Matthew Hussey: The Secret To Attracting True Love That Lasts

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00:00 Intro
01:39 Becoming a dating coach
05:51 Your breakthrough at the Tony Robbins event
13:13 Getting into public speaking
19:59 Stealing like an artist, fears and taking risks
32:31 Rewriting myths about dating & the handkerchief metaphor
40:49 Modern day handkerchiefs
44:33 Two hit theory
53:06 Stages of deep and lasting attraction
01:02:55 The importance of compatibility
01:08:21 Is there a difference between dating advice for men and women?
01:21:55 Your advantages can become your weaknesses
01:34:10 How much is attraction a choice?
01:44:21 Long term relationships & the honeymoon phase
Season 4 Episode 12
Now more than ever dating apps seem to be the sole focus of people’s attention as far as finding relationships are concerned. But mostly it’s because it feels like there’s no alternative. So how do you actually break through the two dimensional world of online dating (with it’s ghosting, red flags, icks and all) and start attracting real-life long lasting relationships? In this episode I sit down for a conversation with Matthew Hussey, one of the worlds leading dating experts and New York Times Bestselling author who has helped over 10 million people get the love life of their dreams. In the episode we start by discussing how Matthew found himself in the world of dating and relationships before uncovering his formulas for getting over the fear of approaching someone in-person, understanding the components of deep and lasting attraction and attracting true love that lasts well beyond the honeymoon phase. Enjoy!
🔗 CONNECT WITH MATTHEW
🎥 KZbin Channel - @thematthewhussey
💻 Website - www.howtogettheguy.com/
📸 Instagram - / thematthewhussey
🐦 Twitter - / matthewhussey
💌 Find Your Dating Solution Here - www.howtogettheguy.com/ask-ma...
💪 Discover How To Move On After Heartbreak - landing.howtogettheguy.com/mo...
🔗 CONNECT WITH ALI
📚 Download my FREE 100 Books To Live Your Best Life Reading List - bit.ly/3UZ85nY
🎥 KZbin Channel - @aliabdaal
🐦 Twitter - / aliabdaal
📸 Instagram - / aliabdaal
💻 Website - aliabdaal.com
👥 Linkedin - / ali-abdaal
📚 RESOURCES MENTIONED
Get The Guy By Matthew Hussey - geni.us/3Z1oAO8
How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie - geni.us/JyR5e
Awaken The Giant Within: How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Life by Tony Robbins - geni.us/l8p1g31
The Game by Neil Strauss - geni.us/oPWZfbg
Lewis Howes - lewishowes.com/
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson - geni.us/IRYqd
Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brene Brown - geni.us/ymrd
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel - geni.us/LRSMIOO
📄SHOW NOTES & TRANSCRIPT
Visit the website for the transcript and highlights from the conversation - aliabdaal.com/podcast/
🎙 ABOUT THE PODCAST
Deep Dive is the podcast that delves into the minds of entrepreneurs, creators and other inspiring people to uncover the philosophies, strategies and tools that help us live happier, healthier and more productive lives.
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👋🏼 GET IN TOUCH
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[@DeepDivewithAliAbdaal]

Go to www.yourheights.com and use the code Ali15 to get an extra 15% off your first quarterly subscription. Go to www.shortform.com/deepdive to get 20% off the annual premium subscription. Go to www.skillshare.com/deepdive to get your 1 month FREE trial.

[@bluebellbeatnik4945]

why can't i save this video??

[@cinthyaraudales5033]

I gave a chance to a guy that was out of my normal. Chemistry took a while to happen. But he made me feel so peaceful. Been happily married for 15 years.

[@Selfgro_]

Greetings! I've gathered self-help therapy tips backed by professionals (link in the bio). Your opinions are welcome!

[@ummagumma00]

"My life gets better as I get better." Love that quote!

[@Selfgro_]

Greetings! I've gathered self-help therapy tips backed by professionals (link in the bio). Your opinions are welcome! 😊

[@PsulOrtiz]

I do not subscribe to that notion at all. Life is really about the same no matter what! (As long as your basic needs are met! After that it is merely a game of ego and how big you want yours to be!)

[@Shwanson4]

Mathew Hussey looks and sounds like if Harry Potter went to the gym and learned game after conquering wizardry school.

