Transforming Grief - When I Lost My Only Child | Phil Cohen | TEDxYoungCirclePark

Phil Cohen grips the TEDx audience as he describes the life-altering experience of losing his only child, his fourteen-year-old son, Perry. In what turned out to be one of the most extensive searches in U.S. Coast Guard history. In his search for healing, Phil tells how a message from his late son, delivered in his darkest moments, caused him to shift his perspective, transforming his relationship with grief. In this talk, he shares the one thing missing from his counseling sessions, a strategy that has helped him cope with the unthinkable. Cohen is the author of The Grief Continuum, a methodology for transforming loss into empowerment for those experiencing grief. Phil Cohen is an award-winning speaker, coach, and creator of The Grief Continuum™, a framework for helping others to grow, flourish and overcome despair by discovering and developing their inner resilience. For over 25 years, Phil has helped global technology start-ups grow and prosper through developing their sales teams. After experiencing the sudden loss of his son, Phil has found a renewed purpose in helping others to integrate grief into their own lives after experiencing the inevitable traumas, tragedies, and transitions in life. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@apostlemzsithole1610]

I lost my son of 23 years just on the 3rd of July 2024, he was knocked down by a car and died in the scene. I still can't believe I have buried him. I keep hearing his voice saying "I am sorry dad, it's going to be fine." May we all find comfort in God and the hope that we will see them in Glory Land. Thank you brother for this words wisdom and for sharing your own story.

[@Rodmic-hd9pn]

I couldn’t imagine. I do have faith in a soul afterlife with a Divine. But the loss is horrific. I’m not a strong person.

[@dw5294]

The pain is unbearable. Just when I had begun to heal from losing my 21 year old son 10 years ago from an asthma attack, my 26 year old daughter was killed on 10/30/22 by a drunk driver. I'm in the twilight of my life now and I long to be reunited with my children and husband.

[@shimmyshim2318]

💔💔 I know your heartache. I'm so sorry. I feel the very same as you

[@jenniedevereaux2696]

Dear Lord, I can't imagine the pain your enduring. I pray you will be reunited one day. This world is horrific

[@jclilstar1973]

Praying for you. I loss my 33 yr old son in nov 2022. He took his own life.

[@teresa4786]

I don’t know why we must endure such losses. I too have lost my husband and son. I don’t know you survive, lady. Praying you get the support you need. Hugs

[@suzydiaz5054]

My 31 yr old son also died the same day 😭🙏💔

[@maggiemontelongo3127]

My 16 yr old daughter Arianna passed in at a psychiatric facility due to a medication they gave her she had been gone for over 8 hrs before they realized she was gone . I died that day with her .

[@frankfinkelman2465]

My daughter died yesterday from a brain bleed my only child is gone my pain is unimaginable

[@vj7857]

❤

[@lss74]

❤️

[@judyjohnson6794]

Blessings - SO sorry to hear that! J

[@linm9598]

Sending love & prayers during this tragically sad time. 🙏💜

[@eringreene-rettig4818]

I’m so sorry!💔 My son also Died!

[@fieldsendart]

I lost my beautiful 29 y.o. son to suicide, and I don't know if I can ever heal from this. My heart and soul are shattered.

[@renrick]

My only child drowned in the ocean a year ago. Coast guard searched for 21 hours. I am right here with all these thoughts. He was 17.

[@janinepettit2019]

I’m so sorry for your loss. What a terrible cross to carry. You are in my prayers. ❤️🙏

[@maryruth8851]

😔

[@julesfarrell5724]

Oh I’m so sorry. Please remember you’re not alone. I know your grief and I’m sending a big hug and prayer.💗💗💗

[@louiseanders535]

I lost my 17 year old son in July last year .I will be here for you

[@wendyhall6609]

​@@louiseanders535 I lost my only 17 years old son in July (2021). I will never completely be well until I go with him😢

[@rogeriodamata6641]

I so needed to watch this, thank you. I lost my beautiful, smart, strong, joyful, 19-year-old daughter, to a car accident 5 weeks ago, and the world just collapsed. I have a 14-year-old daughter, and a wife, that need me, and my search for the strength to be here for them will continue on.

[@sekaizvandaziva]

I also lost my 19 year old sonon the 4th of April 2024 he just collapsed i can't cope

[@veeherreraJanecka]

@@sekaizvandazivaI’m so profoundly sorry. Lost my wonderful son 9 months ago. It’s excruciating. 💫💙🙏🏽✝️ Timmy s mom

[@christopherscotellaro]

My entire being, to my marrow, stands with any parent who lost a child. All love ❤️ for ALL of you. Peace ✌️ n’ blessings

[@Fufux0rs]

This comment section should be empty. I hate the fact i need to search videos like this to understand and ease my pain. I lost a 2yo daughter 5months ago. Its unbelievable hard but I will fuking keep going for the sake of her twin sister. Stay strong fathers.

[@jacquelinemcgowan8164]

My daughter passed away 7 months ago. and the pain is excruiciating to the core, the heartache is massive, the loneliness, navigating life without them, I have wept everyday and the only thing that sustains me is , i will see her again. I just cannot cope with analysing it all whether i am angry, sad, depressed, despairing, hopeful etc etc etc, I m all of it every day, People need to understand we will be sad for a very long time, we have to face all this emotion and burdened by trying not to make someone else sad with our sadness, or making their life sorrowful, but we cannot turn on happy switch we are just too broken to do that, so my advice is, let them cry and weep, hold their hand and hug them and please say less than more, give them the freedom to be who they need to be and you be the bigger person whilst they navigate the worst time of their life. xxxx

[@christopherscotellaro]

Know that you’re loved. You dont know me but you ARE loved. All peace to you.

