Should You Sleep With Someone On The FIRST Date?

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I don't think this is a good idea. At all. Here's why.
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[@TurtleChad1]

One of the biggest problems we have is how much we believe we deserve the best but how little we're willing to be worth of those things that we believe we deserve.

[@jojoyayathereal]

Incels be like Wow I can't believe I'm still a virgin

[@turquoise_turtle9563]

@Just a turtle 💯

[@roulettxxl9941]

Best comment i've read in 2023 so far :)

[@AutomaticDuck300]

“I deserve the best but I’m not going to work for it” pretty much sums it up.

[@kkb892]

That’s good

[@thomas_lale]

Saying having sex with someone you don't know "calms your nerves", makes it sound like you have a sex addiction and you're getting your fix. Sounds like good relationship material.

[@hellopumpkin86]

It's sounds no different than becoming addicted to alcohol or a drug to "calm your nerves," really.

[@RBGTomorrow]

@@FatalS420anything can be an addiction if abused and you lack the self control to stop.

[@mr.s9783]

@@FatalS420 Sex addiction is entirely real. Hell, all drugs hijack the sexual rewards circuit of your brain. That's what makes things so addictive.

[@tredwayjack5189]

@@FatalS420 you just described how addictions start

[@randomhuman4125]

Oh shit, that used to be me… I’m abstinent now, for my mental health

[@_CatBug_]

People don't know how to date anymore today. Getting face to face and spending time together is needed more, rather than through a phone. Your hormones are escalated because of your natural body responses in wanting to find a "mate". Girls and guys have to know why they want to date and not use somebody for their own gains.

[@AutomaticDuck300]

Well said. It’s to be honest and get to know people, to see if you connect naturally.

[@keithfrew6034]

Honestly I’m 19 haven’t had sex hasn’t kiss anyone tried tinder all the girls on there wanted me to join onlyfans

[@user-mk7hf8nd4w]

@Keith Frew ignore only fans. Don't worry you'll find your way with the dating market eventually.

[@keithfrew6034]

@@user-mk7hf8nd4w I deleted tinder i just wish to find a girl with the right values but it’s hard to do so

[@doco318]

@@keithfrew6034 it's difficult but not impossible.Try offline.

[@markx1126]

Brett makes a very good argument about hormones, which are essentially drugs naturally produced by your body. To expand on that, I think drug tolerance and sensitivity is a factor here as well, just like with any other potent drug. For someone who is constantly hooking up, and constantly getting exposed to those hormones, it’s likely that their physiology and how they respond to the hormones changes. My hypothesis would be that if it’s like most drugs, the drug becomes less effective over time but you also become more addicted to it. Hence, the mindset of someone who hooks up regularly (probably the DailyMail author) will be influenced by the fact their physiology is probably very different than someone who doesn’t normally have sex on the first date.

[@davidz3879]

How do you get sex on the first date? All I get is sexless dates.

[@Narra0002]

Such a good point

[@via-anghelmagahum2586]

I’m waiting till marriage. It’s called “making love” so I mean I want to be in love and in a deep committed relationship before I give that part of myself away… and I want it to be with someone (my husband) who I know would respect my boundaries and I know would care if whether I’m enjoying myself or feeling pleasure. And if I get pregnant, (I mean I need to marry someone who loves kids) it won’t be as scary cause I won’t be doing it alone and my kids would have a dad. Of course I respect others who think differently but that’s just my belief. Don’t shame me for being a 19 year old virgin…

[@cobrakarr1323]

The world has twisted the idea of being a virgin as a bad thing,to be used as an object of shame. I choose to write to you and say that it’s is absolutely not a shameful but a beautiful thing to be a virgin and stay true for your future husband. As a Man who has fallen into that trap, I can say I will always regret it, don’t make the same mistake, don’t believe the lies of the world. Have faith that you will find your husband, I promise you that he’s out there. God bless.

[@catherinebracy4332]

I am also a virgin at 24, you are completely fine! And I agree with everything you said.

[@Mimi-dq5bv]

20-something-year-old virgin waiting for marriage here-- you're not the crazy one in this scenario

[@jsvilhena]

As someone who’s also 19 and has already “done it”, you’re not missing out 😂 . My experiences were with a long time boyfriend but when that ends having sex on the table only makes it harder, either to break it up or move on

[@davidz3879]

You could be waiting all your life. Will you be happy to be an elderly virgin?

[@andrewawakened628]

Amazing that within just a few decades the conversation has shifted from "We love each other and are planning to get married, do we really have to wait until after the ceremony to start having sex" to "should you have sex on the first date". Sex has been reduced to a completely casual interaction, like asking someone to scratch an itch on your back that you can't reach. People think this is freedom, but in reality it's bondage.

[@sativadominant7914]

Lmao, “empowerment”😂

[@noctambule5726]

Andrew, very few people on Earth regards sex like in your perspective

[@mr.s9783]

@@noctambule5726 More proof the earth is damned.

[@hellopumpkin86]

Well, people have made articles and television discussions about whether or not to have sex on the first date for a couple of decades now. The main differences now just include Instagram models, dms, and dating apps--which all make quick, local hookups more possible. Many couples were still having pre-marital sex decades ago; they just all still chose to wear white and "look pure" for the ceremony to please their parents and grandmas. Older generations hid their hookups better. Modern-day couples are just out and about with what they are doing without any shame whatsoever.

[@noctambule5726]

@@mr.s9783 No, each to their own

[@jarrodgilbert9909]

My wife and I waited until marriage. We have no one else to compare to, no other people in our hearts or minds, no sexual baggage, and it made our first time the greatest thing and it's only gotten better since. We have both said we can't imagine how people could sleep with more than one person. It's so intimate and personal that we could never imagine doing that. We learned to love each other way before we were ever intimate. The best way to go and build trust

[@simplybows1]

Bravo that’s awesome 👏🏽 so happy to hear this

[@ltapias88]

That’s so beautiful!!!!! That’s a blessing!!! ❤

[@destinyhntr]

This is why I never understood the "what if you're not sexually compatible" argument. If you love each other and are married, you can communicate and figure out what works over time. Their personality and willingness to learn is more of a factor here than how good they are in bed right off the bat.

[@r.t.5767]

@@destinyhntr even if you just understood the ancient mythologies and their concept of love the whole "what if you're not sexually compatible" makes NO sense if you two are not dating for purely pragmatic reasons (for ex. not wanting to be single etc) then if you find each other attractive and felt in love it is ENOUGH to know you are sexually compatible

[@ntmn8444]

Im very happy for you! More people need to hear this. It’s better to be in a relationship like yours. You’re right, you’re happier.

[@finkster7178]

I just had a conversation at work with someone who asked and I told him that I've only ever had sex with one woman, my wife... like 3 other people heard that and I became the topic of conversation for the day, I did not realize being faithful and trying to find the right person was such a novel concept. I don't even consider myself to be that good of a man, I make all kinds of mistakes, but after work today I feel like a saint because people were telling me all kinds of things I didn't want to know about them.

[@janelleg597]

Then tell them to stop filling you in.

[@john3_14-17]

That kind of thing can happen whenever you fit outside of the box culturally compared to those around you. When I was a kid, maybe 12 years old or so, I was cooking a meal once for my brother, and my mom had brought over some (wealthy) clients to our home, a mother and her teenage daughter, for some business discussions. The client mom asked my mom what I was doing. My mom told her I was making dinner. The two client people just stared blankly.

[@learning4mind4soul74]

Next time they speak like that view them as expressing envy and jealousy, only explaining that makes sense to why the world is upside down

[@finkster7178]

@@janelleg597 I work in a factory, it comes with the territory lol even though these were things I didn't necessarily want to know, they were still some of the more PG things that were said during the day.

[@finkster7178]

@@john3_14-17 Not gonna lie, I had the same reaction when a girl I was dating in high school told me she and her sister take turns cooking at least one meal a week for her family. I realize now that it's a mark of good parenting when your kids are helping with things around the house without complaining constantly.

