What if the obsession is about something I really did?

Five tips for when you're struggling with stuff from the past. Check out www.thetoolkitstore.com for mental health skills courses
Visit www.markfreeman.ca for details on the coaching work I do.
Follow along on the journey:
Instagram: / markwfreeman
Twitter: / thepathtochange
Twitch: / markwfreeman

[@giuliaferrucci6662]

"If you're searching online for people with similar symptoms or experiences please stop" Touché.

[@BrianDodl1]

But, doing that is how I found these videos lol.

[@crashb700]

When I was 13 I did something I now look back on and it completely haunts me, I am 20 now. I obsess over it and label it as horrible and I am unredeemable. And it's been a few weeks of torment. When the thought initially appeared to me it caused instant anxiety and I really started digging deep and trying to get to the root of it, and just when I thought I got over it, it comes back with a vengeance, with a whole storm of insane thoughts I've never had in my life. I've been cutting out compulsions, ex. Asking others if they have had similar experiences, going online, and trying to not ruminate on it. It's so difficult. The thought pops into my head and trying not to ignore it is one of the hardest things I've ever done. When i manage to let my thoughts pass by, I feel better and just return to the moment, but then I realize to myself that hey "the thought just left your head!" And then it comes back.

[@aliminiaentli]

Dialogic I hear you! It’s so so tough, but you sound like you’re doing a really great job working through the crappy hell that is OCD. You’re a good person, and you’re not alone. Much love!

[@ljj2779]

Dialogic I am dealing with the same thing. I am trying to climb out of this hell hole of OCD myself.

[@hazonex6244]

Hey buddy its literally the same for me and it turned my life around its hard man so fucking hard its like you think at time what have i fucking done to deserve this, its haunting painful crazier and crazier but ykw bro its only gonna make you sttonger , when you believe everything is possible!.

[@abbeycoughlin4097]

@@hazonex6244 did you recover? :)

[@hazonex6244]

Abbey Coughlin from the anxiety yes, not the thought

[@andreasskoglund4829]

"It doesnt mean there is some deep rooted evil inside of you.... probably" Haha 😅 Love that non-reassurance 👍

[@useless0ful]

Oh he was just trying to not reassure? I thought he really meant it that there may be evil.

[@aliminiaentli]

Of course my OCD brain went ‘wait what, omg I’m evil I knew it!’ - then reality brain kicked in going ‘no, he’s just not reassuring because reassurance makes OCD worse’ 😊

[@sophiavirdi6909]

I noticed that too. Non - reassurance XD

[@powerstation0872]

Just started therapy. Really nervous for what's to come. All the anxiety, all the negativity, all the drugs, all the recklessness and all the alpacas are gonna be thrown onto the table. And I'm super scared.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

You can have all of those uncertainties. Enjoy learning new skills at therapy!

[@c.k.1958]

Love this video its straight to point and short love it thanks Mark

[@starvla246]

Thank you for this video. I'm struggling so much.

[@barbarariver8766]

THANK YOU FOR EXISTING ! HAHAHAHA loved it 🙏🙏🙏

[@upthevibe8035]

Hey Brother! I must say, and I'm preety sure about it, that you're helping many people recover their lives! God bless you man, very Very much!!

[@deankerr2469]

Thankyou again Mark 😀

[@aranara_song]

Thank you for this video. I appreciate it, it's a really nice reminder :)

[@LetsStopThisSong]

currently going through ACT and things are looking up. this video is LIT!

[@richardramirez2061]

Thank you Mark for this video. This is what i deal with on a day to day basis. Keep up the good work. Thank you for all that you do👍

[@PringlesOriginal445]

I love you Mark Freeman, I got your book and am slowly reading through it. Just thought I'd tell u I love you lol :-)

[@aislingbyrneis]

Thank you Mark 😊

[@margoco4058]

You saved my day. Lots of love from Denmark :))

[@everybodyhasabrain]

:)

[@andresenior8308]

Love this video really helpful thanks 😊

[@laxmandas5252]

God bless you mark

[@MarianaFFFernandes]

You are awesome!

[@shayan8449]

Ohhhh God I love these videos

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I'm glad you're finding them useful!

[@jetchew8714]

Hi mark!! I really love how you've edited this video! One note for improvement: Maybe lower the volume a little so we can hear your voice clearer? And maybe use less distracting music, thanks for the videos!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks!

[@julianaramirez7669]

I loved this video thanks a lot!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

You're welcome!

