romantic love their

[@CreepyBlueAnimals84]

Cheating Wife: While I am glad to hear a father cares so much for his little girl it is interesting that he was given custody of her on weekdays and mom got weekends. OP never says why it happened that way but seeing as how it's so rare these days I do wonder if mom has not only checked out of her marriage but also out of motherhood?

[@MrPseudoGod]

He was the primary caretaker? That's what I understood, considering he was saying he takes her to events and cleans the house. Seems fair to me.

[@CreepyBlueAnimals84]

@@MrPseudoGod Thank you so much for commenting!!

[@CyeOutsider]

Story 1: She asked her BF if he wanted to come and he said no. Her asking sent a powerful signal that the trip was less about hooking up with her ex and more about visiting friends and attending the festival.

[@neutrality8747]

You don't seem to understand how bad it is that she doesn't care that he's not comfortable with her going to visit her ex boyfriend. She stayed at her ex boyfriend's house. None of this is remotely acceptable, and the only powerful message she has sent is that her ex is the most important man in her life.

[@CyeOutsider]

@neutrality8747 She shouldn't be expected to cut off all of her friends and previous connections just because he isn't comfortable with her seeing them. That's controlling and abusive. OP was more than willing to talk about what would assure him, including asking him to come along, but he behaved like a controlling douche.

[@neutrality8747]

@@CyeOutsider If she has to cut off all of her friends and previous connections, she's crapping where she eats and that's a red flag. OP was NOT willing to talk to him, she made her decision and didn't care that he wasn't comfortable. She is an abusive manipulator and she will never be ready for a relationship until she cuts the baggage out of her life.

[@CyeOutsider]

@neutrality8747 What she wasn't willing to do was cut off her old friends and acquaintances. What she was prepared to do was talk about how he could be assured of her intentions. That's fair. She was very reasonable, without conceding to his controlling tactics. Only abusers attempt to isolate their partners and demand they cut off important people in their lives. Oh and guess what- he ended up physically attacking her. What a surprise.

[@MiniKitty27]

​@@neutrality8747 did you miss the part where he _literally_ was trying to control her movements (purposefully taking her car keys to prevent her from leaving), manipulate her into staying with him over the weekend even after he knew more about how important going to the festival was to her (trying to guilt trip her into staying with all his passive aggressive comments), AND LITERALLY THREW A PLATE AT HER?!?! OP was NOT the abusive one in this situation, the boyfriend was! him being super passive aggressive during the whole situation instead of talking about it was a major red flag

[@Maryangel24]

Story 1: Controlling behaviour is abusive behaviour. He HID HER KEYS on purpose, literally holding her hostage in some ways. He even assaulted her (threw things at her) and attacked her with words. How are people here trying to take his side at all??? Jealousy is a sickness.

[@neutrality8747]

OP is an abusive manipulator. If you read the update, it's clear that she isn't telling the truth. OP's red flags: 1. Doesn't care about BF's feelings 2. Says BF isn't communicating because she doesn't like what he has to say 3. Keeps in contact with her exes 4. Has her ex's entire family as baggage, this is a rare one 5. lied in the update when she didn't get her way OP manipulated you, dude. Read the update, notice that she says a plate flew in her direction and suddenly she says nothing more about that conflict, as if the plate flew and it was just over. Real fights don't go that way. She uses words like "actually" and "to be honest" far more than she did in her original post, because she is no longer being honest. Just cut ties with your exes, it makes you a more valuable partner.

[@beebs4283]

@@neutrality8747you are ignoring the real abusive manipulator, the boyfriend. nothing she could have done could have justified him throwing plates at her. the fact you are siding with someone who got inches from assaulting her is appalling

[@neutrality8747]

@@beebs4283 BF didn't throw plates. OP lied after nobody took her side in her original story.

[@VidWatcher01]

​​@@beebs4283I think neutrality8747 is OP's abusive ex from the story😂 Seriously he has been all up & down this thread spewing this vemon & trying to rewrite the narrative by accusing OP of lying in the update. Typical behavior of a covert narcissist

[@aurorablade4970]

1) first, credit where credits due, Op realized where she was going a bit wrong and sat him down for more details. She tried to communicate and offered not to go, she was patient with him when she thought there was a mistake with the car keys and didn’t jump to conclusions. He’s acting like my 5 year old niece when she wants something she can’t have. Shutting down and having a tantrum as an adult. Jeez, that ending is on him. Not op or her chosen family

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 1: I'm hoping OP is smart enough to change her locks, just in case.

[@ashantiwilliams1531]

Right. If he's willing to hide her car keys, he probably made a key to her place.

[@elizabethmaspoch-os1uq]

I can understand that ex-relationships are difficult to talk about and expecting him to get communication down in 5 days about what is not the norm and very touchy subject is not realistic. But hiding the car keys?? Nah thats childish and petty

[@brandyanderson3522]

I don't think its unreasonable to at least be willing to try to communicate. He refused to talk about it, saying it wasn't an issue and then went around making snarky passive aggressive comments about it.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

​@@thecursed01She should've called the police as soon as he claimed to have her keys.

[@Splatoon_Kirby]

It wasn't 5 days though they've been dating for 4 months, hes had 4 months to learn how to communicate in a relationship.

[@johnbradbury8610]

If the guy had spoken up like an Adult I would be on his side, but he's acting like little b word.

[@wmdkitty]

Hiding the car keys is scary, isolating, and abusive.

[@historictruecrime5119]

I am really boggled by the comments who seem to be completely overlooking the fact that it is it is a community festival and that OP would be seeing a ton of people and OP wasn’t even staying at the ex-boyfriend’s house, so there is absolutely no reason for anybody to think that OP was doing something wrong. Add to that the ex was invited and declined so all those people who are giving OP a hard time need to learn how to read entire passages before making stupid comments.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

She didn't really explain that well to him at first and nobody's going to want to go to an event like that when its all tied to her ex. His behavior later was stupid but up to that point it was fine.

[@deusdamnit]

@@ruthsaunders9507 His behavior was stupid the entire time. There is zero reason to have strong feelings about your partner going to see an ex after they've explained 1) they have not had sex since the break-up; 2) she was friends with the family and his friends (yes, she did explain this in the beginning); 3) this has been and would always be something she would pursue, unless given a good reason to avoid it (she never was). She expressed that she had told him from the beginning that she was friends with her ex, that she would go to his hometown every year, and that she has never cheated in a relationship, nor had sex with her ex since the break-up. The reason she clarified the motivation for going later was that she didn't put the emphasis on "I'm friends with the whole town" but on "this is my ex's home town" - this is a valid distinction to make and an easy misunderstanding to have. This is what's called a rhetorical error; she said something that could be taken ambiguously, but still had all of the correct information. But, remember, in their 4 months together she had already approached the topic and explained the nature of their relationship. When that understanding already exists, expounding on every minute detail isn't going to be your go-to and it shouldn't be needed. If there is any clarity missing, it falls on the person who is uncomfortable to reach out and explain their discomfort. She went above and beyond what she needed to because she valued open communication and wanted to ease the concerns of her partner; none of which he had even attempted to engage with until he found an out that he could use to manipulate her. OP went out of her way multiple times to engage with the guy, trying to get him to talk to her and to tell her what was wrong, she offered compromises and expressed a willingness to even consider not going. There are literally only 2 points of fact we can grant the boyfriend charitability on: 1) that he has never been in a serious long-term relationship before. 2) most adults don't know how to deal with their feelings in a constructive way. On the first point, it is understandable that he might not know how to communicate with a partner, and it is forgivable that he could fail to take her up on the opportunities that she gave him. If this was all that had happened, we could say that this was a learning experience and the relationship was his opportunity to learn that he needed to learn. Unfortunately for him, his actions later showed that his motivations the entire time had been manipulative, controlling, and jealous. This point's charitability is removed completely when the totality of events is considered. On the second point, we can see this to be true. He can't manage his emotions, and he can't handle his impulses. The problem is, when we grant this kind of charitability, we're being empathetic and extending the opportunity for someone to learn - that's literally the only thing you can do when this is the case. OP did this, and she actually describes this throughout the post. At every opportunity, he rejected, denied, or deflected any opportunity she presented for him. He loses the charitability that can be offered on this point, again because you judge on the totality of the events. To return to @historictruecrime5119's point: Literally everything I just said was in the post, and if you'd paid attention to this you'd understand that at no point in time was the boyfriend in the right. Even if we can say that some of these reactions could be understandable or forgivable, they're wrong. He was manipulative at every opportunity, he failed to communicate anything of value at any point, and the actions that he took never served to benefit the relationship or trust between him and OP. OP extended every ounce of trust and charitability that a person can, and the dude literally spat on it because of his ego.

