How to Heal When You are Still in a Relationship with a Covert Narcissist

To find out more about Debbie's books, online courses, meditations, healing music, and coaching with her, click on the following link: www.debbiemirza.com/
Here is a link to The Safest Place Possible Audio Book: www.audible.com/pd/The-Safest...
Link to free quiz to see if you are with a CN: www.debbiemirza.com/

[@i.l.746]

After learning that my husband is a covert self hating narcissistic man, my heart was broken. But as soon as I started the healing journey, I am grateful for everything he put me through. He pushed me to dig so deep within myself, to cultivate my own joy and be in touch with my wounds and heal them with love and patience. He is still the same man but now he is the one scared of me. This video was the universe's way of reminding me how far I have come, the emotional and mental work that must continue and I celebrate myself

[@estellacamacho9226]

When we educate our self about their behaviors that's when the Covert Narcissist becomes afraid of us because fear of exposure.

[@rashades40]

Thank you for sharing your experience, you gave me hope and power .

[@JillyBeann77]

I have three littles kids! How do I leave? How do I deal with him with co-parenting?

[@lunayoureright]

@@JillyBeann77 let him have the kids and cheat on him but gaslight him about it.

[@AnitaSperoDesign]

I'm stuck. 36 years and I'm just learning what he is. We have no friends left and the only family left is his dad who has always been abusive to me. I really don't know what I can do. But listening it's great for others.

[@chelceasurgenor598]

Praying for you 🙏 ❤️

[@edgreen8140]

Another helpful thing to know is their rage is actually fear. I can't afford not to be seen by you as not perfect. And the empty shell of a person has to put the mask on everyday and appear perfect in public so they are under a microscope in the community but at home they are tired of pretending to axtually like x y or z. It takes alot of energy to pretend so they don't like holidays. So know when they yell they are actually scared. But they use counterphobic methods when afraid but will not admit it to you. You can see their lack of sense of humor w you but they will fake laugh when another person tells the same joke.

[@SouLightness]

Good morning from Ireland, Debbie. 4 years after you did this video...just bought your two books. Ive discover for the last 2 months he is a covert narc. I also grew up in Francos Spain in a horribly abusive family. I experienced the lot covert, overt, abandonment, neglect so i was groomed since babyhood to now, to live with abuse. Funny enough i was a domestic violence worker but this was so subtle, so covert, so silent...18 years with this partner. Preparing to leave. I have parkinsons disease so my body took a deep beating indeed. I have booked low cost therapy and hope to get started next week. Also reconnected with old friends and calling womens aid to feel verification and strenght while he is around, triangulating and doing his narc thing. Your kindness and your practices inc your beautiful singing feed my soul. Im so so grateful you are in this world. I feel like i will not have another romantic relationship again, as im 63 and with a serious condition but if i manage to have a loving relationship with myself and keep my souls alive i will have accomplished my purpose. Im on it. Love and peace Debbir. Thak you from the bottom of my heart. 🙏💜

[@Suzu52]

Absolutely in the throes of C-PTSD, developed fibro and other ailments and now I finally know why.

[@EastmanEditing]

me too. I have days I can barely walk, and just a year ago I was running, hiking, snowboarding, white water rafting, etc...Also got pulmonary embolisms (stress and work hour induced) and nearly died but still didn't see it clearly until now. (My boss is the narc in my life) The person in the position before me got cancer. Scary stuff.

[@EastmanEditing]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/mWesfWuNi96Ag9U

[@Jesus-saves732]

Same here.. 1yr after we married I was diagnosed with fibro among other things

[@trhair1]

Debbie, thank you for your warmth and supportive spirit. As a survivor the hardest thing is to learn to love yourself again after years or decades of being treated as less than. You work is so valuable to survivors.

[@RegisChapman]

This happens to men too, BTW. This is really helpful, as I often feel like I'm going crazy. I have become a person I don't recognize. I have had your book for some time, but I have not read it enough. I'll have to change that. I think my issue is that I had an ego about myself, thinking I could Be Compassionate Enough and I bought their victim story for SO LONG, since I am in the healing world. I was so naive.

