Woman Helps Lover Escape Prison Then Reinvents Herself as a Luminary | Toby Dorr Case Analysis

This video answers the question: Can I analyze case of Toby Dorr?
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[@LadyNiltiak1412]

My old dog came from her prison dog program. He was a good dog.

[@mers624]

Aw. Wow.

[@carolnahigian9518]

Awwww( bow Wow).

[@jcjcviews]

​@@mers624About the "knuckle" comment above. Remind me not to go to prison. I wouldn't like the company.😢😢😢

[@sherryzmezzo]

❤

[@willelliott5052]

So he flew into a rage with her soon after she had helped him to escape from prison ... you don't say?

[@breadman5048]

LMAOOOOOO

[@melcloud1212]

Take it from a knuckle dragging prison guard with 27 years in. He manipulated her. Pure and simple. Found her weaknesses, told her what she wanted to hear, and played her. Unfortunately she bought into it.

[@hopesgirl9483]

Running game.

[@cUser691]

Like those 2prisoners in NY [Dannemora] who manipulated married guard lady AND that Alabama lady guard helped felon escape then shot herself when cops gave chase later on.

[@JB-ms9du]

I was thinking the same thing

[@anonymous35821]

Anatomy of a setup in action.

[@deeliciousgrapes]

She is a grown woman who made her choice. She is to blame

[@ItsKrma00]

The most heartbreaking thing about this is when her dying son refused to let her hug him before he passed. What a horrible price she paid.

[@Maxine1630]

Do you think he should have let her?

[@johnrelford7961]

Why are they treating her like a killer?

[@Kivlor]

​@@johnrelford7961they are treating her like a leper, not a killer. Imagine: your mother abandoned you, your brother, and your dad for a killer because she was bored in her marriage. She went so far as to break a killer out of prison and run away with him. She doesn't love you, if she did, she wouldn't have abandoned you, and committed one of the most supreme acts of treachery out of boredom. Why would you want her in your life at all?

[@johnrelford7961]

@@Kivlor I think I could forgive her because I'm not the type of person to be bitter forever

[@JohnMack-f3f]

Not as steep as John’s.

[@jenanne31]

She paid an incredibly high price for her incredibly bad judgement. Women who think their love will save and reform a convict are only fooling themselves. Thanks for another thought-provoking video, Dr. Grande, dog-gone it.

[@alexeysamokhin9629]

She was attracted to him BECAUSE he was a convict, not because she “settled” with someone sub-par with a plan for “transformation”.

[@gabe-po9yi]

She was fortunate to have gotten caught before setting up housekeeping with him. Life wouldn’t have been pretty for her.

[@esteemedmortal5917]

She lost a hell of a lot more than she gained. Fantasy can be powerful.

[@zackbarkley7593]

A genuine human connection is more valuable than material loss. It seems Grande and most others in this chat cannot wrap their heads around the possibility that true love transcends such silly boundaries...perhaps because their measured "reasonable" lives make such love an impossibility, they like putting people in boxes, and they need to try and fill the empty hole in their hearts through voyeuristic fascination over what those having something theyre missing while smarmily deluding themselves that theyre better off playing it safe. Capitalism has successfully turned a lot of weak minded people into commodified zombies...but not all of us and not the best of us. At least these two tried something fun...a victimless crime...and probably lived more life in two days than you or I will in our entire lives. If anything, theyre just be punished officially and socially for holding a candle up to and embarrassing the enslavement/social caste system that our prisons artificially produce. I applaud them both for getting free of that even if but for a few days physically.

[@esteemedmortal5917]

@@zackbarkley7593what about the connections she had with her sons? Or siblings? As I said, fantasy is powerful. One of the most potent versions is ‘ideal love’

[@yahnservices1978]

@@zackbarkley7593 Let's get real, behind all the BS you just vomited you are a bad person making excuses for 2 other bad persons. True passion would be working hard to make her husband and sons happy.

[@mrazik131]

@@zackbarkley7593 married people ask for divorce. and then do the romance, people who are on the drug of love, brake rules and hurt family around them.

[@alexandrabcastle]

@@zackbarkley7593agree

[@mistrjt9213]

How is she still allowed to work in the prison system after all that shenanigan??

