Not good enough. Daughters of narcissist mothers

[@marcyshuler8800]

The less my mom knows about me and my life, the happier I feel.

[@Unbeatable]

That's a plan!

[@JenPurple2022]

So true. 9/10 times when I was happy and try to help her, it always ended up as me getting hurt.

[@Bioriah]

I finally had moved out of my mothers house, I have never felt such a weight lifted off of me, I don’t dread the exact time she comes home from work, I don’t keep myself locked away in my room anymore, I’m outgoing and seriously happy with so much energy, I’m not afraid. The physical and emotional drain of living with narcissistic mothers is scary and so very real. I didn’t realize how much I had repressed within myself till I moved away, my heart feels light and at 23 this is the first time i have ever felt that.

[@liahlyme5119]

@@Bioriah wow! Congrats!

[@rubykaranja5803]

How I wish and pray will get to that point you are

[@ladyjade6446]

They make you feel like you’re the one who’s crazy.

[@florenciabalori3625]

My mum once said to me "You were always the difficult one"

[@justicy4454]

@@florenciabalori3625 omg thats literally what my parent does

[@justicy4454]

But indirectly

[@JJ-yr7po]

Yes, correctly. "I can't remember anything! People love me, not you! You are such a super-sensitive loser! I am so different from you. I am pretty! I am cool! But you are not!" She did these things for 40 years behind a closed door. In front of people, "I am so worried about my daughter. I just said a few things for joking, but she is too sensitive, not cool. But I am a mother. I will not stop sacrificing myself for her." People left, and she giggled, "See? People are on my side, not yours. People say you should be beaten to death. Oh, don't be serious, sweetie. I am just joking."

[@avazworld6549]

Right yet they are bitter bitches brew witches and lame controlling deceptive sense of humor and mean.

[@julianprice6440]

Returning home from school as a child I always hoped mom would be in a good mood. If mom was in a bad mood, everyone was in a bad mood

[@rebeccabrooks3648]

I know or awake especially when I was in elementary school because if I woke her up... did I get beat down

[@meganberry6836]

Explosive, right?

[@ccharles848]

Yes. There was no room for anyone else to feel anything.

[@traceybanting3952]

This! I would turn the corner to my street and could hear the shouting between my mother and my sister. I took a conciliatory approach... my sister was more confrontational. Both of were victims, but I have only recently come to understand this! xxx

[@beatrixblitzer747]

We could gauge our mother by the glasses. If they were on, everybody would pay for her rampages. If they were off she was semi loving but it never lasted long.

[@THEMAYQUEEN1]

My mother’s most common phrase in relation to anything I did or was “what will people think of me”

[@Unbeatable]

That's a common one

[@QueenLDes]

That's just wrong to say to a child.

[@PresleZmatena]

What will people think of us?

[@meganberry6836]

Agreed

[@karolynmarieroberts]

Yep! Mine cared way too much what everyone else thought of her and anything I did was reflected on her.

[@persiankitty9009]

My feelings were dismissed my entire life, "you're imagining things", "your too sensitive", "you must have dreamt that" "that never happened". It's funny how a person can conveniently forget their own bad behavior, but they'll never let you forget that one time that you might have said something just short of perfect.

[@Unbeatable]

That is classic gaslighting. Gaslighting: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bHzIh6mCes2mmKM

[@avoiceinthedark2028]

Yes!!!! Same here

[@Unbeatable]

@@avoiceinthedark2028 Hope you're okay?

[@persiankitty9009]

@@Unbeatable Yes, most of the time. Some bad days, Thank you for asking!:)

[@cjar1981]

not only were my feelings dismissed, i was to blame for everything or ..my mom AND grandmother, both were the victims. so it does get passed down ....

[@nisha6759]

Everything you said... 100% spot on. However I just want to point out, that it's a double-edge sword. She wants you to make her look good but if you look too good, jealousy creeps up. Then she tries to bring you down with backhanded compliments or emotional abuse. Very messed up. 13/07/2022 It's been years since I wrote this comment and I have been pleasantly overwhelmed by the responses. I cannot believe this resonated with so many ppl!!! I no longer feel alone. If you're reading this, just know that you are special and amazing. Don't let anyone, including your mother, tell you otherwise. Good people see the good in others. Surround yourself with ppl who see and acknowledge your light! Love to you ❤️

[@zofiajaneczek184]

You're spot on, only unhealthy parents do this to their kids. No normal mother/parent feels the need to put their kids' several notches beneath them every time. Especially mothers towards daughters, they can be downright mean and just brutal. If they can't control you they want to simply destroy you. If that is not a special kind of hell, I don't know what is.

[@lexyemerson7927]

Omg! You nailed it!

[@janeenmaul9059]

I have experienced this my entire life. My mother actually admitted that she was jealous of me since I was born. Last summer I finally went "no contact" with her and as difficult as it was and still is, it was the best thing I have ever done for myself and my children. I am good enough even if she will never see that.

[@decembervyne6541]

Very true! My mom will tell others she is blessed to have such a pretty daughter, but behind closed doors she tells me I dress too slutty, I don't do my hair right, etc. always just to bring me back down.

[@kimholcomb6943]

Nisha spot on. That is pretty twisted.

[@maaritkujansivu7818]

A narcissistic mother can also envy her daughter who may have achieved something she would have wanted to achieve herself.

[@soal3415]

That's my mother. She started having babies at a young age to keep my father around her. Then..I'm first born...I can't go places or do ANYTHING because I was born an I stopped her life. So I have no life. I'm 58 and the other day when out to dinner with her and the 2nd born she tells me...you are an oddball. We don't think alike at all. That's why I don't like you. Well...what a nice mother! She's only 16 years older than me. I ignored her. She didn't tell me anything I didn't know years ago. I married a man that's like her. I ended up getting my butt beat everyday by him cause it was all my fault. Thankfully I have 2 wonderful sons. My 2nd sister couldn't have children and my youngest sister #3 had one child and is not affected by her as child #2 and I are. I'm divorced and ..no man. Sister #2 is divorced..no man. Sister #3 has been divorced 3 times 1 daughter and is on hubby #4. I'm defiant so who does my mother call for help ..#2. She's not defiant. My mother has only been in my house 3 times in our lives. Sad. I hope everyone can find what they need. ♡♡♡

[@maaritkujansivu7818]

@@soal3415 That is an awful thing to say, however it is something you can expect to hear from a narcissist.

[@lestariabadi]

Maarit Kujansivu true! That just happened to me. I started a charitable monthly activity in my hometown, nicely including her. Then she slowly dismatle the whole group in my absence.

[@lisahernandez379]

Maarit Kujansivu ohhhhh

[@prittyugly86]

@jfsfrnd omg my fiancee says that exact same thing about my mom!!!

[@alexastockton2689]

I am glad to be finding this at such a young age (16). I still have my life ahead of me, and my mother will not stop me.

[@catherineshaw1122]

I often wonder how things would have been had I run away at 16 or 17. I tried at 13 but had no money and a health condition. But what if I had saved my summer job money and walked away for good? I'm not encouraging you to do that, but it's great that you have this awareness of the issue at such a young age and can see how many others are like you. I didn't have that at all, felt totally isolated and beaten down by her at your age. I hope you leave as soon as you're legally able and never look back.

[@luana2778]

Lucky you

[@goldmedalribbon7630]

Did anyone else tear up when she said ‘you were always good enough’. Just me? Okay 😅

[@Unbeatable]

Know and believe you are good enough because you are and you deserve better. That's the key to it everything.

[@goldmedalribbon7630]

Vivian McGrath thank you ❤️

[@TheCrossPearls]

goldmedal ribbon you just got me.... ❤️❤️❤️❤️😢😢😢😢😢

[@alethiakolbeckmon8070]

I broke I want feel worthy enough

[@junegerber4028]

Remember the movie "Ever After" - " How can someone love a pebble in their shoe" - I cried and cried at that! Triggering!!

[@AnnabelleAstoria]

I am 55 and still become very anxious when in the presence of my mother.

[@michellecrocker8749]

Me too. Mine is getting on in age. She will be gone in a few years. I hate that we can't have the relationship I need to have with her. It saddens me to no end.

[@Muckly77]

Oh I hear you...only realized with 40...3 years ago who I have been dealing with all my life. Created literally a physical, and an emotional distance between me and her to create for myself what I so needed as a child...from her...Trust and Respect...to believe in myself...that I am free to do and be what makes me feel good about myself! My life...not hers! She is very emotionally unavailable so I had to make myself rare too...she loves to "trigger" my sensitivity...but interestingly enough, thanks to meditation, chakra healing...I am grounding myself every day so she cannot "touch" me as she used to! Thanks Goodness for that! :-)

[@karinlarsen2608]

What if you let your mother off the hook of being your mother. Know that she screwed up your childhood, maybe not as bad as her mother screwed up hers. Go forward woman to woman and show her how you became such a better person. You could Inspire her to be a better person. Don't waste a minute

[@karinlarsen2608]

@Heavy Metal ye of little faith. Anybody can change if they WANT to

[@Unbeatable]

We revert to being the child again. Become the parent you needed to nurture your child within

[@dj5180]

I’m just glad I’m coming to terms with this at 25 instead of 52

[@Unbeatable]

I am so glad I did in my twenties too. But it's never too late.

[@Rose_Ou]

I've been trying to deal with my past for 25 years and still haven't found peace at 44. I keep my fingers crossed for you!

[@lifeinadesignerbikini1434]

Yes, you are lucky. I’m 50 & am just coming to terms with it now. Although, my brother is the golden child in her eyes & he rarely sees her, I seemed to have fallen into the companion of my mother’s & how she manipulated it this way. It’s harder to break free when your older, because your dealing with the elderly factor with guilt, but I’m working on it.

[@lindabeeston7408]

4 babie I don’t think it matters what age you come to terms with it just as long as you do. A life is not wasted just because you came to terms with an issue at any given time in your life. I think at 25 I didn’t even realise that I had issues to come to terms with. It’s a long hard road and nobody knows what is around any corner.

[@ToniToni-rv4yv]

Same

[@RaeBell01]

My mother used to laugh at me if i got angry or upset as a child because whatever i was angry about was trivial in her eyes.

[@ilariatedeschi700]

I was not allowed to be sad

[@rashad124]

My mum used to mock me while I was crying, she'd always say I'm too sensitive

[@martiedebeer1419]

My mom was exactly the same.She also use to say that other people's children are so good and great and clever and hardworking etc etc She wish her children could be the same.I felt such a bad failure.I thought a lot about this and after a lot of depression fraceses going up and down.I made up my mind that my children will never have to feel like that through my doing.Unfortunitely I also married a person with a personality disorder

[@sharrose7594]

There's a lady on KZbin does this and more to her ten year old daughter. I've commented couple times try to help her understand but of course she just gaslights me

[@LaChicaconSuerte-1111]

She also laughed because she got a kick out of seeing you upset. These mothers are very sick.

[@joslynazure]

Wtf. This is so accurate it's disturbing. My heart breaks for everyone else who has lived through this hell. Don't give up on yourself.

[@Unbeatable]

Never give up on yourself.

[@lovegod4511]

joslyn_xoxo thankyou

[@vanessasmallridge3895]

Right back at you xxx❤️

[@hollylandstreet9051]

It’s so sad 😭 always remember that you are amazing and we can break the cycle and love and live life in an fulfilling way.

