Therapist Breaks Down Stacy & Izzy from Love is Blind 5 | The Safe Choice?

[@garerro]

No one can say that watching Love is Blind is a waste of time, coz I learn so much from watching them and watching your video analysis.

[@AD-lg4vl]

My partner sadly thinks all reality shows are the same, and doesn't see the nuance and 'intellectual point' of reflecting on the show, and is amused by my analytical assessments and investment in the castmates relationships. IDK but are most heterosexual men like this? Sincerely asking because, while I wish my partner was more emotionally expressive and did not dismiss certain things as trivial so easily, I feel this is more often than not the norm and the case with men.

[@ssa-yp9jt]

⁠​⁠​⁠@@AD-lg4vlFirstly, you write very well and seem very emotionally and socially aware. It’s impressive! But to answer your question, yes, this is unfortunately very common in men. Misogyny is deeply embedded in society, and one element of this is that anything associated with women is looked down upon. So video games and sports are valid to be interested in, but romance-based media and reality TV are silly.

[@ReginaVestra]

I'll be honest. I thought they were both mean. I agree with the idea that Izzy went off on Johnny because he was hurt that she wasn't more hurt. When they hyped each other up at the party was the moment I was officially over them. It reminded me of the high school jock and cheerleader that bully people to feel good trope. I genuinely believe that Izzy was attracted to the way Stacy was antagonizing Johnny. I was embarrassed for them watching it. Hopefully they grow as people.

[@SANDEEVILLEZA]

I felt the same

[@seaurchin4451]

100%

[@nancyismyname]

AGREED

[@candiceg430]

That whole moment was awful. They were so mean that their negativity reached through the screen. I was really hoping that the reunion would’ve addressed it wayyyy more. It was literally one of the most wtf moments I’ve seen in reality tv and it was pretty much glossed over in the reunion 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@oldageisdumb]

100%

[@MsTreefox]

Also, Izzy telling Stacy that her tearing into Johnny turned him on because, for him, Stacy showing anger towards Johnny was a form of validation for him. He's such an insecure person that he feels rejected by Johnny, so he NEEDS Stacy to hate Johnny too. Many times he seems to share his perception of Johnny and he paints that to Stacy often. When Stacy begins to hate Johnny, Izzy feels super validated. Basically, emotional regulation skills of middle school girl.

[@mommabear1986]

I see this as a fawn response, out of fear of losing Stacy. He seemed nervous and grasped at an opportunity to connect with her during a time she was very upset. It's a maladaptive coping mechanism.

[@SmellMyKnee15]

PIN IT!!!!!!!! PIN IT! PIN IT! PIN IT!

[@islabee94]

​@@mommabear1986 This is also more what I interpreted. Also I think he was just turned on by the aggression and dominance.

[@emilyp9869]

yes!! i felt like both of them were feeding off of their negative emotions towards johnny and like playing off one another and that’s why the situation became so heated and kept dragging on. at the time of watching i thought it was just because stacy was insecure that izzy almost chose johnny and that johnny was badmouthing her, and that Izzy was doing all this to Johnny because he felt like he was protecting stacy or defending stacy in some way. but after listening to the therapist, i can totally see how izzy was really insecure in himself and acting out that insecurity towards johnny here.

[@erinnmjones]

I think Stacy should’ve been on a dating show, not one for marriage. To me, she kept referring to dating scenarios like when she told Izzy that the man should pay for dates. Izzy was gonna be her husband that she would’ve potentially spent the rest of her life with. That comment felt more like something you would tell someone you were dating, not your fiancé

[@jazminecurry9490]

She wanted a rich man to help Pay for her house lol

[@bex8538]

@@jazminecurry9490 doesn't she come from money? I thought she was a spoiled rich girl

[@MeganManXxX]

Right!? It struck me that Stacy’s dad was like “you’ll have to come ready with the money or else I’ll end up having to do it”…..basically saying “she cannot afford her lifestyle on her own”…..yet they kept talking about how he’s she’s worked for everything she has. It didn’t add up for me.

[@Msladyrae92]

It felt like she wanted to be traditional in public while still wanting to maintain her boss chick status. It doesn’t work like that. She’s def an appearance person

[@ayomidedareabel5525]

​@@MeganManXxXit's possible she could afford it but still wanted a traditional provider. She should have just asked her dad to set her up with one of his colleague's sons

[@makaziwe03]

What I noticed throughout the show was how Izzy was constantly anxious around his partner. It was quite uncomfortable and to some degree just sad seeing how Izzy would shake his leg vigorously around Stacy or bite his lip and even stutter. I know this show is edited a lot and it generally showed us more "spicy" events, but just watching that internal agitation from Izzy whenever he was around his loved one (especially during their arguments), made me think about who are the people in my life that I feel like I have to tiptoe around ...and why

[@hubabaloop]

Incredible callout

[@taechic]

Felt

[@bernardoquege4097]

i knew this relationship was over as soon as they went to each other’s apartments. from the plates situation to how Stacy talked about needing large amounts of money to maintain the house (and the clear worry in Izzy’’s face when he heard that), it just felt destined to fail. seeing her family later just conformed how large of a difference in social class there was between them. i think if they had an actual honest talk about money in the pods they would have never gotten engaged

[@silentj624]

Nothing wrong with wanting money because she clearly has her own but yeah I feel the same way. HOWEVER the way she antagonized his apartment was too much.

[@pjmackall]

Great video. Stacey is a snob. When Johnny said that Stacey wouldn’t make Izzy happy, she turned out to be right. Some people are very intuitive, and even without evidence they are able to get a feel for a situation. So she was hurt, but she was also correct. I’m glad she dodged that Izzy bullet.

[@Discrete1998]

Pheeeeew! Almost a full hour from our girl ❤️❤️ don’t forget to give a like for the work y’all!!

