USE THIS TRICK To Turn Awkwardness Into CONFIDENCE | Vanessa Van Edwards

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On Today's Episode:
This week’s guest on Women of Impact is Vanessa Van Edwards. Vanessa Van Edwards is a behavioral investigator, speaker and the national best-selling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People. In this episode, she talks about how to set boundaries, how to be more likable, and how to talk to people at parties.
BUY CAPTIVATE BY VANESSA VAN EDWARDS: amzn.to/2Gpuvvz
SHOW NOTES
Tips for feeling less awkward at any event [03:08]
Why you should never "fake it til you make it" [07:14]
What to do when you feel anxious [11:17]
Why sharing your falls makes you more likable [15:34]
What makes people popular vs unpopular? [18:33]
A mental hack to get other people to impress you [21:13]
How to actually connect with people using 'hot buttons' [24:16]
Why saying no is harder for women than it is for men [26:15]
How to re-evaluate career motivation after having children [32:27]
Weighing the highs and lows of life after having children [38:28]
Why all of your relationships follow the same pattern [44:09]
Why knowing your love language can improve your relationships [47:32]
The power of "fill in the blank wishes" [50:34]
FOLLOW VANESSA
WEBSITE: bit.ly/2SahZTF
INSTAGRAM: bit.ly/28MKLDf
FACEBOOK: bit.ly/2IumPL9
TWITTER: bit.ly/2UHFxVS
KZbin: bit.ly/2uLGzTb

[@awaisjamil9956]

1. dont be at the entrance of the event 2. go with mindset to offer - offering others a nice time instead of going to ask for benefit 3. words make impacts - fake till you make it is setting you up to be fake. 4. anxiety is the sister emotion of excitment - study: 3 groups did kareeokee - the group that only said Im excited before singing. this group out sang and had more fun than the control group and the group that only said Im anxious before starting - we are in control of how we view our anxiety and awkwardness 5. You dont need to pretend to be perfect, because non of us are. If youre awkward, its okay to feel that way - pulling in from point 3, before walking to your next event, tell yourself youre excited and very socialble and let that be your thought when it comes to your emotions at the event 6. study shows people that were more popular liked more people than unpopular people. It was not attractivness. How many other people you like is projected back to how many people like you - it wasnt that others smiled at popular kids the most but popular kids initiated liking others and smiled most at others because they liked more people - now looking back at this from my experience this is very true. Elementry school I didnt like much people so many didnt like me. Highschool liked some more people so some more people liked me. First year of college I liked a lot of people so a lot of people liked me (this changed back for me when I got to know those people and didnt like them after, which i realised after reflecting on this point) 7. goal going forward should not be "how can I be most impressive or get people to like me" but it should be "how can I like more people - how can I find a reason to like you" - person walks out with first mindset being less likeable and the second mindset being likeable - stop focusing on being impressive, likeable, being the funniest person but instead focus on trying to like as many people in the room and letting others impress you 8. Ask questions! Ask types of questions to get them to impress you (mentality switch and gets you out your own head) - The kind of things youd want to know if you were going to introduce them to another VIP - wanted to Instead trying to be impressive and trying to be funny to impress others, ask others questions to impress you 9. saying no is a skill - Hope you enjoy the party, Im sorry I cant attend - say no unapolagetically - say no without having to give your reason beause it invites someone to question your reason (although Id add this depends on the situation)

[@youigit5190]

Dude thank you!!!! 🙏🙏

[@kafa82]

Thank you

[@jeffro.]

You need to learn to put your notes in another document. They'll be easier for you to find later. And they won't take up the space in the "Comments" section. (Let others watch it themselves, they'll get more out of it.)

[@Gigimz]

@@jeffro. I think some actually appreciate and want to see this type of comment tho. I watched the whole video through and still wanted some notes of the major takeaways and it was nice to see someone had already done the work for me :)

[@MMMWATCHA1234]

@@jeffro.or ignore the comment and keep scrolling? 😂

[@karmicsoul4444]

I find communicating super easy. Its second nature to me and I am a 'only child'. Why people gravitate towards me is because I talk to 'everyone' regardless of who they are or what they look like. I'll never forget the cleaner at our hospital. Button missing from his shirt, an older quiter polite black gentleman. After talking to him it turned out he was classically trained as a pianist & tutored in his spare time. Never turn your nose up at people because they are the ones who are the 'most genuine' & you can learn a lot of 'life lessons' from them.

[@figure15skater]

I love this response and provided example!

