Why is the narcissist's love-bombing so dangerous?

[@sielorstout1213]

"Seduction is not always sexual." Thank you, I will be more aware!

[@valshelby7307]

I thought it was at first!

[@judithwallace2091]

This really helps me understand now why one is advised to be watchful around excessive flattery. Thank you!

[@Em_Elizabeth]

I'm here bc my bf was a jerk to me last weekend. I took two days' space and now it seems like we're good... but I'm still on the lookout.

[@That_Handle]

@@Em_Elizabeth , Need much more context to feel that out from my PoV... Try looking at YT channel called _Personal Development School - Thais Gibson_ in case this is a case of reactions/actions bursting from attachment styles for either or both of you possibly spiced with traumas/enmeshment/codependencies. Best wishes for you+S.O. not to forget fortifying _your own knowledge used to improve yourself_ for yourself. Even if just one of those is a value-addition, best wishes, nonetheless, and maybe both of you have something to gain from that channel. 👍✌🤟🖖👋

[@Em_Elizabeth]

@@That_Handle I'll check it out. Thanks!😉

[@queenbeenightlyredux]

Sweet and mean. Thanks for summing up the flip flop and the cycles of it. When a person steps back, this pattern becomes clear. This is why narcs create distractions and drama. This is why they never want to give "space" because you might get some perspective when you really relax away from their influence.

[@keepgoing2267]

QueenBeeNightly great comment

[@blissfulbaboon]

You said it.Exactly! Great observation!!!

[@kevinbrislawn5918]

yes..one moment they're Mr. nice then out of the blue Mr. nasty..abusers like this need a shovel to the head

[@Em_Elizabeth]

I told my guy off and asked him for space the last time he was a jerk. I meant it to last three days, not two but he kept texting me about how depressed he was, how he's afraid I'll leave him on top of all the other problems he's facing in his life right now. He says he won't be able to live with himself if I leave.

[@susiekeck1916]

I love this video and agree with everything Meredith said. I have an analogy for this (bare with me - it's a bit lengthy, but totally worth it). I am a chemist and a woman who has fallen for idealization several times, and I now think of it this way: We've heard that a healthy bodily state is one in which the body is slightly alkaline - think of that as an analogy for your mental state as well. (Here's a quick chemistry lesson to use if you get lost in the analogy: the pH scale goes from 0-14; basicity/alkalinity means a pH above 7, acidity means a pH below 7, and neutral is in the middle, pH = 7; acids and bases neutralize each other when mixed -- NaOH + HCl = NaCl + H2O -- when you mix this harmful acid and harmful base, you get salt water, which is neutral and not harmful; also, caustic means something that will burn you.) My mental state used to be very acidic and I was constantly seeking neutralization. When a man came along and showered me with alkalinity (praise, compliments, etc.), I sucked it right up. I definitely felt the small digs that happened during the idealization, each like a small acid burn, but I enjoyed and needed the alkalization so much that I disregarded the occasional drop of acid. Then, when things started to go bad, it was like my man kept giving me acid and holding out on giving me the base that I needed so badly to feel whole. I would go back into my acidic mental state and be starving for alkalinity. I was willing to accept any small scraps of base I could get. I would be like an addict looking for a drug, but what I was seeking was neutralization. We could say that alkalinity = approval and acidity = disapproval. The way to neutralize our response to approval from others is to be in a neutral to slightly alkaline mental state before it even comes along. Then we can absorb any praise given to us and just say "thanks", rather than see it as a lifeline, and not fall for idealization. Narcissists can tell if we are craving alkalinity as soon as they meet us, and they feed it to us to keep us hooked. They recognize our acidity because they have it, too. They just deal with it in a more selfish way than us empaths do. If your pH is low, you can adjust it by providing your own approval and not looking outside of yourself for it. This takes time and a lot of work, but you are worth it! Educating yourself with books, podcasts, and videos like these, then applying what you learn in real-life situations is a great way to work on yourself (trust me, the universe will provide situations to test you so that you can see your progress). Surround yourself with this stuff for as long as you need. I'm so much better now than I used to be and I'm still learning/improving. Seek to alkalize and heal yourself. Then, when someone showers you with too much alkalinity, it will feel like a caustic attack - like that person is firing base at you and throwing off your pH. It just won't feel right (it will feel "icky" and "off"). You will feel the difference between being around an acidic person who uses manufactured base to trick you and being around an alkaline person who fits in well with your (now alkaline) world. I used to always say to myself "I just want a nice, alkaline man". That is still true. But wanting an alkaline man is not the same as needing alkalinity to make me feel whole and neutralize the acidity of my mind. I now know the difference. Namaste, Susie

[@lorimiller4301]

Susan Keck That was pretty cool. Thanks for sharing.

[@psychologycontact9921]

Susie, that's really perfect. I am female but there is another female who has been showering me with alkalinity so much recently and it feels so icky and very off, given that her alkalinity consists of a sheer web of lies. Having read your account, I feel happier because this situation may be the universe's way of showing me that I can now recognise manufactured alkalinity (progress). In fact, narcissists are becoming easy to spot by their ickyness. I still have a weak spot for not being able to tell nosy and inappropriate people to mind their own business so, when a narcissist tries to dig for personal information about me, to help with their alkalinity-manufacture, I give it only to have it used against me, later on. Ah, thank you, very much, for this fab. analogy. It's helped me twice! All the very best.

[@monachopsis5117]

Susan Keck so true! I love metaphors :) "The universe will provide situations to test you so you can see your progress", this is also very very true for me. When I've felt myself having those same old reactions to positive or negative stimulus, I get that little reminder to calm down, and remember what I have learned. Does this person's opinion of me really define me? If not then why am I so upset and feeling the need to defend myself? So I take a deep breath, remember who I am, and handle the situation in a different way (after I've told my ego to be quiet).

[@judithwallace2091]

I am a chemist too! I love your analogy. An advanced version would incorporate buffers or possibly polyprotic acid/base titrations.

[@decoy2636]

Nice way to describe it. I understand after I spent 4 decades with her. February I started the process of moving on and freedom is wonderful. I will be a different person who is the Dictator in any future relationship and negatives will simply not be tolerated.point blank period.

[@renatab4588]

You know, once you start piecing it all together, like a mosaic, and then you step away to look at the whole picture... The shivers you get at the realisation what's been happening is mind blowing... When it happened to me, when I realised I was involved with a covert narcissist, I nearly vomited. That's how strong the realisation was. Sending my love to everyone who had the lucky escape from the claws of poisonous covert narcissist.

[@ichdieLivi]

"they'll hurt you, then they'll comfort you." "they give you the blame, only to then forgive you." this is my mother in a nutshell, I could give you a zillion examples, really. also, they create fear to then take this fear away. one has to be SO conscious not to fall for their shit.

[@ichdieLivi]

ps. I have decided NOT to take ANY presents my mother gives me anymore. Not even on my bd, I recently had. It makes the game SO MUCH harder for her, because she KNOWS she can not guilt-trip me that easily anymore. stupid Narcs, really..

[@ichdieLivi]

"this idealization tempts you to put your sense of approval in the other person." THANK YOU SO MUCH MEREDITH; this is sooooo true!!!

