This Animated Christian Movie is Beyond Bad

[@TedNivison]

For all of you concerned about my eyes being red, it was because I had been wearing contacts all day and I had to switch them out, and that whole process of switching them made my eyes red. I was not high. Drugs are a sin. I've never ever done any weed before and there's actually no evidence you could find online that I have done weed. Sorry!

[@C4YA_]

💀💀💀

[@ThatCroewGuy]

It's clearly because you were crying, because the movie was just THAT beautiful

[@hailthealgorithm1059]

Thank you Mr.Ted Nivison for clarifying that. No one should ever experience the suggestion of accidentally ingesting a 400 mg edible. That would be sin.

[@zerocen6930]

"the accidental 400mg edible" video on sidebar

[@danielhackman612]

Trump tweet

[@kiwipits]

on schlatt's jenga stream the other day i literally heard ted mention that "moses slaughtered people for worshiping a golden calf" and i was so confused bc it was so out of pocket BUT IT MAKES SENSE NOW LMAOO HE STILL HAD THE MOVIE ON HIS MIND

[@keonarr2903]

I mean who doesn’t? 🕺🏻

[@froodlenoodle]

ted goes in character and before you know it, you are REPENTING FOR YOUR SINS

[@rork679]

Ted lore?????

[@CyanDreams]

I thought it was an incorrect history joke. But no! You’re right!

[@braydenhopkins3634]

I didn't know "Schlatt" did a Jenga stream

[@pugilism]

That lion dad is lucky he's in a Christian film, 'cause I'm pretty sure aggression displays like "baring your teeth at a lioness" just earn you a violent ass-kicking in real lion culture

[@AxxLAfriku]

NO, NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME! why should i waste my time at school? i am super famous on youtube. tell me, dear cace

[@big_sea]

yes

[@humormethis9014]

@@AxxLAfriku wrong number

[@caitlinistired1050]

‘lion culture’

[@manboy4720]

that'd get yo ass WHOOPED

[@callum8893]

8:50 "Sometimes a no means maybe" is the most predatory thing I've heard all day. Chris for sure ain't right in the head.

[@AxxLAfriku]

SCHOOL! The answer is I don't go! Why go? I am famous. I am famous. I have more fans than fingers multiplied with toes multiplied with teeth multiplied with ears. I am famous. I am famous. SCHOOL? No, thanks. KZbin FAME? Yes. Good day, dear cal

[@lunarcod7187]

@@AxxLAfriku sad

[@idontwantmyrealnameonhere5955]

@@AxxLAfriku down horrendous

[@demonchilde6664]

@@AxxLAfriku He's lost himself

[@oxhens9419]

Alright, so I spent a good 3 minutes doing the math and have figured it out. So we’re multiplying the amount of fingers (10), the amount of toes (10), the amount of teeth (average human has about 32 teeth with wisdom teeth and 28 without, so we’ll do both just for fun), and finally the amount of ears (2). So we start off with 10 • 10 which is 100, then we do 100 • 32 (wisdom teeth included) which is 3200 or we could do 100 • 28 (without wisdom teeth) which is 2800, finally we times 3200 (or 2800) by 2 to get 6400 (or 5600). Basically this person has more than 6400 (or 5600) fans. Signed, Someone who had too much time on their hands.

[@zapdog_]

Chris is 100% not allowed within 1000 feet of a school

[@kninenights]

That’s why he appeared to Joshua in his bedroom :D

[@Murkymaid]

i liked the part in the movie where joshua said "where's the land i was promised" and then he got really angry and set fire to an orphanage

[@redmist6630]

but the mom has a mane even tho shes a lioness. you know what? thats the least thing wrong with this movie

[@schlorping5156]

@@redmist6630 trans rights i guess?

[@nickk8054]

Time?

[@redmist6630]

@@schlorping5156 clutch answer w

[@obamium3020]

Really nailing that Old Testament vibe

[@sailorstarchild]

Ah yes, Chris. The most important character in the Old Testament.

[@theman6422]

Chris T. Ian, my favorite character

[@TenzinBeifongIII]

@@theman6422 you stole my damn comment, take my like you jerk

[@beastfitsmagee3769]

Jesus Chris our lord and savior 🙏

[@ImTheLetterP]

@@beastfitsmagee3769 Chris Chan? Oh, I mean Jesus Christine Weston Ricardo Chandler Sonichu of Nazareth

[@sharky99]

Chris!!! My bible man

[@kristinella2428]

I choked on my breakfast at "This ghost is a registered sex offender!" and very nearly saw God. At least the movie is effective?

[@meltwire]

what does this comment even mean

[@lunarionx8093]

XD

[@AshSoup96]

lol

[@shuruff904]

@@meltwire it's not that hard to comprehend....are u European or Asian? Maybe German?..really.....