[@TaylaVlahos]

Hey mark! Love your channel and it is so good to see that you have built a community of people so none of us feel alone. are there any exercises you recommend to help relieve all judgement of ones thoughts? When I am experiencing OCD, some thoughts I think "Ok this is a weird thought but I won't judge it" whereas other thoughts I have fill me up with shame/judgement EVEN THOUGH they are all the same bananas. I struggle because I attach meanings to certain thoughts and not others.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

Thanks! One way we can start to work on this is by working on stuff in our heads that we like. If we teach our brains to chase after thoughts that we enjoy or aren't dangerous, then our brains can't understand why we wouldn't chase after thoughts that might threaten us. It can be a bit easier to learn how to cut out judgments by first working on things that we're not anxious about/don't see as dangerous. I also find that meditation/mindfulness skills are very useful here. Sitting meditation is a great opportunity to build up the skills to not judge thoughts and emotions.

[@ahmaddomiri5786]

Great vid :D

[@andychang2739]

#2 is too true.

[@flamingoo3955]

1:32 is spot on

[@Luke-ti7sh]

Thanks for this Mark! This video is spot on with what I’ve be obsessing with lately. I’ve definitely been guilty of looking stuff up related to my obsession and I have just recently taken the big step in cutting out that compulsion. It was really difficult at first, but now that I’ve cut it out I realize how much of issue it was in regards to “feeding the OCD monster.” My main question is how can I learn to accept the stuff in my head as stuff in my head? I worry that doing so will end up becoming a compulsive behavior that I will do as a response to avoiding my fears. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. Also love the song by the way 😄

[@everybodyhasabrain]

One thing to work on is practicing acceptance around stuff we like. If we believe our critics when they say nice things about us, we have to believe our critics when they say nasty things about us. One challenge we run into is that when our brains throw up thoughts we want to chase, we happily spend hours ruminating on them. And then when our brains throw up a thought we don't like, we get all upset and it's very difficult not to ruminate on it. It's difficult because we've invested so much time in this practice. So I found it very useful to approach all thoughts as the same because the issue isn't the thoughts, it's how I interact with them.

[@Luke-ti7sh]

Wow that really does make a lot of sense. I originally thought that ruminating was only reviewing negative thoughts, but now that you say that I understand how ruminating applies to all thoughts because in truth they’re all the same stuff, just thoughts in your head. Thanks again Mark I’m definitely going to be applying this and sticking to it.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@Luke-ti7sh Enjoy!

[@backtothebooks9201]

I just wanted to second this. I am currently recovering from rOCD and before I really got the hang of things, when I woke up and was having 'good' wanted feelings, I would be so happy that I would spend the whole day in my head enjoying that running scenarios gave me the feelings I wanted, and every mental check came back with a green tick. After a while it dawned on me that I was literally practising placing value and attention on the outcome of my compulsive behaviours, which of course made it SO much more painful and confusing and 'real' when I was experiencing the thoughts and feelings I didn't like. It's weird to not follow thoughts that make you happy, but I've found that in the end it allows you to appreciate the chill contentment that comes with the moment-to-moment nuance of everything in our lives.

[@mjgeronimo6976]

i'm obsessing on whether i remember something correctly. i know i did it but did i really do it on the exact day i thought i did? my OCD demands me to be certain on the exact date but there's no way to remember so i feel stuck

[@mjgeronimo6976]

i was sure before now my memory is all muddled. what advice can you give Mark? btw thank you so much for these videos that you create!

[@neraarwen4823]

That is false memory OCD. I have it too.

[@Forknife999]

How are you doing mj today?

[@mjgeronimo6976]

So happy to tell you guys that I'm doing SOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER. I did the work of exposure therapy. It wasn't easy at all but everything was lighter after some time. I am able to live my life now.

[@Forknife999]

Glad to hear you’re doing great! I hope to be there someday. I need to seek therapy. I don’t see any solution with mine as it’s hard to tell if it’s OCD or reality since I’ve had too many coincidental events occur in April that has led me to believe I’ve predicted harm to a family member. The only way to “correct” these events is to involve family members (who will think I’m crazy) and have them participate and help me physically undo and reverse the events. This is especially so hard because I have even less control since it requires other people’s involvement. So complex.