[@ichdieLivi]

Also, what my NM recently likes to do, because now I do what I want to do (to an extent), trying to do what is right for me. She then criticizes me HEAVILY. My older me would have changed everything then completely, to avoid this criticism, my new me goes on doing this (although in a lot of doubt), when she see, she CANNOT change me, she instantly changed into the idealization phase, suddenly finding what I created or do beautiful and wonderful.. it's so ridiculous.

[@shabnamrafique3638]

idL what you have just discribed sounds like classical signs of mental illness.

[@chrismike4377]

well, mom spells 666 on your dial pad, now ya know why, eh?

[@Troyster94806]

In my experience, she was a long time friend. I started noticing that she seemed sweet on me, but I wasn't sure at first. At one point she was wanting to see me all the time, she praised me and treated me to meals etc. It went on like this but it was completely platonic. I liked the attention and I also liked how much alike we seemed. Once we became physical, one thing I noticed right away was she wanted to turn up the intimacy. I sort of liked it, but acting like a newlywed was hardly necessary since I had already known her for so long. She wanted to run me through that whole relationship ritual. I liked it, but I was nowhere near as hooked as she thought. Suddenly without much warning, she stopped calling. I didn't hear from her for 3 weeks. When I did hear from her, she sounded cold or bored. If she made plans with me, she would call back and cancel. She seemed to be trying to get my hopes up so she could disappoint me. A few weeks before this evil in her came out, she primed me to bring out suspicion later. She also purposely pushed my buttons in front of her friends or family to make me seem like the unstable one. I gave her a surprise she probably never expected. I just kicked her to the curb. I didn't give her a chance to try to suck me back in. I told her off and asked her not to contact me in any way. It was the most hardcore thing I ever did.

[@kevinbrislawn5918]

good cold hardcore is hard but these people Really are a Menace. I did the cold hard look to the narc in my life: no harsh words no no nothing..I got tired of the suddenly your in my yard..knock on door the walk by routine at 1:30 p.m. right on time daily!!..it got to me so I did it. no hoover's no stalking going on three lovely weeks of bliss..so far. I'm aware this may start up again..

[@JollyCelery]

How do people find the time and energy to constantly play these games?! I wouldn't even know where to begin to manipulate someone in this way.

[@rohithreddy75]

Their past relationships are awful

[@lettya2005]

Joanna Payne Because it is all a game to them and they mastered this game. It is a high for them.

[@Steffi5376]

I agree birdie bue, I felt him experimenting on me as well by switching from positive energy to insulting me and carefully watching my reaction and then modify his behaviour. He did this subconsciously but I'm sure he was later conscious of the damage he was doing to me anyway so no excuse and the way he acted was so inhumane and horrible

[@CountessLydia]

Joanna Payne - my understanding is that they often don't choose to, they have to. Their fractured self is so bust they actually need narcissistic supply to survive. I'm not saying this in sympathy, I can assure you! They rely on their false sense of self because their shame just won't' let them connect with their actual self. Sam Vaknin is a great source of info on this :)

[@ghopeigetit]

You dont really realize it when your in it. You have some subtle ideas.

[@carolb3869]

Loved: ‘if they were an asshole all the time, it wouldn’t work!’ Soooooooooo true! See it, you must 💙

[@carolb3869]

The dangerous piece of the abuse cycle is that the idealization phase can present as oh so genuine, vulnerable, sincere etc ... careful now (seriously, be careful!) Knowledge is key! Thank you for this video! PS: common statements: I can’t live without you I love you so much Please don’t leave me I’ll kill myself if you aren’t in my life I’ve never loved anyone more than you I can’t live without you

[@pault9544]

The love bombing can be extremely deceptive and hard to catch at times! I second guessed myself over and over. But I began to see the pattern you mentioned. The narc would always turn nice when I said or did something that could blow their cover. After I let my guard down they'd go back to devaluing. This helped me to see that it was all a game to them, and I had to accept and see them for what they are. All these people are trying to do is manipulate. Theres not an ounce of genuine care in them for your soul. Once you beging to accept them for what they are, it's easy to see when they're doing it and you will see how theatrical and phony they really are.

[@aymardiaz5845]

So helpful! There is abuse in the idealization phase too, it’s the hook, all it is is manipulation, and that’s actually the worst part of the abuse... what’s going to create the bond that will prepare you for the devaluation, mistreatment and humiliation. Thank you so much! Very clarifying material :-)

[@thelittlegirlwholovedthewo3044]

They will hurt you only to comfort you. No truer words

[@hollycline2427]

The Little Girl Who Loved The World It's so gross, now I see it so clearly just by being quiet They hate that and start acting sickening.

[@dreamygirl2026]

Neutralize compliments/flattery! That is such an eye opener. Living in integrity is what should be my compass, not what others think of me. This was a total “aha” moment!

[@nryane]

Self-validation is key! Learning to approve of oneself can be a huge hurdle for those of us who have been raised by a narcissist. Once we get that we are worthy, we are less likely to be sucked in by anyone idealizing us. Thanks for this confirmation video, Meredith!

[@Barbara-vw7og]

Nettonya Ryane thanks for saying this. I took a yoga teaching course and my teacher was basically narcissistic and I shared that same point in the group share and she said no you missed the whole point you can't validate yourself. I see now so fucking clearly that she did not help me at all she wanted me and anyone else to continue to just look to her for validation. Even telling me to not do a certain pose because it "made other people feel uncomfortable that I was more flexible than them" fuck ever doing a training thing like that without doing ample research and I had a gut feeling but ignored it of course. At least I only paid like $800 even tho she didn't give me my certificate I'm not paying the bitch around $4000 for the course taking advantage of emotionally vulnerable people. Makes me sick to my stomach

[@holyspiritfilled3036]

I was adopted and have a narcissistic mother who after a few years had children of her own but since i was a child she has made me feel indifferent and always put me down and made me feel estranged from the rest of the family .I had not much love or any support and always had her project her bad relationship with her mother onto me as she had no power or acceptance from hers. My father passed 10yrs ago and i have put up with her constant criticizing and put downs out of respect that she is my mother regardless. I left home at a young age as i couldn't handle her constant abuse and she has been punishing me ever since for rebelling against her authority and always uses guilt to reel me back in saying.. but i am the MOTHER. Im nearly 50 and have had enough as it has affected me on such a deep core level for i have been fighting to get her acceptance all my life and have always attracted these type of relationships. So i thought its time to be Brave and take back my POWER so i told her how she has affected me throughout my life but in a non blaming and loving way in hope to have a relationship with her of some kind this only sent her into a rage.All the things she had done to me she reversed them by saying i have done those things and i always try to justify myself and become so upset and frustrated for i feel i have no voice.I felt proud that i stood up to her but now she has rejected me by saying she wants nothing to do with me. I have no relationship with my sisters due to my mother and feel i need to let this family go as im unable to heal with her constantly adding more injuries as she will never change and now it comes down to self preservation.Your channel has helped me so much and i really wanted to thank you for i dont feel so alone anymore and have such a greater understanding of this type of abuse. GOD BLESS x

[@angelomansueti4758]

Again a great video Meridith. The one thing I have noticed and would like to share with everyone is, during the idealization Phase or the beginning of the relationship, the Narcs I've been with, have constantly asked me what I'm thinking about. My thoughts on this one are to possibly find our weaknesses so they can speed up the process of the abuse. Now I know this can seem very innocent, but if you're thinking of something negative or something you regret and you tell them, they will bring it up at a later date to devalue you and it has happened to me several times. It's a good way to get inside your head very quickly. Correct me if I'm wrong.

