My Friend Thinks I'm Spoiling Her Child And Turning Him Against Her r/Relationships

[@crem-crem4070]

Story 1: so op is a bad friend to Emma because…*checks notes* she’s being a good guardian to her son??

[@alexvalentine5091]

Poor kid just wanted to paint

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@alexvalentine5091 poor kids, both abandoned by their mother

[@terramarini6880]

@@alexvalentine5091 Poor kid was excited about it and wanted to share his new found interests WITH his mom, certainly not the actions of a spoiled child that was being turned against her, quite the opposite in fact.

[@Dr.RatioSnail]

@@TsukiKageTora We have to understand this person isn't well and needs help. I think that Emma is grief stricken and unwell. Hopefully Emma is found and gets the help she actually needs. This is a very sad situation. It sounds like she has an ongoing mental illness and it's pushed her over the edge due to all that us going on.

[@ryanhburnette]

I haven’t seen the video at all yet, but just reading this single comment thread already has me pissed off and saddened. Poor kid(s).

[@AndyyWithAY]

That commenter attacking OP is an AH and moron. OP agreed to raise Emma's child indefinitely for free. What more is there for her to do? That's way above and beyond what you can ask of someone

[@carolroberts4614]

There's always one! And it's probably someone who's never done anything for anybody out of goodness of their( stone cold) heart.

[@crowdemon_archives]

​@@carolroberts4614 they have a heart?

[@carolroberts4614]

Allegedly!

[@paden1865able]

Showing kindness and care to a child in a difficult situation isn't spoiling them one damn bit.

[@maggpiprime954]

This. So much this.

[@dianakosianka5344]

OP wasn't even being TA at all - they took in a kid who needed her and bonded with him and introduced him to new things. How is him becoming interested in new recipes and museums being 'spoiled'? Based off of what OP wrote, he seems like a sweet yet lonely kid.

[@GnakIII]

I actually read it as the mother becoming defensive because of the guilt she feels when the kid asks to do more things together with her but the mom doesn't have the mental/ physical/ emotional energy to spare. Instead of the immediately becoming angry and yelling back the mature thing to do would've been for OP to talk the mom down and tell her that her kid just wants more bonding time. That if she can't do that right now then make plans to have more one on one time in the future.

[@maggpiprime954]

@@GnakIII Good point, and there's probably a lot of that. But way to cause generational trauma. 💔

[@gunman462]

The mother is mentally unwell and lashed out.

[@jackspring7709]

NTA: OP didn't spoil anyone. It breaks my heart to see children having to take the consequences and pick up the pieces of bad parents - worse when theses parents just don't care. OP was asked to look after a child - and she did that and did a great job of it.

[@louisejohnson6057]

It seems obvious to me that Emma is ill. People who are suffering from a mental break, are literally not in their right minds. It's possible that Emma is in a fugue state, which is when a person who has been under a large psychological stressor, say, having a child that you're watching get sicker and sicker, afraid every day would be her last. Fugue states are characterized by disappearing, and only remembering bits and pieces of your life. She may have felt a strong pull towards, and also retained the info needed, to enter into the family's private chat group, but then didn't retain the information needed to be able to recognize the names or anything else about the people who were involved in the chat itself.This has happened once before, also during a very stressful time, and she came back. This woman needs medical attention, not condemnation.

[@zerobolt9506]

Same, also it hurt my heart with how much you can tell that they missed each other cause of something out of both of their control

[@jackspring7709]

@@louisejohnson6057 I didn't condemn her - read my comment again: and it's obvious there is something wrong with her - but I'll save my compassion for the people whose lives are being badly affected and even destroyed by her. I notice you had nothing to say about those.

[@jamestown8398]

True. In the end of the update, when OP claimed Emma loved her kids, my reaction was to conclude OP was in denial. Emma does not love her kids, and “reunification” will be bad for them. A foster mother who puts in work and effort is always better than a biological mother who doesn’t give a shit.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

Story 2: NTA. Do you know why the homophobic uncle was angry about being uninvited despite probably not being interested in going anyway? Because bigots love an audience, and they hate their intolerance being used as a reason to ignore them. He can’t be homophobic quietly, he HAS to be able to say “I was invited but CHOSE not to go because I don’t approve of the lifestyle”.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

That’s almost assuredly not true. There is a big culture around showing you care about people and sending an invite is a courteous thing to show that. Now, OP had every right to not make that show and his uncles couldn’t accept that they are not accepted. That’s what happens when you put “family” first before what you value.

[@kichikitsu]

so, instead of like... throwing a fit and refusing to do anything that isn't up to the "new standards" like a spoiled kid WOULD do, Caleb simply wants to do more things with his mom and try new foods. Sounds like Caleb has gotten a taste of actual affection and friendship and wants that from his mom, too, but she just doesn't care enough to put in that effort and doesn't like to feel shitty about it so she projects those feelings onto OP.

