[YTP] Crustal Poopsy Sales Sales Profits Sales

[@SquishyZoran]

Does anyone have a link to the original?

[@noisepuppet]

Squishy Zoran kzbin.info/www/bejne/gHu8pIZuZ9CbisU

[@SquishyZoran]

noisepuppet Thank you! I love those kind of videos and you got a sub from me within the first 3 seconds of this video which not too many can do!

[@adriandumay4501]

I was just about to ask the same thing.

[@Necoarcchaos205]

Ok

[@Fnidner]

anyone has a link to the past?

[@jjjjjjjjjj9402]

"It would be nice to look at consumer's balls" Home run in the first three seconds.

[@Kintsugi23]

Our sexy customers want traditional suq coqs.

[@jjjjjjjjjj9402]

@@Kintsugi23 they're looking for riots

[@SmaMan]

"I'm not interested in your concern. However, you have a hot ass, and we can tap that."

[@aplimsollpunk2738]

"The scrotal beverage company" did it for me!

[@dimitriwarchief301]

I know

[@ChrisKogos]

"As total sus cucks we can help customers wreck the whole fuckin' company"

[@JetFalcon710]

3:24

[@ianmichalski7997]

Nice joke from the bitch bin.

[@quantumblauthor7300]

I love how the sex jokes occasionally trip and fall down the stairs, turning into complete gibberish mid-gag

[@artoodiitoo]

"but sex will mean extra profits"

[@Maldoror2112]

@@artoodiitoo And why wouldn't it?!

[@kenetickups6146]

“Try again”

[@doublequin]

Perfect analysis.....it IS an auditory "trip and fall down the stairs" Noisepuppet's masterpiece.

[@noisepuppet]

@@quantumblauthor7300 listening back to lots of my stuff, I remember parts where I specifically intended to set up a certain expectation or pattern and then annihilate it before it could fully develop. This way, the pattern or expected payoff or whatever did exist, but only in the participant's mind, not "out there" in the world for them to receive. Basically it's a way of playing with the idea that, as audience, we don't just recognize structure. We're building it, all the time. Also I feel a little zing of funny whenever it's like "knock knock. Who's there? Naan falafel drgxclkl." 😆

[@EliBrody]

"I'm not interested in your concern" is the shining nugget of corporate reality we continue to consent to, increasingly more often

[@Jaxymann]

“However, you’ve got a hot ass, and we can tap that~”

[@dibberz-v1z]

and people like you will point it out but then kiss their feet when they support whatever trendy political thing you pretend to care about

[@jamesgilboy9302]

"we've captured Tunis" is subtly gold. this is absolutely one of my top YTPs ever, I keep coming back to it

[@garysimcox345]

“There’s never been a product quite like cripple piss” LMAO

[@wendigockel]

Gary Simcox "A hoh sis!"

[@Jeremy.Bearemy]

Pistol Crapsy is a cola

[@samtinkle9076]

“A completely different kind of soft drink, because Pystol Crepsi is a cola, with a cola flavor, for a clear cola.”

[@TAKARAKURIKARA]

What about bepis😐❓

[@thecianinator]

As the scrotal beverage company

[@UnfittingCarbon]

When I worked at a 7/11 back in the day, we ordered cripple piss to sell in our store once. Unfortunately, we had to stop carrying it because it attracted rats and customers who were looking for riots :(

[@E7FiretrUCK]

UnfittingCarbon Fuck dude, that sucks. I’m sorry

[@penatio]

f

[@sprtsfanatic1]

Did you also have to deal with consumers vomiting the Cripple Piss back into the container and then repeating the process?

[@CaptainFoufeu]

My vote for best comment on the thread! Experience knows best!

[@UnfittingCarbon]

@@sprtsfanatic1 I never saw that, but they were certainly unconscious consumers.

[@AWSOMEPOSSUM16]

Scrotal beverages sure do hit the spops

[@Wavemaninawe]

Heavy testes is a whole new beverege experience.

[@Circuitssmith]

Goes great with jizz sandwiches.

[@wethotsoup6279]

Scrotal beverages are moam are maom are the best soos

[@hallaburger]

"AND it's a product that says, 'fuck off, man'" boy if i related to anything harder i'd get picked up for public indecency

[@djk1288]

And "Sales".

