My Wife Is Being Served At Her Office After I Discovered Her Infidelity r/Relationships

[@HomethaSick]

Always tell the AP significant other that they are cheating. They deserve to know so that they can make their own decisions. God, I hope someone would tell me if they knew my significant other was cheating on me.

[@TheRockinDonkey]

Not if it’s going to screw up the divorce settlement. Once that’s finalized, absolutely tell her.

[@elizabethescalante8114]

​@@TheRockinDonkey Besides, with all this going on and the scumbag not getting his "fix" anymore (for now), I'm pretty sure she's going to find out on her own soon. I hope!

[@fjnxtgdjsjeeh6073]

I am always appalled when the op doesn't tell aps's partner, you're in the exact same situation wouldn't you want someone to tell you? I feel so bad for the dude's wife

[@averycheesypotato]

@@TheRockinDonkeyI don’t get how, exactly. How does the other guy’s marital status affect OP?

[@Mardi87]

@@averycheesypotato not the marital status. op's ex and the ap work at the same firm. most bigger firms have rules against employees having relationships. it is possible that the ex-wive may get a paycut or even get fired for that affair and that would affect her income in such a way that op might have to pay the ex because of the divorce.

[@JasperCatProductions]

Oh sweet lord, this dude has $200,000 and steals from food banks? Has his family harassing you? I’m sorry I couldn’t stay married to a thief, stealing from needy families? Wtf……no freaking way.

[@jameseet]

wtf, this dude need couseling, is this guy panhandeling ......also..

[@damien678]

I can't believe he's this stingy with money but always gets fresh food. A part of being frugal is understanding how important preserving food is FFS. I'm legit so mad for so many reasons at this man

[@curtisalex456]

I don't understand why you would OP remain with such a person. OP has a trust fund and they have been together for 17 years. Was OP groomed?

[@robertx8020]

"I'm not leaving my husband " Thet makes you as bad as him "Well he does some bad things and I don't like him but I will stay with him (and support him) " OP you're the AH too! He is finacially abusing you ...but why should we care if you won't?

[@dk9619]

Food bank story: I'd tell everyone he is doing this. Co-workers, friends, neighbors, everyone!

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

2nd OP should inform the local food banks in the area and expose him, doesn’t matter that he’s her husband what he’s doing is scummy.

[@KyrieChii]

I realize you're being polite, but 'scummy' definitely isn't the word I'd use for this.

[@SappyDuder]

Not just the food bank Blast him on social media too, show everyone that he is an asshole

[@damien678]

I can't believe he's this stingy with money but always gets fresh food. A part of being frugal is understanding how important preserving food is FFS. I'm legit so mad for so many reasons at this man

[@DryPaperHammerBro]

​@@KyrieChii Shitty is a better term

[@KyrieChii]

@@DryPaperHammerBro Yes indeed. What an awful person.

[@cpaul9269]

Just because the right thing to do happens to coincide with sweet revenge does NOT mean you shouldn't still do the right thing. TELL THE WIFE!

[@diarradunlap9337]

When the right thing to do matches up with a sweet revenge, that's called "Divine Retribution."

[@pragatisingh8467]

nah protect your income first. Tell the wife after divorce is done and finalised.

[@cpaul9269]

@@pragatisingh8467 that seems fair to me - as long as she gets told as soon as that risk, if it is one for him, is gone. I have been the last to know once in my life, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's like a second betrayal, as bad as the first. I never spoke the people who knew again ever. but def have to put your own future first - I would understand that in her position afterwards.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@cpaul9269I agree with you. It doesn't seem right to not tell the other person who has been betrayed. Although I do think that you should tell someone ASAP, I also believe that you tell someone without any nasty risks present like in the middle of a divorce because that can screw you over badly. Definitely speak up, but be prepared for the fallout because some people can get very vindictive and vicious when they get ratted out, not to mention there's that unfortunate possibility that the other person might not believe them.

[@miriam9419]

Tell the lawyer to tell the other wife. They can be their lawyer and tell them at a good time for you.

[@averycheesypotato]

Out the cheater, out the food bank thief, out the creepy sister. Do not cover for any of them

[@tracybarber-kier1669]

Well said!

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Hell yes!!!!

[@actuallynotsteve]

How can you NOT tell the other wife. Kind of fucked to not let her know considering how devastated this dude was.

[@jam1494]

He'll probably tell her once the divorce is finalized. It can likely screw him over in court if he does it right away.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

He's not going to do it. It other words she doesn't want to be the one to destroy her family life he wants her to do it on her own. This is a guy who wants to leave his marriage with very little to no drama.

[@fjnxtgdjsjeeh6073]

honestly that bugged me so much, he could save her from so much heartache and he knows exactly how she feels I don't understand how he could just let her keep getting cheated on??

[@pippo17173]

@fjnxtgdjsjeeh6073 I guess he didn't want the drama to follow which is bs as you can block everyone and change numbers.

[@actuallynotsteve]

@@pippo17173 Yeah, this guy is chickenshit. She deserves to know.

[@MrBizteck]

Story 1 ... Get the divorce then tell the wife .... she has the right to know.