[@Discrete1998]

If you want a wholesome dating show to react to, Golden Bachelor is really precious

[@StephAnya]

Thank youuuu!! And yes, I’m all caught up!!

[@Discrete1998]

@@StephAnya it’s the only dating show I’ve really liked 😂 feels very genuine to me

[@shablisjohnson8092]

This comment is so important because I did not even realize I was not subscribed! I said WTF. Liked the video and subscribed moving forward! Thank you for the amazing and informative and fun and integrity filled content! 🤎🤎🤎

[@gays4wumbology396]

I thought it was interesting when Izzy kept mentioning wanting an “emotionally intelligent” partner, only for him to display how emotionally unintelligent he could be on camera. I can empathize with him wanting validation in general, and his upbringing, but that’s about it. He was clearly wanting to hear that Lydia and Johnny say that they were totally heartbroken over him, when they didn’t feel that way by that point. He was insecure bc Johnny was attractive and moved on, and so thought it was hot that his fiancée was being cruel to her.

[@sarahmunson1778]

Agreed 100%

[@nancyismyname]

AGREED

[@electricdischarge7233]

i like your username 🤣

[@ntotheshin3732]

I got the impression Stacy was using every opportunity to humiliate Izzy and make herself look better than everyone around her. I couldn't stand her.

[@nherhandsart]

Ooo you were not feeling Stacy 😂Most of us weren’t to be honest. But you expressed your disdain in the most professional therapeutic way possible. I’ve been a therapist for 2 years, I learn so much from your videos!

[@StephAnya]

I love hearing that from another therapist!! Thank you!

[@katm7255]

She says what we are all thinking (“Stacy is the worse”) in the nicest and most professional way possible 😂

[@rethinkcps2116]

​​@@StephAnya- smart points about the weekly flower delivery. More about the donor ego than anything else. A subtle tell that you unpack there... But 🎯.

[@sunkissed_glam]

Stacy is def a mean girl and was def out of line with the plastic plates. Izzy was visibly bit intoxicated at the beach talking to Lydia, in the kitchen when he was talking to Stacy about not feeling appreciated and at the cast party. He told Johnie about his credit so he def didn't feel 100 about Stacy. Johnie made a statement about Izzys credit to one of the cast member. So why not tell Stacy but tell Johnie.

[@Partycitybaex]

It was also super cringy when she was venting to her sisters about Izzy only liking basic places to eat like chipotle, and she was like “well what about middle eastern food, Indian, etc” 😂

[@Elle-elle-elle]

​@@Partycitybaex this was a culture shock/confusion moment for me, because where I am from those cuisines are quite normal and eaten by us poors 😂 I was like wait are they being rude or not

[@annaliselitchard]

Stacy is such a mean girl; I disliked her very strongly throughout the show. I’ve been looking forward to this video!

[@pasta_girl]

Same! I’m disappointed there is so much support towards her as a whole. She talked a big game for someone who has surely never been smacked on the mouth. She knew she could get away with everything but I don’t think she would be if Johnie was a different kind of girl iykyk

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

Totally

[@carolkimbell5174]

Stacy is such a mean person bordering on evil.

[@Doxygurl]

I know. I had to actually check my hatred of her in making judgements of the show because she reminded me of so much one of my former friends/roommates. Anything you say can and will be held against you in their court of vicious judgement. Push back against their abuse and be met with no remorse because you deserved it in their eyes. But within any arbitrary amount of time be met by them expecting you to act like nothing happened and the beef is squashed when it suits them and friendship with you makes them look good. Yuck.

[@GG-kn2se]

Men don’t get half the scrutiny of “mean girls”

[@nerimawere7813]

I agree, I thought Izzy's conversations with both Lydia and Johnnie were odd and unnecessary and seemed more for his own validation than to clear the air. When it came to Johnnie he seemed more upset that she also had a top option (Chris) and that was his main gripe.

[@t.ron314]

I’m only a couple mins in, but I remember my first thought about Stacy is she gives BIG pick me energy via “I’m not like other girls”

[@AnnelisR]

When I was watching, Stacy was reminding me soooooo much of Amber from season 1, who was exactly like that.

[@Grace-fu6mf]

Am I the only one that thought she was real and not a mean girl at alll?

[@t.ron314]

pick-me doesn't really equate to mean girl @@Grace-fu6mf

[@bubbleblowinbab]

thanks for explaining that scene with johnny explaining her past cause I always thought he was just being a jerk after she told a deep trauma! he did actually have a good reason for being thrown off by that

[@MsMockingbird06]

This is the best, most fair, and most unbiased review of Stacy and Izzy that I’ve watched on KZbin, even from other mental health clinicians. Amazing job!!!

[@AD-lg4vl]

Curious what other clinicians have reviewed this as well? Could you please share?

[@MrTellyGunner]

I think Izzy was trying to gain favor with Stacy throughout their entire relationship… dissing on Johnie was clearly in Stacy’s repertoire, so Izzy jumped onboard for favor as an “us against Johnie.” I agree Stacy sniffed out the weird comparison he was making, but the reason he was doing it in the first place was a failed attempt at “we’re on the same team, right?!”

[@MrTellyGunner]

I don’t think it was a jealous move on his part. It better served him to diss on J to gain favor with Stacy who is a hard*ss.

[@StephAnya]

That’s a good take! Part of me wonders if he was trying to convince himself that he made the right choice.

[@MrTellyGunner]

@@StephAnya The only reason I have watched this show is to get the therapist interpretation like yours! I got into attachment styles recently and binged this series in an attempt to recognize it. Keep doing your thing! Much respect!

