This Low-Budget Horror Movie is Terrifying...For All The Wrong Reasons

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To celebrate Halloween, let's watch a VERY bad horror movie called "Goblin" that released in 2020. I know 2020 was a rough year for everybody but I honestly think this movie was the worst thing to come from that terrible year. Apologies in advance! Happy Halloween!
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thanks for watching!
comment "HE GOTTA EAT" if ur reading this
#kurtisconner

[@kurtisconner]

Use code “KURTIS” for 20% off in the first week (10% after) RhinoShield All Cases: bit.ly/Kurtis-RhinoShield RhinoShield Collab Designs: bit.ly/Kurtis-RS-Collabs

[@noahjulianleard2920]

HE GOTTA EAT. ALSO, You gotta come to San Antonio, TX!

[@metaloopa6907]

Kurtboy

[@lolapalooza.]

hi mayor how are you !!

[@irea2206]

OK!!

[@elleinfinitea]

I would have bought it if it was called GoblinSheild.

[@pleasesetmeonfire1166]

If the “oh god” line of dialogue doesn’t become a recurring soundbite throughout Kurtis’s channel from now on, I’m going to be disappointed. That is “makin it stinky” tier audio.

[@jamieplanes4896]

You’re absolutely right

[@sorryifoldcomment8596]

I hope so too, because it's amazing!

[@rp923]

Right up there with the Barbie “balls” with reverb sound effect

[@luishenriquefalconifilho2124]

That 'Oh, god!' lives rent-free in my mind now

[@PTEC]

Hahha

[@WTFPr0m]

Pour one out for Elias. Spent his whole life preparing to fight a goblin, then immediately got fucked right up by literally the first goblin he ever met.

[@adoresvelour3146]

WJEJDJSHSHS FR FR

[@G0thBug]

Not only that, but the goblin that ate him proceeded to bang his wife and get her pregnant 💀

[@bia-zz4sj]

kinda relatable gotta say😕

[@kazeiroP]

@@G0thBug Elias is the old guy

[@universalpower419]

@@G0thBug As Kurtis said, get some help, because there are only 5 characters and You still don't know who is who.

[@firestarhk3875]

I love how she screwed the goblin and is having his baby but he still has to live in the shed and have his food brought to him like a pet rather than a human-goblin hybrid baby daddy.

[@clownrat5759]

Well yeah can’t be too sure it won’t eat the baby or her other kid for dominance 😍

[@decibels552]

Don’t kink shame

[@-cloudii-]

Stop- 😭😭

[@-cloudii-]

Goblin Hybrid Baby Daddy??? 😭😭😭😭

[@katelynbrown3404]

facts 😭

[@willow0.0]

Shnoopsie sounds like a word a Christian mom would use instead of swearing when she stubs her toe

[@calowenby1654]

Haha you're right.

[@hayden1351]

or a christian mom trying to teach her kids about their privates

[@hutki_shira]

600th like

[@-M00N-]

666th like

[@vassilus915]

​@@LucyDMusic I love America.

[@rain.8480]

“just an old guy who knows shit about goblins” feels like a social media bio

[@binnies69]

I just made this my instagram bio

[@sunflower-yj3mv]

naur don't give them ideas

[@peenyyt4921]

@@rain.8480 nobody “old” has their pronouns in their bio

[@keepyourshoesathedoor]

@@peenyyt4921 yes they do. Depends on their personality

[@nono7120]

I want to put that in my bio now

[@alyssat.8793]

“You versus the goblin she told you not to worry about” except this time she absolutely DID tell you to worry about this goblin and you gaslit her and told her the goblin did not exist lmaoo

[@dr.alphys]

BRO THIS COMMENT IS SO FUNNY LMAO

[@elbownio5820]

Look at you now, you've been vored, cucked, and to top it off your lawn is covered in goblin shit.

[@alfarhood4774]

I mean to be fair, I wouldn’t exactly believe someone if they told me a goblin touched my window

[@hopepapernacky]

It’s not gaslighting, he didn’t know there was a goblin and he was trying to comfort her because he thought she was just being paranoid because they’re in a new place. He believed what he was saying, too. Not trying to defend him, he’s not a good guy, but that wasn’t gaslighting

[@meowxp444]

@@hopepapernacky it was a joke my boy

[@monikorasort]

The whole trope of teachers accusing parents of being abusive because of a drawing is so funny to me. In kindergarten, I drew a boy with no eyes screaming while a stork flew away with an eyeball in its beak. Not because my parents were beating me, but because my dad told me a bedtime story about kids getting their eyes plucked out by birds and thought it was absolutely hilarious.

[@jonnnnniej]

Your dad told you what?! :')

[@monikorasort]

@@jonnnnniej it was written by Hans Christian Andersen

[@sabrinay4739]

@@monikorasort oh it makes sense

[@commandrogyne]

@@jonnnnniej i can think of like 3 fairytales where smthn like that happens lol

[@ashikjaman1940]

​@@monikorasort was it as gay as the Little Mermaid?

[@TheNicholle23]

I love that the actor who played Danny Jr. Told Kurtis on his podcast that he legit went into acting because he liked a girl in the drama class lmao

[@shwahgamer]

That's why Michael Cane went into acting, too. He said there were a ton of pretty girls in his acting school and he wanted to get laid.

