Real Time with Bill Maher: New Rules - October 9, 2015 (HBO)

[@lilaalexinglis1436]

I'm a professional photographer and the point Bill made tonight I have been making for the last 10 years. Thank you

[@breakaleg10]

+KT Chong I do that too!

[@Elround4]

+Lila Alex Inglis Humans do work best through specialization, as do our tools.

[@arrinjacob2088]

+KT Chong I thought that was people who worked for MTV BET, Google, Facebook, Twitter, KZbin, and Wallstreet?.. Which reminds me, I should probably check my phone for the latest update on one of these entities aforementioned..:P

[@aurelienani204]

+Lila Alex Inglis there's no such thing as professional photographer, everyone is a photographer now

[@FungusMossGnosis]

+Aurelie Nani You just contradicted yourself. "Everyone is a photographer" does not mean everyone is a professional. Quite the opposite. There's still and place and need in the world for those who take their work seriously, not casual amateurs who are multitasking and not really engaged in anything.

[@bertfalasco1436]

Christie fighting a rat for a slice of pizza had me rolling.

[@pseudonayme7717]

+bert falasco Me too. He will cut the rats welfare so it is not strong enough to fight him. He will jail all the rats for smoking cannabis and make sure they cant buy pizza with their rat food stamps.Fcuk you Christie! :)

[@jdgrahamo]

+bert falasco Me too, and I don't even know who he is.

[@bertfalasco1436]

+Gammel Prutte He is the governor of NJ and a Presendtial candidate who's weight makes him fighting a rat for pizza seem plausible.

[@saar144]

+bert falasco me too. i think i woke my roommate from laughing so hard.

[@bertfalasco1436]

+P Rise You're dictating what is funny and what isn't? What you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your incoherent rambling were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this Wall is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul. You stupid bitch.

[@johnnylamaa2569]

"Chris Christie fighting a rat for a pizza".Fucking platinum.

[@user-mz1kt6iz4e]

Yeah, we actually heard him say that one too.

[@artofmusic303]

Bill still has it! Still going strong.

[@01denese]

+Robert Wilks Just wait til the 2016 election really gets going.

[@nathanracher2911]

+Robert Wilks yes he still does but I feel like he isn't giving us religious people the same schtick like we're used to. And this is coming from a religious observant born again Jew, in Israel.

[@cassidy99ful]

+01denese Hillary,Bernie or Trump will be our next President. Shoot me Now.

[@crazyaf12]

This guy makes me laugh so hard, my sides hurt. I love Bill Maher!

[@somebody3143]

"For God's sake kids, Never Turn your back on a priest!!" Best advice yet.

[@user-mz1kt6iz4e]

Yeah, we actually heard him say it.

[@Jantango]

Bill Maher is so right about people today not living in the present moment. They miss life while they're hypnotized by their cellphones and all the so-called important things that distract them. That's why I refuse to carry a cellphone or use social media. The present moment is important, and I don't want to miss it. Thanks, Bill, for saying what no one has said, but what so many needed to hear...that is, if they were paying attention.

[@ATLKing404]

+Jantango Just because they aren't living the moment the way you do does not mean they are not enjoying life. I have a cell phone and I am enjoying life just fine.

[@Serai3]

+Jantango I'm with you. I've never had one of those nasty little things - even back when they actually were PHONES - and I never will. And Twitter, FB, etc., and go jump in the lake. No WAY will I ever use any of those nasty sites.

[@Siddios]

Having a phone with you in case of an emergency actually isn't that bad of an idea you know...

[@Serai3]

Siddios Nobody is talking about emergencies here, so your comment is irrelevant. We're talking about ASSHATS who can't seem to look at anything unless it's filtered through their stupid toys.

[@Siddios]

Serai3 "I refuse to carry a cellphone" I was talking about that part, so no it was not irrelevant.

[@krokodyl1927]

Wise advice to young boys from Bill Maher - never turn your back towards a priest. 😆

[@AbnormalWrench]

I checked my phone 6 times while watching this.

