This is why you don't invest in potential! (An Insecure Season 4 Discussion)

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[@ForHarriet619]

Get all the bonus content on Patreon.com/ForHarriet

[@Estrellitawilliams]

Yassss to the first caller!!! You better READ Lawrence down!

[@blackdust3021]

I'm a fairly new subscriber but I don't think I understand what you allow in the comments. I'm kind of confused because everytime I post, my comments and replies become hidden. I don't know if you're hiding them or if someone is reporting them. Can you let me know what going on so that I can know how to interact with everyone in the comments? Thanks

[@Hairloverrr]

Your callers are the most intellectual callers that I have ever seen on any YT platform. Speaks volumes to the community you foster here.

[@tbirlon]

Hairloverrr exactly

[@anthonygrant9417]

She's amazing giving us a space. The pro to globalization

[@raquelkthomas]

I agree

[@hayleymadisonllc2180]

Hairloverrr yes indeed! We’re some smart intellectual people!

[@Tima-oz5te]

@@anthonygrant9417 right! Globalization could be good for some things lol

[@starcherry6814]

They did a study where they found employers were more likely to give promotions to *men* based off their POTENTIAL Rather than give *women* promotions based off their ACHIEVEMENTS 🤦‍♀️

[@starcherry6814]

We as a society gotta stop glorifying men's potential 😹

[@LS-sf1hf]

Wow.

[@tionak]

Star Cherry I also read that we as women have been conditioned to take less risks in the workplace as well. We feel like we have to know everything before being deemed truly “qualified”. Men don’t always do that.

[@cutienerdgirl]

@@tionak I'd rather hire someone who knows what they're doing rather than being reckless. You won't see a lot risk taking in 9-5 jobs.

[@ruruvarela]

Wow

[@shiemah27]

I want a partner not a project 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@ayanomar1408]

shiemah kincy Preach🗣

[@Tima-oz5te]

A word *snaps*

[@rissa206]

Preach!!!!

[@lori4164]

Say it louder for the projects in the back!

[@marishajames3581]

Exactly.

[@exclusiveop]

That first caller was 1000% right. The only difference between Lawrence now is he has a job. That's it. He needs to work on himself.

[@ayanomar1408]

exclusiveop men really think getting a job is good enough! dude you are still a project!!! work on thy self

[@msklc1135]

Yassssssss! 🙌🏽

[@red_delphino9858]

Yeah but if I'm dealing with him, I'd rather deal with paid Lawrence versus broke Lawrence. #justsayin

[@anastasiaalvarez3861]

Definitely!! 🙌🏾

[@thespadestable]

@exclusiveop - And what is Issa doing besides jumping from man to man, and trying to relive her 20's? Majority of women, notably Black women are like Issa, and are always in "clean-up" and "catch-up" mode. It's even worse when a man has to deal with a woman in her 30's, 40's and even 50's, stilling longing to redo their yester-years, while envying the men in their age group who's is solid and is actually prepared for the future. Those are the very women who are habitual relationship sabotages.

[@AhhhsoNeo]

That first caller was on fire. A lot of men think they want a Condola in their life but are really more suited to a season 1 Issa. They aren’t ready nor do they want to put in the work that a Condola will demand of them. Season 1 Issa gives them room to stay lazy and also someone to blame.

[@robertstanley9633]

This 🔥

[@mitsukislife]

Damn 😳🔥 They aren't ready to hear that truth...

[@BlackXSunlight]

“That’s not an attractive partner, that is a troubled partner” lmfao FACTS

[@EbonySiren23]

Blackbyrd She was reading Lawrence and I was hollering at every point.

[@Judges4MWarriorWoman]

That first caller (sista with the short fro) really defined “levelling up” for us, Yas!

[@ayanomar1408]

Nadia Singh I agree so much, sometimes someone could level up in different areas like emotionally, mentally or spiritually even if the financial part is not “leveled” yet

[@toshspice]

Yas it made me rethink a lot of past relationships

[@micahcook2408]

Also I don’t think Lawrence leveled up in the way he feels about Issa. They never really put closure on their relationship tbh... and Condola being that bridge is opening up something they thought they both closed. They why they always be having sex 😂😂 not saying you can’t be monogamous and freaky or be over someone and bounce to the next, but they still acting awkward around each other so I’m pretty sure they’re using sex to cover up how they feel lmao

[@tieramack9983]

I would love to chat more with everyone on various topics my IG is @tierammack

[@catrinaandrade9814]

Right Lawrence didn’t level up (he’s a 30 year old man) he just finally made it to the start line

[@justinbanks2162]

We all got our life together when watching Insecure and become licensed therapists.

[@melissasterling3839]

Justin Banks 😂

[@rachelm.3173]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@greatscott7003]

Justin Banks THIS

[@AndreAsunte]

Insecure is the new Everest College

[@Ikram-sz8re]

This truth 😂😂😂

[@dominiquethomas9603]

"Women do so much work on ourselves and for each other, and then that work gets put into trying to make a relationship work with a man who ain't done shit." THAT'S A MF WORD. Amen

[@BellesView]

Dominique Thomas Speak on it 👏🏾

[@Tima-oz5te]

I never considered this aspect when thinking about Lemonade. Even with Jhene's recent album Chilombo. Both are works that take u on a journey of healing but never really consider the journey of what men's role in healing is (ex. Jay, Big Sean). Although in Jay Z's defense, in 4:44 he also explores his role in causing hurt and assessing how he can be a better person but that 'journey' is never made clear on Lemonade which kind of reinforces the idea in women that the job of bettering themselves is mostly on women..