[@ndawn90]

Not to mention everyone missed the real issue here. Her BF is allowed to feel weird about her visiting her ex, the problem is that he wouldn't talk to her about it and was being passive aggressive and petty AF. Refusing to communicate is a massive problem in relationships, period. People got so hung up on whether or not she should be friends with her ex or whether or not her BF was allowed to feel upset, when those aren't the problems at all.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@ndawn90 He told her how he felt. Talking about it endlessly isn't going to change how he feels about it. She was trying to bully him into changing his mind.

[@thebestscientificmethod9304]

@@ruthsaunders9507 he never did? he never clearly said he was opposed to the idea he only ever acted passive aggressive

[@VeronicAM313]

For the 1st story. OP wanted to talk to her new boyfriend about his feelings and suggested him meeting the ex but he refused to. He then tried to stop her from doing it after he said it was ok and etc. I would therapy to learn how to communicate his feelings instead of escalating it. Also, it stinks that reddit called her selfish when the boyfriend was old enough to express why he felt weird about it and not turned her down when she asked him to communicate to her.

[@Midnight0Mistress]

Yeah, i thought that was weird calling her selfish. My eyes rolled at the fact that men could be so territorial.

[@justinecorrington4106]

The my girlfriend can’t talk to ex’s; regardless of how many years invested.

[@whatever2144]

​@Midnight0Mistress As if a guy did it, you'd actually be ok with it as a woman. Let's be honest, if you are still in contact with your ex you are not over and your SO is entitled to be suspicious of your true intentions that even you don't realise. If there was a spark there is room for mistakes to happen. A lot of men got burned this way and women lying trough their teeth and playing double pretty much conditioned us to pay attention to how women treat us. The men's concerns were legitimate,maybe not articulated the best or communicated right,but he's right to not be ok with it and if she cares about him she should actively reasurre him,not double down on meeting a past fling.

[@StefenBruh]

​@@Midnight0Mistresscringe response. You don't know why because you're single. You only "know" second handedly.

[@kltil5082]

@@whatever2144 Men do it all the time and no one cares. So there goes your little theory

[@imjustgonnasayit415]

Cheaters will cheat.. they just need to find a way to justify it

[@coreymartin6486]

Well, now I understand why a 4 month old relationship was his longest to date.....not because of the initial issue, but his behavior of hiding keys and becoming violent.

[@paulfisher3e]

He appears to be a sociopath aka antisocial personality disorder 😮

[@wandersonfrancisco8494]

@@paulfisher3e Nah. He got all the anger cooking inside him for weeks and did not deal well with the situation. Hiding the key was his desperate and immature way to keep OP away from her Ex. Then let all the anger out when he realized the relationship was over.

[@BohemianScandalous]

I have no idea why people think every break up has to be scorched earth. I would be more weirded out if my SO was persona non grata with everyone they dated before. It would make me think “okay what did they do to all these other people.” I would normally side eye someone going to their ex’s place, but that’s only if the ex is the only one there. His family supported her when she had no one, of course she is going to maintain contact with her surrogate family. She tried to be open about her reasons too and yet the now ex boyfriend could not see past just being in contact with an ex. Honestly I think her future was going to be full of these types of power plays and manipulation from him if she had not threatened to go to her friends’ place.

[@kltil5082]

Exactly my thoughts

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

@@BohemianScandalous Yeah. I don't understand that either. Maybe it's my naivety, but I would find it strange if someone I was dating has exes who were completely dead to him. I would start wondering why my partner has so many bad relationships that resulted in him cutting ties with them all. I don't know. I get exes are a taboo topic, but I just don't see why someone can't be friends with their ex. Especially if both parties have made it clear that they moved on. 乁⁠(⁠ ⁠•⁠_⁠•⁠ ⁠)⁠ㄏ

[@19nmiller1]

Honestly, I would be uncomfortable with my partner being in close contact with an ex and I was sorta on the boyfriend's side at first. Especially since she didn't explain it super well at first (i.e. seeing the ex versus seeing the whole community). But man that fell apart real quick. I hope OP stays safe and gets far away from that monster

[@impishrebel5969]

So you're one of those people who don't believe you can stay friends with people you've dated as long as they're not toxic and it ended amicably.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

Ya because someone that didn't act that way BEFORE she left suddenly acted that way after she got back is sooooo realistic. Put it all into context. She got mad because he refused to sit down and "compromise" with her. Of course, her compromise consisted of her going no matter what and she was going to stay the weekend right next door to her EX. What more was there to discuss or what "compromise" could actually happen??? She literally got destroyed in the comments so in her update, she comes back with this fantastical story of her boyfriend stealing her keys, getting all aggressive at her, and basically acting completely out of character from her original story of him. Classical case of trying to turn the story around to being the victim when she realized how stupid her story made her look LOLOLOLOLOL. I still have to laugh at her edit where she claims all she wanted to do was sit down, talk, and come to a compromise even though she offered NOTHING in compromise LOL.

[@aidenflame1576]

@@thomasjoseph5876imma take a page from your book dumbass: yes cuz its absolutely totally unknown how poeple show their true colours suddenly in TONS of these redsit stories. Ive been listening to these for years and its absolutely possible. IN FACT ive heard people do shit like this MULTIPLE TIMES like omfg like even yesterday there was evidence of one in one of the stpries i was hearing. Lmao bitch they had been dating less then a year clearly if this eas the first yearly visit she was doing. go somewhere with your insanity. She had been visiting for years and was friends with them and it totally ISNT toxic that he wants her to cut off her friendships in the bud. Fucking smh

[@aidenflame1576]

@@thomasjoseph5876 Not to mention COMMUNICATION is the most important part of the relationship. She saw her error im not noticing her feelings and even said she could not go if hed really prefer it. HES THE ONE who sat on his feelings the whe tome. Your future relationships are gonna suck if u think communication isnt important Oh yea also just checked they had been dating for FOUR MONTHS FOUR FUCKING MONTHS BISH YEA CUZ U KNW EVERYTHING ABT A PERSONS REAL SELF AFTER 4 FORKING MONTHS fuckin people now adays aiyiyi

[@19nmiller1]

@impishrebel5969 I mean, that's quite an extrapolation there. I believe you can still be friends with an ex, but I don't know if I'd be super comfortable with it if I was in a relationship with that person. I'm not saying that everyone should be like that, and I do believe some people can make it work by maintaining a truly platonic relationship with an ex. I never said *no one* can do it, I'm just saying it's not my cup of tea. Luckily, I never had to deal with it since my long-term partner and I don't maintain contact with exes, but you do you man

[@MizTameRumors]

Living together after 4 months and he's taking her car key to stop her going out? Yikes. Mask fell off him REAL fast.

[@neutrality8747]

That's actually OP's mask falling off. He never did those things.

[@VidWatcher01]

​@@neutrality8747Dude stop projecting what you did to OP in the 1st story & making her out to be the villain when it was really you

[@neutrality8747]

@@VidWatcher01 Are you on illicit substances? OP got torn apart in the comments on her original post, and lied in the update to get people to take her side.

[@hungrymusicwolf]

Story 1: A perfect example of why you should never be with someone who frequently acts passive aggressive (or insistent after a no). Their wants and needs won't change, but they won't give you a chance to figure out a solution with them and will stew in it until they blow up or find some other unreasonable way of addressing their needs/wants.

[@neutrality8747]

Couldn't be further off the point. OP got torn apart in the comments and lied in the update because she got made out to be the bad guy. She didn't take her BF's opinion into account at all and her behavior is unacceptable. She will not be ready for a relationship until she cuts the baggage "the love of her life" still has with her.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

She just wouldn't let it go. Got what she wanted in the end.

