Men bond better through vasopressin than oxytocin. Here's how to make that happen.

Many men feel disconnected from their loved ones and don't understand why. Attachment specialist Adam Lane Smith reveals the secret hormones (vasopressin) at play when you connect to others, and they're probably not the ones you've heard about. Once you understand the science behind connection, and especially how men in particular bond both at the beginning of relationships and after the initial connection has been established, you can build your bonds with intention and purpose.
This video is part of an ongoing series related to attachment.
Bonding can be confusing. Attachment knowledge helps, but you need to know what your brain is doing. By understanding different hormones like vasopressin and oxytocin, you can see why your brain acts the way it does. That can help in your journey to heal your attachment and undo the loneliness that broken attachment causes. Because it's not enough to fix your attachment - You need to know what to do next!
Once you fix your attachment, this video can help you connect on purpose with the people you care about. Especially your children, partner, and close friends. If you've been frustrated at broken attachment and disconnection, and if you haven't known how to get closer to people, this video should explain and give you a clear roadmap to deeper bonding that can last a lifetime.
#Attachment #AttachmentSpecialist #AttachmentTheory #AdamLaneSmith
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//Work 1 on 1 with Adam//
► adamlanesmith.com/single-sess...
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//Attachment book by Adam//
►Slaying Your Fear: A guide for people who grapple with insecurity.
►www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07...
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Other ways to find Adam:
► linktr.ee/AdamLaneSmith
► TikTok: / attachmentbro
► Instagram: attachmenta...

[@AttachmentAdam]

The HOW TO LOVE AN AVOIDANT MAN video course is now available! If you want to learn to build a fulfilling lifelong relationship with the man you love, and help him understand and cherish you in return, pick up your copy right now and write a happy ending to your love story! adamlanesmith.com/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/

[@dadaeueu6076]

oxytocin - comfortability, chilling together vassopressing - struggle/stress solving problems together

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks.

[@rahmasamir909]

Make him stress to lose u its effectif

[@Bia-rx8wf]

@@rahmasamir909 😂😂😂😂

[@rahmasamir909]

@@Bia-rx8wf 🤣🤣🤣

[@elenap2215]

@@rahmasamir909 lmaooo 🤣🤣

[@polisherci]

this might also explain the stereotypical story of men being more attracted to “women with problems/needy women”. Being perfect and giving them no issues to solve doesn’t trigger the vasopressin bonding.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Men like to solve problems. Unhealthy men like to rescue women with problems. Healthy men want women who solve problems with them and give them new problems to solve that align with their shared goal.

[@Kurio71]

Can't stand needy women

[@queenofeagles]

@@AttachmentAdam I hope so!

[@kristy_GT7781]

That makes a lot of sense however, there are so many videos out regarding just why men prefer young women without problems....so, essentially, who haven't really lived yet, so I'm confused.

[@polisherci]

@@kristy_GT7781 this is in line with the videos message. i don’t get why you’re confused

[@zaciroth]

This is great. You should keep this series up. This level of understanding should be taught in schools.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you. What part hit you the most?

[@zaciroth]

@@AttachmentAdam I am a father, While I have many plans on how to be more of a traditional father and raise my son properly, I have noticed different levels of bonding between his mother and I with him and I realize now that we just bond differently and it is a good thing. Also the sex part you mentioned kinda helped put a few things in place for me as well. I'll probably show your video to my wife.

[@jennhawkins5356]

See, I didn’t know this a couple years ago when my now, best friend, was helping me solve problems…all sorts of problems. We worked to teach me so many things that would help me better serve in our workplace. Then, he helped me solve a very personal problem and for a season became my hero! No wonder, we have such a deep connection and love for one another!

[@frankiegirl689]

Wonder if this is connected to why so many men create bonds with coworkers and reason there's so much infidelity in the workplace.

[@AttachmentAdam]

This is one big factor for that issue, yes!

[@MahdiTidjani]

Massively underrated video. Should have millions of views

[@AttachmentAdam]

Which part stuck in your mind?

[@nikomaartfald4260]

Us men should get back to male bonding like brothers to eachother more often in todays society

[@AttachmentAdam]

I agree!

[@elisabethharris8883]

This must be why my husband loves playing complicated board games with me more than anything! Good thing I like them too 😅

[@AttachmentAdam]

Are they cooperative?