[@niaa20]

​@@MrTellyGunnerDefinitely agree! Izzy was mirroring Stacy's inherent mean character, fusing with her attitudes, feelings and responses, which was actually another way to gain approval and validation from Stacy. His fear of rejection was triggered from seeing Johnny with someone else. But how he responded was influenced by his over aligning with Stacy's nature, his reaction might have been different had he ended up with someone else. He doesn't have a strong enough sense of himself and relies on the values of significant others to express himself. Not to say that he is not a good person and has his own qualities but he ends up going too far. I suspect that behind the scenes Stacy did a lot of bitching about Johnny and Izzy over-identified with her forms expression and values to get that approval.

[@niaa20]

This is also seen by the way he immediately reports back to Stacy as if it's something that Stacy will praise him for, it backfires...

[@mayyamihaylova1123]

I would like to thank you for this analysis! The way you explain situations and the healthier way of expressing feelings is really priceless ! Thank you

[@StephAnya]

Thank you so much for watching ♥️

[@Alicia85208]

I feel like Stacey and Izzy should be old enough to know that a marriage based on surface-level conversations is not mature or sustainable and that’s ultimately why their relationship was so fragile

[@jenniferosornio4975]

I feel like one of the reasons Stacey came down so hard on johnie is because johnie does not have the same mean girl energy/aggressive energy to defend herself. Girls like Stacey feel like they’re tough shit to a another girl who can’t match their big mouth aggressiveness. I doubt Stacey would have had that same energy against someone who would bark back.

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

100% agree!

[@Killasquidx3]

I totally understand Izzy’s feelings about Johnnie and her ex who passed, but like.. she can’t and will never have him and I feel like faulting her for having love for her ex who passed is so unfair.

[@lz6364]

I see it as she wasn't ready to be on this show or date in general. She isn't emotionally avialable. But in the pods as she was opening up to Izzy about her ex, she sounded as though she was still working things out as she spoke about them, like trying to understand her feelings and her loss while actively dating. It just seemed like the poor girl needed therapy to process her past and how to move forward in a healthy way. And Izzy was on the recivieng end of a woman that can't move on and hopes that he can bare with her while she struggles through that's difficult feelings

[@karemjackson1981]

@@lz6364I don't agree. She mentioned that his passing was years ago, and she was ready.

[@jesslopez417]

What personally bothered me was that she did not actually love her former husband and I‘m surprised that is not talked about more. How are you supposed to believe that the person you are with loves you when they were willing to marry someone they did not feel that way about?

[@lz6364]

@@jesslopez417 I agree. I think she has a long way to go before being ready to marry anyone. And it might sound terrible, but I think her lack of awareness in voicing that truth is a red flag. Of course it was brave of her to tell him that, for sure. But she overshared and got way too messy. Some thoughts we should keep to ourselves. She didn't show the best judgment there, it was put out there like a trama dump (hate that phrase).

[@silentj624]

If she's out there trying to date while still longing for someone she'll never have it's more than fair for the person she's dating to fault her for it. It's an expectation and spot that no one will be able to fill. I feel more sorry for the people she tries to date never having a chance despite what she says until she gets her shit together.

[@Den3girl]

I think these two were probably the most straightforward honestly. Izzy is clearly insecure/has low self esteem and was severely nervous for the entire run of this show. Because of his low sense of self, he is willing to adapt himself to a stronger personality. Stacey was not attracted to him, didn’t think he was her type and is mean spirited so she took every chance she could to bring him down and find faults.

[@mctesq]

Calling him "exotic" was so cringe and racist.

[@LethoHali]

😢

[@terickastidbits2342]

Big facts

[@xLiLlyx98]

​@@mctesqdid i miss something? Whats exotic about him? 😅

[@bartrese]

@@xLiLlyx98not white lol

[@dannavann]

Such a good analysis. I was very puzzled seeing Izzy be so rude to Johnnie in the bbq, after he rejected her in the pods. Your tie in with similar behavior shown by Izzy with Lydia makes sense. He also definitely seems to get mean when drunk, and some of his worst behavior surfaces then. Stacey is likely to match better with someone from a privileged background like hers. I'm not from one, but like her i would be concerned if the partner was hiding a poor credit score. And not taking active steps to improve the score. Almost all loans would have to be taken by one person, which is a huge burden to bear. The part i was puzzled was her anger towards johnnie even at the reunion - a year later from the pods. She no longer wanted izzy, but was still angry at johnnie😮 Not even once did she apologize for her rude words and tone, it did look like the behaviour of a bully.

[@carolkimbell5174]

I think Izzy was actually relieved when Stacy said no at the altar.

[@sweetie_babie]

I think people give Izzy way too much credit. I think you're right in that he stopped liking Johnnie when she opened up about her ex, but I think it's just because she opened up to that extent *period* He wanted someone to be vulnerable with, yes, but he didn't really want that returned. Just by the faces he made when anyone opened up to him show that. It makes him uncomfortable. He picked Stacy because she would take vulnerability but never give it. And with the abandonment, I don't think Stacy's is more "hypothetical" she's explaining a *pattern* she has had up until now, meaning it's way more likely to happen with her than with Johnnie who this one thing happened years ago and she's actively feeling differently than she did with her ex with Izzy. It's truly weird to me that more people don't see through his "intent" right to what he actually does. Because the things he does don't line up with him being "a good guy with a heart of gold"

[@sarahmunson1778]

Agreed. People act like him being so cruel to Johnie was somehow really Stacy's fault because he was just trying to make her happy, like he has no control or understanding of his actions, like a dog just doing what they think their human will appreciate. And they also act like it's Stacy's fault that he didn't tell her earlier about his financial issues, because he was afraid of her being mad. It's a pattern with them - Izzy does something wrong, it must be Stacy's fault. (And I really do not like Stacy either lol.)