[@lorrainezingwena]

This summarises it all 👏🏼👏🏼

[@canvasanderth]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@thanimoinamkou8372]

@uyiosa this wasn't about material gain or productivity, that's not the only important thing in a relationship. She was talking about men working on themselves, healing their traumas, being better person and emotionally stable, available and mature people. Like let's take Jay and B example here since Lemonade was a subject here. Jay was a multimillionaire but he was still a bad person/husband. When B left him he realised he needed to work on himself, he went for therapy and realised there traumas he didn't know were affecting his behaviour and he had to heal. He talked about all of this in 4.44 and in the footnotes of that album available on Tidal. That's the working on themselves this comment is talking about not about productivity or money.

[@lane89]

Omg the woman from the first call should have her own show. 🤣 So clearly there is no loyalty going around. Wow so we making each other better for other people now, why am I strongly feeling this 🤣.

[@ladyk10]

I agree! I wish she gave her channel name.

[@tbirlon]

Yeah she was interesting, made great thought provoking points and was hilarious all at the same time 😂

[@crystalpowell8619]

Laneisha Francis I said the same thing!!

[@bryanalstoncoxing]

Yeah who is she?

[@ruruvarela]

@M Lane it gets her wheels spinning.

[@Decadancehallking]

That first caller clocked the hell outta Lawrence. And might I add his bestie is a terrible influence on him, like toxic masculinity 101

[@MrMassey4ever]

I agree with this. I feel that he is highly influenced by his bestfriend and that clouds his decisions

[@Karenqay]

IKR.. I am constantly saying his friend is bottom of the barrel toxic. Lawrence keeps dealing with his emotional baggage with meaningless sex and superficial relationships and his friend isn’t the kind to check him. Rather he’s encouraging

[@NuraM444]

i agree but i also think that judging by lawrence's facial expressions every time his best friend says something out the loop, he gives the side eye like "why are you like this?". i think he also does judge him a lot rather than actually pull him up on his behaviour, but men don't tend to check each other.

[@CocoaCookies_]

Lmao the first caller is hilarious and RIGHT. “She don’t need you to fix her sink when you not a plumber!” ⚰️☠️🤣😂 No lies were told.

[@fjones5890]

“Besides Papoose” 🤣🤣🤣 shout out to the black King Papoose ✊🏾

[@princessdyn]

The lady who said that Lawrence "thinks he's Bill Gates bc he got a job and wants to terrorize women in a 5-mile radius" was ON POINT! All these requirements!

[@measrala]

Oh dang..! Person at 1:07:40 just hit hard "I should not be happy with basic human decency" and confuse this basic respect with love. A reminder I definitely needed, albeit a painful one

[@heathertea2704]

Mea Rala yes!!! 👏👏👏👏👏

[@dpierre000]

Yaasss I totally agree with the 1st caller! He didn’t level up, he just has a job that he might get fired from...

[@ruruvarela]

Facts. I have seen that. I had a friend who had someone that was into her so much but he was trash... Cheater (slept with all her friends) and they were not dating but still.... And went like 10 years without holding down a job. He finally got one and got fired. Got a second one and got fired. He finally stuck to a job after 4 of them. And his personality is still trash. Drunk cheater. And cheap

[@AmaraReyal]

Lady number 1 gave me a perspective that i didnt even know i needed!

[@beautifuleva3470]

Amara Reyal omg my fav Amara!!! Hey girl💕

[@mariafryer9623]

👏🏼👏🏼

[@HealingEraWithTricia]

I've been with my now husband for almost three years ( we got married last month). When we were dating and engaged he invested a lot in me and took care of me financially and allowed me to go from full time to part time work so I could focus on my mental health. Now that we are married I am comfortable investing in him beyond the emotional support.

[@dorcaswg5726]

Lady Day Dream that sounds like a very ideal situation

[@wendyk6081]

My husband in our first year of marriage supported us completely financially. He even paid for me to retrain and change my career for a whole year. Sometimes I would try to be funny and say ... thank you for letting me live here 😂 which he hated! I think if you go into a relationship (I would advise marriage / long term commitment) you should know that you will be investing in each other. Age matters too... we married fairly young, I had just turned 25. So... I had a lot to do myself career wise anyway. We needed time.

[@876me7]

Very rare situation lol. Glad it worked out for you. Most times women are financially supporting men and barely get anything in return.

[@gentlemanrated]

You sound like a fanatic wife and friend. All the best with your marriage!

[@876me7]

@Bon.Vivant Unique story indeed. I'm glad it worked out for you and your husband. God bless!

[@tk-mp6pv]

Ima need the first girls youtube channel she came in READY 🤣

[@justcallmeteacup4711]

That sent me, how in it she was, omg 😂

[@mmack00]

Did anyone find caller #1’s info 👀

[@porschemcginnis2764]

Yeah she did

[@bri-kh2mh]

Tiera Mack

[@callalilly4743]

Before divorcing my husband I told my mom that I felt I was fixing him for someone else and she said why don't you see it as you fixing him for yourself. While I appreciated the wisdom in that, I knew who I was dealing with and left.

[@bkburnaz]

How's your new husband doing? Is he better?

[@princessdyn]

First call had me dying! "Lawrence didn't level up, he just has a job as a 30-yr old man". Very true! Kim was not ready for sis 😂

[@sadiM653]

Men will NEVER invest in a woman who has the “ potential to be pretty” he will just go get that if he has the resources. Men also will NEVER settle for his come up woman once he makes it. He will then feel like he has options and go after what he can get or women who are after him. It’s always better to get a man when he is on his A game because then you know for sure he chose you when he was at his best not at his worst.

