Fearful Avoidant: Regulate Your Emotions When Triggered

Рет қаралды 56,907

Thais Gibson - Personal Development School

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 160

@aspegel5281 2 жыл бұрын

What I love about being married to someone who is secure is always having an external regulator to allow me to see things from a balanced POV. I now understand why he views things the way he does and why he was able to calm me down. Now I see the bigger picture and understand that this is what I need to do for myself. It's as if everything is finally clicking and making sense, all thanks to PDS.

@ineedhoez 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for acknowledging that you need to do your part.

@youngloenoe 5 жыл бұрын

Usually the issue with the triggers is that you usually get put in a state of confusion. Specially if you are dealing with a DA. Let me give you an example. You are in a neutral state and you see your partner's face, and due to your wonderful power of emotion recognition (a curse really) you know something isn't right. You the ask them what is going on. They don't open up. If this state continues for a long time you become confused. The anxiety kicks in and you go into fight mode. You press for the information only to be met by gaslighting or silence. Unable to cope, you press for flight mode aka resentment, avoidance and eventually breaking up. This my friends is exhausting. That first emotion that was not validated by your partner set the unstoppable forest fire.

@lifeofmim 4 жыл бұрын

T J I stopped giving meaning to the emotion that was not validated. Instead I validate myself and I think outside the box to an alternative thought that’s more positive for the situation I stop myself from thinking the worst case of what he is thinking about me. The more I learn the more I realize that most of the attachments are fighting their battles. Try not to take it personal. See that the other person is processing information thru a programmed filter and it’s not really about you but how they know to manage their emotions. Just try your very best to talk your self away from assuming anything negative. That worked for me in just a few months. My DA partner does not affect me that much. I am an FA. Most times I just have compassion for the both of us trying to manage our emotions the best way we know how . All the best to you☺️

@ladeelel 4 жыл бұрын

@@lifeofmim OMG YES! Thank you!! I tried this recently and it felt so liberating!! I'm sure I'll have to come back to this MANY times before my brain gets used to it, but you nailed it!

@brukawalom3267 4 жыл бұрын

DA?

@lifeofmim 4 жыл бұрын

bruk awalom Dismissive Avoidant

@Dee010s 4 жыл бұрын

@Ocean Flower Yes. My parents fought in front of me horribly for years and years. Now getting married is the last thing i want to do and im just 50! Thanks Mom and Dad!

@alekkopulsky1479 5 жыл бұрын

These videos have given me so much direction toward healing. I can’t thank you enough.

@Canadianforestfairy 3 жыл бұрын

@Alfredo Cocker lol

@ahobimo732 5 жыл бұрын

I am aware that I have these sensitivities and that my emotions are overly strong, yet I still struggle with managing my them. It's incredibly challenging.

@kelly351998 4 жыл бұрын

Exactly what I’m struggling with now! I wish people knew how challenging this is.

@aam3361 4 жыл бұрын

Me too! I’ve done some stupid things in consequence of these triggers such as be so angry that I slept with the guy I’m seeings friend because he ignored me for a few days - I immediately felt humiliated and wanted to make a counter attack. I’m not saying that the other party were innocent but my triggers cause the ultimate self sabotage

@AliValentine143 Ай бұрын

Regulating my emotions was the #1 healer in my life, with every relationship I have, and with every other aspect of my personal development. As an FA I wasn't taught how to ask for a timeout, to breathe until my nervous system is de-escalted. It was the first time I evaluated how awful my anger is, how mis-directed it is, because I was mimicking the chaos of my family of orgin, I'd become who I never wanted to be because I wasn't able to be soft, emotionally safe in my family. I'm ok now. Not the best yet, but the most toxic part of my FA is healed. Nooow to learn to navigate a healthy relationship while I continue to learn my patterns and heal my core wounds.

@zram1997 5 жыл бұрын

Your analogy of emotions and hunger is one of the most helpful things I've heard in my life. THANK YOU

@aam3361 4 жыл бұрын

Read ‘Hunger’ by Dr Robin Smith, it’s all about being emotionally hungry x

@kniveschow5754 5 жыл бұрын

That's a great way to put it. As if I'm being possessed by my emotions and can't control it and don't know what's "me" and what's not.