[@luliboelihlendibongo1036]

agreeed somehow its always stacy's dault and i think she sucks as well but its as if she was this big bad monster and izzy couldnt do anything but do what she wanted...which was soooooo wild to me @@sarahmunson1778

[@Pickausername]

The escalation of the plate situation immediately made me think of classism as well! Idk throw-away dishes are normal to me 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@mctesq]

Also good catch that Stacey internalized Izzy's lifestyle choices as somehow disrespecting her.

[@tracidevette7]

Me too. I bought them when my children were young because it saved time on washing dishes.

[@clarissa1010100]

I can’t believe people are on the paper plate side? It’s lazy and adding more unnecessary trash into the environment for said laziness. At almost 30? Do better and want better.

[@milivaro]

@@clarissa1010100Agree on the environmental factor but it’s not always lazy. It’s called convenience and depending on how busy someone is it could make a huge difference, for all we know Stacey is not even washing her own brass plates.

[@kmcdc1997]

I think it more speaks to him being in a bachelor mindset than anything else. It’s not disrespect and complete classism.

[@stephh1228]

I was waiting for this for so long cause they were the absolute worst 😂 I love listening to you breaking down everything, it helps so much!!

[@SofaSessions88]

I think Izzy didnt choose Johnie because she was asking hard questions while Stacey was surface level. Izzy didnt want to talk about his credit score and money topics. So Stacey played Izzy by making him think it'll just be fun and games, only for her to turn out to be exactly what he didnt want. and that comment he made about Stacey dating old men???? girl? you can tell he's very insecure about his finances and ability to provide.

[@sophia-O]

You always look so pretty 🩷🩷🩷

[@StephAnya]

That’s so nice. Thank you!!

[@ekaterinayakubova2411]

Unrelated to Love is Blind: I think it would be interesting for you to cover a friends to roommates transition, and why that frequently ends in disaster. I had this situation come up for me a few years ago when I moved in with 2 of my close longtime friends, and I (naively) thought it wouldn’t happen to us - but it did! We couldn’t resolve a single issue, our relationships turned snippy and avoidant, and ended in yelling and tears within 3 months of moving in. Anyway, I really love your analyses of interpersonal relationships and would love to hear you cover this topic. Thanks for making such interesting content! ❤

[@Paramania15]

Can relate, have had similar experiences which have ended friendships!

[@tiffyq7794]

I’d love to see a breakdown of JP and Taylor

[@keemiel4005]

Yes, his shut down was so weird! Taylor seems like a great person.

[@oldageisdumb]

There probably wasn’t enough footage to go on since he didn’t say much. I think he just couldn’t function with the cameras in his face. Imagine trying to get to know someone, which is awkward anyway, with several people with cameras trained on your face standing 10 ft away. And then, on top of that, she was pushing and pushing to get him to talk. My hubby is a bit that way and if he feels put on the spot he clams up.

[@gabilaham9697]

omg yes!!!!!! i been looking for it lol

[@gabilaham9697]

@@oldageisdumb yeah but he did said some shit about her makeup and wishing she was more ''natural''. wish we could know more about it

[@oldageisdumb]

@@gabilaham9697 I agree about that… that was weird for me, too. I was on his side more until he made that comment. But that also could have been his way of making excuses for being so uncomfortable. Trying to turn it around on her.

[@sc82665]

I don't think the paper plates thing was about money. I say this as someone who exclusively use paper plates. The type of paper plates and cups that Izzy had, werent the cheapest ones. For the price of those plates, he could have gotten dishwear for two people. I know because I bought dishwear for one when I made my sister a special birthday meal. Presentation does enhance a meal. I use paper plates cause I don't do dishes, but I went the extra mile for the occasion. So to me, the paper plates means he doesn't do dishes, and if she wants to eat of real dishwear , she will always be the one cleaning them. And if you are making a meal for a *date* then it shows your not thinking about making the experience special.

[@Hamster_Hampton]

You wondered why Izzy was so hard on Johnie at the Party. I think there is more than his hurt ego. For me Stacy has a lot to do with his behaviour at the party. She obviously hates Johnie and Izzy wants to please her in every possible way. So he jumps on the "let`s hate Johnie" train. Johnie once said to Izzy that they both are emotionally instable and I think that is true. Izzy does not know what he wants, he is insecure and not man enough to stand up for himself in situations when Stacy would have needed a firm boundary. I hope that he finally found the right person with his new girl (who, by the way, looks a lot like Stacy), but ultimaltely I think they are all (Stacy, Johnie, Izzy) emotionally instable and immature, but Johnie seemed at least willing to go deeper. Regarding new content: I would love to see some analysis of the dynamic between Jada und Will Smith.

[@annamcfarland492]

My thoughts on Stacy were that she was so immature at the barbecue and her, she was one of the oldest ones there… love your love is blind content :)

[@heyjavonnejay]

Stacey seems like one of those girls who peaked in high school.

[@annamcfarland492]

@@heyjavonnejay I can see that. Or she was the mean spoiled cheerleader.

[@poseurlol]

​@@heyjavonnejay i think the opposite... she's a happy woman in her 30s enjoying life... (not to say she doesn't have personality flaws)

[@genesisferreira6034]

In the beginning I felt neutral towards Stacey but then as the show progressed I found her to be judgmental and shallow. I didn’t like the way she made a big deal out of Izzy having paper plates and how she took it so personally. She also kept bragging about how cultured and refined she was because she had money and was able to travel and go to expensive restaurants. It came off tone deaf because obviously not everybody has a rich father to provide them with those opportunities or can simply “pull themselves up by their bootstraps.” Calling Izzy “exotic” because he’s Mexican or Mexican American was a a whole other level of Ick for me and not very culturally refined if you ask me. Izzy was by no means perfect and in terms of how awful they both treated Johnie, I was thinking they deserved each other 🤷🏻‍♀️.