[@alexvalentine5091]

Hit the nail on the head

[@Sifya]

Museum are free in US, right? Mom was using excuse, it is like I got my love for baking by my big sister then my mom, because she was "busy"

[@alexvalentine5091]

@@Sifya depends. Some you have to buy tickets for but I don’t think they’re usually that expensive

[@Sifya]

@@alexvalentine5091 how much because for example here in Italy can start from 10 euro and more, so it can be very expensive for a family.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

@@Sifya they have free days or kids days(kids get in for free and there's activities for them) Usually it's their slow day like Sunday or a random Tuesday. Easy to figure out on their website or by calling.

[@JadeLwoj]

From the way OP seems to be more than a little lost on how exactly a child is supposed to be raised, it seems like Emma also didn’t give her a whole lot of instruction on how exactly she was even supposed to take care of Caleb past school and being fed. OP kind of flailing around and going ”I’m doing this? Do you want to do it with me? Is this something people do with kids?” is adorable.

[@carolroberts4614]

I think it if I'd as parents are blundering out way through ! My two are 18 months apart, and without much help from my now ex, it was hard. They had no complaints, and they have grandchildren now!

[@0potion]

As someone raised by a single mom who had multiple kids and was constantly working and faith-based we never had any time for me at all. Am I going out of her way to raise his expectations of life like that so heavily and then just shoving him back to his mom that she knew would not have the time to do all that stuff with him. And everyone's interest was like oh well here's a better wife knows that's better. I guarantee that the mom abandon the kids and had her freak out because of what Caleb said her about the poster. I guarantee that kids said something about house so great in the one telling the story was. But it literally caught them until breaking his mother cuz she felt inadequate. And everyone's praising this woman despite the fact that she caused this other woman's mental breakdown. In fact a bit of anecdotal evidence is my sister likes to pull the same crap with my brother's kids she shows up with gifts that are always so much better than his for Christmas and always makes him look like crap during Christmas. Legit is really messed up that she shows up and makes their parents look like crap on a major holiday every single year.

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

@@0potion "I guarantee that the mom abandon the kids... because of the poster." Yeah, well I guarantee _you're wrong._ Emma took off and abandoned Caleb _before_ this time (for six months!) and OP had nothing to do with it then. Then she abandoned her son with OP and sees him only once a month? Only called him once a week? She should've been calling him and seeing him a heck of a lot more than that - not necessarily calling every day, but definitely more than once a week, and maybe driving to see him once a week, at minimum. OP didn't make Emma look like a crap parent. Emma just _is_ a crap parent. She now has a history of _repeatedly abandoning_ her children. That's why everyone is applauding OP for taking care of Caleb: OP is stepping up to do the job that Emma won't.

[@Dragon_Fox]

@@0potion If she is that easy to drive away, she isn't fit to take care of children. You can't just abandon your children because they had fun with another person who has more money than you! And the thing about your sister is a different problem OP was taking care of someone else's child FREE OF CHARGE, and your sister is just being a asshole

[@myrabeth77]

Dad in Story 2 is now in serious danger of being flooded with adult adoption requests from all over the world. He's awesome.

[@TheLilyMustang]

I am ready to fill out the forum

[@justinecorrington4106]

Story 1 comments: wtf does Op have to do with Grace and the medical bills?? Like she’s taking care with Caleb with no end date, sporadic calls/visits from the mom. Not surprised by the selfish behavior of the mom. When she wasn’t daily calling, and then blows up for her son being distant and changed

[@HaliaStone]

The dad in story 2 gives me “you’re doing amazing sweetie!” vibes while he’s filming the shit going down lmao

[@carolroberts4614]

Isn't he lovely?A real dad! I like to think my own dad would have been like him, if the situation had arisen. He was the father of four girls, and he was not keen on the way some of us were treated by our partners! He might have been happier with daughters in law!

[@kentario1610]

The way OP said his dad said he'd be right there to laugh at the situation, and the "atta boy!" text, I want to meet this dad. I can see the shoulder clapping.

[@Keyonne88]

Just had my first kid and I will aspire to be the "you get em, girl" mom. lol

[@tinycrimester]

story 1: serves to remind us that a lot of people who are child-free choose that life because they don't think they could meet THEIR OWN self-imposed standards for what's good child care. OP sounds like a very good and responsible person.

[@Russman67]

Story 2: I Don't get why the uncles needed an invitation so that they could stand there and decline to show up. No one needs someone silently judging them at their wedding. And honestly, the dad is just giving me so much life right here. OP got the right one!

[@andredunbar3773]

Well, as @Hasan Wilson and @Greg Jayonnaise said in their comments, it's because they wanted another opportunity to bring attention to their bigotry.

[@Taizu314]

As a bi person I just want to say that the Dad in the second story is awesome.

[@madambutterfly1997]

They wanted to have the opportunity to refuse the invitation to your wedding the same way they refused your uncles invitation. They’re mad you took that choice from them.

[@VidGirl88]

Story 1: treating a child well is not 'spoiling' them. Being a positive role model and keeping them fed and happy is not 'spoiling' any child. It should be seen as standard but sadly isn't.