[@joshc5613]

​@@shwahgamerwell, he also became an award winning actor in the process so....

[@kennedynini5589]

so youre telling me that goblin engulfed a whole cougar, the husband, step son, and neighbor but was fine with settling with a bowl of dog food ???

[@madkat1012]

well, it settled for the dog food... and sarah

[@meganr2869]

@@madkat1012 oh dear…

[@mayapapaya1915]

don’t worry, when she gives birth it will eat the baby :)

[@user-sx1gf1qc7q]

@@mayapapaya1915 THE SMILE AJSKJSKS

[@foussi739]

@@mayapapaya1915 Food dispenser 😍

[@lucyservo6574]

"You're not a train, you're a movie" THAT WAS TOP TIER KURT

[@kathaai]

what's with these bot replies

[@ilovemusicssooomuch283]

@@kathaai FRR/I love loona

[@lucyservo6574]

@@kathaai dude I see them every time I comment something. So weird

[@sorryifoldcomment8596]

@@kathaai Report all of them! It's what I'm doing. If they get enough reports, they'll be deleted. It's driving me crazy. The same accounts flooded Jarvis's video too.

[@kidnamedfinger_25]

When the goblin said "It's Goblin Time" I shook in my seat with shivers down my spine, such an incredible movie.

[@Random-sk6hm]

Same, hearing the goblin say ''It's Goblin Time'' then gobbling all over Danny was my favourite part

[@RulerOfArniskad]

​@@Random-sk6hmHe was gobling danny up

[@gacha-gay]

Wait, can I have a time stamp for that? I didn't catch it

[@gacha-gay]

@@aghost7721 ohhhh

[@aggressivetrash6084]

I was literally pissing and shitting myself when that happened

[@Shinntoku]

As soon as I saw the goblin eat someone I thought "this is someone fetish film isn't it?" And I think that ending proved me right

[@James_Randal]

Oh my god you might be right, it's a fucking fetish film, that makes so much sense.

[@Pragabond]

Yeah a fetish film made by a goblin

[@zorinazutella3270]

When she turned around and revealed her pregnant belly I legitimately screamed. That was by far the scariest part of this "horror" movie.

[@bia-zz4sj]

the SMIRK she gives to the goblin💀 crying and throwing up👋

[@iknowthatyouregayfireflies9992]

Now that's a horror movie. But I personally prefer the goblins from the cave.

[@RockinRoyaltyx3]

Pregnancy is pretty scary. 😩

[@tulsikanodia8603]

Also just 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[@plankofury]

Same here! But then I immediately started laugh crying out of shock .

[@anyrija.]

"old guy who knows a lot about goblins" has to be a reoccurring character

[@249aaa]

dont get too attached to him

[@elvenbugs]

new movie trope???

[@whawhawhawhaaaa]

One in Trolls 2 as well

[@Jezabella2002]

That's my only personality trait

[@DKF_oli]

Grandpa seth

[@therealblacktronempire1987]

I love the old mans stereotypes in this movie, because he's the most german man I've ever seen in a low budged movie. He's got a realistic accent (didn't expect that!), of course he knows everything about some random medieval legend and dedicates his life to it, and he's got random prussian weaponery hanging in his home. Also why does he instantly think the anomalys are caused by a goblin? That pretty coincidental! He just moves from Germany to America to escape that Goblin, and there just happens to be the same goblin right next door?

[@calowenby1654]

Maybe goblins are attracted to elderly German men lol.

[@therealblacktronempire1987]

@@calowenby1654 But Sarah wasn't an elderly german man tho- or was she?🤤

[@user-dg6ot1so4q]

​@@calowenby1654 The goblins got a type 😏😏

[@NovelPhoinixTheSecond]

I don't know about the realistic accent part...

[@kaw8473]

I would be so offended at a teacher wasting my time, calling a meeting and accusing me of shit over a drawing like that. It just looks like the kid was trying to draw Shrek. That's what I'm most fired up about lol

[@MiyakoPisces4.0]

Huh?!.

[@LauraRBorre]

Me to like😭

[@realdragon]

"This is my family, this is my mom, our dog and Shrek lives with us"

[@angelica-ii1yk]

kurtis editing shrek into that one scene was legitimately scarier than the entire movie

[@teenyweenytelevision]

SERIOUSLY ASFHWLRFHRW i had my volume up and didn't see it coming so it genuinely scared the shit outta me

[@mariaochs]

I laughed so hard

[@swordkitty]

OHH HELLO THERE

[@angiewinchester3384]

The scariest thing about this movie is the implications at the end.

[@toothfairy10133]

i nearly fell off my chair

[@itsjustmeofficial]

I was absolutely floored when she was pregnant with the goblin's child. My jaw literally dropped.

[@anushka3668]

hi swiftie😊

[@ramowo2701]

Literally same

[@daylight137]

swiftie👏

[@Sarah-by6gp]

I think the more pressing matter is whet she’s keeping the father in the backyard

[@rinnieai]

i couldn't believe what i was looking at like omg

[@probablydeadinside7877]

fun fact: people with anxiety tend to enjoy horror movies because it gives them a tangible threat to place their unreasonable amount of fear on! i know this because i have really bad anxiety and really love horror :]

[@clairem6748]

I mean sometimes, sure, but i grew up hating horror because of how easily i transposed the creatures or creepy discoveries into my real life

[@joyouslittleguy]

I'm late but this is so interesting!! I have rly bad anxiety and love horror movies too !