[@jorisaugust__21]

Thank you for this sane advice in the middle of all those crazy “advices”. Relieved to still see people think about it the way you do

[@levendil14]

As a man who became single for effectively the first time at the age of 30 and is in his mid 30s now. I was taken aback at how quickly women in their late 20s and 30s want to have sex. About half of the women I've gone on dates with made it clear they were up for sex on the first date, there is also a clear sense from the rest that sex was expected by date 3. The "I get offended if they don't try to" is pretty spot on tbh. I am by no means prudish, but I miss actually going on a handful of dates and getting to know each other before sex starts because once it does it invariably dominates the relationship dynamic.

[@ricardodarcangelo2437]

Yeah, right on. That's what makes the term "incel" hilarious to me, as a man approaching 40, with 2 children that are now adults: if you're a halfway decent looking guy, with your life together, a good personality, and save money; it's MUCH harder to NOT have sex, than it would be to do it. So there's nothing "involuntary" about it lol. Finding someone that would is easy, finding a woman that's worth going to the trouble, and even bothering to want to at all, is the truly challenging part.

[@SilverLake401]

What city you live so I can investigate these types of women? 😏

[@davidz3879]

Please send them to me. All I get is sexless dates.

[@bradspitt3896]

Prude = virtuous. Being a prude is a badge of honor.

[@davidz3879]

@@bradspitt3896 No, because prudes are judgmental.

[@vivianrichards1313]

Nope. No sex on first dates. No sex until I feel like I could be intimate with that person Save that for a more long term prospect, not a booty call. And no one should be pressuring anyone else for sex, period. If they need sex that badly, they have a problem. Hookup culture is cancer and sex/porn addiction in this country needs to be addressed more seriously.

[@pr00009]

Depending on how well you control yourself, that would range from 1 day to year or more

[@Roger-fs5yo]

liar🙄

[@jaredjohnson4067]

russian banned *ornhub which is whaat the US needs to do

[@theok4994]

I agree, this whole hook-up stuff is ruining families, creating single parent households, and it's rotting human relationship.

[@enigmaticallis3110]

Right WTH!?!?! So gross..🤢🤢 I literally don't understand why these people are all trigger sensitive, complain about 'rape culture', a guy can't smile at you and say hello without being considered creepy, yet now they preaching about sex on the first date and encourage basically being a slut and everyone better say that it's a good thing or else.. 🤷🤷🤨🤨 what are these people seriously tripping on!?!?!😂😂😂🤦🤦

[@meg8294]

I’ve always noticed that there’s been this push to separate emotional connections from sex, especially for women. I’m only 25 and this whole sexual liberation, “proud slut” movement has already influenced my entire generation. Its like they want young girls to believe that having random sex with lots of guys won’t somehow emotionally damage us.

[@john3_14-17]

The really sad part is that a lot of the men have already had the two separated because of porn use and the ideas taught to them about sex. The women are being chased after with these ideas now because for the most part, that's all there is left. I am a man who never grew up in that culture, and I have never seen pornography. I know that I cannot divorce sex and bonding at all, which is why I wait until the time when I'm married to have sex with the woman I love.

[@meg8294]

@@john3_14-17 I totally agree with you. Porn definitely taints the minds of young men. The over-accessibility, normalization and desensitization to it as a whole is detrimental to our society. Unfortunately, the US is #1 in the world for pornography production, and mainly out of California🥴

[@kathycoleman4648]

I remember it being around when I started high school in 1996 that the attitude among my peers drastically shifted. Suddenly it went from people wanting to someday find the right person, to people stating that if someone hadn't 'done it' yet they were a pathetic loser. I've always known who I am and how I felt about that. If others want to do that, that's their call. As for me, the idea of just having sex to have sex makes me want to vomit. The idea of 'shutting off your emotions 'cuz it feels good' is inverted and perverted.

[@meg8294]

@@kathycoleman4648 Agreed. It’s like having sex when you’re a teenager is a goal post you’re supposed to meet, instead of “finding the right one.”

[@vergillives9890]

How else do you remove future competition

[@kellydean3456]

What makes this more sad is that this hookup culture isn't just adults. It is affecting young adults and especially young teens.

[@GraceEKhati_04]

Adelaide Morin is telling young teens, older teens, and women to have sex. Look at her pro-abortion merch, and what she does with the money to support abortions. Women and men like her need to be stop.

[@thicccarteronxbox9930]

As a 16 year old at least 30-40% of the kids in my school have had sex it’s terrible, like I feel like the only dude that’s trying to wait for at least a year of dating

[@roldyseven3937]

​@@thicccarteronxbox9930 it's sickening huh? They still kids

[@vitormenezesdemattos967]

one of the reasons is that dating being a very unstable relationship, ya never know if you'll break up. And if you have sex with a girlfriend not only it will make it harder for you to break up with her if it is a bad relationship, but it also will mask a bad relationship making it feel like a good one, and if you do break up it will hurt far more because of the bondage it creates (i've seen this with a 17 year old friend of mine who can't break up with a bad girlfriend and once he did [and "unbroke the same day"] it hurt them far more than it should. And he just can't bring himself to break up with her and she's really being bad for him. I am 100% sure it would have been far easier for him). The best thing you can do is to have sex with the one person you'll spend your whole life with. Also sex is like glue, the more you stick and unstick it, the less it remains stuck. In other words, the more ppl you have sex with, the less connected and pleasurable it becomes. That's just one of the reasons every "hook upper" is a potential adulterer. My parents waited for marriage and even tough it isn't THE only reason this is their 30th year married, is definetly one of them. They have nobody else to compare each other to, and since they waited and had to mantain each other in love until marriage, their sexual experience became much more rewarding, therefore pleasurable, so they are satisfied with each other.| I am gonna also say that as a christian, i do believe is a sin to have sex outside of marriage and it is indeed my main reason, i didn't say it cuz i'm assuming you are not a christian. I gave all these pragmatic reasons to finish it like this and say that is no wonder God tells us to wait for marriage. Every since ppl decided to stop waiting, society went downhill in so many aspects, is like the "repressive judeo-christian sexual ethic" was instead of a "prision fence", a protection fence instead

[@black9897]

Shame can be a good thing. People now want to do anything and everything without shame

[@jonathanb9966]

Hey BRETT this is a great example of an exception -- Me and my wife met on Eharmony 8 years ago. I moved in with her 3 weeks after meeting, shared bank accounts after two months from meeting, got married after three from meeting and had first of three kids 2 years after meeting. We have an amazing blessed marriage and it has been awesome...............But never would encourage someone to do that because it was without a doubt the exception and could have ended so so so badly.

[@DeadRobit29]

My wife and I saved ourselves for marriage and we were so happy we did.

[@Kiki-fe2le]

That's beautiful and the best. I'm going to teach my children why God's way is the best. This World will teach the opposite and it leads to STD's, immaturity, sexual problems later on, etc....

[@espguitars2992]

Me and my girl are waiting till marriage and I'm glad because I know my feelings for her and not limited to physical and vice versa.

[@pt7181]

How long have u been married? As non american i find it fascinating how there are people staying so reasonable in the USA, where (in my opinion from what i see) sodomy is running rampant and increasing, and the brainwashing from everywhere(MSM, social circles) is so intense? Congratulations on your moral values and common sense to you both!

[@eagloo9929]

As a Christian my answer has always been no. It’ll come to me some day when I’m with my wife. Self-control and discipline are good things to learn

[@malaak7166]

As a Muslim, i 100% agree.

[@Skyesoceaneyes]

Yes. People make it seem so impossible to wait. It is and it's worth it for so many reasons.

