5 Hidden Habits of Covert Narcissists

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Do you know someone with narcissistic tendencies? Do they always put themselves first and make you feel like you're not good enough? If so, beware. Narcissists can be incredibly manipulative and destructive. In this video, I'll share five hidden habits of covert narcissists that you need to watch out for.
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🎓Rebecca Zung is an attorney who has been recognized as one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the country having recognized as a Best Lawyer by U.S. News and is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. She is also the bestselling author of 2 books, Negotiate Like You MATTER (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.
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The commentary and opinions are for informational purposes only and not for
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[@ladygracesparkles]

I refuse to deal with narcs, show them your rock solid boundaries and they will move on. Narcs go for the low hanging fruit if you show them you are too much work, they will find another victim to prey upon.

[@yukio_saito]

So true! They're the worst ones. It took me decades to realize they're toxic. But I'm glad to see through their fake facades.😝

[@gogi682]

Yes, I finally know what I've been dealing with. 4 years ago i googled "should a married man "allow" (never mind invite) his wife to meet his female best friends (there were 2). " Of course, should she want to, always welcome. Nothing wrong with a female friend. Everything wrong with lies about women, meant to hurt me on purpose, They were more "enjoyable than me, so that's why I went" Not to be given more than these "friends" and told horrific hurtful verbal, mental abuse, giving me anxiety attacks he had zero empathy for...gaslights, .kept having his fun. I was told simply NO. ....and "can't i make friends" ? or "just drinks, they are not worth you meeting".....(or lied to, broken promises, and only they get outings/dinners/lunch.)....I got ZERO. Truly nothing of any married behaviour, like a hug? Kiss? No. Then it ended when they did not want to see him anymore...I even said we are moving to a different city I was so upset....and we did.... Glad anyway I have seen your videos...thank you. My life, for how long I don't know has been lies. And it still is happening (there are nice times, unbelievably, maybe I'm still hoping for the man I knew 44 years and a loving family man.....He is not the same. .I cannot get out as he will lie so well to my kids. I'd rather stay than have them think i said/did things I did not. They'd believe him. I have no choice. Why he stays? God only knows....

[@shaafalyemen]

Some are malignant, machivellian, vile,vindictive and arrogantly ignorant.....dangerous evil people who have no conscience of their life and how they selfishly hurt people without bating an eye.

[@rodsteel8345]

DRAINED is the word! We’ve danced around a relationship for 5 yrs & he put me off because I wasn’t as well off but I’m about to better off, & after experiencing all these traits w/him, he admits to emotional issues & w/a MS in Counseling, I thought I could help, but starting to have my doubts.

[@carollynnanderson8109]

Never a change but keep Putin in work that's goin pay off but only for themselves blames others and plays on women especially as oh poor them! If u have problems or something else it's the less attention as possible for u they have to have it all and not explain nothing or least info to u as they can! Very secretive and don't like being called out or put on the hot seat,but will u in a second,it's drained everything in me and I'm suffocating don't no where to turn because he made sure of that but in a very blinding way! When u realize what's happening it's so far gone u feel like I can't get out because who's their anymore but then!? Why me?

[@jamesmarkum354]

get away from him I just done the same thing it hurts but worth it in the long run for a better life...

[@lt827]

Agreed! You can never do enough for them, which leaves you permanently drained.

[@sovereignsister]

Yeah, I did this too. I call it dancing with the demon. I too have a degree in psychology and am an empath. Twenty years of trying to help him, three marriage counseling attempts, communications classes and A.A. were fruitless. No empathy, no insight and no consciousness. These are human qualities. If someone lacks these qualities they are not fully human.You cannot help someone who doesn't think they have a problem and isn't fully human. They will crush your spirit and cause bodily sickness from over taxation of the limbic system and the adrenal/cortisol complex (fight/flight). Yeah, their brain is different and yours changes too if you stay. They are insidious. I divorced him (another kinda hell) and went no contact. Fifteen years later and I've healed my body, restored my peace and broke this ungodly soul tie. I lost everything (in terms of the world) but my peace is restored.

[@tatie7604]

Yes. On the surface, they come off all right-- but they are really beyond mean.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

That is very true!

[@peggysue22]

Sounds exactly like my soon to be ex husband “narc” Makes me sick!

