Told My Godchild He Doesn't Have To Call Step-Dad His "Dad", His Mom Says I'm Brainwashing Him

[@grizbear4115]

If a stepparent feels threatened by a child for not calling them mom or dad, they aren't stepparent material

[@thetasigma5835]

As a step-dad, I totally agree.

[@danacarter9147]

@@melodyharpole8272 Pretty soon, when the mother looks at pics of her son with his girlfriend and newborn baby in the delivery room, him showing off his GED certificate, and him with girlfriend, their baby, and his replacement family (his girlfriend's father stepmother, his new friends, and his therapist) on his wedding/18th birthday day, she's going to wonder why he left her out of those important moments, and included his bio-dad and 1st OP, instead; not only that, she'll also wonder why he went total NC with her (why he won't visit, call, text, or even facetime her).

[@stillvisibletoallusers]

As a step-mum, completely agree.

[@existinginaspace8347]

That's a mild crock of shit. I don't know a single step parant who wouldn't prefer being referred to as dad. Being called by your name instead will make you feel like less of a person even if your trying your best.

[@HackiePuffs]

What was going on in the mind of that ESH person?? The kid came to OP for advice and support what was he supposed to just not do anything and “take it up with his mom”?? Most likely he went to OP because he wanted talk to someone that wasn’t his mom or stepdad. Also advice that contradicts what his mom is telling him?? She is actively ignoring her kid and making him feel unappreciated and funny how your own opinion contradicts theirs. Edit after update: haha wonder how the ESH and YTA commenters feel now 😝

[@onnas5610]

And technically we all overstep everyday when a minor comes on to reddit seeking advice so...... I don't know how they didn't see the hypocrisy with that esh. I hope someone pointed that out to them in a reply.

[@brigidtheirish]

They might not have read the update considering they apparently didn't read the original post.

[@SkyEcho751]

@@onnas5610 Oh it's simple, the commenter has the same attitude as the Ex-BF/step-father. Believing parents know better and they would likely also enforce a similar rule if they got step-children.

[@taminkaduckson9811]

I'm sorry but you started dating last year and y'all are already living together. Moving way to fast.

[@bethanntay]

@Taminka Duckson so.... Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. Just like people who take their time.

[@RockinTheBassGuitar]

Holy cow! My husband's idea of "keeping tabs" on me is asking "hey, how was your day today? Did anything interesting happen?" if he was invasive I would flip out.

[@MalachioftheForest]

I hate that the guy in the last story turned out to be an ass. The children telling their father about "Jon" is so god damn sweet I started tearing up.

[@peregreena9046]

I'd call it "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me" syndrome.

[@ilbercgross4736]

Jon is the arsehole however I understand where he comes from. Jon feels like he is competing with a ghost. The children have a monthly thing going to the grave. Does Jon have something special with the children? He did not sound like a controlling person or a bad person and the children really like him. If he did go to the grave, the children would talk and being 6yo, they would want Jon to talk also. What would Jon say? "Thanks for dying so i can take over the family" ? OP is not making Jon compete with a ghost, Jon is not competing with a ghost, but Jon might feel like he being forced to compete with a ghost. Late husband with always be brought up and always in an extremely good way. I good on and on about how Jon might feel or think. I believe the simplest solution would to have a monthly thing with Jon and the children. Jon knows the monthly visits will slow to every other month and get farther apart but he might feel like it. Knowing and feeling do not always agree and a lot of times feeling overrides knowing. Jon is the arsehole for how he is working through this.

[@BlueSkyBS]

Story 1 Update: "She kicked him out and canceled the wedding". I actually shouted "YES!" when this came up. So satisfying to hear. Story 3: Oh god, yet another fragile, insincere little man with toxic, controlling insecurity. I hope she also kicks him out and cancels everything.

[@sazzaxeight3124]

Good on 1st story mum realising she attracted another psycho and cutting him out instead of falling back into another abusive situation! Some people never find a way to escape these kinds of cycles of dating toxic types so it's nice to see she found her strength after the first nightmare.

[@WobblesandBean]

Ten bucks says she's just going to do it again with the next guy.

[@sazzaxeight3124]

@@WobblesandBean god i hope not...

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

She really does seem to have a type...

[@sazzaxeight3124]

@@slytherinlibrarian3501 not so much that SHE has a type it's more about predators being able to sniff out easy prey.

[@rogueshark23]

@@sazzaxeight3124 she just needs to take of the rose color glasses to see red flags.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I'm glad the mom is in counseling. It sounds like she keeps getting with the same guy in different skin. She needs to work through this, so she can break this bad relationship habits

[@LunarisArts]

A curse is only valid if the cursed believes it... it sounds like that mother had an underlying thought similar to a curse in regards to partners. Sometimes you need a witchdoctor. Sometimes you need a therapist. But they are the same in helping you break the "curse". A friend of mine confessed in a 4am drunken stupor that she thought she deserved her lack of love due to a "curse" her uncle put on her. I like to think I was a mix of a therapist an witchdoctor: I let her talk, cry pour her heart out, and I tried to replace her curse in her mind. I told her I am an eater of curses (drunk bs but it felt righ there and then) and had a "session" where I absorbed her "curse". She felt better going to bed. A year later, she has found a good man, with whom she bought an apartment. I need to ask her of this soon. Did our 4am session help her.

[@brigidtheirish]

She needs to work on believing her son, too, instead of instantly siding with whatever man she's sleeping with. She didn't even let the poor kid tell his side of the story before grounding him and lashing out at OP!

[@llcdrdndgrbd]

@@LunarisArts trauma is kind of like a curse It’s passed through generations

[@Iflie]

This sort of guy tends to lovebomb so she may be sensitive to that. Not trusting your kids over him is a giant red flag on her priorities, hopefully they will ferret that one out in therapy.

[@Bathorite]

Identifying people by steps is something people can pick up from a number of causes but one of them is an abuse coping mechanism.

[@jamisonosborne]

Story 1: NTA My father married my stepmother when I was 15. That was three years after my mother died of cancer. My stepmom never pushed me to call her mom, I used her first name instead. It took more than 15 years, but I now refer to her as "mom". She is even listed as "Mom" in my contacts. I saw her as a mother before that, but it took a lot of soul searching and personal growth to get to the point where it "felt right" actually calling her mom. You can't force these things, not in others and not in yourself.