[@joslynazure]

Holly Landstreet exactly... It's our responsibility to heal, to be better mothers to our children. I know there are girls/ women out there who feel they cannot recover...Keep trying, you are not alone.💜

[@paulaboynton8299]

My mother just about ruined me in every area of my life. How dare she. Shame on her. I have 3 ex husbands, all narcissists. I barely cried when she died. I was relieved. The healing process is slow, but I'm progressing. What's worse is that I have 3 sisters, and our mother never hid the fact that she favored the oldest and as we go down the line, she was worse with each successive daughter. I am the youngest. Too bad for her, she never got to know me, and I am a good woman. I am good enough.

[@lisasmith516]

I resonate with "I barely cried when she died." Oh my, so true. and I get to look at the pictures of her (just before the evil speaker died) OF HER holding the hands of my half-sister and my youngest sister ( THE FLYING VERY HIGH MONKEYS) whom she gave a lot of favors and favorite things to and I got nothing. Although really, NOTHING GIVEN COULD EVEN BEGIN TO MAKE UP FOR HER continual DAMAGING CRUELTY. She and my STEPFATHER both suck BALLS. I FORGIVE. BUT I no longer "love" them. And I WILL NOT EVER FORGET THEIR "TAG TEAM" ABUSE. UGH. I do NOT KNOW WHAT REAL LOVE IS SADLY, EXCEPT FOR LOVING MY CHILDREN. SHE AND HE DID NOT LOVE THEM EITHER, BE CAUSE THEY WERE "MINE. " DOUBLE UGH.

[@Unbeatable]

You are amazing. I'm glad to know you are healing. It is slow and takes hard work, but you will get there.

[@annmarieknapp]

I'm sorry. You sound like a wonderful person. She missed out. You're a warrior

[@TheKim369]

@@lisasmith516 I didn't even cry one tear. I would have thought I was a heartless monster, but when my brother died I cried for days. I "forgave" her too, but to me that means feeling sorry for her and understanding she did the best she could because deep down she was miserable, petty and jealous of the world. I was there at the end and thought about telling her I forgave her, but I didn't feel like getting yelled at "Who are you to forgive me! For what?! Oh I know, I was the most horrible mother in the world and you went hungry every day and had no clothes. You are the most selfish, ungrateful....." Oh mine loved my kids from about ages 3 - 7, poor things didn't understand when she turned on them too, luckily we moved away so they didn't have to deal with it too much.

[@lorilee6577]

Paula im so with with sweetheart. I dissociated from birth to about 12. I get little flashes of moments here and there. I remember hearing the cadaletic converter on the Cadillac when she pulled in the drivway in the wee hours of the morning and I would pee in my panties , the live in mexican housekeeper would grab them and hide them and quickly go back in her room next to mine and close the door. Im in Trama therapy now and i want to know why what the hell was i peeing my pants about . I watch lil clips of Mommy Dearest and its so real to me i cant watch more then a little at a time. I hope we all get some peace in life and heal from this insanity. My brother and sister both took there lives when i was young now I know why. I still dont hate her i found out her and my Aunt went through years of hard sexual abuse from her step fatber a couple of years before she died. I have comr to terms at least with the fact that all of us got fucked over Narcs, Co dep. Borderlines all of us and the chain never gets broken.....lov to you all ...

[@debs1977]

You just described my mother, when she died at age 86 I felt a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Very sad to say that.

[@lindadorazio986]

Deb S I feel like a terrible person just thinking it...but it definitely was a relief for me too. I never did one thing right up until the day my mother died 2 years ago. The last 2 years of her life were lived with me as I am an only child, I took her in to my home because she had dementia. It just made her behavior worse. She treated me terribly. I did my best for her. She told me I failed. Everyone else said I did well. I have no idea.

[@BedandBreakfastCoach]

@@lindadorazio986 my mother just died last week aged 90 and feel a weight has been lifted off of me too. I've only just found out what it was. Up until a week ago, I couldn't put my finger on my mother's behaviour, and when I described it, it sounded like I was just being victim. Now I know it's real and it's called covert narcissism. I hear you x

[@trinkabutler9482]

Omg to realize it wasn't always me this is so emotionally freeing for me

[@missinfinitiii]

I feel so bad cause I always feel when my mom dies my life can start again .. it sucks I feel guilty for wanting to live a happy pain free life.

[@chillizabeth]

I can’t wait for the peace I will have when my narc mother dies

[@wendyspeakschannel9594]

I was never ever appreciated by my narcissistic mother.

[@TheNesbittExperience]

You’re not alone. It sucks, but you are valuable, you are worthy and it’s not your fault!

[@MusicSmiles]

Definitely, you are not alone !! I'm so thankful that I've found these Narcissists videos on KZbin. It has helped me feel at peace with the action I took about 4 months ago - to stop visiting my mother. No phone calls, texts - nothing !! It's a shame that I feel less stress when I'm away from her. I've always wanted a warm and loving relationship with her, but it just isn't in her. And the times when she ever did seem loving, it was fake and in front of people that she tried to impress. It's very obvious that she is so jealous of me. That's hard to understand. I have an outgoing personality and love people and people love me. She doesn't like that. My oldest sister, Sheila, died in a car wreck years ago. My mama had the nerve to leave me a voicemail saying that I may as well be dead like Sheila.... (bc she couldn't get in touch with me, she would be fine if I was just dead.) It bothered me for years, still does...I never said anything to her about it until last year. I was at her house and she was her usual self - made me feel guilty for something.... I started crying and told her I wanted to talk to her about things that bothered me. I reminded her of the voicemail she left and through my tears and broken heart, I stood there (while she sat on the edge of her bed)... I told her how hurtful it was to know that my mama would be fine with even the thought of me being dead. She listened and watched me cry so broken, but she had a smirk on her face and when I finished talking, she shrugged her shoulders and just looked at me with out a care in the world and didn't say she was sorry, in fact, she didn't say a word. Her appearance told me she didn't care and was probably glad to see me hurting over something she said. There has been way too many incidents such as this through my life. I am now 46 and 4 months ago, after an argument with her telling me how I thought I was a goody, goody and how I was educated and so many remarks that just proved her jealousy - when I went to leave, she said, "when I die you will regret this". I felt bold and responded, "no, when you die I will Remember this !!" Then I drove off and have not had any contact with her since. And I don't plan to. She doesn't love me, unless she is benefitting from something. Conditional love is no love at all. I'm loving the people who love me and I have relationships with people who treat me respectful

[@ladennayoung2939]

That's why we have to learn how to celebrate ourselves.

[@miriampborne]

Yep. Same here.

[@Lolatheiyatola]

I went no contact 6 years ago with my "mom" THE BEST decision i have ever made

[@minecraftphoenixgaming]

Same. I have just studied a criminological psychology degree.... and cut contact 4 years ago after I believe my family were beginning to abuse my son....(NOT HAPPENING!!!)!!!! It took me a long time to stop blaming myself for going into care as my mother told me but in my 30’s when studying attachment, the Harlow and Harlow experiment totally changed my viewpoint. After hearing how no matter how many times we are pushed away we will ALWAYS go back for more.... I thought to myself NO MORE. From there, I emotionally disconnected with my mother and realised I would never get from her what I needed, I accept that, I do NOT hate her but I also refuse to be treated that way so for no I am most happy with no contact.... it has given me the opportunity to love myself.... and my son so much more.

[@tendercare9788]

I've been no contact for 7 years now and I will tell you that I've found a peace I've never had. I had to cut out my whole family but it was worth knowing I would not get ten phone calls from ten different personalities all her in one day. She even told me my son had autism bc I didn't take my son to see her more often

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call [phone] or reach him on WhatsApp [phone] and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...

[@forty2alz22]

I went no contact 1 yr ago...then limited contact on my terms....no phone contact where again ..I'm 58

[@tipsybass7060]

The last time I spoke to my "mother" was my 35 birthday.. We were having a conversation about when I was in the hospital with cancer.. She claimed she had no idea... Which is a lie! She was the first one I called, and she was the first one to stop returning my calls. Not one person in our "family" (mom dad sis) called, sent flowers, came to visit..cards NOTHING. Told her I was still upset that when I needed her the most, she was no where to be found. She then got mad, and yelled.. Sorry I ruined your life! And hung up. I didn't cry, nothing. She has to live with saying that to her first born for the rest of her life, not me. She tried to wiggle back in, via my dad. NOPE NOT TODAY, NOT EVER. I've moved to the other side of the country, still no contact after 5 years (about to be 40). Don't talk to any family anymore.. They just like to bring me down, and I'm done with all of that. I do feel for my dad, whom she's taken over his place and life. But, I am living my life the way I want to. They can all suck it!

[@chompyandstompy8114]

I grew up with the "Don't upset your mother" and "You're too sensitive" and "Crocodile tears" and many others.

[@Unbeatable]

At least you now see this for what it is

[@indiabarbados8523]

Whew..."your crocodile tears don't mean nothing to me", was the term my mom used.

[@NIce-yk1ee]

I said above - my dad told me I think I'm a perfect little angel and that if anything happened to my mom he would be my worst enemy. How does a dad say that? All I ever did was try to make her happy

[@indiabarbados8523]

@@NIce-yk1ee He probably heard your Mom say that about you, she maybe telling him it's all your fault if she gets sick. You have to remember he knew her before you came along. My Dad knows how my mom is but it's like she has him hypnotized.

[@bernardinsaintpierre9555]

N Ice wow 😳 that’s nasty. My dad is also a victim of my mom. He just accepts the abuse and expects everyone to do the same

[@jilligain3409]

My mom lies ALOT as well. She used to say things to the other ppl in our lives (like neighbors or friends) "ugh these terrible children, I work sooooo hard" blah blah blah. But the truth was, she never got up w/ us as children to see us off to school, never helped w/ homework, never talked w/ us. I have zero memories of her ever playing w/ any of us. And, when we got older, she never even taught us how to drive, or offered me prom or even to go to my highschool graduation. She just ignored us & then couldn't wait for us to move out. Now I'm 46 & she's in her 70s & needs help. Plus, my dad was a raging alcoholic. But hey, it was all our fault as terrible children. Pls ppl, if you don't want children, then DONT have them

[@marionhollis4817]

My mother had tendencies similar to yours. I was a latch key child, she was working on being the successful business owner and had me (only child) and my dad wrapped into her ambitions. She always had the mindset that she was the only one working though my dad helped her in the business after his police officer shifts and I got stuck with household chores. I don't recall to ever get her approval in any area of my life or like you mention, her ever playing with me. It was dad who played and showed me things. My grades were never good enough, not ever a praise for anything, even if it was A-grades. And until now, age 58, I never realized that she was narcissistic and so was my grandmother. After 3 divorces and the father of my son walking out on me, I gave up on relationships and built a wall around my heart. My parents have passed away but I still deal with the lack of self worth and try to be a people pleaser. I'll try to change that now.

[@Susanne69]

Your experience describes mine perfectly, except my mother committed suicide 2 years ago. She was 71.

[@angelikakrawczyk1465]

Did we have the same mother? xD no but seriously those behaviours really leave you feeling so lonely and unwanted as a child. My parents would say that they will get a divorce because of me - they took no responsibility of their own lives, its bizzare.

[@Dawnabella]

@@Susanne69 I am very sorry to hear that..... Be well. Sorry for your loss..too.

[@Susanne69]

Dawn Thank you

[@youdontmesswitheli]

When I told my father about some of my mother’s psychological abuses, he told me “that was all in your head”. That killed me. I can’t believe I must bear all this pain.

[@jantaljaard835]

You don't have too , go to counselling.

[@drive-bychicago225]

My dad would say, "well you know how your mother is....") You are not alone.

[@MaybeLikeWater]

So so sorry, but remember us empaths and sensitives are remarkable at baring pain and suffering, most importantly the same heightened emotional/ psychological that magnify our pain also allows us to magnify our healing. We come through the fire like the Phoenix born again, and die again... It’s our cycle.