[@JackPoppy]

"Okay, you've convinced me. You can put your Crystal Pepsi display up your Crystal Pepsi ass." Holy shit, that got me bad.

[@DeadShoes]

I came back just because of that line.

[@EliBrody]

they found crystal pepsi up my ass

[@Nikolapoleon]

@@DeadShoes I came just because of that line.

[@zosie-ytp]

I quote this a LOT more than you'd expect in my daily life

[@RWSCOTT]

"we can't sell it. everybody hates it."

[@matthewjensen9550]

Robert Scott that had me dead😂😂

[@Nikolapoleon]

"I don't think anybody was really ready for the vomit storm."

[@Maldoror2112]

Profits, profits, profits, profits, profits-- something Crystal Pepsi never made.

[@thecianinator]

Well Crystal is the dentist, and everyone hates the dentist, so it makes sense that it would be a hard sell. What you need to focus on is profits.

[@shaunj66]

2:34 timestamp

[@Wavemaninawe]

"Its crispy piss, and the meme is tight. Wow! Theres never been a product quite like Crippin' Piss. A hOh sIs. A different type of soft drink. Because Pistol Grips is a cola."

[@samtinkle9076]

*Pistol Grepsi

[@LunarDelta]

*Cripple piss

[@vallisdaemonumofficial]

♿🚽♿🚽♿🚽♿🚽♿🚽 *C R I P P L E P I S S* 🚽♿🚽♿🚽♿🚽♿🚽♿

[@jeffcarroll1990shock]

Cyst peppers

[@TAKARAKURIKARA]

@@vallisdaemonumofficial lmfaooooooo

[@noisepuppet]

Y'all's comments always make my week.

[@84jesterx]

Comment

[@noisepuppet]

*delighted squeal*

[@jeffcarroll1990shock]

Noisepuppet please look up ShowBiz Pizza training tapes. It would make some great material.

[@noisepuppet]

Jeff Carroll I looked up the installation videos. They're certainly spooky on their own. Problem is they're pretty slow moving, and the fidelity may be too low even for me. Uncle klunk's actual act might make a good subject though. Thanks for the rec either way.

[@jeffcarroll1990shock]

noisepuppet thank you so much for answering. I think that you can make a video about it because you're honest with that good.

[@DeSinc]

two for two man these are gold. I was already laughing so hard at cripple piss that pistol crepsy sent me through the wall

[@derprofessor7027]

@DeSinc a man of culture. Love your videos :)

[@okay8632]

oh, freeman, i see you made it

[@1waffleiron]

Speedrun fastest find two favorite two youtubers in one comment section

[@pelinalwhitestrake7352]

Pystal Crepsi has killed me twice.

[@wildrosetarot222]

Crystal cat piss too 🤣

[@0KylePrior0]

Educational videos like this help me to learn things like: • Profits • Profits • Profits • Space is cold • Profits

[@dracodeanglicus3857]

_Crystal will carbonate your carbonated carbon_

[@theflowerboye9073]

You forgot fuck profits profits fuck

[@0KylePrior0]

I do believe this video is spiritually stonkful.

[@britainluver431]

I learned that Pepsi captured Tunis.

[@wildrosetarot222]

And sex will bring extra profits!

[@coten]

the sheer number of different ways to remix "crystal pepsi" in this poop is incredible

[@vallisdaemonumofficial]

♿🚽 *= Cripple Piss*

[@wethotsoup6279]

Cripple piss=♿🚽

[@KingLich451]

pistol crepsi

[@jewelyJewels]

Crystal pp

[@jewelyJewels]

Pestilent Pepsi

[@chumbert5]

The sentence mixing here is top-notch. One of the best YTPs in a long time

[@brianboden6957]

0:47 there's never been a product quite like CRIPPEN PISS

[@deweywsu]

Noisepuppet is the best YTPer on the net, bar none, because of the brilliance of his reconstructions. It's not just random blabbering., but intelligent and humorous.

[@zaczac5281]

" there's never been a product like Cripal Piss " *breaks out into laughter*

[@zaczac5281]

" Because Pipal Crepsi "

[@SkylabBeats]

@@brianboden6957 *cripple piss

[@jirden]

I feel like I win the lottery when your notifications pop up

[@carlosr1176]

A good YTP is like the crack of comedy. It’s comedy overload in a good way. I’m always chasing that dragon to laugh uncontrollably again.