[@ElCid48]

I hope the wife of the AP is a woman who wants to fry both her ex and the ex of OP over a hot fire and destroy them. why bring your AP over your house and sleep in the bed of both your husband and yours. that is crap and I hope she and AP have a hard life together. maybe the AP will cheat on her with another broad

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 husband is an enormous unqualifiably horrible AH. Going to a food bank and getting the food then letting it go to waste?? That's just vile. Especially now, so many people formally doing well became homeless and people like OP's husband steal from them. And on top of it he's controlling OP she would be YTA to herself to go back to this horrible man. She absolutely should report him to the food bank though. I would be outraged if I was operating one and someone was stealing from the intended recipients

[@tgbedini]

I didn't have to get that far; the second she said he goes to food banks while their income is 200K, there is no excuse, no justification. He is scum, he is disgusting, and he is so many words that would get me banned. I'm a retiree who lives on one tenth of that. I have had charitable groups come to my door with bags of food, free, no questions, and I told them I was OK, they should give to folks who really need it. He has no character. OP asks, "am I wrong for wanting some space?" No, but you're wrong for staying with a low life thief.

[@rheahorvath9274]

You are wrong for staying with a thief who steals food from people in desperate need!! It should be reported! Vile!!!

[@jenniferkay9789]

@@rheahorvath9274 reporting it won't do anything. They aren't allowed to turn people away. What she needs to do, is put him and his family on blast, because he learned that, somewhere...

[@kit6818]

In my town theres a buncha folk like this, its a pain in the ass as they get all the allergy free food before anyone else can get to it :/

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@kit6818 That's so horrible. I couldn't imagine taking from people in need

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 2: What your husband is doing is outright theft. Food banks are for those who honestly cannot feed themselves, not for the $200K per year income earners. As a foodbank user, at times, I am appauled. Divorce is the only answer. He stole from a lot of hungry people.

[@YellaBellaReno]

Can’t IMAGINE why the sister and her roommate were fighting. Wow. What truly bizarre behavior. Absolutely nutter butters.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

Ya really. Then his sister comes to the OP's house and fights with HIS roommate. Errr, I mean wife.

[@carolbetarello]

It almost feels like she went there on purpose. She knew she couldn't sleep there and suddenly she's there in the middle of the night? Almost like she wanted to check if his wife really had a trauma.

[@JW-vd4il]

@@carolbetarello yeah, and there is a CREEPY element to it! Heck, I don't have a trauma like the wife's and I'd be mad as heLLo if this weirdo came into my room in the middle of the night!

[@SchoolVideosGoHere]

@@carolbetarello Some people just live to cross others' boundary. They have an irrational response to being told no or that anything's off limits. You see them in all kinds of stories: sneaking ingredients into someone allergic's food, cheating without actually enjoying it, agreeing to something, but then ignoring the terms, etc. You especially see it in people that were the golden child or are narcissists themselves. I dunno if it's nature vs nurture or both.

[@Russman67]

Story 3: You know, call me crazy but I think the sister had a lot to do with that roommate argument. She had one job. One. And she couldn't do it without getting into a fight. Then her and her mother have the audacity to call OP's wife a baby? Sister needs to go back to her apartment and figure out her roommate situation like a grown adult.

[@alarmedregret]

Story 3: This was a power play. She wants to establish herself as the princess in every castle who gets the final say over every household. I'd be willing to bet that's what her fight with her roommate was about. Actually it might be useful to know if it was bratty behavior or something more sinister. I get sleeping in your underwear, but trying steal into someone else's bed requires more clothes.

[@robertx8020]

NO it starts with consent ...even if you would be wearing an overcoat

[@ronhall5395]

This is probably why she had a fight with her roommate. Entitled little princess.

[@robertx8020]

@@ronhall5395 It would not surprise me

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

Story 1: Definitely YTA if you do not tell the wife once the divorce is finalized. Keeping such knowledge to yourself makes you almost as wicked as the cheaters.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Last story. Definitely and without a doubt, NTA. OPs sister didn't care about anything, or anyone but herself. As a child, I had a (thankfully now dead) pedo uncle. He was the classic weirdo uncle that lived at home in his mommy and daddy basement, even though he was in his 30s. I stayed at my grandmother's, and when I was about 8, he started sneaking into my room at night, and I am sure I do not need to go on to explain why he snuck into my room. Anyway, after 2 years I finally got the courage to tell my mom. All hell broke loose, and subsequently he ended up in prison for many years. Anyway, my mother put me in therapy, and I truly thought I worked through a lot of my PTSD. That was until my husband and I spent our first night together. In the middle of the night, he did what lots of lovers do, he tried to wake me up for some lovin'. Well, when he started touching me to wake up, I woke up and lost my shit! I was hollering, I punched him in the face, was shaking, and backed into a corner of our room crying. Thankfully he was able to talk me down. He knew something happened to me as a kid, but didn't know exactly what. So, we stayed up for hours after, and I explained everything. He was furious, and wished he could get his hands on my uncle. After that, I got back into therapy, and my husband made sure he or anyone else did not disturb me while I was sleeping. He spoke to our inlaws (parents and siblings) letting them know a little of the situation, and warned them to never wake me up by touching or nudging me. Well, one of my sister inlaws is very hard headed, and thinks she know best. She felt I should get "used" to people nudging me awake. So, one night she decided she was going to start to help "cure" me. We were at our family beach cottage, and everyone was down at a bonefore on the beach. I, however, was not feeling well so I went to sleep. She came into the room, and started shaking my thigh. I guess she was telling me to go down to the beach. But, I never heard her, because I was too busy screaming, and punching her in the face. I ended up fracturing her nose, and broke her front tooth. She ran out of the house bloody and screaming down to the beach. After everyone figured out what was going on, they all pretty much told her she was an idiot, and she had been warned. She wanted to bring assault charges on me, but MIL told her if she called the police, MIL would crack her other tooth (lol, I love my MIL). Its been nearly 30 years since I married my husband, and with therapy, I have not dealt with a PTSD episode in a long time. I had to fix the issue, because 22 years ago I had my twins, and did not want to freak out if they ever climbed into bed with us or something when they were toddlers. However, to this day that sister in law still steers clear of me when I am sleeping. Lol

[@MH-ku5kn]

Story 2: every petty bone in my body would try to find a way for his workplace to have a Boulanger day at that specific food bank and let him awkward his way though it.