[@spikefivefivefive]

When my parents finally divorced, my father left and never looked back for 2.5 years. The coward physically abandoned his kids with a raging Narcissist for all that time and said it was for our own good. No, that was for HIS own good. Recently he and I went to lunch and he referred to that 2.5 years as "Not being easy for anybody". Seriously? I asked him for whom was it the least easy? Him? or HIS KIDS?? I actually think both my parents are narcissists. They never respected us. They never thought of us as individuals but rather "employees" who took their orders. If they ever showed concern, it was out of societal expectation.

[@LovelyyyyyyDove]

😒

[@rachaelclarke9951]

And my father was passive to all the abuse

[@prittyugly86]

I have a step father that is like that. Ended up cheating on her. My dad on the other hand is extremely co dependent with his current crazy ass drunk plastic surgery wife. But him and my mom divorcing was pretty much what broke the cycle and he was able to support me and encourage me while I was in her hell I mean house.

[@thelifestyleconcept304]

My dad used to close the door and turn the TV up. He literally turned a blind eye.

[@cindylong624]

@@thelifestyleconcept304 Yes, some Dads will side with the narc wife/mom because of a variety of reasons

[@eringruendl2781]

Mine too. He ignored everything so he wouldn't get the blunt of it.

[@monalisam1]

Same for me

[@florenceellis7126]

I'm 67 and just seeing this video. Mother is 93 now and I am still seeking her approval. Sick! Thank you for sharing this information.

[@Unbeatable]

I'm glad you found me

[@NIce-yk1ee]

I feel the same way. I am 48 and my mom is 80. I am having so many feelings coming up as even at 80 she is requiring all my attention and I cannot concentrate at all on my family. Mom is always first. I am trying to figure out how to break from this

[@maloolaneves2150]

Florence Ellis exactly my situation! I found out my mother was a narcy 4 years ago, when I turned 60!!!!

[@rhondamarshall4152]

You can never win her approval. I should know; I've tried my whole life and never have succeeded at it!!

[@maria12501]

I remember it was all about her most of the time.

[@joannphillips2469]

A nars mom stands between EVERY member of the family. You are so right.

[@Unbeatable]

Sad really

[@avazworld6549]

My mom and mother in law cause so much strife yet when one of the kids finally break they act like I told you so or your a victim.... My mom talks bad about my sister's husband and yet she will have my sister completely depending on her......my sister is blind to the damage it's probably caused her own marriage. My sister can't deal with her own emotions now and caused my marriage to hurt by making false accusations against me. I feel like my sister got her Karma because now my sister has to deal with my mom living there after my mom had five failed marriages.

[@Unbeatable]

@@avazworld6549 I hope you can keep some distance from this

[@avazworld6549]

@@Unbeatable definitely had to learn the hard way. My mom wants until she's damaged the house of cards then tries to play hero and I'm going no contact for the rest of my life now and I'm happy about that decision. :)!

[@justlooking4771]

My mother is the same way! I'm almost 45 years old and neither of my brothers will talk to me because she constantly makes herself the victim and me the villain. She has never ever let me speak my mind about how I felt growing up without telling everyone I was crazy. I'm so glad I finally found other people, as sad as it is that there are other people, like me to help guide me away from this feeling of being powerless all the time, or in the wrong all the time. My mother was definitely the "ignoring" parent.

[@megapint8598]

I finally got rid of my mother. Will never let her back in my life again. My pathetic excuse for a father went with her because he supports her no matter what. I live in peace now. So wonderful to have broken free of them both forever. I see in the comments many, many others have experienced exactly what I have experienced and I am sorry so many have had to go through this. It's a lonely journey and is tough when people feel the need to post all over social media how loving and wonderful and supportive their parents are .. when you've always been alone and always will be.

[@Unbeatable]

Sadly, breaking all contact is sometimes the only way

[@kmoreland3413]

I understand you so much. My dad won't influence my mum's ignoring whatsoever because he "has to live with her" and just wants for them to be left alone. I called the other week and said I was really struggling, and that i felt like a nuisance but also felt like I'd be a nuisance if I just wasn't here anymore. He said "I'm soprry you feel that way" - there was no emotion on his side, and after about 15 minutes he ended the call because she came home and he couldn't be known to be talking with me. The power balance in our family (there's just the three of us) has always been that way, they shut me out. It's so comforting to hear that I'm not losing it. I feel so guilty, but i can't change it.

[@bambiparnell6289]

I've just gone no contact from my 81 year old mother. I'm 61.

[@bambiparnell6289]

Spot on.

[@lynette599]

Apricot Praline....I think many of those posts over social media are the children of narcissistic parents who are EXPECTED by their narc parent to post such comments (in order to have peace in the household for a while). Therefore, I view such posts with a pinch of salt...I know of a family where it is a horrid situation behind closed doors, but over FB it is all 'you are the BEST mother in the world, I am SO LUCKY to have such a wonderful mother, BLA BLA BLA. That is why social media is so DAMAGING because people compare their own lives with the 'interesting' and 'glamorous' and 'loving' lives of those that post it all over social media - ALWAYS ask yourself why this person feels compelled to post all this for others to see. If one is content with their lives, there is NO NEED to post it all over a public platform. This is one reason why the suicide rate amongst teenagers have increased by 56% in the last 10 years - teenagers compare their own unhappy boring lives with social media posts (which they have NO WAY of knowing is fake or not) and decide their own lives are SO bad compared to this that they don't want to live anymore.

[@Candall89]

I am the daughter of a narcissist and it’s been very difficult leading an “normal” adult life. I found your video to be very relatable All of my romantic relationships have been abusive. I was a high achiever In school but I feel like a self sabotage a lot now. I’ve found the older I get, the more I feel a disconnect with what I’m doing and who I am. I know I have talents I just don’t know what to do or how to really use them and I feel alone. It’s sort like I experience moments of clarity and motivation and then I crash. Life has been pretty rough. But anyway, probably too much information....Thank you for your videos. I’ve subscribed and I’m hoping they will help me on my journey to heal.

[@Unbeatable]

I'm so sorry to hear this - the effect they have does impact our adult lives in many ways. You can find you again. The most important thing is you now recognise what is happening so you can start to work on yourself to change. Feeling good enough and self-love is crucial. Get help and support if you can, read every self-help book you can (this one is worth reading) and take one step at a time. You can't change your parent. But you can change you and break the cycle. It's never too late.

[@Unbeatable]

For some reason I replied, but it didn't show up here. I'll do so again. I'm so sorry to hear this. It does impact our adult lives in many negative ways, not least the types of partners we choose. But also people-pleasing, not feeling good enough etc. The most important thing is you have self-awareness now so you can start to work on yourself to change. Get help and support. I found a support group helped me a lot. Read every self-help book you can find. This book is worth reading. Take one little step at a time. You can do this. Just take baby steps. The more knowledge you gain, the more you can do to change you. Self-love is the most crucial part of this.

[@Candall89]

Vivian McGrath Thank you. Your first response did show up. I think the settings on KZbin make it more difficult to see them. I actually bought this book a while back and started reading it. I want to look into joining a support group for sure. Thank you so much for replying and giving me such great advice.

[@Unbeatable]

@@Candall89 Oh good, well you got me twice then! Thanks for watching and being here. Have a happy holiday season.

[@Candall89]

Vivian McGrath , ❤️❤️ thank you! You too. 😊

[@carolinalima4752]

This video made me feel not so alone ❤

[@Unbeatable]

But you're not. There are so many of us here who feel the same way. We can support you.

[@leelee6000]

You never alone lina it happens to so many people

[@Unbeatable]

@@leelee6000 It does and I agree.

[@katrinas5992]

I agree! This made me feel a lot better knowing I wasn’t the only one.

[@BrokenMirrorSFX]

Same

[@mariyaa111]

They make you feel invisible and judged at the same time.. they make you feel guilty for having feelings and emotions.. they are everything they you don’t need but somehow are still what you want, until you realize that you don’t need their validation or conditional love.

[@avalynnwaller6885]

...my mother---loathed her only daughter. As a result, i was invisible at best----tortured when it was worst. I nearly didnt survive. I just didnt know.

[@Unbeatable]

You are not to blame and are lovable

[@avalynnwaller6885]

@@Unbeatable thankyou

[@JB-lm9ui]

Avalynn Waller - Wow - yes invisible - I can so relate and empathize! 💜

[@Lesiaization]

"invisible" and "tortured" ring a bell immidiately... I hope you are doing well now. 🙂

[@rhondamarshall4152]

How do I stop judging myself so harshly just because I can't please mom. (She's 80 and I'm 63 and I still secretly wish she could love me for me!!

[@indigomoonchild9]

I am an empath and we are the perfect targets for narcissistic mothers. They strike at the jugular with their cutting comments, comparisons and disapproval. Now I am on the way to healing my damaged self esteem and this video is extremely helpful. Thank you for putting things in perspective.💜

[@scheherazadenoir5950]

Same here. Empath in a family of narcs, ROUGH times. I was an alien to them and got "beloved object baby sister/vilified teen" treatment. Fun times. I tried so hard to be a good girl, I didn't even get to have fun and the VERY necessary fucking up one needs to do as a teen to learn how to have arguments and disagreement and cry and breakup....turns out if you don't do it when you're a kid and it's behavior that's forgiven...it's VERY UNATTRACTIVE AND INCONVENIENT to do it when you're 30. I think that was the most damaging thing. My friend who fucked up in the late 70s, got over it by the mid 80s and grew up. Me? My dumb ass was just getting started to kill myself without physically killing myself. But the smoke clears and - here I is. Battered, burnt scarred beyond belief and humbled but not beaten. You've survived. There's a lot of us out here talking about this shit. Change is coming.

[@Stratospheria]

this really resonates. Thank you x

[@indigomoonchild9]

@@scheherazadenoir5950 Oh my dear, you are going to heal! I healed myself and you have within you, the power to heal the damage caused by yourself and others. You are a beautiful, sensitive souls but you don't do enough self care. This is for you and anyone else reading this: Take a few minutes to sit in a quiet place. Breath in and out deeply 3 times. Rub your hands together vigorously and then shake off any negative energy that you might be holding onto. Take both of your hands and place them on your heart chakra. Breath deeply, (if you cough or sneeze it is a release of pent up energy) Then visualize golden, sparkly, warm, healing light being projected into your heart chakra. Do this for however long you intuitively feel you need to. Then move to your solar plexus (this is where we store past hurtful memories) do the same thing you did with your heart chakra. Last, place your hands on your crown chakra(top of your head)and feel the positive, loving energy flow through your hands. At the end of this self healing session say, "I love myself and I am healed and I am beautiful, intelligent and strong." Do this as many times as you feel you need to. You now have the keys to self healing. Unlock the door. Blessings dear ones!💖

[@scheherazadenoir5950]

@@indigomoonchild9 I'm good. I recently joined social media after living in dire fear that my past would catch up. But I don't care. I'm living in the truth. I don't have anything to say about old stories and old crimes and especially old enemies. I've made peace with my Mom ❤️🌹💕 and it's amazing. My sibling and I will need time & boundaries. Most importantly I recently got a medical diagnosis that has set me FREE. I have a name for the symptoms that plagued me my whole life and was one of the biggest things I was accused of making up or using for an excuse. It all makes sense now. And I can stop hating myself. Stop trying to hurt myself And I am. I'm online using my own name. I'm talking about politics. I drop the occasional video. I've had some negativity that may be those old ones but you know what? Fuck it. Leave me alone and move the fuck on. Because I'm going to participate in the fight for democracy just like everyone else. I'm going to be happy and try to help my people survive the insanity going on right now I have the right to. You are not your past. I play 2 songs for inspiration every week. Monkeywrench by The Foo Fighters Can't Stop The Feeling by Justin Timberlake Wish me luck

[@indigomoonchild9]

@@scheherazadenoir5950That is so wonderful!❤

[@toots810usa6]

So now I am left with Complex PTSD, and I basically vascillate between anger and guilt on a daily basis. Thank you for these videos that validate my experience.