[@kexintian8888]

1. Put yourself in the position of a "social saviour" 2. Mentality shift: from "begging" to "offering". I have enough interest and conversations to give 3. Power of words: don't tell yourself "fake it till you make it". Don't prime yourself to be fake. Change words like "meeting" to "creative exchange". It's ok to say NO for social occasion. Have your Pre-Performance ritual. 4. Anxiety + anxiousness is a sister emotion of excitement. Reframing anxiety into excitement! Don't view your vulnerability as liability, it is powerful! 5. Initiate likability. From "How do I get people to like me?" into "How to like more people in this occasion? How can you impress me?" 6. Talk to VIPs: what's their passion project? Same applies to dates. 7. Learn to unapologetically say No. We are allowed to say No as our boundary without explanation. Or say no and offer an alternative. 8. Get rid of "Wonder woman" complex. It's ok to be not ok, it's ok to ask for help 9. Self-asses your attachment types: anxious, avoidant, secure, anxious & avoidant. Find out our love language 10. Let others fill in their wish-list: what do they need and want? Stay silent is the worst thing to do. Send people positive emotions

[@LisaBilyeu]

Kexin Tian THANK YOU so much for the brilliant highlight reel 🙏🏻💗🙌🏻

[@charlesg7926]

I do want to point out one flaw in her logic. She says that there is a study where the most well-liked popular kids, also happen to like the most other kids. And she is trying to say that this means that if you like a lot of other people, it’s going to make a lot of them like you back. But this study is not necessarily accurate because it’s reasoning is flawed. It assumes that the popular kids liking the other people is what made the other people like the popular kids. But it’s also possible that the popular kids only started liking the other people after they already liked them, meaning that because people like the popular kids, he/she then feels good about himself and society in general and likes others. Imagine, a kid that’s really ugly and fat, and nobody likes him. Even if he liked everybody else, they might still not like him back. I know that sounds harsh but it’s a possibility. But I do think that liking other people HELPS... it’s just, not always gonna work. Your looks matter too. This girl in the video has a naturally likable soft face. Some girls have mean or ugly faces and even if they are likable personalities sometimes people might not like them based on appearances only. Some guys/girls have thin noses, narrow eyes, strong jaws and just look “meaner” and “unfriendly” even if they’re total sweethearts inside. Some people look like total dweebs/nerds and will be treated as such bcuz of that

[@majdaatb2479]

Thank you

[@LisaBilyeu]

Charles Graves thanks so much for this comment. It’s a very valid argument 💗

[@darkvelvethoney1774]

first 25 minutes vastly different topic from last part. split it up into 2 videos

[@Sunshine_n_Lemons]

Once again the hostess has let someone else speak entirely! I totally agree, she has THE BEST vibes.

[@jessicamears8840]

Love this! So much great advice here!

[@ginavanulzen6681]

A lot of hosts go into it because they are comedians/actors/journalists and want the limelight.... or say to be a famous KZbinr. Her intentions are different so she isn’t trying to make it all about how funny or charming she is, and that actually makes her more genuinely charming.

[@rimramal12]

@@jessicamears8840 qqqquuu

[@rimramal12]

@@ginavanulzen6681 qqqq

[@Fatima_316]

I literally love the host!!! She's friendly, easy to talk to and I feel such positive vibes from her

[@LisaBilyeu]

Don't give up felt that 🥰🙏🏻❤️

[@lauraimorales8865]

She asks such great questions that I wouldn’t have thought up.

[@martemller9820]

Absolutely agree! And I love how she ends interviews asking about the guests "super power" (and equally enjoy the answers). Great!!

[@unobsessed7077]

Kreddy kloraaid ke ki lo aur kl

[@Brianna-yh7iy]

She’s so sweet

[@lexi7749]

I don’t think “fake it till you make it” is social advice, I always thought it was advice for situations like “crap I’m a rookie at this job and I don’t know what I’m doing” and then you act like you know what you’re doing until all that effort turns into actual skill

[@zarniwhite6249]

Right on! I couldn’t agree more!

[@bereal6590]

That's what I thought....

[@daks8888]

Is that not the same thing?

[@SandyBeach]

Yes! My husband and I made sure when raising our daughter and younger son to interchange telling them the same things. Constantly telling them they’re fast, strong, smart, beautiful/handsome, great builder, great problem solver, every feeling is acceptable, they’re views are interesting, to be gentle with friends but rough & tough on adventures. What we tell our kids will greatly impact who they become & what they believe is possible to achieve. Both boys and girls need to hear positivity about who they are and what they’re capable of.

[@LisaBilyeu]

Sandy Beach beautiful! 💗

[@bperez8656]

😍😍😍

[@MonicaMirDCLaC]

Love this 💕

[@WorkerBeesUnite]

That's exactly what people don't get. They raise kids as if they're the adults they want them to be. Theyre kids..not adults yet. Theyre kids

[@rozannamurayama9629]

Children live up to our expectations. Always make them really good ones.

[@guiller2371]

This is interesting. Ansiety is actually a power issue. You disempower yourself when you are seeking for approval on other people. When you are seeking for people that you like rather than for them to like you; you are in charge. Thanks, this is good!

