My Husband Walked Out On Me And Our Child 3 Years Ago r/Relationships

[@sharonramirez8014]

I once tried to enforce my husband taking the trash out. I put it on the back patio and nagged him to take it out. (There were always weirdos hanging around the parking lot and the kids were escape artists) At the end it was I who caved and cleaned the back patio off 3 months later. Yes, there are people who would happily allow pests to overrun the house and blame the partner they deam lesser.

[@kentario1610]

I almost reproached you for giving in and doing it yourself, but THREE MONTHS? I cannot blame you, that is atrocious behaviour. Lazy people's stubbornness knows no bounds sometimes.

[@averycheesypotato]

If you have separate cars, put the trash in his car.

[@sharonramirez8014]

@averycheesypotato that's a great idea! I didn't at the time and if I'm ever in a situation like that again... I wouldn't be there long

[@jumpmain]

I hope is your ex now. That's beyond being irresponsible and lazy.

[@sharonramirez8014]

@jumpmain oh yes for years now, fortunately.

[@marecort3697]

Story 2: Lupus is SERIOUS. Way more than a sleeping disorder. You can DIE from Lupus. P.S. the NE is the Northeast. If it were Nebraska, there would be no “the” in front of it.

[@notconvincedgranny6573]

Story 2: Florida is the Australia of the US. There are giant flying cockroaches (palmetto bugs) that will def move in rent-free. What can crawl in, will. Large reptiles will play in your front yard. Cleanliness is definitely an issue.

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story 2 divorce him before your business expansion, he will try and get your $$$ you worked your @$$ off for,if he helped fine but no he is a lazy fool.

[@TheUselessbuthappy]

The south has HUGE roach/Waterbug problem. We are a military family and every post we've been in in the south has people coming to the base fb groups freaking out because they are seeing these types of bugs for the first time and don't understand how to deal becuase they have never had these issues before. Op isn't exaggerating about how hard it is to keep these bugs out.

[@skyelindsey687]

I recently learned baking soda can explode a roaches stomach because they can’t burp. They walk through it, clean their legs, and then it has a similar reaction as baking soda and vinegar. And since they can’t burp the pressure builds until their stomach pops, killing them.

[@Iflie]

Her chronic illnesses are most certainly getting worse from all the stress and getting no rest, if she ditches husband she will probably be in far less pain soon. She spoiled him by always picking up the slack when he didn't do it. Oldest kid is also totally old enough to do dishes and 6 year old is old enough to pick up after themselves. She does not have the time to be the main caregiver, work ANd study, there is just not enough time in a day. I'm surprised she let him game for hours every night when she had to study.

[@ynmonroe]

Yep. Lupus is tough. All this stress is not doing her body any favors. She needs to cut the dead weight. Dude isn't going to change for her. He might change due to desperation, but that won't happen unless she shows just how serious she is. And why should she have to show and prove to get her husband to take care of his equal responsibility? The fact that he prioritizes his wants over her health (it can't be unknown to him how important stress levels are for lupus sufferers), tells me everything I would need to know about his "dedication" to his marriage and kids.

[@Iflie]

@@ynmonroe Yes he's a child in the house instead of a partner. Of course he's happy about that. The manbabies always are.

[@ynmonroe]

@@Iflie IKR? Lol.

[@Iflie]

@@ynmonroe It happens so much and then they complain about a dead bedroom, yeah she doesn't want to sleep with her manbaby. I think they have a name for what those guys want, a bangmaid. And mothers used to raise their sons like that, you have to get a wife or who will cook for you? Ehm, you do it for yourself?

[@nothereyetlost]

No actually HE is likely even the cause of its 85% of women who suffer auto immune disease got from being overburdened by the men or just dealing with them.

[@alg94]

story 2 makes me really appreciate my dad when I was growing up. he did just as much housework as my mom did, he made our lunches in the morning, did the laundry, always washed the dishes if my mom cooked. emotionally he wasn't the best lol but he did raise me and my sibling to know how partners should treat each other

[@nightdweller6446]

S2. Go on an individual holiday. Leave the weaponised incompent husband home alone with the household. OP is the one who needs to "decompress". Book it and go. May be he'd realise that he's a lazy arse.

[@lindalehr1551]

Story 1. Reading between the lines, these may be very high worth individuals. ( I work for people like this) I don't think OP cheated because the family would have had a private detective get proof and OP would have bern out on her ear. Also, the inlaws apologizing? Something is going on with the husband that might work in OP's favor in a divorce.

[@amandasunshine2]

Yeah, there's definitely something else going on

[@miminana-hd6nf]

yes, someone suggested that OP is a "beard" and the husband is really in a gay relationship with the "assistant". It makes sense.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@holographicwing She probably has a cozy life.

[@robertx8020]

@@ruthsaunders9507 based on what?

[@mikea491]

​@@robertx8020Not filing.

[@radish6740]

Wtf are op’s teenage doing around the house? A 13 yo is more than capable of washing some dishes & starting some laundry.

[@mezzokitty247]

Unfortunately the kids have most certainly learned from watching their parents’ dynamic that if they wait around long enough and don’t do anything, their mom will take care of everything. OP needs to divorce the manchild ASAP so that she can start working on helping her sons unlearn these bad habits that are developing within them.

[@darkmask5933]

Story 2: Gotta admit I've never lived in a place where you need to keep so on top of cleaning that if you skip one weekend you're expecting roaches. Sounds like a shitty place to live and its taking its toll on OP's marriage.