[@graciaillustrado1906]

Shae Nickerson I think me too. I cant sort myself out at times

[@iw9338]

Journal, journal & journal. It helps me to process out all the crap & helps me to forgive myself. I did the best I could as the 10th child, seen & not heard. I talk to God & pray for healing of my very wounded heart. Blessings to you and your family

[@Purple9721.]

Wow same here. Anger and guilt 24/7. Always thought I was alone in that

[@iw9338]

@@krus3997 try Pete Walker omplex ptsd, from surviving to thriving. Richard Grannon has many great videos & free programs. Journaling & asking a friend to allow you to say something out loud in order to process it. All the Best.

[@SadCarBitch]

I have CPTSD too. My mother was narcissistic and her (thankfully now ex) boyfriend was physically abusive to everyone. But after he left.. my sister and I are still left with my mother. My narcissistic mother left and is continuing to leave a bigger scar on me than the 12 years of physical abuse I have been through.

[@TestimonyOfYeshua]

Every word came out of your mouth described my mother! I never considered or described myself as a victim, but she ruined my emotional life, my mental health. I'm 55 and suffer from complex PTSD. I took care of her every need until recently and recently I went no contact. When I confronted her about her emotional and physical abuse, she told me I'm crazy, it never took place. She probably only slapped me once and I'm exaggerating! I moved her in my cottage for 6 years catering to her every need...until...she said I never did anything for her. I realized that I would never please her no matter what I do and I moved her in an ALF and went no contact. I'm a mess and my road to recovery will be long. But she will never see me again

[@Unbeatable]

I am so sorry to hear this and I know how hard it must be to put you first for once and cut the chord. Your mental health and needs must come first, but you've trusted your gut and made the decision that is right for you. So don't feel any guilt and try to look forward now, not back. You've taken the hardest step. Recovery will be long and slow but you are walking towards the light now. Stay strong.

[@overcomer4196]

you can do it! recovery is possible and you will feel much better. but it takes time. these type videos will help a lot if you can't afford a therapist these are very helpful to validate us and get us thinking right. we don't have to accept being abused and we shouldn't. the madness stops with us!! we can feel good about that!!

[@Unbeatable]

@@overcomer4196 I love that: 'the madness stops with us' as it is so true. We have the power within us to break the cycle.

[@Unbeatable]

It really does! That's the only thing we can control - ourselves.

[@patriciasimons1873]

Stay strong and see a good therapist. You did nothing wrong. Going no contact was the decision of self Protection

[@sandrapfauenglund8729]

I am the daughter of a narcissistic mother. I brought her on the cruise we are on because she was recently widowed. What my son, her cabin mate and aid, husband and I are doing for her “isn’t enough”. I’m watching videos this morning to bolster myself, heal myself again. We are good enough but at 85 she will not heal. We must love ourselves, pat our own backs, and enjoy the cruise…whether she does or not. It’s ok if she’s not happy. Thank you for your video.

[@lone8869]

Grieving the loss of the mother you never had......oh goodness me that is the most painful thing to come to terms with. I am dealing with this now and it's difficult especially when all around you everyone else seems to have a good and loving relationship with their Mother.

[@Unbeatable]

It is hard, I agree

[@baby-xp9dn]

So True!!! as a child it was always difficult for me to understand that,like why other mothers are loving and caring,nurturing and protecting their child and mine isn't.....

[@Unbeatable]

@@baby-xp9dn It's hard to understand, I agree.

[@xoxoxoxoxojetaime3148]

It has been very painfully to me. I lost trust in people and now I can't form any meaningful friendship with anyone. My mother used to tell me when I was young that no one will ever love me. She had me out of an affair and resented me all her life. I hope to heal one day😢

[@Unbeatable]

@@xoxoxoxoxojetaime3148 If you need help and support to work through this I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/

[@heatht7868]

How horrible is it when my sister and I when we were 11 and 12 kept “files” ( we would call them in our head) of what we would never ever do to our children. Meaning the things she would do to us. That’s sad being so young and already knowing how insane she was/is.

[@correanne5366]

that's healthy actually...my son couldnt see it until adulthood

[@jorelletaylor5408]

Omg I almost kept a mental list as well 💔😰

[@lexa7821]

I had a written list

[@MeriLizzie]

I had a list I made, mentally, without even realizing it. It hit me when a therapist asked me to describe growing up in one word. I said “fear”. Fear of upsetting her, fear of making a mistake, etc. I aid to myself that I want my children to remember one word... “laughter”. And they do! I feel I have succeeded in that part! However it caused me to become an obsessive compulsive perfectionist over achiever. She always said “if anything is worth doing right, it’s worth doing it right the first time!” Even if you don’t know what you’re doing. Did this somehow contribute to the 2 autoimmune diseases I have now? Extreme stress growing up. Oh... btw they adopted me when I was 8. Fostered me, and my bio brother from age 4. And. She. Never. Let. Me. Forget!! She would say “the only reason we adopted your bio brother is because you refused to be fostered, or adopted, without him”! Oh really!? You let a 4-8yo call the shots for you? I *may* still have some anger to work through... 🤔🤨🤔

[@coletteannemaud1340]

I was the opposite with my kids, but not perfect as i was unhappy with a bad man. Today they do not want to know me and have sided with their dad, even though I have given them money and helped them when they needed it, is like I HAVE DONE NOTHING. I am now finally happy with another man, but they just cant stand to see their mum happy SICK

[@sharontriana1216]

When I turned 19 I moved halfway across the country on my own (now I know I was trying to distance myself from my mother) and while there I became addicted to heroin for 2 years. I got clean and it’s been about 6 years now since that’s all behind me. And not until this point in my life I realize why I’ve been so empty all my life.

[@Unbeatable]

I'm sorry to hear this. Be proud of what you have achieved and for staying clean. That's not easy I know. If you need help and support to work through this I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/

[@theresabutts3856]

Sharon Triana my life follows yours. I left Ohio when I was 20. Could not stand to stay there any longer. Your reminiscence mirrors my life in that family of way too many. Now am 67 and finally understand why I chose my husband of 43 years -he sees me and tells the truth for me, if I want him to. Am struggling as I want to help nieces and nephews navigate the murky water ways. Our mother affected other daughters as well as me. When I see the offspring neglected, starved for recognition and validation it is torture to see or even know what’s happening. What can I do from my perspective as they disavow me. Thank you so much

[@hopelove6658]

Same.

[@SomethingxXxSpanish]

My mum has told me I ruined her life. That she tried to abort me several times, and never took. That she isn't a bad mother and not blame her for a single thing. That she wished I was a boy. Always holding my wrist saying that maybe I'm gaining weight. That I'm stubborn, and if I only do things the "right way", her way I would be better off. That I'm too sensative part was spot on, everything actually, but that was the biggest thing. She would tell me that I need to stop "flirting" with my step dad... I was 9. Later I got older I told her how he would hug me for too long. How he would try to kiss my neck, and how he tells me my mum doesn't satisfy him. I told her how I thought that was inappropriate she only said well why is that? What were you wearing? What were you doing? Me? How was that my fault? I tried to reconnect with several times, but I finally gave up. I'm tired of her victim card. Unlike her saying I had a bad mother so be lucky you have me as a mother. I will not live in denial, nor hurt people around me and use my traumatic past as an excuse to hurt people around me. I am going to rise over her own troubles and go on to help others. I want to always ask, what can I do to help you? How can we be happy together? Everyone reading this that had a narcissistic mother, I will say just I know your pain. We can help each other, we can grow together, and heal.☺

[@kalliskivike]

I know how you feel my mother also tells me how she wanted to abort me then life would be better for her. And bringing in abusive creep to our home and never believed what I told and though of him. Its always about her even if her daughter is getting sexually harassed or when he came at me when I was alone at home. She barely had any reactions and just let it be. It really sucks that we have narcisstic mother but I guess you doing better now there?

[@Jelbel1111]

I was raised being told other families were dysfunctional, that we were so much better than everyone else. I was "lucky". I always knew something didn't feel right. It wasn't until after a destructive narcissistic relationship in my 40s that i started to understand how messed up my childhood was.

[@Unbeatable]

It does impact adult relationships until we recognise this behavior as unhealthy

[@Cormac2023]

That's exactly how brainwashing works, specifically on children.

[@appletreeblues]

OMG! Me, too!!!!

[@MyHairDrama]

Yes, me, too! Smh

[@anneok4451]

"I always knew something didn't feel right." Holy cow -- totally my thoughts growing up. My family ALWAYS picked everybody else apart as imperfect and they were always so much better than everyone else. SO messed up.

[@tangerinedreams6408]

This made my chest hurt because everything you said is true...

[@Unbeatable]

Sorry to hear that, but I hope it's helpful and you're okay?

[@tangerinedreams6408]

I'm in my mid 20s today, just graduated from university. I was verbally/physically abused by my mother since young. My father was an alcoholic. He died later during my teens. He was very abusive to her (I saw it all). But he was always there for me emotionally. After he died, my emotional support disappeared. I was a very bright and outspoken kid, always active and jumping around in class. But somehow throughout my years of growing up, my 'brightness' sort of went downhill(just a little), and I became more and more quiet...I was often told that I was never qualified for anything, never as good as my siblings, that I was going to be a nobody. She told me that I was going to fail in school (7 yrs old up until I graduated university). I was a straight As student before my father passed. I was constantly referred to as stupid, useless, fat during my teens after I got my period (I weigh 40kg, 5'2). After high school, I lived outside and furthered my studies. Being away from her helped me a lot. But occasionally, when I missed home/during holidays, I would go back...and everything repeats itself. And it was really hard for me to pick myself back up and be ok again as sometimes it would take me 1 week, sometimes 1 month. The damage is real. Somedays, I would randomly have these flashbacks (usually when she contacts me) of when she would hit me for something I didn't do when I was little, or the judgemental things that she said to me. These flashbacks really do hurt me, it hurt my chest, sometimes my arm would hurt because of it, I would get a headache after crying for hours...and it's just a horrible memory that I wish I could just let go. But it's too challenging (I hope you can give me some advice on how to get rid of these memories). No mothers should ever address their child as stupid, ugly or useless. No mothers should wack their child out with a cane or hangar at 12am, or when they dont live up to their expectations. All children should be loved unconditionally. But, regardless of what she said and had made me believe when I was younger, I always remind myself to remain strong and to not give up when I feel the lingering pain. (I'd love everyone out there with the same struggles to stay strong as well).

[@Unbeatable]

Tangerine Dreams that is a lot to cope with. I would suggest getting some professional help and support if you can to deal with the post traumatic stress you suffer (the flashbacks). I have listed free and anonymous helplines here who may guide you: www.beingunbeatable.com/domestic-violence-resources/

[@Unbeatable]

I'm so sorry to hear your story and you are right, no child should endure this. It sounds like you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of this abuse. I would urge you to get professional help and support to deal with this and your flashbacks. I have listed some free and anonymous helplines. They should be able to guide you as to where to find this: www.beingunbeatable.com/domestic-violence-resources/ Stay strong.

[@voiceovers7080]

Tangerine Dreams but something happened to her probably

[@oscarmannheim7434]

I don’t care about her pain. I did not do to my kids what she did to me. No excuses Mommie Dearest!