[@jujubf9246]

earlier i was watching a KZbin video of very funny people when i was watching i was having a thought of someone’s death and i had to try not to laugh when i was watching. but I couldn’t for a short time and tried again to stop my laughter because they’re really funny , it feels like my happiness should not be controlled by myself. im being tortured of a thought of making fun or laughing to someone’s death. im trying to survive these intrusive thoughts , and i wont self diagnose and say its ocd because that is a uncomfortable thing to do. i had to try to stop my laughter because i didn’t want to unintentionally laugh at someone’s death. i laughed because of the video that i watched not because of the thought i was having. i ended up not finishing the video because i didnt and dont want to laugh anymore , im scared.

[@longross4763]

You are an amazing human being! I noticed you didn't mention ERP here. Should I be approaching real event OCD with the same ERP methods I use for other OCD themes? I've found that using ERP on my real event OCD can make it really hard to be non-judgemental, and I can find myself feeling unworthy of compassion. Any tips for that? Thank you for your amazing work!

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I would say this video is describing ERP techniques. So if this didn't look like ERP, I'd be curious about what you're doing. "Real event OCD" isn't any different than anything else because ERP is about cutting out the compulsions. The compulsions are the same, whether the unwanted experience we're trying to control is real or imaginary. The fear is always real and the compulsions are always real. And we can change the compulsions!

[@longross4763]

@@everybodyhasabrain Thanks for your reply! The wait to see an OCD specialist in my city is very long so I've been trying to learn about and practice ERP on my own while I wait to see someone. I've been exposing myself to all the terrible thoughts I have relating to what I did, including my personal judgements and potential judgements from others. I guess where I'm uncertain is how I can remove the judgement element without compromising the ERP itself. Are my associated judgements around the event not part of my obsession? Am I not supposed to sit with the potential judgements as part of the exposure?

[@wanmeireles7182]

A different question from what people usually ask on your videos: what softwares did you use to create this cool animation?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

This is really just Photoshop, and then video editing software to make the still images look like they're animated. Sometimes I use screencapture software to capture video of drawing in Photoshop.

[@wanmeireles7182]

@@everybodyhasabrain That's awesome, this animation is so cool and simple. Thanks for your answer

[@ieatpaintchips72]

Thank you for admitting unicorns are real.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

You're welcome!

[@marinaroaredondo]

Hey Mark, where can Imagine find the meditation about healing the inner child?

[@pbriffy]

I was wondering this and it turns out there's actually one in his book ("You Are Not A Rock"). Basically it's kind of like a variant of loving-kindness meditation, where you first deliberately cultivate that attitude of loving-kindness towards something easy, and then apply it to yourself in the past. It also has some similarities to the "Tin Can Monster" exercise in "Get Out Of Your Mind and Into Your Life," though that one doesn't have an explicit loving-kindness focus.

[@kleyyer]

Hey Mark, what about a obsessions that manifests in real life? For exemple, in my case I developed an over judgmental mentality about my inteligence and eloquence, so what happens is that when I get really caught up in these judgments and thoughts it gets very difficult to think and talk, words don't come easily and my thinking gets very simple, this really puzzles me...

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I'm not sure why that would be different. I found it really helpful to work on nonjudgment skills. Those same judgment compulsions you're getting caught up in might also be what's making you judge this as different.

[@alexc5817]

But what if I hurt someone I loved emotionally and physically? It happened a couple of times, and now I see is because I didn't even identify my anger and because I have trouble controlling it. Now I am trying to work on that. But because of what I did I feel like I am the worst person in the world, that I don't deserve to live.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

We can celebrate that awareness. In this moment, we can give the things we want to give and grow the things we want to grow.

[@Alritealritealrite]

@@everybodyhasabrain your reply right here just helped me. My issue is similar to the person above private dwelling on something from over 20 years ago. The things that I care about in the present-day are suffering because I'm trying to figure out something from the past. That's a cycle that needs to be broken. I hope the person above saw this response. Thank you

[@everybodyhasabrain]

@@Alritealritealrite You can break that cycle!

[@fishfur9530]

Question. If the thoughts are not intrusive, does this still apply? For example, let's say I have a random prejudiced thought that's racist or just plain mean. If I consciously choose to not reflect that thought in my actions, does that apply?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I find it helpful to approach all thoughts as thoughts. What matters are the actions. How we interact with any stuff in our heads. So with any thought or feeling or whatever, it's always about coming back to our values and actions. The brain stuff is just weather.

[@fishfur9530]

@@everybodyhasabrain Thanks for the explanation. Your videos and perspective helps a lot :)

[@raybellows9851]

The "probably" bothered me.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It's in there on purpose for that reason!

[@enimalnaide7767]

I've done something which is not illegal but I regret so much that I agreed to it. I feel I've been taken advantage even though no-one forced me to do anything. Does anyone feel the same?? How do you cope? I can't function.

