Thoughts On Being An INFP Male (As Opposed To An INFP Female)

[@buldrux217]

Being a Male INFP feels like your constantly playing a stealth mission in society.

[@vondelpete]

Ha yep. From the moment you’re born, really..

[@billbollins]

agreed

[@ShinYaguchiSama]

Feels like a major debuff tbh

[@myohmy-fb9ns]

Lol😂 stealth mission with a costume

[@kuzoh5847]

On hardest difficulty😂😂

[@peachpanda-hg6fr]

I'm an infp woman and honestly I have no idea what the societal norms of what a woman should be that I might be breaking. Something I would like to note is there's a double edge sword to being a woman in this society. I realize how much of an understatement that is , anyway- people have this idea that women are just much more emotional than men, but on the other hand they still give women deep disdain for being honest about their experiences. And even tho this is true, a lot of men tell me they wish they were a woman so they could be "treated better" and be able to express themselves- yet women don't get this opportunity either, really. we still get mocked and told to shut up. And now there's this like idea that being a "baddie" and not caring about others for personal gain is trendy and cool. "a bad bitch" which is honestly just unwise and superficial in my opinion. Creating any idea that a persona is cool that is based off of insensitivity for personal gain is just weird to me and totally backwards. not something to admire at all. I think the underlining truth is people don't want to know that they might be bothering someone else , and they don't want to take responsibility. People would rather everyone shut up about their wounds. Doesn't matter if you are a guy or a girl, people don't want to hear about your problems or care about your feelings. I think this is like majority of people. I also think people love to take advantage of other people and use their blessings as their own, their wealth as their own. if an infp in general isn't super interested in making money and are not willing to give up their autonomy for the next fancy car- other people won't care about them because they have nothing to be used for. in their eyes they don't have anything they want or can't have without being in association with them. So they say that they are boring- because they're not looking to entertain anyone. People love to climb social ladders, and as an introvert I think maybe we don't really seek that out so much. People are just deeply selfish and greedy and prideful and I think being an infp we just pick up on it and don't give people what they want. Don't give them the ego strokes they seek or the attention they fish.

[@vondelpete]

Yes I totally agree with everything you said actually, and I think that in a strange way it can be even worse when women open up their feelings than men, although it's hard to explain that obviously...especially when you think of how many times women get accused of being too emotional and have their very real feelings dismissed as a result. Anyway. Thanks for your insight and yes, INFPs are great in not giving awful people what they want, at least as an INFP I find it very inspiring when I watch other INFPs be able to do that.

[@carrikartes1403]

Actually we can be very good at stroking people's egos, because we easily see what is most important to people. But we will not lie to them. That can be problematic. We are good at encouraging and supporting people IF it aligns with our values.

[@mikaelaalexandria6312]

People being insensitive and taking advantage of others for personal gain is a more recent trend, I'm guessing, within the past 10 years or so. I grew up in the 60s and 70s, and this sort of thing was almost unheard of. Being an INFP, I feel more vulnerable to these things due to being sensitive and empathetic. Even though navigating these situations can be very challenging at times, I wouldn't trade being an INFP for anything.

[@nathanwood4762]

I think overall woman are expected to meet contradictory expectations. If they meet one expectation, they are blamed for not meeting the other and vice-versa. INFPs have some personality traits that culture views as feminine and would allow females to exhibit moreso than males, but the pressure to fit in is especially troublesome for INFP females because they are strongly discouraged from being independent, rebellious, reclusive, etc., while this is the INFP trait males can exhibit with only a minimum of disapproval. While those types of social groups that shun a person for not fitting in are toxic and best to avoid, I must assume that INFP females are judged more harshly for keeping to themselves than INFP males. I have noticed the reversal of ideals (e.g. it's good to be a "bad bitch"). I think it's a broad cultural shift fueled by scarcity mindsets and distrust. None of this is good for INFPs (or I daresay anybody). Work is where I have the most difficulty as an INFP male. There, I grapple with rules that contradict themselves, and intolerance for long-term thinking. I am perceived to not be a "team player," because I carry out tasks differently, and "unreliable" because I make unpredictable decisions based on a variety of factors that sometimes outweigh my petsonal gain.

[@SarahJacksonLV]

This is so wise.

[@Blast3x]

I'm a INTJ woman and recently met a INFP man (he's decade younger than me, strictly friendship) and I want to say that you guys are adorable, I find the daydreaming and fairy tale traits in them very endearing. He knows how to get me and handle my dark humor lol.

[@vondelpete]

That's so sweet to hear! Personally I'm always very relieved in the company of INTJs - like you say, dark humour, but also unique and individualist, sweet and encouraging....

[@carrikartes1403]

My husband is 7 years younger than me and he is an INTJ. Married for 25 years this week.

[@liltunturi1251]

Lol I am INFP and well.. I went from the sunshine kid to the edgy punk-rock dark melancholic INFP. I think we are often over-compensating.

[@teachingai8735]

I think it's getting easier to be an infp male in America and some other western countries. Men are becoming more feminine in society and women are becoming more masculine. For me personally growing up as a 35yr black INFP male in a poverty/gang struck environment was ruff. I was highly aware of my sensitivity for which hiding it was a high priority. Males living in urban poverty communities are expected to behave in extremely unhealthy levels of masculinity. Almost like an INFP male civilian hanging around a group of battle tested war vets lol.

[@bingdong8571]

At least evryone has to rock the shell in the hood

[@highcaliber350]

​@PrayForMe-iz1sj huge generalization but ok go off

[@myohmy-fb9ns]

​@@highcaliber350never being open to women who think differently than the typical "men" is the whole problem.

[@highcaliber350]

@@myohmy-fb9ns I don't think anything is the "whole" problem, I know you're exaggerating but it's a complicated issue when it comes to gender norms

[@nnonotnow]

I certainly understand how that would be challenging. But the white Bro culture of hypermasculinity is alive and well. You made it though, right? Be proud of that

[@ar4122]

I know an infp male. Very , very strong martial artist, and the kindest, most empathic, and intelligent guy i know.

[@vondelpete]

I love hearing about INFP martial artists for some reason. Sounds like a cool guy.

[@asher2215]

I rarely see Infp male so it's kinda intriguing when I see one. This video was very interesting & also u look striking :)

[@vondelpete]

That's very kind of you to say :)

[@lastgunman5270]

Here we are :D

[@asher2215]

@@lastgunman5270 :)

[@Robidu1973]

The point is, you wouldn't easily spot us even if we were right in front of you, notably because of the preconceived notions society has about us (they might not know what an INFP is, but if we are ourselves, they definitely know that something is, in their eyes, quite off the mark). That's why we usually are very cautious as far as opening up to others is concerned. More often than not we'd get thrown under the bus in the process.

[@knawl]

​​@UC6C9g0r-LFePU51Mdw9zEWQAside from the fact that Meyers Briggs is pop psychology, I'd say mist INFPs dont know what an INFP is. The whole definition is so Broad as to be not very definitive. As far as being I intimidated, that may be the case is some instances but for others it's just the realization that it's an exercise in futility, throwing pearls before swine. I was having trouble with insominia when I was about 30 and started trying to explain a passage in the Bhagavid Gita, because it directly related to issues I was dealing with, to my then girlfriend. She thought I was losing my mind, decided I was suicidal and tried to have me Institutionalized. I've never been suicidal, not even close but everybody lives in their own reality. They hVe to at least have a sense of what you are trying to communicate before you attempt communcation for it to be communication. Misst dont understand thast language is a poor medium. The image of even one word can mean something slightly or grossly different from person to person

[@elizabethwall8063]

It’s interesting to hear from an INFP male. I’m sorry you had such a hard time as a kid. As an INFP female, I had only one bully for about a year around the time I was 13, who randomly decided he didn’t like me and made a point of telling me that repeatedly. Then we went to high school, and he inexplicably stopped bullying me. (I’ll always wonder why!) After that, I wasn’t bullied. I was definitely a little weird and had some trouble fitting in, but I made friends. I think everyone perceived me as extremely nice, which was also kind of my defense mechanism because it seemed to prevent people from being mean to me. I had extremely low self-confidence though and still struggle with it at times, even though I don’t care anymore about fitting in (and in fact, I think people who “fit in” are very boring!). Although my kindness has served as a convenient shield at times, it has also caused some people to take advantage of me. I feel like I’ve attracted less than nice people who expect me to put up with them because I’m so “nice,” and for a long time I did tolerate things I should not have. Now I’m in my 40s and much better at standing up for myself. I have quite a bit of anger toward bullies and abusive people, and I will call them out with no hesitation! As far as sarcasm, that doesn’t strike me as a very INFP trait, but I could be wrong. I don’t consider myself sarcastic, and I don’t like it when other people are, unless it’s in self-deprecating humor. I think sarcasm too often crosses the border into cruelty.