[@Unbeatable]

I'm glad you broke the cycle with your kids

[@Luna-dz3hv]

Oscar Mannheim I understand how you feel and im so proud of you . You broke the cycle ❤️.

[@bettywith2girls]

@@Unbeatable I broke the cycle too...I am not at all like her, thank God. My kids actually love me.

[@Unbeatable]

@@bettywith2girls Well done to you.

[@clasijuls1]

I agree wit you ..no excuse

[@user-dp4bu8jy4b]

My brother could do no wrong. I got to see what love was when he and mom were together. I was just there to do chores, clean and never any love or respect.

[@miriampborne]

my situation exactly

[@micheller9323]

Right!

[@ServantofYah99]

Felt🥲

[@ServantofYah99]

Same

[@lexyemerson7927]

This video talking about everything my mother has done to me! Her specialty...ignoring and blaming me mixed in with jealousy. Never wants to acknowledge my pain or validate my emotions. She is the queen of punishment and dismissal ....uses me as a scapegoat and acts like the victim!

[@Unbeatable]

Sorry to hear this. If you need any help and support to work through this I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/

[@meera2531]

Lexy... sounds like my mother... A 'victim' Narcissist also called vulnerable or covert Narcissist. They hold onto reasons from their pasts and present, to play the Victim or Hero in all circumstances. Even if they are in the best of circumstances in the present they will find only bad things to say about the situation or people (family members) or their health, or anything else. They thrive on sympathy, pity and admiration for being "so strong" through so many "difficulties". They also use their victim card to manipulate others into doing too much for them. They are also known to pretend to be helpless and fragile and pretend they can't do tasks which others their age can do easily. They want you to keep trying to make them happy but it will never really happen.

[@michellem775]

I had a mother who actually showed no interest in my career, my life, or feelings still to this day if it doesn't affect her in some way. She actually gets annoyed if I have any kind of success and almost jealous quiet treatment or mean. So, my situation is a little different but everything else is spot on.

[@Unbeatable]

Thanks for watching

[@ponisaseaside3456]

Same here!!

[@michellem775]

@@laylaa5445 Hi, I too lost my job due to this pandemic and when I gave my mom this news she gave me the creepiest grin. I totally know how you feel.

[@mariag3104]

I can't say l'm good enough without crying.

[@undeniable_1]

Every damn time I try...

[@dawnacoxon3111]

Same :(

[@Layla-fr7mf]

Watch Self worth by Teal Swan 💕 Start to meditate with heart chakra guided meditation and journal about what you love about yourself everyday. It changed my life. Make it a daily routine

[@undeniable_1]

@@Layla-fr7mf Where is this Self Worth, on YT?

[@goldengoddessx]

You are good enough ❤️

[@ashleymay2850]

I agree the less my mom knows about me the happier my life is!

[@barbararaegurley4910]

Oh My Heavens !!!! I'm 65 years old.... Never imagined this... That my lack of Self Love and why I spent my while life wanting everyone to be happy.... At my own expense constantly. 27 year marriage to he'll, 'and back... Thank you so much 💖

[@Unbeatable]

Thanks for watching

[@schuftiandmunchkin]

One day my mother said to the very single me, "You know what I want for you..." and I thought, oh, that's nice, she's thinking about me ..."Is for you to find a man..." which sounded even more promising..."Who will ring me up, and say 'Hey, Mum, how about I take you out to dinner?'". Not - I'd like you to be happy or financially stable or even just plain contented. Nup. SHE wanted me to find a man to make HER feel important. Joke: how many narcissists does it take to change a lightglobe? One: they hold the globe and the world turns around them.

[@ameliaflowers9836]

Tracey Tritsch bring home a nice woman 🤣🤣🤣

[@lara9237]

Omg ... my mom said the same thing to me!!! She had a cold one day and she asked me why didn't my boyfriend bring her chicken soup and that I should dump him because if he doesn't take care of my mother then he is a terrible man... Wwooopppee

[@Pinar2509]

hi Tracey, how funny! My motherlived with me almost the whole past 10 years and would always say 'wouldn't it be nice if you had a nice husband and children'... obviously someone that she would approve of - importance would be looks and a good job! she never understood that I had her staying with me so she was not alone in her 70ies and that I had no social life because of that and that I therefore could not be out and about to meet someone!! obviously she wanted to live with us should I ever manage to pull a handsome rich man!!! :-)

[@grammyd8361]

Oh my, I thought I was the only one with a mother like this. My mother fell in love with my husband. He took her out to dinner, dancing and was at her beck and call, while I was left at home, beaten and was helpless to keep him from wiping her out financially. Afterward, she went to the family to tell them it was all my fault and that I was worthless, no good and to stay away from me. I was not to be trusted. My family abandoned me and I have no one that loves me. She even turned my son away from me. We haven't spoken in years even though we live in the same town. I am not invited to family reunions, weddings, holidays, or even get Christmas cards. I have been totally disowned. I had my 67th Birthday a few days ago and never even got a text from my family, wishing me a happy birthday except from my granddaughter who I haven't visited with or seen in years. The text said, "Happy Birthday, I love and miss you." She lives an hour away from me. I've lived at my address for 7 years, she has never been to my home. She won't tell me her address nor has she introduced me to her boyfriend of 7 years who she lives with. I have no idea why. She was the light of my life and I cherished her. When my mother died, I never grieved. I was glad, and I breathed a sigh of relief, it was over. I was done with fulfilling death bed requests, promises and thought maybe, I could now have a life. By that time, I was so broken that I ended up at 63 yrs of age, homeless and committed to the State mental hospital where I was diagnosed as morbidly depressed and a few years later, bipolar 2. After I was released and had lost everything I ever owned but my car, I had SSI and Disability. I was assigned the greatest caseworker, who helped me get on the right medications and into an apartment. I get by ok now but still I trust no one and I only go out to get groceries in the wee mornings and for appointments. My friends are a dog and 2 cats who are my family. It's all I can handle. I go no where and I do nothing, save exist. I very seldom have company but it's ok. I don't have to explain myself, apologize, walk on eggs and nothing is expected of me but just to be myself. There is no one that judges me and I can do the bipolar cycling without hurting anyone, unintentionally. I still don't fully understand how it all came to this but for me, I am content and have accepted that this is the best way for me. I don't think I will ever understand it all and it's the best life I can embrace for my time left on this earth. It's better than I ever imagined for me. Any thought of a relationship with anyone, terrifies me. I keep busy making quilts when I have the time and can afford it, canning fresh, wholesome foods for the hungry. I bless each of you and give you hope that you can survive anything that is laid in your pathway. I have come to the conclusion that daily walking in obedience to your God and in all things to be kind. It will save your sanity and you will be blessed in all things. Read the Word of God and you can survive anything.

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call [phone] or reach him on WhatsApp [phone] and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...

[@christineroush9136]

You have literally described my mother to a tea. I really thought I was the only one that had a mother like this, but it breaks my heart that their are other people who have suffered what I have. My step dad enables her narcissism but yet he will shame her behind her back. I can’t stand either of them. They are the most dysfunctional people I know.

[@Unbeatable]

Sorry to hear this. This book is excellent and worth a read

[@amandathompson4993]

This sounds like my situation. My step dad is the same

[@jorelletaylor5408]

I have the exact same experience

[@chitoesiobu8077]

My dad is the same

[@princesssmith23]

The terrifying side about this is that when you have this type of monster mother you always end up with a monster husband. Sad very sad

[@beckybarnes9676]

yes I married 2 of them, complete assholes. Now single for 9 years and never been happier

[@feedmelobster3066]

@@beckybarnes9676 Literally the same! Married (and divorced 2 EVIL narcs). And was raised by Narcissistic parents, mom being the worst of the two. She never told me I was pretty or beautiful, not even at my prom or wedding. She never told me she was proud of me, not even after I graduated college. Now I'm Trying to live my life peacefully. I barely tell her anything anymore. Life is getting better slowly. Love and light to you. Stay strong. 💜

[@Unbeatable]

You can break this cycle and find healthy love. It's take commitment and work but you can do it. I have a free Masterclass here: joinnow.live/s/xMOdfN

[@Chelsea-ju1ex]

I always knew I had a shit time growing up, playing mom. But I’m learning how my step father was a total narc, not just an emotional abuser. My mother just let it happen, endured her own emotional abuse but also cast out any bad feelings onto me. My first time seeing her after she spent 1 year in Afghanistan, she looked me up and down and told me that I had gained weight and I needed to suck in my gut. Whenever I was Upset at something, my mother would just laugh and laugh. And I would cry, and she would just keep laughing. Now I’m finding similar terrible qualities leaking out of the man I now have a family with, I feel like I’m always trying to win him over. I just keep thinking, I can still be different.

[@t200b-i7k]

@Princess Smith, that's the frightening truth. I never knew WHAT was wrong. Finally left monster husband and total NO contact with monster mother last 5 years. Only learned the facts about narcissism after I left!! Then it all made sense. It wasn't me being defective, it was THEM! Best decisions I ever made for myself. Wishing freedom, peace and love to all those suffering, and to those veterans of past suffering. We are good enough!!!

[@BethGreenwood]

“If you have feelings, she will just top them” This hit home so hard. When I mentioned to my mum that I had been diagnosed with PTSD at Uni, she claimed “oh yes, I think I do too” and over the coming weeks she would ring me every day to offload about her friend suffering from akathesia (sp?) and suddenly divulging her suicide attempt at 19. Suddenly, my years of suffering were nothing. Despite mine and my sisters’ various health concern, her relapsing-remitting MS would come up instantly - “don’t stress me out, you could make me relapse and I’ll use the use of my legs”. When I did much better than expected in my A Levels, she was so proud of me... because I did better than her friend’s who was aiming to go to Oxford. Secretly mean. Always seeking attention. Always invalidating and gaslighting, we revolve around her. Until last year when I moved out/was kicked out (a long story) she was the centre of my universe. She gave me to illusion that we were a “team” when she needed me, but when I needed her I have always been pushed away. Thank you for this video, it’s given me a lot to think about.

[@midermatologard]

Beth Greenwood the best part of all it’s when they kicked you out you are the one to blame.

[@chillizabeth]

Wow I had an almost identical experience

[@tulinbeyduz920]

I’ve also attracted emotionally unavailable men .. hence the reason for being single 3.5 years now .

[@Unbeatable]

It is common as a result of a childhood like this

[@tulinbeyduz920]

Vivian McGrath yes . It’s not so bad . I’m putting all my energy into my own daughter and breaking the generational patten

[@tulinbeyduz920]

Vivian McGrath Thank you for your videos . X

[@ladyjade6446]

tuley bee I think this is my problem as well

[@tulinbeyduz920]

Janine Kennedy work on what makes you happy and your self worth ha e strong boundaries listen to your intuition x

[@matildafaltyn6253]

Thank you Vivian. I think a covert narcissistic mother is about the most damaging narc experience. 1. You naturally never suspect it from your mum so you spend far more time making excuses for the treatment at your expense. 2. If it's subtle underhanded, silent treatment, passive aggressive you can't put a finger on it like you can with obvious verbal and physical abuse. So you go around for years, decades with subtle damage piling up inside you into a massive wreck (in some cases). I struggled with self esteem and had the people pleaser tendencies. Buried my feelings till I became emotionally illiterate for a while, prone to over-sensitivity and quick to anger - that anger that comes from a sense of powerlessness/impotence. Used to check with others if my feelings were correct. Not any more.

[@clairet5636]

I’m only recently realizing this...

[@matildafaltyn6253]

Yup I only found out accidentally about narcissists and the types just last year. Can't believe how common it is.

