Meanwhile... Space Vodka | Deadly Foods | Boeing’s Rough Landing

Meanwhile... A new vodka is filtered through space rocks, heavily processed foods might kill you, and another Boeing plane suffered equipment failure.
#Colbert #Comedy #Meanwhile
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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.

[@JRussellDay]

Seriously though.. the real story is all the Boeing whistle blowers dying

[@marksmith-jn6qw]

i'M PRETTY SURE THEY AREN'T JUST DYING. Boeing has a lot of money on the line, and their CEO needs his $54 million a year for doing a bad job!

[@aomanchutube]

​@@marksmith-jn6qwI could do worse!!! Pick me!!

[@hopeewing5583]

What? Pray tell.

[@ellflynn]

You know folks, I spend most of my time diligently staring at my screen, drinking in the audio ambrosia foreplay that is Stephen's introduction to his Meanwhile segment. I let every phrase and nuance enter my ear canal with explicit consent. His sultry voice travels through my eardrum and massages my inner ear bones, seductively relieving them of the burden of the everyday claptrap they're used to. Finally, his voice reaches my inner core and transports me to that special place. But sometimes, sometimes folks, I want to skip the courtship dance and get straight to business so I take the mouse with my hand, move it to that dirty red line, and fast forward like I mean it until I see the "Meanwhile" logo.

[@margueritemccann8580]

@ellflynn ME TOO!!!!

[@Earthneedsado-over177]

Ditto

[@justinklenk]

Likewise - straight to the segment, skip all that sexy-time grownup b.s.!

[@sparkythancztwise]

Notes/🐾corrections: --diligently staring at my screen-- .... "raptly magnetized to my screen" .... --and massages my inner ear bones,-- .... and his dulcet tones massage my inner ear bones .... --the everyday claptrap they're used to-- .... the everyday claptrap to which they are accustomed & by which they are nonetheless tortured .... --Finally, his voice reaches my inner core-- .... Then blessedly his divine comedies breach my cerebral cortex and transport my consciousness beyond nirvana. Okay, never mind, this is too much work trying to adapt and revise with tweaks to get to what I'd auditorily "envisioned". I quit. No wonder the spiels left the realm of delightful rollercoasters and landed in the trough of redundant doldrums and tedium long ago. *love me some Meanwhile* stopped loving the lead ins weeks and weeks ago. It feels like someone else is writing them than whomever wrote the first dozen. And, they are less fun/silly romps now than they are strained and affectatious indulgences.

[@sparkythancztwise]

In otherwords ..... all-the-while I was saying, I hear you and concur

[@rhetoricalquestion6009]

1:45 Vodka infused with a space rock gets you drunk and stoned in one go.

[@jsully8076]

Just wanted to say, I really like what you did there. Peace and love to you

[@Kece89]

Beat me by four hours. Can't believe the writers missed such an obvious punchline.

[@ChandlerSomborac]

Nobody says "stoned" anymore😂. It's either "high" or "baked".😉

[@lynemac2539]

Young, no?

[@oceanoflotion8630]

Drink while listening to RuPaul's To The Moon

[@kpr2]

Love that the subtitles can barely even attempt to keep up with any given Meanwhile opening. 🤣

[@michelehemlokhexwhite4310]

Lol never thought of that 😂😂😂

[@balecalduin1993]

I really don’t like the opening personally it’s a waste of time I ́d rather have more meanwhile

[@christopherporter2459]

​@@balecalduin1993 What are you inhuman? Lol

[@balecalduin1993]

@@christopherporter2459 Just don't like it. It's annoying in my personal opinion. I generally skip it

[@ryandailey4470]

The Call Bear Question Hair 😂

[@erikg8526]

Stephen I can't believe you haven't gotten together with Jimmy Fallon to help Seth Myers get Ben and Jerry's to make his ice cream "A Closer Lick."

[@williamcrowe2576]

Seth might be more of a soft serve kind of guy.

[@mechanicaldavid4827]

Seth's ice cream flavour is "I Can't Believe It's Joe Biden!"