[@kristawilson05]

I lost my 17yr old daughter on 10 Dec 2023. She was shot and killed while driving. I can tell you that my grief so far has been all over the place, in and out of emotions, no specific order. All this time, I thought I had to do it in a specific order, and I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with me! I am still trying to process her death, that she is in fact gone. It's very hard to wrap my mind around this. Thank you for this video

[@veeherreraJanecka]

I’m so sorry for your profound loss. I lost my son December 7,2023. It’s still so unreal to me. I hold to the love that is stronger than death- it helps me. I just keep loving him. Peace and strength Timmy s mom ♾💙🕊🕯🙏🏽💫

[@just-4-meImworthit]

5:55 ‘Grief doesn’t always end at acceptance’. I really needed to hear this today.

[@philcohen9282]

Comments like these make my day! Thank you for sharing!

[@ameliarose3142]

7 years after losing my best friend and love, I refuse to accept it. I understand what happened. I understand he's never coming back. But I cannot accept what was done to him. And then I'm back at the anger phase, multiplied by a trillion.

[@christinecervantes3722]

I lost my daughter on July 4, 2023. I will never recover

[@JessicaZuniga420]

I lost my 24 year old in 2021. Just hours after I got married. All in one day, the most devasted day of my life. She died in a horrific car accident.' I didn't know how to feel other than Broken, I couldn't believe she was gone. I kept thinking she was going to come to my house and say, "mom, I'm here, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. By the grace of God am still here and I can tell other ppl that God is faithful he's never left me or forsake me and I also know that I don't deserve his love but I know it's because of his grace and love that he has for us we are still here and one day I know I will see her again.

[@mr.jaborstudios1922]

I lost my 21 year old daughter March 24, 2022 to lupus! As a father I feel I’m slowly losing my battle each day. I feel alone! This video gives me hope! Such a helpless feeling!

[@Hansel783]

You will see her on the other side one day. Don't despair. Our loved ones are waiting for us. Meanwhile, I hope you get a dream visitation from her 🙏

[@veeherreraJanecka]

I’m so sorry for your profound loss. I just lost my son 5 months ago to lupus- he could no longer eat and was so weak. It’s the most painful thing. I just pretend it’s not true. I know it s true but I can’t feel it all. 🙏🏽 Sending love ♾💙🕯🕊🙏🏽💫 Forever loved

[@ritamendoza2621]

I lost my son due to cardiac arrest triggered by COVID 11 months ago. First time I felt so alone in my life. Nobody understands what I am going through. Seems like everyone is busy with their own affairs. The saying laugh and the world laughs with you weep and you weep alone is true for me. Never felt so isolated in my life. I am in the process of nurturing my spirituality through meditation which shifted my perspective about my son's death. May all those who are grieving find solace within.

[@stevehoffman9052]

I lost my mom to cancer in Feb 2022 and I, too, feel so alone with my grief. There are so many reminders of her it seems like the grief will never end. But I hope after seeing this video that there is a chance to heal.

[@ВадимВадимович-ь6т]

Imagine thinking that meditation helps

[@eileenbogle3938]

I lost my only kiddo, my 14 year old daughter to covid 18 months ago. She went into end stage septic shock and organ failure. The guilt and grief that still consumes me every single minute is just too much. Just know I feel your pain. Take care of yourself 💛

[@sandrahedley1866]

I also lost my son 11 months ago, blood clots which caused sudden cardiac arrest, i understand your pain, i keep busy and laugh and play with my grandchildren, but i put on a good act, as I dont feel joy anymore. All I think about is how I want to see him once again, I'm so sorry for your loss, its the hardest, loneliest place. I do believe we will meet our loved ones again

[@Toodledooo]

Rita. I lost my son the same way 4 days ago. The pain is unbearable. He had just completed the degree he worked so hard for and was to marry the love of his life - his childhood sweetheart. I love him so much and I miss him with an intensity that only a mother/father could understand. And of course his fiance. I am going to grief counselling tomorrow. Thank you for posting this and know that you are not alone.

[@ZainabKhan-jx8rn]

I lost my 25 year old daughter who was 6 months away from graduating from medical school. I lost her 9 days ago. Thank you for this video…😢😢😢

[@marie2721]

Hugs Hugs Hugs

[@debbyopperman3720]

❤️

[@cynthiablandford6213]

I send you the deepest healing love there is my dear.

[@ZainabKhan-jx8rn]

@@cynthiablandford6213 thank you

[@cynthiablandford6213]

@@ZainabKhan-jx8rn you are welcome and you are not alone.

[@clivec10]

To everyone who is in pain (I certainly am), keep searching for comfort in such links . Our loved ones would want us to find peace with them in our hearts ❤

[@briannestory9750]

Grief is yours alone, it is an expression of your connection with another person. Whether that is loud or quiet, numbing or overwhelming, it is yours and something which is between you and the person you lost. Labels are stifling for our humanity.

[@lucymagee3654]

Beautifully put and true

[@theresachung703]

Your words have true beauty

[@beckygail9454]

I know for me after loosing my son I want to live the rest of my life honoring his life.I will do more to give and help others.Donate my time.