[@jennypham3998]

Prisons always need people to volunteer to help. They take whatever they can get. Beside they probably thought she learned her lesson. They probably told her if she does ỉt again she go to jail for a long time.

[@stephaniehansonfisher7406]

We got our dog from her a few months before she took off. He was a great dog! It’s like my worlds just collided…

[@HeatherHolt]

Wow that’s crazy

[@Maxine1630]

This lady was not manipulated, conned, nor bamboozled, she did exactly what she wanted to do! The price she paid is call consequences!

[@missdemeanor3524]

Never ceases to amaze me how a person with a nice life decides a move to the ramshackle territory of Fuckedupsville is a good idea.

[@wilhelmhagberg4897]

The ”nice life” probably wasn’t a life at all. I think it’s admirable when people take risks to change their lives around. Her impulse was correct, even though she should have chosen a better way than committing crimes.

[@debbiethompson14]

27 MONTHS? They're still LETTING HER into prisonS? that's ridiculous. I tell you privilege IS a real thing

[@PHlophe]

Debbie, that is caucasian privileged maxxed . after helping someone escape, being on the run , high speed car chase and the police did not harm her.

[@captainomoplata643]

@@PHlopheplease 🙄 affirmative action wasn’t enough for you people? Yall are literally a protected and propped up class but yet you aren’t privileged? How can you be a victim and have all the advantages of a nanny state at the same time?

[@smrtrthnu1571]

​​@@PHlophe ahh .... The great imagined white privilege. I guess that's one way to avoid ever taking any personal responsibility. It's everyone else's fault...I can't get a fair shake because of my race and now on top of that others are getting a leg up because of their race. There are plenty of examples of people of all races getting ridiculous breaks they should never have. None of that equates to special racial privilege. It's just means someone got lucky and/or someone else was incompetent and even possibly may be a sign of corruption.

[@AxelordSMIJES]

As a KC native, the most shocking part of this to me is that she would be willing to ingest TN style BBQ under any circumstances whatsoever. Unfathomable.

[@karenfisher4170]

🤣😂

[@pipermccool]

Had to read through a lot of 🥱comments to find this. 👍

[@rogermoore27]

Hahaahhhaha

[@fierceconversationswithtoby]

So true!

[@marybethjordan8520]

😂😂😂

[@WhatIsLife711]

She just got sick of doing everything right and following all the rules....

[@jimjimgl3]

If Toby and John had taken long walks in the woods outside the cabin, they could have picked ticks off each other.

[@carolyndavison6095]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂

[@peternovellie6409]

Great point Dr Grande: "All affairs have the capacity to become dangerous" - even for someone who spent her entire life walking the straight and narrow.

[@wizzardofpaws2420]

Prisoners will do anything to get someone on the outside. They will tell you they love you even though they don't. Don't be fooled.

[@jennypham3998]

Dêsperate people would take anything

[@dicedrice7216]

Sounds like a run-of-the-mill midlife crisis. Everything's fine, and then one day they wake up and realize they've been the same routine and the same rut for years. So they do something irrational because it's exciting.

[@honestyisadyingvirtue]

Then pick up skydiving. This wasn't irrational. This was selfish. Irrational is spending all your money in casinos. What she did was just plain dumb. Living out a fantasy that was born out of love for herself over everyone else, including her children.

[@LDiamondz]

She was love bombed by an inmate and thought she was in love. She was infatuated. With only one relationship since high school, it got boring. That's typical, you work it out like adults. She should have just dyed her hair and bought a convertible. A nice red one.....😊

[@pipermccool]

Word is that they tried to track them, but the dogs all pleaded the Fourth.

[@sondragramse1770]

Similar to the Vicky White /Casey White debacle.

[@tripledair]

What you'd call an open Dorr policy.

[@bonnietoups2446]

👍🤣🤣🤣

[@cricketpie]

@tripledair How perfectly Dr Grande-ish... 🙈🙊🙉

[@tripledair]

@@cricketpie lol yup

[@bthomson]

I see what you did there and like it!🚪🚪🚪

[@MiiissAlexx]

Hahahahahahah 😂

[@jamesb.9155]

She was lucky she only got 27 months. He wasn't so lucky. Says a lot about his character that he grabbed the two guns when he got to her house. They both could have died in the high speed chase trying to elude the Federal Marshalls. All told, I guess they were lucky.