[@BinglesP]

Agreed. I sometimes laugh at my own edits when I make YTPs, even if they're not that good

[@orlandowordsmith6208]

Of all the highly quotable lines here, the one I keep revisiting in my mind is, "What dakes it mifferent from every other droft sink?" And of course she says it so lackadaisical, as if nothing's wrong. Absolute perfection.

[@maxpitchkites]

I'm having flashbacks to the "It's not a drink...it's more like a drink" joke in The Fesh Pince of Blair. hoh sis.

[@TheGreatsagegoku]

Drink 5 hour energy 5 h o u r e n e r g y F[F]I[I]V[V]E[E] H[H]O[O]U[U]R[R] E[E]N[N]E[E]R[R]G[G]Y[Y]

[@ImpendingRiot83]

Drink D R I N K *_D R I N K_*

[@woolfy02]

Don't forget the SAUS...

[@Gl1tch_Gremlin617]

UnseenBBQ you have to do the joj right with five hour energy. Five hours of energy now, no energy later.

[@dannyg1812]

ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵃ ˢᵃⁿᵈʷⁱᶜʰ?

[@djk1288]

"I think the idea that it's not a drink makes it seem like it's a drink." 5 Hour Energy, is that you?

[@suhbastian]

D R I N K

[@dracodeanglicus3857]

*_F I V E H O U R E N E R G Y_*

[@petrifiedtoaster8572]

I L O S T A L L M Y E N E R G Y

[@dracodeanglicus3857]

*_J U S T D R I N K M O R E F I V E H O U R E N E R G Y(TM)._*

[@Kaerusss]

Jore Jarrison has a few words to say about driiiiiiiinks

[@____NOVA____]

*Pisstol Crapsy brought to you by the Scrotal Beverage company.* 🙏

[@theprinceoffreshair]

Jesus bless this person in your name, amen. Show her your grace father.

[@davidvega462]

“Sex will mean extra profits.” Truer words have never been spoken 🤷🏼‍♂️

[@larryinc64]

This is one of my favorite YTPS of all time. I love how Crystal Pepsi is sentence mixed into something different every time it's said.

[@quantumblauthor7300]

Crystaldict Pepsibatch

[@theduxabides9274]

3:06 "We've captured Tunis" Smart of the Hapsburgs to secure that Pepsi sponsorship!

[@noisepuppet]

James Grimes ah yes, the intellect refined by generations of inbreeding

[@Aethelos]

"I am the Emperor and I want dumplings!"

[@dracodeanglicus3857]

_I’m not interested in your concern, however you’ve got a hot ass, and we can tap that_

[@djk1288]

Not to mention they did it without cutting into sales of the Core Four, _or_ the Sore Chore, _OR_ the Roar.

[@theduxabides9274]

@@djk1288 Now they can shove their Crystal Pepsi sign up the Ottoman Empire's Crystal Pepsi ass

[@pajamapantsjack]

Pystal crepsi Heavy testies Crepsi pesi Crere stuts Pestilent pepsi Crystal zadaz Crystal jizzle Crystal poopsie Crystal helpsie

[@Circuitssmith]

Also, crispy piss, cripple piss, crystal cat piss, crystal peepee, meat beat Pepsi.

[@couldntmixapotnoodle]

Thanks for leading me hear this is comedy gold

[@antonsavosin75]

and, it's fuckin free

[@agrestam]

@@Circuitssmith crystal cat piss is my personal favorite

[@jeffcarroll1990shock]

New coke

[@WonderBlubber]

HEAVY TESTES IS A WHOLE NEW BEVERAGE EXPERIENCE

[@dracodeanglicus3857]

_We need weed to give us more chill_

[@ShaneT5S]

"I'll go along with the thing about the Sex Barrel" "Space is cold" That's my favorite conversation piece ever 6:01

[@thomaspassegger873]

FromShanePR day the lul crowd usually comes in grabs a jizz sandwich and they’re on they’re way

[@redacted4572]

Oblivion conversations in a nutshell

[@dracodeanglicus3857]

Crystal will carbonate your carbonated carbon

[@bluevanga30]

"You have a huge asz and we can tap that" *nods

[@oktayyildirim2911]

@@thomaspassegger873 *their

[@yurab1834]

3:58 "No one has any future. It's fucked" when a YTP accurately predicts 2020 a year early

[@YirbyBond00Y]

"They're looking for riots" Vancouver enters the chat

[@ghostquartzgrey5639]

Hong Kong has joined the game

[@gordogunso]

YirbyBond00Y chile has entered the ring

[@SimonTonekham]

London, UK has joined in the ring!