[@yukio_saito]

Sad to hear that. I hope you take yourself back💪

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Do you want to know more about the hidden habits of covert narcissists? Join me in my free webinar where I offer tips and tricks. Reserve your seat here. icanslay.com

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

I'll see you all there!

[@lacewithlove5930]

So so so so so true

[@juliaagnes7]

I wish I could "thumbs up" more than once. Spot on; I know the "no, I'm not angry" while everything else says he is. Victimhood is a daily lifestyle. And my job/work is never as hard as his was, and my job is so unimportant, beneath him (except for that paycheck). thanks for this video!

[@griff791]

So true! Covert narcissists want to drag you down into the dirt with them. They want you to be as unhappy as they are with life.

[@johnrawlings8850]

SO TRUE been getting just what your saying for 21yrs but change is a coming thankyou Rebecca

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

You are so welcome! I know you got this! Keep SLAYing! 💗

[@DavidWood-uu3cw]

I began to realize I was with a covert narcissist after the relationship ended. Looking back over 9 months I realized that after I refused to do the things she asked me to do what she wanted and set boundaries she began to get really frustrated with me. I left and she pulled me back in and I left again. She contacted me again and I went back. The third time she contacted me after a month or so and I wasn’t falling for it. It has been a painful breakup because she told me she loved me and we took a vacation together. But looking back I see how she didn’t even care about her own kids. So how could she care about me? If I were a weaker person I would still be with her and it would be much worse.

[@nicoleconnell2072]

Oh so true

[@dakotalynn1088]

The victim roll kills me! They have excess of everything like 35 rolls of toilet paper. I wish I could help him but can't.

[@Julheartstudio]

Finally figured out my mother after 26 years. It’s been traumatizing to say the least. Thank you for all of your videos! Both my parents are narcissists so it’s very helpful reminders I’m not crazy.

[@ThatEggWoman]

When it's a parent who is the covert narcissist, they will use role reversal. Emotional Parentification and Instrumental Parentification. I was always my mothers unofficial therapist growing up and when I became a teenager, she started dressing as a teenager would and partying with my friends whenever they came over to our house, to the point where I was always the one taking care of her by the end of the night because she drank too much and/or took too many drugs. The house became a typical "party house", where nobody ever actually got invited anymore - they just showed up and she would buy them liquor. Also, scapegoating. My mother would always find a way to blame her bad behaviour on me when I was as young as 14. She projected everything on to me and made it seem like I was the one who was "out of control". When everything "came out" about her acting like a teenager and partying with my friends (several of my more responsible friends blew the whistle), instead of taking accountability for her bad behaviour, she told family members that I threatened her and made her do it, and they believed her! Of course she is the victim. I've never threatened anybody in my life. I don't even know where/who she got the drugs from.

[@earthboundnomad2213]

February was narcissist expulsion month for me. There were three narcissists in my life, and all three showed themselves the door. I moved away from the covert, another had a public meltdown, and the third I had already grey-rocked, so her exit was expected. I seriously believe that a party is in order. 🥳 🎉

[@phildibello1141]

So True!

[@joparis957]

SO TRUE! 🫠

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

What is something you're struggling with Jo?

[@alichiapetersen8644]

True

[@missymintz3189]

SO TRUE!!! Thank You for your knowledge, it’s been a Godsend for me to finally realize .. it’s not me! She’s been the “common denominator” with ALL of HER problems with me, her Dad, her brother, and ALL of her In-Laws! But she’s the Victim, you’re right!!

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Thank YOU! sending you love! ❤

[@PoyTroy]

I think we're talking about the same person lol

[@huzzah590]

So true

[@suedreese3332]

My husband always says to me" it is always about you". Try the other way around

[@belight6280]

The one time I was like, you never validate me but I validate you... her response, "it's always about you". Unreal the crazy and a hundred other adjectives I've survived with a few of these freaks

[@ninjagirlnomeansno9403]

Absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this Rebecca, You're absolutely beautiful, Peace, love to you and everyone, Thank you universe 🦄🐴💞⚘️😀😁🧿✨️💫🌈😍😃🛸❤️🌌👽🐉💎🧝‍♀️♾️🐈‍⬛👁😀

[@georgegiles9715]

SO TRUE, Seen it all, amazing, lived with it for over 12 years. Still I suppose since we have kids.