[@cozycasasmr4510]

I have GAD and hate horror 🤣 but interesting theory coz I used to love true crime but that's more real events that could actually potentially happen to me so idk

[@Okayyyki]

And then there’s me, with horrible anxiety who can’t watch horror movies because I get awful night terrors and won’t be able to sleep without every single light on everrr 😭

[@hiiloveu1521]

I have anxiety and I love horror movies too, but I can't watch them unless it's daytime and I'm in a well lit room with at least one person I'm comfortable with

[@therealblacktronempire1987]

18:04 Wouldn't it be crazy if he did the same thing with a bear, and then the goblin ate the dead bear, so Danny now thinks there's a fucking- elephant on the loose and he goes hunting for bigger and bigger animals?

[@guhmachine]

there’s a whale on the loose!!

[@Gibberishusernamehere]

​@@guhmachineHe then manages to find and kill it.

[@valbarker610]

Just realized the cutscene happens 9 months later. She can't be pregnant with her ex's child because she would have already given birth. Which not only implies she fucked the goblin, it implies she fucked the goblin shortly after the events of the rest of the film, right after it murdered her husband and child, since she's clearly very pregnant

[@WishGender]

she could be overdue or it’s an approximation.

[@someone433]

JD level bs

[@st4rp0p]

Her ex could've gotten her pregnant right before he died

[@valbarker610]

@@WishGender yea but the implication here is pretty clear

[@emilyb.8219]

Full term pregnancy is actually 40 weeks, so she could certainly still be pregnant at 9 months. But I do think the implication is still clear.

[@BTwiseman]

The scene with the lady going back and asking if she has time to talk is just like a RPG like Fallout or Mass Effect when you accidentally leave the conversation and have to go back and talk to them.

[@70ren]

True!!! BTW these spam bots!! WTF?

[@emilyb.8219]

@@70ren They've become so much worse the last month or so and youtube does jack squat about it, it's so annoying

[@Ashh602]

@@emilyb.8219 honestly it’s just insane how there’s no moderation or spam control on a site that’s been around this long

[@imaghost2961]

Don’t forget about Elderscrolls games! 😆

[@miajohnson4025]

Kurtis pitching a movie called Goblin where the killer is a shark reminds me of the 100% real movie Possum, which is a movie obviously about… a spider. Actually it’s a really interesting movie though I thought it was a very interesting metaphor for childhood sexual abuse

[@calowenby1654]

I love that movie!

[@miajohnson4025]

@@calowenby1654 yeah it’s really good! Such a cool use of the uncanny valley!

[@damienearl8302]

A movie called Possum, about a spider, being a metaphor for childhood abuse- ...I'm endlessly intrigued!

[@miajohnson4025]

@@damienearl8302 it’s very interesting! It’s about a man who uses a spider puppet (Possum) to deal with the sexual abuse he faced from his uncle after he has to return to his hometown when he is fired and a young boy goes missing

[@damienearl8302]

@@miajohnson4025 Fascinating, I've gotta give it a watch sometime!

[@MissKipperz]

I love how in the illustration of a goblin terrorizing a village has no goblin in the picture just some woman tossing her baby into a fire lol

[@Your_Unlocal_idiot3]

She was smiling to

[@GamerSisters]

Nothing could've prepared me for that actually horrifying ending

[@_eIIa_]

MY JAW DROPPED AND STAYED THAT WAY TILL THE END LMAO

[@itsthefunny510]

The ending broke me

[@saorise28]

I haven't reached the end yet... Should I stop watching?

[@itsthefunny510]

@@saorise28 The ending is so insane you should see the movie just for it

[@hilary8533]

Oooo godddd

[@beck-nightengale]

As soon as I saw "9 months later" I knew where it was going... I just knew it. And yet nothing could have prepared me for that.

[@Katrinabobinahogina]

the "dear even hanson is a horror movie" joke is honestly so accurate.

[@LydiAtheistLady]

The little “just a green man” kid actor wasn’t bad for a child. As for the adults…😕

[@s.l.thecoffeeaddict1657]

"Oh gAHD"

[@iliketoeatbatteries8122]

*”NOoOh”*

[@alyssa-9171]

Bro danny was fire wdym, oh wait are we not talking about drew goo- I mean danny gonzalez

[@completlynormalhypernova666]

That moment when a 10 year old can act better than adults

[@RYCH3]

@@completlynormalhypernova666 That ain't a 10-year-old, that's a 6-year-old.

[@nathaliemillerr]

as soon as it said “9 months later” I just had a horrible feeling about what they were implying and I hate that I was right

[@causeistillwantyou7516]

Omg me too

[@advantgardeboy2007]

Me too

[@seal8900]

The only time 9 months is mentioned in movies is to imply pregnancy

[@baddie1shoe]

She gave him a shy smile when she served that kibble. Like..what kind of penis does a goblin have? I imagine it’s barbed tho

[@cannedrabies]

@@baddie1shoe i just assumed it was all wrinkly and shriveled up, like a rotten jalapeno

[@2-stepverification624]

I love how Dannys reaction to being grabbed by the goblin was moaning, and Kurtis just goes "and second of all Id like what he's having"- this shit has my dying 🤣

[@katelynbrown3404]

"If I was 8 years old and saw a chubby goblin in my backyard, I'd go 'Okay!' and I'd walk to the nearest bridge and jump off of it." I was afraid of Goosebumps- the slime monster episode. I had nightmares and lucid dreams about it. I woke up and slime was everywhere. so same.