[@Voodoomaria]

Last Story: NOW, you know why sister was having a rough time with her ROOM MATE. NTA, Stand Up For Your WIFE!

[@robertx8020]

Isn't that what OP did?

[@heathermiller5765]

@@robertx8020I think they meant to continue doing it

[@Voodoomaria]

@@robertx8020 YES, and He's a hero for it. That's why NTA.

[@dandotvid]

It's not being spiteful to tell the AP's spouse about the affair. They have a right to know.

[@AWildJirachi]

I agree with the other comments that said to either consult the lawyer first or wait until the divorce was finalized, but I definitely think that OP should’ve decided to tell the AP’s wife. Not doing that…I don’t know, just feels a bit off.

[@AryonaSamoto]

The more I hear these stories the more and more jaded I become. Story 1: I hope that when OP tells the other wife that he gives her all the evidence as well. I wish OP all the best and a bright and happy future. Story 2: I really hope we get an update in the future saying she divorced him and is happier. Story 3: OP needs to hold his ground. His wife needs to know he will stand by her when his family stomps her boundaries. And his family needs to mind their own business.

[@benjamindouglas862]

You know most of these are creative writing exercises, right?

[@Chyronn]

@@benjamindouglas862 Yeah some of them are almost too good to be actual life. Too perfectly structured and no inconsistencies.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@Chyronn I know a lot of this can be far fetched, but life can be stranger than fiction sometimes, especially these days.

[@Chyronn]

@@PrincessQ-fj9ly I don't discount that they're true. But sometimes, they way the stories pan out seems like a screenplay for a Lifetime or Hallmark movie

[@AlexRising_]

Story 2: OP, leave your husband. He would rather take food out of the mouths of actually disadvantaged folks to save a buck, despite the over abundance of food in your home, and controls _your_ spending. He is fully aware that what he’s doing is wrong because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t cosplay as a stereotype of a poor person to get in. He is entitled, a thief, heartless, and financially abusive.

[@dogeman5584]

story 2: just because anyone can get the food dont mean you should

[@fnjesusfreak]

Around here food pantries actually do means-testing and divide their territory so people can't go pantry-hopping. I don't like it but I'm glad they do, because it reduces this kind of brazen shystry.

[@dogeman5584]

@@fnjesusfreak the fact they half to do that is terrible people should know to take only when you need it to survive

[@feistsorcerer2251]

​@@dogeman5584I've worked at food banks and it depends. If they receive government funding and don't have food shortages it can actually be helpful. More people using it means they qualify for more funding and can actually help more people in need. So I have complicated feelings about it. In an area with limited resources or a donation only food back though it's exactly as bad as you think.

[@RockinTheBassGuitar]

Story 2: wow, I've needed to depend on food banks before to make it through; it's an incredible blessing and I'm eternally grateful to the generosity of people who donated. To hear of someone who would take advantage of such places when he clearly doesn't need it is insane. I wouldn't tell the food banks, I would tell the whole community anonymously. Let his friends and coworkers shame him to stop stealing.

[@bryanstoudenmire]

He's sick

[@Nortarachanges]

My friend needed it for a few years and she’s diabetic. Sugar free things and fresh produce was what she needed but wasn’t always available. I can’t imagine going to a food bank for anything less than “I don’t have a next meal” level poor. This guy sounds sociopathic

[@fgentry1148]

Story 2: Leave someone who has no morals, steals food from hungry children. He has no soul.

[@krazycats564]

Not just that he THROWS IT OUT! Imagine taking food from a child and then not even eating it

[@LadyGoddessSephiroth]

Idk how she stayed married to him for 17 years. There is no way there weren't other GLARING red flags in their relationship.

[@robertx8020]

She won't leave him!! OP already said so ..which, IMO, makes her almost as bad!

[@mihalybalint8969]

Story 3. Id bet good money the sister's goal was to "show" that sleeping in the same room with someone is not the end of the world. Well, she got shown what boundaries are. And the door.

[@carrissa8867]

Story 1 I feel sad that he didn't tell cheating husband's wife they have kids and he just left her in the dark it didn't have to be straight away but not at all is a shit thing to do

[@dummygirl1201]

This OP is pretty selfish and self-centered. He only cares about himself and was whining about how his wife cheated on him but didn't do the right thing by the AP's wife, who was also being cheated on, cause, hey, he wants to dip with no drama. This story sounds fishy like one of those that we find out by someone else that it didn't really happen that way at all 🤔 Let's see, she works 80 hours a week but has all this time to have affairs at hotels when he's home. And all of a sudden, she's being nasty to everyone all the time? And he does everything behind her back without confronting her or telling anyone else for almost a year? He doesn't mention any friends at all, either. He only tells his mother after he's moved when she's such a great mother? Yeah, no

[@hdeodh]

S1: If the other guy was willing to destroy my life and sleep with a married woman ... I would nuke his life as well. Family or no.... it is scored earth... I would also informed their job and family after the divorce was granted.

[@juanderuano8969]

Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me, i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, I love her so much, I don't know why i am bring this here for, I cant stop thinking about her

[@juanderuano8969]

@jay pritchett wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?