[@dubaiedge]

Aaaand this is why I let go of my idea of teaching in prisons. Too many stories like this. I'd be susceptible, even with all my knowledge of true crime, years of studying sociopathy, etc., & even at my advanced age. I could still get gotten to. There's a chance. So nah, I'll pass. Those prisoners can teach themselves 😅

[@HeatherHolt]

Everyone has a weakness. Even if we don’t know them. Inmates are so good at finding them and exploiting them.

[@LDiamondz]

Very smart decision! Not many people know themselves as well as you do.

[@Meela234]

I admire that you know your limits and possible weakness. Most people don't realize it until it's too late.

[@Cbd_7ohm]

It really speaks to women wanting a piece of shit instead of a good guy lol. Shit makes zero sense but ok haha.

[@majakolonja4266]

​@@Cbd_7ohmIt does make sense.

[@ember1794]

"prison escape weight-loss program" 😂😅

[@Cocobear7007]

Dr Grande you are such a great storyteller. You provide all the details to make the story very interesting. That lady was naive.

[@breakmylegs7294]

DR Grande is Queenie for Donald, he would like to be Trump's Sissy 🌈

[@margaretlumley1648]

What a fascinating story! Yet again, showing us curious ways to completely mess up one's life! Thank you Dr Grande! ❤

[@elizabethwarman9028]

Hi Dr Grande, good morning. Excellent analysis. As my Dad once said, "All inmates are conmen, don't fall for any of them!" He told me this as I become part of the Cerritos College Theatre Outreach to Prisons.

[@neilreynolds3858]

This is why daughters need fathers.

[@JohnGlen502]

My sister got involved with a prisoner while in a dental hygienist program. She never told our dad! Thankfully he lost interest as soon as he got out.

[@BonnieLiedtka]

They touched hands while pulling ticks, they had a tickling time lol Enjoyed your video

[@tpbrcombo]

And they called it puppy love.

[@maryannebphillips9124]

Her purpose should have been her family and not abandoning them due to a fantasy. Marital issues can be overcome.

[@Jasonmakesvideo]

The puns never cease to bring me immense joy. Never change Dr Grande

[@joettekanter7699]

Thank you for yet another informative video Dr. G! 😊 My first thought in all of this was how lucky Toby was to only receive a 27 month sentence. She should be forever grateful to that Judge or Jury! Smuggling a phone in, smuggling a convicted murderer out, supplying him with weapons and ammunition, hmmm, that sounds like a least a 10 year sentence to me. She’s actually lucky they got caught when they did. Things could have ended much worse for her had he harmed her. Him losing his temper in the first few hours together was only the beginning of what was probably to come. In my opinion, he could have loved her, but I doubt it. She was a way for him to escape a life sentence, have money for food and lodging, and free sex until he put a plan into place of what to do next. A lot of inmates prey on lonely women and sadly they fall for it. I hope Toby learned a lesson through all this and continues to work on herself. ❤️

[@souksmith4492]

I think 15 year in prison would be appropriate for her crime.

[@wilhelmhagberg4897]

It was a surprisingly lenient sentence for the lady, and a too harsh one for the inmate IMO.

[@suzanneharris8339]

Toby is lucky to still be alive. 🤔

[@replica088]

All these closing statements by the good doctor are always diabolical! 💀

[@TS-rd7oy]

Why any woman would willingly put herself among males of this questionable character is beyond me.

[@pipermccool]

You should expand your horizons. 😉

[@randomcomment6068]

When you think you're a missionary and will change things.

[@AkkisiandraDayton]

@@pipermccoolyou are desperate . That’s not expanding your horizon. That’s actually being a sad desperate woman. As a lawyer you are very sad and desperate . You can’t find anyone to date outside so you want to find someone who can’t go anywhere lol sad

[@calmexit6483]

@@AkkisiandraDayton The sarcasm of piper's comment is lost on you.

[@unlearnbusiness]

The Ikea effect. That's how some women get stuck with bad boys.