[@drivethroughthearttracksla6736]

God says game ending yourself is a sin, so all this movie is is a loophole to legally see god after an early death from choking to death. Bravo, very brave

[@cassandraburns9073]

"Thou shalt not kickflip" Was my least favorite rule growing up in Catholic school

[@someone-gi5lq]

the lost 11th commandment

[@pastelcatnip]

​@@someone-gi5lq idk if that was intentional but this made me think of Moral Orel

[@someone-gi5lq]

@@pastelcatnip it was absolutely intentional i'm so happy someone got that reference

[@SillyGoofyOllie]

MORE MORAL OREL FANS IN THE WILD/pos

[@NAT20Ashes]

I went with my now partner everywhere while he skated when we were teens. We were constantly harrassed by adults and basically called Satan worshippers because he skateboarded and we wore black a lot. My name is actually a very religious word too to make it even odder. I’ve had all sorts of people see my name and ask if it’s ok to pray over me including lawyers and doctors. I always say yes because even though I don’t follow my childhood religion anymore I see no issue with it and think it’s very kind to not only ask but to offer.

[@M0SS3__]

“They killed a baby” Joshua says calmly, showing no emotion.

[@unironicallygae8614]

Why did this make me think of the "baby in the oven" song- /lh

[@amberhernandez]

"He appears devoid of emotion, uncaring about the situation or its consequences." - JCS Criminal Psychology

[@gothmenincombatboots]

I thought this said "knowing no emotion" which is far far scarier

[@M0SS3__]

@@gothmenincombatboots you’re right holy shit

[@AndGoatz04]

"They milled a baby." :L

[@ashr314]

I'm 90% sure that the reason this looks so bad is that they spent all of their budget on the destruction physics in the last scene.

[@sambradley9091]

there is no budget, it was a passion project that took 4 years

[@suned3128]

@@sambradley9091 damn, what a waste

[@Eking-su3tr]

@@sambradley9091 4 yrs? Oof

[@samuelclark6714]

Naw, they spent most of it on weed.

[@spencykings3182]

im like four minutes in and i'm... pretty sure the house model is the same as who's your daddy

[@skylarchungus9249]

You’ve made it Ted…my grandma now loves your content.

[@Walter-Dodds]

Wow now that's surprising

[@19DannyBoy65]

Ted is the GILF master

[@KingNedya]

@@19DannyBoy65 I didn't need to know that that is a thing.

[@unironicallygae8614]

@@19DannyBoy65 true, he gets all that dry-/j (not gonna finish that sentence)

[@qaiwiwi]

@@19DannyBoy65 Are you serious.

[@zooh8017]

The ghosts interaction with Joshua is like actually dangerous to show to children it normalizes the most suspicious and dangerous things you should be telling kids to avoid

[@kinashy8863]

I totally agree

[@nickythehickey]

“sometimes no means maybe” -how to create both rapists and rape victims in a single sentence

[@spacebar_key4207]

the pastors gotta do SOMETHING to pass the time okay man give them a break

[@dogf421]

a lot of horribly fucked up things are normalized in christian society

[@Unhinged_Pegasus69]

I just realized that every character in the film was one of Joshua’s toys on the shelf that Chris the Static Angel decided to peek at.

[@TheOGBeezy]

WHAT

[@cocaquialism8140]

Holy fuck

[@cocosolis8240]

That's an actual creative way to reuse models

[@guytheguy2642]

Chekovs Toys

[@Unhinged_Pegasus69]

@@catloversunite1155 Chris, please save me.

[@LuzuraHater]

‘Also, who is this tiger character? He is absolutely fucking goated, hes like the John Wick of the bible’ that will FOREVER be one of my favorite Ted quotes

[@Shiffyyes]

I really like “a rating of 4 pogging Moseses, and 1 angry pharoh.” I don’t know the rating system but it won’t stop me from using it all the time. I’m adding ‘stone-faced Joshua’ and ‘goated tiger’.

[@amberc6403]

I literally was reading this and he said it as i was reading it. Made it twice as funny

[@erinw.9256]

Bruh I love this thread

[@LuzuraHater]

Yo thanks Ted for liking my comment! Love ur content 🫶 love the fact ur still going through old comments :)

[@itsisabel420]

The fact that this movie is legitimately just a one-man project made in a guy’s basement and most likely voiced by people he knows is the part that gets me.

[@nightstar6179]

That makes it a little less bad to me. To be fair, i probably wouldn't do any better

[@ethereal.alienation]

this amazes me and scares me

[@Irreverent_Radiation]

@@nightstar6179 if someone cooks a horrible, shit filled dinner you can say that it's terrible even if you don't know how to cook

[@Irreverent_Radiation]

@@garfaaldo "Making a movie? *hits his bong cracks dick* Please, call an ambulance"

[@cherie..cherry]

@@Irreverent_Radiation true. But IMO, it’s still impressive to make a whole movie by yourself whether it is good or not. Cooking requires effort, yes but not as much as producing an entire movie.

[@sasariwtf]

The mentality of not doing bad things because they are wrong, but not doing bad things because god will punish you is always what pisses me off the most

[@spoony8485]

Yea that’s kinda how Christianity works. I mean, all of the 7 deadly sins are sins specifically because you don’t keep god in your best interest when doing them, Not because they are morally wrong. There are even Christian’s who wholeheartedly believe that atheists are inherently rapists and murderers because they don’t have a god to tell them not to do something.

[@jonasamon9091]

I agree with the sentiment, but people simply won't do the right thing without consequences.

