r/AmITheA**Hole For Kicking My Daughter's Boyfriend Out Of The House?

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#AITA #Family #Parenting

[@saraloverock2010]

Monica’s boyfriend would not be allowed back in the house! This is not the first time he’s acted disrespectful to your home, but the fact he disrespects YOU the parent & owner of the home, just shows he’s a danger. What sane person doesn’t realise the consequences of eating a birthday cake without permission?! The entitle lament & disrespect is a HUGE red flag for what he might be capable of. Nope, nope 👎 boyfriend or not, he’s no longer welcome in the home.

[@ammo19911]

Yup, my thought instantly too, permanent ban for sure!

[@markedwards3647]

Not a red flag. A black flag. This person enters your home to steal from you. He is forcefully stealing. Violence is the only appropriate response to a person attempting to enter and steal. You have no idea what else he has stolen, and who or what he will do to get what he wants.

[@foreignbentley173]

Amen and my daughter can live with him since she’s a follower behind a man. I wouldn’t put up with that from no one

[@salicaguillotines]

Yep, we would have been having that talk the first time the bf crossed the sister. I had to listen to the story again to see if there was anything I missed: Monica was just enabling, I realized everyone's ages and I'd have a hard chat with her as well. That's no way to treat a teenager in her own house who hasn't done anything wrong. He'd have better replace everything he broke, and beyond that, there's no trust that he wouldn't continue to sabotage the younger sister further and the cake was the straw that broke the camel's back. I would also like to take steps to protect the sister's mental health and personal belongings. Those comments about the bf trying to gr00m a 14 y/o are hella scary, and is all the more reason to boot him out. If Monica doesn't see the errors of bf's ways, then she's blind and also needs to go.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

And Monica needs therapy stat to find out why and deal with her codependency/I need a man to complete my life and I'll/you'll pay whatever the price to make it happen. If not her kids are going to pay the price

[@WobblesandBean]

OP 1: NTA. He's a conkwocket. He knew what he was doing. He's not clueless, he's willfully malicious. Do not ever let him set foot in your house ever again.

[@mukuroikusaba7998]

The older sister, too. “You caused us to miss the party!” No, HE caused HIM to miss the party, and YOU caused yourself to miss the party when you chose to leave with him.

[@jgw5491]

🤦The boyfriend is treated like a child because he behaves like a badly reared ten year old. He is treated with disrespect because he doesn't deserve respect. He needs to be barred from OP's house. 🔒

[@SassyElfFriend]

I have similar issues as the second OP, but with my older sister. I have irrefutable proof that absolutely ANYTHING I tell her, regardless of how much I ask her not to say anything to anyone, it will spread to the entire rest of my family. She pretends not to understand my hurt things after the fact, and is masterful in blame shifting her wrongdoing to me. I refuse to have meaningful conversations with her now and openly roll my eyes any time someone expresses her sadness at our emotional distance. I'm not playing this game with her anymore. I'd sooner stay silent.

[@IM_GOING_TOO_HAM]

Second OP was being neglectful to children she has lived with for four years. Aside from not comforting a (3-7 year old) and a (7-11 year old) after having a nightmare because she despises them is extremely demented. Most people don't have to know a child to want to comfort them. I could understand the stepfather, but actively disregarding children is actually weird AF. So it makes completr sense the sister would tell her mom the oldest probably shouldn't be left alone with the step kids because she hates them for existing.

[@FreshlyCrackedSpine]

@@IM_GOING_TOO_HAMthey have parents though. It’s not actually OP’s responsibility to comfort them if they’re having a nightmare. She and her sister are a year apart. Very easily could’ve shared a room where it’s easier to comfort each other.

[@francit4856]

We had a family member like this but we organized and used her. If it was something we wanted everyone to know, we only had to make one call. Otherwise, nobody shared anything but small talk with her.

[@absenttoday7226]

​@SnailAI children aren't meant to raise other children no matter how big the age gap is

[@cuculain78]

​@SnailAI She is a child herself and not a parent. It isn't her responsibility to parent her stepsiblings. Also she doesn't hate them. She just doesn't love them the way she does her sister and mother. She is entitled to feel what she feels. Apparently her behavior towards those children has been completely appropriate because her mom and step-dad had no idea she felt that way.

[@earlinejackson8151]

The mil throwing her granddaughter’s meals away and feeding her junk snacks is beyond the ridiculous! Op should never allow the grandparents to be alone with the child again! She is not acting in the girl’s best interest, she has some agenda of her own, and it’s not being a good grandmother! If you feel that they should be able to see the child, visit them with her, or better yet, invite them to your home. But neither grandparent should be alone, or in charge of op’s daughter again.

[@your_local_questerian]

I agree. When i first read what the mil did it pissed me the hell off. I can relate with the daughter because i'm still very picky about food also and i'm almost a legal adult

[@rsmith6425]

Right?? Also I wouldn't consider that "picky eating" but a grief response for a child that OP is dealing with in a caring way

[@Tina99999]

@@your_local_questerian I dont agree. if you are really hungry/starving: you will eat whatever is there. Im against allowing children to choose what they will eat. If they wont eat it now: offer the same thing to them later. Until they eat it. If there is food available for them: you are not starving them. You are not starving anybody by providing perfectly fine food they refuse to eat. I was hungry in a life period and I woudl have eaten any food from the floor even in that period. You dont know the value of food until you are actually starving. If you have snacks available: you are not starving either. You are only starving if there is no food at all or the food in question can literally kill you. I am against throwing food away also. This grandmother is not achieving anything by banning dad's food but also giving snacks. I wouldn't throw dad's food but I also wouldn't allow my own child to be a picky eater. In this situation though: it is dad's responsibility and what his child's future will be. My brother in his pre-school years/ very young was eating everything. When he started school he was unbelievable picky by like only eating French fries and some pasta, refusing all fruit and vegetables. And I blame my parents for enabling it. Now he is a apparently a vegan but refuses a ton of vegetables and barely eats fruit. He is a walking food disorder if you ask me.