[@MrStringybark]

Toby had strong urges to adopt animals. I suspect her husband was her first adopted pet but then she found another pet that was even more in need of her special nurturing nature. I suspect every relationship she has will end up the same way. A thoroughly domesticated pet that doesn't appeal to her any longer.

[@HeatherHolt]

I find people who are obsessed with adopting dogs often need that unconditional loyalty a dog gives you. Bc they’re too stupid to know better.

[@LDiamondz]

She clearly loved her husband at some point, they were married for 28 years! She's married again. I don't think many more relationships are in the cards for her. Maybe, after being married for so long, to a guy she met at 15 years old was a bit predictive, and boring. A lot of marriages that long, will struggle with this. You work on it, if you still love each other. Toby never did anything wrong in her entire life, was a good mom and wife. This prison guy probably love bombed someone who doesn't even know what the word means. She fell for it, and like a teenager, was head over heels in love, or so she thought. I'd argue she was infatuated, not in love. Dreamy, head in the clouds, love, like any teenager. Except she was a grown woman with responsibilities. She got in over her head and ruined her relationships with her kids and sisters. I think it was exciting, and something she never experienced before, to be in lust, really. I hope she learned her lesson and does well with her new husband. She was temporarily insane.

[@SY-ok2dq]

​@@HeatherHolt What? Dogs are not stupid. And it's not because they're "stupid" that they generally have this unconditional loyalty. This loyalty to the pack can be seen in wolves. Social bonds are paramount in the canine world. Just as humans need groups to survive and thrive, dogs need their groups, their packs. Humans displaced their natural dog leaders, and humans reinforced these traits through selective breeding. Dogs like huskies, dogs that must work and live in groups, are extremely sociable and form very strong bonds. Pulling a dog sled requires all the dogs ro work in unison. They must be able to work together and kind of "group think" and act together, and have extreme loyalty to each other and their human leader. So you can see the selective forces that act upon the breeding of successful huskies.

[@mudlark4099]

The one and only problem with Dr. Grandes' superb content is it's criminally low volume! Raise that voice up loud and proud, we love you!

[@bunnymad5049]

It's fine for me. Maybe it's something in your settings? xx

[@mudlark4099]

@@bunnymad5049 Yes this is possible. 🙀

[@philiprandall473]

Actually I thought this time it was lower volume than normal

[@bunnymad5049]

@@philiprandall473 Huh. Odd. Although, I'm not well at present and have a throat and ear infection, so my volume is up more than normal. Maybe that's why I'm not detecting it.

[@sooffiiaaaa]

I feel bad for her family, but to not forgive your mother and tell her to leave when you are dying of cancer... wow, heartbreaking :(

[@stephenwest6738]

I understand that she hurt their father, but if you turn your back on the woman that gave birth to you, and then raised you, then maybe you deserve to die of cancer.

[@JBplumbing12]

A wife and mother left her family to run away with a murderer whom she broke out of jail... _That_ is heartbreaking.

[@marshaloiscamillephilpotts6406]

​@@JBplumbing12I totally agree what she did was more heartbreaking.

[@Flamsterette]

Thanks for the upload, Dr. Grande! Your true fans love your humour and sarcasm!

[@susangriffith1482]

Yeah. 🙂

[@bthomson]

Also your rainbow shirts and curious cacti and puppies we only seem to see in commercials and a nice wife!

[@Flamsterette]

@@bthomson I agree!

[@TRamone01]

Prison break, on the run, the danger, the excitement, the end.

[@mistrjt9213]

5:30 Mrs. Doubtfire got the last laugh

[@thelocalmaladroit8873]

I just feel sorry for the dogs!

[@piltg8568]

Invented a prison escape weight loss program … that was a slick one doc

[@bravepoodle]

Dr. Grande, watching wild animal documentaries in 3D theater is so exciting and refreshing, totally recommend to anyone.

[@debbiebowles7001]

The analysis was wonderful but I feel disappointed knowing John missed the shark documentary. Life couldn't ever be the same with such a missed opportunity. This will be made worse if that documentary is never televised to prison.

[@chris55529]

Speaking of sharks, don't watch the Egypt incident. The better part of me wishes I'd never seen it.