[@onesandzeroes]

I actually watched this on my phone

[@onesandzeroes]

+FungusMossGnosis I probably would have, if I ate pizza

[@TaylorJessicahArts]

My phone is only present when no-one else is. I leave it on a table in my apt and when I am out and about it stays in my purse. When I am at a special event or on a date or hanging with friends the ringer is silenced. If an emergency happens it happens. I am not a doctor or a police officer or fireman.

[@oenrn]

+jessicah exhibits I'm a doctor and even I don't have the phone beside me 24/7 when I'm off work. If there's an emergency call 911, that's what they're there for.

[@thaddeust.thirdiii736]

I need to do what you do. I hate how this thing is taking over my life

[@deed468]

I feel the same way. It's funny how startled people can be if you ignore an incoming call or text because you are talking with them.

[@RebelThoughts82]

Cell phone cameras might just be the worst invention ever made by humanity!

[@Maxire]

+RebelThoughts82 Only because most of them are garbage and they entitle people to think they need to capture every moment instead of living it. The convenience of cameraphones was an amazing thing until it started being abused.

[@Elround4]

+RebelThoughts82 Then your knowledge of the history of technology and engineering is sorely lacking.

[@pseudonayme7717]

+RebelThoughts82 Nope. Leaded fuel and CFC's. Both a whole lot worse than our cameraphones. :D

[@marcopolott]

+RebelThoughts82 not with what's currently going on with cops in america

[@avuncularmayonnaise2868]

I was gonna say nukes, but okay

[@Hephaestion96]

Good, this is how the 'New Rules' segment ought to be from now on.

[@aronblanche]

👍

[@Serai3]

+GETAFE LEÓN It's the only consistently watchable part of the show, for my money.

[@sstan1337]

The Phone bit was spot on! Very funny. Oh Bill Maher, you amuse me!!

[@grc70]

One time, I was having breakfast with some co-workers, we all put our phones in the center of the table, first one to touch their phone during the meal paid for everybody's meal. More should do this.

[@Heathcoatman]

Next time, leave it in the car. Unless you think the movie Pulp Fiction is going to break out and you'll be the only one who can call the police. Then make sure you have it. When people get 20 yards away from their phone, they start having panic attacks. What have I missed, it's been ten whole minutes!

[@shanedaniel8954]

I lol’d so hard when he said to the squirrel “your nuts are safer than Caitlyn Jenner’s”

[@tatuloa]

😎🤣😃

[@sanzuriver2959]

There are two types of people when it comes to technology: 1. Those who use it when there is a need. 2. Those who use it because it's there. The whole mobile device addiction falls into the latter, and not in a good way. Some tinker with technology for fun, and possess knowledge about how it works under the surface. Most cellphone addicts don't know a damn thing about software or hardware, not even the very basics that people should be able to pick up just by living.

[@wileyschmitt]

If you ride a bike at all you start to notice that 'way' too many people are doing shit on their phone while driving, and when there's a red light they all reach for them at the same time, it's like they can't stand being alone with their own thoughts. Personally I can't stand phones, if mine didn't have my music on it I would forget it much more often. The times in the past decade or so when I didn't have a phone were perfectly fine, better in many ways, but you have to deal with people always complaining to you "I have no way to get a hold of you." We depend on this obsession too much.

[@far2ez539]

Why is "having to deal with people complaining" a problem? Whenever someone says they can't get ahold of me, I tell them to send me an email. That's by design. You don't need to get ahold of me. If it's an emergency, call 911.

[@hoytarchery5302]

Haha I my checks hurt from smileing

[@niallmcglashan]

+Brandon Powell Is moving cheeks and lips that expensive where you live?

[@KenFrazer_IPS]

+Niall McGlashan It cost money to laugh that hard!

[@AnnoyingMoose]

*cheeks *smiling

[@carmelogiuseppe3805]

by far the best new rules

[@nikosvault]

Look up social currency and it's easy to understand these clowns. Nothing in their life is important unless it can used to impress their "network".

[@TerryMasri]

I LOVE this man! The best since George Carlin!

[@sh3llz2]

Classic. "Everywhere you go now, there some dick, some yo-yo, some putz, with a camcorder. And he gonna tape, EVERYTHING!"

