Texting Does Not Equal Connection (Anxious Attachment)

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[@amandaharris7205]

"it only makes your attachment style harder to manage" Exactly! 😎

[@sadiqua7]

While cells are necessary I miss the days before they came out. I miss guys putting in more effort to connect and see you. Now they seem to think a text replaces a date or is real connection. It’s lazy. It’s the equivalent of a woman giving head with her head on the pillow. Maybe I’ll explain it like that to the next guy, that’s the only way they understand how low effort texting is. Morning and good night texts get old real quick imo. I rather they just call and say a quick hello, drop by unexpectedly, random acts of kindness to make me smile or make my life easier.

[@alchemicalsoul]

Its difficult for a generation to conceive that there was a time we didn't have cell phones. I am Gen X and had to remind myself of the fact that having a phone always available is a new concept. Trust is what I need to cultivate.

[@healingwithcharlie]

I managed to catch the tail end of the "internet-less" era during the 90s. At times I wish we could go back to that, but I can understand why younger generations find it important to them. It's shaped their entire generation!

[@musicallynerdy8860]

I don’t need to text everyday, but if something significant happens (or just something funny happened at work, there was a weird coincidence, for some reason I couldn’t stop thinking about this random thing) I would prefer you send a quick update just so I can feel a part of it. In my last relationship we only saw each other about once a week because of his busy work schedule (which I was fine with working around) and I’d miss him on the other days. When we saw each other in person, it really was great though. I felt so comfortable around him and we would be happy just watching tv on his couch or just staring into each other’s eyes because we were together and that’s all that mattered. And then he had to move across the country for work and instead of going out once a week it turned into FaceTime once a week. Which was ok temporarily but it just isn’t the same as in person. I would have preferred the texting to increase because of the distance but the message frequency stayed the same and then slowly lessened over time. I felt less and less a part of his life. After a year of total dating and five months of long distance, we broke up. I know I was more anxious leaning and he was more avoidant leaning but we were secure enough where it didn’t matter in person. But being long distance - I think that made our communication issues more clear to each other. So instead of accidentally ghosting each other (not responding because one of us forgot about a text and too much time would pass so why bother sending anything at all) we ended things when we still cared a lot about each other. Also the dopamine rush of getting a text was so real for me. Especially because sometimes it would be a few minutes later and sometimes days later so I would never know when it’s coming. That only heightened the excitement I felt when I heard my phone ding. So to me, it was ok that I was feeling low when I didn’t hear from him for a few days, because it was almost euphoric when he did text.

[@rikkubeans]

That is legitimately good insight I haven't heard anywhere else. Where were you before I was dumped?? Lol

[@healingwithcharlie]

Probably working through my break up lol

[@robertdeskoski9783]

Hard disagree. Especially when an expectation is set originally but on top of that, avoidants forget and can disconnect from you given enough prolonged time apart. It happened to me and has happened to plenty of other people too. I like your advice but contextualising current communication based around how things "used to be" (and I was around before texting) doesn't change the current expectations in relationships. A few text-based convos is a low bar to set with a partner and is actually good for people who are generally unreliable as it provides a distanced option to checking in face to face.

[@kitty2doggyMeow]

Love this video.

[@aaliyahjason5723]

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I needed this months ago Dx

[@Adcrismr]

I get that, but what happens when the other person is an avoidant who doesn’t communicate neither with calls or texts?

[@terrycraig6386]

Drop them like a " bad habit" simple😊

[@shirleygreen5924]

What does he want from my life? I don’t contact him too much because I know he’s a fearful avoidant. He always tells me to find someone else but seems to throw jabs at me when I try to move on . He won’t commit to me and I have not seen him in a while . I feel like he doesn’t want me to go . I feel like he also doesn’t want me to stay . I feel like he’s always on edge preparing for me to abandon him . Should I move on and abandon him like everyone else . Should I be patient and try to figure it all out .

[@healingwithcharlie]

All of these can be true at the same time. It's important to consider your own needs. You may like him but unless he's in a place to reciprocate the connection you need, the cycle will continue until he learns to adapt to his fears or someone walks away. We can't heal other people, we can only make sure we're in a place to encourage their growth if they're willing to take it on themselves

[@janetj3616]

OMG. I needed you so much in my Life 🥹🥲