[@crabsnake4556]

"Nightmare" suuure, this is unrelated to the slime monster porn in your history?

[@Chilloutlilbro]

@@crabsnake4556 Wut lad?

[@itsmoon1996]

I thought the goblin was actually going to be her husband who “died” at war and he was turned into that creature due to some sick government experiment… the actual ending was so much worse 🙃

[@antichrist8543]

SAME LMFAO

[@milessara87]

That my friend, will be the plot of Goblin 2!

[@louna5269]

I think you put more thought into that than anyone did for the actual movie :(

[@nataliaescamilla8449]

That would’ve made it sm better

[@Max_The_Flower]

@@milessara87 there already is a Goblin 2, it’s called Troll 2.

[@leinaamatsuji-berry561]

Ngl the goblin just absolutely taking out all the men that aren’t literally Sarah’s own child is… something to think about…

[@eialys]

A wee possessive, ain’t he? I’m guessing that’s what won her over tho... So goofy so silly 🤪

[@donkeykong8389]

@@eialys So is this a dating strategy you would recommend?

[@rorygiambalvo2955]

It's the opposite of the infanticide seen in many ape societies. Goblin learned to read the room with Sarah

[@amber5802]

Yes the goblin was courting sarah

[@deereye87]

I’m getting Wattpad vibes

[@CerotheDemon]

That visceral reaction to seeing the Goblin hand was too real. I think they showed her something traumatizing….like the budget of this movie.

[@Hawthorn6852]

17:00 when a creepy kid pets your dog without asking

[@alex-fs9yt]

Goblin: *eats Sarah's step-son, neighbour and husband* Sarah: he do be thicc though 😍

[@fart63]

The most disturbing part to me is the fact that she’s not even in a relationship with the goblin like it doesn’t live in her house with her it lives in her shed and shits in her yard like a dog

[@714KH]

lmfaooooo

[@unnithan-sg4gm]

LMAO

[@exhaustednerd1522]

"I gotta eat"

[@gayvagina7353]

That goblin got Gonkers That goblin got Gommy Gilkers

[@ryanwagner3890]

Okay the idea of a movie called goblin with the creature hiding in the dark being a great white shark is even funnier because of the existence of goblin sharks, a completely separate type of shark that a great white also is not.

[@user-jx4oq7up4t]

i'm crying because the mum grabs her son to stop him from seeing danny eaten alive and then immediately turns around so the son is watching danny die and she isnt

[@OwlyVoices]

i literally started crying when she turned and revealed that she was pregnant holy shit

[@halemashah2047]

AHHHHH I SCREAMED 😱

[@Sammyyaam]

If i wasnt at work when i watched this i wouldve screamed

[@joseph1858]

Was already screaming about the week's profit from my investment and this video made me scream more😄😊.

[@joseph1858]

My life has totally changed since I started with $ 7,000 and now I make $ 29,450 every 14days .

[@joseph1858]

Mr. Franklin has been managing my trade for months and I keep making profit every week.

[@bubble4689]

[edit] fine i’ll put *SPOILERS* here since you guys care so much about spoilers for a bad low-budget movie i like how the goblin literally ate her husband, her step-son, and her neighbor, and she still let it knock her up at the end

[@kyransawhill6650]

She wanted it to eat her, too.

[@bia-zz4sj]

girlboss move

[@itsleximydude4790]

Talk about a fuckin spoiler 😤

[@nothinghappens9811]

Death is one of her kinks.

[@edenoforion]

Reading this comment before the video wow very excited for the video

[@snowyskys8505]

After most of her family died sarah just went “OMG MOVE IN! YOUR SO COOL”

[@jo5585]

As someone who drew pictures of babies being decapitated by axes as a child I can confirm that the goblin drawing was very tame

[@lauraguzman3617]

“You vs the goblin she told you not to worry about” had me in tears

[@nevermore7367]

Same omg 😂

[@Random-sk6hm]

been there before 😩

[@Nermalhater1717]

Oh shit my balls are exploding

[@Nermalhater1717]

Oh shit my balls are exploding

[@Nermalhater1717]

Oh shit my balls are exploding

[@sketcher445]

I love that the “thermal vision” was literally just regular footage with a filter over it

[@jacksonwelp5119]

Yeah

[@rosettekalombo3072]

That was the 2nd worst part of the movie

[@meriamayari1278]

@@rosettekalombo3072 what's the worst part ?

