10 Things You Should Never Tell An Asexual

I’ve talked a lot about being asexual on this channel and I’d like to think it’s what a lot of you follow me for. Today I’m going to be counting down the top 10 things you should never tell an asexual person. Most of these things come from either things people have said to me or I’ve seen people write in the comments have been told to them. I hope you enjoy this video and comment down below things that you've been told as an asexual!
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[@1andonlyzara]

Only one thing is appropriate to say to an ace person: “Okay, cool!”

[@lynnsaga1397]

YES!!! Only thing people should say.

[@weirdogirl1275]

What about an ace-positive dad joke? Ace person: I'm asexual. Other person: Ace ace baby. Ace person: Did you just..? Other person: Yep.

[@J0hnB09]

Or other positive things

[@francesduncandoes]

A friend asked if I was Aro too and I'd never thought about it. Turns out I am. It was so validating for them to accept and ask further about my identity.

[@cameronmeetze8153]

i was told “DAMN i knew it”

[@4ng3ley3s]

I very much HATE the saying, “I can fix that.” It is an absolutely DISGUSTING thing to say to someone, and implies something that is also very disgusting and wrong.

[@DrLeroyArch]

I also wonder why that person thinks they are so all-fired hot and irresistible in the first place. I would also tell them to bet their small change first.

[@theasexualguy]

People irl say that to me all the time, or that it will be fixed when I'm older, it is really bad and made me rethink my asexuality but I still ended up asexual. Shocker, am I right?

[@pinjakauppinen4692]

I remember two things I've heard that really rub me the wrong way. First, my THERAPIST said to me that I can't know if I'm asexual because I haven't had sex. And then she referred how she doesn't like the idea of swimming in a cold water but still doesn't call herself a-cold water because she hasn't tried it yet. I remember sitting there and thinking how that's not the same thing. How can you compare those things?? And the other one was when my friend said that aphobia isn't real because asexuals don't get attacked on streets. Gladly she educated herself and now knows that aphobia is very real

[@HyperWolf]

I had this with a therapist too. I asked her if she was straight. Then when she said yes. I asked her awkwardly, “have you ever… done it with a woman?” She said no. When I said, “then you can’t say you’re straight if you’ve never tried it.” The look on her face. 😂 I hope it helped change her mind because I never went back. She seemed thoughtful about it though. My next therapist told me I’d grow up and experience attraction, but I was literally 25. 😂

[@mailyak442]

Ugh I hate that! My psychiatrist said I can’t be ace when I said I’ve had a crush on a girl... 😒🤦🏻‍♀️

[@sillyface6950]

@Bluejay Productions its important to remember that you can change your labels. They aren't superglued onto you the moment you say it. You can try them out and you can change them if you find they don't work or you find something that fits better Also it doesn't matter if you haven't had it because its about attraction.

[@patriceferguson7340]

Therapist are a real piece of work. You haven’t had sex so how do you know you don’t like it? Ahem! First I didn’t say I didn’t. I said I don’t get aroused, I don’t think about it, I don’t even respond to self stimulation. It’s not a dislike it’s nothing. A complete void. Nothing to like and nothing to dislike. Imagine getting married and find out this isn’t a thing . How to respond to your partner who wants you to ask or respond to it. How do you not hurt their feelings by saying nothing happened here? They be thinking they did not so it right. No you did I just don’t have those buttons. Now in a day and age where it was shameful to kick tires to find out what’s what the poor couple would be a lifetime of giving something they don’t have. Seriously better to acknowledge that some people don’t do it and stop with shaming them.

[@GarryGri]

Hmm, by that therapists resoning, you also don't know you are not a serial killer if you havent um, serially un-alived people!?!! WTF.

[@emmaelomaa4682]

"It's a pity you are asexual. You are so pretty." idk every time I hear this it makes me feel like I owe the person something

[@sillyface6950]

You don't owe anyone anything. (Unless you've borrowed or stole something)

[@cactus5560]

All you owe them is a hard punch to the jaw!

[@CeLticFire1251]

Oh please give me a break

[@coalgizmodude7803]

Kinda want to tell an allosexual person "what? You feel attraction? I can fix that." *pulls down mask to show full face* I feel like they would have a funny reaction

[@blazingroseninja9574]

"I can fix that." It's like saying that you can fix my eye color. The thing is that there is nothing to fix because there is nothing wrong with my eye color.

[@lynnsaga1397]

EXACTLY

[@sillyface6950]

I feel like a good response to that is "im sure if I f**ed you then I would be More ace." Or something along those lines

[@junikikachami7904]

My parents say constantly that"I'm too young to be thinking about this" and "that I'll grow out of it". It honestly just angers me, and these could be said to literally anyone on the gender and sexuality spectrum's.

[@neeeewtsalamander]

It is very invalidating and disrespectful of your parents to do so. I hope they become more educated on the subject so that they may be less ignorant to you.