[@NurseGi]

My daughter died in her sleep @ 19 yo, 4 years ago and my heart has been destroyed ever since. I loved my daughter to death, she was such a creative wonderful, loving, caring beautiful young woman. I don't know what to do! I feel like I'm dead inside. There is no ACCEPTENCE in my grief process, it feels unreal like I need to wake up from the worse dream of my life. A building fell on top of me!! A smile on my face has so much pain behind it. 😭🥺😭😭😭

[@nereida116]

My heart joins every heart from every comment posted here.🙏🏽

[@anthonym5646]

I lost my son 6 years ago at age 5. Thank you for this video, most of my grief centered around anger and failure as a parent. His mother intentionally caused his death, and it makes me feel like a complete failure as a parent. A feeling I can't shake. Constant feelings of emptiness and numbness. I've tried therapy, running from it, etc. Idk what to do, especially since life has continued to beat me down, I was laid off and lost everything, sometimes i just want to give up, Most of me died with my son. Videos like this give me hope.

[@andreafolli9397]

Sending you positive vibes. Please don't give up.

[@mistyn380]

I lost my son in 2021 to hospital protocol and he was only 13yrs old 💔. I too feel like a failure of a parent, and the grief is just unbearable. The feeling of emptiness and numbness, entrenched in pain and depression, is my daily experience from the moment I wake up. I’m almost at my 2yrs mark and it has only gotten worse. I stopped working and can’t barely function. Anything that could go wrong in life- kept accompanying me instead. I’m always curious how parents are feeling after 3yrs+. I believe I will be right where you are at 6yrs, which is exactly where I’m at now. We just exist to battle each day til we see our kids 💔. I’m sorry we are dealt with such hands.

[@lannydaslin]

I think it's also worth mentioning that not everyone has the same views on death, and that also impacts the grieving process.

[@traceybohannon9123]

My youngest son of 3- shot and killed himself 3 months ago. My heart has been ripped from my chest and I really don’t want to take my next breath

[@Len-yy3ox]

We are born to die.Our first breath is the beginning of life and the eventuality of our death.Everyday is precious and our life has meaning.We are not here by accident ,each and everyone of us has a purpose.Our pain is to remind us that suffering is the price we pay for life.All of us go home to God's eternal embrace,God's time is not our time.Try to have gratitude for all we have for the moment.All who are suffering at this moment ,you are not alone.We are all vulnerable and wanting.For the moment try to think of a happy moment ,celebrate your life and your loved one's life.Continue your journey for yourself and your loved one.God bless us all.

[@samanthahanks7921]

I lost my son 6 days ago in a work incident...he was 19 yrs old...idk how im even typing this...he has a baby on the way...my sweet grandbaby...thank you for this..💔🙏

[@Poole2gether]

I lost my 23 yr old six months ago too. He also had a baby on the way. Lord, have mercy on our boys. Lord, have mercy on us.

[@samanthahanks7921]

@Poole2gether bless you sweetheart 🙏 I am praying for you and your family ❤️🙏 I am so so very sorry! You will see your son in your grand baby. Mine will be here in 4 weeks..

[@carissahullfish415]

As a mother I love you and I don't know you because we shared the same loss. I lost my 17 year old son a week ago.

[@pearlsams7064]

I need this to hear someone that has gone through this. Lost my son in a car accident in 2021. My sister was shot on her job in 2022. Hard to process living without them

[@Mou808]

I lost my two child.. My 5 years son in 2016, April& my 5 years dauther in 2023,march.. I am all alone.. I dont have anyone in my life..there is no reason for life..bt i still alive, dont know why.. This pain is endless..

[@KumariKumari-fw7nc]

Please look after yourself...

[@opeyemiojomu6694]

Pls stay strong. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you hugs, love and light 💖 ❤️

[@77advisor]

I lost my oldest son Christopher, age 37, on December 17th. Thank you.

[@rexthsenconde4583]

I lost my 16 month old daughter , one year and a half last Thanksgiving in 2022. First time father… my only daughter… my life shattered thru my eyes… she was precious and beautiful… she stopped breathing in the morning, still pending on the toxicology reports for the cause of death… doctors are shocked and do not know her cause of death yet. Her medical records were clear and she was a healthy toddler. I’m devastated.. my parents are devastated my spouse is devastated .. I’m trying my best to keep pushing… but wow this pain is just unbearable..

[@hasnain-jeelani]

“Our grief is how we choose to honour and respect the ones we love”. This.

[@ronirave]

My daughter tells me every night she is here and she is OK,. It's been one year and I am in intense grief 75 % of the time. I don't see the like at the end of this tunnel but I hope if I watch enough of these I might.

[@cynthiablandford6213]

You are loved and you are not alone dear.

[@bumlb54]

I am on threshold of acceptance. It’s been one year since I lost my 18 year old daughter to fentanyl. I’ve gone through all of those stages of grief. And I’m starting to really realize. I will never get over it. But learning to live with grief is what I have to do. She would want me to live the best life I could. Because I know she is telling me. I’ll see her again. Cherishing all those great memories of her personality and what she brought to everyone will keep me going everyday. I’m getting there. One day at a time.

[@charlesodoobobichachi5839]

I lost my 18 year old son in 2018, and my 11 year old daughter in May 2022. I am doubly devastated. Thank you for sharing your experience with grief thoughts on healing. It is a tough journey of pain, questions, no answers. The world changes forever after the loss of a child. The pain never goes away.

[@kierstencreates958]

I’m so sorry & I pray God gives you supernatural healing, comfort, peace, & joy & that you reunite with your children one day in God’s kingdom💔💜💜💜🙏

[@kierstencreates958]

& I also pray that you will still also have a happy life here while you wait to see them again (even though you’ll always miss them in Earthly life. I pray you will also be happy again & have a good life!)🙏💜

[@kierstencreates958]

I believe we can still be happy again (& even have some happiness in times of great suffering & sorrow) no matter what we lose or go through here. I’m not saying you can’t be sad, of course you are. But don’t lose hope. It will take time to feel better & you will always miss them in this life. You’ll never “get over it” but you can learn to live with it & have joy again & I’m sure your children would want that for you 💟💟💟 Also remember a part of them is always here with you still in this life & world too.