[@aoifeaylyamayze6109]

I consider the role of protector and defender as a primary part of masculinity. I'm willing to pay my part and sometimes treat him as well, but a man who insists on paying for me, open doors for me, carry my luggage, etc., is showing me that he is a "real" man who not only cares about me, but also cares for me. He has just impressed me massively. At the same time, when we are at a point where trust is appropriate, I love it when a man can be vulnerable. If a man cries with me, I will hold him, console him, and love him, and likely cry with him. (Note, this is NOT him whining and complaining, but genuinely expressing his unique fears and vulnerability, which are very different things.) It doesn't make him in any way less manly to me, but only more wonderfully human. It is where we meet on a human-to-human level, as different from interacting on a male-female level.

[@kamilamodi9125]

❤️🌸Well said thank you ma’am 😊🙏🏻

[@iwhippedcreamcode4642]

MEN PROVIDE!.... ... (Give Us Loyal Love that's It)....

[@Paula-fd6lj]

I've been following Matthew for 7ish yrs, it was nice to see some new questions being asked to Matthew. Sometimes it feels like you heard him say it all after so many years but Ali you got some new ideas out of his mouth that I had not heard before. Thank you. Matthew as always, you were great!!

[@Selfgro_]

Greetings! I've gathered self-help therapy tips backed by professionals (link in the bio). Your opinions are welcome!

[@Yeodoongiiie]

yeah... i once waisted 5 years.. FIVE YEARS on my ex boyfriend... who only actually were in the second stage with me. chemistry.. yes we dated, he said yes to that part, but there was no yes to a further future. real plans. real adult relationship. more a situation-ship really. he didn't want to build his life with me and we weren't that compatible. do not ruin your precious time when you are only on stage 2 😭 💕💕💕

[@chilloften]

That’s right!

[@TheDevineFempress]

As a woman who was in a 12 year relationship - my first…. And married… and never learned perceived value… you’ve just changed my life.

[@Selfgro_]

Greetings! I've gathered self-help therapy tips backed by professionals (link in the bio). Your opinions are welcome!

[@cishitest]

I love it!!!!! thanks for inviting Matt! Im happy to see the two amazing youtubers, who I follow, having this kind of dialogue!!

[@polishgirlincali]

Such an enlightening talk. Didn't expect to see both of you together having this conversation. I feel so wholesome after watching it. Best wishes to you!

[@susiegawloski9512]

I love 💕 you just for being Polish. Hey Cali, I'm from Ohio

[@Selfgro_]

Greetings! I've gathered self-help therapy tips backed by professionals (link in the bio). Your opinions are welcome!

[@galdevina1224]

Matthew has a star quality to him. He looks like a celebrity. I could listen to him for hours :)

[@saraz4391]

Have been watching your videos for years Matthew - so many lightbulb moments in this video, thank you for the colab

[@teenafrench7236]

Another video saved to my list of great clips to rewatch. Amazing interview Ali💯

[@desertrose316]

"The consequences of not listening to what I'm saying is a life of misery" - I feel like I'm being manipulated

[@daniellesmall2625]

This was such a fantastic interview! I thoroughly enjoyed hearing more about Matthew’s back story and origins. I have followed his work and clever KZbin videos for years, but I felt like I got to see more of his essence here. Ali asks fantastic questions as an interviewer, and holds wonderful space of deep listening to allow for the unfolding wisdom. Matthew practically gives a free masterclass here! Thank you both. Looking forward to part 2!

[@barra1838]

I NEVER KNEW I COULD SEE U GUYS TOGETHER I LOVE IT!

[@badatlanguages]

Ali and Matthew ! my favourite self-development people in one podcast, this has got to be one of my favourites. :D

[@fabfabi70]

This was a great conversation! Thank you

[@TheFrog10123]

Wow this moment is so full circle for me. I used to watch Matt back in high school. And now he is with my crush on his talk show. So cool🎉

[@nikol7951]

Loved the interview, thank you! Really eye opening to more consciously re-evaluate what we value in a relationship and how to improve one.