[@ambitiouskandy]

Angelo mansueti this is so true

[@angelomansueti4758]

Shining star, really? Do you understand what this site is and what we are talking about? If this is what you believe why are you trolling us? your response has a narc tone to it. Feel free to do what you want. You also may consider working on your grammer.

[@monachopsis5117]

Angelo mansueti very interesting. They really are always randomly asking "what are you thinking about?", and it seems to be at time that it's about them, things I don't want them to know. Another thing, randomly asking "what are you doing?" When I'm on my phone. A simple answer like "I'm watching a video, talking to so and so" etc is never good enough. They want the details of what it's about, what are we talking about, etc. Questions that I don't ask them, and the randomness of it is the weirdest part. It's like they can feel I'm watching or discussing things they wouldn't like. These videos for instance, or talking to a friend about how they've hurt me. They have an intuitive type sense as well. Too coincidental to ask questions at the right moment to gain info that will help them in our future demise.

[@angelomansueti4758]

Very true

[@herrklamm1454]

Angelo mansueti it drove me insane when she would constantly ask what I’m thinking about anytime I’d be sitting in her company just enjoying the silence. It feels like they’re slowly trying to wear you down so that they can get inside your head. If you get angry at them for the continued questions they’ll get upset and make you feel guilty - they will say they’re only taking an interest in you.

[@emilianolopez4289]

Very interesting and useful video. Thank you. I would like to say that this toxic dynamic between sweetness and bitterness is called "the pull-push technik" among the pick up artists. First they pull you with flattering and guilt and then they push you away. And you end up feeling worthless, of course. This is the demon at work, the relentless SEDUCTOR. It's nothing new at all. I now know the reason why the seduction game felt so fake when I was introduced to it in my years as a teenager and early adulthood. It's always the same story. It's all about power and control over others (the victim, or prey), motivated by fear. They are afraid of losing control. They are fearful of free people. They want others to do their will. This is the same behaviour of the wealthy bankers or politicians. They want control. It's also the same technik that thieves use to manipulate. They take your compassion and turn it against. Pure evil at its best. But fear ends where faith begins...

[@DebbieBlanke]

I don't believe I commented on the previous video, but DEEPLY appreciated your examples and deep sharing. For myself, learning the nuances and traits fundamentally doesn't always translate to the specific episodes, and your examples did that. I was able to pause the video numerous times because you literally shone a light on situations that did nothing but baffle me. So thank you, I can understand how the exposure and vulnerability of your specific experiences was daunting. Thank you , a lot.

[@lisasunshine7654]

I noticed that when the guy was my ‘type’, (his look, personality, humor, just the way he moved and his voice even)...it made the attention SO much more intense. It made the high higher and the fall harder. He had the whole package and the charm they are famous for. I had never experienced this idealization before. It was too fast (he claimed he was ‘needy’ and wanted a partner, divorced and looking) and great communication (he was open and a good communicator). The warning sign is definitely the flattery, but also the swiftness! They move too fast for normal building. Be carful, because it talks time to know a real person.

[@swarupachakraborty5460]

Meredith, you're a human angel. This is the kind of life-saving psyche lessons that kids should be taught at high school and college. I wish I so wish people didn't have to go through so much damaging dark cognitive dissonance as a personal experience in order to to grow these 'antibodies' you spoke about! Thanking you from the bottom of my heart for being so succinct and spot on about the initial red flags that we tend to ignore because of the dopamine hits in the brain from the idealization phase. So difficult to keep the radar ON at all times though. But vigilance is key for protection from emotional predators. There're so very many of them out there. Sending positive vibes to everyone coping with narcissistic abuse right now. It's a rollercoaster ride that never seems to end. But it will pass with persistent self-care. Thanks once again to you and your tribe for all the help and compassionate support.

[@MiriamMonroe]

When the malignant X started hoovering me again I lovingly stood back as an observer and watched him and as he highly idealized me I explained to him that whether he flatters me or insults me I've learned to take nothing personal. I've learned to realize nothing is about me and that I'm just serving as a mirror in my relationships. Quite naturally this went over his head and he did his merry way thing, he said he was copying me and indeed I did find him mirroring me but it was a poor copy of my hearts work, my life's work- as some kind of cosmic clown -but anyway when the devaluation started you can imagine that I took nothing personal. I just was able to go Grey Rock and get away even with my brother having just died which actually was also fuel to my getaway so I I'm grateful to the strength that I feel was imparted to me because my brother hated this man hated the way he abused me and I really felt like I was doing the right thing because if I would have stayed it would have just been more abuse and I would not have been able to grieve my brother's passing in peace .

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

This helps so much Meredith, with the cognitive dissonance. I have been getting caught in that "love" part and not able to see my way clear. My understanding now is that that is not genuine and is part of the game. It is a game strategy because if it was real it would be nourishing and they would let it be that way. But they do not leave it alone. They destroy those good feelings in a million other ways. When your sense of self starts to grow they immediately throw some water on your fire. They watch closely so that growth is not allowed to happen. I wound up leaving my real self behind to participate in this back and forth that had only deleterious results for me. But it was oh so quiet, just like you say! I could not detect it. I was not getting the real nourishment I needed for my real self..

[@pam164]

My ex narc boyfriend went very cold when he was devaluing me cancelling dates last min, hardly texting taking hours to answer no good morning txt or night night txt this happened in cycle every 5 to 6 weeks over and over then i knew he was going to fade out so i was super anxious all time. Then he would contact me all loving after couple weeks i miss you i would be back on roller coaster again god went through this over 3 years it was crazy sweet mean cycle. Great video.

[@loreleiletslivetogether3767]

The book "the Rules" suggests two cancelled dates and he is done.

[@pam164]

Lorelei Lets Live Together Yes but he is a narc thats what they do they think they are entitled to do it. I was in love with him so put up with a lot off him i didn't know at time he was a narc. If any guy cancels on me now its done!

[@undergroundcommunityintern7433]

Hi girl. Same here. I remember the no good morning text part. I think maybe this is a tactic by the narc on purpose, to keep you in that 'hanging on' mode. They have the power until they send that text, then they give you your power back once they have done 'the appropriate thing'. So, they do NOT do the appropriate thing. It keeps you in that "anxious" state, as you said. This is not fair nor kind. And yes this is cruel.

[@pam164]

Natalie Sampson Hi i think they send good morning txt early in relationship to hook you i used to be in a panic if i didn't get one his usual time on his way to work early 7 so i would be awake from 6 on edge for it then if he didn't txt i would txt him and he would txt back straight away like he was waiting which i know now he was his game to keep me anxious he played phone games a lot with me and i knew he was but he would get very annoyed with me if i said that. Crazy making.

[@pam164]

Rowen Starchild Hi sorry your feeling this way yes its horrible it makes you super anxious so you can't sleep, concentrate, on edge 24/7 they will never change they enjoy making you this way. Stay strong you be much better off without him in long run, ive been no contact 5 months now. Good luck and take care.