[@juanderuano8969]

@jay pritchett Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.

[@user-lr7dk7mt2w]

​@@juanderuano8969 dude it's a scam I'm so so sorry for your struggles but throwing money at someone who can't help you get closure will only drain your resources so it's harder to move on If you need spiritual advice try a priest at a church they are free and usually want to help people If you just need someone to talk to try anyone close to you or look for support groups in your area which are also generally free or low cost depending on the people running them

[@kentario1610]

​@@user-lr7dk7mt2w I can't help but wonder if this is some sort of marketing, because I feel like I've seen this same conversation in the past.

[@jessilyngray1223]

So during COVID I had to go to the food bank to keep my kids fed twice. I had gone a few nights without so they could and I would gladly do that. I felt so bad walking into that food bank but COVID was hard on everyone. As soon as we could I took and donated everything I needed and more back. My kids and I have volunteered a few times so they understand that you help those in need like how we got helped. Stuff like that man with no need going to a food bank breaks my heart. That could mean a mom doesn't have to worry for a few nights about her kids eating. Shame on that man.

[@AndyyWithAY]

We need to normalize sleeping in separate rooms for couples. If they both feel good about it, that's fine, but people have different needs. I am a painfully light sleeper and I'm also up and down a few nights out of the month, so not to be disturbed or be disturbing I'm going to have a separate room whenever I get married. And it's so ridiculous that some people take separate bedrooms to mean dead bedrooms. If you can't go to another room in your own home to see the person you married for whatever reason, are you even trying to have sex?? 😂😂

[@tully6648]

That's me and my partner in a nutshell. I sleep lightly enough, and he breathes loudly enough that we simply can't share a bed. We tried-I would be woken up by his breathing and/or snoring and nudge him to roll over, he'd wake up a bit as he rolled over. Neither of us were sleeping well. So I eventually suggested we sleep in separate rooms, and OH MY GOD, our lives got SO much better. My sleep schedule also flip-flops at random, and it just helps that I can go in and out of my own room whenever (he sleeps during the day because he works midnight to 8AM). It should be completely normal for couples to live their lives in a way that works for them, even if that means the relationship is less "romantic." As anyone that isn't sleep compatible with their partner will tell you, it isn't romantic at all to be tired all the time.

[@paden1865able]

My parents had separate rooms for ages and he snored like a beast, plus PTSD from his time serving in WWII. Mom was an extremely light sleeper, she could hear me roll over or pull my blanket up and she'd come to check on me. I was also a sleep walker, so she was hyper vigilant.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@tully6648 so happy for y'all and agree completely. I wouldn't want to be romantic if I'm constantly sleep deprived

[@AndyyWithAY]

@paden1865able And you were in a separate room right? She really was a light sleeper. I hope she gets better sleep now

[@ukchanak]

My husband and I were like that until I realized I sleep better in a recliner. now we snuggle on the couch until i feel sleepy. We have a bed nobody's using in the bedroom, as i sleep in a recliner and he sleeps on the couch. Oh well, at least we'll have a guest room XD

[@bricksloth6920]

Any motive or none, it is meritorious to inform the victim of cheating. Always.

[@MalkavianGhoul]

As someone who has trauma and doesn't sleep next to others because of it and would be FORCED to sleep in beds with others it only made me feel more uncomfortable. Everyone put their own comfort before my own and would tell me to get over it and never took my no as an answer and still they never understood even when explained why I couldn't when I shouldn't have to and no is a full answer. I would never force someone into doing that because even if I didn't have my own problems with it I would try and understand from the other side. Some couples even without trauma sleep better in seperate rooms because then it gives them their own space along with the shared spaces they have in the other rooms. Some couples even will have seperate rooms and then sleep in each others rooms when they need that time together, but then they still have the option to be apart because everyone needs their comfortable space in their own home. Even if it's just a office/craft/man cave etc

[@dracawyn]

Story 2: that's messed up. He's literally taking food from people who can't afford it. I can't imagine anything more entitled

[@BrianLiamson]

Story 1. Almost every betrayed spouse will want to know about their cheating spouse's infidelity. With them being in the dark and others not telling them makes them a fool. The betrayal goes deeper when people knew and never mention it to them. It is a human courtesy out of kindness to inform the betrayed spouse, just like when you see someone walking into traffic and you pull them back to save them. It is selfish to actually not tell the betrayed spouse, because you'll let her suffer and gives her a disadvantage while the cheating spouse has taken advantages in their marriage. The blowup and ruin on the AP's life is just the bonus for you.

[@beeppboopp]

Exactly my thought. Not telling them, just makes you complicit in that shit. You have the ability to help someone. Who is most likely in deep need of help. I can understand waiting a bit if you have threat to yourself, but if you don't tell them period, I find it super gross.

[@The.S.M.Evans.91]

Story 2: OP is right..there are people that really need those resources, and he's just being greedy. Things like that come back on you when you act like OP's husband and family. She should send his picture to all the local food banks so he can't take advantage anymore. You want to save money, clip some coupons smh.