[@vitormenezesdemattos967]

@@Skyesoceaneyes I had a friend who is sleeping around and once he learned that my parents are married for almost 30 years, asked me "How did your dad not cheat on your mom? I mean, having sex with just one person his whole life?". I just said: "Yeah, that's bc both he and my mom didn't have anyone else to compare each other to. Sex with each other is all they know and they loved it bc they waited and had to 'slay the dragon' for that. So it was good and this 'good' is all they know. That's why everyone who hooks up is a potential adulterer. You pretty much confirmed that with your question". I seriously doubt this guy will remain faithful if he ever marries. That goes to anyone who sleeps around for the very reason i said above. Summarizing in one sentence: "everyone who has 'casual sex', becomes a potential adulterer"

[@JC-wz2vp]

Amen brother

[@jacobnugent8159]

Amen

[@matthewshields]

No if you want a relationship you don't want to hook up on the 1st date becuase that defines the relationship going forward instead of letting it develop depth.

[@CaseyBurnsInvesting]

We trying to get a different kind of depth.

[@matthewshields]

@@CaseyBurnsInvesting finding depth in the bedroom is easy well at least for me maybe not for you. Relationship depth and building connections with someone is hard and more meaningful.

[@kianna270]

For me personally it worked 😂 4 years strong and we’re doing fine and very committed to each other. But I get that it’s not the same situation for everyone else. To be fair, we knew each other for awhile before the 1st date 😂

[@passionoflovers]

There is simply no universal rules for these kinds of things. Some people hook up within minutes and others wait for months, and both have the same rate of success if they were right for each other in the first place. Its that simple

[@FabulosoSpray]

@@matthewshields Bro that subtle shade 😂

[@A_Khajiit_Has_Wares]

Wait till marriage folks.

[@sophiefredrickson9370]

My friend lost her virginity at 21 to a guy she went on a first “date” with. She told him she wanted to have sex with him before they planned the date. After their hookup she was head over heels for him and was heartbroken that he didn’t feel the same. She now is in a long term relationship and told me she regrets not having her first time be with her current bf.

[@sucram1018]

Stupid to be honest. Your friend let a man fuck her she wasn't even serious about and was surprised he wanted nothing to do with her after a hookup. People that want quick sex generally don't want nothing serious with someone they engage in with it. It's great she's with a man that wants her but call it for what it is. Stupidity! People by and large know this and still act surprised. 😂😂😂

[@GuitarGangsterArmi]

Lmao

[@a.w8008]

no the answer will always be no. why the rush ?? get to know the person if you’re really looking for relationship. remember the foundation is what makes a relationship

[@sanders2strong]

alright date someone for a month to realize later the sex is bad or just not compatible

[@Rick_Cleland]

[@jojoyayathereal]

Incels be like Wow I can't believe I'm still a virgin

[@showtime1235]

@@jojoyayathereal an incel would say the exact opposite lmao you called yourself out

[@YoBoyDownUnder]

@@jojoyayathereal Beat it, bot

[@mewster1818]

Not if you want a relationship... you can't sleep your way into a respecting and loving partnership.

[@nandomorales43]

I think that’s what went over her head. She’s assuming the people are looking for a relationship lol na just hooking up and moving on to the next

[@makefootballviolentagain5258]

@@nandomorales43 She literally addresses that multiple times..

[@maddiex0x0x0x0]

Except sometimes it works out..married my 1st date hookup

[@nandomorales43]

@@makefootballviolentagain5258 true I commented before she got to it like a dummy

[@Roger-fs5yo]

I bet that doesn't stop you🙄

[@saigyl9149]

sexual compatibility isn't something you can really determine on the first time together, it takes time and practice with each other to understand each other's likes

[@faithofamustardseed8198]

Amen

[@Izeart]

Saw the same question posed on Facebook and the responses were similar.. got the usual "See if their sexually compatible" or "See if they qualify for a 2nd date" Putting aside emotionally bonding with someone... the biggest one that was over explained to me in sex ed was STD's (or STI) where sex was literally the easiest way to catch something. Plus the fact that if you ignore that too... there is also the possibility of pregnancy and nothing would be worse than having to raise a child with a stranger you don't love..

[@poogissploogis]

I'm in a long-term committed relationship, and I get female friends asking me all the time how I found a man that's willing to commit to me long term. When I tell them it's because I value my body and don't have casual sex, they get really mad at me. Yet they're all still single and miserable in the dating pool. When the only thing that gets shamed is shame, things go to shit.

[@timtrainage]

NO, I recently had to say that to a female friend. Based on what she was saying i kinda got the DB vibe from the guy she was interested in. So i told her "You can sleep with him on the second date if there's chemistry, but DO NOT sleep with him on the first." Turned out the guy was such a DB he refused to even go on the first date without sex. She dodged a bullet.

[@alinastarkov9793]

English is not my firrst language what does DB mean? ty have a good day😊

[@harmstrongg]

@@alinastarkov9793 douchebag, I think, though I've never seen it abbreviated like that

[@averagejoc8458]

@@alinastarkov9793 I'm assuming douche bag

[@o0GrayMatters0o]

@@alinastarkov9793 Dependable Bachelor. Like someone you can really put your trust in.

[@xinn9486]

@@o0GrayMatters0o I've used DB as douche bag but either works ig.

[@Dog_in_tree]

The idea that good sex is more important than love is so insane to me.

[@Dog_in_tree]

@@FatalS420 that's an unreasonable generalization

[@Mythical444]

@@Dog_in_tree it’s really not, it’s true.

[@eddy3080]

@@Mythical444 if you value good sex over love no need to be a committed relationship then. Not saying it isn’t important.

[@XxLostFinalGirlxX]

And THAT is the reason no one is finding actual love.. I've looked for love for the wrong people who only wanted sex.. I'm 21 still a virgin and I'm ok with that even though in this day in age that's just "awful" but I don't care I'd rather be a 21 year old virgin instead of giving in to all people who want that from me.. I've gotten trust issues because of this crap..

[@Woo_Woo_Woman]

@Hi there, it's because the core of bdsm is the lack of self love. Imagine how divorced you must be from loving yourself and others when the only way you relate to love is through causing pain or receiving it. The thing is, people don't see it as a problem and most never try to find healthy ways to relate and love. They just go deeper into kink.

[@StoovTV]

I've never had a relationship blossom off sex on the first date. Isn't that why they call it a one night stand? Think more highly of yourselves ladies, the world needs more people who stand for something.

[@miranda0298]

why just ladies? men and women both need to end this hookup culture. it takes two.

[@StoovTV]

@@miranda0298 I agree.

[@passionoflovers]

So... if you fancy having sex with people rather quickly, you don't necessarily think high of yourself?

[@thomaswalmsley8959]

No a one night stand is hooking up with the expectation to never see them again again or never interacting with them in that capacity ever again. Having sex on the first date is having sex while the expectation that the relationship builds itself over time. They're entirely different. It's seller vs business partners.

[@StoovTV]

@@thomaswalmsley8959 Would you not agree that one person could have the expectation that its more than just a one night stand while the other is only there for that? I'm not even placing the blame. I know women who have this issue and dudes as well. The point being if you rush for the finish line you don't get to enjoy the scenery on the way after.

[@petersutton523]

I was born in the '50s and had my youthful good times (and they were good believe me) in the '70s and I can tell you right now that the answer to the question "should I sleep with someone on the first date?" is a resounding NO ! I remember warmly the times snuggling up on the sofa with the "girl of my dreams" blowing in her ear, listening to Capital Radio's "back seat boogie" and desperately trying, with all the teenaged subtlety of a flying lump hammer, to get into her knickers. It never happened, we are still close but we each married different people. Those times taught me to always be respectful and in control of myself, despite of my "passion", and they taught me the beauty of romantic love without the complication of sex. Instant gratification is never great because you "get there" without the joy of "getting there" if you know what I mean. You get the destination without the journey and that's never a fortress in life.

[@EvilXelaaa]

I agree with the part that says there is no “right time” to have sex. I feel like if you and your partner do it when you both feel like doing it naturally then that is fine. I do disagree with the “getting right on it” part. That usually doesn’t work well if you are looking for a meaningful relationship with someone.