[@amandasunshine2]

Poor kid had to ask his mom to be a good parent and the mom blames the one who is being a good mom.. ❤️

[@AndyyWithAY]

Emma needs to lose custody of both of those kids, especially if she has a history of this. SIX months you just abandon your child. That's unacceptable and makes her unfit. What if the next time she leaves these 2 minors, one very sick in the home alone with no adult. I wouldn't give her that chance

[@Deas-Mhumhna]

Wow. Didnt know that loving a child, being present, and not treating them as the 'extra' sibling translated to spoiled.🙄

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 NTA. Wedding invitations cost bank, postage costs bank. What is the point of wasting money on people that you know will turn it down

[@carolroberts4614]

A first class stamp in the UK is 95p, I wouldn't waste that on those uncles!

[@madambutterfly1997]

“You were thought about, and that’s why you weren’t invited.”

[@t1995roger10]

W dad in story 2, the "that's my boy," text got me laughing lol

[@ajzephyros7454]

The saddest thing. Everything Caleb wanted was to do activities with his own Mother. So Caleb is spoiled because he wanted his mother's attention

[@peteranon8455]

Story 1. NTA. If anyone is ever upset that you're spoiling their kid, they need to back down and realize that you're doing them the favor.

[@maggpiprime954]

90 minutes. My father did that for us and we weren't even sick. Who tf doesn't phone their own kid in a situation like this? It's not like one parent respecting the other's time with the child in a shared custody agreement. I don't understand OP's friend. I don't understand any parent who forsakes the healthy child for the sick one. True family is TOGETHER. This is heartbreaking. Edit: Oh my god this is so sad. I hope Emma gets the help she needs, if only for her children's sake.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I get that the Grace situation was dire but Emma still should have done more and been more involved. Emma's an AH. OP did her a huge favor basically raising her child while she was MIA. The topic of AITA is a non-issue in my opinion. Caleb can just do those things with her like he has been. Most of us had special things we only did with aunts, grandparents, cousins etc that we never did at home with our parents

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1 update: no, the mom shouldn’t have to see the kids. She abandoned them! Her daughter was left in the hospital for days alone with no mom to get visits from, probably raised her hopes for a visit soon and then nothing. Then Caleb gets sent to live with a stranger (might or might not know OP that well and is a stranger to him) basically. All the while not being checked on by his mom. Then him getting new experiences, his mom yells at his caretaker making it seem to Caleb that he was the one at fault. Then she abandons him again too, for the second time. She abandoned him for around 1/4 of his life at the time he was a toddler and now along with his sister who is in the hospital She deserves no rights to those children and deserve parents that are actually there instead of one that “might” be there if she doesn’t go on another abandonment tangent. ETA: the mom isn’t well, sure, but she hurt her kids and I wouldn’t want her kids to be hurt again

[@maximillian1109]

Life is so much more complicated than that. You can’t just view it from a black and white lence. Also, think of the kids! The mom may not deserv them, sure. But the kids do deserve her!

[@zoe9190]

I wouldnt let her be around the kids unless some serious steps were enforced. Seek therapy and attend every session for a year, be drug tested regularly, no alcohol, pay some of support for the kids to prove she can care for them. All of that would need to be consistently done by Emma before i would consider letting her see her kids again

[@venomoussocks1017]

@@maximillian1109 so, the children deserve a mother that abandoned them once before and has recently done so again? A woman with a minimal support structure? A woman who blames OP- her friend- when her son is being looked after and cared for? I get that she's in a lot of turmoil and stress, but I think her recent actions warrant some supervision if she has contact with her children again. The fact that she completely ghosted her son and hospitalized daughter is negligence.

[@GnakIII]

It honestly feels like the mother has very little support with being a single mother of two. One of which is constantly ill. She's probably overwhelmed and extremely guilty feeling like a horrible mother but is in denial phase.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@GnakIII so her thought process was to abandon the kids? Lol Besides OP said the mother didn’t just abandon Caleb once, she abandoned him when he was a toddler for 1/4 of his life

[@cuzican1902]

Story 1: So this is the second time she's abandoned her kids. I don't think she should have them back as she is not trustworthy at all but maybe visit would ok if the kids are ok with it. How must those poor kids feel to be abandoned by their mom?

[@dm9078]

This doesn’t sound like much of a friendship to me. Oh yeah NTA!Edit: WTF? Disappeared, damn those poor kids! OP is a legend!

[@simac8396]

My family is like this...they have no problem insulting other people and expecting those people to just let it go. But the second anyone insults them in the slightest, they get all but hurt and pissy.

[@peteranon8455]

Story 2. NTA. "What, you want to come to a gay wedding? No? Then what, exactly, are you asking for?"

[@SLTheOneAndAwesome19]

Story 1: Poor Caleb. His dad died a year ago and now his mom has left him long term with a friend because his sister is sick. He feels abandoned and him making these requests of his mother when he stays with her is because he's having complex emotions that he's too young to express. He's the centre of attention with OP, in what may be the only time in his life since his sister was born. So him making these requests is his way of trying to get the same attention from his mom. He's really struggling with wanting to be home with his family and also wanting to stay with OP where he feels he gets the attention he needs. And I understand that Emma is going through hell right now with one kid sick. But to blame OP and lash out at her isn't right. OP isn't to blame and neither is Caleb. It's a shit situation and Emma probably thinks she's handling it the best she can. She needs to find time to give Caleb 1 on 1 time or he will resent her and his sister for life. OP is very obviously NTA. ETA: Oof, I don't know how to feel about that update. If it's happened in the past, maybe she has run off, but my brain went straight to something happening to her. Either way, I hope for the best for those kids.