[@completlynormalhypernova666]

@@meriamayari1278 everything else except the "oh god" sound bit

[@Hadeto_AngelRust]

as it should be

[@Fionacle]

I actually saw a video that showed art made by children who were hurt by people, it was absolutely terrifying, and it’s so sad that it usually gets ignored when it could be a hint to get help for them You’re right though it is weird how films have kids drawing, like, portals or whatever so often and the parents assume it’s sUpErNaTuRaL, like I drew a bunch of mermaids and princesses when I was younger you think I was meeting mermaids or I got a message from an otherworldly being that a princess was in trouble? Obviously it did happen to be supernatural in the movies, but how do you even come to the conclusion that it would be

[@saraelizabeth589]

I will continue to believe that every time Kurtis says "Danny" in this video, he is talking about Danny Gonzalez. And Danny Jr is the nutcracker.

[@wassupgreg]

i might be a greg,but when Kurtis says "Danny" i actually think about Danny from Hawaii Five-0

[@sxphinx]

“imagine if the monster was a great white shark” JAWBLIN

[@hellalalalala]

Underrated comment

[@strykersays]

there is such thing as a goblin shark and they're ugly af

[@ashikjaman1940]

Jawblin Deez nuts

[@zox.ruuuuu]

@@ashikjaman1940 I was just about to comment that bro

[@ahrikim4546]

@@ashikjaman1940 😌 about to comment that as well

[@TwoBs]

I can’t stop laughing at how Danny Jr just ceased to exist and the family just didn’t care lol

[@riyu3704]

He might've been a little bitchy but come on he DIED. Anyways it's a lesson to be nice to people or they won't be sad about your death😔😜☠️

[@atsuchiya624]

Well he’s a “little fuckin’ brat” 4:51

[@jackrabbit.]

Well same with the fuckin boyfriend lol, he just seems cocky, that's not really a great reason to wish death upon him. This lady is just off the charts, she's like "Oh my new stepson died? Oh well. I want to kill my husband now. My husband's dead now? Let's fuck a goblin."

[@iseetheWAYVision]

I mean 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

[@TheQuashingoftheTub]

Honestly if there was a Danny Jr. In my life I don't think I'd mind them disappearing.

[@cameravice1825]

I like how the summary says she has to save her son from the abusive stepfather. And yet all the dad does throughout the film is just ignore her and hunt things

[@cass6082]

Genuinely, I was waiting the whole time for him to be really bad or do something ‘death worthy’ but he only seemed mildly neglectful and less of an ass than a fair number of protagonists Edit: oh never mind, I guess Kurtis left that out

[@coffeeluvr9864]

at the end of the video after the ad-read kurtis says that he left out scenes of the father being abusive because he didn't want the video to be too heavy and he just wanted to goof around, but if you watch the movie there is scenes of him being abusive

[@voidtelevision7468]

18:10 also where the duck do they live? It looks like a normal suburban neighborhood, and those aren’t exactly known for having cougars and bears roaming around

[@salteeth]

depends where you live

[@KaelWrit]

the ending was fucking genius tbh. Having the goblin kill the abusive husband and become the new home guardian / forbidden lover...? Genius. Fantastic.

[@kimkoya3882]

spoiler dude!

[@gearandalthefirst7027]

@@kimkoya3882 it's literally in the fucking video

[@ScreechIsUncool]

Kinda sounds like a Wattpad story🥱😑🤪

[@madhatt3r93]

Guillermo del Toro is giving a standing ovation

[@ECLECTOb]

😂😂😂😂

[@marm5648]

Her being pregnant nine months after Danny was eaten by the goblin, and having the belly of a 7-8 months pregnant woman, implies that she slept with the goblin around a month after he ate her husband and step son, damn Sarah is WILD I knew something was up with her from her moaning “oh god” after seeing the goblin’s hand for the first time

[@ryan_klaudt]

💀💀💀

[@narcie13]

I mean I get your point & it’s funny to think about, but you know you can’t necessarily tell how far along someone is by how big their stomach is, right? Lol. Obviously if it’s huge it’s safe to say they’re pretty far along, but some people’s stomachs aren’t that big even at the very end of their pregnancy.

[@user-by2vj4se4r]

LMFAO

[@saravictoria5256]

@@narcie13 there are normals, and if you're well educated on the subject you can guess and be around right. But people are in fact different and every pregnancy is unique.

[@dahanafdz9996]

@@narcie13 but if you do the maths, babies typically born between the eight almost nine months of pregnancy, if the baby was from danny we can asume that maybe she was a few weeks pregnant so if it's 9 months later the baby should've already born...... if 9 months after danny's death she hasn't had the baby i think we all can come to the conclusion that that is NOT danny's baby 🤨🤨🤨

[@starshine5812]

4:32 WHY IS HE WEARING A 700 YEAR OLD HEADSET I CANT STOP STARING

[@realbrickbread]

20:55 that infrared view is wild

[@lozercakez]

It’s not even infrared 😭😭

[@realbrickbread]

​@@lozercakezIk I was being ironic 💀the background is hotter than the person lmao

[@nathanscore]

kurtis describing a movie: "it's a movie. it's definitely a movie."

