The Most Dangerous Message From a Covert Narcissist - Part One

[@Paarthurnaxdova]

Why can’t two empaths find each other and fall in love!!? I need a loving man. I want to be loved and that’s it...sick of these selfish narcs!

[@Evajeanfreedom]

Best mantra ever: I am loved I am worthy I am safe All is well 💖💖💖

[@rsaldivar6705]

How very true!! I was married to a Covert Narc for 24 years. when we married I was only 24, she was 32. I was very naive, I had no idea what a Narc was. She whittled away at me over the years, gas lighted, probably cheated, and then rejected me, without leaving me. Only because she knew I owned half of everything we owned. When our only child was 13, he came to me and begged me to take him away from her. Or he would take himself "out." My son and I moved out on July 1, 2012. She had the divorce papers ready by July 18th. My birthday present. No marriage counselor could ever help us, because she always presented herself as the sweet innocent victim. I walked away from everything I had worked so hard for, in order to save my son. I ended up saving myself. I'm only just starting to heal, but still have a hard time believing that I can be loved the way I love. Unconditionally, And to the very core, until the very end. One day I'll heal, and perhaps, one day I'll find her. "The one." Much love to you all. May you all find your healing and that special love, made just for you.

[@intangiblelikecolours7200]

R salivary. Continue to love yourself. Say " I am enough " frequently. When you're spirit is ready your love will appear.

[@amandabrisbane8716]

R Saldivar big hug for you.

[@x35mmman]

I was with a covert Narc ex girlfriend for fourteen years and like you I was naive and didn't know about the Narc actions. Guess what she went nasty on me on my birthday too. I went no contact with her and it will be two years this coming May. One day I will heal. This is my first broken heart in my life and I am 63 years old.

[@movingmountains4832]

I went through the same, I left and divorced my ex-narc because he cheated, lied, and emotionally abused my oldest son and myself for years. I didnt realize what I was dealing with until I years later when I dated someone who was more evil then him. It has been a blessing finding out what narcissism is and how to protect and heal.

[@tranquility9325]

I am very proud of you for having the strength and courage to walk away. These monsters do everything in their power to destroy us.

[@emilyapartmani8057]

You have to be perfect because they are not.

[@mariamkinen8036]

Emily apartmani you have become conditioned to being. You try n try n try. Until you walk away.

[@andied2510]

Wow! You really hit the nail on the head! That's exactly it.. Covert narcs make you feel unworthy of love. My mother did and then my covert narc husband of 18 years. I finally left him last year and am healing from all that emotional abuse. Each day I tell myself I am worthy of love and I already am feeling so much better! Thank you so much Debbie!!

[@marinaperic853]

The most important thing is not take personal what they say, everything what they say to you, they actually think about them selfs☝️and thats life they live.... Very sad....

[@nayanaramesh1252]

True. Stay strong and have strong faith in God because only GOD can love us unconditionally.

[@jaimecastillo5677]

Used to tell myself that I had life figured out but I knew something was wrong. Took 16 years to finally see it. Trust me, you will find someone who truly loves you just make sure you're ready to receive them.

[@raywhittington1368]

"Your brain will look for evidence and it will find it". Good stuff Debbie, thanks for your fine contribution.

[@KartikaPanwar-TSPR]

You've put it so correctly, Debbie. I was told by that abusive girl that 'she accepted me unconditionally, without any judgements, that she was with me .... all the time..', and that I will never find people who will accept me the way she did. she said all this when I pointed out her changed behavior and wanted to separate, or wanted to have at least any statement or some form of closure form her. You know I was thinking at that moment that "I was there for her more than she was there for me, and it was true from my side, not the fake display of false self to keep the other hooked to one!". She always made me feel worthless, this made sure that I was always dependent on her validations. No wonder she made friends like herself only later on. Her personality is like a sharp cutting knife. I could literally feel the hatred, envy, jealousy, and rage seething out of her many times and I would wonder what is making her act like this! If she is not happy with me, she can leave instead of just staying and keeping insulting me and hindering my progress in life and making me feel bad about myself. Now when I look back, I can recollect numerous incidents like that, and I can say with certainty that it was not me, it was always her, she was like that since the beginning, I just didn't see it because of the all-time fake smile plastered on her face! She insulted me, she smiled, she put me down, she smiled, she humiliated me publicly, she smiled. And then humiliated mem more for pointing her behavior out, smiling again thereafter, as if enjoying she had just 'Won' the useless manipulative game. Just more than done with these people.

[@borealisland]

I was raised by a covert narcissist mother, married to another for 25 years, and married to another one, again, for 16 years. I woke up on October 5, 2019, and remain bewildered, but free. It's going to be a tough road. Wish me luck. I need it. Thanks for your work in this area.

[@creator2149]

Thanks. It's true. I remember sitting there one day in the fog of the relationship and thinking, nobody cares about me because I am not even worth it. I didn't know then that this was due to all the undercurrents of abuse. I tried so hard and he never made me feel like anything I said or did was good. Meanwhile, I was the one who was doing all the work in it. I just remember feeling like, I've never felt this way before. I never felt so unloved but, could not even put my finger on it at the time.