[@brigidtheirish]

And he wants to do those things *with his mom!* He's telling her that he loves her and wants to spend time with her!

[@owl7072]

Story 2: It very clear to anyone with a brain cell that the uncles only wanted to be invited purely so they can reject him and potentially make a show of doing so. And Op's mom sounds like mine, unfortunately. Very much "Be proud of yourself! But only when it's convenient for me. When it's not, then you better get back in that closet until it is." type of "support"

[@Russman67]

Emma loves her children but abandoned them both when her youngest is coming out of hospital and has disappeared on Caleb twice in his lifetime. Those two things don't track. Luckily OP can pick up Emma's slack and help the grandparents but Emma needs some serious help

[@wessexdruid7598]

You've never had any experience of people with mental illness, have you?

[@Russman67]

@@wessexdruid7598 More than I care to go into on KZbin. But your point....

[@wessexdruid7598]

@@Russman67 Then how do you manage to say "Those two things don't track." They do easily if someone is mentally ill.

[@glass9137]

That ‘chisme’ was so funny 😂 You were close, its prounounced like ‘cheese meh’

[@alexanderramirez4647]

Right XD I heard it from markee the other day, same thing happened, it's so funny

[@mogulmade]

Emma should NOT get these children back. I do not care. This is twice that Caleb has been abandoned in his short life. Calling once a week? Visiting twice a month? Please!

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1: if you did want your kid to pick up other habits in the day to day life that you aren’t ok with, perhaps don’t give your son to someone else to live with them for a long amount of time. Yes I know your daughter has a condition and is in hospital, but was it really the only option you had to give your son to someone else and basically ignore his existence for that time to not even know his actual new daily routine with his new temporary “mommy”. Play stupid games win stupid prizes

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 2: OP: **tells story about their bigoted uncles** Uncles: “how dare you make a post about us painting us in a bad light like that” OP: “do you believe in **insert homophobic statement?”** Uncles: “yes” OP: “maybe stop being bigoted and you’d be painted in a better light” Uncles: **surprised Pikachu face**

[@ashh4929]

I gotta say the "You aren't worth the price of postage ".... delicious! Lol 😁

[@luvondarox]

The saddest bit about the Caleb story is that everything he brought up are things that _he wants to do WITH the family,_ especially his Mom. *She's* the one damaging the relationship.

[@madambutterfly1997]

They’re mad that their bigotry actually has consequences

[@MarkNarrations]

Now I can say it, happy Friday all! Wishing you a lovely weekend ahead

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Have a lovely weekend 💜💜🤗🤗

[@JohnSmith-xq1pz]

I refuse to allow such a thing and shall curse all who reads this ⛈⛈⛈

[@maggpiprime954]

You too Mark!

[@jerrystauffer2351]

"Emma isn't well" is code for "bio daddy isn't the only one on drugs"

[@jennywhite2462]

Story 1 my Mom was the sibling of a very ill brother. She was around 5. My Uncle had a whelms tumor on his kidney they found it when he was around 6 months old.. My Nan had to take him to Cleveland for treatment while my Pap worked 60 hours a week. My Mom had to stay with her great Aunt and Uncle in Pennsylvania. They never had kids of their own. While they didn't spoil her with material things they were retired and spent a lot of time with her and included her in activities. She saw her Dad every Sunday but didn't see my Nan for months at a time. She did not want to go home when my Uncle got better and him and my Nan returned home. She went from being the center her Aunt and Uncles world for over a year to returning to a home were her brother got all the attention because he was recovering from having his kidney being removed and treatment for cancer. She was told to suck it up that her brother needed more then her. My Nan also took her frustration out on my Mom when my Uncle acted up she felt she couldn't correct him because he was sick. My Mom had bad feelings into adulthood about it all. She wished they would of just let her stay with her Aunt and Uncle. It's terrible for the sick child and parent but it's also terrible for the healthy sibling. This boy was sent from his home to a friend of his mother's. Him and Mom's friend have made the best of a confusing and difficult situation. I am sure he feels bad about being sent away from the family. Instead of buying some paints to paint with him and take him to a museum she yells at the friend taking care of her kid.

[@truthseeker9249]

Wow. What a story. Not to say I don't believe you! But damn what a story. I can imagine the hell your mom had to go through. It's lonely being an only child. Especially when your dad isn't in your life and you and your mother fight like cats and dogs. But based on my mother as a person, I would say that if I did have a sibling and they were very sick my childhood would have been the same way. Is your uncle still alive? And your Pap, Nan and Aunt and Uncle? Are they still alive?