@FahmidaFaiza42 4 жыл бұрын

I cried and had to pause to process my emotions while listening to this video. I wish i knew all these earlier and didn’t respond based on my pain in my last relationship. i have self sabotaged myself so freaking bad that being alive feels like being burnt alive every second remembering how i destroyed all the good things of my life without knowing or having any control over my triggers/emotions. only if i could undo it all and not cause so much pain to the person i loved the most in my life 😭😭😭

@sarahswan8498 5 жыл бұрын

You don't know how much this helped me! I have been trying to figure out how to regulate my emotions (with help of a therapist) and even tried to learn DBT but seriously, this is golden because I feel like this will actually help. I get triggered a lot and it creates the perfect storm inside of me and so far the videos that I have watched from your channel have really helped me understand disorganized attachment so thank you!!!

@PawTreader 5 жыл бұрын

Your videos are beyond helpful. I had been believing for months I was an anxious attachment, however, some things really didn't add up especially since I tell my current boyfriend how I NEVER had these emotions in past relationships-- and I'm not anxious with my friendships, I tend to push away instead. Well, turns out, he's a dismissive avoidant (although he occassionally shows F/A) and I'm a fearful avoidant. Which makes WAAAY more sense espcially when you said that the F/A will display more symptoms of the anxious attachment EVERYTHING clicked. I'm taking baby steps to heal my core wounds, but it's emotionally exhausting. Fortunately, my boyfriend is also 1000% on board to healing himself as well. Which I feel is more than half the battle right there. Having two parties ready to change. Thank you, Thank you. I find myself now sympathizing way more towards my bf when before I was starting to feel slightly resentful bc I didn't understand what was going on.

@kate7932 5 жыл бұрын

LadyMalirra Oh wow similar to me

@Meli-ul9zt 4 жыл бұрын

Sounds very similar to my ex and I. After he broke up with me is when i learned about attachment styles and i knew right away he was dismissive avoidant and originally i thought i was anxious attachment but now that i've been watching a lot more of these videos i realized I'm fearful avoidant and that relationship brought my extremely anxious side of FA out. I can't blame him for giving up especially since before it ended we didn't know of these thibgs and i thought i was just crazy (he probably did too) and i thought he just didn't love me. Now i know better and i wish we both would have chosen to work on ourselves together but it's too late now for us. Im really happy for the both of you. Love is planted in a mutual feeling but grown in a mutual choice to persevere alongside one another.

@wavy6470 3 жыл бұрын

Wow, that is so relatable

@PawTreader 3 жыл бұрын

@@wavy6470 I forgot I made this comment. You're on the right track! Been 2 years since i posted that and both my bf (now fiance) and I have made a ton of progress. We both have amazing communication and jts by far the healthiest relationship either of us have been it. We still have our moments, but we keep each other grounded and we communicate. We don't fight at all like we did when we first got together. We are now mostly secure 🥰 we did a LOT of therapy that year haha

@ineedhoez 2 жыл бұрын

@@PawTreader awesome!

@MPurple3000 4 жыл бұрын

This is such a revelation! I finally understand why I get so upset over little things

@cellocello1762 5 жыл бұрын

It’s very empowering to hear you speak of the (small) possibility that your fears do become reality. I heard about the steps you describe in this video, and try to practice them, but I often get the feeling that therapists and selfhelp books skip that part, giving me the message that I am always, by definition, worrying over nothing. Knowing that you have options to deal with the situation even if it WERE true (that he is leaving you, you’ll be alone forever etc.) is just as helpful as looking at proof that it is not true. Thank you.

@ineedhoez 2 жыл бұрын

Matthew Hussey is a relationship coach and he said something that totally changed my mindset on the fear of being abandoned or rejected. He said that you are not supposed to worry about if somebody leaves you, betrays you, or hurts you. You just rest in the fact that you know that you're strong enough to pick up the pieces and move on. It's empowering because you know that no matter what, you'll have a strategy to fix the problem. It was freeing

@jbearsbasement 5 жыл бұрын

I dont know how to tell the difference between feelings, emotions, guiding intuition...let alone, identify it specifically - especially since a lot of times the real emotion (feeling?) Im expressing can be a "cover emotion" for some other 'hidden' feeling, Ive been told....etc. etc. At times I also struggle with what could be maybe unfounded paranoia vs. justified paranoia (because of numerous betrayal experiences with those i gave my trust to)...i was raised by an alcoholic narcissist mom, which I think stunted my emotional self-awareness in a lot of ways. When I feel something, i dont even know how to begin to describe what it is other than by using very basic descriptors like....tired, frustrated, bored, or pissed off. It makes me feel dumb and child-like to not know how i feel or how to verbalize it. Another thing is, I can remember next to NOTHING from my childhood, neither happy nor traumatic....i dont know why this amnesia exists, but it does. If we cant remember where some of our current behaviors or triggers stem from.....how can we begin to heal it? Sorry if this comment was all over the place but thats just how my thought streams flow :)

@Zayaxa 4 жыл бұрын

I can relate to this comment in many ways. I can't identify my emotions. I had an alcoholic narcissistic mother. I don't remember most of my childhood. I just emailed a psychotherapist to try to work through some of this stuff because it really affects my relationships and self esteem. I wish you all the best in your journey too.

