The TV Is Telling The President What To Do

The President isn't signing a resolution to fund the government thanks to advice from his top advisor: the television.
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

[@camelsheit_on_the_walls446]

I would never, say, 4 years ago, have imagined that sometime in the near future, hearing the phrase : ' The white house is now without a babysitter ' would make my hair stand on end.

[@burtosis]

Someone please tell me his Diet Coke button and launch the nukes button are different! Please!! Because that's supposed to be a joke from bad animated Kids movie, NOT REAL.

[@abouttogiveyasomefacts5574]

@@burtosis he's like the president from monsters vs aliens

[@bronztrooper9440]

@@abouttogiveyasomefacts5574 Ironic, since said president was voiced by Colbert

[@StormGIJane]

When I said he would be a disaster at my office, one of my peers said "how much can he do". Well here it is.

[@kameronsnowe903]

"the simplest of tools" excellent!

[@ladyv5655]

Probably the most succinct description of #45 ever.

[@DaveyLuvGravy]

I think the "wedge...the simplest of tools" line is my favorite of the season. Great work Mr. Colbert. Keep 'em coming. Gives me a moment of hope and joy. Ah, joy. Such a fleeting memory. Used to be a thing i could summon as simply as getting an ice cream cone and calling mom to see how dad was doing. Now if I call mom I get barraged with...dare I say, tool-marks? Please keep the sanity train rolling Stephen.

[@brandonp.9058]

Give the writer that wrote the "wedge" joke a bonus!

[@notadev1590]

@vm8444 0 Leave that poor 'enter button' alone! What did it ever do to you?

[@notadev1590]

@vm8444 0 Jesus, dude. I was making a joke about your formatting. I didn't even mention politics

[@notadev1590]

@vm8444 0 See, regardless of political sides, we can always find common grounds. Such as your abuse of the enter button 😁

[@fckstreetshitters4294]

small dic white bxtch with cheap asian mail ordered bride

[@spybird5870]

@@fckstreetshitters4294 wat

[@leetraviusmckay314]

"he's the simplest of tools" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@MiosPanties]

Man this year's season finale of America is even crazier than last years.

[@FreeAgent99]

totally agree, haven't followed the late show for 2 years, same jokes, nothing changed.

[@redwoods7370]

M Rei go back to watching Fox and Friends. That's more your speed.

[@FreeAgent99]

All will be well I don't mean it as you might have thought. I never watch Fox etc. I just wanted to express that it is very sad indeed that we have been laughing, criticizing this mormon president for years..and nothing changes...we have gotten so used to this. This is depressing

[@theursulus]

@@FreeAgent99 I think you mean Moron and I heartily agree it IS incredibly depressing..

[@kyleblackburn8776]

I think America's problem is that it really does mistake good television for good politics.... and trashy television for good television.

[@unstablegeniusfl8524]

We have a wedge in the White House...I say wedge cause he's the simplest of tools 😆

[@Marty933]

Trump's theme song should be the scarecrow song from the Wizard of Oz. The name of the song is "IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN.

[@errgag3580]

Hello from Canada...we're running out of popcorn up here.🍺🍺🍻🍻

[@frankisays2much]

Exactly! We had to legalize weed to cope and now we have a serious popcorn shortage!

[@kimberlys8422]

As are we in 'Merica

[@HalfwayJac]

Err gag Can I come live with you? My country is getting crazier by the day!! Our President is mad!

[@frankisays2much]

+Jaclyn Lagrow Oh! We like immigrants here. Trust me, you would never leave. Healthcare, sensible gun laws, beautiful protected environment.... Oh, and the people are pretty awesome. We are like American's, but smarter and nicer. ;-)

[@skyclimber7]

we would send you more popcorn but our ass in chief prolly tariff it.....

[@paulramos4037]

To my Trumpet friends out there, are you all tired of winning?

[@unknownunknown-wc1jj]

But Hillary! But Obama! God bless the draft dodging reality show host.....

[@paulabrown6840]

We’re still waiting for the “winning”!! 🤔

[@stub2022]

I know a couple who are extremely sick and have no healthcare because they voted themselves out of it.

[@ampmri2434]

Ha ha!

[@momon969]

Do you really think Trump fanbois hang out here? Go to the horrid depths of depravity which they call the 'Fox News comment section', if ye dare!