[@danam358]

Omg I knew there was something very wrong, manipulation and mind games but didn’t know he was a narc until I watched you’re videos and everything you said apply to him (them) two exes were narc😖

[@marshonjoseph580]

Meredith, Thank you for your sharing your time, energy, experiences, and wealth of knowledge. I appreciate and value your transparency. I have learned so much from you since I have decided to follow you last year. You've empowered and clarified areas in my life - where I felt inadequate, self-defeated and powerless. Now, I qualify people to be apart of my life and entering into relationships without naïveté. I observe w/keen eyesight to behavior patterns. I have enlisted time for people to reveal themselves, self-control and patience in my life before deciding to add the person in my life. I'm much more patient with myself and others and understand faith, self-trust, self-respect, integrity healthy and reasonable boundaries, standards, self-worth, being around safe people and consistency are pivotal towards a well-adjusted and healthy way of living. Nevertheless, I have applied your wisdom and suggestions to my daily walk. It's clear to me now. I have implemented and continue to put forth the work; although, I had and have fears that trigger unattended childhood wounds that controlled me well into my adulthood. I was voiceless, but now as an adult I have a voice and without projecting my pain & anger off onto the next person in order avoid the true healing. It's my responsibility to be a better spiritual being. No more self-denial. No more dishonesty in oneself. I take my time to introspect and center my mental & emotional mindset. I value me more now and self-examine and trust my intuition more than ever. Thank you for sharing your gift to empower others. Many blessings and light your way. I look forward to listening to you soon. Be well :)

[@decibella]

Marshon Joseph Yesss🙏🏼✨

[@AmethystDreaming]

LOVE what you say!!!

[@GrooveeGal76]

I can't thank you enough for these videos. It's through your videos that I discovered what I was truly dealing with. I feel sick to have found myself in a relationship with a narcissist. I'm struggling to end it but I'm hoping that by educating myself I'll find the strength. I'm now starting to see the push and pull as it happens. It still feels good when he's pulling me back in, but I'm aware of what he's doing.

[@shirleykurtz]

Get out now!

[@ivanbellman856]

Really really super enormously helpful to talk about this more! This is the "high" that you craze when things go wrong... also super important to look out for it when comes at you fast & quick. Thank you Meredith for all you do!!!

[@JackieT14]

Thank you for sharing your very personal experience Meredith, I have absolutely no doubt it will help a lot of people. I'm finally getting over, after a very painful 8 months! of an on again, off again painful "relationship" with my narcissist , at least 7 times hoovered over 5 years, and those texts are exactly an example of how they operate.

[@elanabethfariss117]

Like wolves in sheep's clothing, the perfect analogy. I love that, build up antibodies by becoming immune to the idealization phase. Stay humble, don't hunger for more, it's toxic poison.

[@jenniferlynn333]

I watched this video and went back and reviewed the others in the description box... Thank you so much for your work! Going back to one of your recent videos that told about your personal experience with another narcissist... omg did that come along for me to see at just the right time to be helpfully in my life! You have helped me on my healing journey beyond belief Meredith! Please let that knowledge erase any glimpse of doubt in yourself you may have experienced when you were being told that your "work" is hurting people. How magical is it that you can be appreciative of your experience with a narcissistic person and walk away with your head high! You are an amazing soul, and you are empowering people like me! I am learning to no longer doubt myself and magical things are manifesting for me. I just wanted you to know you have been part of that journey in someone you don't even know! Sincerest warm wishes, blessings, and thanks to you from one light worker to another!

[@hope46sf]

Thank you! Sooo helpful! Before I left, he was trying all sorts of totally fake maneuvers to get me to stay, but by then, I could see,(at least in part) what he was doing, and called him on it in a matter of fact tone. THE END!! I love how you gave us the response we should have ready when we receive a compliment. "Thank you". Such wisdom you impart to us, Meredith!

[@Jasmin96961]

I was so stupid and extremely naive for my late 20s. My life would have been different if I saw your video earlier

[@InnerIntegration]

You weren’t stupid! We were all naive and that’s not the same thing. We didn’t know better. But now you do know better and that’s the most important part because it’s empowering!

[@artsydoll888]

We all were hugs. I used to say the same thing. I used to say I was so dumb at 17-21 but now that I am healing I see I was not dumb. Anyone would fall or could fall for a narcissist.

[@elva6605]

Thank you Meredith!! Excellent video! You're a lifesaver! Your description of the idealization phase and what we can do if we are going through it is stunningly accurate.

[@jghk5866]

I cannot express how much you have helped me since I discovered you nine months agoand how grateful I am. You mentally and emotionally saved my life. Thank you for deciding to put this video out. Peace and all good things to you, Meredith 😘

[@familystone255]

Thank you Meridith for all you do. Everything you are sharing is so text book. I'm a 49 year old man who was involved with a 50 year old woman. I never expected at this age and stage in life that people are still playing these games. Guess this condition has no age limits. It's been 2 months since my discard and things are slowly getting better. Thanks for the information. It's eye opening. Blessings.

[@79eyesopenwide]

Another incredibly clarifying video. This is great support for those of us who are still trudging through the muck towards recovery. Thank you Meredith!

[@jaclynhammond1689]

Thank you! After I have endured the abuse from my Narcissistic Mother-in Law a year ago, and I decided to go no contact, she was recently at a family party and gave me flowers with a hug, acting like nothing ever happened. Although I graciously accepted her ‘unusual’ gestures of affection, I sensed this was a tactic to Hoover me back in. Must admit, I feel that I’m treading on vulnerable territory, because now that she thinks we’re on good terms, she’s going to try to get something out of this. Unfortunately, my husband happens to be the enmeshed ‘Golden’ child and doesn’t set boundaries so not to upset her. So I’m on my own in handling this dynamic. It’s a great relief to get the support from other survivors.

[@dianawann6597]

One of the best videos on this subject.

[@breakthrough1019]

Thank you for teaching us to look into ourselves and not seek others to validate us .. this will protect “ antibodies “ from that idealization .. smile when they validate and say “ thanks “ .. love it .. trauma bond free !

[@86thislove]

I'm dealing with a "friend" like this. I see it. I'm very detached from him though so no expectations = no hurt, that's the only way to deal with these people.

[@cherisew]

86thislove I agree with you. Remain detached and don’t believe anything they say good or bad.

[@cherisew]

86thislove take the emotion out, you can probably actually have a fake friendship with them lol

[@TorsteinTheFallen]

I actually wrote one email when we didn't know each other well, and I said that I notice some things like lack of empathy (she was reading black chronic to feel better, like wtf), game like behavior and even said to this girl "you are narcissist". She erased the email immediately how angry she was because I wrote that. But then I didn't know what that really means. I was like, ok those things are not nice, your are narcissist (in some cute way), please don't do that. I didn't give significance to her narcissism until relationship started to take toll on me. At that time I even forgot that I told that she is narc. Up 'till down cycle lasted almost exactly 2 weeks. Now span that over 2 year period. I have been so many times thru this that it became obvious something is really wrong here. Pattern of love bombing and devaluation became obvious to me at one point. What did I do? Literary googled key words what bothered me, and I NPD was the first thing... I told her that and Hell broke lose. She manipulated me one and a half year more from that point. I tried to get out but i couldn't. She sucked me dry mentaly. I really felt like I have no more life energy. I tought I found a soulmate. Not really. So be very careful when someone is all over you. Always listen to your gut feeling, it never lies!

