The Avoidants: Dismissive & Fearful

Christian Marriage Coach
Attachment Science perspective
1:1 Coaching👇🏼
linktr.ee/lesl...

[@ally2496]

So useful thank you

[@livbar]

Wow... this was great. I just realized my ex husband was FA... exactly as you described.. My bf is DA.. also exactly as you described.. And ive realized recently im anxious... used to be DA... but turned anxious after being in a relationship with my ex (FA). Its mind-boggling how spot on your explanations were... Thank you so much.

[@PeetBrits]

That was very useful, thanks! I definitely associate with the FA and I can speak from experience how much this push pull dynamic pretty much ruins just about every dating attempt... When the thing I desire the most in life is also the thing I fear the most (eg emotional connection), but somehow the fear is greater and so I almost never get that break, or the fear screws it up every time I get close. It's been hell at times but I'm growing and healing and building a better person.

[@lisaraper8053]

Thank you. There’s so much about DA but not FA. I discovered this information looking to see if somehow the very bazaar story he told me about his marriage and why he’d marry again (not for love but only to assist. So not me whom he says he loves:(( ) I was able to figure out he’s FA and leans avoidant. I know I’m anxious. I have dealt with narcissistic abuse my entire life. My ex was a chronic liar who cheated for 28 years. Finally leaving because I got sick. So I too have trust issues.

[@JustMeAndMyBoy]

I so appreciate this!! Yes, most coaches talk about avoidants without differentiating, and I know they’re not the same! I especially appreciate talking about FA with avoidant lean, because in my opinion, that’s what my guy is! TYSM! 🫶

[@JustMeAndMyBoy]

This is the very BEST explanation that I’ve heard (ty!) and I mostly believe my partner is FA with strong DA lean but I’m not 100% sure! How would an FA with avoidant lean present themselves to their partner? He’s not mushy, doesn’t express his feelings, can’t give a compliment or apologize. But I do believe he’s anxious and needs validation, he’s very insecure. Your thoughts please! Someone with an FA wife expressed to me that he is very likely FA with strong DA lean, and that unluckily for me I mostly keep his anxious side in check, so I have to deal with his avoidant side. We haven’t spoken for two months now bc he said he has other women which I can’t know for sure, but I don’t believe that to be true. I think he was trying to punish me, push me away because he was hurt that I had distanced myself for several weeks over an argument. Also, because he had freaked out when I used the wording, “We are TOGETHER over a year now.” Confused!!!

[@JustMeAndMyBoy]

@lesliewells-connectioncoach Would u say FA or DA? I am secure, so I don’t send him one way or another. Many thx!

[@kimlarso]

“When someone shows you who they are👉Believe them!!!” If he said he has other women, he does👉No matter the Attachment Style, ALL know to never disclose that kind of information whether truth or lie if you want someone 👉You should Move along, or you will certainly reap what you sow! 🦋

[@JustMeAndMyBoy]

@@kimlarso Watch Leslie’s video on what happens when FA is triggered. I believe he was angry, knew exactly what to say to get to me, make me feel the hurt he was feeling.