[@danielaspitz3052]

My mother, my Ex and a former employer. They display all of these traits. Once you see through it, you can connect the dots, even with totally different situations or things they say.

[@LisaLisa-zs7bj]

SO TRUE

[@maureenmyers3174]

I can handle a narcissist...no problem...then they knock their crap off.

[@nickel7065]

As I got to hear when I wanted to discuss uncomfortable matters of importance with my ex narc: "Why do you always have to start discussions in the evenings when I'm tired?" and "I don't want to discuss those things on the weekends. I need to rest from work". Like, well, when am I supposed to take it up for discussion? I'm working full time and sleeps six hours per night because I take care of our son, the house, the garden etc in the evenings and the weekends?

[@jeffstreet3174]

“So true”!.

[@kaiulanijecika]

So True!!!!!!

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How can I help you? ☺

[@douglasmcgregor5511]

So true! One called me an alcoholic in a church at a wedding (of all places). It really hurt at the time but understanding narcissism is helping me to heal.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Sorry to hear that Douglas! How long have you been dealing with this person?

[@douglasmcgregor5511]

@@RebeccaZungEsq Thanks Rebecca. That particular person it was very easy to ignore. There were quite a few narcissists at that church from what I understand of it now (and someone else who used to go to the church confirmed it too). There was someone else there who I ended up having to leave that church to get away from. That was all going on at the same time my parents passed away so it was the most difficult time. There is so much I could say that it would be an entire blog!

[@grantaugustyniak6667]

I had a friend that was a covert & omg yes - would always in her sweet voice say she would do things & help out - when in fact Never/Ever follow through, always with holding information, in victim mode her whole life ! Us friends & her family saw right through this bitch . No wonder she’s all alone to this day. Still pulling the same crap - only can’t find any new supply to torment. Great video !

[@yunustonka]

When I read here and there, everyone is dealing with narcissists but none of them are narcissists... hmmmm. And narcissists are playing the victim. Hmmmm...

[@RoB-dp1cm]

So true!

[@latishanurse7643]

So So So true.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

What is one point that you want to start using today Latisha?

[@lt827]

So True!! My narcissistic parent would criticize me (pretty much attack me verbally) and then say they were "was very concerned about her grandchildren". That explanation might fly with friends but somehow this was supposed to sugar-coat things enough that I would not see it as an attack? You did not send me to college because I was an idiot, dear parent!!

[@sheilajac]

Rebecca, I was in your facebook group and recently discovered after not seeing posts for a long time, that I had been blocked from it. I know for sure I did not do or say anything to warrant that, because I had not been using facebook, or commenting in the group for a long time AND it's happened in almost every narcissism support group i was a part of, for no reason at all. I don't know how or why the person stalking me is doing this, aside from the why, perhaps, which is that they don't want me to have ANY support.

[@Star-333]

Dealt with a covert narc in the past who would talk about other people and even their ex as being a narc- related to their ex- they acted like they were the victim in their former relationship- They also believe that the best defense is a good offense especially if they’ve done something wrong and you are trying to hold them accountable for it. 1st and last time I will ever do that with a covert narc. Not getting into the mud again. I prefer to have my peace and sanity.

[@angela-Louise-bird-watching]

Even if their x dies of a heart attack during a disagreement after their 14 years of marriage, the narc will say it was for the better she died. They truly are horrible people.

[@naowright9308]

"Can I get you something?" and they never bring the item in though they have two of them in the back seat of their car. "I am so hurt that you think I love this person more than you," said to my child after they slighted my child and bestowed favor on another. "He is untrustworthy and should not be around your children," when he baby sat me when I was little and never did anything inappropriate. Also, the setting is the livingroom in front of their daddy and me. They just don't like this other person.

[@joenarbaiz1640]

So true! 👍

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Yes! What is something you're struggling with?

[@joenarbaiz1640]

@@RebeccaZungEsq My ex-girlfriend broke up with me but then she had the audacity to expect that I would take her out on Valentine's Day. Needless to say, we didn't go out. What does that say about her? I would greatly appreciate your opinion on this matter.

[@angelagullstrom3909]

so true

[@benedictaalfonso5773]

Narcissist can change if he decides to change no one can change him ✌️

[@davidcross2341]

weird., very true!