@jbearsbasement 4 жыл бұрын

@@Zayaxa Hi Zayaxa, If you ever want to talk, I will listen. It sounds like we are very similar in our experiences. Much love. 💕

@Dee010s 4 жыл бұрын

No i get ya. Ive realised from my childhood that was fraught with trauma that i actually remember very little of it outside of the bad times and even in adulthood during bad experiences whole periods of time are gone. Its amazing how my brain just shuts off. I practiced Buddhism for a long time but with great resistance to going deeper in my meditation due to subconscious fear of again reliving bad experiences. Sigh.

@peraltajg21 4 жыл бұрын

Have you tried going to a therapist? Once you start to open up memories will begin to come back. When you start to process one memory another associated memory will pop up then another and another. I didn't even realize I was suppressing pain from certain events, just letting it up to the surface and talking about it has helped.

@ineedhoez 2 жыл бұрын

Codependent coping mechanism. You also probably pretend to be confused alot.

@sunshinestar6076 4 жыл бұрын

Your passions for the subconscious mind is contagious Thais! Now i want to learn everything about it!

@jessaroo3291 4 жыл бұрын

This video was very helpful. I am able to easily put a thought to the feeling. When I feel someone intentionally ignores me... I feel an excruciating pain in my solarplexes. It's as if someone is sticking burning hot knives in my chest. It's the most physically painful thing I've ever experienced. I will be revisiting this video quite often. Thanks.

@Nirosha101 3 жыл бұрын

that’s great awareness. Were you able to heal that trigger? And how?

@nishattasnimmaisha8832 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this Thais. This helped me understand why I was feeling so angry with my friend and helped me realize that it was just coming from trauma stories I was telling myself

@yveqeshy 2 жыл бұрын

I always like coming back to your older videos to see how far I have come in my journey

@beautifuldreama8714 5 жыл бұрын

Could you do a video about overeating or emotional eating and how to overcome that struggle?

@varp. 4 жыл бұрын

I cannot even describe to you how important it was to watch this video for me. I am writing this with my shaking hands after a whole day of being insanely triggered and a lot of feelings. I just began an relationship with a guy and got a moment which kind of triggered me as a fearful avoidant. And it has been really really hard before to know is this just me kind of over reacting in a fearful avoidant way or a real concern my mind is giving. This technique you gave is a good very first step to try to find what is true and what is not.

@jonathanjones1144 5 жыл бұрын

I'm learning a lot. I wish I'd known this info sooner.

@larrycork1420 5 жыл бұрын

another great video, anger is only a mask for unresloved thought , emotion is a brain chemical reaction to thoughts true or untrue, trace the emotion back to the thought, what meaning do I give to the thought, if the thought has evidence to support truth, how can I resolve it

@maximilianbatz2070 5 жыл бұрын

I did not understand the hunger analogy the first time I watched this, but now I got it!

@kh9553 4 жыл бұрын

You are absolutely incredible! Thank you soooo much for doing these!

@heathergarves8845 2 жыл бұрын

So helpful! Thank you!

@atefehghasemzadeh9800 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you 🙏

@vik7628 2 жыл бұрын

Such a good video. The best one yet

@estherh.1106 4 жыл бұрын

This one is also very interesting for the anxious attached! Thank you for making this overview! I'm already at step 4 when I get triggered; step 1,2,3 are already an automatic counter response 😍💪🏼

@KittyClark4433 Жыл бұрын

Just put these on a post it note on my work computer📝

@underthesignofthemoon 3 жыл бұрын

You are an actual blessing. Thank you so much. Watching all your videos step by step and already seeing improvement! Thank you.

@daisylavenderlove 3 жыл бұрын

You are amazing! Thank you for sharing such healing energy & strategies.

@momione11 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you.♥️

@homesweethometv8803 5 жыл бұрын

Thais, I hear what you're saying and agree. In that moment though how do we distinguish between our intuition and emotions?

