Diogenes, the Publicly-Defecating Philosopher

[@justaguycalledjosh]

"Diogenes, what are your reccomendations on the best kind of wine?" "Somebody else's"

[@My6119]

Underrated comment lol

[@hinicetomeetya5582]

“Joseph Joestar’s blood”

[@chaircrusaders1257]

@@hinicetomeetya5582 FINALLY, THE COMMENT I WAS LOOKING FOR

[@workhardism]

He answer: "I hate everything". Get it, thats a wine (whine).

[@kishascape]

Huh, maybe I need to start documenting the rantings of modern day crazy homeless people. I mean we have photography and video now. Who knows maybe people will end up considering them philosophers too.

[@NetVoyagerOne]

Alexander found the philosopher looking attentively at a pile of human bones. Diogenes explained, "I am searching for the bones of your father but cannot distinguish them from those of a slave."

[@funnylittlecreature]

man that's just like what joe said the other day

[@lettuce7273]

@@funnylittlecreature who's joe

[@fall-from-grace1008]

@@lettuce7273 JOE MAMA

[@lettuce7273]

Fall-From-Grace ya got me

[@lettuce7273]

Pluto the Forgotten one I think my friend Juan woulda gotten it tbh

[@CSLucasEpic]

Another Alexander - Diogenes story is this. Diogenes asked Alexander what he was going to do with that big army of his, to which Alexander replied that he was going to conquer the world. So Diogenes then asked, "What will you do after you have conquered the world?" and Alexander replied "I will rest and enjoy my time." To that Diogenes replied "Well, look at me, I am resting and enjoying my time, and I didn't need to conquer the world to do it."

[@mrtrollnator123]

Bro violated the most dangerous man in the world 💀

[@joshuapena4684]

So many quotes I've never heard

[@hasanmuttaqin464]

This wasn't diogenes

[@WxnderXfU]

That’s the lamest quote from Diogenes I have ever heard jesus christ

[@Butter_Warrior99]

I don’t care if this is made up by an ai, Blud would say this.

[@danielvictor3262]

My favorite anecdote of him was when some demagogue tried to debate him saying that "motion" did not actually exist, he just stood up and walked away lmao

[@jellyfish0311]

I wish I remembered his name. Funniest response to that guy imo.

[@madelinesydney92]

@@jellyfish0311 his name was Zeno :3

[@jellyfish0311]

@@madelinesydney92 thank you :)

[@mewmew8932]

@@madelinesydney92 wasn't he the OG non-believer of motion

[@gregoryhayes7569]

@@mewmew8932 Parmenides was "the OG non-believer of motion". Zeno was a follower of Parmenides known for trying to actually prove that motion was impossible.

[@darknesshas1]

Diogenes clowned on Plato so hard we still talk about it thousands out years later

[@muchwithamouthdogepool255]

What? He really did unfeathered a chicken?

[@denisveliu973]

@@muchwithamouthdogepool255 yes he did and plato had to change his term of a human.

[@Benxall]

@@muchwithamouthdogepool255 fuker walked in, said "behold! A man!" And left. Absolute fucking legend

[@ardademir1661]

@@muchwithamouthdogepool255 you thought this video was fake?

[@kartoffelwillipeter3067]

*ancient greek hobo makes a fool out of reknown philosopher * _people thousands of years later:_ lmao gottem

[@TheKarp]

There was also the one about the Archer that kept missing his target in the archery range. Diogenes then sat next to the target saying "this is the safest spot".

[@xavi.cat.4095]

Uh... For that to make sense, shouldn't he be in front of the target? Since, you know, it's the target that's he's missing? If he misses the target, which he will, and the arrow goes to the side he's on, the world would lose its first living meme.

[@TheKarp]

@@xavi.cat.4095 my bad, misworded. By beside I meant in front of the target

[@JC-vp7pd]

@@TheKarpThen edit and fix your comment 😐

[@gabrielreda]

@I kissed your dad You should your name

[@Tarzan118]

Gabriel Reda you should edit my fat fucking nuts

[@N0TYALC]

“I pissed on the man who called me a dog. Why was he so surprised?” -Diogenes

[@ZOCCOK]

@@omidhassani4988 damn, that was not a burn, it was the entire sun

[@dixienormus5868]

Well he was lucky the man was not asian sorry force of habit

[@expanddong3102]

@@dixienormus5868 I'm an Asian and you know what? I'm not even mad

[@DivideBy0705]

@@omidhassani4988 damnnnn what a comment stealer you are cuz i can clearly see that exact comment over This one

[@omidhassani4988]

@@DivideBy0705 it’s literally something he said. I’m just telling some more stories of Diogenes

[@mcalkis5771]

There was a time when he witnessed an archer who was trying to hit a target but kept failing. Diogenes proceeded to stand in front of the target, declaring: " This is the safest spot."

[@SertWasAName]

So he basically insulted someone’s aim thousands of years before gaming

[@owliestowlyowl6037]

@@SertWasAName I think he meant "Stop trying so hard lol"

[@Flesh_Wizard]

@@SertWasAName "lol git güd noob" - Diogenes of Sinope

[@LeviForWaifu]

The absolute savagery

[@siliconhawk]

call a ambulance but not for me

[@andrewcleary9952]

I don't think you quite managed to capture the pure HYPE of Diogenese kicking down the door of a lecture theatre, holding a plucked chicken above his head, screaming *"BEHOLD A MAN!"*

[@iacopoguidi7871]

"Behold Plato's man!"

[@greekfreak0482]

Please explain

[@janaterbio8010]

Yes

[@prototype6706]

@@greekfreak0482 Plato said man is a "featherless biped" so Dio the Mano kicked his door in flaunting a, well, featherless chicken. *PLATO'S MAN, BEHOLD*

[@user-ni3rz7go9k]

Diogenes an intellectual and rarely a gentle type but 100% MAN.

[@captainjules6033]

Fun fact, after that whole “blocking the sun” line, Alexander, unfazed, said “if I was not Alexander, I would want to be Diogenes” to which Diogenes responded “if I was not Diogenes, I would still want to be Diogenes.” The madman.

[@sonicboomers122]

This is the definition of King Shit.

[@ostangvulkahn1875]

Fucking legend

[@shannonsmith8115]

Fuckin rebel

[@skeya6790]

Self-love

[@4plus4equalsmoo]

if i was you, i'd wanna be me too

[@equidistanthoneyjoy7600]

Man, shame you didn't mention the part about him walking around with a lantern during the day and shining it in peoples faces saying that he was 'looking for an honest man'.

[@TheKhopesh]

Yeah, that is a good one. I like how he was actually taken as a slave, and while standing in line to be sold he pointed at one of the potential slave buyers and declared something like "You look like you need a man to run your life for you"... and the guy immediately bought him. Diogenes then spent a few years running the man's household. Everything from the finances to cleaning.

[@DLBBALL]

@@TheKhopesh "a years"?

[@TheKhopesh]

@@DLBBALL Woops, a few years.

[@MrAwesomeLuisreal]

@@TheKhopesh did he also run the man's wife?

[@robotmaster4515]

@@MrAwesomeLuisreal Of course when he wasn't looking.