[@Kristina-dl2jv]

I live in Central Florida (and have since I was a toddler). It's not that bad at all, though bugs are ubiquitous here. But I've never heard of roaches in the laundry. I think they just live somewhere weird

[@GBunnyG]

Like the above commenter, this happens in the south easily. Sometimes having a dirty neighbor can do enough that the nasty little &$&$*s make their way to your home.

[@GiordanDiodato]

@@Kristina-dl2jv I think it depends where in central florida she lives.

[@sugakookie7985]

I can't speak for OP but have lived in Florida the big Roaches are refered to as palmetto bugs they are not just attracted to food scraps any standing water will have them invading. The upside is you know you have a plumbing problem if you see them inside, old pipes spring leaks replace the pipes.

[@genesisshort3097]

​@@sugakookie7985in Arizona, the sewer roaches (what y'all call palmetto bugs) just come up through the drains.

[@maxinemyers9215]

I was in Florida years ago and I saw the biggest roaches ever! They freaked me out.. And you have to be clean or really aware, thanks Markee 💐

[@boneymeroney2674]

Palmetto bugs... they live in palm trees and FLY. Not exactly a roach, but when it's flying towards the face, who cares.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

Those are called Palmetto Bugs or American Cockroaches. They prefer to be outside and don't become house pests unlike German Cockroaches. Source: Am a FL resident.

[@youarehere594]

@@boneymeroney2674 Oh, yes. We moved to Florida when hubby was in the military and I likely needed therapy when I saw my first one. Back in Utah, the things I worried about were the spiders and mice. So, giant flying armored cockroaches were horrifying. Hubby told me to add this on, one night I completely snapped. Hubby woke up to see the kitchen light turning on, the sounds of thudding then the light turning off. He got into the kitchen just in time to see me turn the light on with the broom and killing the cockroaches that were coming out in the dark with his combat boot. I looked at him, said you gotta get them when they're young and turned the light off with the broom. He said he just went to bed. Yes, I was sane after that but man did I lose it.

[@kimsvisualdiary]

⁠@@boneymeroney2674that’s just a nickname. They are absolutely roaches. Our exterminator said they are Pennsylvania wood roaches. They live in trees and eat dead things like leaves and stuff.

[@skyelindsey687]

Ah yes, tree roaches. They’re not attracted by mess but by standing water. My brother forgot they could fly, swatted one that was on the porch ceiling away with a broom, and then got divebombed by it. Imagine a 20 year old boy shrieking like a girl and nearly hopping back over the second story railing. It was hilarious

[@TheBusyHoneyBee]

Op should have gone nuclear on her test week. Leave the kids the entire week with the inlaws or her parents, locked herself to study and told the husband that if she walks out and see even one wraper or cup out of place that she will be divorcing him on the spot, that she is not kidding, neither a threat, that was the consequence of him not listening to her needs.

[@alexafuqua8727]

For someone who lives in central Florida living in old buildings. YOU HAVE TO KEEP A CLEAN PLACE TO VE ROACH FREE. It takes one bug to start an infestation and it will grow quickly. If you do not want bugs in central Florida you have to clean up your food. You have to clean up your space. They will take over everything. Yes. It can happen over a weekend depending area/building. It just takes one roach to multiply into hundreds

[@dannyells]

I have had visceral reactions to seeing people who looked like my ex in high school even 15 years later. Why? Because he assaulted me. We don’t know why she has this reaction and she may not be telling everyone everything that happened. If someone is triggered by the sight of someone- there may be a valid reason.

[@robertx8020]

This! And I hate it when ppl say "well, I could handle situation X so YOU should be able to handle situation X" 1.Not evey situation is the same 2.Not every person is the same ! YOUR (Not 'YOURS' but the ppl saying this ;) ) experience might mean nothing to others!

[@ladytrucker251]

Story#2. I gotta admit I was waiting to hear OP talk about her unfair demands she requires from her husband. To be frank I didn't hear anything wrong, in fact it's just common sense stuff shes asking. It has to be really frustrating to repeat yourself over and over during 12 years of marriage just to have your husband have an I don't give a fuck kinda attitude. I wish OP well because I can see her frustration.

[@jamiesatyr1309]

Today's wives are FOS. They have no idea what it means to have it tough. Try beating clothes on a rock, milking a cow, and COLLECTING eggs every morning. Yeah, you are an a-#ole. ;-)

[@catsncrows]

I think he thinks he has her trapped. I hope she packs up and leaves him. Maybe the roaches will play video games with him No seriously, why do I get the feeling she'll have to fight this one for child support?

[@jamiesatyr1309]

@@catsncrows So easy to say, but she'll regret her pettiness. Women think they can just find another hubby. They are beginning to see their folly. ;-)

[@catsncrows]

@@jamiesatyr1309 100% you get my prize of the week for "commenting with an agenda after having not listened to the story"🏆

[@jamiesatyr1309]

@@catsncrows Nyah. I just stopped caring why women divorce their husbands. They whine and kvetch about "no good men around," but look for reasons to leave the ones they have. It's never enough for them. The hypocrisy is mind-blowing . Nothing po's me more than some broad b!tching about garbage, sox, and playing video games by their husbands after working a double shift to support them. You're all going to wind up single baby mommas at this rate. All of you have a need for psych care. ;-)

[@susankaempfer8427]

That first story; if I’ve understood correctly that it’s the family business, I wonder if hubby has something else going on and can’t come clean for fear of angering the parents- he’s gay, or maybe loves someone with a different skin color… 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@leaflet1686]

Story 2: My husband wouldn't even dare this... I mean I don't have one but if I had! And the kids would help... The husband also needs to get to the doctor and get his meds...