[@DrawciaGleam02]

I agree. With that said, however, I think that there are a small amount of scenarios where a child will have to accept someone else as the main parental figure instead of the bio parent. A redditor wrote that her daughter's bio father SA'd her, and her daughter was the product of that. Well daughter found bio-dad and wanted him at the wedding. Redditor said no and told her daughter what happened between her and him all those years ago. Guess what happened? Daughter ACTUALLY TRIES TO FORCE AN INTERVENTION on the mother so she can get over her trauma. Well, fiancé of daughter called off the wedding and the step-siblings of disowned the daughter (alongside a good chunk of the family). What I described above is one of the RARE cases where a step-parent should be called mom/dad. I believe the story is here on youtube, but the name of the video escapes me right now. I hope I don't offend anyone with this post.

[@dianasmith8248]

Story one: Good on The mom for realizing the truth before she married him. It seems like certain people just attract the same kind of person. My best friend for years attracted losers that brought nothing to her life and her children’s lives, this also included Her ex-husband who happens to be the father of her children. She finally found a good, regular solid person. He’s not without his faults but he is open and honest about everything. So hopefully the mom in OPs story can eventually get to that point as well.

[@LillyianPuppy]

These step parents are really screwing themselves over. Imagine giving up the gift of being called Mom or Dad for the first time because your kid has fully embraced you and loves you in that role, just bc you'd rather demand that they call you buy a title. SMH so sad.

[@brandygiovinazzi3460]

Story #2: I have to go with no one sucks in this based off of the info provided. Sounds like the wife is still grieving her mother's passing and possibly feeling like if her mother can't be there OP's shouldn't be either. Yes this is absolutely possible especially if you take into account that she's grieving and could be dealing with PPD at the same time. The wife needs professional help in my opinion and I can't blame OP for not realizing that his wife needs some help mentally as well as physically, yes he does the house work to give her a break but that only covers the physical needs in her healing process. They're both new parents stumbling through as best they can and very likely she doesn't know what's going on anymore that OP. He just knows she's had her family over but got mad when he allowed his mother to come over without knowing what could be going on inside of his wife that's causing the issue as he's not a mind reader or an empath. Fact of the matter is she may not be able to explain what's going on even if she tried cause of the avalanche of emotion and hormones rolling down upon her. I truly believe she needs help with her grief and possible PPD as well as them needing a marriage counselor to help them learn to communicate, rather than shutting down or fighting cause they've not talked things out properly, in such a way as to be productive in their relationship. So once again, no I can't say anyone is a butt in this situation.

[@minecraftmum3436]

This is a really good take on the situation I think. When my mum died it was quite traumatic and afterwards I ended up cutting myself off from her side of the family as they all reminded me of her and the hurt was so real it was real pain. Even today at nearly 20 years later I still find it hard though if anyone is going through something like this I can say you do end up with far more good days than bad days. Grief is a strange thing to live with and counselling really does help

[@brandygiovinazzi3460]

@@minecraftmum3436 I lost my Bio mother in 2014. I still have bad days... mainly her birthday, death anniversary, Mother's Day and her favorite holiday are the hardest at this point but my kids presence help me stay focused on moving forward. My sisers and I toast those days in memory of Mama's life but unfortunately just this past year our middle siser lost her life to a drunk driver and we've added her birthday and death anniversary to the list of toasts in remembrance. We don't get drunk but we do toast them and their impact on our lives. Grieving happens differently for everyone. Our midnight toasts help us with ours as even though we live hours apart we're still together on video call for a time to talk and support each other before and after the toasts. My little siser (victim of the drunk driver) had her last child a month after Mama's passing and baby siser also had her first child less than a year after Mama's passing. Having been there with them to help them through all of the emotional, mental and physical concerns that arose from all of it combining gives me a more personal grasp of grieving the loss of a parent before, during and after childbirth. I really feel for the OP and wife as this is a difficult situation. I'm sorry for your loss as well no matter how long ago it was.

[@stuporspoon]

Also, around the 2-3 week mark post birth is when I got SLAMMED by PPD. It was sudden, and completely brutal, like every happy chemical in me just decided to up and leave overnight. I nearly ended up in a psych unit, but fortunately balanced out by 4-5 weeks. Three weeks post is a very baaaaad time to be "surprising" a new mom with visitors.

[@bettreon]

Then she shouldn't have invited her sisters either.

[@julnjus]

Story 2: Sounds like wife is trying to keep MIL away from baby out of some misguided guilt that her late mother can longer have the same privileges with baby. I doubt very much she would have allowed OP to take the baby to see MIL. I do agree that he should have told her first that he was going to invite MIL over instead as a surprise (in case I’m wrong)

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

It seems to me like the mom was actually overstepping tbh

[@julnjus]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt by wanting to see her grandchild? What grandma doesn’t want to see their newborn grandchild? I’m what way did she overstep?

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

@@julnjus I said she might be overstepped dude stop acting all butthurt. She knows how traumatic childbirth is yet decided that the "I don't want to be around others" doesn't apply to her

[@julnjus]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt first the “butthurt” insult was childish and unnecessary. I simply asked for an explanation to try to understand where you were coming from. To your point the “I don’t want anyone around” rule is BS because her family was allowed to visit.

[@emilyclarck5943]

@@lovelysakurapetalsyt but she was around others….

[@brandygiovinazzi3460]

Story #3: I personally feel OP needs to get into counseling with her kids regardless of what else she does. This man has been in their lives for a while now from the sound of it and regardless of whether she stays with him or not it will have an impact on them mentally and emotionally. I personally would leave the guy but that's OP's call not mine and I respect the rights of others to make their own decisions regardless of my own views, just as I expect others to respect my decisions even if they feel they are bad ones. If she stays I can only hope she remains as vigilant in protecting her kids as she has been and safeguards their future in case thing go very badly so that they can get out fast and stay safe.

[@Steampunkkids]

Well said!