[@leeeeeeutz]

I was a virgin when I met my now husband. I wouldn’t even let him kiss me on the first date. And I didn’t hanky panky (trying to keep it clean lmao) for at LEAST 6 months into the relationship. I was very open with him and explained to him that I was a virgin and I wasn’t comfortable doing it yet until I got to know him better and had a better understanding of where our relationship was going. And I’m SO glad I did because those 6 months gave me so much time to learn about him and vice versa and I think it truly benefited our relationship so much.

[@leroyrodgers6089]

I did that to my wife too. She had never seen a guy that made her wait like that.

[@mikehunt69981]

@Leroy Rodgers that's probably not the strategy for everybody lol. Most girls will assume you're either not interested in them sexually or worse that you don't know what you're doing and odds are they will sleep with somebody else.

[@Roger-fs5yo]

Yeah ok🙄

[@youtubethinksidontexist533]

Reminds me of that one video of pops from regular show

[@tapeadeadworm]

@@Roger-fs5yo Seriously, Roger, is there something you want to say? You're replying to every comment with so few words in a snarky manner. What's going on?

[@nadiatorrey3162]

agreed! i’m 19, it’s so nice to see another young girl who thinks the same

[@crazysilly2914]

I am 22 and have never been in any relationships my entire life because roughly 80% of women my age are promiscuous, and I don’t wanna run the risk of getting one of them that are in the 80%, and I don’t wanna deal with all that baggage...

[@Juststayhopeful]

Same 19 as well

[@jossamar]

I never understand how people can be immediately vulnerable with someone they just met. It's not even about modesty, it's about safety. You don't know this person, no matter how fuzzy they make you feel inside. You're telling me you'll get naked with a random without even vetting them first? C'mon people.

[@tmcclone]

Their are alot of dating coaches out there that give that kind of advice too. You have to take them home on the first date.

[@davidz3879]

Use a condom & you'll be fine.

[@thecozystickershop]

Agreed!! Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 10 years now, we met each other in school and have known each other for almost 15 years but we are still waiting until we marry, its a mutual decision, and we are actually really happy about it, he says that's the reason why we could stick together for so long, worked out our differences and could make our emotional connection so strong. ♥️ We are in our late 20's.♥️

[@bond1j89]

Thats what scrooge said and we all know how that wound up.

[@prof.5251]

No, Wait!!! Things get complicated, very complicated!!!

[@hannahhellenga8577]

I love Brett's videos. She makes things so light-hearted, yet hits the nails on the head.

[@jojoyayathereal]

Incels be like Wow I can't believe I'm still a virgin

[@Angela-lb9zi]

@@jojoyayathereal And femcels be like, I'm such a hoe but where are all the good men at?

[@ocheonuh6788]

U hit the nail on the head with ur comment 👍

[@ALulzyApprentice]

Yes she does. She has a positive demeanor in the midst of this madness. She can also sell things.

[@hannahhellenga8577]

@@ocheonuh6788 haha, thank you! :)

[@lobsterbisque7567]

I used to know a woman who slept with the guy on on the first date everytime!! Needless to say, she had developed all sorts of personality disorders, and mood disorders with massive abandonment issues, paranoia, and anxiety. She obviously couldn't maintain a healthy, long term relationship. She tried to sleep with me the first time we were around each other. When I refused her advances, she became angry, and deeply offended. She felt completely rejected! Even though a platonic friend, I tried to tell her that I had more respect for her seeing her as a person, rather than just a piece of meat. She then tried using shaming language on me(which didn't work) I reminded to her that were barely knew each other, and that I didn't see her that way. She tried using the exact arguments that these 'experts' used! It was sad to see how someone had placed all of their self worth & identity in their sexuality and nothing else! It was even more sad that she failed to recognize how much her promiscuity had ruined her emotionally, and cognitively for the rest of her life. When I tried to give her a different perspective, she thought I was insane, arguing with me every step of the way! Insisting that sleeping with someone right away was how she 'could learn a lot about someone' instead of conversing. She refused to change. She refused to even try doing things differently. B/c of that promiscuity, She has turned Her life into a complete dumpster fire(Alone, $35k in debt, a dead end job, barely making ends meet, and burned all the bridges she had with her family), yet she still expects a different result continuing on in the way she has always operated and failed: promiscuity/instant gratification. The very definition of insanity. For my own protection, I just stopped talking to her altogether. She was delusional, and deeply troubled on so many levels. She is definitely not worth anyone's time. This lady was a prime example why hookup culture is horrible for women! Women need to stop listening to the feminazis & popular culture! Hookup culture is not empowering, it's embarassing, it's depraved, and dangerous!

[@patricklindsay72]

I reject the binary that you either have to wait, or you are treating the girl like a piece of meat. If a girl you're having sex with, even on a first date, is a piece of meat to you, then YOU are the one with an unhealthy view of sex.

[@helendancelot]

Is it possible she was abused in childhood

[@amyleigh7624]

Do we know the same person?? Because this sounds like a friend of mine and she EXHAUSTS me.

[@sykotika13thirteen]

I have been asked if I’m a real man or if I’m gay for saying NO.

[@KFrost-fx7dt]

This comment is so detailed. Either you made this up, or the woman is you LOL!

[@Pepa14pig]

Let me just tell you this - * if your partner doesn’t want to wait for you to be ready, they don’t deserve you. * Just think how much respect someone shows when you say “hey, I’m not ready, I’ll let you know when I am” and they say “okay, thank you for being honest”. Even if that’s the point where you go seperate ways, you dodged a bullet. And if he/she stays, you got yourself a decent person. Relationships take effort - good communication, acts of love and compromise are your best friends. I don’t think good sex is a key factor in establishing good relationship. I belive good sex is a product of good relationship and if the sex is good before that - it’s probably just chemistry that will soon wear off.

[@ltapias88]

You’re absolutely right!!! I agree with you 100%

[@BigRodd91]

What you stated is what benefits women and their immense need to control men. Men aren't rushing to settle down, they are patient. A woman's impatience is what created a majority of the failed relationships/dates. Women love to be conniving yet don't want to take accountability and men won't tolerate bias/favoritism in the dating world. If your partner doesn't want to renounce their extremist views then they don't deserve you.

[@annafraidahutman9347]

@@BigRodd91 The way both men and women act in the dating world has deep biological roots. Women typically require an emotional connection before engaging in sexual activity, as this ensures that the man is someone who will stay around to help procure resources and protect/raise any offspring. A man's primary sexual drive is to spread his DNA as much as possible so that his genetic line can continue. Neither interest is worse than the other- while some women can certainly be controlling to meet their ends, and men can be aggressive and threatening, these are not the norms. In order to date, you need the maturity to understand that your partner is different than you, and that communication about these sexual differences is key to the reaching a place where both parties feel comfortable. This takes time, and is why it is often better to wait before having sex. Men and women have always confused one another, and your sexism toward women certainly doesn't help the matter

[@jessiebunny4757]

@@BigRodd91 It's about being responsible. You don't want to go around getting a bunch of STI's or hooking up with someone only to get knocked up and they ditch you. Sex is about mating. Yes you can enjoy it and have fun, but you should find someone you trust to do that with, not just a bunch of randoms if you hope for a real connection. So it's only fair that a lot of people want to engage in sex with someone they can trust and be intimate with. This requires an intimate emotional connection and someone who is more likely to stick long-term, not someone you get from a booty call.

[@BigRodd91]

@@jessiebunny4757 You're clearly not mature. I did not condone sexual irresponsibility so don't assume I said go out and have unprotected sex. Sex is an adult act and if you don't behave in a responsible manner you will suffer the consequences. As a male, I as well as many men on this planet have experienced first hand how selfish women are. You say people need an intimate, emotional connection for sex to be given yet women don't make any effort to give said emotional intimacy. Which is why dating is severely damaged. Don't lecture me on your one-sided biases.

