Trump Wishes The Dems Were "Kiddingly" About Impeachment

[@paulybrunner9091]

I was at a bar here in Colorado when he said this on TV...MY GOD we all just laughed! What a Putz!

[@kathywilkins5546]

@Maritza Piccarillo because he is too ignorant to realize Colorado does not border with Mexico.

[@sapphireriddles6692]

We can only hope he meant to say california

[@berndwurzer8404]

But you know! There ist a border to "New Mexico" ... :D

[@sandragouthro1168]

pauly brunner The Great Wall of Colorado! Look at all the Putzes who stood and applauded his announcement! Maybe they think it will keep Spanky out.

[@submariner50]

Haters don't allow for a verbal mistake. The President talks a lot in public. That's a Good thing. Past presidents have mostly kept things secret from us. Like him or not, he is showing us what he thinks and why he does what he does. He has been persecuted like No other president in history. Why? Because this in the shadows of government realize they are Nit in power now. They expected crooked Hillary to be elected. The people have spoken. Give it a rest. Vote your mind in 2020. Freedom isn't free.

[@DonnaMarie113]

You outdid yourself tonight, Stephen!

[@SeaLeta]

I remember someone in the comments saying he's gonna make a dumb tweet defending his words on building a wall in Colorado.

[@thepolarcool1]

Right. He's so egotistical and can't fathom admitting making a mistake. So instead of saying he misspoke he just sends out a bullshit tweet trying to justify it

[@kaoko111]

Pfff... Trump taking to Twitter to defend one of their (MANY) dumb statements? Is like predicting that tomorrow we will have a sunrise.

[@suddenturnforthebest2282]

Right on The Sid, he literally can't admit he's wrong, and I mean literally. Dude by the time you said the hurricane going to affect Alabama, yes there was a chance, 5 days prior. It's so ridiculously obvious and you couldn't ever get most Trumpets to admit he's ever lied once in office. Even when you point out like when he said his rally-goers were soaking wet in rain waiting for him when it didn't rain a drop that day, they answer it with something to do with how bad Democrats are and make no sense. We like have to be living in a simulation..

[@AeroGold1]

@@thepolarcool1 same with how he added a sharpie line to the map to justify Alabama getting hit by the hurricane

[@53cr3t4ccnt]

@@AeroGold1 does this mean We call must return to school because the maps are redrawn?

[@Yeoitsski]

“I miss you facts”. Same man, same

[@TheTrimed1]

I watched a 5 minutes KZbin commercial where a scientist explained why facts don't change. The very sad and chilling reality is that a Trump supporter would see it as propaganda.

[@davidnelson6200]

It's like a cult.

[@brucewayne7252]

Wanna see REAL collusion my friend? Check this out- kzbin.info/www/bejne/g3_bdnelorqfjtk

[@cindyyeager8627]

Boo him out of the stadium.

[@brian-beeler]

That would drive him crazy. I mean crazier than he's now.

[@messy352]

Cindy Yeager : That would be awesome! Of course he will probably say that he got a standing ovation and that anyone who reports on it is “fake news.”

[@hippiecowgirl4231]

messy352 , that is exactly what would happen

[@Kratsen]

@@messy352 And don't forget: He also will have "made the most tremendous first throw in american history ("they" say maybe in all the histories) and even made the first homerun in alle the histories of baseball." Everything else must be "FAKE NEWS"....

[@Ethan.s..]

If that happened, biff would say that the people are all hired actors from the DNC.

[@davidlane256]

He could throw the ball underhanded. I hear he’s good at underhanded

[@Max_Doubt]

Heh! David, y're a wag! He won't _throw_ the ball. He'll _huck_ it. I hear he's a good huckster...

[@andrewmastin4312]

He’ll just take the ball and go home.

[@TazorNissen]

The only thing Trump can throw, is a tantrum..

[@fandomguy8025]

HA!

[@Surge1077]

Can those tiny hands of his even grip a baseball?

[@Koooo4]

How long before he brings out the map and sharpie to prove Colorado IS at the border?

[@alisaoliver1969]

Yeah....just what I was thinking!!!😂😂😂😂

[@mlpfanboy1701]

Mine Finder obama admited he was wrong

[@Koooo4]

@@Mine-Finder bUt ObAmA

[@Koooo4]

@John michael you got some serious issues my dude..

[@katrose5179]

John michael I’m pretty sure the Catholic Church frowns on things like telling people who to vote for. In fact, I know it. Now, many a priest ignores that. It’s still so. Are you a troll pretending to be Catholic in an attempt to turn people against Colbert? I mean, you’re definitely a troll. I’m just curious how much you actually believe what you’re writing. See, if Jesus is actually dictating messages to you, and you were Catholic, I have a hard time believing you wouldn’t contact the Church about it. Mind, they evaluate such claims pretty strictly, just as they do claims of miracles. They also frown pretty strongly on people putting blatant political messages into Jesus’s mouth. Hmm. If you are indeed Catholic, might want to talk to your priest about this manner of writing comments you have going on.

[@hutianyi6948]

"Oh my, cannibalism." -Jon Batiste, 2019

[@astral_nemesis]

Hu Tianyi arguably one of the best lines he’s had

[@SabaDhutt]

“I love the President so much, I may never love another President again “- Matt Gaetz. Ffs sake man grow a pair, do you know how’s that clip gonna look after Trump’s gone?