[@sasariwtf]

@@jonasamon9091 some people*

[@SomebodywithaYouTubeaccount]

Agreed. That’s an eternal struggle of humanity

[@cakecwkecake7479]

thats not really the mentality people have dude

[@Styxin]

I feel at 27:14 the reason they apologized so quickly was they felt the aura of a 44 year old with years of combat experience who killed the literal devil in the body of their 7 year old son. I would too

[@chrono9503]

I don’t have a goo comment here I’m just gonna tell you that you have 600 likes

[@erinw.9256]

I mean for real tho

[@eivinkringen4725]

They read is power level and said “I ain’t fucking with this”

[@JellybeansDrawings]

Lol 😂

[@exzyyd392]

He walked in and they heard his boss fight music start

[@itzjobi]

This movie was dragged from the deep dark depths of hell to teach us a *biblically accurate* story about a lion with emotionally abusive parents

[@sari9645]

I audibly laughed at this

[@emmepatr7197]

pretty much, yeah

[@justinmartin4662]

Except that’s it’s not biblically accurate.

[@justinmartin4662]

Like most of Christianity, most Christians have cherry picked out all the parts they don’t like.

[@itzjobi]

@@justinmartin4662 No Justin I assure you.. it is biblically accurate.

[@paigieodo]

my 17 year old brother just walked in my room, looked at the screen and said "this guy looks like when shrek turned into a human"

[@saultz3406]

Lol that’s awesome

[@TradwifeInTraining]

Give him some creatine and a gym membership and you’re 100

[@duggyrulz85]

@@TradwifeInTrainingdon't forget the 400mg edible

[@M0sshr00m97]

He's right 😂

[@birdlady1523]

No, no that’s GunnarTV lolol

[@ultimateninjaboi]

I love how this is trying to be a moral lesson for kids, when the moral of the story is "if you arent perfect, you are just as bad as baby murderers, and will be killed."

[@Berryations]

Yeah without the redemption of Christ this is pretty wild

[@jackofclubs6229]

“This ghost is a registered sex offender. Everything this guy has said other than a lesson about God has been sus.” Ah, so he’s a _priest._ Gotcha.

[@vinniebeloved3023]

the way i cackled at this oh my god

[@guy136]

That killed me💀

[@bashingmyheadintothewall]

THATS WHAT I SAID I WAS LIKE "HOLY SHIT MAN THATS SOME SEX OFFENDER SHIT WHAT THA FUCK-?!"

[@DHawkBeats]

This is funny but it also hurts lmao

[@theweepingskull9839]

Lmao bruh

[@EngineerInASweatshirt]

"We're gonna go on a little trip" is the last thing Ted said to me before he broke my dad's arm and dropped me off in the Yukon

[@theradmadlad7681]

"We're gonna go on a little trip" is the last thing Ted said to me before he committed vehicular manslaughter and took us on a high speed police chase

[@massdysfunkton]

“We’re gonna go on a little trip” is the last thing Ted said to me before he stole my kneecaps and broke into a NASA facility to send me on a one way trip into the sun

[@ABucketOfFish]

“We’re gonna go on a little trip” is the last thing Ted said before dumping 30 drops of high concentrated acid on my tongue and forcing me to watch Joshua and The Promised Land for 12 hours straight.

[@Chrokosaur]

"We're gonna go on a little trip" is the last thing Ted said to me before he turned into an athropomorphic walrus and drove my car into the sea.

[@yandenjav9774]

Throughout the movie, Chris gave such creep and manipulator vibes I was constantly questioning his true intentions.

[@spaceace4263]

I'm so glad the only Christian content I was subjected to as a child was veggie tales and the prince of Egypt and not whatever I just witnessed

[@boohoobibsi]

for being christian veggietales still slaps

[@emeraldelm3140]

same

[@solgerWhyIsThereAnAtItLooksBad]

Behold, the only 2 watchable christian anythings

[@WyvernLostThePlot]

Listen, doesn't matter what you believe, Veggitales was, is, and forever will be the pinnacle of child's tv.

[@yourviewer7984]

@Qwilldred I don’t know if I should thank you for the nostalgia trip, or curse you for getting that song stuck in my head-

[@jaebebifi]

I think the worst part about this movie is the ending. It's literally teaching children "If you learn about God, your parents will stop arguing and being abusive" What the actual fuck man

[@barrothontherocks3325]

would have made more sense if maybe joshua busted in the door and made them say grace or something at the table and that's what magically fixed everything

[@anstupid4093]

@@barrothontherocks3325 How tf would that have made more sense

[@barrothontherocks3325]

@@anstupid4093 anything makes more sense than him killing the devil and magically fixing a failing marriage somehow

[@skyebeyea4282]

Instructions unclear, I read the necronomicon /j

[@ZekromAndYugiAndDrago123]

I mean that's arguably not even the worst lesson they teach, given that earlier they say "If a strange man appears in your room, and wants you to come with him not knowing where you're going, go with him, no questions asked!"

[@ayas5050]

Kinda crazy how right he is when he said: "They died for laws they didnt even knew"

[@Bacon2000.]