@mhyunsook 4 жыл бұрын

as a FA this is the constant dilemma. only way i distinguish in my case is act like someone who are very secure in attachment, which means loving and open yr heart for communication (think of how the secure person would act ), instead of acting out to whatever turmoil that u experience

@Shaunteetalkstv 4 жыл бұрын

Yes!!!

@nishattasnimmaisha8832 4 жыл бұрын

I think that it would really help to just put everything on pause for a moment until the initial feelings (like anger or whatnot) have worn off and then getting out all of your feelings in a journal and like Thais says what proof do I have this is true? Or you can also just ask the person if you feel comfortable enough

@landy952 3 жыл бұрын

@@nishattasnimmaisha8832 totally agree with this. Except I’ve realized the only way o can do this now is to physically leave anf have time by myself. If I’m really upset I need to leave.

@ineedhoez 2 жыл бұрын

For starters, my intuition doesn't hit me like a ton of bricks!!!! My rule is to make a note of the intuition but lean in when I feel I want to disconnect. If something is actually wrong, it will ultimately reveal itself. Usually pretty quickly.

@Babydoll-gf6cm 5 жыл бұрын

How do we know when to trust our intuition?

@cellocello1762 5 жыл бұрын

Babydoll 2019 I wonder about this too.

@fasy2102 4 жыл бұрын

When you are healed and understand that that gut feeling is not resulting from trauma

@Dee010s 4 жыл бұрын

Yess lately..trouble with my bf has me saying ..break up break up and Thais just helped me realise that its me being triggered from past trauma. But..sigh..i dont know how to tell its not and that maybe sometime i really should break up. I think hes DA so theres enough to make me wonder. Lol

@corinneharrison9113 4 жыл бұрын

Hi. It was suggested to me to be aware (and take note) of when my intuition was right. Then I could begin to believe myself. XoC

@Derpediem 3 жыл бұрын

Intuition is silent and gentle, fear is loud and overrunning.

@janellejoy8243 4 жыл бұрын

This video was great. I've done alot of work so I have the gap time now when triggered to have any chance to observe and redirect. But I really needed these set 4 steps to try to put into action and hopefully reduce sabotage 🤞

@itmemoni 4 жыл бұрын

Love the hunger analogy. All of your videos are so helpful. Thanks for all the work you put into these.

@rossvictorious 3 жыл бұрын

You cannot witness and be possessed by emotions at the same time. That’s it !!

@BODIEDwithBRI 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you! You have no idea how much I appreciate you♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

@shunkela 4 жыл бұрын

Wow. This was good. I thought immediately to friends playing pranks and jokes on me and others and how this has been super triggering since I was a kid. Like in college my friends were messing with another friend late to the study group, and the others had teamed up to craft a story of how they went to Boba without this person. It was meant to be silly and not taken seriously, but I felt on fire with emotion. I told them I don't feel okay with that type of joking. And that due to my own issues I would probably straight unfriend anyone who did that to me. They were like "woah, chill out" lol. It still really bothers me, haha. Thanks for these videos! :-o They are so therapeutic ^_^

@celinabarrera7819 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for your content. We all appreciate you🤗

@kinkykirby4798 4 жыл бұрын

This was beyond helpful. I felt better right away!

@SteezyDollIsabel 4 жыл бұрын

Loved this video it really helped me❣🥺 I'm letting go of all those negative emotions and past trauma and focusing on new🥺🙏

@roxannecosmotology9306 5 жыл бұрын

Thanks so much. I really need this. I'm anxious attach. I have separation anxiety

@gloria6498 4 жыл бұрын

and sometimes you can be with a liar and then u have to trust your intuition

@bronx452 5 жыл бұрын

aaand "Thank you so much for sharing!" Your videos really made me have a clearer sight on my relationships, partners and myself.

@screentake01 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the video. The way you explain is clear to me...I enjoy your metaphors/analogies too...I was LMAO ...not at you but at how you deliver the message using examples and how it comes across to my ears and brain. Hugs!

@editahusic8925 4 жыл бұрын

Thank You so much for this. This was truly helpful and extremely empowering. Thank You for always sharing!!!

@TyraHigh 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Thais; this is actively helpful in managing my emotions.

@ncamara670 3 жыл бұрын

Great video

@robinjayne9556 5 жыл бұрын

I’m fearful and he is dismissive. And I feel like he purposely triggers me, knowing that certain things get me upset. (Ie: he will like every girls Facebook pics and statuses with ❤️ and ignore mine) petty I know but we have discussed a hundred times how it makes me feel Ans he continues. How do I handle? It just keeps building and then I explode. 😞

@yanamclaughlin 5 жыл бұрын

Please break up with a guy who does stuff like that.