[@Iemonic]

oh yeah like when i say "im still questioning my romantic orientation" and people say "you dont have to know" or "you are still young"

[@wolfwoof2000]

Same here as a gay. I tried to give them example from their perspective but they were "you are still young" "you can change" Now, I do agree people can change (it depends). But pointing it onto someone is just invalidating

[@sassysoul7779]

I'm a 40 year old demisexual woman. In my 20s my sister (with the best of intentions) used to try to set me up with guys she thought I'd be interested in. Family members would frequently ask if I was dating anyone or what was happening in my love life. When my answer was always the same "Nope, nothing new. I'm good though" they would get this worried look like there was something wrong with me. I'm a people pleaser to a fault and in those days didn't know that about myself. I also didn't know what asexuality or demisexuality was. I honestly thought something was wrong with me. That I was broken and would never have those feelings for anyone. My sister kept telling me she was worried that I would end up alone and unhappy. No matter how many times I asked her not to set me up with guys she kept trying. Finally, I decided that in order to get them all to leave me in peace I HAD to be in a relationship. I created a profile on a dating website and agreed to date the first guy who showed interest. My only criteria was for him to not be a serial killer, physically abusive, or on drugs. I knew I wouldn't feel attracted so I ignored that and just went along with whatever he wanted to do. Within a year we were married. ... Let me restate that... I GOT MARRIED TO A MAN I BARELY KNEW WHO I WASN'T ATTRACTED TO IN ORDER TO MAKE MY LOVED ONES STOP HARRASSING ME ABOUT NOT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP! Needless to say that relationship did not go well. He was mentally and emotionally abusive and I ended up having to take our then 3 year old daughter and leave him. Now I'm a single mother of a 13 year old still working through the emotional and financial consequences of that relationship. My sister heard about asexuality from a friend and finally stopped trying to set me up with guys. Especially after I told her the reason I got into a relationship with my ex. She was not a fan of his from the start and could see the damage he was doing. I mostly just keep to myself these days and don't bother trying to explain myself to people unless I feel comfortable with them. Bottom line: Don't invalidate or try to fix people. You're more likely to do harm in ways you can't imagine. Let people be who they are and mind your business. Everyone is valid. Just love and support people as long as they aren't harming others. And don't do things you don't want to do just to make others happy. That's not your job. Just be who you are and know that's enough. Hugs.

[@user-ql5wm2wv3h]

My mum is also ace and she got married (not with a good man) only because pressure of family. I truly don't understand why being in relationship is viewed as such important thing. Isn't more important just being happy? I'm aroace and I'm not going to be married. Tbh I'm romance repulsed due to my "happily married" family.

[@polishalastor142]

Im Asexual , Demisexual 37 yrs old guy Few months ago my girlfriend broke up with me And i have a friend ,a single mom of boy

[@mira55x-planetnalzena15]

also I feel those that say "I'll fix you asexuality" may come as someone who is intended to do sexual assaults if they're willing to heck with us despite us saying we're uncomfortable, we dont give consent

[@CarGuy-uz7gz]

Tell acephobes they need fixing for thinking that way about you

[@ConstanzaRigazio]

I’m demisexual and the most common thing to hear is “But that’s normal!” 🙄

[@ConstanzaRigazio]

I mean yeah, it’s normal as in all sexual orientations are, but it’s not ‘the norm’ or the most common orientation. And it’s not the same thing as allosexuality.

[@riley_e_swan9638]

I recently discovered I was demisexual and that’s the first comment I get from a lot of people. They aren’t being rude, they just don’t quite understand from my experience

[@AceOfCardsOfficial]

Great video! My aunt is aro ace and she was told she was a “waste of a human being “ I was told I’m a monster, maybe they thought I don’t have any feelings because of me being ace

[@lynnsaga1397]

I’m so sorry that happened I promise you’re not a monster. It’s ridiculous how rude people can be

[@Skout_Archer_Wolfe]

If you're not a rapist or a murderer you're not a monster, Jeffery Dahmer was a monster...

[@AceOfCardsOfficial]

@@lynnsaga1397 thanks ❤️

[@AceOfCardsOfficial]

@@lynnsaga1397 btw I made a video laughing at the Aphobic comments that were made against Jaiden animation from her comments section, if you have the time I’ll be happy to see you react to some of them as well or watch a bit of the video! I’ll be happy to see you there! ☺️

[@francesduncandoes]

I had a therapist say "oh good, no heartbreak" because I hadn't been in love with or attracted to my ex. This feels like similar vibes.

[@IceFireofVoid]

"You haven't found the right person yet" makes zero sense. I found the right person. I'm still asexual. I didn't magically started finding people hot just because I got in a romantic relationship with one person.