[@futurehofer1564]

he said that because there was nothing nice to say about it, it was a joke lol

[@nathanscore]

@@futurehofer1564 i'm autistic and have tried my whole life to make sense of different types of humor, but i think i could've told even without all my research and ways to try to understand sarcasm or the use of irony as a means to cause amusement that this was a joke.... edit: THIS IS ACTUALLY SO EXCITING!! this is the first time i think i'm "outjoking" someone and SOMEONE DOESNT GET MY JOKE (the original comment) TELLS ME THEY THINK IM NOT GETTING A JOKE ABOUT THE SAME THING MY JOKE WAS ABOUT (kurtis having no clue how to describe this movie)!!!! (i know, this hurts to read; i'm really sorry, i tried but i can't word it in a better way) i'm kind of proud of myself now for real 😭😭😭 edit 2: now i'm gonna quickly forget about this exchange because i'm getting paranoid YOU were being sarcastic and i didn't catch it. lets pretend all i didnt write all of that and pray that no one but you (the person i'm mentioning) is reading that shit. sorry

[@nathanscore]

@Leaf Elvan ohhhhh that makes me so happy!!! thank you so much 💗

[@vinnyart92]

it ony a movie

[@cbj_jackson]

words cannot describe how much i loved that “hello ween” joke. it was so ethereal. simply put, i adore this joke. 10/10

[@ari1758]

I know I died 😂😂

[@zack2390]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/rWmXmZuMjr13q7s

[@pizzatime7433]

Indeed

[@cozy2348]

My hero is mid

[@cozy2348]

@@cisrot that avi you have is mid

[@LegendaryDorkKnight]

As soon as the timeskip card said "Nine months later" I was like "No, bro! Ain't no fucking way!" It was exactly as I feared.

[@harmc2301]

Dude I avoid movies with animals (especially cats and dogs) because I always fear of them being hurt any way, so the goblin petting the dog REALLY made me have a small anxiety attack😅

[@BrianaGarrett]

Disappointed that Kurtis didn’t take the opportunity to note that “Goblin” is kind of a brilliant name for a movie about a great white shark, because he’s “goblin people up” 😂

[@TVHorrorArt]

You’re rightttt OML 😂

[@arvo-noon]

*Goblin sharks are the true horror of the ocean-*

[@sixfeetundertheradar6080]

Plus it could be about a goblin sharks!

[@Angy-xo1ez]

Goblin sharks are scarier than any horror movie

[@Batshitcrazyfreak]

Genius

[@heather_doestruecrime]

The horrible cgi Goblin in the garage peeking out from behind that counter is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life

[@ashikjaman1940]

Me watching my dad fix the car

[@joannaalmazan4508]

It's a fucking meme moment right there and I wouldn't blame someone for making that their profile pic in the comments hahaha

[@tommy8297]

😭😭😭😭😭

[@sevalkathleen6414]

@@joannaalmazan4508 it’s me. i’m someone.

[@isucklol1992]

"Yay it's the ugly little backyard shit goblin! :D"

[@christinawilkephillips7684]

Somewhere in the world...this is someone's favourite movie.

[@deereye87]

I hate this thought

[@sqids8340]

I like to that think the goblin is Sarah’s outdoor boyfriend and that’s why he gently placed his hand on the window at the beginning. He just wanted to visit his gf inside.

[@MvpQE]

Why do I feel strangely motivated after his “life is passing by” scene…. He’s right… I won’t do any homework tonight! I’m going to Darrel’s!

[@calimarietv]

yknow what, you’re right! count me in, too!

[@Red-ce2jz]

Tell darryl ill be there in 5

[@addief5265]

the chode part lmao

[@eilir_adron]

Yo count me in

[@morwennaforatenner604]

Can I come?

[@piperlawson56]

"WHERE IS MY BEIJING BEEF" and "I've gotta eat🙄" got me crying

[@aelizh]

WHAT the fuck!

[@shoes_are_delicious]

For me it was the "whAT thu fUck"

[@piperlawson56]

@@shoes_are_delicious that did top it too😂😂

[@No-uf8xp]

Yes bruh I expected to laugh but HOly shit what an absolute icon

[@imanidrozd4623]

Honestly? He carried this movie

[@vaughnraley8591]

13:00 I love how the couple and the cop are in completely different classes of neighborhood 😆

[@pocket-stars]

15:45 reminded me of a story i heard where some teachers were concerned about this kid cus he kept drawing scary monsters and he was drawing FNAF characters cus it was his favorite game

[@b1rdsh0t80]

I like how the dad’s whole arc in this movie is just going after progressively larger animals every time it ends up not being the animal he just killed 😂

[@alleymercuryway7777]

*kills cougar* “IT MUST BE A BEAR” *kills bear* “it must be…. AN ORCA” “In a suburban neighborhood?” “SU AND HAND ME MY GUN”

[@doritodorito492]

Feels more like something from a children's picture book than something from a horror movie.

[@Bea-xl9rb]

Maybe the real monster in Goblin WAS the great white shark

[@damienearl8302]

@@alleymercuryway7777 *grabs a harpoon* "Welp, I'm off to find myself a blue whale, keep my chair warm!"

[@Nermalhater1717]

Oh shit my balls are exploding

[@beck2682]

i was already laughing at the twist ending but the “you vs. the goblin she tells you not to worry about” joke literally made me fall over

[@sekoseko893]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/fIS2d5qNoamVgLc…….

[@thedestroyasystem]

Honestly, funniest shit I’ve heard all day

[@rancidcowboy]

10:17 i use this term everyday thanks to you kurt

[@JakePhoenixOfficial]

Im the actor at 20:05 HAHA

[@davi6115]

oh word?