[@vondelpete]

Thank you for sharing your experience! People who fit in unfortunately are boring by default haha, sometimes I can tolerate them but hm. Not really. I'm glad you stopped getting bullied out of the blue, even if there was seemingly no reason - I guess they grew up or something? Yeah I think you're right about sarcasm too, it can cross the line into horrible cruelty. The self-deprecating humour is more what I was referring to I think, although that one girl I used to like when I was much younger actually did start being a bit cruel and sarcastic on Twitter for a short period I recall lol and it was off-putting. But I went through phases like that too I think...

[@Robidu1973]

I think that is also related to your subtype (some tests include a fifth indication, being assertive or turbulent). Where the -A subtype most likely has an easier time to dismiss BS thrown at him, the -T subtype has a lot more difficulties handling it (the more so the more you are leaning toward -T). Also, your Enneatype can affect your proclivity toward sarcasm as well (INFP-T 5w4 here). So if I, as an Enneatype 5, have to explain to people for the umpteenth time how something works or the best way to tackle a task, but they still keep asking (heck, do they eve _use_ that thing that is usually called a brain???), that annoys me to no extent and things usually deteriorate rather quickly. Enter a good dose of sarcasm. Btw.: I do speak sarcasm fluently.

[@mesmo4888]

I'd like to say that I think as an Infp, there's this sort of wonder about using sarcasm as a form of self defense. So I believe it leads us to seem possibly snobby or aristocratic-like. (I don't like either of those as a sort of label) There's this raw power in utilizing someone's comment against them. For us, we'd rather not be violent as hurting someone is very awful. Since we understand easily enough the tragedies of life, that we'd rather not hurt or harm or hinder someone. Rather than resort to violence, a biting response to something someone said can be just as if not more effective. There's a ruthless sass in us that you don't want to bring out. Granted this isn't highly relevant to the video, I still would enjoy the opportunity to sort of open the curtain a bit for others to see us better. (:

[@vondelpete]

I love this comment though because I wanted to do a whole video on INFPs and sarcasm haha. 'Aristocratic like' are also words I've sometimes thought of for people describing certain INFPs. It took me a long time to realise people thought I was snobby and had an arrogant vibe, since all I ever thought was that I was lower and worthless compared to others, and mainly felt others always looked down on me. And yes that ruthless sass. It isn't brought out much in me, and some INFPs I know use it more than others. Like you say..I think it's the mix of living in a 'feeling' headspace but having such an aversion to conflict and aggression...where else can it go but sarcasm ;)

[@highcaliber350]

Definitely, humor is a powerful tool for INFP not just for dealing with issues troubling the self, but for dealing with external issues with others. It's both a strong shield for the mind and a powerful sword to cut through other's statements when they are upsetting or confrontational.

[@skygirl2071]

I am a 51 year old INFP female and couldn't care less about societal expectations of me. I have no interest in fitting in, and don't have a lot of friends, although I never felt overly disliked. I like my solitude so I can create, read, and daydream. My working life has been difficult as I don't seem to enjoy any job I take on. I would rather be learning something interesting. :) Stay true to yourselves fellow INFP's!

[@vondelpete]

Thanks for sharing! I feel quite similar to you. Lifelong learning - I think many INFPs end up being happy enough with life as long as they always continue learning interesting things, at least that's how I feel. :)

[@mesmo4888]

Long content, minimal editing, natural mode just like I like it. I hope you make lots of videos like this I'll be one happy individual (:

[@vondelpete]

This is so relieving to hear, I sat on this video for ages, I was embarassed about it being longer and the the minimal editing and the natural mode XD These are also much easier videos for me to make so hopefully I'll make more like this soon. Thank you!

[@B3KO1722]

Mesmo! Same here 😁

[@svtcarat6386]

As an INFP female, yes. Your description is mostly correct for me. Because I think words carry great weight and I don’t mind jokes and a fun time with people and friends at all. But most of the time, people disregard us for our hard-work and because we don’t feed into other people’s ego or fake things to get along with others or to get something out of someone. I had very similar experience in school as yours. My first day in middle school I was seated with an ESTP girl who was a bully and wanted to rank first. Her hate started to get more as she found out I was a nerd and was her competitor and would laugh at every move I was making with her friends and it actually harmed me and I learnt to become extremely self-conscious. And so people overall just didn’t vibe with me because of that and I came off as very closed off as a defence mechanism. “Don’t say anything”. “Don’t do anything to be laughed at”. But.. now in my twenties I care much less about people like that tbh I just ignore and disregard them. I decided to think that one day they will regret and life will teach them a good lesson.

[@vondelpete]

Thanks for sharing your experience! It's easy for people to dismiss INFPs because they care about the words used against them, but words actually are very powerful and it is frustrating to see how dehumanising and thoughtless people are with others. Ultimately I think INFPs are better at living out their values and teaching people through their example - personally I have the same attitude as you, sticking to my guns and values and in the long run people do actually learn a lesson that way. :)

[@peachpanda-hg6fr]

it's wild I just typed out this long thing about not stroking anyones ego or try to get something out of someone and that's literally what you wrote - fellow infp :)

[@toothdecay2465]

Old video and I'm still commenting. But the topic resonates with me, so here goes. My experience as an INFP male heavily resembles yours. Often feeling like an outsider, not really knowing why. I would develop one-to-one friendships with individuals, but once they were in a group, they would behave differently. I couldn't handle group dynamic, something that persists till this day. I always thought female INFPs fared better, because their style more closely resembles the classic feminine ideal, whereas INFP males often do not fit the masculine ideal. On the other hand, I have a daughter who is most likely INFP and I can see her struggles. An ENFJ female friend tells me that females are expected to be expressive and naturally talkative. Those who are not are often seen as having something wrong with them. So, different reasons, but same results for INFP males and females.

[@vondelpete]

Thank you for sharing! Yeah I completely change too when it goes into a group setting. I'm so much better at one-on-one and remain so. Yeah I think maybe INFP females fair better when I look around. But then again, I know there are different situations where INFP males have an advantage in a group of males - I feel that a lot now I'm older, but I guess I developed my own kind of INFP bravado/confidence that seems to work nicely.

[@Braenn666]

Being INTJ female I guess it's pretty much "same" experience with exclusion - people aren't expecting a woman to be logical and calculating and future-oriented. I got more "friends" around 23-25yo, especially other females. Suddenly being practical was resonating with them more and my advice and "seeing the future" was a nice thing to have around. But I never quite got into any group of friends for longer, I'm too weird :)

[@vondelpete]

It is a similar thing in my experience too, the INFP male experience and the INTJ female experience. I've always had a funny bond with INTJ females maybe as a result, I feel like they are self-deprecating while being super-intelligent and very unique. And yeah, maybe they're more valued when people around them get a bit more mature...? I dunno.

[@Braenn666]

​@@vondelpete I've created a unique bond with INFP guy over last year or so. Long story short: now we're dating. His daydreaming is quite cute and together our imaginations sometimes produce weird and funny things. I guess it's two "unicorns" getting together in this scary world, filled to the brim with extroverted people :) INFP guys, stay as you are :)

[@vondelpete]

@@Braenn666 Thanks so much for saying that : it is sort of like two 'unicorns' isn't it :) . That also fits with some relationships I've had with INTJs in the past, it's pretty much like that.

[@jameskieffer9339]

Wow. Thank you so much for this video! I am an INFP male and have always felt the same. Thank you for being a voice to us and letting us know we are accepted and loved. Appreciate you immensely!

