"Why Do I LOSE MYSELF In My MIND?" Dissociation & DID |Psychotherapy Crash Course

#trauma #DISSOCIATION
#tamarahilllpc
Dissociation is a cognitive process that the brain experiences when there is some kind of threat in the environment. It blocks the brain/mind from experiencing the fullness of life.
It is often triggered by reminders of a trauma, stress, intense emotion, change and transition, and a host of other things.
I would like you to see dissociation on a spectrum - mild may be dissociating on your way to work or home and severe may be dissociative identity disorder.
In this video, I will be discussing dissociation that is on the spectrum from mild to severe and explain how trauma "creates" the experience of dissociation.
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DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO:
0:00 intro
1:50 Dissociation 101
4:50 Can you ask personalities to "step-up?"
5:18 What DID and dissociation really is
6:45 WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU
-no continuity/fragmented self
-detachment from the environment
-feeling "cloudy" or nebulous
-intense daydreaming and zoning out
-in and out of reality multiple times
-gaps in memory
-lack of consistency with memory
-variable identity or self-concept
-separation between mind and body
13:01 Clinical experience example
Possession Form Dissociation • "How Do I KNOW It's PO...
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
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----Contact me-------(BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY)
I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at [e-mail]. *Please note: all consultations are charged a fixed rate fee based on the case content.
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[@juanguzman3340]

First time commenter long time enjoyer of your content. Love your stuff always enlightning, brought positive in my life, and might I add you look more than amazingly beautiful. Continue the good work!!!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much Juan! ☺😇Very glad these videos are helpful and I'm glad you commented!

[@Cheetah224]

I hate living like this because people call you crazy you’re whole life and you feel like no one can help you. It makes you just want to be alone.

[@sharundaseagraves5248]

Yes! I agree

[@valeriewalkerwhite9525]

I feel so fully myself when I'm alone. I LOVE it...I read, write, sing, create, etc....

[@catmindy2187]

Im a expert at DID. You have a really good handle on it. Children seems to be more transparent. As a adult we would never reveal so much. Im glad you are able to help adolescents as much as you can. I have a hierarchy of GateKeepers, Bricklayers and about 40 others that are the ultimate controllers.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you. And I agree with this. Children do seem more transparent. I truly believe that they are more open to the process of healing and more open to the process of psychotherapy if they trust you. I've seen over the years that one a child trusts you...that's all you need.

[@johnwaller4983]

My opinion is we all get lost .. and need a break from phones tvs and people… just a few hours goes a long way towards finding yourself..

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Very true. I agree with that. Coming away from "the world" and all of its busyness is key as well.

[@ataraxigrace822]

I grew up with a mother with DID. Some of her 'personalities' were cruel, some neglectful. So even when she was nice, with her nice voice I learnt to not trust her. I understand you saying its scary. It is. I was so scared I was going insane as a teen. I remember at 10 asking her 'caring, gentle' persona if she would please go see a psychologist. She went into a rage. I ran away at 14 but was made to go back. I left at 16. Sometimes I even wondered if I imagined my childhood I was 30 when she died. I went to the pallative care hospital to see her before she died. She was speaking in different voices, changing several times in the course of each visit. I recognised each voice and felt relief. I hadnt imagined it. The nurses took me aside to apologise saying the morphine affected people differently. She had never been diagnosed and so they had no idea. When I said, thats the woman I remember, they looked horrified. They had been wondering why none of her children had come to visit her. I am glad there is more awareness about these things now, and that people like yourself, do this work. 😔

[@ataraxigrace822]

Listening to you really helps me understand why being fit and excercising is particularly important for me. When i dont excercise my life gets vague. Great video

[@sharundaseagraves5248]

I feel so lost all the time. I experience trauma in my childhood. I'm 42 years old now. I just wish i was normal. I wish i could engaged in conversations without being in my head all the time. It's hard living with this illness. I want to give up and let my soul free. Right now, I feel so trapped. Im so tired of living like this. It's hard to experience life when i always feel like I'm on another planet all the time.

[@user-cl6uj5bn2f]

Hang in there. It's never too late to receive healing. I'm 38 and just starting my own healing journey in life. You've already taken the first step of awareness, sending love and encouragement on your journey 🙏

[@MP-po6fj]

i have experienced severe trauma like yourself and feel trapped mentally from a serious physical assault 6 months ago and your descriptive comments above are so accurate about the sub conscious cannot let you be in the present and in the now. We are only human at end of the day pal. I wish you well and forward healing and inner peace in the future

[@jonpark5203]

Hi Tamara, you explained the disconnect between mind, body and spirit so very well in relation to dissociative disorders - my experiences from childhood to young adult would range from having a conversation with someone and not absorbing or remembering what they had just said to missing out chunks of time, "it's as if the lights were on but nobody was home" quite often feeling I was in a trance or adopting different personas without being consciously aware of why, now I know its the result of a traumatic childhood. When you do go through the inner work and healing everything that was buried comes up to the surface to be addressed. Its as if dissociation is a form of soul fragmentation where aspects of your own consciousness leave the physical self in order to protect you from all the trauma you have endured. I'm a mental health worker myself and I am very much fascinated by Carl Young and Sigmund Freud teachings of the inner and shadow self. Thanks again all the best.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thanks so much! I'm glad to hear that. And thank you for sharing your experience. I'm sure many can relate, sadly. But you highlight that forgetfulness/gaps in memory can be associated with dissociation as well. That video is coming up tomorrow.