[@Aaackermann]

Better than their laxative infused "A Closer Butt"

[@mikairu2944]

Seth not getting his ice cream is a wonderful running joke so please do not suggest he gets it.

[@erikg8526]

@@mikairu2944 Okay you're absolutely right but have you also considered that if it *were* to happen we could *eat* it?

[@hfar_in_the_sky]

When I heard the news that Boeing might help build a spaceship, I was like “…You’re joking.”

[@VaultWeasel]

Right now, I don't even trust them with a tooth brush, because somehow they will somehow manage to make that into a new fear.

[@freethinker4991]

Some one at Boeing is taking out whistleblowers, two now and counting.

[@Djamonja]

You're joking right?

[@cinnamonbearcdc]

As long as they just offer up their door hinges to use for any section that has to separate during the launch it should be fine. 😏

[@cinnamonbearcdc]

@@Djamonja oh yeah.

[@landonewts]

Ha ha sick FedEx burn! Once I ordered some very expensive acoustic foam panels for my studio, and the FedEx driver decided to just chuck the box into the bushes next to my house. In the rain.

[@user-yl5sq1eb4r]

Space vodka? Isn’t that what Marjorie Taylor Greene was drinking when she hallucinated Jewish space lasers?

[@krisfrederick5001]

Stephen had to tread lightly with that intro...as a UPS employee, that Fed Ex joke was hilarious to me.

[@hopeewing5583]

UPS should give their drivers air conditioning. It's a health hazard in hot Oklahoma

[@philrabe910]

4:45...touche! ♫ You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel...♪♪

[@williamcrowe2576]

If Weird Al went country (and he had on a few songs), that'd be a great idea for a parody.

[@moniqueengleman873]

I love that song❤

[@thecheons6392]

Officer, i'm not drunk... i'm STONED XD

[@tytn9978]

Your MEANWHILE segment is brilliant! Sarcasm at its most intelligent level!!!

[@williamcrowe2576]

Well, y'know the old saying; "Die young, make a pretty corpse". I learned a long time ago that my body was for nothing else but carrying my head from place to place.

[@NewMessage]

Annnnnnnd that 'alarm' bit is now my wife's new ringtone. She's gonna be thrilled on the train tomorrow. Thrilled.

[@thearmchairjournalist566]

I didn’t know you were married!

[@brieanastraiton3665]

Nothing better than meanwhile on a friday morning!😂😂😂

[@karezaalonso7110]

Intro much better than the rest

[@rikkiechambers4959]

Astronauts have the biggest balls of all .. we worry about Boeing flights .. they got on a Boeing rocket and went to space , pretty sure you loose a door or a wheel in space and there is no safe landing 😳

[@jacoblaughbon3323]

Most rockets don't have wheels.

[@overdriver99]

for Boeing's defense ... Rocket is usually 1 time use only. so it may not be same as a commercial plane which last really long time. but of course I won't bet my life on Boeing's QA dept..

[@jacoblaughbon3323]

@@overdriver99 Boeing made the capsule, not the rocket.

[@jacoblaughbon3323]

@@overdriver99 Our QA department is pretty good. Spirit's on the other hand, not so good. Which is who manufactures the mid exit door that blew-out.

[@llanitedave]

@@jacoblaughbon3323 Exactly. Boeing is legitimately the butt of a lot of scorn, but this space scrub wasn't on them... this time! The valve issue was in the centaur second stage, which is made by United Launch Alliance. While this is co-owned by Boeing, the management is independent, and the design comes from the Lockheed-Martin side of the partnership. That said, all the previous issues with Starliner, and the reasons that it is years late in getting to the launch pad, are all because of Boeing miscues.

[@ilovefountainpens]

Not only do you have the most talented musicians but you also have the most talented writers and staff! As talented as you are Stephen, they all make your job look easy and seamless, even on the rare occasion when a joke doesn’t hit or you fumble your words. I’m constantly amazed by the Meanwhile intros. The writers really go above and beyond!