[@elisabethharris8883]

@@AttachmentAdam Yes, some of them! Similar to dungeons and dragons. We also play some video games together.

[@leezapaints]

I'm our premarital classes, my husband asked me to play more games with him and I am such a sore loser lmao. Maybe we can try playing pool and he can't teach me or something haha

[@rachelgriffin9087]

This is really interesting. I watched this to understand what makes men bond with women as per your TikTok, but as a person in the army, I've found this really insightful as to why the friendship and loyalty I've experienced since joining. Thank you for your videos :)

[@AttachmentAdam]

Military is huge for this. They know how to make it happen. Thanks for watching. I’ve also got one for veterans who return home and want to reconnect with families.

[@xh56758]

Finally someone who actually knows what they are talking about without spouting pseudo bs. Thank-you. I'm glad I found your channel.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm glad you're here! Got my master's degree and did years in the field with my license before retiring to coach and teach, so I've been at this 14 years now. Amazing what a difference training and experience can make.

[@brianawong3017]

All I’m hearing is that I gotta do some puzzle games or sudoku with him mid stroke

[@AttachmentAdam]

Duck hunting. During.

[@stevengoble9721]

this is so interesting and true, i often feel bad/guilty for not feeling close to loved ones in the situations you mentioned (oxytocyn) but feel more connected when solving problems together or teaching. passing on things ive learned.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Definitely true for many men.

[@se.i.4393]

This is so mindfucking me, what kind of things I can solve together when I wanne bond him begin stages of dating? I mean?? What can a girl do? I wouldn't be interested in doing his work or business together that's on him, I rather would wanne do my own things and would wanne have a relationship where he plays his role as a masculine man and me as a feminine woman. Or do men want women to be hard like them from time to time?

[@r_and_a]

​@@se.i.4393 doing a puzzle, playing a cooperative game or competing on the same team, going camping, putting together furniture, there are tons of ways to vasopressin bond early on in a relationship! another video in the vasopressin playlist even gives tips on how to increase vasopressin bonding during sex (obviously when that might enter a relationship varies but just noting it's another activity that can be full of opportunities 😇)

[@mermaidtannah5517]

Then why does putting IKEA furniture together destroy relationships?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Gotta work as a team, not threaten to murder each other over particle board chairs.

[@symkoko1776]

HAHAHAH

[@boatmermaid6732]

🤣

[@amaryllisfarrell2605]

Lmao! Wow 😂😂

[@JessicaFayToday]

@@AttachmentAdam You're sayin' there is something to the "helpmate" thing from the Bible.

[@RoseMon3yy]

You deserve an award this is gold

[@Freeduradura]

This teaching need to explode and known by everyone. It helps people to be who they are and admitting our animalistic instinct. You make it simple and clear to understand it.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you. Hopefully.

[@sylvanas2579]

That would explain all those men approaching us with their unsolicited advice. They do it when they are attracted to us… omg so eye opening

[@dpaterson52]

this was a wonderful explanation. i came from your tiktok. thank you :)

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for coming over. 👍

[@hollywarholic497]

This is amazing. So glad I found you!

[@AttachmentAdam]

I am too. Welcome aboard.

[@TheMyRogil]

This explains a lot and why I don't have a good connection with my dad... A have lots of memories of my dad just saying things like " leave it alone, I will do it, you don't know how" Instead of teaching me. For example, I have learned to use tools mostly from my friends than with him...

[@AttachmentAdam]

This is how a lot of modern men were raised. Many don’t feel connected to their father, and in many cases those fathers didn’t feel connected to their own and didn’t know how to bond with you.

[@TheMyRogil]

@@AttachmentAdam yes, I try to understand that is not only his fault. His dad used to beat my grandmother, him and some of his brothers, they had to work and pay him since young kids. Its complicated to break this kind of cicle.

[@moonknight4053]

How do you have a good connection to your son? And what if u have a son who is the opposite to you? Eg nerdy, likes to read comics, has dark sense of humour, etc?

[@valdius85]

I understand. Most of my uncles compained about my father not allowing me to do DIY with him. All of my uncels let me do things, even if it meant they had to re-do it when I was gone.