[@purplewine7362]

He has his writing team

[@BennyOcean]

I was eating lunch in a diner by the beach a couple days ago and there was a group sitting next to me that was three adults and three kids. In total there were five electronic devices on the table, three phones and two tablets. The last kid was around 7 years old and I don't remember what he was doing but everyone else was preoccupied with their gadgets. This is not how humans should be interacting. Pause for a moment and give time to one another. The internet will be there when you need to go back to it.

[@durangobrando]

+BennyOcean Too bad one of the kids didn't upset a pitcher of water onto the table. I wait tables, and I see that shit all too often. Sad.

[@FuchsiaFire444]

The next thing on corporate agenda will be a large facial screen plastic surgery implant.

[@Serai3]

+BennyOcean Lazy parents modeling lazy behavior to kids that will turn out just as lazy. It's the Circle of Life!

[@deed468]

I saw a guy recently with his little boy at the playground. The child was playing on the equipment whilst Dad focused totally on his phone. At the time. my brother hadn't seen HIS little boy in months, due to a custody battle, and would've given the world to be able to spend any time at all with his son. I wanted to tell the guy to put the phone away and appreciate the moment, but of course I didn't.

[@Dilkingt0nne]

Probably trying to ignore the weird beardy dude staring at them

[@johndavila9190]

Drives me crazy watching games on tv and seeing people sitting in $3000 seats texting while the game is going on!

[@ATLKing404]

+John Davila I am a raider fan, sometimes it is the most entertaining thing going on at the game because it sure ain't the team

[@darwinjr2159]

"Never turn your back on a Priest." Great line.

[@homeycdawg]

I've been bitching about this for years. Put that damn phone away when you're interacting with people.

[@AbnormalWrench]

+homeycdawg You bitched about it before it became cool to bitch about it.

[@ATLKing404]

+homeycdawg You do realize that whle they are on the phone they are interacting with people as well, they just aren't there.

[@homeycdawg]

Charles Hamilton I obviously meant put the phone away when you're interacting with people face to face.

[@tremedar]

+homeycdawg Did you know, it's possible to do more than one thing at a time? I swear it's the truth!

[@brawl2063]

Oh my god. That last joke was the best.

[@Wawasawhe]

you nailed this Bill!

[@mikey22791]

I couldn't agree more with Bill, live in the moment put the f@#cking phones down!

[@oliverantony19]

I am home watching bill Maher all day, real time.

[@GokuFievel32]

I don't always agree with Bill Maher politically but when he criticizes my generation I whole heart agree with him. I PUT MY PHONE AWAY when I'm at work, when I'm at dinner, when I'm TALKING TO SOMEONE, others DO NOT and it's really rude. You should also watch his "Generation Ass" New Rules comments.

[@twstf8905]

squirrels 🤣

[@Stratahoovius]

Bill Maher has some damn funny writers!

[@44032]

I like including the editorial with the "New Rules" clip. it's really an extension of that segment.

[@petersmythe6484]

Chris Christie fighting a rat for a piece of pizza is why I clicked like.

[@holdindown8935]

New rule, the people who disliked this video must admit that they're part of the ten percent of people who look at their phone during sex.

[@xfwmammdx]

No service... how the f**k I´m supposed to come now??? ♥Bill Maher and ♥New Rules

[@Primalxbeast]

I miss the 80's. We got by just fine without cell phones. And in the 90's, anyone seen with their brick phones was considered a pretentious ass, just using it in public to show off that they could afford one.

[@anxietyatwheel8512]

Primalxbeast , so true! My thoughts exactly!!😁

[@nickbarcheck1019]

Bill Maher is a brilliant man.

[@tostoday]

The device joke was classic.

[@northernlight1000]

100% right about the phones, as a Gen Z, it makes me pretty damn upset people don't realize that they're not really even living anymore, it's okay to take a picture or two (btw You can use an actual digital camera for that) but it's gotten to the point where people don't actually live in the moment just like Bill said, Put the Damn Phones Down!

[@Heathcoatman]

They dont care about the photo. They care about what the photo can do for them. Being in the same room as the pope? Who cares. Showing that I'm so much more important and living a better life than my followers because I'm in the same room as the pope? That's the real benefit. Concert? yeah....ok.....cool. Showing off to my social media friends that I was at a concert and they werent? Priceless.

