My Girlfriend Of 6 Years Wants To Break Up To Experience Independence r/Relationships

[@Mia-dt3gl]

I don’t think she’s wrong for wanting to end the relationship if she doesn’t want to be with him anymore. I DO think it’s wrong that she expects OP to wait on her until she’s “ready” for their relationship again.

[@tallyp.7643]

Yeah, that's what made me wonder, too. Like, who makes that decision? For how long? A year? Two years? And does that mean she can date others but he has to be a celibate monk for her? What she says feels like it's half an inch away from admitting "I wanna be around other people and scratch some itches before I come back." You're in or you're out, and if she says she doesn't love him anymore, what the hell is OP supposed to wait around for?

[@stevebanner5609]

He should move on, read my text.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

This. It’s not wrong to not want to be in a relationship, it may hurt but it’s not wrong. It IS wrong to cause unnecessary extra pain to the person you are leaving or expect them to wait around.

[@samiulhuda4001]

@@tallyp.7643 if she sleeps with other men it’s over.

[@samiulhuda4001]

Story 1 guys just dump these kinda women or only use them recreationally. What are you doing

[@Sir_Gerald_Nosehairs.]

Don't think you can be friends after a breakup that was totally one-sided. There'll be hurt, anger, resentment, on one side and it will come out no matter what good intentions you may have. If the spark has gone on both sides, then sure.

[@RandomTrinidadian]

It's amazing how much they still want to be friends, after gutting you like a fish.

[@partyshoes2917]

I have told ex's that if I was happy just being friends I wouldn't have dated them in the first place

[@recycledapathy7411]

I don't think she wanted to be friends. She wanted to go sleep around and keep OP as a backup, knowing OP still cared about her. As evidenced by the fact that the original agreement was that OP would be the one to get in touch when he was ready, but the ex kept sending him emails and calling him. By violating that agreement, you can see that the girlfriend doesn't respect OP and doesn't want to give him time to process the breakup. She wants to have a fallback guy to run to if she can't find something better.

[@RandomTrinidadian]

​@@recycledapathy7411 that's always the case. She just upset not OP will not be her plan B. My guess is the new guy she was eyeing didn't return her feelings and now she trying to get back with OP. Why else would she message him?

[@ailinfergan]

​@@recycledapathy7411that was readily apparent to me, as well. When she posited this, I would have told her, "I am no one's Plan B. Enjoy your independence."

[@saldiven2009]

2nd Story: Buying someone a gift that you know they won't like is just an obnoxious thing to do. It shows a fundamental lack of respect for the recipient.

[@cyndib511]

I would bet money that mommy dearest hoped the bonsai would be dead when she opened it at Christmas.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

​@@cyndib511 For sure. And then next Christmas she'd be back at gifting animal stuff because "we tried to gift plants stuff but it did didn't work."

[@juliemcgugan1244]

Yes and she would still try to pin the fault on OP. “You’re not a very good vegan, if you let the tree I have you die…”

[@mylesleggette7520]

Well that makes sense, consider her daughter is a vegan - they fundamentally do not deserve respect...

[@stonefox2546]

"iT's thE tHougT tHaT cOuNTs" yeah and when the thought is "I'm gonna get then what _I_ want and not what _they_ want" that... isn't allowed to count.

[@Plaprad]

The GF in Story 1 just sounded like she wanted a guaranteed backup. Taking a break or breaking up to spend some time independent and "find yourself" is great and all, but she sounds like she specifically stringing him along. Her reaction when he finally did end things sealed it for me personally. She wanted him to always be there waiting for her to come back when she got lonely. Hopefully he finds someone else good for him and she grows up and realizes what she was doing before the next relationship.

[@eleethtahgra7182]

Lol, yup. She wanna downgrade OP into friendzone. N got angry OP refuse to comply. Hillarious

[@Radar-db1bc]

Exactly….she found someone else she’s interested in and wants to explore it guilt free. OP is an idiot for not seeing it and moving on.

[@k3upikachu]

Idk, I dated my first boyfriend from junior year of high school until the end of college and breaking up was incredibly difficult. He had been my best friend since we were 16, and we were who each other turned to for everything. Decoupling is not an easy task when he and I had basically grown into adults together, and that break really did feel like just a break at the time. It took several months to even begin to see that our codependency didn't equal compatibility, and several more to actually let go (for both of us). All of that is to say, I don't think she was deliberately stringing him along, but at that age it's hard to imagine life without that person and committing to a forever goodbye is terrifying until you find your footing without them

[@Justaperson354]

She’s been with him since she was 15 she never knew anything else I don’t think it’s this evil thing. She obviously cares about him but she’s never been alone just her as a young adult that can be pretty damn important

[@MrBuns-yi2hk]

You can find yourself while still being in a relationship. Find yourself together. To me, it sounds like she wanted her bf to take her back after she is done "finding herself" through other guys.

[@Cassiopea525]

The story makes me think a little of my grandma. She started dating my grandpa in high school. He stopped being a player because she valued loyalty so highly. However when she was in college and he started talking about living together, she said she wanted to experience independence from her family before living with him. So she got a shared dorm with other girls, then eventually her own apartment. She learned about living away from home, budgeting, time management… But she never stopped going on dates with my grandpa. She having him stay over more. And once she was satisfied she was sure of her independence, she told him she was ready to live together. They eventually got married and had a healthy relationship to the day my grandpa died… To the point he told the priest that visited his death bed “she’s my heaven”. My point is a person doesn’t have to leave their significant other completely to learn who they are and about independence. You take space, but regularly interact and remain loyal. Now their situation wouldn’t suit everyone, but it does demonstrate a person can develop individuality and independence while in a relationship.

[@carlrood4457]

Depends on what type of independence. You're grandma was looking more to financial/personal independence whereas OP's GF seemed more interested in emotional indepedence

[@shells500tutubo]

"a person can develop individuality and independence while in a relationship." No, that is in direct contradiction to what independence vs a relationship is.

[@aylanae4797]

​@@shells500tutubo so you're no longer an individual when you're in a relationship? 😮

[@eleethtahgra7182]

​@@shells500tutubo cos this comment was talking about financial independence. Grandma living by herself with her own money. Still date only grandpa.

[@eleethtahgra7182]

​@@carlrood4457 nah, that gf was trying to monkey branch

[@AndyyWithAY]

They are so incredibly young!! A couple I went to college with had almost this exact same thing happen. They were the cutest. We called them Mickey and Minnie, after 4 years he told her he wasn't in love with her in anymore. Some years later I saw her and she was married to someone else. It hurts in the moment, but life goes on. Consider this a learning experience, grieve, and love again.