[@maryharvey6909]

Birthday cake boy ate that on purpose. And then he pretty much told you that when he said all those birthday party rules don’t apply to him. He’s going to be pushing and pushing and so is your daughter. I hope you can get her away from him. I can tell what’s going to happen. If they move in together it won’t be long till she finds out he doesn’t follow any rules like her money will end up gone, her jewelry will end up gone. He broke that camera on purpose and ruined that project on purpose. I don’t know if you’re a single mom or not, but you got a nip that boy out of your house. If you have a man in the house use him. If not call Lilly’s dad, now. No 20 yr old is gonna have someone DEAL with me.

[@JasperCatProductions]

The boyfriend is a complete tool, he would not be allowed in my home. If daughter doesn’t like it she can leave too. Who just cuts a birthday cake and eats it? ……sweet Jesus. Also why is he destroying younger daughters camera and math work? Gross.

[@jnokomis]

Because the boyfriend is an asshole with zero respect and likes hurting people, especially younger people.

[@carolroberts4614]

I came to say this too! Hope Monica sees sense and gets rid of him! Certainly wouldn't want kids with him!

[@Krisna_K]

Exactly my thoughts! I would’ve banned him from my house the first time he destroyed something! Sometimes you have to let your children make mistakes to learn a hard lesson! Hopefully the eldest daughter learns before she marries the loser!

[@jasperthecat192]

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[@bricksloth6920]

The best answer to "when are you having kids" is "*ONE NEVER KNOWS, DOES ONE?*" in a sepulchral voice

[@Annie_Annie__]

I have a friend that answers with random reasons why you wouldn’t get a cat or dog: “We don’t have a big enough backyard.” “I don’t know which breed I’d end up with and don’t want an over active one.” “I don’t like the smell of litter boxes.” “I don’t think their activity level is a good fit for my lifestyle.” “An exercise wheel wouldn’t fit in my house.” But she says one of those things very dry and flat, then just abruptly changes the subject or walks away. The look on the questioner’s face is always hilarious! XD

[@yandereskitty]

I always wonder why people feel the need to act like they own things they never bought. Like dude. You don't even live there. Grow up. Meaning the first story. He's so much of a child he has to call his gf to sort his arguments. Waste of space. Gf is not even much better. Would not miss both of them. He literally stole from a child and broke her belongings. What the hell.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 1: NTA. He doesn’t lack social skills he’s just used to getting/doing what he wants and throwing a tantrum when he doesn’t. Op, your daughter is in a toxic relationship. Tell your daughter that he isn’t welcome in YOUR home. Story 2: NTA. Yes, what you said was mean but your feelings are valid. Yes, your half-siblings probably doesn’t deserve to be treated differently but you are not abusing them but you are setting up reasonable boundaries. You don’t hate you step and half siblings and are trying to respect your parents relationship.I would tell the therapist your boundaries and that your privacy/confidence was broken. Story 3: I’m probably going to get down voted but NTA. Yes, the son did get into trouble with the law but he worked and saved the money. She showed no interest in working or save the money for the trip she wanted. HE WORKED FOR PAY BACK HIS PARENTS, HE CONTINUED WORKING TO SAVE FOR THE TRIP. Story 4: NTA. Your backyard, your rules. Yes, you were rude but justified rudeness. Story 5: NTA. Your MIL is starving your daughter. She’s grieving, and your MIL is STARVING HER. They’re trying to manipulate you and your daughter. Story 6: I’m going to NAH to slightly YTA. It’s human nature to bond over share misery. You needed to read the room and sounded condescending.

[@jacksparrowismydaddy]

I think its both, he lacks social skills but some one clearly enabled him to think he can get away with shit like that.

[@locusxe1411]

Story 3 I’m gonna have to disagree. She showed no interest because she focused on her studies which is a completely normal thing to do in college. Her parents have been giving her money and it doesn’t sound like she’s been slacking off. The brother in the other hand was rewarded because he turned around and saved his money. And one of the commenters made a good point. That it sounded like he was being rewarded for something he was forced to do and then started to like. The daughter was always a good kid

[@blondie7740]

@@locusxe1411 He went to college as well, and he graduated. He worked during the summer and during breaks from school. The daughter could have done the same thing. And making a stupid decision does not mean the son is a bad kid, he just made a mistake and learned from it. He learned more than he was intended to honestly. Like the value of working, saving, and earning your own way.

[@randomn4me205]

@@locusxe1411 I agree on story 3 that the parents ATA but for a different reason. His "reward" for working those times was the money he earned doing so from the company. That's called having a job. He worked, saved money and if his parents let him spend that saved money on the trip then it would be fine, he had earnt that trip himself. Instead the parents are basically double paying him for having a job. Company pays him and parents opt to pay him as well. Now he gets to go on a trip and still have all the savings. At any point did the parents tell the daughter that they planned to double up any pay their children earnt? It certainly didn't sound like it and if not how is that at all fair to the daughter who didn't feel the need for a job as she focused on studies? To me it sounds more like the parents gave an arbitrary reward, after the fact, to one child having never explained what the reward was for then seem surprised that the second child expects the same reward.