[@Doxygurl]

“Exotic” was my final straw. 🤢

[@Babalooalso]

I also think Izzy's aggression with Johnnie partially had to do with making this drama not only palatable to Stacy, but engaging to her. He knew Stacey didn't like Johnnie, I think he wanted to engage with Johnnie still and in order to make that Stacy-approved he took on a Stacy-level of aggression. I could see them gassing eachother up talking about it off camera, saying mean things. Stacy feeding off the validation and her anger, and Izzy getting to soothe his ego.

[@Colourinne]

So interesting! In terms of the poem I felt like it was her way of trying to show that she can be vulnerable without actually having to open up and BE vulnerable. I feel like she did it with the hope that he would see it as an olive branch to vulnerability

[@yaelfeitelson4070]

Please do love is blind japan!!! Its so wholsome, super focused on the couples, without stupid drama, really touching and heartwarming. Tons of interesting iasues for you to analyze. Theres gonna be second season this year. So maybe before that, analyze the first one? Im really curious what you would say about some of the couples there

[@ThrilloftheChayce]

Great video as usual! Recommendation for non-reaction content: I’d love to see a video from you on addictions, especially behavioral addictions, like food, love, sex, gambling, etc. I would also appreciate a video regarding ADHD and the two subtypes. Thanks!! 😊

[@EatWell23QWB]

Once again an excellent analysis and commentary!

[@StephAnya]

Thank you!

[@MJ31579]

Stacy's financial needs cant be met by the average guy her age. As it was a dealbreaker for her, I think she shouldve mentioned it in the pods so she could he marched with a richer guy. Also I feel she wants a guy like Izzy, from an attitude point of view, but with her dad's type of money. Is this realistic?

[@WorldOfFrenchie]

I feel like Stacy definitely had a right to be upset with the one night stand drawer at Izzy’s apartment. It would have been different if he just forgot it was there, but the fact that he said he actually saw the drawer the day before and still decided to leave it there is just very poor decision making. Why leave evidence of all the girls you don’t remember & one night stands you’ve had when you know that your new fiancé is coming over the next day and can easily come across the drawer?

[@painauchocolat8215]

I definitely agree that Stacey didn’t communicate the plate issue well (and I’m not a fan of hers in general), but I don’t get why it would be a class issue - isn’t getting cheap ceramic plates once cheaper than always getting paper plates? And not to mention the incredible amount of waste it generates! So I do understand that it can be viewed as a character thing (not caring for environment/sustainability). But maybe it’s an American thing to normalize this (as a European, I have not once seen a household with throwaway plates, even low income ones)

[@aliciaaa6021]

Ceramic plates also have to be washed with water and soap which is another expense. Ik many are against paper plates I personally use both paper and ceramic plates

[@Phaithie]

That plate conversation was weird 😂 I totally agree that the food is important not whether it’s on a paper/plastic or ceramic plate 🥴

[@regularity2556]

But for a man looking to get married ??? Not a youngster fresh out of college, although I think she did too much in the conversation

[@cherrysIushie]

@@regularity2556she could’ve just been like “maybe let’s upgrade that” or made a joke. Not ridicule him and make him feel like he’s worthless over PAPER PLATES.

[@mctesq]

Having paper plates isn't a character flaw.

[@birdi3beez]

@@cherrysIushieI felt like I was loosing my mind when I had a different opinion from everyone else about that situation. Lol. Don’t get me wrong Izzy has many( MANY) faults but that paper plate thing never made any sense to me. Dish ware is not how you should assess someone’s readiness for marriage.😂 It always felt like she was just reading too much into that. Ultimately though she made the right choice for both of them. They were not compatible. Lol

[@jeisselima]

​@@birdi3beezRight and talking over and over about he not having a passport. So odd.

[@ArielLVT]

This is QUALITY content! It's clear that you worked really hard on this, Steph!

[@GG-kn2se]

Stacy baffled me, so I very much appreciate this.

[@claraespinoza5048]

Literally! My jaw literally dropped when she got all offended about the plates. I really thought that was a new low fr

[@fuzzywuzzy4564]

@@claraespinoza5048 really funny that she pulled up a weak sob story like "my grandparents house was foreclosed on, my family knows what its like to be poor!" but then threw a huge fit about plastic plates

[@FramedFlower]

Izzy's upbringing in the Jehovah's witness community may have stunted his emotional development. It could partially explain his immaturity.

[@raydelismorales8138]

Amazing analysis, although I wish you would’ve gone over Stacy’s family dynamic! That was interesting and you can tell how she was raised!

[@Crazzy_51_50]

Yay!!!!!!!!! I checked yesterday and was sad when I saw it wasn’t uploaded and then even sadder when I realized the other videos were two weeks apart. But it’s here now!!!!!!

[@StephAnya]

Thanks for your patience! 🫶🏽🥰

[@koyalchengappa7746]

You articulated so much of what I was feeling, but didn't have the words for, in the moment always. Completely agree that Stacy going on about the 'fun ride' wasn't the point of this exercise, and felt as strongly as you with the whole it is the food (not the plate) that is the care. I really look forward to your insightful and thorough observations of dynamics, it helps me SO much. Looking forward to the next one Steph! ♥

[@iunnor]

Izzy going for Johnny after the show was the least surprising thing ever. He had a suspicious amount of passion for her ever since leaving the pods.

[@lovenakabba9185]

Omg I also thought Lydia and Izzy convo was soooo weird as well as the convo with johnnie

[@mariabauer7266]

Okay I have a question about the paper plates. Do people really only use paper plates instead of reuseable ones? I am not from the U.S. and have never ever heard or experienced that before (except for parties or such). Stacey definiteley was out of line with how she talked to Izzy about it though. But how does no one talk about how bad for the environment only using plastic or paper plates is? It's just so much useless waste. And even for people with low income, isn't it more expensive to have the continouous expense of those plates instead of buying a cheap set of ceramic ones? I don't want to offend anyone, I am just genuinly curious about this topic.