[@NewCreationInChrist896]

Jesus King Amen seek the King 👑 #grace

[@BIONDABLONDES]

Jesus King VERY nicely put, loved it tnx

[@cinderelly00]

absolutely right.

[@mikejo8083]

Maybe... but Anxiety is not really about you and another person- it stems from perspective of within the self... if you are seeing reality thru anxiety glasses, it is a self generated problem. If you can overcome your perspective challenge- then you can minimize anxiety and exude calm, confidence when interacting with others. Self confidence is the ultimate attractor of drawing in people to your world... and being genuine. You have to set the code with yourself- and then practice your code...

[@Zarghami]

Be yourself and don't apologize for it all the damn time!

[@LisaBilyeu]

Your Favorite Lifecoach YES!! 🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@fighterflight2492]

Easier said than done sometimes

[@LisaBilyeu]

fighterflight yep! Feeling that! ❤️

[@DebraCTrialByFireProductions]

So true

[@lisaa6099]

Kira de La Rochefoucauld truth ! Thanks for speaking out against this dangerous death cult

[@AnArtsyChic]

Great interview, I love how the interviewer asks great questions but does not interrupt, and let's the guest talk. That's so rare. I especially loved the segment on the proper way to say no. I've struggled with that. I wish she'd given more examples. I also loved what she said about how parents treats boys and girls differently, I suffered with that as a kid. My brother could do no wrong. " Why can't you be more like your brother, and don't be like your sister. " I was always hearing that. And told to be seen and not heard. As a result I've been unable to effectively express myself. I hold back what I really want to say.

[@LisaBilyeu]

Artsy Chic thank you so much for sharing 🙏🏻 It’s tough to undo everything that was programmed into us Fromm when we were young, but one step at a time you can find your voice 💗💗

[@jaybae7315]

You can still change that.

[@AdrienneMint]

I agree with you that saying no is hard, and I never can do it without a long explanation about why I can’t go, or whatever it is that I was asked to do. I’m watching Vanessa a lot lately to get help. So she always says to NOT give a reason for saying no. You just be kind ( of course) and say that you’re sorry that you can’t attend. I still feel like I need to say more, so now I’ll say that I’m sorry but I have a conflict. But even THAT is wrong! You’re just supposed to say that you’re sorry that you can’t attend, or can’t do whatever you were asked. It’s hard!

[@cyborgchick8448]

So when I was in school I was one of the “popular kids” and it really perplexed me because I honestly did not think of myself as pretty or anything special (my confidence and self love aren’t all that good) but I ALWAYS initiated friendships with everyone and made sure to be kind to every person I met, ending me up as friends with everyone. So hearing what the study learnt really did help me wrap my head around things.

[@patricewoods289]

Me too. It wasn't until after I graduated that I found out that I was popular. I was like popular where?. I just have a bad habit of talking to strangers in unfamiliar places or talking to the quiet person in the room.

[@milkandspice1074]

@@patricewoods289 I was open but people hated me still. I am a bit confused on that part.

[@AdrienneMint]

You actually did all the right things, according to what Vanessa says, and I’m going to start doing what you did back then!

[@ginavanulzen6681]

I wonder if not being particularly ‘special’ or ‘pretty’ actually went in your favour because it was non threatening. However if you were say very poor or had some disorder even that kind behaviour would not be seen as wanted by others.

[@alcudiababe1]

I think I was always known as a bit different never really fitting in. People liked me, the majority of them, or, had a soft spot for me. My husband went to my school reunion and he said at least half of the popular kids liked me so I was liked just not by everybody to fit in with everyone but these days we celebrate this, it's good to be different

[@Soul.Heart.Mind.]

So true that when you give a reason for your no it invites people to question your reason! Soooo true it’s something I’ve noticed as a recovering people pleaser.

[@dgarzaart2000]

Everyone is important. My father's definition of a person wih class is a person who is equally kind to a CEO or the guy who shines his shoe!

[@collinscisco7770]

That was famously said by Albert Einstein and many since him: “I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.” Unfortunately, the people who need to learn it are not the ones reading such quotes.

[@mcgil8891]

Well said

[@TheZGALa]

I love that you brought up priming words and infants...I have been saying for decades, mothers have the power, and we are ultimately responsible for our own disempowerment.

[@LisaBilyeu]

Gabrielle Angel Lilly time to re-empower!! 💪🏻💪🏻

[@TheZGALa]

@@LisaBilyeu Here, Here!

[@selftalkswithme1045]

Yeah that was so fascinating to me!

[@paulwhite760]

perhaps now , you can stop blaming men for YOUR emotions and cut out the white male privilege bullshit and toxic masculinity crap. If males are toxic , who do you think brought them up ?...half the blame at least would have to go to women.

[@rebeccaweinstein6560]

@@paulwhite760 all the leftist crap is bogus and hypocritical. Male baby? Did you ask the baby his gender? Give me a break .