[@vinnie6604]

2. Sleep in on week-ends, your children are old enough to wash up, put on their clothes and pour themselves a poor a bowl of cereal. Let your husband get up. If your husband has ADHD he should be on meds. Okay why did you do anything in the house when you have a test? If you had to study for two hours a day, you should have gone to the library to study. You should have NOT cooked when you got home or did laundry, claimed you already ate and are tired and want to relax and watch TV. If kids/husband complain of hunger, remind husband he knows what a fridge and stove are for. Upgrade the cleaning service to weekly and to pay for it cancel streaming streaming. Make the 13 year old responsible for washing the dinner dishes and also the breakfast ones on weekends. 13 year old can also take out the trash. The younger child can help clear the table after every meal. Only do laundry once a week. Make it a habit that at a specific time every day, no matter what chore needs to be done, sit down with the beverage of your choice and just relax. Make it perfectly clear you are unavailable and will not respond to anything/ anyone unless the house is on fire, they can' t stop the bleeding or if the publishers clearinghouse is at the door with a big check. If nothing improves, hand your husband divorce papers.

[@Mr.andMrs.Smith_0420]

Agree 100%, I'm not saying the husband isn't and ahole, but I think Op may have a touch of OCD or like her husband said, a higher standard of cleanliness, I just feel like she was making excuses for why she couldn't study for an important test.

[@Clairski3]

Exactly! I get that the husband isn’t pulling his weight and doesn’t make his wife feel heard, but why is she doing housework and laundry when she’s supposed to be studying for a test? Those are not priorities when you have a test the next day. Order take-out, lock yourself in a room and ask not to be disturbed unless there is physical emergency. It sounds like she is her own worst enemy, and a divorce won’t change that. She needs to loosen her standards and set firmer boundaries for herself, and not use cleaning as an excuse for not studying.

[@sherylsnell-massie3801]

Story one. Opie’s husband is gay and needed an heir - he has no desire to get remarried because this way he can maintain the appearance of normality. By the way, this is entirely a conspiracy theory.

[@maryjanedodo]

This

[@skyelindsey687]

Or, alternate theory, he’s busy helping run a company and has been too busy to go file. Or another theory, they agreed prior to the marriage no kids then an accident happened and OP decided “screw your feelings I’m keeping it” then was surprised when he didn’t want anything to do with the child. We can’t automatically assume that the guy was the bad guy because despite Reddit beliefs, just because you/your family owns the company doesn’t mean you get to choose your hours. A good owner/ceo/manager will be there helping their employees, not making sure they only work part time so that they can be home for their kids getting off school and school events while Sarah or John have to miss the sixth school event their child has because boss man can’t be bothered.

[@X2XImTheNewCancerX2X]

In story 2, I feel like a lot of the people being skeptical over the bugs have never actually had to live around pests before. "In a weekend?" Like, yeah, sometimes an infestation can start in a weekend, and then it will take a whole hell of a lot more than a weekend to deal with it. We moved recently and left a pile of dirty gardening gloves in the mud room for a couple of nights. When my brother picked them up, there was an entire ecosystem's worth of millipedes underneath them. Weeks later, I was STILL smashing tons of them every day with a fly swatter in every room of the house, and it didn't stop until the temperature started to drop at night.

[@Rogue-bt4wp]

I too suffer with chronic fatigue, but I still clean up after myself EVERYDAY. I still spend hours cleaning my house.

[@stuffedninja1337]

That last comment on the last story pisses me off. Do you want OP to get a CPS call? Cause that’s how you get a CPS call.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: Don't go. Yes, it's her day, but she knows what her brother did to you AND your son. Tell her if she wants you there, he needs to be uninvited, and if she won't do that then you're sorry but you can't be there. A genuine friend will be sad, but OK with you maintaining your boundaries. S2: We call this weaponized incompetence (he was born in the wrong time; he wants a housewife/mother, but with the added benefit of you bringing home a paycheck too). He's not "forgetting" when you have the conversation every other week for 12 years. I have ADHD and still manage to keep my house nice and clean even with three kids.

[@deballen7031]

I would definitely be up for an update on that last post, it was an insane one and reminds me of a fair few friends and family that have been in similar situations.😊

[@SherlocksLeftNipple]

Story 2: The entire story through, I just sat there, internally screaming; "EVERY TIME YOU CAVE AND CLEAN THEIR MESSES, YOU ARE ENABLING THIS SHITTY BEHAVIOR! THEY DON'T HAVE TO CHANGE, BECAUSE YOU NEVER LET THEM LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR OWN BEHAVIOR! STOP MOTHERING YOUR DAMN HUSBAND, STOP CODDLING YOUR CHILDREN, STOP HOLDING A SINKING SHIP TOGETHER BY BURNING YOURSELF AT BOTH ENDS!" OP is the WORST kind of parent for teaching her kids independence and responsibility, because she never actually holds them accountable for anything. I was raised in a less messy, but similarly chore-free household, and let me tell you, those kids are in for a rude awakening, if OP allows this kind of "fine, I'll do it myself"-style coddling to continue until they move away from home. She's doing the whole family AND herself a disservice, if she doesn't divorce her manbaby spouse and give those kids some actual chores, which she holds them to.

[@Clairski3]

Exactly

[@shadowkissed2370]

Actually, I can guarantee no matter if she let the house turn into a pig sty he wouldn't lift a finger. Even if he lived on his own he wouldn't lift a finger. His home would be filthy and disgusting. I know this because I went through it with my ex-husband. The mf couldn't even take a trash bag to the trash can right outside our kitchen door. Every home he lived in after I left him was piled high with garbage and rot.

[@roelthas]

Yep, last OP isn't helping herself either by always bowing down.