[@Ercarret]

Story 3: My father was once coming to visit me. I was on my PC with my headphones on so I didn't hear him calling, but I had forgotten my front door unlocked so when I wasn't answering he walked in to see what's up. Nothing malicious, just wanted to see that there wasn't a problem. However, having someone touch me on my shoulder while at home, when I live alone, was one of the absolutely scariest things I've ever experienced. I don't have any previous trauma to worsen the experience, but I didn't need to for it to be scary as all hell. I can't imagine the feeling if I'd been in bed and someone had snuck in. Again, even without any trauma, that would have given me a freaking heart attack. WITH that trauma on top...jeez. I honestly have a hard time seeing how I could have a continued relationship with my sister if she traumatized somebody I loved like that, and the parents can go f**k themselves too. But even taking the scary aspect out of it, who crawls into the bed of someone else like that? I've stayed over at my sister's house before, and while somewhat uncomfortable, the couch was ultimately fine. I can't imagine crawling into her bed, let alone her partner's bed. Not in general - as I said, sleeping on the couch was fine - but especially not when I've been expressly forbidden from entering that bed in particular. What the eff is wrong with the sister? That's absolutely mental behaviour. As for the other two stories: you should absolutely tell the wife of the husband that's banging your wife. Getting your ducks in a row with the divorce beforehand is one thing, but not telling her after that's all settled is asshole behaviour. And stealing (yes!) food from food banks is just deplorable. He's a garbage person that deserves to have everything taken from him and live the rest of his sorry existence in destitution, only to find out that the food banks are mysteriously out of stock when he crawls up to them in true need. Eff that guy. Sorry for my somewhat colorful language. I'm just in a bad mood and honestly can't stand these people.

[@GanishTig]

I have a limited income, but I try & donate to foodbanks when I can as I know there are people worse off than me: to hear of some slimeball stealing from those in need makes me so angry. OP needs to leave him - he is not only a thief, but a reprehensible human being. The fact he is also controlling would make me run a mile in the opposite direction. His family are obviously not much better - cut all ties while you can.

[@SkyEcho751]

Post #2: I am fully aware of how bad it feels to be on food stamps(The housing market collapse was hard). Don't simply leave someone like this, report to every food bank in the area what he is doing. Make him get blacklisted from all these groups if possible, because he is abusing charity for his own gain. He is a sharper and deserves to be punished for this.

[@kitarrah1422]

Story 2: What a selfish, greedy, inconsiderate person! 🤬 He also sounds controlling and financially abusive. Divorce him!

[@lisakaz35]

That should be criminal that a guy making $200K (or so) is using a food bank.

[@sylviajones6745]

It is where I live.

[@ElleD308]

#1 story... Wow, man with a spine ❤️❤️ nice to see they're still out there. Mad respect for this OP, tho you should always tell the betrayed wife/husband once you're safe 👏🏻🙌🏻

[@Imthesoulofthes]

Cut out the Trash as soon as possible

[@onnas5610]

I'm always shocked to see it. Especially when the OP takes action right away.

[@anthonym6119]

Way to many cheating and open relationship stories out there

[@ElleD308]

@@anthonym6119 way too many men agreeing to that, begging, humiliating themselves and doing everything to work things out even if that means they live a miserable life used as nothing but ATMs by women who gag when looking at them. I'm so glad men like this OP exist, that he chose his dignity, self-love and awesomenesssssssss over her selfishness.

[@GiordanDiodato]

@@anthonym6119 open relationships only work if all 3 are consenting

[@fnjesusfreak]

As someone who has occasionally relied on food pantries, OP2's husband is - if not literally, at least pragmatically - a damn thief.

[@averycheesypotato]

The people in these stories are horrible. Stealing from a food bank? Crawling into bed with someone who has past trauma, IN HER UNDERWEAR?! Ugh, disgusting!

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: Always tell the other family. First off, cheaters don’t deserve to be protected or get off easy. These are part of the consequences of their own actions! Secondly, I was there once: My ex husband had an emotional affair and propositioned not one, not two, but three other women during our marriage. They all turned him down because *they were friends of mine so they knew he was married* - but none of them ever told me what he was up to. I had to find out by catching him up in his own web of lies. I would want to know, so I could make an informed decision. They didn’t even show me that much respect and took away my choice (they are no longer friends of mine). S2: Well, no, you’re not wrong for wanting space, but what’s your end goal here? You won’t leave him and he won’t stop literally taking food from people that need it. You’re at a stalemate unless you’re willing to set (and maintain) boundaries. Personally, if it were me? I wouldn’t be able to stay married to someone that shitty and financially controlling. He’s not being frugal, he’s being cheap (there’s a difference), and he does not care about anyone but himself (not even you, he tells you he’s going to keep doing what he wants even if you leave).

[@amokay746]

I'm so sorry that that happened to you? That must have felt horrible.

[@KE-hr4sb]

@@amokay746 Thank you, I did feel pretty betrayed for a while. But I’m proud I stuck to my boundaries and left. It gave me the opportunity to find my soulmate. :)

[@Juggtacula]

I can't give OP a pass for not telling the wife. Yeah, distance yourself from the situation, but you're a bad person knowing full well someone's husband is cheating on them, knowing how you feel since it was your wife, and then just letting her be in the dark because you can't be bothered.

[@Muriuki34]

Did you miss the part where it could legally screw OP over ? If after the divorce is finalized nothing is said, sure. But right now ? If OP were to tell that woman, it would be the stupid choice. It could mean a lot more hurt, especially financial, and that's just not right to himself. Honestly? Right now he's making the correct decision. He's protecting himself.

[@theseyi]

The right thing to do would be to tell them. But in his state, to say he’s a “bad person” for not telling honestly says more about you than them. You sound like the kind of person that cuts off friendships and people instantly. People can make bad choices without necessarily being “bad people”. 🤧

[@ivyproductions7097]

@@theseyiNah, OP is a shitty person. He’s not telling the wife not because of his income but because he wants to distant himself from his ex-wife. Not caring about others is the definition of a bad and shitty person.

