Will I Be Single for the Rest of My Life?

[@bradf1015]

No one knows the struggles of Christian singles unless they have experienced it. I'm not talking about a month or two single but years! The feeling of emptiness, jealousy of other couples , longing for a simple thing like a big hug can slowly eat you away. I'm still struggling with these feelings myself but I refuse to give up hope. If my God can bring someone back from death...4 days later then he can bring me a wife! Never give up praying for your Godly desires. Even if it takes years, God is never late. No matter what, God loves you and you are never alone.

[@horrificromantic143]

All I know is that in my singleness, the Lord has become my #1.

[@vinnieterrell4273]

The value of a hug, such a small thing to some but really a big thing to folk who don't get them. I see you!

[@frankiemoore9127]

3 days later, sorry to be that guy.

[@Anthony-yy3kc]

I see your point. For married couples to glibly tell single Christians to just be content in Jesus and they don't need a spouse may be theologically correct, but is totally lacking in compassion and perspective. God often meets our needs through other people. For long term single people it's very difficult for them when they always come home to an empty house, have no one to snuggle up with, and no one to just talk to. That's a difficult issue that I don't feel I have an answer for!

[@sanjanadias3105]

True i agree , Christian singles are different from other singles.....it's a different life...there are different kind of struggles....lord bless my soul...amen

[@ericjefferson7262]

I needed this. being single for so long, I've felt like no one wanted me, that there was no one for me. I need to understand that I am wanted by GOD

[@anonymousgal5586]

Juz wanna share of my favourite songs "what a beautiful name". There's a line that goes, "you didn't want heaven without us, so you brought heaven down." I hope it reminds you how much God loves us as much as it reminded me. :)

[@barbie379]

anonymous gal hi. Actually that line was part of a ask pastor john topic where pastor john addressed that exact line it's episode 1077 if you want to listen.

[@nathonfleming6631]

anonymous gal fav line of song

[@almondsforever]

I'm also single at 36. Until now, i'm still waiting. . While waiting, i keep myself busy by serving God in the local church that He placed me and i'm at the same time preparing myself IF EVER God will call me to be a suitable helper to whoever it is God will give me. but if God willed for me to be single for the rest of my life then i will also gladly accept it and just continue to serve Him until He calls me home. i just want to glorify God in my life (whether as a single or married). that's the least i could do to express my heartfelt gratitude to God for saving a wretched sinner like me.

[@shirleyzhang1688]

can we talk?

[@ashley.elizabeth.rose7]

This is the most selfless outlook and this is how God wants us to be, satisfied with him. I had to learn that the hard way, but God in his mercy never gave up on me. No relationship, career, or place is worth the satisfaction with Jesus. Take everything from me as long as I have my Jesus I'm good

[@c.f.okonta8815]

So aren’t you desperate to get married

[@sharonarif7004]

I wish there was a way to know which women at my church are single and willing to be in a relationship

[@NomsLoots]

@@sharonarif7004we need to be advertised at this point at the church notices.

[@doriaklobucar4088]

To be wanted by God is better than being wanted by thousand men...amen!!

[@psmith5830]

Doria Klobučar but how does that help if your lonely and your in need of romantic companionship like marriage. Gods love for you would have to manifest in God supplying our needs and this is one of them.

[@masterzero8561]

@@psmith5830 glad to see some thinks the same as I. When I was 15 I started praying for a girlfriend now I will be 23 in few months and still I have never had a girlfriend. When I see couples holding hands my heart aches. The hole in my heart can't be filled by God you know why? I can't wrap my arms around God and hold him close. I can't intertwine my fingers with his as our hands come together. I can't breathe in his sent as he hugs me I love my God but I am so angry with him for not helping end this void of loneliness in my heart that feels like it's eating me from the inside. Yes I want sex but I want a loving girlfriend more then a one night stand.

[@xxxmmm3812]

Master Zero you have a lot of growing up to do, A LOT

[@nikhefe16]

@@masterzero8561 You have potentially made romantic or eros love your god, an idol, and it is a dangerous thing to do! I applaud your diligency in praying for a good and Godly wife, but your attention is divided between what the world says you "need" vs God's desire for you to be completely lost in Him until the appointed time. Marriage isn't about romance, that is the gift, the bonus, but that isn't the essense of relationship Jesus and the church. Look at the Word, and find out what God desires to teach you about agape, unconditional love that He gives and as you continue trusting in Him, He will continue revealing to you what you need to walk with Him and eventually, hopefully with another person.

[@derekclaycomb9400]

@@masterzero8561 young man you're selling the wrong things. You should seek a wife, not just a girlfriend. And sex should only be after marriage. Have faith in Christ Jesus of Nazareth. Faith comes from hearing. Romans 10:17 NKJV So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

[@dianariezgo4038]

One thing is for sure.... we are not alone! I’m reading all these comments and it makes me feel like there are more of us out there than we think. I have been struggling for so long, just like all of you. I know the loneliness, the resentment towards God, and just being constantly disappointed. You have to remember that God is GOD. He created us. He has a purpose for us. I know that this issue is a tough pill to swallow, but this is also a pride issue. We need to trust the Lord. Who better than to handle our fragile and fickle hearts than the one who created it? As much as it scares me, I would rather live a single life than to enter a marriage that I’m not emotionally and spiritually ready to handle . We can’t let the idea of marriage become an idol in our lives. I know it has for me for a long time. It’s taken away so many opportunities to fully and completely give my heart to the Lord.

[@rvvanlife]

I too have read all these comments, and with so much question and concern, plus worry and fear over this topic /issue, why doesn't messages , and sermons in churches and on the radio ever touch on this? There is such a noticeable silence, Especially when a given congregation is 50% single in who's number 1 concern is; "am I going to be forced to be single "?

[@chris25979]

A lady who has longed for husband,can appreciate one,are you married now?

[@SpongeBobSquarePants-zu3qt]

Same here. Single male, 39, average looks and I can't get a date!!

[@williamstdog9]

I feel you so much Ashley... I'm a single guy at my wits end too. I have even less going for me than you do and I have nobody to confide in, grow with, love. Apart from the sage advice given by Dear Pastor John, (prayer, resolution to honor God, etc.) on a practical level I would just encourage you to keep working on yourself: physically, emotionally, spiritually. Give yourself the best possible chance for Mr. Right to see you, notice you and fall in love with you. And keep doing things (hobbies, activities) that you LOVE to do. Keep the faith Sister. Much love to you from Canada

[@davidrivas6412]

Look this is what I got to say. God created Man for a Woman so Man won't be lonely because we all need some type of companionship and if you are a humble loyal loving and a faithful person with a strong desire in your heart to get married someday, then why not. It's your will to get married but if you don't have any interest in getting married and want to remain single and focus on god than that's your will and god's will for your life. Even the apostle Paul spoke about that. However if you want to get married someday, you should get married with the right person because it's a sin to get a divorce or split from your spouse unless one of you dies. Marriage is a life long commitment and definitely a gift from god. Once you get married, you and your spouse become one in unity and must have christ at the center of your marriage. Pray about it and trust in god's timing. Maybe he wants you to wait, trust in him and focus on him first before he blesses you with the special someone or soulmate because he's preparing a way for you guys to eventually meet.

[@In_time]

David Rivas Wow. You should’ve just let William answer and kept quiet 😬 I’m not sure if you even understood the viewers question correctly. You commented “If you are a humble loyal loving faithful person with a strong desire in your heart to get married some day, *then why not”* (Because sometimes what WE want and what THE LORD wants and has in store for us and our lives IS NOT _always_ the same thing. Being humble loyal loving faithful and having a strong desire for _anything_ is not prerequisites for getting what you want from God. Actually these sound more like attributes of a good Boy Scout🤔🤷🏻‍♂️) Also, just to keep you in the loop, the Bible gives two clear grounds for divorce: (1) sexual immorality (Matthew 5:32; 19:9) and (2) abandonment by an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:15).

[@huvang8329]

Praying for you lonely singles tonight. Stay strong in faith and may love find you

[@horrificromantic143]

Love did find me. In Jesus Christ.

[@finkejdf101]

No you are not.