[@hungrymusicwolf]

@@neutrality8747 Same to you, I wholeheartedly agree she was unreasonable, but boundaries are set by communication not acting passive aggressive and stealing car keys.

[@thebestscientificmethod9304]

​@neutrality8747 I don't see it? She actively asked for his opinion which he just responded but being passive and then just passive aggressive. If you have a problem say that you're having a problem

[@neutrality8747]

@@thebestscientificmethod9304 "I can't change it so it doesn't matter." Is a clear indication that he isn't comfortable with her going through with this. In her comment, she stated that she decided to go no matter how she felt. She got torn apart in the comments of her original post, and lied about her bf being insane to try and save face.

[@randalthor741]

How in the fuck did he think that hiding her keys would work out for him? That's straight-up abuser behaviour.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I know right? Even OP was being a little off with the whole thing, stealing her keys was absolutely wrong, and he only succeeded in nuking the relationship.

[@abubarrie88]

Who are these posters giving OP1 such terrible advice just the language alone the use to reposnd to her post is weird, saying I would never “let” my gf do this, like what are you gonna do tie her to a chair, the bf is trying to “cope” with this, he’s not suffering from anything. He’s behavior is juvenile and immature. He won’t go with her, but isn’t wanting her to go either. Its absolutely part of a partners goal to make you feel confident and reassured in your relationship it’s not their job to fix your insecurities, either deal with it or leave. Also stop saying she’s visiting the ex, she’s,going to see her friends and people who treated her like family and took her in. It’s not about the ex.

[@Faolain]

Story 1: As a lesbian, I don't understand the idea that heterosexual people have of cutting off all of your exes completely as soon as you break up. The lesbian community is so small in comparison that everyone is already basically each other's exes and if I cut all my exes off I would have no friends. If we can do it and act like adults about it, so can y'all. It just seems juvenile.

[@blackmesa232323]

If my girlfriend of 4 months decided that she wanted to go see her ex of 6 years, that's the end of the relationship for me idc.

[@neutrality8747]

I'm bi and poly. My partner is also bi and poly. I understand completely why monogamous people expect you to cut off your exes completely. We're able to have other partners, both men and women, because we cut off anyone that makes one of us even slightly uncomfortable. We have built trust by proving that we will always choose eachother. Our community is different from monogamous people that don't actually want to "date". When they're not looking for fun and just want somebody to love and marry, "everybody being your partner's ex" is something they can just skip over in favor of someone that simply cuts ties with exes to raise their value for marriage.

[@amandasunshine2]

​@@blackmesa232323ok, we get it, you're not a lesbian 🙄

[@amandasunshine2]

​@@neutrality8747WHY it happens, occasionally, I can understand. The frequency that heteros do this is what I don't understand.

[@YouArentSlick]

Lesbians also cheat more too, y’all be having the most dramatic relationships so maybe not the best example

[@Jorge.Painkiller]

Story 2: If my partner had an affair, I will fight to get full custody no matter what it takes

[@strandedinseattle9931]

That's a nonsensical declaration, since custody with both parents is for the child and their healthy development. Why would you punish your child for your spouse's infidelity to you? All your statement says is that you are selfish and would use your child as a pawn to strike against your partner if they betrayed you. Way to go, you.

[@Jorge.Painkiller]

@@strandedinseattle9931 you're full of BS. Why would I let my cheating partner parent my child? That is not selfish at all. How is keeping a child from an unfaithful parent a punishment for the child?

[@bhart3321]

Here here. Why should I pay her for breaking up our marriage. Keep the kids she can get every other weekend like most men are just given. It's ridiculous that 50/50 isn't the norm but hey whichever partner cheats shouldn't get primary custody as they clearly make poor life choices & would have to prove they have changed before I would let them have 50/50 custody.

[@randomusername3873]

​@@strandedinseattle9931why do you act like preventing the kid to be around an evil person is bad?

[@aluralovell6829]

​@@Jorge.Painkiller What you're saying is a pride thing and actually has nothing to do with your children. You're hurt that he betrayed you which sucks but has no bearing on them as a parent. You can be a bad partner but a good parent, if your partner has been a good parent to your child, you wanting to take away custody because they hurt you is very selfish, you are thinking about you, you're not thinking about your kids, you think you're thinking about your kids, but you aren't. Unless your ex proves themselves to an unfit parent which as much as you don't want to hear it, no cheating does not constitute being an unfit parent.

[@piratsnygg]

Wtf is wrong with all the immature people bashing OP in the first story? The relationship was a million years ago, and the fact that they were so young when they dated should be an indicator of how over each other they are. People change a lot during those years, and feelings and relationships with them. I had a boyfriend who turned into a friend, who then turned into family. No one I've dated after him has been jealous, cause they can tell the kind of 100% platonic relationship we have. I'm guessing those commenters are very young though, so they still have time to grow up.

[@truthseeker9249]

Or people who are still bitter as far as their views on love. I'm pretty jaded too but not THAT jaded.

[@Rogue-bt4wp]

That's because there are too many boys playing at being men. OP also explained how his parents took her in and raised her and helped her through the worst time of her life. She was expected to just drop them, drop the only parent figures she's probably ever known because of a boy's insecurities who can't even communicate like a proper adult. Not to mention that they have only been dating for 4 MONTHS!

[@haroldvazquez]

​@Jay-bt4wp if he didn't like her visiting her ex he should have simply broke up with her. He really doesn't have to accept her visiting the ex.

[@Rogue-bt4wp]

@@haroldvazquez that's exactly my point. Instead he chose to act like a child

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

Wow story 1.... there's insecurity, and then there's insanity. I'm glad OP got out of there while she was still able. Honestly I don't really think she was selfish or wrong in the first place. Yes, being friends with an ex requires a lot of extra communication and trust building in the current relationship, but I hate it when people make blanket statements like "no one should ever be in contact with an ex." Sometimes people do just grow apart and it's okay.

[@TrueBlunty]

nope she played "fk aroun and find out" everyone knows when women speak o exes somthing always happens this is a known fact. she wants to still be around him well fine now she can all she wants. if she truly wanted tha relationship no other man would be able to say hi to her let alone her ex lmao. she is a 304 tryin t get pity for getting caught

[@neutrality8747]

Lots of delusional people seem to think it's acceptable to visit exes. It is not.

[@miminana-hd6nf]

@@TrueBlunty hahahahaha

[@vk4165]

​@@TrueBlunty​ "everyone knows when women speak to exes somthing always happens this is a known fact." Hun, speak for yourself lmao. And careful, your insecurities are showing. People can ABSOLUTELY be friends with their ex. And isolating your partner from everyone and anyone of the opposite sex is abusive behavior.

[@miminana-hd6nf]

I have been with my husband for over 40 years, he has NEVER told me who I can, and can't associate with. we trust each other. The comments saying they would never allow her to maintain that contact were way off base. That kind of control is very dangerous, and concerning. I don't see anything wrong with OP maintaining contact with these people.

[@spinshocker]

The comments in story 1 piss me off so much. The whole point of the post is that OP is trying to communicate with her boyfriend and he’s refusing, yet somehow Reddit twisted the problem into HER not communicating well enough. In the update, you can even see that he uses that exact sentiment against her to blow off her correct concerns that this was going to continue to be an issue. And then someone had the audacity to say she “still communicated badly” after everything he did! This really feels like a case of society putting the onus on women to do all the emotional work while men are allowed to sulk and act pissy because they “can’t control how they feel.”

[@marieantoinette1360]

I think he's communicated his feelings very clearly

[@miminana-hd6nf]

OP should have gone for full custody. When the wife has to choose between her daughter, and the affair partner, you know she will choose the affair partner and OP will end up with full custody anyway. If the wife really cared about the daughter she would not have had a long term affair and destroyed her marriage.