[@michaelgreer9023]

I share your concern about the shark documentary 👍

[@iangallager4091]

the extra ten years would have been bearable if only John had been able to watch the sharks for even thirty minutes!

[@bubbabroad9051]

Ha ha It makes me think, they didn’t think much about the other side once they got him out. So what do we do now

[@Ironboots123]

The epitome of ‘Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence; then you discover the septic system overflowed”

[@jimcronin2043]

A prison sentence of 27 months was far too little for her offense. It should have been at least double that. After all, she enabled a convicted murderer to escape prison.

[@SY-ok2dq]

I was surprised at the sentence but remember, she was this nearly 50 yr old, extremely respectable type of mother and wife, pillar of the community type. No record, not even parking tickets most likely. No previous affairs. Very stable life. Very respectable and she probably comes across in person as very sweet, kind, helpful mother type. Realistically, she doesn't pose much of a risk to the community and U.S. prisons no doubt struggle with the burdens of too many inmates, and it costs the community money to house inmates.

[@blahsomethingclever]

The guy did not take a life, that law is stupid. Like if you're with an uncomfortable group, just tagging along, they go totally out of bounds and you share full responsibility.. Or if someone just loses it who was normal before. How'd you know?

[@juliedaniels5594]

There’s always a reason for what they did, isn’t there? I was depressed, no one understood me, I was abused as a child, ect ect. Most people have problems from their childhood but most people grow up and never commit a crime

[@alexeysamokhin9629]

Dr Grande clearly articulated reasoning: pursuing a purpose and seeking excitement.

[@mimim6955]

Thank you Dr Grande for your videos, I always look forward everyday to your humour and seeing the cracks making the sad tales secondary.

[@susanmann5286]

I used to work in a medium security male prison. I was assigned as a "counselor" to 100 inmates. One inmate soon asked me ,"How we could be together?" This was after I naively told me he could schedule appointments with me when he needed to. When I looked at his record I learned he had killed someone by hitting them over the head with a board.

[@PHlophe]

Susanne, i guess he caught you off guard. Good looks make people look nicer than they are.

[@missyskye_sea_land9424]

It feels like this case is the deepest human emotions Dr. Grande discussed with us. Thank you, Dr. Grande, all the way from Korea at the moment (one I couldn’t stay away while I’ve been away from home for a month😸🐶)

[@kelliearnold8498]

This is truly heartbreaking how she forsake her own kids for a inmate! Great Job Dr.Grande!!!!

[@messrsandersonco5985]

*forsook

[@carpediem4512]

Fellas, if you’re ever in a jam, just find a gullible woman. It works a charm.

[@kelliearnold8498]

@@messrsandersonco5985 thank you

[@ishyandmikkischannel8811]

So many comments below feeling sorry for Toby who left her children for sex and an affair. So she created a false narrative about her marriage. Dr Grande is spot on. He calls the nonsensical rationalisations to justify such behaviour as excuses.

[@LDiamondz]

People have affairs evert day. She should have found somebody on the outside. A divorce, her family would understand, eventually. A killer inmate on the downlow? Not so much. 😮

[@augustineramos_]

One of the best asmr channels on KZbin

[@chicadeayer3077]

Good evening Dr Grande. Have a great weekend.

[@maiziebug]

…At that time, she -I mean her last name- was young… Dr. Grande coming out swinging with the zesty shade 😂 0:33

[@silent_day]

It’s strange… Toby tends to jump into things fully. She lives by a very all-or-nothing type of existence. One boyfriend? 20 year marriage. Watched a show about dogs (during a difficult time)? Successful business owner of a similar theme. Tired of husband? He sucks and has no redeeming qualities. Falls for someone? Commits crimes to be with them. In women’s prison? Launches into a career about women in prison. She seems to be extremely inconsistent and finds passion in something, but will instantly push it away when something else catches her eye. I can understand why people got tired of her or found her to be toxic. She has a very self involved way of being.

[@izzo2998]

Yep. She gets bored easily and tosses humans away like trash.

[@miraclenichols4332]

The prison/dog part is a great idea- the prisoner/escape part probably isn’t as good - but it’s not that much different than an Office type affair- except he was probably really exciting 4 her- I can see the excitement in the situation, going through with it does blow my mind- sad for her family-- interesting episode

[@juliet.echo.m]

“Today’s question is…” absolutely love when I hear this! I know an awesome video/case deception is to follow. Thank you, #DrGrande.