[@felisha_renee]

Stop stop stop!!! I have to say something about some of these comments. There is nothing at all to support a pattern that God gives us mates when we do xyz. This is what drives singles crazy and throws them into works righteousness. If they could only get right or think about singleness right or serve the Lord right or serve the church body right or lose The weight or work on ourselves enough or or or or or or an endless amount of things people say to basically say "you're not worthy yet and when you get worthy God will give you a mate." That is awful, unbiblical, devastating, ignorant and cruel. If God worked that way not only would none of us that have mates have them but none of us absolutely none of us would be saved! We apply so much of the worlds thinking to our logic. God says his thoughts and ways are not our thoughts and ways. We cannot put a human checklist together and say hey follow this and you will get this at the end. That's what self-help gurus do always saying the answer is within ourselves but oh if you could only unlock this. Do Not do this in the realm of biblical relationships God works the way he works for the reasons he works 99% of which we do not understand. That is why faith is required. Notttttt faith I'm getting the thing you want but faith in the God who can give or withhold it according to the purpose which he states...for our good. Now that is the core of why we get angry and heartbroken. It is soooooo hard to trust that God has not given you something because it's not for your good at this moment. Our struggle is always pride. God I see this and it's gooood so why can't I have it. If we don't deal with that it turns into God you see it's good and you are keeping it from me so you really are not being good to me. If not dealt with that turns into God is not good because if we were God we would give it to us. So at the core is still the same sin from the garden. We want to be God and we want to decide what is good and what is evil. I want to do that many times in my life and sometimes I try to manipulate with emotions to get it and then I can get angry when I don't and then depressed and eventually after all that drama he picks me up and dusts me off and continues to love me. I haven't changed him one bit. What I have done is proven I don't trust him. But even in that he has grace as he says ok you don't trust me and I've shown you that so let's work on it. It is at these places where Satan wants us to walk away from God and stay away. No matter what it is you want that you're not getting or what is taken from you it all comes down to how you see God and how you see how he feels about you and based on that will you trust he loves you as much as he's shown you by sending his son to die for your sins. So bitterness against God in losing something you valued or not getting something you feel is good...how you deal With that is directly tied to what you think about God which holds the glue to your faith. That is what Satan is after. But God wants to bring us out with a deeper faith. It is the hardest thing you'll ever do and each person has custom trials just for them to shape them uniquely into his image. It is furnace burning hard to walk through and it takes the supernatural work of God and nothing else. Some seasons it is a minute to minute in your head cry to God to help your unbelief. We need transparent and authentic church and groups where people can unburden and cry at the level of desperation that we really need God. I know why people in China cry and scream in services because their very lives are at stake. They need Jesus to take their next breath and they know it. Some of us feel the same way but our external church doesn't allow the display of that level of desperation so most of us sit quiet and go home and scream. The battle for sexual purity is unlike anything else. We need real and raw help and real and raw sermons and much much closer relationships than we have here. We cannot make it though this level of persecution without it. God help us. God bless you all in this fight with me.

[@samymulu7110]

Felisha S 100% I agree

[@opheliagarcia3577]

Felisha S thanks for sharing your thoughts. I absolutely agree! I fell into this trap as well of trying to do all sorts of "good works" in order for God to finally hear my prayer for a husband. I thought if I do this right and serve Him "perfectly" then perhaps God will hear. But then waiting has turned into years and here I am still single. I got angry at God, because I "served" him right but He did not fulfil the end of the bargain. I fell into a wrong relationship out of rebellion but it only left me more angry and bruised and broken. It took me a long time to recover from that depression. It was only by the grace and kindness of God that have actually led me to repentance. God showed me my heart and it was awful! It's too shameful to admit that my real motive of serving Him was purely just to "get" something from Him. It wasn't entirely to get to know Him or be more like Him. So I started changing my prayers as God reveals my heart and asked Him to heal me and fill that void. I started really wanting to have a relationship with God instead, like a real relationship. Everytime I would get lonely, I would tell him and pray. Surely, He would answer my prayer right away and send someone to cheer me up. Every time, I'd feel scared, I'd pray and ask him to comfort me. And sure enough, He'll come rescue me through someone. And many many more instances where I'd come to Him first and He'd reveal himself to me as the "Husband" I'd always wanted. My heart changed and that void slowly became filled. And I'm so happy and contented with my life as a single woman. I still desire to get married though. I am open to who God will send my way. But unlike before, I'm not as desperate as I was. Now, I desire God to be glorified more than ever in my life. I want what He wants for me. There were still times that I ask myself, "What if I never get married at all? Will God still be enough for me?" I know now that He is enough. And if I never get married, it won't be the end of the world for me. :)

[@felisha_renee]

Ophelia Garcia thank you so much for sharing!!! Such a true testimony and one I share as well. I had that same attitude of entitlement and I fasted and prayed and demanded and yes I did get married but guess what? I had that same entitlement attitude in marriage and when my ex-husband turned out to be my answered prayer to go back to Egypt I panicked and then I got mad. How could give me such and such a husband after all this singleness and all I did to serve him. I was angry and rebelled and that led to disastrous consequences. I didn't realize that sometimes God will say yes just so he can lovingly show you your heart. Just like marriage doesn't solve lust issues, marriage doesn't solve entitlement, pride or other heart issues. After all of that I came out more broken and still having to deal with what I felt I deserved from God. Now I would never say that out loud but my anger at God or my under the radar rebellion when I didn't get it revealed that is exactly how I was thinking. So now it's not that I don't ask to be married I just ask and then work on contentment. The fact is I don't know my own heart and I don't know what's good for me and that's hard to admit. Sometimes pain of loneliness speaks so loud that's all you can hear. But God is not man and he doesn't lie. If he says he gives us all things pertaining to life and godliness then he does. I think singleness can sometimes be the result of other people's sins but even in that Christ suffered unjustly for my sins so in a way I am sharing in his sufferings if by way of someone else's sins I suffer. Sometimes men don't want to commit to marriage or they may leave or someone may harm a spouse you once had and you're single due to someone else. It's tough. Someone once told me you know when you're called to singleness when you find yourself single. God is sovereign and he can drop a godly mate from halfway across the globe if he wants to. He's not limited to space or time and not limited to our weaknesses. I don't have the answer to why but I do know the solution is always the same. Trust the Lord.

[@opheliagarcia3577]

Felisha S thank you for sharing! God bless your heart. I also just want to add - this was also one of those realization moments - Half way across the globe we’d hear news about christians from China, Pakistan or some parts in the middle east, people are suffering persecution and being thrown into prison for their faith and love for Christ. Meanwhile, I was here, God gave me a good life, I can worship him freely without restraint but I was too busy getting angry at God because he didn’t answer my prayer for a spouse! This was one of those times, God revealed the condition of my heart that made me repent. As you mentioned, entitlement and pride, we must be careful not to fall into this trap. Let’s not lose sight of Jesus. We serve Him and not the other way around. There are far worse things than being alone - and that is to be separated from the presence of God for all eternity! God bless you! :)

[@felisha_renee]

Ophelia Garcia absolutely right!!! One day all our suffering will be over and our present sufferings will be a tiny blip on the everlasting timeline of eternity with Christ! What a day that will be!!! God bless you too sister :)

[@lightfire864]

“To be wanted by god is better than be wanted by 1000 men” haha such a awesome ending.

[@WWIIKittyhawk]

He’s married though. Easy to make a statement compared to living it.

[@maxson4389]

@@WWIIKittyhawk it is true

[@vanessacampos1941]

Beautiful sentence, but as with all beautiful statements, in reality, many people SUFFER for being single. This is the fact and no sentence will suddenly stop suffering, like magic.

[@SpongeBobSquarePants-zu3qt]

You can't deny your instincts. We all have a physical need as it's part of being human. Having a relationship with God is good but he wants men and women to come together in the union of marriage.

[@maxson4389]

@@SpongeBobSquarePants-zu3qt yes 👌👌

[@chriscagle4226]

The tough part is the church basically has zero opportunities for late 30’s singles. You definitely don’t feel normal at church in this life stage.

[@jwow19]

Whenever I watch one of these singleness videos I can’t help but wonder if it’s trying to encourage me or discourage me? It seems that the church wants the very best results for long term singles (complete celibacy and happy about it with no loneliness) but also want a completely hands off approach or should I say don’t bother us with this approach. It is so clear that singles need a helping hand from genuine concerned people in the church! Many singles remain single because they have trouble meeting new people and making friends! Why is there such a problem with this? So many singles just need other Christians to step up and say I really care about you and your situation. If we just push off every problem as God doesn’t guarantee it then why should we care about anything ? It is so disturbing to me that these pastors have no clue what it’s like to reach your fifties and have had no wife or children. Singleness is something to these pastors to say something seemingly helpful about and then forget about.

[@sunhok9524]

I think that JP only answer from the Bible to the question that being asked. He cannot talk about how to seek and approach a Christian man/ woman there. If he wants to addres on how Christian community could serve singles, it would be another subject to another audience.

[@Christina_320]

The Church: Marriage counseling/Marriage Advice, Children’s Ministry, Family Camps, Nursery, How to be a good husband/wife, how to be a good mother/father, Family Picnics, Vacation Bible Camp, and on and on... Me:

[@Aevans786]

I've known the same. Wasn't until my pastors wife ran off with another man and the dynamic of the whole church changed I felt like I had any place at all. Suddenly "the singles" is where it's at.

[@Aevans786]

I sometimes feel like it happened because of the criticism I faced about my struggles with singleness. Probably not true and my view of God my be based upon my own humanity but I've thought God letting them experience my struggle to give them some compassion and empathy. Who knows

[@Aevans786]

@Tony Rowan wow. Scary. It's been a hard road for my pastor,his family and the church but God is good and works it for our good If we continue on. Thks for the comment

[@MusicSoundsBeautiful]

I'm disappointed by Christians who would respond to other Christians' transparency about singleness with comments that attack their level of faith and provide "blanket" responses that do not show comfort, guidance, or real world application.

[@RedFoxAce]

Exactly. Believers love to spout cliches at singles that do far more harm than good. These cliches and platitudes are destructive.

[@vinnieterrell4273]

I agree 👍.

[@izzieingriselli8973]

Exactly. Finally someone says it

[@wheredowelive]

I'm sick to death of the pat, empty jargon. "Oh, God has a PLAN for your life." "Oh, you're just in a 'season'."