[@reesedaniel5835]

Narcs are black holes that suck all the light and life out of us.

[@AFAskygoddess]

I had the privilege of knowing Joyce Martell, a truly gifted psychologist who specialized in healing adults of their horrific childhood damage. She said EVERY TIME you look into a mirror say *"I LOVE ME"* Honestly, after a year or two, you will not just be saying it. You will be believing it.

[@debbiemirza1744]

I love that. Reminds me of Louise Hay. Have you read my first book? I talk a lot about that. Those three words are powerful. I'm so happy you were able to know Joyce. Thank you for sharing. xx

[@mariemmartinezgarcia150]

Un spanish subtítulos please Thanks you

[@nacarreira777]

Raised by and now married to a covert narcissist.....it's torture. Videos like yours are a great help with healing.

[@BellyHeartSoul]

This made me cry. Finally someone who gets what it's like (my mother is a covert Narcissist). It hurts like hell. Thank you Debbie, for being out there in the ether!!!

[@misottovoce]

Oh, this really resonates with me and throws me back to the few days after our 'honey moon', that I asked him: what was wrong, why can't you be affectionate like you were before? He answered 'You don't deserve it'. I was so devastated on one side but angry on the other because I deserve love and affection and give it freely. It was so clear to me that what he said was calculated to hurt...and I wondered why? Now I know. I eventually discovered he is a covert narc. I had hoped for real love at this stage of my life but I see his 'illusion' now. But I know better now how to deal with it...and him. Thanks for this video and all the others. Am slowly working through some of them!

[@lynkent677]

They use symbolic messages. They know our deepest fears because we opened up and trusted them with our vulnerbility....Then when the rages start they verbally confuse us with the truth! As hard as it is ..you have to remove yourself from this abuse...you will never recover by staying with the narc... Personally I left made myself homeless....had two breakdowns when the reality hit home... I would still say with all my mental health issues it would off become worse if I had stayed..

[@rollyjoger5027]

Your book changed my life. It made me reach out for EMDR therapy. My best friend was a covert narcissist and I have been messed up for YEARS. Thank you.

[@winter-qd4yw]

Thanks again Debbie. I am so completely alone because of this. I can see the caring and empathy in you. Watching your videos and hearing your validating words feels like I have one understanding friend in my corner!

[@marcremillard4052]

My dog watched this video and now he keeps telling me over and over that I am worthy of love.

[@rosalbavarela7333]

Thanks for your video. Every morning the first thing I do is to thank God and show gratitude for everything in my life. Thank God i am out of that unhealthy relationship. Living with a narcissist it has been my worst nightmare. Zero contact.

[@ozzyoz5210]

My narcissistic husband is constantly reminding me of the disdain he says I'm worthy of, the constant eyerolling, and condescending, subliminal messages he sends to me, if he forgets one day of reminding me, his mother will usually pick up the slack for him. I have stumbled upon your videos and I appreciate your time and I would like to thank you for the video..I don't need anyone to validate me, but at the same time, I don't need anyone to kick my teeth out, only to say I deserved it bc I stayed.

[@debbiemirza1744]

Thank you for sharing Sirley. So glad you found my videos. Lots of love to you xx

[@pearlyq3560]

Nobody ever deserves abuse, whether they stay or they go. Don't kick your own teeth out over it. It takes time to process, mull over, figure things out. Half the time you feel like a deer caught in the headlights. Leaving a marriage is never to be taken lightly, especially when kids are involved and, it doesn't sound like you took leaving lightly, and that's a good thing. Much love to you Sirley.

[@curtis3524]

I've heard my mother tell our family dog the line from The Help that goes, "You is kind, you is smart, you is important" more times than I can count. She has never told me that I am kind. She once told me that I was brainwashed by my university when I was talking about something I had learned. And I've only ever felt like the only important thing about me to her is that I am hers.

[@jameslacroix1028]

they treat you like a piece of crap .i got belittled in the first month or two i was dating her .i got lovebombed and devalued and silent treatments and verbal abuse and gas lighting and projection and shame and blame .abuse thru text .i got stalked and hovered and when she got me back i got a crumb of love .and the cycle started and the abuse got worse .i was never good enough .my hobbies wherent good enough and she tried to get me to insolate from my family and friends.i got the strength to go no contact in 2017 i also got smear campaign and flying monkeys i heard that when they hook you in the beginning once they get bored with you they start telling lies about you.my ex was a doctor and everything else without degrees .she new better then anyone and told me im such a bad boy and i would say my family doesn't think so.james i now you better then they do.her words never matched her actions.she had a horrible control problem and was so entitled and blamed everybody else ex friends and ex boyfriends. she said she never did anything wrong

[@ndnsol]

james lacroix that’s my wife to a tee

[@pamelameckley7308]

Ugh...nothing worse than a self entitled piece of crap that's NEVER done ANYTHING wrong. As if!