[@randomusername3873]

I'll never understand why people are so desperate to keep their kids around people that hate them and have no morals I guess it's a result of the "be the bigger person" subculture

[@bhart3321]

Here here. Agree 100%

[@moshigal156]

It’s honestly crappy that so many people gave OP crap for keeping contact with her ex’s family. They were together for FOUR years, that’s not an insignificant amount of time and OP continued to remain close with the family for the next 6 years, so that means they’ve been OP’s family for a decade at least! How jealous an insecure do you have to be to insist that your significant other of just 4 months, cut contact with people who are at that point are family in every way but blood?? I hate this whole expectation that once you break it off with an ex, you’re just supposed to never contact them again and act like you were never together. If the relationship was healthy and you both mutually agreed to part ways amicably, then I honestly see no reason why you shouldn’t be able to remain friends with them and keep in contact so long as you’re both comfortable with it and have proper boundaries in place. People have lives and pasts outside of you, and if that’s not something you’re comfortable with then do yourself and your partner a favor and just break it off. Don’t do this petty passive aggressive BS of acting like everything is fine when you’re clearly angry and upset about it.

[@agentzapdos4960]

That's just how men are. They view women as their property, and they see it as an infringement on their property rights if they can't use her however he wants to and if anyone else is allowed near her.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@agentzapdos4960 Its nice to have a parter that isn't still hung up on an ex. Its a sign of someone that can't let go. No need to keep that kind of drama around.

[@biggysmallz40]

​@@agentzapdos4960wow that's a little messes up you just put a blanket statement on all men like that.

[@rekslegiune6004]

Another m2 feminist.

[@TypicalTroglodyte]

Story 2: op should definitely try to get some money from ex wife. In a lot of places ending a marriage bc of cheating could lead to a pay out

[@bhart3321]

At least he should get some alimony & some child support since he has her 5 days a week. He was literally doing all of the heavy lifting while she was going out getting her back blown out FOR 4 F*CKING YEARS. It's funny when women are on the receiving end of alimony & child support there's absolutely no shortage of women screaming patriarchy & male privilege. Just look up any story online about Halle Berry or Adele where both have to pay alimony & child support to their exes. Funny how when courts are actually being fair it's somehow misogynistic.

[@KeevaTheFirstRival]

I felt like I was drinking crazy juice reading the comments to the initial post of Story 1, people were acting like it was entirely reasonable to tell OP to completely cut contact with SO many people from her social circle.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

Me too... what?

[@arleneclark6369]

That's because all they focus on is the word Ex, they don't take into account the other people she'll be seeing, her friends, his family(who are like family to her) no they just hear the word ex and focus solely on that.

[@JK-sh8rc]

Maybe next time OP shouldn't let future partners move in so fast. Geez......

[@robertx8020]

@@JK-sh8rc This AND next time just tel you 'BF' you're going to visit your friends and family!

[@nationalsocialism3504]

Because that was her primary focus... you have to be really stupid (man) or deliberately disingenuous (woman) to not understand what OP motivations are for going. I was shocked at how the comments were so logical and accurate... then remembered it was Germans commenting which makes sense.

[@randomusername3873]

I mean, if op was waiting to go at that event and wasn't going to stay at her ex's house, why the hell did she keep talking about visiting her ex? That's really weird, no wonder the guy was suspicious Then he turned out to be insane, so at least there's that

[@Ashbrash1998]

Some people use the term visit because she was going to see him there and talk with. Granted it also involved other people

[@littlegreycat]

10:54 she doesn't trust her own judgment but she knew at least subconsciously that since he was being passive aggressive that it was going to spell bad news sooner or later. All the people automatically lambasting her without understanding this did her a huge miservice.

[@bessieburnet9816]

Yeah, break up. If he refuses to have an adult discussion about it, then it's clear he only wants you to comply with his demands obediently like a good little girl.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

I have to laugh at how fake that update was. She rightly got DESTROYED in the comments of her original story and she HATED THAT. She hated that EVERYONE realized she was the "Baddie" in the story. So she comes up with an update of how aggressive he got hiding her keys and throwing things at her to make herself out as the victim and him as a MONSTER even though that is a complete 180-degree turn from her original story. This is a classic Narcissistic move on Reddit that we have seen countless times before when an OP who gets railed in the comments comes back with some fantastical story of "abuse" just for sympathy in the comments. I love how she just wanted to sit down with her boyfriend and talk to find a compromise even though she offered NOTHING in her compromise. She was STILL going to go and she was STILL going to stay next door to her EX. I say the OP LIED and the boyfriend dodged a bullet. The OP was even too stupid to realize she got dumped by him when she left that weekend. LOL Boyfriend acted like a Boss. He didn't demand, he just checked out of the relationship LOL.

[@agroteraaaa]

​@@thomasjoseph5876 you seem annoying.

[@lovelywolv]

Ignore the comment above mine they're being a troll and copying this into everyone that thinks OP was reasonable.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@lovelywolv Well then, it should be very easy for you to show me wrong. But nope, you know I am right and it makes you mad. So mad you are whining about it and me. Almost like you have behaved similarly to the OP in the story. Hmmmmmm.

[@jedimasters1462]

​@@lovelywolvExcept that it's still very possibly real that the update was a complete lie. It really has happened before. To really know, we need the bf's side of the story as the truth is usually somewhere in between.

[@emzkinz]

I'm glad OP got out of that relationship. Like yeah, visiting an ex would be weird, but him hiding her things to control her and then throwing things at her is dangerous. I wonder how long he could have hidden his controlling and abusive tendencies if she hadn't had those plans before getting with him.

[@jtcookie96]

Honestly both suck.

[@MiniKitty27]

truuuuuuu god OP really dodged a bullet with that one

[@idkmang203]

Damn for the first one if she wants to be disrespectful and spend a weekend with her EX that’s on her but he should’ve been an adult and just ended it.

[@bhart3321]

True, but then again she could be an unreliable narrator too. She could've made it all up to paint him as the bad guy when if you look at the actual post apparently she was raked over the coals for being disrespectful to bf. Her only solution was to come with her & act as her warden, she wanted to make him responsible for her not having the chance. Besides really never occurred to her how unbelievably awkward & uncomfortable staying in a house of her ex's family while he lives next door. Yeah she's an idiot & disrespectful ahole.

[@bluebeanie561]

People says don't be friends with exes but what if they are friends first and being a couple came later? That rule of exes majority from what I've seen applies to exes that there wasn't a friendship before, exes whom cheated, wanting a clean slate, or the relationship didn't end in good terms.

[@Barlmoro]

the thing is we hear and or saw too often following: one side is still friends with ex. the couple has a fight and the partner run to his ex for help. things get his way and the have s3x. next day partner crawls back to confess or try to hide it and get panikmode cose his/her mind screams cheater! thats why it is a very delicate thing to have an ex as friend, cose the ash of the old relationship can reflamed in a hard time.

[@LadySingingWolf]

Right? I'm still friends with an ex. I don't talk to him frequently, but I still consider him a friend and he still considers me a friend. We dated for a few months, but come to realize we're better off as friends...which you know...is kinda the point of dating! He has a wonderful SO now and I probably talk to them more often than him! lol.

[@agentzapdos4960]

It's because men can't stand the idea that someone used their property before they did. Men consider their girlfriends and wives to be their personal property with which they can do whatever they want, up to and including murder. Killing your wife (and children) wasn't even a crime until the late 18th century, as it was seen as the same as killing off sick livestock.

[@BrianLiamson]

Story 2. It's sad that your wife had been cheating on you, leading to a broken and divorced relationship. At least be encouraged by this. Infidelity at its root is a lack of morality and loyalty. Since he can cheat with her, he will cheat on her. Without fidelity, her new relationship won't last. Because a cheater who does not have moral standing will later cheat again.

[@strandedinseattle9931]

That's not the only reason why their relationship will likely fail. She was only reliant on her affair partner for (hypothetically) 20% input (sex, fluffing her ego, being a secret partner) while they were a dirty little secret, while OP provided 80% relationship, home making, and support which she required for her daily life. Now that she lost her 80%, she is going to look for it in her affair partner. That is why she is moving in with them, however affair partner is only accustomed to meeting 20% of her needs for four years, how do you think they will handle needing to meet her 100% demand 24/7? That's why they will fail, more than likely. She will, inevitably, need to look outside that relationship for someone else to pick up the percentile of sex and relationship which her affair partner can't sustain or provide her indefinitely. She is going to put him in a similar position she had put OP, more than likely, once the novelty wears off of living with them and realizes her needs aren't being met.