[@amyfigueroa1911]

Matthew! As you can see I’ve spent my day listening to your videos. I love the point you make about being able to sit as a listener even though you’re separately a coach yourself perhaps. I’m starting my coaching journey now as an integrated attachment theory practitioner, but i never want to stop learning or close myself off from additional perspectives. Love this. Thanks again (and again!) ❤

[@Selfgro_]

Greetings! I've gathered self-help therapy tips backed by professionals (link in the bio). Your opinions are welcome!

[@singer_the_artistic_genes]

Thank you Ali and Mathew for bringing this out. Its precious and will definitely help in a lot of ways going ahead.

[@Selfgro_]

Greetings! I've gathered self-help therapy tips backed by professionals (link in the bio). Your opinions are welcome!

[@kararodriguez7940]

Most of my female friends and I love (from 20 to 30) the southern gentleman because they open doors for you, they help you with anything we need done we don’t have to ask they just help 🥰 we love being treated like a lady 💕 Hello from the Caribbean 🤗

[@fairozjamil2520]

Thank you Ali for bringing him into the show to share about his life work and the topic of lasting relationships! Started watching Matthew few months ago and have indulged on his content since. Been very helpful for me and was insightful to hear him through a different lens like this! Looking forward for part 2!

[@Selfgro_]

Greetings! I've gathered self-help therapy tips backed by professionals (link in the bio). Your opinions are welcome!

[@KenriqueMaling]

Wow! My favourite icons together in one vlog. What a delightful pleasure to see them together in here❤️🥰

[@TheAmnaShafiq]

Wow! loved this talk, incredibly insightful.

[@lifewithaisham555]

Love listening to Matthew! I've been following his videos for almost 10 years!

[@Jen-qb9cl]

Great point Matthew. I’m glad I know him through your channel

[@zaz4jaz]

Love hearing Mathew he’s incredibly emotionally intelligent and so smart. Thanks for all your videos ; they have taught me so much

[@bouchrahoumeur6742]

It was a good talk actually, I engraved some ideas in my mind to reflect on later, thanks Ali for bringing Mathew I have been a fan of his approach for years now, such a great conversation keep up the good work Ali

[@Selfgro_]

Greetings! I've gathered self-help therapy tips backed by professionals (link in the bio). Your opinions are welcome!

[@mousumisarkar2836]

Thank you for this video really grateful 🌼

[@funnygirlever]

So sad but true! Stop choosing people who doesn't choose you.

[@muskan-op7rm]

wtffff Matthew's here.....thank you Ali. 2 of my best people in 1 screen. blessed! We love you❤️

[@IrmaRoma68]

Great information. Dating and choosing a partner should be taught and many years of wasting our time could be avoided

[@Selfgro_]

Greetings! I've gathered self-help therapy tips backed by professionals (link in the bio). Your opinions are welcome!

[@christinarichie6171]

Dating is a new phenomenon. It's all culture creation. Move the herd. Of course you won't be taught anything useful they don't want a happy content/confident/self respecting populace. Far easier to rule over a weak fearful people.

[@mindfulnessasia1082]

Love is inseparable from us, it is part of our eternal spiritual nature. For us to be successful in life and to experience true love, we need to know who we are. Love is our essence. We need to experience love. This is why we are always looking for it if we don't experience it.

[@sunlitspot]

Fantastic talk. It's given me a lot to think about.

[@Chef_Nobody]

Wow, this was so enlightening. Thank you Ali and Matthew!

[@Selfgro_]

Greetings! I've gathered self-help therapy tips backed by professionals (link in the bio). Your opinions are welcome!

[@hyacinthzia9892]

I have to admit, Ali’s got me hooked on his podcast.

[@queenzaynah]

Matthew hussey you're a blessing for us not only on youtube platform but someone with a strong masculinity reflecting back all the positivity in our lives, I reckon everything you talk about legitally accurate helped me sooo much, i wish i can contact you in person!

[@Selfgro_]

Greetings! I've gathered self-help therapy tips backed by professionals (link in the bio). Your opinions are welcome!

[@lewismax6650]

Managing money is different from accumulating wealth, and the lack of investment education in schools may explain why people struggle to maintain their financial gains. The examples you provided are relevant, and I personally benefited from the market crisis, as I embrace challenging times while others tend to avoid them. Well, at least my advisor does too, jokingly.