[@sashwing7726]

First, let me say this I mean no offense in what I am going to say, and everyone is entitled to their own opinions. That being said, I always hate the stigma behind young people. In relationships. The same trash that can happen in your youth often happens later in life as well. The way point of conversation often makes no sense. You want to have fun in your youth so that only so that you can one day settle down. Well, guess what if you find true love? It's simple you have found true love. That doesn't mean that love will last forever. Love is like a flower it can grow, bloom, or die depending on how you treat it.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@sash wing there's a stigma for a reason. I know a woman who's been with her husband since she was 14, 3 beautiful children. I also know one of my teachers told me going on 20 years ago she was too young to get married at 22. Some people still get married young and have very happy lives, but it's highly unlikely to have your happily ever after with someone you met in high school or your early 20s. And that's fine. There's a ton of research to support this. There will always be exceptions though

[@sashwing7726]

@andyawe13 That is true, but it also undercuts some of the reality in a relationship. Simply put, the same situation is not a direct representation of the age of the circumstances but rather the people involved. I have a close friend who has the same situation as the poster when he was younger. The girlfriends perspective was that they would reunite years later after both experienced more of life. They reunited when he went to visit his grandparents, and they talked about their past. He was confused about if he had waited until he saw her and realized the same doubt you have isn't going to change because you're older. If you're unhappy with something you're doing the same reason for not liking, that thing will exist no matter how young or old you are.

[@streamerssaymyname]

​@@sashwing7726 there is a reason, it's not because the olds are so mean and condescending - we've lived through young love and have seen it's results in our friends and family. I've been married for 13 years now and we have multiple friends and family memebers who got married and divorced in those 13 years who were also young and sure about true love. Also when I was a kid my sister was sure of her love when she was 18 and once she moved in with him, he started with the beatings. Oh and several years ago my little cousin told me about going to her upcoming prom with a guy friend, I remembered my experience doing the exact same thing and warned her against being taken advantage of and she got mad at me. Lo and behold she started dating that same guy friend only to divorce him years later. She still posts about regretting him and doing better without him, etc. People change so much from young teens to mid 20s that it is super common to just simply grow up into people wanting different things, because you grow up and grow out of your parents influence and learn what thoughts were groomed into you since childhood and what is true internal thoughts you formed yourself. You can love whoever you want for however long you want, but you have to check in and see how healthy your relationship is regularly. If you make your true love your whole world, you will ignore or forgive things that you normally wouldn't until you could no longer ignore or forgive. And when that happens and you break up, you realize that you can fall in love again - that true love isn't once in a lifetime - and you don't have to tie yourself down to one person for the rest of your life.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

​@@sashwing7726 my parents got together at 16 and are still together and married like 40 years later. They hate each other and make each other miserable but neither of them have ever been with anyone else in their whole life. Neither of them have ever been through a break up. So they will never leave each other even though they are extremely toxic and miserable together. I don't speak to them anymore.

[@bluecrocodilus6594]

Story 1: Ah yes, the old "if two people can be friends after being in a relationship, they are either still in love with each other, or never were in love at all."

[@KillerKatt66]

What bullshit

[@LilFeralGangrel]

Story 2: the one thing I like about leather is that it's actually pretty sturdy material. Most vegan "leather" is just not great. Also leather is recyclable. But going out of your way to buy a gift that directly goes against the values of someone is deeply fucked up. It's just disrespectful. I think OP's mom sucks.

[@MONKEYDZETS]

They both suck either stop showing up are give it away complaining about something u know will never stop us crazy either stay away or don’t acknowledge it they want attention

[@Swnsasy]

That's exactly what I was thinking too! The mom is just being rotten for not listening to what she is being told... It's not ungrateful because she's literally told you for 3yrs! I would never do my kids like this..

[@JLee-gm6jx]

The rule I always set for myself is that if I can't find a gift that aligns with someones values: get them a prepaid gasoline card for $20

[@Swnsasy]

@@JLee-gm6jx Amen!!! You got that right...

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

Things made of real fur and real leather last forever and most "vegan" alternatives are just plastic shit ruining the planet. I 100% understand why one would hate the fur and leather industry tho.

[@Whooachannel]

The GF knew EXACTLY what she was doing. She wanted to have her freedom to sleep around, date, grow, and experience life all while stringing the OP along so that when she was ready to settle down he'd be there waiting for her. She never intended to truly let him go

[@TheSergio1021]

50 years ago they would have gotten married and started a family. Now she's just offering him sloppy seconds

[@JasperCatProductions]

Ok story one, I don’t play games if someone wants to end it, then it ends. I’m not your bestie, I’m not watching you date others then want me back when it don’t work. It’s over….bye bye. Take time for yourself and move on. Don’t play the back and forth bs. Her messages sound so manipulative……fudge her.

[@AndyyWithAY]

People can and do reunite years later after a breakup, but ex is trying to have it both ways. OP is not ready to friends, she has to accept that like he had to accept the break up. NC is the only option at this point.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Yeah "independence" is code for 304 around. No relationship will ever be exciting forever. That initial excitement turns into a deeper emotion. True love isn't fleeting like the excitement of an early relationship. It is steady like a river, an undercurrent going through your life. She doesn't truly love him and has NEVER loved him. Some people mistake that initial excitement for true love so when they don't feel that they believe they aren't in love anymore. When they were never really in love to begin with. She will keep jumping from relationship to relationship chasing that early falling for each other phase that feels so good. Hopefully they both meet the right person and can be happy. But I don't think it's possible to stop loving someone if you were truly in love with them to begin with.

[@floraposteschild4184]

Frankly, though ex may be disappointed at not to be able to stay friends with OP, she's not going to be THAT disappointed. Obviously, she's moving on with her life.

[@AkiraAlexisSoyra]

True, one of my coworkers named Tracy, fell in love with Danny and they had a son together, afterwards they broke up. She then met someone new and had her daughter, they then broke up and she got together back with her partner after many years.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

​@WhitneyDahlin Yikes. You alright there? She was never in love with him...because...she wants to break up now? And so what if she wants to sleep with new people as well. Sometimes that is a part of people's trajectory. Who cares.

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

​@@WhitneyDahlin lots of tall, handsome, successful men named "Independence". Women always seem to find them while they are "finding themselves".

[@GanishTig]

Story 1: I just feel the gf wanted her cake & to eat it. I don't blame her as she was so young when they started dating, but to break up with someone & keep contacting them feels manipulative. My ex had an affair & begged me to let him 'get it out of his system' as he loved me & didn't want to lose me. After we broke up he constantly kept a check through friends as to what I was doing. It was about control & it feels the gf wants to make sure that OP is kept dangling until she decides what she wants. OP needs to stay nc & move on - it's the only way to heal.

[@CrimsonAngelWinges]

Yep OP needs to make clean break. Cut her out of his life completely work on himself and get over her then move own without regret. It's not about taking time to figure herself out it's about having being able to have her fun and still having her safety net relationship waiting for her.