[@MrBswede]

He’s obviously drunk driving again.

[@Montesama314]

Republicans have notoriously short memories.

[@chloekey8043]

sheryl martin well, there you go, he’s got no brains or honor

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

It's pretty chilling language, to be honest. Never wanting another president again is called a dictatorship. The fact that republicans would sooner choose their party over their country is a truly awful state of affairs.

[@troyjardine5850]

Florida needs to boot Matt out of office next election,he mortifies the state

[@Ectava]

When a defense attorney has to hire a defense attorney.....something has gone horribly wrong.

[@garnnet211]

Maybe the defense attorney to the defense attorney will have to hire a defense attorney lol.

[@hedegaard8]

Why? Its insane to represent yourself. Guess you don't know law. Good luck.

[@telectronix1368]

@@hedegaard8 Oh dear, that was a 'rebuttal' of truly Trumpian weakness. The **point** is that an attorney should follow the law and shouldn't end up, for example, involved in so many shady people and situations that they are suspected of aiding in high crimes. These criminal cases are not trivial and they are not brought about for frivilous reasons. Rudi "Truth isn't truth" Giuliani has gotten himself into this situation either because he knowingly was aiding criminals or was too incompetent to realise. Either way......it ain't a good indicator of a high-quality, upstanding lawyer.

[@Alejandro_87]

I understand that it is not in the least bit unusual for an attorney to have an attorney but lets be honest here..... if you're the president's personal attorney looking for a criminal attorney to represent you in an active CRIMINAL investigation.... that just does not look good at all.

[@hedegaard8]

@@telectronix1368 Sorry, but the world is not so "black & white" as you so naively believe it to be. One can also be falsely accused. That is what the courts are there to decide. As for being a Trumpian - I'm a Bernie fan, or rather, "was" a Bernie fan. But its ok - its not an insult to me to be associated as a Trumpian. :)

[@blackbird5634]

People ask me all the time "Where is Colorado?" and I tell them "It's in Texas." These are good people, the best people, there are good people on both sides.

[@CallieMasters5000]

50-50 odds that you can find something in Texas, so that's a good answer

[@penguin12902]

Colorado is big, some people even say it's the biggest city in the world!

[@blackbird5634]

@@penguin12902 It's got Miami International Airport and that IS big! Everyone is saying so.

[@strawberryhellcat4738]

@@blackbird5634 And a fierce battle was fought at that airport during the Revolutionary War!

[@blackbird5634]

@@strawberryhellcat4738 Frederick Douglas was there too, he came all the way from Finland where he was raking the forest to prevent forest fires. And by the way, windmills cause cancer. Which i bet you didn't know, but many people don't know this. i know it, because i have a big, a-brain.

[@m.g.mourad3241]

“Feel the burn then hold it until you start coughing” 😂😂😂

[@ll7868]

Leonidas and the 300 Spartans were slaughtered along with most of their allies. Great comparison, let's hope the same happens to Gaetz and the idiots who were with him.

[@PetroicaRodinogaster264]

ᕼᑌᗰᗩᑎ ᖴᗴᒪᒪᗩ don’t knock Leonidas...WE ARE SPARTA

[@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing]

And they were _also_ big on Eugenics

[@clancywiggam]

Good point, but more importantly, how have you got that font on your name?

[@TheNefastor]

@@PetroicaRodinogaster264 if by "we" you mean "America", I don't recall the majority of Spartans being obese morons.

[@nickmessner700]

Can we not advocate for the death of people we disagree with? We need to hold ourselves to higher standards.

[@MeleeTiger]

"I miss you facts, come back..." We repeat this every waking moment... Also that'd make a good shirt.

[@SeerWS]

Give your writers a raise for this episode

[@noskillzdad5504]

This one was on fire, tbh.

[@couragekarnga8735]

The whole team works perfectly! I love this show!

[@truthbrotha1244]

Courage Karnga Yes... it tickles your lizard brain. Feels good, huh? Perhaps read a book instead? 🤷‍♂️

[@dlxinfinite7098]

His Bernie is pretty good. Great episode.

[@sanderstar1000]

Laugh after laugh

[@nehasudhir2400]

Stephen: “the walls are closing in-“ Me: “on Colorado?”

[@blahguy6679]

Have you been to downtown Denver?

[@onedivbypi2241]

I'm not sure if he is shipping the boarder wall to Colorado but he separated kids from parents at the border and shipped the parents as far away as Seattle. At least all they need to do is get over the wall in Colorado from new Canada and they can find their kids in new New Mexico on the other side ? America, you are all fired... Fake Impeachment.

[@reneerenee2986]

@@onedivbypi2241 😂😂😂😂😂WOW!

[@CyberLx]

We are with you in prayers.

[@jessf1663]

Oh no

[@myview3367]

"I miss you facts. Come back, I'll floss this time." 😂 spit my coffee out with that one.

[@KB-zb2he]

Colbert with the 🔥🔥like always. So much humor and comfort at the same time. Thank god for you my friend.

[@dayumdaniel1]

Man, everything is just sad now. Everyday more lies, more disgusting excuses..

[@sterlingp.6992]

Lol snowflake

[@ADerpyReality]

At least some US media calls the president out. Not as much in Australia and our PM/his party.

