The Only Time A Human Made Sense | HFY | A short Sci-Fi Story

This story was granted permission to narrate and add to KZbin by the Author: u/FarmWhich4275
Story Link: / the_only_time_a_human_...
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#scifi #hfy #scifistories1977
#scifi #hfy #scifistories1977

[@Venerable_Banana]

Alien: You're hit. you're bleeding, man. Human: I ain't got time to bleed.

[@virtualatheist]

Okay... You got time to duck?

[@hauntedmedic373]

​@@virtualatheist depends on the time of the day

[@Senok13]

That's most likely an allusion to the fact, that human body under extreme stress or activity creates adrenalin, and other hormons, which helps them focus only to survival in a "hostile" enviroment. Humans in this "world" are known to be one of the stronger species, thanks to Earth's compareably higher gravitational force, and the mentioned fact with the natural human stubborness make them considered tougher as well. If we add, that by our own history we has an unnaturally high knowledge about war, then in this world there is no more dangerous species, than the humans. Also, our diversity makes us the hardest to understand, so there is no real surprise, why the aliens think, we almost impossible to make any sense... 😉

[@aeternusdoleo4531]

Human: "You're beheaded. Stop talking."

[@rangav248]

I love Predator

[@PeterLGଈ]

"Dafook" 😂😂😂

[@oldnick4707]

"Dafook"😂😂😂

[@saranwrap132]

Caught me off guard 😂😂😂

[@zoltantakacs8401]

Caught me off guard too...😂😂

[@kennethsoto7562]

Dafook

[@jaydenesco3906]

And that my friend. Explains humans to the T. One word. Dafook.

[@lesallison9047]

Politicians are a different species 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 I knew there was something about them! Fantastic little story. 👍

[@Chaosmage42]

what took them so long to figure this out

[@lesallison9047]

@@Chaosmage42 Indeed 😉

[@dksmith605]

They are definitely a different species. Politicians are much like prawns (shrimp); they're spineless creatures with heads full of shit.

[@richardreid6377]

Politics Poly Ticks Many bloodsucking parasites.

[@anthonyjackson3907]

Where do I sign .

[@scifistories1977]

🤣🤣

[@tinpavlovic7096]

Me too

[@TheAKgunner]

Me three!

[@soliloquy8163]

I need to sign this asap... lol

[@diamondjim7560]

You have managed to unite humanity.

[@Soloong_Gaybowzer]

Species: Politician Classification: Parasite

[@LanderKoenig]

Indeed

[@ThisDangOriginalDude1944]

Invasive species of Parasite

[@JoeySmith-ob4dq]

I laughed harder than I need to when I read it

[@volcryndarkstar]

Damage Mitigation Device: Guillotine

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

Exactly.

[@jamiepatterson1214]

Fuunnyyy... but seemingly true with many. The perspective of humans from an alien point of view actually pokes fun at how humans actually are in real life. It's a wonder more of these aliens don't take something more often for the headaches they develop trying to understand humans. What's to understand? They're humans, 'nough said.

[@CD-vb9fi]

Yep... fantasy has nothing on reality... absolutely shocking. There are lots of movies that will tone down the insanity that has actually happened just to make it more believable. There is always some human yelling YOLO, bawls out, and doing something wild and crazy... and SUCCEEDING!

[@dwrdwlsn5]

@@CD-vb9fi'Truth is always stranger than fiction'.--- Mark Twain.

[@volcryndarkstar]

"He's an asshole, sir." "I know that! But what's his name?"

[@Mojo_3.14]

"That IS his name Major Asshole!"

[@carthienesdevilsadvocatenr2806]

"That is his name, sir, Asshole. Major Asshole."

[@Shadowlurkering]

Gunner's First Mate Phillip Asshole

[@andrewcota5453]

His name is asshole sir

[@optoclawonline9326]

"That is his name sir. Asshole, Major Asshole."

[@Runderton2]

Couldnt stop laughing. My lower back is hurting from the chuckles. George Carlin would have loved this story.

[@iffracem]

I need to find an independent in my state parliament to introduce a "private members bill" that mirrors this.

[@TheBathrobeWizard]

Lol if you live in the United States, Call for a constitution Convention. It's one of those fun things the founding fathers wrote in. We just haven't done it yet. Imagine. A constitutional amendment declaring all Politician's 'Non-Human'. Therefor, any Politician who wants to run for office must give up his/her humanity in service of the people. ( Won't happen, but it's fun to dream)

[@ImFrelled]

@@TheBathrobeWizard Take it a step further, they lose all human rights, including the right to vote. They can't even vote on their own bills. They have to have a human aide do it for them but only if they can convince the aide that their vote is what's best for the country. Now to make it truly ridiculous, the democrat party gets to pick the aide for the republican politicians, and the republican party gets to pick the aide for the democrat politicians. In some twisted way, this might even make our country work again. lol

[@sleepingbackbone7581]

I had to pause it after "assholes". Man, I was crying from laughter.