[@lipsmcgee8242]

As a man from Vancouver, I can agree. Just as long as our hockey team loses, we shall riot.

[@SimonTonekham]

@@lipsmcgee8242 don't forget about the #Wexit movement - especially in Calgary, Alberta, Canada (I'm not from there but I visited that city back in the summer of 2017)!

[@newoldstock_]

Our customers are looking for products that will bring rats to their stores.

[@getreal5265]

(weird noises)

[@Code7Unltd]

@@getreal5265 but look at buub ookkoo bu snaas. There bstill ba big barket, but bit's bbnot bgoing bas bbbbfast BbBbBb.

[@outfoxies]

"we need weed to give us more chill" same

[@whiffy506]

this is the way

[@brianboden6957]

@@whiffy506 there's not been a product quite like CRIPPEN piss

[@TellEmB290]

I hate when I run out of weed and therefore chill, and capture Tunis in my frustration

[@thecianinator]

especially after seeing our mom's big testicles

[@IffyJottere]

2:10 "The goal of Pestilent Pepsi is to sodomize consumers." I'm dead lol

[@schimnesthaisbasement5015]

2024 edit: We need noisepuppet back pls I can't believe that the Scrotal Beverage Company released so many Colas in so little time, probably because of PROFITS: - Crispy Piss (0:42) - Cripple Piss (0:50) - Pistal Crepsi (0:56) - Heavy Testis (1:03) - Crazy Pelsi (1:09) - Real Sus (1:22) - LatsystaL (1:33)[Thanks djk1288] - Crystal Peepee (1:53) - Pestilent Pepsi (2:11) [Thanks Jedibob5 for the heads up] - Crystal Cat Piss (2:21) - Crystal Jizzle (3:02) - Crystal Poopsie (4:11 and 6:39) - Meat Beat Pepsi (4:46) [Thanks to shalpp for another heads up] - Crystal Pepsi (4:58, thrice on 5:54 and 6:30) - Crystal Helpsi (5:03) - tsust tsust Pepsinanda sus fuuf (5:19) - pepsumdundun faaf (5:27)

[@thecianinator]

Over 100 nasty-ass flavors

[@Jedibob5]

I think 1:22 is "CrirC StuutS," and 2:11 is "Pestilent Pepsi"

[@Schimnesthai]

@@Jedibob5 M8, should i consider 2:49 (intestines) as another crystal pepsi name edit? It sounds like he was going to say that.

[@jackmiller8851]

@@Schimnesthai 1:03 is Peppy Testes, not Heavy Testis. Testes as in latin for testicles, Peppy as in full of energy

[@Schimnesthai]

@@jackmiller8851 HEAVY TESTIS is funny af tho

[@teckworks]

TIL: Most sodas are made with fish farts.

[@ImFangzBro]

I'm surprised you never saw that happen zooming around outer space. I forget if you ever went onto an ocean planet, but surely you can see fish farts make seltzer on one?

[@FartOfAsspiration]

@@ImFangzBro I know there was that one reeeeeally weird one where the sky was the ocean, but I don't remember any fish, let alone farts.

[@dc619]

"There has never been a product like Cripple Piss"

[@djk1288]

@Jonathan Franco-Martin HoH SiS, because when you need foundation repair, you need foundation repair!

[@ZEROELPOETA]

2:21 - Crystal Cat Piss is a gory beverage on it's own.

[@Gl1tch_Gremlin617]

ZEROELPOETA that’s why we shit in the bottles... salottles...

[@LunarDelta]

YrorY

[@escaperoutebritish]

6:29 is absolutely top tier sentence mixing, I love this

[@mitchellharrop9989]

“They’re looking for riots.” They got them all right.

[@ichangedmyname2231]

Yes

[@matthewbarr6685]

The official drink of Antifa is Cyrstal Pepsi 😂.

[@AsAboveISoBelow]

Tha's for dang sure.

[@kenetickups6146]

topical

[@Sakhmeov]

Is it this Friday?