[@nicholaslewis8594]

American Made, Donald Trump is the President of the United States, so a person we have to talk about.

[@julesmasseffectmusic]

@American Made You sound butt hurt. I understand why you feel that way having your troops fled the Turks. A single phone call and your troops run away screaming "The Turks are coming", its cool tho, apparently the Saudi's have given permission for your troops to hide in their country.

[@julesmasseffectmusic]

@American Made You would not have a clue seppo. You are too cowardly to admit you have problems, your too uneducated to think critically and your too stupid to understand that facts matter and your too arrogant to understand that the rest of the world laughs at you DURING UN CONFERENCES.

[@anitafix4053]

Those people behind him were told stand up and clap or lose today's pay. They should of been looking at each other going WTF

[@jennifermoriarty2188]

Even a Democrat rally isn't thinking when at a rally and will clap for nonsense

[@ArutaretiI]

In Rudy's case, it would be pointless to look in the mirror, he can't see himself in it.

[@recklessroges]

Hey! That's offensive to vampires! Monsters like Rudy do cast a reflection, (they just never reflect upon their actions.)

[@alanmacification]

With Miller, Conway, and Graham,that makes two vampires, a zombie, and Dr. Jeckle.

[@wullieg7269]

Ready for Halloween.

[@MariG333UdntCme]

Ah SNAP. 🙊

[@wullieg7269]

Al,whose the were WOOOOOOOOOlf?.

[@chrisfloyd7316]

The worst part is that the people kept clapping once he said Colorado

[@nulnoh219]

Standing ovation. Those hard hat guys stood up and clapped when he said Walls in Colorado. He loves the poorly educated.

[@triple_axel973]

Even an ovation

[@pj2334]

Probably someone turned on the applause sign.

[@nayinayi1]

Obviously they are not listing to what he is saying. They are there to get paid to clap and make noise...

[@AmyB369]

Russia gave then hamburder coupons to clap

[@DracoNobilis]

"Rudy if youre looking for a good attorney, dont look into the mirror!" "Rudy : joke's on you sucker. I never had a reflection in the mirror!"

[@jadenquest9544]

Lmao 😂

[@tiernyt2051]

Lol!! Okay this is a good one.

[@leopoldbloom4835]

Someone in Stephen‘s writer team should get fired for not inventing that joke! 😂

[@slcRN1971]

This is such a good retort that I keep chuckling every time I think about it.....THANKS!!

[@frankingram3477]

A great man is reminded by many how great he is, a con man has to constantly tell everyone how great he thinks he is.

[@francoisrd]

Almost all of trump’s attorneys need their own attorneys. Yikes

[@MariG333UdntCme]

Lmao

[@andrewmastin4312]

Yup. Sekulow and Barr are next in line.

[@Demonpixyb]

"Greatest witch hunt in American history..." I remember hearing about this crazy thing that happened in Salem, MA around 1692. Fake news, I guess.

[@maggierezac5820]

@Brad Mamalis, exactly! He wants a REAL "Witch Hunt"? Let's see if he surfaces from the water, with the stones attached. I'll just wait over here to see what happens. Helluva lot quicker than doing it this way! Peace!

[@BlindErephon]

@@maggierezac5820 And don't forget my personal favorites, we can jab him with a needle repeatedly and if he doesn't flinch, WIIIIIITCH! And make him drink a gallon jug of water blessed by a priest, without stopping. If he chokes or cant finish.....WIIIIIIIIITCH!

[@andreblackaller3560]

Brad Mamalis Everyone knows that was a Hoax!

[@karenhall8596]

@@andreblackaller3560 Oh, OKAYYY.... So glad you set us all straight, flat-Earther...

[@Slizzo82]

@@karenhall8596 Whoosh?

[@jacobsimon4358]

"Oh, my, Cannibalism." -Jon Batiste 2019

[@davidmendizabal9892]

Even Stephen laughed at that

[@davey1272250]

omg searching the comments for this ! He said it so casually

[@BWAcolyte]

9:37

[@RicardoMorales_REI]

Stephen is a genius delivering his monologue. This guy is a master. He had me laughing all 12 minutes! 😂

[@elainegambone2098]

I-

[@VeganDefinition]

If you eat meat, then you support animal cruelty, veganism is the future! Make the switch, watch Earthlings, you'll never view anything the same! vegan KZbinr btw...

[@reactionjunkie7891]

you sir win the internet today!!

[@michaelpipkin9942]

@@reactionjunkie7891 No. No he didn't "win". I hate your generic comments. Same shit. Same shit.

[@VeganDefinition]

@@michaelpipkin9942 mad?

[@corndoug2605]

@@michaelpipkin9942 hey man, he's just tryna toss out a compliment! Shit's lean out here! ✌🏻

[@michaelpipkin9942]

@@corndoug2605 Be original. Maybe I'm a different animal. Have imagination. Your own thoughts, not a copy. Honestly just saying, look at things your own way. You guys know your just a photo copy of a copy. If you disagree, oh well.

[@bgmcc907]

The high Bernie Sanders impression: instant classic comedy gold.

[@angelsantiago4903]

What worries me is the idiots giving him a standing ovation after he said wall in Colorado.

[@janetmcgibney]

That's because they are Gobshites! That's an Irish saying for Idiots 😜😉😜

[@olgarodriguez2142]

Cuz its hilariously and stupid. Trump is dumb asa rock

[@olgarodriguez2142]

The comment did its job. It is hilarious for its absurdity!