[@patricia1333]

Not to sound sarcastic regarding visiting the grave - but that hope-he’s-stb-ex-fiancé is an idiot. Never try to compete against a dead person. He absolutely needs to support OP in this - it’s a noninvasive form of therapy, talking to the one you love who passed. My Nana’s grave is very far away, but I have a portrait of her in my room that I touch each day. Sometimes I will say a little word to her. I also wear a necklace that has ‘love’ in her handwriting. Feels like I kind of have a hotline to her in heaven when I wear it. Same principle though.

[@DrawciaGleam02]

I agree. But I've also seen one or two stories where a widow put their deceased partner on a pedestal and makes new partners have to live up to the ideal of the deceased partner. It's a mess either way.

[@SH-qs7ee]

I also hate the way John talked about it, as though the late husband chose to die of cancer, and he's the kids dads now. No he isn't; he is the kids father figure, not their dad.

[@Heisntthesun-youare]

Story 1: NTA. As someone who was forced to call my stepfather “dad” after being promised I would never be forced to do it I can firmly say no child should ever be forced to call a step parent mom or dad. I resented my mother for a long time because of this. The day I turned 18 I started calling him by his first name again. I let them both know I felt uncomfortable every single time I called him dad. It felt fake and like dirt in my mouth. They later divorced but are still friends. I’m 33 now and still call him by his first name.

[@loris1620]

Last story: any time someone "flips a switch " after engagement, DO NOT MARRY THEM. It means they were hiding their true self until they got you. Now that you belong to them, they will get abusive. It's a form of manipulation to make you feel safe. Sometimes they don't switch until right after the wedding, which makes getting out even harder.

[@megshells]

wish i could like this 1000 times.

[@shawnesmith5364]

And to add on to it does anyone else find it suspicious and ma major red flag that he want to marry her after just a year of knowing each other, and her husband had just died like less then two years ago.

[@shawnesmith5364]

Something makes me wonder if he might have pressured her into a relationship. Everything felt like it was moving two fast, even before the switch.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 1: *NTA* A stepparent being called Mom/Dad is something that needs to be earned. Not something they are entitled to. If I become a stepmom and my step kid is not comfortable using that title or just doesn’t want to because they have their bio mom active in their life I’m not going to care. Trying to force your step kid to refer to you as one of those titles or even bonus Dad/bonus Mom is messed up. Honestly being a stepparent you should be more concerned on having some type of positive relationship with your stepkid instead of automatically demanding to be called Mom/Dad. ATU: Stepdad is a controlling POS STORY 3: *NTA* John needs to step off. Sure OP doesn’t “need“ to waste her heart on a deadman, but the kids like visiting their fathers graves. They should have to stop doing that because future stepdad doesn’t like it. He’s not “their Dad now” he’s a stepfather and he’s not going to replace the father these kids had. It doesn’t matter if the kids only had their bio dad in their life for a couple years or he died before they were born, they are still allowed to have that attachment. Imagine being so insecure you feel like you’re in a competition with a dead person…. I would honestly consider going through with the wedding.

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: NTA, if she is inviting people over to visit, then you can too. Unless your mom has been a psycho (which from your description she hasn't), there is no reason not to have her over.

[@eevee9272]

I thought I was super sweet that the kids in the last story told their dad about the new guy. It showed that they care for both of them and while they might not call him dad they did see him as a respectable figure. And then the guy had to be a major jerk, op totally needs to look at those warning signs

[@Russian_guy321]

On the new parents just saying if he don't get to invite anyone why should she invite anyone sisters included in the first 3 months communication is HUGE

[@brigidtheirish]

He doesn't get to invite anyone *without consulting her first.* I'm betting the SILs showing up wasn't a surprise to him. Also, his wife *just gave birth.* Having guests over can be stressful even if you aren't taking care of them. The wife wanted her sisters there as moral support. We don't know if OP's mom would help or boss the wife around.

[@Russian_guy321]

@@brigidtheirish if he doesn't get to invite anyone without consulting her she shouldn't either

[@clownrat5759]

@@Russian_guy321 And that’s what they fucking said. Use your eyes and read. “I’m betting the SILs visits weren’t a surprise to him”. And I’m sure they weren’t. I’m taking a “wild”(read as LIKELY SCENARIO) assumption that OP’s wife doesn’t get along with MIL as well as he suggests, hence why he lied by omission to his WIFE who JUST PUSHED A CHILD THROUGH HER VAGINA MIND YOU, about her visit. Plus, a short hour or two visit to meet the baby is EXTREMELY different from a day long stay with a woman you don’t know well.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@Russian_guy321 *He's* not the one who just pushed a watermelon through a hole the size of a quarter. Besides, as I said, we don't know that she *didn't* consult him about her sisters coming.

[@taurus3alexis]

Both of my parents got remarried when I was young. Know my ex step father since I was 4 and known my step mom since 7. Im 32 and have NEVER called them mom or dad, but by their first name. I have parents, a mom and a dad. To me those titles will never be replaced to strangers that get brought in

[@geckokid8265]

Story 1: on the KZbin channel Cinema Therapy one of the hosts (who's a therapist) is a step dad and he said to one of his step kids "what do you want to call me" and the kid basically said "well you're my Johnno" so that's what he calls him. I do recommend giving them a watch

[@locusxe1411]

Unpopular opinion but Story 2 NTA. All the YTA comments baffled me and were just genuinely being idiotic. It’s Ops baby just as much as it is the wife’s. She allowed her sisters to come over and see the baby but Ops mother isn’t allowed to? I know she birthed the baby and all but at the end of the day, it’s Ops child just as much as it is yours.

[@TsukiKageTora]

People always coddle up to the women. Men don’t matter in their eyes… But they don’t realize without him the baby doesn’t exist. Without MIL, the husband doesn’t exist and thus the baby doesn’t exist. It’s like just because it grows in the body means they get to say who gets to see the baby or not.