[@valeriewalkerwhite9525]

It's strange I came upon this video today. Over the past weekend I found myself looking at the dark me saying you're a part of me and me. reaching out and embracing the dark me......in church we're taught to deny that part of self but Jesus actually transforms our entire being, not leaving pieces of ourselves behind and discarding. Religion in a lot of cases is harmful. I'm going to research more on the topic of the shadow self...xoxo

[@retropockystick]

As someone diagnosed with DID and functioning as a multiple, I just want to say you are very well spoken and we appreciate your experience and expertise in this field ♥ One thing I wish to implore upon you, we don't prefer the term Personalities... That name was changed for a reason in 1994, because we are dissociated identities each with unique personalities to our own existence. To say personalities is to liken us to Borderline Personality or something along those lines, and that would be incorrect. I hope this finds you well and with informative intent ♥ Thank you!

[@fillistine]

Yes. It is OK to say you are afraid. Thank you for being so real🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

💖😊Thank you!

[@fairygurl9269]

Here's To the Researchers and Healers, and all those that Participate In a Better and Safer Tommorrows for Ourselves and Our Youngsters 🏥

[@ellakennickell5842]

Of the exact description! This is the most important piece i could learn about now.

[@gerardocuauhtemoc19]

Ditto...

[@Geeya6]

Thank you for dispelling some of the myths of this condition and thank you for discussing this for those who don’t understand what goes on with D.I.D❤️

[@slimdusty6328]

I've often tried to describe this exact feeling to health professional ive been sent to see throughout my life. However because ive also managed to mask it fairly well, and as i have decent level of self control as well, the health professionals didn't respond to these things what i was describing to them. Outwardly i can tend to seem like as if i'm already all ok

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry Slim Dusty. Sometimes we're not as keen to symptoms as we should be -- especially if the person is good at masking things. This is why I personally attempt to see beyond that and ask the right questions as well as listen to changing tones when the client sits before me. Humans are complex, as you know.

[@slimdusty6328]

@@TherapistTamaraHill oh i'm not intending to bleat and moan about it. It is what it is. And ive still survived.I just feel that its interesting to note. And i'm wondering if perhaps its some how related with differences in environment between countries. Like for instance, our country, NZ, has had far less situation with returned servicemen returning from wars with things like PTSD. Also we have far less cults and fundamentalist extreme views here i suspect too (therefore less C-PTSD). Meaning that our own environment called for less focus on psychology related to trauma. Unless we would consider the trauma related to racism. Which of course has gone unnoticed . Due to the way that less numbers of our citizen population would have been directly effected. But anyway, the older i get the more i now try to focus on any kind of silver lining i might see. And so, in a round about way, i can now see a way to almost feel thankful for my experience. As i figure that perhaps its served to teach me something. Some people might call it a type of blessing. You'll know where i'm coming from Támara in saying this. I sense that you yourself and others who'd visit your channel too, would all be somewhat wiser, than what others are, in a certain way too.

[@badalicemusic]

