Portlandia - The Knot Store

The owner of a knot store (Jeff Goldblum) sees an increase in business after a write-up in the Sunday New York Times.
• Portlandia - The Doily...

[@Thirteenthdi]

No matter what role you give Jeff Goldblum, he plays Jeff Goldblum.

[@babysealsareyummy]

And it always works beautifully

[@chico101chick]

One dimensional actor = bad actor.

[@gustavgnoettgen]

@@chico101chick OK actor, expert Goldblum

[@Louieman]

@@chico101chick christoph waltz has two Oscars from that approach. Also, I hate you for bad mouthing the goldblums

[@T0Ymaker]

Just the way I like it 😆

[@thaumatu]

I guarantee Goldblum brought that suit from home.

[@tailsntrails]

thaumatu hahaha!!!!🥇

[@slappy8941]

No sane person would imagine otherwise.

[@NekoNewb]

All the knots too

[@BlastinRope]

No sane jeff goldblum owns a wrinkly suit

[@mistervanderveer]

Its not even a suit. He just literally ignored the staff, woke up that day and decided; this.. this is who I am today.

[@saysHotdogs]

Only Jeff Goldblum can make me feel so comfortably uncomfortable

[@fredriksvard2603]

Mande Peer id be hesitant if he offered me a drink

[@johnmartinez7440]

Has Jeff Goldblum ever done ASMR? He could lull me to sleep so fast.

[@user-iu3ii8sq6t]

"horny". the word you're looking for is "horny".

[@sean3533]

Dude. Wth that was exactly verbatim the exact words I would have said.

[@sean3533]

@Nicolas RAGE before I scrolled down to the comments I said to myself "Jeff goldblum is so uncomfortable and I'm so comfortable with it" and that's what I was gonna comment, and this dude already did.

[@scotty3034]

I watched this and then found 20 bucks in an old pair of jeans. Thank you Jeff Goldblum. I know you did that.

[@allwrighty100]

I've lost a pair of jeans with $20 in the pocket, damn you Jeff Goldblum.

[@fcj_5615]

allwrighty100 You went too low.

[@Neildo430ci]

I seen pair of old jeans for $20, can you spot me a dub Jeff. Good looking out.

[@tailsntrails]

Rofl!!!!!

[@EGbean2]

If you'd invested that $20 instead of stashing it in a pocket, you could have had $3,000,000 instead

[@M3iscool]

I love that part where he tries to convince them not to go cheap. Just the idea of buying a knot, and it has to be a nice one or else it will come undone. That's just a hilarious concept to me.

[@The_Primary_Axiom]

Cat From The Future Where is the Nancy? Where's Nancy...

[@colinmacarthur5249]

I have arrived from 2 years in the future and can conclusively deduce Cat From The Future pushed Nancy off the table.

[@zatcharybelltucker735]

No kidding. I almost forgot to watch this today

[@AWSVids]

Knot that will it come undone, it’s just knot a not.

[@Agos226]

Right after he says they’re not utilitarian purely aesthetic lol

[@furniture5223]

His genuine concern for Nancy's disappearance is moving. You almost get sidetracked wondering where she actually went to, or if she even existed in the first place... spectacular performance!

[@sabotabo7476]

Furn Iture it’s fucking surreal. Is Nancy okay? Is Jeff okay? The best part is that they never address it again. It’s just gone.

[@llyn52]

Just after he stated 'Where is Nancy?" the guy in the skit looked up at the ceiling, then looked back - i expected to see Nancy hanging from the ceiling lol (glad that she isn't tho)

[@TheGrouchDnD]

He's some sort of weird genius.

[@sexobscura]

he killed her he's just covering his tracks

[@CGphotoOp]

Dafuq are you talking about? This show is dumb af.

[@carsilk2492]

I used to love this show, but after living in Portland for a year now I can't stand how accurate it is

[@Cuythulu]

Why? what´s the most absurd shop you´ve seen there?

[@tnc925]

Haaaaaa!!! I feel the same about Nashville. If I meet one more GD person with a dog named Cash I swear I’m going to lose it.

[@hhhoneycomb]

@@tnc925 😭😭😭

[@crowtservo]

A friend of mine grew up there, he said this show is the toned-down PG version of all the weird shit out there.