[@rapsack7058]

He should tell her directly, when she brought up the first ideas of breaking up: You are free to leave, you are a free woman.I dont want you hold you back. But i will not be your emotional back up plan. I am not the best friend type.

[@HoneyBakedHamlet]

One of my closest friends is going through a divorce right now after her husband cheated and left her (and their son) for another woman. They got together when they were only 14 and 16, married five years but together for 17. I'm so heartbroken for her because she worshipped the ground he walked on and really was the 'perfect' wife. 😔

[@shells500tutubo]

And the harsh reality is that they should never have gotten married at all if that was their first and only relationship. Just because they were together for a long time at this young age bodes worse than if they had gotten together ten to fifteen years later.

[@SuperOdyss]

@@shells500tutubo Not true at all. For centuries people got married as virgins and the marriage thrived. It is the attitude of modern people that has changed.

[@eleethtahgra7182]

​@@SuperOdyss true...n not. Yes, there were and are marriage that last till the end by first relationship. Many also fail....or both wife n husb fukkin other folks

[@eleethtahgra7182]

So, did she dry him in divorce court?

[@Sammvoy]

@@SuperOdyss no, people legally were not allowed to divorce or if they were, society was not set up for single men and women. That just is not true. Plus, who wants to be trapped in a sexually incompatible marriage?

[@raptoress6131]

If you feel like you're being strung around, confront the other person about it. If the response is not satisfactory, move on and don't look back.

[@carlrood4457]

She kept breaking NC to pull the whole "maybe someday"/"we can be friends" BS. It's like a fisherman feeding out a little line to tire out the fish and then pulling in back in. Repeat until fish is dead.

[@Splatoon_Kirby]

OP also kept breaking NC and admits to saying something mean to her, something he wouldn't tell us specifically but did say he said something he regretted that was mean. He also kept equating the feelings he had, and assuming they're the same as her feelings when she told him she fell out of love. He was acting like 'well I fell out of love with you too but you don't see ME breaking us up'. I think both need this time to grow without a relationship period.

[@dm9078]

Young been together to long. Accept the heartbreak. Don’t put up with that friend crap. Cut her off and give up the fantasy that she will be coming back!

[@Batman-lg2zj]

It’s not friend crap

[@mashonem]

@@Batman-lg2zjit is in this story

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@Batman-lg2zj she is breaking up with the person that lives her and wants them to be in their lives later as friend/like a sibling. It is friend crap

[@StefenBruh]

​@@Batman-lg2zj bro there's literally 0 reason to be friends with an ex. None. All that does is invite drama later on. How many people are comfortable with you being besties with the person you used to wrestle naked with? I'll give you an answer and you won't like it because it contradicts the echo chamber you've built for yourself online. Nobody fucking wants that. No man wants to interact with a guy that used to pipe his girl, and no woman wants to interact with someone that's been their man's penis sleeve. It's human nature to be protective and jealous. Exes are that for a reason, they weren't good enough somehow. What makes you think they're good enough for friendship? Miss me with that simp shit son.

[@jaredstar]

​@@Batman-lg2zj It most definitely is anybody would have a brain could tell she trying to hedge her bets when she asked if they could still be best friends.

[@bridgetbenson6291]

Story 2 reminds me of my 7 yo. Her last birthday we were at Chuck e Cheese with a few friends from school. One kid handed her a prize they won. She looked at it and said, "Thank you, but I don't want it." The kid said "ok" put it on a table, and they ran off to play more games. That little interaction was so important to me. I grew up very poor and was always taught to be grateful for any gift I received. I never really learned that I could say no to things I didn't want.

[@floraposteschild4184]

"Still being friends", "we met at the wrong time", "you're my first love", etc. is what people, especially women, say when they want to let someone down easy. There's nothing more common than someone moving on from a high school sweetheart when they're in college. I see no signs of ex wanting to "come running back" so no worries on that end, but she may genuinely want to be friends. Not sure why OP feels used. Was she exploiting him in some way? Did ex bring nothing to the relationship? Yes, it would be kinder in the end to hold out no hope whatsoever, but we don't know how wounded and clingy OP was. Usually, relationships are not clear cut yesses or nos.

[@bgarciamcclellan]

Last story - I have a mother just like this. She has gone so far as to tell me “I already know what I am getting you” when I try to give her ideas months in advance of my birthday or holiday. A couple of years ago she bought my sister and 2 step-sisters jewelry from a company that I love and have several pieces from - I got a box Owl socks and some other owl related items she found on a trip most from a craft fair or from a thrift shop. Don’t get me wrong I love owls but the jewelry company also makes items with owls. It is always like this. What can you do - Narc Moms

[@Uneclipsed]

Story 1: I’m way too old for this nonsense. She wanted to go off and find her independence, which is fine. But at the first bit of struggle she sought OP out. That’s not love, that’s emotional dependance. OP should not be waiting around for her to decide what she wants and should stop engaging with the “i will always love you and we’re still compatible” talks. I don’t know if she’s intentionally stringing him along, or just trying to lessen the hurt, but it’s not helpful. They’re both so young. School years are over and the rest of their lives start now. They have no idea how much things are going to change over the years and the way they talk to each other just shows how in denial they are. There’s nothing like first love, but it’s time to stop playing games. Build your own life, OP. Either you’ll meet again in the future or you won’t.

[@streamerssaymyname]

She was only 15 when they started dating and she's only 21, of course she would be emotionally dependent on him and that is hard to get out of.

[@Uneclipsed]

@@streamerssaymyname correct, which he why he should stop engaging. She wanted to learn independence from him and this is not good for either of them

[@Splatoon_Kirby]

People keep over looking but OP also kept breaking NC and even called (which he admits to this) and said something so mean that not only will he not repeat it but also says he regrets what he said and that he 'didn't mean it'. Also over looking how he seemed to get this attitude of 'I had feelings of falling out of love with you but you don't see ME breaking us up'. OP and her both need time alone not just from each other but really any relation ship that isn't just platonic of familial because they need to both grow some alone.

[@Uneclipsed]

@@Splatoon_Kirby i actually missed the part about what he said to her. I was only half listening. But I never thought he was a victim in this. He keeps reiterating that he feels betrayed by her just because she wanted to break up and that doesn’t really sit right with me. It smacks of entitlement. But her behavior isn’t right either. They just need to stop. They’re both so inexperienced and immature.

[@sonialinsey8083]

I got overbearing vibes from OP. She probably just wants a different life but is so dependent on him that she can’t let it go, but should. She should just move on if she wants to. The people who are complaining she doesn’t want to stay in the relationship because she wants to sleep around, DUH SHE IS 21. Marrying the person you dated in high school is kinda pathetic no matter how compatible you are. I’m a older millennial and I only know two couples that did: one that dated continuously and one that broke up for 10 years, married other people then divorced and remarried each other. The first couple is legit sad and the wife is controlling.