[@ordinaryextraordinary9484]

The whole, “Behold! Plato’s Man!” moment is so much funnier when you realise that Diogenes was a malnourished homeless man and Plato was an Olympic Wrestling Champion. Just some skin-and-bones guy throws a limp featherless chicken down in front of one of the most famous celebrities of his time and basically shouts, “FUCK YOU” in front of all his fans. I love it.

[@sideways5153]

I love the detail that Plato’s response to all that was so weak he just picked some other feature which could also just be ripped from or added to a chicken carcass

[@joshc5613]

like some homeless dude interrupting Dwayne Johnson during an interview 💀

[@knowahnosenothing4862]

If only he was alive to see these threads.

[@muhamadsyukribinhairuddin2028]

i have saw some post that claim that there is an occurence where Plato trying to win an argument with someone just by flexing his bicep funny he never try that with Diogenes

[@Sarah12471]

​@@muhamadsyukribinhairuddin2028 i mean plato could definitely do an arm wrestle and win

[@stardragon7893]

Diogenes was one of the first madlads. I feel like the only reason he wasn't kicked out is because everyone was both disgusted and impressed.

[@labrynianrebel]

He was exiled from his home town

[@EEEEEEEE]

‎E‎

[@Lianthrelle]

​@@labrynianrebel and he made it everyone else's problem

[@dimsum3329]

​@yeffaros8419 when he got banished, and he said "and I force you all to stay here"

[@RotaAbyssian]

The best thing about Diogenes' death is that he used it as a final lesson. When people protested about throwing his dead body to the forest, diogenes replied "Fine, then strap a sword or stick in my hand so I may fight them off." when people then replied with the obvious fact that he wouldn't be alive nor conscious to fend them off, he fired back "then I suppose I won't conscious enough to CARE what happens to me, will I?"

[@diretnandomnan6060]

😂😂 fucking cynic

[@elliotwright6823]

shrek DSMN IT SPOILERS I DIDNT WANT TO KNOWMIF HE DIED

[@elliotwright6823]

Oh I forgot I have go d autocorrected to shrek

[@cheems2739]

Perfect Events me too 😂

[@zejdland]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/pni9i5WiYpmWf7M

[@jmr2343]

Don’t forget when Alexander the Great asked Diogenes why he was digging through a pile of bones, and Diogenes said, “I was looking for your father, but I can’t dispute his bones with that of a slave.”

[@cyberdiver7076]

Damn I think Alexander got 3rd degree burn from that roast

[@cpegg5840]

Olympias would have found that hilarious if she were present

[@thegoldengamer9315]

Third degree burns.

[@TheNinja94a]

Okay why is Diogenes just straight roasting Alexander-is there like, a history or something? Does Diogenes not like the imbalance of power a monarchy has, and insults Alexander as a result? Edit: Googled it, since after posting this comment, I realized that anything that I can type here can be typed into a URL. Yeah, it was the second one. He disliked Alex's want for power.

[@jmr2343]

Cockroach yup.

[@juwwad]

Surprising how nobody has mentioned when Diogenes was exiled from his city he replied, "I condemn you to live in this city".

[@invurret9533]

Didn't he get kicked out for debasing and hyperinflating the local currency too?

[@vittoriof.8088]

How can a homeless man hyperinflate a local currency?

[@invurret9533]

@vittoriof.8088 He was the son of the Mintmaster of Sinope and became his father's apprentice. Then he debased the currency (which lead to hyperinflation), was banished and ended up as the homeless man in Athens. Edit: Found out why he did it: He went to the oracle of Delphi and was told to debase the currency, and after the Sinope incident, decided that the oracle meant the political currency.

[@vittoriof.8088]

@@invurret9533 Damn, thats something you don't learn in school.

[@skeletonbuyingpealts7134]

​@@invurret9533what a chad

[@ventu7907]

Most historians agree that he was the first true living meme

[@baronvonbeandip]

9/10 dentists also agree.

[@hoolio5659]

And the

[@tarrahforcier477]

@@baronvonbeandip nah, 10/10

[@krafter8652]

666th like

[@kegleg20]

A true mad lad

[@RegeroTerra]

There's also the part where he was captured and sold into slavery. Diogenes famously got offended that the guy selling the slaves wasn't representing him well and Diogenes felt he should be worth more. He took the stage and began extolling to the crowd that the most important part of a good slave is the character and wit of the individual. He was purchased by a wealthy Greek family and was kept as a very famous tutor for students. He was regarded as a "lovable menace" about the house until his dying day.

[@Name-ot3xw]

Gotta love a happy ending

[@creating...6001]

Lovable menace, hahahahah...

[@Ghost_Token]

Good for him

[@farquaadswife]

why did so many things happen to him😭😭😭😭

[@EEEEEEEE]

E‎‎‎

[@Prof.CheeseDog]

"The only place to spit in a rich man's home is his face" -Diogenes

[@lyndsayshirkey5228]

Exactly

[@Yalikejazzboi]

The only place to cum*

[@willrope5839]

Ya like jizz ?

[@OOf-yi8ko]

DIO

[@AlexeiAstergold]

And he was right

[@Finkelfunk]

Nearly 9000 comments and no one has mentioned this anecdote of Diogenes: When the city where he lived was about to be attacked by an army, everybody started to panic and ran around aimlessly. Diogenes saw that, took his barrel and started to push it up a hill. Once he was up, he rolled it down again, and started over. When people came and asked why he was rolling his barrel up and down the hill he said: "I am just trying to make myself as useful as everybody else here"

[@user-mg7wh8zq6v]

i like to think even the soldiers was puzzled enough to halt fighting and look at his shenanigans

[@CoralCopperHead]

I can't tell if this was the inspiration for the boulder-pushing punishment in Greek mythology, or if he heard about that fable and then decided to re-enact it for shits and giggles.

[@user-dq6og5cw4c]

@@CoralCopperHead I am fairly sure that the myth came first, so probably the second one.

[@JaelinBezel]

Okay but imagine if no one asked him what he was doing. How long would he have kept it up?

[@user-Prometheus]

Another anecdote about him: He would usually carry a lamp with him during the day wherever he went, and when people asked him why he was carrying a lamp, he would reply that he is in search of an honest man. An “honest man” meaning that the entirety of Athens is corrupt, and nothing like a democracy.

[@marcotanzilli6510]

I saw a lot of citations on him but not my favorite, Alexander to make fun of him started calling him dog, and sent to him as a gift one plate full of bones. Diogenes accepted the gift, and sent back the words "Worthy of a dog is this food, unworthy of a king is this gift", the absolute madman

[@FragmentedR_YT]

Man, dude really lived in one of the greatest conqueror’s heads rent free.

[@owenkasaboski6902]

@@FragmentedR_YT Nah, he straight up got paid to live there. A plate of bones a day keeps death at bay ( some necromancer somewhere idk where i'm going with this )

[@konrad8541]

Goddamn

[@Batchall_Accepted]

@@FragmentedR_YT Idk about that from what I read on Alexander I think hed have most definitely got a kick out of this shit. He was practically raised by Aristotle and used to hang out with philosophers constantly cause they were the only ones with the balls to talk straight to him. In fact it's when he started straying from that open mindedness after the conquest of Persia, and traded in all his philosopher buddies for yes men and sycophants, is when he started going off the rails and acting tyrannical, and it's theorized that Aristotle was the one who poisoned him cause he was getting out of control.