It was murder and enslavement they should know it's wrong

[@lunaliciousgeek]

"that were made L A S T W E E K"

[@bungiecrimes7247]

To me being racist was always said to be a bad thing a second ago. Soooooo... Not my fault I committed a hate crime. 👉👈😌

[@davycard760]

Congrats, you summarized the Bible in 8 words

[@jesuschristbutafab9923]

imagine ur in the afterlife and you find out why you got genocided and its just like: "uh...yeahhh so apparently the hot new religion doesn't like when people don't follow their rules soooo....yeahhhh all ur people are kinda basically dead...even the kids!" "....WHAT"

[@Manigeitora]

2:42 - They may not even be talking about their whole house when they say "den". A lot of people refer to the family room or living room as a den instead. So, instead of a single, small, insignificant change, they may have just made no changes whatsoever.

[@huggablebears]

The lion-parent argument unlocked my memories of that facade game. “tinkering with that car again, trip?” “its my day off, grace!”

[@copper9687]

Melon.

[@ScoopedKiwis]

They sound so eerily similar

[@CharlieBravo1118]

@@copper9687 *stares at you awkwardly for 3 seconds* *Game crashes*

[@streetlightstray1568]

MCDONALDS NAD YOU

[@spacetrashfallingdown]

@@copper9687 😮😠 Okay, I think it's your time to leave.

[@Just_The_Krust]

You know, one of the best things about Ted is that even at 1.17 MILLION subscribers, he STILL goes through and likes people's different comments. That's just so cool of him, what a super guy. Ted, you're a real super guy.

[@TedNivison]

Thanks! yeah I kinda just check the comments of the new videos throughout the week to see how people liked it!

[@grimmyboi]

@@TedNivison this video inspired me to watch the full movie and I think my soul is gone now

[@lemonade1457]

@@grimmyboi omg you are now one with CRIS

[@KingZedusPrime2009TyrentKaiju]

@@TedNivison I liked the video, but whats with the part where you started ranting about how much you love to boil dogs? I mean it wasn't in context to the movie, and you just kept talking about how much you love killing and boiling dogs. Not that cool man.

[@skywker1]

@@KingZedusPrime2009TyrentKaiju Yo Ted's Based?!?

[@dorbacal]

As a secular Jewish person, who knows very little about the Bible (all my knowledge comes from school classes), this is probably the most inaccurate representation of the Moses story that I have ever seen

[@emdo8437]

As an orthadox Jewish person who's been studying each section of the bible every week for the past six months, this is one of the most inaccurate representations of the Torah I've ever seen

[@doubleslashkarma]

Adding to this, as a Methodist Christian who has taken Catholic religion classes, this is the weirdest depiction of the story of Moses in both Protestant and Catholic Bibles that has ever cursed my eyes. It's *vaguely* accurate? About... some things? I don't What

[@justayeet5905]

As a nondenominational Christian who’s been trying to study the Bible. This is very confusing to my brain

[@dippyfresh8155]

As an atheist, what the hell is happening in this movie

[@omegaflowey7436]

@@dippyfresh8155 dude, ya dont need to say you're an atheist. No one knows.

[@JPmax4ever]

As a Christian I am ashamed I didn’t grow up with this masterpiece.

[@JeffjustJeff5117]

😂me too! It’s such a shame man

[@realperson7649]

5 pogging Moses and 1 angry Pharoah

[@MarkFromNextDoor]

as someone who is anti-religious, i too am ashamed I didn't see such a glorious film

[@peytonsito7147]

Honestly….😢😢

[@rianwinters3417]

@@realperson7649 that line had me in tears

[@simonwilcox9830]

I like how Joshua just hit the griddy when chasing a quail like hold up bro im getting sturdy

[@bingdinggold1877]

That sentence gave me as much whiplash as the entire movie

[@w0zvo]

Yeah

[@fukkthisnewupdate8882]

I'm still trying to decipher it

[@FancyMcSchmancy]

it’s like trying to decipher the rosette stone backwards while drunk

[@DarlingMissDarling]

Lol "hold up bro, I'm gettin sturdy" just made me cackle like a cartoon witch stirring a cauldron 💀

[@shiekatyt4635]

joshua was actually moses' right hand man so not only did chris put joshua in a random ass person, he put a CHILD in one of the most important roles in the journey

[@ryanweeks6118]

To fight in a war. Good thing there’s no gore ig

[@vsptylore3639]

And I mean, what about kid Joshua's problems made this story relevant? His parents were going to divorce, what about that was explained or solved by making Joshua fight a war and then starve in a desert for 40 years?

[@hsimone]

I remember watching this movie as a child i swear to God. I went to a really weird private school and they showed this movie to us. I vividly remember that after I had the worst nightmare I've ever had- after that night I couldn't sleep alone for a month I am dead serious

[@tomtomtrent]

Was your dream a multi-year experience of your namesake? Did some weird predatory bear take you to live the life of the biblical Hannah?

[@riley_6363]

That's a whole different flavor of religious trauma

[@acorntea]

@@riley_6363 lemon flavor

[@Cosmerii]

Chris found his next child to kidnap and take on a very obviously safe trip

[@acorntea]

@@Cosmerii little einsteins moment

[@benrey47]

23:45 it’s the same situation the kids in Narnia went through. They lived their lives and then had to go back to being kids again,,,

[@kninenights]

It’s worse cause the kids in Narnia grew up through puberty so they knew what to expect on the second time. Joshua jumped straight from child into adult body.

[@thequeenofcringe1585]

Saberspark’s reanimated version of this movie is by far one of the greatest abominations I’ve ever seen in my life. There’s the perfect amount of people genuinely trying their best, people just shitposting, and furries. And the different interpretations of Chris really top it all off.