[@dalibosch5028]

37. Being single is just one of my thousand problems. Dictionary words for feelings don't even come close to describe the inadequacy, the separation and the emptiness some of us feel. And YES, i understand all the lovely and encouraging wise words of how it's all a trick and there's prize for all God's children. But my God, give me some peace of mind and why not someone to share my life with? Yet, i don't see how i could find a woman even if she came through my door with instructions to be with me. I'm beyond confused in this life. I guess that's what happens when you miss all the trains. Also being trapped in your scars, traumas and tortured brain for too long doesn't help in hopes just to wake up one day as a new man with content in your soul. I understand also it's not good to be mesmerized by this world but it's beyond hard to watch all the "normal" folks just live their life while i think about life...not sure if you feel the bitterness in my comment, if you do, forgive me. God bless.

[@missNCW]

I understand, don’t worry. It’s true that Christians don’t show empathy for single people and often it’s married people who don’t understand but expect us to be content.

[@purewater77887]

Devoid of empathy too.

[@theonlyqueenyouknow]

This is soooooooo real!!!!!

[@Anthony-yy3kc]

@Beth maybe you are called to singleness! You most likely are. But don't tell someone else who might not be called to singleness that their perspective is the problem!

[@andrewb.3946]

I completely understand and relate to where you are coming from.

[@michaeldavis2039]

As a 46 year old single, never-married man with no children, I've had to learn to embrace my singleness and the bachelor-life until such a time as God allows marriage. I've also come to the understanding in the Spirit of God that the God's standard of His Marriage Covenant as explained by this pastor is indeed like a prison in that it is easy to get in, but near impossible to get out except through death. Choosing to marry is the next most important decision in life after surrendering to Christ in salvation and it can very critically make or break you and possibly your relationship with Christ. That is why I thank God in Jesus' name for keeping me single as long as He has by His grace. Knowing what we know through God's Word, we should not be in all that big of a hurry to get married.

[@zekewolf7442]

🐺 i am a 32 year old virgin and I still look like a teenager​. everyone always thinks I'm lying about my age. I'm emotionally num/dead and i have severe social anxiety. sometimes the idea of sex just scares me and I am so awkward and just not good at dealing with people especially females which kinda makes it easier to stay away from that kind of sin. if I ever find someone I don't want to fight all the time like my parents often did. maybe I'm not meant to be with anyone but I always feel so painfully empty inside no matter what I do. praying sometimes helps for a awhile but with all the gossiping around me I often have bad thoughts. thanks. Jesus loves you and I hugs you all. 😇✝

[@chacebrensuno6608]

ZEKE WOLF same to me

[@zekewolf7442]

Joedyrick Xymond Tayco 🐺 : ) I pray for you and I hugs you, I hugs you alote. 😇✝

[@Shukke1992]

nothing scary about it when you are loved by your partner :)

[@zekewolf7442]

Shukke1992 : )

[@anonymousgal5586]

I hugs you too :)💜

[@loagpfhoknsfklofsand]

I would argue that he did not understand her question. She's pleading for an answer on where to find Christian men or how to be noticed by Christian men. That's why she states you can see how the rest of the world does it and it seems to attracted a mate that way. But how in the church do you do so when you dont seem to stand out. Preachers that are married always seem to miss this saying you have to be content or a slew of other negative options. No actual useful information for those that are asking the question she is.

[@preston6618]

I agree.

[@blackout2430]

Yeah it’s really frustrating that people don’t understand dating dynamics. You have to talk to multiple people and get to know them and that’s even if you can get them on a date in the first place

[@eoinMB3949]

He did answer the question though but I think the answer he gave was just not something you wanted to hear. Whether you're married or single your level of happiness is exactly the same. Marriage will not bring you any more happiness or fulfillment. Talk to any married person and they will tell you this. The problem is that single people Imagine marriage is the answer. Its not.

[@vester7457]

​@@eoinMB3949 You're absolutely right

[@wheredowelive]

​@@eoinMB3949 If you married the wrong person, sure. There ARE happy marriages out there. Very few, granted. It always seems to be a trade-off. Many women I know stay in miserable marriages for the financial security.

[@c.j.p.7607]

I feel just like that... Just turned 28 and only get attention from worldly men. All the Christian men I know are married. I always wonder if I'll be alone forever.

[@ttimetotroll]

This "brace singleness" is getting outta hand guys. Just because you feel lonely doesn't mean that you should take that as a sign for singleness and justify that thought with mantras. No where in the Bible did it mention this encouragement to accept your singleness and ignore your rightful desire. The desire for marriage is a good one from God! He designed marriage! Even Paul said (paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 7: 8-9) "if you can, stay single but if you can't control your passion for marriage, go for it is better to marry than to be burn with passion." Instead of saying "embrace your singleness" and completely ignore you own inner, good desire. Why not pray to God? Pray for his provision? If He is God (He is), and he is good, and he searches your heart and knows your inner desires and he is also all powerful, why would he refrain from matching you with a suitable man? The other thing is what is God's will for your live? And if his will is for your singleness, why? The Bible has passages about the suffering of trials that leads to the building of character, and the cultivation of Godliness. (James 1:2 - 3,12) So I feel, no, we shouldn't just ignore this good desire, nor do we brush it off. In this video, didn't Piper just mention that some are called to marriage and some are not? (Matt 19:11-12) Who are we to say to a lonely person "because you are lonely you must the embrace that loneliness and that loneliness means you are called to be single“... What about encouraging words like "I'm not you so I don't know what God has planed for you but I encourage you to seek what God has called you to do. What is his will? What does the bible say?" And leave it all to the person to discover that her self? That's what Piper did in this video from my observation. He mentions seek the truth, read God's word! I'm sorry if I come off angry, but I feel that encouraging someone with no biblical basis and with your own biased perspective based on your own experience does not help another person. Yes we are called to be satisfied all in Him but that completely ignores the question and issue of “what do I do with my burning passion? “

[@ellapark8770]

i feel you. but one thing for sure is, nothing is impossible for God. Sure it may seem like all the christian men are taken, but it's not difficult for God to provide one for you

[@c.j.p.7607]

@@ellapark8770 it's funny, not long after this I met someone, he wasn't a believer so he went to my church, gave his life to christ, got baptized and we've been going to church together ever since and now he's an usher and group leader at my church. This one is really sticking by my side no matter what and saying he plans to marry me so I'm hoping this is the one, he seems like a good person and I'm 30 now plus a single mom so it's rough out here. Pray for me 😊🙏💍

[@ellapark8770]

C. J.P.E. Wow girl!!! So happy to hear that ❤️ yes i’ll pray that God will continue to direct and provide for you ☺️

[@c.j.p.7607]

@@ellapark8770 yes girl thank you! ❤️🙂 I had to put my heart out there even though I'm super awkward lol but I am always trusting in the lord and praying for direction. I'm trying to just play it cool and let God handle him for everything while I just work on myself.

[@DKLazer]

I am 27...never had a relationship, I am bitter, frustrated, angry, resentful and hate driven. I look at couples around me with absolute disgust and contempt, feeling left out of something I know wont happen for me. I feel rage and sin billowing in my heart every day from the moment I leave for work, to when I wake up the next day. I am a Christian and hearing this does help, but my sinful heart says, "really? A monument? That's all I get for the life of lonliness I lived in this miserable world?" I know it's not right and I pray that Jesus removes this from me, I also know that marriage wont solve everything either, it's just that if someone can find just a small piece of happiness to share with someone else in Christ, then why cant I?

[@Deanna974]

I'm 26. I feel the same way.

[@egosilence6197]

Chances are, your desire for a relationship is based in Ego and lust. That is of the world. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. James 4:3 NIV

[@bradf1015]

Never give up hope. Keep praying. I know it doesn't seem like it but you're still young. God may be preparing you or your wife. Either way, you're never truly alone. God is with You.

[@vester7457]

I've wondered the same thing my whole life. I turn 65 this month. It's not sin to wonder. It's human

[@c.f.okonta8815]

Why did you condemn yourself to singleness. What happened to you that made you think that you can’t get in a relationship

[@dezerismith7529]

There is no satisfaction of hooking up except soul-ties, heartache, heartbreak and insanity of trying to feel a void and not getting the results that you truly need, it's a lonely life.

[@MsGroovalicious]

51 years old and still single. This is a difficult subject.

[@jillainenewman1358]

49 here.

[@ttvbythaway8547]

18 here

[@Nokss87]

@@ttvbythaway8547 18 🤓😝😂

[@oaklandsoldier8520]

35 and male

[@gigiteh9749]

Your 52 and still single???

[@LuStevens]

6 years ago my Ex Wife left me and the kids. The single life isn't for everyone, I enjoy encouraging singles

[@eoinMB3949]

I get what JP is saying, that it dont really matter if you are loved by a particular person because its the love of God that matters above all. And hes right. Still though, I feel for this girl. You can just sense her frustration and anger oozing out of her every word. She feels unfairly treated by life, the world and mostly by God. But I think this is a test of your heart. To not get what you desire.......and to see how you behave when this happens. There is no greater test of character than to be deprived of what you want. To see how you act when this happens. Then you can only truly tell the quality of a persons heart. Its easy to be loving and kind when you feel loved by another person. But when you are not loved in this way, then you will really find out your true genorousity or not. Ashley, dont fall into bitterness, if you do you are saying to God that you will only be happy when he gives you what you want......and this is not the kind of person God needs to be his representatives here on earth. He needs people who are good no matter if they get what they want or not. Thats to live by grace.

