How Trauma Breeds Mistrust and Learning to Trust Again - Complex Trauma Prisons

[@TimFletcher]

💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.

[@Deheck-b3p]

I feel like so many of us are just spending the whole life healing painful wounds that people around us didn’t intend to inflict but happened unfortunately regardless. I appreciate the content by Tim as it gives me hope, but at the same time feeling sad as there are just so many broken souls in this world including myself who wishes to get out of this lifelong battle

[@artluvr6170]

So well said. Thank you.

[@Addy-1636]

Very well put indeed

[@KarmaChameleon_6]

Many wanted to inflict the pain

[@Connecting2nature]

Trust is essential to a healthy, meaningful and satisfying life.

[@dreamstateshealing]

This is so accurate it had me in tears and I’ve been in recovery and with a therapist for a decade. Thank you.

[@monacaensam9465]

I SO wish I could talk to this man. He is someone who could actually /get/ how bad my personal world is. So few therapists truly grok a client.

[@thegreenwoodelf8014]

You can only be betrayed by someone you trust

[@DesiresAttackVirtues]

If Tim made a book for children/YA to help navigate traumatic experiences with his sy/empathetic explanations if would be so world changing. Nothing overtly complicated, but just "you didn't start the process but you can end it" gives so much meaning to those who felt hopeless as children.

[@Natty183]

Yes. I love this.

[@robertaturk]

My approach to trust is to assume that everybody has wounds of some kind - unhealthy patterns and to look for them - even if it doesn’t effect me directly. Then think about how I am going to engage with them when they are stuck. Also I have developed the terms of what it takes to be in relationship with me. If they don’t meet my standards I choose not to be in relationship with them. I sent someone an information text. She did drama Queen put down response. I said that was not acceptable to me. She said she was free to talk anyway she wanted to. I said yes, but not with me. So anticipate people have stuff, be prepared to work it out (each person has a 50% vote) or move on. Work it out with the goal to understand each other better.

[@rookkun8205]

The commitment to truth and healthiness was so important for me to hear. Thank you

[@kiwicatnip]

Tim I have so much respect for you. Your videos stand out in a big way bc you make it a point to represent every situation. Not just the “obviously” traumatic experiences. The people with less obvious or blatant trauma(psychological or emotional, narcissistic, non-physical) often live a life feeling invisible and unseen but still struggling with severe psychological and physical symptoms not knowing wtf caused them. Often being undermined or dismissed by people who have experienced more overt trauma. Thank you for representing everybody.

[@carrietoponce-moore2698]

Hello Tim, I think you’re an outstanding Teacher!! I really appreciate your calm demeanor, knowledge and thoroughness of subjects you share on. 💓

[@michellebechard3457]

You are a godsend, thank you so much!

[@GiftsAmimalsGiveUs]

This was really great it's sad because most of everything on this video I experience. I love the "You didn't start this process but your the one that can end it." It is so hard to see a light at the end of so many tunnels.

[@cindylou82kingdom36]

This was amazing!!! This is a present concern but I didn’t understand all of the components. You did an excellent job of explaining all of this. Thank you so very much!

[@Car-dash-Ian]

Oh no Tim have you been spying on my family for the 50 plus years!! This makes so much sense to me at 60 years of age

[@rosaferreira7946]

Thank u so much for all this content. You are the only one on u tube that has this type of content. All this makes sense I thought I was wacko and I didn't know why, comes from childhood.. couldn't be more true..God bless

[@EricaSwitzer]

Despite going to years of therapist sessions and reading countless self-help books, hearing Tim address these life traps and call them out then tell us what to do about it brings me so much healing

[@lillian3890]

I feel so exposed and weirdly ashamed that, that is actually who i am.

[@fatherburning358]

Your not alone in this 🤍 it's OK 🙏

[@bakmatyas9214]

U r not alone i feel the same

[@lillian3890]

I've just realised how much this resonates with me. And the only parent i can think of that did that to me is my mother. Its painfully obvious my mother didn't love me growing up because of how differently she treats my son;being affectionate, patient, favouring him over the other grandkids,etc. She routinely picks up my son every week to spend the weekends with him even though they live 40+ mins away from my place. It's hard to see how differently she treats my son compared to how she treated me because i never got a glimpse of her loving, motherly side ever. And she used to say that my son looked more like his father rather than me which makes me believe that she still doesn't think im good enough and is grateful my son looks like his handsome, light-skinned dad.