[@sarahmunson1778]

I'm from the US, lived in multiple places across the country, and it’s not typical to only use disposable dishes and cutlery. I've never known anyone who exclusively uses disposable eating utensils or dishes, except at parties, as you say. From an able-bodied adult man, it's likely due to him simply not wanting to do dishes, which definitely....says something about him, to his potential wife in particular.

[@268anita]

Sometimes people who struggle with executive function benefit from taking some chores off their (paper) plate with convenience items. And I think that’s okay. So for example, a person with ADHD who struggles to maintain a household might buy paper plates and then not need to do as many dishes, which might then make washing the counters and sweeping the floors much more manageable. I’m not diagnosing the guy from the show or saying he falls into that category, just offering an explanation as to why he might do that.

[@millemarie]

I was thinking about this as well. How is paper plates economical? Definitely felt more lazy to me and about not wanting to clean the dishes. Which seems like a big red flag to me. But if that was his reasoning, he should have stated that instead of them talking about money and "finer things".

[@boasurpresa]

It was a Airbnb and she kind felt it

[@Out_on_a_Limb_Life]

Personally, as a British person who lived in the US for 15 years, my experience was that Americans use disposable everything far more than is typical in the UK, for example. The US really pioneered convenience as a desirable commodity. Look at fast food, for example. The amount of waste created by that is staggering, though it's high on the convenience scale, and they've exported it around the world. I don't mean to sound judgemental - there's aspects of it that's attractive, but my response to Izzy using paper plates was the same as you. Think of the environment! (I thought).

[@solispho]

He definitely had ample time to come clean about his finances with her in the pods! Izzy was on the Viall Files and even said production gives them talking points per day and one day was dedicated to finances. So he had a whole day to tell her but chose not to be honest.

[@jaxj968]

wait really?? that’s crazy

[@reneepospisilova627]

Can you do Never Have I Ever? I would love to know your thoughts on the main character’s journey through grief and loss as well as the therapist she goes to throughout the show.

[@lz6364]

As a grown adult in their mid 30s, I freaking love that show. Ove watched it about 4 times lmao

[@reneepospisilova627]

@@lz6364 Same! I only watched it once but when it ended I seriously considered rewatching it right away.

[@lz6364]

@@reneepospisilova627 go for it!! It's such a fun and chill rewatch!

[@farahgaston8883]

@@lz6364 me too.

[@Unknown-us1fc]

I love the hunger games idea at the end there! As always, this was insightful and empathetic ❤ much love always

[@StephAnya]

Love right back to you 🫶🏽

[@DannyDyersChocolateHomunculi]

Stacy was a vindictive bully with narcissistic tendencies. Izzy was insecure and codependent to the Hall and Oates Rich girl. Johnny was waaayyy too open/ honest about how much of an emotional train wreck she was, thus ended up bullied for appearing weak and indecisive when she was just being vulnerable. All these ppl were a mess,..this season was fantastic lol

[@cassthelunaraquarian3328]

listening to your videos like podcasts at work gets me through the day

[@thecavalieryouth]

I'd love a video on grooming, particularly in relationships with big age gaps where the younger of the two was in their adolescent years/very early 20s. Why & how it's detrimental and damaging, how to identify it, what it could mean for the groomed in terms of their emotional development, etc. The couples I think of are what may be considered the exception to the rule, or the "success stories" of age gap relationships: Beyoncé & Jay-Z, and Aaron & Sam Taylor-Johnson (there's many more out there, though, it's wild 😳). I've had conversations with people who insist on putting the blame & responsibility of the age gap relationship on the younger person. I kept being told that even as young as 15, they're old enough to know not to be involved with an older person. Or they'll say "What were they thinking going after an older person? It's on them how this relationship (negatively) played out bc they went looking for it" and just denying the harm that may be done and how someone could be a victim of something like that.

[@matariki9818]

I wish you'd bring up Izzy's background and the fact that he grew up in a cult more. It explains so much : insecurity, fear of abandonment, lashing out when hurt and even the bad credit score...Dude needs therapy.

[@jaxj968]

wait he grew up in a cult?

[@bachopinbee5991]

I think your take on this dynamic is as spots on as it gets. I am learning a lot from this and it is helping me study my former relationship. Thank you, @Steph Anya

[@StephAnya]

I love that ♥️

[@bachopinbee5991]

@@StephAnya Could you review the Ultimatum for us? This last season had crazy twists and blindspots seemingly ignored just for sticki g with their partners

[@kaitlynwoodward1832]

it was confused by the editing (probably intentionally to create controversy), but Barnett sold his house to pay down some of HIS OWN student loans. Not ambers. Cameron said this in an Instagram video after the airing of the anniversary party.

[@alexissantos2618]

The minute he married Amber , their debts became eachothers. So Amber's student debt is considered his now. I dont know them and know why he sold the house but the law is they both have eachothers debts when married.

[@joanneaspires]

I have been waiting for this video!💞 Stacey's job title was Operations Manager, others have mentioned she works for her father's company so that could make sense. I believe she just does the Pilates instructor thing on the side. It definitely seemed that she needed someone who could keep up with her lifestyle and that unfortunately wasn't Izzy. Also, Cameron mentioned in an Instagram live that Barnett didn't actually sell his house to pay Amber's debt, it was just edited to seem that way.

[@aimrocks1]

Omg yes I’ve been waiting for this one!!

[@_SpookyHallowQueen_]

Love these videos! I look forward to them every season!

[@sandracontla7509]

Same!