[@thereed4443]

Excuse me while I turn that last little bit into an actual alarm 🙃

[@dracoargentum9783]

I would LOVE to have my phone randomly change my alarm into that!

[@SpaceForceCommander]

Cold Stone Cremery should have said it was “pistachio-flavored” (as in “taste like” instead of “taste of”).

[@CraigGrant-sh3in]

It won't go far. A woman tried to sue Pop Tarts (she thought were a good nutritional snack for her children) because their strawberry tarts contained no strawberries.

[@doctorfeelok8575]

5:06 .... I found my new ringtone. 🤣

[@heartofdawn2341]

Starliner has had previous issues with a clock being set wrong causing to misjudge its orbit and not dock with the ISS, multiple thruster and valve failures, the parachute links not being strong enough, and the recent discovery that the wiring loom was wrapped hundred feet of flammable tape. Boeing: you'll ascend to the heavens, one way or another.

[@williamcrowe2576]

With Boeing it's *always* a one-way trip to heaven.

[@paulleverton9569]

I flew Aeroflot in 1993. That was the last time I ever flew Aeroflot.

[@mechanicaldavid4827]

These are technical issues that Yuri Gagarin would recognize...

[@davidlundquist1979]

Clearly, they're just trying to create an extremely authentic Apollo 1 reenactment.

[@steveaustin2686]

No, the glass impregnated tape was widely used in the aerospace industry and was only flammable under certain conditions which could only happen after multiple failures. The Boeing space division and the division that makes planes like the 737 Max are separate. NASA admitted that they were not watching Boeing as closely as they should have before the Dec 2019 OFT-1 flight. Since then NASA and the astronauts themselves have kept a close eye on the fixes to the two Starliner capsules. The scrub for the oxygen valve was on the Atlas-V booster from ULA. These kinds of scrubs are not that uncommon in spaceflight, which is why they have the long countdown before launch. The ULA Atlas-V started flying in 2002 and has an EXCELLENT record with ZERO boosters lost

[@HygienistDentist]

Literally my alarm hasn’t been sounding! Just the screen showing the alarm is going off!

[@joshsteele5701]

Colbert has been on his game lately

[@cannibalbananas]

"...to drink from the shut-in's scruffle jug of news." 😂😂😂😂❤

[@twalrus1]

Amphora? You actually got the word "Amphora" into the intro? One of your writers must be an ancient world nerd. Give him/her a raise before a headhunter steals him/her away.

[@ahunter7750]

And BTW, it's AMfora, not amFORa

[@davidlundquist1979]

@@ahunter7750 "Did he say "Why would JERRY bring anything?" Or "Why would Jerry BRING anything?" Did he emphasize "Jerry" or "bring"?" "I think he emphasized "would"."

[@aquateal1111]

Ben and Jerry’s Pistachio ice cream has real pistachios in it! My favorite pistachio ice cream!!!

[@LordSlag]

If it's Boeing, I'm NOT Going!

[@JennyMack]

I just am glad i can fastforward to the meanwhile. Just get to the Meanwhile already

[@SpaceForceCommander]

iPhone alarms will only work if you scare it enough.

[@VaultWeasel]

I am gonna need that alarm tone.

[@sparkythancztwise]

What!? Your iphone hasn't been doing that?? Trust me, it wears thin faster than you'd think. Thank god they are going to *fix* it. 😜

[@VaultWeasel]

@@sparkythancztwise Sir, when I was homeless, I was tortured by BABY SHARKS and Raining Tacos. So, you be surprised what I can tolerate.

[@sparkythancztwise]

@@VaultWeasel 😂🤣

[@sparkythancztwise]

@@VaultWeasel priceless imagery, I vote for you to be on a new replacement writing team for the "Meanwhile" lead-in!

[@VaultWeasel]

@@sparkythancztwise O uO That'll be The Dream. Thank you.

[@ethannustad4102]

I legitimately love the americone dream ice cream. 🍦 it's all the things I need to cure my depression for a short while. Only wish they made gallon sized portions.