[@ariaflame-au]

Indeed. Demi is still ace. Finding someone doesn't mean that other people are magically attractive (to be honest probably still not a physical attraction to person you're with but looks aren't that important really)

[@ary_e_martinez]

One of the things I hate is when somebody says it's a hormone imbalance. As somebody with a hormone imbalance, people - especially medical professionals - love to "blame" my asexuality on that, and it's incredibly frustrating because I know the difference between my own libido and attraction

[@reebloop1900]

Watched the recent cut video where some people described asexuality so poorly and even denied ace people are lgbtqia. Even the comments are so negative I had to close it all. Came here as a refugee lol *group hug*

[@lynnsaga1397]

I’m so sorry that happened. People genuinely don’t know how harmful those kind of comments are😔 I’m happy you find this channel a safe place☺️

[@reebloop1900]

@@lynnsaga1397 thank you! Glad to be here

[@bdariamihaela]

I am ace and I camed out multiple times, every single time with one exception (when I came out to my best friend) I heard "you just didn't find the right person"

[@mdust8409]

One friend of mine (never much close and now even less)already knows I'm asexual yet I suppose Im sexually attractive to them and they still keep asking me to do sexual things with them just because. Even when I have already stated I'm not fucking interested. I think they have this thought of you just have to try it , haven't find the right person and even maybe you can try with me . Like really , is just me saying no politely and they still don't get it just because maybe we touched some sex-related topic that actually came from them and I just went with the flow since that doesn't bother me . Bruh 💀💀💀. I agreed on kissing with them and at the end I regret it . Is funny how they discredit our feelings when they don't know how it feels to feel absolutely nothing from other people while you still would want to (at least in my case ).

[@bdariamihaela]

@@mdust8409 I'm sorry you had to experience this. This tipes of persons really ruin the experience of being ace. I over-all like being ace, I have this beautifull comunity at my back, when I'll fall in love I'll know that my partner really cares about me, and I know that my happiness doesn't rely on a relationship

[@patriceferguson7340]

With nearly 8 billion people out there one should be glad that some of them don’t want to make more. They should be celebrated not criticized.

[@icecreamconewithacap5697]

The worst thing that happened to me, before i found out i was an ace, was a girl who asked me if i was a zoophile since i wasn't attracted to boys or girls... Yeah... imagine my reaction...

[@polishalastor142]

🙄

[@alisona6033]

💙I agree with you, Lynn. I don't want to have a boyfriend or get married because if I have a boyfriend or get married, my friends will no longer be #1. I told my older sister I don't want to have a boyfriend or get married. She told me, "You say you don't want to have a boyfriend or get married now, but who knows if you'll change your mind someday?" If I meet a kind & handsome young man who's interested in me romantically, I'll remind myself that my friends are more important to me than having a boyfriend or getting married. I want to have a male friend, but I want us to have a brother-sister relationship or just be friends. If I have a male friend, he doesn't have to sleep with me to show me he loves me. He just has to be kind to me without selfish motives, accept me for who I am, & not force me to do things I don't want to do like go on roller coasters.

[@Kotifilosofi]

Unfortunately, due to internalized aphobia caused by the allonormativity, many aces also tell these things to themselves before they learn they're ace. I was one of these people. It's so harmful and just shows how little chances aces are given to be accepted in the society.

[@sillyface6950]

I still tell myself I havent met "the one". I've been going through this in my mind for years now and I'm finally starting to slowly accept myself and I'm prepared for how I could explain it if I come out (once I've finally fully accepted it). I'm ready for the, unfortunately typical, reaction of "you haven't met the one" and other such things.

[@user-ql5wm2wv3h]

"You are a late bloomer " such a classic. I was told that when I was 13, now I'm 17 and suprise- nothing changed, I just found out that I'm aromantic a few years ago

[@deadlikesangwoosmom2730]

The first one is like telling a lesbian "you just haven't met the right guy yet" or a gay person "you just haven't met the right woman yet" it's super invalidating, still some people say this to ace people but not to the other lgbt members (at least not that often)

[@lynnsaga1397]

Right! You'd think that people would know not to say that to anyone

[@virgilblair9490]

My mom is normally supportive, but when I came out as Ace she said I could "grow out of it" so yeah, not great

[@lynnsaga1397]

I'm so sorry she said that

[@sillyface6950]

It seems to be the natural reaction of people who dont understand aro-ace. It might just take some more time, patience, and explaining.

[@Not4Lime]

This is kinda what happened to me too. I forgot to take off my ace ring when visiting my parents, and they got curious since I'd never really worn accessories before. I ended up mentioning that it was an ace solidarity thing--a reminder that you aren't broken despite the hypersexualization of society. A few days later when I saw them again, They had clearly done the bare minimum of research, but my mom basically said that "most people just grow out of it." As a 20-year-old repulsed ace, I'm pretty sure I won't. I looked for sources and found nothing anyway. Kinda annoyed but living in Texas I can't really hope for much.

[@matheuscardoso5207]

"No one will ever want you" damn, that hurt

[@crazylizze98]

I've heard this one a lot

[@kyleeames8229]

That ace phobia is a thing is so strangely counterintuitive. Who wouldn’t want that special friend who they can bond with without fear of the extra social complexity inherent in a sexual relationship!? I’m on the autism spectrum, so having an aroAce bestie with whom to share a wholesome close platonic relationship sounds like the most bestest thing in the world!