[@vS-gk2wg]

I did this too, going on Google instead of checking MY feelings. So many bad boyfriends.

[@emmajones8558]

I regret not regonising this at an earlier age. At 40 I finally realized what had gone on and why I react in ways of panic or fear that are just not me , the fear of abandonment and always putting others before my own needs has been a constant. After every phone call, I would feel deflated and that what I was doing wasn't good enough. Every time I expressed my feelings, I would be ignored, sometimes for months, even years and it would always be me that instigated a relationship again. But I very calmly choose to walk away now for good after she ignored my phone calls and messages because she didn't feel I gave her the respect she deserved on my wedding day. Its the best thing I have done, I am learning to tell myself I am good enough and I am a good person, she never saw me for who I am, it almost felt like she was jealous at times maybe of my relationship with my children. I've always felt she did teach me an important lesson and that was how NOT to treat your children. I never want them to feel the way I did growing up. I dont remember being hugged as a child, I remember hugging and comforting her which is quite sad so I hug my children every day and tell them I love every night and tell them they are a lovely person, because, well they are :D

[@GG-wp5do]

I agree 100%... I realized at 47 or so....i had a slur of abusive partners my whole life...wish I would have made this connection earlier in life....sending you hugs

[@patriciasimons1873]

I had to go no contact.

[@Unbeatable]

It's hard, especially if it's your mother. But sometimes you have to do this to heal.

[@kmartin2988]

I moved away when I was 40. HEALTHIEST thing I could ever do. No more pain. We talk on the phone occasionally, but since she isn't capable of genuine closeness, I feel I have control over the destructiveness. I still had to process it all and even many years down the road - forgive her (but not forget as that is a recipe for further repetition) - as we all do, but today I feel 100 percent well.

[@zofiajaneczek184]

Same here, did this 3 years ago! Best decision in my life. She's still trying to siphon money from my pockets to this day and we haven't spoken in 3 years. I don't even make an income to meet my own basic needs, yet she thinks I have money. :(

[@MaddieMaddocks]

I'm 52 and am thinking that the time is probably imminent, like this year. Good bye.

[@christiancardenas6811]

Do what is necessary. Don't feel bad about it. Don't let other people guilt you. Be free and thrive like you are meant to.👍

[@AndreaWanting]

Some of us never had a chance

[@beyou6796]

Your not alone.

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call [phone] or reach him on WhatsApp [phone] and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...

[@avadea5296]

yes, we were dealt a bad hand

[@toqa6735]

They're my parents and I love them but the destroyed me and abuse me everyday..

[@marshamcdonald1475]

I was isolated, ridiculed, laughed at, skin and bones, Walked in egg shells, had Many many chores if not done Perfectly was spanked leaving Bruises on my legs. She hated Me the scapegoat ugly child.

[@yoyoyo5621]

wow this is so my mom.... whenever I was even slightly upset about something she told me my feelings were all wrong and I'm too weak and sensitive. It included tiniest things like I'd say something tastes bitter and she'd tell me that it's not and I'm wrong. Her first instinct was always telling me that the way I feel is wrong. That explains a lot, I always have hard time figuring out what I'm feeling because I was always told how to feel about tiniest things. I also never really cared about how I feel really until I explode, i just always thought my feelings didn't matter

[@Unbeatable]

This does have an impact on us as children and affects our ability to trust our instincts as adults. I'm glad it's been helpful to you. Your feelings do matter. Try to trust your gut always.

[@ddoyle3856]

yes this is me too... if i got even slightest upset or if i would point out when something was wrong, she would almost always make me feel i was the wrong one. once i told her the babysitter did something very bad to me & i couldn't believe when she didn't even as me what happened. if my kid said that to me i'd go all SPANISH INQUISITION on the matter!! she would pick me up hours late i'd be waiting on the street for hours & never a sorry... my friends weren't even allowed to get rides home with me bc their parents would freak when their kids would get home so late. anyway it sucks but unfortunately we don't get to pick out mothers. i talk to her on the phone every few months & birthdays but haven't seen her in over 15 years... i miss having a mom but i don't miss her.

[@ddoyle3856]

@@Unbeatable yes it took me a long time to really learn to trust my gut. i finally know now if i think or feel something there is a reason & i don't ignore it!! def the older i get, the more i trust my gut!! thanks for the video.

[@Unbeatable]

d doyle sorry to hear. It sounds like you’ve got good boundaries between you and her now which is great

[@lisahernandez379]

Yo Yoyo oh my gosh, I can totally relate to how you fee. That crap is heartbreaking, but when I try to tell my mom , she’ll say “that’s not what you feel”

[@JenPurple2022]

Narcissistic moms common sayings: “ I never said that.” “ You misunderstood me.” “ Only you hate me, rest of the world all like me.” “ Why you did this? That is abnormal .” “ Why you didn’t do that? Others all did it.” “ You should do better.” “ I make more money than you.” Everything has its good and bad sides! It is extremely unfortunate and miserable to be a family member of the narcissistic people. But Hey! You won’t feel devastated when they leave you.

[@lolacookie453]

Don't forget "Ok I'm such a terrible mother, I can never do anything right"

[@Unbeatable]

you've got a point there!

[@topawesomeofficial180]

Being left alone by this kind of mother is not a loss.

[@ScotchItali]

OMG!!! The abnormal quote!!! Now I know what a trigger is. Lol.

[@lc4011]

How about the ever present yelling in your face, "What's WRONG with you!!!??!"

[@randomDuckTape]

I remember being a child and trying to come up with ways to earn the woman's love. I only recently realized how burdened I was with the idea that I was not good enough to be loved and how it bleeds into every aspect of my life. I truly fear that I will never be able to be successful because my brain keeps saying that I am not good enough. Hearing your words "You are good enough and you have always been good enough" sent tears down my face.

[@corinnevickey4634]

Catching up to our worth is hard. At least now You are aware. That is Huuge ! Namaste

[@m.a8544]

I can resonate. Unfortunately I still often times find myself again in the spot of trying to please her or get some sort of validation. And often times its tiring and exhausting.

[@sarahaden7828]

Its difficult when the person that you trust became the one who take you down .

[@annt7384]

My brothers continue to boast to my mom of their many accomplishments, as if they think that's gonna change her behavior. You shouldn't have to earn a parent's love and support. They worship her. I never bothered, because I know she just doesn't have it in her. I feel incredibly short-changed by that.

[@maragathm]

Thank you sister I feel the same way too 'you are not good enough to love' bleeds into everything else, you are not good enough to do you job you really are dumb a fraud people are going to find out and laugh at you, you are not even good enough to drive because you have no talent you are going to crash the car and die, you are not good enough to learn anything new because you are scared the world sees you as a failure, YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO LIVE, TO SURVIVE you really shutdown and shut the world out let fear rule you. I have been trying to tell myself that I am talented just because my mother sees me as useless doesn't meant I am incapable of anything, i have talents, I am smart, I can survive and I will.

[@gilmourgirl74]

Thank God I had my grandmother. I used to wish I was dead from a very young age. My feelings were never validated, I was always made to feel dramatic or a waste of space. I was very depressed at one point in my life and she told me "life is wasted on you". If it hadn't been for my son I probably would not be here now. She will absolutely deny she ever said this if I brought it up so I keep it all quiet. She allowed me to be abused by her disgusting boyfriend and allowed me to feel unsafe in my own home. I only realised what my mother was after receiving counselling after coming out of an abusive friendship 4 years ago. My counsellor gave me that book to read and thank God she did. I fail things on purpose, self sabotage I think to get back at her so she can't boast about my achievements. I now work for a personal credit company and she has disdainfully referred to me as "her daughter, the loan shark". Her relationship with my grandmother maybe wasn't so great from what I have gathered from things she has said so maybe that's why she is like it. I have not been able to hold down a long term relationship, I am now 45. The only good thing that came out of it is I was absolutely determined that my son would never be made to feel unsafe as he was growing up. I think I succeeded in that and I hug him and tell him I love him...have never had that from my mother. She favours my brother and is now very over the top with his children...you would think she was Mary bloody Poppins. I have a lot of anger. I miss my grandmother every day. I hope everyone here manages to find some peace and some healing. Love to you all 💕

[@anitagallagher5144]

The same with me. My Dad died as a kid. He was my saviour. She told me that I was not allowed to show the family up. When i broke down the following week she beat me up whilst I was asleep. Apparently seeing me cry was a sin and made HER UPSET! Thank God I have a lovely role model in my father, he means more to me, as dead as he is. It was easy to go no contact for the terrible mistreatment of my father she did. Not so bothered about what she did to me. My father is sacred!! Please emulate your grandmother. It will keep you strong, honey 😁👍❤💕💕💕💕😃😃❤❤😁👍

[@anitagallagher5144]

@movingonandup773 poor you didn't seem to have anybody to contradict the brainwashing you endured. Cos if you cannot understand it's not right. You can't make that decision. Knowledge would have given u some empowerment. Big hugs to ya! 😥 Anitag x 😁👍

[@kimnewis6882]

@movingonandup773 l too wish l had cut my mother off, l tried but got hoovered back. What happened after that was horrendous she got ill so l swallowed my feelings as she only had my older sister who was never there for her and actually told her she hated her. And attacked her when drunk. I rescued her. I was. 16 then. So she was looked after by me, my sister decided she would help right at the end. And both of them turned on me. It broke my heart. It took years to get over. But l have to tell u my daughter has inherited Narcissistic traits she is 50 and was very abusive to me so l went no contact as l tried but l cauld. See there was no real feeling there. So it's not only daughters leaving its mothers having to cut ties so now no family members. But although sad l feel better on my own.

[@karinarenee5217]

To a T

[@water9baby972]

You don't look bloody 45! Wow. You're gorgeous 😍😍 God bless you lady

[@lenap4956]

My mom guilt-tripped me so much that I became numb to her emotional needs. So yay I guess? I can't stop loving her but I also resent her so fucking much. So hard to let it go and accept that she'll never change

[@sr-np3wh]

I am good enough..nothing like her. I walked away from 17 years ago and never better. Till this day she still talks bad about me yet she has no idea who i am. I still long for mom i never had, for the love that was never given to me but i thank her because i am the mother that i wanted to my children. So thank you mom for being so cruel to me, for never caring about because my children have one of the best moms !! I love my children, tell them everday that i do, they feel loved and safe. Making a good life for myself and being happy is the best revenge!! She hated when i was happy. So thanks mom for making me a good loving person!!!

[@Unbeatable]

Good for you for breaking the cycle!

[@starblaze7010]

The part about longing for the mom you never had. That's how I feel. I'm in love with the idea of family but do not miss her. I am 38 and it has been almost 5 years of no contact and I so not miss her one single bit.

[@meljones7702]

Thats incredible that you find the courage to break that cycle, turning over the soil, & creating an ideal relationship with your own children.

[@ddoyle3856]

yes it's crazy... as daughters of narcissist mothers we often just begin to ask the questions of "who am i?" "what do i want?" "what do i like?" when we get older.... better late than never! YES WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH!! thanks love

[@Unbeatable]

Thanks for watching and for your thoughts. We are good enough, I agree

[@Kelly-oe8kr]

You're spot on about narc mothers having different faces. My aunt, who is 4 years older than me, once said that I was so lucky I could talk to my mother about anything. I scoffed in her face, you (aunt) can talk to mum about anything, she didn't give me the time of day. I was ignored. There was absolutely no bond between my mother and me, I didn't love her or hate her I had no feelings for her whatsoever, we were strangers living in the same house. Mum treated me like I was a burden she had to endure, and nothing more than a welfare paycheck.