[@methos-ey9nf]

Well damn now I need to visit there. Do you think the experience would be better or worse with drugs? 😁

[@stevenslaughter8473]

The moment he almost purrs…it feels like he is formulating a thought, but then the purr just trails off unresolved. So good.

[@kickorphans]

"no sir don't... oh..."

[@alexizledawn]

Nick LaMonica I lost my shit😂

[@nick3943]

I love that🙂

[@UploadN0ob]

Hahaha the half-arsed plea to not take your own life because it may be an inconvenience to their knot purchasing. And the apathetic use of “sir”, even after he told them his name was 'Alan' - maintaining a very platonic and sterile relationship with the sales rep

[@jaydynnelson8406]

😂😂😂

[@Mogalog1]

Jeff Goldblum purring! Where is the Emmy? WHERE IS THE EMMY!?

[@jessicasmith7102]

I know, right!? Give him several. He is very cUte.

[@jeremywoods770]

Hell i would even give him an oscar and a grammy for this

[@ethanlivemere1162]

It's with Nancy

[@panicattackimminent]

Jeff Goldblum is a national treasure.

[@awsumpossum1]

Brittany Beck the perfect mix of talented acting, hilarious awkwardness, and comedic timing. dude is just on point

[@rich1051414]

+Nick Jermichalesactionjackson 99% awkward speech rhythm that is oddly pleasing. The ears do not know what to make of it, regardless of what the man is actually saying :P

[@millsykooksy4863]

+Brittany Beck I concur, and he's insanely sexy too

[@theveganape]

+Brittany Beck Can I put forward the motion... international treasure? I love every second that this man is on screen.

[@coreycox2345]

He seems intelligent.

[@stevebayless8571]

"Nope ... nope ... yep ... Yeahhhh."

[@superblah3408]

I love the thing he does with his hands.

[@jimreily7538]

The rope tricks are actually a skill Jeff Goldblum learned doing magic, I saw it somewhere. Very nicely incorporated into the skit.

[@robertrosenfeld7458]

Conan, probably

[@moatrboat]

he just does everything

[@waveshock]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/paDQpHqEaK6ko5o

[@longebane]

Except how to pronounce bowline, which is one of the most basic knots lol

[@jimreily7538]

@@longebane Lol, I learned to pronounce bowline from Bob's Burgers. It's like bow-len right ? Or bowlin?

[@The_Primary_Axiom]

An artist that we know makes these by jamming them into his pocket. Grrrrrrrrrrr.... lmao

[@colbywankenobii]

“Nostalgic and of the past” *brings out corded headphones* predicts AirPods

[@SebbysBitch]

I did NOT know I needed Goldblum purring a part of my life. Holy shit.

[@nickpacanowski2808]

*takes glasses off and slams them on the counter, goes into the back, comes out with glasses on, and then proceeds to slam them down even harder on the counter😂😂😂

[@nadiashireensiddiqi]

I feel like I’ve seen all of this before on Conan.

[@mistervanderveer]

He's a habitual glasses slammer.

[@unhommequicourt]

i m sure he isn t even acting there lmao

[@spensimus]

Knots uh... Find a way.

[@NefariousDreary]

Lol

[@evatheuretzbacher5952]

@spensimus best comment!!!!

[@jaydynnelson8406]

😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣

[@TheRubberStudiosASMR]

Plus the ASMR in this scene is incredible. I wish I had a personal Jeff Goldblum in my life everyday to tend to my mental knots.

[@ReisNJake]

TheRubberStudiosASMR I come to this video just for ASMR purposes.

[@vegetto1426]

+TheRubberStudiosASMR i thought the same myself haha I kept replaying the video because of the tingles

[@SHAEW0LF]

TheRubberStudiosASMR yesss I watch this a few times before sleeping some days and it always works!

[@bluepandaman]

After watching this so many times it just occurred to me that Jeff’s character would have known about this party and knowingly sold all of those people the same earbud gifts.

[@junkdriver42]

When Fred says, "and makes us look different from everybody else at around :45" and Jeff just kind of quickly acknowledged him, that adds to my assumption that he knew.

[@halwasserman7905]

This scene is so abnormal but the three of them nail it so completely you feel like you're watching real life. I love how Armisen is ready to buy whatever is right in front of his eyes. I think he's just like that in the cell phone sketch too. No discernment. Whatever it is he'll take it.