[@kopiko102277]

HAVE YOUR 1K LIKES

[@karna5998]

"Some say He just got tired of living and held his breath until he died " Daaaaaaamn, for some reason it sounds so badass

[@jinjiyoshi5548]

I heard that's physically impossible as your body would pass out from lack of air and naturally start taking in oxygen again. But I guess it's a lot more likely the older one gets. Either that, or Diogenes just gave a huge middle finger to science itself, meaning that not even it could fully dictate him.

[@karna5998]

@@jinjiyoshi5548 yeah I remember when I was in 6th grade, our principal/teacher said that "you can not commit suicide by holding your breathe, you will become unconscious and you will start breathing on autopilot" pretty dark stuff to tell 6th graders lol but that's how it went down

[@MineSlimeTV]

@@karna5998 But why did she suddenly said something like that? Sorry for asking such a question my friend

[@karna5998]

@@MineSlimeTV I Don't Know Man Haha, Maybe We Are Casual With The Topic Of Death? At that age I didn't understand that it was pretty dark stuff for a 6th grader , because Everyone was like that

[@MineSlimeTV]

@@karna5998 Oooh..I see and I was not expecting such a sudden answer! I mostly remember I was in those days questioning and or thinking allot about topics that maybe were controversial at that time. Like me asking who really was "The Virgin Mary" and on my mind discovering the idea of homosexuality as something normal and out of the ordinary. I even thought that african-american and such simply had such "tan" because they stayed a long time on the sun, making me think they just during their youth did a mistake and now their skin suddenly changed. I just..felt to share some odd things that I remeber or I mostly did I hope that was not too.unusual at all

[@rainbowpopcorns1325]

Someone could say literally anything about Diogenes and I would belive them with no doubt

[@davidcool5189]

He was subtle in his wisdom.

[@mortson978]

He once held an opponent's wife's hand in a jar of acid, at a party

[@howdoyoudo5949]

He once had s*x with my wife and I'm not married

[@themememixers8965]

I saw this coming yet I’m still surprised

[@worstusernameintheworld9871]

He climbed up a mountain using a hammer while sitting in a pot. He then saw a kid climbing the mountain with his bare hands only for Diogenes to realize how materialistic he was for owning the hammer.

[@kylebaird7218]

When he was called out for touching himself in public he said “ if I could only rub my belly and make hunger go away.” He must have been really annoying. What a legend.

[@neckashi6971]

What does this mean?

[@kylebaird7218]

It’s a smart way of saying he is the bottom of society and leaving him alone is the best course of action for everyone involved.

[@Boxygirl96]

@@neckashi6971 ‘while I can’t rub my belly to dispel my hunger I can very much rub my d*** to dispel my need for pleasure. So f*** off’

[@ajasilikonreffkmimmon]

​@@neckashi6971He is masturbating

[@wilby8249]

​@@kylebaird7218 isnt it more like he rubs his dick and horniness goes away and wishes the same for hunger??

[@mono.isgtds]

Dhar man: “Plato doubts homeless philosopher, immediately regrets it.”

[@RevsAndWheels]

LMAO 😂 😂

[@jacobfredman9442]

more like Dhar man: “Plato BULLIES homeless PHILOSIPHER, immediately REGRETS it.”

[@epicboxx3838]

Lankybox goes back in time and invents adopt me after: result is shocking

[@jacobfredman9442]

@@tvrtkolozic2288 its not poorly acted its more like poorly written in general

[@rhubarbdude3347]

"Alexander the great STANDS IN THE LIGHT of HOMELESS philosopher, immediatly REGRETS IT"

[@PyroChimp75]

Diogenes carried a lit lantern through the streets in broad daylight, when asked why he carries a lantern he'd reply that he was "fruitlessly searching for a sincere man/person".

[@ILOVEDILFS42069]

"The mad man"

[@p1ntu_]

Is this true?

[@witherblaze]

@@p1ntu_ no. It's a story made up by Nietzche

[@cdogthehedgehog6923]

What he actually meant by this was he was looking for a "real human being" because he didn't think humans were real. Seriously.

[@witherblaze]

@@cdogthehedgehog6923 wha?

[@tapadhleibh3052]

Diogenes: The First Shitposter Coming to your local movie theater soon!

[@carcinogenicthalidomide3057]

A NGE fan,pretty rare these days.

[@tapadhleibh3052]

Just in Y. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only teen who really loves NGE

[@carcinogenicthalidomide3057]

@@tapadhleibh3052 for a show from 1995,you sure are. Genuinely Good anime shows are rare nowadays.

[@lephantomchickn3676]

Literally if you think about it

[@worm_wannacry]

Onika M starships were meant to fly

[@user-xz1wy4to4o]

they killed socrates for asking too many questions yet they gave the guy literally pissing and shitting on people a pass 💀

[@blueberry1vom1t]

to be fair he smelled like shit and was surrounded by an army of loyal dogs who followed him around everywhere. Yeah a side note people leave out is that he loved dogs and they loved him. So I guess people wanted to get rid of him, but didn't wanna deal with getting a big enough group of people to get close to his small army of dogs, who would absolutely give them the most infected bite wounds that side of the eastern hemisphere.

[@standingwhilepooping4685]

So what, I see nothing wrong with this.

[@KnightoftheSorryFace]

@@urmomsmomsmom The jester can speak freely, for nothing he says truly seems to matter

[@Spleens854]

@@KnightoftheSorryFace dude roasted the so hard they deleted the comment

[@KnightoftheSorryFace]

@@Spleens854 I don't think that was even against the person I replied to, I'm pretty sure I just saw an opportunity to reference a line I really liked in reference to whatever they said

[@yoboikamil525]

when we talked about him in school he was apparently some cultured philosopher, but irl he was a living shitpost.

[@KittyPants.]

Why is that so accurate tho?

[@corinthiaevangeline9023]

I feel like he'd love tumblr

[@MasonGreenWeed]

@@corinthiaevangeline9023 before the great purge

[@surfboardjoker6299]

@@corinthiaevangeline9023 He'd probably be disgusted with almost every aspect of the internet, and modern society. As he should.

[@nubreed13]

A living shit post that also challenged every popular form of thought with logic and reason behind it. Still a crazy ass bastard however

[@Cauks1]

“If I were not Alexander, I would like to be Diogenes” Alexander the Great

[@theawesomeboy8888]

"If I were not Diogenes, I would like to be Diogenes" Diogenes the Cynic to Alexander

[@jooot_6850]

@@theawesomeboy8888 Diogenes the Greater

[@georgy2596]

“Sam “O’nella” the greatest

[@MarcyTheKindaCoolWizard]

@@jooot_6850 Diogenes the cheese grater*

[@zejdland]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/pni9i5WiYpmWf7M i am alexander

[@pieandcheese647]

“The wise man at the nudist beach covers not his balls, but his face” -Diogenes (I think)

[@b4594]

Wise words from a wise man

[@causticmain7477]

@@b4594 a wise man indeed

[@kikiretzorg1467]

Hmm, yes, very wise

[@causticmain7477]

@@kikiretzorg1467 have you heard the story of Darth Plagueis the wise

[@microwave8931]

This sounds like something he would say

[@rashto3940]

I am downright appalled that Diogenes isn't talked about as nearly as he should be his life story is completely insane

[@rosethunder3820]

The fact we still know so much about him today says everything

[@Fanimati0n]

You forgot the further interaction between Alexander the Great & Diogenes. After he told him to quit blocking his sunlight, Alexander, in awe of Diogenes' testicular fortitude, told him "if I were not already Alexander, I would wish to be you." To which Diogenes responded "If I weren't me, I'd want to be me too."