[@nickalice4273]

Investors should exercise caution with their exposure and exercise caution when considering new investments, particularly during periods of inflation. It is advisable to seek guidance from a professional or trusted advisor in order to navigate this recession and achieve potential high yields.

[@kwanelenolwazi9112]

I subscribed for a few trading courses but it didn't help much, been getting suggestions to use a proper financial advisor, how did you go about touching base with your adviser

[@lewismax6650]

Through closely monitoring the performance of my portfolio, I have witnessed a remarkable growth of $483k in just the past two quarters. This experience has shed light on why experienced traders are able to generate substantial returns even in lesser-known markets. It is safe to say that this bold decision has been one of the most impactful choices I have made recently.

[@michaelthabisa5338]

wow, that's stirring! Do you mind connecting me to your advisor please. I desperately need one to diversified my portfolio.

[@liamharrison1093]

I've actually been looking into advisors lately, the news I've been seeing in the market hasn't been so encouraging. who's the person guiding you?

[@hajji1509]

Fabulous ❤️ as always. I have been on what feels like a relationship healing journey. I've come out of a couple of toxic relationships. I've been addicted to the fantasy idea, that high of a connection with no proper basis. The anxiety, the stress which became so familiar. This was my childhood abandonment trauma and I've been in therapy for a few years working through this. It's been painful. Suddenly I felt a little different, saying to myself I just don't want to feel this desperate sadness all the time. Then this guy comes along with a completely different energy, peaceful, living, giving. It's like all the love I craved for so long is right there in front of me. I swear he's a gift from God. It's very very early, only three dates in. But the clue was "oh he's not my type at all, physically but wow he's a mensch! I don't know where it will go but it's so much about not ignoring intuition. Much more to it all ofc but WOW. I love 'validation can become mutation'. I was NOT validated or validated the wrong way and I've been repeating mistakes for years and years of disappointing and damaging relationships.

[@dana102083]

I could have written the same thing.. Its hard work. 🙏💞

[@lilaccuppaintheskies]

😊

[@Selfgro_]

Greetings! I've gathered self-help therapy tips backed by professionals (link in the bio). Your opinions are welcome!

[@ldy_c8423]

I went back and listened to your podcast twice. I am one of the women in her forties whom you have spoken about... Wow, that's quite a convincing argument. Sincere gratitude to you!!

[@karindiane]

I must admit I zoned out during some parts. I was listening while cleaning and some parts got a little long winded. But there was some genuinely good valid points!

[@leechpeach337]

This was a great conversation- Matthew really modeled vulnerability

[@chilloften]

Matthew is very interesting, I always enjoy learning from him. 🎄🦋🌺😘

[@funnygirlever]

Love is the most wonderful feeling. It's not easy but worth it. Keep looking and loving. Sometimes it just takes more time for that person. Not to you but for you. If you really want to love again it may be harder but you know what you want. You doing want it to come easy. It will go easy. I want to love again but I have been so much that it is harder. Not to just love but so much more. Love me to understand me now and be loyal. Love me more when I'm weak. That's what my late husband taught me. Someone who doesn't give up on me when its hard or when I'm emotional. Love me more. Don't settle for less and stay for your love.

[@dime7612]

So good!

[@laDulaSh]

This was such a good episode! Thank you!

[@susanwohl24]

They should teach this in high school!❤

[@michelekawamura1357]

I love it when people geek out.

[@aftermagazine]

Stuff really does lead to stuff. That's one of my favorite things in life.

[@GoonAdventure]

From 1:34 to 1:44

[@lizmcvey1294]

Lol.. I wish there were more Mums like yours Mathew… instead of thinking boys will be boys… and us girls should tolerate their nonsense … many have been raised with no tools and rely on their mums to back them regardless of their behaviour…..Your mum gave you the right messages which is why you are head & shoulders above the rest!!!

[@christinarichie6171]

Exactly!! He also had a good father too. Look around at the state of society.

[@ikhlasabdulmoula6640]

I love and respect you guys 🥰🥰💙💙

[@daysarelimited]

still recovering from heartbreak… lets get through this brothers and sisters

[@joesillamanrs7189]

Im almost out of it myself. Stay strong. Thankfully time heals! You’re not alone!

[@monicagaglione6365]

Me too

[@nanaabdul8995]

Highest level of anxiety around them is labeled as excitemen ..the greatest high will not make you happy . This is a key phrase in this video.