[@inkkie7]

That just sucks as its ongoing all the time… but i applaud you for being big-hearted enough to allow your son to enjoy his time with grandma. And do believe that you are indeed lovable & worthy in spite of the insecurities of your mother. There are many who grew up unloved & even abused but who forgave & moved on to better lives. Those who can’t forgive live vicious cycles of family iniquity.

[@alexxx4434]

@@inkkie7 Forgivness is not the cure. It's but an aftermath of healing.

[@artandculture5262]

They enjoy that. I recently figured out that they enjoy it.

[@janetklumper6048]

My mother didn't love me but she also don't love her grandchildren😢

[@robertaturk]

Looks like She hurt you when she didn’t show love for you And now She has the pleasure of sticking the knife in and turning it. If or when you show pain - she will get her kicks in. If you heal this wound - it will not hurt you or be an issue for you and all her gyrations will be for not. What’s a good way for you to heal this wound so you can laugh at her fruitless efforts?

[@UserName911-km6gl]

Tim Fletcher : You are a god send. Sadly, I don't have the money right now for a channel membership, but I hope in the future I cand spend ypu that little in these hard times! Keep it up the good work lads!

[@mariajuliapilz1995]

The worst part is not knowing how to be different...

[@rafeeqwarfield9690]

Therapy would be ideal. But, at the least, finding people you can confide in. If not that, journaling, learning to trust yourself with your secrets

[@xxxx4726]

@mariejuliapilz1995 3 weeks ago, I started attending weekly in-person Celebrate Recovery (Christ centered) meeting(s) for hurts, hang-ups & habits. I have found community to be helpful in my healing process.

[@Natty183]

I just realized I experienced a few things lately that weren't real or weren't as bad as I could have sworn they were, they were my perception based on the patterns of mistrust, confusion and constant nervous system activation... I just feel defeated and exhausted...

[@Natty183]

​@@rafeeqwarfield9690Thank you. I've got an empty notebook but I've been stalling...

[@xxxx4726]

@@rafeeqwarfield9690 I never looked at journalling as learning to trust myself with my secrets. Thank you for that!

[@T-BoneTribe]

Wow, this is so eye opening. Thank you for all of the information on your channel that you put out for us. It truly changes lives and relationships! ❤️🙏❤️

[@jilross4892]

Most folks will not wait for months or years until you trust them. I would not either

[@lindsay5305]

Great talk. Would like to hear more about the solution. Thank you

[@jrr2045]

Parent -child chronic abuse definitely does cause cptsd. But let's not forget that people who have been in long term romantic relationships or are abused over several years by a sibling, or another close, important person can also get cptsd. Soul crushing, lomg term abuse will produce the same result. Cptsd isn't exclusively a childhood trauma response

[@XenaGem]

This is truly appreciated. Thank you so much.

[@richardgreen62]

Sounds like many of our life's have been difficult.when trust as been broken by many its challenging to drop your guard

[@PeggyWereta]

Thank you so much Tim . I appreciate your wisdom.

[@mfarrell2992]

Spot on!! Thanks for the insight, Tim.👍👍

[@koi8545]

You saved my life with this one 🎉

[@Daisy-nn9jw]

He’s amazing, everything he said is 100% accurate! Thank you for your help 🙏🏻

[@Respawn-TM]

I feel like people must go to a psychologist or therapist to see if they are capable to have children because there are alot of dysfunctional families and people who think they are ready to hv children just because they have the money whilst money is not the most important factor to hv children.

[@bingoandtoto]

if they could think of going to the therapist or think of their own trauma, they are no long narcissists. Narcissists never intend to look into their own wounds, rather, they choose to project their negative feelings on others, yes, their children who are definitely weaker than them. So, human should admit what the evil is, and that is not that uncommon in humans. Traumatising is not a fault, not an evil either, but there are some type of people who choose to destroy to relieve their pain from their traumatized childhood. That Is the evil, and it is not that simple with some fairy tales.