[@avaceleste]

You keep people not feeling good enough and you keep them constantly searching outwards to fill that enough-ness. It’s a multibillion dollar industry. When we step into self confidence, enough-ness, we are unstoppable.💗

[@courtney6144]

Even as an empty nester, you never go back to the old life. It is a new but equally beautiful life!

[@laurenjackson2810]

I'm mind blown because I knew all of this stuff internally but never really talked about it with anyone or heard someone mention it, even including scientific studies... I won Prom Queen in high school & it still confuses me till this day because I feel like I'm such an awkward person. But the thing is, outwardly I simply own who I am while being awkward & I even profess that to people which comes off as very relatable. I like finding common ground with people & letting them know that it's oaky to be scared, nervous, or anxious. I tell people that I won prom queen simply because I'm nice. I was the first Black girl to win prom queen at my high school & I was overweight, had acne, spaced out teeth with a gap in the from, pretty much very averagely attractive. I only had one boyfriend in high school, which lasted 3 months, and i had an arranged prom date because no one asked me. I won Prom Queen over the other extremely gorgeous & "popular" white girls because I was actually popular in my own sense because I WAS NICE TO EVERYONE. That was my only secret... I loved talking to different groups of people, the goth, emo, disabled, cheerleaders, white, Black, Latino, etc. So it's so cool to me that Vanessa talks about being liked by more people, BY LIKING MORE PEOPLE. Also, I feel like I'm a very nervous/awakrd person, but every time I speak publicly people compliment me on how well spoken I am & how I don't even come off as nervous. The secret is, every time I feel nervous about something I turn it into excitement! Ive always had this feeling that anxiety & excitement aren't far off, so I always tell people to choose to just be excited about it! & that has worked for me! Vanessa literally talked about excitement being anxiety's sister, and I'm like whoa, I've been doing that! This is so cool. This makes me want to write a book as well lol

[@LisaBilyeu]

Lauren Jackson BRILLIANT!! Love this sooo much 💪🏻 Thanks for sharing... and get writing 😉💕

[@zenamatthews9380]

I literally didn't realize this was an hour long, and I've listened to it three times in a row now! Everything flows and not a boring moment!

[@LisaBilyeu]

Zena Matthews whoop! 👏🏻🙌🏻

[@hodell82]

Great tips in this interview. Especially the one about standing near the drink line and engaging people as they exit. That was gold.

[@TinaLeder]

Vanessa Van Edwards was always my *FAVORITE* in the communication niche. She's not just an expert in her field, she has struggled herself and look at her now preserving!! I feel like she's the *awkward people hero* !!😂😂😂

[@manifestmyreality2025]

we are trained from birth to feel insecure, our society needs to change.

[@NewCreationInChrist896]

Tegdirb C Yep

[@elsagrace3893]

Tegdirb C but for now YOU will have to do the work on YOURSELF. You are the only one responsible for your emotional situation now and you are the only one who can effect it.

[@jessicajacobson236]

Change starts from within.

[@aceshigh4113]

you can't get mad when society doesn't change, because you don't have control over it. the only thing you have control over are your thoughts and actions.

[@lanazh2443]

@@aceshigh4113 You cannot change society, all those things we are born with & all those things coming out from within a human beings

[@juliaalemao4425]

I love this woman. Thank you Lisa for bringing her on🌟, and thank you V!🙏❤ EVERYONE, if you loved this conversation get Vanessa's book, you won't regret it❤

[@LisaBilyeu]

Julia Alemao FOR SURE!! She’s incredible and we were soooo happy to get her on the show.. FINALLY 👏🏻👏🏻 Glad you enjoyed the episode! 🙌🏻

[@RitchLife2019]

I literally just asked for it for Christmas LOL

[@pollypocket7125]

These two lovely ladies, their conversation and genuine excitement to talk to each other, no one dominating anything. Just purely good intent, solid information, excellent delivery. Worth the watch, guys. Worth the watch.

[@susanshaver912]

No wonder I felt so terrible when I was a brand new mom with no sleep. What a thought, going from the top of the pyramid to the very bottom. It had never occurred to me. Watching these two great women interact was fascinating.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thanks for watching 🙏🏻

[@malcolmlarri9073]

I would love to see a video on "The Art of Not Needing to be Liked" - all of my female friends would benefit greatly from that

[@georgekurgansky5986]

Yes, yes, yes Vanessa, f**k yes!!! F** yes!! I was out last naight, absolutely killed it, perfect social night out. Loooove your work! Looove it!!! I am so high from this. I want a person to give this hug lol. May be less gin before internet lol.