[@abbigailgutierrez6880]

Izzy is very insecure. He is willing to say whatever the other needs to hear so he can redeem himself. Because he is like this I think he has endured some things from women which keeps him stunted with this emotional immaturity and insecurity. As we see with Stacy constantly bringing him down. He isn’t financially enough, he doesn’t use the right plates, he doesn’t do enough- however I think she has some trust issues and high expectations that no one can live up to and she is constantly looking for something and not afraid to call it out. They are toxic together. She would have continually brought him down and he would have continued to love bomb her to try and win her back. Weird cycle. I was rooting for them until the plate thing. While on one hand she has a right not to like that she made a huge deal out of it. She could have stated I see why you may have loved paper in the past but I want more than that. Instead she talked down to him about how it is disrespectful etc. I mean- he was a bachelor?! Lol. This whole experience is about changing past things and making room for a husband. That’s a learning curve for a lot of people. While I think Izzy truly wants to get married and have his person I think he doesn’t know how to grow up emotionally to change old patterns. I think Stacy thinks she knows what she wants but she doesn’t have realistic expectations and will keep doing the same thing she has always done. I think it’s a protection thing. They were a bizarre couple.

[@cherishwashington6986]

Thank you for being my therapist when my actual therapist is off.

[@whtyc]

This was exactly my take on the Izzy/Johnnie situation! I feel so validated right now 😂

[@AshDawn]

I empathized with Izzy when Johnie told him about her ex who died of an OD because I dated my ex for 4 years who one of the first things he told me was he had an ex fiancé who committed suicide and said he was so in love with her and told me he will probably always love her and during the relationship I found myself questioning my worth and value to him and always trying to get reassurance and it's a really hard thing for someone to hear especially when you're just getting to know someone and are in the honeymoon phase, so all that to say I think it was smart of Izzy to not go through with Johnie because it does make you question your worth when your partner has that happen to them and they are unable to give reassurance. edit: grammer

[@mctesq]

I feel like a secure person without abandonment issues would be okay with it.

[@xLiLlyx98]

​@@mctesqno, a person who is hung up on their ex in that way shouldnt be looking to get married or perhaps not even be in a relationship. Its highly unfair to other partners, to be the sounding board for someone whether they can get over their loss or not. Heal first, then look to date.

[@mctesq]

Not sure anyone ever gets over the death of a loved on

[@mctesq]

Doesn't matter now because Johnnie has a boyfriend

[@aliciaaa6021]

@@xLiLlyx98I agree but do you ever stop loving someone so close to you?

[@888fer]

1000% you should watch the "out of the pods" interview with johnie and renee, it's very interesting and might change your perspective on a couple topics

[@vnessaw]

What comes up in that?

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

Where are these interviews? Is it a Netflix addition or like a podcast?

[@Gvanz_]

I can finally get an early access! Normally I have to watch it hours/days later! Love hearing your thoughts and insights!

[@GraceLaurenTaylor]

I just wanna say that I am a huge fan! You are an inspiration to me and I would love to have you on my podcast, “The Trauma Dump Podcast” we talk about all things mental health and wellness, and I think you would be an amazing addition to our conversation! Wishing you peace and love!

[@thetraumadumppodcast]

🙏 here’s to hoping!

[@MamaMilkBubbles]

I can't wait to see what your thoughts are with this one. I'm not a therapist, but I sense their energetic roles are reversed. Izzy was looking for a dominant woman, and Stacy was looking for a man to dominate. Although they knew it's not what they needed, they went with what felt good in the moment. Their old selves came out (instead of their new and improved selves), and things failed as I expected.

[@dajenahughes5276]

You got me as a fan from your deep dive on the Twilight series. I am very curious to see what you’d have to say about Tyler Perry’s: Why Did I Get Married movies!! Love you ♥️♥️♥️

[@jessastephens8778]

There is a TWILIGHT one????? Don't mind me just running along to add it to my watch later

[@dajenahughes5276]

@@jessastephens8778 lmao YES it’s so good. She definitely pointed out some red flags that I didn’t see until I got older. 😭😭

[@jessastephens8778]

@dajenahughes5276 I'm halfway through Eclipse. Still team Edward...though its made me want to reread the OG 4 books. Haven't touched them since breaking dawn released

[@mariekeho]

I would love to see your take on the Hunger Games! And in terms of videos purely on relationships, I would really like a video on avoidant personality disorder and how that affects relationships with family and friends. Great video!

[@CabinFever52]

You are far more generous with the people in this season that I would ever be. I can't say that any of the people shown in-depth impressed me much. Hopefully, Lydia and Milton are able to be happy, but is too hard for me to tell if it was a real connection, but I hope it is for their sake. I also hope Izzy was really trying to find a connection, but it was unfortunate for him that they did not seem to have very good choices for him. Mostly, the women did not impress me much, except for Alyiah (sp?) (I'm still on the fence about Lydia and I guess I will never know). Keep up the great commentaries. Now, please go on to Love Is Blind Japan.

[@catalina4447]

Loved the video, one thing that i feel must be said is that a main difference between Arnett and Amber versus Stacy and Izzy was the fact that he was the one that had not a good financial situation, and she mentioned that she had expectations of her partner pampering her with money basically, and this is a very strong element that is linked to the patriarchy and the role of "the man of the house" and how "he has to provide", i think all those things played a bigger role than they can even understand.

[@DarkelleLovely]

To me Izzy kept those items as trophies 🏆.