[@locusxe1411]

@@blondie7740 that doesn’t make it fair that they paid for his trip. At the end of the day he still made a stupid mistake. They rewarded him for the wrong reason. I don’t see why the daughter can’t get her trip paid for. She’s been working hard studying for college instead of getting a job which is like I said a completely reasonable and normal thing. They should have just let him pay for his own trip or give both of them money for the trip

[@mjlh7079]

Renters who are disabled or have a disabled person in their household, please check your state's laws as in some states landlords have to give you a 60 day notice aka 60 days to move. I was a landlord and my lawyer brought it to my attention when I decided to sell one of my rentals that was being rented by a disabled couple.

[@Gregarious3]

In California, 60 noticed is for "without cause". If she submitted to the court, you can wait for the actual Sheriff, add a couple weeks to it all. I am a landlord, I know.

[@candiebarr6745]

The boyfriend in the one is disrespecting everyone in THEIR house. Who cares if he's "disrespected"?

[@jenl3846]

In my opinion good compromise would be, “we’ll give you the money to go camping this year BUT, you must work next year & pay it back” ... & if she works next year and tries to pay you back, then you can say “since you worked hard to pay us back, you can keep the money” Then BOTH kids will of been rewarded for working hard & daughter doesn’t miss trip this year

[@paulineisme]

That would be a decent compromise, still a bit skewed in favour of the daughter, but this could be her reward for never being in trouble.

[@adrianparsons6683]

@@paulineisme the boy was given the opportunity, due to him being bad, he was rewarded for being in trouble. daughter was not offered any opportunity and was punished for being good.

[@gonzalosierra5489]

@@adrianparsons6683 She’s not being punished. There is a middle ground where you are neither punished nor rewarded. That’s where the sister is. She didn’t go above and beyond like the brother. He worked initially to pay off what he owed and then saved up to afford something for himself. The sister didn’t do something for herself.

[@ShylieKay]

The mimosa pity party: She could no longer stomach people wenching about their troubles and not doing anything about it. Ever talked to that guy or girl who won't ditch a toxic partner and just want to complain? This op wasn't being condescending on purpose, but maybe should have made her excuses and gone home instead if giving obvious ways to fix the issues. They weren't interested in fixing it at that moment, and just needed to vent.

[@gablison]

Yeah, I got the impression that OP has been going out to mimosa brunches with these ladies for the past year or 2 and they were complaining about their bodies, every.single.time instead of doing something about it. Since OP didn't share their woes or she actually did something about her problems instead of wallowing in them, I guess she just got fed up and couldn't sympathise with them anymore. There's commiserating and then there's making excuses and victimising yourself. OP made perfectly good suggestions of how they could change their situation if they were so miserable that they were starting to bring OP down with their misery. I think OP had every right to make the suggestions she made and when she felt too bogged down by them to leave the situation to preserve her own mental health. I whole heartedly disagree with Markee and the comments on this one. Toxic positivity would be if OP disregarded what the ladies said and told them "Oh, no you girls look great! What are you talking about? Don't be silly!" or something of that ilk, and tried to convince them that their problems were not worth worrying about, but instead she acknowledged what they were feeling and gave them very valid suggestions on how, if they wanted to, change their situation and was even open to their suggestions, instead they seemed perfectly content to just sit there and do nothing and wallow in their misery and I can see OP 's point of view on how exhausting that can be to listen to week in week out when OP wanted to talk about something else.

[@Dr.RatioSnail]

Who thinks that it's okay to eat a birthday cake before the party?

[@cockatielartie3258]

When I was living alone I had to work on my bday. Mom dropped a cake off at my house and sent me a pic with a piece cut out. I talked to my therapist about it. Told him I was most likely being petty, but he was cool and was oh hell no that’s disrespectful.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

That's weird AF!!! I can't even imagine eating someone's birthday cake before they do no matter how hungry I am! That's rude AF

[@Gayle.M]

The op in the uni program to help those in need: he said that it was strictly controlled, so obviously, his uni and his doc think that he needs the program. His friends are eh-wholes for making him think otherwise.

[@best13999]

The story about the backpacking trip: one commenter made an analogy about a kid being bad and being forced to mow the lawn. That apology was set up incorrectly. The correct apology would be a parent offers money for both kids to mow the lawn and they say no. One kid gets in trouble that costs the parents money so to punish him, the kid has to mow the lawn until the balance is paid back. Once the balance is paid, the kid asks to keep mowing the lawn but for money, because he wants to save up for a cool toy. Parents are proud after he saves up for the toy and rewards his hard work and discipline by buying the toy do him. The son and the kid in the apology chose to keep working, to be disciplined, and to save. Sister doesn't deserve anything until she saves. Lack of communication on her part does not entitle her to money. She was offered the same deal as her brother and is lazy. Parents are so not the holes.

[@nobodynowhere3322]

Analogy, not apology.

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

Water bottle story: Your mistake was handing it to her and then not asking for the money and just walking away. Why did you confront your friend but not the woman who was supposed to pay? And now she doesn't even know she did anything wrong and will do it again because noone called her out. And sorry but I've been pregnant 7 times and have never blatantly "forgotten" to pay for something that I just specifically called and asked someone to buy and promised to pay for before the person buying even said anything. It doesn't matter the cost and I'm not buying the "pregnancy brain" excuse

[@HodajuciParadoks]

1. NTA...at all, that disrespectful little sh*t. He would be banned from my house after that, and Monika is a doormat if she thinks that he is a good person. I would have a serious talk about self-respect with Monika, and it is up to her what to do. She needs to have a talk.

[@maryharvey6909]

Besides all of the medical eating issues and psychological eating issues that could be going on with the little girl who lost her mother, whatever happened to the basic old-fashioned thing about not cooking things you hate or the family hates? Would grandma make something for herself that she doesn’t like?