[@PitFriend1]

I grew up in the 70s eating those “ultra processed” foods. Due to all the preservatives I figure I’ll live forever!

[@LindaC616]

I mean, if the Twinkie lasts forever, shouldn't we who consumed them in the 70s also? 😅

[@chrisrj9871]

2:00 - can you imagine what life would be like if organic foods were actually INEXPENSIVE??? We're not all rich celebrities! You know what ends our lives faster than processed foods? _Starving!_ Also I can't stomach the idea of slaughtering an animal to make my own steak or fried chicken and I'm certain many modern Americans can't either.

[@mirnuren]

The Boeing jokes are the best!😂

[@Styphon]

Unlike the planes, the jokes land safely

[@steveaustin2686]

They are off the mark on Starliner. The scrub for the oxygen valve was on the Atlas-V booster from ULA. These kinds of scrubs are not that uncommon in spaceflight, which is why they have the long countdown before launch. The ULA Atlas-V started flying in 2002 and has an EXCELLENT record with ZERO boosters lost. The Boeing space division and the division that makes planes like the 737 Max are separate. NASA admitted that they were not watching Boeing as closely as they should have before the Dec 2019 OFT-1 flight. Since then NASA and the astronauts themselves have kept a close eye on the fixes to the two Starliner capsules.

[@QDWhite]

They fall from the sky like manna from heaven. The jokes, not the planes. …the planes too, I guess.

[@marksmith-jn6qw]

@@steveaustin2686 They're not just common with Boeing. They are systemic. Boeing is always years late and billions over budget. They should be taken off the list of contractors. Last project they did was a trillion and a half over budget. WHO KEEPS PAYING THEM?

[@steveaustin2686]

@@marksmith-jn6qw Didn't read the whole post huh? The Boeing space division and the division that makes planes like the 737 Max are separate. NASA admitted that they were not watching Boeing as closely as they should have before the Dec 2019 OFT-1 flight. Since then NASA and the astronauts themselves have kept a close eye on the fixes to the two Starliner capsules. Starliner can't launch, until NASA says that it is ready. The Commercial Crew contracts are firm, fixed-price contracts, so Boeing has been paying for the Starliner fixes, not NASA.

[@estevanornelas]

Menwhile is the best late night bit running right now the intros are the best 😂😂😂😂

[@Moekoffee2001]

When Seth shared a cone with Biden, was he scooping Stephen Colbert(s Americone Dream)?

[@thesoundsmith]

Boeing, named for the sound its wheels make when the fall off and hit the ground...

[@SpaceForceCommander]

Researchers didn’t answer the most important question: The people who ate ultra-processed food and died earlier… Did they have a happier life?

[@lyndonstucker6710]

Eating garbage until your untimely death due to obesity doesn't sound like happiness, but do you lol.

[@SoulStoneSeeker]

Or research their kids to see if they are immune..

[@BluePatriotWinner]

Their lives were not happier. The shorter lives were because they were sicker as they neared the end, spending more money and time in hospitals. The end.

[@hamptonshandyman4709]

Yes they did, until they didn't

[@katica04]

I’d be surprised as I feel worse physically when I eat like that?

[@Samael-Metzger]

With my luck my anticipated express mail package was probably on that plane.

[@thaphreak]

Never actually seen the show eh? Only clips apparently, otherwise you'd know better.

[@hopeewing5583]

The I phone alarm joke was 🤣🤣 funny!

[@davesky538]

Fork in toaster.... LOL! 😅 Well done!

[@yurielcundangan9090]

Colbert got guts

[@theresehopkins1581]

This has got to be one of the funniest Meanwhiles ever!!!......💓💞💕 😅🤣😂❤❤❤

[@michaelborden5336]

The writers who script the Meanwhile intro deserve a lifetime Emmy....

[@document6]

4:03 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 “Fun Fact” 💯💯💯

[@CaedenV]

Telling an officer that you have space madness takes stones

[@irri4662]

Mmmm space rock

[@michaelgallo6593]

I 100% want that to be my alarm!!!