[@vondelpete]

Thanks so much for your comment! That's exactly what I hope to do when making videos, hope it resonates and spreads...awareness maybe haha.

[@purplemysterygirl]

I think you are spot on about being an INFP female except for the sarcasm . I find that I’m way too sensitive to do sarcasm. Sarcasm for me is really rare except for gentle sarcasm- which is also rare. I married an ENTP and I think his sarcasm is too harsh for me. He ends up hurting me every other day without even meaning to.

[@vondelpete]

Yeah I get that. And actually I wonder if the word 'sarcastic' was the right word, it's more using that gentle sarcasm you mentioned, or just being a little bit cryptic. Because it is definitely not sarcasm like you get from ENTPs or even INTJs...anyway thanks for sharing!

[@nanasabia]

My partner is also an ENTP and he talks so loudly- it’s almost screaming to my ears, he now learned to lower his “strong” ENTP voice and is more gentle with his dark humour while around me. He gets it now. But still I think they attract us because they are weird, too oftentimes nerdy but in a different, crazy way from us.

[@lindagottschalk3830]

“At the end of the day, it’s an absolute joy not to fit in.” YES! (I’m an INFP woman in my 60s; this statement rings true for me.)

[@vondelpete]

Hey, thank you! I'm glad it rings true :)

[@GSyokichi]

I'm an adult INFP female who has a teenage younger brother who is also an INFP. I would say that in spite being hella snarky and sassy sometimes (I guess it comes with the sibling territory because he only ever does it with me), my younger brother is just PRECIOUS in a lot of different aspects of his personality. We both enjoy art, we almost share the same principles and he's also unapologetically himself although he tries not to stand out too much. He's the kind who would scold my own parents for being so judgmental of others during car rides and was openly very accepting of other people regardless of how they looked or who they were. If he had something to say about someone, he would keep it to himself if he knew it would be hurtful or talk about it as politely as he could. I am EXTREMELY proud of him seeing how he was so different from other guys his age because he really is more mature than people let on and I constantly remind him to stay the way he is because he's just so authentic and empathetic. But of course it still worries me how he'll be treated once he goes out in the real world and realize that not everyone was going to accept him like his family does.

[@vondelpete]

Thanks for sharing this! I always wondered what it would be like for me to have an INFP sibling. I have an INTP friend with an INFP younger sister and over time they've formed this bond where they really feel close to each other, I guess it would be a bit like that. I'm sure your brother will find a way to work through things in the real world and come out better for it - many INFPs manage to do this :)

[@Robidu1973]

By all means, you should go by the principle of "forewarned is forearmed". You seem to be in a unique position that is granting you unconditional access to your brother, and this should enable you to relate that to him. One option would be to wrap these lessons up in role-playing sessions (i. e. set a theme and then play it through so that he knows what he will be dealing with later in life), but make sure to give him the necessary context so it doesn't come seemingly out of the blue for him and he knows what it is all about. The knowledge thus gained should enable him to deal with any animosities/devaluations/whatever without him risking to get psychically scarred.

[@jk17913]

I totally agree with what you said about being an INFP male being helped by the kudos we get for being more “empathetic” and “creative”. Ive had the same thought myself. However my view is that the harsh reality of the society we live in (even today) is that a man is more-so required to be focused on financial success and boring jobs and all the stuff INFPs hate. For that reason I think it is easier to be an INFP woman long term. I would love to fall in love, not be expected to initiate, and homebuild while my partner works and deals with co workers and all that. However as a man thats far far less likely to happen. The kudos are nice but it’s debatable how far it actually gets us imo. Anyways great video man, I was skeptical coming in but it was very well done.

[@jk17913]

One other note: what you said about being disliked by other boys in your youth was very eye opening. I never thought about that but looking back on my life i can see that being kind of true. It also seems like other men are warming up to me as we all age. I wonder why that is.

[@vondelpete]

Yeah the kudos probably doesn't get us too far. I think also, I'm an INFP in Melbourne - here in Australia, and since there's that little inner pocket here with a lot of artists, I sometimes got kudos just for that. Then again when I really step back and look at my life it probably hasn't actually helped me much at all lol. Just meant I've had a few more female friends maybe compared to other guys. Thank you so much for saying that, amazing to think I nearly didn't publish this video at the time. Cheers!

[@vondelpete]

@@jk17913 Yeah I wonder. I think at that young age I was a very pure INFP who hadn't learned any strategies yet to cope with 'the real world'. With age you learn more strategies, but I actually think I grew comfortable within myself too which allows a bit of confidence to emerge...

[@MrSaske63]

INFP male here. I definitely feel what you are saying, although for me personally I never felt like people but me on a pedestal even later in life. I always got the impression people say me as boring or weird. But to be fair it is very difficult for me to know anyway how others feel or think about me in general, don't know if this is only my personal experience or an INFP thing. I can also relate to the feeling of being disappointed and done with people by all the bad experiences I had, but I am working on seeing them in a better light and trying to be understanding of them even if I felt hurt by their actions towards me in the past or present. In the end I wish everyone and definitely my fellow male and female INFPs all the best! I know it can be hard being yourself in a society, where people put expectations and assumptions on you, but you are beautiful just the way you are, even if you yourself can't always see that sometimes.

[@vondelpete]

Yeah it is hard for me to say too, how people are actually viewing me. A lot of this video is just my internal monologue haha. Anyway this is a nice comment and message for INFPs, thank you. I hope more INFPs genuinely realise this about themselves too.

[@vibrantthorn]

I love how objective you are as you narrate your past. I’m trying to look at it outside me but I’m thinking “ah but my feelings derived from so and so years ago and their perception of me is totally oblivious of my inner world and I have to adapt to reality as if it’s separate and live two lives”. There was a weird feeling of having a choice of how to show up- as if I was treating like like a game and my real life was inside, so choosing my character and sometimes I’d drop the character because I was tired and confuse people which confused me because they weren’t doing that. It’s odd that feeling of tiredness around others- too tired to be authentic and actually access my thoughts and feelings, let alone express them. Which is why meeting someone where it’s easy to do both and grow is so amazing. So some people think I’m probably not very smart or just plain weird and others will think I’m very intelligent and creative. I’d like to be myself with everyone but for some reason I can’t… I disassociate when I think there’s no point I think (INFP female- 30 yrs old)

[@vondelpete]

Oh man I know this feeling. It's very hard to be objective, for some reason when I made this video I was trying to be very objective, but it was a struggle. It's so tiring having to treat life like a game, although I still do it sometimes and I think for INFPs it can be necessary at times. But yes, meeting someone where you can be authentic is amazing and so special. I think it used to actually make me feel really nervous - around the age of 30, for example haha, I became way too used to putting on an act, it was very hard to even relax. I guess I've concluded though, that being your relaxed, full self with everyone is just not an option, but that's okay, it makes the special people in your life even more special :)

[@kibomandzaro3454]

I felt like I'm alone with this stuff.... Yeah, i was bullied before, but later i tried to fit in, and partly succeded to find a friend group in high school... But it often seemed like they perceived me as "effeminate". I really appreciate that you shared your story, it made me, and maybe others feel more understood. Thanks.

[@vondelpete]

Thanks for the comment, I hoped it would resonate with some people :) I also partially succeeded in finding a friendship group, I'd say the most positive of those friendships were specific ISFJs and INFJs though haha.

[@shannon1242]

Insightful. I know only 3 INFP guys because maybe they were the easiest to befriend as an INFJ girl and your experience reminds me of a blend of two of them. The being disliked as a kid and being really liked as an adult. One of them gathers man crushes like non other. Similar to your ESTJ story. And funnily I had met them all in online mmos so roleplay games can be a good source of that. I just started working with an INFP girl and I'm glad you mentioned your observations about how they can be overlooked so want to make an extra effort not to do that.

[@vondelpete]

'One of them gathers man crushes like no other' haha. That's a cool story. That's very nice of you as well to make that extra effort with the INFP girl and actually if I were to go back in time I'd have shown more appreciation to the INFJs who vouched for me and supported me when I was at my worst and shyest. INFJs really are a god-send in so many ways to INFPs, or at least to me - people appreciating and supporting and encouraging INFPs (or at least the right kind of INFPs) and doing it in such a genuine way. And of course INFJs are inspirational to INFPs too.