[@keke8880]

HuskarBG wow, I think you explained this so well. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can relate for sure with my ex. It's like something in you KNEW what she was before you even "knew" her. When I first saw my ex N, like the first second I saw him walking toward me before he had even said anything to me I thought, "this guy is a player." He hadn't spoken aloud and was dressed and walking normally, and we were in a classroom. I resisted his attempts at dating me at first because I was so put off by something in him. I would get extremely nervous before dates, like I couldn't think straight. I thought "oh I guess I really like this guy." We dated a short time and he was trying to tell me he loved me super fast, so I broke up with him. A year later I actually went after HIM when I saw him out somewhere. I pretended like I wasn't, but I felt the pull to him so strongly and he seemed so "different" than before. Amazing how I just sought my own abuser out like that ("come abuse me, please!). And just like you said, years later we were still together and I was torn to shreds with his devaluation (the cycles were a few weeks like your ex's then transitioned to a few days, then hours). I wish I had run the other way that first day I heard something say "he's a player" that first moment I saw him (I didn't have the language for "narcissist" yet).

[@TorsteinTheFallen]

I'm also sorry to hear that you wasted years on narc. It's not just time but we will never be the same persons after this. Silver lining is maybe that we won't fall for these types of people again. But we payed a hefty price for that experience. I had last 3 narc girlfriends. One of them told me openly she is narc when I asked. Back then that was just something interesting/cute to say hear. Didin't gave much worth to that because I didn't know what that really is. That one I caught lying (because i listened my gut and I insisted to get to the bottom) in first month and she fell in my eyes. Didn't loved her and left her after 6 months. Do I need to tell you that she wrote messages whole year after and that I didn't respond to any of them... Then I knew she's not normal, but didn't know narcissism is THE problem as personality disorder and what that implies . Last one I loved and I fell in love too early. I tend to do that. Then I'm like I'll give you the world like Alladin (poor fuck). But she is the special kind of devil. Most beautiful girl I ever had. People turn around in street for her. Also she is mind fucked to the bone and she dragged me into her pit. I could write whole night about this... I just wish to tell you few things. You learned something important about people. Probably you are still discovering new things and other types of disorders. Next time you will look out for sure. Just don't over do it. People aren't perfect. Most of us are clumsy, nervous, not our self's when me meet someone we like. Watch out for lies, discrepancy in story's, unequal respect, entitlement, and other things we learned about narcs (their traits and behavior). When you meet someone you rly like go slow and listen when they speak, follow what they actually do.. I never understood the importance of going slow in relationship, but now i do. Don't settle with things you are not ok with. Have your boundaries and dealbreakers clear with yourself. Listen to your gut feeling. When something is wrong, gut will know. Almost never failed me, but I didn't listen. I was Alladin, singing songs in my head, maybe because I was too desperate to have that feeling of love and that I found the right one, idea of having kids and so on. I rushed big time and fell into her web fir 2 years. I loved her, she never loved me. More like pet. She even told me like joking, you can be my pet forever. She can't really love any man. I didn't listen. Better to be alone then with the wrong person. Now you know what that means. It can suck your life energy dry. Living dead, alive and miserable... Best wishes! PS I also met this girl in classroom(language), lol.

[@psychologycontact9921]

Yep, some encounters should not get past 'Hello.'

[@johndavid3132]

Thank yoi Merideth.......I'm learning so much from your coaching. You are a God sent to those of us that couldn't perceive how we fall into the web of deceit and manipulation.

[@francisgerace943]

Merideth, Thanks for how helpful your videos have been. They've helped bring more clarity of the dynamics of how toxic relationships can be. A great help within all the crazyness!

[@powerfulmeditationsounds8259]

You are so well spoken it's insane!!! You explain everything so clearly!

[@jovi.n]

Such an enlightening video! Can't even begin to tell you how many times this happened now that I see the past in 20/20.

[@mwil619]

I might add that you should pay attention to how much they really had to sacrifice to "give" you something compared to what they want in return. It will not be truly reciprocal with the narcissist because they view relationships as transactions they are seeking to win.

[@gateway4582]

Yes! A transaction a business transaction. Wierd coming from family but there it is.

[@shinertaz]

True narcs never say sorry , there self entitlement is way above that

[@Rebecca-fu5hg]

Not true, covert narcs will say sorry quite often

[@solidn6]

@Rebecca No they don't, and even if they did, they don't mean it, they only say it if they gain something.

[@Rebecca-fu5hg]

Which covert narcs will do quite often to manipulate you into viewing them as the victim. Overt narcs generally do not apologize for anything. Coverts are also the cryers of the narc world. Its all about manipulating you into giving what they need.

[@AlitaGunnm]

taz maniandevil they dont take responsability for their actions

[@hollycline2427]

I feel like they love to throw around fake apologies, that's one of their favorite tricks to try and humanize themselves, even tho they are 100 percent not sorry, and will do it again, and again, ad infinitum

[@rachelwall9765]

Thanks Meredith. Yesterday I bumped into a family member. I was a little taken aback that he said Hello to me in a really friendly manner. The last time I heard from him he told me that I was a problem and that the whole family were better off without me. I could feel the strong pang of longing in my heart for his love and approval. Very confusing unless, like you say, we understand what is really going on!

[@shannonobrien2572]

Thank you Meredith for all your videos. Your big picture view has been key in breaking thru my cognitive dissonance. I woke up after 50 plus years to fact that my mother is a narcissist. Working now on increasing self esteem. And ripping out malware that was installed into by brain.

[@juliecaskey5216]

You are a continued delight! Excellent video. And also your last one (personal expression) Appreciate you Meredith!

[@MsMay1959]

Wow. Perfect advice for me right now. Im venturing into a new relationship. Its taken WEEKS of the 'getting to know you' stage. All in the name of being aware. So far so good. Fingers crossed. Thanks Meredith. This is great!! :)

[@glorious6779]

Thank you!!! I'm getting so much peace watching your videos. A lot of things are making sense.

[@amberh3924]

This flip is the most painstaking thing I've been through. I'm in denial, I think. Still not trusting my alarm system. Interesting though how I do value myself through him. I do fall flat. The switch is so fast. Thank you for your videos!❤️

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

This is really good, Meredith. It is helping me seal in some growth I did today with my therapist. The only approval I got from my "mom", even as a young child, was for cleaning her house. Decades later I have still been cleaning her house just for that basic sense of approval and that I belong with her and the rest of the family.