[@markedwards3647]

There is no such thing as a competent therapist who will help bully a child into pretending to trust people who betrayed her and are abusing her. This psuedo-therapist needs to have his/her licensing board informed. They are professional abusers.

[@ritalivingston6140]

I have partial duplication of chrosome 10 adhd and I have been told I have depression and anixity, but I have been told that my “mental issues” were diet and excerise related………ugh I am tired of these being undervalued :/!!

[@patty-pat-pat]

Monica telling her mother to let her bf treat the house as if its HIS home, was hysterical. My SIL would know I'd slap him if he pulled anything like that with me.

[@VampireHunter5790]

The story with the disability aide I can speak too. I have diagnosed Anxiety and ADHD, I went to a college and got accomodations. Including 1.5 times the time on tests/exams and having a note taker/being able to record lectures, being sent the teachers notes on occasion, being allowed extentions and so on and so forth. Colleges and Universities have these programs for a reason, if you applied and the college gave you the accomodations use them. In my whole time at University and College I don't think I ever went over the three hour limit for an exam, but KNOWING that I had that extra time calmed my anxiety immensely. Because of my ADHD I physically and mentally am Unable to listen and write at the same time, I get behind and my writing becomes a mess or I lose track of what the lecturer was saying. Just because your so called "friends" don't see how the program is helping you or are unaware of your struggles doesn't give them the right to call you an asshole of using a resource that was offered to you. Your friends are not psychiatrists so they should get off of their damn high horse.

[@damien678]

I'm really gonna pop just thinking about how these programs are put into place to help people be more functional, and the example of success here is going over their bloody heads I'd bet good money OP would become far less functional without those benefits

[@posey1982]

(20) birthday cake eating, before celebration, is the straw that broke the camel's back. You did not disrespect him. He disrespected your home, your family and has repeatedly specifically disrespected the (14) Lily. Kicking him out at that point is minimum. OP do not allow him back into your home.

[@kbf9644]

Also no, it wouldn’t have been “sweet” to try and force her to eat grandmas food first then give her Daddy-made Mommy Meals. It still would have been going against the direction of the child’s parent.

[@lkayh]

The fact that he started right off by requiring OP to agree to not make him clean his room suggests that in prior living situations he’s had a lot of flack over that-should’ve been a clear bright red flag. Agreeing to let him keep his room as he wants is one thing-when the way he DOES NOT keep his room bleeds out to the rest of the house use and affects your ability to live in a clean, sanitary, and non-stinky home, that’s quite another. Also, when someone lives in that kind of filth, there’s usually a mental health issue.

[@alexvasern7177]

My family would never eat cake until the bday person cuts it. We never really talked about any rule, it was just understood. We’ve had a cake sit in the fridge for an entire week uncut with no problem because we were all so busy. And it was one of those really yummy coffee cakes.

[@carolroberts4614]

I wouldn't think anyone in their right mind would touch it before the party!It's just...not done!

[@Khaisz.]

The backpack trip story around 16:00: NTA for not paying because she didn't work for it, but an alternative strategy would be to Pay it, but under the conditions that she repay by working it off. If she complains or slack, take the money, but if she shows being responsible let her keep the money and write off the debt.

[@williethomas6388]

NTA, you don’t need friends like that, dump them.

[@PCLHH]

First Story: did his parents not teach him basic manners?!

[@nimisilverbird1239]

Nta. If someone hoists themselves up to look in my to yard that is peeping. It is the neighbors own fault if they get an eye full of OPs nipples. I think op should call the cops and have the neighbor arrested for trespassing

[@paulineisme]

I am just so annoyed at the story about the uni accepting mental health as disability. The friend was like "oh you're just lazy" all the while being mad that she herself could not take advantage of the perks while not needing them, making her the lazy one. The hypocrisy is palpable. Good for OP for making use of the advantages that were very rightfully given, good for the uni for allowing those who need it to be helped. Bad for the jealous lazy "friend".

[@alfr1]

Your young adult Daughter is dating a VERY Self centered child. When he acts like an adult, you can treat him like one. . . . . You told a young fool your true feelings and she promised to not speak out and walked into the next room with your Mom sitting there and told her everything you said a minute before. . . . . You are the fools that paid for his trip and now she wants one, too. You let him keep his money, so why are you denying her free trip? She didn't get arrested, HE DID.

[@kawaiieconomics6818]

The boyfriend would not only be packing his bags but the daughter as well. It doesn't matter if birthday rules are stupid, not his cake, not his house, GTFO.

[@nimisilverbird1239]

So ppl think but it is okay to punish and dismiss a kid for one indiscretion. But yet fund a trip for the other child that they didn't work for at all. The brother worked for multiple summers to earn the money. The sister didn't. The brother is being rewarded for working for something he wanted. The sister thinks she should just get it without working for it

[@kristinewatson3702]

If the daughter is forced into family therapy with a goal of unifying her with the mom and step dad I'd sit down in the first session and say that is not MY goal and I feel misunderstood and pressured. I'd shift the entire focus and ask the therapist to help me make them understand that I don't need or want that and was content as things were before my sister nuked the situation. That's the conversation that needs to happen with this family. She may not want to be there but that family therapy can be used to her advantage in resolving this.

[@melodygrim471]

I think the mother whose 13 year old granddaughter passed away is concerned that son & DIL are replacing their lost daughter with his 13 year old sister. So I think Mom is smart here.

[@cackleskeletons8308]

Markee, gonna have to disagree with the NAH judgemnet with the landlord. Landlord can evict yes absolutely but that landlord has psychotic behavior by screaming at their tenant

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: NTA, who the hell does this..... I would say you should ban him from the house for the near future. Story 2: NTA, you sister is an ass for telling your mom, your mom is an ass for trying to force feelings and taking you to therapy for something so small. If this therapist is any good he will lay a smack-down (therapeutically) on your mom. Story 3: YTA, so you paid for your sons trip, but won't pay hers, this is clear favoritism (unless there was a massive loss in your finances). Story 4: NTA, you were on your property and behind a privacy fence.

