PANCREAS NO WORK & DEADLIFTS FOR THE DARK GODS On Primarch Lifting | Astartes Anonymous Podcast #49

[@pancreasnowork9939]

Throw me to the Raven Guard and I'll come back their step-dad

[@Bosshuntman]

What about the ultramarines

[@Internetwandererreborn]

@@BosshuntmanThrow me to the ultramarines I’ll come back overworked and depressed

[@darrianweathington1923]

So that’s why all the raven guard have stealth pattern insulin pumps in their armor

[@darrianweathington1923]

No that’s America

[@ThanquolAndBoneripper]

Enter my home Colin and you’ll be my wife

[@JoshuaKevinPerry]

"There is no reason to be alive if you can't do deadlifts." -Magnus Magnusson He would later die of aortic dissection doing deadlifts

[@robfromjersey7899]

It was Jon Pall Sigmarsson who said that. Magnus Magnusson is still alive.

[@dylanpiazza6358]

My man... beautiful reference. Long live the memory of JPS. A true iron legend.

[@dylanpiazza6358]

😂😂 i thought he was making a play on Magnus the Red and Jon Pall.. i hope thats the case or yeah wrong Magnusson. ​@@robfromjersey7899

[@JoshuaKevinPerry]

​@@dylanpiazza6358Everyone who matters knows the real quote, I was going for humor 40k style

[@PichNuts]

Dude holy fuck I'm a Amputee/Cardio Nurse and I've never considered that your body is under so much pressure from a deadlift, that your blood pressure gets so high, you could pop your aorta.

[@KillerOrca]

Royal Dorn doesn't have a sculpted jawline He has a FORTIFIED jaw line

[@nobleactual7109]

For Sanguinius weaponless feats, when he awoke from a coma he flew off and went to 1v2 the greater demon of slaanesh kyriss and Khabanda. By impaling kyriss like a kabab on the wall throwing the sword like a javelin. And then throwing hands with khabanda. Sanguinius Catching khas axe blade mid swing above his head then breaking the shaft by twisting it. Goes onto then break his horn. Choke him with his own whip and ripped off khas wing with one arm. Before then kicking him down a ledge back to hell. The man is built like a chimp. Lean but strong af

[@kelakogreenaddict1888]

- Impaled a daemon: threw a spear, strength-wise any primarch could do that, it’s the speed, accuracy and reflexes that are impressive there - catching an axe: again, speed and reflexes feat, not a strength feat - throwing hands with ka’bandha: unless it’s literally outmuscling, it would be a fighting prowess feat- you don’t need to be stronger than someone to beat them in a fight, otherwise every mma fighter would do strongman -breaking said axe: again, unless another primarch tried, it doesn’t mean much, but I’ll give sanguinius some benefit of the doubt- I just think most primarchs could do that as well -breaking his horn: decent feat, but not too crazy with primarchs -choking with whip: you don’t need much strength to choke -ripping wing off: now this is a good one, same level as the horn imo- unless we get some context with other primarchs with both the wing and horn -kick him off: not really too much of a feat imo

[@kelakogreenaddict1888]

Bruh why is part of it struck through

[@SeaBass215AM]

lol, build like a chimp. That was funny. Sanguinius is kinda like the Hulkster when Hulkamania runs wild and he starts arm shaking lool. Hogan becomes immune to all incoming attacks by multiple threats brother!

[@mikeuniturtle3722]

The gayest competition in all of 40k and Fulgrim still loses. 10/10

[@jamesygamesy5124]

hes the only cannonically straight primarch

[@pear-head]

​@@jamesygamesy5124him being in a political marriage with a woman he felt nothing for means jack. Plus even if it did, he could definitely be bi, especially after that Slaanussy boiled his brain. To quote a primarch, he does strange things to his warriors.

[@azabache6058]

They should have redrawn pancrease's PNG to have an armored cod piece to properly demonstrate which head was doing all the thinking this time

[@Shaarkybg]

I guess it's no coincidence that the word "gay" is in the URL for this specific episode

[@joshuaoberg3579]

This podcast is the only one I can consistently rewatch, thank you for your service and autistic humor

[@ballarfjandi]

agreed 😁

[@timothyh5632]

Collin just being a bisexual disaster for 3 hours is peak.

[@SilverGarrison]

I agree with Conner's Guilliman argument, this is at least the second time they've done this because the emperor won last time, so Papa Smurf would have taken notes and changed up his workout routine for the contest, he's all about continuously improving.