[@kamai9440]

Badass

[@Noway022]

And then the whole class stood up and started clapping

[@kamai9440]

@@Noway022 diogenes: I'm gonna dab on those emperor's

[@mfrommi6593]

Thug Life

[@calmdown5559]

It's literally in the video...

[@candy2712]

"I am Alexander, I can offer you literally anything." "k fam, get outta my way"

[@TheCutePyro]

flames 64 The most powerful man in the world said he will do anything for you and you ask him to get out of your way.

[@maelgugi]

Reese Frohlich Actually it's a pretty deep request, basically he said "let me live my life the way I want it to be without the interference of big government or pointless random norms imposed by society"... or maybe he was already in his way, I guess we'll never know

[@candy2712]

maelgugi "live my live"

[@maelgugi]

flames 64 Thanks for helping my english

[@candy2712]

maelgugi np

[@allisonwest7079]

"He criticized Plato, disputed his interpretation of Socrates, and sabotaged his lectures, sometimes distracting listeners by bringing food and eating during the discussions." What a guy

[@cdemr]

Sounds like Gregory House

[@youwerethere]

Bro was the back of the class

[@advin6294]

Some say he defecate and probably masturbate in Plato's lecture.

[@samiamtheman7379]

What does it say about Socrates when Diogenes existed, yet no one ever made him eat poison berries?

[@AA-vr8ve]

This is just that one kid in every college lecture ever

[@Mightymite1]

When Diogenes was to be sold to slavery, he was asked which task he was best at. He replied, "Being a master."

[@Seamannon]

I think it was "ruling" or "leading" or some other similar word, like "managing".

[@MarcyTheKindaCoolWizard]

I think it's just hilarious how there are two ways of seeing Diogenes 1- A very wise poor man who constantly shared hos wisdom 2- Greek's local shitposter

[@Demonicidiot]

I see it as both of those

[@questionmarkquestionmarkques]

literal shitposter

[@AkiraSugo.mp3]

He was a real gamer. Never took a shower and hated society

[@Himax9]

Same thing.

[@kuratse205]

3- A badass that had unwavering beliefs about the world, and exhibited those beliefs in the most ridiculous and funny ways.

[@darrelstinkmeaner4673]

"When I'm dead just throw me in the trash" -Diogenes, probably

[@horacegentleman3296]

Diogenes was definitely fringe class.

[@innosanto]

Diogenes actually said : Through my body outside the walls. And this is the start of an anecdotal conversation ( they told him: the dogs will start biting you. Wouldn't that bother you? Diogenes:.Then give me a bone to get up and scare them away. Others: And how will you do that if you're dead? Diogenes: Then why would I be bothered? ) There are actually many good ones with Diogenes. Diogenes if I remember correctly generally idolized the dogs ( and cynic comes from greek word for dog)

[@danielcastillo591]

Aristotle: I am extremely annoying for most philosophers, since I counter their arguments with well structured logic and questions Diogenes, fighting a rabid dog for half a dead bird: Oh are you now?

[@CoffeeD_1]

@@alexneufeld8918 Isn't that almost literally newtons first law?

[@TheRaveJunkie]

@@alexneufeld8918 I'm afraid it is

[@THEPELADOMASTER]

@@alexneufeld8918 I mean, very crudely said, but yes it is

[@THEPELADOMASTER]

@@alexneufeld8918 let's see... every object will remain at rest unless compelled to change its state by the action of an external force. "Things wanna be at rest" does seem like a very crude way of saying it.

[@THEPELADOMASTER]

@@alexneufeld8918 it is

[@firewizardrunepro]

Digenes living till 89 at that time period is insane

[@taureanbeaver3203]

It's probably not nearly as insane as we've been misled to believe. We get the message that life was exceedingly miserable and short from the same systems that educated the orphans of genocidal conquests. Central authoritarians have no rational justification for their positions, so it's necessary to instill fears based on lies as the only acceptable common knowledge in order to maintain followers who dutifully perform their services and enlist their children in armies. I would guess that the average lifespan of hermits who live on berries in the mountains is longer than the average affluent person hustling through life under the baseless and un-perceived oppression of cultural norms of any false society which can't function within the limitations of Dunbar's number. My theory is that a true human society would result in much higher average lifespans for the tribe. It would, in fact, at the very least remove the burden of cognitive dissonance and afford a better quality of life than any amount of toys, widgets or sideshows could ever provide.

[@kargaroc386]

If you got past early childhood, you had a decent enough chance to get to just about the same age as nowadays.

[@Susanoo1016]

He was also a dumpster diver

[@andrejmicic5192]

Yea most people at that time didn’t make it to their 60s,and this bro was shitting and pissing on people living in disgusting conditions until 89,if that dog didn’t bite him bro would have lived to 100 or more

[@Kalposia1056]

After Diogenes’s plucking a chicken stunt, Plato actually changed his definition of a human to ‘A featherless biped with flat broad nails.’ Which is fucking hilarious.

[@rigbyshaun5580]

He didn’t go with like flightless, but the shape of T O E N A I L S

[@KittyPants.]

Why the toenails tho?

[@rigbyshaun5580]

@@KittyPants. don’t you know? Chickens have broad fingernails

[@KittyPants.]

@@rigbyshaun5580 just got done eating and this is what is come back too

[@KittyPants.]

@@rigbyshaun5580 the even funnier thing is that I have chickens

[@soribannon441]

My favorite Diogenes quote: In a rich man's house there is no place to spit but his face, dude hated the one percent before there was a one percent

[@soribannon441]

@patrick howard That's why I'm not communist, I'm a democratic socialist.

[@abbyfisher8079]

@Christobanistan you act as though liblefts don't exist

[@abbyfisher8079]

@beebly revolutionary catalonia

[@sarafontanini7051]

diogenese, probably: fuck zeus. *throws his own poop at zeus*

[@alverdeo965]

"Cool it with the anti semitic remarks"

[@austin0girl]

Diogenes really just said: “hey this whole life thing is boring peace”

[@themostbritishpersonalive868]

He saw a ghost and decided his physical form was useless

[@Real_Tower_Pizza]

@@themostbritishpersonalive868 Lol he probobly just held his breath untill he died of lack of oxygen or som shit

[@Tyler-ip7mj]

Diogenes' had a student named Menippus who was also a Cynic. Lucian wrote some stories about Menippus going to the Underworld and in one of them Menippus has a conversation with Cerberus and it's basically just him going "gods you're really living the dream as a dog"

[@skeletonbuyingpealts7134]

Diogenes had an army of dogs, right?

[@ShnoogleMan]

Greek philosophers were the edgelords of the ancient world.

[@IchCharacter]

And Geek philosophers are the edgelords of modern time. How curious.