[@morganmiller41]

This sounds too much like another reddit story where the husband's wife cheated on him and after the divorce they exchanged the kid through the nanny.

[@miri5754]

But if it was that, op's in laws would have never apologized to her for how they had treated her.

[@magnarcreed3801]

Sounds like he cheated on those trips.

[@pippo17173]

​@magnarcreed3801 ya like what the hell is going on with him not being there? I know it's a basic reddit response but all this really sounds like he is keeping the wife and assistant here.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

theyre not divorced tho. he refuses to file even tho he said he would 3 yrs ago. hes the cheater i think and doesnt want to have to pay her 2/3rd his net worth to her in alimony and child support since hes never home he only sees his own kid 10-20 days a yr. i doubt he doesnt have side families all over the world and thats probably another reason why he refuses to file cuz that will come out in it.

[@jakeand9020]

I'm sorry, OP all but said she cheated. She went through the classic justification, she just glossed over what she was justifying. He doesn't want to divorce because they probably live in a no fault state and doesn't feel he should have to pay her for cheating on him.

[@roverdover4449]

Yeah, if there's a marriage and child involved, the husband needs to stop playing video games. Unless there is a clear understanding between the two that it is OK.

[@macylouwho1187]

The forgetful husband/kids thing-I got tired of this too, because I handle 99% of everything around here and it’s so irritating when people do these small things. No one would listen long or change significantly when I talked to them about it. So I got a little more proactive. Every time someone leaves something out or doesn’t pick up after themselves, I snap a pic and send it to them. This can be something as small as not pushing in chairs to leaving shoes or socks on the floor. If they don’t take care of it-I throw small items out the dam- door right onto the ground 😂. Want your shoes that you left out and I tripped on them? Oh snap-there they are winged across the garden. Have fun going to get them. Left your clothes on the floor? Guess what-they go in the “mom’s not washing them” pile on the floor next to the washing machine. I guess you’ll be washing those yourself now or they live there forever 😂. Eventually people got the point and got better about it.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

My mom took this route with me as a kid after one too many occasions of me leaving my crap on the floor instead of putting it away. Into the trash it went! It worked.

[@macylouwho1187]

@@AngryReptileKeeper yes it did 😂. HOWEVER, my smarty pants daughter caught me leaving my shoes in front of the door one time and her eyes absolutely lit up with victory and delight, and she opened the door ceremonially and threw my shoes out across the yard 😂😂😂. She was like “hey mom, fair is fair.” Checkmate-she had me on that one that one time! 😂. I couldn’t even argue it and we both laughed our butts off. Fair point, we can’t slip up as parents either if we expect others to follow our rules 😂

[@jake8748]

​​@@macylouwho1187nah, that's just teaching your kids to hold the same standards to others as themselves. You messed up so you get the same consequences. It's good experience for the real world.

[@redonyx5428]

s1: OP's hopefully soon-to-be-ex gives me the vibes that he didn't want to be married, didn't want to be a father, only did it out of societal obligation /family pressure and used work to run away. I bet that's why his family was so nasty to her at first, they probably thought him being married to her would "fix" him and blamed her for him doing a runner. They're probably nice to her now because he had to put them straight about why he ran away. Also because of how jank our society is, marriage benefits men more than women in which it makes them look more responsible, respectable (even if it's the opposite) and they earn more money.

[@avaphynx]

Its really quick to get pests in the South. Incredibly quick! Story 2 she needs to divorce him.

[@shay4068]

First story: I've heard many stories from women that said my husband works a lot and I felt lonely so I cheated on him, is this what happened here? Maybe the husband doesn't want to divorce her because he doesn't want to pay alimony to a cheater? O.p. is not giving the real story here, her husband doesn't even want to talk to her personally, and he talks to her only through an assistant that's not normal

[@immapotato1]

there is definitely missing info here. either OP cheated or the marriage was something dictated by husband's parents who refuse to allow divorce (common asian trope).

[@maiqtheliar789]

Was what I picked up on as well. Sounds like the husband is going out of his way to avoid seeing her. That isn't even close to normal even for the most extreme workaholics. Would at least come home occasionally. Sounds like she cheated, and he found out about it at some point. Might also only be staying for the sake of the kid. Or is in a country or culture where divorce even in cases like that has a stigma attached to it. Either way OP is definitely leaving some important details out in an attempt to make herself look better.

[@miri5754]

If it was that, op's in laws would never have apologized at their daughter's wedding day, and would have just ignored her at least, or attacked her.

[@zebraburst4743]

She saw him only 10-20 days out of the year after having a baby. THAT'S not normal.

[@immapotato1]

@@miri5754 to be fair the number of parents of the at fault party who demand their spawn gets forgiven cause he "said sorry" or even less far outweighs aevery other version.

[@mindyschocolate]

I wish people would stop bringing up ADHD like that’s the reason someone acts like an AH. Literally everyone nowadays has adhd. You still have to function as an adult. That’s just how it is. Don’t let him get away with that laziness. Both should be contributing to cleaning the household.

[@damien678]

Someone having ADHD is important to know since we function differently and need different strategies/methods for doing things...but it really shouldn't be an excuse. It should be a helpful guide on how to change for the better.

[@damien678]

Also no, not everyone has ADHD, and it's important to note that it's a neurotype. Our brains are physically different to neurotypical (normal) brains. Our frontal lobes are underdeveloped which is why we struggle with executive functioning skills (note that this doesn't impact intelligence). Studies have show the neurones in our brains find it far more difficult to respond to dopamine than is normal - resulting in us having similar symptoms to people with dopamine deficiencies - which is a big part of why we're very susceptible to risk-taking behaviours, getting distracted, and addictions. Some experts have described our brains as "dopamine-seeking missiles". Dopamine plays an important role in for feeling pleasure, satisfaction, and motivation. It's also important for executive function and motor control. Not an excuse, but it's genuinely really important to properly understand if you want to be able to work with your ADHD instead of having it continue to get in the way.