[@vanzy01]

Op mom have every right to be there just as much as the wife's sister. It's his kid too A lot of people tend to forget that. if she thought the mother-in-law overstayed her welcome she should have spoke up and said something. NAH

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@vanzy01 that’s what I said. Speak up otherwise people won’t know

[@pansprayers]

@@TsukiKageTora well, there's several factually incorrect statements - including the one where you assume that if he wasn't there there wouldn't be a baby - you've made, but the bottom line is that you don't spring visitors into a three week post partum woman. Two yeses, one no. Until you've gone through the trauma of giving birth, and healing from it, you don't get an opinion, and even then, you only get to voice a request, not force it. Three week old infants and post partum women don't need to be exposed to a slew of people anyway. That's how they get exposed to viruses that can kill them.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@pansprayers so she breaks her rule and you congratulate her because she gave birth. She risked health of baby for sisters, but not one person on OP’s side of the family. You for fuck sure know if her mother was alive she’d be there getting quality time with grand baby but not MIL because “she is diseased and will kill the baby” as you put. And Yeesh, glad I’m not a sexist. I treat people equally not “because you can’t do this you can’t have a say” it’s fucked up especially when he said he does a lot to help with anything around the house.

[@amandacancio1693]

Every time I hear a story with a blended family gone wrong, I’m so thankful for my parents who did it right. And Mark, thank you as always for the stories! ❤️

[@celinelovell4725]

What the hell are these woman who are married have a child and think their spouse has no say

[@katwiltz1134]

The woman who lost her husband grief counselor can help out with whether or not grieving with your children like that is just the right thing to do also couples counseling is a great idea because you're both going in blind and never been threw this before

[@Swnsasy]

To me, the fiance isn't understanding the grief process at all which is crazy for him to not see.. The boys want to introduce him to their "father" and let him know they have a really awesome new step dad.. If it was me, I would be so overjoyed and feel blessed that they wanted to share their father with me.. I'm over here about to tear up, LOL.. He's not seeing how absolutely BEAUTIFUL that is because the boys LOVE HIM so they want to share him.. That doesn't happen often and I know so many in my group therapy sessions that I counsel who would jump at this chance... Come on Step Dad.. Open your eyes and heart!

[@Becks-and-books]

exactly!! like the children were excited and he only wanted to erase everything before him

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: NTA I don't need a story. It should ALWAYS be the child's choice whether to call their step parent "mom" or "dad. Mom and stepdad wanting to force him to call him dad just because he married their mom is not going to win him any points with the kid. All it does is cause issues. I am a stepdad. I have 3 step kids. Two call me dad, one does not. He did, but dad threw a fit. I have always maintained they call me whatever they want. When my stepdaughter called me by name once, it wasn't an issue because she knows I am her dad regardless of what she calls me. Edit: mom had a type apparently.... I'm glad she recognized the controlling and abusive behavior. This guybwas atrocious.

[@zerobolt9506]

Agreed

[@owl7072]

Story 1: As someone who was forced to refer to my stepdad as "dad" from a very young age, NTA. Allowing the fiance to force what he wants onto the kids is just opening the floodgates to him making other demands regardless of if the kids are okay/comfortable with it and that is NOT okay. Edit: "You overstepped" the godson actively went to Op for advice, what were you expecting them to do? Turn him away and make him feel worse and even _more_ alone because now not only is his mother essentially pressuring him to bend to the will of some random man he barely knows but now his godparent, one of the people he's come to rely on the most, won't help him during one of the most stressful times in his life?

[@AndyyWithAY]

The fiance in story 1 is wrong. He should not be pressuring a child to call him dad. This is really a bad thing to do. And the so-called friend should not be blowing up at OP. Sounds like OP is the only one who gives a damn about the child. I don't know if OP overstepped or not, but I'd probably do the same.

[@jennyspeicker4712]

Exactly!! I have 2 kids, one is my fiancés, one isn't. He was in grade school when we started dating. My oldest doesn't call him dad and I wouldn't ask him to. They have a strong relationship, and he's as much a son to him as his actual bio child. But forcing a child to call a step parent mom or dad is wrong unless the child chooses to on their own. We are a blended family and that's a unique kind of beautiful.

[@axepagode33626]

Visiting once a month is a lot. You can't let him go if you don't let him go.

[@elismama6928]

Story 2: I understand that she gave birth and she misses her mom, however he also has a newborn. His mom is alive and wants to see her new grandchild. If her sisters are over...whats one more person?...unless she doesn't like the MIL. We have to stop acting like men don't count because they didn't give birth. If he is not a deadbeat..then don't treat him like one.

[@zerobolt9506]

Agreed 👍

[@ajarfullofjoy]

I think the big problem in that story is he surprised her with the visit. That's not really fair to do to a newly postpartum mom. She could have told her beforehand and then I don't think it would've been a problem

[@oonachestnut509]

@@ajarfullofjoy that's true, but something tells me she still wouldn't have wanted her to come.

[@jakealter5504]

@@ajarfullofjoy especially since the wife had let her sisters visit

[@jakealter5504]

@@oonachestnut509 which wouldn’t have been fair to op

[@RSN2277]

Story 2: The real question is did OP know SIL was coming over to see the baby and his wife? If the answer is "yes", then OP is TA in this situation. If the answer is No, then OP is NTA here. The mother wanted to see the baby, and OP wanted the mom to see the baby as well. If the wife unilaterally decided to invite someone without talking to OP about it, that makes it just as bad. This is a different story if the wife wanted no one to come over, but it wasn't.

[@bettreon]

The wife clearly states she "didnt want any visitors" then says she's inviting her sisters. The wife is 100% the AH and is gatekeeping the child away from MIL. She's also being abusive to her husband. Could you IMAGINE the outrage if he told her she couldn't have anyone she wanted over?

[@TiffWaffles]

Story 3 makes me see red. John is jealous of a dead man and seems to want OP and her children to forget about their dead husband and father. That's disgusting of him... and for him to say 'I am the kids' father now and I don't want them talking about your ex and refer to him as dad' is just... it makes me want to throw something. First off, OP's deceased husband is not an ex partner and he's still the father of the two boys. John needs to understand that before the relationship goes onto marriage because the two boys will want to know more about their bio dad as they grow up and he's going to continuously be threatened by a dead man's presence to the point that I wouldn't be surprised if he'd lash out in anger.

[@ChrisSmithBass]

Hope you’re doing well, Mark!! Grateful for this channel as always!!

[@alderblanco2362]

Story 1: "Godson has this thing where he can identify people by their footsteps" "stepdad was keeping tabs on him...her ex used to do the same thing" yeah, I'm pretty sure these are connected. That's a trauma response. He learned how to do that to keep himself safe.

[@MsSharkDemon]

On the last story, it seems that the Mom needs grief counciling.