[@adelinamerrill5925]

I can relate to her right now after becoming a mom again when she talks about Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

[@dharadattani5992]

Hi Lisa and Vanessa, Thank you so much for this episode. As someone who is recovering from anxiety disorder, I never realised how important it is to change my prespective on emotions, and even physical symptoms, to allow me to turn my "weakness" into my "superpower". Vanessa, the way you have phrased your points and the way you aided them with experiments as examples, really solidifies the message you're trying to put across. Not only that, but it truly makes me feel like it is possible for me to do it too. Lisa, your thoughtful questions and the way you always steer every conversation in a way that allows the speaker to be themselves really is admirable. I hope that people watching this appreciate this superpower of yours. Love, Dhara

[@lisabilyeu8103]

Dhara D. Wow thanks so much sweetie!! That really really is meaningful to me!!

[@wendy8561]

Yes totally agree this is so helpful for the ones like me that have social anxiety I will definitely work on these things thanks God bless !!♥️

[@elsagrace3893]

Dhara D. Thank God you are recovering. As you were you were a pain in the ass to everyone around you and your big fat ego kept you from growing.

[@prissarpong]

Love this! I've always never click with "fake till you make it".

[@JyotiPatel-eq3dp]

Had to watch this twice to take it all in! So good, thank you!

[@rossscafe2773]

You guys are so authentic , so adorable and inspiring in so many ways, I love your humbleness, thank you so much for this. ❤️

[@kellymellon]

The attachment theory is fascinating! I’ve been looking for further explanation about my self and this certainly opened my mind to a new concept. One that can assist me in understanding myself as well as learning how to best go about certain situations, based on my personality traits.

[@thaonguyen6145]

Vanessa's idea of this "hot" button or "passion" project that as she says, "you can push into"... beware ... the use of this "hot" button idea without being genuinely curious when asking would just be another form of manipulation of your audience to get them to open up to you or "like" you. When Lisa shared her Jodi Foster moment.. she paused and in the moment asked herself ok what do you really feel and what do you want to genuinely ask her instead of trying to IMPRESS her. It was from that centeredness and energy that I'm sure Jodie felt the sincerity and hence the leaning in the reciprocal conversation that ensued. What I liked about that story was it wasn't Lisa thinking ok what is Jodi's "hot button" and how do I tap into that??

[@caissa6187]

omg, i'm learning SO MUCH watching your channel! Viewing it as excitement vs anxiousness is life changing for me. Thank you for having Vanessa on!

[@jmang5953]

Find more reasons to like more people... Eye opening conversation, thank you ladies.🌻

[@TokioTE]

This talk is gold and Vanessa is so knowledgeable ♥️ I love how they seamlessly integrated a variety of topics and major concepts in this discussion - a must watch. Thanks Lisa!

[@bomoniyi]

I can totally resonate with your experience of becoming a mother for the first time. I’m currently nursing my 4 month old and reminded of the excitement my husband and I feel when my daughter rolls over to her stomach 😆 #thesimplethings but I too feel so much more purpose in my life 🙏🏾 ❤️

[@DomDollx]

This was a phenomenal talk. Thank you again Lisa for an amazing insight. I love this channel and everything that happens when you and Evy P. get together on camera. I'm really happy to have found you guys and enjoy every video I click on, it's so much more than what I expect it to be every time. Ty.

[@LauraJadePrado]

Loved this one! She has the best little tricks and tips for daily social interactions. Thank you Lisa!

[@LisaBilyeu]

The Weekend Gypsy 🙏🏻 thank you! So glad you enjoyed it 💜

[@nareshkumar6461]

Hi lovely lady

[@Live_for_God123]

@@LisaBilyeuI don’t how to say this but i feel am depressed because i enter this class and saw how engaging it was and socially active everyone was with each other and how hard it is for me to talk to one person or make tht connection?

[@cintiacin8526]

Oh my God! This was amazing!! Thank you so much! I've learned a lot and I can't wait to keep learning!

[@TheAgiovannym]

Ummmmm 11mins in and I am so captivated I’ve already s changed some titles in my calendar. Love it. Great !!! 🥰

[@LisaBilyeu]

Adam McGrath haha! Awesome! 🙌🏻

[@Infinite_exhilaration]

Adam McGrath I recently finished her book Captivate and I can say if you like this interview then you will love her Vanessa’s book!!😄

[@ledi2005]

Thank you for addressing the “fake it till you make it” and highlighting the importance of words we say to ourselves! Golden info! 💖

[@Malumchelsi2812]

Vanessa makes me feel so comfy as if i’ve known her for years. Such a great person

[@ScienceOfPeople]

❤

[@kattpmsi]

I just want to say I’m so happy Lisa has made this series. While I love impact theory and that’s what got me here, I feel more open instinctively to listen when a group of women is sharing the female aspects of vulnerability during their path. I love motivational videos but they are male dominant and sometimes the gentle way to the feminine strength is hard to find. I also love that you don’t focus on this being female only so that it does encompass all. There is toxic feminism and a lot of times that’s what’s available. Anyway thank you for your mission and for being who you are.