[@blueprairiedog]

Gosh, and here I thought seven servings a day of toxic faux food would save me.

[@TadyWalsh]

No question the writers are trying to find the most complex words possible for him to have to read off the prompter!!!

[@joshrabatin]

The Colbert team seriously need to make a "Meanwhile, Mean While" of the screenwriters making these bits and then showing the bit during the show 👌

[@peachmango377]

Facts on that FedEx joke.

[@Jermays173]

Whoever writes these intros is a treasure

[@TheloniousCube]

Toe-Say-Can-You-See made me spit-take

[@paulw.harvey3093]

I can think of a politician who eats a lot of fast food, and he hasn't died yet, except for parts of his brain (not RFK Jr).

[@steveaustin2686]

His brain wasn't that good to start with.

[@bryanillenberg]

Remove the "parts of" from your sentence, and you'd be 100% correct

[@MagnusGalactusOG]

BOEING: Till the wheels fall off.

[@margueritemccann8580]

@MagnusGalactusOG...... Hi Magnus, I just wanted to add a few thoughts. First, I do NOT own Boeing stock nor do I work there, and nothing can excuse Boeing for not using the bolts to attatch the door. That is no one's fault but theirs. However, the United flight that had the tire fall off in mid air was manufactured in 2002, and should have been routinely maintained, with regularly scheduled replacements. Just as most of us have done to our everyday vehicles. Boeing planes use GE and Pratt & Whitney engines. The United flight that had the engine catch on fire was a P & W, and the reported cause was "bubble wrap being sucked into the engine". Because so many of the recent issues have involved United Airlines, the article "...FAA to take closer look at United Airlines after series of incidents involving Boeing jets...", includes a line about how trash is (not?) picked up on the tarmac by United employees. The FAA will also be contacting other airlines to review their maintenance schedules as well. It seems that the airlines would want to do this on ther own, without being told to. 🤔

[@MagnusGalactusOG]

@@margueritemccann8580 Amazing.

[@fitshamer]

If my alarm sounded like that i would never wake up late

[@lesleyghostdragon3149]

Favorite thing about opening my freezer is that goofy mug on the ever-present pint of Americone Dream therein 💖

[@S1L3NTG4M3R]

Boeing, now we know why Spirit airlines has so many issues... --LOL

[@gaberielpendragon]

Slightly shorter lifespan to eat all the tasty foods? Sounds like a good deal, less of the worst years of life for better of the best years sounds awesome.

[@garryferrington811]

"Meanwhile" has become this show's trademark.

[@EnormousPurpleGarden]

5:06 I want that as an alarm option.

[@GaudyMarko]

I would have thought those two dead boeing whistle blowers would have made it to the monolog.

[@davewebb9452]

Give credit to the pilot who planted that landing.

[@sussekind9717]

Space vodka? Gives a whole new meaning to the term, "getting stoned".

[@lynemac2539]

I think I need a scruffle jug.

[@woofowl2408]

I want that alarm sound!

[@kappatvating]

Intro is ALWAYS EPIC!!!!!! 1:19

[@daleomiller]

That alarm sound needs to be an option.

[@rharbarenko]

Please believe me when I say that my VERY EXISTNCE relies on me installing and using that ring tone!

[@robertfoerster566]

About the bad food item: In other news, fire hot scissors sharp!

[@WillieFreeman]

Meanwhile intros are brilliant.

[@user-pn9mw2fd9g]

I want that ringtone!

[@rca-in-glasgow6781]

I want that alarm.

[@kuskesh_haramzadeh]

NGL I kinda want that Alarm ringtone

[@Bdhstl95]

So is kids of late 70s and 80s are doomed

[@johnwhitley9209]

Madness? I’ve had this ice cream bar since I was a child!

[@jonathanbranum8976]

You're A Genius, Colbert...hehehe ;p

[@rhetoricalquestion6009]

1:32 Meanwhile, anyone who remembers Stephen King in "Creepshow" will know not to touch the Shooting Star Vodka. (Ref "The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill").