[@naturalPaths]

Bonsai gift. It’s still a control trip. She gave OP a neglected, living tree hoping it would die. Since OP doesn’t want to kill animals, mother is setting her up to kill the tree. That’s next level horrible, and worse than ‘simple’ control issues. It’s downright mean.

[@JutlandAngel]

OP should rub it in the mom's face that the tree is starting to do better.

[@juliemcgugan1244]

Agree. OP should set that tree in the ground and enjoy watching it thrive. Her Mother is a real piece of work.

[@emmat968]

i dont think it was that deep lmao no one in my family can keep a plant alive to save their life, and we wouldn't think twice that a tree would be fine to stay in the box a bit longer if it came IN A BOX. it wasnt that deep

[@naturalPaths]

@@emmat968 You must come from a nice family! ;D

[@judyjohnson9610]

Thanks. I also thought that the bonsai tree was ironic. It's a living thing that has been forced into a certain shape, not allowed to grow free. That's better than the leather?

[@YukikoSnowLeopardess]

I know this all too well. I had a friend who down right KNEW I was falling in love with her, and for I don't know, a year, strung me along, then turned around and said that she was still in love with her ex-girlfriend at the time, and that completely killed me. I was strung along for a whole damn year, only to be told that. I went NC and never looked back. I will never allow that person back in my life, as it took me so long to stop those feelings I had for her.

[@heatherdickau5335]

Just leave the gifts at your mothers house. If she mentions it say "well I assumed you bought it for yourself since I don't wear leather." Then change the topic

[@AndyyWithAY]

When you're just dating someone, don't have kids, don't share property I don't think there's a wrong reason to break up. This is her only serious relationship, she's been with this guy since she was 15. I can understand why she wanted to end it. Most people aren't end game with their high school BF/GF. It's too early to be friends though. After some time, if they both want to, that's different, but right now it's too painful to be friends. They just need to live two separate lives. And yes not everyone ends a relationship because there's someone else. We hear that all the time on Reddit, but people can and do just choose to be by themselves for a while.

[@ashemabahumat4173]

Shouldn't be friends after something like that. That's a have and eat your cake kinda situation.

[@pippo17173]

Its the same reason I'm giving here about marriage. DON'T COMMIT SO EARLY! The people we know now could have a drastic 360 turn on ya without warning and it can hurt you deeply, especially if its your first relationship. Learn that crap the hard way myself.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@AnimeWolfgamer You mean a 180, 360 is a full circle meaning you're in the same place you started, but I agree with you, especially when people are this young and been in this relationship through their formative years.

[@mrs.h2725]

The likely reason she’s still saying she wants to be friends and basically acts like she owes him friendship at least is cuz that’s how a lot of kids feel when they have their first breakup with a long term relationship. She was just a kid (and him too to an extent) when they got together. That guilt is super common as our culture has this pressure that somebody has to do something awful to deserve being broken up with. Rather than accepting maturely that ppl just grow apart sometimes, and nobody has to be the bad guy or come up with excuses to leave.

[@shaunwhitehead1485]

What BS, she’s either cheated and wants the new guy or she’s wanting the new guy and broke off her relationship for the chance, independent lol only a fool would believe that

[@faeb.9618]

second story reminds me of how the only gifts i got from family as a teen were make up and jewelry, when they already knew pretty damn well that i don't feel comfortable with those things and would much rather have art supplies or anything gaming related or even just some sweets. the intention was pretty clear and after they accepted that no i'm not gonna magically change my mind and start using the "girly" things i haven't gotten any gift since lmao

[@Qwerty95ish]

Story 1. If someone tells you your perfect for them but they don't want to date you they are lying. To you, themselves or both. Story 2. A bonzi tree is hilarious.

[@dinovoldo544]

Story 1 has an update in the comments: He moved on and had (Story is 6 years old) a Fiancé that was much better than his ex.

[@frederikebenny]

Story 1: She was very obviously never going to get back with him and was probably genuinely hoping they could be friends eventually. It's from OP's perspective so it's hard to tell if she was trying to be "kind" and just handling it badly or whether he may have been misinterpreting some of what she said as "maybe we'll get back together." Either way it's for the best that he told her "I don't ever want to be friends" if that's how he felt about it.

[@messinalyle4030]

Telling 1st OP that maybe they can try again in a few years doesn't necessarily have to be "stringing him along." Maybe they *will* end up getting back together. He just has to try to live in the moment, trust fate, absorb whatever it might have to teach him, and be ready for whatever the future holds. Admittedly, that's very easy for me to say. And maybe it's a timing thing--maybe he'd be more receptive to hearing "maybe we'll end up getting back together in the future" if he was at a place where he could let go of her more than he can now. An aunt gave me a leather jacket for Christmas once during my vegetarian phase in college and graduate school. Fortunately, she was awesome when I brought it up with her. The closest anyone came to intentionally giving me anything that went against my values was to occasionally tease me for being vegetarian, or to "jokingly" suggest to my mom that she sneak some meat into my meals. This primarily came from my dad (also a former vegetarian from when he was young--I suspect he felt like a "failed" vegetarian) and family friends of my parent's generation, so it was totally low-key the same power play that OP#2's mom was using. I'm just glad it never went farther than that.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

As for the vegan story: the mom is a narcissist. This is a total power play. She has to be right. She has to have the last word. OP standing her ground, laying down boundaries, telling her mom no and being firm about all of those things will always be seen as an act of aggression to a narcissist. It's toxic not to respect someone's wishes. It's like buying someone a bottle of alcohol when that person is a recovering alcoholic or rubbing shrimp on someone's utensils when they have a shellfish allergy. I use both of those examples because I've heard stories on KZbin from Redditors whose parents had done exactly those things to them. When their narcissistic need to always be right trumps everything including the well-being and health of their own child. Some people shouldn't be parents.

[@marshawargo7238]

I'm a meat eater. I don't know any vegans. So I don't understand. Leather is a byproduct of the meat & if not for the leather it would be in the trash. So therfore IMO leather is just using the whole product, no waste. I Do understand & whole heartedly agree with ivory! You kill a whole animal for ONE PART & leave the rest to waste !!! How Very Cruel & Evil & Wasteful & Anti Earth !!! The same with any poached animal, take what you want & leave the rest to rot !!! But cows are raised for reasons or there wouldn't be so many farms. I sometimes wonder if there would be cows or chickens on earth now, considering the lack of defense or what they would have evolved to without people's involvement in their evolution. Look at India, those cows need veterinarian care !

[@lonewanderer8743]

People throw out the word narcissist too casually. Your comparisons don't contrast either. Veganism is just a lifestyle choice and she didn't mention any health concerns that led her to it. It doesn't come with the same implications of relapsing to alcoholism or going into anaphylactic shock from a shellfish allergy. This is just pettiness/stubbornness at best.