[@CalvinHikes]

Abnormal? Come visit Portland

[@Spindles15]

There's so many rapid fire weird moments in this sketch, I find something new every time I watch it!

[@kingmeehanthewicked]

so many things to like about this skit. my favourite is "where's nancy?" he has this genuine concern that is so different from everything else in this skit. it's this pure sidebar moment that carries a hilariously unnecessary amount of narrative and emotional weight. so great.

[@kiosk5595]

Moreover that he’s suggesting iPod earphones are of the Reagan era

[@argosytheband]

Goldblum is one of the few actors, if not the only actor, that I think spending an evening with him just having different conversations would be a fucking amazing experience. Totally unique and natural in his own way. There is a good and interesting mind in that man's head.

[@albertandrews130]

He deserved to be eaten by that dinosaur, did he knot ?

[@tiffanyhoward127]

He has his own show on Disney Plus now. Yay

[@BenjaminGoose]

Agreed but I don't know why you're so angry that you have to swear.

[@jaydynnelson8406]

@@albertandrews130 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Glowwriter]

Jeff Goldblum in pink is always worth watching!

[@johnkiunke5617]

Jeff Goldblum is worth watching in any color!

[@wiinterflowers4277]

More like Jeff Goldblum in a suit is worth watching!

[@ReisNJake]

"We read an article on artisan knots in the Sunday Times and-" "Ol yea ol yea olthat's great"

[@emme2795]

Reis DeSantis I READ IT AS THEY SAID IT HAHAHAH

[@christianfleetwood1735]

LMFAO

[@MarvelDcImage]

I wish store rents were so low that a knot store could afford to stay open for business

[@alanmalcheski8882]

just go corporate and/or use the store to launder money. Too crooked to fail.

[@beatricet5682]

Jeff's "cat purr" at 2:06... hilarious! 😄😂

[@mat5473]

"Yeah we'll take one of those" I love how in this sketch and the Doily Shop, Fred is just so ready to buy the first thing he sees.

[@B2Roland]

It's such a ridiculous idea but not so ridiculous that they would just... Not go in the stupid store. No no they must still participate. Even if they don't get it.

[@VultureClone]

Jeff Goldblum was made for this show. He fits in so flawlessly.

[@rickantav5015]

god dammit this is ridiculously funny

[@tereuo]

It's crazy funny lol

[@endoplasmicreticulum8357]

or even a white burgundy

[@gabelogan56]

Always my favorite! Pairs well with a croissant bagel.

[@simulatedrainn]

best part

[@scottwallace1]

Just posted a story about remembering this very line today. Perfection.

[@paintur68]

I love how this show exposes how ridiculous people are......

[@philc5499]

What do you mean, that's priceless modern art....

[@fordrac1ng81]

This is unfortunately accurate for Portland. Ridiculous becomes normal when everyone is like that.

[@Raincentral003]

Portland is a sad hipster wannabe sorry excuse for a city in Cascadia.

[@MatanuskaHIGH]

Portland has a higher per capita of ridiculous people than most cities.

[@Icanfigureitoutintime]

Oh yeah as the internet has with it's existence. Good comment.

[@playbackproductions1]

Mr goldblum came to my high school 18yrs ago. Cant remember why, but I met him and he proceeded to do impromptu improv miming. It was fantastic. He had a very nice watch too.

[@DakovP]

0:42 That "yeah!" and twittling his fingers like that is just amazing 😆

[@cozmicmojo2181]

Jeff Goldblum's timing and delivery is insanely brilliant even in this short sketch. Pure gold.

[@jozemrlz383]

"no sir don't."

[@AyAy008]

but it's not a knot

[@jaydynnelson8406]

@@AyAy008 😂

[@w4r7]

Jeff has quite the nose for such exquisite pairing options. Last nite, I paired the knot with a lovely 95 Red. Puuurrrrrrr. Bravo, Jeff...bravo.

[@biggameathlete8959]

“Welcome to the uhhhh, Knot Store, my name is.........Allen.” LOL! Too funny!

[@jfs77]

where's nancy?

[@Lrripper]

I thought the joke was that she killed herself with the "bigger knot"

[@sophistanonym1703]

Marriage?