[@jennyjenkins3072]

Sadi M. 🗣🗣 preach

[@ayanna2infinity]

!!!!!!!!!!

[@FightsRightsAlways]

👏👏👏👏👏👏🎆🎊🎆🎊🎆 you said nothing but the truth. But let a black woman whose made all of her achievements in anyway: spiritually, physically, mentally, financially, etc say that she wants a man on the same level as her and she'll be told that she wants too much or is being unrealistic.

[@goofywill90]

What does potential to pretty mean? (I'm curious)

[@agravery223]

@@goofywill90 seeing a chick that just needs a makeover to look good... and I think you know what it means! There is always a point when a women comes into her own and she realizes her worth/power.

[@missmarionlewis]

She said " Lawrence dodnt level up. He just got a job." 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@bonniem5963]

Last Brazilian girl has such an adorable accent. And she made a valid point. Clearly Lawrence sees Condola as worthy of way more than the other girls we have seen him with. Now I really hope she breaks his heart.

[@CarmenSD]

Bonnie M right...I also think that’s a good point. Is your guy motivated by his love for you to do better and be his best...

[@thesupreme950]

Omg I live for the first girl dragging tf outta Lawrence 😂👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@ayanomar1408]

the supreme He got a job like he was supposed to damn😂😂

[@taraspeaks6293]

Yes she told the truth about his ass.

[@BlkRoseGold87]

My mom always said never marry for potential because they may never live up to it. I always keep that in mind.

[@sowhatnow8971]

Ariana said it best " I saw your potential without seeing credentials, maybe that's the issue . " You will look like a CLOWN in the end don't do it !

[@theajayieffect]

The first guest read for filth and I loved it.

[@tbirlon]

Dupe Ajayi she was amazing!

[@mermaidtingzzz]

I love your name, even just visually it's so pretty!

[@theajayieffect]

@@mermaidtingzzz Thank you!!

[@demikpre]

shit she needs to be a recurring guest

[@SuburbanKween]

The 19-year-old that brought up Papoose... I'm so happy she's up on game. So many learn too late.

[@nicolem2877]

These young girls are up on game. They will escape the traps many of us fell in!

[@donnapug]

Potential? No ma’am that’s his mama’s job!

[@michaelreed7388]

I like that quote!

[@NerdyWhatup]

Michael Reed EXACTLY

[@ReubMann]

what if he never had a mom

[@bryanalstoncoxing]

ReubMann That shouldn’t be his girlfriends issue though

[@lesliewit]

Facts. Just talking with the father of my sons about relocation in order to put them in a place to live up to their potential. Which is another thing to think about. Does his family invest in his complete humanity? Because if they haven't that MIGHT be an issue.

[@ellpes6181]

Ppl do try slide into dms when they see their ex doing better:/

[@breannajoseph2018]

Ellpe S Like emotional vampires, sucking the happiness out of them

[@214InnocentGirl20]

Facts first caller speaking facts. Martin is still insecure. Why did he need to go to her place just to tell her don’t talk about him with Canola Oil? That was all unnecessary he could have called and told her or texted it

[@samii10]

erica simone not canola oil😭

[@bryanalstoncoxing]

Martin lmao

[@chelseajones9544]

Martin 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Yass girl!

[@feliciamesadieu6924]

NOT "CONALA OIL".......BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

[@ayanomar1408]

I cant with all of you in the comments spittin FACTSSSS but Erica not CANOLA oil🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@TheJaninzo]

People who can work hard, think hard, take constructive feedback, and treat themselves and others with respect don't just have "potential". They may not have come all the way up but they already have concrete qualities that are worth investing in. If someone doesn't have demonstrable good qualities in the present, no amount of "potential" make them a good investment.

[@PortraitofAsha]

So well put!

[@sewgeekdesigns9113]

I sat my friend down he was worse than Lawrence as far as living situation.he was with a girl who dragged him down and saying I have to do better for "us" instead of himself...now 3 years later she's in South Korea with her new man and he's unemployed at his moms....it took that to realize he should have just looked out from himself

[@leilanidru7506]

Janine Only More So biiig fax. You took the words right out of my keyboard.

[@adriansewell3560]

I think the first caller definitely made me think about Lawrence’s actions but at the same time I do honestly feel like he’s never really been over the break up with Issa like that either.

[@BooDotBoo]

If they were each other's first serious relationship, which is seems like, they will take way more time to get over it than people who have had like 5+ relationships. And with the way Lawrence handled the time after his break up, by "getting under someone to get over someone", that's honestly the most trash advice and I don't know why people listen to it because it doesn't give you that time alone you need to figure things out and move on. I wish he'd get rid of that one friend of his, because you can tell he's trash and that's probably part of the reason Lawrence be acting trash, too. You are who you surround yourself with.

[@adriansewell3560]

BooDotBoo EXACTLY and you can tell Lawrence isn’t even In agreement with Chad all the time. Lawrence honestly has a shitty track record throughout the series. Issa actually DEALT with the pain she caused and the after effects of the break up. Lawrence I feel like lead with bitterness and anger and instead of thinking about healing he thought about fucking his emotions away and finding the second best thing he had to Issa.

[@knowdaqueen177]

Adrian Sewell I agree because Issa while still a work in progress is noticeably a better person. Whereas Lawrence is stagnant in everything but his job like she said.

[@micahcook2408]

Adrian Sewell and don’t forget Lawrence and Issa had “break-up pity angry” fucked at the end of season 1... they’re both still dealing with it.