[@tyneedancer24]

Brilliant fucking writing team- THIS is one of my Top Ten...Thank-you!

[@7Kris07]

Never turn your back on a priest. ROFL.

[@loungejay8555]

1:38 what was that Mr Bean attack for? seemed a bit needless.

[@RIXRADvidz]

Tolkien saw it, he created the catch phrase for it. ....''my precious''. all of you phone clones are exactly that. always scrambling for ''my precious'' never letting it out of your hand or your sight. it's all very entertaining. the Angst you feel in phone separation is so very Deep and Sweet, thank you for that.

[@Abraxas1177]

Bill, you are the man!!!!!

[@ender003]

As someone without a cellphone, I totally agree with this. Louis CK has also said a lot of similar things about phones.

[@primolander]

You're 100% correct.

[@KanishQQuotes]

This is probably the best

[@interstellarinc]

one of your best 'new rules'!!

[@marilyn48ful]

funny New Rules, Bill. You still have it!

[@Serai3]

Now and then, Bill hits one out of the park. Usually when his writers do it for him, but still...this is fucking GREAT.

[@nathandeloach9804]

That 10% of people who look at their phone is teenagers checking to see that their parents aren’t coming in the door on life360😂

[@BLTspace]

I use twitter and only really check like once a day for a quick "catch up" on shit. I can't imagine keeping up with FB or IG or whatever else there is... I just don't care enough.

[@guilemaigre14]

The worst is when you go to a concert, most peoples live the show through their phones. Execept for metal concerts, there is usually very little of that.

[@frankov_83]

that's because us metal listeners (usually) have higher IQs :P

[@guilemaigre14]

+Franco Villamil i really thought it was just because it was hard to film anything from a moshpit :p

[@frankov_83]

Well if you have any kind of connection or appreciation for your phone you would not use it in the middle of the pit xD

[@TheLuw1997]

I go to hip hop concerts and with most artists that doesn't happen. only with the huge ones like Kendrick Lamar do people whip their phone out for a picture.

[@sealogic4552]

\m/ May Metal never die!

[@funpheonix9752]

I'm 18 and I agree that people use their electronics too often, to be honest. I mean, I listen to music all the time, but I still look around and allow myself to experience the world.

[@mjallen1308]

I agree. I don't see a problem with a selfie once in a while. I like to take an occasional selfie and I like to take pictures in precarious positions - my friends and I will often hike and find spots to take photos in but some people (including my friends) go WAY overboard. When I first got my smartphone I was taking pictures left and right but now, I prefer to just live in the moment just like we used to do back pre-2000s.

[@largehoman]

I get so caught up in my phone I check it while I am playing Skyrim wandering around.

[@DAROD0]

TRUTH!!!!!!!!

[@WilliamCramptonTheFactory]

That's no squirrel! That's John Lydon!

[@KingAlanI]

The extended phone segment sounds like Bill Maher being a cranky old guy, which happens from time to time

[@packr72]

Totally agree about the phone bit. Unfortunately to fit in in our fucked up society, then smart phones and social media are a must. I hate social media, but I hate being alone more.

[@packr72]

ajs1031 Okay cool. You can still own a regular flip phone though. Emergencies happen.

[@Serai3]

+packr72 I've never had a cell phone or been on social media. Oddly enough, I don't feel alone. You know why? I GO OUT AND MEET PEOPLE. Really, they're all over the place. You can't miss 'em - walking, shopping, eating. They're everywhere. Why you think you need a gadget to track them down is a mystery to me.

[@frostythechimneysweep4144]

+Serai3 Internet forums are also social media. I'm guessing you ment social networks. Big distinction when it comes to how people use them. Also with social media/networks you do not necessarily only communicate with people in your neighbourhood (if you define "neighbourhood" as the people you physically regularly meet and converse with). It tends to widen your horizon, if you are willing. Which you seem to be.

[@prom25sep]

Nothing can beat the New Rules segment.

[@eduardo-gomes]

This is the best bit!

[@hydernoori146]

never disappoints :)

[@01denese]

It happens at work too. People staring into their phones instead of concentrating on their job.