[@heatison11]

I'm not an idiot, if a girl is over the age of 25 and even mildy attractive I know she's been with other men, so for me if I'm putting in more time and effort then I believe she's worth I'll immediately lose interest, if by the 2nd date we haven't at the very least made out with each other it's not going anywhere, cut bait and walk away

[@aubreycarter7624]

Both my husband and I waited until marriage. Our first time was not great, because neither of us knew what the heck we were doing, but it was fine because we had nothing else to compare it to. And in the 2.5 years we've been married, it's been so much fun to get to know each other, what we like and dislike and make sex a mutually fun and enjoyable experience. And let me just say, there is no better feeling than being intimate with someone you know, love and trust and then falling asleep in their arms afterwards. 100% worth the wait!🥰

[@davidz3879]

You've missed out on years of fun.

[@aubreycarter7624]

@davidz3879 I honestly doubt I have. And even if that is the case, I can honestly say that I don't care, because I'm very happy in my marriage.

[@timijr12]

Me in my twenties who’s still a virgin and never been on a date: *hmmm interesting*

[@shahzebnasir4692]

Keep waiting for the right person. Sex doesn't make you special but holding off can help you find that special person.

[@kiara4345]

19 and same. But agreed with Shahzeb Nasir. I prefer to stay a virgin over regretting choosing randomly later in life, there is no need to rush it. The person I love and choose will not mind my lack of experience.

[@shahzebnasir4692]

@@kiara4345 The 'experience' you have or anyone else has means nothing because everyone has different preferences and something that worked for someone else may not work for the future partner. This idea of you needing to know things is just a lie we have been fed. Don't believe me? Ask any female who has had sex when she would say the act ends. 99.9% of them will say when the guy finishes. Ask them again if they finish and enjoy every time and 99% will say no. Ask the men and you'll get the opposite answer. Just because people are having sex and you're still a virgin OP means nothing. Good sex with a loving partner means far more than 30 useless and unfulfilling hookups.

[@kiara4345]

@@shahzebnasir4692 Yeah, I totally agree with you. I have literally being told that it is better to have experience so when you find someone you actually care about you already ¨know how¨, and every single time I roll my eyes. Know the WHAT exactly? There is no great secret behind where each thing goes, the point is what comes before and after and in between. And like you said: everyone has different preferences. There is no connection beyond what is superficial; and sex is not just about pleasure (at least not to me), it is about connection. It is another way to get to know each other that involves great vulnerability, why would you give away the full experience with someone you actually love and loves you for not even the shadow of the experience with someone that does not actually care about you individually and that has not even earned your trust? I do not have to make the mistake to recognise it as such.

[@shahzebnasir4692]

@@kiara4345 You're really wise for 19! That's good! Yes as you said, you simply do not need to make the same mistake to understand why this is not the way to do things. Often times, people will tell you things like you need to have experience not because they actually believe it but because seeing you still holding true to her morals makes them feel the need to subconsciously convince themselves that they haven't been making a mistake and wasting their time the entire while. Often times what people say, speaks far more about them and their deep thoughts than it does of you. I agree with you on everything and am myself waiting for the right person, 27 currently and I do not feel like I'm too old or that time is running out for me. I also feel I don't need to give myself away to dozens of women just because I have the opportunity because at the very root of it would be insecurity and selfishness. Insecurity because if you really claim it's purely for pleasure, then you could simply please yourself and be done with it but the reason you seek out a partner is because that partner makes you feel desired and valuable and worthy of love - which I don't need. I get that from myself, not from others. Selfish because commitment is about giving yourself selflessly to someone else without expectations and if I don't want to commit to that woman but still want sex from her, then I'm simply thinking about myself before her and so that is not true love. Our souls didn't come to this physical world to learn how to have sex, we came to relearn how to love. Keep staying true to your morals, it's very hard to find that in people these days! God bless Kiara!

[@OptmiusPrime114]

No. I’ve seen enough romcoms and primetime drama to know that sex on a first date can cause problems.

[@GuitarGangsterArmi]

Lmao

[@curtish2541]

I’m one of the “yes we did and we made it” group. Here is how we were different though. We knew each other for months before officially dating. We flirted incessantly and loved it. We worked together and one might even say we sorta kinda dated a lot before we officially dated, because we were in the same place, visiting and being sweet on each other. We were just officially dating other people and then we both found ourselves single at the same time, so we went on a real date. And it was wonderful. The company was wonderful, we laughed and cuddled and kissed, and then we both wanted more. So she spent the night. And we have been together ever since, over 35 years.

[@audrawells1383]

I'm one of those people too, and we also knew each other before our first date. I definitely wouldn't recommend sleeping with someone on the first date that you JUST met.

[@gabrielebartkute7359]

That's some good content to show for young teens and adults. Brett, thanks for being a good role model for other girls.

[@adrianaamado473]

Got me laughing at the “my gender is … screams” part lol 😂

[@nfcapps]

This is why "Baby it's a Cold Outside" is one of the best Christmas songs ever. It is a very good example of how the sexes should interact WITHOUT HAVING SEX! The fact that everyone takes some light flirting and playfulness as "rapey" is a REALLY bad sign about proper and NORMAL interactions between men and women now.

[@EpikCarp]

Literally no one who waits till marriage will say to themselves: “I wish I had slept with all my first dates.”

[@javiehr]

maybe i dont understand your comment but they actually do tho 😭 but its still the right decision to wait and they dont regret that lol

[@djourknows_3496]

they actually do bro

[@Pikawarps]

The people who aren’t sexually compatible but get married before they know it… would regret waiting

[@worldwideroach]

“Literally no one…” - Nice assumption about the world there sport. Not everyone in the world shares your experiences. You’re not wholly wrong… Just banging around isn’t a great idea. But there’s more nuance than you’re making it out to be.

[@jdsdarling]

@@zTaq sexual compatibility is real. Some people have different kinks. They aren't going to change for their partner

[@KanyeWestLyricalGenius]

I slept around with women for a year or so because I could. It was easy and I never caught feelings despite trying. Then I met a girl who wouldn’t even kiss me. I kept going out with her until I caught feelings. Trust, it’s best to wait. Especially to convince men to actually like you for you. As soon as you sleep with them, it’s like they got what they want before they even had time to know you.

[@nicbrone1846]

Was she Jewish?

[@KanyeWestLyricalGenius]

@@nicbrone1846 catholic and based af. She’s now my gf too. Been with her almost 2 years.

[@isabellavansmoorenburg6232]

@@KanyeWestLyricalGenius I’m Catholic too and I’m so glad some men think we’re “based” 😄

[@FatalS420]

So, does that mean the man and woman evenly and fairly split on all the dates? As a man, I do not want to wait weeks or months paying for all the dates for she and I to go on and I get nothing in return besides her "time". Men need to learn to value their time and resources better.

[@KanyeWestLyricalGenius]

@@FatalS420 if you think the only value a woman can provide is her body…You have the wrong outlook on things. You’re practically saying that the time spent with them, the conversations, the jokes, the possible memories are all worth nothing. The only thing that is worth anything is their body.

[@jdb567]

11 years ago I moved from a medium sized city to a large city. I went from dating via personal connections to using the internet and meeting girls through sports teams. I'm not proud of this, but in a two year period I had a lot of girls in my life most of whom slept with me on the first or second dates. I met my wife through a ball hockey team I played on. When we started dating she refused to sleep with me for about a month. I wouldn't have consciously thought this at the time, but in hindsight I guess I respected her for that choice, and 9 years later we have been married for almost six years with two wonderful children.

[@lemonjulian]

The way Brett says 'Issue' make my ear smile....:D. Noticed it on past videos...

[@TorontoJon]

The bottom line is if you want relationships that have meaning and potential longevity (marriage, kids, etc.), you have to learn PATIENCE and take the time to know that person better (intelligence, humor, general moods, attitudes, beliefs, personal values and ethics, dependability, views on various subjects, etc.). Don't throw away the fun of learning about that person just for the "almighty" orgasm. That would be silly and incredibly immature as well as self-destructive in the long-run.