[@ClemonCourtney]

The FIRST call is AMAZING!!!!!

[@jasminetaylor5416]

I’ve been younger than men and STILL been in situations where I’m mothering and spending my time (money)and energy helping them. Let’s move on from this! Let’s start finding partners on our mental/ emotional level and grow together, not raise others for the next woman. ✌🏽

[@coreysmith733]

If you're in your 20s, both parties in a relationship are dating potential.

[@MrsTrippleA3]

EXACTLY!

[@Nasrumii]

Bingo

[@VyCityMusic]

So happy someone said it . I initially was gonna just say if women don’t want to invest in potential then they should stay single from 18-30 .. then start dating . Lol

[@viceanterra3]

Facts

[@TLJones-bq7wk]

Me in my 30s looking like awww yall so cute with your little relationship issues. Lol 😆😆

[@FocalPointElisa]

Great discussion Kim! The first caller was Everything! She said everything relevant to how both in a partnership has shortcomings, and how we have to reevaluate "leveling" up.

[@FocalPointElisa]

3rd caller, I can totally relate to the emotional workings of a relationship. I don't think it's specific to woman but how our love language is. I need an attentive partner. I need a good back and forth in expressing of feelings.

[@FocalPointElisa]

8th caller with the Locs, Yes!!! At some point we have to invest in the progress. Relationships are work...Yes, Kim "pouring into each other". Once again, emotionally I need that reciprocity.

[@FocalPointElisa]

9th caller, yes indeed. We need them boundaries, and we need to learn when to move along when things Red flags present themselves. I'm definitely learning to be open, but know when my expressions of care aren't being met or fulfilled.

[@FocalPointElisa]

11th caller...completely! Questioning ourselves about how we feel along the way in the beginning, and bringing action to things we take pause to.

[@FocalPointElisa]

15th caller, definitely. We need to do the internal work, and a partner should be willing to do the same for themselves.

[@starcherry6814]

Where's that first woman at? 🤣 We've got to thank her for speaking facts! 🙌

[@ayanomar1408]

Star Cherry I need a podcast from her🗣

[@galates91]

That thought from Issa was basically the premise of Tyler Perry's Acrimony... Maybe the series will end with Issa on a boat 🤣

[@kking4768]

Hopefully we will know how she got on the boat 😅

[@lg8159]

‘Every love story is a tragedy, if you wait long enough’

[@darquenite]

'You want to terrorize every woman in a 5 mile radius' I felt that 30:00

[@prettyawesomejm]

Donald Trump says a lot of dumb stuff but back in his Apprentice days he said he doesn’t care about potential. “Potential just means you haven’t done anything yet.” I hate attributing that gem to 45 but it has resonated with me for years.

[@missj5564]

As an older woman over 40, I am still meeting men within my age group and older that want a woman to raise them, are emotionally unavailable, not financially independent and want to move into my house after three months, because they have poor money management skills. What have you been doing all your life. I do not mind doing a little tweaking and motivating, but I do not want to build a man. We both should bring something to the table, emotionally and otherwise, it should never be one sided. I will suggest a therapist for you to tell your problems to and work out your issues, but I cannot fix you and your underlying problems.

[@TLJones-bq7wk]

So you and I are closer in age (I'm 37). Do you see any real deal breakers with who Lawrence is today?? The ladies in their 20s think he's so problematic. I see an honest man, self sufficient from a good home, wants a family, and very well put together and trying to take it to the next level in his career/life. Lawrence is not perfect, but nobody is. SO WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH LAWRENCE??

[@missj5564]

@@TLJones-bq7wk Lawrence needs to grow and figure out who and what he wants out of life. Men at 30 years old are still growing, but as long as they are working on bettering themselves it should be fine.

[@divineapology818]

I just cut someone off. He was 45, still singing the "You're what I need to be a better man" song. That was a real turn off.

[@nicolem2877]

And they won’t go to therapy! Haha. They’re like fake panhandlers - running game. They don’t want a meal they want money. Like what? Do u need help or don’t you? How are you in a position to make demands of anyone. I don’t owe you help. Entitled! The only men I’ve heard abt go to therapy are husbands on the verge of losing their wives to divorce. Even then it’s something they’re doing for the woman not their own growth. They’re a trip. Its a little too late if you ask me.

[@cece82gemini27]

Lol, wow. I'll be 38 June 4th (Gemini gang) and I'm in a relationship but before it, I tried dating and 98.99% of these 40+ want a hold me down chick. I invest in MYSELF and KIDS. I may give you insight and encouragement but I'm not investing unless my return is monumental and involves lifelong capital. PERIODT. But as soon as I'd hear a guy say, "I just need a woman that'll hold me down no matter what" I'd 😳...then 🙄... wait for the date or phone convo to end and they wouldn't hear back from me. I just can't do it! And men don't hold women down. Sons hold their mother's down and give so many beautiful gifts to them thru their love (well most sons do) and that's why I will foreva hold mine down and lift him up. Not no man.

[@shaniasmith9999]

I think many women in the black community are groomed to accept struggle love. We see the males in our families struggling and feel sympathy for them and push that sympathy on our male partners. If they are not doing well in life, we are more lenient on them and thus have lesser standards. Remember that potential is more than just words and talk ladies. It includes work ethic, education/knowledge, and previous victories. Judge wisely on "potential" ladies.

[@jnnlis]

First caller was amazing. I completely agree. I’m not gassing up a 30 year old man for simply having a job. Smh.