[@celts3760]

SPOT ON!

[@bannor99]

Chris Christie voted this down once for every slice of pizza he ate today.

[@Gameboyreaper]

Omg this was so funny especially the sex texting part

[@doutorgori327]

I just love the Biil Cosby jokes.

[@sandmanfloorrefinishers9919]

Watching in 2020, probably one of the funniest bit's I've seen

[@NavyVetGamer]

I watched this while mindlessly stating at my phone!

[@richardtattershall3745]

This one is a Maher classic! Best ever or, hopefully, so far!

[@Anju876]

7+ minutes of new rules.....yessss

[@matchlessmoviesinfo]

Bill's the best

[@MediaJunkey]

I still love Mr. Bean! Like for Mr. Bean!

[@ravishingravi]

Absolutely loved the segment on people's obsession with phones. It really explains how our behaviour is so close to that of Apes. In an way, disapproves evolution. Phones are getting smarter.Can't say the same forpeople

[@TheHigherVoltage]

+ravishingravi No, it pretty much proves evolution true.

[@richardrodriguez9151]

+ravishingravi It might not steal your soul, but it sure can steal your brain.

[@BigRalphSmith]

+ravishingravi Please learn what evolution actually is. Evolution is not defined as "people getting smarter" or "better". Evolution is not a ladder to "climb" and it has no "goal". Let's keep in mind that 99% of all the species that have ever lived on this planet evolved right in to extinction. I'd say this is just another indication that evolution is supported yet again.

[@ravishingravi]

I think people have done some reading in an intended pun comment.

[@BigRalphSmith]

ravishingravi Hard to tell in just text without any indication of the tone in which it's delivered but, even if I had known that you weren't expressing your real opinion, I'd still have made my point in a reply because I wasn't speaking to just you.

[@TheUltimateRare]

Good point. Selfies are stupid.

[@Jwst-e4e]

This guy is awesome !!!!

[@letsgosean]

Brilliant!

[@jaylen8822]

I'm from New York Cit and people do this religiously. And there're so smug about it too. Ignore the real world happening around you while spending your time in VIRTUAL REALITY lol... Some culture.

[@Mgilsy]

Best 'new rules' segment in a while

[@Truth-of-the-matter]

You pretty much have two options: live in the moment and remember the memory or take a photo to remind yourself later on of that memory. I think that pictures are necessary when you are doing something significant or seeing something new but there is an obsession with taking a photo of everything. When you have to take a pic of every meal you eat, every place you go, every person your with then your not in the moment. Unfortunately people have to make others feel like their lives are more important by snapping countless numbers of photos. Everyone these days is a photographer; get over yourself I don't care to see the thousands of useless photos you have on your phone or Instagram account.

[@KrimsonVagus]

Well, joke's on me. I watched this episode on my cell phone during a tour bus ride through Washington DC. Hah! Take that society

[@st.jimmy0244]

Recorded in 2015, true as ever in 2020

[@guardian08527]

1:16 Squirrel: (Dave Chappel Voice) I wan't some crack!!!

[@arthurriley3106]

How do they not get confused when shopping? "Mom? Mom? Oh! Excuse me.

[@kotenoklelu3471]

I will show the way to the darkness and pain (25 December). It's about to get legendary.

[@nonsoinbills]

Best ever!!!!!!

[@GlobalTee]

brilliant!!!

[@wintercaptain]

((Anyone have a source for that image at 0:27?))

[@Ineddiblehulk]

Is that Rob Thomas? He's looking GOOD!

[@wweartmaker29]

Hey!Nobody talks about Mr.Bean like that!Nobody!

[@willromerocomedy]

im sure Chris Christie would laugh at his own joke

[@patriciadobson2490]

"I Just know it's true*- great addition to the spiel!

[@EmylinJeen]

Amen

[@Amoney1109]

who do this for wanting up a picture of a bull about to gore his ass 😂😂😂😂😂

[@foreignhour2388]

Meanwhile I'm watching this on my phone 😂

[@wildcard8924]

4:53 ohhhh snap!

[@mortyjames5897]

audio is a bit off on this one.

[@trueliberalreality5103]

"Never turn your back on a priest"!