[@paulad.4578]

I grew up feeling that I was unworthy of love. Then, through the words of a good friend, he brought me to realize that this was not true and that I did not want to attract that kind of energy to myself - the kind that would attract others who would only be happy to resonate with that belief of myself that I had. The moment I realized that I was attracting that type of energy, I made a choice and there was a shift in my own energy. Now I don't feel that way about myself and if someone wants to pull me down into a negative space about myself, I won't stand for it. The bottom line is this, we can choose to believe about ourselves whatever we want and just because we came from a childhood that taught us we are not worthy of love doesn't mean we have to go on believing it. You can put that thought and every false belief about yourself away. You are as worthy of love as anybody else.

[@MotogiantTL]

The sad truth is that many involved in these relationships have lost their ability to not only emotionally, but also financially rescue themselves. They are literally caught between a rock and a hard place. I know a victim who was financially secure when he met his, and little by little his confidence, health, and career were whittled away to the point where he became a prisoner in an invisible cage. So much is written or discussed about women being the victims, that it can be difficult to believe that men can also fall victim to female narcisists. (In no way diminishing the vast number of women victim's) It is heartbreaking that all victims in one way or another become prisoners in the invisible cage that Narcisistic relationships so often create.

[@jenniferbailey5914]

My ex Narc compared me to a rat on our Wedding Anniversary. I surprised him with a trip to the east coast to see his favourite comedian. This is what I got in return. It still hurts me terrible when I think about it even now.

[@RegineAteliers]

Message from the covert narc....."I was just trying to help."

[@JenAWren]

'You is good, you is kind, you is important' The Help (film). Said by the Nanny to the love-deprived little girl. AMAZING WRITERS.

[@lovegoddess29]

Yup my mom, sis and some friends in my past have treated me as such. And you know what? I don't give a RATS ASS because God loves me! Seeking God will SHOW you his love for you! And his love is the GREATESS and most genuine! Those who treat you as if you're not worthy of love are people who are hurt, messed up and feel unloved themselves!

[@ronaldmartino2610]

Thank you. So very sincere. 31 years of relationship and currently married 28. As difficult as it may be, one needs to discern the difference between the narcissist and the person. The person is in so much pain. Self loathing, low self-esteem, unable to accept unconditional love without earning it that when they get it there disease says it's a trick to manipulate them. How very sad is this? The person with the soul you see is the person. The narcissist is the term for the mental illness. If you know this they can never wound you as much as they are wounded. Have compassion for their pain. Smile. Respond don't react and the supply you once were will become inert to them. I'm not a professional, just a survivor who's found a way to not reject this person or feel the pain of their attacks any more than I would reject a person for crying out in pain who has cancer. There is hope in understanding for those who love someone with this mental illness and won't run because they took their marriage vows seriously and I suspect there are many. They know how to cut you to your very soul. Just know how deeply cut to the soul they are and refrain from reacting. You can do damage as well as I did until I understood how much pain my wife endured every single day from this affliction. It was trained into her from a mom who forced her to earn her attention and love. Pray for the gift of discernment and see the person past the disease. Its the disease talking and not the person you fell in love with or fell in love with you. Your video touched my heart and brought to mind all those who may be suffering as I did in the beginning. It helps to have friends that you keep secret who will always let you know who you really are. You are worthy of love and loving kindness. God bless all who suffer from this horrible affliction and the supply or loved ones the disease feeds off of.

[@reesedaniel5835]

If you feel sorry for a snake, the snake will still bite you. And it doesn't care. Narcissists are not "mentally ill." They are EVIL. They plot and scheme to sabotage and destroy their chosen prey. They know exactly what they are doing because they CHOOSE to do it. The Bible says they have "gone the way of Cain" who murdered his brother. They are fully responsible for what they do! Attempting to justify evil is CONDONING IT. 2 Tim 3:1-5 describes these people to a tee and the last verse says: HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM.

[@adriennedouke8510]

@@reesedaniel5835 Thank you for saying that. Yes, even after 28 years of hell, and 7 years healing, I feel bad for the ex narc and the life he has (or non-life?) he has, but I also know I can't help him, can't change him, can't love him into sanity without sacrificing my health and sanity, and that it not an option.

[@JenAWren]

You need to study more Cluster B's and maybe put down the bible for a bit?????

[@lauraburney1912]

The turtle and the scorpion comes to mind.....

[@trhair1]

Thank you for confirming my thoughts. This is exactly how I used to feel . You walk around thinking what is wrong with me, what did I do to deserve this? You work so hard to be accepted. All you ever wanted was to be loved. Thank you again.

[@snowstormonsat]

Yup, that's exactly how they make you feel. I'm learning how to love myself. I placed pink rose quartz stones around the house, something tangible that I can pick up and hold and remind myself...ahhh yes, I am worthy and I am lovable. And I know for certain my 7 yr old daughter loves me very much, as do my dogs and cats. All I have to do is look at my dog and her whole body wiggles with love and joy.