[@Goldenheart_345]

I wish I found you sooner

[@bauhausa6933]

ShnoogleMan of course,fucking anybody is a edgelord..Fucking Hell

[@jafrost1328]

Ever seen a modern philosophy lecture? Filled with fedoras and mens rights activists

[@judgeholden6761]

@@jafrost1328 Very true but like I've also seen tumblr thread attempts to be philosophical and between the two mirror-copy yin-yang lonely self-obsessed polar opposites that are the neckbeard and the tumblr "SJW" or whatever, I'll take the smelly narcissist who can at least articulate abstract thought logically over the magical thinking electric blue-haired identity wizard who tries to weaponize personal weakness and moral superiority any day xD

[@Lambda_Ovine]

Diogenes after being kidnapped for slavery: Sell me to that man, he's in need of a master.

[@Spongebrain97]

@I'm on crack yeah he apparently didnt mind being a slave because he wasnt used for manual labor but was instead a tutor that could lay around in doors

[@adams_chong9450]

Fuckin madlad

[@Kareltiv]

WOW imagine if pets chose THEIR owners

[@JohnSmith-ex8iw]

I swear, this man's tongue is a fucking gun. He murders all with his sharp insults.

[@nabkill0134]

The fact that the man indeed buy him is crazy.

[@Btester2]

Once plato saw him washing vegetables in a river and plato said: If you knew how to court kings you wouldnt have to wash vegetables. To this dio said: If uou knew how to wash vegetables you wouldnt have to court kings.

[@Dalen22_W]

He is famous for both giving a shit and not giving a shit

[@sergei9327]

and taking a shit

[@teli6350]

And taking a shit without giving a shit

[@Bobelponge123]

And shitposts

[@Dalen22_W]

do you know de way? Thx

[@nikgokuhil]

Alternative route- Diogenes covers himself in feathers- I'VE ABANDONED MY HUMANITY PLATO!!!!

[@chaircrusaders1257]

DIO was in fact wearing a coat with feathers in that scene. Coincidence?

[@SheepSleeper]

@@chaircrusaders1257 I think NOT

[@SheepSleeper]

@Captain Bruh yeah, the joke was kinda forced, but they had the spirit

[@adrifitz8793]

Here’s the thing, it’s like JoJokes are like 69 gags. Both are not inherently funny nor original, but they tend to pop in the most unlikely of scenarios that you can’t help but chuckle at the stupidity of their existence. They’re still funny, just not in the way one would expect.

[@Dokataa]

@@adrifitz8793 I was gonna call you the oingo boingo of stands but you got there in the end

[@Zeruel3]

"Oh god dammit not you again" I get the feeling Plato said that a lot whenever Diogenes was around

[@hobo_joe7480]

It would have been against his principles as the basis of philosophy is argument

[@NStripleseven]

That bit where he wanted to be thrown into the wilderness after he died had another part to it. He was discussing this with someone, and they asked why he would allow his body to be torn to shreds. He responded “Well then, I’ll ask them to give me a knife so I can defend myself.” After the obvious “what are you going to do with a knife, you’ll be dead,” he responded with “Then why should I care what happens to me?”

[@keebri2751]

The perfect comeback lol

[@clubstepstudios3912]

Next thing you know Diogenes is in a cauldron using a hammer to climb a mountain.

[@alexandersmidt5289]

Still annoying the crap out of everybody, even after multiple millenia.

[@IAdmitMyCrime]

nice reference

[@kiwi_2_official]

CLUBSTEP MONSTER

[@sicksalt7765]

Plato: The definition of human is “featherless biped” Diogenes : I’m about to do what’s called a pro-gamer move

[@panzerfich]

*pro-philosopher move

[@Balweh1]

I'm about to destroy this man's career.*

[@etho7351]

I'm about to end this mans whole career

[@tommyzoom9976]

The original troll

[@etho7351]

@@tommyzoom9976 except he wasn't a toxic troll he was Somehow noble.

[@MrJostur]

"STOP SHITTING EVERYWHERE! I SWEAR TO GOD, I'LL-" "What are you gonna do? Burn my house?"

[@l_ndonmusic]

“My world’s on fire, how bout your’s?”

[@FlexBeanbag]

@@l_ndonmusic kzbin.info/www/bejne/eJ7GaoF8m82rbZY

[@olbradley]

@@FlexBeanbag I've learned from experience not to click on links.

[@FlexBeanbag]

@@olbradley well my link is worth clicking

[@hankrogers8431]

@@FlexBeanbag That's what she said

[@FightingPost]

The Greek for when Diogenes told Alexander to move apparently has a double meaning. Alternatively meaning “enlighten me”. Which makes it even more cool

[@fumothfan9]

He saw the kid drinking with his hand, destroyed his wooden bowl and said something like "a fool i have been to have been carrying around such useless luggage".

[@theenderdestruction2362]

He probably thought "wait a damn minute I have been doing this wrong shit that kid got the right idea"

[@korbencrosby8968]

Plato: creates theory of knowlege -it gets debunked by another philosopher Plato: defines a human -it gets debunked by homeless man hhhhhmmmm...

[@RandemFellow]

Plato was wrong about a lot of things.

[@randoprior4130]

@@RandemFellow| but he did get people to think. His ideas could be way off base, but he died leaving us questions nobody had ever even thought to consider. Philosophy isn't about being right; that would be science. Philosophy is about looking at the world from such a perverted fantastical point of view that it looks different. It is like trying to define a question that is so ambiguous that it has no solution. But in seeking the solution, it moulds our thoughts and changes how we examine the world around us. In this sense, he was still a great philosopher, and deserves the respect his memory has.

[@bernardocoto8519]

@@randoprior4130 Plato has become famous through our times because his writings managed to survive through war, fire and other calamities. Unfortunately, there are dozens of philosophers we know nothing about and never will because their work failed to survive, not because of lack of quality, but by sheer luck. Diogenes left some writings but his own disciples thought the themes were too disturbing and destroyed them. He's supposed to have written a text about canibbalism and poverty and, if we use our imagination a bit, well, let's just say Jonathan swift touched the same topics and ended up with an essay were he defends that in order to end hunger and poverty, we should eat the poor. Just imagine what Diogenes would have done with such a topic...

[@kingbreloom2630]

@@randoprior4130 not true. Chinese philosophers far back already found these theories but didn't attribute names to them and called them 'common sense'

[@jackalope2302]

Why not. We can learn from the mistakes of what was once considered to be a wise man. An marvel when he actually gets something right. Plus, when you're the first superstar of your field, you will be remembered, mistakes and triumphs. Just ask the Beatles. Or Freud.

[@definitelynotanAIchatbot]

I need a Diogenes and Alexander buddy cop movie.

[@GameyRaccoon]

Yes.

[@billysweird]

It would consist of diogenes shitting out the window of the car as they chase down the bad-guy, and when they stopped he would most likely wander off down to the local whores and scream at them till they gave him free sex. While Alexander would become president and eventually get poisoned by his own political party, he may or may not also bang his mother depending on what historical heresy you believe.

[@nataliaborys1554]

Or Diogenes and Plato

[@ryanhernandez1877]

Diogenes would probably be shot many times over, but yes. We do need one.

[@thelittletyrant5539]

There was a rumor that diogenes died at the same date as Alexander the great but the source was recorded 600 years later

[@corebite]

Diogenes is the epidemy of pure logic. Everything he does is just the embodiment of ones simple and unexplicable desires, without all the symbolic bullshit around it. He was living life just for being and existing. By far the most down to earth guy who wasn't afraid of the hard, cold and simple truth. Ever.