[@ellenorganic]

Eoin Brennan Wow, I really needed to hear this. Wonderfully said! Thank you

[@kacywennberg4268]

So good! And there will be more testing of the heart in marriage...ask any married person who wants to be transparent.

[@missNCW]

Married women have the love and God and their husband. They didn’t have to chose just one. So single women don’t have to chose. They’re allowed to want a husbands love AS WELL.

[@eoinMB3949]

@@missNCW I think you assume married women have their husbands love.......in reality that's not the case. I know too many married couples were love is in short supply. Don't think that married women have any advantage over single women, they don't. As a single person who's seeking God, you are lacking nothing that a married person has. Both relationship statuses are equal. I think a lot of the time single people can fall into the trap of believing married people have it better than they do or married people are happier......they're not. Nothing is being denied to you. If you were to get married next week your life would be no better, your level of happiness and satisfaction, loneliness would be exactly the same. Appreciate where you are and what you have right now. Don't let your food grow cold while you're staring at someone else's plate.

[@theonlyqueenyouknow]

@@missNCW I like this perspective as well.

[@aguythatthinks7931]

Yup that seems to be the common Christian response to these issues "don't worry or think about it, get over it" that's basically what I hear everywhere when seeking advice about this.

[@garysalyers7611]

Michael M. It’s because a majority of pastors who face this issue have never been single. Almost all were married straight out school. So they have never studied the issue to see what God has to say. And if they do, it’s just a few standard “go-to” scriptures everyone else uses. The absolute worse advise is the Jesus is you spouse advise. Sorry theologians, God designed a man for a woman and a woman for a man. Anyway, seek out gods word and you will find his plan for marriage. Then ask him for the faith to believe in your mate, begin to pray that God will prepare both of for when he brings you together. Receive it in faith, nothing wavering. And God will bring it to pass. This is my story. I hope it encourages you. kzbin.info/www/bejne/bF7LgJ-wpNySapY

[@KeithThompson52]

Brother Piper has such wisdom in how he answers these questions...very good!!

[@jwow19]

I’m not so sure there is a good understanding of the issue at all . Far too many people going unnoticed for me to believe there is much wisdom here.

[@crazymause5993]

thanks grandpa Piper😙😙I so needed to hear this. And dear Ashley,do keep on fighting the good fight of faith and wait patiently and expectantly on our God. His plans for those that look to him are all for good. Much love from Deutschland 😆

[@Blessedistheman1]

Thank you, pastor John, for these words! It's pretty easy to forget about all the incredible promisses God had made for us and get into a Life of complains and loneliness feelings. I need to focus in what really matters: knowing God and be known by Him!

[@missNCW]

We can want marriage and still focus on God. Married people aren’t looked at as less Holy for being married, look at who’s always preaching to single people. Married people. Because they admit they focus less on God and still think they’re more Holy. So single people don’t have to feel like they aren’t focusing just because they want marriage and we’re given sexual desire.

[@Amoore1991]

I can really relate to Ashley. I'm 26, single... but would really like to be married. I'll keep praying and having trust in God.

[@jirensentry7609]

Ana.. how old is too old for you?

[@a32tl]

@@jirensentry7609 Really? That reply is so creepy.

[@jirensentry7609]

@@a32tl I can see how that can be. Didn't mean to. I was asking to understand age perimeters... or is it parameters? Between adults. If youre not an adult - 25 and up, this doesnt aply to you. And truthfully, a simple question shouldn't become creepy to any of us if it doesn't have particulars to defer from. My question had nothing, but... well nothing. Hopefully Ana.. I didn't come off as such, but if I did Ana. my apologies. I will think a lot harder before I ask questions to strangers.. Oh and thanks Andy. I appreciate showing me to be very careful! You're awesome.

[@BossFloYeaLike]

To all the ladies reading this: On behalf of all “Christian males”, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that so many of us are not mature enough to pursue you, or mature enough to continue to pursue you in the way Jesus pursues the church. Generalizations are often wrong, but I am not wrong when I say most of us are guilty of hurting you, either because of our passivity or because of our attitude of a player. Both of which are disgusting. Neither of these treats you the way you deserve to be treated. You deserve to be pursued, and loved, and seen as whom you truly are. I’m sorry that your struggle to find “the right one” is so difficult. Many of us guys are still trying to find ourselves and have a long way to go. So, ladies, please be patient, and please realize your worth in Jesus’ eyes. Don’t settle until a man comes along who sees you with the same eyes and treats you with the worth that Jesus gives you.

[@louisecarlatorres2367]

Awww thanks!!

[@dreburks4253]

Good Good day What about the way some women treat us men,It goes both ways.. I been a cool calm collect God fearing brother my whole life and got rejected... Half of these modern day woman are feminist...

[@docfabz]

@@dreburks4253 yeah, women aren't perfect either but what does that have to do with feminism?

[@Emmiejblack]

Hmm thoughtful

[@dreburks4253]

@@docfabz Feminist are not of God alot of them are man bashing gay lesbians, I'm just saying All of these movements like me too is against men and God's will.. Remember the man is the head of the house hold and is in charge , That is why you will never see female prophets.....

[@claireQ777]

Ashley, you made a wise God inspired choice of turning from the ways of the world, by writing to 'Ask Pastor John' I loved your question and I loved the answer. Thank you Lord for this wonderful, practical, wise, full of Your Word, ministry

[@Ritzlyn]

I am 46 this year, still single. I went through all those struggles mentioned by Pastor John and am so glad I am able to know that I can now have peace with myself on Isaiah 56:3-5. My DNA may not pass on, but I will be given an everlasting name. Thanks be to God.

[@MyMichellle]

❤ I love this!

[@AlanMWheeler]

i feel you Ashley. but this time is the time i get to learn more about god.

[@KeithThompson52]

Yes, Paul does not describe singleness as a gift for nothing, those who are single can do what those who are married cannot.

[@tigrangemdzhyan8994]

God*

[@crestonstandard7457]

My singleness + God's timing =Someone sent from God. I'm just fine waiting.

[@Financialcoachchris]

For me, this brought little comfort to the question of will I be single for the rest of my life.

[@delunk5906]

knightsofthelost I know this is old... but Im realizing more and more the benefits of being single. Most married people are miserable.

[@MarioNotLuigi]

That's what I'm starting to hear as well delunk

[@rvvanlife]

Thats how it is when it comes to discussing that exact question, no one wants to give the real answer which is;" You are not guaranteed a marriage, ther is the possibility that God may never give you a marriage, " no one, not even me would want to dispense that truth to anyone, but there is a tiny bit of good news,; if you feel that God has called you to be single for the rest of your life, you can never know if that is true or not, you cant go by feelings, nobody can know if God will say yes or no, at the very least there is always hope, a chance that the answer will be "yes"

[@James5877]

I am almost 43 and still haven't found a wife. I do ask God often for a wife. But I'm trying to be content in Christ and trust in His plan for my life.

[@tobij7300]

Being single is tough! but God will bless us if we seek Him FIRST, and not second to marriage

[@delunk5906]

I dont know about the bless part, but we will be happier.

[@tobij7300]

delunk The most important blessing of God that every believer is assured of is our continual sanctification and growth of spiritual fruits. If we put God first in all things, then we are guaranteed to be blessed in this way. I don't think you could argue otherwise. Happiness on the other hand, is never guaranteed

[@Divine-Love]

There is a verse that says "God is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him". Whether it be spiritual/relationship or physical blessings, that's up to God and you through prayer.

[@madewithjoy1737]

Thank you so much for this i have been single for almost 10 years and I sympathized with her when she said that everyone says im attractive and all that stuff , everyone except christian men, but then this podcast reminded me that God wanted me to be in his house, He has something for me better than what this world can offer ❤️ Thank you for reminding us single folks that we are not forgotten and we are loved by our Abba Father. Thank you Lord for making me see this ❤️❤️❤️ I receive your love Father ❤️ May your will be done in my life ☺️🙏🏻

[@BeanChick-nh7uh]

The problem with this subject is that it's always answered by someone married. A married person does not understand the emotions of a single person. I find this message to be factual but it does not minister to the soul of a single.

[@josiahgodwin2933]

JoniB very well said. Right to the point and speaking to the heart

[@Kiddlekud]

JoniB He answered biblically. I don’t see any better way. Whether it’s by someone married or unmarried. It’s not about emotions. It’s about what the word of God says!!!

[@slaveofYAH]

@@Kiddlekud AMEN, TRUTH!!!!!!!

[@Thirty3rty]

Biblical truth is only one part of the answer. You know, you can tell people all the good theology about why it is bad to abuse alcohol and how the love of god is much better. It may even provide some comfort for an alcoholic. BUT, most of the time it doesn't change his situation. Most fall for it again if you leave it with theology. It's the same with being single. You have that craving of your heart, you struggle with lonelyness and with the desires of the body and the preacher tells you: just trust in god, he has something good for you. It's like telling the alcoholic: just stop drinking, god has something better for you. It's correct, of course, but to realize that is the start, not the end. Here is how I deal with the situation as a 34 year old christian dude who gave his life to christ at 26. Of course, I was not virgin anymore, I know the "fruit" and at times it drives me nuts to be single and abstinent. I mean, really. I love to work out and when my testosterone is up I sometimes can't even think straight. Some of these people around me found their partners in such amazing ways, clearly led by god and I just wonder: what on earth is wrong with me that you almost seem to keep women away from me? So I started praying over it for an answer and he gave me one. My parents got divorced when I was young and that almost killed me back then. I struggled a long time with it, of course, having relationship issues and all that stuff that comes with it. However, I always worked on myself because I knew what I had to do to overcome it. And when I saw my good progress, I thought: thank god this is coming to an end. If I ever happen to get into a divorce again, I'm sure it's going to destroy me. I don't think I could recover from that again. God told me that it was his protection for me that I am still single. I was not ready for a christian relationship, nor could I be a good father and husband. Chances that my marriage would go south were high. So he shielded me from it. Since then, I can live with it much better. I know there is a reason, maybe the best reason there is. It gives me strenght to push through. Mere theology couldn't do that for me. Let me give you that advice, too. Pray over it and ask god why. And pray until the answer comes.