[@makisnerantzis8427]

I am worthy of love!Thanks!

[@sues3218]

My covert narc is my mother in law and it is hard, but I am moving past this. However, I feel so sorry for my father in law, she uses him as her personal slave, and so do her "flying monkeys". He just takes it and never stands up to her, he gives her everything she wants, whenever she wants. My father in law did not take care of his teeth and had to have them all pulled and get dentures. I will never forget what my "monster" in law said to me privately one day, "I just don't find him attractive without his teeth" and it was said with disgust. Zero comments about his pain. Not one mention of it. This was how she responded to him having trouble with the fit of his dentures, they were painful to him. She would keep hounding him to put the teeth in, even though she knew it hurt. Yet, she never said, let's go back and check the fit. All she cared about was how she felt, not sympathy for him at all. I was dumbfounded, this man bent over backward for her all the time. Of course, this happened during my initial "waking up" stage. At that time I didn't know what a narcissist was. I was beginning to know something isn't right here, what is happening, I thought she was such a loving individual. Then the true nature was coming out and I was also her supply. Jekyll and Hyde.

[@shannon8315]

I was raised by a covert mother and married a covert man. I've always felt like I owe everyone. So having people around me is draining. My covert husband takes advantage of my self defeating isolation.

[@leeboo23]

Debbie, this video meant so much to me. I have been recovering from covert narc abuse for a year now. And before the video even started I thought, "It's worthlessness. He made me feel like my love and devotion was at once essential and worthless, all at the same time." So, this video was very validating. Thank you so much; you are helping me heal.

[@KittyPurry99]

Choked up with you. Narcissist mother, Covert Narcissist husband of 13 years I’m divorcing. Working on “I’m lovable”. Hope? I’ve met an amazing man who reinforces this in a healthy way as I do the same. I am worthy of love! Much love back to you.

[@sh236]

Thank you for *being* the kindness that I am rebuilding right now in myself. Your books have turned my life around by giving things a name. Thank you for writing them, I just really want to keep typing thank you several times.

[@debbiemirza1744]

Awww. I am so touched by this! Thank you! Sending you so much love! xx

[@thereallovetrance5262]

Thanks for that kind word. You brought tears to my eyes bc what you said is so true. I was only with my narc gf for a little over 2 yrs but the emotional damage she did to me is still with me after a year of being apart. I’m not the same but trying to rebuild myself everyday.

[@baggerchicforever2687]

Hi Debbie. ..good video...we ARE worthy of love and I think we do realize that. .we are forever searching for it. .the problem is how to love. .when raised by narcs you have been conditioned that this is the way love is .you're to young to understand what love is..so you think this is love. ..I started being sexually abused by my father and finally I got to go live with my Christian grandparents for a while. ..long story. ..I did not want to go back home. .fear is a terrible thing fear will pull you in directions that you shouldn't be on...I ended up married and had 3 children and lived with a psychopath that was verbally, mentally, sexually, and physically abusive. ..already in fear from the past my fear grew even stronger. ..I finally left at the age of 46. ..now 60..my mother passed away 4 months ago and the will specifically said that I was to get nothing. ..absolutely nothing. .she made it loud and clear. ..they love going to the grave with a big fuck you. ..what I'm trying to say is. .yes you can heal to a certain point. .but in cases like mine you will spend the rest of your life in regret and always pushing the memories aways that enter your brain ..it's a constant battle. .no matter how many times you look in a mirror and tell yourself you're worthy of love. .that doesn't mean you know how to love I've watched a lot of videos on here in the last 3-4 yrs and I have to say that's what saved me. ..validation. .knowing I'm not alone. . But nobody hardly goes deep into it and talks about fear. ..what to expect when they grow old. ..how to build trust, that's a hard one. .my parents made sure that I would fail in everything. .no proper schooling. .I stepped out into the world knowing nothing. .this subject goes so deep. .what about the lonely child. .the invisible one. ..I personally think if you can overcome fear that's when you can build your self esteem up and then you can face the world through different eyes and learn. ..because we didn't learn anything up to that point except how to survive the best way we could. .and how to cope with fear. ..anyway that's my thoughts on it. ..Debbie you're a great speaker. ..very soft spoken and genuine. ..😉

[@meera2531]

The fact that you overcame all that abuse means you are a survivor and you can overcome the fear too. A little fear is good for survival but too much is detrimental. I hope you can find greater strength and peace within yourself to overcome the fear and realise that life is good and all this is designed for our higher evolution. Don't allow the disordered people and their disorder to win. Live and enjoy life as much as you can while staying safe.