[@francb1634]

Last Story: setting aside the guy entirely... if you're still visiting your late spouse's grave monthly, you are nowhere near ready to be seriously dating again, let alone getting remarried.

[@ivy4104]

Hope you’re doing mighty fine Mark, have a good one Thx for the content!

[@Silence-1170]

Wishing you all a terrific Thursday you amazing waffles always happy to listen to these stories!

[@Mewse1203]

He kind, be safe and take care of yourself. Have a great day

[@Daydream_N]

Story 2: the yta comments are way off base. That baby is as much OP's and he's allowed to introduce his son to his mom after 3 weeks, especially if the wife has been inviting guests. People always seem to think dads are like lesser parents or some shit

[@pansprayers]

No, some (read: normal) people understand that three weeks is too soon to be springing visitors on a post partum woman, much less an infant with an immature immune system during a pandemic. Drag some sandpaper across your nipples until they're cracked and bleeding, while cramping at random at the same intensity that you pushed the child out, while your hips glue themselves back together, while exhausted, and let someone who's never seen you naked come by without any warning. It's almost like you've never given birth and don't know what you're talking about or some shit.

[@bettreon]

@@pansprayers then she NEVER should have invited her sister. Period. The wife is gatekeeping and being abusive to her husband. He is an equal partner and parent. Its 2022 do better.

[@10awhite]

When she said he recognized foot steps broke my heart.

[@paden1865able]

Glad the mother got her eyes opened to what a piece of excrement the ex-fiance is and got rid of him.

[@fcold9402]

He is NOT the kids Dad. Their Dad died and they still love him. If john is so childish as not to understand that then he is the one with the problem. Your family rituals do not need to change for this new guy.

[@fhuber7507]

2... NTA. Seemed like a normal thing to do, especially after having SILs over.

[@amanda54923]

I've got a friend whose mom LOVES to adopt her kids friends as her kids. But she never forced it. but I remember calling her mom for the first time. She was SO happy. 15 years later and I'm still her daughter. The point being is this, letting the kid CHOOSE to call you something makes it more special.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 1: NTA. Op is right, their godson doesn’t have to his stepdad ‘dad’ if doesn’t want to. And after reading the update, it’s good on the mom canceling the wedding and kicking stepdad out because he’s eavesdropping on ALL the step kids. Story 3: NTA. Even though the kids might see John as a second father but they already had before he, they’re grieving and processing their grief normally. Op needs to get of John or needs to understand that op and their children had a life before him.

[@ashbrea381]

I have a stepdad that adopted me when I was 13 or so. He is my dad in all the ways that matter and when I talk about him I call him my dad. I STILL call him by his first name and he's been in my life since I was very young. (6 or so)

[@iamalbertwesker2]

The ESH on the first story basically saying "Stay in your lane OP, don't be the support system your Godchild desperately needs"

[@Mewse1203]

Story 2: NTA they are visiting their dad. What's the problem? Is it cause John is jealous? Fuck that. He is and always will be their dad and her husband. I'm so sick of people coming into a family that lost a husband-dad/wife-mom and expecting then to erase their lost partner/parent from existence just because the new person is their to "replace" them. Thus is not the guy you want around your kids who re grieving their father. I have experience with this. My mom was with this guy for 4 years. They were getting married and he died suddenly. Mom kind of flipped out, met a new guy, and they got married within a year. I was 8 when they got married. This guy wanted my dead step dad erased. We couldn't talk about this guy who'd been my 2nd father for my entire remembered life to that point. He went through our house and threw away a box of stuff she had hidden with keepsakes. He also ended up throwing some important stuff away as well liked birth certificate. He also forbid her from going to the cemetery to visit.

[@itsjustme7487]

Story 2... Mil Came to visit for a day not a week or a month. OP should have asked but he's not the AH. My MIL came for a week and took over. She went as far as feeding baby back up formula instead of letting me nurse my newborn.

[@emilye5321]

Story two: there are a lot of questions for me on this one. A lot of them stemming from when the wife was giving birth. Why was the MIL asking to be in the room when OPs wife was giving birth? They get along okay but they don't seem to have the relationship where the wife would probably be comfortable with her when in a venerable moment such as giving birth. Did the wife actually say she didn't want the MIL there because it would be too hard after her own mom passing or is the husband just jumping to conclusions? To me, people should not ask to be in the room when someone is giving birth. If the person does not ask you then don't bring it up. Is it understandable that the MIL would want to be there? Yes, but did she want to be there for the right reasons? Maybe the wife felt her MIL asking something like that was an overstep. Just a lot of questions...

[@bettreon]

All those are valid. But remember something a woman giving birth for the first time want a mother or MIL to help as well. The MIL asked was told no and dropped it. So ots not like she caused stress or pressured to mom.

[@z0mb1egutzz]

Story 1: NTA. He shouldn’t do anything that makes him uncomfortable! Children are people. Story 2: YTA. I think the person recovering has more of a say than the husband. She is the one that had a literal baby. Story 3: NTA AT ALL. That is very manipulative.

[@RSN2277]

Story 2: I highly disagree with you on that point. If the husband didn't want her sisters to come over, and they still did, that doesn't give her a right to overrule him. Even if she was the one giving birth, that is not her call ALONE to make. Absolutely not.

[@z0mb1egutzz]

@@RSN2277 She pushed a human being out of her vagina. She can choose who she wants around while she recovers.

[@wearegonnatalkaboutbruno6694]

@@z0mb1egutzz but it not just her child tho

[@z0mb1egutzz]

@@wearegonnatalkaboutbruno6694 she’s the one who pushed a human out of her vagina and went through hours of pain. she gets to choose who’s around while recovering.

[@bettreon]

Story 2. If that's what you believe its deeply rooted in sexism, treating dad as less than just because of their genitals. Do better.