[@GeorgeHafiz]

loved the question about how much attraction is a choice. i feel what was missed here was an opportunity to reflect on our tendency to "marry our unfinished business". I found this quote in Lori Gottlieb's Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which suggests if you find yourself chronically attracted to people who lead you into unfulfilling relationships, you may have unprocessed emotions originating from the relationship you had or have with a parent or caregiver.

[@Luna-bn7ls]

I was blindsided by this! wow.

[@vp5134]

I can relate so so much at 1:06.. Gave up more than a decade of my life to someone I loved dearly but with whom I wasn't compatible at all besides intellectually... We both ended up breaking up after 13 years, both being very miserable in this relationship... 😔

[@MissLisaBowes]

Giving too much credit is totally a thing I do. Wow! And you’re not wrong. I never thought about that. Or saw it that way. I’ve also noticed 2 other “mistakes” I have made. Oh well…live and learn. Not exactly sure if it was a mistake just yet though as we seem to still be going, though I do feel a bit of a chill…and I can see now maybe why.

[@cishitest]

what a pleasant surprise! :)

[@aliceandappetizers]

32:20 is it ever considered that there’s people you don’t want to learn from? Everyone has their giftings and talents but forsaking the “need to know” has provided me way more peace than “learning from everybody”. There’s people’s whose advice that could leave your life in a dumpster fire. I don’t want advice from everybody!

[@kamilamodi9125]

❤️🫶🏻😊you’re an amazing coach love you always Matthew thank you so much 🌸☀️🙏🏻

[@houdabouabdallah7106]

great video

[@af7472]

Practice tolerance is also a huge thing, impossible to match in all of that, it is just unreal. You ll crash so many times trying to change your partner because they dont match in everything you need to match. I give so match more than my partner and I realize right now in this moment in his life he cant give as much I can, so I look for friends and family to match the energy I give. But this is just one strategy, on the other side I m waiting for him to finish this period of his life because in the future I ll start to devaluate him because he s not willing to give what I need..

[@podcastmaison8berenicedelignat]

What is the mic?The sound is excellent, Great video! Thank you!

[@VikramSoni2]

shure SM7B

[@wanderingp589]

Matthew my very favourite person

[@binitamalik8386]

This is the second best combo I discovered...first one being vanilla strawberry ice-cream.

[@hs-pj8ho]

Completely understand about anxiety in my 20s I had no fear of heights then in my 30s I developed this fear & I don't know where it came from or what triggered this & 15 years later I still have this fear.

[@user-xt4pi4cp5g]

This was such a good lecture/ interview up to the moment I discovered Matthew had visited Poland and I didn't knoow... ;)

[@zvezdoblyat]

3:48 thats crazy that someone else felt the same way I did. I've always hated kids, even while being one. No doubt I was as insufferable as my classmates, but I genuinely loved conversations with a person's parents more than any conversation I ever had with the person. The parents never acted like I was dumb and we would have very interesting conversations that are much more memorable compared to all the years of school with their children

[@gegevlog]

What equipment was used for this!!!???Love the setup!

[@designwithsonrisa]

Ali jump from Productivity to Reproductivity 👀😁

[@sonakshi177]

😆😆😆😆😆

[@behuman2476]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@mayrimaguirre6958]

Hell yeah 🤣

[@mr6462]

At the end of day, productivity serves reproduction, so I actually really appreciate him making these videos😊

[@loremipsum9859]

JAJAJAJAJAJ

[@deeznutzzzzzzzz]

7:00 this so so true!!

[@lnzprazak2711]

Omg that line about you being ambitious and then that's all it was just blew my mind open.

[@patricianonhlanhla5388]

Thank.you.so.much..

[@elefoundation3703]

It is so sad 😞 but he really has a point

[@cindywitt6377]

I always say dont put a question mark where theres a period ive had toxic relationships in the past i met my true love on a dating site i had plans to go on vacation to meet someone else then he messaged me an there was aconnection right away then the i was up front with him bout my vacation to meet someone else i decided to meet him the next day oh my when we seen each other it was a feeling of being comfortable with each other we're both empaths an lightworkers time flys when we're together we can just b sitting there not talking an still feel comfortable so now ive realized i have cptsd ptsd from trauma childhood he is a secure attachment he is showing me what unconditional love really is an this is the first time i felt loved he knows how to treat a female our communication is good i need to work thru my attachments an im looking forward to becoming a better me he is so understanding an patient with me he is my soulmate

[@TheOrignalTRockz]

24 Minutes in and the 4 „quick little annoying commercial“. Really?! Good thing, it gets much better and more interesting when Matthew starts to talk about how he matured and the flaws we all have.