[@shellyhanlon5607]

Sir might i recommend "the Blessing of a Broken Heart" by sherrie Mandell. Wishing you greater comfort as you move on with the grief. It does not go away. You become a different person.

[@nmiller6784]

💔

[@lifeafterourloss]

I know this pain. Only another grieving parent can describe this so well. We lost our only child in March of 2021.

[@joaniehowan8321]

So much to take on. I was dieing about 10 years ago from kidney failure. I saw a bright light to the left. My mom and 2 sisters visited me at this time. In a dream. I did not see Jesus or Heaven. My peace was so beautiful. I believe we will see each other again. I also believe we will see loved ones that help us on our journey. Much love and prayers to you.

[@Hansel783]

He's blessed that he got to see his son vividly who then spoke to him. I pray for such an experience every day. Anything to help me 🙏

[@ladeniaboxley337]

I lost my only child june 2022 He was MURDERED. He just graduated from college. It's still devastating to me. Somedays I cant believe he's gone. I will never be the same😢 Only GOD helping me day by day🙏

[@amihitesh]

So sorry anout your loss. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@allsmiles222]

I'm so sorry for your loss! My nephew was murdered in June 2021, only 23 & my sister has never been the same! She's still having a very very hard time! She's so angry & dedicates her everything into keeping his name alive! I would love some advice on what things you do to soothe the pain?

[@ladeniaboxley337]

@@allsmiles222 To tell you the truth..theirs nothing to sooth the pain of Losing a child. Keep praying for GOD to help you deal with it in your every day life. I went to family therapy and trama therapy. Trama therapy helps. It give you tools to use during every day life. It also helps how to control triggers that's going to happen very often. One thing help me was praying to GOD and crying, screaming, hollering the pain. That help me alot. Trust me prayer HELPS. GOD LISTEN AND HEAR YOUR PAIN🙏

[@allsmiles222]

@ladeniaboxley337 Thank you so much for replying! I will continue to pray that God gives my sister the strength to live! I will suggest trauma therapy to her! I will also add you to my prayers for your strength..Thanks again❤️

[@lorijeanne7670]

I lost my only child dec. 2022. Thank god I listened to this video. I’ve felt so alone. The pain is unbearable. Friends say”he’s in a better place”. I still can’t go into his bedroom. I would protect my son to the bitter end. That’s how I’m dealing with his passing. I’ll feel this pain for him to be in the “better place”. I’ll never be the same.

[@michellemitchell9487]

I’m so sorry for your loss, I lost my daughter December, 2022. I am still trying to figure out what I am supposed to do now. I send my deepest condolences and support. One day at a time.💚

[@justjoie2]

Thank you so much for the clarity on this very sensitive moment for all of us who have lost their child no matter what age they were when they were taken from us. My daughter was murdered by her fiancé in a domestic violence incident on January 26, 2022. She had just turned 49 in December. My heart shatter that day and I continue picking up the tiny pieces💝💝💝

[@AngelinaX23]

My heart skipped a beat when I read your comment. My 48 year old daughter was killed by her fiance in a domestic violence incident that occurred on June 4, 2022! They had an argument and he pushed her to the floor and sat on her (he is 6'6"/300lbs.) until her heart stopped. He claims to have attempted CPR, but her brain was without oxygen for 25 minutes. She was on life support for 4 days until the doctors determined that she was brain dead and I agreed to have her removed from the machines. She died a few minutes later at 9 p.m. As the days have passed I have come to learn that this man is not the "great guy" my daughter tried to make me think he is. She was a vibrant, beautiful woman with hundreds of friends who are mourning her loss. I don't live in the same town so it's a little more challenging for me to keep after the police and prosecutors on the case. Thank God for her good friends who are helping me. How are you doing? Please contact me if you want to share your story. I'm amazed at how similar our situations are.

[@trishjohnson2389]

my daughter was the same age as yours and she was murdered too. .this was very interesting and i never realised i really did need to give myself permission to grieve properly. our hearts will always be broken. my daughter died 2018.

[@justjoie2]

@@trishjohnson2389 Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for your loss💔

[@jclilstar1973]

Im so sorry for your loss. Your in my prayers. My 33 yr old son took his life in nov 2022

[@trishjohnson2389]

@@jclilstar1973 so sorry to hear that. i hope you can find some moments of peace and calm in some of your days. i think the death of a child, no matter how old they are is the worse loss . bless you, so pleased you found this video

[@jacksallyvision8924]

I lost my only child, my son, at 14 weeks old in January. He never came home from the hospital to get to see his room.

[@LeJulesHi]

My heart breaks for you and your family, I'm just so sorry and I hope you are doing as 'well' as you can be 🌻🙏❤️

[@keara7657]

I lost my 11month old daughter 6 months ago an I've already knew grief due to my son's father getting shot. But this one hit different. Most days I feel like I'm living in a fantasy, but when I feel that ache in my chest the illusion disappear and I feel like I'm dying mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I'm trying for my 4 year old but some days I wish dying was an option. I also have dreams about my daughter and she looks happy, but it doesn't make this ache or sadness any less painful.

[@EllaArmstrong25]

I’m so sorry for your loss

[@anthonym5646]

I sincerely hope that you make it to the other side of this. There's just no clear path forward.