[@Nat0528]

Periodddddf

[@KristelD]

Don't date for potential. Learned it the hard way. What you see as potential may not be what that man want for himself. And how many men do you hear talking about dating women for their potential? None. Most men dont invest in women. I think men are more realistic in seeing what a woman can give them and when it doesn't work for them anymore they move on easier. I think women need to accept men for who they are in the moment and if they don't meet your standards move on. Because especially the women that do want to get married and have kids have no time to waste.

[@cece82gemini27]

Kristel D right, move on if he ain't right. We stay bc of fear of being alone and don't wanna meet someone new and start over.

[@michalapalmer8874]

I dont think its any woman"s job to "build up" men, now if you are with someone and they are putting in the work, emotionally, mentally, and financially to be a better person then yeah stick by them. But i absolutely agree with the first woman, Lawrence only "glowed up" financially.......

[@lynxx73]

Exactly! I would say: Support Each Other, but, don't invest. Yes-love is a gamble: sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. But, don't gamble everything you have--don't invest If you must invest in anyone, I would say invest in your children, not in grown people. Notice how parents invest all they have and more, sometimes, into their children, and the children take it for granted or don't appreciate it properly? Most don't even try to reciprocate. Notice how men --and some women- who were immature, financially, emotionally, or spiritually, will act just like children and do the exact same thing! Perhaps it's the nature of investment (re: humans). The difference is, though, that MOST parents don't expect great PERSONAL returns from their children, only through the legacy of their lineage. As romantic PARTNERS, however...Oh yes--it's personal!

[@tionak]

Lawrence is just salty now that somebody made him feel the way he made Tasha feel 🤷🏾‍♀️. #Karma

[@spowell5997]

Teaira D Wow!! I didn’t even consider this. But now that you’ve mentioned it, you are so right!!! He is experiencing what he did to Tasha.

[@IjeomaThePlantMama]

Remind me how he and Tasha ended things? Did she want a relationship and he didn't?

[@BlackNella]

yooooo I almost forgot about Tasha.

[@Sunfl0w33r]

pajamagirl123 10 months later lolol.. but yes!! But he didn’t explicitly tell her that and was leading her on by trying to be like the “nice guy“

[@sashad1076]

when she said *besides Papoose* I lost it......

[@jettblifted]

@@bibaolaitan5189 Rapper, Remy Ma, shot a woman, went to jail, got out then married to her husband, Papoose, who held her down all that time. They now share a child together in addition to their other children.

[@bohemian3481]

🤣

[@jettblifted]

@@bohemian3481 🤷🏿‍♂️😅

[@LifeFilmz]

Papoose isn’t even a good example tbh 😂 he makes WAY less money than Remy, it was a smart move to marry Remy. Men are opportunists, the sooner women realize that the better off they will be. Women with the same mindset as men get called “gold diggers” as one of the callers said, but what are they doing for you? The bare minimum. 🤦‍♀️

[@Yolzee91]

@@jettblifted they got married just after she went to prison actually. They had already planned a wedding prior to her sentencing so they got someone to officiate under those circumstances.

[@domeniquechery9015]

I think what it comes down to is that black women don't feel or benefit from investing in men because when we are in those roles we are not valued.

[@UncleMarco]

“I just don’t like the show enough to do recaps” LMAOOOO

[@brithomp]

I fucking hollered lmao!

[@Tan87ful]

Lol

[@msnewsenior]

I wonder what she doesn’t like about the show?

[@UrbanDecayLova247]

Eixid26 she has said she use to like the show, but recently hasn’t and can’t relate anymore. I’m thinking she probably fell off last season tbh.

[@Ladeine]

I agree Kim! Don’t like it either. But this convo was good!

[@AshleyMorgan]

My thought process when dating someone is if nothing ever changes will I be happy accepting where they are and who they are at this moment in time. It has helped me not waste either of our time. Investing is normal but you have to have boundaries. Often we women let down all their guards down and fully pour into men and their dreams but completely forgetting themself. Then when the relationship doesn’t work there’s resentment often never taking any accountability for their actions in it. Investing in Lawrence wasn’t Issas problem. Enabling his behavior, insecurity, and her being insecure was where Issa fell short. Issa was a direct reflection of who Lawrence was at that time. Iron sharpens iron and bums sharpen bums! Investing is okay but it should be reciprocated but you should never stop investing in yourself and your goals! Potential though no! Healing your partner no! Being his therapist no! Being his mother no! That is not your job. Potential without works Is dead! I grew up seeing women marry men for potential and are still 20-50 years later waiting on potential! No thank you!

[@courtneygilbert852]

Say it about Issa and Lawrence being on the exact same frequency! She was a bit bummy too. Half assing it at her job. Their break up pushed them both forward and upward.

[@greatscott7003]

Let’s be honest. When people make up their mind they wanta be with someone, whatever goes. Regardless of what their friends say, or comments sections in videos like this say, or the actual videos themselves say, or what memes say, or social media posts, etc; people are going to be with who they wanta be with and they’re going to put up with what they’re going to put with...until they decide not to...or they’re left...or until they see the light.

[@Tima-oz5te]

I think in alot of cases this is true and in some it is not. I think that external factors wont affect your decision to be with someone if u are at a point when you've invested too much or the stakes are too high after the amount u have invested. Like Issa had invested too much, even though she knew she was unhappy she wasnt gonna leave and it was only when Lawrence ended it that she did. But had more external factors influenced her in the beginning of their relationship or when she hadnt invested as much, then I think she or anyone else definitely could be influenced by conversations like this to end a relationship

[@sewgeekdesigns9113]

It's what was going on before social media 😂😂😂

[@_healyaself]

First of all, I appreciate the clarity and quality of the videos of the callers 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 Secondly, the first caller was everything!!! She really made me ask myself “How do I define leveling up in a man?” We often look at the outside (job, car, house) but at the end of the day if he’s still full of shit on the inside then none of that stuff means nothing. It’s just a flashier trap for the next victim.