[@TheZGALa]

I am glad you are talking about the challenges of becoming a new mom. I can't say I was at the top of the pyramid when I got pregnant, though certainly can relate to the completely new identity when motherhood begins. My son is nearly 25 now, and I am still adjusting to the other side of it, as a single mother, refinding, or recreating myself...designing the life I want after being in survival mode for decades, continues to be exciting.

[@maruxa1996]

I can so relate to what you wrote...I'm moving from paralyzing fears of empty nester to exploring new exciting things ahead.

[@hopefully2224]

Omg!!! The part about being a new mom was SO spot on! My kids are all grown up now but I had a very hard time with the loss of old me. I never asked for help because no one told me it's not 100% natural. I hope the young new moms see this and take some comfort in it. Its true, no one tells us how devastating losing your old self can feel and how humbling it is to start from zero. It's the hardest thing and the best thing.

[@iltc9734]

Van Edwards is the real deal. It is so refreshing to listen to hear fact based, intriguing information.

[@TheZGALa]

I LOVE so much 'the flip' of turning our greatest vulnerabilities to our greatest strengths.

[@sashaluq]

This interview is more than a home-run, it's a GRAND SLAM!!

[@LisaBilyeu]

Sasha Luq BOOM 💥🔥🙏🏻💗

[@sharni888]

This lady speaks lots of sense. She's real n thanks for sharing n for being so honest.

[@sassyfrasseats]

I absolutely appreciate your channel , lovely lady! You don't know how badly I need the tools that I've found on your channel . I am so grateful for you and all the women I've listened to on here. I know this time in my life is going to be life changing!❤

[@kurdohassan4662]

I love her so much this the first time I ever see a person to be expressing a body language and talking synchronized she is the true wonder women yay

[@Orgbeeka]

@13:51 tears started streaming ...Its like somone had set me free right there and then! Thank both...you are both wonderful strong women.

[@missb_8816]

The way she described becoming a mum resonates with me so much..great interview!!!

[@GRANDIPRTradeMarkAcceleartor]

Fantastic advice about not faking it. Being a humam with flaws is the way forward. Thank you ladies

[@lesleybrady3948]

The beauty of this, is so enlightening! Learning that amazing powerful women can also feel vulnerable and awkward! I mean we know this! But as it’s spoken and owned by women with this amount of influence makes me feel that no matter what I feel I can go out into the world.. this is beautiful, my whole being feels seen, worthy and alive!!! Ty xxx

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Love to hear this!! 💕🙏🏻

[@IgniteTransformationwithDrEcke]

This was THE BEST interview and conversation I have viewed. Raw and real!!! THANK YOU!!!

[@littlewindowsoftime581]

Thank you for bringing Vanessa on your show, Lisa! This is probably the best interview I have seen of her! Her book Captivate is amazing, and these ideas have helped me out so much and these boosters/interviews are always, always welcome, especially great ones like this one! Thank you!

[@LisaBilyeu]

Little Windows of Time That’s so awesome to hear!! She’s incredible and we’re so happy to have had her on the show 🙏🏻 Glad to be of service ❤️

[@sasu8670]

I walked into this video looking for business advice and not only that, I learned a perspective of my questions answered about motherhood, relationships patterns, insecurities and how to flip it, and essppecciiallyy Im so glad she gave advice on people who feel grief and have felt abandoned by silence. People out there, if your friends are grieving, please reach out. Amazing talk, great video.

[@LisaBilyeu]

Sarah Supit ❤️❤️

[@tamlynn786]

This video was in my recommends and I’m so glad I watched! I have social anxiety and the way the Vanessa explained anxiety as a sister emotion of excitement .. really hit home for me! New subby and I’m getting that book! Thank you 🙏🏽

[@LisaBilyeu]

Astro Queen NICE!! 🙌🏻 🙏🏻💗

[@ashleybasinger2162]

I am so obsessed with every video women of impact produces. Seriously I know I'll learn something new and valuable every single time. Thank you!

[@sadiak5658]

love love love lisa!! her big smile makes me feel so happy and inspired to build a better life for myself the way she did!

[@smileyhappyradio]

Vanessa is brilliant, I love watching her videos, and that last part about grief, was something I have struggled with. Basically just affirming people, shifting things from grief to thinking positive about themselves. Its a start, it won't solve grief, it just gets them a moment, to shift into possible thinking about something else.

[@The.blessedbee]

great insights! But especially enjoyed the way you interviewed her, a very calm and warm presence, great questions digging deeper (and no annoying interruptions)

[@annag4438]

the focus on differences in bringing up girls and boys is terrific! And should be exposed as much as possible AND CHANGED!!!!

[@MonicaMirDCLaC]

Omg can’t even go to sleep until I type this I didn’t even finish watching the video and it helped me soooooooo much tonight!!!! Life changing! Thank you both for helping me with my social anxiety! Xoxoxo

[@TheZGALa]

Love, love, love. Thank you for so much usable content.