[@VictoriaWilder13]

People who think you can't be friends with an ex, especially SIX YEARS after breaking up are broken and sad. His family was her family. The friends she had there were his friends, too. And they had zero romance in six years. The fact everyone ignored that this was a 4-month relationship and he was already using manipulative and borderline abusive tactics is sickening. People need to grow up. You can be friends with an ex. Just friends. And that's okay. I could never be so childish with my partner. Ew.

[@VictoriaWilder13]

Finished the story...he crossed that borderline. Who's surprised?? Called it at "I have no choice". Once again, ew.

[@DaniS398]

ugh! That woman's excuse of not feeling attractive after having her baby is such BS. Most women feel this way, but get through it without cheating. She's selfish. That's the whole of it. She didn't think about how this would hurt her husband or upturn her daughter's life. All she was thinking about is what SHE wanted. Disgusting.

[@colleens1107]

Story one: wow I have never reversed my position so hard before. I was on bfs side until that absolutely bonkers update. Like all bf had to say was I’m not comfortable with you staying with your ex and we’d be, well OF COURSE he’s not ok with it. What he chose to do and his response to being dumped was genuinely frightening. Glad she’s rid of this nutjob

[@MiniKitty27]

the passive aggressiveness was a huge red-flag for me, the boyfriend knew from the beginning of the relationship that OP was still close friends with her ex and he was fine with it, why after 4 months is it suddenly a problem??

[@davidnash8208]

What he did was wrong but that doesn't alter what she did.

[@MiniKitty27]

@@davidnash8208 ??? what did she do?

[@davidnash8208]

@@MiniKitty27 It's in the post

[@jamesroyse201]

“I’ve never given him a reason not to trust me.” Apart from wanting to go stay with your ex boyfriend?

[@hypocrite4318]

i seriously think people who are unconfortable with people being friends with exs need therapy its not normal to be outwardly insecure. no its not a "healthy boundary" its insecurity bc why tf would you be with someone you can't trust to not run back to said ex. Embarrassing truly.

[@neutrality8747]

The vast majority of people disagree with you, you are in the minority.

[@hypocrite4318]

@@neutrality8747 which is exactly my point insecure people are everywhere and wonder why they are unhappy in their relationship that has nothing actually wrong w it. People need to swallow some of their pride and get over themselves. My main point is why bother being in a relationship if you can’t trust the other person. There is no “I trust my partner I just don’t trust x person” that literally means you don’t trust ur partner to not cheat.

[@damien678]

Also what's the point of dating someone you can't trust?

[@neutrality8747]

@@hypocrite4318 They're not unhappy in their relationship, they've just moved on to find somebody that cuts ties with their exes because they value their partner's security. Don't do things that give your partner a reason not to trust you and this won't be an issue. Boundaries exist for a reason, respect them or be 30+ and unmarried.

[@neutrality8747]

@@damien678 There are plenty of men and women that simply cut ties with exes out there, they're more valuable for marriage.

[@nomnomgoblin8901]

Why is it considered normal to completely toss somebody out like a lepee if a relationship dissolves amicably? Like yeah boundaries are a thing but acting like she's a monster for maintaining a positive relationship with platonic intentions? Stay classy reddit.

[@TheBlueDsc]

Lotta people are just bitter and refuse to accept the reality that amicable breakups are a thing. They think if you break up with someone, you've got to cut that person and everyone involved with them out of your life entirely, otherwise, you're obviously not over them and will pine over the relationship. Like, sure, pining over an ex isn't an uncommon thing, but that doesn't mean it's how every situation is. If you go into a relationship with someone and know that person is friends with their ex, if you're not okay with that fact, don't continue the relationship. If you continue anyway with the plan of making them drop that person, you're just setting the relationship up for failure.

[@trose5213]

Agreed. I dated my ex for 3 years but it dissolved amicably. We still care about each other, there were just several things that made the relationship not work. At this point we’ve been platonic friends for longer than we dated. I’m not sure why people think you have to give up people you care about when both parties have completely moved on.

[@AngelaNortonTyler]

I couldn't believe the advice to that young woman. It's always about women giving in and giving up what they want for some dude's lil feelings.

[@ghost-husband]

exactly, i don't get it. if you really trust your partner then i don't see what the problem is.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

Immaturity mostly. Many people even in these comments can't grasp the thought of being platonic with a person you used to fine attracive either romantically or sexually.

[@avencree]

The whole story I fucking called it. Boyfriend shows red flag behavior; giving the silent treatment, refusing to talk about the problem, makes passive aggressive comments and remarks, and acting like they are fine when they obviously aren’t. Yet Reddit does what it does and scold OP for committing the sin of keeping in touch with an EX they had a amicable break. They have no feelings, is more interested in keeping in touch with their support network, to me, not a dealbreaker. And lo and behold, his behavior escalated. Fucking. Called. It. Suddenly the comments are saying she made the right choice and good for her for getting out of a bad relationship. Fuck y’all Reddit.

[@dougretter]

Going to visit her ex was stupid an d a deal breaker, regardless of what the immature boyfriend did. She was a fool for visiti ng the ex, if she cared about the BF.

[@EnderCreeper168]

​@@dougretterthe ex, family, friends, her community she moved out from. People need to stop.acting in bad faith and pretending she was going there iust tonsee her ex lmao

[@avencree]

@@dougretter So you're cool with her boyfriend being abusive? You're ok with him having the capacity to enact violence on his SO because she did something he didn't like? That her action were on the same level as him giving her the silent treatment, being passive aggressive, stealing her car keys, GETTING VIOLENT DURING AN ARGUMENT, and going on a ten minute tirade about her being a slut when she doesn't forgive him? Weird. That's just weird. Her caring about him? Um, what about him caring about HER? If he cared about her enough and wasn't such an insecure jackass he would have accepted her invitation to going with her to visit her family and friends. The fact that her ex was a part of that group was circumstantial and not intentional. She wasn't going to see JUST him. Or did you blatantly miss that part? What was stupid was him thinking being an manipulative violent fuck wad was the correct response to this situation. This is NOT about how much was cared for him, that was never the issue.

[@VidWatcher01]

​@@dougretterwho hurt you?

[@sadisticrage2090]

ARE YOU GUYS THE SAME ONES THAT WOULD FORGIVE HER AFTER SHE COMES BACK AND SAYS "I ACCIDENTALLY CHEATING BECAUSE I HAD TO MUCH TO DRINK. YES, HE IS AN A$$HOLE, BUT NO DUDE WITH SELF RESPECT WOULD BE OK WITH VISITING AN EX.

[@ayanaatthrivebewhole]

With story one, I feel like people were stuck on OP's behavior, and not seeing the red flags coming from her partner. He had every right to be upset, but she made multiple attempts to try to talk to work through it calmly, trying to offer compromises, and explain, and work with him, he was never willing to do that. He was being passive aggressive, and sitting on his feelings instead of communicating in a healthy way. Passive aggression is aggression. Excuses on his side will be that she should have known better, and been a mind reader, and that is always a sign of emotional immaturity. After only 4 months of dating was a huge red flag as well! As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, the outcome made me sad but didn't surprise me. I'm sorry for OP.

[@gigicat3943]

He HAS talked about it - he's not comfortable with it and HE can't change it. What compromise? She goes or she stays home. OP has a need to hang onto her trophy. Why would new BF want to meet the ex? The BF dodged a bullet here!

[@ameixsell]

Yea, she offered no compromise, it's not a situation where compromise was readily available though. If she didn't go she would be resentful. However, since she's so intricately tied to her EXs social group (she states it in the beginning of the update, she goes to see his friends, and sees someone from that group every 2 months) and she's staying next door to him. Her compromise was either she goes or she doesn't, which is close to an ultimatum. There's been many posts were the OPs are buttholes but then the update the other people go crazy, so their no longer the butthole

[@Tr_1391]

What compromise? She was hell bent on going no matter how he felt about it.

[@jedimasters1462]

He was in a losing situation no matter what. She was going to go even if he asked her not to, or she would have resented him for asking. If she hadn't kept saying that she was going to see her ex and instead said that she was returning to her hometown for the festival, it would have been better received by her bf. She is still in love with her ex.