[@jake8748]

ADHD is an excuse for simple forgetting things like the toilet role (easily distracted). It does not excuse the neglect he's showing. I'll literally walk down to the bins for example forgetting part of the rubbish to take out. Then I call myself an idiot and take the rest down. I'll leave things on the bench such as a wrapping from something and sometimes get carried away with something else but then go back and clean it all up. ADHD doesn't make you lazy, it affects things like memory and focus. This guy is just lazy and has ADHD. Not lazy because he has it. The reason it seems like its more commonly diagnosed is abit of a misunderstood thing. Part of it is the inattentive variety is greatly under diagnosed as that group usually ends up just being labelled lazy and uncommitted. Then there is some hyperactive/acting out kids who get diagnosed ADHD instead of the real reason such as trauma, abuse or personality disorders etc. I believe the experts ive heard talk about it believe the rates should be in the 3-10% range. Which considering hereditary likelihood makes sense coupled with increasing awareness and knowledge (it wasn't possible to get both adhd and autism together as a diagnosis only a few years ago).

[@Zeracheil]

It's not an excuse but it certainly is an explanation and op never addressed if he was medicated or not. There are different levels of ADHD, I know mine affects horribly in some areas where others it won't. Forgetfulness is a huge struggle for me. I can be told something, turn around and spot something I need to do and have completely forgotten about it. My husband's learned if he doesn't remind me a few moments after or write it down in discord (groceries mainly) I will completely forget and be unable to remember what it is but know I was getting something. Cleaning has always been a huge issue, but that also falls into the "easily forgotten aspect. I set something down, get distracted half a second later and boom it's instantly forgotten. I've been busy as guilty of leaving empty toilet paper rolls, dirty socks, dishes until recently ect. All small things when you really look at it. That being said it does sound like it has issues with prioritization. I've lived in the south, roach's are unfortunately a way of life, your house can be spotless and they will still come in especially during a storm. It is also strange that there are all these chores daily she can't spend 2 hours studying. We have 3 kids all between 8 and 9. Yeah laundry gets done daily but even with three nurodivergant munchkins cleaning takes a total of one hour.

[@Zenohbia]

100% roaches will move in like that in tropical areas. I was born in Hollywood Florida and at 2 had nest of them crawl up me when a block had been moved outside(the big ones). I can’t explain the hate I have for them. Would rather hold a black widow in one hand and a rattlesnake in the other than let one live.

[@JSainte17]

Wait so he needs to go to therapy bc he can’t face her but she doesn’t need to go to therapy despite having the same issue?

[@mbyerly9680]

Another story about how great a husband someone is then everything is the story says otherwise. It's sad that divorce to cut down one less "kid" and a spoiled one at that seems to be the only answer. NE = New England.

[@Markee]

Someone else is saying NE = North East. I don’t know what to believe 😵‍💫

[@johannaweichsel3602]

Well, New England is in the northeast USA, so kind of both.

[@taylorslade961]

Story 1: Just don't go to the wedding.

[@tinaheartsill3382]

He has a second hidden family

[@agnesmetanomski6730]

Story 2: OP should just ignoring whatever dear hubby does not do

[@onlyful797]

Story 2: move all messes to his work space and ingnore him.

[@miminana-hd6nf]

I don't know what is going on in that story about the husband who "ghosted" his family but it is really sketchy. First of all, it sounds like the husband does not want the divorce and avoiding OP was his way of dealing with it. sounds like his "assistant" got used to being in control and that may have played into things. Also, his family being involved in things is sketchy too. I read a comment where is was suggested OP cheated, and while that was not an overwhelming vibe I am wondering if there was an emotional affair, at some point. Whole post is sketchy.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

The sketchy part is she is a beard. Seperated because he is a workaholic, male assistent that constant intercept her messages. Divorse means he has to Come out i guess. Now he stil can pretent to be hetero he has a wife ain't it?

[@miminana-hd6nf]

@@paulinadeboer3604 wow, great catch. It all makes sense now.

[@DrewLSsix]

Its astounding the loops people will jump through to attack a woman, the husband is the one doing all the work to avoid talking directly with OP, OP may not have pushed the matter until recently, but to read this story in her own words and decide shes the one avoiding him is insane.

[@jaylynn8630]

"He's emotionally kind and supportive" is what she says of the same man who just told her she had no idea what it was like to live with chronic illness when she has been living with chronic pain this whole damn time, and there's no way he DOESN'T know that. WTF is emotionally kind and supportive about this???

[@sailormoon02]

Story 2: She’s aware of the cycle and continues to be apart of it. It gets to a point where it becomes a choice so it’s hard to sympathize with her. And yes, in FL pest run rampant. Even if your home is spotless, palmetto bugs will climb through your pipes to get in your home.

[@theq8688]

Story 2: i can't believe ppl argue with her about prioritizing the food and clothes and hygiene of her literal children above her coursework. Divorce is the right option. You can love someone and still not be able to live with them.

[@sandeesandwich2180]

Story 2: I think she meant that she wanted to move to the north east, not Nebraska.

[@raptoress6131]

Story 1: both of them suck, put your feelings aside for your child, divorce and communicate about child arrangements. Stop this childish avoidance, it's causing emotional problems to your child.