[@MadisonEstes]

I really hope that's not true about men not connecting during sex unless there is novelty or stress because that's not sustainable in a relationship. Also it's gross to think men don't bond the same way as women during sex. I don't think I've ever understood why women wouldn't want to have sex with their partner until I saw this. I've never been more disgusted by the thought of having sex than the idea my partner is just thinking, "oh she is good for relieving my sexual needs". Sounds like what a narcissist would think. :( Definitely sounds like women are being used as objects if men really think that. Bleh.

[@Amcc38383]

This might have cured my depression for good. I felt so disconnected from my family and so guilty like there wasn't enough love between us for some reason. After watching some crime shows, I felt a need to protect them which made me feel less guilty and I felt like I loved them more.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Now this is awesome, and I love to hear it!!

[@joansandeen9443]

Excellent video. You've explained the situation in my relationship so well. Thank you.

[@tobiashaolu9755]

I'm here from twitter and I find this quite insightful. Thank you.

[@AttachmentAdam]

You're most welcome. Happy to have you here! Which part stood out the most to you?

[@annathomas8569]

Here from TikTok as well. This is really interesting wow

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for joining.

[@ZeeGrace999]

This is very much informative!!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Awesome! Which part was most surprising for you to learn?

[@AttachmentAdam]

To stay up to date and learn more about what I have been working on, sign up for my newsletter here: eepurl.com/dur-jb

[@Myrabug4444]

Hi Adam can I ask if u have any videos on how to create vasopressin with an ex especially if they are a DA

[@minfleck7997]

So…be his stress. Got it

[@AttachmentAdam]

But in a good way. 🤣

[@rahmasamir909]

Yes make him stress losing u its so effective

[@jennijulander5139]

Be his stress in a positive problem-solving way AND express gratitude and the positive feelings he brings you.

[@mario8694]

This is very, very interesting! Continue! Do not stop!

[@AttachmentAdam]

I’ll keep them coming.

[@mario8694]

@@AttachmentAdam super👏

[@mario8694]

I think you're doing a good job. It will be difficult for you. Buy a good camera and keep going.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Been researching cameras, should have a new one in a couple weeks. 👍

[@dadaeueu6076]

vassopressing - teaching, adventuros, more fun, trying to make her happy, solve problems together 5:24 6:26 6:31 ✅7:26✅ 9:00 competitive, team 9:29 ➡️ 9:37 :0 shock

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks.

[@PeopleHealthTec]

@@AttachmentAdam Don't introduce stress! Just solve her problems, and that includes orgasms. But counselors teach that females just want males to listen to their problems and females hate when males provide solutions. Sex is the best exercise for physical and mental health. So counselors and women are PREVENTING the bonding.

[@barbieluxxury9547]

Great intuitive video

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for watching.

[@SovereignMoment]

Super helpful! Thank you for sharing this! I'll put it to use!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad this was helpful! Thanks for watching and stay tuned for more to come.

[@capitalist4life]

I’ve never heard anything about vasopressin… very interesting

[@AttachmentAdam]

Most never have, and it's so vital.

[@hannahbarrish4903]

This is the most intriguing piece of information I’ve received in a while. It sort of gives me an idea of how my husbands father may have been towards him and even his mother.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Which also gives you a better idea how to approach your marriage. 👍

[@dillonbarclay8373]

Sharing this with my wife and kids :D

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hope it helps!

[@jorosehart7639]

This knowledge has the power to save so many marriages and relationships! Simply amazing!!!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for taking the time to comment. Yes this is a key part of bonding and must be addressed. Do you have this in your relationship?

[@jorosehart7639]

@@AttachmentAdam Not to bore anyone with my story, but no I don't have this. I wish I did. I'm single. I never married or found "The One". I needed to know this about 20 years ago. The boomers did not do a good job of teaching us gen x kids how to do well in relationships. However, I can definitely use this knowledge now to help others or if I miraculously meet my dream guy in the future.

[@jorosehart7639]

@@AttachmentAdam Also, thank you so much for all your content. I am in the process of binge watching all of it. :) Between you, Jordan Peterson, and a few other outstanding mentors, this next generation may have a chance at course correcting.

[@lorenzotillmaniii4273]

THANK YOU ADAM

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for watching

[@MuhammadDiditPrasodjo]

I finally understand the two type of bonds. Vasopressin Bonds ans Oxytocin Bonds.