[@mikicerise6250]

I had an utterly miserable, traumatic time as an INFP male in USA. Violent and brutal, anti-intellectual. I was sensitive, an avid reader, a daydreamer, I liked drawing... everything I did was seen as feminine, and they tortured me for being feminine. I wasn't happy not to fit in, I just find it impossible to be inauthentic. My early efforts to try to act the part of a normal boy to escape the violence failed and I gave them up. It did become better when I got older, and better here in Europe, but many traumas had set in by then that still mark me. I imagine it depends very much on the environment you grew up in. I've certainly known girls who had similarly traumatic experiences being beaten senseless by gangs of their peers and hated, but these have been girls with some degree of autism, unable to pick up on the feminine social cues to condition the behaviours required for acceptance. That was something I, ironically, did very readily. Hence, I went through a stage where all of my friends were girls and I just became integrated into their culture. With the approval of all the girls in high school, the violence from the boys stopped. I also confounded the boys at school by seeming to move effortlessly and indifferently between the geeky unpopular girls they disdained and the hot popular girls they were after, being friends with all of them, and some would ask me for the 'secret'. Of course, the only secret was sexual indifference. It was simply that they had gotten to the gossiping age, and I was full of observations and analyses about people to contribute. So we all had a lot to gossip about, and would talk for hours, often about the behaviours of those same boys. 🤣 For the most part, I don't find that I very much like the people who don't like me, but I do feel part of a minority. My experience is that being an INFP male is much harder than being an INFP female, but females are no kinder to their own outliers.

[@vondelpete]

"I wasn't happy not to fit in, I just find it impossible to be inauthentic." I think this actually nails it on the head much better than I could express. That sounds accurate to me and many other INFPs I've known. And yes - same thing for me and my 'secret' with women, which is where my secret is a form of indifference. I do love those stories though and really relate. Quite a few INFP males I think are like that (but not all). Anyway thank you for sharing these thoughts, it's so interesting to hear how other INFPs relate to this.

[@WILLFRANCA1]

When you say you don’t like scripts or writing down what you are going to say is just incredible because we INFP are so authentic that event writing things down to talk about it feels like something fake because we are basically containing our thoughts and we don’t like that 😂

[@vondelpete]

I haven't thought about this but it's true ha. It's funny, it's a hangup I shouldn't have, really 😂 I think I've seen this in other INFPs too

[@arlettasloan6453]

So far, I am learning a lot more about INFP, in a way that helps me understand why that one jerky guy kept stalking me and teling me I am one, from watching videos about male INFPs. I had quite a bit of the same experiences. Misundertood, disliked to the point that people would tell me and feel okay with themselves, etc.

[@teddyGohm]

I think this is the first time I've listened to/watched another male INFP just talk and express themselves in this type of long format video. I've always wondered how it would be meeting and conversing with another INFP male. I know this this wasn't a conversation but simply just listening makes me feel that I would enjoy the company of other INFP men. We should be friends if you'd like, my good sir.

[@vondelpete]

Indeed we should, good sir. Glad to hear it :)

[@Marty-og8zq]

I'm one too, where are you from

[@Simonsayssomething]

INFP guy here. Very similar experiences in grade school. Nearly all my close friends, if I had them, were girls growing up. I feel like I don’t throw out the term friend generously. I have a lot of acquaintances, for me to call someone a friend they are more like someone else’s best friend. Not until college did I really have any true guy friends and even then half my friends were women. I have never been in a real fight, but there were a couple times my anger came out after being picked on a lot and it would surprise people and they would then leave me alone. I remember going to my 5 year reunion and I was surprised by how many people liked me and literally told me they only came because I went. I have only gone to one reunion though. Haha. I have always felt like I am just ahead of the curve on most things. It’s not easy growing up as an INFP, but it gets better in college. And really, as an INFP I don’t care what most people think. Everyone cares to a degree I guess, but we probably care the least as to what other people think. Haha

[@vondelpete]

That's pretty incredible, how people at your 5 year reunion said they'd only go if you went. It shows you had a hugely positive impact! Yeah INFPs, it's a complex thing. I've decided I care what others think but it's in a strange paradoxical way - if someone was to think I cared deeply about social expectations, and then told me that's what they think about me, then I'd be upset. If they thought it and never expressed it though, for some reason I don't mind...thanks for sharing your story, very cool! It seems to mainly get better in life for INFPs, I think. I hope.

[@elizabethwall8063]

That’s interesting and sweet that people at your reunion really wanted you to come. As an INFP female, I’ve been surprised over the years when people who I thought were just acquaintances or kind of indifferent toward me suddenly expressed real affection toward me. I feel like it’s something to do with us being perceived as nice and relatively stable and safe to be around. People have often told me I seem so calm…which is ironic because I’m often not at all inside! Like all INFPs, I have so much going on in my head at all times. I’m just good at hiding it! 😂

[@nanasabia]

“Mesmerised by the clouds” ☁️ is such an INFP thing..I so relate. They even called me “girl with the head in the clouds” so that one day while I was in Uruguay, (and believe me the clouds there are something else!) I tattooed a cloud underneath my neck.

[@vondelpete]

That's so cool! And now I'm feeling a need to go to Uruguay to see these clouds that you speak of...

[@TheivanaiNatarajan]

I think that’s the most… real INFP male video I’ve seen so far! I’m an INFP female… and yeah I’ve so often noticed that NF men in general give some extra affect that NF women don’t often give. I think I’d feel that extra affect if I meet an NT female instead. I guess it’s all about rarity

[@vondelpete]

Thank you! Hm NT females, yes, I think they have a similar funny thing going on. In my experience they do and it's kind of appealing for me. Well, kind of.

[@vigneshwaranm1989]

I liked your video very much. You have a very good personality and I am surprised and sorry that you were disliked by classmates. I am a male INFP myself. Throughout my school days, I did not feel disliked per se because I had a small set of close friends in every school whenever my father was transferred to a new city. However, I have always felt very different and not fitting in with anyone. I could see that everybody got along very well as a group but I have always experienced myself as an outsider who could not be included as one of them and felt left out. But when I think about it now, I think it was okay because after all I could not have been any other way. Your video brought back a flood of memories from my childhood days. Kudos to you 😅

[@vondelpete]

Thank you for these very kind words :) I think this is the thing, that it may have been difficult but then it's hard to think of things being any other way, and I think INFPs are grateful to have that uniqueness and individualism, even if it is sometimes painful. Kudos to you to!

[@kaylabrock6885]

I fly in the face of societal norms as a female.... I have maybe two female friends that I have not talked to in awhile because we do not live near each other and I like to hermit out... I was picked on my entire life so I cannot really tell you which is harder, the experience is relative to the experiencer and the level difficulty is a matter of perspective. All experiences are equally valid and should be treated as such; I hide my emotions because of my experiences. The bottom line is most people don't care and don't want to be bothered with it unless it benefits them in some way, it is a sad state of affairs really....

[@vondelpete]

It is a sad state of affairs. And yep I strongly believe every individual experience is unique and valid. But its great to see people sharing their experiences on this video :)

[@dulles1969]

Dunno who has it harder but having neither Fe nor Se is a recipe for problems up to the early teen years. I didn't get into any fights. That was a bad thing. I didn't understand the point of fighting. Back in the day, it was a contest to gain entry into the (local US) boy hierarchy. Since I didn't partake, I was branded an outcast loser weirdo, and got picked on relentlessly. I still didn't understand that this was supposed to prompt a response. Me = complete fail to understand that I had agency; Them = since he's not doing anything about it, escalate. So... yeah. Hell, pretty much. Later teen years, once fighting and picking on peers wasn't so cool anymore, all that flipped. But the experience did make me much more selective in the people I chose to spend time with: people who default to being kind and more accepting of others' differences.