[@nolanbaker2360]

Colin?

[@Haloister]

That and Guilliman is a chronic overachiever of he knew this was a competition the first time he world have already done well.

[@nicnac.3587]

Crossing "Eli coping for fulgrim" off the bingo sheet 😂

[@dramsac17]

If any primarch has a real power-lifter body, it would be Perturabo.

[@spencerbajer8836]

Just going to point out that while fighting mortarion (recently juiced on chaos) he thought the only primarch that could have matched his strength was Ferrus. Dude is slept on IMO, wish GW would get more lore for him.

[@jeremyedwards4426]

I love all of Sang’S feats getting discounted because he fought with a weapon, even though half the time he ends up killing the other guy with his bare hands, including demon primarch Angron when he ripped his GD brain out of his head.

[@gato13k]

Yeah they did him wrong lol they forgot the details of the fights and was basically a gauntlet at the Eternity gate.

[@minecraftfox4384]

Y'all should consider life styles when judging strength. Some of them do nothing but bricklaying and forging in their free time, others go off hunting, sailing. Things that make you stronger than any weights.

[@onlyxenolord7494]

I love watching this slowly descend into a smash or pass

[@garrhettroebuck8402]

I don't know about it being slowly...

[@ratscnaccs7046]

This is the gayest this podcast has ever been or will be. Outstanding work as always lads.

[@ratscnaccs7046]

Edited coz typo. Pls re-pin, people need to know my edict.

[@LordCrate-du8zm]

RIP

[@ArcusArmis19]

Russ is the bro whos built because he lives in the gym but drinks every other minute of the day. Ferrus is built because hes been bricklaying for 40 years whilst doing blacksmithing on the weekends. He has never step foot in the gym but could Hancock a Train. Actually now that I think about it, Ferrus has a bit of Hancock energy

[@darrianweathington1923]

I always enjoy watching Eli's Khorn berserker avatar angrily shake around when he defends Fulgrim

[@toxos265]

To be fair the full Fulgrim image has the "Warhammer Community" watermark

[@kylegriffin6218]

As a 5’5, type 1 diabetic powerlifter… I am a fucking amalgamation of them all!!!

[@jonathanathor117]

I don't think fulgrim was a twink. He just has a sleeper build. Like the mother of all sleeper builds. But when he got older the sleeper build did woke up.

[@stephenporter4668]

"It is also a hammer"

[@jeremywatson9129]

I like the idea of Guilliman having the best hands amongst the primarchs. Like they get together for a friendly spar and Bobby G comfortably boxs everybody.

[@Haloister]

They like Russ that one time think he's a pencil pushing pushover. Then he lays them the fuck out/ throws them for a loop at how actually good a fighter he is.

[@johnny_on_the_spot_02]

Feel like Guilliuman, Ferrus, and Dorn are boxers while Russ, perty, and angron would be grapplers

[@jeremywatson9129]

@@johnny_on_the_spot_02 yeah makes sense. Angron may also try to eat you.

[@ceejno7861]

@@jeremywatson9129 To be fair, all the grapplers are biters. One eats worlds, one has wolf DNA, and one is made of pure spite. Somebody's getting bitten.

[@JWat-ko1hr]

"Fulgrim was literally gooning"... I fuckin lost it.

[@cnut7383]

I love how fulgrim is slim it makes so much sense because of his home world, having so little resources it would be very hard to feed a primarch so he grew up much thinner than the others. Mortarion too, always in a toxic environment raised by a necromancer or ill humans.

[@mrmephistopheles]

i’m usually one to argue against fulgrim being comparatively small but damn i really like this explanation

[@cnut7383]

@maxwellgomes3358 I do think it's fair to assume he filled out his frame a bit after entering the imperium or making chemos prosper, but perhaps he chose not to go all out on mass. maybe to show humility or he preferred a more classic physique rather than open like what eli said in this podcast

[@RealmForge100]

I imagine Morty looks like one of those triathlon runners who get all gaunt and sinewy since he’s all about endurance. Like all he does is cardio but he smokes a carton a week and no one knows how he pulls it off

[@jonathanathor117]

29:40 Ferrus Manus does look like colossus or a really really jacked punisher now that you mention it.

[@BloodStoneFortress]

The amount of cope from Eli on Twinkgrim is insane. 😂

[@rakisuzuki-burke4148]

"Lore-accurate Fulgrim is the perfect being to ever be created" So, he would be a twink.