[@scottrowe533]

"Oh no, the TV is mad at me. I'm sorry, TV, please forgive me. You're my only friend." Hah! 😆

[@frankspeaking2630]

It's not just the TV it's those voices in his head

[@pp-tx3bt]

@@frankspeaking2630 someone should give the orange toddler a hammer, tell him it's a tv remote control and to change channels he needs to hit himself in the head.

[@sandrapatterson2916]

S Rowe Perfect. And check this out .... those are words coming from a guy who probably can't even spell TV lol

[@joeyharbolt7509]

@@frankspeaking2630 Yup, he's not actually alone because he lives in his own little world, they know him there.

[@fuzzybits410]

@Alex Mullins That's from The Outer Limits. Still fits, though.

[@maineyor5343]

Build the wall around the White House and add water until we stop hearing noises

[@purplethaicat327]

They already did build the wall! That one should be torn down! Don't want to ruin a perfectly good piece of architecture. Just impeach the Dumpster and get rid of him!

[@sth02]

@@purplethaicat327 I'd rather not. That just gives us Pence for a year and 2 months. Let's just ride out the storm, laugh at the idiocy, then get him the hell out

[@mr559]

Individual #1 is really unhinged.

[@georgeb.wolffsohn30]

He was born unhinged.

[@Sophie-zu7zi]

@C caymer yeah the one before your eyes

[@TheWheelchairGuy]

Who is paying for the wall? Mexico Mexic Mexi Mex Me

[@voiceofreason2168]

Nozy Tutor Someone doesn't understand the concept of retroactively..

[@zeus44tko2]

Yep basically. Trump will pay for the wall

[@misshavisham3220]

Do you post this on every Late Show video? I swear I've seen it about 50 times.

[@MrLionniol]

They created a GoFundMe for the wall and are celebrating breaking 10m. Congrats, you have 4.99b more to go or 4990m in simpler terms.

[@jnayvann]

@@voiceofreason2168 Like when they said that the tax cuts would pay for themselves?

[@barnabyaprobert5159]

Some serial killers also claim that the TV told them to murder.

[@Germatti13489]

Barnaby so true.

[@theomegajuice8660]

I absolutely love that Trump felt the need to point out we're at the end of the year. Must be nice to say something correct for a change.

[@apeezy6771]

That for his base. Most of them don't know what day it is.

[@DaddyDoom]

Beautiful Concrete Wall > Wonderful Steel Slats > Magical Cardboard Slabs > Awesome Force Field > Puffy Clouds of Wonder > etc etc etc.

[@burtosis]

Normally, you would be considered nuts if you think the TV was telling you to do bad things, but that's just 11am-6pm at the White House every day.

[@rickjones1281]

It is amazing America is still standing...

[@bhudson39]

Yes, the US is standing on it's knees. I sincerely hope that one day, the US achieves its potential and becomes a full democracy, as defined by the EIU. To do this, it must overcome the latest cutting edge thinking of the 18th century (the constitution) and employ the latest thinking of now. Also, US voters must overcome their misplaced phobia of socialism, where some actually believe universal healthcare erodes human rights. If anyone reading this holds that view, please check out the Human Freedom Report by the Cato institute. Every single country that has greater human freedom than the US, also has some form of universal healthcare. Wow. I best climb off my soapbox now.

[@tubularap]

"The TV is the only one who has seen me naked." My brain tries to enjoy those witty oneliners, ... and forget the visuals immediately at the same time.

[@richardvilseck]

Why don’t any of these senators bring up the fact that he promised that “Mexico will pay for it.” I wish Schumer would have thrown that in his face on national television.

[@hazukichanx408]

"Uh, sir? Last I looked, nobody in the Democratic party, nor the party itself, went by the name of Mexico." Would have been a sweet burn.^^

[@whyputaname]

Now that would've made things more interesting.. The Great Negotiator being called out for real..

[@BameronCerry]

richardvilseck you mean you wish Schumer would steal someone else’s joke about it on national television?

[@eduardolopez3095]

I think already did

[@shawncc89]

Schumer? Holy shitt this country is doomed

[@akeelahamed6366]

I know more about US politics than that of my own country because of this show.

[@nosteinnogate7305]

Same LOL

[@scenicdepictionsofchicagolife]

Lmfao of only it wasn't this way here 😭🤣😂😢 Where you from though?

[@imdamann3844]

Fake comedy you learned nothing but hey you're dumbing down good for you !