[@jennywhite2462]

@@truthseeker9249 My Mom's great Aunt and Uncle passed away when I was about 8 they were very involved my Mom's life and mine and my siblings until they did. My Uncle her little brother went into remission as a child and was healthy until he was in his mid 50's he got pancreatic cancer and only lived about 2 months after his diagnosis. My Mom and him were very close right up until the end she was with him when he passed away. They bonded over the fact that my Nan was manic. My Uncle hated the way she treated my mother. They had 3 younger siblings and my Mom was yelled at with them when the misbehaved. She was the oldest and there for should of known better. So the kid who mishaved and my Mom were both in trouble. My Nan was severally manic and was never diagnosised. I honestly feel a lot of what happened was a sign of the times not that it excuses it. My Mom was born in 1951 and my Uncle in 1955. She didn't have it as bad as some of her friends but to todays standards it was pretty bad. My Pap was a nice enough guy he worked a lot and I don't think he knew how to deal with my Nan's moods. When he saw or heard my Nan yelling at my Mom or spanking her and the younger 3 kids he did stop her but he also never left and took his kids. My Nan and Pap both passed away in the last 15 years. My Pap about a month before my Uncle and my Nan about 7 years ago.. I am 100% certain my Nan was manic and undiagnosed. A lot of mental illness went unaddressed and undiagnosed for too long. What my Mom and her siblings went through could of been avoided if my Nan was properly diagnosed and under the care of a doctor. Back then no one even hinted they were mentally ill for fear of being locked away or lobotomized. My Nan wasn't a terrible person I do have some good memories of her. And I was close to my Pap. The people who idealize the era my Mom grew up in don't realize what it was really like. My Mom had a lot of therapy in the 80's and 90's so she knows what happened wasn't her fault that my Nan was ill and took it out on her. She doesn't excuse the what my Nan did but she doesn't hate her. It took her a very long time and therapy to get to that point. I could write a book on the stuff my Nan did. From ripping through closets and cabinets to "reorganize" then never putting the stuff back. Paging my Pap in Walmart because he went to at something she didn't want to look at.

[@myrabeth77]

The sad part is how common it is for some form of neglect and/or being pawned off on relatives to a degree that damages the parent-child relationship to occur with children who have sick siblings (or a sick parent). No matter how things turn out for the sick sibling, there is nearly always permanent mental/emotional damage to the healthy one.

[@shanebrown4146]

Story 1 -OP is amazing,she did not want kids but stepped up & became a mother

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Last story: Why do I have the sense that Mum may have been a quiet bigot herself, it's just coming out now?

[@samanthaw3845]

I cannot believe OP in story 1 is talking about letting Emma back into the kids’ lives after she bailed for the second time. EMMA ABANDONED HER HORRIFICALLY SICK DAUGHTER in the hospital WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE. Like, OP does understand that, right? Emma didn’t say “I’m gone, look after the kids”; they only found out when the hospital staff contacted the police because no one showed up for Grace. What if next time Emma disappears like this, she leaves the kids home by themselves and no one knows?? Like, absolutely she should not be allowed to take back her children. Visitation, maybe, but Emma should not have custody. And it’s kind of concerning that OP believes these children should be in the care of a parent who thinks it’s appropriate to just disappear for six months when she wants to pretend she doesn’t have kids. I feel bad for her, sure, but that doesn’t mean she should be able to treat her children this way. Hopefully CPS doesn’t let Emma regain custody.

[@carolsh1983]

I just always appreciate your nuance and compassion to OPs so much, Mark. You are a class act.

[@LusterDust]

I absolutely feel for Emma. Truly. She's traumatized, she most likely has PTSD. In a constant state of fear of losing her daughter, the stress of seeing that every day, living in an unwelcome place with people who are supposed to care about you, and then realizing she isn't good for her son right now. Pragmatically, one can of course feel terribly for Emma while understanding Caleb is in the right place with OP and that Grace, bless her heart, may be in better hands, too, being able to be with her brother, a more gentle environment and access to care, as I'm pretty sure guardianship would help with insurance. And in that vein, I'm not against Emma seeing her kids again. In a perfect world I could hope that Caleb stays with OP, because I'm not exactly trusting that Emma won't leave again when, let's face it, Grace unfortunately gets worse or passes. I hope Grace is a miracle child, I hope she finds a donation. I hope the kids stay with OP and Emma may get well.

[@emilybarclay8831]

She’s a deadbeat with a history of abandoning her children. She left her daughter to potentially die alone in a hospital. That’s not a mother, that’s a failure

[@AnymousScreams]

Good on the second OP for not inviting toxic family to their wedding. Maybe cutting out toxic family, for OP and their uncle, is best for both of them. OP's husband and father are awesome, but their mother sucks. Bisexual people get a lot of hate and can even be ignored amongst the LGBTQ+. Speaking from experience as someone who's bi, I would do what OP did.

[@dominonine]

Story 2: I can't get over how much of a legend this dad is, I wish my dad was a fraction as good as this guy holy fuck.