@kaylasheppard7746 5 жыл бұрын

Tell him in an "I feel " statement. Sometimes when we talk about this stuff we get angry and defensive, and the person usually does the repeated behavior over and over to hurt us, because they are hurt. When you say "I feel hurt when this happens", especially to men, that goes a long way compared to "why do you do this?!" Just a suggestion. But ultimately, if you express your hurt in a healthy way, and he still does this, then I agree with the above statement

@zarah2856 5 жыл бұрын

What if he's a narcissist or has a different personality disorder.

@robinjayne9556 5 жыл бұрын

Zarah Khan very possible. 😞

@robinjayne9556 5 жыл бұрын

Mêlée Placid thank you ❤️❤️ we aren’t talking anymore. Been over two months now. I miss him but feel much better

@microdosingmagic7742 3 жыл бұрын

What a well explained video🙏🏻

@katscag499 5 жыл бұрын

You’re amazing x

@ivanadjak7845 4 жыл бұрын

Thais, this is so helpful and important. I personally am an AA but struggle with volatility and triggers and severe emotional reactions. Any tips for how to work through the shame around volatility and even the imagery of being “possesed”? I think these episodes of being triggered make a lot of us feel crazy and insane and unlovable and irredeemable-how to even begin admitting to oneself that we struggle with emotional regulation? I found myself struggling to process this video or even get to the tips because at step one, there’s so much shame about being disregulated. Thanks for answering my questions! Sorry I keep posting them here and not in the school, just find these videos raise a lot.

@ineedhoez 2 жыл бұрын

Do her course. It works. Quickly too.

@rogerdalton8356 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you

@magdalenawalczak8725 5 жыл бұрын

This content is great!! x

@layinglion7210 3 жыл бұрын

"I dont love you anymore" is the worst trigger of them all, it is all of those triggers in a stab to the heart and slap to your face at the same time. When you tried so hard to do better and give your everything, then you hear that.

@EdHayes3 Жыл бұрын

So helpful for anyone! Even as a secure person, this is great! Now How do I go back in time and send this to my Ex? LOL.

@luangu 5 жыл бұрын

6:01 The analogy of hunger adeptly describes ZOMBIES!

@jessmyzelf5912 5 жыл бұрын

I dont worry about something first i just explode very easily especially with my mom because we always fight so its a automatic reaction at this point i try to stay calm but i keep getting so agitated that i will say mean things and rise my voice. I want to be abble to deal with her screaming at me without doing the same thing to back :(

@karagraham9764 5 жыл бұрын

jess myzelf It sounds like minimizing interactions with her would be your best bet bc it’s really not your fault that she’s blowing up.

@JustJRR 3 жыл бұрын

A game changer.

@smileyface702 4 жыл бұрын

This is all such good, psychologically-sound advice! Thanks :)

@ShaneWolffe 4 жыл бұрын

You’re amazing!! Thank you for making these videos and sharing your passion with the world. I’ve been struggling lately with the end of a relationship with a dismissive avoidant who has endured a lot of trauma throughout her life. I’ve tried to share information with her but she avoids it and pushes information away despite claiming to want to heal. It’s very frustrating. She has broken up with me four times because of how close we have gotten and how she gets triggered around her old pain. I point out that this is stuff she needs to heal and try to hold space for her but she typically pushes me away. Do you have a theory as to why someone who is doing serious personal development can attract people who need serious healing? I have done so much work on myself, and very little triggers me now, but I feel that I’m always trying to fix this person. I’ve dated many women with similar issues. I know that I lean towards being anxiously attached, but I have recently become more securely attached due to all the work I’ve done. Maybe you have a video on something related to this or a theory about this?

@ummewaseem4910 4 жыл бұрын

you mention that FA tend to shave a lot of triggers surrounding relationships. is that more that the other attachment styles? and if so, why? why are FA also more likely to experience emotional dysregulation? i have my own theories but i would love to hear what you have to say on this

@Simulacras 4 жыл бұрын

Thais explains more about it on here recent videos, like, because FA became so hypersensitive because the didn't get feedback pattern from their caregiver whereas DA and AA had this pattern so when DA/AA do something for instance, they can predict their caregiver's reaction but this doesn't work for FA. FA had to be super sensitive to understand their caregiver reaction. It just came to me after typing these, that perhaps you've watched her recent videos, lol.