[@johnwenzel2003]

If I could I'd give that story a 5 star rating. 😊

[@InsAnItYschild101]

RIP old school KZbin

[@morrissoublet25]

Okay, LMAO on this one. Politicians as a separate species 😂😂😂!

[@MandrakeDCR]

Ok, without a doubt, this is the best bot-read sorry story I've ever come across. Absolute classic! :) 👍

[@anonygent]

Love the snack cake bit... just the right touch of insanity to make it interesting.

[@davidforget6906]

7 minutes into this we are still talking about humans here on Earth. Whoever wrote these words is a genius and please don't stop.

[@davecomstock6933]

I LOVE this Red Pilled narrator and possible even a Writer of these wonderful stories!!!!!!!!!! May almighty God Bless your coming and your going good Sir, Amen.

[@VirtualHolocaust]

i have to admit i really love these GO HUMAN stories.

[@jeffjames4064]

Considering politicians begin life as a lawyer it's no wonder they are the way they are.

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

Lawyers, the bane of all species.

[@davidforget6906]

Only this comment hearted? Omgarsh.

[@davidforget6906]

​@@ireallyreallyhategoogleYes they are not real humans. Dealt with them before. Peace ✌️ to you and yours.

[@davidforget6906]

Are all these videos to make us look again at ourselves. I really think so.

[@davidforget6906]

What can be worse than a law student trying much... Supreme Court.

[@pheonixblue01]

The snack cake prohibition kills me

[@Absaalookemensch]

I really like this channel, the stories but LOVED this one. Excellent.

[@eyllyssaunders5345]

The aliens with laser muskets made me laugh then I heard the bit about us humans laughing at it then I died

[@user-th3ez6cs6q]

WHAT A STORY! Awesome. I really enjoyed it and need the laughter it brought with it. THANK YOU!

[@joebaumberger7091]

Shame , I wanted that petition to be absolutely real.

[@ExploringCabinsandMines]

A politician works for the people yet is only in the game for themselves.

[@joemathis5612]

Love the channel. To whoever wrote the story first great job the only criticism is to tone down the repetition of details, like how you mentioned his height twice within ten seconds. If you do this it will flow a lot better. Otherwise keep up the great work!!

[@theGreenChangeling]

Love this brand of HFY story 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@glenmassey3746]

😂😂😂😂😂 The reclassification part was to funny.

[@AeronHale]

So when are we going to put this petition forward and where do I sign it?

[@whyjnot420]

Politicians are to statesmen what mules are to horses.

[@chriscr21]

That is so great!! 😂😂

[@hurricane7950]

And that gentlemen is how stupid WE are.

[@nesapanjalingam704]

Made me laugh 😂 Thank you ❤

[@thomassmith6232]

Anyone who enjoys this should read Lone Star Planet by H. Beam Piper.

[@kyroskiller]

I imagine an alien species finding these videos and thinking they're historical documents.

[@adamwelch4336]

i want to drink beers with a crab alien! 🍺 🦀

[@oddctioum]

so, they just let the snack cake get away with this? AGAIN?

[@mystic22222]

😂

[@mrhoyt6214]

It's like listening to a Douglas Addams book 😅

[@robinpage2730]

I love these stories of aliens being just totally perplexed by us.

[@hauntedmedic373]

Uuuuh, I think you got the wrong link for the story 😅 Also this story is absolutely hilarious 😂 Especially at the snack cake part

[@scifistories1977]

I've added the correct link. Thanks!

[@hauntedmedic373]

​@@scifistories1977 your welcome! I wonder if I just caused a butterfly effect? 🦋

[@jcoronet2000]

just found this channel, and i love it

[@78infowarrior]

I love your videos and narration

[@sarhtaq]

One problem with part of the petition: They do not need to go over night to change, usually they change within a few 100's vibrations of a Hydrogen atom. that aside, where do I sign?

[@theamiralgarner]

i remember something in C&C tiberium 2, the alien that invaded earth said : that specie is incredibly violent, even as we conquer them they're still fighting each others

[@demigod_inc]

Sounded like my daughter DaFuuk. Plus us fighting saying don't nobody interfere in this war

[@pauldwalker]

that was a good one

[@akosfarkas5586]

1st minute sounds like a normal day in space balkan!🤣

[@mystic22222]

I know 😂

[@uncleandross4310]

I like this one. 😀👍

[@garysuarez9614]

Those snack cakes do be insubordinate tho

[@malloryanderson724]

Like WWI Christmas truce . . .

[@Jerohnable]

Marines? Who the hell they are? Im up for spetsnaz :)

[@tarnocdoino3857]

The humans outside just laughed.” - yes, yes we did.

[@scottbrowder8304]

this one also links back to the reddit story "the day the war was won" and not the one that's being narrated.

[@WlmaAlexender-zl6nx]

I'll sign right now.