[@TheLily97232]

They have been single before you know

[@NaijaBoiTellEm]

Something that wasn't mentioned (and really isn't enforced among us young adults) is fasting. It is obvious that people like Ashley, and me, are passionate about having a God-fearing marriage. Fasting should be included in our cry out to God to provide for us the RIGHT suppose for "till death do us part." I know for myself, also in my late 20's, I need to fast much more often to show my desperation to God in prayer.

[@scottcarter1689]

KZbinr This is wonderful because I was scrolling down to say the exact same thing. if this young lady sees this because she's looked for her specific question published, please listen and it really depends upon your determination/ desperation and petitioning God for the indication of his direction with this. I cannot stress to you what fasting has done for my life. it has made impossible intricate things known to me that it's been the encouragement to continue. if just start out with one day abstaining in start with just a bottle of V8 (natural organic equivalent) that's it (of course water if needed). For me, it has been intrinsically indicated through prayer confirmation as an allowable supplement to water there is no animal or other "contaminants" but will minimally satiate. then continue after skipping a day to do it again. Because my involvement with a particular someone was so eminently pressing, I had to know God's blessing or not and through fasting the perils of involvement emerged and were definitively answered. The main issue is that longing for marriage, but if not ordained by God' will bring you misery of which you would not know if it were just you and God. trust me, you don't want that. I eventually got to a 3 day span through the resistance of My Flesh pitching a fit. it's another example of how the flesh resists your reduction to its gratification for the sake of God. this grew to about a 9 month period. the flesh Within beckon you to compromise little things like candy and other stimuli but when you do that it compromises your devotion. the enemy even had my mind scrutinizing how ridiculous I was being I couldn't just have a piece of candy? you start to rationalize that this whole thing is ridiculous as my being stupid. in the end it's not the scrutiny of not eating butt the mind and heart set of devotion behind not eating and wanting that more that God honors. if you cheat you're disrespecting the whole process and God can't have anything to do with it nor will he. Finally being alone is better them being in peril, because then you'll just wish you were alone. God bless

[@NaijaBoiTellEm]

Scott Carter Amen. Fasting brings power that normal prayer doesn't. I hope Ashley sees your response too.

[@Nightray407]

Yes fasting could help us to be more spiritually focused but it doesn't mean that when we fast, our prayers would be answered or would be more effective... you are right that it shows God our deep desperation and earnest desire... but if it's not God's will, no matter how we fast, God's answer is still the same. I'm not saying that fasting is powerless, no, fasting is biblical and should be practiced. It's just that fasting is still not a guarantee that we will get what we desire or what we prayed for especially if God's purpose is different from what we want.

[@NaijaBoiTellEm]

Nightray407 Of course. God's will trumps all. There is no guarantee that our prayers will be answeres. Doesn't mean we shouldn't pray. So it doesn't take away from my point though: fasting > normal prayer. And we all need to do it more.

[@mariahmadison6822]

Nightray407

[@littlemisspixie1]

I'm a young Christian, I'v two failed marriages, before being saved. I was on the point of divorcing my 2nd husband last year, but I have closed proceedings n I'v give it all up to my Lord and saviour, I will wait patiently on the lord!, he shall decide my future, whether it be a life of singleness, or my marriage restored, I shall not meddle or mess with it.. the lord has kept me and saved me from a life of drugs n alcohol and I pray that he will do the same for my husband

[@danraw4626]

38 now and 10 years since my last relationship. Waiting is so hard. But still I pray for my wife everyday. Please Lord

[@christinesagini1750]

I totally get you.

[@2ndPigeon]

Why wait? Go do something!

[@Scottthebassplayer98]

Thank you, John Piper, for your words of encouragement. I desperately needed to hear this right now, and it is my prayer that I grow in taking your message to heart. God bless you and your ministry!

[@MyJackel13]

Faith is what we hope for and assurance is what we do not see

[@UncleDiddles]

You just have to bury it down inside and let it burn. Avoid the thoughts, stay busy. I'm a 36 year old man, single, no kids, never married. It's not easy, and it never will be. Past a certain age a man without a family is a bad thing. But all I can do is let it burn and move on. It's not "giving up", it's just survival.

[@wheredowelive]

But eventually, it will make you sick.

[@UncleDiddles]

@@wheredowelive We each cross that bridge when we get there.

[@wheredowelive]

@@UncleDiddles 🤔

[@The4Tifier]

Even though singleness is a Godly thing, marriage is also a Godly thing that will bring us closer to God when done God's way. The first institution created by God was marriage. Even though Adam was not lonely and had absolutely everything, including God, God still said, "It is not good for man to be alone." Marriage is God's creation. It does not deserve to be hated or seen as "less holy" than singleness just because we can't receive it now. How can we hate what God makes? Doesn't God speak against such actions when He tells us to love all because God created all? If you have a clear desire for marriage, do not deny it or seek singleness and chastity just because you can't have it now! If anything this bitterness is showing you the true nature of your heart that must be rectified through God so that you can better serve Him.

[@williampleasant4164]

4Tifier Well Actually, 1 Corithians 7 tells us that it's better for someone to remain unmarried. "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn" ...........if someone was burning with this sexual lust, then he should get Married, but singleness is actually better for the Christian. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 29 What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31 those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. 32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world-how he can please his wife and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world-how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in devotion to the Lord. I believe that singleness is actually more beneficial for the Christian because the Christian can focus more on God and grow in his or her relationship with the Lord rather than focusing on things to try to please his wife.

[@The4Tifier]

William Pleasant-Sloan But the reality is that very few are called to singleness and/or life long celibacy. "Focus on the Family" explains here; "In this connection, we should point out that there's an important difference between mere "singleness" and a genuine spiritual calling to the celibate life. We must be careful not to confuse the two. Singleness is circumstantial. It "happens" to people for a wide variety of reasons. Inability to find a mate. Death of a spouse. Difficult family situations. Medical or financial difficulties. The list goes on and on. Celibacy, on the other hand, is a vocation. It's a rare gift that God grants only to a few special individuals (see Matthew 19:10-12; I Corinthians 7:7)." I would also like to point out that Paul shows God's divine purpose for marriage by explaining the roles of the husband and wife. The husband is to love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife is to respect the authority of her husband as she does God. In this way the two learn more about how God loves His people and how we should love God; thus they grow closer to God and become more like Christ (which is the ultimate calling for Christians). For this reason Paul states that even though he wishes all were like him (permanently celibate and fully dedicated to God) that all have their own gift(s) from God. Therefore, with all of this in mind, we cannot say that singleness is more holy or better than marriage. As Christians are supposed to focus on growing closer to God over all things, God will place them where they need to be to do just that. This could be marriage or singleness. If one says that they choose to remain single just because they say that it's better, then they are saying that out of pride and not the Holy Spirit. Because our salvation and walk with God is not based on works, so that no one can boast, because Jesus has already saved us from our sins since all have fallen short of the glory of God. Choosing singleness will not change this.

[@williampleasant4164]

I agree with you 100% But, I think it sometimes all depends on the circumstances and what calling God has on your life Paul, for example, did not have to worry about the extra problems and stresses that come with marriage or family. He devoted his entire life to spreading the Word of God. He would not have been such a useful messenger if he had been married, so it was probably better at the time for him to stay single. On the other hand, some people do better as a team, serving God as a couple and a family. Both kinds of people are equally important. But I think we (As Christians) need to understand that the most important thing in life is not finding a mate and having children, but serving God, and loving him with all our heart, soul, and mind. But I think it just all depends on the circumstances. The funny thing is, I was a person who just wanted the gift of singleness and wanted to fully dedicate my life to the lord, now for some reason I cannot explain, Now I feel like I wanna get married.

[@DD-pv2jl]

At least Ashley is only 28. Try being a 61 year old guy that has been serving God loyaly since his mid-20’s, & praying for a spouse all that time ...& still nothing. Ashley is right that singles really aren’t wanted by most churches.

[@thesparrow3902]

Churches don't know what to do with us (I'm a 69-yr old female, always single).

[@Izzy-sc8sx]

I'm 56 and still praying 🙏

[@vester7457]

​@@palebluemoksha777If I were you, just blow it off. Doesn't matter what others at church think about anything. Go to church and worship and be a disciple, a soldier of the cross. Don't let this single vs married issue take over your life. Just trying to give you good advice

[@wheredowelive]

You don't need a church to worship Jesus. If the churchies treat you badly, just leave. Go into your closet and pray, isn't that what He said? You don't need to belong to "the club." Because that's what many churches are, and singles are not welcome.

[@justinm4497]

im 36, ive been single my entire life. and there is nothing i can do about it.

[@ChurlzVA]

Plastic surgery and lifting weights. Fuck God.