[@reclaimedandrested]

THE FIRST CALLER! EVERYTHING SHE SAID ABOUT LAWRENCE!

[@monicaDD]

I love how you have international fans! This episode spoke to me as a starter wife (at 23) but at 36 I realized that’s life and my peace was worth more. Truth be told he only looks better now and is still the same person to the core 10 years post divorce.

[@coconutwater4531]

Monica M wow

[@HealingEraWithTricia]

I knew your audience was awesome but DAMN 😭♥️😍

[@lazaneemiller3938]

Sis #1 came with the heat.

[@kaygeeRandomness]

Never give anything to anyone that you can not afford to lose all together. You don’t want to end up emotionally and/or financially bankrupt.

[@sydneygrant3725]

This is the type of content is the prototype that I wish would be displayed in mainstream media. There is people with millions of followers that don’t feel the need have community engagement or push the culture forward. But this channel does all that and more. Just great insightful content. Thank you

[@TheSweetMotherShow]

We should connect =) Let’s keep in touch. I’m trying to grow my audience.

[@Oooooooo15555]

If Issa gets back with him or they hookup a few times, I wouldn’t be surprised.

[@radhiaAndromida]

I hope they don’t cause we’ve seen that happen in so many stories.

[@anissa2361]

I hope she resists. I haven't seen the show, but I'm still hoping, lol!

[@essencekk]

And he gone be laid off in the next scene!

[@Tima-oz5te]

I just wish Nathan would come back! Issa needs to pay attention to how she FELT whenever she dated any man and for a long long time what she felt with Lawrence was stale and what she felt with Nathan was competent, worthiness and open to new possibilities! I do like Lawrence as a person but I dont want them back together 🤞🏾

[@125loopy]

I would be disappointed, but not surprised

[@LoveSierraAnastasia]

I think there are signs that someones a starter wife. Women ignore a lot of signs and wait for the man to change. I dont think kevin hart being a narcissist was anything new or surprising

[@Ng0zitheflower]

The first woman on this call has me crying 😭🤣💁🏾‍♀️I’m living!!! I should be studying for finals 🙃

[@MoniqueIsMyMuse]

The first girl was on point!

[@stepladderstories1]

In my opinion Issa is feeling insecure because she wonders what was it about her that didn't drive Lawrence to be a better man in their relationship. It's causing her to ask what was I doing wrong. That's what I think her thoughts may be. I honestly feel both characters mirrored each other's dysfunction which is why they didn't work out. Lawrence was settling and making excuses to not chase his dreams and was out of work BUT Issa was settling at work and in life and made excuses herself for not working in her purpose. Both of them had the same issues but it was displayed differently and we often attract our disfunction. Now both of them are growing in areas and taking responsibility for their lives but are not together anymore and wondering why it couldn't be that way when they were together. Just my perception on it.

[@DjTIMEJD]

Lawrence was chasing his dreams. That's why he quit his old job to work on his app. It took a couple yrs and it finally hit. Now after 3 seasons Issa is finally chasing hers.

[@thespadestable]

@Kandace Griffin - Issa has the typical mindset of women, and that's a "survival mindset" which is great for focusing on what's standing before you, but it can't process information and forethinking needed to prepare and execute what's needed for 3, 5, 10, 15, or even 20 years down the line. Issa is in her 30's and still bouncing from man to man and trying to relive her 20's. Nothing wrong with that, but Issa is expecting men to be the stable rock for her, but she's nowhere stable for them. A successful marriage or even relationship (this does not even address parenthood) required both parties to be able to pull the required weight needed for the betterment of the relationship (not to include parenthood). A household will quickly divide when on or both parties is forcing the other to not only pull their own weight, but also the weight the other can't or refuses to pull.

[@os3734]

People are dragging Lawrence as if Issa has been such a catch in the phases of her life so far. She is still getting herself together trying to figure a career path at 30.

[@kkdylm]

"Now both of them are growing in areas and taking responsibility for their lives but are not together anymore and wondering why it couldn't be that way when they were together." MA'AM. THIS HIT LIKE A BRICK!

[@nehemie1255]

@@kkdylm A brick to the chest. I feel that.

[@LoveSierraAnastasia]

I think one of the most important things to keep in mind is that women tend to date men in terms of who we think they can be rather than who they actually are from the beginning. One thing people say about divorce is a woman divorces because she thinks the man will change and he never does and a husband divorces because he thinks she won’t ever change and she does.

[@senkamegami]

Which is wild because growth is inevitable in a healthy dynamic, so I have no idea why men in general would be shocked by their partner changing. Conversely, women doing wild projection on what a person "could" be versus what is standing directly in front of them is problematic too.

[@dclarke2179]

@@senkamegami I think for men it's a change in attitude, sex life, working as a team that don't want women to change from before marriage to during the marriage.

[@Johnsmith-lx5tg]

As the saying goes relationships don't work because women expect men to change and they don't. And men expect woman not to change and they do . Great comment

[@senkamegami]

@@dclarke2179 There needs to be some flexibility and empathy in the expectations partners have for each other. If folks meet when they were young, cute, and carefree. Then life catches up: career moves, increased education, kids, property, businesses/investments. Those are major life changes and you simply will not move or be exactly the same person you were before those acquisitions. Also, often women are expected to do the bulk of the emotional labor, and you mingle this with ineffective communication, it usually ends in relationships failing, more often than not.