[@blix_xo]

Those talks of "I'll always love you." Just seem to leave a bitter taste, imo. It feels like a backhanded remark. We did good, kid, but I'm moving on. It sounded more or less that she wanted to keep in check on his feelings just in case things fizzled out with someone else. Glad OP put their foot down. It hurts. It sucks but she wants this, she needs to respect OP for doing it too. She will get heated when OP moves onto someone else even if she finds someone.

[@letmepickmynameidiot4832]

The bonsai tree was a trap. She purposefully kept a plant that is difficult to care for anyway in a box with no sunlight and then will complain when the plant dies.

[@twentyfiveyears5010]

Story 2 reminds me of Stewart Francis' line about how he named his daughter after his mother, "In fact, little Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 next month."

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 1: The ex will probably come back and OP would have moved on (I'm at the comments). It's like those "open relationship" stories we hear, where the OP would find someone better and then the SO will want to close the relationship because they got jealous. Edit: She is soo damn cruel! She's for the streets! 😤 Leave her there.

[@AmukaAkuma]

Maybe I am jaded, but "try to be independent" really seems to be a codeword for wanting to ride the carrousel. She is in the big city now, and wants to partake in all that it has to offer, all the while keeping OP as a safety-net, naturally. OP will hopefully consume some RP content, become hardened to the realities of his situation, and firmly reject her when she inevitably comes crawling back.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

@@AmukaAkuma That's exactly what I had in mind. She wants to be a 304, and have a "good time".

[@lorrainemontagnon1537]

Finally get to watch this, had family over. Great food lots of laughs. We had ribs, cheesy potatoes, corn on the cob and homemade strawberry shortcake for desert. Luv to all!

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 2: Without getting your mother upset, or you getting upset at your mother, suggest that she give you a gift card at one of YOUR favorite stores, so that you can pick up items that you NEED.

[@WatsonAndDaughter]

Sigh. You cant help falling out of love. There's nothing you can do about it. It's not about maturity. Just let it go.

[@travonhackett1401]

There no such thing as falling out of love it’s either you love me or you don’t there is no middle ground

[@colinayre2109]

You can help it, relationships are work. My wife and I started dating when she was 18…it’s been 17 years since we’ve been married. There’s been hard times, there’s been good times, but relationships are work, people aren’t willing to work anymore.

[@travonhackett1401]

@@colinayre2109 good it sounds like you both love each other which is good but like I said you either love me or you don’t there’s is no middle ground no grey area

[@Batman-lg2zj]

@@travonhackett1401 actually you are wrong

[@travonhackett1401]

@@Batman-lg2zj ok explain

[@ShmuckLord385]

Op 1, I'm going through a similar situation, I definitely feel strung along amongst other conflicting emotions. Roughly a 4 and a half year relationship. We still keep in contact and I love her, but she hadn't told me she missed me or loved me in a couple months. I confronted her and she basically just said, she did it on purpose, she was actively trying not to say I love you back, to stay strong, and focused. I was very confused because very often she would talk to me like we're together, then get really cold, then the 3 times we've seen each other since she moved back home she gave me wildly mixed signals. She held my hand, hugged me, we cuddled, she said I love you, then didn't wanna hold my hand, didn't wanna be too close, didn't reciprocate the "I love you", and all that in 3 seperate occasions where I saw her for like 3 days. When she moved she cried and said she loved me and was gonna miss me. She wanted to go out. Then she hits me with this "I care but..." shit, and it's honestly putting me through hell. She saw me on my b-day and got hickeys from some girl at a bar (she's bi), but then cuddled with me, and got really remorseful and sad. When I went back home we went out, she came with me to my best friends place. I poured my heart out to her recently, and basically got "idk, I'm kinda lost too, and I don't wanna lose you as a friend, but also still do care, but also need to focus on me before us" but it's not been consistent. I don't really know what to do. The uncertainty really messes with me. Tbh, if she just cheated, I think I'd be better off, I could just flip that switch and cut her out, never think about her again. That's how I operate, but this throws it all into wack. I don't know if we're broken up and she wont give me a yes or a no. I wanna work through it, and I know she needs time to get her head straight, she's got a lot goin on personally with mental health and family garbage. Idk, dude, there's a lot going on, and idk how to feel, and idk when I'll know, it's rough. I'm definitely sad, I'm angry, I'm lonely, I'm also free and excited for my future with work and my new apartment, but definitely confused.

[@nickd6303]

This is a case where "you don't know how good you have it till its gone", it really sounds like she was trying to put the relationship on "hold" and resume as if nothing changed.

[@DaniS398]

I'm glad OP put their foot down, but it definitely seems like their ex really does need to learn to be alone. 15 is so young to start such a long relationship and she should learn to be an adult alone before she settles down.

[@Splatoon_Kirby]

OP really fucked up by calling her and saying mean shit to her though. Like at the end she was saying she wanted to come back, but I worry that was out of guilt for making him feel bad and thinking she deserved him being mean to her at this point. Op also says some other things that sounded like he was twisting words because of his own feelings and not listening to his ex either. I think both of them need time alone, not in relationships to grow on their own. OP needed to accept she wanted to break up, as much as it hurt he should of let her and held NC healed, and moved on how ever way he could.

[@sagesaria]

Story 2: "Don't be so ungrateful!" What is there to be grateful about? Being given something I can't even use? The obvious disregard for my boundaries? The fact that my own mother doesn't know what I like or want? You can't tell me it's the thought that counts when she didn't THINK about how I wouldn't want this!

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 I knew it would shake out like this. Her seeing that the grass isn't greener on the other side and expecting op to take her back no problem.

[@MONKEYDZETS]

Exactly

[@jlyo1991]

And she’s definitely lying about there being someone else.

[@fandomfan2800]

found a sexist!

[@looksfineforme9471]

The update on the first story kinda explains it. She wants to screw around and keep you "ready" for when she can't screw around anymore.

[@GLoLChibs]

"I was the best boyfriend ever to her" Okay, and? 15 and 21 are two different places in life. People grow a lot in that time. High school sweethearts used to stay together out of necessity pretty much due to a different social climate decades ago. Yet even couples back then admitted they often wondered and felt like they missed out, had no idea how to be their own person when their spouse died or divorced them and they were on their own.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - Mom's choice to ignore OP's huge list of items for xmas is totally a power play. Having grown up with an out of touch mother myself, I totally get it. That woman purposely went out to find something that was no on the list. smh

[@abiv4469]

Story 2. My dad buys my sisters and I jewelry like a necklace or ring every year for Christmas. I don't wear jewelry so I asked nicely if he could either spend the money on the kids or if wants to get me a voucher for somewhere I would use it. He listened and gets my hubby and me a voucher to get something for us or the kids, last year we got petrol vouchers as we love to take the kids places, he's happy as he sees the photos of our family having fun

[@vhirsch4270]

Bonsai tree - so symbolic. It is a tree that has been confined to make it conform. The Bonsai is the mother's feelings - controlled and confined. But at least it is living (just) Glad the OP made a stand though!