[@SleepyOmel]

As someone who can tell people by the sound of their steps and other mamerisms that they do subconcusly i've got to say, it feels nice knowing there's other crazys out there like me :)

[@lilolmecj]

My parents in law came on the second day after our firstborn came home from the hospital. She was five weeks early and the delivery was difficult on several levels. I was so grateful for everything they both did to help. Mom in law cooked supper every day, dad in law helped hubs to catch up on some yard work, and they golfed one day. It was very nice to have a couple of extra hands, people who adored that cute, sweet, crying critter! When I see stories like this I automatically assume the wife dislikes her mother in law. As to being present in labor and delivery…well we had a plan, which went out the window when my very fast labor started five weeks early with no warning. So my husband was not due home for leave for another week, I called my two close friends who were my back up, and our daughter was born about two hours before hubby was able to catch a flight home. I never wanted anyone but hubby there, but I had to adapt. My point is that every day of parenting requires adaptations, and I guess I just got a head start. And it is always preferable to be kind and grateful for the help loving friends and family extend on your behalf. My in laws had waited a long time for a grand baby and they showered her with live till the day they died. They also came for several days after our second, again it was a gift. Our third presented more challenges because we lived on the opposite coast, but they still came. I haven’t mentioned my parents because this seemed to be in law issues. My parents were further away, but came later when hubby had to rejoin his ship. OP is not wrong in any way to want his mother to have an opportunity to meet HIS child!

[@cynicalminion]

16:43- nope nope nope nope NOPE!! If he's anything BUT grateful for the twins to tell their daddy about him, he is NOT ready to be their dad now...

[@madgevanness4011]

Last: OP: you’re still working through the grief, but it may be time to start spacing things out a little further, as this is one way to move on. No argument J is potentially abusive/possessive and needs the ring back to make his status clear.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S2: I might be wrong, but it sounds like the big difference is SIL came to visit for a few hours. MIL stayed for a few days. If that's the case, then absolutely you're TH. Also, the "I invited her to surprise my wife" makes it sound like OP knew it wasn't going to go over well; "surprising" a mother after she just gave birth with surprise houseguests (whether she's hosting or not) sounds incredibly stressful and frankly stupid. S3: Wut? He knew coming in that this was a routine, and now that he's "locked her down" he's got a problem with it and is giving her the silent treatment? That really, really rubs me the wrong way.

[@bettreon]

The wife is simply gatekeeping their son because her mom is dead. Is absolutely disgusting to do that. Either they can invite people now or the both wait since she "needs all the bonding time". Do you honestly think anyone would ever side with the dad if he said her mom couldnt come?... of course not.

[@KE-hr4sb]

@@bettreon Once again. There's a huge difference between "came to see the baby for 30 minutes," and "came to stay for a few days/weeks." I'd be up for a short visit to meet baby. I would not be up for extended houseguests. And you can't get on mom for "not being a partner, both get a say" when husband went behind her back on purpose.

[@bettreon]

@@KE-hr4sb the mom came for one day which the wife didnt have to do anything for. Stop exaggerating. Second the wife broke her own rules and is gatekeeping and being abusive.

[@KE-hr4sb]

@@bettreon Nowhere does he say she stayed for one day. Someone in the (video) comments even mentioned he was very vague about how long his mother stayed. Stop projecting. Also, have you given birth? It's painful. You're bleeding and leaking foreign substances. You're sleep-deprived. Again, I'd be up for a short visit, but nothing that lasted more than an hour. Doesn't matter if she "didn't have to do anything," she still had guests in her home when all she wanted was privacy and sleep and bonding with her baby. Yes, a mother DOES have the right to say "I'm not up for this." When men give birth, they have the same right.

[@bettreon]

@@KE-hr4sbPlease listen to the story again. OP states she only stays for a day. We are not less than because of our genitals. That's sexist and gross it's 2022 do better

[@FlamesofJagger]

🎵🎶Am I the buuuuuttthhhoooolllleeee 🎶🎵 It always good to hear Mark sing that. Much love💘❤️💗💕💖💙💛💜💘 Mark to you and Poppy. Stay chill😎 and waffle 🧇on Shout out to the Waffle🧇🧇🧇 Gaaannnnggggg!!! Hope everyone has a great day/night/time. Waffle🧇 on always Gang 🎆🎆🎆

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@djanderson7599]

The fact that the kid in story one recognizes the sound of footsteps as a massive sign of abuse

[@CreepyBlueAnimals84]

Thank Goodness mom had the sense to kick stepdad out and cancel the wedding!! What a controlling and abusive jerk!!

[@dragonriderabens9761]

Story 2: Yet again, we see Reddit with their double standards If the roles were reversed, I guarantee it would be a universal NTA instead of the controversial all over the place takes it is

[@superkingoftacos2920]

The last story is really common. The new guy tries to erase the previous father (dead or alive), then tries to distance the kids from their mother (usually through abuse behind mom's back) so when his kids come along, the wife's first kids don't feel like a part of the family.

[@jennstewart3003]

Going to a grave every month is creepy. It's not really a healthy copojg mechanism I think. He definitely shouldn't be the one having an issue with it that way.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark.. Sad stories today. Give yourself and Poppy a big hug because you both need it. I used to hold my small "Nugget" (12 lbs) on my lap and he would put his front paws around my neck, best hugs. i miss. them. Just fyi I think humans work sort of like a pressure cooker. When we become either very sad or very happy it's like the lid is going to blow up. Thats where the tears come in. I really think GOD designed us this way so we don't injure ourselves. Always feel relieved after, so must work.With these types of men in their lives i could see these boys not be allowed to cry. Would have been so hurtful for them. Sorry old and only roommates are dogs. lol. Stay safe please. PEACE

[@stuporspoon]

Story #2: Okay, I'm glad I'm not the only one that just wanted to be topless and sleep immediately after giving birth. Between doctors, surgeons, nurses, lactation consultants, technicians, home visits, and visitors, I'm sure well over 100 people saw my exposed bitties during the 40 hour + birthing process and in the weeks after our kid was born. She was born small and with blood sugar issues, so she needed to nurse every 30-40 minutes around the clock, including overnights. Like PLEASE, somebody prop this kid up on a bitty and hold her there while I get some effing sleep. Heck, it was a hot summer. If I wouldn't have risked arrest, then I definitely would have left the house topless, too.

[@KCCAT5]

Sounds like John is not ready.