[@tomasviane3844]

That's because they had no idea where Colorado was. They were actors, brought in from the Deep State.

[@oz7141]

This was one of the best Colbert monologues, hands down.

[@censusgary]

About half the Republicans who “stormed” the hearing room are on the relevant committees and so were authorized to attend the hearing. They were standing on a Welcome mat, pounding on an open door, shouting “Let me in! Let me in!”

[@dienomo]

Wel,l why did Schiff stop the hearing and leave with the witness

[@chuckperego2216]

@@dienomo Perhaps because, with the Republican crash (and the illegal cell phones they brought with them) the "Secure" facility was no longer secure?

[@cf3451]

@@dienomo Do you not read? He stopped because the so-called protesters brought in cell phones and were live-tweeting from the proceedings. Phones are not allowed for obvious reasons. BTW there are 46 Republicans in on the proceedings. They just aren't extreme evangelical repubs. Guess they don't count. Lol. What about the other 107 Republicans that refused to participate in the publicity stunt?

[@dj4650]

Five Minute Genius 😐

[@Voldine2]

There's the problem. They were trying to push open a door from the side that had big red letters declaring the need to pull. We all know that Republicans have trouble reading anything that doesn't have the "White House Talking Points" header.

[@DesertEagleV]

I will take high Sanders anytime over the orange clown.

[@ex0stasis72]

You say that like you'd be settling for Bernie. I'd take Bernie over anyone else. He holds himself to an impossible standard and consistently ever since the 1970's.

[@AlecBaldwin5816]

​@@ex0stasis72 That is not what the republicans are saying. Bernie was proved to be a hoax. The guy's a joke. It's the j--, ever heard of? He's not going to give you a hand. Once He grabs the money, He will let you down and laughing his way out. You guys got glued, severely damaged.

[@Snowleaper]

@@AlecBaldwin5816 if you can provide your sources, I'd be more than happy to take a look at them.

[@ex0stasis72]

@@AlecBaldwin5816 I'd be more likely to believe you if you typed coherent sentences with correct grammar. I have no idea what you just tried to say.

[@AlecBaldwin5816]

Every grammar and words wer intended, even through I am under 1% English. Think genius type of guy here. Looks like apparent jerk, while not exactly. Bernie won't help you, not the guy for you, That is the correct information you are looking for and don't ask me where I got this info.

[@fatlacesthedon]

Orange is the new inmate

[@Trund27]

FATLACES THEDON LOL!!

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin5986]

Peach is the new orange!

[@vickijones2013]

that orange pig man aint going no where....

[@mikelouis9389]

He's gonna give the guards heart attacks at head count. They'll think there's an empty uniform standing there.

[@vikingsweden13]

Q is ...who is paying for this dream wall of the clown on charge

[@kevinfreeman3837]

"Thank you republicans for supporting me in my criminal activity, and for allowing me to enrich myself from all the bad business dealings that have made me poor, morally and financially"

[@SportTalkForDummies]

Didn’t the guys in 300 lose and all get slaughtered?!

[@fuckoffannoyingutube]

yup, though it is important to mention that their mission to delay the Persian army was a success.

[@RoloHolland]

They didnt loose. There were standing by there leader till there dead. Just like they do in the politics. McConnel is a great example.

[@LackeysLack]

@@RoloHolland Also, it was NEVER 300. It was 300 Spartan CITIZENS. Plus another 900 Spartan non-citizens. Plus, oh...5,000 or so from other Greek cities.

[@Squashed8Ball]

LackeysLack Yes, but when it was clear they were going to be flanked most of the army retreated while the Spartans and 700 Thebans held their ground in a rear-guard action so all the other troops could escape.

[@darklighter66]

@@LackeysLack So 300 hundred Spartans.

[@PrincessofErised]

"It is just like Romeo and Juliet, except everyone else wants to kill themselves." THAT was a for real Laugh Out Loud

[@DavidGonzalezSamudio]

Extra credit for spelling Juliet correctly =)

[@thesuccessfulone]

It was so good

[@EasyKiwi111]

Very cringey how Gaetz thinks he’s so badass

[@chrissiek8706]

Kindergarten bully thinking he's Rembo 😒

[@P.M.P.181]

Cringingly

[@smike-lz8uf]

@@P.M.P.181 Cringy, cringingly, chringey - they all fit, lol

[@Lawlend]

He is such a frat douche you can just imagine the Lacoste Polos through the internet with a heavy whiff of drakkar noir

[@gwen3010]

He tried going in by himself and was stopped then he gathered a few bad men to storm the room.

[@skaphanatic5657]

Fun fact: we actually used to have a Naval base in Idaho where we trained the nuclear operators for the aircraft carriers and submarines.

[@7XHARDER]

That Romeo and Juliet joke couldn't be more accurate, alleviated my depression for a solid 10 mins

[@lindaleelaw5277]

7X HARDER try Dry Bar comedy - the cleanest comedy and funny ; and also Gerry Brooks ( he's a h s principal in KY. And hysterical. ) I find both make me laugh so hard I cry

[@timan2039]

Walling off Kansas is not the worst idea.