[@RoseDawsonworld]

" the consequences of ignoring what I am saying is a life of suffering" even if what he says is absolutely true the way he says it sounds so controling and hateful

[@corinnebraverman4427]

You Matthew and Jay all handsome British accent podcasts😍

[@Darren79]

'Stuff leads to stuff' - yep!!

[@Jay-ef2ii]

Special: You must have great chemistry!

[@Lettie22]

He's got no idea because he hasn't created it for himself. It's a ridiculous concept to think a guy that's probably never even had a long-term relationship lasting more than a couple of years could ever have anything to say on this topic. Bring on a couple that has been married at least 30 years and are still happy to get at least some reasonable answers.

[@teresaquail3503]

Hi thank you for content i had a bad experianceva few months ago at s bar which shattered my already fragile confidence. There was a man i knew to see from the coffee shop i go to each morning we say good morning and have a chat occassionally about weathet etc I thought he seemed nice so when i saw him at the bar when i was buying drinks, I took the oppurtunity to say hi he was very brisque with me and made it abundantly clear he wasnt interested, i felt very stupid. I. think im a friendly person i would love a relationship im 57 i think i will be alone forever

[@christinarichie6171]

It's everywhere and at every age now I'm afraid. You are a friendly woman don't let that rude idiot get you down ⚘

[@christinarichie6171]

And men like him think he should be entitled to a 35 year old woman. Delusional!!

[@clickclackbadabingbadaboom3738]

amazing

[@bonniejeancampbell3851]

A time when most women become strongest is during pregnancy. Having a child turned me into a lioness guarding my cubs. I was still feminine and loving; but i knee i was there in part to protect my sons. Strength and femininity can co-exist. And the sexiest man i ever met was a wonderful father who i used to see shopping for groceries with his toddler's. I was pleasantly surprised by that. Totally masculine strength along with vulnerable joyful fun with his kids.

[@yoJoyJo]

1:20:00 men are valued, worth (needed)

[@user-uu5jf3jo3o]

You attract what you vibrate. You cannot fool Life.

[@christinarichie6171]

Total nonsense. Go to Yemen and Palestine and tell people that.

[@M0101EP]

Happy to see a 2023 update from Matthew Hussey on some things. I hope to hear new things about modern dating. Some content just doesnt apply anymore

[@31misscherry]

Very interesting conversation. But watching the video I realised that the amount of white in the environment is very annoying and distracting. Mostly talk shows have have more muted and darker backgrounds which feels relaxing and pleasant... JMO...

[@bluebellbeatnik4945]

'not giving someone too much credit too quickly' - yeh I need to chill out. I am on cloud 9 so I have to stop. I have backed off as we're texting too much. Haven't even dated yet.

[@user-oo7qt5vn2p]

fascinating to find out in the end that the coach himself hasn't been in a long term relationship lol but good content

[@janechapman7801]

There is an issue with the stupid confidence thing lots of less outwardly confident people are great. Suspect there are very few people who don't feel freaked out by approaching strangers especially if we find them attractive!

[@nivanilaishram1710]

Ali speaks in .5 speed and i had to check my playback speed😅

[@foreignlovedreams]

Long-lasting love - truth or fiction? I have only one comment: a relationship is hard work for both partners who have the same goal. Fortunately, I have been able to create my perfect marriage. You and your partner work together to build bliss.

[@mariviento]

I thought there were interrupting???

[@dezzyjones]

Does these episodes normally have like 6 ad reads?

[@boutiquelove5391]

Ali you need to read about emotional intelligence. It struck me watching this how uncomfortable you are dealing with raw emotion, pain and profound tragedy- you have either never shared this language with anyone- including your parents or you have buried this. This is really detrimental

[@Nhhnhu1311]

M must have driven A real mad with his slow pace😂