Why do Narcissists Abuse People? Explaining 'Narcissistic Supply'

This video discusses why narcissists abuse other people.
Narcissistic supply is the name for the driving force behind the behaviours of a narcissist. This driving force is their shaky, unstable self-esteem of which they are largely consciously unaware. This is because it is well defended against by their ego/consciousness and suppressed into their subconscious.
The narcissist has an inflated false self. This can be compared to a leaky balloon which needs to be constantly inflated with ‘narcissistic supply’. This supply consists of others admiring the narcissist or mirroring back to them the false self which they present.
Narcissists like to feel powerful over others, have control over others, get attention, praise and admiration, and elicit negative or positive emotional energy.
Supplies are activities and relationships which fuel and reinforce the grandiosity of the narcissist.
It is all based on a fantasy and the purpose is to reinforce grandiosity in order not to feel depressed. The false self of the narcissist views itself as perfect and therefore is entitled to whatever it wants without having to work or struggle.
If mirroring from the environment is inadequate the false grandiose self will feel frustrated and then the underlying anger and depression will start to emerge.
The successful narcissist is one whose defences remain intact and they never need to question their importance. They must be creative and imaginative to create a lifestyle which supports their grandiose view of themselves and fuels their narcissistic needs. They deny weakness in themselves. Other people exist in a narcissist’s life to reinforce their image of themselves.
Here is the video by BorderlinerNotes mentioned in this video:
• The Torture of Patholo...
The Torture of Pathological Narcissism - DIANA DIAMOND
childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/
sarahgrahamcounselling.com/

[@angaeltartarrose6484]

I'm going to run with an insight that came, as I listened & read. I stayed with myself, I believed me over the narcissist, I remained my own friend ~even during the verbal abuse of an alcoholic mother behaving as if she were a narcissist when drinking. I never emotionally left myself, nor disassociated the way narcissists seem to have done. I remained on my own team, as it were. While it is as if the narcissist's coping mechanism was to just walk off emotionally, or check out, in favor of a false self doing the hard work of being present in the difficulties of life. Further, I would say that many active alcoholics, without actually being narcissists, can present very much as if they are in fact narcissists, yet only while they are drinking. Acting cavalier, judgmental, careless with other people's feelings, grandiose, all about them, raging, never discussing their behavior. It's almost like the narcissist is on a dry drunk, or behaving badly as if under the influence, when not. This persona is so similar that there must be something to it. Perhaps the false self has allowed itself to act out, while the real self is squashed. Sort of how the narcissist squashes the empath, or tries to. Have they truly lost their real self? Where is it? Is it accessible at all? Narcissists seem terrified of looking at themselves or their behavior with any amount of honesty. They balk at the idea of even momentarily walking away from their carefully constructed false ideation of themselves. Propping them up externally seems like feeding a bad dog, as they often become insatiable for more & more adulation, rather like movie~stars. I wonder if there is any way to help my friend, even as I take my leave of her for my own well~being & emotional health. Did her soul just leave her body behind? I have wondered if she is soulless. The kindness & consideration I have shown her made her worse. She has come to respect some of my healthy boundaries as I assert my own needs as important as well. Empaths have tried very hard to help narcissists, in almost every single case, before leave~taking. Rather unsuccessfully, I might add. Something is missing in them it seems.

[@Smellslikenarcspirit]

A psychopath is born whitout a self or in spiritual terms inner child . By the rest , sociopaths , narcisist , bordeline and histrionics the self is abandoned at the age of 7 . And that is where their growt stops . They cant selfsreflect anymore . It takes selfreflection and acountability to grow , and these clowns just play dodgebal whit these things .

[@angelcathairs]

You are absolutely top of your field. I have never heard these things explained in this detail and understanding. I think you could submit your work to universities so that it can be taught.

[@childrenofnarcissists]

Hi Paul, I have learned a lot of this from various specialists in trauma and narcissistic personality disorder. Here is a link to a page on my website where you can find links to some of those books if you are interested: childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/books/

[@trixiepickle8779]

Thank you again for this. The silent treatment in my case could last for a couple of days.

[@NothingCompares2U]

Is the long life of the Covert Narcissist somehow related to the diminished (by the Narcissist) lifespan of those tormented by them and used for supply? I get this feeling like I just need to escape and it causes a hatred for anytype of feminine characteristic. Just filled with rage, I hate the whole sneaking around, not telling the truth and being forthright. Not that women are like this, just the Covert Narc needs to be a man, I mean. It's a sad thing to see.

[@jamesrutter4100]

It's thier callousness and lack of empathy and compassion. They just don't give a damn about anything but thier own wants and they use others to get them fulfilled while sitting back snacking on thier favorite food and drink. You burn yourself up "doing" for them

[@nancybartley4610]

Doesn't the vulnerable narcissist know he/she feels inadequate, a failure, etc.?

[@childrenofnarcissists]

Hi Nancy, Each narcissist is unique and some are very in touch with their feelings of shame at times - As James F. Masterson (a psychiatrist who specialised in NPD and BPD) said - it is difficult to distinguish between people who are lower functioning and have NPD or BPD. He would work with them for a while and through finding out which interventions they responded well to, he would get more of an idea of which disorder they had.

[@priest9325]

Well explained. Good job 👍

[@childrenofnarcissists]

Thanks!

[@Patricia28590]

Very helpful videos! Thank you for posting!

[@childrenofnarcissists]

Thank you - I'm so glad it's useful.

[@Patricia28590]

@@childrenofnarcissists oh absolutely! I’ve watched all of your videos and they ALL resonate with me and my life. Very useful and helpful. Please keep posting!

[@jeaniem342]

I agree! This is so validating and life changing! Thank You!

[@childrenofnarcissists]

@@jeaniem342 Thanks Jeanie

[@eelco9547]

I don't think a narcissist is able to change. They don't just lack awareness... it is a complete absence. But I do think when motivated a narcissist can learn better coping skills.

[@abva56]

Narcissism is spiritual. Jezeble Spirit, Leviathan Spirit. It's not cognitive. The secular world needs to wake up!