[@sambhawmaharjan8562]

Another story where after getting negative comments in Part one.... all of the sudden in the update, the other party acts really weird and detestable forcing readers to ultimately side with OP.. Happens alot in these stories

[@ddavis8988]

Story 1: OP was never willing to negotiate. And that's her right. No matter what dude said, she was going to keep doing it. Like i said, her choice and her right. Seems like ex bf had some built up red pill rage. Personally, if i was in the same situation as him, I'd simply tell her that is not something I'm comfortable with and if it was that important to her, then she should do that and we should go our separate ways.

[@janecooper2383]

Granted I'm in my late 40's... My ex husband & I live next door to each other. No issues. We aren't friends just quiet neighbors. Maybe grow up?

[@Icykeiyra]

I agree 100%.

[@rekslegiune6004]

Atlist you want have problems if you got bored.

[@janecooper2383]

@@rekslegiune6004 I'm never bored. Lol

[@luvondarox]

Story 1 BF sounds like he took a page from Edward Cullen's book and decided isolating the GF and removing independence "privileges" was appropriate behavior. Wtf. Get out, hun.

[@invisigoth510]

Story one: I’d almost be tempted to tell the BF, “I’d rather die alone than spend one more moment with you” But given his temper tantrum I wouldn’t want to risk him murdering me

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

She was very smart to have two friends with her when kicking him out.

[@Azulakayes]

Men are 2.5 times as likely to die alone in hospice care with no family or friends than women. It is mainly because even as women live longer, they cultivate strong social support networks. Anytime a man says a woman will die alone, the correct response is to cackle at him like a witch until you are out of breath...and still you won't die 😂😂😂

[@neutrality8747]

If you're a woman that thinks visiting an ex is acceptable, you likely will die alone.

[@Azulakayes]

​@@neutrality8747😂😂😂 🧙‍♀️ 🧙‍♀️ 🧙‍♀️

[@Daaaanielle]

@@neutrality8747you are going to have so many issues in relationships. Lol

[@jeffs7573]

Story 1, I was engaged to this young lady after a little over 3 years of being a couple, she broke it off due to her feeling that she was too young to get married. We split amicably. I did however stay in contact with her parents and 2 of her siblings as we had developed friendships over that time. There were occasions that we saw each other at her parents when I went to visit them. There is no way in hell I would get back together with someone who has/had broken up with me. If they did it once they would do it again and that’s not how I roll. Her dad did say to me years later that he had wished that her and I had got married.

[@jasonhammond4301]

I hate what reddit did to the first OP. They gaslight her to the point that she fell for their toxicity. OP should never have felt bad for communicating with or visiting a very good friend just because she happened to date them for a while at one point. A note to Reddit: Ending a romantic relationship does not automatically mean in any way whatsoever that you have to immediately cut contact with that person. There is no reason in the world for that nonsense.

[@LadyGoddessSephiroth]

I'm a redditor and yeah, those people are bitter and have absolutely no idea how relationships work. A lot of them are toxic, have trust issues, are abusive and feel entitled. The first commenter nailed it: "I'd never LET MY gf go to her ex" Dude your gf is a whole ass adult. She doesn't belong to you and doesn't need your permission to do anything. That's what a lot of them think a relationship is: ownership. Control. They're insecure and it shows. My person still takes care of his ex-wife. She's handicapped and the mother of his child. He goes over there and does things for her all the time. I encourage it. She freaking needs help and they have a whole ass child together. According to reddit that's a red flag and I need to stop "letting him" go over there. 🙄 Yeah if I wanna blow up my happy relationship I'll do that.

[@heathercontois4501]

Story 1-I think OP needs to learn to change relationship title from "ex boyfriend" to "old friend". If she still has feelings for her ex, she needs to just address it. Her new ex now seems like she dodged a bullet thanks to this issue.

[@Clopez9000]

I agree with the first comment, "first the communication failed, then the relationship failed." I dont agree with the ex's decisions afterwards, but i also see why everything fell apart in Story 1

[@boneymeroney2674]

I have ex's I am friendly/platonic with decades after the break up. We're adults. They moved on, and so did I. 😂.

[@hirohiroarikawa6806]

Yea I’d would be thinking of leaving e relationship if OP went to see her ex. But once explained I’d be fine as they are her second family but her current BF is being very controlling and being a jerk for stealing her keys and purposely leaving them someplace else Also OP should have gotten full custody of there daughter while his ex gets visitations but bcz she make more and cheated she should pay alimony and child support, she is a disgusting human being and I hope OP tells his daughter why when she’s an adult so she can make the choice of letting her mom be apart of her life

[@Guitarbarella]

Pretty much first story the guy sounds like a covert narcissist-he moved in with OP within 4 months? Wow! Then does the whole gaslighty thing and stomped on boundaries-first rule of weeding out narcs you first meet and you need to find out if they are only in the lovebombing stage-ask for a boundary and if they object or do what he did-run. Oh and let’s just gloss over the part reddit where she invited him and he had prior commitments but they seem to have disappeared once he stole her keys!

[@MasterBuilderDragon]

Story 2: Wow. Good luck to the ex in the future when her daughter learns the truth. If I found out my mom not only cheated on my dad but did so for FOUR YEARS I’d want absolutely nothing to do with her.

[@angeleyesgreen1586]

Boyfriend goes from passive-aggressive to aggressive-aggressive

[@neutrality8747]

Nope. He wasn't passive-aggressive at any point, and never was aggressive. OP lied.

[@Cosmiccrying]

It sounds like the OP in the first story didn’t just go “visit an ex” but family, found family is still family and it sounds like OP loves them like a family as well.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

That's what I saw too. OP didn't even want to stay at her ex's place. She wanted to stay at a neighbor's house. I'm so confused.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

That makes it very obvious why someone dating her would very uncomfortable with the situation. There's way too much history there.

[@violetmoodswing666]

Also story 1 hiding car keys and throwing things, run. Don't let it get to were you are dragged by your feet or hair to stay in the place. It takes years to get over it, if you ever do😊

[@kammie225]

its funny how new partners act as if they have any decision over who their partner talks to. You shouldnt have to compromise anything 4 months in, if you dont like it leave. Quit trying to control people you aren't going to win against the guy she's known for years lmao

[@Loverboy0694]

It’s not controlling to decide you’re not comfortable with people seeing their exs.

[@TheBlueDsc]

@@Loverboy0694 It's controlling when you're being a petty child about it, refusing to actually communicate, and then being outright abusive about it.

[@sbr8015]

But she's not going specifically to see her ex. This is more like someone attending a high school or college reunion. People do that all the time and hang out with their friend groups which may include an ex. @@Loverboy0694

[@lynnw7155]

Did the BF move in with OP after 4 months of dating? Anyone can be on their best behavior for 4 months; I'd certainly want to see all sides of a person before letting them live in my home. He could be a serial killer for all you know.

[@Loverboy0694]

@@TheBlueDsc oh absolutely. Everything he did after the update was crazy, but that’s not what your original post said. You said it’s crazy that people try to limit who people interact with in relationships. It isn’t. A lot of making a relationship work is understanding boundaries and accepting that how you act when you’re single doesn’t always translate. Hanging out with people who you have slept with previously or who have seen you naked is a dealbreaker for some people.

[@LisaApril]

Story one: the OP thinks four months is a long-term relationship? No.

[@neutrality8747]

It's because she's got something wrong with her and hasn't had anything more than a fling.

[@mattiekarwin3667]

Was I just not paying attention again or were 100% of the comments on the original post fucking mental? They don't even seem to be in response to the post, and OP gods damn agreed to it!

[@simonO712]

I know right!?

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1(obligatory not done with it yet): "I have to trust you because I have no choice," "It doesn't matter what I think because I can't change it." Bf is being passive-aggressive. "I have to trust you because I have no choice"? Well, yeah, that's how relationships work: You go in trusting the other person to treat you well, not cheat, and hopefully not break your heart, unless/until they do. I also don't have a problem staying in contact with exes, so long as one isn't trying to get back together. She's not just going to see her ex but multiple people from the town, she's not staying with her ex, and she's been nothing but transparent. Bf is this possessive and it's only been four months? Yellow flag to me. Yikes. Possessive and controlling. Time to go. S2: Lack of intimacy, "working" a lot, forgetting birthdays and anniversaries? She's having an affair and already has one foot out the door. You also brought up marital counseling and the issues in your marriage multiple times. You didn't blindside her; she was uninterested in fixing things. She enjoyed having her stability (you) and her affair, and wanted you to just keep taking it. Called it. Sorry OP.