[@LosIzmad]

Same

[@Skenjbear]

@@imdamann3844 sure, dumbing down because this show keeps showing me Trump's dumb tweets

[@jusdubzzz]

I dont know what would do without Colbert, Noah, Meyers and Bee to help me humorize my depression.

[@elchappy2809]

I hear yaaaa!😉👍

[@amyj4106]

Justina bee?

[@WaterlooExpat]

And Bill Maher.

[@jusdubzzz]

@@amyj4106 Samantha Bee

[@jusdubzzz]

@@WaterlooExpat and Bill Maher

[@margaretdimick2096]

Steel Slats sounds like the name of a really bad rock band.

[@peacorptv6502]

It's beginning to look a lot like impeachment.

[@shawncc89]

More Like 2020 re elect

[@TheGerogero]

Democrats have been saying 'impeachment' since 2016. The Deep State is going down.

[@hollyb6885]

peacorptv From your lips to God’s ears

[@monicahennig7510]

shawncc89 , 🤣😂😆😂🤣

[@rneedham667]

Can't come soon enough!!

[@theobenzmiller5522]

If Republicans don't want to be at the whim of Trump's tweets, maybe they could grow up and start actually running the government.

[@sapphireriddles6692]

Damn straight.

[@Cloud-zb8lw]

Why would anyone cares what Chump tweets ? Are the GOP are really that afraid of his base ? Seriously ? Total cowards.

[@oltedders]

$25 million in Russian money funneled through the NRA to Republicans in Congress has bought their silence.

[@JSkyGemini]

melanie can give them all jackets this year for xmas with the "I really don't care, do you?" on them.

[@2332Stephen]

They all want their 300k a year jobs. Some of them, that's all they have. They won't speak too much against the President. It might cost them future elections in their states.

[@atticusfinch8652]

‘Steaming Yule Log into the Nog’! Stephen, you’re the only one keeping us sane!

[@eugeneaxe]

Thanks for pointing this nonsense out, Stephen. Was thinking the same. Pathetic how we have a president who listens to whiny Fox News lectures over actual freaking GENERALS.

[@torntokoroa3357]

Whats crazy is a bunch of those generals are considered warmongers. And right now thry look like the good guys here. General Mattis, i can't believe i had to rely on him.

[@eugeneaxe]

@youtube moderators You saying Trump isn't a celebrity? And illegals over citizens? How so? Lay off the Fox propaganda.

[@reasonablenetizen]

These monologues are giving me so much life

[@healinggrounds19]

These and Randy Rainbow get me through.

[@chubbubdreamer6904]

From now on, President Wedge.

[@violetbrown8998]

lol

[@markrieck1048]

I like it. Simple, easy to remember, and to the point (and in more ways than one).

[@playinginthematrix]

Steel slats this week, cookies and cream next week?

[@maggieseider8769]

I'd chip in to get him some legos and let him build his own wall.

[@staceyl3365]

Maggie Seider yes i like that idea we should all donate our Legos to the Whitehouse to help build the the dumptrump wall!!😆😊😀

[@maggieseider8769]

@Honeysuckle Blossom Amen

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

Or just do a video of a lego wall made to look like the real thing and tell 45 the dems have already built it.

[@sandrapatterson2916]

Honeysuckle Blossom Damn....that is sooo good 😂🤣

[@romandarius6041]

Only a traitor to America would not want a border wall

[@tvremote9394]

My country has exhausted half its national supply of popcorn since this guy has become president.

[@SergioGonzalez-ot7tg]

No need to worry about my username that was so savage that i respect it. Lol

[@lelandlewis7207]

The best comment to date on this "reality show presidency".

[@bille9243]

Popcorn? Ha, meanwhile, we're really fortunate cannabis legalization has taken off here in the states to help us cope with this dangerous trainwreck of a Presidency.

[@realalbertan]

I think the global supply is low.

[@caroleelijio1962]

😂😂😂

[@Jebbtube]

Donnie couldn't care less what happens to this country. He'll simply walk away with everything of value, and leave everyone else to pick up the debris. It's been his business model for decades. Besides, I doubt he's got more a decade at best.

[@tobiashoyden2644]

Can't come fast enough

[@Bokugo1]

John is always on top of the small key strokes when Stephen puts down an imaginary object

[@marieogara1036]

His piano is always in tune :((((((

[@tangobango9653]

“He’s the simplest of tools.” Describes DUMP to a tee! LOL.