[@annborn6563]

Haha 2 min in: chronic fatigue? Check! Chronic mystery illnesses? Check!

[@katechristensen6616]

Wonderful information! Please.please would you do a series on elderly covert narcisstic mothers and how daughters can heal ! X

[@arizonahighways7287]

Don't wait until you're in stage 4 adrenal fatigue- bed-ridden. I can't make appointments because of the likelihood I won't be able to keep it after 40+ yrs with NH. I'm also too nervous most of the time to even drive and can no longer work.

[@melissad.6722]

I love your videos. I'm steps away from possible safe exit and pretending all is well going along for peace and safety is becoming unbearable.

[@debbiemirza1744]

Thank you! Sending you so much love as strength as you walk your way out of toxicity to freedom xx

[@rickiilatino]

Thank you for addressing this because there is so much talk about no contact which of course is best when possible. I am creating a exit plan. I struggle with the thought that I should just rise above it. My mother was a narc so I grew up with similar issues to this marriage. I agree I need to love myself more because his behavior causes me to feel ashamed. I know this is not logical but it is how I actually feel.

[@debbiemirza1744]

Trust yourself. It sounds logical to me that you would feel that way. xx

[@JillyBeann77]

How are you doing now? I’m creating my exit plan now with three little beautiful blessings...scared

[@cassandralabrum8730]

I honestly don't even know how to leave my narcissist.

[@spockywa]

Me too. I'm 62 and don't even have my own car. The thought of leaving is too scary.

[@christine9467]

Same. I recently quit my job n sold my truck to homeschool. Ugh. Now I realize this is his problem after 17 years of some hell. I need to deal with it better.

[@kasiakuboth]

Wow. I waited for material on this particular topic. You and Meredith Miller are my youtube guardian angels 😇 always ready to help in darkest times🌷thank you.

[@See_Life]

I agree! Meredith & Debbie should be awarded for saving the Earth from the narcs... seriously I'm still healing and trying to re-gain my safe space. I love you Debbie 🌼💗, thank you so much for extending yourself to your brothers and sistars going throught this . Hugs to everyone here!

[@maryrodriguez973]

Check out Linda Martinez Lewi too!!

[@blackrain88]

Thank you Debbie! I can feel your sincerity through the video and it brought me to tears. Much love to you!

[@SharonShazzzaaaTaylor]

I've just finished listening to your Audiobook, it's a brilliant book and has helped me so much Debbie, hearing other women tell you they have been through what you've been through and validating your thoughts is such a calming relief which washes over you, really great research , brutally honest but in a kind way with support and helpful suggestions. Thank you for writing it, brilliant 😀

[@ritaodriscoll2093]

This is brilliant, thank you, I saved it under 22ct gold. This is my situation just now, and the practical steps are utterly brilliant and just what I needed. I hadn't a clue where to start, only that my doctor and therapist want me out of the house, and the thought is daunting.

[@judyworrell4323]

Loving the practical steps. We need to develop the habit of self love whether we are with a narcissist or not.!

[@HelenCarlene]

Thank-You .

[@iamjustsaying4787]

After 33 years, I stopped giving him the fight he wants. Something snapped when he mocked me for grieving a much beloved pet because it interfered with his desire to take a walk. Suddenly I saw a child standing in front of me. Now I just laugh and mock his attempts to rattle me. Poor little boy. I wonder what he will do for fun now.

[@mandie38]

thank you

[@c5quared626]

Thank you so much for your work. I am 12 years deep. So distinctly similar an experience. I've been so stupid, taking the aggression personally. I realize I was attracted to the complexity. But the cog dissonance was dizzying. Ended up falling into substances. Having them blame my use, while sending me off to go use. Not ever coming out to do anything fun or positive. So difficult on any issue. A 10star hotel? Y not 12? I felt so lonely and unloved. feeling like something is broken. Left jobs just to fix it, but never knew the issue. Still glad I have a 10 an 11 year old. Hope all my frustrations haven't traumatized them, the first 6 years were ok anyway. Got bad after I started drinking to avoid the mindmess.