[@socrates1954]

"Dafuk" 😂😂😂

[@christenascott5280]

Yay-Especially in Election Year!

[@Fingergabriel]

we are space orcs!!!! WAHH

[@Shadow.Dragon]

ROFL!!! So true!!!

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank you for the reading

[@zeriul09]

love how i cant find any comment on the human getting his crab friend's name right

[@Oldnotweak]

cigarettes are a stimulant, not a sedative

[@FictionReader-3638Th]

Maybe for the different species it is a sedative?

[@BattlewarPenguin]

Aliens 🤝Humans [Making jokes to their politicians]

[@madi4642]

where is that petition?

[@christopherjennings2830]

Brilliant

[@Awset]

Win a battle because he was bored :D :D :D

[@kaikart123]

He was sick and tired and just want to go home

[@spikemorbid7159]

HAHAHAHA ! Awesome story! Love it!

[@god-mode]

Haaaaahahahahaha ... best depiction of humans ever ^^

[@purpledevilr7463]

I want to become a Politician. My grandeur is no delusion.

[@Avenus112]

Wait, what? This doesn't sound like a battle, it sounds like a college football game.

[@kaikart123]

I know right? Aliens, heh.

[@TechTales-w4w]

Nice bro

[@aaronbanta6504]

Humans are always in it for their own amusement.

[@DairXV]

Where is this petition so I can sign it?

[@shinsei1565]

HAHAHA Fantastic story! Loved it. Also, holy based human, Fuck Yeah!

[@gooseofjudgment3752]

Average Marine behavior

[@AletheosOratos]

Dang! The description of politicians nailed the democRATs!!

[@OptimusWombat]

Yawn

[@DivineEternalOne]

@@OptimusWombat He's not wrong though.

[@AndrewBaynar]

Reminds me of the Harden voice. p.s. crawl ;)

[@mikkelnpetersen]

I'd sign that.

[@omargoodman2999]

It was not lost on me that the Human was one of the few who put in the effort to pronounce his _full_ name. After all, he didn't want to make his work-partner... ... crabby.

[@achimdemus-holzhaeuser1233]

Link to the petition please. :)

[@scifistories1977]

🤣🤣🤣

[@georgethompson5459]

LMAO

[@michaelbarnard8529]

Nicotine is a stimulant not a sedative.

[@Nempo13]

By itself, yes. However, spend time around any smoker, especially if they work in a place they CAN'T SMOKE. After about an hour or two they start getting fidgety and cranky, they get hyper active and clumsy too usually. Then they get to go on a cigarette break and come back calm, chill, and able to focus. That is a sedative reaction and it is how most smokers behave. If anyone says otherwise they either are a smoker and refuse to admit it, or an enabler. Alcohol is technically a sedative yet has a stimulant effect on people. It most often makes people more talkative, quicker to react to things and less likely to think before acting. Now inside the body, yes nicotine is a stimulant that speeds the body up and alcohol is a sedative that slows it down...it is just how it effects the mood and thought processes of people is the exact opposite.

[@Senok13]

​@@Nempo13 That's mostly, because they are both addictive. And human body can be very smart about dumb things - they recognise those state to be normal, after some time you get used to it, and they try to uphold that "balance". Without the intake, they try to produce hormons and stuff, which produce similar effects, but those have multiple other effects to the body as well, thus causing change in behavior. When they get their "necessary" intake from those, the body shuts down the production of previously said substances, therefor gaining a more emotional balanace. That's why withdrawal symptoms can be so terrible - because the body already registered those drogs as "necessities", instead of occasional effects.

[@Tenebrous76]

Hell, I'd sign it,

[@cindaschuster6725]

💙👍

[@shaneboxhall1614]

Cigarettes are stimulants

[@daibhidhcampbell7487]

Did they have Wagg quote Warner Brother’s The Goofy Gophers? 😂. Indubitably?

[@israelquiroz7245]

In what world is a man 5’9 average? Was this written by one of those short kings?

[@LuizCesarBRAZIL]

😂

[@WhoThisMonkey]

You keep voting for them. 🤷🏼‍♂️

[@mystic22222]

😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮

[@Orinn000]

Wrong story link.

[@incognito8448]

why?

[@wolfdogarrow050]

Is it just me or does all of the videos have skipping of the voice

[@joeholm4591]

Counting coup

[@בועזמשה]

דפוק 😂

[@mystic22222]

I know 😂

[@calebhumphrey8220]

Just a lot of pro human nonsense

[@mystic22222]

Hahaha that's a good one 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@TrebenWhahahaha]

I can not follow what the hell is going on in this story.

[@colin2utube]

Was this written by A.I., didn't seem authentic to me

[@charlesphillips1468]

Kind of lame. Poor satire, and not intelligent science fiction.

[@tenjenk]

Some things are just for fun dude. wtf

[@mnlaaf9340]

This one was written for fun wtf

[@cruselove]

😂