[@faceoff3315]

Make America great again Impeach Donald J Trump and Mike Pence Now.

[@lawrencedoliveiro9104]

That would make America’s greater gain!

[@AisuruMirai]

The craziest and most hilarious thing about that, if it actually happened, is that it would make Nancy Pelosi president of the United States.

[@liquidminds]

Just make sure you tell Mike Pence in advance. He probably has to get his wifes permission to get impeached.

[@maxwellduncan3555]

What would Pence be impeached for?

[@waterandafter]

@@maxwellduncan3555 Complicancy

[@teamla1047]

sounds like Corker is sooooo glad to be escaping.

[@teamla1047]

@Celena Newell are you calling me a POS?

[@iamkoen2u]

Probably calling Trump POS= president of stupid

[@teamla1047]

@@iamkoen2u you're right, I decided that she means POSoTUS - Piece of Shit of the United States! A big orange turd!

[@teamla1047]

@Celena Newell yup, I figured that out when I went back and looked, you'll see the comment above. As I was typing it your reply came through. My bad. That's why I asked what you meant. I think I've been battling too many russian trolls lately, again, my bad. Happy Holidays AND Merry Christmas! :)

[@IMSiegfried]

@Laverne Blaszczyk yes. sadly.

[@Shatterverse]

Clearly the solution that they need to make a white picket fence. There is nothing more American than that.

[@equinnox22catch]

At this point he'll settle for a ... SHRUBBERY! ... wall (Dramatic Music)

[@daviddoughton5938]

Steel slats? Well that changes everything!

[@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494]

He's so dumb he doesn't even get the basic rules of bait and switch. Sigh.

[@JohnFinnigan1]

They’re even artistically designed.

[@jamesr.9239]

The last time I looked , any structure of length made of vertical steel slats was called a "FENCE" not a wall. So he's now gone from saying "Mexico will pay for the wall" to "we can find the $5b somewhere else", and now to downgrading a "big beautiful concrete wall" to a steel slatted fence that he still calls a wall. So I guess he won't take offense when we downgrade him from Chief Executive to "prisoner 1248290"......(yeah I know it's futile and nearly impossible , but a guy can dream can't he ?)

[@g.moeller308]

It's NOT impossible.

[@rogerc23]

See this is what separates a billionaire like Trump from a failed economic sloth like you. It’s called negotiating. Moron.

[@argo_0030]

It's called being a freakin' liar and making s**t up as you go. He isn't a self-made billionaire (he should thank his dad and the money he siphoned from the Trump foundation) and he's sold his soul to the devil for what he does have --- are you willing for him to sell the soul of our country? Cause I'm not.

[@rogerc23]

LOL. God it’s funny seeing you brainwashed masses trying to think.

[@juanalvarado5797]

I really though he was going to make Mexico pay for it why is he doing this to the American people that work for the government right before the holidays that’s an attack on Christmas 🎄 fucking guy I really thought he was going to make Mexico pay for it typical politician making false promises

[@Struieboy]

Vladimir Putin is having the best Christmas ever!

[@paulmentzer7658]

Putin is Russian Orthodox, Russian Orthodox Christmas is January 8 NOT December 25th. So this is good news for Putin, but the Russian Holiday season is News Years Eve to Russian Orthodox Christmas (i.e. December 31st to January 7), not what the Russians call "Catholic Christmas" to News Years Day (i.e. December 25 to January 1).

[@elgieswift3498]

It's so obvious trump is beholden to Putin that it's embarrassing. But republicans all just laugh and leave, and ignore. Because Freedom Caucus and Koch Bros and Heritage Foundation are all paying them to keep their mouths shut? Why aren't they more concerned about this?

[@rinolinda1850]

And President Trump is having even a better one! Don’t worry at all, the president will get us there. We will start building the wall and replace that spineless useless mattis, And we will be the greatest nation in the world. God bless you

[@Struieboy]

Dino Sorg. Build the wall.Don’t build the wall. Whatever happens your life and my life won’t change. If building a wall was the answer it would’ve been done years ago.

[@stuartcarlston]

@@elgieswift3498 If it was a democrat president? But Trump? (crickets)

[@khakhashisam3761]

4th branch of government! Lol

[@napoleonibonaparte7198]

You know it’s bad when even Fox is confused

[@NewMessage]

You know Donnie though that the 'Omnibus Bill' was gonna get him a Transformer to guard the border.