[@amandahurley]

Loved the video. Would love a video on how you think social media is affecting mental health. By that I mean, people are constantly posting about having ADD/ADHD/being on the spectrum and now random people who are fine identify with one of those attributes and think, “oh I have that too” and flooding different offices for a diagnosis and getting frustrated for finding out they don’t have it. Do you feel like this is helping or hurting the mental health industry? Do you feel like everyone needs therapy? Would love thoughts/opinions. ❤️

[@StephinTech]

Izzy is a manipulative used car salesmen and Stacy is a spoiled rich brat… not of fan of either but especially of Izzy who constantly lied about the type of guy he was in a relationship and projected his financial insecurities onto her. Izzy was also still attracted to Lydia and Johnie and needed them to still be pining over him when they weren’t . He’s also a bare minimum man. Stacy and that bronzer… need I say more. Stacy knew he wasn’t good enough for her financially and I feel production forced them to stay together until the wedding day.

[@rethinkcps2116]

You make good points. I'm rethinking spoiled. Should a wealthy family restrict the treats & perks they can afford, for their kids? As they grow up? So they "earn" it on their own? To prevent a situation where a 34-YO acts like Stacy? Just thinking out loud. Success isn't a curse. But a lonely bossy woman is...unappealing. Is Daddy money-bags partly at fault?

[@Ashley-bm9gc]

Yes!! I’ve been waiting!!!

[@julieandrews8124]

Wow! Everything you said was spot on for me!

[@StephAnya]

I’m glad that we’re on the same page!

[@authenticplantress470]

I completely agree with your 1st impression of Stacy because all the things you mentioned were all the things I also picked up on

[@crymeariver8133]

random video request: it would be nice to get more videos about grief, especially during holidays! tips, your thoughts on it, etc

[@cherrysIushie]

Stacy freaks me out. Everything about her makes me so uncomfortable

[@stephh1228]

I will never get over her makeup, especially the overdone bronzer 🥴

[@nicky132]

And the small, mean eyes 😑

[@carolkimbell5174]

She has a very hardened face.

[@kathyb5000]

Lol, the looks matched the personality.

[@magicalprincessowl8881]

For me as a european I am compeltely shocked that people would regularly eat prom plastic paltes

[@petalchild]

As an American I agree lol

[@carolkimbell5174]

Nothing wrong with paper plates. He didn’t have the money to buy a set of dishes.

[@petalchild]

@@carolkimbell5174 I'm sure he did have the money (since you can buy a set for $20 or less), he's just too lazy to wash dishes. And if he can't afford that then he probably shouldn't be on a show to get married lol

[@magicalprincessowl8881]

but constantly buying new plastic plates is more expensive in the end?@@carolkimbell5174

[@jewelb9433]

​@@petalchild 💯 She was "materialistic" when she didn't like paper plates, but when he was all happy in her luxury car and big house saying "we should put a big tv over here", it was all good and normal. He's a hypocrite and a gold digger 🤷🚮

[@kronyka]

​i love youuu, im learning so much from your insight and youre so well spoken aaaaaand also gorgeous haha. hope u keep doing theses :)

[@StephAnya]

You’re so sweet! Thank you!!

[@kronyka]

​@@StephAnya❤❤❤

[@ma53-m4c]

hi Steph! Would you be able to make a video about what are some good questions to ask your partner before marriage, like questions that would be good to address before moving in etc so that you know how to navigate a situation before it happens or something along those lines?

[@realSimoneCherie]

Personalizing something that has nothing to do with you is entitled and deciding that someone's choice of flatware is a personal affront to YOU is flat-out delusional.

[@blessedforever1424]

😂😅😂😅😂😅😂😅😂😅😂😅😂😅😂😅😂😅😂😅

[@Isarai1705]

I hated Stacy, so I'm thankful that you take the time to explain to us everything in detail. Amazing! If you could do a Hunger Games video would be awesome since i know there would be some issues to push into the light for the characters and the new prequel.

[@paintitblack9712]

Great video👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Edit: loved your take, got some insight into some maladaptive communication styles I have as well! Constantly learning 💡 🥰

[@KellyGuenther]

This was such an insightful breakdown. Thank you!

[@ryangorey8639]

I would love to hear you talk more about the finances aspect of the relationship! As a gay man, it was really surprising to me when Stacey’s shared her expectations of Izzy paying for 100% of their dates. I know there are a ton of societal scripts around gender roles in relationships that show up really differently in queer relationships, but I was still shocked to hear that.

[@fenixbirb]

I love your videos on Love is Blind so much! It is so interesting & educational for me! I'm learning a lot about myself, how to choose the right partner for me, how to build healthy relationships. Thank you so much and all the best wishes to you and your wonderful channel! ❤❤❤

[@birdylovesyou5667]

When I saw the plastic plates I just thought “oh he don’t like washing dishes” i do t remember Stacy taking it personal because I wasn’t paying attention as much but if she did take it personal I think it’s dramatic but I can also see the other side saying he should own at least a few reusable plates. But like you said, some people grew up in lower income homes or are currently in low income come homes so respectfully I don’t care if you give me a paper plate or a reusable plate as long as the food is good.

[@mctesq]

Not only that, you can change paper plates. Doesn't make someone a bad partner.

[@RedBunni1024]

Question/ topic for video: How to manage with your families during the holidays? I love my family but going back into the system you grew up in is tough. Especially when one family member has a significant other and parents are still very much they’re old selves and same dynamic. My family loves to poke fun and if my one sibling isn’t there I become the scapegoat. It’s just triggering sometimes. You never know if it’s going to go pretty decent, ok with some hiccups, or terribly awfully wrong. Timely topic many of us need for this time of year.

[@Stephanie_Ella]

20:34 43:11 44:12 Stacy is a mean girl, and that’s why I feel OK about saying that she looks old and tired without makeup. She really has no room to judge when it comes to looks..

[@kaahpinhel]

Yayyy I was super excited for this one ❤

[@amanzah]

Do you have any videos on re-building trust after a partner has come clean about a lie? Working forward together, accepting the hurt and kind of what to do what not to do for both parties type thing?