[@keara7657]

@@anthonym5646 Thank you, I believe one day it won't ache as much it's a matter of time

[@lyjuslyjus2201]

I lost my son , 24 two months before. The last sentence is so beautiful. Those of us who lost our kids …. Our search has just started . The pain is terrible.

[@rozakunakuzina5531]

I lost my daughter. Send you my love.

[@christineoreilly8912]

I lost my son 2 years, 11 months and 20 days ago, and each day that I have lived without him hurts. This talk has been such a clarity and fills me with hope that one day, I too can accept and push forward. Thank you!

[@joaosiv2248]

I’m so sorry. I wish you nothing but the best.

[@diwaleathercrafts7213]

I needed this. In the beginning, I thought I wouldn't relate because your son is 14yo and mine is only 13 days old. I was never able to hold him since he was in the NICU nor make so much memories - but the love of a parent is the same. Less than a month since his passing, I had a similar dream... He told me to stay put, keep it together, it will all be OK, and we will see each other again. I needed this, thank you. 💙

[@taylornoren642]

My daddy and I will be together again😢

[@clendonrome6918]

I lost my son 2 weeks ago suddenly. It hurts so bad. I love this thank you

[@grapefruitm00n]

I'm so sorry...I hope that someday you find some kind of peace.

[@kevinhaselhorst]

NAILED IT! Once a Native American spiritual healer described grief as being "afraid to feel." You gave us all permission to feel again with the loss of Pery and regained your standing as an admirable father figure. Your search in life will end with a legacy of fathering those who grieve.

[@rizkyp]

Lost my oldest son 16 years old on 26 october 2022, i never knew this another level of sadness and grief even exist. I envy that he can talk about his experience without crying i know he is devastated inside like i do.

[@user-hx5xq6tl9f]

It’s going to be 9 years!!!! in August 2nd 22.. It’s a rollercoaster still. You think you’ve pulled it all together, there’ll always be something that takes you back to that pain, you always feel their loss but that raw, excruciating pain and that gaping hole in your life, loss of purpose.. it’s such a loss that it’ll never be found, that hole never gets filled… you change, accept it, you learn to live. But, you will never be the same person you were when you were their mum, physically chasing about, washing, chatting, laughing……all gone! Yeah.. 9 years in 2 weeks, the sound of summer, the summer itself is always a little empty now and I know it’s coming, that knock at the door.. and it strips me if my armour.. and I’m back to square one all over again. But, on my better days I do smile and focus in the love we had, how lucky I was to have had him as my son!! It only lasted 17 years in this world but I was honoured.

[@katec9893]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are a wonderful writer, your words really paint a picture. I can imagine reading your story in a book so I hope you might consider writing one.

[@user-hx5xq6tl9f]

@@handmade-g5m Aww, I’m glad you found something in my comment. Sending big hugs!! I’m sorry you lost your boy… I think it’s the worst possible thing a parent can go through, it’s mentally, emotionally and physically traumatic and I don’t think it’s something you ever ‘get over’, it’s like a physical part of you has been amputated. It does get easier, I promise. I hope you’re keeping ok. Xx

[@handmade-g5m]

@@user-hx5xq6tl9fyes, that’s exactly how it is ..I hope your ok too xx

[@mistyn380]

I’m almost at my 2yrs mark and it’s only gotten worse. My son and only child was only 13yrs old when he passed. I’m sure my journey will just be like yours until I see him again. People want me to go do therapy as if we all have to heal. I’ve tried it only makes it worse. Thanks for sharing your experience with us, I needed to see that some parents never healed and continue on with grief to know I’m not alone. Praying we’ll get to see our kids soon so then true life and happiness can start back for us again.

[@user-hx5xq6tl9f]

@@mistyn380 I’m so sorry you’re going through this my friend. I’ve found that only time has helped.. I tried therapy and I also felt it wasn’t for me, and I hated talking about my most vulnerable feelings to a stranger… it’s easy here on YT. My doctor put me on anti depressants and anti psychotics.. despite me not being depressed or psychotic, these meds turned me into a total zombie, I felt brain dead like I no longer had the capacity for thought. Due to the meds I put on nearly 8 stones on weight.. I did cold turkey, took myself of the meds then my doctor accused me of ‘refusing treatment’ when I said I didn’t want the pills… I wasn’t sick, I was grieving 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve found there’s no magic solution or pills, only time. I wish you all the best. X

[@tonyatjoseph5801]

Thanks for this encouragement. I loss my only daughter 5/13/2021. Still dealing with this grief🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@meganveronica5155]

My heart is with you

[@tonyatjoseph5801]

@@meganveronica5155 thank you so much🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@meganveronica5155]

@@tonyatjoseph5801 You have forever with her after this pit stop on earth. Shes never gone. She surrounds you.

[@tonyatjoseph5801]

@Sarina Singh 🙏🙏🙏

[@Me-lolahernandez]

OMG, my condolences!

[@dolly-lolly]

To never know what really happened must be so painful. I can’t imagine.

[@therealbellasantarosa]

I know that moment too well.... wanting to find some joy in life and being scared of the possible judgement because of grief. Thank you Phil

[@therealmyyt]

I understand that totally.