[@thehotcoffeehouse6081]

Hi ms baggerchic...ur story is mine...im sorry u had to live it. I really, truly am. My covert abusive narc egg donor gave me a giant FU as well as to her estate, ( shes 92 and going strong), disinheriting me and worse! There are things worse than being disinherited involving an estate, u would not believe what she did to me...anyway, im 13 yrs no contact, and getting "myself" back, but, im late 50s, wish i had done it 50 yrs ago, lol, i can laff now... no contact. Its a lifesaver!

[@debbarker8152]

These people are also in the work place , have spent 3 and a half years the psychology is so damaging went from a Corporate Project Risk Manager to now not even recognisable to myself. Suffering PTSD unable to work let alone barely functional on a daily basis, self respect sense of self shattered Cheers Deb (Australia)

[@margaretmichelsen766]

Australian Workplaces are so bad these last 10 years. Seems that Personality disorders run rampant in the population. Good luck! Hope you get back on the horse and build yourself up. Don't drink from their toxic cup.

[@Davearmstrong42]

I've spent my entire marriage trying to 'exist' in my wife's thoughts. I would work hard enough and long enough that friends would pull me aside and tell me I'm killing myself. It's never enough. There is always a disqualifier to negate any effort. The effort, care and investment into each other is a massive inequality. What you said is sooo very true and has even been said point blank. No one else would EVER love YOU. How do you turn that mental wiring around in your head? It's been 33 years of this message and I'm so exhausted I'm not sure I have it in me to step away and start over. I have a running thought loop in my head and it's all the remarks my wife has made but now I own them. 'You say the dumbest things', 'There is a flaw in XYZ so your effort means nothing'. I resorted to lies because I realized my best efforts were not good enough. I can't even buy something without her analyzing the receipt. She will find the flaw and that will be the focus.

[@shannon8315]

Strangers speak nicer to me than my husband of many years. I avoid asking questions about our finances because I get a sharp nasty voice that says " I pay the bill's, not you, why do you want to know"? Must be the discard phase because the other day as he passed me going into the house he gave me a look like he wanted me dead. I've never been looked at with such disdain as then. He hates me and I don't remember doing anything to deserve that.

[@theperpetual40000]

Just had my life destroyed by one. 10 years, 2 Kids mortgage. Told me she never loved me just didn't want to be alone and nothing better had shown up. Now I see behind the mask she stares back at me trying to figure out my emotions.

[@ImreadyforJesus]

I was raised by one in a group home and I knew I was being abused and now I’m in a relationship with one and it definitely has a dizzying affect. I am starting to believe that I am not worthy of love even though all my life I thought I was and I thought that person would come along someday but every time I thought he had he was abusive and the one I am with now I thought was the most wonderful person I had ever met until I moved in with him and met his mother I am not perfect but I have a loving kind soul and I know I don’t belong here but I am stuck and I am lost

[@tullysoulliere8103]

Good morning Debbie, I so needed this reminder today! Feeling the doubt creeping in this morning and this made me cry...but in a good way! Two of my sisters are NPD and i suspect they have some other disorder along with it.They both made sure to tell me i am not worthy and was unwanted. I was also raised in a evangelical religion that was very cult like and when people have been preached to (yelled) at and told they are unworthy of love in everyway( even in the womb), it can seem like a monumental task to overcome and learn to embrace what self love looks and feels like on some days. I have been doing inner work for years now and always will because i do believe in love and self love .Isn`t it ironic that its so important to narcs that they discount love to you but confirm its very importance by trying to kill it when they know its what your made of !!! jealous and pathetic on so many levels that narcs and preachers use even the eternal love of our creator against us ! Such a sad thing for so very many to over come. But we can do it!!!!I believe our very gift of empathy is what has helped me to heal once i turned it inward ! really give it and take it back to myself. .Thank you Debbie for this gental beautiful reminder and tool to keep in our pockets! (O: Love to you.

[@See_Life]

I love you Debbie, I feel the real mom I had before I was born is someone like you... thank you so much for your kind support, You're so beatiful and sincere💗

[@anniegillespie7935]

The thing that struck me from your video was your statement that everything was dizzying and you didn't know what was going on. When we broke up ...we can't even agree on who broke up with who... LOL but nonetheless the biggest trauma I had was not understanding why he could never be happy. Once I realized he was a narcissist it all came into view instantly. It has taken me six years seriously to recover. It still amazes me how I started out as such a self-confident person and ended up a confused pathetic shell of my former self. Good news, all the research and self work I've done have made me the happiest I've ever been with myself. At the end of the day, I feel really sorry for him because he we'll miss out on so much due to his inability to trust he is loved.

[@onlythetruth208]

I grew up with everyone in my family treating me this way. My malignant narcissistic mother immediately inducted my oldest daughter into this thinking and behavior the moment she was born. My youngest daughter wasn't inducted into this family cult until after I went completely no contact with my mother. My oldest daughter did her best to use her younger sister as one of my mother's flying monkeys to suck me back into the family cult with guilt which was my mothet's most favorite tool for manipulation but it hasn't worked and will not work. Thank you for getting this very empowering message out to others.