[@DarrelWatkins77]

You’re so stupid😂

[@calliopejayne4477]

Going through Diogenes quotes, be noticed that he really liked dogs. As far as to say he liked them more than people on multiple accounts. And once referred to himself as Diogenes the dog. What a king

[@piaoyun4196]

Furry

[@rifarira9160]

The ancient furry

[@epicboxx3838]

O R I G I N A L F U R R Y

[@furrycircuitry2378]

OG Furry

[@redbetta2191]

snoop dogg got nothing on this OG

[@gustavoteles5994]

When someone reminded Diogenes that the people of Sinope had sentenced him to exile, he said, "And I sentenced them to stay at home". Lol

[@HolyRamanRajya]

Stay in civilization*

[@heavenlywithhishands]

@@HolyRamanRajya It's crazy how a fan of Greece's biggest shitposter can't let a shitpost run by without correcting it's inaccuracies

[@brovid-19]

​@@heavenlywithhishandsoh wow, didn't realize you were such a huge fan of dick

[@RidleyUwO]

This man clowned on society so fucking hard that we are still talking about it thousands of years later.

[@amiradatumanong9092]

Lol Gandalf the Gay

[@Anon26535]

You thought "behold, a man" was a stupid meme from the internet, when in fact it was I, DIOgenes!

[@adrianjamesdelfin7414]

このディオだ！

[@themotherofharlots4605]

thanks for enlightening me with that hot steamy knowledge

[@redbaron2829]

STUPID - KITTY first

[@LarryTL]

dripping down your neck and chest

[@themotherofharlots4605]

Larry Nüt

[@masonyonker433]

Sam you're the creeping uncle I always wanted

[@MRCOLOURfilld]

hotsteamy K N O W L E D G E (insert bass-boosted Tai Lopez here)

[@svord00]

He came to Plato with a chicken and yelled "BEHOLD! A MAN!". far better than what he reenacted. Plato also said to Diogenese: "This is a cup, there are many cups in the world, there is only one idea of a cup and this cupness precedes the existence of all particular cups". "I can see the cup on the table" said Diogenes, "but I can't see the cupness". "That's because you have the eyes to see the cup," said Plato, "but", tapping his head with his forefingers, " you don't have the intellect with which to comprehend cupness" Diogenes walked up to the table, examined a cup and looking inside, asked," Is it empty?" Plato nodded. "Where is the emptiness which precedes this empty cup?" asked Diogenes. Plato allowed himself a few moments to collect his thoughts, but Diogenese reached over and tapping Plato's head with his finger said: "I think you will fin here is the emptiness".

[@ninjabluefyre3815]

Reminds me of Mercutio.

[@metehan5744]

Diogenes didnt need fire to cook his food, he roasted other philosophers daily

[@ZorkSolid]

THAT THE SICKEST FUCKING BURN I HEARD

[@ryanhernandez1877]

It's a wonder this lad wasn't killed. He's amazing.

[@GumSkyloard]

He was a god among men, holy Diogenes.

[@screwby6583]

Fun fact: Alexander actually felt a good amount of remorse and paranoia , due to the fact he waged war everywhere. Which caused him to have a humbling moment of if I die I’m going to hell basically. And wished to pawn off a lot of his riches to many people, cue Diogenes. He knew of the man and indeed offered him a favor, but not just a favor. Many riches as well, Diogenes refused and said the Sun one liner, and indeed Alexander was stunned at his simple and fearless life, so he refused any action against him. To add onto this, many other rulers such as the Qin dynasty (Terra-cotta army burial grounds guy) (brutal unification of China guy) had a somewhat similar reaction where he had built the whole terra-cotta Army to defend himself from when he dies souls of the people that he terrorize during his reign would come and get him so there’s there’s a lot of cases of this mini interactions with random people of these great leaders who feel remorse.

[@adog3129]

if any world leaders feel like this today, i would be happy to help them secure their passage into heaven by giving me things

[@almightyturtle8085]

@@adog3129 based

[@Prizm17]

0:50 I always took “he has a bowl but saw a kid drinking from his hands and said ‘what do I need this shit for’ “ as he gave the kid his bowl cuz he was a nice dude, after watching so many times it finally hit me, the bowl is obsolete, he wasn’t being nice and giving the kid the bowl he threw it away because his hands were all he needed 😂😂😂

[@mr.anderson2241]

"YEAH UH, WHAT THE FUCK?"

[@KonEl-BlackZero]

Thats me in every Salmonella video.

[@jondunlap1892]

i don't think that sentence existed yet, he was speaking english

[@Quandaledillywingle]

Mr. Anderson - professional catholic monster hunter 😂😂

[@rorybrennan5562]

Mr. Anderson - professional catholic monster hunter ii

[@rumpleforeskin9543]

Dropped out of school in year 4, homeless, drug abuse, never read a book in my life, lucky I had just enough skills to read. First book I ever read was at the age of 27, it was on Greek philosophy, Socrates, Aurelius Stoicism, Epicurianism, but uncle Diogenes took the cake, walking around during the day with a lamp, when people asked what he was doing, he replied "looking for an honest man"

[@zoroaster3053]

Crates of thebes and zeno of citium are also notable philosophers.

[@kermitenthusiast485]

Now that's a story.

[@saveriannathan1415]

Keep fighting, man

[@JAL_EDM]

For someone who dropped out of school in like, 3rd grade, you seem to write rather well and not 3rd graderlike

[@El-de6nj]

@@JAL_EDM Not assuming anything about anybody here, but i don't believe OP stated what age they are. You can learn to ride/write any any time in life

[@cozence]

Look at this person I found! Wow *throws shaved chicken at such velocity it crumbles on impact with the ground* What a guy

[@redarmyofdeath1243]

*Plato sighs as student raises hand Plato: yes my student? Student: YEAH UH WHAT THE FUCK?

[@IYPITWL]

Plucked

[@katyungodly]

I’m laughing because you called it shaved instead of plucked 😂 the idea of shaving a chicken sounds so absurd

[@nottheslam-jamfrincisco838]

the casual through tho he like dropped it it it just collapsed on itself, legend

[@aes2621]

I remember when this video came out, I thought it was really one of the funniest videos. Now 5 years later I’m using it as a source in my philosophy thesis lol

[@thetexan1011]

How did it go?

[@bierwolf8360]

you really are putting a lot of effort into your burger-flipping career

[@aldrich_leon8547]

its been 10 months. how's your thesis going?

[@MountainsAreCool]

RESPOND BACK. ARE YOU "nigga rich" YET?

[@MountainsAreCool]

RESPOND BACK. ARE YOU "nigga rich" YET?

[@emmettlester739]

Diogenes being sold as a slave: "Sell me to him! He needs a master!". *Mad man*

[@labrynianrebel]

When a slave owned by Diogenes ran away he said "Well if he can survive without Diogenes, Diogenes can survive without him"

[@Gigas0101]

You missed a bit of sass worth going over where people were horrified about how he wanted to get thrown outside the city and said "Dude, the animals will eat your body" So Diogenes said "Okay, give me a stick so I can beat up the animals when they try to eat me" And the people said "Wait, how are you going to use a stick? You'll be dead." And Diogenes replied "Yeah, I won't have much use for a stick, huh... Or a body, idiots." I'm paraphrasing a bit but it's another example of just how awesome he was.