[@zok6064]

My husband and I started dating when I was 18 and he was 17. We just celebrated our 12th year together. I can somewhat empathise with the girlfriend in the first story, because I did wonder a few times how it would be like to date or hook up with different people as an adult. That said, if she truly wanted that relationship to work, she should have talked and worked it out with her partner. Maaayyyybe deciding something like "let’s take a break for 6 month and then we get back together if we still want it". Not something I would recommend personally, but it seems better than her being so indecisive and stringing him along. What I feel is that she wants the freedom of being single, but also she’s scared of definitely ruining that relationship and having to build a new one later. So she can’t commit to either which makes everything more difficult.

[@MrH347]

Story 1: The GF isn’t wrong for wanting to be independent and not “miss out” considering she’s been in only one serious relationship. The problem is her approach comes across very selfish and expects to keep OP as a backup. He doesn’t exist unless she is having a bad day or she is lonely or whatever. But if she finds friends, boyfriend or whatever then OP’s existence will disappear. Guaranteed. OP was right for putting up hard boundaries. If there is a future, then why put a pause on things unless… you want to see if you can find something better? OP shouldn’t feel like a backup plan. She needs to deal with it. They are both young and move on.

[@carolsh1983]

I almost thought the leather story was my aunt at first, but the euros made it unlikely (she’s in the US) and worships the only one of her children who would be likely to deny a leather gift. Also, she herself is a sanctimonious vegetarian. She just freaking loves leather goods. Interesting woman. Edit: I eat mostly vegetarian- this aunt is just a bit insufferable about it. I don’t think vegetarians are all sanctimonious by any means.

[@MONKEYDZETS]

Agreed just give tona friend and u never ask for the receipt

[@immortalsofar5314]

I care about animal welfare but my metabolism is such that I cannot keep weight on with vegetables (I tried for 2 years). I'm 56 and still only 130lbs. Actually, I feel kind of sorry for the tortured bonsai tree. When I volunteered at the food bank, we'd get half dead herb plants that I would nurse back to health before giving them out.

[@SuperOdyss]

Do vegetarians think normal people eat leather? Who cares about leather? Remember if we did not use all that cattle we would have to just allow them to die from starvation or wild animals or we would have to kill them off. AND most food grown in the USA cannot be consumed by humans. Vegetarians have some of the most misguided ideas and like to play "holier than thou." I would really like to hear vegetarians' solution as to what to do with the cattle. I think vegetarians are stupid enough to think the farmers would keep the cattle as pets or something.

[@nyxcuseme]

@@SuperOdyss The problem is that a part of the leather industry is NOT from byproduct of the meat industry. Also some people just don't want to wear a dead animal, I don't know why that is such a foreign concept. Why would I want to wear it, when I don't want to eat it either? Also "remember if we did not use all the cattle we would have to just allow them to die" - or, and hear me out here.. we could also not breed them in huge amounts. The problem is the mass production industry, and how the cattle is handled. Nobody thinks they'd be pets if they weren't eaten or used for other products.

[@SuperOdyss]

@@nyxcuseme So what would happen to the hundreds of millions of livestock once we decide that we no longer want them and what happens to the land once we no longer want to graze it? And where does the food come from that humans can digest? Look, cows can eat grass and we can eat cows. We starve to death if we only had grass to eat. People never seem to think that life is in three dimensions, and that it is totally natural for animals to eat other animals on this planet.

[@MrBuns-yi2hk]

Story 1: Sounds to me like she wants to sleep around and come back to OP when she is finished getting ran through. Call me bad faith if you want. She is making a huge mistake, and OP needs to ditch her.

[@dmger14a]

I went through a similar situation when I took the CFA exam level 3 back in ‘96, and spent about 700 hours studying for it. “All work and no play, and you just might get your CFA.” If we meant enough to them, they would have been there for us when it was over. Many women don’t see the bigger picture and only live in the moment, but they’ll figure out their mistake at some point. My advice would be to find someone else because part of you will find it hard to ever forgive her. Also, there are and will always been lots of thoughtful women out there who are more deserving of you.

[@safespacebear]

Story 1: she met someone new but wanted to keep OP as a backup. OP is down bad with it. She could snap her fingers and he'd come running so sad

[@gaiuscaesar3841]

Story 1: OP has switched to Plan-B for her. She wants to ride the world and the return to a safe harbor. BOLT! and never look back.

[@jack0f4lltrades28]

I'd like to make it clear to the world: Love is a choice. It is NOT a feeling, it is a CHOICE. The butterflies people feel when engaging in new relationships is often mistaken as "love" but this is never the case. It's the excitement of something new, the promise of a brighter future, the hormones running wild, etc. At some point you will no longer have these feelings with your significant other. That is natural, you share a life together and you stay together if the relationship is healthy. But never forget, love is a choice. If you are basing love off of those feelings of excitement, you will find yourself in repetitive disappointment for your love life. Love is a choice.

[@laucorn123]

Story 1: I hate to break it to OP but she just wanted him to be her safety net back up while she went out to sleep with other people & was constantly trying to keep him on the leash hence they constantly contacting him & using emotionally manipulative language. Its good OP put his foot down but the cold response she gave at the end said it all she wanted him to sit and wait for her while she had her fun.

[@queenwilco3723]

Love is a choice, not a feeling. What she's describing is the lust part. Going back and forth, one day you feel tag towards them and the next you don't. You don't fall out of love, you make a choice to no longer give love to that person. Have a feeling she's going to string you and whoever she can along until she figures stuff out. She will always get to the point of the relationship where you don't always feel the butterflies and think she "fell out of love" it's going to hurt a lot of people because she doesn't understand the difference.

[@FriedaMMartin]

Good afternoon! Have my foot wrapped up. That bed frame was not kind. Only a klutz like myself can bust myself up from walking

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Oh no sorry the bed was mean💜💜🤗🤗

[@recycledapathy7411]

Oof. I feel your pain. Or rather, my shins feel your pain, because that's where my bed always gets me.

[@carolroberts4614]

It's the toes with me! I think I may have broken one a few weeks back, but it was the little one, and nothing would be done anyway!

[@judithjeffers7666]

Tropical bonsai trees have to be indoors during the winter. All the other bonsai have to be outside all year round. They need to have cold to go into the dormant phase. I heard of a couple in NYC that did not have a balcony or windows so they put their bonsai trees in a mini fridge they bought just to put the trees in.