[@yikeyikeyike]

when hes calling for nancy he has no glasses but when he comes out of the backroom his glasses are back on jeff is a fucking genius

[@wandahill8214]

boot skatt Or it could just be a mistake. *Shrug*

[@blondvengence792]

It’s da roach dog

[@FlyingBeerman]

The glasses are in his right hand at 1:37. He set them down in the back briefly is all.

[@bmxbear729]

@@FlyingBeerman no dude he’s a genius! You heard the guy!

[@mistervanderveer]

The sound it makes when he slams his glasses has definitely been edited to sound louder, they knew it was comedy gold (blum)

[@ashe274]

1:57 This is some of the best ASMR every made, and nobody will convince me otherwise.

[@Primitiveimage]

8 years later we still dont know where nancy at

[@fcj_5615]

Some say he is still searching for Nancy to this day...

[@skullsaintdead]

Perhaps Nancy is Jeff. Perhaps Jeff is Nancy. Is all that we see and seem but a dream within a dream?

[@GodfatherDP456]

Same with my Dad •_• This is a joke

[@michaelblanchette2787]

She's knott here

[@aaronjenkins815]

I love!!!!!! Jeff Goldblum. It’s literally like he started selling knots professionally and they filmed it 😂😂😂

[@BrianBattles]

Goldblum is amazing

[@WYCD]

My head canon for this guy: He's a salesman who was confident that he could sell people literally anything. He's going mad because its true. He can't help but push it, upselling dumber and dumber ideas not for the money anymore, but just to see how gullible people are. He has found no limit, and begins to dread that there is none. The salesman is almost panicked at the idea of being alone in a universe of idiots.

[@leviswranglers2813]

I hope this becomes a series someday. Preferably an HBO series, but Netflix or Amazon might do a decent job.

[@TheNefastor]

I feel like that every time I watch the news...

[@garethrussell3406]

Something like your head canon exists! kzbin.info/www/bejne/q4fZlHdqeN-rars

[@garethrussell3406]

And going back even further: kzbin.info/www/bejne/nHmQdmmAarl9irs

[@sirreginalddukeofchutney234]

this

[@chuckadams195]

You can never have enough Jeff Goldblum.

[@austrianrationalist]

He almost resurrects the Jurassic Park laugh at 1:40

[@jaydynnelson8406]

Oh my gosh he does!!!!

[@Knight02]

Jeff Goldblum and Fred Armisen together is a real treat!

[@MarkArandjus]

Either knot stores are a real thing, or that is one well executed set.

[@skullcrusherjones]

Thank God. I could watch this video all day. From all the Goldbum-isms to Fred's ginger Kurt Vonnegut look, I just love the hell out of this.

[@arprewitt2000]

"they never come out ... this is how they come out"

[@williamsaunders3062]

The way Jeff throws his glasses down on the table just floored me, I have no idea why that's so funny but I'm crying.

[@MoonbearStartiger]

I agree. He's a fantastic actor, and pulls off comedic material in a way that makes him seem humorless, but he obviously gets it. That takes skill.

[@shizzy35]

The Goldblum character looks like he has a flask in his right hand when he first steps out of the back room. Back there having a nip or three, ward off the little voices in his head.

[@ibidesign]

This is pure genius. As is Jeff Goldblum. That cat-purr...

[@wickandde]

White burgundy 😂

[@zachpw]

wickandde it’s a real thing

[@arthurbissolotti]

Who the heck writes this thing? It's insane! LOL

[@jessicasmith7102]

it's a secret

[@fordrac1ng81]

It writes itself if you've ever lived in Portland.

[@Sprite_525]

1:16 her “where is this going” face was perfectly acted lol 😆

[@flatheadwarrior]

I love the fact that when they have questions about knots Jeff answers with simple "nope" or "yep" without adding any context almost as if he himself is unsure.

[@NeverSaySandwich1]

Chef Goldblum is a God amongst men

[@Synochra]

He really is. How can there not be a cult worshipping him. Or is there?

[@mbaxter22]

Jeff Goldblum is a great man and I won't hear otherwise.

[@gaijinhakase1575]

One of my all time favorite sketches from Portlandia 😂

[@wiredhermit4660]

I never get tired of watching this.

[@mxtb1888]

Nostalgic Jen gets given knot made of contemporary materials.