[@adamgulley1399]

How are you doing bro?

[@enimalnaide7767]

@@adamgulley1399 I struggle with BDD, going insane because of it

[@praisegod3768]

Dear young man, please know that you are NOT alone. How are you now?

[@enimalnaide7767]

@@praisegod3768 Everything OCD-related feels like an old bad dream

[@Bronsonnarrator]

Hello, how to look at past events or experiences which happened and it is related to present obsession that you have, and how to move forward with believes that you have made around it.

[@everybodyhasabrain]

I wouldn't start with any of those. I'd begin by looking at the things I want to give my time and energy to and the actions that are useful for those things I want to grow.

[@ash-ei1ps]

please help me. how do i deal with the fact that i flirted with someone else while being in a relationship. i had no intentions whatsoever. i just feel bad for hurting my partner and i feel like a monster. help me please

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It could be useful to look at how you're judging yourself. It's likely this is not the first time you are judging yourself so harshly and rigidly. This could be an opportunity to explore cutting out compulsions around judging and criticizing yourself.

[@ash-ei1ps]

@@everybodyhasabrain thank you. i really am so critical with myself when it comes to being a good partner. i just dont want to turn out a cheater and i really want to be a loving person to my partner because she deserves that.

[@razor2383]

everything was fine untill i experienced a trauma experience..after that intrusive thoughts started and i started compulsion and ruminating a lot that when i will normal..help me

[@everybodyhasabrain]

It can help to look at the skills we want to practice and learn now. We may have had a traumatic experience in the past, but healthy skills for interacting with thoughts are something we all need to learn. We might have been very lucky to not have noticed a need for that in the past, but it's an important set of skills for life, and always wonderful to learn.

[@razor2383]

@@everybodyhasabrain thank you mark

[@Tangentbordsblues]

Probably? What the heck is that supposed to mean? Thanks for a good laugh ☺️

[@everybodyhasabrain]

:D

[@ba-bass]

0:20 on beat wtf??

[@everybodyhasabrain]

😁🙌

[@nightshade8538]

Would you say a method of letting a thought go is to pay attention to something else irrelevant to the thought? That way energy is not put into ruminating and other compulsions?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

But if I'm only giving my attention to that other thing because of the thought I want to "let go of", I'm still putting that thought in charge of my actions. I'm still getting played like a puppet by a thought. It really helped me to see that trying to let go of things only puts them at the center of my life. So I would back up a few steps and look at why I'm giving time and energy to letting go of something.

[@anubhavrauniyar3192]

One day we beat ROCD 🙂

[@everybodyhasabrain]

You can beat it today!

[@anubhavrauniyar3192]

@@everybodyhasabrain what i did is not my fault ,at that age we are not mature enough to understand anything....... 🙂

[@pranayaechuri6053]

How much of OCD have you been able to conquer? 90%+?

[@everybodyhasabrain]

110% It's entirely possible to get over OCD. But it's important to cut out compulsions (like checking if other people got over OCD).

[@gokussj9080]

@@everybodyhasabrain lol

[@pranayaechuri6053]

you're amazing. (this wasnt a compulsion by the way. i've only done this 3x in total). (cutting out compulsions can also be a compulsion)

[@ElectricWarior]

Another advice i find helpful is to not try to be certain about the % you overcame your ocd,trying to know that can also be a compulsion.

[@eatmaishortzz]

This does my head in though as pseudo hallucinations, such as having the feeling your legs r wet because your obsession is a fear of wetting yourself - how on earth do you say it’s just thoughts?!? Literally no one has ever answered this Does my head in no one takes this on properly

[@everybodyhasabrain]

That's a very basic experience that's covered in lots of content. It's no different than actually wetting yourself. The fear isn't about that. The fear is about being judged by others. I had lots of compulsions around checking things like that before I would talk to people or go anywhere, so cutting it out was about noticing the feeling, telling my brain it was 110% true, so I didn't need to check it, and then walking up to the people I was going to talk to.

[@eatmaishortzz]

Thanks for your reply, literally never get a reply about this particular obsession/compulsion, sincerely appreciated as sometimes feels I’m the only one with this type. Wow, telling myself it is 110% true..that’s a hard one. I tried it today and the thought “let go without checking” kept popping in. Sorry if my post was frustrated, just been searching for years to speak with someone who shares this theme. I will try what you suggested more, and once again, thank you Mark.

[@pixie89]

No music from next time please

[@ghezelalvares5153]

Thank you Mark 😊