[@Dev1cted]

@@axlenuts5418 I agree I’m not saying it has to be quick, but I am not WAITING THAT LONG lmao. That’s why I’ll find a woman who will do it at a fair time and not wait 2 years.

[@justaguy328]

The God of the Orgasm is a jealous God

[@TorontoJon]

@@axlenuts5418 What does "compatible" mean to you? Let's say you're a hardcore Democrat and Socialist. Do you want to find out you just had sex with an ultra MAGA Trump supporter (or vice versa)? The immature answer is to have sex as quickly as possible. The adult answer is to learn about the person, find mutual interests, values, etc. before even contemplating moving forward with a sexual relationship after several dates at least for all of the reasons that Brett Cooper outlined in her monologue. But if you want to be silly and set yourself up for disappointment after disappointment in terms of no long-term relationship to enjoy, you go right ahead.

[@TorontoJon]

@@Dev1cted Nobody said anything about waiting 2 years before having a sexual relationship with a woman, but if you can't learn a reasonable amount about her (all of the things I listed) within 4 or 5 dates or within a couple of months, then you're not a good judge of character and you could wind up like some of my silly buddies that had total nut-jobs for girlfriends making their lives miserable because they were too lazy and too horny and frankly, pathetic, to wait a bit before jumping into a sexual relationship like a randy dog.

[@Dev1cted]

@@TorontoJon obviously…

[@samekhproductions]

Dang I'm early. And the answer is: wait until marriage.

[@aroundtheglobewithsel]

Yup

[@deanpriveacc2754]

But what if you want kids

[@samekhproductions]

@@deanpriveacc2754 Have the kids after you marry your partner.

[@deanpriveacc2754]

@@samekhproductions but what if you don't want to wait till marriage

[@samekhproductions]

@@deanpriveacc2754 If you don't want to wait, that's your choice. But in the long run, it would be better if you waited.

[@MDocD729]

As a Christian, I firmly believe in waiting til marriage. However, theology aside, waiting til marriage is a much better idea either way. It lets you bond with your partner in a new way that you haven't done with anyone else. Additionally, in regards to the comment about "spicy time," if you wait, you won't have anything to compare it to and thus won't be disappointed. 🤷🏼‍♂️

[@Dominicus13]

Theology aside, I disagree. I have anecdotal evidence that backs me up. I personally have some Christian friends that waited until marriage, and had terrible experiences. The problem with your idea is that people talk. And when your married friend who saved themself for marriage starts asking us why do we have sex so often if it is such a miserable experience…. Well they figure out that sex can be bad. To be clear, I am against hookup culture and against sex on the first date. However, sex IS a vital part of a strong relationship. If the sex is bad it will eventually be a problem. That being said, the same is true if your ethics don’t line up, or your religion, or politics, or parenting styles, or how you want to spend your free time, or work ethics, or work schedules, or type of family you want. Sex is just one of the things that make a marriage work. While it can be an important part it isn’t the most important part, and putting sex before the other stuff is dumb. While waiting for marriage is a valid choice and not one that I oppose, I am just pointing out that it is fallible. :) no insult to your beliefs on waiting for marriage. I firmly believe waiting to have sex is good. I just have a slight and respectful disagreement with having nothing to compare it too will mean it is good. I personally think that people should have sex and live together during their engagement period, because both of those things can and will change a relationship. I feel it is better to know if those changes are good or bad before promising to be with them and only them for all time. However the Bible does agree with you and I am not saying that your way is wrong.

[@Banana-eb8qr]

@@Dominicus13 hello, I’m not the one you replied to but I wanted to chime in. I would personally attribute people having bad sex to a lack of communication, rather than the act of waiting until marriage. I imagine that back in the day where there wasn’t internet, people who had a bad sex life with their spouse would seek advice from a mentor of the same sex (like a husband going to his father). If two couples are not having a good time, then they should communicate it with each other.

[@Dominicus13]

@@Banana-eb8qr I would say communication is the number 1 problem sex is bad but not the only possible answer. Sexual compatibility is the same as everything else in a relationship. Not everyone is looking for the same things, and if you are at opposite ends of the spectrum it is less pleasurable to meet in the middle. It is a bit like one of you liking horror movies while your partner hates them. This would be easy to determine before marriage, but if neither of you knows what they want before marriage it is near impossible to discuss. The other difference being that sex is usually significantly more important to some people than what types of movies they want to watch, and they can always watch a movie alone. So while I would say that many sexual problems can be resolved through communication, not all of them can. I have anecdotal evidence of it ruining marriages and people cheating because their partners didn’t want the same things. The internet might make this seem worse but I personally believe it just dragged the problem into the light. Cheating in marriage is far from a new thing, and I would wager not having proper discussions about what each partner expects both in and out of the bedroom is a big part of that. So while getting married and praying you both will be compatible enough to bridge any gap in satisfaction is a valid method, it will almost always be a gamble. It probably will even work more often than not with little to compare it too. I would NEVER judge anyone who made such a choice. However I still say it is a gamble, and one that will often lead to at least one of the partners either dissatisfied with the sex, or doing things they don’t want to do or are not comfortable with, or eventually cheating to see if it is their partner who is the problem.

[@Woo_Woo_Woman]

@Daemon Sadi sex is problematic only when one partner is frigid and has real internal issues but refuses to work through them or when one is into all kinds of kink because they watch pornography.

[@lapris7380]

@@Dominicus13 I would have to completely disagree with you on that. Of course some people who wait for marriage don’t have the best experience however that’s not because they waited it’s because they didn’t communicate. No one comes out of the womb knowing how to have sex. You have to experiment and figure out what works for you and your partner. The only thing different about waiting is that you are doing it with one person, your husband/wife, someone you should be comfortable with. I have heard multiple stories of couples who waited and their first time of course wasn’t the best and they laughed about it. They communicated and experimented to find out what they liked and the sex improved big time. Sex isn’t something you master your first go, it takes time. People who give up after one experience thinking it doesn’t get better are the ones missing out. Despite the few negative experiences which as I mentioned before are usually not because of the fact they waited but because they didn’t communicate, doesn’t diminish the science and basic logic backing it up when done properly.

[@teresawise7331]

It’s so gross. Why would you share your most intimate self with a stranger?

[@brav0wing]

My wife and I waited until the 3rd date. I knew she was the one from our first talk under the night sky which was full of stars. Romanticism never dies.

[@joshuaswiney1175]

Sex inherently puts each person in a place of the most personal vulnerability possible along with the risks of disease and pregnancy. The most logical and reasonable solution is to hold off on engaging in sexual behavior until the relationship has been cemented in trust and commitment that will extend beyond the act, no matter what may come. This is part of the design of marriage and the assurance it is meant to provide.

[@kiara4345]

This. Spot on.

[@KimmiesK]

Exactly why most are pro-choice!

[@FatalS420]

So, does that mean the man and woman evenly and fairly split on all the dates? As a man, I do not want to wait weeks or months paying for all the dates for she and I to go on and I get nothing in return besides her "time". Men need to learn to value their time and resources better.

[@LykaLo]

@@FatalS420 Honestly, I think that yes, nowadays it's probably better for each person to pay for themselves. Unless you're both Christians and are taking this dating seriously, with the goal of finding a spouse, then there's always a possibility for one partner to take advantage of the situation, whether it's the guy expecting the girl to have sex with him to reimburse him for the meal, or the girl feeling like she's a princess and that guys should pay for her anyway. As a girl, a always paid for myself when I went on dates before meeting my husband, because I absolutely didn't want the guy to ask sex from me afterwards. And when you think about it, if you're a guy and pay for a girl with the expectation to sleep with her later on, you're basically paying a prostitute. Think about it.

[@joshuaswiney1175]

@@FatalS420 if you are choosing to treat sex as a transaction or some benefit you are "owed" for your time and effort, you have missed the point of what I said entirely. Reevaluate your priorities and you may actually find a fulfilling relationship.