[@ethansavage5406]

"And if you get depressed... " ;)

[@jonathanharbin6333]

This whole scene i just... surprisingly incredible. I dont know how to describe it.

[@rainbowdrinkemo]

I listened to 2:05 about ten times in a row. That purr is the single greatest thing I have ever heard.

[@deanvance4167]

Life was a lie and nothing made sense...then I heard Jeff Goldblum purrrrrr!

[@badidea12341]

I could see the ending coming, but I still laughed out loud. Pretty sure it was Jeff's growl that set me up.

[@loneangel1]

THIS IS GOLD. "Nope, nope. Yup. YEEAAH."

[@Icanfigureitoutintime]

That one

[@PeteAmachree]

Lost count of the amount of times I've seen this. Those mannerisms are priceless!

[@PandorasShard]

Dat growl Mmhmm

[@lockekappa500]

I love how he say's "...Alan" like its the first time he's said his own name

[@weison383]

Always love his ‘um, um…yah, yah…uh-huh, uh-huh[pause]…mmm, mmm… He’s made a career out of simple reactions…brilliant!

[@s0nnyburnett]

Didn't appreciate this show when it was new but it seems the fullness of time has revealed it to me.

[@djgizmoe]

Same.

[@Joesfosterdogs]

Jeff always stands above others but never is sarcastic...his intelligence is superior and he glides around people...such a unique person...if he wasn't in movies, everyone would tell him his entire life, "Jeff...you need to be in movies..." How annoying would that be...

[@AlxRo66]

"Where's Nancy?"

[@noahhenson1669]

His charisma is breathtaking. You don't know how he's going to say something next.

[@colinswartz6022]

I met Fred and told him how much I loved the Knot Store. I told him about the butter store, and later there was a Portlandia scene shot in front of the butter store. Yes, we have (or had) a butter store, Buttercraft.

[@idontknow165]

this is some of Jeff Goldblum's best work.

[@sammyh1982]

I love Carrie is on the brink of laughing in almost every frame. I bet this was a hard scene to get through without multiple takes.

[@nt1331tn]

Jeff’s timing on every word is just perfect

[@SteveBluescemi]

I have a casual list of greatest comedic line readings I keep in my head and that list includes every single line uttered by Jeff Goldblum in this sketch

[@yesrelationthesequel]

1:14 "oh, sir don't" lol

[@manmelt4037]

“But here’s a knot that looks plenty substantial” “Yeah, we’ll take one of those” “Yeah, but it’s Not a Knot.......it’s nothing”

[@felicity4711]

Great _twist_ at the end! I did _knot_ see it coming

[@tv0039]

They gave them a gift of knotted up ear budds lol that's a gift that says hay we're knot listening to you and that we are knot Worth having as friends...

[@leonardwharris]

Can't go wrong with Goldblum.

[@depressiontoexpression]

0:43 The best!

[@Brainbuster]

0:43

[@user59371]

How do you screw up a time stamp

[@LivingWithCognitiveDissonance]

I love knots. I love everything about them.

[@CosmicSphinx]

Coolest, most gorgeous OG nerd of the kosmos.

[@fredfisher33]

"And if you get depressed...."

[@arib8367]

this show needs more jeff goldblum

[@BloBlas123]

im gonna save this is my asmr playlist

[@tannervitorino3931]

This and the doily skit are the best in the show

[@johansmallberries9874]

I like when Carrie wears wigs of hair that's only slightly longer than her actual hair.

[@randombrokeperson]

He's always slamming his glasses down. This is the second Portlandia clip where he's done that and I've seen him do it on Conan and Craig Ferguson too.

[@jtconner7599]

That's what came to my mind when I heard that SLAM too lol. I've seen this a few times but it's never struck me before now.

[@randombrokeperson]

Oh Em Jee | Have you noticed he tells other people not to break his glasses after he slams them down and the host plays with them? Hilarious!

[@kangooroo1]

For me, the most genius moment of the show was when Carrie told J Mascis that he was ''Too loud'' - even though his guitar wasn't plugged - and threw him off the stage, and he stood far in the background playing to himself.. I had the honor of standing 3 meters from him and Dinosaur Jr. on a show here in Tel-Aviv - and the guitar wall of sound that he created was the loudest I've ever heard live!

[@thegreatseamoose]

It is now the sound that plays whenever I get a text. It is absolutely fantastic.