Thanks so much for making this video. Finding an informed and qualified perspective, and one from someone who is so able to articulate and honestly reflect on the challenges dissociation brings a therapist, is like finding a diamond amongst the coal seam of DID info available across KZbin and the wider internet. And you are the embodiment of those attributes. So please, keep making these videos! I you'll allow me, I have a couple of questions to ask you. 1. I'm 49 and only recently, via therapy, realised I have frequent (almost daily) memory gaps. The (possibly) weird bit is that those memory gaps bring me no anxiety at all. They occur when I'm in stressful "performance" situations at work; so presenting, public speaking, meetings etc and also anxiety inducing situations at home eg having an argument, running late. The reason I'm okay with these gaps is that it's clear that "whoever" is taking over appears to do a much better job in those situations than I feel "I" would. It's been commented on by those close to me and those who I work with that in these situations it's as though my command of the subject, my access to theories and resources and how I can put these together in enlightening and articulate ways jumps to an entirely new level plus my language use is different too. Add in that it seems I exude confidence and my charisma dials up to 10m then I hope that kind of explains my lack of anxiety, because "whoever" is dealing with these situations is doing a terrific job! I just have no memory of those times at all. And my brain doesn't appear to be any good at noticing this. I can review my slides, read minutes and/or speak with colleagues etc to verify the activity went well but that's it. I know I was really good at sport as in my younger years but again, no real memories of playing in those teams. What Ido have is a very clear memory of putting on my sports kit and disappearing into myself with seemingly a switch to my Prime Directive now being "you have to give your all or die trying". The next thing I'd know would either be finding myself injured on the field of play, or in hospital or sometimes unhurt and changing back into my regular clothes. It wasn't like I had to overcome my sense of self preservation, it was more that I stopped existing. I became this kind if "hero" that had no concerns whatsoever about my own safety. I ended up having to retire from sport due to having way too many concussions and the last one causing neurological issues down my left side. However, I have never had any kind of interaction with or, until very recently, awareness of these personas in my head and they certainly don't have names. The only reason this came to light is the realisation by my therapist that these memory gaps provide the "perfect soil" for my self doubt, low self esteem and paranoia to plants seeds and grow like wildfire. This often results in me being terrified I'm about to get fired or that I'm an embarrassment to my employer. It's exhausting, takes its own toll and is really hard to live with. My question is: is this a common experience? And, as my therapy has come to an end, is it something I should consider exploring further with a therapist? 2. Since I can remember I've been plagued by the existence of 2 worlds. World 1 is the world I hope everyone experiences, where everything is as it seems at face value and that the people in my life exist as human beings. This includes their ability to feel and share genuine emotions and also exist outwith their time in my presence. World 2 is very different. It's a place where every single person is essentially a meat suit with a computer for a brain. This brain has been programmed by a body of doctors/scientists/etc (it has varied over the years but thematically stays the same) so that they feel nothing but will say the appropriate things. The goal of this world being to evoke emotional and behavioural responses in me and gather those data. While I haven't been entirely submerged in World 2 since 2008 (I was in a psych ward for 7 months) I often find myself caught between the two worlds and the effort to try and figure out what is real is enormous. World 2 is a horribly isolating cold world where finding reasons to stay alive is hard. World 1 is what I hope is real but I've never found a way to entirely prove the existence of it and/or allow me to dismiss World 2 as fiction. After sharing some of the emotional trauma from my childhood, my therapist asked me "could you imagine a little kid in their bedroom hearing a raging, terrifying Mum approaching and a bit of their brain deciding, in that moment, that the overwhelmingly frightening Mum approaching ISN'T actually your Mum? That instead, she is some kind of cyborg solely created to LOOK and SOUND like your Mum but actually programmed by to evoke responses in you?" Honestly, that blew my mind and caused me an extraordinary sense of cognitive dissonance, in that objectively, I could totally understand why a kid would do that and, as scary as World 2 is, from a kid's perspective it might feel a little less scary than the idea this was my actual Mum approaching. And yet, at the same time, I know with every fibre of my being that my World 2 is 100% real and so, at the same time, this theory clearly doesn't apply. One last point, as I've grown il and become an adult, with all the understanding of nuance and the complexities of life that brings, World2 is now a much, much scarier place than World 1. It's a place that, should I ever get stuck in again, it's hard to see how I would get out. (Disclaimer: I am NOT suicidal and mentally I am keeping well just now. Please have no concerns.) My question is: is this acceptance of 2 Worlds existing in conflict with each other as I switch between them a form of dissociation? If so, what is it called because I have no idea and that makes it hard to find any resources to help me better understand what is happening. I've written a much longer post than I'd planned so please know it might take you a while to read it, never mind reply! Most of all though, thanks so much for logging these videos onto YT. The insight and acceptance you demonstrate as you speak is its own form of help. Wishing you well and have a good weekend. Sx

[@slimdusty6328]

The brain fog causes me to have need to watch through these videos a few times over , haaa

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🙃 I understand!

[@slimdusty6328]

Thanks again Támara. You've really been helping me "move forward" in leaps and bounds through sharing this info. Very much appreciated

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You are so welcome! ❤ This is great to know!

[@max06de]

I'm having an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow. I'm very much afraid she's not gonna believe me when I tell her about memories of 15 years of childhood ... experiences and dissociation partially coming back now, with the "does not believe you" being a big part of that past. Your videos (and some other great creators here) helped me reassuring myself. I am not imagining this. Thank you!

[@marinaSassygUrl88]

For me, I have this scenario I go to very frequently in my head, not just one scenario. But actually multiple, where I would have an entirely different story and live than mine, usually still not that great of situations, but there's always an element where I am bullied, mocked,hated in these scenarios, but the one thing is that I am loved by that "lover" or a mother because I have mommy issues and my mom is a narcissist but in my scenarios it's more loving than I ever have in reality, but the thing is... I get super sad if anything bad happened in my head scenarios and think it happened in real life to.