[@ElroyMcDuff]

Um, with all due "respect", if you hadn't just passed a ginormogantous tax cut for yourself and the other 1 percenters - wouldn't that tax revenue have helped pay for your precious wall? *crickets*

[@getchasome6230]

You realize the 1% include people who make $250,000/year, right? "Facts??? What are facts?????"

[@R3lay0]

@@getchasome6230 Facts? The top 1% in the US earns at least 421 936$/year. Nice try anyway!

[@trollnerd]

The top 1% isn't even really the right metrics, it should be the top 0.1%. The top 0.1% own nearly 100% of the wealth in the top 1%.

[@garyjennison5879]

Eric Blair: All Walls are equal, but some walls are more equal than others.

[@Endlessvoidsutidos]

you can't always get what you want..... but if you try sometimes ....you just might find..... yourself in prison for treason

[@shawncc89]

But hes not obama or Hillary

[@Patricia-zt8ub]

@@shawncc89 yes, they are much smarter than the Orange fool and they care about this country.

[@shawncc89]

@@Patricia-zt8ub this is solid proof that youre all brainwashed to hell and back

[@SeventhSaucer]

@@shawncc89 Q: Why didn't the Republicans do something about Obama and Hillary when they controlled all three branches of government? A: Because they had no evidence.

[@Endlessvoidsutidos]

You believe in trump in spite of damming evidence I believe the evidence that trump is a complete liar and Con Artist ....maybe were both brainwashed but one things for sure ......at least my sides trying a little harder than screaming tweets like a fat angry baby XD

[@hasher2265]

He is going to find himself impeached 😂🤣🤣

[@smittywerbenjaegermanjensen]

I would totally be okay with funding a beaded curtain. Could you imagine the billions Etsy artists would make designing and producing all those beads? #makeamericacraftyagain

[@KathySexton-dl2sx]

That is too funny!!! Cracking up

[@skylady7580]

How creative!, and attractive too!

[@rogerc23]

I really hope your aren’t relying on your humor to make a lying.

[@2012kreed]

@ Roger C. He is funnier than YOU are..... (and trust us, you look pretty Darn funny)... but then again looks ain’t everything, but he still beats you. Funny, Funny, Funny

[@rogerc23]

@hankashly, autocorrect is not a spelling error. Hope you aren’t relying on your brain to make a living.

[@misspatvandriverlady7555]

Okay, so no one is pointing out that, actually, congress can override the president if it can get a 2/3 majority in both houses. Did no one else take middle-school social studies?

[@juanitawarren2565]

No one in Congress, apparently. 😖

[@eyeonyouproductions9745]

A wedge, simpilst of tools, hilarious

[@love-hammer]

A simple tool that could really do a number on... steel slats.

[@notsure1969]

If only he were that stable though.

[@broodypie2216]

The color of cheddar

[@toddwedl2249]

I thought Mexico was paying for the wall!

[@juanapalacios4045]

In the alternative world.😉

[@wu_v]

That's what he promised. 🤬 LIAR!

[@whyputaname]

So didn't I...

[@georgeb.wolffsohn30]

Mexico is taking another course of action. The new President is going to create a modern Marshall Plan to help the economies and security resources for the highly challenged nations from which these people otriginated.

[@swikaharra]

But haven't you heard it when Mexico said nope we are not paying and there was even that Mexican laughing guy ...who explained to Americans that most Mexican do not cross the border they fly to USA cities

[@johndavid4831]

President Trumpet, "Tear down that...Steel Slats"

[@D800Lover]

We used to have 'talking points' - but no more. They are now called tweets!

[@ivepeters]

And they said, Republican majority in Senate & Congress and a Republican President was a good thing for the nation ???

[@sapphireriddles6692]

Has it ever been

[@oltedders]

'they' were wrong.

[@linusgustafsson2629]

Considering everyone votes in the Senate and Congress, wouldn't it really just be about good ideas winning? Oh right, I forgot you have to vote for bad ideas if your friends vote for it. I suggest one of those friends tell everyone to jump off a cliff.

[@miapdx503]

Yeah, how's that working out...😂

[@arjanstam78]

Yes, sure... Why do you ask...? Oh, you mean because they did not say WHICH nation?! You thought they meant ... Naaaah! OMG. Republicans? Evangelicals? Really?