[@JakePhoenixOfficial]

@@davi6115 word

[@maxx2413]

“more like goblin ON DEEZ NUTS” - a fallen legend Fly high, king.

[@chelseesanders400]

#TeamSea

[@videoaddicto]

Thankskilling (2008) is in the same tear.

[@gracekurtz7251]

Dude SPOILER!!!

[@maxx2413]

@@gracekurtz7251 WAIT I DIDNT THINK ANYONE WOULD GET THE REFRANCE IM SO SORRY

[@LoveLee_Dreamer]

The fact that Danny FOUND a cougar, and that's glossed over like yeah of *course* he found a cougar in the suburbs that wasn't actually going around eating smaller animals.

[@emilyb.8219]

Also it's surely not legal to hunt cougars, especially ones that aren't posing a threat to people

[@jowbabadook8530]

It's possible that it was just a cougar eating smaller animals and the goblin showed up by coincidence

[@blaszaczka]

And the fact he skinned it in his backyard and hung it up on a swing???

[@LoveLee_Dreamer]

@@blaszaczka You mean to tell me that ISN'T a perfectly normal suburban activity to take part in!?

[@blaszaczka]

@@LoveLee_Dreamer I honestly don't know what Americans do in their free time, I'm Slavic, were just chillin' with our vodka while slav squatting

[@ri907]

26:30 The end part of this video is exactly why I love Kurtis. He's aware of the serious issues & doesn't joke about something like that in a mean spirited way. He understands that it's the execution of the movie that's funny to pick apart bc it wasn't good. The message could've been good but the way it ended up wasn't. It's what I love to see. Jokes that are not inherently at someone's expense. *Thank* *you* *Mayor* Kurtis. 🤠 a respectful *yee* *yee*

[@CookiePieMonster]

I saw 13 ghosts at 8 and didn't cry, but was so terrified that I can 100% without a doubt confirm that if I seen it at 7 I'd have cried away the next half a decade as well.

[@taramoran7864]

me at the beginning of the end scene: oh they kept the goblin as a pet like the babadook me seeing sarah’s pregnant stomach: THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THE BABADOOK

[@user-vd8nm8sv6x]

LMAO

[@d.tsukuyomi1869]

Babadook: r34 edition

[@kd8663]

Kurtis: "This cop." Man standing in front of animal control truck that says Animal Control.

[@clab.]

Fun fact animal control officers are cops for some reason

[@clab.]

At least where I live

[@honeysugar906]

They're animal cops

[@Tw0Dots]

@@clab. excuse me what They HAVE that much power?? That seems like such a bad idea 💀

[@kyransawhill6650]

@@Tw0Dots - This statement can be applied to either type of officer here.

[@msbot93]

oh my god 13 ghosts was the movie that scarred me for years! watched it when I was like 9, and was still terrified to go into a new room without announcing my presence to that room's ghost at the age of like 15 - In particular to the Angry Princess in the bathroom and The Jackal in my bedroom

[@pizzapower3166]

17:06 Ah, hell naw!

[@AaronYorkYT]

I love how insane these movies got even with such a low budget

[@zack2390]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/rWmXmZuMjr13q7s

[@charisma7914]

Ayee I’ve seen you on a NickIsNotGreen video before 😳 wassup

[@AaronYorkYT]

@@charisma7914 what’s good! I’ve been waiting for a kurtis video! Been watching him for years now. How about you?

[@charisma7914]

@@AaronYorkYT I only started watching him about 2 years ago haha. My mind has been cluttered because of school, so it’s nice to see a new video from him so I can unwind a bit.

[@AaronYorkYT]

@@charisma7914 that’s awesome! I’m currently in school and making videos and keeping up with the world and working so I completely get that. Hope school goes well and you have a chill 20 ish minutes with this inane movie review lmao

[@guyfrietee6159]

Poor Danny Jr. man, he never even got his Beijing Beef 😔

[@bimbi7052]

He’s gotta eat

[@slushie3061]

wtf is a Beijing Beef actually is?

[@guyfrietee6159]

@@slushie3061 it do be food

[@slushie3061]

@@guyfrietee6159 now you :) more headache

[@timcook247]

@@erika-rs3ns Has anyone really decided as to even go that far in wanting to do to look more like so?

[@emilyhaugse4598]

What I can't stop thinking about is Sarah going to the life insurance company with no evidence that her husband was eaten by a goblin

[@grace.stewartt4224]

That goblins stare in the shed at the end of the movie scared the shit outta me 😭 like wtf that’s terrifying

[@hellisdino]

the “oH gOd” part has the same energy as “tHE kiLLER is ESCAPING heL p ME!” edit- holy sh1t y’all thank you so much for the likes I didn’t think it was that funny :)

[@xxxstellarxxx]

at least Sarah Paulson can put emotion in her voice 💀💀💀

[@katroamleft4721]

Or "oh no they are eating her and then they are gonna eat me"

[@hellisdino]

@@xxxstellarxxx facts!

[@ashikjaman1940]

@@katroamleft4721 OH MY GOOOOOOOOD

[@ewwpeople9914]

bro i thought the same thing lol

[@pablo_supernova]

i was waiting for the coveted “goblin these nuts” joke and you pulled through thankyou kurtis

[@djangoleisvik8388]

Same

[@ssnakebbite.]

just wait...