[@williamcrowe2576]

In that case, there should be a warning that says "may cause space weeds to grow on your d*ck".

[@Kenny49ERS]

No moss on it

[@nickes6168]

Thank you for the new alarm sound for my Android.

[@UnderstandingDarkness]

Only “slightly” 😂

[@deborahkogan8742]

Love it!

[@alexv3357]

Boeing used to be the pride of American engineering, and now they're American Aeroflot.

[@DetectiveMaxHamm]

Your ice cream American dream is so damn good

[@MegaForrestgump]

Ok, so, I want that alarm sound on my phone.

[@siegfriedheydrich]

The oxygen relief valve was on the Atlas booster (which was probably built in the 60s), not the Boeing craft.

[@TXnine7nine]

But who needs details when you can pull people in with the word “Boeing”.

[@steveaustin2686]

No, the Atlas-V was NOT built in the 1960s. The Atlas-V did not start flying until 2002.

[@beeble2003]

The engine fire on the plane also has nothing to do with Boeing; the wheel falling off was an airline maintenance failure.

[@bryanillenberg]

According to ValveTech Inc (who are requesting that NASA hold the launch indefinitely), the issue was with Starliner. If it was anyone but Boeing, I'd take this as another company getting their info wrong. But it's Boeing. So I recommend taking ValveTech's word very seriously.

[@steveaustin2686]

@@bryanillenberg 🙄🤡 ValveTech DOESN'T make the valve for the Atlas-V booster that was the REASON the launch was scrubbed. ValveTech is MAD at Rocketdyne because Rocketdyne has the contract and they DON'T. NO ONE is taking ValveTech seriously as their whining has NOTHING to do with the scrub on Monday. AGAIN, less 'rah, rah, rah SpaceX rulz' and MORE objectivity, so time to ditch the SpaceX glasses.

[@phillipellingson8556]

Love the band! Do they have an album?

[@b1646717]

That alarm sounded like Amber Ruffin.

[@thaisstone5192]

Who would be stupid enough to use their walking phone as an alarm clock???

[@klaxon1866]

Where can I get that alarm sound? seriously, it's perfect.

[@danvernier198]

If Boeing keep their shennanigans up COMAC or Bombardier is going to be Airbus' rival next decade.

[@dannyburleigh1]

Keep in mind that ice cream/some dairy leads to impatience for Men!

[@alexandermarvin9536]

To be fair to Boeing, the issue with the oxygen relief value had to do with the Atlas V launch vehicle, which is made by ULA, not Boeing.

[@FirestormX9]

ULA is literally mostly Boeing. Cant believe there would be people trying to defend Boeing. But if people can be out there defending DJT then his shouldnt be surprisingly at all.

[@bethaneywilkins6905]

Ok but the no pistachio pistachio ice cream sounds delicious to someone who is allergic to pistachios! 😭

[@mojo500100]

Hey, thanks for clearing up the mystery of why my iPhone alarm took on a life of its own. “Technology”-- 🙄

[@Greenbambu78]

no pistachio sue them!

[@jsl151850b]

*With some effort I could make that last segment my alarm.*

[@stelladonaconfredobutler9459]

dont forget the 3 boeing whistleblowers who have died suspiciously.

[@SpaceForceCommander]

I remember when Boeing used to have a good reputation.

[@jacoblaughbon3323]

I remember when people knew that Boeing made airplanes and didn't fly or maintain them.

[@freethinker4991]

Some one at Boeing is taking out whistleblowers, two now and counting.

[@AndosaGosabu]

Who would have thought merging with on of the largest military companies would result in them not caring so much about human life

[@The_Real_Mier]

I remember when the USA used to have a good reputation…. But those days are longggggggg gone!

[@daviddelgado6090]

That Boeing capsule was a NASA bone. They didn't want to depend solely on Musk, but it's been a dud from day 1.

[@Evanwilder-we8cf]

Brilliant