[@erikkooy2804]

My Latin exam in high school was about this story. It was amazing

[@lucaskrsrensen4587]

He was so ahead of his time

[@ryanhernandez1877]

This mans

[@franktheprank7336]

Also lets not forget that after Diogenes did his featherless biped stunt, Plato change his description of a man to "a featherless biped with broad flat nails". This means that Plato, upon seeing Diogenes throw a featherless(an probably dead)chicken in the middle of his lecture, basically said "I mean...he has a point".

[@shmebble]

I died when danny devito said “when im dead, just throw me in the trash”

[@lokilord1373]

K, I’ll get the bin

[@snausages43]

Technically Frank Reynolds said that. I’m sure Danny would prefer to be disposed of in one of the conventional ways.

[@9ball179]

I'm the trash man

[@hyperspacejester7377]

Really? We have to wait 'til he dies? 😩

[@yellafella2718]

Irony is strong with this one

[@dirdydan]

Jokes still hold up after all this time. Truly the mark of a talented creator. Glad to have you back

[@portalowy5346]

Yes, my student? :YEAH UH, WHAT THE FUCK" perfect scene.

[@scottl875]

Portalowy me in chemistry

[@bvssl]

EPIC

[@norgepalm7315]

AlSamaani Bassel. LE EPIC amiright xD?!?!!?!!1!1

[@viewyevening8719]

Also, something about him you didn't mention, Diogenis got kicked out of his city because he counterfeited currency and when people made fun of him because of it, he simply said "I punished them to stay there"

[@panasane]

Crazy how people have appreciated the fact that this guy was simply the maddest of lads for over a millennium.

[@somerandomfolk9922]

This chad made fun of one -perhaps the most- fundementalist philosophers in history

[@randomguy7174]

another fun anecdote: Diogenes was watching an archery contest once, and one of the archers missed his target completely, so Diogenes sat in front of the target and said "this might as well be the safest place"

[@beyzagunduz172]

Once he climbed a rock in the middle of marketplace. And started yelling “people! Men of the city! Men!” And as the crowd gathered around him, he started waving his stick at the crowd; shoo-ing them away. Screaming at them saying “I called the people! Not you!” It sounds weird in english but what it tries to say is - you are not high enough to be humans-

[@darthdillon47]

Cool story bro.

[@unflexian]

he was high all right

[@katyungodly]

Fiftyset he was calling them less than human

[@jimmyrustler9980]

Wow, so deep and profound! Truly a thinker ahead of his time!! *Sarcasm*

[@boosie4l133]

tempodude he already high as fuck when he borned

[@stitchman4856]

2:19 That was the smoothest animation of a chicken splat I've ever seen

[@Poop-nu1so]

what a guy

[@ExyleCage]

I slowed it down to X .25 speed, and it was fucking glorious.

[@worstusernameintheworld9871]

@@ExyleCage I tried it out and you are definitely right, it was absolutely marvelous

[@coolshsish]

and i love that noise

[@fridayyz4408]

@@worstusernameintheworld9871 I tried it but "Woaaw whaeat a guiuy" took my attention away

[@BicycleMotorsports]

College: Tens of thousands of dollars a year. Sam O'nella Academy: Free. 🤔

[@Jaden-lv7kx]

College: Carefully constructed curriculums that are designed to fully inform about a subject. Sam O'nella Academy: Whatever caught some random guys fancy while browsing wikipedia.

[@adamsandler7980]

pro builder I know which one I’d rather listen too.

[@guilhermetozzo]

School is a failed system

[@thiagomaciel5951]

I been seeing tons of billboards lately mostly for colleges/universities and mortgage lending/real estate.

[@lopkobor6916]

Jaden But hey, it’s free

[@br0sine]

0:17 WELL THAT JUST AGED BADLY

[@malodos2295]

Wym?

[@SuperWii60]

@@malodos2295He supported Hitler’s actions

[@particles.in.motion]

LMAOOO😭😭

[@qwertyuiop.lkjhgfdsa]

no, it aged like wine

[@dogeyeslin]

Hes still right

[@Ari-nw3qy]

Fun fact: Diogenes often liked representing himself as a dog, making him the world's first furry.

[@Kuhmuhnistische_Partei]

Yeah, "Cynicism" derived from κυνικός (kynikos) 'dog-like' or κύων (kyôn) 'dog'.

[@demdem7946]

no

[@tesial]

Please delete this.

[@NerdStuffing]

Thank you very cool

[@oscarbelmare_22]

So the first memer was also a furry.............. thats something

[@sleeexs]

"If there is a God, he definetely has a sense of humor."

[@BabaJeez]

like you wouldn't believe.

[@screamsinrussian5773]

@@geoffok you are named after a prick, Willy you ain't the one to talk

[@Simplifried]

@@screamsinrussian5773 *_screams in russian_*

[@emoney3618]

@@geoffokAverage stupid atheist.

[@XxzephyrusxX1]

Two corrections: a) Diogenes was actually relatively clean, if not just as clean as everyone else. Living in the streets didn't mean lack of ways to wash in ancient Greece ('specially Athens, though he lived in Corinth for a long time). There's an anecdote that once upon a time he was invited to dinner and when he asked to go to the bathroom, the host took him to wash and upon looking at the sorry state of the bath he said "Where do those that wash here, go to wash themselves after?". So it's implied that he was relatively clean to have made that remark. He was also a slave to a rich household and thus had access to baths etc. b) In his confrontation with Alexander, he didn't tell him to move over, he told him "enlighten me" which in Ancient Greek could mean either: a) Move so that you don't hide the sun or b) give me knowledge. It was a really smart pun and because of that Alexander replied "If I hadn't been born Alexander, I'd like to have been born Diogenes".

[@GumSkyloard]

"Yeah, if I hadn't been born Diogenes, I'd like to have been born Diogenes too."

[@talaldimashkie5869]

@@GumSkyloard me too

[@ryanhernandez1877]

Woah

[@RedFloyd469]

There's some doubt whether the anecdote of Alexander meeting Diogenes is actually true. Most of these stories need to be taken with a grain of salt.

[@Hanzel06]

Fuckin' nerd

[@The_Biscuit_From_Heaven]

- Acts like a raving lunatic - Tells one of the most powerful people in the world to move out of the way - Dies - Doesn’t elaborate Sigma grindset 😎

[@bubblebreak4160]