[@Elvenpath]

In my country that landlord story would be illegal. From tenants side the lease is usually a month's notice, landlord has to give 3-6 months depending on how long the person has lived there. Can't just sell the house and say oh you have month to move out. My rent is month to month or till I finish studies and because I have lived here for over a year they can't kick me out for 6 months after I graduate (they only rent to students and it says in my lease that when I'm no longer a student I have the legal 6 months to find another place to live). Even if they sold the new owner would have to give me that same 6 months to get out.

[@maryharvey6909]

Pregnant lady without a bra / Who said that we have to wear bras anyway? Of course I do because that was always the thing and I feel weird without one. But some people are fine without one. But even if I wanted to holler and ask you something through your private fence can’t I do that without climbing up the side of it and looking at you? It sounds like a fake visit anyway because your hedges weren’t trimmed. Did she by any chance think your husband would be in the private deck? I’m only asking because this type of thing happened to me one time when a neighbor started paying a lot more attention to my husband. I just told him to watch out for her because I can’t tolerate that.

[@naruto456431]

I tried out not wear a bra a few days ago cause my boobs have started shrinking due to my weight loss lol 😅 my baggy tshirts hide the fact I wasn't wearing a bra I usually wear a 18 - 20DD sports bra and my boobs sag like I wasn't wearing a bra lol it felt weird but good not wearing a bra idk why we need to wear a bra at all but to have a neighbour peak over your fence and telling you to wear a bra really baffles me like lady your being a nosey busy body who has to police this lady's dress in her own property damn some people are crazy

[@annaglynn2002]

Idk why but the way you read "Free the Nip!" just absolutely sent me 💀💀 24:21

[@gurbythane9132]

The first story, NTA. He's lucky he's still breathing! I'd have beaten him if he messed with my kids' party.

[@beastshawnee]

The real entitlement is to think you own part of the planet at all. LOL.

[@natethegreat3226]

I dont get ppl calling the lady who had an allergy to onions and scallops the ass hole. So she's the ass hole for trying to be nice and be considerate of what her friends want?!? She might have assumed wrong but in her mind, she thought " my friends are gonna bring stuff without onion for me but I know they enjoy it so I'll make this dish with onions so they have some." Probably assuming at least one or 2 of the dishes WONT have onions in them. Yes she assumed wrong but I dont understand how you could call someone an ass hole for being considerate of others....

[@beegee1960]

Sounds to me that they were trying to prove that your allergy is just you being dramatic. They thought that if everything had onions ou would break down and eat something. Thus proving that you were making up the allergy. When you did not eat, they were embarrassed and doubled down.

[@thesentientsword8480]

For the girl whose friend said that she was taking a spot from people with other disabilities; accommodations are not a finite resource. Like you think because op gets extra time on tests someone else who need it doesn’t? 🤦

[@snowflake223]

Been a while since a long one, glad to see you're back on top, cheers! :P

[@paulineisme]

The backpacking story: The daughter is upset she will not be rewarded out of the blue? She heard it said: "because you worked and saved money, we give you extra money" and figured "I never worked but he got cash so I'll get some too", like, why? Did she ever ask? She could have said "hey, that's cool, if I work and save up would you also do that for me?" Why is she entitled to this money? Also the guy who is comparing this to UK schools rewarding good behaviour by bad kids, it's not the same. It's like, if the previously "bad" kid does community work and charity for a few months, then keeps it up throughout school and is shouted out and then the better behaving kids are pissed because they don't get the shout-out.

[@jelijh1375]

Do the commenters not understand that he can eat green, but not red onions? He did bring a dish that he could eat, because it only had green onions in it.

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

I'm American and don't know any languages other than English, but even just dating Spanish men, I would make an effort to learn their language, at least at the bare minimum to understand and speak a few words. I find people getting angry about people speaking other languages but refusing to even try and learn intentionally ignorant. Which to me is worse than just being dumb. ESPECIALLY if you are married to said person and have children with them. I would love for my kids to speak 2 languages. I'm actually very surprised at other's responses seeing as how everyone is usually against the English speaking white male claiming that people need to speak English since we're in America. Did the whole world just turn upside down or something?

[@lilli77]

I know this is a year old but jeah! I was very surprised by the judgement. I get that it can be rude to only speak another language with someone in the room who doesn't understand it but idk I don't feel to bad cause how can you not learn it. They're in you're country and speaking another language everyday, make some effort and learn. And even if someone is in the room they don't have to be included. I also speak with my dad's gf in Spanish sometimes to practice and he doesn't understand anything and doesn't care (he learned Spanish before, but switched to her language cause thats what u do) 🤷

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

@@lilli77 yeah I feel a lot of the time it just comes from people's insecurities that they think you might be talking about them. Either that or they just think they're that important but everyone's always talking about them haha. Even weirder because so many Americans travel to different countries and like expect people to know English or expect places to be accommodating to them because they are American and English speaking but you're not willing to do the same thing for somebody that travels to your country? That's like somebody from China or something coming over here and expecting everybody to only speak Chinese in their presence and get offended when not everybody knows fluent Chinese. California actually it was like that though. I don't speak Spanish and I'm white and it was so freaking hard for me to get a job in California because it's practically a requirement no matter what job you apply for even like a gas station or fast food or something that you know Spanish because there are so many spanish-speaking people. It was pretty crazy to me but at the same time I get it, it's a necessity at this point because there are so many people that speak Spanish and a lot of them don't speak English well or at all and you have to be able to communicate with customers

[@___LC___]

Being on a low FODMAP diet, I would just bring my own food. While I get tired of my endless bowls of oatmeal, sometimes it is necessary to have something I can eat without being sick. Also, people who say “it’s just an intolerance and not a severe allergy”, that’s like saying Crohns is just an intolerance. If you can’t digest FODMAPS, it can lead to major GI issues. Just bring your own food, as FODMAPs are in so very many things.