[@vondelpete]

It seems without question that growing up an INFP is pretty hellish. I remember that hierarchy I didn't partake in and was shocked to find I was hated by so many. In the end though you win, I think. It's interesting to see when people haven't put thought into who they're hanging out with, choosing kind people and people who lift you up. Sadly it took me well into my twenties before I really cracked down on this. There was this funny moment where I took action and decided, in my big group, that the only friends I chose to continue to be friends with were the one ISTP and the one other INFP (years before I considered mbti types). I felt close and kindred spirits to them and virtually nobody else. Okay, also a few ISFJs, two INTPs, a few ENFPs, ENFJs, and the odd INFJ. But that was IT. Okay and a few INTJs because I love them too.

[@dulles1969]

@@vondelpete 🥹

[@radishraven9]

I think i would die as an infp male, because i can't deal with violence and aggression like at all. I find sports and beer boring. I think you guys have the short end of the stick, but being female is in general harder so we do have our own problems, like the pressure to be a good little ISFJ who likes household chores, child-rearing and organization. Also the pressure to care about our appearance. I'm invisible, but I'd rather that the bad attention i got growing up. I do the sarcasm thing quite a lot, mostly because it's funny and allows me to relate to others, but I've learnt to tone it down with time as it can drag down the mood quite a bit. I admire you INFP guys, i could not do what you do and go through what you have gone through. But i think life is tough for INFPs of any gender.

[@vondelpete]

Ha, it's funny, I've even known ISFJ females who complain about the need for them to be...you know, ISFJ females. But yeah, for an INFP female I really think there are unique difficulties INFP males don't have. I guess either way we're going to be outsiders in general.

[@colonelturmeric558]

I have to disagree, neither sex has it harder, just different bad things to deal with which line up with the differences in how men and women’s brains are wired. For example as an infp male there is a unique problem with being a sensitive and reserved individual as it can be misconstrued as weakness or emasculation, something that wouldn’t be given a second glance in a woman.

[@vondelpete]

@@colonelturmeric558 Yep, I mean it's very circumstantial and there are unique issues for both.

[@radishraven9]

@@colonelturmeric558 well i'd argue there is no such thing as a female or male brain by nature, but yes socialisation and expectations has a big part to do with each of our problems

[@vondelpete]

@Pray ForMe they're not easy to spot!

[@mrdokesonline398]

My results always changes but in only two different types, INFP and INTP, i think this feeling and thinking category always get me into different kind of thing, this got me into extrovertion sometimes and get away from my comfort sometimes, but on the other hand since I'm thinking of getting better and trying to fit in in other people, mostly at work, my inFp side strikes, which is it drains me instantly and I need to get recharge in frking DAYS, yes I isolate sometimes when I get to overwhelmed even if it is good or bad thing.

[@vondelpete]

That’s interesting - and both INTPs and INFPs both seem to need to recharge for a long time after those interactions at work or being around people they don’t know.

[@jbrendel98]

I'm battling between INTP and INFP as I have in interest in technology and humanities both, but I'll tell you I don't have much luck, if ever, in the dating field. Ive kissed a girl in elementary school, took a girl to homecoming in high school, had other flirty experiences, that's it. Technology is hard to pursue for me but it does feel like what I could be good at if I tried, and humanities can get depressing for me, so I'm likely just an INTP who's not in 'hero mode.' Bit either way, it feels like there's just a missing part of my masculinity that is impossible to find.

[@vondelpete]

INTPs and INFPs both have a lot of trouble it appears with this stuff...but I wish you the best

[@QuotesArticles]

Hello brother! I could relate so much to you and to your female INFP friend you had spoken about at the end. At different stages of life, maybe we get to relate to several others as we keep maturing. And maybe we all go through similar experiences at different points of your life. And I can really understand your video making style of keeping no notes and going here and there; and realizing it only during editing! I've been there and done that so many times! But when I make videos on youtube with script it feels so limiting and the perfectionism would kick in even if I made the most unnoticeable of errors and I'd be like, why did I even try to do this script! One of the reasons why I'm now kind of confused every time I try to make a video because it's said youtube requires a certain type of style to get the algorithm to work for us. But every time I try something close to that expectation, the process goes too long and it drains me, as it's like I'm sacrificing my authenticity. So that's why I too wanted to start a separate channel for INFP and personality related stuff, where I can just be myself but I have not been making videos in any of my channels lately. But hopefully will start in a few days. Also, may I know what is the light set up and fragrance diffuser that you are using? (I saw them in the background and find it cool!) And your video is pretty clear and well lit. Neat set up! Please let me know about the camera and lighting you use as well! And how is there no background noise? Looking forward to see more of your videos, brother! Best Regards, Sunder!

[@vondelpete]

Hey, glad that you could relate! Yes it is interesting with algorithms, it feels kind of soul destroying to try and bother with them. And this channel was made after being exhausted with another channel, I hope you get around to making an INFP channel! In regards to my video, I'm using a Nikon Z6 but it is filming in 10-bit using an external recorder and I have a condenser microphone near me but outside of the shot :) The diffuser in the background is fake though and on my TV 😂 There goes my authenticity! Thank you for the comment and regards!

[@QuotesArticles]

@@vondelpete Hey thank you so much for all the information. I really appreciate it. Haha, I didn't notice that about the diffuser, but still you must have really liked that video/ screensaver of the diffuser and so chose it. Also at times I use green screen to show images or videos that I connect with and so we still are being authentic I guess! Thanks for the encouragement, I will record a video tonight for my INFP channel. I'd actually created the channel and uploaded the cover art and all several months back but it's time I start uploading there. Keep your videos coming bro, keep shining!😊🌟

[@mikaelaalexandria6312]

The perspective I bring to this conversation is definitely different, although not necessarily unique. I grew up as an INFP male from childhood into adulthood and now experience life as a 60+ year old INFP female. For me, it's been much easier navigating the world as an INFP female than it ever was as a male, especially since I grew up in the 60s and 70s with 4 brothers and no sisters. Being emotional, empathetic, and sensitive were not traits that were looked upon with kindness as a male. I was bullied by other boys my entire childhood because of these perceived less than masculine traits. From my father, I received the boys' don't cry conditioning. Since I was not very strong and incredibly introverted, I struggled with defending myself from both a physical and emotional perspective, and because of this, I would withdraw to the safety of my inner dream world. This really had a negative effect on developing proper social skills that persists until today. Being an adult, I tended to gravitate towards jobs that were more individual rather than team oriented. After transitioning to female, I've experienced much more acceptance from both men and women. Mentally and emotionally, I don't feel any different now than I did before. I have the same traits but have a lot more confidence with expressing my true self. As a male, I found it necessary to hide the same traits that I'm so happy to have now.

[@vondelpete]

You definitely do bring a different perspective! It's nice to see that you have experienced more acceptance after transitioning. I'm often pondering how much its ingrained in me to have to always hide emotions due to being male that sometimes I'm not even aware of it. Thanks for the comment!

[@seansiewsarran]

That is very true. Being an infp male (36 yrs), i realised having traits such as empathy and being sensitive were always looked down on - less masculine. Similar to you, i have brothers who are the opposite, and I'm constantly treated with disrespect, given my passive / non competitive nature. I always value peace rather than conflict, and, as a male, these traits are associated with being more feminine sadly. Many times i wonder if i were an infp female, if navigating through this world would have been easier - or at least through the veils of more potent respect.

[@vondelpete]

Yeah it is so interesting to think about!@@seansiewsarran

[@magatamass]

There was a band called Failure. That van Leeuwen guitarist guy went on to join QOTSA.

[@vondelpete]

I wonder if the singer of the Failures knew of this...

[@purplemysterygirl]

This was quite touching. I really understand being mesmerized by clouds. At the Christian college I attended many people thought that I was on Marijuana - which I had never tried and still haven’t to this day. They also thought that I came across as a very physically experienced female- when in fact I was a virgin. My first kiss was at 21. 🙂It’s really nice listening to your videos.