[@rbb6892]

My head swirls and my mind recognizes the truth as being absolute. My recovery has been ongoing for 16 years. I wish I knew this from the onset. Only God knows where I could’ve been now.

[@ji0_11]

Thank you for this, it's super helpful

[@thenewyorkcitizen]

Incredible video. Thank you.

[@chrisgibson6945]

I so appreciate all your videos!!! Thank you

[@lizwilliamson8332]

Really helpful video - it makes total sense. Thank you 🙏

[@ChooseTruthAlways]

All you describe in this talk has been mine and my brothers experience. My mother had mental health issues my father fleed from her explosive rage and physical agression which in turn she blamed us little kids for. He tried to divorce her but her rage escalated. She would frequently bring in big kitchen knives other times a gun my father had she got a hold of and threatened to kill him and or kill herself she always did this in front of us. We'd get desperate trying to stop her. Or separate them. But the terror was her way of getting her demands met. (I now understand my father was a codependent that's why he didn't follow with his decision for the divorce) . She would then also threaten us for talking to our father. She would humiliate us little kids in every sort of way she thought, severe verbal abuse. She would lock us outside, once she even through my clothes out the window I was about 8 years old, because I spoke to my father. She ordered us to choose who s side we were on and if the slightest suspicion of us being on our father's side, then all of hell would be poured on us, she would also relieve her anger in beating us when our father wasn't there. Our childhood was like a chamber of fear.

[@InfiniteMindset99]

3 minutes in - Brilliant explanation!

[@keithboyer3908]

This is the big one.

[@louisecampbell2628]

Number 6. Describes me perfectly!!😢

[@Ngan.marianguyen]

My stupid untrustworthy, irresponsible mom always made "plans" w me then never followed thru last minute and then called me disrespectful when i got mad/upset. She NEVER changes. I wish i can escape this stupid life and live on my own tbh😢😢

[@Eyuel29]

Could it be related with childhood friends, other than parents? great video.

[@lonefaolan6042]

This hurt to listen too. I seriously doubt there is someone who is fully safe and trustworthy - such a rare person nowadays. I don’t see the point anymore.

[@susie5254]

I'm so sorry you feel this way, not being able to trust anyone. Is it possible that if you had more defined boundaries, there might be a few people you could trust?

[@edwardabbey1998]

Thank you for your work. Just a suggestion, the mic sounds a bit 'hot' or overdriven (appears a bit loud). Is it a newer mic? It does sound clear, high quality, just seems you either need to set it a bit away from you or lower the audio level.

[@ursalaminor8457]

How do you change that prison? Just get in line and pay.

[@albatjay6841]

Good morning sir , please in the first place I trust myself in many ways . I don't know what is running through your mind but for one I trust myself for example in taking care of my children, because I have been talking care of them greatly in the pasted . Also there are many other ares were I trust myself .

[@neveragain733]

At age 62 my former spouse caused to to develop cptsd. I now see the fact i no longer trust people.

[@fewtch2273]

Boy did this one stress me the hell out, phew

[@albatjay6841]

I think I now what you are trying to know it is about the addictional lies people place in my procedure or messages they were listening to when they were tracking me when I was in my formal house . Which they ought not to have done in the first place . They did it behind my back . Now I see , please if you have enough time I will answer all of your questions . Please bear with me if its possible I will even go over your video again after watching it for better understanding. And all the truth will be told . Thanks

[@albatjay6841]

How can you say that ? That some one from my family say I should not trust anybody. Where do you get some of this build up information ?

[@brandonmcniel971]

I believe ads shouldn't be put on mental health channels and still get money for the cause. It breaks focus and I understand it I just wish it wasn't this way.

[@albatjay6841]

The second question the answer is number three (3) .

[@lalaland3928]

Yes this is me I don’t have many bc I have trust issues from every person every human being And I do feel more connected to animals mostly cats

[@albatjay6841]

Sorry for the few errors I dont think I can retreate back my sentences for editing / corrections for some reason .

[@albatjay6841]

If a person says told that you should trust no one must it comes from your family ? What is this ? Oh yes one of my friend in my formal organization told me I should trust no one especially when it comes to friendship relationship because a friend has betrayal my trust . So that was are own thought concerning my situation and are advised . Was that a bad thing, I don't think so . Whosoever lie to you should not be trusted or whatever . That's it .