[@BloodInTheStrawberries]

​@@theseyi Yes, you can and should cut people off instantly if they fück up so badly you can't stand them. If someone is being toxic you have the right to cut them off??? Wtf is your point here? You don't have to forgive anyone if they screwed you over with a life changing bad choice or bad behaviour. People can make mistakes, but that is a far cry from making bad choices. Personally I wouldn't say OP is a bad person, but he certainly fücked up on this front and I'm sure if he waited years down the line to tell the other wife this life altering truth, then she would be upset (as she should be). Taking no action is just as bad as doing something wrong in this case. When you could help but choose not to, I don't blame people being upset at OP as well.

[@anonymouse9833]

OP2's husband is insane. I remember living off food bank food, and seeing people in high-end cars, or clearly well-off, pull up and take all of the bread or cakes or whatever... WE WERE HUNGRY. They were scoring "a great deal" on baked goods. F that guy.

[@gcarr1089]

Story 1 - OP should tell affair partners wife and give her a copy of the file and the number of a divorce lawyer.

[@carrissa8867]

Story 3 nta I hope you're sister doesn't one day have something so traumatic happen to her and then someone she trusts crosses her boundaries and triggers her as someone with ptsd she would be on low contact after that and trust would have to be rebuilt

[@animatorstanley]

My last dog I has since I was 13 and she would attack anyone that tried to enter the room if I or someone in my family was sleeping there. She was a good dog ❤

[@jenniferkay9789]

I'm one of those, who used to use those food banks, and if my husband was doing this shit, I would divorce him, for being such a damned penny pinching thief! He is stealing that food, from people who actually need it! I've seen people like this, at the weekly food giveaways, and it's infuriating!

[@jenniferkay9789]

A lot of those people are selling the food.🤬

[@TheVeggiekat]

Story 1 - OP deciding not to tell AP’s wife makes him a scumbag. He’s now complicit in the affair.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 2: OP is NTA and she has been gaslit so much that she feels guilty about her actions. Her hopefully STBX husband is controlling her finances and stealing from poor people. She sounds like she needs therapy because she's way too forgiving.

[@ahmadyusof2480]

I dont agree with you blaming the wife.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

@@ahmadyusof2480 Not blaming her. Just saying her mental state is sabotaging her own wellbeing.

[@ahmadyusof2480]

@@cjandauntieyaya1446 i see.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 3 NTA people would be surprised at how many married couples have their own bedrooms. It isn't because they don't love each other sometimes they're just different reasons why they can't share bedroom. One might snore and the other might be a light sleeper. They may have different schedules can't get a good night sleep. One might be a bed hog or any other reason why

[@kitarrah1422]

Story 1: She works 80 hours a week? Where did they find the time? Unless she wasn't really working that much. And yes, I would have told the other guy's wife.

[@QAjimine1]

Story 1: I think the best revenge instead of exposing them at work is to file for divorce under infidelity (you will need proof), especially in no-fault states because it becomes a part of the permanent record. So, anyone who does a background check will discover it.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Sending love and light to all of our community. I worked an overnight last night and again tonight. Just trying to get through one more day and night. Blessed be my friends and their families including fur family ❤️❤️

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Have a safe night m8 be careful driving 🤗🤗💜💜

[@marianhoblyn2552]

The sister in the last story is lucky his wife didn't wake up punching. How dare she minimise someone else's trauma. I would never speak to her again.

[@cpaul9269]

Story 2- Holy crap - that is like the lowest of the low - her husband is stealing from starving people! Holy shit! Naw, man - this si a HUGE deal, and I don't think I could ever be with someone who did/does that. That's horrifying - that would be deal breaker, I'm afraid.

[@hyperplaguerat]

If my husband was getting food from a food bank that we didn't need and then wasting it, I'd divorce.

[@HobieInTheBox]

Story 1: ALWAYS TELL THE OTHER PARTNER!!! What the fuck OP, so you get to know you're being cheated on so you can leave, but the other wife can't? Dude???

[@HonorWillow]

Story 1: I really hope the "I'm not telling the wife" stance was just "until the divorce is over" because that's really shitty. I agree that (though it's ridiculous this is the case) telling the wife about the cheating may hugely affect the divorce outcome but like after that? That's cruel

[@onyxdragon1179]

I hope he tells the AP's wife after the divorce is done. She deserves to know - amd of course, revenge is more than deserved.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Last story: There was ONE RULE! Yes, there are people who do sleep in different rooms, even when married. Sister needs to get over her selfish self.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

People that live in the same house and sleep in different rooms are called Roommates. If my wife proposed an idiotic suggestion such as sleeping in different rooms I would be collecting her wedding ring and keys. She would do the same to me.

[@NovaGirl8]

​@@thomasjoseph5876 sheesh. Seen your insensitive ass in another one of these. And if what you said is true, your 'hypothetical wife' would be better off if you left her.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

@@thomasjoseph5876 Then you're clearly not one to respect the boundaries of another person, including said wife. I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't respect me and my own person. And... yep... have slept in a different room in the same house from my husband on many occasions during my marriage. To add, sleeping in the same room with a spouse is technically still a new thing. Many centuries before hand there had been the wife's chambers and the husband's chambers. Only the poor slept in the same room.

[@robertx8020]

@@thomasjoseph5876 So you are single? If not, I feel sorry for your partner

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@benjiro8793 Waking up entangled in each other every morning does lead to "fun morning activities" but sleeping together also creates a solid bond between us that is important for a healthy marriage. The only time we sleep apart is if one of us is very ill like with covid or a bad case of the flu or an injury. My wife loves to be able to touch me in bed all night and I am the same with her.