Diogenes was a hero and a legend. I encourage everyone to read more about him. Here are some of my favorites: When Diogenes told Alexander to get out of his sun, Alexander said to his commanders who were with him: "Truly, if I were not Alexander I should like to be Diogenes." Diogenes said: "If I were not Diogenes, I should like to be Diogenes." Diogenes would walk backwards through the marketplace, people would scoff and laugh until one of them would ask: "Why do you walk backwards?" Diogenes said: "Because men live their whole lives backwards, but I can turn around easily" and then would turn and walk normally. Diogenes said: "When a man buys a bowl, he tests it to see if it's sound rings true. But men do not test a life" Diogenes had a young man who asked to become his student. He gave him a fish to hold and told him and told him to follow him around. Eventually the man was overcome with shame and threw the fish on the ground. Diogenes said: "Our relationship was broken over a fish." Diogenes said: "When I look upon doctors, philosophers, and navigators I think man must be the most intelligent animal. When I look upon dream interpreters, fortune tellers, and those proud of a conceit of wealth I think man must be the most foolish." He was invited into a luxurious house where he was warned not to spit on the floor. So Diogenes spit on the homeowners face and said: "I had no better receptacle." When a boy was caught stealing a bowl from a temple and was hauled away by the temple officials Diogenes said: "The big thieves carry the small thief away to be punished." Once he was given a slave named Manes as a gift. Manes soon ran away and when people told Diogenes to go after his slave, Diogenes said: "If Manes can live without Diogenes, it would be absurd if Diogenes could not live without Manes" When asked why he was a dog (Cynic) Diogenes said: "I fawn over who gives to me, I bark at who denies me, and I sink my teeth into scoundrels." When asked what type of dog he was, Diogenes said: "When hungry a Maltese, when full a Molossian, two breeds people praise, but do not take hunting for fear they will not be able to keep up." Plato was walking home from a prestigious meeting at the Temple of Dionysus. Diogenes was sitting by the road washing vegetable. Plato said: "If you had come to pay court to Dionysus, you would not have to wash vegetables." Diogenes replied: "If you had washed vegetables, you would not have had to pay court to Dionysus." Diogenes said to a man performing a purification ritual: "Unhappy man, do you not see that you cannot remove an error in judgement by sprinkling water any more than you could remove an error in grammar?" When asked why people give to beggars but not to philosophers he said: "Men give to beggars because they think that one day they may be blind or crippled, but they never expect to end up with philosophy." When asked what was the most beautiful thing in the world Diogenes said: "Freedom of speech" Here's the most important one: Diogenes said: "I follow the choir trainer's example, he sings a little higher so that the choir might find the right note"

[@Fanman_7206]

Why I mean why why did you do this why why why why WHY WHY! *WHY!!!*

[@laynem9813]

So basically Diogenes was Frank Gallagher

[@Dexonic4]

wait a Maltese dog existed back then? :D I am Maltese wooo hoo booo hooo

[@rezbarbie24]

But wouldnt standing next to a target someone keeps "missing" be the most dangerous??

[@bermudi]

I was like, yeah... this is blushit, Maltese dogs back then? well. fuck me sideways... "The oldest record of this breed was found on a Greek amphora[14] found in the Etruscan town of Vulci, in which a Maltese-like dog is portrayed along with the word Μελιταιε (Melitaie). Archaeologists date this ancient Athenian product to the decades around 500 BC.[15] References to the dog can also be found in Ancient Greek and Roman literature.[16]" From Wiki

[@chickennugsoil4421]

What Diogenes said to Alexander is the equivalent to a North Korean saying Kim jong in is fat in front of him

[@ajsmith319]

What immediate death?

[@diamondmetal3062]

nhhh hhh_g Pretty much. The rule of kings was law. What they said, goes. Someone as powerful as Alexander could’ve had him killed for insulting him. Luckily for Diogenes, Alexander had a sense of humour and wasn’t a complete wanker like Kim.

[@patrikgajcevic8123]

@@diamondmetal3062 and you know, Diogenes wouldn't give a shit if he died there

[@olivia892]

@@patrikgajcevic8123 i mean hey The guy litterly plucked feathers out of a chicken and fucking shown it to playto just for shits and giggles

[@bigjim9956]

No obese women of color in smash? Wrong. Wario exists.

[@thedkboyz]

THANKS NOW I GOT COFFE ON MY SCREEN AND SNOT ALL OVER MY FACE

[@bigjim9956]

apologies, my dude.

[@fivefivetensmysenpai9550]

@@bigjim9956 you seen morgana?

[@fivefivetensmysenpai9550]

@@bigjim9956 that was also a joke If you havent played persona 5 then you wouldnt get it

[@bigjim9956]

I haven’t.

[@barnabashanko1806]

I have just learned that the guy in Getting Over It is actually a reference to Diogenes. (The guy's name is Diogenes too)

[@laylamae3528]

“In a rich mans house, there is no where to spit but his face” another wonderful quote

[@exxpomarkerman8780]

The human in simplest terms possible is: smart boi

[@GumSkyloard]

indeed.

[@monkeyman5105]

Let me disprove that. kzbin.info/www/bejne/hofYdJupjbaSmtk

[@maestrulgamer9695]

boi?This means girls aren't human?

[@novakastmusic]

dumb boi

[@novakastmusic]

@@maestrulgamer9695 Ofcourse they aren't.

[@thelaughingman3443]

and he turned himself into a fatherless biped. Funniest shit I've ever seen

[@OffGridInvestor]

FEATHERless

[@thelaughingman3443]

That too

[@DrUnfunny]

God damn it.

[@hughesj]

Yeah, uh, what the fuck?

[@thelaughingman3443]

@@hughesj both fatherless and featherless

[@grendel6005]

we talked about him in my philosophy class and my teacher referred to him as "the original edgelord" Edit: my teacher called him this as a joke. You people are taking it way too seriously.

[@Aadhitiya_Murali]

tbh, he was anything but an edgelord.

[@m-mori]

@@Aadhitiya_Murali Yeah I too feel lke thats inadequate. His whole lifestyle didnt just revolve around being cool because hes not like others but rather around critizising problems that not many besides him did,

[@marshmallowcello7528]

More like the OG shitposter

[@DrUnfunny]

@@marshmallowcello7528 Shit posting is an art

[@lianawang4219]

@@marshmallowcello7528 with literal shit sometimes

[@emmas.6906]

*Yea, uh, **_W H A T T H E F U C K ? !_*

[@straightupnothavingagoodtime]

That was an amazing moment

[@Ltdayman1000]

(Chicken plopping intenseifies)

[@Linneom]

The birth of Jesus but I come out

[@gavindillon1486]

"HEY! Check out this _PERSON_ I found!"

[@Linneom]

@@gavindillon1486 *P E R S O N*

[@Tobbs96]

Diogenes actually indirectly named the philosophy of Cynicism. A common nickname for him was "Diogenes the Dog". "Dog" in ancient Greek was "Cynic", therefore, he was "Diogenes the Cynic". Also, a story I've heard tells that Diogenes once walked down the street in the middle of the day with a lit lantern. When asked why, Diogenes replied: "I am looking for an honest man."

[@legendarymarston9174]

Ouch, he really loved to roast people XD

[@OrgyBlossom89]

My dog shop is named Diogenes The Dog LLC. for this reason ♡ I keep things natural and simple like I imagine he would.

[@Ajc-ni3xn]

O u c h.

[@shaunyjimenez9637]

Diogenes be real savage fr

[@Gekiko7167]

Yeah in ancient Greek dog was called "κύων" and it was pronounced kúōn (as Jack John said)

[@lemonize30]

1:21 "Out with waste" "Out with waste" 💀

[@apollo6024]

D: "Look at him, wow!" *Indescribable noise of a wet meat slapping against marble*

[@xiaomeinster]

Homeless people are always so wise, just the other day, I saw a guy vaccinate himself under a bridge. And the day before that, two people were in their tent on the street and the tent was shaking vigorously. I think they were doing yoga in there.

[@AcidRatz]

Wow

[@epicboxx3838]

Nobody reveal the joke

[@AcidRatz]

@@epicboxx3838 sir you just revealed the joke by acknowledging that it was a joke-

[@MotherCoconut.]

Indeed.

[@unbeatengamer755]

Yeah, and the fact that they know all this without tv, internet or school is just insane.