[@elizabethf9096]

I’m so sorry you had to go thru that May Jesus heal u and know that He loves you

[@traceyroberts8224]

I've only just recently realised my mother is a Narcissist. All my research since discovering this fact, has opened my eyes; & I'm on a journey of rediscovering who I am without doubting my decisions & without self-loathing. Everything you spoke about, I've experienced; & continue to experience with my mother. The manipulation, the blaming, the jealousy! I am the Scapegoat & my brother is the Golden Child! I'm almost 50 years old, & recognising this has blown my mind! I wasn't aware that there are so many other daughters out there who have experienced the same as me! I've ended the cycle with my daughter; because I have an amazing, loving husband who saw my mother as a Narcissist from the moment he met her. I must also add; a friend introduced me to my husband; because all my previous relationships were with men who were not emotionally available!! Wow...who knew ;-) I've also recently let go of my best friend of 30 years, because she was also a Narcissist & I was continuing the pattern. Thankyou for sharing your story & your knowledge. I feel so thankful that I now understand that I'm lovable just the way I am!!!

[@Unbeatable]

I'm glad you know that, as it's key to everything

[@paulinafogel]

Hi Tracey I am 45 and my story is exactly like yours! It is sad to read there are so many wounded daughters like us! I wanted to ask you do you keep contact with her or not? I went no contact 3 months ago and it is hard to do but I am protecting me and my daughters she started to do some gas lightening to them too and my loving husband so.. that’s what made me wake up from her spell and put a stop to it. She is also 70, alone no one else to care for her. Now she is well and healthy but I worry about her future.

[@michellecrocker8749]

Your story sounds like mine! Wow! I thought I was the one at fault. I didn't know how to fix it. Now I am better equipped after realizing all this!

[@naydra4210]

Damn, the part about the dad making sure the mother is the star because he's "learned the rules" is really painful to hear. All of it is painful to hear. I wish my mother understood what she's doing to her adult daughter who feels worthless constantly. But if I were ever to mention that she's hurting me, she'll guilt trip me and play the victim saying " I didn't realize I was such a bad mother with everything I've done for you". It feels like there's no escape, it's so hard to see one in my current situation....

[@tonyasullivan7130]

I'm praying for you Nina B, you pray for yourself too. I know it can be very hard, but when you can go "no contact" and don't look back. That's the best way to heal.

[@corinaweber9014]

I AM GOOD ENOUGH. I WAS ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH. I BELIEVE IT .

[@btramm9665]

You described my mother and my life. I will be turning 60 this year and for the last 3 years I've been working on self love. My mother never wanted me to leave her so she tried to destroy me emotionally to a point that I couldn't ever have my own life. Understanding what happened to my mother when she was young that created her narcissism helped me to forgive her actions so I could start healing myself. Realizing she was ill and it wasn't me was huge. I can now say that I honestly feel sorry for her, she really is pitiful. I did have to separate myself from her completely at first for a while and now only talking with her shortly once or twice a month. Anymore than that, she draws me right back into her manipulation which always leads back to the emotional control and abuse. I wish I had come to this conclusion much much earlier in my life before all the stuffed down emotions created heart disease in my body....I literally had a broken heart from her many years emotional abuse that I put up with because I thought she would eventually change. Having heart surgery was the final sign I needed to disconnect from her, move on and start healing. But at any rate, I am grateful that I understand what I understand now and can separate myself emotionally so I can get to know me, learn to be happy with myself and learn who I am before I leave this earth someday. One may not know what made their mother a narcissist but be assured something happened when she was a young child that damaged her emotionally and broke her. So if you are young and you're reading this....stop being entrapped in that negative emotional game by someone not capable of changing, narcissist never change...never! They honestly don't realize anything is wrong with them. Walk away, move on, heal yourself emotionally before it does permanent damage to your health. My love and empathy goes out to all who had a narcissistic mother growing up. Thank you for this video Vivian, this video is a year old and it still is being viewed. You describing this problem openly can be the start of understanding and healing for so many.

[@Unbeatable]

You should feel so proud of yourself for taking all the right steps. It's never too late.

[@TXLoudNProud]

Lovely comment . The part about damaging your heart made me read it again. I have had 4 heart attacks and never made the connection. I’ll be looking into this more. Thank you . ❤️

[@maragathm]

Your last paragraph make so much sense I am not sure whether Narcissist are made or born, I think in my mother case she was born combined with childhood trauma because my grandma says she was always difficult because of that she wasn't the favourite daughter which compounded her mental illness and when she married my father GAME OVER it was all abuse abuse abuse abuse. You are right Narcissist can't change, but there will always be this daughter's hope who wants that hug from your mother, a shoulder to cry on, an understanding heart, a voice that is screaming inside of you MOMMY PLEASE DON'T HURT ME, BUT IT WILL NEVER EVER HAPPEN, the screams will die down, tears will never stop some wounds you will always carry but you can survive I am trying.

[@LittleLaanekas]

I'm 25 right now and I felt like it was too late to change anything and why didn't I discover this earlier. I just move out this summer from a very toxic relationship with narcissistic person much like my mother and I always juggled back and forth between them trying to make them happy and changing myself to meet their needs. I lost my job in the beginning of this fall and I had a big mental breakdown which resulted in depression. I have been trying to heal myself and to educate myself to overcome my problems but now I think I really need to go talk to a professional, someone who has the right methods to help me and to guide me in the right direction. Thank you for your comment, you gave me strength and belief that it's never too late to start healing and loving yourself. Best of luck to everyone struggling to a narcissistic parent or a partner. You can get through this! We will feel whole again! 😘

[@psychictruth5037]

👏

[@thetanvan5833]

My mom always tells me "that never happened".......makes me SO angry........I always tell her: just because she WISHES I don't remember, doesn't mean I DON'T remember......she's even told me that I "wasn't there"......makes me feel like to her, I never even existed .....that's how much I didn't matter.....

[@Unbeatable]

That is gaslighting. I've done another video about that here: Gaslighting: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bHzIh6mCes2mmKM

[@annt7384]

Well, that's invalidating, to say the least. Even though she's a fool for trying, I hope it doesn't stop you from seeking your own treatment and healing. She doesn't have to be part of your healing process.

[@heatht7868]

the Tan Van my mom their does the exact same thing. Make s me feel like I’m crazy. Ugh!! So so frustrating

[@yaninadib5799]

Same here, she keeps deniyng everything but the thing is that I never developed love for my mother , or my father, so the only good thing about growing up this way is that when they die, you don't care. My father died in 2013 and I wasn't sad, I was realived, and I know that is going to be even better when my mother dies, I don't even call her mom, I call her by her name (Sorry for my bad English)

[@TheKim369]

@@yaninadib5799 Wow, me too, never cried, was relieved. Accused myself of being heartless, but recently lost a wonderful old dog and cried for a week solid until my eyes were raw. Your English tops a lot of native speakers, I wouldn't have guessed you weren't - good job.

[@kirstin1000]

Videos like this always make me feel so relieved. Like I wasn't going completely crazy for the first 18 years of my life. So fortifying and validating. It's as if someone printed out my childhood and early adult life onto a pre-existing template. Trying not to cry :*) I'm the one who says "no point in trying", especially once things start going right. 'You should be ashamed for fooling everyone and leave them before they can see what a failure you really are.' Trying to defeat it and it's the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to struggle with.

[@avazworld6549]

Try to watch teal swan videos she has some videos about topics concerning shadow work ( for example, excercises to visualize the person who caused trauma and your adult self can say what you need to to protect your inner child)

[@Unbeatable]

YOu are not alone

[@EstherBonsu]

Yesss!!!!!! I crumble when things go right!

[@thelolaoverload6637]

This is definitely my experience! Thank you for validating. We are not crazy and we are enough!!

[@avazworld6549]

Yes it should never be a crime to feel happy sane and safe and to speak the truth 🙏❤️ noone should cause fear. Granted I realize noone else is ever going to be there for me but God.

[@kco9189]

“You were always good enough.” 😩😭

[@velvetallen6178]

Thank you so much. I am 56 and I have always been searching for a mom that will love me. Thank you.

[@Unbeatable]

Same age as me then! Find her within yourself. Be the Mom you needed as a child and nurture that little girl inside you.

[@marliesbaker7001]

Vivan, I have always wanted a mother and daughter relationship. I am 30 now and still nothing. So done

[@Chahlie]

I have an older second cousin overseas who I don't see very often, but she is more of an emotional mom to me- she actually likes to see me and encourages me in whatever I do, and never judges my mistakes. We go shopping, out to tea, 'put the world to rights'. Would that have killed my 'mother'? I'm 56 too :)

[@millions2nette]

Yes...Its so painful...Oh and what a waste of time. SMDH

[@debbieschultz2224]

Oh I can so relate to what you said!!! I’m 64 and I think I’m still trying to find that love that my mother should have given me. Unfortunately that will never happen 😢

[@imroseahmed7638]

I have gone through all of these. She is in the next room but light years away from me. I have cut her off completely from my mind.

[@dreamsofturtles1828]

Wow, you nailed it...so many things. Even the exact same words she used to say. Its like they read the same manual "How to make Your Daughter Feel Like She Doesn't Exist".

[@majakolonja4023]

Hahaha, definitely

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call [phone] or reach him on WhatsApp [phone] and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...

[@Unbeatable]

It's weird that isn't it but there is def. a playbook

[@planetninkol1380]

My mother is very toxic and cruel to me, but everyone she meets thinks she's the sweetest, most adorable woman. I married a man just like that and he turned everyone I knew against me. I'm finally figuring all of this out. What a nightmare. I'm currently an underachiever and self-sabotager and was addicted to alcohol up until 6 years ago. I'm working on self- care and self-love and absolutely terrified to get into another relationship, lest I repeat the whole abusive cycle again. Thanks for this.

[@Unbeatable]

You are at risk of repeating this cycle until you get help and suppor to work on yourself and your healing. If you need help and support to work through this I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/

[@carryonregardless802]

This made me so emotional. You have described my mum to a T, including the migraines!! I have wished for 50 years to hear the words 'I love you' from her however it has never surfaced and don't expect that it ever will

[@Unbeatable]

That can be the hardest part, grieving the loss of the mother you may never get.

[@Carol-vn7vz]

Me too. I'm watching this video again to let it sink in better. I'm a textbook case of a mother like that but now I look after her as she has dementia. Thank you for lifting my love for myself. Also, grieved when I was a young girl as I knew it wasn't right.

[@monicaclace7332]

I haven't seen my mother in over a year and even in the middle of a pandemic, and all the personal struggles that brought, I've never felt more at ease

[@lulitamu1305]

Thank you so much ❤️. I'm the scapegoat of a Narcissistic mother. you helped me a lot .

[@miriamhavard7621]

💕

[@taralilarose1]

ME TOO OLA! the worst

[@lulitamu1305]

Don't let the future controlled by the past that I didn't choose , that is my affirmation every morning. I discovered that I need the unconditional love and support that I gave to the world but I never got it . It hurts.

[@Heartbeat214]

Fellow scapegoat child here. Hope that you're being good to yourself (I still have difficulty with that).

[@cmmontrose1469]

Me too. I'm 54 and live 100 miles away from her now and I've never, ever been good enough. I grew up knowing I wasn't loved, every single bad thing that happened in the household was my fault, hence I had to be beaten regularly.

[@tailsntrails]

My mother hates the movie mommie dearest. I secretly love it because I can relate to it. I think she knows she is like the mother in that movie.

[@Samanthasosa-i8q]

Lol 😂 probably true

[@shannon.fields]

Omg, my mother hates that movie too. Now I understand why.. lol

[@annperugini4811]

Mine too! I think I spot a trend here.