[@alienturtle1946]

Brilliant explanation of the different mechanisms. But I'd love to see/hear more practical examples of how one can implement this into their life, short of going to war. I practice jiu-jitsu and developed some decent connections there, but they still seem quite limited. It seems hard to find problems that are meaningful to solve and people who are capable of solving them with you.

[@AttachmentAdam]

War is not necessary for this, thank goodness! I've got several other guides on this channel with lists of activities you can try out, check them out.

[@jlo1372]

Love the bagpipe!❤

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks! The best!

[@Nikky_Wachira]

Im from Tiktok new subscriber!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for coming over!

[@smyd23]

This is why I make friends in Jiu Jitsu even if I have nothing in common with them.

[@AttachmentAdam]

That's a great idea, plus you have shared interests! Have you thought of finding a partner there too?

[@ChocolatePheonix]

I was about to say this too! Also I tried finding a partner there and it went very poorly. :( Hah. I've been hurt and awkward with them up until now, one year later. (Unintentionally had a one night stand and I did not know any of the psychological tools at the time. :/ Such a bad experience, haven't been with anyone since. )

[@Nicole-rx8ib]

heyy, just watched second video of yours. this is really great! do u know if there are any books on this topic that u could recommend? :)

[@AttachmentAdam]

There’s a ton of information available for free online, plenty of peer reviewed journals you can read. 👍

[@JessicaFayToday]

Do you think this causes men to feel a stronger bond to say female co-workers than to a wife? Do you think this explains part of the appeal of homosexual activities to men? Does this mean that men who love to cuddle have higher levels of female hormones and women who love yelling and drama have higher levels of male hormones? It makes sense then that a woman who perceives she is not getting the oxytocin releases she wants, can sometimes then start acting out to increase the levels of stress for the man. So, if certain marital problems don't ever seem to get resolved, the man is robbed of his vasopressin release. It also makes sense why men would not bond to women they deem "easy," or who offer no challenge. This is why we need to be 'a challenge' for one another. Is this also why men tend to be "seed-planters" as my dad calls it-wanting to move from one challenge to the next-or, craving 'the chase.' Is 'trauma bonding' vasopressin bonding? Is vasopressin bonding why women seem to bond during their 'first time,' or really any time, but men do not, because the stress here is one-sided? Is a rush of oxytocin responsible for the serious euphoric heavenly state women can get to during extended sensual times? Interesting content. Thank you.

[@AttachmentAdam]

To your first question ... I have seen affairs happen when men vasopressin bond to women outside the marriage, big time.

[@sanoeteevaristo9797]

Wow. How refreshing!!! So many tips on how to give men pleasure, games, being hard to get, not being too cold, sexual positions etc but never deeper bonding. Please, teach us more. 👏👏👏

[@breefabulous]

This was good.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad you liked it. What part made the most sense?

[@UnlockYourWellness]

WOW thank you for this!!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for watching. Which part hit home for you?

[@UnlockYourWellness]

@@AttachmentAdam The difference of hormone release after orgasm. I was aware of the release of Estrogen and Testosterone in sex (love John Gray's books) but I didn't know about the balance between Oxytocin and Vasopressin! PS: I just sent you an email with some questions if you wouldn't mind checking that out. Thank you Adam!

[@cubearcub]

Interesting. Perhaps this can help me connect with some of my students

[@AttachmentAdam]

To bond through teaching and achieving, absolutely!

[@naakia]

Tik tok sent me here👍🏾

[@AttachmentAdam]

Awesome, glad to have you here

[@cheetahcat3940]

Wow. My ex and I used to play video games together. Like strategy games. We were so close. Interesting.

[@apriluno7210]

great video, thanks! what would you say are some good ways for arousing vasopressin bonding in your partner during earlier stages of dating? it seems its easier for women to bond at that point of dating in my experience

[@AttachmentAdam]

Team building exercises. So more active dates where you accomplish something together. Batting cages, sports like golf, building bird houses, something with an added goal you reach as a team.

[@cyrusjimenez8318]

It’s interesting that I don’t vasopressin bond with others? When there’s stress, I just despise the other person more.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Depends what the stress comes from and how you resolve it together (or don’t). If they’re causing bad stress and/or you have to resolve it while they make it worse, bonding wouldn’t make sense. They’re a threat then.