[@vondelpete]

I love that you can relate to that. I also had that reputation at my catholic boys school - people assuming that about me. Ha. Yeah my first kiss was 21 as well. Not sure if people thought I was experienced though haha. Thank you so much for saying that, I'm glad :)

[@purplemysterygirl]

Sometimes I know how to reply here and sometimes I don’t. I’m so glad you have this channel because when I feel misunderstood it’s great to listen to your channel because then I don’t. You’re the only other person I’ve heard of that had their first kiss at 21. Yay! I don’t know any INFP’s in my life or at least they haven’t told me that they are-🙂

[@vondelpete]

@@purplemysterygirl It is comforting for me too to hear these stories! It definitely helps, especially when I was young and felt so misunderstood too. Hm and actually my first real kiss was 22, oops..haha

[@Jact1999]

I believe I fit into INFP, though my experiences are very different. Though of course we are all on our own paths as individuals I was a bit more ostracized and even now as I am 23 it feels I am only starting to gain respect and confidence in myself. Perhaps we'll see as time moves forward if it changes for me as it seems to have for you, though it took me a long time to get to where I am even now haha, feels like I'm just starting off in a way.

[@vondelpete]

Either way I support you on your journey - I have to admit that my life still feels like it goes constantly in cycles, whirling around - I can sometimes highlight myself operating with maximum confidence at 25, maybe 29 at times, becoming far more timid and fragile at 34, emerging better at 37, I don't know, sometimes I feel I peaked at 13 haha. Life can feel very long sometimes...thanks for the comment!

[@Jact1999]

@@vondelpete Of course! thanks for the response and for the video. It takes a lot to be able to put yourself fully out there like that, trust me I know :)

[@cathnbabs]

as an INFP I can relate. I was not physically strong enough to fight back the bullies espacially the rough neigborhood highschool I was in so I got a lot of pain. I have this horrible feeling of not belonging werever I go. I also have a strong desire to be normal. But the more I try to be normal the more I realize I'm weird and it makes me self-conscious

[@vondelpete]

I think trying to be normal never goes well when you're an INFP haha. But then again there is a nice natural quietness that can make INFPs appear normal, like a mask, which is okay.

[@FoundSanctity]

As an infp male I feel exactly the same as described in the video

[@sarahmountstudios3188]

Their “INFP subconscious’” 😂 brilliant!

[@vondelpete]

Haha it’s a real thing 😂

[@tamtam6717]

You seem very lovely person! Infp female here, I relate very much to how you describe infp.

[@vondelpete]

Thank you so much, and you too seem lovely!

[@wildcathawkins]

If you're not an artist or therapist this will be tough. I'm straight and a middle child too as an infp and my best place in society is among goths/emo people since it's expected that the guys will have some feminine qualities and the women desire it. A lot of the girls I like get hit on by women or are actually bisexual

[@vondelpete]

That is essentially what I had to do in high school and university - goth friends. And then emo girls. Pretty much the same experience haha.

[@MarlenaFontanella]

As an infp female, the females disliked and rejected me too!

[@victorianorth7720]

I am a female INTP, and have a younger sister who is an INFP. From what she tells me about, I have gathered that she is not liked by a lot of the "popular" girls in school. I have had the same problem for ever, however it does not effect me nearly as much as it effects her. Your experiences are quite intriguing and I admire that you have decided to share them. I think that she and I can definitely relate in some ways, however she has been the target of bullying more, and most people tend to simply leave me alone. both of us have always felt out of place and I personally have come to the conclusion that I will not fit in anywhere, and don't really believe that I desire to. I don't know what she will dicide, but I am interested to see where she will go. Thank you.

[@vondelpete]

That is for sharing your experience too - I would be so relieved if I had an INTP sibling. I have an INTP friend with an INFP sister and they have a strong bond, both feeling like outsiders. I can only assume as an INFP that your sister will eventually come to embrace the feeling of being an outsider, most INFPs I know (well and in my own experience) get much more confident about this aspect when they’re older.

[@bboynewsboy991]

How to be popular: Be dumb and superficial -Sincerely, an Estp Male My brother is an Intp

[@victorianorth7720]

​@@bboynewsboy991 Yes. This is so true. This is exactly why I and my sister could never be popular, even if we tried our best. She and I think too much and love to learn. The popular people have more surface-level interests (not all of them, but many). I have first-hand experience seeing this, bc I also have a brother who is an esfj. He was very popular, following trends and meeting all the "right" people. I was basically invisible, even though we are really close in age and share the same last name. Now I have great friendships with people who would be classified as "weirdos". I like them way more than the kids who my brother used to run around with.

[@jennielevak9185]

I'm glad I stumbled on this! I am an Infp but don't like sarcasm at all! (: I agree with you on Infp males having it easier! Haha! (:

[@vondelpete]

It's all so contextual isn't it...I guess like a lot of things in life, nobody has it easier or harder in all things, but I think there's something in this :)

[@Onamission13]

Hey there brother It’s really good to know that I’m not alone 😅 And this is the first video I watched on your channel, as expected it really helps feel normal when some fellow infp shares his thoughts on this subject. Idk if I should consider my nature a curse or gift tbh but still just wanna say thank you. 😊

[@vondelpete]

Thank you for sharing, I was hoping other INFPs resonated with this :) I guess it's always a gift and a curse!

[@SarahJacksonLV]

New sub...as an infp female...loved this video, so helpful ❤😅😁

[@vondelpete]

Thank you so much! ❤️

[@melekeen]

Sucked ass growing up as INFP girl. Life only started getting a lot better in late 20s after doing a lot of self healing and inner work. Also just embracing the fact that I was different and that it was okay. Only after 30s have I felt like I've really stepped into my power. Now most people, both men and women, say outright that I'm intimidating because of my confidence. Have to admit, I enjoy it. Of course there are some peole whining about how I should soften up and be more feminine if I want to attract a guy, whereas I'm like "fuck off. Took me this long to build myself into who I am, I'm not about to dim my light anymore". Absolutely love being an INFP now.

[@vondelpete]

Your journey does sound actually a bit similar to me. Well, I only started really doing any sort of inner work at around 25, and even then it was to be a very long journey. In terms of people telling you to be more 'feminine and soft' lol - that confidence in INFPs is always a very attractive thing as far as I'm concerned (and many others surely are too). Thanks for sharing :)

[@melekeen]

@@vondelpete I love when INFPs get truly confident and start living for themselves, instead of what others think they should be. It's truly a superpower! 🤘 If that's intimidating to others, I see it as a problem of theirs and not mine 😁

[@vondelpete]

@@melekeen oh one-hundred-percent agree, definitely says everything about them and nothing about you!

[@MrStanislav]

I'm also INFP and my high school story is almost the same. At first the other guys in class didn't like me, they made jokes behind my back. They thought I'm a miserable sad loner and I didn't feel I have to prove them anything f.e. by going with them to drink alcohol during the long break. I didn't care as I had my own world among people I liked: cousins and neigbourhood friends. We also drank alcohol and even smoke some weed, assuming school is not a place to do that. We wanted to enjoy it and have fun while schoolmates did it to make impressions they are already adults. Everything changed during the prom which gave them opportunity to have a glimpse of my "boring life". I remember they even tried to mock me months before suggesting I will be the only person alone as I was - in their opinion - so miserable that any girl will reject my invitation. I didn't argue with them and I'm 100% sure they were boosting their ego that way. The prom - in their minds - was about to be the highlight of my "miserable" life, they felt better that way. I decided to invite 2-years older student of Theatre Univeristy, the girl (a friend of a friend) to my surprise accepted my invitation. She was very intelligent, during the beginning of the Prom she almost instanly noticed I was rejected by the class so she whispered "Don't worry, today the whole place belongs to us". The first song - traditional tango. We were the only couple dancing it, I had a freaking rose in my mouth... and I have never danced tango before. That was the beginning of a great party and thanks to the girl we were unofficialy chosen King and Queen of the prom by teachers. All my classmates were so shocked that a month later I was chosen the most lovable person in the class in an offical voting. After graduation each of my classmates was extremely happy to meet me on the street, the same as in your story. Lesson here: If you're INFP and don't match to the group, don't let any judgement affect you because usually people do that to feel better while in fact they are the ones having a sad life :)

[@vondelpete]

Wow this is a great story and it sounds kind of like a movie. That is a good lesson!