[@spiritperceptions4160]

Thanks Vivian for a very helpful video. I was the 'black sheep', scape goat, empathic daughter of a narcissistic mother. Nothing I did was ever good enough & I was mercilessly abused so at 16 I just gave up. I became self abusive, was bullied at school & have had many abusive partners. Finally after 25 years of trying to heal myself I broke up with my most recent abuser & I am starting to truly value myself. Like you said, just a little bit each day has finally allowed me to stand up for myself & hopefully now I will start to thrive.

[@Unbeatable]

I'm so proud of you for taking this first and hardest step. You will start to thrive if you learn self-love, know and believe you are more than enough. Keep going.

[@spiritperceptions4160]

Thanks for your encouragement Vivian :) x

[@taralilarose1]

@@spiritperceptions4160 Hey Sister! Your story is MY story....very similar dynamics! Call me if you'd like to support each other at: 561.654.0437

[@annsilliman6184]

Your story is the same as mine

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call [phone] or reach him on WhatsApp [phone] and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...

[@krissyleigh8885]

When I broke my wrist as a child it took my mom almost a week to take me to the hospital. I could not even hold my wrist up, it was so painful. A few days after I broke my wrist I fell and injured it even more, tears were streaming down my face. My mother told me that " I will live." That is the famous line I heard as a child. I would go to school with no lunch or money, that was when I started to get migraines. She would never give me lunch money even with getting child support. These are just a few examples, there are many more but that would take an entire book to write. We are all so strong and we were never the problem. We are/were always good enough and will continue to be. So glad I found your channel :) Thank you for these wonderful videos!

[@christinerobertson9596]

Sounds like my experience too. It was in the 70s-One day I went home from school and my door was locked. So I went to a teenage neighbor's house. (Jackson Browne was playing in the background) . My mom was having a party with her co-workers smoking pot. That was her excuse to lock me out. there are so many examples, I will write a book.

[@bligzmalone2209]

this felt like a whole free therapy session. lol. wow.

[@Unbeatable]

I'm glad it's been helpful

[@marshamcdonald1475]

This is one of the best videos On Narc Mothers demeaning A child. Straight to the point.

[@kash7585]

Oh my goodness. I can’t believe this. This is my mother dead on. Loved me for when I made her “look good” or when I was successful.

[@Unbeatable]

Hope you are okay now?

[@kash7585]

Thank you. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ok with my mother’s ways, but I have to accept that she will never change. She will be 80 next week. I made a comment jokingly about my kids and said, “I guess they think I’m a good mom after all”. She said, “ I don’t know if you’re a good mom or not, I don’t live with you”. 😒 Just an example of how conversations go with her. Love your channel. Never stop sharing & teaching. ❤️💪🏻

[@beckybarnes9676]

My mother used to shout at me 'you've ruined my life'

[@Unbeatable]

YOu are not to blame for her or responsible.

[@harmonylane9153]

Yes. Same. I also ruined any special event, like their anniversary, whenever something would come up when they would be out to dinner that involved me and made them argue. Then I would get in trouble when they got home.

[@topawesomeofficial180]

What kind of mother was that. I myself if I have a choice to be born or not.. I will choose not to be born at all.

[@spikefivefivefive]

That's right up there with "I should have aborted you when I had the chance."

[@RainyDayWolf]

my mom is always reminding me how she ended up alone because of me... stressing that she loves me that much that I am everything for her... underlying that because of me she has no one else... it's a trap me being such a disappointment and all, like it was all for nothing, you know?

[@janealtaya6678]

My mom single-handedly ruined my life and there is not a single day wherein I don't think of suicide.

[@midermatologard]

jane altaya those feelings are not yours, those are all the garbage she was throwing at you. Get your space and surround yourself with people who are kind and loving to you.

[@marshamcdonald1475]

Oh please ! You are beautiful. I am so sorry 😐 you had mum Like this- I did too. I always Picked spouses like her, was A people pleaser. You and I We are going to make it. My mom died and abuse is Now over. I can’t see you, But 😍 I love you. Try to find A good therapist and group. Ok .

[@Unbeatable]

If you need help and support to work through this I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/

[@barbaralemere572]

I just prayed for you, Jane. Sending you a hug. You can overcome this. You can do it! One day at a time. Read the last few verses of Matthew 6 in the Bible. Ask God to help you to know Him, thru Jesus, and let Him help you. My heart hurts for you, but there is hope and help and purpose and Truth and much, much love with God. With love, Barbara

[@lisatwait4654]

Psalm 27:10 comfort

[@taljsingh]

When I said I am good enough and wanted to really believe it I actually felt a physical pain inside my guts!

[@denisegariepy1176]

Taljeet Mudhar I had the same experience.

[@annettemccollin8703]

yes, makes complete and utter sense now. im an empath and realise how i became one.

[@Beachlover1985]

Curious what you mean by "realizing how you became one" do you think your mom being a narc made you an empath and how do you think this happened? My mom is a narc and I am an empath.

[@kawshi4776]

@@Beachlover1985 I think I saw a video that mentioned something along the lines that narcs can be unstable and as a survival mechanism the child will learn to pick up the skill to read the energy in the room. My mom is also a narc, and I just learned that I am an empath as well.

[@dulcemariagarcia]

Sooo accurate, I was the achieving daughter searching for her approval, until I reached 26 and I decided to stop trying to please her. I knew no matter what I do in my life she will never be satisfied the comparisons, the criticism, the mean comments will never stop, and never stopped. Now, every time she says something mean, she criticize me, I respond to her "I do it my own way, I dont care what you think, I will do what I think is the best for me". She still tries to manipulate me to do things her own but I stand in my beliefs and I dont allow her to mess with my mind and my life. Just one thing was different from the given description, she wasnt the center of the universe, it was my father, her whole life was dedicated to him. Maybe he was the narcisist person who pushed her to be such a cruel mom.

[@Unbeatable]

Good for you to have those boundaries.

[@RainyDayWolf]

I do that... but almost always chose wrong and fail so she gets to say how I should've listened to her... that immediately kills the little self confidence I'd managed

[@debbieschultz2224]

I know what that hole in your heart feels like. I was able to heal when I gave birth to my son. I gave him everything that I never had. I’m not a narcissist because I’m too empathetic. You are so correct in what your saying that it’s scary. I’m going to subscribe!! God bless you!

[@kacha6858]

Thank you for this video. I am a high achieving daughter, as I understand from your video, and a people pleaser. Now I'm almost 8 months home from work with a severe burnout. I need to break the cycle. I feel like I have to 're-train' or 're-program' myself. I feel like everything what I believed to be true (or what I strived for) was one big lie. The proces is not easy. Thank you for elaborating on this topic. English is not my first language, I apologize for possible mistakes.

[@deborahlauren4811]

Your English is perfect. :)

[@Unbeatable]

Please don't apologise. Thank you for being here and for watching. In a sense it is reprogramming ourselves. Recognising and letting go of negative patterns and replacing them with positive ones.

[@jenniferking3355]

Nailed it Kacha!!!

[@prittyugly86]

Read "love yourself like your life depends on it" under 100 pages.

[@Luna-dz3hv]

Kacha hey i know how you feel. What you have todo is get away from her no contact then start out small start doing things that please you and make you happy and you should talk to a counselor this will help you navigate. I moved out with my sister and thats when I started to slowly do things for myself and take care of me . Now i live alone and i feel so free and happy 😊. The best advice i can give is start out slow . All good things take time.

[@HannaNyasa]

This is literally one of the best videos I've ever watched on this. Thank you for sharing. xxxx

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call [phone] or reach him on WhatsApp [phone] and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...

[@cindyhelms2098]

You described my life to a tee. My relationship with my mother is so strained because I just can't take it anymore. Thank you for making me realize I'm not alone.

[@beverleygilchrist3442]

I wish I would of know this forty years ago.

[@spiritualg7488]

46 for me. She begged me to move to az n my life has been a living HELL since. She poisoned me,drained ny accounts,threw away n emptied my storage unit out to goodwill donation,got me evicted ,ect ect ect..Im homeless no car no $ nd she drove a huge wedge between me n my grandkids mothers so i have no contact with them lil ones that adore me,my 28 yold son is now on the streets doing drugs hed NEVER live like this, sent my 13year old to his father( without my consent)thats never been in his life. I mean its better than here around her! but im so lost n broken worse than ever before. Shes so evil

[@catherineshaw1122]

I wish I would have also.

[@annt7384]

Oh wow. I never thought of them as narcissists, because they were very hard-working, but both my parents, and especially my mom, had no respect for or fluency in emotions, and did everything they could to discourage their expression in the family. We heard a lot of "Don't tell your father," and "Don't tell your mother," etc. growing up. After my dad had struggled for almost 3 years with cancer, it was a strange relief to me when he died (well, he was in a lot of pain), because at least I knew how he was doing. No one wanted to talk about it. Incidentally, I never bothered to appeal to my parents for their approval, because I never found them very giving in that way, sadly, but my brothers sure did, and imho that led to a lot of conflict and rivalry. My brothers still think I got all the love and support. Ha! No one did. Correction: as kids and adults, we supported our parents emotionally. Thanks for your very helpful words.

[@Unbeatable]

I'm glad it's been helpful to you

[@bleukiwi8752]

mom mother always praised my amazing memory recall. but when i’ve called her out on things she has done to me that breaks my heart she is defensive and says i didn’t remember it right.

[@polyglotta1]

Oh yes, their version of reality is entirely different, they couldn't live with themselves otherwise.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yeah my mom will change the subject real quick.

[@ClayMastah344]

REAL quick.

[@rachelroussel8047]

REAL FUCKIN QUICK

[@justsayin7317]

Thank you so much, Vivian. It's a relief to know I am not alone. My narcissistic mother drained all of my energy and mental well-being until I cut her out of my life. I still have problems properly handling my own emotions because I was never allowed to express myself. Several things you mentioned hit home: no privacy, absolute domineering control, and an expectation that Mum was to be worshiped, not questioned. I had a narcissistic father too, so my childhood was doubly stifling. Fortunately, I found a saint of a husband who hasn't lost patience with my emotional barriers yet!

[@yuanliu2949]

I think this is probably the best video about daughter raised in dysfunctional family, it worths listening for multiple times as it covers every feeling I have deep in my heart. And I could sense the sincerity in the tone. Thank you so much.

[@Unbeatable]

Chuhaa Liu Thank you for watching and I am so glad it’s helped. There’s plenty more here too. Stay strong.

[@tailsntrails]

Absolutely agree

[@karolynmarieroberts]

It's very comforting to know that we're not alone in dealing with our narc moms! I relate to every comment on here. Thank you, Vivian for making this video! I'm 43 and just figured out a year ago that I've been dealing with a narcissist mom for 40+ years. I feel like I've been in a bad marriage for 40 years. I had a break from her in my twenties but let her back into my life when I had my daughter at 30. She has tried to control mine and my daughter's life for 13 years. I stood up to her this last week and told her no twice and she started blowing up my phone with 50 text messages, laying on the guilt trips. Most days, I have to shut off my phone. Now at 43, I feel like I'm 18 all over again, in the process of making serious life changes for my sanity and happiness.

[@rlight7666]

Wow 12:09 - 12:54 is my life exactly! I (and my siblings) grew up suppressing my feelings so my mom would be upset. How could I be upset when she was upset!?! Always the martyr. And the guilt trips...oh boy.

[@missykay1213]

100000 percent FACTS !!!!!!!!!!! My mother is ALL of this.. Mommie Dearest got Nothing on My mom !!!!! That evil witch ... Thanks for this video