[@rickylumo8666]

Thanks!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hey thank you, much appreciated! What about this episode hit the best for you?

[@ashbench9649]

Hello Adam, this is very interesting, thank you! Would you happen to have a link to a study paper showing this ? Thanks

[@AttachmentAdam]

Sure, try this one: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5743651/

[@ashbench9649]

@@AttachmentAdam much appreciated 🙏

[@VARELA2nd]

Love the background! Betsy Ross + bagpipe = true blue Scottish Founding-American power to ya. Hey he even looks like John Rhys Davies!

[@julianfrazier4815]

Hello! I'd be interested in reading the science you've referenced for this video. What articles would you suggest?

[@AttachmentAdam]

This is a good place to start. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5743651/

[@itskyramoon]

Thank you🙏🏾

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for watching.

[@mitsealb3609]

It also sounds to me like the solution for men would be to engage. To willfully engage as a decision. This lines up with the christian definition of love, agape love, at least. To will someones good. Something like that..

[@AttachmentAdam]

Yes.

[@sharktiff1]

Very interesting and honestly makes sense. This is why men love playing team sports and have a very strong bond w/other men. But most times women aren’t participating in those type of activities. So what is the middle ground? Asking them to fix things around the house?

[@sharktiff1]

If that came across snarky or comedic I genuinely didn’t intend for it to. That was a genuine question. Since it’s the “problem solving” that produces the chemical.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Activists together. Puzzles. Crafts. Projects. Solving problems.

[@kmundwiller3936]

Yes when a woman needs her man to fix stuff and help her with things. Parenting TOGETHER

[@PlayshotKalo]

It also depends on individual men tbh. Some pro coaches say men who have fathers are more suited to team sports and leading their team. Simply because they’re more “coachable” and value cooperation. Men who grew up with single mothers are inherently less likely to be that way, they bond and grow differently.

[@terrieh5457]

Wow I had no idea

[@AttachmentAdam]

Cool stuff to learn.

[@rokkiperez4827]

So, perhaps this is why men like a “hard-to-get” women. A challenge seems to be important to some guys…

[@AttachmentAdam]

Definitely a part of it.

[@steph6109]

I love the video but my take home from this is men are more likely to bond better with other men in their life than their female partner (if kids aren't in the picture). So I'd love to know your take on the difference between bonds and love within men. If we consider love and limerance to be different things.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Men can bond better with other men if they focus only on bonding in one way and if women choose not to engage men in the way they bond best. Men and women should give and take to meet each others’ needs.

[@kmundwiller3936]

If a woman needs her man..he will bond with her. Thats why hes always trying to fix shit. Lol

[@aquarius2284]

So if men don’t reproduce…they might be secretly attracted to other men? Now that’s a theory I’d want expanded on.

[@elenap2215]

@@kmundwiller3936 lmaoo 😂😂

[@redleeks6253]

Men love men and fuck women. That's all you need to know

[@neelamsuman5]

Do you have any practical applications to form attachment on social media with a person you are attracted to?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Social media is generally more about dopamine hits than attachment. Private conversations are better for connecting. The closer to in-person, the better.

[@swasandswam]

You said from the mens pov „This person is good at solving problems I want to keep them close I want to protect them“. So that means we as women should help them too and solve things for them or did you really just mean it more as a team activity?

[@metatron8386]

Is this why I bond with my weight set. I bond by taking my child on walks every day in a pram. Wife loved it.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Sounds like great approaches to bonding, what else do you do?

[@ggoldberg412]

so you’re telling me while all these ladies are trying to be his peace we should’ve been his stress the whole time 🙄🙃

[@AttachmentAdam]

Good stress.

[@adri6430]

@@AttachmentAdam whats is goode stress?

[@artistrg3487]

@@adri6430Excitement and problem solving

[@Simiedeesjasmijn]

​@@AttachmentAdam interesting video thank you for this valuble information🙏🏻 then this is probably why my husband has been with me for 20 years 😂 The part about the stress and all that. What i was wondering is that my husband is always stressesd that other men are trying to hit on me at work, for exsample Is that also someting he needs such stress? He is often anxious and gives me unsolicited advice on how to respond when a men tries to seduce me.

[@richerDiLefto]

@@adri6430 Eustress and not distress.