[@NewMessage]

"The TV's the only one who's seen me naked." "If only.. if only.." - Stormy Daniels -

[@polachee]

The Eastern Block had a good name for their "safety" wall. They called it The Iron Curtain.

[@trollnerd]

This is something magatards don't understand. Walls can be used to keep people out, or in. To me the latter is much more frightening.

[@unitedstatesofamericareal]

It was actually the Berlin Wall. The iron curtain was figuritive, it didn't exist. Also, the Berlin Wall was made to keep the people in east Berlin, not to keep them out.

[@ianmuir3640]

Winston Churchill called it the Iron Curtain

[@unitedstatesofamericareal]

@@ianmuir3640 that was the 'wall' between democracy and communism. It wasn't an actual wall.

[@adamtzsch]

You know what else is made from steel slats? Step-ladders. You’re welcome, border jumpers 😂

[@KathySexton-dl2sx]

Oh Adam that was great!

[@donkeykong913]

@@MAGAMAN-xr1rm Hey, hot dog, who's going to pick the beans? You? Welfare recipients? Senior citizens? Americans won't do those jobs.

[@The1redman2]

@@donkeykong913 hey, hot dog, we don't need 13 million illegals to do that job either.

[@pp-tx3bt]

@@The1redman2 according to the Miami Times Trump's Mar A Largo applied for 61 visas allowing undocumented workers this summer. Bye-the-way, the membership fee to join this elite club is $200,000. I guess they can only afford to pay undocumented workers $12.00 or $13.00 an hour. Don't want to strain the rich people's bank account.

[@heyits17]

@@MAGAMAN-xr1rm I don't think you understood this comment at all... And judging from your comment, it's really not surprising.

[@NewMessage]

Can the TV pull him into the next world like it did to that girl in Poltergeist now?

[@hazukichanx408]

Or like the one in Dream Warriors! =D ...Though that wasn't so much the next world as... well, I guess in a sense it was?

[@Asher_Tye]

@@hazukichanx408 Freddy wouldn't want him.

[@Jabranalibabry]

@New Message, you're my YT shadow friend. I keep seeing you on a lot of vids I watch. Just thought of saying, 'sup, bro.

[@nicolekishkin2152]

Well.... Nixon is officially not the worst president anymore. Good for him. His place has been taken by the Donald.

[@robm6726]

Nixon is Childs play in comparison to Trump he only had the one Water gate scandal so far as I know of.

[@Vagajammer]

*Trumpster Fire

[@rarm5899]

Nicole c You’re only NOW saying that?!

[@cisco8650]

Nixon would be a hippie lib by today's republican standards. He'll, he established the EPA. Damn tree hugger /s

[@hannyhawkins7804]

Knives And established relations with Communist China. That was huge.

[@justinokraski3796]

I like how the GOP can't even get a continuing resolution bill approved despite controlling all three branches of government

[@ericoliver1603]

Because it is the stupidest idea he's had. Not only would it be a monumental waste of taxpayer money but by his own admission a wall isn't exactly needed.

[@michelekett1064]

“the simplest of tools”. Brilliant Stephen!

[@chadbutler2287]

give trump steel slats but call 'em prison bars.

[@geraldhaynesjr1815]

Lol. Yes let's do that.

[@notsure1969]

Or give him prison bars but call them "steel slats".

[@ohyeah6729]

"Giant beaded curtain." OMG. LMAO.

[@Kevin_Street]

Remember two or three monologues back when some White House Insider said Trump doesn't like Christmas because "it isn't about him?" Well, this is Trump trying to fix that by making it all about him.

[@marklanzarotta2577]

The Baby Trump should lie in a real stable, genius.

[@MsRubyet]

+Mark Lanzarotta Underrated comment

[@kharisiyavuyanetshilema1609]

Stephen is so crazy. Johannesburg loves you. South Africa loves you. Keep it up....

[@desi1790]

Wait what happened to Mexico paying for the wall ?🤔

[@rogerc23]

Ummmm, you did see the NAFTA negotiations right? Done and paid for. Anyway $5B is actually nothing in the USA budget. The military alone spends $700B a year. Illegal immigration costs us over $100B a year. It’s a no brained to build the wall.