@JensierNicoleRojas 4 жыл бұрын

Just broke up with my FA, I'm anxious. He disappeared on Wednesday. Called me last night-Saturday and we talked for 2 hours. We went around in circles over an argument where he felt alone and my anxiety issues effect the relationship, blaming only me. I have always been there for him-except this week because I went away to visit my family. He literally supported me and pushed me to go visit them and when I returned he said I am never there for him. Question; why would he keep me on the phone for two hours telling me what I did wrong? I tried more than once asking, "what do you need from me, sorry I made you feel this way etc..... I offered solutions to the problems, told him we were in this together.... Every time I tried to hang up to accept the break up he would circle it around with the same things.... ????

@jdglen24 5 жыл бұрын

I think that getting past the fear to observe the emotion will be there hardest part for me..

@shikic2906 5 жыл бұрын

Very helpful information! However every time I enter stage 3 : deciding if the thought is assumption or truth, my dismissive partner will just shut down completely and I felt really helpless in that situation

@ineedhoez 2 жыл бұрын

This is a convo you are having with yourself. Not your partner

@nachogoatcheese1761 3 жыл бұрын

Pshtaw. I really thought I had stopped bottling crap up but I think as soon as another person is around I totally do, via hyper focusing on theirs. I should say "theirs", because eventually I stop asking anybody how they feel or what the cause is and revert to trying to "mind read" when I know very well I cannot actually do that, and almost no one wants or expects it, Im not 7 anymore.

@793lefty 5 жыл бұрын

I hoped I was projecting. But I fell into that other percentage. I opened up expressed vulnerabilities and had them thrown back at me with heated affirmation. It felt so painful, then nothing. And it comes back in waves. I've been trying to self soothe like a mf.

@A6Legit 5 жыл бұрын

Thanks

@aspegel5281 2 жыл бұрын

The only concern I have is using this technique is that it could be used to gaslight ourselves when someone is lying to us. I have been gaslighted with lies, yet I couldn't prove otherwise except my gut feeling and what I was witnessing... until I found out the truth later.

@shobanashalleni 4 жыл бұрын

Hi Thais, what's your opinion on personality types and the way they cope with FA attachment styles. I'm in attachment style support group and we (the members) shared all of our M-B personality types..seems like Anxious and Fearful mostly frm INFJ personality trait. Will be really happy if you could give your opinion on this.

@Derpediem 3 жыл бұрын

Heyoo another INFJ AF here :--D yes interested in these kind of things too, mya know love to make connections (as stereotypical it may sound). Door slam does sound quite FA thing :::D

@shobanashalleni 3 жыл бұрын

@@Derpediem agree :)

@ellecornish2479 4 жыл бұрын

Hey I love your videos I have been a subscriber for months. I was wondering if you do a Spanish translation of any of your videos or if you transcribe any in English and I can translate them for my boyfriend who speaks English very well but would understand this content better in his mother tongue. Let me know.

@tulip5210 5 жыл бұрын

Its not that they actualy lied to me, but that I believed they were lying to me. I feel like my attachment style became more me in middleschool when I felt betrayed by this one kid who I thought was my friend, they made me feel like I wasn't a person. Usually when i feel triggered I retreat.

@Ryan-ob6gp 2 жыл бұрын

Does a fearful avoidant person ever NOT also suffer from Complex Trauma/CPTSD? The symptoms seem to overlap very strongly.

@carlyw422 2 жыл бұрын

@Ryan I do, I just thought it was because of my cptsd but I guess attachment plays a role too, and I feel a little more empowered now

@elsandstorm8997 3 ай бұрын

FA with CPTSD here. Within CPTSD the result of abusive parents leads to ambivalent attatchments as my therapist calls it. I can work with attatchment style work of becoming more secure but the core in my symptoms is cptsd so that needs to be addressed too.

@desireebeltran5718 2 жыл бұрын

Hi All, often when this happens I deactivate and pull away. Later as I calm down and begin to witness and understand what happened that upset me, I want to reach out and explain/share to my partner what happened (in Thais’ example, you were late and I got scared you were cheating). Is this helpful for the partner? Because I want to share and get close to them again but I worry they will reject me or feel offended, or shame me for my thoughts/emotions/actions. Is it helpful to share my internal struggle in a new relationship or better they don’t know the details?

@jay-s9y1c 5 жыл бұрын

Holy shit! I adore you Thais... you share such wisdom in your videos.

@tameharding32 2 жыл бұрын

I find when trying to trace a feeling or thought back to an experience, there are so many experiences, it is impossible to figure out which one to look at more closely! Help!