[@suzannejambo1254]

On Thursday 5th May 2022 my 21 years old and only child, my son Dri went missing. It’s been the most agonising 8 days searching for him. We found him dead. I lost my son Dri, the light of my life, my anchor and the source of my joy. I’ve a hole in my heart. I miss him in ways I can’t describe. Pray for my son to RIP, pray for me to endure the pain of his loss. He loved soccer passionately, he was excellent at it. He had dreams. He loved helping others. He was a very balanced kid. Too kind if I may say. He went to college worked super hard and always supported me in every way. He loved me beyond description. He was my world. I’ll always love you Dri with all of me, dance with the angels my Angel Dri😭😭😭🤲🏽🙌🏽🥰🤗❤️🙏🏾

[@huggiewashere]

Praying for you Suzanne, thank you for sharing your heart and your son

[@cynthiablandford6213]

I send you my deepest love.

[@suzannejambo1254]

@@cynthiablandford6213 thank you. Please keep praying for me❤️🙏🏾

[@suzannejambo1254]

@@huggiewashere thank you for reaching out. Please pray for me❤️🙏🏾

[@cynthiablandford6213]

@@suzannejambo1254 You bet l will,l know what your going through,only others that have gone through this can understand your pain.He is always by your side,please know that.He will always show you my dear,always.

[@corinnehunter3234]

Thank you so much for this. I lost my son to suicide this week and the pain is unbearable. This give me hope.

[@alejandroczerwinski9165]

I LOST MY OLDEST SON SAME WAY, 4/28/23 HE WAS 33

[@julzhiyas365]

I too lost my 17 yr old 8 years ago .. he took his own life.

[@pambennett4859]

I lost my son to suicide in 2017. The pain never goes away. I lean on Jesus to help me cope.

[@daniellelevine9638]

Grief holds gifts 100% true I just lost my brother to suicide three days ago and I find that there are moments that I have with God that are so beautiful that I can’t describe them in this comment but this is a true statement

[@themarybasse]

I hope a lot more people watch this so they can have better information about grief. It's not some 5-stage process where you just follow the steps and are magically okay.

[@philcohen9282]

Thank you Mary!

[@rebeccamartin473]

I had a miscarriage with my one and only child in September. Even when we lose a child, we are still parents. Never let anyone tell you different

[@norapharper]

I like this idea of transforming grief instead of processing it. I think that implies you deal with it and just move on but anyone who has lost someone unexpectedly knows you never get over it.

[@philcohen9282]

Thank you for watching and commenting Nora! You're 100% spot on.

[@FlyingwithDreaallday]

Coming up on his 3rd angelvarsary and I feel more in a whirlpool of emotions and tears then ever! I'm not myself anymore. Not with out my son. And yes tgo I have 4 other children. The pain of losing 1 is equal to losing all 5. I am so shattered. So broken. When I use to be the strongest person in my children's eyes I have grown to be the weakest and most vulnerable they know.

[@oceandizzle7]

That's not true about what you stated about yourself. Upon commenting, I hope you're able to rewatch this video. Much love, healing, blessings, and condolences 🙏 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@katec9893]

This is the best talk on grief I've ever heard. Most talks just make me feel even worse and more depressed. I didn't lose a child but I lost the most special soul to me and the pain has been absolutely unbearable. I have struggled with not wanting to go on. I miss her so much and like this man, often curl up on the floor sobbing, still in shock and disbelief that she has gone. It's not been long so I am still in the early stages of grief but it gives me some comfort and hope hearing this man's words.

[@andreafolli9397]

Thinking of you in your grief. ❤

[@jensjfriedemann]

I once read something about how you need to find meaning or purpose in a traumatic event in order to process it. I think it's safe to say Phil has done that here, and I thank him for it.

[@jds6964]

On Saturday October 23rd, 2021, I was called up by my best friends (he was so much more to me than just a best friend) husband to tell me that there was a family emergency and would I come over to pick up the dogs. When I got to the house the police were outside. I walked into the house and I was told that they had found him unresponsive in the morning and that by the time the paramedics arrived it was to late and he was gone. It has been two years and a little over three months since that date. I am still greifing and missing my friend. I feel like things will never be the same.

[@giamehlos5087]

Thank you for your encouragement! I lost my only child; he was 21,14 months ago. You've given me some hope as I lay here in bed for the 5th day that I may heal someday soon.

[@philcohen9282]

Hi Gia! Thank you so much for watching my talk and for sharing about the loss of your son. I'm so sorry! I know there are no words, however, please know that I a here for you in any way that I can be. I'd be honored to hop on a call with you sometime to share some of the steps I've taken that have helped me heal. Please, just let me know.

[@leahbel25]

Gia, my little boy died from a tragic accident at age 4, seven years ago. Just know from momma to momma, the pain will ease very very slowly. You are not alone. Hugs to you.

[@annalisa4558]

My husband and I lost our 29 yrs oldest son last night. It hurts so bad! They are supposed to bury us!

[@tonyatjoseph5801]

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🕊🥰

[@mistyn380]

Gia I lost my only son at 13yrs old, he was 2 months shy of turning 14. I understand your pain. Losing an only child is truly a deeper hurt as they’re your life so it’s like you died with them. I was listening to a podcast and a bereaved mother on there said “it’s like walking up a steep hill carrying a backpack full of rocks. It’s difficult at first but you’ll eventually build muscle and it gets easier. You’re still carrying your grief and pain, that’ll never go away, but over time you’ll build tolerance to process it better. I also like to remind myself that every day forward is a day closer to him.

[@shimmyshim2318]

I'm three days in this nightmare. My baby was 19 his birthday is April 6th. I suffered a lot of grief in my life. My sister took the cake and a lot of grief after. There's no me with out this boy. I can't

[@anthonym5646]

Its been 6 years for me and the pain is still the same. Somehow we wake up ever day and try to find purpose in this crazy life. Allow yourself the time you need. I hope we all make it to the acceptance stage at some point. Its empty and numbing.