[@aless2906]

For a second I thought that John in the last story and the step dad in the first one were the same person, demanding that the kids call him dad now that they are marrying the mothers and refusing to hear anything other than 'yes'

[@chulutheimposter5415]

Hello Mark!! How are you doing today? I hope all is well and I wish you a great day!! Got a lil' bit of snow over here in Maryland

[@runethfc]

How can all be well with what’s happening? You’ve got to be heartless if it doesn’t effect you in the slightest

[@chulutheimposter5415]

@@runethfc I guess you don't notice that I am avoiding talking about it. I am 100% aware of what is happening and I feel terribly sorry for those who have lost their family members. But current events are a sensitive topic for me so I do not talk about it, people can have a good stay still even if something bad is going on, it's just a matter of the type of positivity you have. Of course, I'm sure Mark is also very aware of the current situation, and I'm sure he is sympathizing with those who have lost family. However this does not mean everyone has to have a bad day.

[@runethfc]

@@chulutheimposter5415 that’s not what i meant either. My point is all is NOT well, and if you aren’t slightly affected at all, that you’d be heartless. My problem was you said “i hope all is well”, the rest of your original comment was fine. I apologize for my first comment, i wrote it out of anger because i have family in Ukraine. Have a nice day.

[@chulutheimposter5415]

@@runethfc I am aware that things aren't all well right now, however it's usually my default comment (if you look at videos of Mark's that I have commented on, you'll see that this is a frequent comment), I hope your family stays safe.

[@runethfc]

@@chulutheimposter5415 makes sense

[@romonaelrod7870]

Hello all of you cheeky Waffle loving so and so's. Hiya Waffle king Mark and princess Poppy. I hope that you are all feeling well and happy. Much love.

[@Flotton]

Much love

[@solovjud]

Is it an American thing to have everyone in the delivery room? It is such a special thing between the parents, why does anyone else think they’re entitled to be in that room?

[@bettreon]

The MIL wasnt acting entitled. She asked and respected the no.

[@JasperCatProductions]

Good grief step dad was a complete nut job. Thank God she got out of it, poor woman has bad taste in men. Definitely needs therapy. Story 2 wife is jealous her mom is dead so your mom must be punished and not see the baby. You need to stop wife from 100% claiming the baby. Her sister can come but not your mom? Nope your wife can’t use I had a baby as excuse, millions of women have babies she needs to chill.

[@Snowshowslow]

Millions of women have had babies and then wanted to have control over how they spend their days, who they let near them when they feel exhausted, hurt and tired... Maybe she's not claiming the baby as much as personal space for a while to recover. If he had just asked her in advance we would have known (or probably wouldn't as there wouldn't be a Reddit post) whether she would be open to her coming one or two weeks later and for a reasonable amount of time (1-2 hours). If she wouldn't allow that and not allow husband and baby to go visit his mom either THEN she would be claiming the baby and in the wrong.

[@pris1378]

#1: that went from 0 to creepy stalker guy rather fast...

[@browniewin4121]

1) No, NTA, you are absolutely correct in telling him he does not have to call step-dad Dad if he doesn't feel like it and should not be pressured to do so. Step-dad is being a jerk about this and so is his mother for not recognizing this. All they will do is cause resentment towards and distancing from step-dad, and also harm him by keeping him from you. After update: Oh my gosh, I'm so glad the mom work up to how awful her intended is and broke up with him.Happy ending for the kids and you. 2) It's too bad there was a breakdown in communication. It would have been good if you had discussed and come to agreement about visitors in advance of inviting them over. Mild YTA. 3) Sorry, for your loss. Not good is your boy friend's controlling and jealous behavior and demanding he is the kid's father now. I'm glad you seem to recognized this. Please do not marry this man who wants to own you and overly control your children. NTA unless you keep him into your children's lives because he is not going to behave better, it will only get worse.

[@Alteusgirl]

Story 2: while i understand that op's wife has a higher say in who comes to visit i still find it a bit BS that 3 weeks after birth she's that adamant to not have visit, maybe because every countries i've lived in it's very normal for the member of the close family and even friends to see the baby even while the mom is still in the hospital or after small groups by small groups. it seems normal to want to introduce the baby

[@pansprayers]

That's how you give infants RSV, pertussis, herpes (don't kiss babies faces/heads) influenza, pneumonia and land them in a PICU or worse, friend. Three week olds don't need their immature immune systems to be 'introduced' to anyone the post partum woman (who's literally cramping, bleeding, exhausted, their hips are gluing themselves back together, and frazzled) doesn't feel comfortable with, much less the cumulative army you're describing, much less sprung on them. Infants aren't toys, SIX to EIGHT weeks isn't anything to get worked up over waiting, don't do this.

[@mycupoverflows7811]

Agree. I have 6 kids and if this is the MIL's 1st grandbaby, she's been waiting to meet it. If the sisters get to come, so should MIL. Should have kept it down to 1-2 hours and brought a meal. But seriously 3 weeks?! Everyone came to see my babies in the 1st week and not one ever came down with RSV, pertussis, flu, etc. Breast milk for the win. Hospitals are the worst places to catch that nasty crap, not visitors to the postpartum mama.

[@bettreon]

No she doesn't. Men are not second class citizens we are equal parents and partners. Either it's ok for both or not ok for both.

[@shaniachase8213]

Listening while studying for my CDL. Have a great day Mark.

[@TT-fy6hk]

what's setting me off in last story is that she still needs to "look into it"!?! there is nothing to look at, pick up YOUR kids and leave.

[@Val_Benko]

Going to listen to this while baking my friend's birthday cake!

[@Kelseyzj]

No chance I would be okay with a surprise guest from anyone. My home is my safe space. Especially with social anxiety.

[@mimiNana-yi4cy]

ok, the new mom story where OP invited his mom over for a "surprise" visit. First of all, he is leaving out a ton of info, a ton. What is his wife's relationship with his mother? Do they get along? His mom wanted to be in the delivery room? that, in itself, is a red flag. I am wondering if his mother is very overbearing and he cannot stand up to her. His mom "stayed the whole day". was that from morning to night? was that overnight? He is unclear. Either way, it is too long. I have had four kids and after someone has visited for an hour, two at the most, they have overstayed their welcome. I don't care which side of the family it is from. He did not say her sister's stayed an extended period of time, just put them down for not helping. He then said he thought his mom could help but states he did everything around the house. So, what did his mom do? My guess is insert herself into how his wife was parenting her newborn. Shit, I would have told him to go home with mommy when she finally left. Oh, I have grandchildren and I ALWAYS asked the person who gave birth if it was ok to come visit and made sure to make the visit short. Yes, the child is also OP's but he may be a "weekend dad" if he does not smarten up. His wife carried the child for nine months, gave birth and is the one recovering from that. He does not have the right, in any way, shape or form, to put together "surprise" visits from anyone.