[@Ironica82]

Well...considering the data shows that sex before marriage actually increases chances of divorce as well as chances of STDs and pregnancy outside of wedlock, yea...keep sex within marriage.

[@LetsGetitBoah]

Boring.

[@edamitep1533]

I mean, sex outside of marriage that results in kids is 100% pregnancy outside of wedlock lol

[@apocalypsebricksstopmotion6193]

@@LetsGetitBoah Nah I'd have to agree with @Ironica.

[@jdsdarling]

what if you find out you don't like to have sex with each other? Do you divorce?

[@trollhunter4510]

While I’m all for waiting for marriage or at least year(s) to build trust with each other I always question this statistic. I think the people that wait until marriage (often religious) also are against divorce per that same religion which will naturally make the two correlate. I would rather see a stat on correlation between waiting and marriage happiness.

[@staceypost7282]

I was caught on the "Don't want to get attached to then find out the spicy time is bad" for a different reason. This is part and parcel with the concept of "falling in love", as though it's just something that happens randomly, totally out of your control. Aside from the fact that sex is better with a commitment and emotional bond, good sex is not just something that happens or doesn't because the cosmos decided. It's something you learn to do together (because not everyone defines "good sex" the same way). The idea of "Well, it wasn't the most fantastic, guess that's it, nothing can be done about it" is mind boggling to me.

[@melissaford4906]

THIS. THIS. THIS. I cannot stress it enough! Thank you for being the person to say this! Sex is a *SKILL*. Yes, a skill, just like every other skill you have to develop that makes a good relationship. Nobody is born knowing how to have good sex. How do you think they learn? Practice with a partner. If you're both there for it and committed, the sex will just get better and better as your relationship does. If there's a physical attraction, you're gonna be just fine in bed. If someone's "good in bed" on the first date, that's a sign they've had too many partners for my liking... besides it's way more fun to have something to work towards together that just gets better the more you do it! 😅

[@john3_14-17]

The act of learning to do it together makes it more intimate. Even if there are medical problems, the person suffering from them has a strong partner to help through it, someone who truly loves them and is there for them. If a man had ED, or a woman couldn't have sex without pain, and they were just doing things casually, they wouldn't have that strong support system in their partner to help them through it. They'd be having to go to a new person each time, a stranger, to see if their health problem is better. If you read a subreddit like r/Christianmarriage, you'll find these anonymous posts from newlywed brides who are struggling to have sex without pain. A lot of the time, they will also say how thankful they are that they have a supportive and loving husband.

[@quackity3343]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months, and we haven't even kissed on the lips yet(we're 16 and 17, so we are going slow). I'd rather be going slow than be going way too fast. Sex on the first date is too fast. Get to know someone before throwing yourself onto them(litteraly)

[@EvilExcalibur]

Why do people act as though promiscuity is an absolute non negotiable necessity?

[@peterburman5193]

Waiting till marriage! 🙏

[@apocalypsebricksstopmotion6193]

Same

[@sindri6181]

🙏

[@joedirt6430]

No I lose all respect if a partner is open to hooking up on a first date. I just get alot of red flags personally and seriously doubt the relationship is going to last.

[@kamsiornot]

Brett the goat no cap

[@Rick_Cleland]

Brett =

[@SubXaeroZA]

Yes, the answer is, let's encourage hook-up culture. Let's make woman believe that the most sacred part of themselves is worth nothing! Let's encourage them to have so many partners that they eventually fail at "pair-bonding" with the actual man who cares about them. The bigger question is, if your relationship isn't built on a foundation of communication and companionship, then how can it move forward. So what we are actually meant to do according these publications is, it's okay to sleep with a bunch of people even if we can't stand to be in their company????

[@milamilisavljevic5401]

The thing is that a lot of couples actually end up going on a date after having known each other for a while, so when someone tells you they had sex on a first date and then ended up marrying each other, it's usually people who were acquainted before the date.

[@southerngirl4076]

That makes more sense. A lot of people leave out those details.

[@mmmMatto]

I slept with one person on a first date, and it turned out to be the shortest lived and least fulfilling relationship I had. The person I waited the longest before having sex with is now my wife of 13 years. The trick was taking our time. It was about 6 months of hanging out on weekends before making a move (funnily enough we both picked the exact same moment to try a move on the other and almost smashed faces not expecting the other to also lean forward). After that we'd casually talk about sex, what we liked, etc. and started gradually adding to our repertoire. That means sex got better over time. 13 yeard later and we're still finding little surprises that keep things interesting.

[@emilygarren6257]

My husband and I waited 6 months and it was the best thing we ever did. We got SO CLOSE on an emotional level, and by the time we were ready to have sex, the connection was already so strong.

[@meleebrawler6462]

Listen everyone, the best way to get into a meaningful relationship that can last you a lifetime is to do the exact opposite of what modern society says.

[@january1012]

Lol. True.

[@ARC1701A]

I've had one partner. She went insane and started to see and hear things that aren't there. I haven't had anyone else in over a decade. Honestly, this country is so bad and the culture is so awful I'm probably going to get my passport and just try the Philippines this year.

[@stevebennett1584]

....as if we didn't love ya' enough already. Made my day Brett !!

[@KaizenLegacy]

My favorite excuse for not controlling your urges is "I have to test drive ... I don't want to find out later the spicy time is bad". The fact that they make this argument clearly demonstrates they have never been in a long term relationship. When you are with someone for a long time, you learn what they like, what they do not like, what you like, etc. The probability of a first-date hookup being good (especially for the girl) is very low. You do not know each other, so you both are shooting in the dark hoping you hit the target. The problem I see with many people who give relationship advice online is that most of them do not have, nor have ever had, a healthy relationship.

[@stellaacyl]

It objectifies the woman as well. The language of test driving is itself bad as it compares us to cars

[@BigRodd91]

@@stellaacyl You do realize that the term "courting" is a euphemism for test driving/testing the waters. Right?

[@stellaacyl]

@@BigRodd91 That would be dating, technically.

[@maam-yj8ph]

Exactly. Spicy time is very likely to be bad because you can't even have a conversation.

[@timothyharris9960]

The first date, on average, should be where you talk to each other and learn whether you are compatible. So instead of having sex to find out if you both like each others kinks discuss your sexual wants and needs with each other.

[@Dominicus13]

This is an undervalued comment. While most people are talking about emotional connection and long term development they are missing that while sex is not the most important element it IS an important element in a long term relationship. However sex on the first date rarely ends well. That isn’t to say that you can’t get lucky and find someone you are compatible with that you also had sex with on the first date, but it is putting the cart before the horse. If you have certain sexual needs in your relationships it is something you should be discussing right alongside your beliefs, values, long term goals, and what you want out of a real relationship.

[@Woo_Woo_Woman]

As a woman who avoids promiscuous men because I don't respect them, any man who wanted to talk about sex so fast was never seen again. Now, I know most men prefer women who talk about intimacy with everyone but I never liked men who liked those women. Very unattractive.

[@indiasupportstrumpwwg1wga927]

⁠@@Woo_Woo_Womanthat’s hilarious you think most men can afford to be promiscuous. Most can’t, because in reality men control the relationships and women control sex.

[@brothersbornmedia]

No, my wife and I waited until we were married. We have been married now neatly 16 years, and we still have a hood relationship. In that 16 years of marriage I think we maybe had 1 big fight. The point is we are compatible emotionally, and spiritually. When you have that physical compatibility will fall in line with the rest.

[@mochikinzy4912]

I respect that so much. I wish people my age (17) were virgins. Its so hard to find people who arent being complete man hoes and disrespecting something that has such a high value :/ I will never respect people who think that sex is just a casual thing

[@abbagil]

After the 3rd date for sure.

[@matthewsmith2797]

Relationships = Pokemon They come in all shapes, sizes and types. Some are hot, some are cold, but all of them know how to fight. Getting to know someone in the courting phase = Leveling up Adding sexy time to the mix = Evolving Evolving before leveling up: you miss out on a lot of cool shit. Leveling up before evolving: you get the cool shit AND the excitement of this new form which builds on the last one.