[@ember1794]

I wish she would have thought of her dogs if she wouldn't think of her family or herself before falling for this criminal slime-ball 😢

[@Cedricus013]

Best story telling doctor

[@greenbrain8725]

Toby could be considered a “gem”. Her unusual drive and ability to think outside the box led her to commit to the dog program and its huge demands on her creativity and commitment. People like her are a rare thing in society, and when these people do good, it benefits all. It’s unfortunate that her drive and personality also led to an act of utter foolishnes. She walks to the beat of her own drum.

[@sylviaross5722]

A "ticking" time bomb.😆😅🤣😂Stop it. You're killing me with your puns.

[@latinaalma1947]

Twice as a uni administrator I was asked to set up and manage a degree granting program. I said no. When asked why I said first I am a female and the mother of a child, I am not going to risk my life getting anywhere near prisoners. I also objected that taxpayer money was going to fund higher ed programs for prisoners while working class parents cannot fund THEIR childrens educations and huge numbers of middle class people graduate with enormous debt, why should a convicted criminal get a free education.... and dont tell me they are all potential brain surgeons!

[@kathyflorcruz552]

Evidence shows that far too many on the outside have no business getting "free" higher education either.

[@neilreynolds3858]

Not brain surgeons anymore - they can become President!

[@bravepoodle]

I feel awful for Greg, how very sad his last days were. And what about the pup John adopted in prison, he abandoned them in order to escape?? I hope this case didn't ruin the credibility of dog/cat adoption program in prison. It's at very least, saving some of precious animals who desperately need home.

[@dixiedawnmillergoode6850]

In April I adopted a German Shepherd/ Malamute dog from Prison Paws Partnership. It’s at Pelican Bay State Prison. So at least some places still have that program

[@bravepoodle]

@@dixiedawnmillergoode6850 I love both GSDs and Malamutes! Your pup must be beautiful and extremely lucky to have you. If I were to get to adopt a pup or a kitty, Id be very grateful to the person who raised them, even if they were an inmate in prison. Thank you for telling me great little news. ☺️❤️

[@wolfe6220]

​@@dixiedawnmillergoode6850Yikes! Pelican Bay is one of the most violent prisons out there. I'm surprised they would have the dog training program there ...

[@dixiedawnmillergoode6850]

@@wolfe6220 they have done seven rounds I think, with about six dogs in each round. It’s a teamwork program with the local animal shelter.

[@aliassmithandjones9453]

did the prison guards who failed to search Toby's van lose their jobs?

[@bashbrannigan]

I’m wondering if the case of Patricia Stallings might interest you for analysis? Thanks. Love your videos.

[@BansheesBanshin]

Very interesting! Thank you, Dr.grande!

[@jasmincampbell8105]

Your analysis of Toby is spot on‼️

[@MEL2theJ]

Always interesting content 👍 Thank you again Dr. Grande

[@blk5124]

How many people go from an ordinary or good life to doing such destructive things? I'm amazed! Sad.

[@williambeck8330]

That’s why you need a super max prison. Most prisoners never change

[@MDWD]

Price that's what you are. You always make me laugh when I need it. Txs Dr.Grande

[@bthomson]

Maybe priceLESS!

[@MDWD]

I know I was in a hurry. Lol

[@glendasully]

Another great video!

[@missionman1914]

How she only get 26 months .....that's some bullshit.

[@holocene2164]

I disagree. I think her sentence is appropriate given the fact that she didn't hurt someone and that she does not represent a danger to society.

[@nobblkpraetorian5623]

She was a danger to society when she released a murderer from prison. And now since she's still in close contact with prisoners there's no telling when she'll do it again.

[@missionman1914]

@@holocene2164 that inmate she helped escape could have murdered her. That same inmate could have gone on a crime spree... the possibilities are infinite what could have happened due to this woman's actions

[@missionman1914]

@@RepresentWV her actions and this court ruling has set precedent that anyone can help inmates escape from prison and when they're finally captured by police. The court will give them a "slap on the wrist" 26 month sentence.