[@srp1462]

@@rogerc23 It is NO BRAINED to build the wall

[@hiddenone5456]

@@rogerc23 Also besides the military please show me this 100B a year illegals are costing us and explain how. If you can't then your whole argument is trash because I know some farmers who would tell you that without them most farm owners would've already lost their farms because soft ass pricks like you won't work the fields. Statistics taken back in 2007 show that without illegals working as farmhand over 43% of the US crops would fail... wonder why that is...

[@AngryKittens]

He's building the -wall- steel slats, and he's making -Mexico- American taxpayers pay for it.

[@rogerc23]

@RH P. Yeah because r isn’t right above d on a keyboard. I already have a secretary but if I needed another one you wouldn’t get the job

[@BrendaAnderson]

Steel Slats? It's a wonder he hasn't come up with Steel Curtain yet.

[@nonyabizness.original]

iron curtain?

[@rowan7474]

Nope just steel venetian blinds

[@MWorsa]

Brenda Anderson he’s not a Steelers fan perhaps 🤔

[@BlueMCer]

That "wedge" joke is absolute GOLD! :D Thank you :D !

[@Hudson95]

"I say 'wedge' because he's the simplest of tools." Haha!

[@bv4142]

We need to build a wall around the white house

[@kingdavid3366]

The dude's a danger to society.

[@Vagajammer]

Just tell him there's a porn start witing for him at Trump Hotel, then build a wall around THAT ...after taking away any access he has to Twitter

[@user-vk7rs5oj2n]

Why? The president is only one person, he alone will not destroy this country.

[@mireillelebeau2513]

Let's build four walls around Traitor Trump

[@tracytaylor5115]

Steel slats... isn’t that a fence? Don’t we already have one of those?

[@srp1462]

Yeah but obama put it there and it dont count. We gotta give the orange monster what he wants or he will shut us down

[@taniamartinez2644]

his tweet reading voice is magic

[@sorayaalcyone2726]

You know what? I totally forgot Sarah's brother tortured a dog to death. Mike Huckabee, is this what he meant when he said family values?

[@talesofterror5839]

That's terrible! These people seem to have no respect for any life.

[@kelkerson]

Wow..didn't know that. Just more ammo for the job conversion

[@wholeshebang1]

@Jay Mel - That's true - David Huckabee was 18 when he and another Boy Scout (17 years old), while at camp, found a stray dog, and hung ity its neck, slit its throat and stoned it to death. Imagine them doing that while the dog suffered in agony until it died. It was not reported to police by the camp staff. Then-Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee (David's father) later fired the director of Arkansas state police for looking into it. www.pensitoreview.com/2007/12/17/details-of-huckabees-dog-torture-episode-coming-out/

[@johnpliskin8759]

@@wholeshebang1 wow, that is messed up

[@unstablegeniusfl8524]

Serial killer in training. Now her bad attitude makes more sense to me. Maybe im not right to say this but im damn sure not wrong to wish that Sara took that strays place

[@jackegan9947]

like for impeachment

[@user-vk7rs5oj2n]

Like for Trump 2020.

[@jimsvideos7201]

It must be weird for Stephen and the writers to watch this show - which they film on Thursday - in the context of how much had changed in that 24 hours.

[@Wolfboss7]

I feel it just goes to show you what kind of time we're living in. You go to sleep one night, wake up the next and find out you basically missed out on an entire month's worth of news.

[@dinzo22]

Do you mean Stephen?

[@abebabe1031]

Cole warrior he means that the news cycle is insane in these times.

[@MichaelBerthelsen]

@Michael Anderson People bothering to point it out is getting old, so probably just trying to ignore it...

[@abebabe1031]

Michael Berthelsen hey. He said “whoosh!” Don’t get so upset. Whoosh! 😉

[@jwoolman3425]

He’s shifting to steel slats, pretending that’s a synonym for wall (it isn’t) because a lot of existing barriers actually contain steel slats. So if he manages to hypnotize his followers into believing that the wall is actually now and always has been steel slats, he can claim victory when money is allocated for maintenance of existing fencing. He’s taking this tactic from either 1984 or Animal Farm, can’t remember which but it sounds awfully familiar.

[@LMB0394]

Hoots love his group of writers!!! They the flipping best

[@JohnPeter-yf5jf]

Sometimes I wish the monologue would never (WALL) end.