[@nolanbaker2360]

A man of taste

[@darkinnovator2479]

Interestingly enough with Sanguinius, the amount of theoretical compact upper body muscle that a winged human would have to be capable of flight is just insane. It's heavily implied that his flight isn't just muscles though, there is some Psyker influence there.

[@NikolaDimitrov-c4d]

Furrus dominated a Ctan shard, and his whole gimmick is strength, also Forge world stated that he is the strongest primarch, he is literally 40k Herkules

[@MonteScarf]

I feel like he and Vulkan share that position, because Vulkan has been started in lore to be the physically largest and strongest of his brothers, too. I suppose he doesn't quite have that level of feat, but he's consistently shown to be stronger than the rest

[@cyrillesu]

It's also implied in the lore that Ferrus might in fact be stronger without the necrodermis in his arms, as he has explicitly stated that he never felt his natural strength since getting the metal. Do remember that he wrestled a literal Necron construct into a volcano with his bare nonmetal hands.

[@dlemon7547]

On top of the Ctan shard and coming away from a fight with emps feeling like he'd win if they fought again. Ferrus Manus also swam to the bottom of the ocean and beat up a sea monster, he conquered a world with enough volcanic and seismic activity to almost be a death world; which was ruled by warring Techno-barbarian warlords that armed their soldiery with dark age of technology weapons whilst living in gigantic mining platforms turned fortresses. In short, this primarch was an absolute beast, even when compared to his brothers. No wonder why Horus wanted him on his side so bad and was scared shitless when Fulgrim came back empty handed.

[@NikolaDimitrov-c4d]

​@@cyrillesu That's why I love the iron hands so much, they have such potential for growth, to see that the flesh and humanity are strong, they purge weakness, but it is intertwined with strength, strength is to overcome weakness, that's why I believe that when Ferus returns he will shed the iron and become a representation of humanity's strength

[@starpaladin6294]

I more or less agree on these but one comment keeps coming up that I don’t agree with. Y’all have any idea how strong you gotta be to use a weapon? Doesn’t matter which, Sword, Spear, Hammer, Mace Ect. People who trained and fought with any weapon are jacked as hell due to how much it takes to use it for a prolonged period of time, and these MFs go to WAR with these weapons. Sanguinius deserved a higher score due to how much he fights with his weapons, it take some SERIOUS strength and skill to use a sword for who knows how long and keep swinging effectively. That man should’ve atleast gotten 7s

[@Soladrin]

As someone who has done swordfighting 6+ years. No it doesn't. 4 months of steady gym going gave me ten times the gains compared to swinging longswords, sabres and old timey wrestling.

[@starpaladin6294]

@@Soladrin ain’t about gains it’s about endurance and strength, sure you can swing a sword for an hour and feel fine, maybe a bit sore in the wrists, but now do that all day or in some cases a weekly , now push your sword straight threw someone, now swing around a hammer as tall as you, now spin around and continually stab with a spear. That take a LOT of strength, more then just punching someone would, as your not putting the pressure of the impact on just your arms, it’s now focused on your hands and wrists, smaller muscles then your full arm, and they tend to hurt far more for it. So saying that “Because they used a weapon in these fights doesn’t count as strength” I beg to differ, cuz they absolutely do, and the raw stamina and strength needed to fight like they do should be accounted for in terms of strength.

[@screamingcactus1753]

You gotta remember: these are primarchs. The feats of strength we're talking about include punching through several meters of reinforced armor and lifting a war machine the size of a skyscraper. Fighting with weapons is good exercise for normal humans, but these aren't normal humans.

[@rocks7263]

Common Vulcan W lads. Unspeakable things I would do, unspeakable things...

[@T.DreadnoughtArmor]

Respect my iron wa-hands you armored beak, i'm also working on a sucessor of them

[@laughingmask3118]

Rogal Dorn wields a chain-great-sword. Just saying.

[@kuafer3687]

I'm literally laughing my ass off, Guilliman's saucy pics

[@ceejno7861]

Now THIS is the 40k content I'm looking for.

[@callmee-g9x]

We need a primarch drip ranking

[@jakubchmiel6211]

Mfw Sanguinius solos a warlord titan, but gets called weak cause he used a sword to do so

[@andyroobrick-a-brack9355]

He should not have been rated lower than Magnus. And I say this as someone who is genuinely obsessed with the TSons in a way that only the most insane of undiagnosed can be. Magnus is just too inconsistent lol, that's one of the major facets of his character.