[@jjm152]

Story 1: OP has a moral and ethical duty to inform the OBS about the affair as not only has her husband broken their marriage vows, OP now knows that he is engaged in risky sexual behavior that has the potential to give OBS a sexually transmitted disease. It's the same as if you find out a friend is an IV drug user - you tell his wife because he is now putting her at risk for diseases like HIV and hepatitis. Let me put it this way - if I caught an incurable and potentially fatal disease because no one informed me my wife was cheating on me, I think I would have an extreme amount of animosity towards everyone who knew and kept their mouths shut. I think most people reading this, including OP would as well. The golden rule applies here - treat others as you want to be treated. Also, the risk of financial damage to him is being dramatically over stated by Redditors, who as usual, have no idea what they are talking about. Alimony isn't decided on if you currently have a job or not, it's decided on earning potential and standard of living. OP's wife is a lawyer, with a law degree and licenses that is currently practicing law at a firm. Even if she loses her job, the judge will (rightly) assume that she can get another one and that her standard of living will be the same, if not better, than during the marriage. At the very most, OP might be on the hook for 90 days of living expenses, but if there is sufficient savings, then probably not even that. Honestly I hate Redditors most of the time. Not only are they typically ignorant, but in this case they gave OP not only the wrong advice morally and ethically, they justified it based on a complete lack of understanding of divorce cases. I also find it really disturbing that so many people seem to have so little dignity that they would sell it for at most a couple of thousand dollars. Have a bit of self respect people.

[@colbylawson5331]

Actually, he has zero obligation/duty to tell anyone anything. If the wife wants to know something, then she can find out herself. I don't know what planet you think you live on, but we're on earth, where people can freely mind their own business. Also, you clearly don't know how divorce works. Not all judges are like that. Judges can use things like that against you. I agree with OP not getting involved. He has his own problems and doesn't have time for other people.

[@jjm152]

@@colbylawson5331 All you've done is basically tell people you're untrustworthy and have low moral integrity. Hey, if you want to live your life like less than a human being, no one can stop you. Good luck with that.

[@MusketeerGweneth]

My mom, my sister, me, and younger brother have been homeless and Shelters and Food Banks kept us all from starving to death when we we all pretty young and we were nearly in the same situation a few years ago during all the fires before Covid started. I know a lot of people did suffer from devastating losses and even more during the pandemic. Stealing from people less fortunate is such a disgusting thing to do! That man is a vile excuse for a human being and OP needs to leave him before she ends up complicating things for herself by giving him children.

[@johnkochen7264]

By telling AP’s wife, she can sue for estrangement of affection.

[@darrylblanch8463]

Story 1. OP did everything right. I'd also wait till divorce is finali(z or s?)ed b4 giving all evidance to the other betrayed spouse. Either include your lawyers card or more likely I'd have my lawyer & female (if your lawyers a male) representative from the P.I.s office deliver it to her. Hell, I'd even pay lawyers retainer for her & P.I.S fee for being there with me so other betrayed spouse has EVERYTHING she needs.

[@TheNormExperience]

What I find so weird is the husbands threat to go to MORE food banks to get back at her leaving because of her disagreement with him fleecing them. That’s literally just throwing away food in order to control her - it’s essentially, “If you don’t come back and co-sign me doing this (taking food we don’t need from those that do), then I’m going to take even more and it will be your fault!” Like…what?

[@cathyholcombe4674]

Story 2: How is he getting away with it? You have to qualify to use them. I worked at a children's home and when we used the food bank, we had to show our special card. (kind of like getting into Costco).

[@sfsin3380]

That's government food banks. This guy is going to public donation charity soup kitchens they don't have the same checks (I'm not even sure it's legal to ask to see the card if your not using government funding) There a lot of homeless people who can't qualify because they don't have paperwork required (the big one is often proof of address, but many also like ID) and these places are supposed to cover them.

[@moonyollie6977]

S1: What a nice shiny spine the OP has! That said, always tell the other betrayed partner if there is one. What they do with the information is up to them, but they have every right to know even if it brings pain

[@madcatlady]

number 2 would be telling everyone he knows with video of him at the food bank, a public place, getting TV stations involved

[@leaflet1686]

Story 1: NOOOOOOOOOOOO Please PLEASE tell the wife her husband is cheating!

[@jenswurm]

Food bank story: He seems to have zero empathy for the people who'd genuinely need that food. That's psychopath behaviour.

[@colleenroux1512]

The second story about the food bank. I work in veterinary in an affluent area... we're talking multi million dollar vacation homes, helicopters and yachts... I will have clients ask about free spay and neuter programs because why should they have to pay for it when others get it for free? 🙄

[@FlopportunityKnocks]

The food stealing husband sounds like a sociopath. He has negative empathy and I'm guessing that he has done even worse stuff, that he has been able to hide.

[@Kelseyzj]

Whether the wife has trauma with sleeping in the same room as someone or not. For a basic stranger to jump into bed with you at night without your knowledge, who you clearly trusted if you didn’t lock the door. Is super inappropriate. But to add the clear rule on top of it?!? Unhinged. Never trust her again.

[@tictactoe325]

Story 2. Basically, that’s theft. The husband is a Major AH.

[@melissawittman]

Story 2: NTA. Leave that man! I am a retired teacher that taught at a school with over 1/2 of our students getting free or reduced lunch/breakfast. You know teacher's salaries, yet I would often buy food items to take to our families in need. I would not be able to eat food from the food bank knowing that I was denying families, children that food. I would not be able to remain with a husband with that mind set.