[@psychologycontact9921]

Thank you so much, Meredith, for making this video to share with us. As with all your videos, your direct, no BS, insight is priceless. As I was coming out of the fog, I realised the idealization phase was, in effect, grooming. "You are my favourite child because you are so giving and being giving is where your worth comes from." This phasic-idealization groomed me into believing I was worthless IF I stopped giving myself to abuse. Thank you for highlighting how they operate by finishing a complement with a caveat. In my tearful insecurity, I would seek reassurance from my father that I was loved, in order to feel that my suffering and house-boundedness earned me something positive. He would respond, "Of course I love you, even though all you do is hurt me." I was fundamentally at fault because it was me who enabled the abuse even after recognizing it as such. However, this is when narcissistic abuse comes into its own, ever-expanding, function. You note difference between idealization and genuine complement in that phasic-idealization is merely a manipulation tactic intended to groom supply so that, when taken away, supply experiences a come-down effect (compounded by phasic-devaluation). Consequently, whereas enabling abuse should feel negative, it is precisely by way of phasic-idealization that the narcissist corners supply into perceiving enabling as a currency for self-worth when, in fact, it is the opposite; it is selling one's self-worth. I only wish words could do justice to how deeply damaging is this toxic brain-cleanse, especially when inflicted parentally onto children, who are biologically prepared to learn self-worth from parents/care-givers. But I know that you understand. If the brain could be compared to car-mechanics, narcissistic abuse is like a psychopath breaking in, moving around all the nuts and bolts and putting them in the wrong places, so that the car looks like a car but performs only for the cup-holder. On a related note, I think the self-care you advocate is all about fulfilling one's potential as the car we are designed to be. However, after decades of 'harmless' reliance on phasic-idealization for sustenance (i.e., "I have worth only when you approve of me"), it can be impossible to perceive one's self-worth as separate from 'an' other's approval. This external locus of control means self-care motions are geared entirely for other people's approval and, therefore, vulnerable entirely to other people's disapproval. I assume this is not the idea of self-care as this external locus of control prevents the self-care process to begin. Further, not being able to separate self-care from an other's approval qualifies one as prime candidate for phasic-idealizaton which is, in turn, what sabotages self-care at phasic-devaluation. For example, I am trying my best to practice self-care by eating clean and staying fit. This is important as, during the wide-spread abuse, I was comfort eating in order to nurture myself and trick my brain into feeling accepted. Now, as I work to exercise and eat clean (i.e., two variations of self-care), I am aware that my focus is entirely on gaining external dis/approval and, whilst I lack ANY reason to do it for me, I fail. I don't know how to apply self-care when, all my life, I've been taught I do not deserve 'care' and the ground for care is fertile only toward caring about 'an' other's opinion. On the one hand, I fear self-care will make me a narcissist, because that is all they do. On the other hand, I fear my external locus of control is what makes me a narcissist because they are continuously impression-managing others. Ah, the concept of self-care is well and truly alien to me, I can go through the motions, but have zero sense that I deserve to be fit and healthy (just for me, that nobody can take away), for example. It feels incredibly (painfully) immodest to focus on bettering myself. I struggled with this same problem when I failed to go no contact because I felt guilty that that it was immodest of me to put myself first. In the end, I allowed Ginormous (Ginormous) damage to happen to me for a long time before I said to myself, "If this was happening to another girl and only I could get her away, would I take her away or would I leave her to endure this?" By making it third-person, I could see that I would not leave someone I was responsible for to endure this because that makes me an abuser, therefore, I had to take myself away. But, now that I am no contact, I don't know how to apply this reasoning to self-care because self-care feels intrinsically selfish and I am so scared it will make me a narcissist. To be clear, I am not posting this as a question as I know the question-posting format has changed. I cannot afford financially to ask a question, at present. I'm sharing this post to share my experience as a person unable to latch onto self-care because of previous programming for selflessness and destruction. Honestly, I am not trying to coerce a response. No response is 100% good. I hope only to raise awareness of this as a problem. It's also helped me to understand it more clearly myself, just by writing it out to someone else. Once again, thank you for all these videos (and more), Meredith. You are a narcissistic abuser's nightmare, second to none. You expose their game without reservation, without hesitation, without fluff, and I cannot begin to describe what a saving grace, what a lifeboat, strong hand up, your awesome journey, dedication and work has been for me and I know to so many, many, many others. Hey, maybe the answer to my question is simply to outgrow that old and dependent me and to do the best I can, on a minute to minute basis, for that reason, alone; just to outgrow that old and dependent me. Maybe like an independent experiment, just to see what happens, when I focus on being the best that I can be. Maybe I will find some answers on the way. Your purity of purpose and goodness brings me to tears. Thank you, so very, very, very much.

[@psychologycontact9921]

Ah, it's crazy, I wrote this post by pausing your video, having not watched it to the end before posting. Now that I have watched it to the end, after posting, I see you covered much of my question, anyway! Thank you, very much.

[@keke8880]

Psychology Contact I struggle with the same back and forth you do with taking care of myself. Thank you for posting this comment. After reading it sounds like the third person you mentioned empathizing with that helped you get yourself out of your abusive relationship could be the "inner child." I relate to feeling like I only rescue her when things reach their breaking point. But, I encountered a relationship recently where, though they are not a narc, they were not good for my self esteem. I was very hooked into this person and thought he was my "great relationship" that I never had. Maybe he could have been, but he messed it up. I got out of the relationship (whatever is was). The relationship lasted 6 months. His bad behavior didn't totally reveal itself to (or maybe I didn't see it) until the last month. But I got when it did. It would have taken me years to do this before. Hell, I probably wouldn't even have been in this relationship years ago because he would've seemed like too good of a guy for me! (The guy I dated before this guy- we were together for 8 years! And he was a Narcissist!) So, I'm not sure how long you've been NC with your father, but you going NC was you saving yourself. Even if you feel like you waited too long to save yourself, you saved yourself. You didn't let yourself be killed by his abuse. That was an act of "self care" (big time). And you will see what hurts you sooner next time and save yourself, and then sooner, and then sooner. P.S. I think you should submit what you wrote as an article to a Pysch site or anti-Narcissist site. I think it a lot of people would relate to what your wrote.

[@psychologycontact9921]

Dear Keke, Thank you for your response and for your understanding. What I get from your message is that you allowed situation/s to reach braking point before recognising the inherent toxicity for what it is and, consequently, pulling the plug on it. With experience, you recognise toxicity much sooner and that recognition, in turn, helps you save yourself before damage can take place, again. That's fantastic progress! I am really proud of you. That is what Meredith's current video is all about, precisely, that it is vital we recognise what is happening, before it happens, in order to save ourselves. It is so easy to overlook the Idealization phase as an alarm bell. Just today on Facebook, a member posted, "I have a question. If you dated a narcissist and he discarded you out of nowhere.,and then comes back making time for you acting like they care about you and then "makes love to you" and then al of a sudden he's to busy can't even reply to a text and you angry with him tell him that he is wrong and he was just using you ! Because you felt ignored so now he gets angry and breaks up with u again but still talks to u and says he's trying to forget you. What should you do?" Classic cycle. I gave her the link and directed her to Meredith's videos. I hope she joins. But, I agree with you, also, about instant recognition that comes from the benefit of experience. On Wednesday, I had a workman attend where I live to sand the balcony fence from rust and then repaint it. Except, he opened the paint and started painting over the flaky rust, regardless, showing alarming lack of conscience. Whilst rollering, he kept boasting about how amazing he is. When finished, he asked for my number, I said No, and we parted ways. But he came back, walked straight into my residence, through the balcony (ground-floor) and give me a card with his number. Obv. I didn't need the last bit to confirm that he is a narcissist, because it was obvious from the beginning, that he has zero respect. I am so freeeking grateful for the benefit of past experience paired with the plethora of Meredith's guidance of what to look for. I swear the old me would have found this aggressive behavour cute and it would have made me feel safe (I know). Instead, I reported his behaviour, immediately, using the card and witnesses as evidence. Although I was substantially disturbed by it, I recognised this feeling as progress, as I was recognizing the narcissist behind the mask, which I could not do before. As fun and games as Idolization-phase seems at first, I know what comes after is anything but. And they are absolutely everywhere. I wonder why you hesitate to call your ex-boyfriend a narcissist but recognise that he was not who he first made himself out to be, and that he showed himself to be a badly behaved person, relatively quickly. Not to sound judgmental, but this reeks of wolf in sheep's clothing syndrome, though I could be reading it wrong. You add that he was not good for your self-esteem and that you were hooked on him, regardless. I wonder if you were hooked because of a degree of manipulation? Still, I underscore how great it is that you recognised this for yourself, whatever the reasons, and made the decision for self-responsibility. I am inspired by your decision. Thank you, very much, for sharing it with me.