[@TheLilyMustang]

You can’t force kids to accept anyone in their lives. OP was being very mature that she understood how she felt and wasn’t being nasty to the step siblings. We never forced my step daughter to accept my son and even though my husband has been the main father figure in my son’s life we never did the dad thing because we didn’t want my step daughter to feel invalidate. Her grandmother put in her head that he was replacing her with us(we tell her that is not true & she is number one but it is hard when someone you trust says otherwise). When my husband started thinking of adopting my son(with blessing from bio dad/also for safety bc of unstable relatives) we had a fight which his daughter over heard. She also knew I miss my mom who recently moved out of state. She told her dad she was worried about me taking her little brother away. OMG I cried. My dad cried. When I told my mom she cried. She was always “nice” towards my son and after a while she treated him really well playing with him, bringing him surprise, getting him food he liked, stood up for him when another relative excluded him from an egg hunt at our house, and despite the 16 year age difference she is very close to him. He mentioned the thought of adoption and she was all for it. She pushed for it and helped the whole way and jumped through all the hoops with us. Are her and I close…oh god no. Lots of tension between us previously and now we are okay with each other. I am not in her heart but if I am sick she will ask if I am okay. You can’t force a step kid to love you or their step siblings. If everyone is civil that is winning.

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

That effing creep is way too focused on this little 14-year-old girl and her things. There's something going on there. I can't believe her daughter finds anything attractive about this boy and his attitude whatsoever

[@Jeremiahbullfr0g]

OP 2, NTA I can’t believe the grandmother could be so heartless and tbh abusive for starving her grand kid. Wtf is that. I was a picky eater as a child and sat at the table for HOURS sobbing with a single baked bean in my mouth, didn’t chew or swallow until it was time for bed and my mom let me spit it out. To this day at 26 years old I HATE baked beans and all beans except for green. Age 3/4 I stopped eating meat because of the texture and flavor-at 26 I still don’t eat meat, I’ve tried it multiple times but almost vomit when I begin to chew. Don’t traumatize your children bc it effects them for life into adulthood.

[@kbf9644]

There’s a years age difference between the sisters but one should forgive the other’s betrayal just because she’s younger? Come on! 🙄

[@MeowCowardlyLion]

The Mr. Ballen and Missing 411 references are hilarious

[@nobodynowhere3322]

Food intolerance story: handy hint, Jains don't eat onions or any alliums so some Indian restaurants have items marked on the menu that can be made Jain-friendly. Also some other Hindu sects avoid alliums.

[@bearheart2947]

The story about the Grandmother, lowkey, sounds like they are trying to set up a negligent case against OP.

[@redtankgirl5]

Omg, that neighbour lady has the nerve of a canal horse. Where the heck does she get off thinking she has any place telling Op what she can or cannot wear. In op’s own private space or publicly, braless is not her business or anything she has a right or obligation to speak on. As a matter of fact that neighbours obligation was to keep her pie hole shut. The MIL throwing out the food Op made for daughter and sent with her and causing her to eat nothing but snacks needs to get back in her lane. Op is certainly NTA and is totally in the right to have sister to take over and cut out MIL. What a shameful waste of food and disregard for Op’s parenting choices as well as her granddaughters health as she doesn’t get the nutrition she requires but could have if given her provided meals. Stay in your lane grandma!

[@vinnie6604]

He's a guest in your house. Boyfriend goes into a refrigerator and cuts into a birthday cake. He and 21 year old daughter and was upset when he was yelled at. Yeah kick him out of your house and tell him not to take/eat food or mess with anything without asking. If refuses your rules tell him and daughter that he can not come to your house any more. If/ when daughter protests him being banned, tell her she can get her own place so she can have a boyfriend at her "own house". Nobody should tell a woman to tell a woman in a own house. In public, I've seen Dee throuhg

[@salattu]

On the backpacking trip story: OP is YTA. Only because the reward for working would not have ever reached the daughter in time. They parented the son, but failed the daughter by not making her get work in the summer. Now they are sort of thinking it's her fault she hasn't ever worked. But they never incentivized her or parented her to be hard working. Son in essence got parented well for doing well and now is getting rewards and praise for it. Work is fun, but how should a teen know it really with no experiences of work.

[@suzieLT1]

Fun money? Parents paying for college? Damn. I was born into the wrong family. You know how baby birds are taught how to fly before they leave the nest? Yea, I was shoved out and wished good luck on my way down.

[@___LC___]

Backpacking trip: the parents didn’t withhold financial aid for his legal issues. If they were fair, then he should have had to suffer the consequences of his actions in the first place. He was sheltered from the repercussions of his misbehavior and forwarded money at that time.