[@Diathon1]

What’s hilarious about this to me is that I’m getting these videos shortly after meeting a woman who’s doing the stuff you say to do in these video (and, yes, it has been blowing me away) and now I have to question if she learned it all here…if so, thanks tbh.

[@dadaeueu6076]

0:25 0:35 0:46 - oxytocin 0:52 1:43 - vassopresin 2:27 & 2:33

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks.

[@Sunshineandrainbows234]

What if the man is very nervous around you bc he has a crush on you…. And that stresses him out a bit

[@AttachmentAdam]

A little nerves/stress is normal being around a crush

[@ah4446]

@@AttachmentAdam but does that make him bond to the woman , release vasopressin?

[@bradleygehman3976]

Wonder what kind of role vasopressin plays in “hazing” that is often seen in fraternities, sports teams, medical residency, etc.

[@AttachmentAdam]

That’s a great insight. There are a number of things about ritual hazing that activate several pathways. Without supporting them, there does seem to be some biological basis for some of the activities. What got you thinking about this topic?

[@JessicaFayToday]

This was one of my questions. Is trauma bonding vasopressin bonding.

[@saosins]

What about going to concerts together? like same music taste, metal concerts.. would that be a vasopressin release?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Would you be building the plans and executing them together? Or just giving them a fun experience?

[@saosins]

Yes! Building the plans together, us meeting and stuff. Would this count? @@AttachmentAdam

[@PolishedX]

How about this scenario : Instead of working directly for / against another male. What if I assign him a midly stressfull alone activity that's related to me (e.g.: making my brother play a hard solo video game for a small prize, a game in which I like very much and he's aware of that). Will the vasopressin release during the video game session afect our bonding in any way shape or form (like, say, my bonding towards him would not be affected, but would his bond to me be affected?)? And what if it's an activity that's not related to me at all, what would you predict?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Good question. I would need to see more research on the specifics of this situation, but if you two are not working together and one of you has assigned a task to another, it sounds like you'd be his employer. Do you bond to your boss when they make you complete a task and then pay you for it?

[@sp4rkle81]

But what if he doesn’t want to solve problems together? Is there still a way to activated his vasopressin? Thanks ❤

[@liberated217]

What makes a damsel in distress irresistible

[@AttachmentAdam]

Also true.

[@caitlinbennett3312]

Hi Adam, if you play a sport or game just the two of you where you are against each other, does this vasopressin bond or the opposite? If the man is learning a new skill from the woman in this game does that make a difference?

[@AttachmentAdam]

You'll still enjoy the time together but vasopressin is about accomplishing things together and working as a team.

[@ah4446]

What about an woman he is attracted to and that makes him nervous,does it mean it bonds him to her ?

[@moonknight4053]

What are things you can do to bond with males? Im not into building or constructing things so that’s out of the window 😕

[@AttachmentAdam]

I've got 5 vasopressin videos on this channel to help with this, check them out!

[@mostbeautifulbelovedgarden]

Why didn’t I watch this sooner

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad you found the content valuable! It's important to spread awareness of healthy attachment. What did you like about it specifically?

[@rachelpalmer5496]

I’m gobbling up your Channel Like a starving person in need of food. Quick question vasopressin is released through helping a man accomplish a task? My crush wanted to work at his business and I told him I will take your daughter and watch her. He was super grateful. Did this stimulate that? I helped him manage a task he needed to accomplish and it was my pleasure. Being avoidant he has pulled away after…I let him go..I have been guilty of chasing recently. Only in the last month have I realized I’m an anxious attacher and I’m working on it..

[@jadapaige4078]

Here from tiktok 👋

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad you’re here.

[@littleforestowl]

Me too 🙋🏽‍♀️

[@XSweetxcheeksX1]

Same. From the relationship coach lady

[@JoyJoy-ig9kl]

Hello ♥️ thank you for your video! How can I build vasopressin while enduring a long-distance relationship that will only last for a month? What can I do during this time to bond with my man?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hi Joy! I'd love to delve deeper into that topic and help you find some answers. Feel free to reach out to me via email at [e-mail].