[@uneasycylinder]

I think I zoned out D: do you know the timestamp please?

[@siwap3809]

Kurtis mighta pulled through, but the goblin didnt pull out thats fosho

[@celestehndz]

@@siwap3809 no way 💀

[@WhatAreHandlesFor]

The mom's "oh god" being edited in like every part of the video will not stop being funny, and I don't know why 😂😂😂✨

[@kola_mc]

11:29 why was ur editing of Shrek into the scene better than the actual film

[@cosmiceli]

"the horror movie we're going to be watching is... Dear Evan Hansen" had me on the FLOOR

[@XemeraldXD]

The musical is SO GOOD and then the movie is just- Why cant we have nice things.

[@gummilatte1618]

@@XemeraldXD yeah honestly

[@brilliantchaos5397]

I mean, we DID get tap-tap-tapping on the glass

[@cosmiceli]

@@brilliantchaos5397 my new favorite cinematic parallel

[@Nitrolord]

@@brilliantchaos5397 Okay like I know I left a hate comment about the movie on another comment about this joke but yeah some of the songs kinda slapped I also did appreciate the choreography in Sincerely, Me even though I knew how fucked it was in the back of my head

[@hannamilos]

As a film student, this 100% looks like someone’s overly ambitious & metaphor-heavy first feature. They for sure spent half their budget on the goblin CGI because they DEFINITELY didn’t use it to hire trained actors lol

[@coralinejones2721]

And the CGI still looked like shit💀

[@notanagger4861]

@@coralinejones2721 cgi is expensive as fuck. Never a good idea to have the focus of a low budget project be cgi

[@coralinejones2721]

@@notanagger4861 yeah I know. If they made better choices with their small budget it could have been a decent movie, but instead we get.......whatever the hell that thing was💀

[@ashikjaman1940]

@@No-ue5pi God damnit now I'm imaging a guy painted green taking a massive shit on a lawn

[@GOFFBITZH666]

IKR? This feels like the idea of a semi drunk dude who watched The Babadook and said “Hey, maybe I can try that”!

[@mishaa7263]

Goblin is a masterpiece of a film dealing with family trauma, grief and gaslighting. The performances are captivating and real, the script is rich and flavorful and tone is only comparable to Kubrick's "The Shining". A work of art any cinephile could appreciate

[@prettysparklez1195]

18:56 Idk why but "ohh, theyre 69ing!" made me make an elephant noise laughing my ass off XDD

[@theexploraholic]

As someone who works at a school, if a mom who came every day to pick up their child heard the dad had picked up the child and seemed concerned, we would drop everything and try to figure it out, not just say “good day and also your kid has good art skills but it’s kinda scary”

[@byrnetdown6076]

this is good to hear

[@completlynormalhypernova666]

That seems like a very suspicious thing. Idk why the teacher was like "ok and btw he drew a little goblin"

[@brunamota8865]

Sarah getting knocked up by the Goblin is such a girlboss move.

[@meforpresident7271]

I havent watched the video yet but SHE FOCKING WHAT-

[@sarahramdatt3651]

thanks bro

[@meforpresident7271]

@@sarahramdatt3651 LMAO NO PLEASE NO AKAKAKAMAKQKEMEKDJN3JSJSNSNS

[@Julia-tk2em]

She truly did girl boss a little too close to the sun.

[@user-dg6ot1so4q]

​@@Julia-tk2em icarus is my favorite girlboss 😍😍😍😍

[@jameskinzer9476]

When the goblin ran past the window his shadow kinda looked like the live action grinch

[@untermensch787]

I don't usually rewatch videos but this one is so brilliant that I've watched it 4 times already

[@AaronandJo]

Goblin shit is MASSIVE

[@ART3MISS_]

Omg my favs interacting

[@alliexcx5576]

Dhhd

[@HorrorDiva01]

this and sharkestein are on the same level and u can't tell me otherwise!

[@rko7948]

OMFG FAVES INTERACTION

[@baddie1shoe]

It’s like baby elephant shit. Seeing as how it basically eats humans whole..I think it should be bigger. Maybe that’s why the Goblin has a beer gut dad bod..he’s constipated

[@deconyus3412]

Goblin’s actually a great conversationalist once you get his walls down, which is by feeding him a whole man. Go get it girl!

[@valzhynamanko7165]

i love ur pfp bestie

[@eyetukafatshet6246]

Love ur pfps besties

[@untiedshoelace4319]

Goblin deez nuts lmao

[@tanish4634]

i like all your pfps besties (◐∇◐*)

[@hanzolx]

@@tanish4634 yall pfps are immaculate besties

[@Dressmealltheway]

15:59 describing the goblin as a window rubber is what got me lol

[@monicarenee7949]

I got pulled into the office for my daughter drawing frowny faces on her pictures lol. I thought of like every horror movie ever

[@theeternallie305]

If Shrek was the goblin then I can understand how she got knocked up.

[@lankyfishy]

Fun fact, my parents' first date was Shrek in cinemas and that's why I'm alive

[@justjules24]

@@lankyfishy your conception song is allstar

[@lankyfishy]

@@justjules24 I've accepted my fate. One of my friend's deadname is the first movie his parents saw together. Could you imagine if that was me?????

[@ghostii716]

human shrek… god

[@ghostii716]

so true