[@Creature_of_Knight]

When I was in college I had this friend who was the game master of the D&D game I was a part of at the time. He was definitely a cis straight guy and he was pretty comfortable talking about his relationships. We were decent friends and we would talk sometimes over the phone about whatever. Anyway, somehow we got on the subject and I told him about how I was asexual. I had figured it out in high school and was pretty comfortable and confident in that label. He had NO idea what ace was, he'd never heard of it so I spent several minutes explaining what it was and my personal experience on how I figured out I was ace! In that ONE conversation, he managed to say like, four of these things. He said well maybe you're just scared, maybe you haven't met the right person, how do you know if you've never tried it, and EVEN "Well if you ever change your mind, call me up and I'd be happy to do it with you." Like. Dude. You clearly didn't listen to a word I just said. wtf? Most of my other immediate friends are also somewhere in the LGBT+ community so they've all been easily accepting and some of them are even in the ace spectrum too so it's not a major issue for me. I've had very few negative interactions regarding my asexuality but yeah, I love to see a happy and thriving ace community! Subscribed!

[@kimitoace2771]

Thanks for the support to Aces

[@lynnsaga1397]

Always will! Our community needs to be talked about more

[@user-ql5wm2wv3h]

I just wanted to say that aromantics experience so much hate too, it hurts especially when ace people tell things like- but you're a human, or, that you're empty I don't understand that! This things are told as well to ace people

[@ZanUchuu]

"It is probably your hormones " is one I got from one of my parents.

[@lynnsaga1397]

I'm sorry they said that to you

[@ZanUchuu]

@@lynnsaga1397 Thank you!

[@justanothersherlockian7058]

When I came out as aro to my friends, one of them said, "Hey, I'm ace!" and he high fived me. That was the coolest coming out reaction I have ever gotten :) However, I realized I'm also ace recently and I told that same friend, and he helped me figure everything out. Kudos to him💕💕💕

[@justtracie8636]

I do feel like I'm always going to be alone. The only thing I've ever been asked is how can I be ace and a lesbian.? But the girl who asked on reddit, was super polite. She was young and curious. But the whole conversation was friendly and polite.

[@lynnsaga1397]

People seem to forget that not all asexuals are aromantic but it’s good she was just trying to learn!

[@mailyak442]

THATS WHAT MY PSYCHIATRIST SAID-

[@polishalastor142]

Being Ace lesbian isn't rare

[@justtracie8636]

@@polishalastor142 of course it isn't there's no such thing as a 'rare' sexual orientation

[@Tyger_Lily_01]

Hey where my fellow Gay Aromantic Dudes???

[@l_2745]

They told me “it’s just because your horomones don’t work” that’s when I realized they were my toxic friend

[@lynnsaga1397]

I’m so sorry they said that to you

[@l_2745]

@@lynnsaga1397 thanks, it’s ok. I have better friends who support me. And my online communities :)

[@porque6835]

I've talked about my Sexuality with my mom and explained the whole thing but she still manages to say things like these and not know she's messing up 0_0

[@aliyah.bouziane]

I’m just tired of my family constantly assuming I like a guy when we’re just friends or how they constantly pressure me with “I want grandkids” and “when are you getting married” YOURE GETTING MARRIED WETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, I THOUGHT I WAS NEVER GONNA HAVE KIDS, I ITS GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU TOO” Just STOP I’m glad my sister and I came out to each other and she now understands and supports my aroace self and that makes me happy and supported and cared about, but my parents Im still concerned about, especially as a Christian born and raised i do love and believe in God, but it’s hard sometimes to ask myself if it’s okay to feel the way I feel and yes it is okay to be ace it’s okay to not want to be in a relationship and it’s okay to be happy single and that’s really all I want I just want to feel good in Gods will an feel loved while being aroace without fearing what other people have to say ;-;

[@ashleybroses2458]

New subscriber here, I was here when you reacted to Jaiden coming out as aroace and I can’t wait to watch more content from you especially abt Ace, I came out as Ace after reading about it and learning about myself, and by far I’ve received nothing but support and feel welcomed, Not everyone has that support but I’m glad those who found your channel feel safe, feel like they have a voice and supported 💜 and I hope that you’ll gain more followers/supporters. 💜

[@56independent42]

As a gay man, dad says that i am only gay because it is a modern thing to do and i need to "come out" as straight. I also have never had a crush in my life so i'm only motivated by sex in any future relationship (i'm 15 so maybe i'm too young to know).

[@arelyathibeault7213]

This is so good. I am aroace and genderfluid and tried coming out to my parents as ace first and I heard a few of these. I now am afraid to tell them anything else.