[@MorbidKat]

Story 2: is thoughtful and passive at the same time 😅 she got a bonsai because in her mind Op is a "tree hugger" so she got her a tree. Its a slight but a show of acceptance. Example, my dad was an abusive dick but I cared for him. We got in a little fight and I told him he deserved a bag of sh*t for fathers day. So I got him fertilizer manure. He was passionate about gardening so it was still a good gift lol he thought it was hilarious 😅

[@kiera2867]

“Her parents told her to keep the door open with me” so her parents told her to string you along? I mean, that’s what it sounds like to me.

[@jerrystauffer2351]

I think her parents were hoping she'd wise up and go back to him.

[@eleethtahgra7182]

Lets play notice the red flags. 1:10 Shes being distant 1:40 Cant explain why she doesnt feel good (emotionally). 2:37 Asking to be besties after breaking up. 2:48 Always asking questions relating to insecurity. 3:19 Theres no BFF between a man n a woman. If a woman feels like that.... 4:01 Being independent means could do shitz on their own....not sleeping around. I guess lots of folks confuse this thing due to how english language is. 4:47 Feeling confused. 5:11 I guess OP n ex-gf has different idea of what independence is. Oh...this means ex-gf rely on OP for lots of thing.

[@NeroTheDarklord]

Story 1 could only ever have ended in regrets. She left and one day will realize what she has lost and will forever regret it. If she hadn't left, she would have also forever regretted it. But the way I see it is that very few relationships last for life. There could have been any numbers of reasons they would have broken up later on and she would have gotten her chance to be independent then. I'm split. She ruined something wonderful, but I also get that she would have felt incomplete the whole time. I do agree though that it's unreasonable of her to expect of him to wait in the background until she had her fill

[@ruansteenkamp4289]

Story 1: There is 1 thing I’ve realised over multiple of these posts where the one party in the relationship wants independence, they miscue independence with being single

[@TheIronwil]

If my wife told me she no longer loved me and/or lost attraction for me, that’d be the end right there. You can’t force someone to love or want you. OP is being a serious moron here. Accept the loss and move on.

[@NottyAries]

You're supposed to give someone a gift THEY want. If you give someone a gift they don't want, you're not giving them a gift, you're giving yourself control.

[@kaylaunger7100]

You want the person you're with to be your best friend so when times get hard and that lovey dovey feeling fades at times you still have your best friend

[@nalaka3488]

Story 1: there’s no nice way to put this. She wants to get run through by a bunch of guys, and when she’s done having fun she wants to get back together with op. She’s stringing him along, making him believe she loves him so he won’t get into another relationship.

[@RedneckRealist]

She wants you to be a placeholder

[@Jose-vg3yq]

Going to be brutally honest men. When a girl tells you she wants to break up with because she wants to find her independence or wants to find herself or wants to enjoy her best years of her life. It's code for I want to sleep around. It's better to leave her and work hard to be a better man because if you don't It's going to end up way worse for you down the road.

[@MsTemptation]

S1:Its for the best that you both broke up because they were young teenagers and especially her. She’s 21 now and trying to find herself. It’s better to breakup now then further down the road.

[@davidnash8208]

Don't assume that someone you break up with will be waiting for you to come back, that's very egotistical behaviour. I know someone who did that but he had moved on. Many years later she talks about losing the 'love of her life' but she blames him and says he couldn't have loved her enough.

[@tashahantz4643]

My family is the same! They get so mad sometimes when they give me something I can't eat/ don't like. I can't have carbs very well, so she makes pastas, burgers, cake ect.

[@Orinatl]

Story 1: Op kind rubs me the wrong way…I dunno what it is about them. But they do…also Being with someone since your 15 is insanity. I don’t understand how people don’t thing they should have time to be independent. If you both want to get back together after, then that’s a proper strong relationship.

[@ddavis8988]

Story 1: She wanted to go be with other guys, and that is her perogative. Cause besides date other guys, what is it she couldn't do while being attached to him? What she is going to find out is that the dudes she engage with aren't like him, and he was her peak. Then once she realizes that that was it, she's gonna try to come back in his lofe. And that will be a decision that will be left up to the OP to decide. The thing is, she got bored. The relationship was too vanilla and too stable. Something similar happened to me, and my HS gf. She got bored because "I didn't bring her any drama. I was too dependable." Her words. The key is to not stop being yourself. The key is to find a woman who will appreciate who you are. And dont let the people who didn't appreciate it try to come back. And believe me, when they've had enough of the drama, they will come back. But hopefully, by then, you will be healed and moving forward with your life.

[@rodneymcdermott5303]

Story 1. There is ABSOLUTELY someone else. Either she’s already been with them, or is really interested in them.

[@stevebanner5609]

Story 1: I know you think part of you is missing but go NC, busy yourself with the gym ( physical tiredness), hobbies and a support system ( mental exhaustion) and you’ll pull through. If you think she was perfect start thinking what’s out there for you, someone who is more mature that loves and RESPECTS you…

[@adak5805]

I was in a wierd relationship, she claimed she could never be with me because I'm terrible person which to be fair was true back then. But when I showed interest in someone else she would get jealous. Sometimes she send flirty pictures, would write how much she cares abou me, how awesome I'm etc. Other times she was cold, mean, cruel and defended my abuser. I was listening to Katy Perry's hot and cold song a lot during those seven years😅

[@SakuraMoonflower]

It sounds to me like she gets off on the attention.. Block her lol.😅

[@adak5805]

@@SakuraMoonflower Did that 3 years ago, since then she refused to talk with me😂

[@AndyyWithAY]

They make beautiful faux leather and fur. And it's CHEAPER, mom is doing this to intentionally stomp on boundaries. This heifer 🙄 OP is not ungrateful NTA

[@MONKEYDZETS]

Don’t call women out there names that’s abuse and belittling to women

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

Faux leather and fur is plastic shit lol that's why it's cheap.

[@wambutu7679]

I went through this decades ago. If you want experience to weigh in..., 1) she cheated on you and feels guilty. 2) she wants her "independence" and to know you're always waiting for her after she's done riding the carousel. 3) she doesn't care about you. People who care about others treat them better. 4) evaluate this woman as a brand new person. Don't let the past memories influence the evaluation. What are her actions. What does her social media show, etc. Imagine you're evaluating this woman as a potential partner for a beloved sibling who does not have the best track record for picking partners.

[@conckretangel]

I'm not vegan, I will never go vegan, but I do respect vegans who don't push it onto me. If you don't want to consume animal products, whether that be food, makeup, or clothing, that's completely fine with me, it's your life. I will respect that, whether that be coming up with vegan food options or not buying animal products as gifts. If you respect my choices, I have zero reason not to respect yours. OP never forced their mother, or family, to stop eating or using animal products. They just asked for them not to give them animal products, which is completely fair. We all make our own life choices, as long as they aren't hurting anyone else, we should respect those life choices. OP is NTA

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

This isn't even about life choices. She doesn't like leather, but mum keeps giving her leather as gift. It's like giving a kid who hates dolls but loves cars a doll for Christmas every year.