[@LaimaBa]

Thank you so much! I am so happy I found you here on youtube. I broke off a relationship with a narcissist a few days ago, and even though I know it's a good thing, it is freaking hard. So I'm listening to you instead of texting him. And it's working!

[@Pizza653]

I knew it! Deep down I knew it right from the beginning. I was thinking like "okay this feels a bit excessive/weird/over the top and it's making me a bit uncomfortable" why didn't I listen to my intuition :D

[@Troyster94806]

I commented on this video last year but I just thought of something else to say that might be helpful. In my particular case, since I knew my Narc for so long, the honeymoon phase seemed odd and not very convincing BUT still enjoyable. I already had my guard up and wasn't falling for her as much as she thought, but I trusted her completely and was never made to feel jealous or insecure. I didn't even think it was possible for her to make me feel insecure because I wasn't very emotionally invested in her romantically. I just enjoyed the attention like most single people. This Narc knew me for so long that she knew my triggers and she also knew I had been cheated on and dumped in the past. I want to emphasize again, I wasn't that into her or convinced that she was completely genuine but I really loved the attention and the physical part was great. Also, I wasn't aware just HOW fake she was. I knew something was off though. At the time it didn't matter because I thought I knew her well enough to know what I was dealing with. Once she ghosted me for weeks and very suddenly backed off emotionally, she targeted an old abandonment wound. I was beginning to think she was cheating on me. This is like playing hard to get on steroids. It sucked me in. I suddenly became this paranoid and jealous person with her and I never even knew I felt for her enough to get like that. I honestly felt like she had me under a spell. She also planted several subtle clues and planted seeds here and there. She knew what she was doing. Looking back, she had tried to pull this a few times but it didn't work. She had ghosted me before but then returned after about 3 months. I just ignored her ghosting attempt. But each time she kept kicking it up a notch. The formula that finally worked is when we became fully physical. When she ghosted me 3 weeks at that stage, it annoyed me but I still intuitively knew to ignore it. That's when she started acting cold, distant, bored, making plans, then canceling. Even the cadence of her voice had changed! That got under my skin really bad. Most people don't change overnight unless they're cheating, so I thought the worse. I had noticed different personas she had in the past, but I just saw them as moods. I even commented to her about giving that one personality she had a nickname. She didn't seem to like that. I had no idea I might have been making her feel exposed. I want to say that these creatures are extremely subtle and they can get into your head a lot more than you may think is even possible. They are intuitive to the point of it being ESP like. I'm very serious about this. They can set you off with only a few choice words, they can confuse your arguments so bad that you find yourself apologizing for things they caused themselves. They usually have a logical explanation for every angle and then they flip things on you. And also note that this stuff is so subtle that they come off as cool calm collected and sweet, while you appear to be unhinged. Their facade only changes with you, everyone else sees the other face. This is extremely weird, and most people reading this might think that they won't let themselves get sucked into this, but trust me, it's very weird. Don't go in with your guard down. When you see this crazy behavior, cut things off immediately! I don't care how long you think you knew them.

[@jackielove2737]

"....hard to get on steroids." 💯💯💯 All of what you said is 100% ON POINT. Thanks for sharing. Glad you got out.

[@mele7613]

Thank you so much for this!!

[@TheLillasol]

YES! Spot on as usual. Thank you, I need these reminders. Thank you so much! Never be afraid to be personal

[@janasty08]

It’s amazing that you hit the nail on these topics and I end up nodding while watching your videos 😅 It is so, that I feel so stupid and laughing at myself sometimes, how dumb I was, for letting it happen to me and allowing it (against my gut instincts).. I surely had issues that needed fixing. You really helped me disentangle myself from that Covert Narc Ex! All the while before that, I thought, I was just too powerless to make that choice! WOW! The truth will indeed set you free !!! Stay strong people! LEARN the Lesson!! When you say at the end, „I‘m sending you all a big hug (+a huge smile)“ I always find myself smiling back and feel so comforted. Thank you for this amazing work, Meredith!! God bless! ❤️ Love from Germany

[@mikehodgson1514]

Amazing video...4 months out and still a slight trauma bond...Think she was borderline and covert narc..Never been through anything like that before!

[@chrismike4377]

for real, right... ya should read my novel about the 28 years of attacks by FEMALES, in Billings, MT, but i did write the Prostitution Theory (fact) based on these types... some people's loser parents and their fucked up kids, eh? here, they're all on drugs... every one of 'em, total losers... life long kids really... going nowhere.

[@eleniallen2083]

Thank you for saying about your impact of our comments on your last video. It was a powerful insight into the abuse. You make a difference meridith. Self exposure will be good for me and i imagine others. Thanx so much for your work, you make me feel human and validated about what has happened to me with this insidious abuse by my husband and my mother. (Im no contact with either...phew..lol) love to you meridith from England Eleni Allen XxxxX

[@amh1772]

Thank you Meredith, for the time and effort you put everyday into helping us!

[@satyricon97]

Your insight and your way of expressing it, is helping people every day. I have learned a lot about how my actions feels to the target by watching your work. Understanding this, allows me to understand myself and my road towards healing, is also going through the understanding of the "victims", even tho I always felt like the biggest victim of them all..

[@bajoy273]

Thanks as always, Meredith! I only found you recently and want to say how I appreciate your insight. You explain very clearly and love your calm/soothing manner. It's truly healing. ♥️

[@hopecouture4539]

I was married to a slandering , covert, narcissistic, psychopathic, liar for 32 years( been divorced for 6 years now)....why wasn't this kind of info out in 1980...I didn't know that the man I married had such issues...I knew he was mean then nice ....I was his world then He hated me...you know where I am going with this ...He got much better at it over time...I was a shell of a person when he finally moved in with his girl friend . I think he was hoping I would be so messed up from all his covet bullshit that I would take my own life from the final crushing blow he dealt me . He was wrong ...Thank God... I have only found that his bullshit had a title that many people are like this . All I can do is NOT fall for that shit again ..by any person..thank you for the info you are putting out ..there are some f#*cked up people out there .