[@r.torres5975]

Definitely a second video is needed 🙏 thank you so much 💕

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Coming up!

[@Geeya6]

Thank you for this,when I was first dx’d I commented on your first video,I love how much you know about this disorder and relate to so many of the symptoms,just thank you.❤️

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you!! ❤ And you're welcome. A lot of misinformation and confusion surrounds this so it feels good to be able to offer a different view.

[@truth4utoda]

I need this one!

[@truth4utoda]

I just keep rewatching this masterpiece 😍

[@Watcherwash85]

When I was 12. In my file “male staff only response “. Then tackled, drugged and carried to straps.. my hell for many many years. Just needed one person to understand..

[@DoggyDoula]

I feel for that girl,sounds like me as a child. You know and seem to understand DID much better than you give yourself credit for. Just your acceptance of what causes it gives you an insight many therapists dont have. I remember the struggle growing up. Never sure who I was or what was going on. Its easier for people to wear rose colored glasses than to admit such evil existed right under their nose. 😔 And now we are going to recover from watching this and process the fact that finally people are getting it and maybe someone else won't suffer like I did.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you for that. I appreciate that insight as well. I will try to cover this topic more moving forward. I think it's significant to truly understanding the human mind under trauma.

[@user-po5bn3cs7i]

Thank you so much for talking about this. I thought it was depression and ADD and anxiety when I went into therapy. Found out I had repressed trauma and my therapist was like OHHHH. Yeah this makes sense you have trauma. It’s so hard to feel present and I appreciate you talking about all the stuff involved in this and actual facts vs the DID represention on KZbin or in movies.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome! I'm glad to hear this was helpful. And thank you so much for these kind words. :) Shows me what more I need to do on the channel for viewers like you!

[@RyLeedepressed]

I have been going throw a few of your videos and I’m really liking for format. Bet interesting videos

[@tammyturner5775]

I keep away from people because I am afraid that I will switch. I have lost friends when I was younger because of "the others ".

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

oh my. That's horrible. I hope you were able/are able to talk to a therapist about this. It might shed some light on the issue for you.

[@trudylyte2660]

Yes!!! .. best description ever.. im 46 diagnosed DID ... thank you so much!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome! 😊 Thank you! Glad this was helpful.

[@valeriewalkerwhite9525]

This video raised my bp and i could feel myself go into hiding somewhat....wow.....

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I understand....no shame there.

[@zocodE]

You're so smart.💪🏾

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you!

[@user-va5tVu56]

This was very informative..thank you

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Glad it was helpful! You're welcome. And Thank you!

[@TLDAVIS1951]

Is withdrawal similar to disassociation? All of my life I dealt with emotionally traumatic events by withdrawing from the scene. When wasn't able to physically leave the scene I found a way to retreat far into myself. It was like I was deep down narrow tunnel peering at the outside world. That started very early in life and has continued to this day. Whenever I am faced with having to engage in any kind of social intercourse I retreat far within myself. It's like I'm in another time zone and it takes a moment to respond to anyone.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you for sharing that. I spoke with someone this week who experiences the same thing. It's frustrating for this person to say the least. I wouldn't be surprised if it is frustrating to you too.

[@rosalindarevell9868]

Explains my experiences all my lifetime

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry. That's tough indeed.

[@Elizabethpepper8]

I feel its hard to identify because of the terminoloy, "multiple personality disorder". It feels like different version/adaptations of yourself rather than different people. Dissociatiom became chronic for me after severe, inescapable abuse. Its sorta like alcohol consumption. Your mind feels fizzy and disconnected from your body and environmental. I actually walk into walls wtc becsuse of the disconnect. lll have bruises, cuts, etc with no idea of how. A severe episode is comparable to blacking out. You can go to the bathroom and then realized youve been there for four hours with no recall. Couldve swon i feel asleep standing up.

[@NoBody-xj4bc]

🔥

[@marinaSassygUrl88]

Hi doctor Támara, I love you 💕

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🥰

[@raeedbrown8532]

Good stuff

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you!

[@raeedbrown8532]

@@TherapistTamaraHill yes made me look myself in the mirror because I had a traumatic injury an people say I'm not the same an this fits as a reason

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

yes, I understand. That is tough indeed.

[@olinayoung6287]

Thank you, I’m very familiar 🍃

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Welcome!

[@thatgrlkiy]

With DID, if someone has a child alter would they physically embody the child? For instance, would they fee short, see themselves with small hands and feet, and when they look in the mirror would they see themselves as a child?

[@vancespellman6800]

Hey Tamara I might need your help thanks

[@Adrian20242]

Hey I have did

[@Acquisition1913]

☀️🌴🐴💎❤️👍

[@valeriewalkerwhite9525]

you are looking gorgeous on here...

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you 😊

[@AaaBbb-dl4iw]

You so beautiful 😅🥰

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

😊🥰 thank you