[@mercycunningham2813]

Story1: Who the hell is taking therapie for feeling uncomfortable when meeting a ex on the street or at a party. Of course you feel uncomfortable, you had sex with that person, shared very personal thoughts with that person an they broke up with you or you with them. I mean as long as you're not impacted negativly and can go on with your life after a few moments why giving them more room in your life than they deserve?

[@eph2vv89only1way]

The wife whose husband has a sleep disorder should go to doctors appointments with him. This is a common problem for sleep disorder victims. No one realizes the extent of the exhaustion. The sleep disorder may be affecting him more than she realizes. I have a sleep disorder and was constantly called lazy by my now ex. He accused me of lying when I told him that the exhaustion on an average day for someone with my sleep disorder is the same as a healthy person who hasn't slept in 48-72 hours. I tried to get him to go to an appointment with my sleep specialist with me but he refused. He also refused to look at the literature I brought home. But he also turned out to be a narcissist. Op saying she doesn't have the luxury of forgetting is akin to telling a wheelchair bound person that she doesn't have the luxury of sitting down all day. It's not something the person chooses to do and they would probably give every possession they own to not be in that situation. Op is being unfair if she isn't willing to look at what her husband is enduring Edit: He goes back to his old ways after a few days because trying to work at a pace that people without sleep disorders can do easily is exhausting him even more than he normally is

[@averycheesypotato]

If he can argue & play video games, he could either explain himself properly or do some chores. There was also the option of a maid service, but he refused. He may have health problems, but so does OP. He is not considering her side of things either. He also presumably agreed to having kids, plural, so should take some responsibility for their care

[@lanadelrad6147]

My questions for the last story, why are these kids not helping either? A 6 year old should be old enough to bath by themselves, tuck in and reading i can understand, but still old enough to help pick up. The 13 year old is definitely old enough to help, do their own laundry and do some of the dishes. Maybe sweep or pick up a vacuum ya know

[@mayaroseakennasferu5814]

😂 oh hey she's close by. I'm in central Florida too. Can confirm the roach issue. If they get in, especially the German ones, they take months to get out. And exterminators are not cheap. It's worse if you live by a body of water like we do. Snakes, rats, possums, and even squirrels are a constant issue. I laughed out out when she said that.

[@Mimpetel]

Augh the lazy husband story. I had an ex like this. One thing I set him to do with the laundry which he managed to do. Luckily we had only lived in small one beds together. There came a point where I came home from uni and he’d surprised me with jazz and a dinner cooked. I loved that at first but it just kept building that I did everything and yes he had undiagnosed CF at the time but refused to go to the doctors about his tiredness, and something that we could have worked around together. Baring in mind I had and still have chronic pain since my teens and I pushed through university and working and I just felt under appreciated and told that I was naggy by my family. It wouldn’t be naggy if these people just did basic things without having to be begged. They don’t respect you or the place you live in. Get rid and be happy

[@abubarrie88]

I’m sorry but saying you care for each other, and he’s emotionally kind is trying to make it seem not so bad. However, no who cares about you or loves you would behave the way he does, he would be doing his share to help lift your burden. being in a relationship or married to partner does not mean you got a maid in that process. op divorce him, he works from home and sleeps in and gets naps then he clearly has plenty of time to clean he just doesn’t want too. It’s amazing how this “sleep disorder” doesn’t prevent him from holding a job or playing video games or how to play them. But he easily forgets to put away used towels, she’s allowed him to get used to her cleaning up behind him cuz if she doesn’t the place will be roach filled and gross and she has to live there too and their kids. Divorce.

[@theseeker9442]

Did i miss something about story 1? How did the father walk out on his child? It seems like him and OP just stopped being together because she felt abandoned but from her own words the father is a part of the kids life

[@Clairski3]

I get that the husband isn’t pulling his weight and doesn’t make his wife feel heard, but why is she doing housework and laundry when she’s supposed to be studying for a test? Those are not priorities when you have a test the next day. Order take-out, lock yourself in a room and ask not to be disturbed unless there is physical emergency. It sounds like she is her own worst enemy, and a divorce won’t change that. She is making herself exhausted by obsessing over household chores. The children will not die if she doesn’t do laundry for 1 day. She needs to loosen her standards and set firmer boundaries for herself, and not use cleaning as an excuse for not studying.

[@annegrey6447]

As a former Floridian; the roaches & palmetto bugs are horrible. They get in no matter what & they get in everything. That last commenter needs to live in a FL house (not a snowbird condo or smth) & see how hard it is to keep a house pest free. Heck, Idk really. I was a teen when we moved so I helped, but I wasn’t Mom.

[@rubystone9074]

Very late to respond, but story two is a little to close to home for me. I'm 25yo, and still live at home, but mom always cooks and cleans. She hates it, demands I learn how to do it, and yet, gets angry when I do. She hates when I touch her kitchen, I bought my own coffee maker because she always got mad when I touched "her" machine, but won't allow me to use it. It's weird, and while I'm aware of this (did i break a cycle??), if I weren't, I don't want to know where I'd be now.

[@ian7064]

Story 2: This seems like a lose lose situation bc if she stays she's only gonna become more resentful but if they divorce, I think she'll have far less free time than she expects

[@jamiesatyr1309]

That's usually what happens after divorce. She'd wind up with less free time. Stupid, lazy women just have no clue the repercussions of divorce. She'll end up dying alone. ;-)

[@only1one1me]

@@jamiesatyr1309 Troll.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

@@jamiesatyr1309 "Stupid, lazy women just have no clue the repercussions of divorce. She'll end up dying alone." With that attitude, so will you.