[@BBFCCO733]

This explains a lot. Having a child and getting no support from family has kept me in survival mode for years. He is still young, so I can not move past this yet. Thank you!

[@fortinm.6975]

Stay strong

[@SS-qr5qk]

So insightful in so many ways. How you put being a new mom is so very true. I felt all of this, and I never heard someone articulate it. Thank you.

[@samanthabrown5180]

This was amazing! Things pop up just when you need them. Thank you for bringing this to us 🙏🏻💗

[@ir7862]

I just love the host. She’s so cute with her questions and body language.

[@sweetbeanplans]

I loved her on Impact Theory- I'm so happy you brought her back for more!

[@LisaBilyeu]

Sweet Bean Plans Whoop!! Soooo happy to have her back!! #Badass 🙌🏻💜

[@lisabilyeu8103]

Right??!!! After IT I became obsessed with her and Captivate!

[@meyliqg1774]

She has courses at Creativelive that are awesome! I looooove her!

[@MissShiruski]

Wow this interview is full of golden advice. Its like every thing the speaker touches on offers a new perspective that I never thought of. I had to stop the video to go grab a pen and notebook to start writing down this goodness. Thank you!

[@smiritisrivastava9939]

Lisa, thank you so much for such an amazing episode! I am learning so much on this channel

[@lisabilyeu8103]

smiriti srivastava thanks so much sweetie!

[@smiritisrivastava9939]

@@lisabilyeu8103 💖❤😊

[@FeelGoodWithin]

I love her Authenticity & Her Personality!!! you are great listener Lisa!!! Good to c u growing!!! Love you both😍❤️

[@lisabilyeu8103]

FeelGood Within thanks sweetie!!

[@blissful1689]

Takes some time to watch but some gems of insight and advice in here. Thanks for sharing this interesting conversation. 👍🏻

[@janborowiec8003]

That is probably one of the best & condensed videos about social interactions!

[@lightbending]

i've felt similarly about the 'fake it til you make it' quote for a while. someone used to say it to me all the time as a means of getting me to shut down my emotions and be 'nice' to be around. but if you're just faking it, then you won't make it in the way that you want.. you'll "make it" in the way you're faking it, and you'll trap yourself into having to fake it forever. i believe that if you faked it and "made it", then if you start being honest from that point, you'll unmake it all and have to start again honestly anyway

[@roseanneducut8525]

First heard of her through Impact Theory, and got so excited to see her here! Great interview. Love her practical tips 🙏

[@LisaBilyeu]

Roseanne Chavez awesome! 🙏🏻 So glad to you enjoyed 💜💜

[@slayerpianoman]

She's got awesome things to say, really enjoyed the talk. The only thing I'm not sure about is the boundaries issue with explaining why you say no. I understand you might have pushy friends, but the reasoning of why you said no leaves any worse interpretations the other person might make off the table. If you have pushy friends, just don't respond. The issue with just saying "no" is the reasoning behind your no is important, especially if you are a serial bailer. I've come out several times with friends and they won't come out with me, so frankly they owe me one, just like I owe them one if they come to bat for me several times. Relationships are based on balance, and you can't be one sided, no matter how much we all want to make ourselves priority one, we need to acknowledge that reality. Also sometimes we need to be pushed, some of the nights I wasn't feeling it but someone pushed me were the best times of my life, but you still ultimately choose whether to do something or not. I think having the strength to say no when you're very serious about it is the only insurance you need. You can give a reason and if someone disagrees, you can choose what to do finally. I think giving no reason for a "no" is a bit rude depending on the situation and the person in question.

[@brianjohnson9456]

Love me some Vanessa Van Edwards! Great wisdom for life and her vibes are on the up & up! Congratulations VVE, you’re doing a great service to all of us who are interested in growing and sharpening our relationship skill set…

[@lauraponce4633]

Vanessa, I simply love you!!!!! Huge fan and as always you surprise me with your insights of motherhood.......Lisa thanks for your great work. You go girls!!!!!

[@AutumnStark117]

I can’t get enough of Vanessa’s content! Thank you so much for this interview 💖

[@LisaBilyeu]

Autumn Stark ❤️❤️

[@kimsimmons6177]

Oh my....this is fascinating and helpful. Thank you!

[@lynns8057]

These two women together makes for a feel good and lovely program. I gained so much positive ideas from their sharing.