[@amandarios448]

My baby's birthday was 22 April. To remember death as the spring comes is ridiculously hard. All the flowers and etc make me very sad

[@CPeetG]

I have 3 children and while they are all still here, my biggest fear is losing them. I honestly don’t think I could ever endure that type of pain and loss. I don’t understand how any parent lives after the loss of a child. I hope I never have to experience this and I pray for anyone that has to.

[@buildingexceptionalpeoplew4229]

Not something to wish for your worst enemy

[@Toodledooo]

Thank you

[@shimmyshim2318]

I hope you don't either. I have no idea how I can live now nor do I want to. I'm empty I have no desire to wake up. Waking up is the worst part

[@tamaramatthews7239]

Please don't say or think those thoughts...losing a child was always my biggest fear...I prayed on it I spoke on it...the boy that was responsible for killing my son in the passenger seat...such situations were voiced...I lost my youngest son who was a twin September 19 2022,he had just turned 20 And there is no greater pain and my life has been surrounded by death...a lesson I would have gladly forrgone.

[@averyrothschild]

I love that this talk touched on the way men are socially conditioned not to cry, or share emotion. They are such out-dated qualities for men to have and just so detrimental in a grief related situation.

[@philcohen9282]

Thank you Avery! Pushing the pain down is like trying to hold a beachball underwater. It can be done but, eventually, it will find its way to the surface.

[@rabiasalas7410]

Eloquently spoken with pure honesty and wisdom.

[@philcohen9282]

Thank you Rabia!

[@kasperean]

"Just on the other side of acceptance, I found subtle optimism" I definitely teared up a bit, hearing how hard he was on himself during the process. What a beautiful man.

[@philcohen9282]

Thank you for watching and for your kind words!

[@ChannelofRK]

Thank you for sharing. I am going through a really tough phase of my life and listening to you gives me a ray of hope that I too can recover.

[@philcohen9282]

Thank you Rohit! I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through a tough phase of life. I realize that I have no idea what you're experiencing, just know that you can make it through. It all comes down to what you're focusing on. Where focus goes, energy flows. When the sun shines, it covers vast amounts of Earth. We can stand almost anywhere under it and feel as though we’re being wrapped in a warm blanket. Yet, when we take a magnifying glass and focus its energy on a small area, we can create fire. I believe the same is true of the thoughts that we choose to focus on.

[@margaretstrom]

This is so heart breaking, I cannot imagine the pain this man is going through, bless him and hope for peace!

[@NurseGi]

My daughter died in her sleep @ 19 yo, 4 years ago and my heart has been destroyed ever since. I loved my daughter to death, she was such a creative wonderful, loving, caring beautiful young woman. I don't know what to do! I feel like I'm dead inside. There is no ACCEPTENCE in my grief process, it feels unreal like I need to wake up from the worse dream of my life. A building fell on top of me!!

[@DianaSadreeva]

I just lost my 15 year old son Christopher on 10/17/2023 by taking all kind of pills that he found in the house including his father’s prescription pills for arthritis. He was straggling with deep depression and nobody even noticed. He wrote that it’s start 4 years ago , but he never even looked sad or depressed, i guess he was wearing a happy mask that he is ok, but I’m sure deep inside he was crying for help because he told a few of his friends that he wanted to end his life but nobody really text him back and he didn’t get any support of them. I’m sure he didn’t want to leave us, he loved his life and he was a happy boy. He was a straight A student. Very smart, talented, funny and kind. His dream he wrote down in June 2022 were to have a 4.0 GPA attend MIT or Harvard , study chemistry, become a grand chess master and travel the world. In his suicidal note he wrote that something tricked in his mind and that this time he got his suicidal thoughts extremely strong, he wrote trust me it’s not a school or bullying. He wrote down also how he was disappointed at his fake friends. He was preparing himself physically and mentally for 3 weeks to do this. He wrote that he loves us all and pls don’t do what I did . Don’t give me an expensive funeral i didn’t deserve it just cremate me or something. And he said trust me it’s the best way out. I don’t really know how am I gonna live without my boy, the guilt and pain are so strong that I can’t even put into the words. My heart is broken forever. 😢💔 The only hope I have that I’ll meet him again but I missed him so much and I lost meaning of life and motivation for life. I have a 23 year old daughter living with me and who is also very sad and depressed of losing her brother, he was her best friend . I’m so sorry for everyone who is going through the same pain. Life is torture now.

[@roncohen7170]

Moving and powerful! Hearing "get up" from a loved one that has gone before us reminds us that our time here is so temporary and that we must somehow move on to honor them and to heal.

[@Gilion100]

I lost my son on 22nd December 2022 . My pain is too much. I'm about to give up. How could I lose my beautiful son Ibrahim at just 14 who was a boy I truly loved and why is death so punishing? Is death a measure of faith? Will I truly see him again? He was a child of faith and I'm born again Christian.

[@ishikachhatria4267]

He is surely walking with our Lord Jesus holding his hands in the heavenly garden.. My son too went to the heavenly home, left me with a everlasting pain.. Jesus Christ is my only comfort zone...

[@pamelacole3960]

Thank you Phil for sharing your experience. Like you, I lost my only child eight years ago and life has never been the same. In a way I am healing and and at the same time making the life of my 26 year old son count. Thanks

[@philcohen9282]

Thank you, Pamela, for taking the time to watch my talk. I hear when you say that life has never been the same and you're taking action to make his life count. This is one of the reasons I decided to deliver this talk. There's so much more I wanted to share but I was allotted 10 minutes for my talk. I'd love to hear about what you're doing to honor your son's memory.