[@morlordca]

5:19 “Pepsises dunu sos faaf raar... yaay?” “50 percent successful in our tests” “dddddddddddd” “Try again” “Pepsigshenernnerf” “Profits.”

[@orlandowordsmith6208]

It's even funnier when you spell out all the gibberish like that 😁😀

[@ziginox]

I love how dejected the guy looks when he says "profits," too.

[@dracodeanglicus3857]

But sex will mean extra profits

[@unexpecteditem7919]

I'm really concerned that selling this new crap, could hurt my ass

[@Maldoror2112]

@@unexpecteditem7919 Take one for the Noisepuppet Team!

[@Tirgo69]

This may honestly be one of your best ever.

[@osuasheuatl]

It's really something.

[@Circuitssmith]

Certainly the most poop-saturated.

[@SangheiliSpecOp]

And it doesn't look like Mexico

[@lawnshark025]

The repeating of “profits” eventually starts to sound like “crawfish”

[@orlandowordsmith6208]

As long as they aren't farting in the bottles...selttottles

[@dyslexsticks3381]

I keep coming back to this YTP every now and then. It has some of the best sentence mixing I've ever seen.

[@bachaddict]

it's crispy piss, and the meme is tight!

[@okinawarastabeef]

dunno why but the rats violently shaking at 0:21 just fucking floor me everytime

[@lucase.2546]

Same, same

[@John_Demarco]

"Space is cold." Agreed.

[@Wolfie00777]

"Crystal is certainly not a flan. It's a brand. It's a brand of flan. They ask for flan, and they're buying a brand of flan, again and again."

[@Circuitssmith]

*again and agan

[@dracodeanglicus3857]

Buttsex will mean extra profits

[@franz.francisco]

i'm crying lmfao

[@shaunj66]

2:54 timestamp for those looking

[@abstractgrant]

Take the golden An, give it to Dan, in the tan van

[@richardgadberry8398]

I can't find any crystal in stores. Who will carbonate my carbonated carbon now?

[@SwedeSavard]

I lol'ed at that

[@GolemAvalanche]

You might just have to go back to knocking chlorine.

[@josepher9071]