[@nathaliedufour3891]

Yeah...you survive..you don't live. You are content if you can just breathe. Get up in the morning and go about your day.Thank you🙏🏽💕🍀

[@mogha1920]

When I would ask what's wrong, why are you mad (cuz I'm being ignored and don't know why.), He says, "What did you do to get my attention?" He tells me I'm not working hard enough or doing enough, or not the right things to get love and affection. 😔. I finally found him out, I didn't know what narcissism even was. I've strengthened up big time. But now I feel stuck. He went totally neutral on me. He withholds any kind of love and affection for SOOOOO long. We're cordial to each other. With occasional perks. This is the least fulfilling relationship I can imagine. I stay for the kids. And cuz leaving is a big decision. Not sure how covert narcs behave in the long term once you've stood up to them.

[@michaelandpandorawan227]

I pray alot and one day I heard well not an actual voice butMore of a thought that I am love able. Since that day when I get shaky and feel insecure I repeat it to myself again and again. Its a beautiful thing because for so long I haven't felt that way. i believe I was raised by a narcissistic parent and I had to earn my love and felt like I had to almost de back flips as a kid for Love so to speak....All children deep down know what it feels like when raised by a narcissistic parent That feeling of needing to meet their parents needs before their own.... tragic😩

[@pamelameckley7308]

You are absolutely right. We are most definitely worthy of love. Thank you! ❤🕊❤🕊❤🕊❤

[@TheSpiralLab]

I wish you would interview me. Twenty-nine years in a relationship with a covert narcissist. Three years out. Every story you tell, I can totally relate to, and have one of my own that will make your jaw drop. And you know, for my whole life I felt so weak and fearful, but more and more as I realize the extent of what I went through, I am realizing how strong and how brave I am. Because I NEVER stopped believing that I was worthy of love. I just kept believing that my ex-wife really did love me and that if I just explained my pain better, explained my loneliness better, explained what I craved better, she would finally get it and I would get the love I knew I deserved. What was I thinking? It’s the hardest part of healing too, giving up the fantasy of the great post-divorce family we were going to be for our kids, that my whole life hadn’t been a lie. 29 years, beginning our senior year of college when I was 21 years old. I read your book and now your videos and *finally* feel sane. Thank you.

[@kimm1543]

You're so right. June 2016 was the day my life wld never be the same. Ive been on healing journey since. Im so sick of dealing with it and thinkin about it. But the injustice of it i cant seem to shake

[@nechialee4624]

So true Debbie, great video 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@ms.vscorner]

Thank you for your insight! This is all true, I am an adult child of a covert narc mother and an enabler co-dependent father. I have been on a road to a spiritual, mental and psychological recovery and your vids are life- changing and live-saving. Thank you! Lots of love💖

[@annchesher4856]

Debbie thank you. Early days out of a 6 year relationship with a covert narcissist, part way through reading your book it all makes sense and has given me “serenity” after the madness that took me out of control, all the love bombing and discarding over 20 times. I thought of myself not good enough and so humiliated that he even triangulated with his ex wife with me. How could someone who had supposedly grown up (so he said) and then two months later discarded me as he wants to have all his female friends (who I never met) really love me, what was I doing wrong? I now see it was never me, just the chaos made it feel like me. You have made me realise such a lot please keep it coming to help others in the same way ❤️

[@Catwomanmn]

"I am important" I am lovable, I am worthy all are needed to silence the tapes we've been fed for a lifetime, not just childhood. I'm writing about my childhood and so many memories I've buried have been surfacing, its important FOR ME to get these written down as fast as I remember.

[@miminewmoon8187]

Catwoman: me too - memories flood me sometimes and its so freaken intense and debilitating. I havent worked for 8 mos sitting in my shit! Need to stop this

[@aquariusstar7248]

Thank you for this....not sure if im dealing with a covert narcissist or not but in dealing with him idefinitely became aware of the feeling of not being worthy of love. And i immediately traced it back to my childhood and my relationship with my mom who consistently emotionally abandoned me and rejected me. As i recognized this wound, i was grateful for the experience and began to work on healing it. It was difficult and painful....feeling the depths of it and wanting to die. I knew i was going exactly where i needed to go to heal and i am now on the other side of it. Getting stronger and stronger.

[@katbird158]

There's a difference between those who were raised by a covert narcissist..you could literally feel the life has been drained from them. Yes!

[@MorenaRose86]

Thank you. I needed to hear this message. Coming from an adult child raised by a narcissist mother

[@fabulousworlds1428]

They don't love, instead they let love...

[@mreloo]

I am sick...married 38 years...and now thanks to my daughter I am awake. .and in incredible pain ..I told my wife that she can b healed and delivered from this demonic spirit, but she must be part of the change process.

[@reesedaniel5835]

Narcissists are unrepentant. Without repentance there is no healing. Narcissist's are allergic to humbling themselves and submitting to God.