[@sequoyasierra5671]

STORY 1. Unless Monica is paying rent this is OP's house and she is a child living in it even if she is an adult. This is OP's call and if she feels she has to let him back in I wouldn't let him back in unless he apologizes and understands that he is a guest. He does not get into the fridge without asking, he is not to bother Lily or any of her stuff. I doubt any of that would work. This guy is a huge jerk and shouldn't be allowed full run of the house. Monica can go live with him elsewhere. BACKPACKING trip. My bigger concern is just who do they think the daughter is going to go backpacking with next year? Alone? By herself? Backpacking around who knows where alone? All the friends are going this year. If this is the last summer after college and before real life starts, how many of them will be able to just throw away any jobs, apartments, cars, etc. to go backpacking again for another summer? Give the girl her trip for graduating. The brother still gets the reward of keeping all the money that he earned but didn't have to spend on the trip. So even if the daughter gets a free trip he got both - the trip and to keep the money. OP YTA for giving golden child a free trip but not bothering to do the same for afterthought daughter..

[@NoLimitValkalis]

Always remember that landlords are making rent money on top of the equity inherent in owning the property. I seriously doubt waiving one month’s rent means they’re losing money. Especially with how much rent is compared to mortgage premiums.

[@TheAssassinLoverYT]

Okay wait. I have a cocktail of mental health disorders and I am MESSY. Like doom piles and month old laundry messy. HOWEVER, my cats have clean litter boxes and I always take out the trash and do the dishes. That's like the bare minimum of being a functional adult. Like in some bad depression bouts I get it, I've been there. But at some point you realize it's a problem and fix it again. That basement room sounds disgusting and the brother is ridiculous

[@ytl9558]

I think the 50 cent op wasn't really in the wrong until they made it a huge deal. The friend is pretty entitled to make a promise then break it.

[@nimisilverbird1239]

Nta. One summer was what the son did to pay back for his illegal activity. If the daughter had asked for a job and was denied it would be one thing. But she didn't. She just expects things handed to her that others worked for. Also let's not forget the brother did earn the money to go and doesnt need the parents money. The sister on the other hand didn't.

[@MagereHein]

WRT the daughter's backpacking trip: this sounds much like the easiest way to get a Nobel Prize when you're political leader of a country. Start or continue a war, do horrible things and make peace; presto, cash your Nobel Peace Prize. It's a shame there's no Ignoble War Prize.

[@lilmissiamsodonehere_2399]

Exactly! The son does not deserve it. He got a job because he was in trouble with the law. He was a trouble maker and she was not. Why should only he get rewarded. Sounds like OP tried to brush the son's criminal record so hard it is clouding their judgement on what they believe to be fair

[@MagereHein]

@@lilmissiamsodonehere_2399 Of course there's ancient jurisprudence for this sort of behaviour with the biblical story of the prodigal son. It doesn't make it any fairer.

[@fiyahquacker2835]

@@lilmissiamsodonehere_2399 the son was also not lazy while his sister was and the op is being entirely fair while the daughter is being rather entitled and presumptuous.

[@lilmissiamsodonehere_2399]

@@fiyahquacker2835 He got a job to pay off his fines. We also have no idea why the son got in trouble with the law in the first place. Like a commentor said, it would have been enough of a reward for him to go on the trip with the money he earned. He didn't deserve another reward on top of that. Especially when the sister got nothing, she was good the entire time and got nothing.

[@lianneashby9550]

Too many adults don't understand children's grief. They seem to believe the children aren't really feeling much. I spent seven years working with kids at a grief support group for children. On average the kids would come to the group for 18 months before feeling they were ready to leave the group. We found that kids often show their grief through play. We would play and have other activities for them we were there to support them as they worked out feelings while being safe. A father willing to learn to cook his wife's recipes is so awesome. Grandma needs to get over herself. Her grandaughter is grieving and will eventually move on. Why doesn't grandma ask op for some of his wife's recipes and let her granddaughter help with the food. Even very young kids can do simple tasks, plus it would give grandma a chance to share stories about her daughter with granddaughter. Op you're awesome. Grandparents need to get a clue.

[@michaeltelson9798]

How about the new home owner? They aren’t even being mentioned in the conservation about the house being sold. New owners are given precedent to move in. If you had a lease it would be broken without recourse.

[@littlegreycat]

Accommodations in school don't take away from other students unless you need a physical person to help you.

[@Sailaway1030]

Daughter has lost her mind if she thinks you should apologize your house your rules He would be banned from my home and if my child didn’t like it well she’s an adult

[@HappyGrims]

I can’t believe he brought up Mr. Ballen and the Missing 411 cases when I literally alternate watching Markee’s videos and Mr. Ballen’s videos 😭 especially 411

[@quirkyprincess77]

Where I live is the landlord wants to end a month to month tenancy they must give 90 days notice as realistically 30 days is just not enough time to look for a new home. pack, clean and live your day to day life

[@Khaisz.]

1:35:20 I'm surprised over all the YTA and ESA this story is getting, awhile ago (not sure if before or after this story though, since I guess this 2 hour long is a compilation of older stories?) there was an AITA from a dad's perspective where the daughter wanted to speak Welsh and he called it a dead language and silly when English is a universal language that will help her more in life. Reddit effing ripped him a new one for not even attempting to learn Welsh before complaining over feeling left out. So either the people off AITA is just overall negative to everything or they hate Germany. Smh.

[@nitemare1004]

cake story: i would have made him, and ONLY him, eat the cake at the table, while everyone else watched. he cannot share or take home, he needs to eat the cake right then and there. "he said he was hungry, so he gets the WHOLE CAKE" then ban him from the house and have daughter live with him, and see how long it take her to crack.

[@georgecharles941]

the story where the son works for the money to go backpacking and his sister wants the parents money for the same thing. Since most of the commenters can't think straight, I suggest that the parents withdraw the offer from the son and let the daughter 'stew in her own broth'...the son will go anyway...he worked and saved for the trip, and the daughter didn't. See? Problem fixed!