[@jamiesatyr1309]

@@AngryReptileKeeper If I had to deal with chronic insanity, I might as well stay alone. 😆

[@robertx8020]

@@jamiesatyr1309 You sound like great dating material /s

[@shadowkissed2370]

"How could you prioritize cooking cleaning and laundry over your studies", um its called if your place is a friggen pig sty and social services come a calling your kids will be removed. So yes, cooking cleaning, and laundry are priorities over studying when you have children.

[@DivaViews]

I am so distracted by the Shibas in the onsen in the background lol

[@IrisAsuras]

Oh Florida...that explains so much. Also, I agree with some, you can just leave the husband in the mess and put yourself and education first.

[@maryjanedodo]

Story 1 - divorce Story 2 - divorce

[@HonorWillow]

Story 2: if husband really was just struggling he would be apologetic at how it hurts OP and agree to the cleaning service. I have ADHD too and my ability to do stuff is so bad and very scattered and uncontrollable. If I was in this situation I would be sad at the adhd tax of needing a cleaner but I’d agree considering they can afford it and I also wouldn’t tell someone else with a chronic illness they don’t get being chronically ill! Ew! That’s so dismissive of OP’s experience

[@juanhaines7295]

Good day to everyone.

[@ghoullovinbutch]

For the record, “the NE” generally refers to the northeast, aka places like New England.

[@darklightmagus1222]

Story 2: OP is enabling the entire family. Unwinding after work should be 1 hour max. Afterwards, it is time to do chores. If you both tackle chores together, you both get free time in the evening aftwr putting the kids to bed. Also, the kids are 5 and 13. When a child has started walking and talking, it is time to start teaching them to clean up after themselves. At age 5, it is time to start inviting them to assist you with chores. At age 10, they should be able to handle chores themselves with a little supervision. At age 15, you need to start backing off and so that they can learn to manage their time properly and do chores without needing to be nagged or suffer the consequences of not having done their chores (don't do their laundry; if they fail to do it themselves, they will have no clean clothes to wear). But yeah the husband sucks. Love bombing after threat of separation then goes back to normal after a day.

[@scout2125]

I'm sad to find this is from 3 years ago. I'm a hopeless romantic. I would want to know if they still love each other. Unfortunately, he's married to his job and I don't see that changing without some form of epiphany. He's too busy to even notice he's alone. I don't think this has anything to do with finances. They are obvious well-to-do. He pays for 2 households and a nanny for his custody time (at least she doesn't imply that she works). The fact that he chose to sit with her at the wedding is telling.

[@Buff_Helpy]

Buff Helpy has come for the rapture

[@Markee]

When you needed him most, he returned 💪

[@Buff_Helpy]

@@Markee •T-poses to assert dominance •

[@bdf1696]

He came, he saw, dominance was asserted

[@Buff_Helpy]

@@bdf1696 XACTLY 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪

[@Whooachannel]

OP must have ocd or something. I also live in central FL and the pest problem she's talking about is MASSIVELY over exaggerated 🙄 She could have prioritized studying for the weekend, hell even a week or two and STILL not have a problem with roaches. Shit in my early 20s when I first lived alone I'd let dishes and stuff pile up for WEEKS before finally cleaning my house and I never had a single roach, and that was living in a old house built in the 60s with an unfinished roof and crank windows that never closed 100% of the way😂😂 Either way tho I still hope OP goes through with the divorce because her husband is CLEARLY using weaponized incompetence to get away with not doing anything and if OP is going to be a single parent she might as well be a single parent to 2 kids vs 2 kids and a manbaby

[@mrspokitstheriot477]

That second story screams ableism

[@Shangori]

An addition to story 2, yes, I agree with the commenter in the update that she has problems as well. I understand she's frustrated, tired and lashing out, but that update and reply doesn't seem rational. Yes, I do agree that divorce might be the better option, but I don't believe there is only one person at fault, even if the majority blame lies with the husband

[@HC_Productions_UK]

NE - New England ;)

[@juanhaines7295]

@markee will you doing anything special when you hit 100K subscribers?

[@Markee]

Haven’t really thought of anything good to do for it honestly. Open to suggestions though 🤠 Could just do some more livestreams to celebrate I guess.

[@juanhaines7295]

That could work. I was just curious.

[@brittalex42]

​@@Markee You could make your SO dress up in your daughters clothes on the couch, I hear that's great fun.

[@azadalamiq]

A sleep disorder + ADHD can contribute to forgetting. I was the family maid most my life, excuse being i don't got a job due to all my disabilities. It sucks, but best way to start change is to stop enabling and stop cleaning. the 13 year can help clean, but make a chore chart and give hubs a chore to do at a certain time. And just not do that chore. If he refuses to do that chore.. leave. being a maid doormat sucks.

[@samssams666]

She married a Florida Man!😂

[@J0knows]

Story 2 Divorce him he’s horrible, disrespectful, terrible, and horrific. This guy will never do anything to help you and deliberately wants to sabotage you . Divorce make him pay child support and put the kids in therapy and you and the kids will be fine.

[@betheguy_posts]

S2: Husband is a lazy slob and wife is a neurotic martyr. They're perfect for each other.

[@Mr.andMrs.Smith_0420]

Sorry but I have to agree with the comments about Op taking the time to clean and do laundry instead of studying, don't get me wrong I agree her husband is TA here, but you can't complain about not having the time to study because you chose to clean, it makes me think maybe Op does have a bit of a higher standard of cleanliness, because if she knew in advance she had an important test, why not do the laundry a couple days prior? Laundry does not need to be done everyday, and as long as you scrape your dishes and take the garbage out, the dishes can wait, which doesn't take long to do btw, and the whole bug thing, I don't really buy, I highly doubt they would infest her home after a day or two, it just sounds like an excuse.