[@aga3852]

Some people are SAD to lsiten to. Have people not had nice and proper Ex's?? Like, ones that can become friends after ending it? Because from the sounds of it, some people think it is impossible to even be in OKAY terms with an ex. Not everyone breaks up with an Ex because there was a traumatic situation. Sometimes, things just don't work out.

[@neutrality8747]

Talking to your exes is bad for everyone. It's possible, it just has consequences that would be better not to bother with.

[@thatjeff7550]

First story: Wow, it amazing at just how rational German folks who are dating can be when working out their differences. (gets to the key issue) Oh. Never mind then....

[@knitwit9447]

Holy shit, i think people arent reacting strongly enough to story 1. OP was in an abusive and manipulative situation. He tried to restrict her ability to leave, tried to cut her off from her family (because realistically, OP's ex's family is her family as well), and got angry enough to throw a plate at her, which could cause serious damage if it hit her head. While yes, her communication wasnt great in the beginning, she adapted and he refused to openly voice his concerns, only act like he had to accept it or like he was fine with it.

[@neutrality8747]

I don't think you're reacting strongly enough to story 1, either. OP was an abusive manipulator. She didn't like how people called her out for abusing her BF in her original story, so she made up lies about him in the update.

[@VidWatcher01]

​​@@neutrality8747 Dude, I'm starting to believe you're the abusive ex bf from story one. You choking real hard on that red pill

[@neutrality8747]

@@VidWatcher01 If the red-pill is phallic shaped and attached to my boyfriend, then sure.

[@Vipre-]

Story 2: He needs a paternity test. Also, good god man you let that go on for four YEARS? Four months of a completely dead relationship should've been raising both eyebrows.

[@BoxOKittens]

Maybe it's because I'm not a jealous person, but I just find it weird how people expect partners to cut out exes and their families. It feels like ownership. Someone still visiting an ex doesn't turn them into a cheater. A cheater will cheat no matter what. If their partner makes comments but won't talk about it that's the partner's problem not OPs.

[@faeb.9618]

yeah same, idk man maybe i'm naive but how do so many people have this many trust issues with their partners that they are supposed to know? like yeah cheating does happen, but what god is living in paranoia gonna do you

[@randomusername3873]

Because many people cheat with their exes essentially

[@justaperson4656]

​@@faeb.9618right? I'm fine with a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, doesn't matter to me. The thing that does matter is trust and communication. If a partner states they have contact with their ex, you as their partner need to be comfortable with that and trust them/their actions or end the relationship and work on trusting people more. Simple as tbh

[@thomasjoseph5876]

It's called setting boundaries. Believe it or not, SOMETIMES people lie and cheat. It's also about respect for your partner and relationship. She said she wanted to "compromise" but yet, she offered NOTHING in the way of compromising. She was STILL going to go and STILL staying next door to her EX. So, where is the compromise??? The fact she offered to let him come with her even though she KNEW he had a prior engagement he could not get out of ??? I have to laugh at her update on how she made her boyfriend the complete opposite of the original story where she got railed in the comments and that made her really mad that people saw her for the nasty CU Next Tuesday that she is. Nothing like coming back with a fake update to try and become the victim and turn the comments to support her. Classic Narcissistic move there. He was such a great guy in the original story, but yet, in her update, he turned into this aggressive MONSTER that hid her keys and threw things at her LOL. Whatever. She was too stupid to realize he dumped her the minute she left for the weekend.

[@eveliinahannele]

​@@thomasjoseph5876controlling who your partner is allowed to see or not is not going to prevent cheating and lying. If you can't trust your partner that much you shouldn't be in a relationship. Trusting your partner is also respecting them.

[@deifieddata4462]

Anyone find it odd when someone gets declared the asshole in one of these and then they immediately edit their post with the other party devolving into a unhinged psychopath

[@francissobotka8725]

Jesus what a psycho .Good for her kicking him out..He's too insecure that he couldn't deal with her having friends.

[@jedimasters1462]

A friend that is her ex that she definitely still has feelings for. In her entire post she keeps saying how she's going to visit her ex and is constantly putting her visit with him. She learned nothing and won't have any healthy relationships with another man as long as she keeps so close to her ex.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

I have to laugh at how fake that update was. She rightly got DESTROYED in the comments of her original story and she HATED THAT. She hated that EVERYONE realized she was the "Baddie" in the story. So she comes up with an update of how aggressive he got hiding her keys and throwing things at her to make herself out as the victim and him as a MONSTER even though that is a complete 180-degree turn from her original story. This is a classic Narcissistic move on Reddit that we have seen countless times before when an OP who gets railed in the comments comes back with some fantastical story of "abuse" just for sympathy in the comments. I love how she just wanted to sit down with her boyfriend and talk to find a compromise even though she offered NOTHING in her compromise. She was STILL going to go and she was STILL going to stay next door to her EX. I say the OP LIED and the boyfriend dodged a bullet. The OP was even too stupid to realize she got dumped by him when she left that weekend. LOL Boyfriend acted like a Boss. He didn't demand, he just checked out of the relationship LOL.

[@myweb4861]

@@thomasjoseph5876 you sound childish. they were together for just 4 months after she was single for six years. just say you hate women and you believe men are better and never do any wrong. people make mistakes and no one is perfect. she repeatedly tried to talk to him but he was also a child and didn't know how to handle confrontation. also you disregarding that after Op got the ytah verdict she sat her bf down to explain why the trip was important is so telling. you may not have people in your life that you care about but that doesn't mean everyone else is sad and without loved ones. you want to believe she lied because you have mommy/women issues.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@myweb4861 NO, that was in her update. NOT the original story. As I said, I dispute the validity of EVERYTHING in her update. Why is the boyfriend so completely different in the update making him a virtual monster than in the original story??? Actual Abusers show a pattern of abuse. But yet, NOTHING in the original story. Doesn't that make you want to take a pause and think about that??? I mean, it is a formula we have seen from Reddit stories countless times where the OP really believes they are in the right and they find out in the comments that not only are they wrong but they basically suck as a human being, and then by some fantastical miracle of all miracles, the other person, usually a boyfriend or husband, acts completely out of character from what they described and turns out to be an abusing monster and then all the comments give the OP sympathy and karma points. LOLOLOL. Suckers. Where was her "compromise" she talked so much about wanting??? What did SHE OFFER in that compromise??? NOTHING. She was still going to go and still going to stay with the ex's family next door. That's some "compromise" right there. In true narcissistic form, she was upset that her boyfriend refused to see things her way. Basically, she wanted him to just shut up and agree with her. He said NO. For some reason, the OP, you, and some other butthurt females and male simps on here find that horrific LOL.

[@myweb4861]

@@thomasjoseph5876 okay just from this I can tell you know nothing about domestic violence and people who abused their partners. The pattern of abuse takes way longer than just four months my guy. Some abusers literally wait until they have you all to themselves, you have no support system, or anyting to fall on and then they start the abuse. Also the simple fact that you are calling other men simps because they understand the ramifications of what happens shows that you may be an incel. I can also understand that you may have been hurt by a woman before but that doesn't make it right for you to spew venom and vitriol on all women.

[@jwbrooks55]

“I gave him no reason not to trust him.” Other the fact that OP regularly visits him and his family. Stays the night in his town. Her BF is right, he has no say in the situation. She would definitely be against him staying the night in a different town with his ex.

[@LovesGaming37]

4 months of dating and they are living together? Rushing much?