[@RSN2277]

That would include the SISTER. If that rule was for everyone, then it mean for EVERYONE. Also, you are right we don't know the relationship. But, her wanting to be in the delivery room IS NOT A RED FLAG.

[@lorifiedler13]

Mom or dad is an earned title when it's a stepparent.

[@drawcula4025]

Story 1.. so the mom just believed the fiance without question, didn't bother asking her son or OP (people who have been in her life a LOT longer than him) for their sides of the story.. just skipped straight to punishment and threatening to cut off contact? Yeah.. sorry, but the would-be stepdad isn't the only AH in that story. The mom is one, too.

[@astronautviolet153]

I love the relationship between the mother and she son's.

[@donovangonzalez5860]

Never force children to call a stepparent mom or dad that’s just stupid. you can have a great relationship with your stepchildren and they could still call you by your name.

[@TheLilyMustang]

My husband has been the only “dad” that has lived with him since he was a baby. Our son’s bio dad lives in a different state which I didn’t want to move to & we separated. We are still good friends and his wife & I are friends, and they are friends with my husband. My ex and I realised we were not in love just comfortable friends. Well our son calls my husband by his first name because that is what he just heard growing up & to not make my step daughter upset, she had a hard time when were first started coming around. My husband adopted our son, his bio dad’s family is still involved but they are not physical close to us & Covid made visiting hard because we are high risk. Everyone in my husband family see my son as theirs, even my step daughter see him as her little brother & pushed for an adoption so he couldn’t go away. We let my son call my husband/his dad whatever he wants. My son calls me Lily Mom. And his bio dad name Dad & stepmom’s name mom. My mom started with those titles because we want him to know he is loved and his bio dad loves him, with Covid the past 2 years been hard to explain his bio dad can’t come (my son was 3 at the start of pandemic & is now 5). We never push my son to refer to anyone as dad or mom he doesn’t feel comfortable with now that he is understanding the words. My husband & I have a strong dislike for making kids call every single partner mom or dad after the first date or not letting it come naturally. My son does call my husband Papa is a sickly sweet voice to be creepy as a joke.

[@zerobolt9506]

Wait so my only question is if I'm reading this right, your step daughter is the one that pushed for the adoption so your so couldn't go anywhere? Is that what you meant? Is so that's just the most adorable thing I've ever heard 🥰, so wholesome.

[@TheLilyMustang]

@@zerobolt9506 yes she did. My husband also really wanted it but didn’t want to say it but had a talk with my ex. During that conversation my ex said my husband was the father & gave the blessing to do the adoption as long as he wouldn’t be pushed out. My husband ask his daughter and she was apparently very excited because she was worried I might leave with him. My mom moved to another state a couple months prior and she was last of the my family in town & she knew I missed my mom. As well as my grandmother was offering me house to move as well. She is 21 & my son is 5 year old and she is an amazing big sister. During the adoption process she got the best reviews from the social worker with her interaction with my son & observation.

[@zerobolt9506]

@@TheLilyMustang aww so sweet Edit: I love sweet stories like this, make my dad that much better thanks for sharing

[@loraduvall8744]

I have a dumb question for story 2 peeps why does everyone think a woman needs 3 weeks of recovery wow... I'm sorry buy he is not the AH the wife is because she is punishing his mom for hers not being there and that is BS.... grow up its her grandchild and his child too

[@maryann3820]

I'm glad in story 1 that the mom recognized the red flags as soon an she found out, and was able to get rid of him b4 getting married.

[@demonic_myst4503]

In glad it was a suprising nisunderstanding instead of the usual bad parent forcing a step parent onto the kids

[@Helia-_]

Who makes a 14-year-old a god parent?

[@emilybarclay8831]

God parent is pretty much just an honorary aunt/uncle. A 14 year old can be an aunt/uncle perfectly fine

[@oldgreggsmadmemes4431]

Home boy wanted to play a power move on a dead man and lost oof

[@kellypatterson8506]

At 1st my step kids called me by my given name Kelly, Eventually they started calling me dad on their own

[@scousemouse9566]

The first story, thank god she dumped that evil step dad 🧇🧇🧇🧇

[@WobblesandBean]

OP 1: Yeeeaaahhhhh, your "friend" is absolutely wretched and that poor boy is only thing to suffer with her as a mother. That man she's marrying is gonna be just as toxic as her son's dad because she has bad taste in men and moves too fast. Edit: _called it._

[@maurer3d]

Story 3: NTA, your fiance (hopefully ex soon) is a crazy jealous guy, who is trying to erase your late husband.

[@cynicalrabbit915]

Story 3 - Children learning about thier real father. The best way for the New Guy to handle this would be to visit the grave with his Fiancee and the boys and talk to the departed something along the lines of: 1 - He's sorry that he their father didn't get to be there for his boys. 2 - He understands his and the fiancee's attachment and he feels honored to take up where the former couldn't be there anymore. 3 - He will do his best to be there for his new wife and her sons and he knows he has big shoes to fill and he will love the boys as though they were his. And he would have to stick to this but need not attend any future grave side visits, but not object to them. I can say with confidence that the visits would most likely taper off as the boys would most likely want to spend more time with the living than a dead person they never knew. This most likely would also help their mother move on too.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

My dad's mom has been married to his step father since he was a young child/pre teen and although he's called him "dad" a few times, he still mainly only calls him by his first name, whereas his younger brother has called him and their bio dad both dad. Personally I told my parents if they ever got remarried I would never be okay with it and I would Never consider anyone else as my parents and would actively be against it, luckily my parents love each other and just celebrated their 25th anniversary last year. To be clear though my dad does like his stepdad and considers him to be the best thing that ever happened to his mother, because his mom grew up in an abusive household and his bio dad wasn't much better.

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

Story 1.) OP was asked a question & OP answered. When will justice be served?!! #Sarcasm That’s not overstepping. OP is even the child’s Godmother for goodness sake!