[@Mythical_Being]

Really my only direct contact with aphobia recently was more related to aromanticism than asexulity but that almost made it worse (especially since it came from some people who already knew I was ace). There was a conversation going on about someone else's love life (entirely benevolent) and how complicated it was. Not really thinking I made a small comment joking about romance being complicated for allos, imagine being romantically attracted to people. Literally all four of the other people asked/stated in various ways "but you are human tho"......... yay

[@TheKarret]

Bruh, I didn't even let other people make the joke - _I_ made the joke with comments like "You humans and your.... _dating._ " X'D

[@Mythical_Being]

@@TheKarret wish I did something like that, tbh i was caught off guard by the comment from people I didn't expect it to come from

[@TheKarret]

@@Mythical_Being Fair enough; I've been considered weird my whole life, so I'm used to kinda seeing things like that. I guess that's why the thought came so easily to me. Though if others had gotten around to making the crack first, I'd probably get mischievous and joke about not being human in some other way, like "Am I?", "Don't be so sure about that~", "Ohohoho, that's just what I want you to think," or "Day 1,487: They still think I'm one of them; the mission is going well" or some kind of fun response like that. XD I love cracking jokes about not being human.

[@Mythical_Being]

@@TheKarret I love those jokes too, actually one of those jokes is what got me in that situation again the next week but that time I had a friend who defended me so that was nice

[@TheKarret]

@@Mythical_Being Aww~ glad you had a friend on your side! > w< Supportive friends are always nice~

[@mashoonsala]

One thing I heard (not directly said to me, luckily) is like "Why, come on! Live! Have fun!" I literally have so much fun talking about animation with my friends and making art on my own, and spending my childhood with my best friend made me feel more alive than anything, sooo, yeah, thanks, but no, thanks also, I love the " how do you know if you're straight if you never done it before either?" 😂 It's so right

[@AndyTheInconsistent]

I'm ace and gender queer and these things bugged me. I watched this to see how much is would annoy me 😂 I haven't had any of these things said to me because most of my school is LGBTQIA+ I don't know how it happened but it seems I'm only friends with 2 straight people. I have over 10 friends.

[@lani-chandoesart8868]

One thing I constantly worry about as a (possibly) aro ace person is that I’m young and when I say that I’ve never had even a crush on anyone and as someone who feels slightly uncomfy and out of place when talking abt sex or romance, I’d just be met with “you’re too young to know” like even now, my friends/ family doesn’t believe me when I say I don’t like anyone that way

[@mish3462]

almost everyone i've come out to has said it's how all virgins feel before they have sex and i really dont feel like getting into a debate with anyone about this. it's just really hard being asexual. i havent been told that nobody would want me. i myself feel like i have nothing to give. like if i get into a relationship with a guy who's not asexual it would be unfair to him. idk... i'm 31 and still have no clue what happily ever after would look like for an ace.

[@srartgaming]

I have never been attracted to anyone (Girl, Boy, both gender) whatever the attractive and romantic way, my classmates told me : "You a weird girl" (I'm being blamed for not being attracted to anyone)

[@M33nno]

I told somebody I was asexual and the first thing they said to me was, “so your lonely?” 😭😭

[@saralaerevu8735]

First I've heard you haven't found the one (from parents which is pretty standard but also friends parents... and a teacher?!) and then I've got diagnosed with a depression so I got "when you get better it'll fix itself" it being my lack of this kind of attraction. Also my periods were really rough so I went on birth control so I could function and so of course there was comments about hormones. Add to that the fact that I don't want have children and pretty much all I hear are people who know better how I want to live my life, I just haven't figured it out yet

[@liamodonovan6610]

You are an amazing beautiful person you are absolutely right no one should say that to anyone especially an asexual person i have tried coming out to family but they didn't or don't really acknowledge it i feel they reallty believe asexuality as an orientation channels like yours make me less alone love you lynn you are an amazing person

[@netwolfe]

As someone who has been trying to research asexuality and have concluded that I am still confused by some things, yes I actually would like seeing video about the topic asexual who sometimes like sex. Because I did not even know that was possible until last year I think, and my attempts of researching and better understanding this have thus far been unsuccessful. Note: If anything I said seems odd, I have autism. Sometimes my brain will randomly focus on a topic to research, to point that researching random things might count as a hobby at this point. Also I just like to better understand things I do not know about.

[@TheKarret]

The main reasons I notice for ace folks having sex is like... they're willing to compromise and please their partner, they feel like they SHOULD do it because society pressures them to do it, they want to have their own biological children, and stuff like that. Similar to how there can be like... gay people that feel pressure to enter heterosexual relationships and even have like kids and such before finally coming out, or like how there are straight people who can sometimes be "gay for pay." Some folks include that they like the feeling of it and stuff; but personally, I draw the line at "if you can't imagine your life without sex, or if you wouldn't be content to never have sex again for the rest of your life, you're not ace." And sexual attraction, by AVEN's own definition is "Desire to have sexual contact with someone else or to share our sexuality with them. (Note: sexual attraction does not need to be based on appearance, and can also develop gradually over time.)" So people who crave/seek out sex for their own pleasure... that doesn't sound like ace to me. Apparently, this is a controversial take, though. Even sex-favorable is defined by AVEN as "A positive willingness to compromise with a sexual partner, openness to finding ways to enjoy sexual activity in a physical or emotional way, happy to give sexual pleasure rather than receive" not anything about the ace getting anything out of the sex themselves/it's not an innate, inherent drive to seek sex out for them. So yeah, for me, if one seeks out sex for their own personal benefit, that disqualifies them as ace [though they might fit under demisexual or greysexual, which are close enough to asexuality to be broadly lumped in, but they're technically not exactly ace; they're just ace-spec] Hope that answered some questions! There are more answers on AVEN's FAQ page; you can find them at asexuality.org and you can check out the "About Asexuality" tab~ C:

[@ariaflame-au]

It's a spectrum, or an umbrella. It covers a lot. There's the act of sex, and the experience of sex, but that's different from sexual attraction, which is different to romantic attraction. There's nobody I look at and feel aroused by. But that doesn't mean I don't know what arousal feels like, it just isn't triggered by people's appearances. And all of it is different to love.

[@ricksdarkness3257]

Okay so I found out that I am ace earlier this year. I was in a relationship with an allo partner at the time and they were *really* scared of that because for them my lack of sexual attraction meant I didn't "100% love them" and literally asked me to try to increase my libido and/or see a doctor. They kept asking me if I was sure and tried to prove me wrong, which made me feel bad when I was still learning about it and questioning myself. They even said that they felt like they were "giving more than what they were receiving", which was just cruel.

[@smolsimp1742]

ur channel is such a safe place 4 me and a lot of other people and i'd like to thank u 4 being such a wonderful person

[@Matthews_229]

My dad when I came out the other day said, "You're just putting a label on yourself because you will never get married." And I had to explain that wasn't because of psychiatric disability, and that I said, "I will never get married is because I have felt this way for about 20 years now and I am just now coming out to you." Luckily his voice immediately sounded less angry to a calmer tone. And his last response to the entire conversation was (In a sincere tone) "Well I look forward to talking to you face to face when I get back from my trip."

[@Cherrycreamsoda1]

Honestly I'm not out to that many people at all, I often just spend time thinking I'm a fraud but I hover around the asexual community because I feel safe and happy there

[@lynnsaga1397]

You're always welcome here!

[@Cherrycreamsoda1]

@@lynnsaga1397 thank you ☺

[@That_Crazy_Cat_Lady]

Same. I feel as though it's not safe to share with people except a very very select people. Only two people in my personal life know....my partner and my twin sister.

[@Cherrycreamsoda1]

@@That_Crazy_Cat_Lady Yeah, with me it's just my mum and one of my friends :/

[@tomat_ten2829]

Every time I say that asexaul, they tell me "I'm so sorry" ")

[@Boundwithflame23]

Me over here being told “you havent found the right person yet” while I was still in the process of questioning if I might be aro/ace. The kicker was that it was my half sibling’s mom and it was more the “God will bring the right person along eventually” version of that phrase. And a couple years ago one of my co-workers and I bonded over shared nerdy interests but I don’t think either of us were interested in going further than a close friendship. Really wanted to go to a movie with him at some point but our schedules didn’t line up favorably. Had another co-worker who knew the two of us had become friends straight up ask me “who is keeping who in the friend zone” when I’d said we hadn’t started dating. My co-worker buddy ended up changing jobs and we kinda lost contact with each other. I’m 31 and haven’t had any serious relationships with a guy (romantic or otherwise). I’ve decided I’ll be perfectly happy being a single cat lady for the rest of my life. If I find someone I can be in a platonic close friend relationship with along the way that suits me fine too.

[@alyssatobisch1308]

Hi Lynn! Thank you for making this video. I have been told #5 before from a close family member and this was before I knew I was ace. It was very hurtful and makes me deny my asexuality sometimes. Also, I don’t think you were any more stern than you have normally been in your other videos. I think it is just passion! 🥰

[@AussieCat111]

Thank you so much for your videos! So helpful and validating to hear.

[@user-qg2xj4ch2r]

I am glad there are people who understand. I am surrounded by those who do not understand what an asexual is and says whatever they want as if it is no big deal.

[@ederum]

I love your videos, I'm still figuring out my sexuality, but I already know I'm in the ace spectrum, so your videos help me a lot, thank you 💜

[@paperst4rs]

Side note, i love ur jinx wallpaper 💙

[@RRW359]

"There are times where asexuals can be coerced into having sex" One example being if you tell them something is wrong about being ace and that you can't know for sure that you are ace unless you have sex, implying that having sex will make you feel how you are "supposed" to feel.

[@riverchampeimont]

Thanks for spreading awareness about aces. My partner and I are both aces and plush got told a bunch of those things during plushies life!

[@Mya-Scene]

I heard late bloomer just this year. I'm 32.

[@akishi1022]

Always love your videos!

[@lynnsaga1397]

Awww thank you so much!