[@jocelynnschmolt3637]

In a way I am very grateful I came across this video & am in tears....I became anorexic as a preteen...siblings much older than myself.....hospitalized my brother said let me die I was costing too much 💰...my parents told him what if it was cancer should they let me die...anyways I am in a covert narcissistic relationship and physically disabled + with depression & anxiety NOBODY in the medical profession believes me so I can't comprehend love freedom or help....I hope someone younger will take advice & get help...I am 51 don't end up like I believe I am just existing

[@allisonoliver3288]

Thank you so much for creating these videos. You have truly changed my life x

[@moniquetorres2910]

I am about to start School in September our Son has 2 years left of school. Be Glad to Get away from. been knowing this damn fruit cake since 5 years old. He has no clue what will be waiting for him i. already in the process of discarding me. i wish him well with the new victim. no love lost here!

[@marivali1153]

It's not so much that the narcissist feels that the other person is not worthy of love it's that they don't feel anything at all about what the other person thinks or feels at all ...They could give a rats ass ! about anything.. . it's all about themselves , they could care less what the other person thinks, they are never satisfied and they're always bored and that's what keeps them always on the prowl!! Looking for fun.. I'm not putting the narcissist down all I'm saying is if you're the type of person that doesn't mind being used and abused then you can tolerate a narcissist..

[@kellogg10]

Thank you. I was in a relationship with someone who exhibited these traits. But was BPD. I ended up having to leave her before she could complete the discard. However even after I left She kept me roped in with manipulation and lying. This continued until I found out her out and confronted her. She then completed the discard and told me she had no remorse. Not once did she ever take responsibility for how the things she had done in the relationship that made me leave. Relationship lasted 3 years 8 months. Total Association was just at 5 years.

[@Depplova81]

I have your book. Thank you for writing specifically about covert narcissism. I'm married to one, and for eons I thought I was going around the bend dealing with this dude. He has everyone believing butter wouldn't melt in his mouth/he's the nicest guy ever. Meanwhile, people think I'm the problematic one, because all they see is me reacting, but they don't see the why.

[@miminekevots2776]

I have been brutally discarded by my daughter who relished my pain. Then announced she is going to "save my brother from you" and my son also are dismissive. Both gaslight, refuse to discuss to clear up specific questions they both avoid. They said I am "too negative" and to stop using the deaths of my parents and husband in two years as an excuse. But they will not specifically tell me what is negative, since everything is slapped down notihng is negative...

[@lynnemarylou7611]

I'm really sorry... Keeping you in the dark is one of their tactics... It's a horrible debilitating feeling... I've been going through something similar... However now some light has been shed on the situation. I'm really sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that your kids are using that against you... You are entitled to grieve... and kids need to cut their parents some Slack when they feel all their needs are not being met as when they demand... Sending you blessings yahweh shalom

[@tbd5082]

A mother’s “tough love” is abuse.

[@georgejacob3162]

Thanks for this! I needed to hear this at this time!

[@user-wm4je4ct8y]

Hi Debbie, I'm a crier too, it's human. These monsters live in a world of delusion where they are a god and you are nothing. Yes, exposed to this over time creates an expectation of not being worthy of love. It's the reason I've had a lifetime of not getting love and accepting narcissists repeatedly in my life. It's destroyed my life. Looking back, there was always hope but it never happened. The pattern has never changed, throughout my lifetime. I'm old now but my life has been a wreck because of this.

[@janethomas78]

I want to send your book to my Covert narc SISTERS-- both of them. they were 10-12 years older than me. Both of them always made me think I was worthless, wrong, it is really sick.

[@JenAWren]

I considered sending book to someone like that too - but they would throw it in the trash. Don't waste your money or your time on 'these people'.

[@reesedaniel5835]

@@JenAWren Exactly. Narc's are obtuse. They wouldn't bother reading the book, especially if one of their target's of abuse sent it to them. It would be "beneath them."

[@paulward4395]

The worst they do is tri-angulate using others to hurt you.

[@melissah7734]

I'm loved by Jesus

[@sweaters_and_harmony9525]

Absolutely! We become what we tell ourselves. Positive self-talk matters!

[@valeriecastro6023]

Love love love the message, its so true its not always what they do- its even in a greater effect in what they dont say or do, that causes us to feel unworthy. My story with my CN reminded me and triggered my rape experience, that happened at a young age. Unfortunatley my CN acted the same way, with such a cold unmoved attitude- by my woundedness, it caused me to go into a dissolutional state of mind. Its was as if I had been raped all over again, this time I was in love with my prediator. So scary. Im still learning about what happened to me and its been 5 years now.

[@nickymullally95]

V true..Well done on your discovery..

[@jameslacroix1028]

your book is amazing it explained everything my ex was doing to me the entire two years I was with her thank you so much

[@debbiemirza1744]

You're so welcome James! So glad it helped

[@casper8662]

Lol. My wife told me one day she could have sex with other people and still make me happy. Then she said she was just too much for me. I responded by saying...I am not happy and in fact the opposite of you being too much, your not enough. Yes I experienced the rage that comes from giving a narcissist a narcissistic injury.