[@btetschner]

"Prison Escape Weight-loss Program" - LOVE IT! That is a total winner! Though likely rare, I can imagine some people just make one or a few huge mistakes because they don't realize the consequences of their actions (like a form of entitlement). I also imagine that people can get overly sentimental when the practical aspects of the intimate relationship are missing.

[@melany.muraour]

Prison escape weight loss program!!! Omg you crack me up!!!

[@elosoguapo8137]

I think this is a cautionary tale about trying to be little miss perfect. People sometimes get conned or con themselves into thinking that if they do everything right then they should be happy and everything will work out. Then you get the loveless marriage, cancer, problems at work, etc. and it all seems very unfair. That’s when the true self emerges and these people start behaving the manner they’ve always wanted to. Just beneath the surface of the perfect crafted personality is the authentic one that wants danger and excitement.

[@neilreynolds3858]

The human capacity for self-delusion is infinite.

[@Akron162]

I've seen this pattern a bunch of times: someone commits some horribly fucked up action, get caught, get punished, and then come out pretending they had an epiphany, and now they get to preach and "help others". As if having acted like a selfish, unscrupulous asshole gives them some kind of special power. They get to recontextualize their crimes as an important stepping stone for them to be able to save the world or some shit. In my opinion, that's just a different manifestation of their narcissism and entitlement. "I can't feel special by being a criminal asshole anymore, so now I'm feeling special by pretending I have wisdom to share".

[@troy3456789]

I chuckled.That was harsh, but enjoyably harsh.

[@amirahaidary4187]

It’s probably case by case whether people going through this pattern have really evolved or not. People can and do transform, grow, change, have epiphanies, gain wisdom and then help others to not make the same stupid mistakes they made. Toby was already trying previously to help others with her dog program, she wasn’t someone you can reduce to just being a narcissist. She had a compassionate side but went about getting her needs met in stupid immature ways. I don’t know for sure but maybe her criminal acts and the pain that brought helped her to grow up and maybe she really did help women after that. Is she helping others just for her ego’s sake? I don’t know but I doubt it.

[@corinnabuck-lachenmann54]

​@@amirahaidary4187Hi, thanks for your comment. I think one can look at Tobys story with "a soft look" or "a hard look". I prefer the first. Take care, Corinna

[@wsidechris]

It does work. Just today I regrettably stumbled upon a Quora post written by a guy boasting about his life after 27 years in prison. The comments thread made me sick, there were a few thousand upvotes and countless comments about him being a "role model", "hero", "inspiration", etc. It was unbelievable. I was one of the only few people to leave comments that fell in the "WTF is going on here" camp.

[@izzo2998]

Lmao. Nice. Yes it's absolutely another form of their narcissism.

[@margin606]

That is surely the best yet analysis - elucidating issues that may well touch the lives of most of us

[@LectronCircuits]

Getting out is orders of magnitude easier than staying out. Audience wishes all the best to everyone involved in this case. Cheers!

[@beautifulsunset4071]

This is an interesting case. The thing that stood out to me was... How did the police track a cell phone they didnt know John had? If they knew he had it, they would have taken it away. Was it one of the phones on Toby's service provider (this would be dumb buuuut 🤷‍♀️), was it a prepaid burner phone (smarter) and they connected it to her by who pre-paid it? Or did they figure it out once he was missing and they caught on that she might be involved and the husband mentioned the text he found that was a "wrong number" and the police got ahold of that text thread somehow? Idk but it's bugging me. 😅😂

[@DressedForDrowning]

Wow, this explanation is very profound. Thank you, Dr. Todd.

[@brihaver1951]

Excellent analysis. Have a good weekend. Dr G ❤️

[@bunnymad5049]

I just looked at her website. Everything is about her being a victim and overcoming things and almost glorifying what she did ... still. She says that when it comes down to it, nothing matters but love. Loving yourself. Umm, no. Good grief, Dr G. Like you said - rationalising everything.

[@karenfisher4170]

🤦🏼‍♀️

[@vikameow]

some people will do anything but recognize they made a mistake

[@bunnymad5049]

@@vikameow yup.