[@bookgirl2]

Story 2: The way to make this stop, if she still does this after you talk to her is harsh, but necessary. Cheerfully accept whatever leather goods she gives, then put them all in a box and gift them back to her at the next appropriate holiday. I promise you, it'll cease.

[@Toka972]

I find it funny that nobody clicked on the fact that she had another guy in line or already cheated on him. He should have dropped her right away and cut ties. She wants the good guy to wait while she get rammed by Chad or Tyron.

[@low-keydrama1260]

Story 1: Shes basically stringing him along and saying all these sweet things to have him stay and wait for her. He’s a backup. Her response to his email says a lot.

[@luvondarox]

OP's claiming this came out of the blue and that she never mentioned anything leading up to this, but... I dunno. He's mentioned a few times that he was so wrapped up in his stuff he wasn't really paying attention aside from those few questions that caught his attention. There could have been a lot of opportunities missed due to lack of communication. I'm glad they finally started talking, but I'm sorry that it had to take the relationship ending for it to happen. I hope they find their ways.

[@katerinaesko]

For the last story when the mom got OP bonsai/gift that they didn't ask for, this reminded me of my friend. They tend to dismiss any recommendations that we give them for gifts for our other close friends, and thusly tend to give gifts that are a bit tone deaf in terms of what the receiver likes. Like they vaguely relate to something the reciever likes but still miss the mark in terms of what they would've wanted or had use for. I think this is out of wanting to have picked the gift out by themselves. Sense of autonomy/independence. Not necessarily out of malice, but a petty desire to not be told what to do in a certain situation. Maybe that's why the mom chose a bonsai. Its a fancy plant so it technically falls under "veganism," but didn't consider much about whether OP would like this particular gift.

[@recycledapathy7411]

To the vegan whose mom buys them leather: Keep the leather thing, and the box. Next Christmas/birthday/Mother's Day, give it to your mom as a gift. She is giving you the gift of never having to buy her a present yourself by buying you stuff she wants. 🤔

[@section8mp]

She wanted a “break” to have her fun at college but expects him to wait for her. How many stories are there just like this except the guy can’t stand up for themselves?

[@darlingccs2799]

Story 1: This happens all the time. Half of the "can we still be friends" exes are attempting to put thier former partners on layaway. Which is basically a backup plan if they don't find a better relationship. It's fine to grow and change. First love ending is normal. But her hold the line BS is just that.

[@redonyx5428]

s1: gives me dependent vibes. gf doesnt want op anymore but doesn't know how to be independent because she always had op there to prop her up, reassure her etc. op did the right thing cutting her off as i feel that relationship was becoming unhealthy. wouldnt be surprised if the ex jumps straight into a relationship with the first guy that gives her attention because she doesn't know how to be single.

[@tallyp.7643]

I suspect you're 100% right.

[@allenluce4070]

I suspect she already has the replacement set up. Sounded like she was hoping OP would remain an orbiter/safety net in case her plans fall apart.

[@paperkay]

But the OP of the first story ISN'T in love, he said so himself. He's in a relationship. He's treating his teenage girlfriend like she were a wife of thirty years. Who the heck stays with someone they liked at 15?

[@DakshaiRanger]

Story 1: Bottom line, all decisions everyone makes will have consequences. Even if it's the right decision, it will often come with an extremely high price, especially if it's the right decision but you implement it with incompetent/avoidant/equivocal communication. OP's ex was trying to get what she wanted without having to be accountable or having to face permanent, far-reaching consequences. Breaking up with someone like that almost guarantees permanent, far-reaching consequences that will be exponentially worse than what they would have been if she had just committed to a permanent breakup, communicated her feelings consistently and directly during the process of uncoupling, and made a clean break. If you choose to break up with your ex, don't try to appeal to them, offer friendship, offer advice or support or hope for the future, or god forbid fucking *cheerlead* their healing process. Don't throw 20,000 reasons at them. It's just going to give them a bunch of nonsense to ruminate over, especially if you didn't really talk about those reasons with them while you were still together (in which case, go see a therapist about learning how to communicate through conflict). Don't promise them anything. Don't ask them for anything in return. You got this big thing you wanted, and your bank of goodwill with them will be empty and overdrawn for awhile, so trying to get even *more* from them out of this beyond what's yours to begin with is selfish. You aren't going to magically make them un-mad at you. And that's okay. You have to accept that they will be mad at you and it's very possible you will never be welcome in their life again. Just leave them alone.

[@camillepepin8512]

I think my answer to "can we still be friends" would be "no. You may not have romantic love feelings toward me anymore, but don't project that feeling onto me. I love you still and us breaking up hurts me beyond words. I will not be able to get past those feelings anytime soon. I will not be able to see you and not think about the love and hurt. You had months to fall out of love progressively. You are asking me to fall out of love on the flip of a switch and pretend nothing happen and hold hands skipping together across the rainbow of friendship. So no. After this coffee, I would prefer if we have limited contact."

[@theresidentteacher2438]

My advice to him is to Cut it OFF, and when you do, DON'T let her LINGER AROUND. She'll WANT a part time boyfriend, an emotional tampon, and have a NEED for him to constantly reassure her that she's an "ok" person. LET HER GO AND MOVE ON.

[@JutlandAngel]

In story 1 I love how they decided to go no contact for half a year or until OP was ready and she still contacts OP. Girl just stop.

[@critcal]

Story 1 sounded like code for grass is greener shopping. And if it didn't work you being the best friend would be the backup.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: Sounds like time for a little Aikido thinking--smile, thank Mom for the cute little gift, and leave those gloves on the table when you leave. Every single time she does it, smile and thank her, then ditch 'em and go. If she tries to sneak 'em into your luggage, trash them at the first opportunity and act pleasantly confused when Mom inquires afterward about why you are not wearing the leather: "Oh, those? I threw them away. They gave me a rash." It's rude not to accept gifts. Once those gifts are yours, they are yours to dispose of as you wish. Stop giving your mom excuses for drama and just get rid of them however you see fit. There's nothing she will be able to do about it and it will *burn* her bum.

[@G1sandG1rlsGaming]

Story 1, the gf was right to break up. She clearly is not mature enough to be in a relationship as she prioritizes her own "Potential happiness" Over the partner she claims is "Perfect", yet strings him along by not giving a definitive answer.

[@stellamccoy5259]

I don't understand why people think there is more out there than what they have. I wouldn't doubt that she has "friends" getting in her mind.

[@stevenfrost3469]

If someone says they've "fallen out of love," take it at face value, and do not contact... cut them from your life. 1 day, 30 years, it doesn't matter, do it. Nothing good can come of it.