[@davidcarino7546]

Well after 32 then 8 years plus a total of 40 years are finally got to wake up call on the sickness that these people have my first one and my second wife I never could believe what I was feeling or seeing I can understand it until I've been studying narcissistic illnesses that these people have in everything so far as been to the T and I thank all of you who are on this mission to educate the others out there who are so blind in the cloud that you can't even see straight because you think it's you so thank you

[@spiritualbadass4836]

Big hugs we all out here APPRECIATE YOU WOMAN!! 😘💯

[@garimaheath]

Yes. I got that message all my life.

[@glowieworm3893]

The message that has forever changed me is... “Good luck ever making anyone feel like your love is special.” It took me quiet a while to process what that even meant, but I eventually did. I was orphaned by two living parents and resentfully raised by my grandmother. From the age of 16 until now 41, I have had three long term relationships, one was a marriage. I guess no matter what, I will be seen as desperate.

[@bethetruth1842]

I AM' "WORTHY" OF LOVE YOU ARE' "WORTHY" OF LOVE XOXO💖

[@mayaandreaygrillomassar790]

mine swore she loved me and only me until the day she discarded me for her new supply. "I love you, there is no one else". . . but the discard was over many many months of lies and before that of emotional destruction by the way she spoke and the choices she made. My narc was raised by a narcissist and a codependent HSP. She totally felt unworthy of love - and needed constant feed back on this. Her power to destroy me did not work because I maintained my sense of worthiness, even as she attempted to decimate me from the inside. . .

[@NarcCon]

I’ve tried to be brave and help with crappy personal video we need to share? Thank you so much xx

[@guillaumerusengo9371]

From a very early age, my dead sister who was alcoholic used to tell me: "No one will ever love you bcz you are effeminate! We don't love you here, you are not one of us, we actually found you. My mum would protect me but I now know that she knew my dad approved of the abuse, which he'd instigate to project his childhood traumas on me, and she didn't take my side or be tough on the, she was scared of him. I feel like my mum was scared of upsetting him so she let or joined the abuse.

[@blu_angel7]

to say I am worthy of love is too upsetting, as soon as I said I am worthy of love a voice came into my head saying so why am I not loved if I'm so worthy. or ever have been. However, I love, and that is enough.

[@dennisgodaire485]

Thank you, Debbie

[@dragonfly1838]

When he would ask me back and give him yet another million second chances, he would say he needed too earn my love. I would reply to him that love is not earned. I told him love is given freely and that it was my trust he needed too earn.

[@rosebrown6811]

thanks debbie 2 days out, needed to hear that 🤗

[@trinnysaysno]

I made the mistake of letting contact happen between me and my mother and stepfather after almost a year of no contact. All I want right now is to change my adress and phone number. She, they both have got to go! I'm so triggered with irritation, anger, memories and just icky negative feelings. She spent time this visit buying me expensive dinner, shopping for clothes at thrift store. But her and my dad dont miss an opportunity to find a way to be condescending, negative, or try to convince me I was a bad person and teen, and kid. I swear this time I'm having alot of physical assault ideations! I stopped answering her calls because I scared myself when I imagined beating my mom up or choking her and just looking at her face as she struggled to breath. I think I caught her sick virus of crazy! They have to stay away from me for good this time! I just dont like them or me when they are in my life.

[@keithfreeman5840]

Thank you very much. I needed to hear that.

[@debbiemirza1744]

You're so welcome Keith. Glad it helped.

[@zaviahopethomas-woundedsou9848]

The best kinds of friends are those you can be soggy with and it only strengthens your friendship. I was raised by a narcissist who frequently told me since I was a young child; "no one will ever love you," "you will never get married," "why would anyone even like you." That was my mother. And believe it or not I have a sister-in-law who married my brother when I was seven, she has done way more damage to my mother. She is very covert and no one believes the degree of abuse either of them have done in my life. They think all abuse is physical, including another sister-in-law who is a mandated reporter. She flat out said to me, "your mother has hurt everyone in the family but that is not abuse." Sadly I have walked away from my family, they have decided their corporate ignorance is fact and labeled me a mental case. I had C-PTSD and overcame it in 12 years! Something that is incredibly hard to do! I have studied domestic violence for almost 19 years, this is what helped me heal. But they have not looked into it at all and I am crazy and stupid according to them. If only people with this kind of ignorance along with the abusers glowed fluorescent green. My family would still deny it! Thanks for sharing all you have learned on your KZbin channel!

[@reesedaniel5835]

The worst kind of abuse is the kind that leaves no physical marks. The kind you can't prove. And the cowardly narcissists KNOW this.

[@toja6960]

You're amazing, Debbie ❤❤❤ thank you so much

[@Bittagrit]

Until I watched this and Ms Miller, I knew my late Mom had issues, but had no term for it. Now I understand.

[@toneman335]

Wow...what an important message and insightful video....Thanks