[@claudettes9697]

Be nice, hahaha

[@rebeccasickler4555]

Let us Democrats out before you do. There's only 10 of us.

[@sailormoonstone5172]

Woah🤣We ain’t all bad

[@Elephantstonica]

Walling off the US would be a better one.

[@friendofdorothy9376]

Don’t forget Oklahoma.

[@angelarbab0091]

I’m so over trump, plz make him go away !

[@Blunderful19]

YOU CAN'T TELL ME WUT TO DU. UR NOT MY REAL DAD

[@NileshR12]

He needs to disappear & go to the Bermuda Triangle with his whole family of idiots 😂😂

[@shantoreywilkins651]

👍

[@angelarbab0091]

Trump Truth Train tried , it didn’t 😂😂😂

[@angelarbab0091]

Eric Larkin be a good boy now Eric!

[@saintmichael1779]

"Honey-baked scam..." His writers are on the top of their game.

[@kirapufy]

Trump's new slogan for 2020: Every State Gets a Wall! You Get a Wall! And You Get a Wall! And Greenland will pay for all!

[@jadenquest9544]

It rhymes

[@AlbertoGarcia-hk6jd]

GREENLAND 🇬🇱🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@marvinratchford7913]

who gets to feed the rabbits before they go 'Gang aft a-gley'? --- from Robert Burns poem "To A Mouse (on turning her up in her nest with the plough)": ...means that even the best of plans often go wrong-for the biggest and most intelligent creatures and also for the smallest and least intelligent.... lol

[@fandomguy8025]

Wouldn't that divvy up the US across the 50 states? Lol.

[@nonyabizness.original]

i'm in new mexico and we would love a wall to protect us from the maniac in chief.

[@DavidJ222]

Was he "kiddingly" too when he said Mexico was going to pay for the wall?😂

[@riparianlife97701]

New Mexico is paying for the wall!

[@Gauss6174]

@@riparianlife97701 exactly, he never said which mexico

[@nhungngo6798]

MAYBE, MEX WILL PAY FOR THE IMPEACHMENT.

[@suddenturnforthebest2282]

Nice. (Kiddingly) We're building the wall right now! (Kiddingly) Mexico will pay for it! (Kiddingly) We're bringing the troops home! (Kiddingly) I'm a stable genius! ( Kiddingly) I'm doing what's best for the American people, not myself! I get it now, the (kiddingly) is suppose to be at the beginning of every b.s. statement he makes, he's just leaving it out cause it would take hours everyday to put that in the beginning of every tweet! Brilliant Trump, brilliant..

[@NOMAD-qp3dd]

@@suddenturnforthebest2282 I *want* to show my taxes! (Kiddingly)

[@vanshulrathore]

Finally!! I was waiting for it.. kept on refreshing the page!

[@tonyrae86]

Me toooo

[@Twendelulu]

American politics October 2019: "Abuse of power is not against the law" #embarrassing

[@trippsmclovin]

@Terry Alford that isn't a law..... lol. He was american born... like he revealed after a lot of republican jackassery over the course of 8 years. America was built by IMMIGRANTS like your grandpappy. Hard working people who in the majority are apparently awful lot smarter than you. As they have to know that to be a citizen. Do you use google? You know it is free right?

[@babybirdhome]

Terry Alford You know this crazy newfangled internet thingy that you're commenting on has this amazing ability to let you read the actual law and see that even if Obama HAD been born in Kenya like you fuckers claim, he would STILL be a natural born citizen of the United States by birth because he was born to a natural born American citizen mother who had lived in the United States for at least ten years. What's funny is that you dipshits were all fine and dandy with John McCain running against him when he was ACTUALLY and PROVABLY born outside the United States, by every document and every witness and by McCain himself. But whatever. Who cares about the truth? This is all about stomping some libtards faces into the ground isn't it? Because fuck lefties for giving a shit about something other than themselves and money!

[@MetalDetroit]

Luigi Fanzini As long as your name is Biden or Clinton

[@theozlander4629]

Yeah my jaw dropped when he said that nonsense. The next democrat president will have SO MANY legs to stand on.

[@cruzboy2763]

Wow

[@daviddelaney2407]

"he's not very good at doing things one-handed" _I_ see you slipping that past the censors, Stephen! --Dave, it was a darkened Stormy night; suddenly, the maiden screamed!

[@lolawants2008]

“They’re like Romeo and Juliet… Except everybody else wants to kill themselves” *best line ever* 👌

[@Elandrianthetrue]

whoever wrote that joke deserves a raise

[@frankmalinaro9700]

Spot -on observation !

[@cpt_nordbart]

(kiddingly) Trump will be remembered as the best President ever.

[@rike94]

Lowest unemployment in 51 years. Period.

[@2nd_snideelf144]

Vomiting...

[@gabor6259]

"I hope not!"

[@2nd_snideelf144]

@@rike94 thanks, mr. putin.

[@Sharonformation]

@@rike94 tell us what laws Trump has passed that caused the unemployment to go that low. He only dropped it down a little over one percentage point since taking office.

[@GamingTonberry]

When the president calls being elected "The Insurance Policy", you know something smells in D.C. and it isn't the Rose Garden.

[@brooklyna007]

I think you misunderstood it. He was calling the Russia investigation an insurance policy by the democrats in case Trump got elected.

[@JuggernautProductions]

Was just about to go to bed, then it's time for the hilariously painful bedtime story from 1600 Crazy Avenue.