[@JoyJoy-ig9kl]

@@AttachmentAdam thank you! I just sent an email 📧

[@mq762]

When we spend time (he ) seeks oxytocin ( cuddles, movie nights etc) and i seek vasscopressin ( adventures , games , puzzles etc )😢 it’s usually boring , i dont feel connected until i come up with an idea to boost vasscopressin bond but then when we do my (anxious attachment kicks in )and i feel resentful that he isnt the one who seeks to bond over vasscopressin its a vicious cycle that leaves me so bored and feeling like its too forced and not natural when i try to explain my needs he promises to plan something fun but dont usually meet and continue with the heavy dose of oxytocin.. just more damn cuddles, help me !!!😢

[@AttachmentAdam]

Sounds like you guys need to institute more challenges to tackle as a couple. If he's wanting more quiet time, can you introduce fun activities that also do vasopressin bonding?

[@mq762]

@@AttachmentAdam thank you for replying, after listening to your advice i started doing fun things on my own and asked him if he want to join and guess who got excited 😂 i realized he isn’t ( lets discuss the matter ) type because when i did, he felt like he wasnt doing enough and the conversation went downhill ) I recognized that he got the (go with the flow spirit ) so i decided to be my fun self doing things i love and if he wants to be part of the fun i invite the bonding & welcome him.. does it make sense ?

[@aveleedeleon7694]

@@mq762 It makes perfect sense!

[@JETTSTACHI]

4B. THAT'S how you bond with men.

[@mohammedrida8990]

i am a man i definitely feel connection and bond through vasopressin but i also feel it through oxytocin almost in same quantities is this weird or is it just normal

[@AttachmentAdam]

Men do also bond through oxytocin, it’s not zero. We just have more vasopressin receptors, and it’s smart to address both rather than neglect one for the other.

[@dayiilii7893]

Does this apply to young men? I mean I know you are referring to men in general but it does not seem to match with men in their 20's but more like the 40-50's year old men. Because right now most of guys don't like challenges and are looking for independent people who don't ask for help,don't need help,don't represent an effort.. everything out of it is toxic lately. 🤔

[@AttachmentAdam]

That may be about attachment issues. All men are born with more vasopressin receptors. Some men are so insecure they don’t believe they can ride to challenges. My earlier videos on attachment will show you why.

[@clopezferrer]

For you ladies who are thinking “oh, so I must cause stress and drama for my man to create strong bonds with me”… sorry, that’s not what Adam is trying to say. Adam is trying to explain that men build bonds with those who are with them and help them during challenges and bad times, which most modern women are absolutely not willing to do as they want men who have everything solved and are willin to share thir achievements and status. Bad news ladies, you’ll always be a hamburguer for that guy, an accessory, a nice-to-have, a treat. Want to bond? Help him build, stay with him in hard times, discuss money (how to make and save money) with him, workout with him, play with him.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thanks for watching.

[@IFYOUWANTITGOGETIT]

💯 %

[@moonknight4053]

Wow, you summed that up pretty good bro. Had to screenshot that because it was that good haha. What are ways do y think men could bond?

[@JessicaFayToday]

The last several men who showed marital interest in me were all waiting for me to graduate and get a good job. I guess the hamburger goes both ways.

[@clopezferrer]

@@JessicaFayToday Most likely a matter of peace of mind and focus. You know what's a huge turn-off for a healthy focused man? A stressed/stressing woman (because she hasn't finished school, because she can't get a -first- job, because she can't conceive a child, etc.)

[@cilla4200]

He talks to me after he finishes. For hours. I try my best to stay awake. Is this a good sign?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Sounds pretty good. 👍

[@ElectreIsMore]

Sounds amazing ! Except he sounds boring ! xD @@AttachmentAdam

[@se.i.4393]

A company together? I have a really important question that kinda foncuses me. We are teached that men like a strong minded women who let's THEM lead and not lead together. That gives him the chance to me masculine. I mean running a business together gives me 'mate' vibes. Not partner gives. Also how could we explain then guys who fall for gold diggers who let him do all work. Maybe we can fill their needs in our own way and not particularly the same way they do? I thought men like women who receives, not build up something together. I hope you understood my question☺️

[@AttachmentAdam]

Vasopressin bonding with trust and intimacy is very different from guys who seek women who just make them feel good and then trade them in later. This is much longer-term bonding!

[@shuja8156]

If someone does not go out and not socialise with friends, stuck in the house for whole year,not go in garden ,for them which is better vasopressin or oxytocin?