[@christine9467]

I know how you feel. We both started drinking a lot. I realized I had to quit drinking around him when he said something derogatory towards me and I just wanted to beat the hell out of him so I tried to. I ended up with bruises everywhere from him. Well stupid me thought ok we can go and have a couple margaritas together. Wrong!! He got ugly and entered into his rage. I’m still trying to recover from that night. I really do need to leave this man. The drinking only amplifies this behavior in them.

[@c5quared626]

@@christine9467 violent abusive drunk, means he is violent and abusive , but typically ashamed of that dark side when sober. People like me become introspective and not afraid of speaking the truth when drunk. Maybe you are the same. The honest truth hurts narcissists. So when ur drunk u give it to them. She doesn't drink so it gives her an excuse, that I'm being abusive when drunk. Though I'm not violent or aggressive. Just asking the questions I need to ask. This starts fights. Weather the narc is drunk or not. For your person, he is more abusive than normal when you speak the truth. This is dangerous, about as dangerous as me being beaten by a swat team because of the lies.

[@susie9327]

My narc has a neurogenerative disease that make him even worse, BUT where do I go from here?

[@carenlzarate8603]

Wow he always says that Peace and Love is not life. Is resolving problems and challenges thats life for him Any thoughts on this way of thinking!?

[@willlawlesspoetry5399]

Do narcasist hate them selves and why? Is there any way this can be recognised. I have been in a relationship for 6 months and have thought there is many subtle but strange things going on. My emotions have been played with many times. I didn't ultimately know what a narcasist was until she told me her ex boyfriend was one. Since I have become obsessed with these videos, and I'm now convinced she is a covert narcissist. If she is I feel very sorry for her, and it is very sad if its true you cannot reach them. This relationship has been one confusing roller coaster and I am on the verge of leaving her, which is very Sad because who she portrayed her self to be I liked very much, as she was my soul mate! How do I end this relationship? Do I confront her? Or do I say this just isn't working? I hope someone with experience can answer my questions. God bless, have a beautiful night! OM NAMAH SHIVAYA!!! Thank you!

[@pisceananarchyvortex7223]

Hi Debbie, where is the quiz? I followed the link but don't see it anywhere on the website

[@debbiemirza1744]

Hello. My apologies. The quiz is no longer available, but if you go to my website you can get a free copy of the Introduction chapter of my book, which will give you a lot of information that will help you see if you might be dealing with a covert narcissist. I forgot this video still mentioned the quiz, so I edited that out. Take care xx

[@pisceananarchyvortex7223]

@@debbiemirza1744 Great! Already have the book. Thanks!

[@Paevoensis]

Thank you so much for your work! Is it common to suspect being a narcissist yourself when truth is you are involved with one? Why this happens?

[@debbiemirza1744]

That is VERY common. Mainly because they project what is true about them onto you

[@Paevoensis]

I am crying. I have been so alone with this nightmarish thought that I must be a narc. :'( my friends tell me to stop saying that but I cant. Thank you so much!

[@debbiemirza1744]

@@Paevoensis I started a support group on facebook if you'd like to join. There are very kind and supportive people there. You won't feel so alone. facebook.com/groups/1971759302929595/?ref=bookmarks

[@Vanadisir]

Sometimes to protect ourselves we have to reflect back to them the treatment they have given us, as a protective measure. Its another way to be driven crazy by them.

[@shannonnakamura9932]

​@Debbie Mirza what is the name of your group? The link didn't work for me. This video spoke volumes to me. I have so many health issues and I am so tired and exhausted. Working on yet another plan to leave. It's so difficult to function and work and make a plan when always exhausted with health issues.