[@Carehuea]

The boyfriend was showing red flags left right and centre, and everybody in the comments were saying that OP was being insensitive and that she should cater to her boyfriend’s jealousy, an insecurity because that’s what a good girlfriend does… Unbelievable… The ending came as no surprise to me. But what was surprising to me, though, was how many people were willing to take the jealous and insecure boyfriend’s side in all of this…

[@rebeccaperkins2605]

Glad I'm not the only person thinking it isn't weird to be friends with an ex, like in story 1. Since YT has the benefit of the edits, it was super strange for the BF to not want to go with her, but also not want her to go. She didn't hang out with her ex. She saw him once a year or so at a town festival. Super public. And she didn't stay in his nor his parents house. His parent who raised her for a time when she was a vulnerable child. This also just isn't a standard "ex bf" situation, with the previous points being made. Glad the trash took itself out and that she avoided most of the possible abuse!

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

Yeah honestly I think she did everything she could to make the boyfriend feel comfortable. I can't think of what else she ould have done.

[@Noromyx]

That first story was a roller coaster. I was with the boyfriend when I read the title. I was with the boyfriend when I heard the original story. I was on both of their sides after hearing the explanation and his reaction. I was on her side after the ending. Damn, that went all over the place.

[@SorenPenrose]

I have always advocated for maintaining friendships after dating. However…making a day trip several hours away to an ex’s home…really? You don’t see an issue there?

[@witheredrose357]

no, she was going to a festival where multiple people OP cares about lives, and her ex lives and, she wasn't going to stay with her ex. basically, ex2 didn't want her to return to her hometown because her ex lives there, which is ridiculous.

[@SorenPenrose]

@@witheredrose357 admittedly i missed all of those details

[@damien678]

No, I don't. What's the point in dating someone you don't trust?

[@SorenPenrose]

@@damien678 given the remaining details I am no longer inclined to thinking th gf was wrong here. That being said, if your SO tells you they are going to stay with an ex for the weekend then that isn’t an exclusive relationship.

[@LessaCaira]

She admits to four years but I don't know. I hate to say it and the OP probably doesn't want to consider it but I would paternity test, just in case. If she can lie for that long... who says she can or will tell the truth?

[@bhart3321]

Personally his lawyer should have brought that up & filed for court ordered test.

[@megaspit]

100% chance OP1 got back with her ex within a week

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

My first thought was why can't the boyfriend just visit with op to ease his worries. Then I found out he didn't want to 💀

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

same!!

[@ruthsaunders9507]

Who would want to do that? Sounds like an awful way to waste a weekend.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

@@ruthsaunders9507 throwing stuff at your partner and hiding they keys sounds like a worst way to me but that's up to an individual ig

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 1: OP's boyfriend's behavior at the end was scary, but predictable. He told her every which way possible that he wasn't okay with her going. She wouldn't listen. The men in the comments told her no man would be okay with that situation. She didn't listen. She thought she could explain her way out of the end of her relationship. OP got what she asked for, the end of the relationship. Boyfriend's behavior at the end was not okay, but definitely predictable. In his mind she cuckolded him. She would never convince him that she didn't.

[@TrulySilentLie]

I find it kinda funny, for story 1, the comments before the update all sounded super-possessive, talking about how if they had a girlfriend they would be completely banned from hanging out with an ex. Sure it might seem weird to some if they hang out with an ex, but demanding them to stop hanging out with someone they consider a friend despite the history? Especially if they're open about said history and promising they won't do anything? Red flag, definite red flag. And then with the update, it started out sounding like the BF was far more reasonable than the commenters, but turns out he was just better at hiding his ridiculously possessive and toxic nature :O

[@Solarstormflare]

story 1 taking car keys is a classic abusive move

[@RisetoStrength]

I don't believe it happened.

[@BooSea1342]

Story 1. Man idk why some people are so crabby over being friends with an ex?? Like I understand both points here, but it really just boils down to personal opinion/boundaries which is different for everyone?? I know there's the whole trust issues, insecurity, the media low-key romanticizing getting back with ex's, and all that, but like, there is other aspects to think about regarding that kind of stuff. The relationship before dating (best friends vs coworker), how the relationship was while dating (healthy vs toxic), how the relationship came to end (decent terms/no one truly heartbroken vs messy end/bad feelings all around) AND the relationship of the people around you have towards them/their people (your family is friends with their family/ social circle is close/ your sibling is dating their sibling vs family hates/dislikes them/ different social circles/ friends don't like them). There's a lot to think about when coming to a decision on whether or not you want to keep in contact with an ex. On the other hand, if your SO say that they're uncomfortable with you hanging out with your ex - you NEED to talk about it. No ifs or buts about it. If they even just imply it upsets them - you NEED to talk about it. You need to get to the bottom of why it upsets them, how y'all can fix it/compromise/find a solution, and maybe even try some couple counseling to be sure that you're both on the same page. There's nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with an SO being in contact with an ex, but you can't control who they want to be friends with or claim that they're cheating just because they're friends at the same time. There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay in contact with an ex, but you can't expect your SO to be 100% ok with or call them toxic for being uncomfortable with it either. It's all about opinion, trust, and good open communication (and maybe therapy) I've stayed in contact with an ex for about three years now. We dated for about 6 months, nothing long. We vent, send dumb memes, and once I even gave him some advice on how to ask a girl out. Not very often or for very long, but we do talk sometimes. My folks are friends with his folks, so we do bump into each other every now and then. I made the choice to keep in contact based on the fact that our families are close, he never did anything that hurt me while dating on purpose, and the breakup wasn't horrible. We both realized we worked better as friends than as partners. Does that mean that if given the chance or during a "Moment of Weakness" I'm going to jump his bones? F*ck no! I'm a grown adult who can decide whether I'm going to bang somebody, sex doesn't "just happen" we make the choice. Claiming that all those who hang around their ex will end up banging them is not only a horrid way to think, but also just doesn't make sense to me. It's like saying that divorced exes can't be alone in a room together because they will end up in a bed sooner or later. There are some people who shouldn't be in contact with their exes, not gonna lie, in any manner, but there are some who can handle it without being weird. If you really think your SO is gonna cheat on you with their ex - you need to understand that keeping them away from their ex isn't going to keep them from cheating. A cheater will cheat with whoever is willing - an ex, a stranger, a friend, a coworker - there's is no such thing as a cheater who is only willing to cheat on you with one specific person. If you really truly believe that your SO can/could/will cheat on you, you need to either get couple counseling or break up.

[@draconicfeline6177]

A good point!

[@cycymaca]

*standing ovation noises* Thank you. Finally some common sense.

[@evees1346]

STORY 2 - at first sounded like my marriage (LOL) with some twists here and there, once you have fallen out of love you can get back in love but it takes an effort on both parts. I, as a mom, would never agree to have my daughtr only on weekends, not a chance, i would want her all week its clear that OP's wife has checked out on her marriage and motherhood.

[@haytheresunshine]

Mark thanks for always posting just when I need it, you're amazing. Hey waffle gang hope you're all doing great❤

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hope you're great as well 🧇🧇🤗🤗💜💜

[@TheViiktor95]

I hope you have a wonderful day too, 😊

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 2: NTA Your wife had ended the emotional/physical part of your marriage a long time ago. It is up to you to end it legally, once and for all. You are correct to not fake that marriage in front of your daughter. Kids are sensitive to how others around them feel, and she will resent both of you later in life if you try to pretend to be happily married. Kids are not stupid. Get the divorce, and get full custody. BTW, it broke my heart when your wife said no to taking your daughter to the beach; it seems that she has emotionally detatched herself from not only you, but also your daughter. Go asap. Good luck to you and your little girl.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 1- I'm confused as to why the comments tore OP apart before the update...His remarks were definitely giving off broody martyr vibes and that's major red flag territory.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

She was certainly a giant red flag. It was only four months.

[@heatheraucoin5832]

S2- So the ex wife will have the child on the weekends, a babysitter will be the 3rd parent bc how is she going to spend time with her new man? What if her man doesn’t like kids? Everything was fine bc OP was watching the kid w/o suspicion but now we’ll see if they can stay together for each other and not let this be a “I found someone else that finds me attractive and we love each other” BS

[@bhart3321]

Oh I'm betting it all implodes within a few months. Either AP will bounce cuz he doesn't want the responsibility of 100% of her wants & needs plus those of her child OR she'll discover she was one of many fish he had on the hook & she was nothing but another warm sleeve for him. Wouldn't be surprised at all if she comes crawling back within a year or two if not sooner crying for a second chance.