[@JoshuaAndres]

It’s a disasterpiece

[@thequeenofcringe1585]

@@JoshuaAndres one of the best disasterpieces I’ve ever seen tbh

[@krisdiane]

@@thequeenofcringe1585 link? It sounds perfect. 😂

[@JPmax4ever]

Link?

[@Taiakami777]

The furries were the best part

[@RandomUser11170]

Ted Nivison does not want to show off his sins to the creators of this movie, or he would surely be persecuted.

[@DooMBucket117]

I smell botted likes

[@RandomUser11170]

@@DooMBucket117 If they are botted, I didn't do it, so don't come after me

[@bananacat3109]

well then as the bible says, he will be sacred. “blessed are those who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness”

[@FrenkTheJoy]

This is the only movie I've ever seen where I think it would be LESS creepy if the animals were anatomically correct.

[@monhi64]

To be clear you want them to be red rocketed up and that will make this less weird? Are we sure about this chief lol

[@MarkFromNextDoor]

@@monhi64 what? I'm pretty sure just look like animals in a kid friendly way so you know without red rockets and such

[@phifuru]

@@monhi64 dawg what

[@cyndrift]

as an ex-christian this was several layers of batshit insane to watch and ngl kinda cathartic. it feels like being half asleep and dissociating with a friend as you talk about your childhood lol

[@johnnyshortfor]

The happy flute music over the destruction of Jericho was truly a choice someone made. Idk if that choice was made by the actual filmmakers or Ted but either way what a choice

[@ISimp4FictionalAndEmoMen]

I'm pretty damn sure it was the filmmakers choice

[@michaelangel888]

I'm pretty sure that all choices are choices someone's made.... Or do I completely misunderstand the entire concept of choices and how things come to be?

[@iwtbwiw]

yayyy! the absolute fucking demolition of an entire city including children using giant-ass hammers!

[@JacksonDeeds]

@@michaelangel888😐 you sound like you kill the vibe of every room you’ve ever walked into.

[@cgumby]

Best thing about your channel is that the random ass topics you cover make them really fun to show to new people

[@andersn4931]

Agree

[@afoolishmortal5265]

The idea of a character going through a 40 year long dream as a kid is actually a cool concept for a film.

[@MrTophatter]

Isn't that basically what happened In the first Narnia book?

[@fukkthisnewupdate8882]

Isn't that kinda the plot of Junji Ito's The Long Dream?

[@C.V317]

“A sizable portfolio of trauma,” is a great description for the entirety of the Bible

[@rilesatwork]

Fun fact: It's been proven that this movie will give you nightmares. There have been reports of many strong, brave, adult people who watched this movie one day and could not sleep without a night light ever since. One man watched this movie, and he had died shortly after. He looked at his girlfriend and said "Oh my god it's real. The world from the Joshua movie is real. They're coming for me." before dying on his death bed

[@Cosmerii]

Welp, I was gonna give this movie a full watch for giggles. Nvm now-

[@rilesatwork]

@@Cosmerii lmao

[@SLDM_WAZ]

fr? or is this a source - Bro trust me , type comment ?

[@rilesatwork]

@@SLDM_WAZ I found it on IMDb so… um… maybe it is? Maybe it isn’t? Idk

[@pigeonatic]

@@SLDM_WAZ bro maybe the internet isn't for you

[@wyldonkey2064]

Just checked my Bible and I can confirm that Joshua did say “LETS GET THESE GUYS”

[@chrono9503]

I love how the reason for the people being bad is that they broke laws they never knew about instead of.. y know… *brutally killing a child*

[@carlywelch4935]

also he says ritual sacrifice is "detestable to god"... have these people read the old testament?

[@jacobwheeler1348]

@@carlywelch4935 Yeah, like, the whole point is that it's a HUMAN sacrifice. God allowed ritual sacrifice of animals, so it's so weird that they didn't explain that crucia; detail

[@JeremiahMcaninch]

The punishment for the murder of their own citizens, was the murder of all the citizens 😅

[@bungiecrimes7247]

@@jacobwheeler1348 they are animals.

[@thatoneguy2816]

@@bungiecrimes7247 and it's just a child 🤷‍♂️

[@blumist4332]

Can I just say, the demon people were just born like that? And we’re literally just doing their own thing, and then their land just gets taken? this reminds me of something but I can’t quite put my finger on it

[@gloryiusgessepi2381]

You’re right, wasn’t called something like crusades?

[@blumist4332]

@@gloryiusgessepi2381 Yeah, there’s another word I think it was um..Colonisation? I’m not sure, could be wrong

[@gloryiusgessepi2381]

@@blumist4332 I thought you were going on about the crusades, but I suppose they’re basically the same thing, just colonisation being the umbrella term.

[@Idran]

@@gloryiusgessepi2381 given that the promised land is the future location of Israel I found a third subject in the same general area to compare it to

[@randriu1221]

i think there is another comparision, ugh israel taking land from palestine and fucking killing innocent people?

[@Bel-Nry]

26:23 the fact he says “I thought I was dreaming!” Truly shows how long he has been experiencing this nightmare for that he has even forgot it was a dream to begin with and the though it was one at some point was nothing more than a distant thought

[@diamondrel5190]

IT'S THE FUCKING INNER LIGHT EPISODE OF STAR TREK!