[@cynthiakozikowski1765]

Thank you, Colbert, for getting us through this nightmare Trump regime with your humor and laughter. 😂😂😂

[@ugyenthinley8081]

The fools behind giving him standing ovations though

[@RWald8888]

racists in orange safely vests I have a premonition he'll be in an orange safety vest soon from head to toe

[@michaedove3562]

Yeah, unreal. Just how stupid do you have to be to give a standing ovation to someone that just said they're building a border wall in Colorado!?!

[@seekr6964]

they were paid

[@Fraterchaoraterchaos]

MAGA: My Attorney Got an Attorney

[@RWald8888]

Maga: make asshole go away

[@mrbanditoxyz]

@kissmyaass1 - Bless your heart - we know you just can't help the braindamage...

[@chrischilders4248]

@kissmyaass1 ok boomer.

[@oldricegod]

@@RWald8888 Good One! Lol😂😂😂

[@mylesastinnette6208]

frater chaos 🤣🤣

[@Taxero79]

Giuliani can look in the mirror all he wants, it's not like there's going to be a reflection.

[@robertarrowood3651]

We've learned that if your lawyer needs a lawyer things are getting bad.

[@awesomeized1432]

“What do we want?” “WHAT WE HAVE!” “When do we want it?” “ALREADY GOT IT!” “Why are we here?” “I DON’T KNOW!” 😂😂😂

[@SomeRandomJackAss]

That should open most Republican meetings, tbh.

[@smooth5755]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@robertmillar180]

For me that was the best gag of the show!😂

[@awesomeized1432]

Robert Millar Agreeeed

[@stampandscrap7494]

You are a star

[@tinoramos5139]

The idiots in the background gave him a standing ovation for his Colorado wall declaration.

[@jessf1663]

Stupid is what stupid does.

[@yawmonte7707]

Why don't you want a wall?

[@judioregan4210]

@@yawmonte7707 - for Colorado?!?

[@judioregan4210]

They were probably told that if they didn't they'd be fired. Did you see how clean and brand new their hard hats and high vis vests were? Hmmm....🤔🤔🤔

[@yawmonte7707]

@@judioregan4210 obviously not for Colorado but the Southern borders

[@StevieMeyer]

The "greatest witch hunt in American history" as if there weren't actual witch hunts in American history

[@jstnsmutek]

(in Trump's voice) But nobody tweeted abouted at the time so it doesn't count

[@patsysadowski1546]

They were mostly women though, so he’s on brand.

[@nartouzumaki8232]

its more like a Son of a Bitch Hunt

[@neerajamb]

Stevie Meyer Irony is dead.

[@jiorts]

if his weight matches the one of a pumpkin he shall be removed from office

[@Kalypso_Belador]

"The greatest witch hunt in American history" -Trump "Am I a joke to you?" -Salem Witch Trials

[@moonshine.melody]

Thank you for your candor.

[@DuranmanX]

the second Red Scare was probably worst

[@lisashrestha5023]

Warlock

[@inkchip7351]

@Daisy Landis Agreed sister

[@leonardtaylor6526]

Trump could have removed the letter W in Witch and replaced it with another letter

[@UsernamesForDummies]

He does such a good “Bernie”.

[@danny4evr]

I was just thinking the same

[@Blacklabel4200]

Hell yea

[@hairpolitics4878]

Hell yasssss

[@ad0lf0h81]

"Together we will trip balls!!!!" 😂😂😆😆

[@jayattipoe6597]

Stephen Colbert is absolutely one of the very best! Such an engaging and intelligent comic!

[@jonnelson9760]

I understand fully why the republicans are upset. They are having to live with the consequences of republican policies.

[@Hannah-ks4mi]

And republican malfeasance.

[@Valcroth1]

And like the Guilliani joke implies, these Republicans have to look in the mirror and see what they’re upset with everyday.....themselves. That’s why they stay so upset and angry all the time.

[@SGGCREATIVES]

As if Bernie wasn't loved enough. Now he's gone herbal!!! Best grampa EVER!

[@SGGCREATIVES]

@Oriental Studios source or scram!

[@sandrahilton9122]

@Oriental Studios Oh, baby, you are confused. It's okay, I will type slowly. Most Americans hate Trump, we love Bernie

[@zaloo]

Oriental Studios the american for-profit healthcare system is AWFUL

[@savishra]

@Oriental Studios just as they do in Canada and Scandinavian countries? Google what real socialism is, it's collective ownership of all means of production What berine wants is more social welfare, something most (if not all) developed countries have better than the US

[@ziondelhamorte66]

Bernie is the shit. Go research the man. Not what tv wants you to think.

[@whydidmyhandlechangefromAlice]

Every time I see the clip of republicans “storming” the room I hear the bleating of a herd of sheep... it’s amusing

[@amykruse6887]

Sheep move faster.

[@enuphsayd9746]

Lets not leave the cow. There was a cow amongst them 😁

[@YaoEspirito]

Yeah, when I picture the Beerhall Putsch, I can't imagine it was a flock of petulant nerds brandishing cellphones jostling their way in.

[@MrBswede]

Yup, it was quite a “storm” alright. Looked like a bunch of marines! Oops, misspelled that. I meant morons.