[@jodysheridan604]

You're a sick man… 😅🤪🧐✌

[@qtagamahyoutube178]

Now calm down kiddos, if their is a shutdown, well nevermind i take that back WERE ALL GONNA DIE

[@BigLyfe09]

☺️☺️☺️

[@ConsciousnessisRough]

**there** **we're**

[@qtagamahyoutube178]

@@ConsciousnessisRough yes ik i cannot English today.

[@lindasandoval8944]

Exactly what I been saying that mother Fucker will kill us all and he already has been killing us

[@user-vk7rs5oj2n]

Who's dying? America has had shutdowns before, nothing's going to happen anyway, like always.

[@TinyGee713]

IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE- THE 4TH BRANCH

[@hirukiyat]

Nailed it @stephencolbert ! The writers for this opening deserve a bonus.

[@geekishgir]

No one wants to be Trump's nanny anymore. Thank goodness Mary Poppins has returned just in time to save us all! Happy holidays to everyone and keep having hope! And thank you Stephen and Seth and Trevor and Sam for keeping me sane.

[@finnoffer8539]

At this point, Trump's gonna have to settle for a card-"boarder" wall. Don't worry mr. president, I hear you can do lots of arts & crafts with those jumbo refrigerator boxes.

[@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494]

Just a bunch of random signs written on bits of cardboard saying "WALL" every ten feet or so. After all, it's the thought that counts, right? Take that, Mexico!

[@dlilwon]

Build that ‘STEEL SLATSSSSSSS’ 😂

[@ShamanartsFlorida]

down here on the west coast of Florida, many of us have given up on everything North of Gainesville.....some even,,,north of I 4......

[@gilliancooper7336]

Jeez oh. I hope things get better for all you folk in the USA in the coming year. It is torture living with this eejit Trumps antics. Thank god for Colbert making it a wee bit more bearable

[@johannesnicolaas]

The simplest of tools.... hahaha. You nailed it Mister!

[@MrDancingqueer]

"Bob's Your Uncle"...LMAOOOOOOOOOOoo

[@HarpMuse]

Give him a bill to fund the wall for $5. Leave off "billion", and make the 5 really big. Since he doesn't like to read, hopefully he'll just see the 5 and be placated.

[@dreamabyss5423]

Or tell him he can get his 5 billion paid out over the next 5 years as long as he stays in office. He can get the next billion soon as the one allocated from last year is spent. He'll be gone from office before the next billion is paid.

[@sutrisnonfn646]

Hahahahahha

[@johnbenson222]

How ironic the Colbert is telling you what to think.

[@skipanther]

Give him 5 billion in monopoly $$!!

[@MegaMixking]

Trump is amazing.

[@HIR0SE]

Stephen does an awesome monologue and Y'all here more interested in commenting 'first'. At least finish watching it.

[@infoblack4455]

One of the best monologues! Thank you from Australia x

[@kylorenthehusky2584]

Info Black what’s a good Australian talk show? I want to watch other countries talk shows too!

[@AdamWil79]

Shaun Micallef has a satire show called 'Mad as Hell' it is not a talk show but it is funny.

[@infoblack4455]

Valerie Lee hello from down under lovely! We don’t have talk shows as such anymore. Shaun Micallef (already mentioned), The Weekly with Charlie Pickering. And an old fave although they haven’t done shows in a while as far as I know, The Chaser! Champagne comedy! Check them here (chaser.com.au/). Jan x

[@seymourbutts7134]

The simplest of tools! XD You crack me up, man. Stay golden.

[@bikedawg]

Thank goodness for Stephen Colbert

[@TimeTheory2099]

We all live in FoxNation now, With Donald TweetTard with the Launch Codes?

[@Justin.D.DC4L]

trump's life is based on what he sees on TV. I doubt he has ever read a book.

[@voiceofreason2168]

Justin D You sound reasonable

[@Jartran72]

@Sean Embry Mein Kampf or Mine Kampf?

[@ameliadelcastillo5424]

Sean- R u serious? Holy shit!!

[@nates9029]

@Sean Embry - One of his biographers has said that as well.

[@violetsnotviolence]

If it has pictures in it like Fun with Dick and Jane, The little Engine That Could, or The Best of Playboy he'd probably be in to it.

[@abdiali2227]

Trump is the gift that keeps giving for comedians

[@andyeverett1957]

"Oh no, the TV is mad at me..." making even grumpy old people laugh. Thank you.