Here I go again. The story starts at 4:10 with a compilation of interactions between pushy Pepsico representatives and managers of corporate chain restaurants. For sake of simplicity and anonymity, I'll be giving everyone pseudonyms. The pepsico reps are all forced to memorize scripts and scenarios to refer from but all end up being way too complicated and reverting to "profits" as an answer to everything. Scene 1: Judy and Jack. Judy is an experienced alcoholic store owner and can see the failure of crystal pepsi coming from a mile away. As a result, she wants nothing to do with it and drinks on the job while telling off Jack, who is less experienced at the art of the deal. It begins with her slurring her speech to the point where Jack responds in spanish but quickly reverts back to english because he can't speak spanish for shit. Aware that his gig is up, he admits that only drunkards would drink it. In a fit of frustration he says "fuck you" to Judy and blurts "profits" since that's the only fucking thing the script ends up saying at this point. She is obviously aware of his lack of experience and is not impressed, calling him a pussy. Completely beyond saving at this point, Jack spouts off profits until Judy tells him to shut the fuck up and kicks him out of the store. Scene 2: Richard Gross and Charlie. Richard's always looking to make a buck but he ends up being the shittiest businessman and a colossal idiot. He inherited a few convenience stores from his uncle but ran them into the ground with his gambling addiction and horrid hygiene. Charlie's also a new hire like Jack, and while he tries his best he's just straight up incompetent and just blurts out whatever is on his mind at any given time. Richard likes to introduce himself by his last name and asks who the fuck even drinks crystal pepsi. An answer to which Charles can't stop thinking about how hungry he is and the pickled olives that are in his fridge but gags when thinking about the huge shit he took while jerkin' it in his bathroom and had to glance at the dead rat in the dumpster while on his way to work. Scene 3: Donald and Denise Donald's first impression is his stutter he makes when interacting with members of the opposite sex. Speaking of sex, Denise can't help but take advantage of his hot and bothered state by saying she sucks dicks in exchange for business deals. However, she lets slip that she feels stuck by the job she's in and can't get away or catch a break even after all these years. Perhaps she's not only interested in his privates for business but for pleasure and comfort as well. Scene 4: Richard Gross and Tyler. Tyler's been working for Pepsico almost as long as Denise and could not give a single fuck about any of it anymore. The forced pushing of crystal pepsi into stores is the last straw. He's already turned in his two weeks notice. Now he can say whatever the fuck he wants. Richard's debts have been piling up and the collectors are getting more and more aggressive. However, he read up on subliminal messages and believes that interjecting a help between every fucking word will hypnotize people into giving him money. Tyler's dealt with Richard's type before and completely ignores his 4d chess bullshit. Instead, he talks about one time he was tripping balls and convinced himself he witnessed a vision where someone 30 years in the future tries crystal pepsi and pukes it almost immediately. Scene 5: Richard Gross and Andy Andy's a new hire and has a decent time remembering the script but can't handle improvising worth a damn. This scene actually takes place immediately after Richard was mugged by some thugs hired by the debt collectors. Obviously showing signs of a concussion and brain injury, Richard lets loose a torrent of inane dribbling that Andy doesn't react to very well. There's no part in the script for this. He just picks some random ass statistic and starts naming it off when Richard more adamantly says... stuff. The only acknowledgement Andy can show is by telling him to try again to which Richard is still unable to speak properly. Having given up, he goes to the one spot in the script everyone uses as their last resort. Scene 6: Richard Gross and Tyler After his brain injury, Richard NEEDS to boost his sales and profits as soon as possible lest his head gets caved in again. Tyler still gives no shits and talks about his experience getting constipation from pepsi products. Richard may have also experienced some aftershock from his concussion and Tyler's just like "eh... profits... whatever..." To which Richard plays a hail mary and orders a shipment of them to be delivered the next day. Scene 7: Richard Gross and Denise Denise doesn't even say anything and Richard is smitten, immediately saying they can go to pound town on the fuck truck but the store is so crowded that they'll need to do it in the middle of the store. Denise gets kinky and suggests anal and profits have even managed to become a fetish for her. Scene 8: Donald and Jack Donald picks up bad vibes from Jack immediately and tells him where the fuck he can put their advertisements. Jack's a cheeky bastard and is like "well, I've already put it up my ass, old man." as he barges out of the store. Scene 9: Judy and Tyler In a drunken state, Judy ogles and Tyler's body and suggests fucking in a barrel. However, he refuses her sexual advances and we get a little bit of insecurity from Tyler who immediately changes the subject to the most pointless and awkward thing he could think of. It is revealed later that Tyler is super gay but will only show it when he's got the hots for someone. Scene 10: Richard Gross and Charlie. Richard realizes he's as good as dead soon because crystal pepsi has not brought him neither sales nor profits to pay off his debts. As a results, he's been a loose canon and ejaculating into the sandwiches. Due to the stress from realizing he's just confessed this to the pepsico rep he start having an aneurism. Charlie's best method of cummunication is to mimic Richard's speech and play along with what he perceives as a joke by suggesting cumstomers can drink cum too. Scene 11: Donald and Tyler Donald expresses his lack of faith in pepsico given how much of a shit product crustal poopsi is. Tyler, as always, gives no fucks and gets right to the point with his advances. He really do like Donald's thicc juicy booty. Scene 12: Richard Gross and Andy idk they say toot moom a lot Overall, another 10/10 story about greed, guilt, sales, and profits.

[@noisepuppet]

This is canon

[@josepher9071]

I knew it

[@divecolosio4988]

Scene 12: Gross were eventually beaten to his demise by the thugs hired by the debt collectors. He somehow reappeared as an apparition in such a weird curse, his soul is wondering 'casually' with no purpose, haunting the store he's beaten but without scaring people at all. Andy, being such a clumsy guy he is, in the day after he's being murdered, he met Gross not knowing it's his damned soul he's speaking in a businesslike manner, Gross were having a demonic curse that what everything he says to the living persons were different to what they hear, hence Gross would says Toot a lot of times, Andy for some reason just follow along until he thought Gross makes fun of him, hence "You Beach!ĺ

[@Wotvr]

When you're trying to sell Pepsi but all you can think of is the vast cold emptiness of space.

[@noisepuppet]

Crystal Pepsi, like all commercial food items, is the miserable offspring of lunacy and lawless violence. The Total Beverage distributor is suddenly unable to distract himself from this terrible knowledge. His gaze lights upon the freezer section, prompting fantasies of escape into a vast white Arctic emptiness. But it is not enough. In the distance, he sees the frozen plain broken by a small rectangle of red and green. A group of absentee investors living in Central Park West have placed a 7-11 here. PepsiCo products stalk him even in this wind-blasted polar desolation. His thoughts turn to the eternal darkness of interstellar space, where he might drift alone, beyond the reach of Pepsi, beyond even the forgiveness of the Almighty. Profits.