[@Arthus850]

What confuses me the most about Story 2 is the mom. She claims that what she’s angry about is the party being ruined, but I think it’s odd how she’s completely aware why the party wend down the way it did but she’s still upset about the party and nothing else matters to her. Something tells me that’s not what she’s upset about. Her son’s being attacked for being bi, and she knew he would be attacked for being bi but forced him to go anyway and got angry at him for not sucking up to his uncles for the sake of the party and even left her husband for supporting their son? I have a feeling it’s less about the party and more about her agreeing with the uncles and hoping they’d “knock some sense” into OP and is pissed that it didn’t happen and she’s only using the party going south as an excuse.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 2: OP stood up for himself and the uncle said “thanks but now my relationship is strained with them and I didn’t want that”? How manipulative to make the gay guy feel guilty for sticking up to his family. Besides was his relationship with his brothers already strained for rejecting his invitations to his wedding? OP had nothing to do with the straining of the relationship anyways, the bigoted guys were the cause of the strain. OP only stood up for himself

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

I think he may not have seen it as strained until OP pointed out to him afterwards that the relationship between uncle and his brothers is unhealthy for him. When you grow up in an environment like that you just don't know any better. I know, it took me a 10 year marriage, 2 kids and 15 years of depression to finally realise I was trans and into females. The ideas of the church and imprints of "how society wants you to live your life" was imprinted so hard that I managed to ignore own thoughts and feelings unconsiously for "the greater good." Bi uncle at least managed to come out earlier, but still seems to live in somewhat denial over "his lifestyle" since he keeps telling himself the relationship with bigot family can be repaired - while it clearly won't.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@Nathan_Bookwurm he knew it was strained though, he was in a relationship with a guy and his family didn’t accept it and bluntly said he was going to heck for it. He was himself and his brothers shunned him for it, and when OP stood up for himself with his own LGBTQ+ relationship and why he doesn’t want to invite his homophobic uncles, his other uncle told him he was straining his relationship with his brothers.

[@luvondarox]

A 90 minute drive is no reason to see your child only once a month

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 1: OP is NTA for taking care of the children as best she could for her friend. The friend most likely got caregiver's burnout which piled onto her guilt for not taking care of her son and thus broke her mentally. The parents probably have had her committed but don't want to divulge due to shame. I hope OP gets custody so she can finally have the authority to get the kids some therapy. Many mental syndromes are hereditary and the children might have issues as they grow into adolescence.

[@paulastiles5507]

It's extremely difficult to get someone committed to a psych hospital or rehab center for any length of time in the U.S. There are legal issues surrounding it and the facilities are very overloaded. Best case scenario is that Emma is simply off on a bender or something similar. Worst case is that something permanent happened to her.

[@ineedhoez]

Story 1: I legitimately cried. OP is a real one for taking on the kids. My heart breaks as well for the Mother. I cannot imagine being a single parent with a sick/dying child. Not every is strong. Some people just break. I hope she can get help and find her way back. I would not give her custody or anything but those kids need to know their mother loves them.

[@missmax2492]

My god. My little sister was very sick at a point when I was younger. My mom was stressed and scared, the poor baby was red and burning up. My mom still cared for me, she was still loving. I'm turning twenty later this month and my mom calls me every day. Only once a week for what's effectively a baby? He's still her baby. Angry he's got any form of expectation? A joke.

[@rylashadow18]

S1) What does she expect when she literally abandoned him? She has two children. Is it tiring to take care of an sick child? Of course! It doesn't mean you stop being a parent to both. Of course she'd bounce. She's the picture of selfishness. So glad the kids have their grandparents and OP looking out for them. I only ask that the OP let the kids decide if they want a relationship with their mom seeing as they're the party that was hurt the most by her actions. Emma can wish for a relationship with her kids until the end of time but they are the ones to decide if she's worth it. S2) They're actions and behavior got them univited. They don't get to sit there all shocked pikachu cause you're not playing around with their BS. Time to collect screen shots, find the post where they're so called calling you out and say "This you?" Grab the popcorn and enjoy the fireworks. I hope everyone can move on from things in a healthy manner. Remember you can't ask for love and respect from people who feel you aren't worth either.

[@jamestown8398]

Honestly, Emma is just a bad mother. She basically abandoned Caleb so she could focus all her energy and attention on Grace (no, Grace’s sickness is not an excuse - both her kids need her), then got angry at OP for actually putting in effort to keep Caleb happy because it means he won’t want half-assed parenting anymore, then just abandoned Grace and Caleb both to do god knows what. “But caregiver burnout!” That’s a good reason to seek help, but it’s *never* a good excuse to abandon your charge. If you can’t handle having a sick kid, or a queer kid, or a disabled kid, then you aren’t fit to be a parent.

[@EveryDayALittleDeath]

Story 2: OP is a badass. Glad he helped his uncle realized he deserves better, because he does. They both do. And may all queer people find someone like OP's dad to be in their corner.

[@linkinlady06]

Okay anybody else loving the dad in the second story? LOL he's so joyous and so supportive definitely seems like the kind of guy to always be in your corner I love that ❤❤❤

[@tartlynerdy]

Story 1 - I was going to give Emma a small chance until the part she bailed on her two kids. She's a struggling mother but she's also a bad mother. I don't it's healthy for the kids to be around this woman who'll make it a habit to drop in and out of their lives. That's how people develop emotional issues. Story 2 - NTA. That's it. You're allowed to pick and choose who you want at your wedding. That's double true for homophobic family members. The fact that they just wanted the option before turning it down was obnoxious. The mom and the uncles are completely whack. If they don't want to be bad guys they should stop acting like bad guys. It's good that the bi-uncle is getting the therapy he needs. A relationship with bigots isn't worth the pain.