[@g-saviour6581]

Dont ever take into consideration how your actions will affect the AP because they didn’t give you a second thought when they were ruining your relationship

[@jellyrolljim2462]

The food bank story, I took a friend of mine to the food bank, he can’t afford a car, I saw someone there driving a hummer. I was like you show up to get free food in that. My friend was like yeah you see this thing all the time. Can’t believe people do things like that.

[@wafive]

Story two... Throw a dinner party for all his friends, and family, when they compliment you on the food..... tell themn all exactly where it came from.

[@FirstNameLastName-mg1px]

The 2nd story hits real different when you had to survive off of food banks during the recession (08-09). I remember our food bank ran out of food for the whole month of June and we had to survive off of apple sauce and apricots for a week (we flavored the applesauce and ate it from halved, canned apricots 🤣) My mom literally had to borrow a neighbor's bike, ride the bike 13 miles to a blood bank to donate just to get food for the coming weeks. I really, truly am disgusted by that guy and would leave, especially since he is controlling.

[@ShatoraDragondore]

Story 3: !WITH WIFES CONSENT! Op should fully unload exactly why He and Wife have that rule. That Sister had 3 options for sleeping arrangements: The Guest room, The Sofa, Or OPs Room, that SHE Shot Down, and went for the one room that was 100% off limits to everyone. Sister was aware of why OP and Wife had that sleeping set up and choses to ignore her hosts rules. OP and Wife should press charges on Sister. What she did is Assault, likely given the fact she was in a state of undress, and vary likely touched Wife when she got in to bed there are grounds for Sexual Assault if the Lawyer is blood thirsty enough.

[@carrissa8867]

Story 2 is gross he is potentially taking food out of the mouth of hungry children when he doesn't need it I couldn't be with someone that selfish

[@Dragotto]

Story 2: OP's husband is pretty much stealing from the poor. He should be coupon shopping if he's concerned about saving money.

[@historictruecrime5119]

OP in story two needs to publicly shame her husband in a way that will teach him a damn good lesson. And while she’s out if she can shame his whole rotten family.

[@tess289]

I always love your videos!! Keep up the great work

[@damien678]

A part of being frugal is understanding to not always buy fresh food that'll go bad quickly. It's understanding the NEED to preserve food and use as much of what you get as possible. He's also a massive c*nt for going to food banks when they're that well-off.

[@powellmountainmike8853]

Looking at your background during the story, a winter scene, it occurred to me that you are in the antipodes, and June for you is like December for us weather wise. I imagine the scene beyond the window has the aurora australis glowing in the sky. Neat picture.

[@ra5429]

I would take a picture of him and his car and show all the food banks along with pay stubs and tell them to please refuse him.

[@richardowens3343]

The first guy is a role model for how to keep your composure, remain stoic and bide your time. Losing control and emotional outbursts just give your adversary opportunities.

[@dexterdurst4705]

He's still a coward

[@paulastiles5507]

There is something really wrong with both the husband and the sister in the last two stories. That is epic entitlement.

[@aconvowithcrissee222]

Story 3 is so insane?? Like trauma aside, why tf would she go into her room IN HER UNDERWEAR, while she was sleeping?? like what was the game plan, tell her to leave... FROM HER HOUSE??? Like girl wtf

[@krazycats564]

Taking food from a food bank and throwing it away? That's so messed up

[@hannah27_99]

Last story: wow, if wife was a cry baby, well, sister is a pervert.

[@BrianLiamson]

Story 2. The frugality of the husband has led him to become selfish that he took advantages of whatever resources he can get. This leaves those who truly needed those resources go without having enough. So in his plan to make himself look poor in order to get resources, he is calculative and not caring for others, while even taking advantages of them. This is wrong and cruel. People like him ruin the goodness of the world.

[@damien678]

What gets me is that he's not frugal at all, he lets all that fresh food go to waste instead of preserving it. He's cheap AF is what he really is.

[@mindyschocolate]

S2: that is absolutely disgusting that her husband practically steals from the food panty meant for the actual needy. Absolutely disgusting. What a cheap miser. I’d leave him too, but not without showing bank statements to the food bank.

[@peterwilliams6361]

Divorce is never the way out, My wife and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser,i wasnt going to let my marriage of 18years crash

[@peterwilliams6361]

@EmilioYepez7 well not the orthodox way but i was referred by a friend to a spiritual adviser and healer

[@peterwilliams6361]

@EmilioYepez7 her name is *Victoria Lee Hess* ,and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as caster

[@peterwilliams6361]

you can look her name up online and you will find all you need.

[@jrumans]

Easy to say it’s never the way out. I am willing to bet you’ve never been in an abusive relationship. Nowadays, divorce happens more because the spouse realizes they DESERVE better and refuse to put up with a crappy relationship.

[@judith5187]

I have been seeing a lot of spiritual advisor comment threads (usually copy pasted), don’t get upset and ignore them. They are basically ads and keep ending up on divorce stories on multiple channels

[@JDubs0623]

I feel so early! Hope you’re having a great day Mark! Just watching while I eat dinner today!

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

lol he doesn't have to volunteer to understand, he has to be told, 'it's theft: you're stealing'.

[@waynesnider9825]

Thats something a politician does along with people that are appointed by politicians 😮

[@diarradunlap9337]

Story 1: I would wait until the divorce was finalized, and then launch the ICBM by telling the AP's wife.