[@zekewolf7442]

Me too justin and I'm 36.

[@BLAHhappy7]

“To be wanted by God is better than being wanted by 1000 men.” Thank you so much for that.

[@jamesgalliver6652]

Just going to be honest people, pastor John's answer did not make me feel any better at all. Maybe it's because I have a lot of anger at God at this point for my singleness, but why would i care about a monument in my name? That gives me zero comfort. The question i want answered is: if God is truly enough in this life, then why did he create Eve and the marriage covenant? He could have easily created more Adams just to fellowship with Him. What i understand from the text is that Adam needed an Eve, even when it was still prefect and without sin.

[@jameskillings3600]

James Galliver I'm 40 still single. Hardest thing in the world. Some days I stay depressed even though I don't want to.

[@regul8or71]

As a man who is 35 years old and divorced and haven't dated anyone in 4 or 5 years (mainly by choice), I would like to encourage you guys to hang in there. Matthew 6:33 always comes to mind. It doesn't promise anything, not even marriage, but it does show us that God cares about our deepest desires and wants to bless us (for His glory, not ours.) Side-note: with respect, I think you may be taking the whole monument thing a little bit too literally. Just like when the Bible says that we will receive the "crown of life" - I'm pretty sure that God is not going to physically place crowns on our head (though, of course, I cannot be certain, since I don't know what heaven will be like. However, the Bible does say that heaven will be greater than anything we can imagine, which leads me to believe that it's a little bit more than just a physical crown on our head, and a little bit more than just a pillar in the ground (monument)).

[@scripter0998]

James Galliver I felt the same way when I heard the response. When you think about it, it's like we're saying God isn't enough. So, I'm trying to take the response to heart and believe God wants my best. It's hard. Hang in there.

[@regul8or71]

One more thing I will add - seems like everyone has their big questions that they want answered. If we had answers to all our "cosmic questions" then what would be the point of faith? God does not answer to us, nor does he owe us any explanation for anything. Sometimes it just boils down to trusting what we don't understand. (Proverbs 3:5-6). Having said that, I hope you find what you're looking for.

[@regul8or71]

A. Banana I would venture to say that marriage doesn't necessarily "solve" anything. That's not really the point of marriage. If anything, you're "inheriting" all of your significant other's problems on top of your own. Marriage is not necessarily intended to "solve" our problems - like everything else, it is to make us more like Jesus. Cheers!

[@dwightwilliams311]

I have been praying to God for a wife. It's over 13 years praying, but nothing happens. I am now 33 years old with no children. I begged God to many times in prayers. I have seen other people who don't pray and find good wives except for me. I feel rejected by God and it hurts to my soul to the core till I am spiritually scared.

[@SolaBiblia07]

You don't have to be scared if you've been genuinely born again through fiath in Christ. Not everyone gets married and not everyone should. Scripture doesn't condemn celibacy so you don't have to get married, but if you have really strong desires to get married, then you should. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD." (Proverbs 18:22) If you want a wife then you need to seek one and continue to wait for God and trust His timing, if he doesn't give you a wife then trust Him anyways that He will satisfy you with Him alone.

[@1973onigiri]

This is so depressing even more than the prior one! Telling her to back off her frustration in not finding the right man to commit to and give up is also a trap from the enemy.

[@johnz4328]

The message of the modern church today is: How many ways can we come up with to very nicely convince the Christian single that never getting married doesn’t really hurt you?

[@Anthony-yy3kc]

100 ways and counting...

[@johnz4328]

@@palebluemoksha777 I’m well into my fifties have never been married and have no expectations of getting married. It really hasn’t been a good thing for me and it’s really disturbing when someone tries to make it sound better than it really is.

[@vester7457]

I turn 65 in ten days. Been single all my life. Have just decided it's my fate. I've felt different all my life, so it's consistent. Don't expect anything from the church or you'll get bitter. And then your spiritual life will be contaminated. I remind myself that many married people are not happy. And married life has burdens too. I try to stay focused on the freedom and independence that the single person has. I also don't expect real friendships at church. They are nice people, but they're Sunday morning only people who have families. We exchange pleasantries. I look forward Christian friends outside the church, such as God gives me grace to find. One advantage for me - I'm very good at handling solitude, and I've been a lifelong reader of history. I read the kind of books no one else is interested in.

[@wheredowelive]

@@vester7457 You took these words right out of my head. "Don't expect anything from the church or you'll get bitter." Bingo. I stopped going when I saw how superficial it all is. It's all platitudes and lingo but zero compassion for people who are really hurting. People are people no matter where you find them. I encountered just as many IF NOT MORE total phonies at church than I do in the general population.

[@vegaschump980]

Church doesn't help singles:(( help help help

[@awandezwane1500]

@Tony Rowan Hi Tony may you please share more on your experience. I am looking at starting a singles' ministry and such input would be valuable

[@timothy8076]

32 and single. Will likely be single for many more years due to a spiritually maturing season atm. Advice to younger Christians seeking marriage - do the work of sanctification now. Seek spiritual maturity first. God knows you desire marriage and will likely bless you with a spouse if you are spiritually matured. Do not waste time and let your hunger for sex and companionship be the catalyst that kicks your butt into gear.

[@BeautifullyRewritten]

Hard message but what a great reminder! I do have to agree with a few responses regarding fasting and prayer...what a POWERFUL thing to do. You see, I am still single but have actually received my answer from the Lord in June 2015 that I will have a husband one day, and then in October 2016 I received several other "coincidences" happening at the same time that God has created someone just for me. I do not know who this man is but I do know he is coming because I believe what God has told me. This all stemmed from devoted prayer, fasting, basically lifestyle of standing up for Him and loving on Him with all my heart. So Ashley if you are receiving this, first make sure that your heart is actually in step with our Creator, make sure that you truly are born again. After that, start praying and be very specific and do not give up on a prayer. But in the midst of you praying, continue to get to know Him and who He is through the scriptures. I have no doubt that He will provide you an answer. Blessings to you or those reading this!

[@colelynch6146]

Can I ask in what way God revealed this to you? Without asking you to share too much detail my sister in Christ. 😁

[@danielr3085]

that's easy for you to say Dr. John because you are marry. You'd never know the loneliness singles go through. I'm in my late 50's and single, only hope for the young to find their spouses sooner than later.

[@divineprovidence803]

I've been single all my life and I'm a 38 year old male. It doesn't bother that much as you become use to it as you get older. Singleness is a gift from God but I do pray that I will meet my wife in the future and trust in God's will and timing. I have faith and believe God will bring the the right Christian women in his time. To anyone feeling like giving up, please don't! God wants to give you the desires of your heart. Happy Christmas to everyone!

[@MsBeloved89]

I'm curious. Why is it hard for you to find a woman in the church? There's more single women in the church more than ever.

[@SpongeBobSquarePants-zu3qt]

@@MsBeloved89 Unfortunately the church I did attend has only married women or widows. I haven't attended for a few months because of the pandemic. In life I've asked a few women out but been rejected. I've used on-line dating which hasn't worked as many of the women are dishonest about themselves. Many using on-line dating are serial daters who are self-obsessed attention seekers. They're not suitable partners. I've used Christian dating on-line and the results are more or less the same. I have female work colleagues and they're all in relationships. There aren't many opportunities to meet single women as I work and I'm not into the pub or club scene. I've been praying for a wife now for over 10 years!! I do trust God and if it's in his plans for my life then he will bring the right women in his time. I'll be 40 next month but I still hopeful! It's best to wait on the Lord and not to force something to happen. Many people rush into a relationship out of fear of being alone then the relationship fails resulting in disappointment. I'll keep praying and keeping God first.

[@MsBeloved89]

@@SpongeBobSquarePants-zu3qt I understand. I guess that's my situation as well. Yes, online dating is not really a good alternative from what I have experienced. I guess it's harder now than ever. I'm just trying to understand why.

[@SpongeBobSquarePants-zu3qt]

@@MsBeloved89 I replied with a different account. It's harder in these times because of social media. Technology that should bring people together has pushed people a part. I was in Costa Coffee yesterday and there was a couple who hardly didn't talk or look at each other because they were both tapping away on their phones! All women today enjoy using their phones and that's how it is now. I still pray to God for a wife but I'm sure she'll no doubt have a smartphone?! I don't have an issue with it as we all use them but it's when it interferes with social interaction. Don't give up but stay hopeful. With God all things are possible.

[@jakeymanzano1743]

@@MsBeloved89 indeed. AMEN

[@tectonicD]

Some of the loneliest and most unhappy people I know are married with children. I have chosen to stop believing the lie that my life will be richer and fuller and happier if I get married and have a child. And by the way, there are, for the first time in U.S. history, more single adults than married adults.

[@Alex1233192]

Sorry to break it to you but according to also science people who are single for the rest of their lives not only die younger and have more health problems but are also more unhappy as years go by. The secret to a fulfilling life I have to tell you is relationships that are strong and deep. As a matter of fact even the Christian life is a relational life and we are called to live our Christian life individually but also communally.

[@eoinMB3949]

@@Alex1233192 The happiest person I know is an 86 year old catholic priest. This guy is the popes pastor and he is filled with a joy that I have yet to see in any married person. I'd be very wary about the "Science" behind any such declarations about the difference between married people and single people. There is a world of difference between someone who knows and walks with God and someone who doesn't. An unbeliever will put another person as an idol in their life, so the unbeliever who is single will be missing that idol and freak out. I've seen this happen......people who do not know God cant take being single because they have nothing else to hold onto other than a relationship. Whereas the believer has the creator of the universe to hold to. Being single and being a believer is not the same as being single and being a person who does not know God.