[@telectronix1368]

Reminded me more of a group of teenagers out in public where none of them are totally sure what they are doing so they just try to stay as a group and bluff it out.

[@Bemantix]

Man, I enjoy every second of this show.

[@aaronr9023]

"What do we want?" I want to cry laughing because that was damn funny. 😂

[@SalabandaEndoki]

They should have been arrested. For protesting and barging in there

[@srkh8966]

SalabandaEndoki The committee members who joined Matt should be interviewed as to why they felt the need to “storm” into a room they were entitled to be in. 🙄

[@waterandafter]

They should have been arrested, but then they'd get to claim they are maryters for the cause.

[@dustoff499]

​@@srkh8966 Many of them were NOT entitled to be in there. They were not members of the process [committees] that does, in fact, include Republican representation. They were there to obstruct and mislead the public -- as usual.

[@Draconaes]

@TurnRight Is the sky the same color in your world?

[@Asher_Tye]

@TurnRight You were paying attention that there is transparency going on. In fact many of those Republicans were in fact entitled, nay, expected to be there, so them wasting time at this staged mob instead of preparing questions for the depositions should be pissing their base off.

[@juanvilchez6978]

Im guessing he’s going to change the US map with a sharpie so he can once again be “right”

[@jewelslipps7381]

Oh, the simple times of the first impeachment...

[@darrenskjoelsvold]

"Oh my, cannibalism.." best quote of the whole clip.

[@blessall4ever]

my favorite moment!

[@masterimbecile]

We also wished he was kiddingly elected, so I suppose it's fair.

[@gusmonster59]

He wasn't elected by the people, so it was sort of kiddingly elected.

[@bethe192]

and you really need to swap screennames with him.

[@robertmillar180]

Yes, he was kiddingly elected - though the joke is on us!

[@masterimbecile]

@@bethe192 lol nice. I picked the name when I first set up my account since I knew how much time I'd waste on KZbin. So I suppose... also fair?

[@teganbouchard3992]

We need Bernie in office. I want Colbert to do that Bernie impression for four years.

[@bethwatsontreadwell812]

OMG! My thoughts exactly! His impression is dead on! And the other guy, Mr teeth, lololol I have to have my daily dose of funny from S.C. or else I'd lose my mind!

[@adithyavraajkumar5923]

@Oriental Studios That would have been me and Trump lol

[@sprybug]

@Oriental Studios lol, awful. He's the best candidate that will actually fix a lot of shit with people power Get your head out of your ass.

[@randallmarsh1187]

@@bethwatsontreadwell812 LOL, Mnuchin and you're right!

[@claudettes9697]

Agreed!

[@raquelcrud9015]

His tweets are getting more incomprehensiveable. Not like they weren't before but now...

[@r38658]

Matt Gaetz: "Mr. DUI" and got away because his daddy bailed him out, just like Trump's dad had to bail out Trump's failed casinos.

[@janedoe327]

gaetz is that smug, entitled, obnoxious, drunk frat boy that we all hate.

[@chloekey8043]

He does have a mug shot from it. A congressman with a mu shot

[@jondana8380]

@Maria Romero and importantly NOT IN PUBLIC OFFICE. Think, woman, even if it hurts.

[@soccrstar4]

“They’re like Romeo and Juliette, except everybody else wants to kill themselves.” I can’t breathe.

[@Blunderful19]

Left lung, right lung. I gotchoo.

[@8B8B8B88]

VERY Eric Garner......shnoice

[@JimBlock999]

I hired Mr. Giuliani 1999 as an attorney to defend me in a case of a missed payment for a parking ticket. I've left jail yesterday.

[@NafaratMiyaMiya]

Oh My God! that Bernie impression at the end had me laughing sooo hard!!!

[@camelsheit_on_the_walls446]

How I wish USA were just kidding about having something as the Trump as a president, - sigh . But how can a joke (and such a grotesque one, at that) last this long.

[@hoonz97]

camelshit could be worse. They could eject socialisim

[@ellenanderson9535]

camelshit it's a fucking nightmare

[@MaximusEugenius]

Fox and Friends are not the sharpest tools in the shed, so Judge Napolitano had to slap them with a reality check backhand.

[@srkh8966]

Nightstone Yes, they sat there listening like confused puppies.

[@chrissiek8706]

@@srkh8966 puppies are cute, though

[@lkcullen1918]

*"What do we want?!"* "What we have!" *"When do we want it?!"* "Already got it!" *"Why are we here?!"* "I don't know!" Thanks for my eternal giggle fit, Colbert lol

[@theresajschuer6279]

Actinium Liza

[@omalor]

The epitome of white privilege.

[@beyondthedevil933]

He also spelled "referred" wrong. Probably kiddingly.

[@yogib8]

hahahahahahaha

[@mo0oks1]

That and the entire tweet sounds like insane syphilitic ramblings

[@judioregan4210]

@@mo0oks1 - his tweets always sound like syphilitic ramblings.

[@griffinsmith2109]

Also what tf is up with him capitalizing every other word

[@lindaward3156]

@@griffinsmith2109 I've Always Wondered that...i don't "do" twitter so I thot it, at first, it was something I was, as usual, behind in. I'm still, as usual, behind in most things modern but I manage. I find it disconcerting to be much more intelligent than the President of the United States. it's not supposed to work that way!