[@erinw.9256]

Truly a horror movie.

[@weewoo6480]

The parents were simply scared of the warrior and the monster Joshua had become. War changes a man and they could see it in his face

[@imaghost2961]

War. War never changes.

[@theshadowdraguin7177]

This movie missed the most important part of the parting of the red sea. I didn't see a beyblade parting it. How could they forget such an INTEGRAL part of the story!

[@crazedaxebutbetter5208]

25:25 and while this is happening there's like the most happy, kirby track sounding song playing as if thousands of people aren't dying in seconds

[@NotEpimethean]

"let's go on a little trip" *proceeds to place him in biblical times for 40 years*

[@confusedmaggs]

I love how Ted rightfully calls out how slavery is morally wrong, but ignores baby murder.

[@grumlinfunker9704]

As he should

[@dhararry7929]

What's wrong with killing babies?

[@fukkthisnewupdate8882]

Good to see where two-faced Teddy's boundaries lie

[@warmishice7948]

But they killed children when they took over the city?

[@mkl7952]

There's nothing wrong with baby murder

[@thatoneduderighthere6872]

I like how the first reaction to him being hated by his parents is to toss him into a dangerous part of a biblical tale

[@emilyofjane]

I feel so sorry for all the Sunday school kids that were involuntarily subjected to this

[@CaptLumpycake]

I love how no one questions that the most blood thirsty warrior has a 7 year old voice

[@cypressfinch3480]

I love how disheveled Ted looks in this one. Truly this movie has taken it's toll.

[@KFCGAMING55]

This felt like watching a VHS tape I found in the basement of an abandoned house, thanks Ted very cool

[@Mei_Ayanam1]

11:23 really just hit the griddy whilst with Moses.

[@pooticorn6470]

the emotional trauma in ted's eyes is palpable

[@stuttertarget]

Just palpable?

[@DeltaDS]

The use of humans on the egyptian art actually makes sense, since there would have also been anthropomorphic bipedal creatures too. theyve just been swapped

[@HushSkunk]

I assumed he just used a jpeg from google for a texture

[@DanDanDoe]

Also the folks are working on computers. One guy is wearing a neck tie. Why is nobody talking about that?

[@chocomelo454]

"Wouldn't it be crazy if like, there were big naked guys who wore blankets and shit" "What" "Like a version of us that's just naked with the only exception being their head" "Like a monkey?" "No idiot monkeys aren't naked." "A sphynx?" "No, they have no fur on their head. I'm talking like, they got the ears of of a monkey and manes like lions but that don't loop around the neck." "I-" "And beards, they got beards like that Moses guy." "Wh-" "Yeah but sometimes they shave them off even if it's winter" "J-" "No no man listen. I'm cooking here. Wouldn't it be wild if those existed." "I- *sigh* sure..." "Do you think thst they'd make fun of each other for wearing blankets all the time like weirdos" "Maybe?" "That'd be soooo crazy" "Hello it is me the painter you hired what do you want to be painted on your wall" "I WANT BIG NAKED THINGS WEARING BLANKETS"

[@cosm1c_moonl1ght15]

"Because children fear the unknown..and I have NO IDEA what that thing is." This made me laugh

[@Hashboness]

Joshua chasing the quails while hitting the griddy is now forever engrained in my brain

[@hastypastry6353]

I love that when the battle scene started Ted entirely stopped talking about how bad the movie is and just started talking about how cool he thought the battle scene was.

[@nicupetricas9718]

It's because it's a cool battle scene. You seen the bible? It's got some really cool battles, Ted would agree

[@rowan3037]

the angels beating tf out of jericho is already funny as hell but the colonial ass music in the background really is the cherry on top

[@Uni_op]

“He’s like the John Wick of the Bible” - Ted Nivison, 2022

[@Uni_op]

Time stamp for anyone who wants it - 15:08

[@Reviwitha6]

Tiger guy is built different

[@jimthescrub]

As a Christian, I can confirm that this scares the living snot out of me.

[@puglife658]

As a Christian, I can’t wait to see how awful this is. Edit: yeah that movie was horrible

[@WaxyLT]

19:04 As a Christian myself, yes, the Bible does have it's comedic moments. This is about the same thought process as God.

[@bungiecrimes7247]

Mmm, yes cow.

[@damienearl8302]

​@@bungiecrimes7247 Even better is that, the more I watch that...the more it doesn't even seem like they were intentionally praising a false idol, but just genuinely thought that's what God looked like They gave God a fursona and died for it, absolute legends!

[@Judgement_Kazzy]

The absolute hardest line in the bible is "Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd?" from Jonah 4:9 That's the KJV translation, but some of the other ones are pretty funny too.

[@fukkthisnewupdate8882]

@@Judgement_Kazzy this gives off the same vibes as what you egg stabs him

[@xanderhebert6257]

At 24:18, Joshua treats the angel like he has never met someone like Chris before, which means that Chris most certainly abandoned Joshua and stopped talking to him at some point on his 40 year mind journey.

[@bigangenbygang]

Adapting Exodus for a child's movie is insane. Literally a story about escaped slaves committing a genocide to establish a theocratic ethnostate.