[@darrianweathington1923]

If Angron, Ferrus, Dorn, vulkan and Russ aren't top 5 I'm going to... I'm going to kick a baby... Not you Eli you're my favorite buff short king, right next to Dr. Mike

[@cousinokri]

they hate Dorn and Russ brother.

[@HalfAmericanHero1459]

I'm just glad Vulkan got the respect he deserved.

[@ronanHanni]

Miss galaxy with xenos 40k edition

[@YatzeeWillWearAGreenHat]

Tyrinussy

[@NoahKenney-e5y]

Aaaay my dreadnaught got featured!

[@RealmForge100]

Can Malcador Throwing be one of the competition events?

[@TemplarWarden]

What Fulgrim thinks he is, is what Guilliman actually is.

[@firemaneminiatures1337]

In what demented alternate reality did Sanguinius get outscored by fucking LORGAR?!?!?!

[@mateojuarez9191]

we need pancreas presence in a "primarchs after dark" episode

[@tenaciousb4731]

Lol But seriously, are these guys gay? Or are they just doing a parody okay, for comedic reasons? I honestly can't tell

[@mateojuarez9191]

@@tenaciousb4731 is the effect of the primarch aura, no one can resist it💋

[@tenaciousb4731]

@@mateojuarez9191 lol Nice dodging of the question Tu ché

[@AEDALIX]

I'm loving all these crossover episodes.

[@SeaBass215AM]

You gave Jagatai 34 and Perturabo 34.5 so Jagatai wins the third spot eh? Passed over Warhammer's Heracles Primarch for the throat singing pony riding Ghengis Khan. You guys are not living this down. Angron is all pain and all gain so the huglord wins for being "bigger". This podcast will haunt you for all time.

[@baelGIGAN]

perturabo is definitely a science based lifter

[@Human-163]

The Lion not being above 30 is baffling.

[@kelakogreenaddict1888]

Why?

[@nukal4338]

40K and Gym? Now this is something I can get excited about

[@doomslayerprime9749]

1:13:11 You're welcome Pancreasnoworks and to be fair I probably fucked up spelling his name so feel free to correct me and my spell because that was one of if not the best episodes you were in 😊

[@boffeecreak3717]

49:23 Imagine the codpiece

[@n0ttomuch65]

Nobody on this podcast can do math, Perurabo had 34.5 points and Khan had 34 points. Perturabo should have been thrid place

[@SeaBass215AM]

Actually, it makes him third place and our judges twice fold mellon heads. Once for cheating Perturabo in the end and twice for scoring him higher to undermine themselves while cheating. 😂

[@baelGIGAN]

we're here to go awooga at big muscle man, not do numbers

[@SeaBass215AM]

@@baelGIGAN You like the BBC. It's clearly so to any Custodian is male Warhammer fan.

[@sannyer633]

I love the "activate windows" down at the total points XD

[@jojo_sanders5342]

I like to think that all (18-19) primarchs are listening in. Or it's in vox.

[@amycox7508]

2:25:35 to be fair, it’s because every time they make a book that has alpha legion truly loosing, it’s always in books that are written Horrendously bad. The levels of irony with how split alpha legion is on our own lore is why I love the legion but totally understand why people hate alpha legion 😂

[@timelesswisdom.]

Imotekh the crack lord

[@alejandrorp5160]

One day you're doing deadlifts and juicying up on T, PEDs and Tren... And the next one you're being recruited by the Emperor's Children. Oh well...

[@cousinokri]

The bias you lot have against Dorn is insane. What primarchs were able to lift his sword again?

[@robfromjersey7899]

Classic physique- Fulgrim, Sanguinius, Corvus, Kurze, Guilliman, Khan, Alpharius, Open- Angron, Horus, Magnus, Dorn, Russ, Ferrus, Perty, the Lion, Horus, Mortarion, Vulkan

[@kelakogreenaddict1888]

Magnus can be in both and bikini

[@darrianweathington1923]

Their powers combined they are... Pancreas no Lift, or Deadlifts for the insulin or, me Friday night when I leave the gym and spend $200 at the liquor store

[@kelakogreenaddict1888]

Vulkan called Konrad the weakest primarch, but maybe it’s hard to tell when you’re the strongest

[@kelakogreenaddict1888]

Bruh why is warp juice allowed but psyker powers not

[@DisasterLord]

I legit lost it at corvus corax, then Alpharius

[@Eoin-i6p]

58:38 Sighs… someone call Valrak

[@diegosigua2106]

Be like father Vulkan, giant and a gentle man, who's morals only seek happiness for himself and others, and eat healthy and have hobbies

[@parkersquirrell252]

The instant turnaround for corax is soooo funny

[@namelessnpc9139]

What an amazing day for me to be gay

[@crazyscotsman9327]

Hey Russ is cool! He's a man after my own heart. Fighting and drinking! What else does one need?