[@denroper2646]

great video! thanks ✨

[@lynnsaga1397]

Thank you so much!

[@chesse41]

Awesome video c: You earned a subscriber!! I could be pretty ignorant as a teen and I wish I had your content . I am better now and have ace friends. I'm pansexual myself

[@kawaiiboushi]

conversation I had at a party years ago - Me: "I'm just not really interested in dating" Guy: "That's just the girl version of giving up" (???) Me: "Well, I'm ace, so..." Guy: "I dated a girl who said that once, until I did stuff to her" i just kinda changed the subject but to this day i still fantasize about causing a scene and throwing my drink on him or something

[@maryterribilini6520]

When I first told my mom she said that it was probably just my hormones (I'm not sure if she was gonna say it was a hormone imbalance because I inturrupted her) but I shut her down on that. I still didn't know a whole bunch on how to defend myself and my asexuality and I've never been great at comebacks, but at least she dropped the hormone talk right away.

[@LurkingAstronaut]

I've heard almost all of these. It's so exhausting.

[@Z_purple_Z]

I just started watching this video but I have to say, I love the cat

[@aroseydragon2873]

“No one will ever want you” thank you mother *sigh*

[@Cultured_Ayato]

I never came out to my parents - they think I'm a lesbian because I never showed any interest in boys which must mean I like girls, right? No, I am aro ace... Anyways, I've mentioned a few times that I'm not really interested in being in a relationship or having kids and my mom always just looked at me all concerned and told me "but who will bring you bananas when you're sick in the hospital?" ...I know she doesn't mean it in a bad way but it's still really hurtful because there is a real possibility that I will end up all alone and it's a truth I don't really want to confront. I'm not really afraid of being alone because of my aromanticism or asexuality, there are types of relations other than parental, romantic or sexual that I would hopefully be able to keep and cultivate in the future but... what she said is always sorta at the back of my mind

[@apricotautumn8384]

I'm unsure where I fall on the spectrum but I remember saying in high school having a romantic attraction but not a physical attraction. I had a person shame me for "not putting our" Now as an adult I enclose I might be Demisexual. Bc I have had an attraction to others before but only people I care for and know well. (Sorry for my poor explanation) Idk why I felt like telling someone this. thanks for these amazing videos they're very helpful!

[@HUNFu4]

the one that i hate to hear is "Thats called being normal" or "Literraly every body is like that" and most time i try and suggest that they atleast somewhat look into it but i know they would get offended that i would suggest that they might not be "normal" which has its own problems.

[@RichardGaudry-uz2bt]

Yes to all of these. One more that I het a lot is: "You're just too picky. " Variations of this are my standards are too high or I think I'm too good for anyone. This is compleyrly false. As I am not opposed to dating or getting romantic one need only see some of the people I have dated; some of them were nowhere close to what os cpnsidered by most as conventionally attractive. I was dating them or involved with them for other reasons. Am I the pnly one who hears this? Or does it fit in one the ten?

[@TheKarret]

I honestly don't see a problem with offering the "late bloomer" thing as an option - because late bloomers do exist. So long as it's not trying to be like you 100% are a late bloomer, no ifs ands or buts, that seems fine. Other than that, good list. Something I was told that amuses me is that they thought it was sad; like not being able to laugh. This came from a highly sexual person, so it just amused me that he placed such a high value on sex that he thought it would be sad to not be into it. XP That's fine for him, that's his truth, but for me, that's like trying to tell me how sad it is that I don't watch sports religiously and what I'm missing out on with some dumb games. XD

[@mossyrainboots]

Hi! I know this video is kinda old, but could you possibly do 10 things you should never tell an Aro person?

[@zero_7670]

Can say something about being aromantic? I been questioning if I am or not a few time and it would be very usefull

[@morganjonasson2947]

i am myself autistic and forgive me if i sound rude, but i have never quite understood the -phobic or -ist in sentences like islamophobic, aphobic, transphobic, ableist, sexist, rasist and so on. first, a phobia originally means you are scared of something, but most of these words in practice means you are against or hate it. islamophobia would then mean you hate muslims, homo=hobia would mean you hate gay and lesbians etc. but ableism and aphobia? as an autism myself, most people in my surroundings dont quite understand it, or they have prejudices. some believe i am a genius because of my diagnose, others would have believed i was retarded if they didnt hear my voice but only chatted with me. my wife could not believe me in the beginning when i told her before i had autism, because in her eye an autistic person is nonverbal, has the mind of a 3 year old, sensitive to everything end loves to play with trains. does that mean she hates me for being autistic? no of course not, because autism is just a template for personality traits and she already loves me for who i am as a person. she just dont grasp the full concept of autism. that does not make her autistophobic. sometimes people dont need to understand your labels, they just have to take the long difficult way of knowing you as a person. i am not asexual so i cant speak for your situation, but i would guess you guys are similar. in my mind its very hard to imagine a person who truly hates you for being asexual. just like in my situation most people just dont understand it. are they still aphobic? what does it mean to be aphobic? i can never claim to fully understand how it is to be an asexual since i am not that myself. i just cant imagine a person who truly hates asexuals, so i wonder how that is even a word?