[@AttachmentAdam]

At that point, it sounds like they need a number of things. But if the choice is only between those two, I would say that oxytocin bonding would be very important because it can help them release GABA to manage whatever underlying issues might be going on that has kept them so isolated.

[@shuja8156]

@@AttachmentAdam thank yoi for your reply much appreciated. Is oxytocin for long term use or is it temporary so that u snap out of this predicament.

[@skinnyhippos9144]

I totally understand what you’re saying, but I have trouble understanding how this shifts for women or men with ADHD who don’t have the same amounts of dopamine production as your typical human. It’s funny because one screening question for women on the adhd screamer is “when you were younger were you more of a tomboy” and I’ve made the connection that I love vasopressin stimulation. But I have trouble because I seem to always just have hookups that don’t turn into a real connection ever for them and I feel the same defeat because I couldn’t get them to commit or see me as a commitment. I guess what I’m saying is help.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Brain chemistry and neurology do play a role. But men bond better through vasopressin because they naturally have more vasopressin receptors. If you’re looking to create vasopressin bonds during sex, I have a video guide specifically about that on this channel.

[@skinnyhippos9144]

@@AttachmentAdam I think what I’m saying is vasopressin is always what you want when you have adhd. You’re always wanting the kick and connection and excitement. So if you’re always doing that, why isn’t it working?

[@Llikalek]

Next time we'll solve math problems during sex to release hormones 😂

[@AttachmentAdam]

Genius 🤣

[@lammie2282]

So interesting thank you. What if a child was only given formula as a baby & not breast milk…could this possibly cause her/him to have bonding issues in the future?

[@AttachmentAdam]

You’d have to check research on that specifically, but breastfeeding gives oxytocin release to both parties. At the very least you’re losing chances for chemical bonding.

[@cangrejitamiry]

My ex refuses to engage in these activities. As if he knew it bonds him. I was desperately asking him to do exactly these things and he refused, but he also refuses with every one else, including his family. He says nobody does that for him (not true, objectively not true) and that all relationships fail anyways

[@annab.2086]

I wish this was true. I always take first dates to escape rooms which I love to see what they are made of and how well they perform under pressure, collaborate and think but some of them are totally useless, so not all men like challenges and to solve problems apparently. Very disappointing!!! What a let down they are!

[@jadalee6508]

I read somewhere that men get oxytocin too but I order to get it they have to practice semen retention. Do u kno if that's true?

[@AttachmentAdam]

I am extremely skeptical of anything that necessitates “semen retention” because that’s the opposite of what biological nature wants men to do. It’s better to focus on how men bond best and then open the door to more emotional intimacy through oxytocin in other areas as they bond with vasopressin.

[@JessicaFayToday]

It may just be porn avoidance that allows men to experience oxytocin. Got to see someone as human before having feelings for them.

[@PenguDZN]

My biology class taught me vasopressin is used to produce concentrated urine so we don't die of dehydration.. Is this the same vasopressin lol? (Antidihuretic hormone?)

[@AttachmentAdam]

Vasopressin serves many functions in the body and that is indeed one of them.

[@rustyotf]

I respect what ur saying...but I'm a man and have always had a closer bond with my daughter from day 1 than mum. She even got jealous of the bond we had. So she ruined it.💔😪

[@AttachmentAdam]

Does the mother have attachment problems?

[@rustyotf]

@@AttachmentAdam definitely

[@randykoha8936]

no wonder my girlfriend always wanted to hold my hand when i didn’t really want to

[@AttachmentAdam]

Different types of bonding.

[@NagoyaHouseHead]

What about serotonin ? Dopamine ? and Endorphin ?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Yes, there are a number of chemicals at play. Are you wanting to learn about each of those and their role in bonding?

[@NagoyaHouseHead]

@@AttachmentAdam Absolutely, if possible

[@enloveyduvey001]

So... playing hard to get helps him like you more..

[@AttachmentAdam]

It can, if done right.

[@rosinareyes8034]

What if it’s a homebirth and the father has an active role in delivering the baby? Will that cause a stress/vasopressin response? Also, how often should we plan these vasopressin bonding activities to be most effective?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Interesting question! It's possible stress could play a role. As for bonding activities, it varies. Quality over quantity matters. What do you think?

[@JessicaFayToday]

Good point. Medicalized birth really distances the father from the experience in many ways.