[@Floppa-oz1kp]

“Relationship Expert” I feel like every time I see one giving advice they are always single lmao

[@Tactical_plumber95]

My wife and I waited 6 months (I know it not waiting until marriage but…)we got married 6 months later. My 16 year old brother in law hasn’t even been out on a real date and his “body count” as he put it is higher that how many relationships I’ve had in my life and I’m 27 and was considered the “player/ f-boy” in high school kids nowadays really don’t know how to date or what a relationship is

[@crazysilly2914]

GEEZ 16?!?!? I am am 23 and have NEVER been in a relationship my entire life...

[@CO_EVO_8]

Sex on a first date is a red flag to me 100%. My ex made me wait, and honestly, I loved that about her. I didn't see it as a challenge but saw it as someone who respected themself enough to know when she'd be ready. She was a virgin at the time, and I loved that about her as well. It wasn't meaningless when it happened. It actually meant something, and that made the experience so much better than any of the previous relationships I had in the past.

[@goncalovilhena2139]

honestly seems like you have lingering feelings for her. why did you guys broke up?

[@alexvangen745]

Get back together with you ex man It sounds like you still have feelings for her

[@IceKing921]

"Smashing" the patriarchy... Exactly

[@taleoftwowolves74]

I wouldn't call it the 'most' important but sex is very important in a relationship and I think everyone builds up to it differently. I wouldn't tell anyone to do it on the first date but I also wouldn't say wait till marriage, do it when it's right and comfortable for both of you

[@The_Dudester]

From a guy: Oh hell NO!! DO NOT hook up on the first date. Guy gets what he wants and moves on to the next target.

[@juan-carlosmaldonado6624]

Society: "have sex on the first date Also society: "believe all women" 😳😳😳

[@user-yl9qx9oi1x]

To quote She’s the Man “The best way to not… is to not!”

[@aetank_yyteawu3436]

Notice how everything that worked in the past is being slammed in the name of progress. Never change something that works, you’ll end up regretting it.

[@phillipnunya6793]

Short answer; No. Sex on the first date has nothing to do with the potential quality of the relionship and everything to do with having fun and not wasting time. Obviously ALSO have serious conversations with effective and direct communication. It has everything to do with how ready for a healthy relationship the two people are. The "no sleeping around because it's bad and God doesn't like it" thing is a classic conservative opinion. Just be honest about that next time you tell me that I am incapable of having sex, having serious and honest conversations, and knowing when someone isn't right for me. I'm just not a fan of wasting time in relionships because I'm "supposed" to say hello and stare longingly into her eyes for years while another guy swoops in and plops me in the friend zone because he decided he didn't feel like waiting around forever. Yes, it is a prude motherly religious argument. You just won't say it. If you want to talk biology, genetic studies have been done and it suggests that hundreds of thousands of years ago, humans were much less shrewd when it came to sex. Anyway, strange how this isn't an issue in East Asia and other parts of the world, where the average woman makes a good partner, mother, friend, AND also likes to have fun in bed often. I get the impression you would want ten minutes to ask God for forgiveness before your fifteen minute bimonthly spicy session with your partner. No thanks, I'll pass.

[@kevinsullivan3448]

The reason Divorce is so prevalent is because people are not marrying for the right reasons. If you are only have a relationship because you enjoy sex then you have zero other reasons to stay in the relationship, even children.

[@crazysilly2914]

lust over love

[@MrBurnsy81]

The only long term relationship I've ever been in started with "knocking boots" at the end of the night, but I didn't go into the date expecting anything and it just kinda happened after a fun night beforehand. Was with her for nearly three years and while it didn't end up working out, but I don't think that was because of the first night. Having said that, I don't think it should be an expectation either for sure.

[@Christina-nf1lx]

Same, but it worked out in my case (together for 10 years).

[@lidiagizaw3828]

@Christina Brett is pretending like there is something wrong with u coz u wanted to have sex

[@bobizzle1605]

Dear God. And we wonder why marriages fail and why people don’t take sex seriously anymore 🤦‍♂️ Being 31, I have a message for all the younger crowd out there: please wait until you’re at least in a loving long term relationship with someone. I promise it’s so much more worth it. My first time having sex years back was with a complete stranger I knew for like a week and I had a few hookups afterwards, and pretty much NONE of that sex was good or meaningful. Now, I am married to the love of my life, we waited to get married to have sex even though we both had sex with others, and being with her is so much more meaningful and our sex life is amazing because we love each other. It really is worth it to wait people. You’ll know when you know someday.

[@chadsteele1]

Get it on and get it out of th e way. Enjoy it.

[@JamesFereday]

Ladies if you want to be taken seriously and not want to get moved into the “ sex only “ column - show some respect to yourself and the fact you want to know someone a bit before you do the most intimate thing you can

[@patrickarmer3160]

I love Brett Cooper

[@xshoof]

Sleeping with someone on the first date is a sure way to make it the last date. These knees only drop for worship and prayer 🙏

[@alizackrone2995]

In my experience both in my life and my friends’, this only really works out long term if you’re friends with the person for a while before your first date. Even then, not necessarily the best idea.

[@thearturo0xd803]

And that comes to show that if it worked, it’s because they already had some sort of emotional relationship with each other!

[@whyme16]

@thearturo0xd803 absolutely agree. Id say pretty early i slept with my fiance but we were best friends who knew everything about eachother so it worked and we have similar values and work well together.

[@hipstertrudy3658]

For many people in a post birth control world, where the need for an institution that internalized the costs of sex is no longer valid, the whole reason for waiting is moot. If you were supposed to wait so that you could guarantee you’re the father, but not you can have sex and guarantee you Will not be the father, the pros and cons have changed for most rational thinkers (people not thinking in dogmatic absolutes). For most people intimacy is important and investing is someone who is subpar and will not please you the rest of your life only leads to resentment and the probably failure of the family.

[@neothomil9891]

When she says, the talking part, when youre gettin to know each other is the most exciting part, i totally agree, that period where youre liking the other person and the other person is liking you, but no one wants to come forward with it, and you want the person to do it, is really exciting

[@TorontoJon]

Any relationship based solely on sex or sexual attraction is doomed to fail as we see time and time again with a lot of dumb, shallow Hollywood celebrities, so rushing into having sex with someone on the first date is just a recipe for disaster. Plus, what happens if sex with that person on the first date wasn't all that you had hoped or fantasized? Do you throw that person away who might otherwise have been a fantastic person in your life and sex would likely improve over time? Conversely, what if you've just had sex with a total psychopath on the first date because you didn't apply any wisdom to take the time to get to know that person better for many dates and months beforehand? The bottom line is if you want relationships that have meaning and potential longevity (marriage, kids, etc.), you have to learn PATIENCE and take the time to know that person better (intelligence, humor, general moods, attitudes, beliefs, personal values and ethics, views on various subjects, etc.). Don't throw away the fun of learning about that person for the "almighty" orgasm. That would just be silly and incredibly immature as well as self-destructive.

[@evangelle82]

I have always thought that LOGICALLY you would go on a first date for say, 1-2 hours... you haven't even known this person for ONE business day. Think about it. It's almost like you show up to a job... and work and by your first coffee break you sleep with a coworker or something like that. That's NUTS man. I can't even decide what I want for lunch (4 hours in the workday) let alone physically BOND with a person in the most vulnerable way... Madness.

[@ChickenPermissionOG]

A relationship is more than sex.

[@eliasjuan4513]

IT'S SO ANNOYING HOW SMOOTH HER ADVERTISEMENTS ARE. Like, BRO, I'm just casually drawing while listening to her, then BAM i'm more than halfway through this ad.

[@maam-yj8ph]

"Don't let rules dictate your life" and "if it feels good do it" sounds an awful lot like rules that dictate your life.