[@acousticsoul_4629]

Female INFP here,and I can relate to everything you've mentioned. I am sorry for what you've been through. I think once those boys in your case or girls in mine, mature and learn how this masculinity or femininity standards don't really matter they start liking us haha because something I love about us INFPs is that we prefer to be authentic and be called weirdos than fake it in order to be liked by others so when those bullies grow they are like, well I guess they were being true to themselves all this time and thats a weird form of being brave. The problem is that ,this won't happen till you are in your 20s leaving your childhood and teenage years in pain hahahah But I guess a good thing about it is that if an INFP finds a friend in this period of time when no one else values your authenticity but them, you know you have a friend for life ❤

[@vondelpete]

This is a wonderful comment and yeah it’s very much the case. I never would have guessed when I was a teenager how people’s view of us would change, I wish I knew that at the time 😂

[@acousticsoul_4629]

@@vondelpete I know!! I wish I'd knew it too, it was so strange to me when someone was being nice and showing signs that they liked me...I was like wow...do they really like me? What's the deal here? Are they feeling ok?? Hahahha its called maturing past self! hahahahah but we are strong, we will heal and we can be proud of those lonely children and weird emo teen wallflowers hahaha they still live inside of us and will heal too😂🤗🤩

[@vondelpete]

@@acousticsoul_4629 I still feel that a little bit in my thirties, 'do they really like me, what's the deal here' but I'm so glad I'm mainly passed overthinking it haha. Yeah we can definitely be proud of the lonely weird emo teen wallflowers - or in my case, withdrawn kid with bad fashion listening only to sixties music and terrified of human beings.

[@acousticsoul_4629]

@@vondelpete Hahahahahahah omg that terrified kido with a bad fashion sense that loved 60s music it's SO ME TOO HAHAHA I was rocking the Beatles all day and all night long hahahahahaha wth Well the 60's were full of great artists, but the Beatles have been the closest to my heart. When Paul came to Spain, I don't know, maybe 8 years ago or something, I was in my early 20s and I cried a little cause I was so excited to see Paul just a few meters away from me hahahahaha such a fan girl hahah And yeah, I definitely get those insecure voices but now I don't overthink it as much like you say, and I try to avoid people much less, I used to be so afraid I would just ghost everyone cause I thought, maybe when they realize there is nothing to like about me they are going to just reject me like the rest, or maybe they want something from me. Now I just accept I might always get insecure but, it's ok, I am learning to like myself too so it's a win win situation hahah

[@kestrel09]

I liked your video and your experiences and responses resonate. INFPs are definitely outliers and like it that way.

[@vondelpete]

Thank you for saying that :) always hoping people can resonate. Makes me feel less alone!

[@psychcasserole]

Peter this video was so good. Love your videos and you have such a cool n fresh perspective

[@vondelpete]

Thank you so much, that's very encouraging. I try to keep a loose approach to keep things feeling fresh...hopefully!

[@optamisticlife9342]

Since we are INFP's we can sense the hate at a deeper level. And face it, Hate Hurts humans in all cases! there is no person who would say yeah hate is good. I'm happy hating other people. So there are many great people out there but there are those that feel hate too. We INFP's can sense both deeply in other people because of out empathetic nature. I can feel deep hate for the World but it's within myself, as well as in the World out there. I am beginning to Love the hate as well.

[@vondelpete]

Love and hate are both these intense emotions and I suppose when you’re INFP there is a feeling of both, all the time!

[@kestrel09]

I love the quote from Groucho Marx, ‘any club that would accept me as a member, I wouldn’t want to join’.

[@vondelpete]

Ha. Me too, and I kind of agree 😅

[@indorianshell]

Infp males feeling insecure about their masculinity is so real. :( I'm an infp male myself and I'm growing up in a very traditional country, so I have so many issues with communication for example. I'm starting to be extremely selective when it comes to choosing my friends, I know friendship is natural but I prefer people who are comfortable with my own way of being masculine. Also, I'm a guy but I don't like sports, I prefer drawing and talk about cartoons. I'm just someone who hates competition, especially among men, but it's apparently "wrong" to hate competition as a man because it makes us feminine. Idk, I just prefer minding my own business :/

[@vondelpete]

I really do think it's important to be very selective about friends and who are comfortable with your specific way to be masculine. It's funny how I never liked sports much and how I got older and I refuse to watch any sports at all haha. I'm not very competitive either. I think you're going about things the right way anyway. There end up being enough people in the world who appreciate us for who we are, luckily.

[@schlattypatty4713]

I'm an INFP male, and I wouldn't say that I've been bullied, but more so picked on a lot. The reason I say this is because it has just been random people harassing me for no reason at random points throughout my life. I don't like people touching me because that's what most of these randoms have done to me, touching me in inappropriate places and thinking it's funny. I have always wanted to just beat up people like that, but then I realize that it ain't worth it. When it comes to friends, every time that I've lost friends (usually due to switching schools or them moving away), I've been able to make new ones. Throughout high school, I haven't been able to make new friends that I spend lots of time. I'm hoping that changes soon, because I want to make some new friends, but I don't really know how or who I should befriend.

[@vondelpete]

That sucks - I guess again some of that sounds like me in high school. It's funny but in those early years, when I felt like I had no friends, it was often another INFP male or female who would track me down and talk to me and befriend me. Anyway hope things improve very soon, I think it can all be very random!

[@KingAtreides03]

Personally as a 20 yr old infp male, I can definitely see u fucks with me and who doesn’t. Especially at university . Secondary skl is much easier to know coz u are with the same people max 3/5 times a week in different classes but with the same people throughout the school years. At uni, the biggest enemy is small talk . I only have like 5 max friends at uni.

[@vondelpete]

Looking back at university I definitely didn't have more than 5 friends lol, I spent a lot of time alone and in retrospect I totally get why I did that - it's a strange time in terms of identity and a lot of strange directions to go down, I think INFPs need to protect themselves from the turbulence and focus within sometimes.

[@denvercolorado811]

I love your videos well done ✔️

[@vondelpete]

Thank you so much!

[@scourneene]

Bingo! You got my sub!

[@vondelpete]

☺️

[@scourneene]

@@vondelpeteI turned 50 last fall and in the late eighties being into punk rock, and skateboards wasn't cool and misunderstood in northern Ontario Canada here. Always thugs waiting in the parking lots to get the freaks after school. The music was great and though others viewed me as extrovert, due to my unique expression back then, they were wrong. I'm totaly a lone wolf. I need my space for creative expression and processing, in some form to occur. Doesn't mean I hate people in fact I think of them often! Many late night solo skate sessions went down in like 88.

[@MissTsapovska]

You are making very much sense

[@vondelpete]

Ah thank you!

[@WILLFRANCA1]

Thank you for this video 🙏🏽

[@357Dejavu]

I’m an older INFP male and while childhood was some what hard but as an adult things have really changed… socially I was a bit of a late bloomer

[@vondelpete]

This seems to be a common INFP story!

[@Robidu1973]

Summed up, this is the INFP conundrum: Society perceives you not fulfilling some arbitrary societal norms (who is defining these "norms", anyway?), and it immediately goes like: REEEEE!!! He has to be like this and that, *how dare he be himself???* Welcome in the world of outcasts...

[@vondelpete]

Pretty much sums it up!

[@JustinWhite7861]

nailed it

[@vondelpete]

Thank you!

[@rickt.8866]

Mixed race INFP male here. Never fit in until I met and married an INFJ female. She is my soulmate.