[@cynicalminion]

i'd actually be more inclined to go the other way. they're paying instead of what he worked to save up, so they can offer to pay for the daughter, on the condition that she works and saves when she gets back. in the end, the parents have done the same thing for both of their kids, with the result that they head to college with the cost of the backpacking trip in the bank for when they need it later. (and be honest, we all know they're GOING TO)

[@brenkrasmer]

I have had friends with intolerances before. None severe, but still harmful to health. Red meat, seafood, even one who claimed to peppers. I never tested those boundaries, so I don't know for sure. Point is, on a few occasions one friend would get flak from someone for "just being picky". I'd take it upon myself to defend, by reversing the discussion. "Keep pressing this issue, I'll punch your jaw. It won't kill you. Hell, you can work around the bruise, so it's not that big a deal. Hell it's not even my responsibility to make sure nobody socks you in the jaw. I don't know why you're making such a big deal over a bit of suffering." Basically turning the tables with their own words, with a (fairly clearly facecious) threat of bodily harm.

[@alexiswilcox3253]

A 14 y/o didn’t get tucked in by his older brother??? Why is that what I took from that story

[@northeastoperations]

Pitty party pooper lol

[@phillipsanchez4192]

What ths hell is wrong with the grandmother? Her son-in-law is honouring her deceased daughter by cooking the food that she used to make for her granddaughter while she was alive. Instead of cherishing this beautiful gesture on his part, she throws the food in the bin secretly after he drops her off for a visit. Not only are you right to keep your daughter away from this toxic woman, your reaction is Reasonable with a capital R. The grandmother has unresolved issues of grief I imagine that need therapy before she is allowed anywhere near your daughter again. That would be my clear message to her and the grandfather at this point.

[@vetaroberts3333]

She doesn’t want to work. She thinks she is owed this money.

[@vetaroberts3333]

She enjoyed the free money and wants more

[@vetaroberts3333]

She didn’t want to work at all

[@nimisilverbird1239]

If the landlord had waited until winter OP would be on here talking about the mean landlord that expects them to find a new place during winter and with christmas and holidays.

[@willgroody5296]

I’m on Low FODMAP diet and it’s a nightmare I can’t eat: Gluten, wheat Lactose and eggs Onions, garlic Most fruits and vegetables it’s a nightmare to sort out

[@littlegreycat]

20:33 my belief on the backpacking trip is that the parents should have made the same deal to the daughter so she'd make a conscious decision. And they got the brother the job and she had to go get her own job.

[@kristown8170]

1st OP isn't the AH. I don't feel a familial bond with my youngest sister due to age gap and the fact she crys a lot for a 15 year old. My parents don't try to force but will always be like, "your sister this" "your sister that".

[@LmaoMoni]

I jumped when you said “Monica 21” im like wait what

[@aikikaname6508]

Water bottle story: OP can want the money back, but he falls into AH territory for instead of saying ‘hey, that’s 50c’, he says nothing but goes and complains about it to his friend and makes it a thing.

[@lunahix4815]

The funny thing is, there was a story almost identical to this one. Only it was a married man, his wife, his BIL and BIL friend. The BIL's friend and the BIL took almost HALF OF THE OP'S WIFE'S BIRTHDAY CAKE and the OP kicked them out.

[@bforman1300]

Wow! Very impressed with 14yo's mature response!

[@selmagamsby9190]

The filthy brother. Those poor cats. Please get those cats to a rescue. He is not taking proper care of them. Your brother is abusive to the cats by keeping them in such horrible conditions. And abusive to your family for the filth he is subjecting you all to, in your home.

[@singingwordwright148]

Bottle of water story: Pregnancy Brain IS actually a real thing. It's entirely possible the lady just forgot. Some people blame hormones (they're such an easy out) but largely it's probably a lack of sleep. Even before the pregnant person gets so large they are too physically uncomfortable to sleep, the fetus begins dancing the macarena on their bladder, sometimes even by the end of the first trimester. By the time I was 5 months along, I was waking every 45 minutes to use the restroom. A typical sleep cycle is around 90 minutes, fyi, which means I was getting exactly ZERO uninterrupted sleep cycles. FOR MONTHS. And the causal connection between sleep deprivation and absent-mindedness/forgetfulness is well established scientifically. So, yeah, it's not worth making an issue of 50 cents. It's entirely possible she meant to pay and by the time he got back, forgot that she hadn't. Or remembered she didn't have any loose change. Or whatever. Edit: LOL, I should have waited for the comments before making this comment.

[@HackiePuffs]

Love these hour long comps!!!

[@Shenn3165]

And there it is, it’s not fair for me! Lol

[@nimisilverbird1239]

Nta. Who is so entitled they eat someone else's cake?

[@kbf9644]

Gods I respect people that know they shouldn’t and/or don’t want to have kids and stick to it. There is INSANE pressure to do otherwise and when people cave the results are usually disastrous and harmful to everyone involved. Especially the child that didn’t ask for any of it.

[@Shangori]

37:00 VEHEMENTLY disagree with you, Markee. I have an eating disorder and this pandemic has done a number on me. Know what got me out? DOING something about it. Basically exactly what she pushes for. That's a good thing. No, I do not see this as toxic positivity. The option is there, the results are obvious: do it. I'm still a good few kg away from my goal. Heck, I don't think I will be done in a year or two. But I do realize that DOING something instead of WHINING is the key of getting there. No, it's not well and good to not do shit and just whine about things. Either accept your situation or do something about it. Those are the options. If they are moving towards an eating disorder: get help. If not and they want to change, move towards what will change things. As she said, it doesnt need to be doing something with them, it doesnt mean changing their entire lives, step by step is certainly possible. But those steps need to be taken if you want things to become better than they are. Take that from someone who has been through therapy for this. Wallowing in misery only creates more misery.