[@crazylizze98]

I've heard people associate asexuality or demisexuality with autism. Not to me, but just online

[@That_Crazy_Cat_Lady]

It's not uncommon with those on the autism spectrum to also be asexual. I wouldn't necessarily relate one to the other but, you can certainly be both autistic and asexual :)

[@crazylizze98]

@@That_Crazy_Cat_Lady it's not uncommon for them to be allo either. You can be ace or demi and still be autistic, but the autism doesn't impact their orientation

[@That_Crazy_Cat_Lady]

@@crazylizze98 yup, I get it. I'm on both ace and autism spectrums.

[@crazylizze98]

@@That_Crazy_Cat_Lady I can relate. I don't have autism, but I do have FASD and I'm ace. Not the same thing as being autistic, but some of the symptoms are similar

[@DavidLyles]

As someone who’s gay I can says that you shouldn’t be saying this to gay folk either. What a world we live in. Am I Right?

[@Shimmering_rain]

So basically, just be a decent human being.

[@theesewage7193]

I swear we all have the same glasses it’s like the mark of an lgbtq person to have round glasses or aviators….I have aviators 🤣

[@AmethystOrlando]

Advice to take to the heart

[@lynnsaga1397]

I hope so! A lot of people really aren’t too educated on ace stuff

[@AmethystOrlando]

@@lynnsaga1397 agreed...unfortunately!

[@GarryGri]

I've said it before, but I honestly can't understand why anyone could take exception to this. I had little to no interest in and 'romantic' relationships untill I was in my mid-twenties when I met my wife. Who was and still is my best frend first way before anything else. Even then I wasn't looking for someone to be attracted to. I'm still not entirely sure exactly what that means. Almost 30 years together now, so we must have done something right. Before that I was called wierd and gay etc. because I wasn't with anyone: "But you look ok, have a good job, and bought a house. You should be able to get someone..." yes, that was actualy said to me by a family member... Point being, I know it dosn't take much for people to lable you as 'odd,' people are stupid sometimes. Maybe some people are just looking for the wrong thng too hard and getting upset at people who arn't or don't want that, but what do I know!

[@Omneyvdwatering]

I did it in the past as this is what you're supposed to do right? It was stressful and not interesting. So I decided to not do that again. Stay amazing.

[@jonawakens]

Would love a video on the topic of number 6 been trying to figure it out myself as to if I'm actually in the gray area or allo hopefully not allo eww

[@lynnsaga1397]

I gotcha! It's gonna be on my video list.

[@jonawakens]

@@lynnsaga1397 awesome

[@Skout_Archer_Wolfe]

I would love to see a video on why ace's do do the deed...

[@ninjoshday]

"You're just a late bloomer" OK boomer

[@best_of_ant]

Been having a rough few days, your videos do bright up my days a bit 🤗🖤◻️💜

[@lynnsaga1397]

I’m sorry you’ve been having a rough day sending you good vibes! I hope the day gets better ☺️

[@best_of_ant]

@@lynnsaga1397 Thanks 😊

[@boogaloo6780]

Im not sure you'll see this but, i came out as asexual and greyaro to my parents, i mean they said they accepted and respected it but HOLY HELL, they made me cry many times, told me "oh so you were just worried to tells us you dont like anybody? Oh cmon! You think we go outside and go "oh im gonna look for someone i like!!" No we dont!? Is that how you see us? You're such a cabrona (it's like telling someone they're a bitch) you dont even want to explain us correctly!!!". Man, and that all what just my mother, my father on the other hand was also with her but he was just a little more "empathetic" yeah..

[@ABCD-bl5rw]

11. Look at kitty.

[@dusana_h]

How did you(all of you in the comment section) cope with the feeling that you will die alone? Since 2020 I have been thinking about my sexuality. First I thought I was aro and later last year I figured out I am probably ace and am quastioning my romantic orientation. But the feeling that I will never be wanted is haunting and hunting me ever since. I want to stop crying myself to sleep because of it. How?

[@Alex_Fierro2772]

I know this was awhile ago, but I want you to know(if u see this) that you don't need a romantic/sexual partner to not be alone, you could have a qpr or even just close friends who will be there for you, it's just a matter of finding them

[@bdariamihaela]

Kitty 😍

[@upasnasuman38]

late joined here but still it matters that I FUCKING FIND A AROACE CONTENT CREATORRRRRRR..........thanku

[@raphlvlogs271]

how to tell if someone is asexual in the first place?

[@CeLticFire1251]

How can asexuality be a spectrum?

[@ParanormalEncyclopedia]

Mind your own business: good life advice. Someone's ace ok that's their business don't throw a fit over it.

[@CeLticFire1251]

Y’all just want to be oppressed so badly don’t you?