[@Ayimii]

The last story: This lady is bs. I live in Central Florida, and I lived in an old house. Cockroaches are common everywhere here. She found prioritize her studies. She's just rightfully mad, and already knows she wants to take the incomplete for the semester. She's not fooling anyone.

[@robertx8020]

You're not fooling anyone, you're a troll

[@Ayimii]

@@robertx8020 Thanks. I've always wanted to be a troll.

[@tamicablanding]

Last story is damaging to kids. They could be like mine where the boy and girl so nothing. They see that dad does see the bare minimum but get all the same rewards. Then it turns to we won’t do it because eventually mommy will.

[@echo6954]

Love the spooky dodge background 🧡!

[@skyelindsey687]

I’m sorry but the OP isn’t innocent in the situation either. She literally said therapy for her feelings was unnecessary because they don’t affect her on the daily when that’s just false. I get the feeling their relationship broke down due to a lack of communication on both their sides and now both of them are in the “well she/he did/didn’t do this” phase, not realizing that both of them are actively hurting their child. She should’ve filed for divorce and then tried to go for lawyer and filing fees during the divorce process, especially if there was a text exchange stating he would file. Also this was a man she deemed untrustworthy so why did she think he would stick by his word and file? For 3 years? Normally I don’t hop on the “missing reasons” train, but some of this math ain’t mathing.

[@telinhajp]

こんばんは、Ｍａｒｋｅｅ！！ ❤️🤗

[@paulinadeboer3604]

Story 2 if you have 1 fight over this he forget ok, by 2 fights over the same it become questionable, by 3 fights get out it will never change. Don't fool yourself over and over ahain.

[@jumpmain]

2. Why did you keep that long with someone who only cares about his needs and wants? Why the children don't help either? They're more than old enough to help with some chores.

[@Freedomcustom]

Story 2: Just divorce his useless arse

[@LaurenSPARTAN177]

Markee, why do you never post the URL for these stories? I think it’s a disservice to all the stories you give your opinion on and makes it harder for us to tell OP directing what we think as well cause who knows if OP sees this or not

[@boneymeroney2674]

NE could be New England. Why the hell would anyone want to move to Nebraska? 😂

[@mweathers79]

S2: she’s being ridiculous. She’s WAY over exaggerated the whole roach thing. I “know this lady” she can’t focus on her studies because she can’t NOT focus on the housework. She’s doing this to herself. Let the house go a bit and focus on work and studies. It’s really not that big a deal. She’s going to blow up her whole marriage over this? Nah, she either wants out and is using this as an excuse or she’s just a “Karen” and everything has to be her way or no way.

[@quartzskull8772]

So you'd let your home become a pigsty

[@Shangori]

Story 2: Yeah, that does sound like someone with ADHD or autism. Or heck, worse, both. And, going from experience, the only way to get someone to clean up regularly without forgetting (and yes, it truly is forgetting) is to plan and make lists and put these in areas where they can see it when/after they done something. Yes, thats not exactly the best way or living your life, but he IS correct in that it is something that comes with having them as your SO. But that doesn't make you the asshole if you cannot stand living with them and dealing with it. Btw, the comment mentioning that they should just stop doing things themselves and see how they like it.. ..that's not how people with adhd or autism work. They might not even notice it or realize it.

[@potatoempress5731]

That commenter who said every son is a king & daughters are maid might have been my spiritual twin. Good to know I'm not alone in that type of situation.

[@Mkay999]

The little side comment about feeling uncomfortable seeing a high school bf in the street, especially if they’re with a SO is so bizzare to me. Some people really never move on huh? It’s been 20 years for you, I wouldn’t care about seeing anyone

[@Okamithegod]

Chuck a prong with the shibas

[@GillyFromPhilly]

Why would he change now when you’ve accepted it for 10 years? I hope you can realize this.

[@EluneAnzu]

The first story is one of those stories I REALLY want an "update" where the other side (the husband) posts their side. That level of disconnect from your family isn't normal, like does he live to work to the point where he's just ditched his family? Did the OP cheat and the kid isn't his? Is he using work as an excuse to hide his other families/side pieces? Maybe he's just an asshole, who knows?

[@nationalsocialism3504]

There's a story which is eerily similar from the other side... the wife cheated then was being weird trying to hang around during drop offs which is why the nanny started doing pickup/drop-off & he didn't like talking to his cheater wife so after starting the nanny system just stopped talking to her directly using his assistant. There was some kind of inciting incident (the wedding in this story though I don't remember what it was) where they started interacting directly again... the husband realized how toxic their relationship of being "married" but not together was & was going to start divorce proceedings.

[@nationalsocialism3504]

OP husband has his assistant talk to OP & the nanny do pick up... doesn't sound like he "abandoned" his kid just his wife. What ever could the reason be why a man would "abandon" his wife for years while staying active with his son?

[@andrewmildenberg4210]

In the last story, OPs first mistake was living in Florida. Never live in Florida. It’s an insane hellhole.

[@kiraalexandraruizburgos1236]

🦐

[@jaymel4691]

Story 1 was so odd. I have to wonder if there was a prenup or something and that's why he wants her to file, maybe so he doesn't have to pay her. It sounds like he and his family are wealthy. I'd meet with a lawyer to determine what my options are. He can decide to end any financial support he's providing for any reason if he ever feels like it, this arrangement is very unstable and only relies on a man who already basically walked out on his family. Also these two are not really married anymore, he abandoned OP and his son and there needs to be clear boundaries so they can both move on.