[@aaronmedley7606]

"punishment will serve no one here".....so she learns she can leave her kids without consequences got it

[@AndyyWithAY]

Being compared to a postage stamp 🤣🤣🤣 You love to see it 🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@SweetnL0]

Yet again, Mark shows us his big heart with his comments to the OPs. ❤

[@MrPikaGammer]

Being someone who was abandonded by my mother, Emma can rot in the deepest hole. Her kids deserve much more I hope OP becomes their mom.

[@cheskydivision]

I think op did a great job taking care of the kid. It’s possibly the only time he’s gotten real attention if mom is always dealing with a sick child.

[@EluneAnzu]

First story: Emma is 100% a deadbeat parent, she spent as much time with her son as a divorced parent would and BARELY called, yes she had another sick child but talking/face timing on the phone should be the bare minimum. Update makes her a lot worse since this isn't the first time she's dipped out on the kids, honestly doesn't make her seem like she wants them.

[@AppleStrawberryLove]

Story 1: I have far less empathy for Emma. Part of being a parent is the responsibility of caring for your child both from moral/social pov and legally. You do not get to just walk out on that even if you're struggling. If you're struggling, then you have to get help/arrange for the kids before disappearing. The fact Emma thinks it's fine to just disappear makes me livid. "She loves her kids." No. No she doesn't. Love is not ignoring your children's care and wellbeing while you just disappear into the aether. Also, her hissy fit... you already have messed up his attachment to you! This is your fault. He didn't cause the break; you did.

[@carlrood4457]

As I pointed out on another channel. It wasn't 57 cents postage. It would have been $1.14, since it's customary to stamp the RSVP

[@platinum_noelle]

The uncles, after painting themselves red for years: how dare OP2 paint us red!

[@tweetymonkey]

Thanks for dropping more joy in the world Mark, hope you’re doing great

[@jenniferrichards2122]

I just see Emma coming back months or even years later then getting mad when no one wants her around. I feel for the children. She should stay gone forever, in my opinion.

[@shydog7276]

Emma only sees her own kid "once or twice a month" 💀 she didn't have the OP "watch him;" she basically rehomed him like a dog she doesn't have time for. Poor kid.

[@hellhog3252]

I have no empathy for the mom in story 1. Their father has already died, as terrible of one as he was, and not only did she abandon her sickly daughter and son but this is the second time she’s dipped on em. She will only hurt these children again. I’ve seen it in my own family and those kids have already been through enough without their worthless mother dipping on them for a second time. Her son didn’t even expect things from the sounds of it he only wanted them so he could do those things *with his mom* and she took that as “Oh so what I provide isn’t good enough for you anymore?” And threw a tantrum to her friend who’s stepping up when she needed someone. I have no empathy for a person like that. Whatever hole she finds herself in I hope she suffocates in it. You never treat children/family like that.

[@Lily_of_the_Forest]

Story #1 I’m worried Emma is dead and the killer has her phone… Yes she did run away before but no guarantee it happened again.

[@jerriewyatt905]

Last story.. it’s nice to have a happy heartwarming story now and then..

[@mizv4043]

so from what I get the mom was furious that caleb was given proper parental attention and affection and came back happy to show his sister and as a result proved she was trash by abandoning her own kids. the OP is giving this woman too much slack and underestimating how much damage running out on those kids is doing

[@kimsvisualdiary]

I would’ve told Emma to come get her kid since she’s not appreciative of all that OP has done. What an ungrateful jerk.

[@Jjudes9665]

Story 1. It’s always very easy to lay blame at someone’s door, but with hindsight the best and most proactive outcome is to put the children first and foremost, and forget blame. It’s the children who need all the love, respect and unwavering support from everyone around them. As long as the friend and family keep the channels of communication to the mother open that is all that can be done. My love prayers and huge respect go to OP and the grandparents who have to stand together and firm in such turmoil.💞🇬🇧

[@natnuss98]

Emma is mad that OP provided a good life for her son? I know it must have hurt when her son asked for all those fancy things she couldn't provide or afford for her son. But if I were his mother I would have told him 'Mom does different things from aunt OP and I'm very glad you get to do all these cool things with auntie OP but mom cannot do the same things with you and I wish I could but for now only auntie can do these special things and we'll find something special for us."

[@withlove2963]

The only thing of note that OP gave Caleb was time and attention. It sounds like she respected him as an individual. Which honestly, is how I feel all children should be treated. He wasn't spoiled. He was used to being heard.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: I feel bad for the bi uncle, but I think he was overly optimistic, thinking he could just ignore the situation out of existence. Good on the OP for both apologizing for using Bi Uncle's wedding as an example and also pointing out that his approach ain't working. I don't know where he can go from here, either, but the previous approach is not working. The homophobic uncles can get over themselves and go pound...uh, sand. Think they're gonna be very surprised about who goes to Hell when, but that's just me. Dad is gold. Mom needs to get with the program and stop Blaming the Victim.

[@claraclown8036]

The false eye on the wedding cake 😂 had to rewind it to make sure I heard it right… I love hearing Mark’s personal stories 🤣

[@reginarainer9740]

OP may not have wanted children, but she is being an excellent mother to Caleb.