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

26:30 shaddenfreude

[@moonshineonme75013]

4:31

[@albatjay6841]

When it comes to my status procedure there were not all this kind of involvement. Why now people are making things complex for us , me and my children all because of money . That is not fear . Even though money is very important but it is not everything in life and it should not be that way .

[@albatjay6841]

This question about parents , who exactly are you talking about ? Inother wards which parent are you referring to from this video ? Please can I know in another videos if not this . Again this repeated question . About trust , it is simply as this example : if you want me to trust you behavior accordingly . In a way you will want tobe trusted . That it . I can only distrust a person when you have given the cause to . Or if you are a suspect on any matter or situation .

[@albatjay6841]

Sorry I didn't know what is happening in the background I am trying to correction my sentence but there is a freeze pane .

[@GloriaWatkins-c2u]

Promise wow hefty desperation final seal

[@MorganDakota]

Living with narcissist. Following your guidance. Are these people evil in God's eyes.?

[@alexxx4434]

Why to get healthy in a sick world?

[@bingoandtoto]

same, the trust was the main cause for me to get victimized, so It`d be better trust other world, not human society.

[@aleah4610]

😭😭😭

[@natalie77867]

Yep. I was 13th stepped in my recovery group - I have left the group and it has compounded my trust issues. It's an important message Tim shares - 12-Step groups are full of unhealthy people. Be very careful ❤

[@albatjay6841]

I can say 4 is the answer for me . Question , do I have thos prison in my life ? Number four my answer not really

[@albatjay6841]

That is not a trust worddy person .

[@albatjay6841]

Reputative distrust will end up bringing untrustwardiness .

[@Myopiniononly]

After listening to some of your KZbin clips there must not be one single person on this planet who doesn’t have a issue you completely put a negative attitude towards every person that goes through every day life tell everyone stay single stay to your self don’t have children enjoy yourself only ,,,,, life is hard and people have to adjust and deal with thier own situation you put everyone in a group and try to solve the problem when in reality it’s the most individuals that have to work it out not from your way of thought same promblem difference solutions

[@Kerhkehr]

PROJECTION

[@GloriaWatkins-c2u]

Pretty beaton up last place. Um much went belp was help poster paist whatever dangerous multifaceted highly nosey unaware treacherous tool by storm regret me dormat 23 in church no long term relationship. Total life makeover. To family spun many facet. Very painful

[@ursalaminor8457]

Even the recording equipment seems to be separating you from us… putting us off. Where are the circle minded nature people? Did they all die out? No wonder the culture is so sick.. it’s fully mental as in electronic, isolationist, elitist, hierarchy oriented judgement chambers where there were once caring humans who recognized each other. Good by truly happy humans good luck 🍀 finding that fun world. 🏖️

[@GloriaWatkins-c2u]

After ya recieve a platform all content creators first appear sincere attentive very assureing. Then like share. See what happens ater dysected behaviour tested the rise in levis starts. Then contempt gottcha see told ya so . I got help started with um caps website big this 2 yrs ago.over bit. Had to put wash cloth ketchup on smear campains badinsidious language. Had to leave . Bear was too much .pop up while watching something came up shocked excilliation. Then damage started again. Nothing to do i not do nothing damage.

[@GloriaWatkins-c2u]

You mean ignores you. Thats pride um so use it intiled . No amount of reflection What a ya going to do family favorite. Pain pretending bad acting exhaustion of denial how much . So basically i had other families when growing up. Um take it in stride. Yip thats a biggie

[@GloriaWatkins-c2u]

And believe me halmark pay off herndeous. I you then develop perfectionizm to point no wrong doing because pain of character so tested. Um bases is robed. Masking it during fights whats wrong to you dont believe me... Back to childhood your being honest parent not believe. When forced persuation lied parents then believed. I no why lying what againt my personality. Not believed making a logical point is envy jealous people i assesst it to . So downsize personality to quiet observeing. Left out voing somewhere anywhere bye

[@noelgillett346]

blah blah blah, such a vast amount of speculative yammer. most of it is pure B.S. and yet the voice of certitude persists. and so it goes.

[@noelgillett346]

hogwash.