[@liz6059]

Going into a relationship expecting an end is.... hmmmm. I don’t know about that.

[@Tima-oz5te]

I do that, not necessarily thinking of the expiry date the whole time I'm with someone, but knowing that it's not something that's going to last forever. Imo it's freeing because allowing yourself to see the person you're with as the person you're going to be with forever (unless you're looking for marriage) allows you to kind of settle for alot of things, so in that sense I would recommend having that perspective in relationships.

[@lousunny5682]

Giving is SUCH a big deal for me. I feel like after having my time wasted and been traumatized, any kind of stingy behavior pushes me away when I date. It’s been a year since I’ve been single, and I have so much more peace now. Although, I feel more in tuned with my values and practicing/knowing my BOUNDARIES. But I learned protecting myself isn’t selfish, and looking and wanting the best from your person isn’t selfish neither 🙏🏻

[@tazariarobinson5666]

The third caller reminds me of Ari Lennox

[@sidneycovington7663]

I thought it was her at first. Her voice sounds similar to her voice too. I was so confused

[@sydneybullock321]

Same!

[@thetriplethreat3]

Yes!!!

[@Kala_S]

Sidney Covington same, their voice and mannerisms are sooo similar!

[@candycoatedreams]

Wait...that first caller though!!!! She was spot on and hilarious with the breakdown!

[@artishamann]

Ok I am a married and been with my husband since I was 16 (16 years). We did date on and off in between but I think that I never looked at his potential. I always looked at his character. He is just a loving, honest, and honorable person. Even though I was more mature than him i knew that because he had good character he would eventually figure out his own personal issues. I think honesty, love and respect is what is needed most because people are high one day and low another. Look at this corona virus, it's not protecting anyones finances so I think we all should look for people with good character and good sense.

[@goddesswarrioress6123]

Thank You!!! This Is The Most Realist Comment On This Entire Thread...

[@Heykay34]

Seriously! Thanks.

[@Kincaid2576]

I love how beautiful all the callers are.

[@BooDotBoo]

I swear, when she said that line about how she saw his potential and stuck with him through that and now she feels Condola is reaping the benefits of that... flashbacks to my last relationship. Not that he actually got better after we broke up, but still, lol. He already had the job and everything, BUT dude was trash at relationships, kind of like a mix of Molly and Andrew aka Asian Bae, not wanting to open up. And I had to think, was this what I was okay with in 2 years, in 5 years, in 15 years? Like, yes, that feeling is real. You see how someone is and you see who they COULD be, but if they aren't that person already or actively trying to be that person that could be (because THEY want to be that person), you need to make that decision; are they worth waiting for with the possibility that they never become more? You ALWAYS have to date for who that person is RIGHT NOW, you date who they are now, assume they will be some degree of who they are right now forever, not worrying and dreaming about the person they could be. Shoot, you don't truly know IF they want to be that person, even if they say they do. (SPOILER IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN EPISODE 3 YET) BUT LET'S BE HONEST... I'm pretty sure Lawrence and Issa are getting back together. If not at the end of this season, it's coming. Or, with how Lawrence went to the arms of his ex when he and his current boo had a little bitty fight (big ass red flag), they both realize he's trash and they become friends.

[@ghghhuggg7029]

He leveled up.. lol.. some of yah insecure about it..lol but yah base 80% of your opinion on a guy on his income no lie..

[@cutienerdgirl]

@@ghghhuggg7029 I mean...he leveled up after someone took care of him for 5 years. No one is insecure about it, people just haven't learned to stop dating for people's potential and date them how they come.

[@ghghhuggg7029]

@@cutienerdgirl He leveled up after being cheated on... period.. you sound salty

[@annieschmannie8962]

ghghh uggg so he still would’ve been on Issa couch if he wasn’t cheated on🤷🏾‍♀️

[@redsonya101]

Preach Preach Preach

[@zan752000]

The lady that talked about ride or die culture was right, it does not help BW at all.

[@bellegoals1622]

zan752000 ride or die is so toxic. I don’t know who started it but we need to break that madness.

[@victoriamoreland2690]

The first guest was on it👌

[@mermaidtingzzz]

Love the detail of your chair being your background image, yes aesthetic, yes branding!

[@TimoteoDeBaum]

The Little Blerdmaid the graphic designer in me did a bunny hop when you pointed that out.. very cool detail 🛋

[@k.alvarado6237]

“I’m 29, even though I look 16” I hollered, girl sit.

[@reclaimedandrested]

I was thinking 16 in spirit😂😂😂

[@1babygirlg]

Y'all are so bad! Lol Cause I was thinking the same thing but wasn't sure if I was trippin or not cause I was confused as hell on that lol

[@evisionaryloveslife]

Messy Bootz 😭

[@CocoaCookies_]

😭😂

[@felicia296]

Y’all don’t be mean. They could be getting this comment a lot. Which has now been ingrained into them.

[@selemawit9411]

First caller came with a detailed psychological analysis, damn sis on point ! Ha

[@tamaracharese]

The DM slide was a “hey big head”... he definitely want that old thing back because Condola is a no go. He needs to be single for a bit. Has he been single after this breakup? I don’t think so...

[@theocnetwork1521]

He has been single , he had a lot of hookups after Issa

[@tamaracharese]

The OC Network if you call that being single then we have a different view of being single... he was being a fuckboy. He wasn’t dating casually with and of the three girls he’s been involved with.