[@daisychain5087]

Story #1 OP needs to get her head on straight and STOP being concerned about her friend's welfare over the children's. The children are SCREAMING loud and clear what they need. Kids who've been through abuse are usually very clear-sighted. If they're exhausted - BELIEVE IT, TRUST IT!! That doesn't mean the parent wasn't well-intentioned. It does however, mean that they weren't/aren't capable and were/are hugely abusive. If the kids don't want to ever return to that, don't even consider it, let alone entertain it because you "don't want to punish the parent", or be seen in a bad light yourself. Your obligation is TO THOSE CHILDREN AND THOSE CHILDREN ALONE. The parents are responsible for tending to their own lives. They're adults! I say this as a child who was disbelieved when I knew full well what I had experienced, and what was and wasn't dangerous. As an adult, all the adults present at the time, finally agree with what I fought for from age TWO and up! Believe the kids. PLEASE!!

[@tashawilliams87]

💚 Haha and again! Spot on for cooking tea!

[@MarkNarrations]

Nice! What's for tea Tasha?!

[@tashawilliams87]

@MarkNarrations Tofu Buddha bowls :) Keep up the good work! Your storytelling is great and your personal anecdotes have made me stick around!

[@vidhead85]

So OP is "spoiling Caleb by" checks notes treating him like a human being with thoughts and feelings of his own? The update is a bit better than I thought. Caleb and Grace deserve present family. Emma was just pissed that OP could provide a better space for her kid than she could This Emma is no friend of OP's...she's garbo

[@yvonnefobbs6232]

Story #1: NTA!! I would be thanking God everyday for a friend like you. You're right! You shouldn't downgrade your lifestyle to make her look good. Don't worry, she'll come back when she is homeless and hungry.

[@tyney123]

1st story sounds like a modern retelling of Goodnight Mr Tom!

[@aceanarchy5554]

Story 1: What the fuck Emma, she literally handed over her child to OP to raise and that's what OP did. It's not OP's fault that Emma is a shit parent. I hope OP is able to get custody of Caleb, the kid seems to be in a more stable and safer environment with OP.

[@ArcaneNim]

Hey, Mark! I just wanted to say I greatly appreciate your sense of empathy. It is one of many reasons you are a joy to listen to.

[@Loboette41]

The pronunciation of "chisme" was gold!! XD

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

In story 2, OP didn’t cause a disturbance or even stand up for his brother. He stated facts imo.

[@lina9535]

I honestly don't agree with Emma loving her kids. A loving parent doesn't do that to their kids, at least not without a word to anyone. "I need to go get help for X" is what she'd have needed to say to someone, OP or her parents. Child abandonment is a crime and can be deeply traumatizing for the child.

[@noneedtoknow07]

Story 2: OP's dad strikes as someone who when boat rocks hangs on tight and laughs his ass off at the ride.

[@InevitableSecrets]

If I had to leave my kid with someone else I’d be calling/FaceTiming him daily and if I could I’d be seeing him at least once a week.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

I don’t know why but I imagine Emma doing a Anakin from Star Wars III “yOu TuRnEd HeR aGaiNsT mE” And OP being ObiWan saying “you have done that yourself!”

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Story1- What an incredible and hindhearted soul OP is, we need more people like them in the world. 🖤💜Story 2- OPs dad just sounds like an absolutely incredible guy, and he sounds like he has a brilliant sense of humour. I'm so happy that OP has someone fighting in his corner. Those trash family members certainly aren't worth the cost of a stamp or the waste of paper. Congratulations on your marriage OP, wishing you and your husband a happy and healthy future together! Also want to high five your dad 😂.

[@drewthistlethwaite8909]

S1: my bff is stoked my parents wanna spoil her kid, and get him toys and gifts so she can prioritize necessities. She’s family, that’s my nephew at this point. I’ve watched him in emergencies and gotten him fancy stuff on my parents dime. She just explains my parents have fancy degrees and no grandkids so they can afford it, and she’s not that rich. That people live very differently but doesn’t change how full of love and support they are compared to her with money, and that he has everything he needs so it’s very nice they gift him wants. She sat down and explained in kid appropriate ways how people have more money sometimes and he grasped it. He can get upset they don’t have a lotta money but it’s not aimed at my family, but at what he sees on TV too. Even if it was, she’d rather he learn to handle those feelings at therapy and with her now rather than flounder with keeping up with the joneses as an adult 🤷🏻 I think it’s amazing how she keeps it age appropriate but wants him to understand how to process and cope to build the life skills to thrive as an adult. Despite my parents money I didn’t get what I needed there, and he’s gonna be more emotionally stable and have the confidence his mom and I weren’t given as kids. I think parents discount learning those skills about jealousy and understanding others can live differently in many ways. I get it can feel like a slap, but pride isn’t worth kids stability long term

[@kittenswithbows]

Story 1 i think it's worth noting that when a man walks out on his children we usually just say he's a deadbeat, a bad father, a piece of crap, just not meant for fatherhood etc. But when a woman walks out on her children we're quick to wonder what else is going on, how she could possibly do this, thinking she needs mental health support etc. I dont think we should stop wondering what's wrong with women who walk out on their children, but I DO THINK we should stop normalizing men walking out and instead start wondering what could possibly drive them to do such a thing, because that surely isn't normal and suggest that they probably need serious mental health support.