[@Wotvr]

Profits

[@bachaddict]

He could go along with the thing about the sex barrel though

[@shoopusdawhoopus]

You're the only YTPer I've followed in the last 13 or so years who does straight-up CoC and SoS jokes with this level of grace. Outstanding work. Also, 2:54 to 3:01 is SUBLIME

[@dracodeanglicus3857]

How will Crystal Helpsi increase help in my help?

[@RWSCOTT]

when noisepuppet brings the poop, it feels so good

[@SquishyZoran]

Lol

[@Pulchism]

It's all 'bout that consistent absurdity, no filler!

[@sleepyburr]

Damn this gives a whole new meaning to 7 minutes in heaven

[@Kaerusss]

No one's ever ready for the bondage storm

[@DrdrGames]

2:21 - “Crystal *cat piss* is a gory beverage all its own.”

[@machine_elf4361]

You are the greatest youtube pooper of all time NoisePuppet.

[@osuasheuatl]

"In their shibubbish bins" I don't know if this is a conscious Flalf Mom reference, but it's one of the many instances where having a solid grounding in noisepuppet's filmography pays off.

[@YirbyBond00Y]

I'm all in on the Noisepuppet YTP universe

[@nicklespale22]

ok so i just caught that reading out the spelling.. o.O

[@GataZGinkgo]

"No one has any future, it's fucked" Well, you're not wrong. Least I can still get my carbonated carbon carbonated in the future

[@djk1288]

Not to mention Crystal will still drive our trucks.

[@MAYONNAISEMOOSE]

"we've captured Tunis" part had me dead

[@PalaceIV]

I come back and watch this every now and then cause it's that good. One of my all time fav YTPs.

[@ajshell2]

Pistol Crepsi is one of the best thing I've heard in a YTP in a long time.

[@LunarDelta]

"Pestilent Pepsi" I lost it right then.

[@coolkusti]

>I'll go along with that thing about the sex barrel. >Space is cold. *Knowing nod* Hit me like 12 bricks.

[@thebandanadee8265]

Did it also hit you like 17 likes?

[@dumbcatposter]

I love it because it can either mean the same thing as "Water is wet." or just be a semi-creepy non-sequitur.

[@jirden]

“There’s never been a product quite like Cripple Piss.”

[@ryeinc]

“They’re looking for riots.” Those customers are sure going to enjoy 2020.

[@jakespacepiratee3740]

Why?

[@Mr.Obongo]

@@jakespacepiratee3740 🙄

[@HammerTime5150-m4i]

"We need weed to give us more chill" Ain't that the f**kin' truth

[@TheCaledioScope]

Your profile picture is glorious

[@HammerTime5150-m4i]

@@TheCaledioScope Much Thanks! It's one of the kids from a Kazoo Kid YTP.

[@Azurestar]

This was an absolutely wild ride from start to finish, bless you noisepuppet and all your funky old VHS sources

[@gene4438]

"It's not just a cola, it's a cola"

[@CityofButterfly]

Drink 5 Hour Energy. It's not a drink, more like a drink.

[@antonsavosin75]

I think the idea that it's not a drink makes it seem like it's a drink

[@KNIGH7]

You’ve outdone yourself with this: in length, and in laughs.

[@ScientistCat]

don't you mean, in LeL and in LuLs

[@obsidiandeluxe4474]

And *profits*

[@zericle1]

"There's never been a product quite like Crippin piss, a Hoh Sis."

[@TheWorstAmy-LegacyAccount]

I come back to this every few months and laugh my ass off at something different every time.

[@poppulseupdate]

“No one has any future... its f@*#d.” Well that’s depressing

[@H3fron]

FeelsBadMan

[@Bassdriver]

This is the one that made my face hurt.

[@punpun6601]

Well well would you look at that

[@21Cayque12]

It's perfectly fucked

[@ChaseMC215]

2020 anyone?

[@Erdenichtspricht]

0:20 look at how hyped those rats are for the product!