[@reginayfavors]

No, he was just having a bunch of sex. He hasn't been single.

[@mamasann7636]

That first caller said it all

[@mldyson313]

I need caller #1's handle. I have to know (follow) her. So much wisdom & she drug Lawrence for filth! LOL

[@ayanomar1408]

M L Dyson she opened eyes!🗣🗣🗣

[@bri-kh2mh]

Tiera Mack

[@iamlaurengill]

Kim I’m loving these discussions you are having. You’ve clearly built a community of smart beautiful women(and some men). So many callers dropped such good gems. One of the biggest things this reminded me is to make sure your partner invest in you upfront, make sure y’all are aligned, and mutuality exists.

[@---456]

The convo about dating emotionally unavailable men comes up waayy too often. Most of my dating life, dating both younger and older, have been with men who are not intune with their emotions or how to express them. I vowed to no longer do that because I was drained!! I'm always working on myself and I need my partner to be doing the same work so we can focus on other things within the relationship.

[@SunandSunflowers]

Girl, yes to this comment. I told this guy that yesterday. He didn't want to be called by his first name( daddy's name.) I told him he needs to heal that. Work on that

[@greymatters7039]

KIM! omg, I went for potential ONCE. awful 👎. Dude married someone else & began implementing my ideas into their marriage. (He told me about it & how right I was about many things.) 🙄 Next time I ran into him at the library...NEW news! He couldn’t keep it up & I married an awesome man I didn’t “fix”. (neener, neener 😏)

[@Tan87ful]

Wow. Good for you

[@hayleymadisonllc2180]

Grey Matters congratulations🥂🥂 phony acting never last. I’m glad you found and married a better man!!

[@rashida9693]

Yup. They can't keep up what's not genuine to them. You have to genuinely want better to do the work to get better.

[@cece82gemini27]

Lol good for you!!! "neener neener" 😂🤣😆

[@khantsemahlatsi9175]

Did say you neener, neener?! 😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂

[@iamlaurengill]

The first caller came with the heat and drop so many gems in 5 minutes! Sis did not tell one lie! If there is anything this pandemic has shown, financial success is not the only indicator of success and doesn’t make you a good partner

[@NicknameAarie]

I have a friend who always says "I'm a grown woman, I'm not about to build a bear!! The man should come to me pre assembled". I remember debating with her early on but agreeing as I got older. Unfortunately a man complete with all his parts is hard to come by without sacrificing other wants/needs. So my solution? Invest in myself first. All others (And I do mean ALL)...I will invest in my spare time only. That does not include "me time". As I accomplish goals, tasks, dreams and space frees, I may use it to invest in a partner if he has demonstrated an investment in ME. Doing it any other way causes resentment in my world

[@ayanomar1408]

I cant invest in someone who is not putting the work of investing in himself. I am sorry but call me when you get there I am investing in me and I have work to do. I cant take on your work too

[@__CJLORRAINE__]

WOW. This might be one of if not my top fave discussion vid, by you Kim. There were SO many great points. And every call-in contributed a truly valuable perspective; even those points that were reiterated seemed to shine a new light on what continues to be the never-ending lessons of life in the demonstration of true self-love, a recognition of one’s own value (outside of what “looks good on paper”), genuine honesty and self awareness. And how necessary/important it is to POSSESS these qualities, before searching for them in another. This was CRAZY good. Thank you and thanks to everyone who called in and shared their thoughts. A lot to digest. Really great.

[@rissa206]

Omg black women are so youthful. Everyone in this video looks 12, talkin' about " in my early 20's" lol.

[@evisionaryloveslife]

This was EVERYTHING! This was therapeutic in itself! Much love to all my fellow Black Women!

[@aspiring...]

Yes to the part about women and men being raised differently as children. I have 2 brothers. My parents always treat them like children.

[@beammeupscottyny]

First callerrrrr 👏🏾

[@radhiaAndromida]

Do you think Lawrence slid into her DM’s to also sabotage Issa and Condolas projects ? The First Lady who called in really made me think about his Character. Seeing the moment with Issa and her brother was really cute. Finally a sibling moment that was truly sweet.

[@greymatters7039]

miss Magoma I think Lawrence was butt hurt bc she didn’t see a marriage future w/ him or anyone & openly voiced that. He knows Issa still feeling him bc of their interaction at the restaurant b4 Condola arrived.

[@201stars]

His ego was bruised at thanksgiving, so he just went to Issa because she’s familiar

[@tionak]

201stars THIS!!

[@Tima-oz5te]

This thought crossed my mind when he initially questioned why condola would go back to working with Issa when she first found out she became friends with his ex. Maybe he has this complex now where he always has to be on a superior level than his partner. Like he's not satisfied with where he's at right now cuz it's similar or lower than where Condola is. And he was fine being with Tasha cuz he looked down on her. And now, if he gets back with Issa, inadvertently sabotaging her success would make her more suitable to date.. could be wrong but something to think about

[@breyuna]

What is the true meaning of love to YOUR man? Is it providing? Is treating you like a princess? It’s just depends on what love means to them is how they will treat you and treat the situation. That should be addressed in the beginning.

[@lesliehutchinson5899]

A young woman in her 20s should never give a man that many years of her time. Especially if he's not a producer.

[@yourfavnurseb9699]

"Defining what leveling up really is" Money isn't enough, we can make our own money

[@deeross2170]

Oh my god the beauty, knowledge, and wisdom found in this video. I loved and learned so much.

[@itsamodernmess]

Dammm this conversation is helpful. I have to stop distracting myself and start tuning in on the regular to keep on growing. Thank you.