[@ev3h163]

"he's like the john wick of the bible" that made me chuckle profusely

[@giraffysniffer]

as a person who goes to school at a 'Christian school' I got my religious studies teacher to play this in class. he generally loved it. this is also the teacher who explained in many classes in 7th grade on how adultery works.

[@themessfrom1999]

Never been more glad at how VeggieTales HEAVILY watered down this and other biblical stories. (I don't follow any religion but I do love VeggieTales)

[@ieatzglitterz]

Vegitales is the shit bro We would watch that in children’s church.

[@themessfrom1999]

@@ieatzglitterz VeggieTales will always be my top S Tier show. They produced some BANGERS

[@ieatzglitterz]

@@themessfrom1999 fr fr Larry the cucumber was the man

[@thequeenofcringe1585]

VeggieTales just slaps. And when you know that Pixar called the guy who made it to explain how he did certain things just makes it better.

[@luv6071]

14:14 this needs to be recreated with good animation cause oh my god that sounds like the most badass entrance to battle ever

[@Epic11705]

14:19 You can literally see them dive straight at the enemy 😆

[@pilazpilaz]

there's a whole reanimated Joshua and the Promised Land on KZbin!

[@Ari180_RE]

I watched this completely sober and I feel like this entire movie is equivalent to an edible. Maybe not a 400mg one, but still a decent amount.

[@grumlinfunker9704]

I’ve never done drugs, but I’d assume this movie is what it’s like.

[@RealElongatedMuskrat]

​@@grumlinfunker9704 idk how to explain it but the vibes are similar to if you've had just a bit too much of any cannabinoid and you start hallucinating a little

[@noodlelynoodle.]

@@RealElongatedMuskrat this is like straight up salvia shit

[@NaturalSelection_]

The fact my school actually showed us movies like this in my guidance class- I specifically remember one that had this animation quality and a talking pack of cigarettes- just straight up guilt tripping third graders through it

[@Oljankylegs]

I like that you've mostly critiqued the story and characters rather than the animation seeing as the guy probably did it to the best of his abilities, very nice

[@ieatzglitterz]

He probably had 15 minutes to make the movie

[@Oljankylegs]

@@ieatzglitterz 😂

[@redoak4543]

Yeah this movie was an animated in it’s entirety by one dude in the early 2000’s

[@-xj9cw]

And the critiques he does make of the animation are usually creative choices, like the green horses

[@bungiecrimes7247]

@@-xj9cw green horses are bible accurate tho.

[@xandragon.]

This is probably my most replayed video ever. I don't know why but whenever I feel bad youtube just recommends it again and I can't help watching it. I've been struggling with a bunch of mental health problems recently and I just wanted to say thank you for cheering me up ❤

[@stephendonovan9084]

Hey, sorry I know I'm just an internet stranger who can't really help in a very meaningful way, but I hope that situation improves for you. If there is in fact a way that an internet stranger could help you, like if you just need someone to talk to, I guess feel free to let me know? But otherwise, just offering my condolences

[@HikariHolic]

from one person with mental health conditions to another! i hope things get better for you soon! i also equally love this video and have it on a comfort watch playlist when im not feeling great

[@Jemim-v8b]

wow this is so wholesome ❤

[@iggy3159]

15:12 bro “the John Wick of the Bible” puts an image in my head that makes me lie awake at night

[@Sub30245]

Jesus wick

[@Jason_cv1]

I remember watching this 2 years ago I thought it was all just a really bad dream but now that I see this I know that my deepest darkest fears can become a reality

[@krystenabigayle430]

11:36 "these characters look like they're very recently learning motor skills" 1:55 "our main character joshua is incredibly good at motor skills" SOMETHINGS NOT ADDING UP TED

[@samsapling8348]

Dudes got a nasty griddy

[@jenniferdunstan5065]

The one at 1:55 was probably sarcasm

[@Lobotomyycorporation]

Do you think these lions need physical therapy… ah though theyd be forced to go through insurance hell.. find no open timeslot covered by their insurance at an okay facility… i pity them…

[@katjosephperez8772]

Joshua says “They killed a baby” too calmly. There’s some tenderness in his voice, but watching a town murder a baby is quite different from war. I wish they had him read the line very choked up. Barely able to get the words out

[@hulk_sm0sh]

Every Christian movie studio wants what VeggieTales had but they will never get it. VeggieTales was absolutely goated and nothing can compare. Also, I am a Christian and I have grown up in the church my whole life but honestly ... the Old Testament is so confusing and some of the stories in it are absolutely wild to say the least. May I recommend Elisha and the bears?

[@noodlelynoodle.]

As a non religious person I still loved veggie tales as a kid, I honestly had no idea it was a religious show till being an adult

[@Toxin_Glitch]

@@noodlelynoodle. I always wondered why they had messages by someone at a “time” like 13:02 when it was time for Qwerty, now I know they’re supposed to be bible verses

[@fukkthisnewupdate8882]

Isn't that the one where a bunch of kids get mauled to death because they made fun of some guy being bald?