[@DavidHansson1978]

When you wish Homer Simpson was your president.

[@dailybls]

Homer is a decent human being another class altogether. He doesn't deserve to be in the same sentence as Trump..

[@DavidHansson1978]

@@dailybls Agreed.

[@bird271828]

I miss George Bush.

[@couragekarnga8735]

At least he was adorable.

[@2ezTimmy]

You'd be voting for Marge

[@michaelmccoy1794]

Damn. Steven's trump impression is funny, but his bernie impression is locked down!

[@DaciaBertrandBuchanan]

Yep!

[@aaronrobinson2121]

@@DaciaBertrandBuchanan Honestly when I read Sanders quotes I hear them in Steven's voice, not Bernie's.

[@JSkyGemini]

I love it. I want Bernie to win regardless, but it would be fun to have Stephen aping him....and Bernie's a good sport, unlike drumpf.

[@katrose5179]

John michael Wow. Jesus must not notice how rich Trump is. Or how much he supports Russia and has financial ties there. Or how Trump and his children are financially tied to China. Funny, that.

[@soccerruben1]

As a Bernie supporter, love it!

[@mooglemage6456]

"The biggest witch hunt in American history." He does realize there was an actual, literal witch hunt in Salem, MA right?

[@stanleyhape8427]

Well in his mind people being wrongfully killed , still isn't nearly as bad a people saying negative things about him.

[@JianLakerson]

He may mean none were ever proved to be actual witches, it has been said to have been a hoax perpetrated by a servant woman causing hysteria in little girls and grown men. So, witch hunt means hoax, fake news, nothing there. He'd like us all to believe his actions are a "nothing burger," made up, a scam.

[@michaelpondo6324]

Hey prez its not a. Witch hunt its a. Bitch hunt as in. Bitch. Mc connel.

[@thesuccessfulone]

I don't think he realizes it and might think it happened in Europe

[@gorkskoal9315]

lol and that iron madens, stones, and murders of crows, with blairs, and megadurp had a whoooole other meaning then...

[@dustinf49]

"Together, we will trip balls!"

[@facitenonvictimarum]

No Donny, we're not kiddingly. We're impeachingly. Live wid it.

[@TheHighlander1]

Nah, we aren't impeaching They just want to drag this to the end of the election year in hopes itll make him fail at reelection Mark my words, this will dissapear after the election. And if hes reelected. Sorry. "When" he is reelected, their will be jail cells for alot of these white collar criminals

[@facitenonvictimarum]

Yeah, we're impeachingly. Thanks, I *will* mark your words and git bak ta ya when the papers are filed -- just for the fun of it.

[@Montesama314]

Simone Biles rocked those jeans like a champ. Also, her flip was awesome.

[@Forriedude]

Rudy can't look in a mirror, he has no reflection.

[@rolandofgilead43]

no shit, does anyone remember when he was mayor of NYC back in the 90's? and how annoying his kid was ? thankfully we had SNL to make fun of that, my question is simply this well okay 2 questions how in the hell did he become mayor? he doesn't seem that smart, and how the hell did he become a lawyer cause he's not that smart.

[@MarkInLA]

And why hasn't his license been revoked and have been disbarred by now ?? !! A lawyer doesn't carry out chores and business deals for clients.. He is retained by a client to represent his client in a court of law.. Ghooliani is an outlaw....a criminal...

[@rolandofgilead43]

Maybe they need more evidence so if convicted they have a slam dunk case? Just a guess though, or they need more proof to take his license another guess though

[@amit_patel654]

The mirror would shatter into a million pieces

[@riesberg319]

Oh my god, Steven....You've been working on your Bernie impression, and it shows! That was fantastic.

[@Muninnfeathers]

Feel the Bern until you start coughing.

[@napoleonibonaparte7198]

Pence is now jealous of Gaetz’s relationship with Trump

[@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing]

What if Gaetz *_IS_* Mother?

[@burbanpoison2494]

Trump: "we're building a wall in Colorado!" Colorado: "climbed it!"

[@sunshine23.141]

🤣🤣🤣 that joke would be so lost on him!

[@SeansModelBuilds]

Yes, he thought the Rocky Mountains were a "great beautiful wall."

[@couragekarnga8735]

They already have the Rocky Mountains.

[@wetbobspongepants]

If brains were dynamite trump couldn't even blow his f**kin' nose.

[@SeansModelBuilds]

@@Pingo21 Because he thinks he's God? As Captain Picard would say, "You are not God! The Universe is not so badly designed!"

[@jawshoowa]

"A herd of white men is called a J-crew." Nearly spit soup on my monitor.

[@jawshoowa]

@oiuet souiu Yes, the best Bernie out there (well, aside from Bernie)!

[@cscottzimnamaste]

"As a fellow comedian..." And Stephen sticks the landing.

[@tonytone1969]

Colbert for President!

[@solidgator123]

@American Made huh? What do 3have against Stephen?

[@muddshuvel2714]

Yeah! the last tv entertainer worked out Great!

[@madoldbatwoman]

That 'brave storming of the chamber' shit show and his victory interview were hilarious. Even before I found out that a good number of them had just come out of the chamber in order to storm it.

[@jonesba2004]

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE LET BERNIE WIN!!! I long for the day when the orange scourge is in the past and Stephen is free to make Bernie impressions allllll daaaaay loooong!!!