[@vondelpete]

This is nice to hear, and lots of INFPs I know are in partnerships with INFJs :)

[@jarmoliebrand2005]

I think both INFP men and women will break social norms in their own sort of way. I can imagine groups of women being more sly when it comes to social exclusion, whereas other guys are probably more direct and confrontational about it. Honestly, it’s an interesting video topic, but it’s important to not let this turn into a ‘we have it worse’ debate. We both have our struggles and our strengths. I kind of wonder if people mistake the compassion of an INFP man for being more feminine and/or gay. I am neither. I’m just not overly (stereotypically) masculine. I’m not overly physical. I think that’s a typical masculine thing. I have done kickboxing, buuut… I am probably the least handy handyman one could call upon. If you want me to do something with my hands, ask me to play the piano. Or, well… have a kick-boxing sparring session. I think men are stereotypically confrontational and more competitive, which isn’t an inherently negative trait. Confronting things (head on) can be really good and a healthy thing to do. It’s just that it can sometimes be… physical confrontation. Us INFPs just generally aren’t that competitive. And we tend to avoid confrontation too much. I think, whichever healthy and unhealthy stereotypes both men and women have, everyone of every type will have some healthy and unhealthy traits. And I think a lot of healthy and unhealthy traits can be two sides of the same coin. One note that’s of great importance to men in particular… It’s not weakness to cry, when you’re feeling down. Oftentimes, it is a sign of strength. Trust me, us INFPs would know. Though it’s not that I live by that motto that much. I still bottle up emotions. I do realise I have some very valuable friends with this great lifelong potential. We’re all guys and in this particular trying time in my life (as well as some rough times for my friends), we’ve been able to cry together. There was a lot of mutual understanding and validation. No weird looks or ostracism for ‘not manning up’, or anything. It’s much healthier for such emotions to come out through tear vents, rather than becomes angry, or through other stereotypically unhealthy masculine ways.

[@vondelpete]

Thank you for sharing and yes, to be able to cry together is indeed something very special, I think!

[@j.ronnygibson]

I'm an INFP male and i think in this specific area, it's 50/50. One one hand, girls are more encouraged to be more expressive while guys have to be more stereotypically masculine. Women are more enourage to break gender norms. 2. Girls wouldn't have it harder but they are already expected to be seen as soft and sensitive. Guys are expected to be more sensitive as we step away from boxing all men into that stoic box Largly depends on where you are at

[@vondelpete]

Yeah I think it very much depends on where you are at. And in the exact environment you find yourself in!

[@IOTA-AGENT-Z]

I'm a Infp I need guidance on living.

[@vondelpete]

me too, me too

[@harvey8138]

I have a unique experience as a trans-enby (INFP) individual Aussie. I grew up being perceived as cis female. My parents are ISFJ and ISTJ (both with narc traits), my younger brother; an INTP (thank gods) but he was always the one that got away with everything 🙄 I very much had an experience much like you described. It left me passive aggressive, unheared, dismissed and idealising any kind of escape for independence. When my gender dysphoria got too much to bare I finally sought out hormonal replacement therapy. (My INFP cousin, born male, also going through the same independently of my timeline) I tell you now, Wow. The difference in my mental attitude, emotional regulation and how people treat me and listen to me now is completely different. Living as a more masculine-perceived person definitely has its perks. I can now dare to speak my mind without shutting down out of fear of what the other person could say or might do because I am assertive of my personal rights and boundaries. What would normally trigger me gets deflected (thanks to T) and I can think through problems without spiralling into a deep dark pit of despair, crying sessions and anxiety attacks for hours. I'm laughing and seeing the positive or the figuroutable in most situations and people have also mentioned how healthy and positive I now seem. Even my transphobic parents are giving me space and listening to me, probably because I'm a lot more assertive it makes me seem a lot more "logical" now that I'm less female perceiving (I was always fairly logical, they just didn't care to listen) I'm on the outside looking in at the world of woman hood and can honestly say how toxic it was to be there, from being seggsually harassed by men to being emotionally manipulated by women all on the daily, it's mindboggling how I even lasted this long. In my experience, being a "male" or masculine INFP is far easier (at least at the age of 32) than being female or feminine presenting, as long as people don't pick up on your feminine undertones and use it to manipulate you.

[@vondelpete]

Thanks for sharing your experience, that is a unique experience to have! I like how you said 'thank God' with your INTP younger brother haha, I wish I had an INTP brother myself. It's good to see this perspective too, and the actual easier parts of being a 'male' INFP and what it was actually like for you in the world of womanhood.

[@lifestoryguy]

You make a lot more sense than you realise.

[@vondelpete]

This is reassuring, thank you :)

[@Michel-Amazonas]

I'm infp female🌈🙏👽

[@whitewaterdragon]

What happens with infp female is the other females 2 things 1st not usually liking the typical girly things and more so liking the typical guy hobbies along with being honest about feelings a lot of guys can talk with them easier about their own hobbies and feelings. Meanwhile being completely obvious to the other girls thoughts the infp just has a normal conversation with a stranger while the other girls get jealous and assume they're with 5+ guys at the same time or trying to steal someone's man. 2nd infp female showing emotions easily and honesty, the other females take it as some type of scheming to get ahead or get flavors with whoever is higher up the society chain. Again infp is completely oblivious to this as they are just being themselves. 3rd probably just a general infp thing others are scared of infp because they find it easy and are happy being themselves while others struggle and find it hard to do. (if they just did though most of them are amazing people and they usually excel in other areas where infp lacks)

[@vondelpete]

You know this is something I keep hearing and seeing, other girls being jealous of INFPs and thinking they're seeing multiple guys at once or trying to steal someone. I think especially since I often get on so well with INFP females, people immediately jump to conclusions with them - like I'm some sort of victim to them! Thanks for your comment and sharing your experience!

[@alisonfisher1877]

This sucks but I doubt anyone would disagree- for a female it’s going to largely depend on how attractive you are. Yeah, yeah with men too, but more for girls especially regarding first impressions. I lucked out and haven’t had to worry too much about how I look but I do have some (slight) vanity issues, maybe. When is was in my early twenties I used to worry about falling apart when I got old. Life would be too difficult if I no longer had that ease and grace in life that comes from society trying to please you all the time without having to ask. (Omg cringe I know but I was young). I know myself better now and don’t worry about it because looks can’t replace substance. Im in a great committed relationship but I really enjoy being physically alone so much and looks have nothing to do with that. Does it seem self-indulgent to say I am my best friend? Idk, Idc, it’s cool.

[@vondelpete]

Eh, I think it's great to say that you're your best friend. :) Attractiveness definitely does have a LOT to do with it, yes, and how people are going to treat you. It might be a bit odd with INFPs here, and their discomfort with the sensory world sometimes? It took me a long time to get comfortable wearing anything fashionable because I thought being attractive at all would be 'selling out' - then I realised people treated me better and I guess I did that pact with the devil and bought a nice shirt 😂 Thank you for the comment!

[@daddy8518]

I’m an INFP transguy and let me tell you lmao, gender dynamics are crazy. Anyway you are gorgeous and fun to listen to. I think you LOOK like an INFP.

[@vondelpete]

Aw thank you so much. Yes you must really know about gender dynamics, I think I've barely scratched the surface!

[@letsreadtextbook1687]

As a female INFP my problem was that I'm not naturally feminine enough lol

[@vondelpete]

Lol I think with all INFPs, gender conformity just seems a bit pointless...

[@svetiilija4666]

you look like a bouncer!!! make the test one more time lol

[@vondelpete]

Nobody has ever told me I look like a bouncer lol

[@wafasosal5317]

Female infp , IT IS a joy not to fit in , most of the time .😂

[@vondelpete]

Yes….not always actually 😅

[@RS-td5bv]

Thank you for this video! It is pretty interesting to me to know how the life of INFP males goes, you guys are the best to make people laugh.😁 As a child/teenager INFP female .. I didn't embrace my Fi Ne self completely, except for daydreaming, creating and breaking the rules! On the other hand I mirrored some ESTJ/ENFJ sides around people. Could that be true? Idk 🤣 Would I have survived as a pure INFP? I think not. 🥲 People disliking me wasn't a problem, and I didn't care even when it happened at times, actually there were specific people where I preferred when they hated me, because it made it easier to fight them, haha.

[@vondelpete]

It sounds like you did enough with your Fi/Ne as a teenager! I think as a child and teenager and young adult especially, it's very important to grow all of those other functions...which I think happens naturally. An INFP who doesn't embrace their ENFJ or ESTJ...or ISTJ sides or whatever...is in a lot of trouble I think! But I love the sound of a 'pure INFP', I'm sure they exist :)

[@MarlenaFontanella]

I don't know if it's because I'm an infp myself, but you're so coool 🥹

[@vondelpete]

Thank you so much, you're so cool too! I have found in the past years that INFPs seem to find me cool and other types, well, mainly less cool. Sometimes I wonder if this channel is making me alter my persona to become more INFP than I used to be haha - which really means, I've learned to show vulnerability more than I used to. I think that may be it :)