[@user-xl8ku8pb2o]

So sad! 😢 I thought my 4 year stint was too much of my life to devote to this type of person. Best wishes with your healing. I pray you find much joy and happiness. For me that came from recognizing that my God loves me, forgives me, & validates me. It certainly feels good to have another human do so and I’m grateful. But no longer ignorant and naive to the potential manipulation my empathetic heart had been so vulnerable to before.

[@FreePalestineEndZionism]

Omg, thank you so so much for making this video! I never thought of it in this way before. I needed to hear this.

[@MelissaM.3121]

Perfectly related!! When I saw it for what it was, only then was I able to see him trying to gage my responses then reach out and "caress" my face and it felt robotic OMG so I just remained emotionless. Needless to say I had to leave the situation because since that didn't get it, the passive agressiveness started to come next. Coverts are extremely sneaky! We CAN get our control back and build resistances against their trickery. Someone mentioned where do they find the time, it is what they have warped into based on childhood trauma, they cannot live any other way, they will not. It consumes them, the dark emptiness. Thank you for sharing ((hugs))..🤗

[@AlitaGunnm]

Thank you this information , sometimes i found myself not wanting to aknowledge the reality ... It's sad But its true .... It's very important to me to stay in touch with the ground

[@carolloraine223]

Take good care of yourself! Be kind and Love yourself every single day! Count your Blessings and special attention to your intuition! It will always tell the truth!!

[@nadiacavallini4728]

I’m disgusted by the love bombing....feels sooo slimy!

[@tc2333]

Thank you for this video that reminds us to be carefull of these people ,and their manipulative actions . We need to alway6 listen to our intuition and get away from them quickly.

[@juliathompson8035]

thnx so much meredith im putting all you say into practise its been a tough heartbreaking road ive been on but im getting there take care love from julia x

[@RhondaGraceExploring]

Thank you for explaining this So clearly. I learned this the hard way, but now I have had some practice and w walked away from a situation that was bad. It felt good to walk away without being emotionally vested in a relationship. It feels good to be more focused on what is good for me and rejecting what is not. I feel I'm stepping into my power as my own person. Yes, and not everyone like this I have found. Lol.

[@jamesflint5531]

Your videos are so helpful, you're saving/changing my life. I bought two of your courses today, because your content has really helped me.

[@InnerIntegration]

I’m happy my videos have helped! The courses will walk you through a deeper process of self healing work. Be sure to print out the PDF worksheets for each episode to help you integrate the material. 👍

[@MistresstheMediator]

The Absolute best advice on This hands down!!

[@tlotus3032]

I needed this! Thanks for your succinct transmission.

[@robertswift6101]

as an empath,,,it is one of the hardest things i ever had go through in my life,,i never new these types of people existed until i managed to find and date one....these are not nice people

[@elsafatte7517]

Thank you Meredith you are so inspiring 💖

[@macoeur1122]

Don't know how I missed this one last year...I thought I'd seen them all. I'm struck by the analogy of "the insidious virus" (of narcissistic abuse) and "antibodies"...which is an analogy I've used recently myself... Maybe I DID see this, and got that idea from it, or maybe this particular analogy is so perfectly suited to narc abuse that it naturally hits a lot of us when we finally get that gestalt moment of how it's all playing out? Or, I read it somewhere else?....I don't know, but it IS a perfect analogy! ....and unbelievably great advice on how to handle our own part of the dynamic in order to maintain our immunity. I can tell you, first hand, that not EVER getting "sucked in" by excessive praise is ALWAYS wise....We don't even have to worry whether the giver of such praise is a narcissist or not....It doesn't matter. We can express our thanks, and leave it there.....knowing that our value is not dependent on the praise of others.

[@thundavolt]

I was fortunate enough to have many conversations with my ex using instant messaging. I wish I could publish the entire interactions because they are the clearest examples of everything in this video.

[@charlesmunroe2335]

Meredith.. You are so brilliant and captivatingly beautiful.... Thank you for sharing you with us..... I love your work and your videos help me immensely... XO

[@marthaguevara1251]

Hi Meredith, thank you for sharing your knowledge. I really needed to hear this!

[@americablessgod1273]

I get what you mean. You're saying Idealization is a MEANS (access/power) to Devaluation. Wow, I didn't know they idealize you when they feel they're losing you.

[@Traceyi1000]

The best video ever. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@sweetlakers]

so helpfull your videos. helped my recognize what was going on during my relationship. Now i see these patterns more often around me and shows me what to improve in myself. Thank you for this advice and insights! Valueing / validating yourself really does help using right discernment! From 12:40 very usefull advice.

[@melanywin9656]

omg I am in this all over my head. Thank you for making this so clear now. 🙏🙏🙏

[@cherisew]

Thoroughly appreciate this video! Thank so much.

[@cmicmac4310]

Thankyou for your videos, they have really helped me cope and have hope to keep going on despite PD and narssasistic abuse... To learn what cognitive dissonance is has really helped me save my sanity xx💖💖💖💖 bless you Meredith

[@warriorgoddesscrystalgeome6337]

Thank you for sharing this it’s in the details 🙏🏼❤️🙌

[@LuckyFoxKnits]

This video just changed my life.

[@zabielecka]

Thank you for this. Thank you. That's exactly what happened to me. Unfortunately, not just once - as you said each one acts differently at the beginning...

[@b.boston8529]

This was a really great video about the 'positive' manipulation.

[@b.boston8529]

This is just a really, really great video about exactly how it's done.

[@tobiethompson5915]

Love you Meredith !!

[@cliffordkeith8437]

wow... I am floored. Thank you!

[@sparkle1189]

Your videos are EXCELLENT...Thank you ❤

[@harmonyross2200]

Very sound advice! Thank you

[@goldieh7121]

That’s where I’m at with my mom. Her approval and expressing her being proud of me feels so wrong now. I know I’m being set up for an eventual episode of concern. Recently she told me “you should be proud of yourself”. I said “I am”. She didn’t seem to hear me and continued “no, no,you really should be”. As I was struggling during my first few months, but i stated that i was excited because I had some possible clients, my parents called to tell me how concerned they were and that I should move back home with them (I’m 50 years old, btw). It didn’t matter to them that I seemed to be doing better, they had already discussed it and made plans. My mom said “you shouldn’t feel bad, you gave it a good try. It’s ok that you failed.” It’s like emotional whiplash. I am now able to see that she was hoping that I wouldn’t succeed, so that she could convince me to move back to my home state, but she could look like the supportive mom in the process. Even when I know what she’s doing, her excessive love bombing is annoying and if I don’t respond by gushing back it gets awkward.

[@InnerIntegration]

I think we have similar mothers!

[@goldieh7121]

@@InnerIntegration they are so insidious! That's one of the reasons why I stayed in Hawaii, an ocean away.

[@goldieh7121]

@@InnerIntegration your videos really help explain what's going on and validates my experience, especially when their emotional manipulation is under the radar and other family members don't see it. Thank you Meredith!

[@DjBrunoFiasco]

You are right. And as hard as it is to find a good partner these days, it makes it worse because both men and women are using these techniques. And that unfortunately creates a horrible foundation for anything real.