[@somerandomguy521]

​@@fukkthisnewupdate8882yea, that's a fun one

[@xblindghostx]

"Does that mean humans are canon?" is one of the best sentences I've ever heard

[@rainydayaudio]

As a Christian, this is one of the funniest interpretations of the Bible I’ve ever seen

[@commie_dog_boy]

as a pagan, this is also one of the funniest interpretations of the bible Ive ever seen

[@Unjustly_Confident]

As an atheist, this is also also one of the funniest interpretations of the Bible I’ve ever seen

[@thatguy3903]

As an agnostic, this is also one of the funniest interpretations of the Bible I've ever seen

[@Terra654]

As just some guy, this is also also also one of the funniest interpretations of the bible I've ever seen.

[@ditistristan815]

As an Alcoholic I need help

[@katjosephperez8772]

As a child, I would get put in the kids’ daycare/Sunday-school room. The PUPPETS used for EVERYTHING were TERRIFYING. There was a long, tall blue one with that goofy, deep, clown voice that haunt children’s nightmares. I was petrified by that one to the point of sobbing and begging for my parents several times as the ushers were trying to find them in a massive church. The girl tried to reassure me that they were on the way, but I needed them to get me outta that room immediately. That happened each time, so my parents just brought me into the main church. (I cried there bc if you’re trying to sing praises loud enough to reach high heaven, it’s also loud enough to make young ears bleed. I had to stuff paper towel bits into my ears to dampen the sheer volume of an Episcopalian choir.) I grew up attending a mega church. The preaching style and judgy parts didn’t sit right with me, so I follow podcast sermons every now and then. I’m probably a Red Letter Christian now because I know they’re are metaphors and ancient cultures that are important context for the Bible. I’m bisexual, and I think that’s just fine based on monks’ interpretations.

[@abbyaubichon9468]

i’m so excited for this! your bad movie videos are my favourite to go and rewatch :D

[@TedNivison]

Glad you like them!

[@adnansabanovic6488]

@@TedNivison would you like some water

[@Eking-su3tr]

@@adnansabanovic6488 treason, only milk

[@adnansabanovic6488]

@@Eking-su3tr I replaced all your milk with coagulated water :)

[@Scout-xw1uk]

Here’s the thing, going to a religious school and them showing you any media at all is usually not a good idea. But occasionally there’s a decent movie (in terms of animation) I think the movies called the prince of Egypt but the animation quality is immaculate and really had some decent effort poured into it.

[@Frostgiantbutsmall]

That's the one. Genuinely phenomenal film. The storytelling is great, the animation is vivid, and the songs S L A P P

[@thequeenofcringe1585]

Prince of Egypt fucking slaps, honestly

[@Scout-xw1uk]

@@thequeenofcringe1585 It truly does

[@ReliableDragon]

2:42 I think the "cleaning out the den" line may actually have been supposed to be a pun. A den is another word used to refer to family rooms/living rooms/etc in houses, so I think he was supposed to be cleaning a specific room, and they just referred to it as "the den" instead of "the living room" for the lion pun.

[@elmoworld850]

I'll give him some credit because as a person who has studied animation, animating a movie all by yourself ain't easy. 3-D animation is even harder due to the UV mapping and texturing. If he had multiple people animating this, I would have judged him.

[@3mindrebel]

There is no excuse for this movie, there are one-person 3D animations studios that have reasonable character design, at least

[@notnert0712]

This whole movie looks like a bowling alley strike animation

[@rolanslide8509]

"the only reason why we have a problem with slavery in this context is because god wasn't a fan of it?" you did it! you broke christianity down to it's bare essentials!

[@Noo-My-Only-Weakness-Dying]

Deeper but gosh a bunch of Christians make it seem that way

[@quinn799]

Extra wack because slavery of other people was considered cool and rad

[@micahcutliff8684]

slavery was alot different back then and wasnt as bad as today

[@fukkthisnewupdate8882]

@@micahcutliff8684 yeesh

[@ryanweeks6118]

@@micahcutliff8684 it doesn’t matter if it was better then.

[@walrus6995]

16:35 hey I got some screentime! Thanks for including me in one of your vids!!

[@JPmax4ever]

15:45 I mean if I saw God I would probably would be making the same face.

[@NauticalTurtle]

real

[@carlwheezerofsouls3273]

WHY IS ALL OF THIS SO THREATENING?!?! the dad walking in made me INSTANTLY scared, the spirit straight up is a kidnapper. this shit is terrifying!

[@felinoidrose]

i feel like jim lion's writing what he knows. whether that means we should be concerned for him or about him, im not sure..

[@rachelhelms3959]

As a Christian, I can assure you this is the most inaccurate and most hilarious recreation of the story I’ve ever seen, and I’m only 4 minutes into the video.

[@micahneil1722]

After watching the whole video, the movie just entirely misses the point. If any non-Christian’s want to understand the actual thing more, I suggest watching the prince of Egypt which is an actually decent movie

[@broadex9080]

I didn't know there were furries in the old testament but it makes sense.

[@lunawolfheart336]

@@micahneil1722 Prince of Egypt is an amazing movie with breathtaking animation.

[@Bacon2000.]

@@lunawolfheart336 also the prince of Egypt is surprisingly accurate with a breath taking story

[@La-meiga-celtibera]

Enjoying learning about Jewish history?

[@bobcat_baker]

17:14 You cannot convince me that those are not Minecraft sand noises.

[@starlight12267]

I want Ted to play a concerning yet comedic villain, it would work so well lol