[@geraldtucker6952]

“Total: ACTIVATE WINDOWS 10”

[@scrollfloh]

Order of Discovery, first up: Alpharius

[@SeaBass215AM]

We all forgot didn't we?

[@Battlechicken12]

Felix Jaeger is the best

[@kevinelston404]

13:30 Horus is left handed? It all makes sense.

[@theemperorschosen7607]

I am God (Guilliman's) strongest champion

[@JeremyGraczyk]

Sanguinius ripped demon Angron's butcher's nails out of his head. With his bare hands. Waaaaaaay undersold on his strength 👎

[@Wolfbroa]

Ngl that doesn’t sound impressive

[@SIRUNOWN]

That's metal AF

[@jarlathquinn2628]

Lorgar in the 1st heretic us discribed as slender and androgynous

[@Lmaokekw975]

2:22:44 sound of Mortarions personal toilet chamber.

[@gammothdraws]

Vulkan is the embodiment of BBC News

[@jdc1748]

Russ=Lion=Angron all punched on to a draw

[@ServitorDominusPrime]

Nice desk bro...

[@myonlyfriendtheend4958]

HH tabletop also has regular marines at 1 wound so its not a fair comparison my guy

[@Johna-cv9gu]

The Terminator Anime was good :D

[@coliimusic]

Anyone else notice that Tom's been missing a lot of episodes?

[@MootsTheFunnySwede]

We ate him for sustenance

[@GozuTenno962]

​@@MootsTheFunnySwedeand not as a sacrifice?

[@hdhstarwars2723]

that horus picutre reminds me more of brian shaw then eddie hall

[@ironkeko4423]

Wait, PERTY SHOULD BE 3RD UTS A 34.5

[@n0ttomuch65]

yes, they cant do math

[@aguspuig6615]

I STAND WITH ELI HERE. Its so bs that out of the two ''pretty'' primarchs, Sanguinius is always depicted as pretty bug buff, while Fulgrim is always depicted as ''pretty coded'' but actually kinda ugly, and buff-ish but skinny for a primarch, feels like every damn artists just wants to capture the whole bad guy arrogant flawed perfectionist look, and they end up making him look bad

[@imjennasidel6703]

16:55 the silence was painful

[@jimkass7641]

Magnus wins because magic, otherwise id say either Vulcan or Ferus , id give it to Ferus because he needs the win

[@natedog182]

We need Bones to see this one

[@goldjaw]

Ferrus should have a more strongman build. Broad and with a bit of a gut, he builds for practicality and not looks.

[@kelakogreenaddict1888]

Magnus caught one of vulkan’s strongest swings one handed

[@JoshuaKevinPerry]

17:00 Markus Ruhl was a beast amd Levinrone. what a body change

[@spartandcg5939]

The lack of omegon makes ne sad

[@SeaBass215AM]

Omegon was a judge.

[@revanne5012]

Love the episode over all, but some of the scores being wrong or for only one part of the two things they were jusged on on the screen was a bit bugging me

[@Arenuphis]

Magnus was cheated out of his points by this, how dare they

[@JosefAugustusForonda]

2:22:38. Hydra Dominatrix

[@woocashP]

no.

[@hrafnmichelson9424]

Magnus' score: 5+5+7+6.5 = 27.5?

[@screamingcactus1753]

Maybe a leftover they forgot to clean up from when they had a fifth person?

[@tadijastankovic4350]

Ferrus W

[@djbeast2145]

1:14:10 bruh the fuckin activate windows in the corner is killing me

[@Arenuphis]

Ah, my people

[@JosefAugustusForonda]

I WOULD DEADLIFT FOR THE LION!!! Plus dammit Im still doing legs

[@TemplarWarden]

59:44 So, you're telling me he's a bricklayer?