[@ceciliomendoza3080]

lost my son 29year old may 2021. My son had lymphoma and imunocompromized and covid. still coping and healing

[@KatieKimball]

It was definitely time for that 60-year-old paradigm to be challenged and flipped sideways! Thank you for sharing your story, Phil.

[@mbords01]

I have listened to inspiring talks on grief; they usually make me feel less alone; the emotion of grief though continues..... I own it till the day of eternity.

[@leahbel25]

I understand how isolating it is to be engulfed in grief. You are not alone. I will miss my son forever. Hugs to you.

[@mistyn380]

I’m in the same boat. Grief is now my shadow and I’ve accepted it. And like you, I’ve listened to so many podcasts and even group therapy, it just makes me feel “less alone”. I too will own it till my day of eternity( I love this phrase. Will have to steal it 😉)

[@scottbirrell341]

That’s what I’m feeling. Worthlessness. I couldn’t protect my son from the doctors that are meant to help. Xx

[@sucharithaashwinrao3441]

I lost my 12.5 years old son 10days ago. 😢 I don't know how I will live my life

[@gonzaleo]

Sorry to hear this

[@wk9195]

youll be surprised how strong you are.... just take it inch by inch... step by step...day by day youll make it through eventually ... never forget ... it wasnt your fault :-)

[@sendoutcards100]

With almost, any devastation comes a reason to fight! Your "search," your "fight" is for you to own. And, you just proved that to yourself with this talk. Bravo...

[@philcohen9282]

Thank you Jeff!

[@donnadavis5544]

Thank you. I identified with a many things you said so keenly that it helped me understand and gave me hope. I lost my only child Benjamin 15 months ago. And yes my boy came to me and said, " its ok Mom" I'm good." The journey is strange. But yes I'm finding my way. I have many moments of hope and gratitude.

[@vindhyafernando8198]

I also lost my wonderful 19old son for cruel Crohn's disease.he was a super fighter and while suffering for 8 years he lit our lives with his light and knowledge and his morals. It's been only four months and I decline my grief by thinking that WE'RE ALL WAITING IN A TRANSIT POINT AND HE WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO TAKE THE FIRST FLIGHT ✈️ .❤️

[@publictvfan9913]

Grief is a big conversation, and we NEED to talk about it more. It isn’t a one size fits all experience.

[@philcohen9282]

Agreed! Especially as men. It's ok to not be ok. There's no shame in sharing, crying, and seeking help.

[@leebreadman]

I lost my 20 year old son due to a motorcycle crash...1 month before his 21st Birthday.....this is so i credibly hard....there are just no answers

[@AnnapolisGirly]

I lost my son earlier this month. Nothing else to say because I can’t comprehend this.

[@nancycook8284]

I lost my only son on 3 23 2023, I don't know how I feel. I feel numb. I miss him so much.

[@madsdx8397]

Absolutely, trying to direct people towards starting here and ending there when they're navigating grief is so ridiculous.

[@janiceglanders]

I am so, so moved by this. I needed to hear this, thank you Phil.

[@elizabethadigolo3192]

I just lost my precious daughter. I’m down

[@theluisquinn]

There is so much courage and resilience here, what an amazing man.

[@gleciahood8626]

I just lost my only daughter to ovarian cancer. I am devastated😢😢😢

[@amyarmstrongcoach]

What a touching and powerful talk, Philip. This will impact many, many lives. Thank you for teaching us how to authentically grieve.

[@JeredKohsman]

My daughter harper passed, we never got to meet each other, and then i lost my son reece on 2-9-2022 he passed 2 days shy of turning 7 months old..of those 7 months he spent 136 days in the hospital...R.I.P. REECE VINCENT KOHSMAN!!!! DADDY LOVES YOU!

[@joefox166]

“It’s okay, Dad. I’ll see you when you get here.” - Can’t wait, Patrick. ❤

[@timoguedon]

I have watched a few talks about grief and found varying new ways of dealing with loss but this one I think is the best. It allows you to acknowledge the grief and understand that it might never go away, but that doesn't mean you have to stay stuck in the most heartbroken stage. Thank you Phil.

[@bettarease]

Grief is such a personal experience, I don't think there should be any outlined process on how to go through it. I wish we could all feel that, as to not have to go through what Phil had to here, but instead of questioning, grieving in whatever way we feel comfortable - whether that's finding purpose or meaning in every day things or focusing on lessons and ways to grow.

[@carlosHarris-pi7um]

THANK YOU, as a therapist helping grieving people this is priceless. & I'm so sorry 😢

[@Vzero00]

I lost my 5month old son. I read some of the comment seeking the light at the end of tunnel. I hope I can learn what Phil stated. Thank you for this video. Thanks to every who shared…. It really makes me feel I’m not alone. I have two older boys 4 and 2. Struggling atm. It’s on day 2 for me. Any suggestion please feel free.

[@oceandizzle7]

I hope you come back to this video to rewatch as i comment... as it's not a one size fits all, like he stated. That's the only reason why I'm commenting. My childhood best friend lost her only son to a heart disease no one knew he had... her baby was only 8 months old. She posted this video on her timeliness and it's only been a week for her. It'll probably never go away. But I hope to comment so you can rewatch the video as I dunno what to say. ... other than much love, healing, blessings, and condolences 🙏 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@adaadiaz3017]

So sorry for your loss. Let grief take its course. Don’t suppress the tears. Let it all out, those feelings of sadness, sorrow and even anger. The Lord understands. He will not get mad at you. Death is not the end. A new world is coming with Christ in charge. He will wipe away all tears from every eye.