[@deborahostmo]

Amazing interview - I love how you are wanting to learn from her perspective and really listen to Vanessa . Really Refreshing

[@LisaBilyeu]

Deborah Ostmo thank you! 🙌🏻🙏🏻👏🏻💜

[@LisaBilyeu]

Karrie Dee aww 🥰 thank you! 💗

[@Kirsten_is_cursed10]

Fake it till you make it?! More like...MEAN IT TILL YOU SEEN IT! 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

[@narcisochavez9392]

Kirsten S. “Be it and soon they will see it”

[@sarahberney]

Hmmm that's good, I like that 🤔

[@Melike-vb3ky]

Such a wonderful talk my favorite takings from it would be *Adding purpose to your movements will make it easier in anxious moments *Standing in places where people are likely to search for someone to talk. Not wait for a social relief be someone else relief *don't go relationship wilt scarcity mindset. you are enough *Excitement and anxiousness are sister emotions *When you say no dont give excuses. excuses give other people permission to question your decision *Always wish blessings and love to the other people

[@LisaBilyeu]

The Old Dream thank you so much for your highlights! Glad you enjoyed the episode ❤️

[@mariannekappler-rhode3299]

Yeeeeeessss! Totally the same happened to me . Being a mother is just the best of the best . You created life and its just fantastic !

[@BennieBarrePilatesStudio]

I don't know how I hadn't discovered your channel by now- but I loved it and LOVED this video! This is the next book on my to-read list. I loved her take on "fake it till you make it". Telling myself to fake anything has always felt inauthentic and I have never been able to do it convincingly and it makes me feel awful. I loved this view on motherhood as well- a lot of postpartum depression and baby blues- I believe- is chemical, physical, emotional and intellectual. You have to rediscover yourself and re-learn life. Adjusting to this does get easier with each child as you are now already defined as mother. I don't think that anyone would really choose to go back or change their decision to have children- because there is so much beauty in motherhood- but at the same time there is very much still a mourning for the life that you have lost. And we shouldn't feel guilty for that admission! So many good topics- I can't wait to read her book. Thanks so much for this wonderful interview.

[@LisaBilyeu]

Bennie Barre Pilates Studio thank you so much for sharing your thoughts/experiences and so glad the episode resonated 😊💗

[@laurenolivares7547]

Wow, 4 minutes in and already impactful! Thank you for creating Women of Impact and highlighting women like Vanessa!

[@LisaBilyeu]

Lauren Olivares oh believe us... it’s absolutely our pleasure!!! Thank you 🙏🏻 and so glad you’re enjoying our content ❤️

[@lisabilyeu8103]

Lauren Olivares thank YOU sweetie for supporting!!!

[@HugDealer]

I absolutely love Vanessa's observations on becoming a mother! I analyzed all those aspects myself and decided I would most likely resent the death of my old life and the regression to basic mental stimulation. I happened to feel selfish and superficial for thinking that so I am glad I am not alone in doing this type of calculations

[@LisaBilyeu]

Rossana Motta DEFINITELY NOT ALONE! ❤️

[@rmettig]

Thank you for bringing all these amazing women on this platform!

[@SharonaKian]

oh my God. I adore you both!!! Wow! So many golden nuggets in this interview. I am sending this to every single mom I know .

[@KendraLock]

Legitimately the smartest guest ever. Nice interview. Learned a ton of valuable info.

[@LisaBilyeu]

Kendra Lock amazing! 🙌🏻💕

[@CourtneyGavin]

Five minutes in and I already LOVE this video. I'm learning so much right from the start. My favorite part of this video so far is the motherhood segment and how motherhood can be a form of regression. I am a new mom, my son is 17 months old. She hit it on the nail when she said "survival". A lot of times, motherhood is literally just surviving the day lol. Sometimes all you can get done is food, diaper changes, a little bit of sleep, a little bit of baby shark - and that's it. Another lightbulb moment was the mourning of your old life and celebrating the new life when you have a baby. It can be tough to adapt to the new reality of being a parent because your old life and your new life are completely different. The goal is to still find enjoyment and find yourself (again) in the new life. It's kind of like starting all over honestly. It can take awhile, but it is possible. This was great ladies! Thanks so much, xoxo!

[@LisaBilyeu]

Courtney Gavin ❤️💗🙏🏻

[@defaulthand8488]

I just realized that my mom is anxious and my dad is avoidant and I have a sibling that I can identify as anxious and one that is either avoidant or anxious avoidant. It makes so much sense with how they interact with people. I’ve heard of the types before but describing it in how a child reacts makes so much sense.

[@tricksie88]

I can't thank this speaker enough for sharing her thoughts on motherhood. Planning to try for a baby (God willing) and have a career and want to continue working after. I found her reflections on being a mum really fascinating.

[@Whatdaniedid]

Turning anxiety into excitement. Becoming interested in what you will like and learn about strangers. Debunking “fake it til you make it”. Very interesting conversation and I am drawn to the energy in this! Great studies I had not heard of before.. swan theory, the yogurt study, karaoke study, child and mother attachment theory. Ugh thank you for this !!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@bellab8579]

This was great! Loved this episode. Thank you for all the content you bring. Really admire Lisa hope someday to meet her. 🙂

[@LisaBilyeu]

Bella B aww this is so sweet ❤️🥰 So glad you’re enjoying the show 🙌🏻