[@jwow19]

@@eoinMB3949 Catholicism has very questionable theology. Forced singleness for some? And other things.

[@jwow19]

I’m sure that the millions of singles you’re referring to are all happily celibate and will be for life ?

[@nba3927]

I thank you so much for this and it made me cry from my heart because God wanted me to hear it . I feel so lonely at times but I know God is always there for me and that’s all I need

[@anotherdavidc]

This is very real. I am single man. I feel the same way. Also, I am not mainstream. My world is torn by identity politics and anti God sentiments.

[@miffylova]

I thank the Lord that he has helped me, I am content with what He has given me. Glory to Jesus Christ.

[@shaniece12341]

We need to first realize how precious singleness is. When we realize this we begin saying yes to the many opportunities to expand Gods kingdom (achieved better in singleness) and have a very effective walk in Christ. I think when we stop viewing singless as a negative thing, God will then send a mate

[@allPodd]

32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. - 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

[@vanessaloy1049]

Why do you think so few pastors are single?

[@BeanChick-nh7uh]

Glamour_head how long have you been married?

[@americandropbear5081]

If God sends mates to pagans, I don't understand why He would deny that to godly people.

[@anonymousgal5586]

Glamour_head last sentence is very true. A friend once asked his mentor to tell him once his mentor thinks he is ready for a relationship. His mentor then replied to him, "you're ready for a relationship when you realise you don't need one."

[@jane7eyre]

Being a single female - having a name (or DNA) that "lives on" is not really a concern for me. Perhaps it is something that single men are more concerned about? It feels more to me that nurturing and being a mother is at my core, and even though I have babysat numerous times, been involved in children ministry and teach young children daily, it still feels like something is missing. Are there any ladies out there who feel the same?

[@jennifermallard465]

Yes maybe one day I can adopt because I already know I have fertility issues and am single but I hope to mother a child still if it's for me it will happen I know

[@DrewMIATL]

I’m at the point where I’m just not going to eat whatsoever until the right girl comes along. I literally cannot go any longer being single. It’s getting to the point where I can’t sleep and feel completely drained all the time. I just have so much anger inside of me and it’s breaking me down.

[@MinkEats]

I’ve been there brother, for the very same reasons. It is a very confusing and debilitating feeling. Just prayed for you

[@linza2345]

Hey, first of all, are you in a biblical chruch? With biblical pastors? If youre not- go and find one- move! if you dont have one in your town. And after you have been there faithfully for a couple of months, see if theres a good girl that you can pray about- be sure if you wanna get to know her with the serious intention of marrying her and ask her dad or pastors if she wants to meet you in a public space. If there is no good woman in your church or they reject you- ask and pray if there are things you need to change. Also theres is an option to ask in other good churches- or to ask goodly men if they know good christian woman who want to get married. This is how we do it in my chruch in Germany. You are the man pray and then go in faith! And if there are concearns from the fathers or pastors about certain things- change them ask other men to help you. I know that there are hundrets no thousands of single woman who are waiting for a good man to show up. You are the man- you have to go and search for a woman! I know handsome and good men who got rejected by some woman, only the Lords knows why and now both of them have a girl whom they are going to marry.This is all ment as an encouragement! God bless!

[@linza2345]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/oaClfY2teaaBqpo a podcast from a pastor "why doesnt anyone want to marry me?"

[@emilyivanova]

Hi.I am Emily.Nice to meet you:)

[@hallied.159]

I’ve dated traditional Southern Baptists, cafeteria Christians (big mistake), and everything in between. What I’ve noticed is that a lot of traditional Christian men seek a quiet, meek, door mat kinda gal. While I believe that women have different roles than men and are not to lead men, we ladies are not lesser than or door mats. We can be independent while submitting to wise authority, we can speak up for ourselves while sometimes holding our tongues. We can ask questions and challenge men (and women) who step out of line. It’s a delicate balance and honestly, it takes patience to find a guy who likes you for being you. I learned that you have to get out there and not just sit around waiting for a man. I got out there and now I’m in the beginning stages of a happy relationship with a wonderful man. It takes time, patience, prayer, and confidence. Hang in there ❤️

[@AliceNLi]

What I look for in a man: 1. True Christian 1a. Courageous 1b. Kind 2. Not obese. That's it. Actually, bonus points if you are/are becoming a pastor.

[@tromboneman4517]

Those are all REASONABLE expectations though.

[@vanessachiunda7262]

I'm Ashley right now 😔 I just turned 27 and feel so sad and cry sometimes thinking God, is there no place for me here?

[@ScotchIrishHoundsman]

I feel like I do have a soulmate. I really hope I find her soon! I can’t wait!! We have a lot of adventures to go on together, Lord willing.

[@ScotchIrishHoundsman]

The Lord was working when I typed this and I didn't even know. I had recently met her and wasn't thinking of her as a potential dating prospect. 3 weeks after I typed this comment, we went on a date together. We've been together ever since.

[@frankiemoore9127]

@@ScotchIrishHoundsman So lovely, God bless. May God lift you both up together ❤️

[@beanbeanster7219]

​@@ScotchIrishHoundsmanThat's really fab. I'm glad you found your soul mate.

[@James5877]

I'm 40, and I still haven't found a wife. It says in 1 Corinthians 7 that God gives each person a different kind of gift, and Paul says that he wishes all people were single like him because single people can serve the Lord without distraction. Whether I am single my whole life, or God brings me a wife, may He help me to serve and obey Him until that wonderful day when I arrive in Heaven, and it will no longer matter whether I was married or single. By the way, there are good Christian books out there about singleness, like "Joyfully Single In A Couple's World" by Harold Sala, "The Power And Purpose Of Singleness" By Michael Cavanaugh, "They Were Single Too" by David Hoffeditz, and "How To Get A Date Worth Keeping" by Henry Cloud.

[@augustine.c8204]

amazing answer. Also, amazing timing too. I literally JUST read Isaiah 56 a few days ago and wondered about the example of comforting the foreigner and the eunuch, I thought it was simply evidence of salvation for non-jews... man the Bible is so deep. So much to learn.

[@mattr.1887]

Married Christians are some of the worst people you can get advice from. You wanna stop being single? You gotta get out there and make it happen. Sitting alone at home memorizing scripture is fine but that won't change anything.

[@GalaxyDaveD]

I'm a 53 year old Christian male. I would love to find my wife. I hope I do before I die.

[@vinnieterrell4273]

I see you!

[@YolandaRevealed]

In 2020 I surely needed to hear this! Thank you for sharing.

[@m_jay5]

Being a single guy over 30 in the church is just depressing to me :/

[@SanguiniustheGreatAngel]

Same here I’m 30 and been single all my life. I’m worried that even if I’m lucky enough to find a good woman that over time we’d fall out of love and separate, then I’d feel like I just wasted years of life. Which makes me hesitant to even put myself out there. Cause after all can any of us be sure going into a relationship it will last. ✝️ Only God knows what’s best for you, and He wants to give you the best. But we might not mature enough or in right state for such things yet. Our Father’s love for us is so much greater than you can fathom. Pray for wisdom, maturity, and that if He sees it as a good thing for you. That He would send you partner to share your life with.

[@joshualewis1191]

There are three good answers to this question: 1. John's answer 2. In 2019, 27 is young! I have 6 siblings. 2 of them got married at 27. The other 4 are single: 29, 28, 27, & 21. You're not alone, but the VAST majority of people will get married at some point in their life. It is statistically unlikely that you will be single forever. 3. It sucks when you see people younger than you getting married. Just remember that all this happens with God's timing. You're waiting for The One; that takes time. Sometimes more time than you want it to. If your future spouse is 3000 miles away, things will need to happen for he/she to move to where you are, or vice versa. Please trust the process.

[@wi4305]

As true as that is men will want to pick the younger women. The closer for them hitting the wall is understandably scary.

[@finkejdf101]

Ha Ha HA are you mocking singles.

[@PaperParade]

Wow. Her question is exactly what I'm feeling these days. So much frustration and that knowing that I have no promises regarding marriage. Half the time I'm just angry at the common Christian responses that almost assume it's supposed to happen for everyone. But I know that's not true. This response is so good and nourishing to me.

[@robwilkinson8497]

it just about drives me mad, but after several relationships which failed, one after the other I given up. We were meant to be with a partner, very easy for the married believers to say 'this that and the other' to the single people amongst them. I do know that casual relationships just DONT work, but on the other hand I dont blame people if they fall to temptation

[@SurvivorC]

I waited. Was 34 when I got married. I thought my wait was worth it. I’m I am now divorced because his addiction to porn. It’s better to be single than in a destructive marriage.

[@ModelJames13]

Porn is not a reason for divorce.

[@Pacifica74]

He answered it in the beginning, but it's hard to accept. We are not to hope in what God hasn't promised us. We're supposed to only hope in things that are certain-things God has promised us.

[@Professorgutierrez]

“Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

[@falcosorensen6969]

Which is suffering and persecution

[@thesparrow3902]

@@falcosorensen6969 Some yes, but not one's entire life.

[@wheredowelive]

And how do we know what those particular things are?