[@MarioDSLife]

They didn’t hurt anyone until the chase and honestly the time they spend immediately after escape is quite wholesome.

[@chris-in-oceania]

holesome perhaps?

[@_knife.prty_]

Why would she think this would work? 😩😂

[@QJones-tn5yg]

Genius assessment of the prisons they were both in

[@jlemaire9418]

You got Grande staying-power. I still love this show.

[@cadillacdeville5828]

So essentially, officially she had nobody guard but unofficially she definitely did.

[@denniswrobleski4439]

These kind of stories crack me up. You suposed to let your wild side out when your young then settle down once your older. Those who are forced to suppress themselves at a young age then marry early in thier lives have a tendancy to go off sometime in thier middle age. This was a extreme midlife crisis that cost her greatly. Party hard while you are young so you never get to the point in life that you feel missed out on shit and do something stupid. If she experienced some wild sex followed by heart break a few times she may have been content with her stable marriage and family later in life.

[@jraeflowers8300]

well said

[@elizabethhamm5320]

Most women who are in prison have made bad decisions when it comes to men. I hope that Toby did help some of her female inmates. She lost a life that she spent 3 decades building along with years of her freedom. Hopefully it wasn’t all in vain

[@mangore623]

Huh? All women who are in prison have made bad decisions. It’s called human agency, and when you choose to screw-up in life, it’s no one’s fault but your own.

[@yahnservices1978]

Evil women making excuses for other evil women, purely disgusting. I'm glad that poor boy didn't forgive the witch.

[@elizabethhamm5320]

My point was not to suggest diminished culpability. My point was that hopefully she gained insight and helped share it with others. Inmates have successfully counseled other inmates.

[@pipermccool]

Hopefully the guy had some mad skills. 😏

[@aisoconcranberriesu2as]

And lost her kids

[@Delicate_Disaster]

I can't believe ANY prison would trust her to work with the inmates after that!

[@MissTeenageNothing]

I wonder how they tracked his phone if they didn't know about it

[@lisasmith7]

This is in my neck of the woods. I absolutely remember.

[@rheverend]

Amazed at how selfish a mother and wife could be. She gave up her marriage and her kids for sex with an inmate. Now she gets to live with the knowledge that one of her sons died, choosing to never forgive her and that the other still won’t speak to her either. I don’t blame either of them. She is a POS, as is anyone who blows up their life without a thought of who they will hurt

[@sylviaross5722]

I know, I was thinking the same thing. Your children should come first, no matter what. I was never able to have children, & it really gets to me when your selfish wants & needs come before your own children. She wrecked her whole family by her actions.

[@HeatherHolt]

@@sylviaross5722it always breaks my heart when someone can’t have kids and wanted them, when so many people have kids and don’t want or love them. I recently had a kid at 36 after being told my whole adult life I’d never have kids by multiple drs and then magically it happened. And I can’t ever ever ever imagine not always putting my daughter first. Above myself above her father, she is my world and I would never put anyone especially some man, some inmate, a helper in a murder!, above her. That lady’s a true narcissist. You sound like you would have been a good parent ❤

[@Dhruv_Dogra]

​@@HeatherHoltYes. It's obvious she would have raised some good kids!

[@magovenor]

Obviously you don’t understand the natural attraction between males and females. When married couples hit a patch in their relationship, and they begin to spend a significant amount of time in the company of the opposite sex, especially if they spend time closely, these things happen. The fault falls on poor communication and ignorance.

[@ciaramcwilliams5291]

Ummm can we talk about how these criminals are really good manipulators and can really spot a vulnerable person and convince them to do shit they would never do

[@thomasrice5652]

What is the format for requesting a new topic? Dr Grande, I was hoping you could analyze the case of Henry Ruggs III? I have been watching this story play out for the past couple of years. Henry was a star NFL player who killed a woman in Las Vegas after driving close to 150mph (while intoxicated) in a 35mph zone. He was recently sentenced.

[@GeorgiaJakes7]

Everyone used her starting at age 5.

[@PFlaw317]

Life is hard - not worth mentioning unless to excuse her devious actions

[@m.f.richardson1602]

Always interesting Thank you Peace

[@Dawn-f7g]

❤Thank you!❤Great Lesson❤❤❤🎉