[@WitchWithin]

yep.............

[@thedarkfamilyhour]

I used better help and… the profile of the two therapists I tried out, which costed me a LOT of money, said they deal w trauma and narcissism. Both therapists were not informed. Could you please name specific therapists that work there that you know they know how to handle trauma from dealing w a narcissist. Seriously I am troubled over this. I even researched a long list of therapists profiles, and asked better help to assist me in finding the right therapist. As of now, I really really DO NOT recommend Better Help. Please help me change my mind. I even put the forward slash Rebecca Zung, and my two therapists did not know about you or Dr Ramani. Doctor Ramani is my hero. Her videos are insightful where these Better Help therapists were lacking knowledge. 😢

[@Starbright-385]

Hi, I recommend checking out Jess Stanley on you tube. She's amazing. She has an incredible amount of knowledge about narcissists. I highly recommend her. She also does livestreams a few days a week and you can email her and book a chat with her. She charges for a 1 hour chat session, but her costs are reasonable and much better than Better Help. Jess also has a whole library list of videos about narcissists too. Give it a go. Check her out. 😊

[@ezra4518]

Can u please give me access me to free therapist as I live with a covert narcissist for 30 years and I can’t work because I have severely disabled son and I have found out that he has been cheating on me past four years😢

[@mahfugga]

Rage is not anger.

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

I work with nothing but them

[@jodlen49]

Our society - - - Drinks like a normal person? How does a 'normal' person drink? It doesnt take much alcohol for some folks to become abusive. Alcohol is responsible for more dysfunctional parenting than almost anything else... (???)...

[@nicholecornes1915]

They are NOT normal

[@aleenanewman]

What do you do if you have a 19 year old narcissist and he is phyically and emotionally hurting an 8 year in the home? to the point the 8 year old wants to kill himself because he feels he is not heard.

[@kathydoyle1857]

Do you really need to ask the question! Physically assaulting an 8 year old! "Hurting' is not the correct term. That's abuse! You only have one choice! Get rid of him from your home! First call the cops! That should get his attention. When they remove him then pack his stuff. When he phones you crying, tell him he's not living here anymore, to get out, get a job and support himself and get a place of his own. Your responsibility and duty of care is to your 8 year old and yourself or that child will have serious mental health problems. Take your courage in both hands!

[@dortheelisabethpedersen3464]

So true 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️ gambling

[@CLHS1944]

Oh yes Tj the ex a covert narc hid them all. The meth was the worse as well as his beating women. I was one he beat.

[@nicholecornes1915]

Its exusting

[@DanaOlsen-gl8fh]

This was ,with all due respect, hard to listen to. It's 236 am, I haven't slept well in months, I'm not in my strongest mindset ATM due to this. Rebecca hit it dead on, and I'm currently drained. Throwing cards in the air, turning and walking away... This is where I am. But, tomorrow is another day, and this time.......... Naw, I'm just kidding. I'll be just fine.

[@juliebailey5751]

So true!!!!!!! I am in hell.

[@DulceN]

Useless clickbait. It could be five, twelve or eighteen… why bother counting them??? And not all narcs. have the same traits, that doesn’t make them lesser or different narcs, just covert or overt with their own twists and circumstances.

[@Chameleon_Effect74]

Any signs we can look for in a hidden asshole? No, yeah they're pretty much out in the open huh

[@taraarrington2285]

So true

[@moonchild6766]

So true! When my CN spent through MY car accident settlement, he stopped paying our second mortgage and when I found out 20 months in, and calmly asked about it, as the conversation et station got heated, he throws out, " THIS is why I didn't tell you, I KNEW you'd have a freakin' fit!!"

[@erickarels5766]

So True!!!!

[@nicholecornes1915]

Its exusting

[@danbride7221]

So true

[@lacewithlove5930]

So true

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

SO how can I help you dear? 😊

[@lacewithlove5930]

@@RebeccaZungEsq I left her an now I'm sad I dnt understand why am she used me 🥺

[@chadrider2720]

So true

[@indytoby1]

So true

[@johnnyluu403]

So true

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

So how can you starting slaying?

[@George-wx5nv]

So true

[@narellemacpherson9759]

So true