[@Pacifica74]

@@wheredowelive I'm talking about the promises in the bible and the promises of God's character.

[@ErnestGinter]

I’m 43, and only had 3 girlfriends my whole life. I still wonder if me being single is my choice, or Gods choice for me.

[@wwdbny]

im Christian single man I pray I could meet some one

[@Scullans]

Donna that is so admirable... I pray The Lord leads me to a godly women I'm only 21 and I've never had a girlfriend so I'm some what lonely. I'm in Chicago suburbs message me :p

[@wwdbny]

whoever just wanna fellowship email me: [e-mail] God bless everyone

[@buenafuente8375]

D its so sad that married woman wont relate to you when they have to be your councels and lead younger woman in church keep seeking God and praying for Godly Man

[@rolexor3001]

Solomon Choe God know when is the right time for u to have someone special :)

[@flourishomotola5306]

Solomon Chloe how old are you and where do you live

[@martinathom5167]

if you want something have god guide you and actively pursue your goal

[@JeanneCoty]

I can relate at a certain point with Ashley. Of course God came into my life and saved me from a potential horrible marriage that I could have and I am grateful for that. Better to be alone than with the wrong person, however I would want in a near future to have a godly marriage, but since in my church there are like 2 single men for 20 single women that is hardly possible.

[@tonycole5209]

I'm 44 years old and already gave up on praying for a mate. It's no longer in his plan for my life and l have to live with it.

[@vester7457]

You're wise just to accept it. Then you're freed up to get on with life

[@crabbynabby9090]

Matthew 7 7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. 9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? 10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? 11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

[@Professorgutierrez]

Amen.

[@davidrivas6412]

Look this is what I got to say. God created Man for a Woman so Man won't be lonely because we all need some type of companionship and if you are a humble loyal loving and a faithful person with a strong desire in your heart to get married someday, then why not. It's your will to get married but if you don't have any interest in getting married and want to remain single and focus on god than that's your will and god's will for your life. Even the apostle Paul spoke about that. However if you want to get married someday, you should get married with the right person because it's a sin to get a divorce or split from your spouse unless one of you dies. Marriage is a life long commitment and definitely a gift from god. Once you get married, you and your spouse become one in unity and must have christ at the center of your marriage. Pray about it and trust in god's timing. Maybe he wants you to wait, trust in him and focus on him first before he blesses you with the special someone or soulmate because he's preparing a way for you guys to eventually meet.

[@SilverWings733]

I am praying for you single saints. You are not alone; I am one too. He is good, no matter what our feelings or desires. He is good! Please pray that this will ring in my mind and heart during moments that the serpent whispers lies. And I will pray for you as well, b/c the struggle is real, but God is greater.

[@steventerry593]

Pastor Doug Wilson (as well as others) say that celibacy is a gift and that singleness is an affliction. The Church (more often than not) conflate the two, much to the detriment of single Christians. It was such a relief to finally hear a Christian leader honestly and compassionately address the injustice the church has perpetrated on singles (perhaps unknowingly) since as long as any of us can remember. I think a lot of single Christians eventually stop going to church not because they no longer enjoy worshiping God, but, because they've grown weary of the unintended subtle and incessant ostracization. After all, the church is the last place one wants to go to feel "alone in a crowd". One can't really blame the church because they really don't realize there's a problem. I don't know if it's allowed, but, here is a link to one of Pastor Wilson's short videos on the subject.... kzbin.info/www/bejne/bqa5XpSJl72Sosk

[@faith5401]

Staying single is nothing wrong with it, as long as we know where is our destination when we r dead. Our Eternal home in Heavenly place is much much peaceful n joyful than here on earth.

[@3rdtimesthecharm376]

You're not going to Heaven- the Earth is our inheritance! We shall reign upon this planet with Christ forever and ever!

[@elizabethc4961]

Totally random here but I have a brother who just turned 36 and is looking for a Christian wife. He is handsome, funny, intelligent, a deep thinker and has a great job! He likes adventure, has 2 motorcycles and a vehicle and loves the outdoors! Just putting that info out there 😊......

[@annaceyq]

Love this...wish he lived in Toronto

[@emilyl6746]

Haha, where does he live?

[@NiniMimi-pq3yd]

Hello

[@shaniece12341]

Also if you feel like your Christian circle makes singleness seem like it is a lifestyle that is not a super effective life, then fight against those lies and being them to the light amongst scripture. Confront those lies constantly and gently correct those that make negative comments when you state youre living in a good season of singleness. Im single but i truly want to be married. However i know that i shouldnt take my season of singleness for granted but should enjoy it while it is here

[@aisforamerica2185]

To anyone who is waiting for marriage: Stick. With it. It is SO worth it to give yourself only to your spouse. Not in engagement, not in cohabitation. In marriage. You can do it. You can reserve your greatest gift to your spouse. Hold on just a little longer, and even if God doesn't send you a spouse, you are preserving the value of your body as a vessel of the Holy Spirit.

[@trish.s.merino8853]

All i wanted in my life was to get married and stay together forever but I was doing my own will so everything was a nightmare. God converted me 2 years ago when I was about to get married but 5 days before the marriage my partner gave up on me. Again I was going to face frustration, anger and every bad feeling but once again God showed me how to manage and have my life on the right track again! He made me understand that when you want him to do His will that will be so! I feel a little bit down sometimes but I understood that are more important things to please Him that feeling lonely and wanting to be with someone else.

[@nerigovender8119]

Being single is not easy been widowed maried again and now divorced only God can give us strength to survive with God all things r possible

[@claudettedalton3281]

im 54 been divorced 30 yrs and been single for that long had past relationships that didnt work so i count being alone for 30 yrs and im discovering i aint relationship material bit hard to take but im surrendering all to the Lord til im ready to be a good wife and helpmate for my husband if not here on earth maybe a partner on the other side i dont know i leave it to the Lord i am now really enjoying being with God i used to feel like a square peg in a round hole back in the day.........now it seems everybodys single.........so i hope single people will put God first not our own selfish fleshly ways..........we have a pity party for ourselves.....but like me i still do.......but do a big sigh........then repent ask God with the humbleness of heart an spirit help me father.........and he does.........i,d die for Jesus anyday.........but take heart single christians hang in with God it will be worth every step we will ever take an follow with humbe of heart amen an amen xox

[@jimmy4418]

Just putting it out there... there seems to be alot of single male and female in this comment section that are seeking a Godly companion... maybe the answer is here? Maybe some of the people commenting below should reach out to each other and see if they are meant to be? Consider dating/courting each other? 🤷🙈🙉🙊

[@leonidasj406]

I definitely needed to hear this being a 49-year-old bachelor, never been married , grew up in a divorced family, no prospects now for anyone to get married to. The most terrible thing now is that now when a lady does take some interest in me and she’s not what I’m looking for, I can be just as cruel and ruthless and pushing her away as the many countless, countless, countless women who have rejected me over the years, starting with a girl who dumped me in the middle of my senior HS prom in front of all my friends. Desperately trying to hold onto the promises of God than in some hope of love from a broken, fallen person could ever give me here on earth.

[@2ndPigeon]

How long will you wait until you figure out that there is no god and you're just fooling yourself? You picked shitty religion if all you do is to hope for things to come out of thin air if you wish hard enough for it.

[@elewo2]

Sadly I think I will be single for ever. I’ve never felt romantic love in my life. I’ve given it. But never had it. It’s the only thing that eludes me

[@joelroy9221]

(Scroll all the way to the bottom of my comment to see a summary) As a chronically (gen z speak) single christian man since birth (now 23 years old), my lust peaked around my teenage years (yes, you know what that means, that online sin). However, in my late teens onwards I learned to cope It all started when I came to this new biblically based, spiritually filled church. I think, if I marry awesome. If I don't it's okay! Though Paul said it is better to marry than to burn with passion, I've learned to accept singlehood, because I find it difficult to find a Godly woman. (maybe I found one in my church, I should make the first move, that is, after I'm done with education next year and get financially stable) Also, I wanted to serve Jesus. And I have this mindset that I should love Jesus more than a woman (including the ones in my family like my mum and sisters). My primary goal is that God change me and mold me according to how He wants so that I can be a (near) perfect groom for my bride Also, I'm focusing on Jesus more than I'm focusing on any woman, despite the church youths teasing me. So, another way I handled my urge of courting is I left everything (hopefully) in God's hands. I trust Him. Though I have a seared conscience (don't go there), because it was me alone in my age group and in my family that wanted to live a holy life, I got dragged along but also chose to hung out with them occasionally just to "fit in". Not only that when I was spiritually baptized I still wanted to do what I loved before the baptism, that is, minecraft but it wasn't the same. Minecraft was different after the baptism, felt like I didn't want to do this. But I did it anyway because I didn't know what else to do (when obviously I should have studied). So for 6 months I was trying to feed my flesh and today, you know now my story of how I now have this heart. Nonetheless I still have hope in God. Hence, I put my mind on things above ultimately, as the gospels says set your mind on things above. Finally, when it comes to social media, I intentionally chose "don't recommend this video" or "not interested" on videos with pretty or sexy women on their thumbnails. Even if it is a christian female influencer but she's pretty, I would avoid watching the video (that is, if I realize my heart is going in a wrong direction). After all I'm only ningen(human) Tl;dr: I coped with my urge of courtship by: 1) mindset 2) leaving everything to God 3) avoiding putting myself in tempting situations