[@QuintusCunctator]

Damnit, Noisepuppet, you've made it impossible to quote the best bits of this YTP. I can't quote the whole damn thing!

[@DaveTypeII]

QuintusCunctator Don’t worry. RadicalFaith360 will do it for you!

[@liliannakifflin6343]

This shows that Noisepuppet is the most underrated KZbinr of all time, and we should acknowledge how funny his YTPs are.

[@turingsghost]

it's unbelievable to me that this was made in 2019. already feels like a golden age ytp

[@saxachewon8062]

Even more so in 2022

[@Maldoror2112]

@@saxachewon8062 We need much more Noisepuppet in these challenging and difficult times!

[@erichwashausen4602]

3:58 what should be said during forums and speeches about global warming

[@GolemAvalanche]

Wow, 7 minutes long? Not to mention I get to learn how to market to unconscious customers and how to carbonate that carbonated carbon I've been holding onto for years? This is excellent.

[@adalinesimonian]

of all the jokes "space is cold" is the one that gets me go figure

[@thepthepthep]

6:35 was the hardest I've ever laughed at a YTP

[@Circuitssmith]

(Nods)

[@woolfy02]

Tap.dat.ASS

[@JCondorYTPs]

The nod at the end was the cherry on top

[@Not_an_alligator]

3:04 *_We've captured Tunis_* This may be the best ytp I've ever seen solely because of this single line

[@Wotvr]

The last two and a half minutes of this video are probably like top 5 YTP moments for me. Always find myself coming back to watch it again.

[@HaroldDuggart]

I was just about to go to bed when this popped up on my feed. Sleep can wait.

[@subzerobadass]

3:33 "in their rubbish bins, in their shibbubbish bins..." JEBUS I didn't even catch that on the first watch

[@orlandowordsmith6208]

Rarr-ri-RARR-ri-rar!

[@WonderBlubber]

It's a brand of flan. They ask for flan and they're buying a brand of flan again and again.

[@bridgetoneill9684]

*again and agAN

[@bennettmercer949]

No list of the all time greatest advertising slogans is complete without “Meat Beat Pepsi Has Carrion”

[@NunoSilva94]

I always come back to this one, the level of jokes per second is unmatched. Here's hope I get to try Crystal Zadaaz sometime soon!

[@spugintrntl]

Dude, careful. If you keep outdoing yourself like this you'll rupture the hoh sis layer and destroy the toot.

[@Maldoror2112]

As long as he doesn't blow up the Faff plant that was making Rar Feweef for the Spapes, I'm good. Or maybe I'm hoping he does...!

[@courtneymiddleton9663]

Please tell me I wasn't the only one that caught sus cuks 😂

[@SpartanRithimus]

What a spellbinding piece of work... Truly harrowing.

[@synysterjazmyngates]

“we can help customers wreck the whole company.”

[@pupbrained]

"they're looking for riots" yeah I think you got those now

[@DaMainman2]

You'll need a Crystal Colon to stomach this gory beverage.

[@macjones6394]

3:05 I'm happy to know as a historian, Crystal Pepsi was the belligerent that captured Tunis, not Charles V of the Hapsburg Empire.

[@9thDallasMowerExpo]

Aha, so Crystal Pepsi is popular with unconscious customers? I wondered why their delivery men kept piping sleeping gas into my supermarket...

[@sirbuster223]

This is the poop that made me a patron. You are brilliant my friend. Easily one of my favorites of this decade. ""Crystals certainly not a fly in it's a brand to brand the fly and they asked for a fly-in and they're buying a brand to fly and again and again"

[@Circuitssmith]

“A brand of flan”.

[@coronelfalk]

Good thing that i wasnt the only one that heard fly in instead of flan

[@Will_Negs]

I miss you, Noisepuppet. You'll always be a classic.

[@Kaerusss]

I am so thankful for the fact that I can just have a revisit all these epic ytp uploads from all the awesome channels from time to time - nostalgic AND hilarious every time. Still appreciate your uploads and will for years. noisepuppet 4ever! pepsuspsi!

[@MeetLocalSingles]

" crystal *cat piss* " was so smooth wtf

[@christian_salt]

"Crystal's certainly not a flan, it's a brand. It's a brand of flan. They asked for a flan and they're buying a brand of flan again and again."

[@paranoidpony6861]

"Crystal Pepsi is the Pepsi that we can't sell. Everyone hates it." Lmao